Page 1

Centre at Evans

403 Fury's Ferry Road (Publix Center) Martinez, GA 30907

1143 Agerton Lane (Across from Regal Cinemas) Augusta, GA 30909





Centre @ Evans

Mullins Crossing

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Baston Rd

Crossroads Market

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04 04 06 08 09 11 12 14 19 20 34 35 38 39 40 41 46 48 50 52 53 54

Augusta Exchange

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4217 Washington Road (In the Target/Ross Center) Evans, GA 30809

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Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? 706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636 AmyChristian|production director

JoeWhite|publisher-sales manager

GabrielVega|lead designer

BrendaCarter| account executive


LigéHaab|account executive


JohnnyBeckworth|circulation manager MichaelJohnson|sightings

JenniferPoole|publisher’s assisstant AmyPerkins|editorial intern

ErinGarrett|photography intern JordanWhite|design intern

Contributors Amy Alkon|Brian Allen|James Allen|Greg Baker|Rob Brezsny|Sam Eifling|Brandi Freeman|Anna Caroline Harris|Matt Lane|Austin Rhodes|Josh Ruffin|Chuck Shepherd|Matt Stone|Tom Tomorrow|


Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

V. 22 | NO. 64



WHINELINE Me thinks David Fry won’t be talking. I believe that Josh Ruffin is the illigitimate son of Phil”the Pill”Kent.

seen them all but nothing is worst than sitting at a bus Stop for 50 minutes just to have it pass you by. What was Power 107 Thinking!!

I’ve enjoyingbeen e This is in response to all the press that Phil Kent has been getting. Do I think that Phil is a racist douchebag who has zero credibility as a journalist? Yes.I doubt he would be as vocal about illegal immigration if the illegals were coming from northern europe or Germany; in fact he would probably be encouraging it. The fact remains,though, that illegal immigration is wrong, the borders need to be protected and all illegals need to be deported. In Phil’s case it’s a matter of the message being right and the motivation of the messenger being wrong. With all the shenanigans at the RC fire department,lately,there’s something that’s been bothering me since labor day: the firefighters shaking people down at traffic lights while supposably collecting money for muscular dystrophy. How much of that money is skimmed off the top and goes into there pockets? Years ago, the Klan used to do the same thing, walking between cars at stop lights and grubbing for money. It’s shameful. so jill pertersen is on a sabbatical from work since she’s not the arts editor of the spirit? what did the unemployed do before facebook? So, i was riding augusta public transit, an it did not take me long To figure out this is one of the worst bus systems in north america, i have not



Looks like your boy Eric found a way to get pretty close to Billy with the bribery story. You guys will never change. New owner, same old ax to grind. South Augusta is the gooch of Richmond County. Hey Mr. Ruffin, maybe if you would have gotten a degree in something an employer might be looking for you wouldn’t be so far below the poverty line. Philsophy/literary theory and creative writing may be your passion but don’t whine about being poor when you can’t make a dime off of it. What’s with these drivers who dangle their left arms out the car/truck/van/suv window? Do they have a one-arm wish or are they just stupid? I’ve tried this myself and it’s very uncomfortable to me, although the breeze is nice. It’s also unsafe since your left hand isn’t readily available for an emergency. I often wonder what kind of person does this. Are they trying to tell us something or just want a little attention? It’s interesting to think about. What’s even more interesting is: Why do I care about this?  I’m so sick of seeing nothing but white people in spotted. Yeah yall do have that one or two minorities just to make it look okay but it’s not cool. I like the Metro Spirit but I wish it was more equal with the spotted.

current President has received more donations from Wall Street than any other President and the Occupy Wall Street Crowd is being sponsored in part by Billionaire Capitalist George Soros. Don’t see any protest outside GE, Universities that are profiting by the millions, Fannie, Freddie, etc. Do your research college boy. We pay for them expensive ass drinks at your club every week. Why aint’ no pictures of us on your Facebook page? Theres like 1000 pictures and can’t find no brotha’s! Whats up with that? I read the article by your so-called college professor -- what a pantload!! This man claims to be a writer, yet he manages to fill an entire page of newsprint without saying anything! He descends to ‘ad hominem’ without knowing his target(s), calling

people ‘Borg-like’, ‘leather-skinned bag of pepperoni farts’, or ‘Richies’, without having delineated his cause for complaint!! Finally, he says ‘they won’t help’! What does he want help with, and who are the nebulous ‘they’? Recently we attempted to take an eight and five year old out for a birthday treat to go bowling. We went to two bowling establishment in Augusta ALL FULL WITH LEAGUES. Not one lane held out for the general public dispite the fact during the 10 minutes we were inquiring at each establishment two other families wanted to do the same. Clearly you could hold at least one or two lanes open and still make a living because there are plenty of families who would come to PAY TO BOWL a few rounds with their kids.


Fred Russell made the top five finalist for a new job in Sarasota Florida.


He ain’t gettin’ the job.

Maybe “Ruffin it” should note the

V. 22 | NO. 64


Today we seem to be dumbing down faster than ever, and I feel we may need a reminder from time to time how to act in a office. First, if a woman is in a position higher than you, do not call her “young lady.” Second, many people are doing the job of five. If you are a client, coworker, etc., leave a message. People will return your call. Has anyone noticed that the buildings (the Existing Jail) Designed by the “Experts” in Atlanta is now

haveing to be torn down and disposed of because of the poor design and the mold and mildew problems associated with it. Well now it seems to me that Augusta has Architects with the same degrees and expertise, and are here to help solve the problems that are created by these so called “experts” form out-of-town could have been resolved before they happened. And look at the “NO DESIGN” of the new Courthouse. Why can’t Augusta keep their monies here in the Augusta Market.

Weirdness, Compiled OMG, you guys! Did you know that there’s a petrified dog stuck in a tree at a museum in Waycross, Georgia? Or a tick museum at Georgia Southern in Statesboro? And while I’m sure some longtime area residents already knew this one, did you know that Adolph Hilter’s telephone is located at Fort Gordon’s Signal Corps Museum? If you like the weird, the wacky or the just plain creepy, Roadside America ( has compiled as many as they could find from all over the country into one place so that those who love a good road trip (and who doesn’t?) can find something odd to point their cars toward. But we’d advise you stay away from the baby-making boulder in Liberty, Illinois.

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V. 22 | NO. 64




Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

Fred Flops in Florida …and prepares for the long trip home

Though the TEE Center Parking Deck is only five stories tall, its shadow managed to reach all the way to Sarasota, Florida, casting a chilly shadow over Fred Russell’s opportunity to beat out three other candidates meeting before a Sarasota County Commission looking to replace its own administrator, who left in the midst of a procurement scandal that claimed several senior members of the government and sent one person to jail. In Russell’s final interview, he fielded a question about the parking deck similar to the ones he’s been asked so frequently here: why has it become the fiasco that it has? So Russell laid out the gory details one last time, bringing this new audience up to speed on the history of the Marriott, the convention center, the TEE Center and finally the parking deck. Wisely, he left out that messy business with David Fry, which probably would have only confused them like it does us. “The facts changed,” he said, summing things up. “Initially, we had a donation of land. Then we had a donation of air rights. That was discussed at a public meeting. Some of the commissioners that are on our board today weren’t there then. I don’t know if they were all at that particular meeting or not.” Now how’s that for a dynamic answer? In case he wasn’t clear, he tied it up with a nice, neat bow of huh? “You’ve got a situation where it was talked about,” he said. “It was explained. The questions were answered. Some people forgot, potentially. Some people might not have wanted to know, potentially.” That was a good answer, potentially, but Russell was nevertheless clearly irritated at being harassed by the same stuff he gets harassed with here at

home. Wasn’t Sarasota supposed to be different? Wasn’t he supposed to be talking with real estate agents by now and making dinner arrangements with the mayor or whatever kind of leader they have down there? “I have nothing to hide in that closet whatsoever, sir,” he finished. “I appreciate the question, though.”

All in all, Russell’s time in Sarasota had been rolling downhill well before the parking deck question. Boots on the ground say Russell had been uncomfortable throughout most of the process, looking old and sluggish when he wasn’t trying to choke down that frog in his throat. And it’s not like he was up against

rock stars. A search firm had been hired to do the tough work for the locals, who seemed to question their ability to run things after the procurement scandal that Russell was so intent on blowing off, and they reportedly didn’t much like what the search firm brought back to them. “You seem to have handled what you had fairly well,” Russell told them in that voice… the one he uses when he lectures our guys about making tough decisions. “Those things happen other places. It’s not the end of the world. The sun will come up tomorrow and guess what? Two or three years down the line you’ll probably find someone else who’s made a mistake and hopefully you caught him before somebody else did or you’ve taken enough steps that when you do find out, you’re able to react appropriately.” These were obviously miserable, guilt-ridden people who didn’t want to be let off the hook, and they didn’t seem to be too happy being told the thing they’ve been fretting over — the thing the media can’t seem to drop — wasn’t really that big of a deal, nor did they take too kindly to Russell calling the media frenzy a backhand compliment, given the thousands of other things the media could be talking about… like pay increases and parking decks and the privatization of golf courses and transit systems. They didn’t seem to like that at all. “In the grand scheme of things, it’s an issue that’s bad, but not as bad as a lot that goes on in this world,” he said. When it came time to vote, they made it clear they were voting for an administrator, not a philosopher.

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METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11 V. 22 | NO. 64


And the Survey Says… D-I-V-E-R-S-I-O-N

Columbia County’s Development Services Division is once again seeking the public’s involvement in a feel-good county project. That shouldn’t come as any surprise if you’ve been following the news lately. The 2011 Community Pride Design Awards allows the public to log onto the county’s website and choose their favorite building completed during 20102011. Doubling the fun, voters can even vote in two categories — commercial and professional. Choices include the Gateway Arby’s (it’s good mood architecture), the stately Advanced Pain Management building on Town Park Blvd. and the county’s spiffy Animal Control building on William Few Parkway. It’s the full court press of media requests for coverage — it was even unleashed on the CSRA in one of Pam Tucker’s email blasts — that has raised eyebrows throughout the community, however, given how it seems to coincide so closely with the county’s current black eye, the Hugo Dias situation. Dias, an Evans framer, was recently accused of harboring illegal immigrant construction workers. Such a highly public story involving illegal immigrant construction workers in the county makes a lot of residents

uncomfortable, especially in such a fastgrowing county. For years, Columbia County has been known as a builder-friendly zone, a county that allows self policing of building sites and a we’re all men here attitude when it comes to code enforcement. Recently, a code enforcement officer was caught moonlighting for one of the developers on her watch. Though environmentalists have long protested the county’s attitude toward runoff, erosion and water issues, for the majority of county residents, the county’s grow-grow mentality rarely causes concern. But this is Columbia County, after all, and they don’t take criticism well, which is why the Community Pride Design Awards seem so suspicious right now. It’s like a spoon full of sugar. Coincidence, you say? Maybe. But didn’t the last bit of county outreach, Development Services’ retirement survey, happen to come out about the time Jones Creek and the Savannah Riverkeeper sued the county over Clean Water Act violations? Hmmm.

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The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

Balls the Size of Churchbells In a job interview in Sarasota, Florida, embattled City Administrator Fred Russell said in so many words that the government suffers because of infighting, micromanagement and a lack of intestinal fortitude. Ironically, the only reason the inept Mr. Russell still has a job is because the men who should have fired him years ago can’t get around their own infighting, micromanagement and lack of intestinal fortitude to do it. Russell better be thankful he works for those clowns, because if they had anything much on the ball, his ass would have been grass about five years ago. Russell wants to claim he is hogtied in his attempts to drag Augusta into the “age of enlightenment” by these cavemen with their collective foot on his neck, but a laundry list of Big Fred’s Greatest Hits would seem to indicate a different story. Teresa Smith: When she ran the city Engineering Department, she was described by some local construction contractors as a “one woman rolling roadblock.” Things got so bad that a collection of local construction leaders gathered at City Hall to complain

about her, with one of them telling the daily: “They don’t like to say that (there are problems) publicly because of the backlash from public works. It’s tough to do business with Richmond County. Engineers are unhappy. Developers are unhappy. Contractors are unhappy.” Even though we all knew about it, Fred Russell, Smith’s boss, never managed to write any of it down. The politicians had enough, though, and voted to fire her anyway. Her replacement, Abie Ladson, has not only whipped the whole department into shape, he has done it while saving money and becoming one of the most popular civil servants in recent local history. Fred’s lack of documentation on her many shortcomings translated into a settlement check to the tune of six figures when she threatened to sue for wrongful termination. All this in a right to work state, no less. That takes talent. Chiquita Johnson: Described by critics as a cross between Star Jones and Karen Ann Quinlan (brain dead for 20 years), Johnson was hired without a thorough background check, which would have revealed that she had more than a few problems in past

employment. While that is not directly Russell’s responsibility, had he bothered to glance at her personnel file, ever, he would have seen enough blank spaces and holes to plant a 100-year-old oak tree. As a former cop, he should know the value of a couple of a few well-placed phone calls to get the low down when hiring a municipal attorney. Well, I didn’t say he was a good former cop. When she was forced to resign, Russell advised the commission to pay her salary for the rest of the year, to the tune of almost 100 grand. The Fire Department: The fire chief answers directly to the city administrator. Not that Fred ever asked any important questions. Nuf’ said. The Betty Beard Bariatric Surgery Gratuity Mess: A city vendor wants to donate 25k to some good local cause, and after red tape sends the money bouncing around, it somehow ends up going to pay for a city employee’s gastric bypass surgery. Beard said Russell knew about it (and it seems he would have had to) and just didn’t want to tell any of the other city commissioners. I believe her.

The Procurement Department: Lawsuit payouts and settlements from screw ups coming from Augusta’s procurement department are well into the high six-figure range. That department and its manager, Geri Sams, have also been slammed with one of the most bizarre grand jury presentments in local history. Guess who Mrs. Sams reports to? Guess what he has done to correct problems down there? Reorganization of local government: Has there been one? How much did it save? Besides a few dinosaurs, was anyone cleared off the payroll... I mean a living, breathing person? Not so much. The TEE Center Fiasco: This one is still playing out, but I can tell you one thing, if Fred Russell keeps up with his personal real estate deals the way he keeps up with the city’s, he will be lucky not to be living in a rented shoe box at 2,500 bucks a month. The Judicial Center: It occurs to me that the total lack of parking for the Judicial Center may have been a harbinger of things to come with the TEE Center. Obviously, Fred doesn’t believe in parking lots. This just in... Sarasota passed. Crap.

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V. 22 | NO. 64



The Gospel of Startup Entrepreneurs still seeking big break

On Broad Street there’s an office whose glass front says “Take Our Money.” Next to the text, a masked cartoon thief sneaks off with a bag of money. This office is not some sort of criminal scheme but the next web sensation, set to spring out of Augusta take the world by storm, says owner Tommy Wafford. Wafford, a former youth pastor, and his friend Andy Duke, a computer programmer, founded takeourmoney. com 14 months ago. The central premise: weekly giveaways of cash or gift certificates attract visitors (hence the site’s kleptomaniacal name), who boost their chance to win by clicking on ads for local businesses. Wafford and Duke thought they could earn money for themselves and their advertisers through a quirky twist on the popular daily deal (think Groupon or Augusta Chronicle Daily Deals) V. 22 | NO. 64

business model. “We asked, ‘What draws people?’” Wafford says. “Free stuff. Especially in this economy.” Take Our Money got up-front payment for ads or took revenue shares of coupons sold on the site. According to Wafford, this click-to-win model was wildly successful. He counts 6.4 million ad views for local businesses and the site has attracted about 8,000 subscribers. He even claims that a local competitor sought to buy the rights to their product. But Take Our Money was shaky in many ways, they acknowledge. The group’s name, which seemed to forcefully advocate theft, made some awkward first impressions. Many more people were printing out coupons than were actually redeeming them at local businesses. And the company was not profitable.

Wafford and Duke remain sanguine: “We’re not profitable yet, but we definitely have had a really big change,” says Duke. Take Our Money is now a much friendlier, less crime-evoking, Sweepstakes are still a focus of the site, but now consumers buy gift certificates, often at a bargain, directly from locally owned businesses. Advertisers no longer pay up front, but give Take Our Money a share of revenue, which Wafford thinks will lower the barrier of entry for small businesses. Wafford doesn’t call this a change but a “pivot,” which he helpfully defines as “changing directions without changing vision.” “It’s a little bit like starting over,” offers Duke. “Actually, it’s a lot like it.” The company’s press release sings optimism. It notes that the average time a visitor spends on their site

“rivals internet giants facebook [sic].” (Duke calculates Shop My City’s average time per visit as 13 minutes. Facebook’s is 23 minutes.) Wafford spoke to the Spirit by Skype from South Carolina, where he is currently recruiting a new sales team for Greenville — one of five new Southeastern cities he plans to expand into. “Our product is so low-cost for businesses that in order to make a profit it really does need to be pretty farreaching,” says Duke. Wafford says he hopes to gain 30 new partners a month. The site currently has about 100. There are some indications that the transition isn’t going entirely smoothly. Though they rolled out the new site on Monday, the old thief logo is still up at their Broad Street office and ads for an Uncle Kracker concert last month are still up on the site. But Duke and METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11


Wafford insist their site traffic remains robust. Local businesses that sign on with Shop My City say that they gain a relatively cheap way to get their name out. Heather Maxwell, manager of Hungry Howie’s on Belair Road, says that Augusta Chronicle Daily Deals gets more results for her, but she plans to continue with Shop My City. “It’s pretty much free advertising,” she says. Undaunted by competitors, Wafford is optimistic. “I think we have all the makings to be huge — Groupon huge.” Groupon, the nation’s largest dailydeal website, just raised $700 million when it went public earlier this month. Wafford sees Groupon as emblematic of a flawed model that needs to be replaced — by his site. He says they have taken the Groupon model and made it actually work. “There’s a lot of components to it that are what we consider trade secrets,” he explains. Chief among his company’s strengths is a willingness to learn and the council of people with tech experience: “We’ve got some really smart people on our advisory board. Former astronauts and people like that,” Wafford says, noting that Duke’s father-in-law was an astronaut.

10 METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11

Tommy Wafford

Wafford likens his current job to his old one as a youth pastor. “I’ve had twelve and a half years now of teaching people what I believe to be the truth and the gospel, and that’s no

easier a sell than saying we have a new idea that we think could be profitable,” he says. He’s used to the hard sell. His company’s potential might be hard to

believe in, but “no more so than the unbelievable story of Jesus,” he says. “And both are true.”

V. 22 | NO. 64



Joy to the World the Tablets Have Come

Festival to control its own programming destiny Acknowledging significant changes including a shortened schedule and a different relationship with local arts organizations, Chairman of the Board of Directors of the Westobou Festival Shell Berry unveiled a new look Westobou Festival at a town hall meeting at the Morris Museum of Art on Tuesday. While calling each previous year a success and saying that the festival had overcome initial confusion to become increasingly understood by the community, Berry explained that the board had decided it was time to address the ticklish question of sustainability as it tried to wean itself off of the Porter Fleming Foundation. She also mentioned ongoing comments from patrons who found themselves unable to attend more than two or three events, even during this year’s drastically reduced the number of performances. Next year’s Westobou is scheduled for October 3-7 and will now be a fiveday festival, with each day anchored by an evening pillar event highlighting one of the five spotlight categories — visual arts, words, film, music and dance. Molly McDowell, who ran the festival with limited control last year, will return to the festival as executive director, a role with considerable power given the fact that the Westobou Festival will be producing the festival itself. Gone is the complicated grant process. Instead, the foundation will give programming money directly to the festival, though opportunities will still be available for arts organizations to partner with the festival “in a mutually beneficial way.” “We asked [the foundation] to reduce the amount by a little bit and give it directly to the festival to allow it to book acts now and to clean up some of the problems we’ve had,” Berry said. After the meeting, the assembled arts representatives seemed to be taking a V. 22 | NO. 64

wait and see approach. “I think before they were trying to do too much too quick,” said Rob Nordan, executive director of the Columbia County Orchestra Association. “It’s better to have a controlled growth because that way you know what direction you’re going.” Nordan participated in a Westobou event a couple years ago at St. Paul’s and has also directed groups at Arts in the Heart. Executive Director of Symphony Orchestra Augusta Sandra Self said the former structure had actually worked well for them, allowing the symphony to undertake more ambitious programming like this year’s John Williams program, which was so large that it would have been impossible to produce without the additional grant money. After the meeting, Berry described the changes as necessary, saying they were examples of the organization growing up. “We never expected Westobou to catch on as well as it did,” she said, “and I think taking it to this next level allows us to turn it into something that you can really get your brain around.” At the same time, she recognized that such a move required a leap of faith. “At some point you’ve got to jump, and if the Porter Fleming Foundation was going to cut off our funding, we had to do something and we felt like the community wanted Westobou to survive.”


Westobou Grows Up, Slims Down

As we move into this year’s holiday season, no doubt one of the biggest technology gifts will be the tablet. Tablets have steadily grown in popularity over the past couple of years, evolving from a curiosity into a preferred medium for consuming cloud-based media. The number of tablets currently on the market is almost overwhelming. It would be impossible to provide a comprehensive review of all available tablets. However, some common themes are beginning to emerge. I hope a review of some of the more noteworthy products can help you sort things out as you start your holiday shopping. Any review of tablets has to begin with the Apple iPad 2. It is quite simply the best overall tablet on the market and sets the standard in virtually every performance category. It is simple to use. The library of applications and media content is huge. The battery seems to last forever. The recent iOS upgrade allows users to keep content in the cloud versus local to the device or sync’d via tether to a desktop. Does the iPad 2 have any flaws? Only a couple. First, the cameras on the iPad are not very good. Not a big deal since taking pictures with a tablet is impossibly awkward. You’ll only use the cameras for video conferencing, and, well, how often does that really happen? Secondly, and more importantly, many manufacturers have started reducing price, leaving Apple as one of the more expensive tablets. Not a big concern, however, since the price performance is still the best of all tablets. And let’s face it. Consumers have demonstrated over and over again that they are willing to pay a premium to own Apple. The next tablet is really a group of tablets — those devices that utilize the Android operating system developed by Google. With only a couple of exceptions, Android powers every other tablet offering outside of Apple. Several very good Android tablets exist in the market: ASUS Eee Pad, HTC Flyer, Motorola Xoom and Toshiba Thrive, to name a few. All of these devices share the Plus +1 of Android, greater customization, Google native apps such as navigation with Google Maps, and the large selection from Google’s App Market. The Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1 seems to consistently rank at the top of everyone’s Best Of list. It is the lightest and thinnest of the Android tablets. It also has the best performance, rivaling the performance of the iPad. Unfortunately, the Galaxy Tab 10.1 price point is the same as the iPad. Most of the folks that I have talked with say that if they are going to spend $500 or more for a tablet, they might as well get an iPad. Finally, the last couple of tablets represent the newest entries to the table market: the Barnes & Noble Nook Tablet and the Amazon Kindle Fire. These tablets possess scaled-down functionality to exploit the gap between what tablets are capable of doing, and how they are really used. Most people use tablets to view downloaded or cloud-based media, whether the media is music, TV shows, movies or books. Both Barnes & Nobles and Amazon have created their tablets as a front door into their media distribution. This is especially true for Amazon as they challenge Apple and Netflix for dominance in the music and video markets. The Kindle Fire also provides an enhanced web browser called Silk that utilizes the cloud-resources at Amazon to improve browser performance by caching web pages. The beauty of these devices is their relatively inexpensive price points. The Amazon Kindle Fire starts at $200. The tablet doesn’t contain many of the features of the big boy tablets, but it has all the right stuff to completely satisfy most tablet users. Of course, this is just a brief overview of the tablet market. Much more information can be found online by Googling for product reviews. Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet. Tweet me @gregory_a_baker. L8R. Gregory A. Baker, Ph.D., is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11 11


By Elizabeth C. Gorski / Edited by Will Shortz 91 Poetic preposition 92 Brightly colored lizards 94 Museum hanging 95 It has banks in St. Petersburg 96 Bugs, e.g. 97 Peak leaf-peeping time in Pennsylvania 100 Certain antibody 102 Raise, as a topic 105 Part of a Q&A: Abbr. 106 Hurt 108 “Be silent,” in music 111 Cheesemaker’s supply 112 Empty spaces 114 Subdued 116 Have ___ for (desire) 117 Police protection 120 Dust Bowl witness 121 English general in the American Revolution 122 About 123 Personal contacts? 124 Dangerous speed 125 Bygone spray 126 Gets in the pool, say 127 Like bell-bottoms or go-go pants 128Barbecue sound DOWN 1 Not having quite enough money 2 Circus Maximus patron 3 Schokolade 4 Years, to Tiberius 5 Manna, according to the Bible 6 Synthetic fiber brand 7 Year of Super Bowl XXXIX 8 Declared 9 Huge amounts 10 Pirate’s demand 11 “The Lord of the Rings” menace 12 The “mode” of “à la mode”? 13 Math coordinates 14 Bakers, e.g. 15 Canine shelter 16 Certain huckster 18 How Hershey’s Kisses are wrapped 20 “There is ___ in team” 25 Anne Rice vampire 28 P.O. box item 31 In the past, once 34 Corp. alias abbr. 38 No-___-do 40 Wooded area near the Rhine Valley

41 One of the Alis 42 Area known to the Chinese as Dongbei 44 ___ Building, New York landmark north of Grand Central 47 Pastry chef creations … and a hint to 12 other answers in this puzzle 48 Children and more children 49 Tries to get at auction 50 Squishy dish cleaner 52 Woman of one’s heart 54 Less abundant 56 Suffix with human 58 Drag 59 Córdoba cordial 61 Word before republic or seat 63 ___ Beach, Hawaii 65 Spartan walkway 67 Former call letters? 71 Photo developer 73 Inc., abroad 76 “___ loves believes the impossible”: Elizabeth Barrett Browning 80 So to speak 82 Followers of some asterisks 84 Girl’s holiday party dress fabric 87 Cause for bringing out candles 88 Constriction of pupils 90 High beam? 93 Cheese fanciers 95 Atomic energy oversight agcy. 96 MTV’s owner 98 Gambol 99 Not so tough 101 Orchestra section: Abbr. 102 “Moon Over Parador” actress 103 Coat of paint 104 Russia’s ___ Bay, arm of the White Sea 107 “The Planets” composer 109 Sends forth 110 Bed cover 113 FedEx rival 115 Former U.S. gas brand 118 Follower of Ernest or Benedict? 119 Austin-to-N.Y.C. path










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ACROSS 1 Number of coins in la Fontana di Trevi? 4 Singer Bryan 9 Formal occasion 13 Power option 17 Roasted: Fr. 19 Invader of 1066 21 Logan of “60 Minutes” 22 ___ fide 23 Muscat’s land 24 Focus of Gandhi’s philosophy 26 Sweet’s partner 27 Radioactivity figure 29 Plans to lose 30 S’pose 32 Uppity sort 33 Degs. from Yale and Harvard 35 TMC competitor 36 Fried chicken choice 37 “Odyssey” temptress 39 Infinite 42 Chem. unit 43 Turkish title 45 Mediterranean isl. 46 Makes a scene 49 “Humbug!” 50 Feminine suffix 51 And others 53 Credit card bill nos. 55 Wearing a wig and shades, say 57 Marriage site 60 Baseball’s Bando 61 “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” storyteller 62 Classic jetliner 64 Old hi-fi records 66 Accurse 68 Big grocery store chain 69 Tagalong 70 On the double 72 “Pinwheel and Flow” artist 74 “Fee, fi, fo, ___” 75 Ratchet bar 77 “Cheers!” 78 How you might get change for a twenty 79 Perfumery rootstock 81 PJ-clad mansion owner 83 Henry ___ Lodge 85 “Paper Moon” girl 86 It means nothing to the French 87 Musician who won a 2011 Presidential Medal of Freedom 89 Shake, rattle or roll








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V. 22 | NO. 64


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Let Them Fall Where They May

Commission fights over the Personnel Policy and Procedure Manual Copenhaver leaned into his microphone. An angry Commissioner Bill Lockett “I’ll tell you, Commissioner once again took issue with members Lockett,” he said. “I learned a long of the commission, this time for the time ago that I can’t legislate the inclusion on the agenda of an ordinance behavior of grown folk.” to amend part of the Personnel Policy As Lockett complained that proper and Procedure Manual. procedures weren’t used, Commissioner “I just want to take a moment to Joe Jackson, who had placed the item on speak about my disgust in the way this the commission agenda, spoke up. particular agenda item was done,” he “Out of no disrespect said. to you, Mr. Lockett, Lockett had held I don’t think you a fairly cordial work voted for any of session a couple these changes on the of weeks ago so policy and procedure that he and other manual,” he said. “This commissioners could was an attempt to get review 18 pages the elected officials on of changes to the board with the policy Personnel Policy and procedure manual. and Procedure I understand it’s a Manual, but at the divide and it’s going commission meeting to continue to be a he alleged the divide, but my motion changes discussed is to approve it and in the work session let the chips fall where were not the they may.” ones made to the After claiming document provided the changes were for the commission an attempt to take meeting. In fact, he corrective action said the issue was for mistakes in the not supposed to go manual made by those to the commission at who approved it, all. He insisted it was Commissioner Alvin supposed to go back Mason joined Lockett to his committee for in voicing displeasure, further review. particularly with “What I need to Jackson. know,” he started “Clearly, the type of before changing attitude Mr. Jackson gears. “Mr. Mayor displays is potentially — you talk about us the reason why we’re working together where we’re today,” as a group. This is he said. “‘Let the the kind of stuff that chips fall where they divides us. You’re may’… that’s not the just going to jump up appropriate steps to and put something “I’ll tell you, Commissioner take, because when on my committee’s we let the chips fall agenda, don’t say Lockett. I learned a long where they may we anything to me at time ago that I can’t get 18 pages worth of all about it…” legislate the behavior of changes.” “You’re saying grown folk.” When it came time ‘you’ as in ‘me?’” to vote, Matt Aitken Copenhaver voted with the black commissioners, interrupted. which caused a rare five-five tie, which “What I’m saying,” Lockett replied, “is was quietly broken by Copenhaver, that you and I had a conversation about who voted with the majority of white working together and team spirit and commissioners. so forth, and I was just casually saying Lockett’s later motion to move forward to you that these are some of the things with a forensic audit was denied. that prohibit that from happening.” V. 22 | NO. 64


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Break It Up!

The Metro Spirit’s guide to a fistfight-less Thanksgiving me, and the fact that she did this only two months into the relationship constitutes the greatest leap of faith since Indiana Jones stepped out onto MacGuffin Chasm in “The Last Crusade.” I told her, with nary a hint of joking, that if she got into a conversation with someone she couldn’t understand, she should just nod her head, stare out into the trees and say, “I tell you whut.” It worked. Eight times. Now believe me, I could go on about the characters in my family — cousin John decided to start raising goats on a whim, most of the men wear camouflage indoors un-ironically, and when Stan gets drunk it looks like an invisible midget is chop-blocking a misshapen waterbed — but I abandoned my Garrison Keillor impersonation when I became functionally literate, so that’s out. I am, however, both irritatingly sentimental and one of the handful of liberals in a family otherwise composed of ass-backwards conservatives (you can find, no kidding, a Sean Hannity book within three feet of a Bible or an outdoors magazine in my uncle’s house, at all times). And yet, I’m still able to make it through every Thanksgiving without things erupting into a frenzy of

jingoistic rhetoric and upside-down American flags. So I’d like to conclude this otherwise aimless column with a message to similarly-mixed families this holiday season. You guys, I’m pretty opinionated. If you could see the thought bubbles emanating from my head, it would usually be some combination of peace signs, black coffee, and Today is the Day songs. I realize that Thanksgiving, historically, is a farce, a white-washed genocide, and that the only reason Native Americans weren’t able to automatically kick the Puritans back into the ocean is because Hollywood didn’t invent Billy Jack till 400 years later. I also know that, especially considering the state of and goingson in our country at the present time, tensions are high and nerves are taut. Despite the best efforts of Occupy and other movements, ideologues still tend to rule the roost because they’re the loudest, and believe that shouting at something will make it do what you want. For comparison, this is what


This year, I’ll be spending my first Thanksgiving away from my family. Instead, my girlfriend and I will fly up to Boston to visit her brother and sister-in-law, both of whom are doctors. It sounds like a pretty sweet deal, but in Boston a pint of Guinness costs about $12 or your best false tooth, so I’m pretty sure that when it’s time to go to sleep in their half-room condo, I’ll have a two-by-four duct taped up the length of my body and be leaned against the combination kitchen/ bathroom wall with only prayer and wobbly teakwood on my side. In any case, it’s a milestone for me. Prior to this, I’ve spent every Thanksgiving of my life in Yatesville, Georgia, with my father’s side of the family. If you don’t know where Yatesville is, that’s because you can’t technically get to it unless you’re a Ruffin, or at least know one of us. It’s a tiny town that occupies the same physical space of the TGI Friday’s on Gordon Place in Muncie, Indiana, but in a different dimension, and you have to sacrifice a bowl of Brunswick stew at the altar of the flayed god Abbath in order to learn the correct incantation. It’s tiny, is what I’m saying. Drifters find it creepy. But, somehow, it’s also home to the majority of my family, which gets exponentially bigger every year, so annual re-introductions are always in order. On top of that, most of them have accents that make the cast of “Oklahoma” call bulls**t. Larry the Cable Guy was an investment banker from Greenwich before he was struck by lightning and my cousin Stan appeared to him in a vision. Last year, my girlfriend came with

head-trauma patients do. So for the love of god, if we’re going to celebrate a holiday built from the bones of a near-exterminated race and held together by Manifest Destiny, let’s all make an effort to — cue “Kumbaya” — just get along with our polar opposites next week, shall we? To the liberal hippie college vegans: cover up the hammer-and-sickle tattoo you bought with your graduation money. Some of your aunts and uncles still have memories of hiding under their desks at school during air raid drills, seriously thinking, through no fault of their own, that they were about to be vaporized. And quit bitching about all the dead animals on the dinner table. Stuff yourself with collard greens, and don’t ask if it was cooked with pork fat. To conservative elders: tone down the red-white-and-blue garb and scale back the casually xenophobic comments. Also, no matter what “the young ‘uns” are wearing, try not to sigh and/or shake your head in disapproval. You don’t want to be subjected to the Eye of the Vegan (which is actually more sad and sleepy than anything, but never mind). People, it’s only one day. And who knows… it might be a good start.

ASU and Metro Spirit alum Josh Ruffin is a published journalist and poet, who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

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METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11 15


Kicking for Gold

Local kickboxers head to Ireland to compete on the world stage

Though Augusta will forever be synonymous with golf, increasingly it’s becoming known as the kickboxing capital of the United States. Case in point: Nearly half of the U.S. kickboxing team headed to Dublin, Ireland, to compete in the World Association of Kickboxing Organizations’ (WAKO) World Championship train here in Augusta, including team captain Nathan Key and veteran bruiser Stevie Dement, who is winding down a long fighting career with one last push for a world title. “I’m at the twilight of my career and I really want to make this happen,” Dement says. “I’ve been working my ass off my whole life to become a respected

16 METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11

competitor and a top-caliber fighter, and I honestly feel that if I could fight myself at any time in my life previous I would beat myself.” Of course if he could do that he’d make sure the younger him bought the drinks afterward. “Yeah,” he says, laughing. “I’d make my young dumb ass pay.” That’s fighter talk. When you’ve been hammered and pummeled and kicked by the best and strongest in the business, you tend to develop a different way of looking at things. There’s a quiet confidence that comes from stepping into the ring time after time, as well as a quirky sense of humor. If Dement starts to ramble or gets a little too involved with answering a question, he’ll step

back and apologize. “I get hit a lot,” he’ll say with a shrug. Such affability is a long way from the chest-thumping bravado you might expect from someone who participates in such a violent sport, though according to team coach Mark Greubel, the man responsible for training five of the 11 members of the team, it shouldn’t be so surprising, considering what it takes to succeed. “If you’re a big, bad dude and a skilled fighter, you don’t have to scream it,” he says. “There’s really no need to prove anything.” Which is why Dement says assembling a thousand of the world’s biggest and baddest at Dublin’s Citywest Hotel and Conference Centre from November 20

to 27 won’t be as explosive as you might think. “A lot of times fighters get a bad rap because people think they’re dumb bullies,” he says. “But when you spend as much time as a real fighter does in the gym trying to avoid getting your ass beat and putting everything you can into hitting and kicking, the last thing you want to do is go out having a good time and get into a fight. That’s the equivalent of telling a doctor you’ve got a back problem in church — they don’t want to hear it.” It’s also the interpersonal manifestation of the doctrine of Mutual Assured Destruction. Team captain Nathan Key, who will graduate from Georgia Tech this spring V. 22 | NO. 64

with a degree in mechanical engineering, sees the grouping of competitors a little differently, however. “There’s a lot of tension in the air,” he says. “You have all these fighters crowded into one building and everybody’s trying to size each other up… and they don’t wear deodorant, so it’s kind of smelly, too.” Maybe that’s his youth talking or maybe that supersensitive sense of competition is part of his edge. Key is good. Scary good, according to those in the know. Greubel took Key to Croatia for the World Junior Championships when he was just 16. Key had only fought three fights and had just 10 months of kickboxing training at the time, and the first fighter he faced was a Russian with 70 fights under his belt. Key beat him unanimously and went on to win a silver medal, losing to another Russian in a fight many thought he should have won. Largely on the strength of that fight, he was named junior fighter of the year. “As soon as he gets done with school, it’s going to be pro MMA for him,” Greubel says. Key confirms that after he graduates, he’s moving back to Augusta to train even more extensively with Greubel. “I’m trying to go as far as it will take me,” he says. As Greubel alludes, the journey will likely move beyond kickboxing. Though kickboxing is why the team is going to Dublin, Greubel says there’s not much money to be made in kickboxing, especially here in the U.S., which is why most fighters move on to mixed martial arts (MMA). While kickboxers are specialists in striking, mixed martial artists are jacks of all trades. MMA incorporates the striking of kickboxing with all kinds of joint locks and ground moves. Often, though, it breeds the kind of aggressive, bullying attitude that Greubel says you don’t normally find in the more traditional discipline of kickboxing. “Kickboxing still has a lot of the tradition, since guys are brought up in a traditional martial arts program, while in the MMA world I see a lot more people trying to act like people they see on the Ultimate Fighter,” Greubel says. “I definitely do not advocate that kind of behavior at my gym — in fact, if people act like that, I tend to not even train them.” Greubel, who has operated Greubel’s Mixed Martial Arts for the last six years, has worked hard to propel his fighters — and his gym’s reputation — to the upper reaches of the fighting world. “We may not have the big name like a lot of the other world-recognized gyms, but we fight those guys all the time and we do really well against them,” he says. V. 22 | NO. 64

In fact, that track record is how so many of his fighters made the U.S. team. “I’m always going to these national and world tournaments and I always bring a strong team, so head coach Rob Zbilski tends to give me a call to see if I have anyone that’s worthy of going,” he says. “I give him a rundown of the person

at the world championships in Hungary represents the pinnacle of his fighting career. “It was probably one of the proudest times in my life,” he says. “When they played the national anthem and I’m going out there to fight in front of about 2,000 people — that right there got my

and if he decides that person is strong enough to go over, he puts his stamp of approval on it and he’s on the team.” But supplying five of the 11 representing the entire country? “I would have never guessed when opening my gym that I would have that kind of clout in the kickboxing world,” he says. Given their experience, all expect their week in Ireland to be special beyond measure. For Dement, his previous appearance

attention. I’ve never felt anything like that.” As team captain, Key will work hard to make certain the less experienced fighters aren’t overwhelmed by the size and spectacle of the event, ensuring they arrive in plenty of time to be relaxed before stepping into the ring, which he says is particularly important for the first fight. “The first fight is almost as bad as the finals, nerves-wise, because you’ve trained so hard and you don’t want

to lose the first fight,” Key says. “In Croatia I was really nervous, but once I got into the groove of things, I realized that everybody was kind of even, so you’ve just got to go in there and fight. You can’t really worry about it.” Greubel, who has coached in seven world championships, continues to be impressed by the magnitude of event and the sense of accomplishment that comes from being with the best of the best. “You almost get the butterflies a little bit because it’s such an awe-inspiring moment, especially the opening ceremony, when you see the different teams come out,” he says. “It’s similar to the Olympic opening ceremony — all teams will come out with their flags, they’ll march through and then they’ll all gather at the end in this huge field or building and you’re looking around thinking, ‘These guys are all fighting for this one shot at becoming a world champion.’ It’s pretty awesome.” If it was easy to get there, of course, it wouldn’t mean so much, and fighter and coach alike will attest to the fact that there’s nothing easy about it. As a student, Key has had to find a way to balance his rigorous academic schedule with an equally rigorous training regimen. “During the day I’ll do my school stuff and pretty much treat it like a work day,” he says. “You get a lot of built-up energy just sitting around all day doing math and doing equations, so when I leave school I have to do something, and training is a great outlet.” Not surprisingly, that training leaves him tired and sore in the morning, which lets him go to school and get his energy back up so he can train again in the evening, thereby completing the cycle. Dement, a cardiac device salesman, increases his already aggressive training schedule the closer he gets to a fight, and because they will be fighting by international amateur rules at the world championship, he’s had to tweak his training a little, too. “I normally train for a pro fight, which is multiple rounds,” he says. “It’s a longer fight that’s more like a marathon, while the world championships are like a sprint. It’s three two-minute rounds. You don’t have long to do what you need to do, so you’d better make it happen.” The shorter fight, with its emphasis on scoring points rather than overpowering his opponent, puts Dement at a bit of a disadvantage, since he’s the kind of fighter that’s used to using his stamina to find his opponent’s weakness and then his METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11 17

brute strength to exploit it. “He’s a beast,” says Greubel. “For 189 pounds, he hits harder than most guys who are 250 pounds.” If the rules have him at a disadvantage, Dement says he’s just dedicating himself that much more to training in order to compensate. “I train twice and three times a day,” he says. “I do my cardio in the mornings, which is a combination of spinning and doing sprints on foot, where I usually drag a parachute behind me. I do that at least four to five times a week. Then in the evenings I will go and do mitt work and heavy bag work with Mark Greubel. On Tuesdays and Thursdays

18 METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11

I spar.” And then there are the elite classes Greubel teaches that are only for fighters. “That’s where Mark basically breaks me down to where I whimper like a little baby,” he says. Greubel doesn’t apologize for putting the fighters through such hellacious conditioning. “We’re getting these guys ready for a serious, serious war,” he says, “so in order for them to be proficient throughout the entire length of the fight, I have to really make sure their conditioning is on point.” Though the fights might be shorter in duration, winning fighters can fight

several times on their way to gold, which means conditioning is vital to a winning performance, as is a knowledge of the competition and the ability to quickly break down their weaknesses. Key, for example, fights with three men in his corner, each shouting separate instructions. “Each one of them has a distinct style and voice,” Key says. “The first 30 seconds is the only time I’m fighting without help because, after that, they’ve seen the opponent and how he works and they just start telling me things to do and I take those things and apply them where I can. As I hear it, I know exactly what they mean.”

He says that kind of united effort exists throughout the entire team, and traveling with so many he’s so close to simply enhances the experience. “It’s a big family going this time,” he says. “We know how to keep each other calm and relaxed and we have really good chemistry. Win, lose or draw, everybody’s still going to be your friend and they’re still going to cheer you up and root you on.” Fighting in Dublin with Dement and Key will be locals John Greubel, Adam Poore and Amika Olchovik.

V. 22 | NO. 64


Your family is already driving you crazy, even though the just blew into town a couple of hours ago. Get them out of the house, and their attention turned someplace besides your failing career and unacceptable girlfriend, by taking them to see comedian James Gregory. The Lithonia native, dubbed the most famous comedian America has never heard of, is more of a storyteller than a joke teller, and his stories will strike a chord with anyone whose family members drive them nuts. Politically incorrect yet lacking in the excessive curse words that so many other comedians rely on, this is the perfect show to take all the relatives to see. So pile them in the car… and try not to listen when your mom wonders aloud why you can’t afford one as nice as your brother’s.


Somewhere In Augusta Wednesday, November 23 | 7:30 p.m. |$8 | 706-739-0002


ENTERTAINMENT An Evening of Traditional Irish Music featuring Turlach Boylan and Davey Mathias is Thursday, November 17, at 7:30 p.m. at the Knights of Columbus Meeting Hall on Monte Sane. $15. Call 706-267-5416. The John Brown Jazz Orchestra performs on Thursday and Friday, November 17-18, at 8 p.m. at the URS Center for the Performing Arts in Aiken. Call 803-643-4774. Southern Steel Guitar Convention Jam Session, featuring Russ Hicks, is Saturday, November 19, at 7 p.m. at the Saldua Shrine Club. $5. It continues Sunday, November 20, at 10 a.m. at the Saldua Shrine Club. $15. Call Jerry Reece at 803593-0454 or email Russell Moore and IIIrd Tyme Out, with special guest Nu-Blu, perform at Southern Soul and Song Friday, November 19, at 7:30 p.m. at the Imperial Theatre. $13-$37. Call 706722-8341 or visit Conservatory Jazz Band performs Saturday, November 19, from 7:30-9:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Theatre. Free and open to the public. Call 706-731-7971 or visit “Forbidden Broadway,” a musical comedy revue poking fun at some of the legends of the stage, shows Friday, November 18, at 7 p.m. at ASU’s Maxwell Theatre as part of the university’s Lyceum Series. Tickets are $15 for general admission, $5 for children up to age 17 and free for ASU students, faculty and staff. Call 706-667-4100 or visit


End of Semester Pottery Sale, hosted by ASU’s Mad Potters, is November 17-18 from 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. under the white tend at the university’s front entrance. Visit Art at Lunch: A Collection of Floral Ideas for the Holidays is Friday, November 18, at noon at the Morris Museum of Art with lunch provided. $10 for members; $14 for non-members. Paid reservations due by November 16. Call 706-724-7501 or visit Gallery Talk and Reception with William Willis is Friday, November 18, from 6-8 p.m. at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. Free for members; $5 for nonmembers. Call 706-722-5495 or visit Photography and Wine Tasting, featuring work by Jennifer Weaver, is Saturday, November 19, from 1-6 p.m. at The Vineyard Wine Market in Evans. $5-$10. Call 706-414-6231 or visit

20 METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11


Opening Reception for the November and December exhibitions at the Aiken Center for the Arts is Thursday, November 17, from 6-8 p.m. Exhibitions include Elizabeth Moretz-Britt and Bea Kuhlke, Susan McCarty, T’is the Season Invitational of pieces $300 and under, the Plein Air Painters, and Judy Adamick and Anne Rauton Smith. Call 803-641-9094 or visit David Swanagin and Mike C. Berry Exhibit shows through December 31 at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. Call 706-826-4700 or visit “Local Color: Photography in the South” is an exhibition that shows through January 29, 2012, at the Morris Museum of Art and includes photographers Dave Anderson, John Baeder, William Christenberry, William Eggleston, Meryl Truett and more. Call 706-724-7501 or visit Bea Kuhlke and Elizabeth MoretzBritt Exhibition shows through December 30 at the Aiken Center for

the Arts. Call 803-641-9094 or visit The Annual Quilt Exhibition shows through December 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Call 706-724-3576 or visit William Willis: Paintings and Drawings shows at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art through December 13. Call 706722-5495 or visit Americana Tugs at Your Heart, an exhibition by artists Anne Rauton Smith and Judy Adamick, shows during the month of November at the Aiken Artist Guild Gallery at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Call 803-278-0709 or visit


ASU Orchestra performs Thursday, November 17, at 7:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre. $5; free for ASU students, faculty and staff with ID. Call 706-667-4100 or visit

Sand Hills String Band performs Sunday, November 20, from 7-9 p.m. at the Maxwell Theatre. Free and open to the public. Call 706-731-7971 or visit Greater Augusta Youth Orchestra performs Monday, November 21, from 7-8:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Theatre. Free and open to the public. Call 706-7317971 or visit The Columbia Baroque Soloists, hosted by Tuesday’s Music Live, perform Tuesday, November 22, at noon at Saint Paul’s Church, downtown. Concert is free but lunch afterwards is $10 with advanced reservations. Call 706-7223463 or visit The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706364-4069 or visit


Brown Bag Book Discussion meets Thursday, November 17, at 11:30 a.m. at the Columbia County Library to discuss “Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie” by Allen Bradley, as well as October’s book. Call 706-863-1946 or visit V. 22 | NO. 64

Harlem Book Discussion Group meets Thursday, November 17, at 4 p.m. to discuss “Suzanne’s Diary of Nicholas.” Call 706-556-9795 or visit Basement Book Sale, sponsored by Friends of the Library, at Appleby Branch Library, is Saturday, November 19, from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. Call 706-736-6244 or visit Meet the Author, with Beverly Bentley, author of “Poetry from the Heart,” at Maxwell Branch Library is Saturday, November 19, from 1-3 p.m. Call 706793-2020 or visit Oliver Vance “Pull Up Your Pants!” Book Signing is Saturday, November 19, from 1:30-3:30 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Free. Visit Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual poetry contest. Cash prizes will be given out. Categories are middle and high school, adults, and seniors. Visit


Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:30 to 9:30 at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Info: call Tim at 706-399-2477.


“Christmas Belles,” a production of the Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre, as added a Thursday, November 17, show because all their other dates have sold out. Dinner is at 7 p.m., with the show starting at 8 p.m. $25-$40. Call 706-793-8552 or visit “Forbidden Broadway” shows Friday, November 18, at 7 p.m. at Augusta State University’s Maxwell Theatre, as part of the University’s Lyceum Series. $15; free with a valid JagCard. Call 706-667-4100 or visit “Eli’s Bethlehem Inn,” a Musical Dinner Theater Production, shows November 18-December 2, at the Kroc Center. $15. For performance times and to purchase tickets, call 706-771-7777 or visit Local authors are invited to submit original scripts for Quickies 2012, the short play festival at Le Chat Noir. Scripts should be 10-15 pages; all styles and subject matters considered. Deadline is December 31. Mail scripts to Quickies, c/o Le Chat Noir, 304 Eighth Street, Augusta, Ga., 30901, or email them to V. 22 | NO. 64


Movie Night on the Field at the Wilson Family Y is Thursday, November 17, with gates opening at 7:30 p.m. and the family friendly movie beginning at dusk. Free. Call 706-922-9622 or visit “The King’s Speech” shows Friday, November 18, at 7:30 p.m. at Casa Blanca Cafe. Popcorn is free and those who arrive before 7 p.m. get 25 percent off meals. Call 706-504-3431 or visit “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I” shows at the Aiken County Public Library on Saturday, November 19, from 3-5:15 p.m. Call 803-642-2020 or visit School’s Out Movie for Kids at Diamond Lakes Library shows Monday, November 21, at 2 p.m. Bring your own snacks. Free. For title and rating, call 706-7722432 or visit School’s Out Movie for Teens at Diamond Lakes Library shows Tuesday, November 22, at 2 p.m. Free. Bring your own snacks. For title and rating, call 706772-2432 or visit “A Hard Day’s Night” shows at the Headquarters Branch Library on Tuesday, November 22, at 6:30 p.m. Free and open to the public. Call 706-8212615 or visit “Letters to God” shows Tuesday, November 22, at 7 p.m. at the North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-2795767 or visit A Thanksgiving Movie shows Wednesday, November 23, from 10:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. and at 4-6 p.m. at the North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-2795767 or visit

Special Events

Holiday Open House is Thursday, November 17, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center, and will feature food, gifts and free gift wrapping. Admission is a $5 donation to Sacred Heart. Call 706-826-4700 or visit Faculty 10 X 10 Presentation, part of USC-Aiken’s 50th anniversary celebration, is Thursday, November 17, from 2-5 p.m. in the student activities center mezzanine. This free event will feature 10 members of the USCAiken English faculty who will provide 10-minute readings of their creative works. Books from each participant will be available for purchase. Call 803-6413239 or visit

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CSRA Partners in Health Diane K. Smith, MD 1220 Augusta West Parkway Augusta, GA 30909 706.860.3001

METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11 21

Retro Family Game Night at the Headquarters Branch Library on Thursday, November 17, from 4:30-7:30 p.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706821-2604 or visit Inshop Tasting is Thursday, November 17, from 5-8 p.m. at Wine World. $5, with a $3 rebate upon purchase of featured wine or beer. Call 803-279-9522 or visit Disney on Ice: 100 Years of Magic is Thursday, November 17, at 7 p.m.; Friday, November 18, at 10:30 a.m. and 7 p.m.; Saturday, November 19, at 3 and 7 p.m.; and Sunday, November 20, at 2 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $16-46. Call 706-722-3521 or visit

Principals Reunion at Terrace Manor Elementary School is Friday, November 18, at 6:30 p.m. in the school’s cafetorium. Several former principals will be honored during that time and the event is in celebration of the school’s 50th anniversary. To attend, call 706796-4910.

Savannah Rapids Pavilion. Free and open to the public. Call 706-312-7192 or visit

Caymus Seminar Tasting at Wine World in North Augusta is on Friday, November 18, at 7 p.m. Steve McKenzie, Caymus brand manager of Ben Arnold Beverage Company, will host. Pre-registration required. Call 803-279-9522 or visit

Holiday Market, sponsored by the Junior League of Augusta, is November 18-20 at the Augusta Marriott and Convention Center, and features over 40 boutiques Holiday Gingerbread Village Exhibition is and specialty gift vendors. Tickets are November 17-27 at the Augusta Museum $7, and available for purchase online of History during normal hours. Free and and at the Junior League Office in Surrey open to the public. Call 706-722-8454 Center. Ladies Night Out is Thursday, or visit November 18, from 7-11 p.m. Advance tickets are $30; $35 at the door. Photos Elks Ladies’ Christmas Dinner and Dance with Santa are Saturday, November 19, is Friday, November 18, from 6-11 p.m. from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. $15 in advance. at the Elks Lodge, and features the Reservations recommended. Call 706Fabulous Fun Time Band. $30 donation 736-0033 or visit per couple; $18 per individual. For reservations, call 706-860-1256. Christmas Crafts and Caroling is Saturday, November 19, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. at

and more. Call 803-258-3485 or visit Thanksgiving After Hours Party at Euchee Creek Library is Monday, November 21, at 5:30 p.m. Preregistration required. Call 706-5560594 or visit The Festival of Trees is November 23-27 at Rose Hill Estate in Aiken. Proceeds benefit the Aiken community. Call 803648-5447 or visit Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit

Health get rid of writer’s block at csra writers meeting monday, november 21, at 6:30 p.m.

46th Annual Chitlin Strut is November 19-26, at the Salley Civic Center and Fairgrounds in Salley, S.C, and features a carnival, concessions, arts and crafts,

Bariatrics Seminar on weight loss is Thursday, November 17, at 6 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Free. Call 706-6514343 or visit Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, November 17, from 7-9 p.m. at Babies R Us. Sponsored by University Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7742825 or visit Infant CPR Class is Thursday, November 17, from 7-8:30 p.m. at University Hospital.

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Pre-registration required. Call 706-7742825 or visit Babies, Bumps and Bruises, an infant care and CPR class, is Thursday, November 17, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Preregistration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit Angioscreening is offered Monday, November 21, from 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit Augusta La Leche League Meeting, hosted by the Augusta Birth Network, is Tuesday, November 22, 7-8 p.m. at St. Teresa of Avila Catholic Church. Call 706-364-7907 or email betsy@ Coping with Holiday Stress nutrition seminar is Thursday, November 24, at 6 p.m. at the Wilson Family Y. Free to members; $10 for non-members. Visit Weight Loss Seminar, hosted by GHSU’s Weight Loss Center, is Thursday, November 24, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Library in Evans. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706721-2609 or visit weightloss. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class meet every Monday and Friday, at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Free for members; $3 for non-members. For more information and registration, call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9664 or visit Breast Self-Exam Classes will be held every Tuesday through the end of the month at 5 p.m. at the University Breast Health Center. Registration required. Call 706-774-4141 or visit Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of MCGHealth. Visit


Alzheimer’s Support Group meets Thursday, November 17, at 3 p.m. at Westwood Nursing Facility in Evans. Call 706-863-7514 or visit Blood Cancer-Stem Cell Support Group meets Thursday, November 17, from 5:30-7 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-721-9134 or visit Skip to My Lupus meets Thursday, November 17, from 7-9 p.m. at Aiken Regional’s dining room 1. Call 803-251V. 22 | NO. 64

9413 or visit Look Good, Feel Better program meets Monday, November 21, from 1-2:30 p.m. at Aiken Regional’s Cancer Care Institute of Carolina. Pre-registration required. Call 803-641-6044 or visit


Essential Tremors Support Group meets Monday, November 21, at 2 p.m. at St. Paul’s Lutheran Church, in Aiken. Call 803-226-0338. Burn Support Group meets each Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. in the Lori Rogers Nursing Library at Doctors Hospital. Call 706651-4343 or visit Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. Call 706-721-9351 or visit


Creating Labels and Envelopes Using Microsoft Word is a class that meets Thursday, November 17, at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-7226275 or visit Real Estate Issues, a seminar sponsored by the South Carolina Bar focusing on mortgages, second mortgages and foreclosures, is on Thursday, November 17, at 7 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-642-2020 or visit End of Life Issues seminar is Thursday, November 17, at 7 p.m. at the Aiken County Public Library, and features advice on power of attorney, living wills and DNR orders. Call 803-642-7575 or visit Word for Beginners Computer Class is Friday, November 18, at 10 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-8631946 or visit Internet Shopping for Beginners Computer Class is Friday, November 18, at 1:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706863-1946 or visit Financial Literacy Series, sponsored by Kingdom Financial Management, is at Headquarters Branch Library is Saturday, November 19, from 10 a.m.-2:30 p.m. Call 706-821-2600 or visit Childbirth Preparation Classes are November 19-20 from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center, Classrooms A-B (sixth floor). $25. Pre-registration required. Call 800-322-8322 or visit Chronic Pain Seminar is Saturday,


Lyceum Series 44TH ANNUAL

FORBIDDEN BROADWAY 30TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR Friday, November 18, 2011, 7 p.m. ASU’s Maxwell Theatre

General public, $15; Children up to 17 years old, $5; Free with a valid JagCard.

To purchase tickets, call ASU’s Maxwell Theatre at 706-667-4100 or visit METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11 23


November 19, at 10:30 a.m. at Headquarters Branch Library. Dr. Bruce Tetalman of Atlanta Medical Group will give a presentation on pain management of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia Syndrome. Call 706-8212600 or visit

Italian Thanksgiving Feast is Monday, November 21, from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at The Garlic Clove in Evans. There is no charge for meal, but donations are

Peaceful Parenting Book Club, hosted by Augusta Peaceful Parenting, meets Monday, November 21, from 7-8:30 p.m. at Earth Fare in Martinez. Pre-registration required. Call 706-231-0022 or email

– c a r e e r

GED Classes at Headquarters Branch Library are offered every Monday and Thursday at 6 p.m. Registration not required. You must have a PINES library card. Call 706-863-1946. Classes are also offered at the Harlem Branch Library every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 8:30 p.m. Call 706-556-9795 or visit

e d u c a t i o n –


A better future.

ESL Classes at Headquarters Branch Library are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. To register, call Charles Garrick at 803-279-3363 or visit


Change your future and your life with a rewarding career. Miller-Motte offers career training programs in:

Jim Harrison Calendar Sale is Thursday, November 17, from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. at the USC-Aiken Activity Center. Proceeds benefit scholarships at USC-Aiken. Email

Cosmetology, Health Information Technology, Massage Therapy, Medical Assisting, Medical Laboratory Technician, Many More!

Unwine and Relax Wine Tasting is Friday, November 18, at 7 p.m. at the Old Government House, and features wine by 9th Street Wine Market, food by Special Occasions Catering and music by the Garden City Jazz Group. $40. Proceeds benefit the Augusta Partnership for Children. Call 706-721-1869 or visit St. Jude’s Give Thanks Walk is Saturday, November 19, at 8 a.m. at Lake Olmstead Stadium. Registration begins at 7 a.m. Registration is free. Proceeds benefit St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital. Call 770-416-7707 or visit


(866) 425-0032

Changing Futures. Changing Lives.® For more information about our graduation rates, the median debt of students who completed these programs, and other important information, please visit our website at:

621 nw frontage road, augusta, ga 30907 24 METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11

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Classes are forming. Call toll-free today!

Cystic Fibrosis 5K Run/Walk, sponsored by GHSU’s Respiratory Therapy students, is Saturday, November 19, from 8:30-11:30 a.m. at the North Augusta Greeneway. Proceeds benefit the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. To register, call Amber Sherrill at 678-491-9208 or visit Sankofa 2011 HIV/AIDS Charity Event is Sunday, November 20, at 5 p.m. at the Doubletree Hotel, and features dinner, live music, painting and a silent auction. $50. Proceeds benefit Cycle for Freedom, Inc. and Michelle’s Kids. Call 404-831-3116 or 762-233-8109, or visit

catch columbia baroque soloists at tuesday’s music live november 22 at noon. accepted and will benefit the Golden Harvest Food Bank and the Columbia County Cares Food Pantry. Call 706364-7377. Fleet Feet Sports in North Augusta is giving away free shoes for a year, as well as five other prizes, when participants buy raffle tickets for $10 Each. Proceeds from the raffle sale will go to Action Ministries to provide 10 local children with Christmas gifts. Call 803-426-1474 or visit The Augusta Training Shop is taking orders for smoked turkeys until Friday, November 18. The turkeys, $40, will be available for pickup on Wednesday, November 23, between 11 a.m.-2 p.m. at the training shop’s office off Walton Way. To order, call 706-738-1358 or email Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit


South Edisto River Paddle is Friday, November 18, at 9:30 a.m. at the Aiken State Natural Area. Sponsored by the Western Carolina Group Sierra Club. Park entry fee, $2; boat rental, $15. Email Gasping Gobbler 5K is Saturday, November 19, at 8:45 a.m. at the Warren V. 22 | NO. 64

Gold’s Gym Today November 2011

INSIDE: p. 2 Gold’s Gym Welcomes Dr. Omar Danner p. 6 A Full Plate of Fitness

One Size Does Not Fit All Gold’s Gym’s new weight loss center treats each individual Beginning this month, Gold’s Gym will partner with is short — approximately 10 minutes, easy and non-invasive, Physician Weight Management Solutions (PWMS) to open which means no needles for the squeamish. the Weight Loss and Metabolic Testing Center at the health Once the center’s staff determines a client’s metabolic needs, club’s Walton Way Extension location. And this venture will they can tailor a workout and nutrition program to fit that be no pill mill, no one-size-fits-all easy solution to short-term participant’s need. weight loss. Rather, those who visit will learn what their “If you can decrease your calorie intake so that it’s below individual needs are through metabolic testing and personal your metabolism, and you can maintain that calorie budget weight loss counseling. consistently, you can predictably lose weight over time,” Dr. “Everybody has a daily energy requirement,” Dr. Omar Danner said. Danner, an Atlanta surgeon and fellowship-trained bariatric The metabolic test is a vital tool in long-term weight loss, surgeon and weight management expert, explained. “I hear as is the six-week online education and training course about so many people say, ‘Oh, I don’t have a metabolism; that’s nutrition, exercise and healthy living that clients will take. At why I can’t lose weight.’ The truth of the matter is they the end of the Weight Loss and Metabolic Testing Center’s have a metabolism but they don’t know what it is. And not Nutrition and Fitness Education course, participants will knowing what it is is kind of like trying to drive a car without receive a certificate of completion that can be presented to Michelle has lost 90 pounds to date. a steering wheel. You don’t know where or how to make the their insurance company or workplace. proper adjustments.” “The online educational empowerment program is designed Dr. Danner went to medical school at the University of Alabama in Birmingham with to reinforce and enhance their professional counseling and personal training,” Dr. the goal of using his love of math and science to help people. Dr. Danner also completed Danner explained, “but it is also designed to give them a sense of completion and advanced fellowship training in bariatric surgery, comprehensive weight management accomplishment when they finish the program. It also serves as a reference tool to go and advanced minimally invasive surgery at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, back to after they leave a counseling or training session and meditate on, so they can one of the nation’s top programs in the field of advanced weight management. truly grasp and master the concepts.” The first thing he realized was that the information he was learning would be better The center’s staff will also help clients set up memberships at Gold’s Gym, utilized if it was taught to the general public. as well as Premier personal training sessions. It is all part of the center’s goal of “People need to make lifestyle adjustments to live healthy, so my goal was to effecting healthy lifestyle changes in clients, changes that often lead to fewer diseases educate them on the principles of proper nutrition, exercise and healthy behavior and medications. change,” he explained. “Not only does the program provide education and guidance, it integrates all these Dr. Danner has already been doing that over the past several years through resources in a unique manner that creates a total weight loss and health improvement Danbar for Life, a weight management and health education support program which system for the clients and a win-win solution for everyone,” he said of his experience he pioneered while he was practicing and living in Charlotte, N.C. When the as a physician trained in the management of weight-related diseases and conditions, PWMS management team met Premier Fitness Personal Training’s Tony Dempsey, and the health club’s experience in helping clients get in better shape. “Diet is a fourwhose business is located inside Augusta’s Gold’s Gym, the two entities decided to letter word that doesn’t result in long-term success. Ultimately, what we want to do is partner and bring their integrated program, which capitalizes on each individual’s empower people for long-term success.” personal metabolic rate, to this area. Each person’s metabolism, or the rate at which they burn calories, is different, Rates at the Weight Loss and Metabolic Testing Center begin as low as $39 a month. To so the first step in a client’s visit to the Augusta center will be a resting metabolism make an appointment and receive more information, please call 706-993-2469 and ask test to determine what that the individual’s daily energy or caloric need is. The test for Vicky Baker.

Exercising to Lose Weight Workout buddies, whether they be friends or trainers, can make a big difference Having a workout buddy can make a big difference for people seeking to lose weight and get fit. After all, dieting and exercising can feel very lonely when you are attempting to do it all on your own. A workout buddy might be someone who is a personal friend of yours who shares your health goals of losing weight or maintaining weight loss and/or getting toned and into better shape. A workout buddy can actually play several different roles in your life. She (or he) can function as your primary support system as you go about trying to lose weight and get toned, cheering you on when you achieve any little victories and boosting your spirits whenever you experience plateaus or setbacks, as you inevitably will at certain points on your weight loss journey. (This is not to say that all of the other people in your life won’t also be cheering you on in your weight loss efforts, only that your workout buddy can play a central role in this endeavor.)

Personal Trainers In some cases, a personal trainer can function as your professional workout buddy. Now of course this is a service that you would pay for, making it quite different from simply getting together with a good friend to work out. The two of you (that is, your professional trainer and yourself) will work out together (for a fee) and your personal trainer/workout buddy will cheer you on and also push you to go further and further to achieve more and more of your goals. If this arrangement strikes you as too

formal and/or too intense, you might be better off with a more informal arrangement, such as working out with a good friend. Some people like to work out with their spouses or significant others, whereas others prefer to work out with trainers or friends. If your spouse or significant other is on the same page with you in terms of working toward achieving weight-loss goals and developing effective workout strategies, this can be a very effective plan indeed. It can even bring you closer together as a couple because the two of you will be working together as a team toward a shared goal.

Weight Loss Goals and Accountability Regardless of whether you work out with your spouse, partner, a good friend or a professional trainer, what’s important is that you are taking your weightloss goals seriously and you are taking an additional step in holding yourself accountable by including a workout buddy in the process. After all, there will probably be some days when you feel like giving up on your workouts. And your workout buddy will be there to remind you that you can do it, that you have what it takes to achieve your weight loss goals. Sometimes the support of a good friend who will do everything in his or her power to keep you motivated is all that you really need to help get you where you want to go.



Fitness You’ve got to want it!

When you discover something you love, you want to tell the whole world about it so they can reap the benefits and love it as much as you do. Sometimes, it gets to the point where you’re gushing so much about what you feel is brag-worthy, you find that the recipients of your enthusiasm are inwardly crying for you to be quiet already! We all know someone in our lives that we secretly or maybe even openly try to help get healthy and lose weight. Whether our reasoning be that we would like this person to feel better about themselves, be more active and involved in daily life, physical or health reasons, or just simply because we want this person to be in our lives longer, we all know someone that is going through the daily battle of being overweight. Unfortunately, when it comes to working out and eating clean, if they haven’t found their own path, you can enthuse, brag and even cajole until you’re blue in the face, but your attempts will be in vain. When a person is struggling to finally take that step and change their lifestyle, harping on them for everything they do will not make them any quicker in taking that leap of faith to change everything they are comfortable with and trust that they will not fail. It sometimes is just simply giving that person the slightest bit of motivation to keep them believing so that when that one day finally comes that they are ready to make the step, they know you are there and will be their biggest fan. So, until the time comes when your friends and family find their own paths, keep doing what you do. Keep leading by example and showing them that taking that step doesn’t have to be the hardest thing they have ever done. But in the meantime, occasionally invite them to eat a healthy lunch with you, hang out on the weekends doing something active, or just simply be their buddy at the gym. Premier Fitness’ Tony Dempsey and Megan Bohlander

Monthly Tip The next time you see someone at the gym (or anywhere in your daily activities) that deserves a compliment, walk right up to that person and let them know! Give them that boost of motivation. Sometimes it the smallest things that mean the most!

Raising Kane

Chris Kane, sports director for WJBF-TV (ABC News Channel 6), is a member of Gold’s Gym. Inspired by others, I have decided to do the 30 Days of Thanks Challenge during the month of November. Instead of focusing on what I’m thankful for, I’ve decided to focus on what others should be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving!   Day 1: The world is thankful that Kim Kardashian has gone into hiding. Day 2: Mark Richt is thankful that Georgia Athletic Director Greg McGarity stood by him when many Bulldogs fans wanted Richt fired after the 2010 season. Can you say contract extension? Day 3: Clemson QB Tajh Boyd is thankful for wide receivers Sammy Watkins and DeAndre Hopkins. Day 4: Steve Spurrier is thankful for Melvin Ingram. Without the defensive end’s stellar play, the Gamecocks could easily have two more losses. Day 5: Paul Johnson is thankful for a win over previously unbeaten Clemson. It has temporarily saved Georgia Tech’s season. Day 6: Georgia Southern is thankful for Jeff Monken. He almost makes Eagles fans forget the Brian VanGorder era... almost. Day 7: MLB is thankful for Brian Wilson and his beard. Let’s hope the former GreenJackets pitcher never retires and, most importantly, never shaves. Day 8: Burke County High School is thankful that Eric Parker is its head football coach. Day 9: Augusta’s Charles Howell III is thankful he qualified for the 2012 Masters. It will mark his first trip back to Augusta National since 2008. Day 10: The Atlanta Braves are thankful that St. Louis won the World Series. Hey, at least Fredi’s gang blew a 10-game September lead to the world champs! Day 11: Pro football fans are thankful for NFL RedZone. Best... channel... ever! Day 12: The Indianapolis Colts are thankful they won’t have to watch Curtis Painter take a snap next season. If Peyton Manning doesn’t return, hello Andrew Luck. Day 13: The Carolina Panthers are thankful that Cam Newton doesn’t play like Curtis Painter. Day 14: The Atlanta Falcons are thankful that WR Julio Jones is starting to show why they went all in for the former Alabama star. Remember, the Falcons gave away most of this year’s draft and first- and fourth-round picks in 2012 to select Jones. Day 15: Aquinas Head Football Coach Matt LeZotte is thankful for RB/LB Brendan Douglas. Only a junior, Douglas will get serious consideration for Georgia Class A Player of the Year. Day 16: The Augusta State Men’s basketball team is thankful to still have Dip Metress as its basketball coach. How no Division-One school has given Coach Metress a shot boggles my mind. Day 17: Aiken is thankful to have Cot Campbell training champion racehorses at Dogwood Stables. Day 18: The world continues to be thankful that Kim Kardashian remains in hiding. Day 19: Augusta drivers are thankful that Kyle Busch doesn’t pass them on Riverwatch Parkway. Day 20: The Augusta RiverHawks are thankful that Matt Auffrey is their captain. Day 21: Georgia football fans are thankful that running backs Isaiah Crowell, Carlton Thomas and Ken Malcome were suspended the Tuesday after the Florida game and not the Tuesday before. Day 22: College football is thankful for Les Miles. Love him or hate him, the LSU coach makes every game he’s a part of must-see TV. Day 23: Tiger Woods is thankful that Steve Williams is no longer his caddy. Apparently, Stevie forgot the third rule of the caddy code: Show up, keep up and shut up. Day 24: The Cincinnati Bengals are thankful they drafted former Georgia AllAmerican A.J. Green. Day 25: The NY Giants are thankful that Deon Grant plays in their secondary. The former Josey star showed Tom Brady that he’s still got it. Day 26: Augusta is thankful for the Augusta State men’s golf program and its two NCAA Division-One championships. Day 27: USC-Aiken is thankful to have Mike Brandt as its women’s head basketball coach. Watch out... the Pacers could be heading to the Elite 8 this year. Day 28: Area runners are thankful the Augusta Half-Marathon was moved to February. The better date could mean a record number of entrants. Day 29: Richmond County citizens are thankful for deputies like J.D. Paugh who protect them every day. Day 30: And finally, I am thankful that Gold’s Gym has helped me lose 25 pounds since July 11. It’s amazing what one can do with a little discipline and self-control.

Kane’s Fitness Tip of the Month Eat all the turkey you want!


GIVING T Thanksgiving is almost upon us and Christmas is right around the corner. Inspired by this season of family, togetherness, hope and love, Gold’s Gym employees from around the area express their thanks for what they have and their hopes for the coming year. Heather Nichols Office Manager, Walton Way

I’m thankful to be alive, healthy and employed at Gold’s Gym. My goal for 2012 is to be more healthy and lose about 15 pounds.

Ben Daniel General Manager Gold’s Gym, Bobby Jones Expressway and Walton Way I’m thankful for health, family, friends and the privilege to be working in an industry that is so self-rewarding.

My goals for 2012 are to become more actively involved in getting to know the members and help them reach their goals. Also, reaching out to as many people possible about how Gold’s Gym can drastically change one’s life.

Taylor Hensley Personal Training Fitness Consultant, Walton Way

Danielle Manders Personal Trainer, Bobby Jones

I’m thankful to have the chance to help people change their lives. Also, I’m thankful to work for a personal training company that actually puts time and effort into helping the clients of Premier Fitness PT. The clients deserve that attention because they are coming to us to help them reach the goal of losing weight and feeling better.

I’m thankful for having so many wonderful people in my life. My goals for 2012 are to stay up to date with all of my current health and fitness information so I can be a better personal trainer for my clients at Gold’s Gym.

My goals for 2012 are to have a 100 percent success rate of helping my clients reach their goals.

Clint Lucky Maintenance Control, Walton Way

Mercedes Sapp Front Desk, Bobby Jones

I’m thankful for the time to reflect on times past and the chance to make changes in my life as I move forward. I’m thankful for the friendships I’ve made and the encouragement I receive from Gold’s Gym from members and co-workers.

I’m thankful for all the kind and loving support from friends and family while being in Augusta this past year.

My goal for 2012 is to push my body to the physical limit to get in the best shape of my life.

My goals for 2012 are to continue my studies as a sociology major at Augusta State University. I would also like to continue working at Gold’s Gym and I’m hoping to further my position in the company.

Lisa Wright Personal Trainer, Walton Way

George Grieve Personal Trainer, Bobby Jones

I’m thankful for my family, my health and the privilege to do what I am passionate about for a living.

I’m thankful for all of God’s blessings. My family has been a tremendous blessing to me this year and has helped me when the going was tough. I’m thankful to live in the greatest country on the earth.

My goals for 2012 are to teach one, reach one, to be able to share with others how training saved my life.

My goals for 2012 are to lead all of my clients to success and to continue my personal fitness progress.


THANKS Graydon McNair Sales Fitness Consultant, North Augusta

I’m thankful for having the opportunity to be a part of the Gold’s Gym family that allows me to help our old and new members change their lives for the better. My goals for 2012 are to maintain a healthy eating habit, continue member satisfaction with our club and help others reach their fitness goals.

Lisa McElmurray Owner, Fuel Zone smoothie and shake bar, located in the Aiken, North Augusta and Walton Way Gold’s Gym locations

I’m thankful for a loving and healthy family. My goal for 2012 is to expand and serve every member of Gold’s Gym a healthy smoothie next year.

Danessa Burnett Sales Fitness Consultant, North Augusta I’m thankful for my best friend Tammy Malcolm and her family, Spider Man comic books and True North Church. Plus, I’m very thankful for being part of the Gold’s Gym team here in North Augusta.

Amanda Moriarty Front Desk, Aiken

My goals for 2012 are to go to my first Comic Con, help my Gold’s Gym clients reach their goals and to go to the premiere of “Breaking Dawn.”

My goals for 2012 are to win an academic scholarship for my final year in college, to become Zumba certified, to stay in shape and to eat healthy.

Brad Martin General Manager, North Augusta

Stephanie Carpenter Fitness Counselor-Front Desk Supervisor, Aiken

I’m thankful for God blessing my family. I’m also thankful for a great group of members and staff to promote health and wellness in North Augusta.

I’m thankful for my God and my wonderful mother.

I am thankful for modern medicine that is helping my mom fight cancer. I am thankful for my friends that have helped me adjust to a new town. I am thankful for the wonderful teachers at USC-Aiken that are helping me become a nurse.

My goals for 2012 are to get back in school and being successful in the workplace.

In 2012 my goal is to continue living a healthy and spiritual life. I’m also looking forward to helping others reach their health and fitness goals.

Danielle Gonsalves Front Desk, North Augusta

Mitch Hearne General Manager, Aiken

I’m thankful that God has blessed me with fantastic health, a supportive family and trustworthy friends.

I’m thankful for my family, friends and health. My wife and her family is so special to me and gives me the love and respect that motivates me to be the best I can be in life.

In 2012, I look forward to continuing my education and turning 21 years old.


My goals for 2012 are to work to continue to build the Gold’s Gym name in Aiken, to help customers reach their goals and to be a good husband, a better friend and more involved in the Aiken community.

A Full Plate of Fitness Enjoy your turkey day feast without guilt with these six workouts Don’t skimp on the turkey and gravy or turn down that slice of pie. Enjoy the annual American grubfest without any regrets this year — all 3,000 calories of it. Work up an appetite, then work off that green bean casserole with these six 500-calorie workouts* inspired by a classic Thanksgiving Day meal and created by Gold’s Gym Fitness Institute trainer Adam Friedman. And don’t forget that every Friday after Thanksgiving is Trim the Fat Friday. Gold’s Gym opens its doors to anyone who wants to get in a good post-chow-down workout. *500-calorie workouts based on 150-pound man. Calorie output varies depending on person’s size and weight, level of fitness, speed on fitness machines and weight of dumbbells used in weight-lifting exercises. TURKEY WORKOUT Get your chest and wings — ahem, shoulders — in shape. Push-Up With a BOSU, 2 sets of 10 A BOSU is an inflated rubber hemisphere attached to a rigid platform; it looks like a stability ball cut in half. Place the BOSU soft side down, and hold on to the edges as you lie facedown with your feet together. Keeping your body straight, push up. Incline Fly, 2 sets of 20 reps Lie on an incline bench with legs parted and feet firmly on the floor. Hold a dumbbell in each hand (use a challenging but liftable weight), arms extended above your chest and elbows slightly bent. Slowly lower the dumbbells out and away from each other until they are at chest level. Raise to starting position. Military Press, 4 sets of 12 reps Sitting, raise dumbbells to shoulder level with palms facing out and your elbows bent and pulled into your sides. Press the weights up and toward each other as you straighten your arms, keeping a slight bend in your elbows at the top. Slowly bring down and return to starting position Dumbbell Front Raise, 4 sets of 12 reps Standing, hold dumbbells in front of you with your palms facing your legs. Keep your elbows and knees slightly bent as you raise your arms straight in front of you to shoulder level. Slowly return to starting position. Cardio: 30 minutes on the elliptical MASHED POTATOES WORKOUT Keep your rear from looking like mashed potatoes by working your glutes and upper legs. Walking Lunge, 3 sets of 20 steps Start with your feet shoulder-width apart, arms at your sides. Step forward several feet with your right foot, and bend down until your right leg forms a 90-degree angle and your left knee almost touches the floor. Push off your left foot, and bring your legs together. Repeat on the opposite side. For a more advanced workout, add in dumbbell lifts. Wall Sit, 2 sets of 20 reps Stand with your back against a wall. Lean back and slide downward until your knees are at a 90-degree angle. Hold this position while keeping your abs contracted. Step it up: While holding this position, squeeze a small ball between your legs to engage your inner thighs as well. Lateral Squat, 2 sets of 20 reps Start by placing your feet four feet apart. Squat down to the right, keeping your weight on your right heel. Your left leg should remain straight. Sit as low as comfortable for one second, then power up and alternate legs. Hip Adductor Machine, 3 sets of 10 to 12 reps Sit in the machine, and place your inner thighs against the pads. Bring your thighs toward the center of your body, and slowly return to start for one rep. Side Lying Single Leg Hip Abduction, 2 sets of 12-15 reps

Lie on one side with the back completely straight. Pull the bottom knee up toward the chest while the top leg remains fully extended at the knee in alignment with the torso. Keeping the top leg straight, raise it up in the air, leading with the heel of the top foot. Lower the leg back down so that it does not break the plane parallel to the floor. Repeat. Cardio: 30 minutes on the treadmill with Level 5 incline or 25 minutes of running CRANBERRY JELLY WORKOUT Fight off cranberry jelly belly with extra abdominal exercises. Sit-Up Medicine-Ball Throw with Partner, 2 sets of 10 reps Sit facing a partner, holding a medicine ball in both hands. Lie back with the ball overhead, and tap the floor behind you. As you sit up, immediately throw the ball to your partner from overhead. Your partner should catch the ball in front of his or her head. If you do not have a partner, you can mimic this exercise by lying down on a declined sit-up bench. Perform the same exercise, but do not throw the ball. Stability Ball Crunches, 3 sets of 10 reps Lie back on a stability ball, with your feet flat on the floor and your body forming a 45-degree angle with the ball. Cross your hands, and place them on your upper chest. Contract your abs to lift your torso five to 10 inches off the ball, keeping your feet and neck stable, then slowly lower your torso back down. Elbow Plank, 3 sets Lie on your stomach in a push-up position. Keep your arms bent, with palms and forearms on the floor and legs extended straight out, and be up on your toes. Contract your ab muscles and slowly lift your torso off the floor, keeping your palms, elbows, forearms and toes on the floor. Hold the position for 45 seconds, then slowly drop and recover for 30 seconds. Side Trunk Raise on Hyperextension Bench, 3 sets of 12 reps on both sides Position yourself sideways on the hyperextension bench so that one hip is resting on the large pad and your feet are hooked under the footpads, securing you. Let one arm hang down relaxed, and rest the other on your hip or behind your head. Slowly exhale, contract your oblique muscles, and lower your free arm toward the floor. Keep your neck straight, and avoid twisting your upper body. Inhale as you return to starting position. Alternate sides between each set. Cable Wood Chop, 2 sets of 10 reps Put a cable on the high position. Stand sideways with your right shoulder close to the machine so that you can pull the cable down and across the body. Grab the cable with both hands. Your left hand should be on top, and the right hand should be on the bottom. Keep your arms straight, and pull the cable down toward the outside of the left leg. Switch sides and repeat. Cardio: 30 minutes on a stationary bike STUFFING WORKOUT Don’t let stuffing come “back” to haunt you. Work out your upper and lower back with these moves. Pull-Up and Bent-Arm Hang, As many as possible, up to 3 sets of 10 to 12 reps Beginner: Have someone lift you so that your chin is level with the pull-up bar. Grip the bar with your hands shoulder-width apart, palms facing away from you, elbows bent. Hold yourself in this position for as long as possible, keeping your chin level with the bar. Advanced: Hang on the pull-up bar with your hands shoulder-width apart, palms facing away from you, elbows straight but not locked. Slowly pull yourself up until your chin passes the bar, then lower to starting position. Lat Pulldown Machine, 4 sets of 6 to 10 reps You may sit or stand for this one. Grip the bar with your hands slightly wider than shoulder-width apart, arms straight up and palms facing forward. Pull the bar down to your chest, elbows out. Return slowly to starting position, arms straight.


Bent Dumbbell Row, 4 sets of 12 reps Grab a dumbbell in one hand, and put the opposite knee and hand on a bench. The torso should be parallel to the ground. Start with your arm straight by your side, and pull the dumbbell up to the side of your chest (near the armpit), keeping your arm close to your body. Lower the weight back to starting position. Lower-Back Extension Machine, 3 sets of 10 to 12 reps Adjust the seat so that the axis is in line with your hips. Start the exercise by slowly pushing back until your spine is naturally erect. Maintain tension as you return to starting position. Cardio: 30 minutes on a stair machine GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE WORKOUT Prepare to scoop up a nice serving of casserole by getting in a tough arm workout. Seated Alternating Dumbbell Curls, 3 sets of 5 to 6 reps Sit on the end of a bench with a dumbbell in each hand, arms at your sides and palms facing inward. Starting with the right arm, curl the dumbbell up, rotating your wrist 90 degrees so that you finish with your palm up. Squeeze your bicep for one second before lowering. Repeat on the left side. That’s one rep. Standing Tricep Pushdown, 3 sets of 10 reps Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart in front of a tricep pushdown or cable machine with the cables, rope or straight bar hanging at about chest level. Grab on with both hands, keeping your elbows pinned to your sides. Push your hands toward the floor, fully extending your arms in front of your body to touch the top of your legs. Hold for a second, then reverse movement and return to starting position. Straight Bar Preacher Curl, 3 sets of 10 reps Grab a straight bar and add barbells that are appropriate to your fitness level. Sit down on a preacher bench (a bench that has a slanted pad that sits in front of your chest and a padded seat). Rest your upper arms on the slanted pad and curl the bar down for four seconds then pull it back up in three seconds. Bench Dips, 2 to 3 sets of 10 reps Position your hands shoulder-width apart behind you on the edge of a secured bench. Walk your feet out in front of you until you are resting on your heels. Lower


your upper body toward the floor by bending your elbows. Slowly press off with your hands to push yourself back up to starting position. Cardio: Elliptical machine for 30 minutes SLICE OF PUMPKIN PIE WORKOUT Get cut like pie with these all-over body moves. Burpees, 10 reps Start in a squat position with your hands on the floor in front of you. Kick your feet back to a push-up position and do one full push-up. Immediately bring your feet back to the squat position. Jump up on your toes with your arms overhead. That’s one rep. Alternating Box Push-Off With Shoulder Press, 2 sets of 20 reps Place your left foot on a 12-inch plyometrics box with your heel close to the edge, and hold a pair of light dumbbells at shoulder level. Push off with your left foot to explode vertically, pressing the dumbbells overhead as you jump, and land with feet reversed. Medicine-Ball Wood Chops, 2 sets of 10 reps each side Start with your feet more than hip-width apart. Hold a medicine ball by your right hip with both hands. Turn your torso to the left, and lift the ball above your head on the left. Move the ball from high to low across your body and end on the right side, as if you were chopping wood. Do 10 on one side, then switch. Kettlebell or Dumbbell Swings, 3 sets of 10 reps Starting in a wide leg squat, hold the kettlebell with both hands and lower it so it nearly touches the floor. Swing the kettlebell up, keeping the upper back and abdominals tight, and straighten your legs as the kettlebell rises. Swing upward to around the height of the shoulders. Keep the glutes and abdominals squeezed tight at the top of the movement. Slowly lower back down into a wide squat and repeat. Standing Calf Raise Machine, 3 sets of 10 to 12 reps Stand on the foot plate with your shoulders squared. Slowly rise up onto your toes and pause briefly, then lower your heels until fully extended. To work your calves one at a time, simply cross one leg over the other. Cardio: 10 minutes on a bike, 10 minutes on an elliptical and 10 minutes on a stair climber

Road Recreational Center. Kids’ Fun Run begins at 8 a.m. Registration is $25. For more information and to register, call 706-922-9623. Saturday Historic Trolley Tour is Saturday, November 19, from 1-4:15 p.m. and departs from the Augusta Museum of History. Tickets are $12 and include a tour of the museum. Call 706-724-4067 or visit Civil War 150th Anniversary Petersburg Boat Tour is November 19-20 at 10 a.m. at the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. $12.50. Call 706-823-0440 or visit Thanksgiving Soccer School is November 21-23 from 12:30-2 p.m. at the Columbia County Amphitheater Field. Ages 6-12; all ability levels. Free. Sponsored by Augusta Arsenal staff coaches and local college soccer stars. Call 706-854-0149 or email The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878.


Thanksgiving Story Time and Craft is a kids program on Thursday, November 17, at 10 a.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit Retro Family Game Night is Thursday, November 17, from 4:30-7:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library and includes board and card games including Monopoly, Scrabble, Life, Checkers, Chess and more. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2604 or visit


Disney on Ice shows at the James Brown Arena on Thursday, November 17, at 7 p.m.; Friday, November 18, at 10:30 a.m. and 7 p.m.; Saturday, November 19, at 3 and 7 p.m.; and Sunday, November 20,

at 2 p.m. $16-$46. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit

Wednesday, November 23, at 2 p.m. Call 706-821-2600 or visit

Home School Adventures: Art from her Heart, with Clementine Hunter, is Friday, November 18, at 10:30 a.m. at the Aiken County Public Library. This event is for students in grades 1-5. Call 803-6427575 or visit

Thanksgiving Story Time and Funny Food Craft at Friedman Library is Wednesday, November 23, at 3 p.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit

Pioneer Day at Lincoln County Historical Park is Saturday, November 19, at 9 a.m., and features family entertainment, living history demonstrations, antique tractors and southern cooking. Free. Call 706-359-2010 or email School Days Out Camp is November 21-23 from 9 a.m.-4 p.m. at the Wilson Family Y. $25 per child per day for members; $50 per child per day for non-members. Register at any Family Y location or visit UNO Challenge at Headquar ters Branch Library is Monday, November 21, at 2 p.m. Call 706-821-2600 or visit Thanksgiving Scavenger Hunt at Headquarters Branch Library is Tuesday, November 22, at 2 p.m. Call 706-8212600 or visit Digital Photography Club at the Columbia County Library is Tuesday, November 22, at 4 p.m. Ages 12-18. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit Teens Under Fire meets Wednesday, November 22, from 4-6 p.m. at the Aiken Regional Medical Center’s Dining Room A-B. Instructor Cheryl Lapaquette will lead this intervention/prevention program. Free. Pre-registration required. Call 803-641-2421 or visit Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Stories at Headquarters Branch Library is

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Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit “In My Backyard,” 7 p.m., and “Worlds in Motion,” 8 p.m., show each Saturday in November at the DuPont Planetarium at the USC-Aiken’s Ruth Patrick Science Education Center. Tickets are $4.50 for adults, $3.50 for seniors, $2.50 for students 4K-12th grade and $1 for USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3654 or visit planetarium. Steed’s Dairy in Grovetown, a working dairy farm that includes a corn maze, petting zoo, jumping pillow, tube slide, rubber duckie races, preschool pay area, hayrides, a pumpkin patch and more, is open through November 13. Hours are Friday, 5-10 p.m., Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays, 1-6 p.m. $9-$12. Call 706-855-2948 or visit Kackleberry Farms is open Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays 1-5 p.m. Visit Blown Away: The Wild World of Weather will be presented Saturdays in October at

Toddler Story Time and Preschool Story Time take place every Thursday in September at 10:30 a.m. and at 11:15 a.m. at the North Augusta Library.


CSRA Writers will meet Monday, November 21, at 6:30 p.m. at Georgia Military College’s Martinez campus on Davis Road. Writers needing a support group are invited to attend and bring 10 copies of a manuscript to be critiqued. Call 706-836-7315. Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-3645762 or visit Simple Cooking Class meets each Monday from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit The Garden City Chorus, the area’s leading men’s singing group and a member of the Barbershop Harmony Society, is seeking new members. Those interested are welcome to attend Tuesday night rehearsals, held at 7 p.m. at North Augusta Church of Christ on W. Martintown Road. Visit


Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs volunteers to help support staff, visit patients and more. Call 706-4472626 or visit hospicecareofamerica.aspx.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

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Lap-Sit Story Time, for children under two, is every Tuesday at the Columbia County Library at 11 a.m. Story time for two-year-olds is every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 10:15 a.m. and for preschoolers at 11 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-8631946 or visit

7 and 8 p.m. at the DuPont Planetarium. $1-$4.50. Reservations recommended. Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec.usca. edu/planetarium.

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Michael Johnson

Matt Podgruszecki, Anna Panyuta, Yelena Dovganyuk and Mike Stephens at the Columbia County Fair.


Brian and Kristine Haglund with Laurie Nalley and Aaron Combs at Somewhere in Augusta.

Augusta RiverHawks’ Dustin Cloutier, Coach Brad Ralf and B.J. O’Brien at Somewhere in Augusta.


Clarissa Barry, Sarah Cartrett and Lacie Irvine at The County Club.

John Edwards, singer/songwriter Patrick Davis and Ashley Wren at the 12 Bands concert at Enterprise Mill.


Bradley Durham, Kayla Zehner and Seth Key at Limelite Cafe.

26 METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11

Kevin McPherson, Erica Cooper, Kristy McPherson and Jerrod McPherson at the 12 Bands concert at Enterprise Mill.

Augusta musicians George Croft, Eryn Eubanks and Roger Davis at the Eryn Eubanks & the Family Fold Music Festival at the Kroc Center.

Michael Johnson

Ashlee Logan, Dianne Koehne and Tim Hartley at the Eryn Eubanks & the Family Fold Music Festival at the Kroc Center.

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Well, the only good news is Sandler’s horrible twins movie didn’t come out on top. RANK





































Sam Eifling Somewhere, on the other side of the River Styx, Homer and Hesiod facepalm The older the book, the less Hollywood knows what to do with it. Take myths and religion, some of the world’s great source material. Aside from “The Ten Commandments,” how many great Bible movies are there (even if “Ben-Hur” qualifies)? And when it comes to the epic body of work left by the likes of Homer, Virgil and other ancient Greek scribes, what have we got to watch? “Jason and the Argonauts,” best remembered for stop-motion skeleton fights, and “Troy,” with Brad Pitt doing a decent Achilles pout. A junkie’s dependence on special effects doesn’t help the genre, and if it’s hard to take a man in shorts seriously, tunics are positively debasing. Still, there’s no excuse for the legacy of mediocrity that “Immortals,” just released, joins with all-too-familiar dumb aplomb. This CGI-saturated update to the swords-and-sandals epics of yore trots out the Greeks’ ol’ Minotaur-slayer, Theseus, played by the aggressively handsome Henry Cavill. Across from him, as perhaps the most seductive feature of “Immortals,” is Mickey Rourke as a king with the temerity and the ferocity to

challenge the gods. Rourke is at ease as Hyperion, savage of temper and of physicality, who thumbs out people’s eyeballs and who dreams of strewing his offspring across the world, such that the sun never sets on his blood. This is his version of immortality, and considering how many gods and titans get whacked by the film’s end, there’s something to be said for his approach. Immortality apparently isn’t what it used to be, nor is Greek mythology. The epic battles of the Greek classics were fraught with godly interference; “The Iliad” reads like an account of a grand human dogfight loosely refereed by Athena, Poseidon and Apollo, all of whom Zeus (30ish Luke Evans) tells in “Immortals” to refrain from tampering in the affairs of the humans. If anything, the ancient Greeks preferred their gods far more petty, sex-crazed, jealous and, well, human than the virtuous, gold lamé-clad Olympian SWAT team of cologne models that “Immortals” imagines. In the plus column: cool dissolves, a gutturally brassy score, adequate acting and an evocative color palate by director Tarsem Singh (“The Cell”). In the minus column: all the stuff that happens.

Clay pots have been known to carry more story than “Immortals.” Basically there was a big fight. The gods won and imprisoned the losers, a caste of lesser immortals called titans, in a cubic foosball table in the bottom of a mountain. Now Hyperion, who hates/ defies the gods, is taking over the Hellenic world and wants a powerful bow lost in that battle to help him do so. He tries to get an oracle (Freida Pinto, of “Slumdog Millionaire” renown) to find it. But she escapes from his minions with the help of a couple of other prisoners, including our man Theseus, who was himself captured when Hyperion sacked his village. Later, there’s another big battle involving Hyperion, Theseus, the gods and the titans. The slightly shorter version is, bad guys fight good guys for the fate of the world. Somewhere, on the other side of the River Styx, Homer and Hesiod facepalm.

In the old Greek myths, men were always ambivalent creatures, never monsters (the actual monsters were plenty monstrous). The maiming, torturing, power-drunk Hyperion displays all the nuance of castration by sledgehammer (spoiler: this happens in the movie). And Theseus, likeable enough, possesses all the moral ambiguity of a videogame hero when you, the audience, hold the controller. “Immortals” requires nothing of us to decide to cheer on Theseus, just as it requires nothing of us to loathe Hyperion. Far from an Achilles or a Hector, no man in this story is in conflict with himself, and as a result this allegedly 3D enterprise is dull chintz. Its characters will suffer the grimmest of fates, as they perceive it: Far from living forever, they, like the movie they so dimly inhabit, will all soon be forgotten.

OPEN DAILY 6AM-2PM | CATERING 706.228.4883

North Augusta next to Big Lots | 404 E. Martintown Rd Martinez next to K-mart | 3830 Washington Rd




6AM -to 2PM V. 22 | NO. 64


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“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 1,” rated PG-13, starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner. The sounds of crickets chirping? It means that all the tweens in the area are making their way to theaters to see Edward and Bella have sex. Don’t worry, parents: The couple waits until marriage before conceiving their half-human, half-vampire spawn. Oops. Did I say too much?

Movie times are subject to change.

The Big Mo

“The Descendants,” rated R, starring George Clooney, Judy Greer, Matthew Lillard, Shailene Woodley. Director Alexander Payne (“Sideways”) directs George Clooney (anything) in this film about a family with problems that is already garnering some serious Oscar buzz.

November 18-19 Main Field: Breaking Dawn: Part 1 (PG-13) and The Three Musketeers (PG-13) Screen 2: Happy Feet 2 (PG) and Puss in Boots (PG) Screen 3: Jack and Jill (PG) and The Immortals (R) Gates open at 7 p.m.; Movies start at 8:15 p.m. (approximately)


Masters 7 Cinemas

“Happy Feet 2,” rated PG, starring Elijah Wood, Robin Williams, Pink. Maybe these singing and dancing penguins can help Twihard parents get the image of Bella and Edward doing it out of their heads.

November 18 Dream House (PG-13) 4:15, 9:25; Abduction (PG-13) 4, 7, 9:35; Killer Elite (R) 7:15, 9:45; Contagion (PG-13) 4:15, 7, 9:25; Seven Days in Utopia (G) 4:30, 7:30, 9:55; Colombiana (PG-13) 6:45; Rise of the Planet of the Apes (PG-13) 4:30, 7:15, 9:45; The Smurfs (PG) 5; The Help (PG-13) 4:45, 8:30 November 19 Dream House (PG-13) 4:15, 9:25; Abduction (PG-13) 12:45, 4, 7, 9:35; Killer Elite (R) 7:15, 9:45; Contagion (PG-13) 1:15, 4:15, 7, 9:25; Seven Days in Utopia (G) 1:30, 4:30, 7:30, 9:55; Colombiana (PG-13) 1, 6:45; Rise of the Planet of the Apes (PG-13) 1:15, 4:30, 7:15, 9:45; The Smurfs (PG) 12:30, 2:45, 5; The Help (PG-13) 1:30, 4:45, 8:30

Evans Cinemas

Forget Edward and Bella. If you want to catch a real love story, check out this 1986 charmer by director Alex Cox. It tells the story, loosely based on factual events, of Sex Pistols bassist Sid Vicious and his love-hate relationship with groupie-girlfriend Nancy Spungen. It’s a love story from a guy’s perspective, one that ends as most guys think all love stories end: with drugs to block out reality (heroin, in this case, rather than beer), violent death, prison and more death. Hey, it ain’t pretty but at least it’s more believable than sparkly vampires whose idea of love is staring at their human girlfriends while they sleep. And, as an extra-added bonus, it’s a love story that your boyfriend-husband will willingly watch with you.


“Sid and Nancy”

November 18 Happy Feet Two (PG) 11:45, 2:15, 4:45, 7:15, 9:45; Happy Feet 2 3D (PG) 12:20, 2:50, 5:20, 7:45; Breaking Dawn Part 1 (PG-13) 12, 12:45, 1:15, 2:30, 3:30, 4, 5, 6:15, 6:45, 7:30, 9, 9:30, 10; Immortals (R) 1, 4:20, 6:55, 9:30; Immortals 3D (R) 1:45, 5:10, 7:40, 10:10; Jack and Jill (PG) 11:55, 2:05, 4:35, 7:05, 9:45; J. Edgar (R) 12:35, 3:40, 6:30, 9:35; Tower Heist (PG-13) 1:30, 4:10, 7:20, 10:05; A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (R) 10:10; Puss in Boots (PG) 12:30,

2:40, 4:50, 7, 9:10; Puss in Boots 3D (PG) 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:55; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 12:10, 2:20, 4:30, 6:50, 9:20; Courageous (PG-13) 12:50, 3:50, 6:40, 9:40 November 19 Happy Feet 2 (PG) 11:45, 2:15, 4:45, 7:15, 9:45; Happy Feet 2 3D (PG) 12:20, 2:50, 5:20, 7:45; Breaking Dawn Part 1 (PG-13) 12, 12:45, 1:15, 2:30, 3:30, 4, 5, 6:15, 6:45, 7:30, 9, 9:30, 10; Immortals (R) 1, 4:20, 6:55, 9:30; Immortals 3D (R) 1:45, 5:10, 7:40, 10:10; Jack and Jill (PG) 11:55, 2:05, 4:35, 7:05, 9:45; J. Edgar (R) 12:35, 3:40, 6:30, 9:35; Tower Heist (PG-13) 1:30, 4:10, 7:20, 10:05; A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (R) 10:10; Puss in Boots (PG) 12:30, 2:40, 4:50, 7, 9:10; Puss in Boots 3D (PG) 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:55; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 12:10, 2:20, 4:30, 6:50, 9:20; Courageous (PG-13) 12:50, 3:50, 6:40, 9:40

Regal Exchange 20

November 18-19 Happy Feet 2 (PG) 11:15, 11:45, 12:15, 1:45, 2:15, 2:45, 4:15, 4:45, 5:15, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 9:45, 10:15, 10:45, 12:15, 12:40; Breaking Dawn: Part 1 (PG13) 10:30, 11, 11:30, 12:20, 12:50, 1:20, 1:50, 2:20, 3:10, 3:40, 4:10, 4:40, 5:10, 6, 6:30, 7:30, 8, 8:50, 9:20, 9:35, 9:50, 10:20, 10:50, 11:40, 11:55, 12:10. 12:25, 12:40; Immortals (R) 11:05, 11:35, 1:35, 2:05, 4:05, 4:35, 7:05, 7:35, 9:40, 10:10, 12:30; Jack and Jill (PG) 11:25, 12:25, 1:55, 2:55, 4:20, 5:20, 7:20, 7:50, 9:55, 10:25, 12:15; J. Edgar (R) 11:10 (CC), 12:10, 2:30, 4:30, 7:10 (CC), 7:40, 10:15, 10:45; Tower Heist (PG-13) 12:40, 5, 7:35, 10:30; A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas (R) 1, 4:25, 7:25, 9:45, 12:05; In Time (PG-13) 12:20, 6:05; Puss in Boots (PG) 11:20, 12, 1:40, 2:20, 4, 4:40, 7, 7:40, 10, 12:20; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 12:30, 4:50, 7:55, 10:05, 12:20; Footloose (PG13) 3:05, 8:45


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American . German . Italian Food & Spirits.

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KARAOKE IN THE BAR THURSDAY, NOV. 17 WITH BEN Consider our 36 years of tradition when planning your holiday gatherings

Lunch Monday-Friday 11am-3pm | Dinner Monday-Saturday 5pm-10pm | Sunday Dinner Noon-9pm

28 METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11

V. 22 | NO. 64


HOT LEGS. *dine in only

Monday -Thursday nights One pound of shrimp (fried, grilled or boiled) $9.99

Tuesday night

Crab Legs served with redskin potatoes and mixed green salad $7.99 a pound

Wednesday night

Bone in fried catfish over blue cheese grits and salad $6.99



French Market Grille West

375 Fury’s Ferry Rd. next to Earth Fare · 706.855.5111 V. 22 | NO. 64

METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11 29



Delicious in Any Language

Planning pays off for the owner of Laziza Mediterranean Grill

Since opening on September 13 in the Publix shopping center, Laziza Mediterranean Grill has been overrun with customers. If there’s one person the overwhelmingly positive response hasn’t surprised, it’s owner Nader Khatib. “I used to work on the base [at Fort Gordon] as a contractor and that’s one thing I always heard: ‘Man, I wish there was an Arabic restaurant here,’” Khatib said. “Because, you know, a lot of the soldiers, they were stationed in the Middle East. They were familiar with the food, they had eaten the food and they liked the food.” Khatib, a six-year veteran of the U.S. Air Force whose wife continues to work as a contractor at Fort Gordon, always had the idea of opening a restaurant simmering in the back of his mind. “This is something I’ve wanted to do for at least six years, but I wasn’t ready six years ago,” he said. “I researched it

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and thought, ‘Oh my gosh, there’s a lot that goes into this.’ And I was new to the area.” So the idea, to bring the Lebanese style of Palestinian food that his mother cooked while he was growing up, sat on the back burner until about a year ago. It was then, after overhearing numerous comments about the need for a restaurant serving Middle Eastern cuisine, that Khatib decided to take the plunge. “I saw a business opportunity in Augusta to fill a gap that needed to be filled,” he said. “I thought there was money to be made, so I just decided to go ahead and do it.” Diving in for Khatib, however, meant a year of meticulous planning: doing research, creating a business plan and even hosting tasting parties at his home, in which guests filled out feedback forms, were all part of the process. He

was in no hurry, though. “I had a good job, so I took my time,” he said. Finding the perfect spot was also a concern, Khatib explained, saying he wanted a place where he could keep it casual. “I didn’t have my heart set on Columbia County; it was more the demographics and the setup,” he said. “Then I found this location, which was perfect. The setup was pretty much what I wanted and it V. 22 | NO. 64

with fillings like Nutella, bananas, ashta (a homemade cream), rose syrup, pistachios and honey, also make an appearance. “I was looking for dessert options and I knew I was going to do baklava, but I wanted something else so I thought, ‘What does Augusta not have? A creperie.’ And they’re pretty easy to do,” he said, adding that crepes, while French in origin, fit with the Mediterranean theme. The restaurant also does a la carte

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

In his poem “Ode to the Present,” Pablo Neruda tells us how to slip free and clear into the luxuriously potent opportunity of the present moment. “Take a saw to its delicious wooden perfume,” he continues, and then “build a staircase. Yes, a staircase. Climb into the present, step by step, press your feet onto the resinous wood of this moment, going up, going up, not very high… Don’t go all the way to heaven. Reach for apples, not the clouds.” Learn more about the magic of the present moment as you free yourself from “the unrepairable past.” Seminal psychologist Carl Jung, late in life, wrote a thoughtful book on UFOs called “Flying Saucers: A Modern Myth of Things Seen in the Skies.” To be as thorough and careful as he could possibly be about such an elusive subject, he wrote an afterword to his main argument, to which he added an epilogue, which in turn was followed by a concluding supplement. Be scrupulous in wrapping up loose ends, especially when you’re dealing with enigmas and riddles.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

and his wife did the decorating. The planning and work has paid off. The space, in which customers order at the counter, serve themselves drinks and then wait for their orders to be prepared, is decorated in warm oranges and reds. The menu, posted above the register, is small but descriptive and includes salads, soups, appetizers such as hummus and baba ghannoush, pita wraps which can be made into combination meals with a side and drink, and platters, served with hummus and rice. Items that can be included in either pita wraps or platters include sliced beef and lamb, chicken shawarma, falafel, shish-tawook (chicken) and shish-kufta (ground beef). A selling point of the restaurant is that most everything is prepared in house. “Everything we do here is fresh,” Khatib said. “Very little is brought in pre-prepared. Even our hummus is made fresh. We buy dried chickpeas, soak them overnight, boil them and roast our own garlic and red peppers.” The hummus, offered plain or with roasted garlic or roasted red peppers, is certainly one of Laziza’s most popular dishes. Khatib, however, has his own personal favorite. “Chicken shawarma, and that’s also the most popular thing on the menu,” he said. “It’s marinated, boneless, skinless chicken thighs that are stacked and roasted on a vertical broiler and shaved as they roast. It’s almost like a cone. We do 30 pounds at a time.” One surprising feature of Laziza’s menu is that it includes desserts. Baklava is, of course, represented, but sweet crepes, V. 22 | NO. 64

catering, and Khatib hopes that, within the next couple of years, he’ll be able to open a Middle Eastern bakery or a sit-down family style restaurant with an expanded menu. For now, though, he spends most of his days working to make Laziza, which means delicious, the best it can be and helping newbies to Middle Eastern cuisine navigate the menu. And customers, he said, are definitely responding. “I’ve had people come up to me and say, ‘Oh, thank you for opening. We need this type of food here,’” Khatib said. “It happens more than once a day.” Laziza Mediterranean Grill 4272 Washington Road, Evans 11:30 a.m.-9 p.m., Monday-Saturday 706-504-4303

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was just the right size. I didn’t want it to be too big.” A former sub sandwich shop, the location allowed Khatib to do exactly what he wanted: focus on creating a smaller menu, in which he could excel at the few items he offered, in a small, clean and comfortable atmosphere. He said he spent two months renovating the space, including installing a vertical broiler the chicken is cooked on, and he

A great deal of land in the Netherlands has been reclaimed from the sea by human effort. But the system of dikes that holds back the primal flow is not a foolproof or permanent guarantee against flooding. That’s why more and more people are building homes that can float. You should be doing a lot of foundation work. What can you do to add buoyancy?

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

According to my old philosophy professor Norman O. Brown, “Our real choice is between holy and unholy madness: open your eyes and look around you — madness is in the saddle anyhow.” In the coming weeks, make an effort to get more accustomed to and comfortable with the understanding that the entire world is in the throes of utter lunacy. Once you are at peace with that, commit yourself to the sacred kind of lunacy — the kind that bestows wild blessings, perpetrates unreasonable beauty and cultivates the healing power of outlandish pleasure.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

It won’t be enough to simply maintain your current levels of strength, clarity and intelligence. To stay healthy, to keep up with the rapidly evolving trends swirling in and around you, you will have to actively push to get stronger, clearer and smarter. To trigger the boost you’ll need, imagine that you have a reservoir of blue liquid lightning in the place between your heart and gut; draw judiciously from that high-octane fuel as you need it.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

If you go into a major art museum that displays Europe’s great oil paintings, you’ll find that virtually every masterpiece is surrounded by an ornate wooden frame, often painted gold. Why? Push and even fight to get the goodies exactly as they are, free of all the irrelevant filler, extraneous buffers and pretentious puffery.

“Judge a moth by the beauty of its candle,” said the 13th-century poet Rumi. More prosaically put: Evaluate people according to the nobility and integrity of the desires they’re obsessed with. Do you want to hang around with someone whose primary focus is to make too much money or build a shrine to his own ego? Or would you prefer to be in a sphere of influence created by a person who longs to make a useful product, alleviate suffering or make interesting works of art? Take action to ensure you’re surrounded by moths that favor beautiful candles.

In Santa Cruz there used to be a nightclub that featured live rock bands on a big stage but enforced a strict policy forbidding its patrons from dancing. Some natural response mechanism in you is being unduly inhibited. Why should you continue to accept this?

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

During the time a blue crab is growing to maturity, it is very skilled at transforming itself. It sheds its exoskeleton an average of once every 18 days for an entire year. Your commitment to change doesn’t have to be quite as heroic, but it should be pretty vigorous. Could you manage, say, two moltings over the course of the next 30 days? If done in a spirit of adventure, it will be liberating.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

“Progress isn’t made by early risers,” wrote author Robert Heinlein. “It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.” You don’t have to match the stress levels of the Type A people who might seem to have an advantage over you, and you won’t help yourself at all by worrying or trying too hard. Supercharge your creativity by thinking of yourself as a “happy-go-lucky” person while you go around dreaming up ways to have more fun.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

“Our elders know you don’t find the answer by asking thousands of questions,” says an essay on the website of the environmentalist group The Last Tree. “The wise way is to ask the right question in the beginning.” You may be tempted to simultaneously try a lot of different routes to greater clarity. But the more effective strategy is to cultivate silence and stillness as you wait expectantly for the intuition that will reveal the simple, direct path.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

In a review of James Gleick’s book “The Information: A History, a Theory, a Flood,” The Week reported that “the world now produces more information in 48 hours than it did throughout all human history to 2003.” From that dizzying factoid, we can infer that you are more inundated with data than were all of your ancestors put together. You will be asked to absorb and integrate a voluminous amount of interesting stuff. Don’t be hard on yourself if you sometimes need to slow down to digest what you’ve been taking in.

Rob Brezsny


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An 11-year-old California boy and a 7-yearold Georgia girl have recently decided — with parental support — to come out as the other gender. The boy, Tommy, wants more time to think about it, said his lesbian parents, and has begun taking hormone blockers to make his transition easier should he follow through with plans (first disclosed at age 3) to become “Tammy.” The McIntosh County, Ga., girl has been living as a boy for a year, said father Tommy Theollyn, a transgendered man who is actually the one who gave birth. Theollyn petitioned the school board in September (unsuccessfully) to allow the child to use the boys’ bathroom. Theollyn said the girl first noticed she was a boy at age 18 months.

The Continuing Crisis

“I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. And you’re not going to get me to get it,” warned Marine squadron commander Lt. Col. Jerry Turner (to a Wall Street Journal Afghanistan reporter writing in October), when learning that a few of his troops were sporting artistically shaped eyebrows sculpted by a barber in the town of Shinwar. “Stylist” Gulam Farooq can’t practice on Muslims (forbidden) but said “one or two” Marines come by every day (in between calling in artillery barrages) for tapering. The Military Times news service, reporting from Afghanistan in August, disclosed a U.S. Marines command directive ordering troops to restrain their audible flatus because, apparently, Afghan soldiers and civilians complained of being offended. The reporter doubted the directive could be effective, in that passing gas by front-line troops is “practically a sport.”

Family Values

Italian men are notorious “bamboccionis” (“big babies”) who exploit doting mothers by remaining in their family homes well into adulthood, sometimes into their 30s or later, expecting meals and laundry service. Many mothers are tolerant, but in September an elderly couple in the town of Mestre announced (through a consumer association) that if their 41-year-old, gainfully employed son did not meet a deadline for leaving, the association would file a lawsuit to evict him. (A news update has not been found, perhaps indicating that the son moved out.)

Cutting-Edge Tactics

In October, about 120 professional mimes began voluntarily patrolling the traffic-congested Sucre district of Caracas, Venezuela, at the request of Mayor Carlos Ocariz. The white-gloved mimes’ specialty was wagging their fingers at scofflaw motorists and pedestrians, and mimes interviewed by the Associated Press reported improvements. At least 300 professional clowns from Mexico and Central America, in Mexico City in October for a convention, demonstrated against the country’s drug-cartel violence by laughing, in unison, nonstop, for 15 minutes. (They were likely less successful than the mimes.) Freemon Seay, 38, was arrested in Thurston County, Wash., in October on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon after disciplining his 16-year-old daughter for leaving home without his approval. Seay allegedly forced the girl to suit up in armor and helmet, with a wooden sword, and to fight him (also in armor, with a wooden sword) for over two hours until she could no longer stand up. Seay’s wife (the girl’s stepmother) was booked as an accessory and was said by deputies to have been supportive of her husband’s “Renaissance fair” enthusiasm (which Freemon Seay called a “lifestyle”).

Bright Ideas

The ingenuity of drug smugglers is never to be underestimated, as one ABC News report from Nogales, Ariz., in October demonstrated. Smugglers had dug tunnels from Nogales, Mexico, underneath the border to Nogales, Ariz., engineered perfectly to end along International Street’s metered parking spaces. Vans with false bottoms were parked in certain spaces (and meters were fed); smugglers in the vans broke though the pavement to meet the tunnelers, and the drugs were loaded. Still parked, the vans’ crews repaired the pavement, and the vans departed. “(U)nbelievable,” said the Arizona city’s mayor. Basically, “Toto” is to sophisticated toilets in Japan as “Apple” is to consumer electronics in America. In September, Toto unveiled a prototype motorcycle with a toilet bowl to convert a driver’s waste into fuel, not only making it selfgassed-up but contributing to the company’s goal of reducing carbon dioxide emissions by 50 percent within six years. The company was launching a monthlong, cross-country publicity tour (presumably featuring a gastro-intestinally robust driver).

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Thursday, November 17

Live Music French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - Cliff Bennett Malibu Jack’s - Mike Swift One Hundred Laurens - Kenny George Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Sky City – Buford Reunion Show Somewhere in Augusta – Brandon Reeves Surrey Tavern – Sibling String Wild Wing – Low Fidelity The Willcox - 4 Cats in the Dog House What’s Tonight? Cadillac’s - Karaoke Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Coyote’s - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge - DJ Fred Nice The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans - DJ Kris Fisher The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Polo Tavern - DJ Nirvana Shannon’s - Karaoke Villa Europa - Karaoke with Ben Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Islands Bar & Lounge - Caribbean Night with DJ Spud Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Polo Tavern - Robbie Duecy Band Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Sky City – ’90s Night Tropicabana - Latin Friday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Saturday, November 19

Fox’s Lair - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge - Reggae Night with Island Vybez The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

What’s Tonight? Cadillac’s - DJ Rana Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke

Sunday, November 20

Live Music The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Cotton Patch – Old Man Crazy Country Club – Tyler Hammond Band Joe’s Underground - Woody and Friends Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic Metro Pub & Coffeehouse - Dash Rip Rock P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz Polo Tavern – Jim Fisher Band Surrey Tavern – The Big Playback Wild Wing – Sundance Jenkins

Live Music 5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice P.I. Bar and Grill - Live Music Wild Wing - Wesley Cook

Friday, November 18

Live Music Cotton Patch – T.J Mimbs Country Club – Daniel Johnson Band Doubletree Hotel - 3 Sides of Jazz Fox’s Lair – She-N-She French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Imperial Theatre - Russell More and IIIrd Tyme w/ Nu- Blu Joe’s Underground - The Atom Blondes Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic Polo Tavern – Bamboo Sector 7G- TFS Rave w/ LinearNorth, Polyphase, Number5 Somewhere in Augusta – Jacob Beltz Soul Bar – Pop Life Stillwater Tap Room – Funk You Surrey Tavern – The Broadcast Wild Wing – Tony Williams Band The Willcox - Kenny George What’s Tonight? Cadillac’s - DJ Tim Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke V. 22 | NO. 64

METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11 37

The Willcox - Mike Frost What’s Tonight? Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jacks - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, November 21

Live Music Surrey Tavern – The Broadcast, Funk You What’s Tonight? Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Wild Wing - Trivia and Karaoke

Tuesday, November 22

Live Music Cocktails Lounge - Live Music Fox’s Lair – John Fisher The Highlander - Open Mic Night Joe’s Underground – Happy Bones Surrey Tavern – The Broadcast

INMUSIC Sell It Out!

Wild Wing – Peterson & Nate The Willcox - Piano Jazz What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League The Highlander - Open Mic Night Islands Bar & Lounge - DJ Fred Nice Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Denny

Wednesday, November 23

Live Music 209 on the River - Smooth Grooves Carolina Ale House – Perkins and Prouty Joe’s Underground - Sibling String Malibu Jack’s - KE-JU Wild Wing – Matt Acosta & The Special Guests What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Club Rehab - Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke

with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad - Jazz DJ The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta - Comedy w/ James Gregory Surrey Tavern – Stewart and Winfield


Funk You – Surrey Tavern November 24 Casting Crowns, Sanctus Real & The Afters, Lindsay McCaul - USC-Aiken Convocation Center November 25 The Velcro Pygmies – Country Club November 25 Chad Nichols – Cotton Patch November 25 Jared Gay – Fox’s Lair November 25 The Favors w/ Young Georgians – Sky City November 25 Jim Perkins – Somewhere In Augusta November 25 Jive Turkey Disco Hell – Soul Bar November 25 Avenged Sevenfold - James Brown Arena November 26 Black Swan Lane, Romeo Spike - Sky City December 1

Jucifer - Sky City December 8 Zach Deputy - Sky City December 9 The New Familiars – Stillwater Taproom December 9 Amy Grant and Vince Gill - Bell Auditorium December 10 Jerry Seinfeld - Bell Auditorium January 19 Those Darlins - Sky City February 1 Winter Jam Tour - James Brown Arena February 9


Gift Horse, Grass Giraffes, Ponderosea – 40 Watt Club, Athens November 17 The John Brown Jazz Orchestra – The Aiken Performing Arts Center, Aiken November 17 Alex Winfield – Black Bear Tavern, Atlanta November 18 Heather Luttrell – Hendershot’s Coffee Bar, Athens November 18 Joe Alterman – High Musum of Art, Atlanta November 18 The Solstice Sisters – Bishop Park, Athens November 19 Storm Branch Band – The Red Pepper, Aiken November 19

Matt Stone can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

Avenged Sevenfold hits the JBA the Saturday after Thanksgiving

Well here’s the week we’ve been waiting for: Avenged Sevenfold at the James Brown Arena, Saturday, November 26. Enjoy some leftover turkey, then go to the JBA and listen to some good ole fashioned rock ‘n’ roll. Honestly, this show is going to be insane and very loud. Could you guys do me just one favor? At least try and sell this show out. You can resurrect a rock station; now make this concert a huge success. Remember, if you want more rock shows, you’ve got to start showing up. You may not know the openers, but I promise you this: You will leave happy. And it’s a Saturday night show for God’s sake, come on. Head to for more details and buy your tickets. See you Saturday night. And now, your weekly rundown of music around the world. Michael J. Fox resurrected Marty McFly this week to perform the hit song “Johnny B. Good,” a classic scene from the movie “Back to the Future.” Fox performed during his annual benefit for the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research. He even played with a red guitar, identical to the one he played in the movie. Rumor is that

38 METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11

Avenged Sevenfold

the performance was a little shaky. Sorry. Even I felt bad after typing that. Added to the list of “Things I Don’t Want to Hear,” Black Sabbath is going to reunite for their first album since 1978. How do we announce things these days? That’s right, Twitter. Dubbed National Metal Day (see Spinal Tap), the band made the announcement around 11:11 EST on 11/11/11. The band’s Twitter account tweeted a photo of a marquee that reads simply “Black Sabbath Reunion II II II,” making the new album official. Well in bummer news of the week: Hip-hop star Heavy D has died at the age of 44. The singer, famous for

Heavy D and the Boyz, was rushed to a hospital in Los Angeles on November 8 and pronounced dead a few hours later. Authorities have not yet determined what caused Heavy D’s death. First results were inconclusive; the Los Angeles coroner’s office has deferred judgment on what killed the rapper/producer pending the results of toxicology tests. Somehow I missed this, and I’m very surprised I’m even recommending it, but Bjork put out a new album, and it’s good. Released last month, “Biophilia” is what you would expect from the Icelandic psychopath. But nonetheless, check it out. Remember kids, your music collection doesn’t

have to sound like the same band over and over again. In stores this week is really sad, especially when I start and finish with a best of/rarities album from R.E.M. This is typical move from most bands on how to finish out your contract with a major label after you have broken up. The double disc, “Part Lies Part Heart Part Truth Part Garbage: 19822011,” is in stores now. You’ve been waiting for it and it’s almost here! The return of Nickelback! That’s right; a new Nickelback album is in stores on November 21. I’m already camping out as you’re reading this. And on a related note, you can pick up the new Daughtry album on the same day. Break out the wine coolers because this sounds like a party! Something new, how about a video release party? Saturday, November 19, at the Playground, check out the official music video featuring the Atom Blonde’s new single, “Calling You Out.” What shows am I missing? What venue do I need to check out? Email me at

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Garden Fresh

Unusual restaurant in the Sheraton offers prime steaks, fresh herbs and seasonal food made from scratch

Trendy. Organic. Seasonal. These three descriptions are usually reserved for the fanciest restaurants in the hippest areas of town. Believe it or not, however, they also apply to Prime 1079 and Sweetwater Lounge, located inside the Sheraton hotel on Stevens Creek Road. It is in this unlikeliest of spots that guests — both of the hotel and those who visit just for the food — will find steaks aged 21-28 days, herbs plucked from a garden and desserts made from scratch. Surprised? Most people are, says Brigitte Pedroza, food and beverage manager at the hotel, especially when it comes to the herb garden, though she adds that the trend has been going on for a while in larger cities. “Up in New York, they actually have their herb gardens up on the roofs because, you know, there’s no space anywhere else,” she says. “And it’s fun. You have herbs available when you

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need them. Here we have rosemary, we have chives, basil, thyme — whatever’s in season.” The herbs from the garden, which everyone involved at the restaurant tends to, go to work in the side dishes, breads, olive oil dips and herb butters made in-house to accompany the restaurant’s steaks. Those steaks, offered with a seasonal vegetable and tossed tableside salad, include everything from an 8-ounce filet mignon to a 22-ounce bonein cowboy steak. And while the steaks are definitely the stars of the show, the unsung heroes at the restaurant is, well, everything else — because most everything else on the menu is homemade. “Most of our food is house made,” Pedroza explains. “We make our salad dressings, we do our own desserts. Pretty much everything is made from scratch.” Not only are they made from scratch,

they’re developed by a kitchen staff who pays careful attention to what’s in season. “Last week we had a special dessert, a butternut squash crème brulee, and it tasted just like pumpkin pie,” she says. “We try to stay within the season and since fall is here, there are a lot of squashes and winter vegetables available.” Seasonal ingredients aren’t just confined to the food menu, however. Visit the Sweetwater Lounge within Prime 1079 and guests will experience what they call Pick of the Season. Creative cocktails include Pumpkin Pie on the Rocks and a Brown Sugar and Pear Martini. “Every three months we’ll change the menu,” Pedroza said of the lounge, adding that the focus is also on seasonal beers. “We just brought a chocolate beer in yesterday and it’s delicious. We also have Scarecrow, an organic beer, and a

lot of people are now looking for organic products so it’s part of that trend.” In addition to beer and cocktails, Prime 1079 and Sweetwater Lounge also have an impressive wine list, with 13 reds and whites of all varietals and styles available by the bottle or glass. More upscale wines, such as CakeBread Cellars’ chardonnay and cabernet sauvignon, are also available by the bottle. “You can’t get that everywhere,” Pedroza laughs. “It comes only by the bottle, but it’s a very wonderful wine. We also have many other wines, from whites to reds, to accommodate our meals.” Though Prime 1079 is definitely an upscale restaurant, Pedroza says she and the staff try to keep it casual. “It’s kind of laid back,” she says. “We don’t seat you and rush you through your meal. We want you to sit V. 22 | NO. 64

“What we’re trying to do is have a warm and connecting feeling for our guests when they come here, because they’re already away from home,” she says. “We want them to feel like they’re at home, to sit down and relax. People can come in and sit, work, talk with family and friends or watch sports on television. It’s a very relaxing atmosphere.”

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Guitars, Mandolins, Banjos, Ukuleles & Violins On SALE P.A. Sound Systems & Microphones on SALE! Drum Sets from $299.99 Great Gifts under $9.99 varied selection of sandwiches, nachos and quesadillas. Pedroza says the most popular item on Sweetwater Lounge’s menu is the Wild Frickle, or their version of fried pickles with homemade ranch. From comfort foods such as macaroni and cheese and bread pudding to the calming atmosphere, Pedroza says the hotel’s restaurant and lounge invite guests to make themselves at home. V. 22 | NO. 64

Prime 1079 and Sweetwater Lounge at the Sheraton 1069 Stevens Creek Road 6 a.m.-11 p.m., Monday-Friday; 6:30 a.m.-11 p.m., Saturday; 6:30-11 a.m. and 5-11 p.m., Sunday 706-396-1000

758 Broad Street | Augusta, GA 30901 | 706.724.1172 • 202 Richland Ave W. (HWY-1 Down Town) | Aiken, SC 29801 | 803.649.1919

down and relax.” Those, however, who would rather have a snack and a drink in the bar or lounge, an inviting area in the back of the restaurant that includes overstuffed chairs and sofas built into the walls in shades of rust, green and brown, are welcome to do so. The menu in the Sweetwater Lounge includes some of the appetizers from the restaurant’s menu, as well as a



DownT GER Aiken L own o (across cation! from Pizza Jo the int)


The concert we almost missed





this week’s lineup. 11.17 Thursday Low Fidelity 11.18 Friday Night Rocks Tony Williams Band 11.19 Saturday Gameday Sundance Jenkins 11.20 Sunday NFL Action • Wesley Cook later Washington Road just past I-20 • 706-364-WILD (9453) w w w. w i l d w i n g c a f e . c o m 42 METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11



It was a late ’90s wedding Pete Yorn reception and we were hanging out talking music with our cousin Shawn. The event was dying down and the DJ was packing up, so Shawn hooked up a CD player and started reaching into his own collection. As we all stood around the music, I had an awakening… an epiphany, if you will. Yes, the tequila was making its way through my arteries and had a little something to do with it, but as Shawn talked about his favorite music, his passion made its way into my soul. I remember the exact moment when I turned from Chuck the athlete into Chuck the music freak. We were listening to the song “Believe” by the Belgium band K’s Choice. I asked Shawn, “Why do you like this band so much?” Right about that time the lyrics in the song started to fade, leading up to a few seconds of silence, immediately followed by a powerful crescendo. Shawn pointed to the CD player right at the time of the crescendo and said “That’s why” as his head bobbed up and down to the beat. Up until then, the radio was my main source for music. I bought the occasional cassette tape and CD, but it was WBBQ and pop music that had always shaped my music taste. The local radio stations had brainwashed me for 30 years with their Casey Kasem countdowns and long-distance dedications. My wife Heather was a Channel Z girl when we first married and she tried her best to open my mind to new music, but until that fateful wedding night, I just didn’t get it. Right about that time we had a new addition to the family… a state-of-the-art Gateway with a massive hard drive and giant monitor the size of a truck. My afternoon three-mile canal runs and healthy mindset slowly disappeared and were replaced by “computer time” and “I’ll run tomorrows.” A few months later things got even worse when I discovered the wonders of peer-to-peer sharing and Napster. The concept was new to the world, but I dove into it like a madman. I downloaded every post-1960 Top 40 hit I could find, then started searching for new music. I would come across a cool unknown artist in someone’s song library, then proceed to sift through the rest of their music, eventually finding more new music. These talented musicians were out there, but they were hidden in a sea of vanilla, and that intrigued me. Before I knew it I was a Napster junkie spending long hours on the computer looking for… chocolate! At the time many of the established major artists were screaming “foul” because we were all stealing their copyrighted music, but the unknown artists like John Mayer were reaping the benefits of this brand new technology because we were spreading their music around the world. I understood both sides and eventually came to my senses and got rid of Napster. For the record, I’ve been buying all my music since 2000. One of the artists I discovered back then was Pete Yorn, a cool songwriter out of New Jersey at the time. His first CD, “Musicforthemorningafter,” immediately caught my ear and I’ve been a fan ever since. In 2001 he was scheduled to play a Friday 6 p.m. set on the opening night of Atlanta’s Midtown Music Festival. We bought tickets, made our hotel plans and rounded up concert partners Wayne and Darlene for another adventure up I-20. We arrived at The Renaissance Hotel for the three-day event, checked in and hurried down the streets of Atlanta towards the festival. I was freaking out because Atlanta’s 5 o’clock Friday traffic caused us to be late and we were missing Pete’s performance. We finally walked through the gates just in time to hear the last two songs of his set. We were still a few hundred yards away as we approached the giant field in front of the stage. Even at that distance I could feel his music pulsating through my body. Yes! Pulsating! It was loud and powerful, and until this day, the best feeling I’ve ever had musically. We got to the stage just as he finished his song “Black.” He thanked the crowd and went right into his closing tune “Murray.” Pete gave us an amazing start to our weekend of music. We saw him three more times over the next few years, but nothing will ever sound or feel as good as those amazing 10 minutes at Music Midtown in 2001. Chuck and his wife run Downstairs Live, a private concert series streamed live from their home. He also dabbles in photography and videography. For more info, go to or

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METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11 43


Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28.

It’s Finally Basketball Season, Baby!

A preview of the Augusta State men’s basketball team with head coach Dip Metress Augusta State’s men’s basketball team opened their 2011-2012 season Wednesday night at Christenberry Fieldhouse against Paine College. Before that, however, I sat down with Coach Dip Metress to find out what he and the team have in store for fans this year.   Coming off a Peach Belt Conference tournament winning season, and a milestone season for yourself, what does surpassing 300 wins mean now that you are a season removed from it? “It just shows, as I’m in my 16th year as a head coach, that I’ve had the opportunity to coach some good players. We’ve also had a good run here with some talented guys, and hopefully we can keep that tradition going.”   With two senior guards returning — O’Neal Armstrong and Tye Beal — do you think you will be a guard-dominated team, or will you be stronger in the frontcourt? “I think we’ll be a little more inside-oriented than we were last year, but we’ll have balance. Last year, we were kind of handcuffed by not having an inside presence. This year we return Travis Keels — Jr., 6’9, 206 — who is healthy coming into the year, Harold Doby — Soph., 6’5, 209 — who is an Augusta native and transfer from Georgia State, who is an inside-outside guy who can score with his back to the basket, and another transfer, Kelth Cameron — Jr., 6’7, 259 — who will be an excellent post defender and rebounder for us once he gains experience. It should be a good mix of inside and outside.”   Over the past few years, you’ve always had an identified scorer who could create when necessary — All-Americans AJ Bowman, Ben Madgen and George Johnson. Will this team have someone who emerges as such, or will balance be this team’s strong point? “I think it will be balanced. It will be more of a situation where we could have four players scoring in double-digits. I don’t know if we have many guys who can get us over 20 points on a given night, but I think we have a lot of guys who can get us 10. Doby is probably the most talented player inside, and once he gets in a little better shape and works on his perimeter game, he has the potential to be that kind of scorer down the road.”  

44 METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11

The schedule looking to be as challenging as in recent years? “It’s absolutely brutal during the first part of the season. One of these years it’s going to catch up with us in terms of overscheduling — hopefully it won’t be this year! We’re going to have a lot of new guys playing prominent roles, and many of them are freshman and sophomores. The more experience they get playing on the road the better off they’ll be towards the end of February and into March.” Your team was picked to finish third in the Peach Belt Conference Preseason Coach’s Poll. You think that’s about right? “Every year I’ve been here the team that’s been picked to win it has never won it. It’s like it’s a curse. Four out of the last five years we won it. The year we didn’t win was the year we were picked to win it. When I saw us not first I was happy. And when I saw us not last I was happy.”   What are some final thoughts on your team as you begin the season this week? “I think we’ll be a team that, hopefully, contends for the regular season title. You never really know what each team has until you see them in games, or in the box score. The box score never lies.” The Jaguars’ next home game is Saturday, December 17, at 4 p.m. against Emmanuel. For more information about the upcoming season, visit

V. 22 | NO. 64


Snorting Hope

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. The first year was rocky. He was selling drugs, got addicted and went to prison. Three months after getting out, he relapsed. I persuaded his mother to send him to rehab, and afterward I found us an apartment, where we’ve been for six months. He has remained drug-free, helps with cooking and cleaning, and pays half the rent and bills. His job just got cut back to 16 hours a week. He has applied for a handful of positions but isn’t consistently looking, and he spends lots of time fishing. Meanwhile, I’m paying for groceries, dinners out and any puny vacations, and I’ve bought him new clothes so he’ll look his confident best. When I say I’m exhausted pulling this much weight, he uses his sobriety as a tool, saying, “Look how much better I am; I did this all for you.” My last relationship was much more equal, and I ended it because I felt like I didn’t matter. I do like feeling important to this person, and I do like the love, affection and kindness he shows me. — Weary

It must have been hell for you in your previous relationship when stopping your boyfriend’s self-destructive behavior only involved putting out messages like “Just say no to chicken-fried steak and the occasional cigar.” Some women do volunteer work; some women date it. You and your boyfriend are a classic combination, the drug addict and the enabler. Addict behavior is immature brat behavior — throwing over tomorrow to get your rocks off (or snort some rock) today. These days, your boyfriend’s nose might not be powdered (“Crack: The other white meth!”), but he’s leaving you “gone fishing” notes instead of going looking for “help wanted” signs. Then again, why should he man up when he can always count on you to mommy up?  Welcome to “the well-intentioned path to hell,” as Dr. Barbara Oakley puts it. Oakley, author of the fascinating book “Cold-Blooded Kindness,” studies “pathological altruism,” help that actually ends up hurting — sometimes both the helper and the person she’s supposed to be helping. Oakley explains that your boyfriend may not be the only one in the relationship who’s been getting a buzz on: “Part of our sense of altruism — of wanting to care for others at cost to ourselves — is related to the positive feelings we get from our nucleus accumbens and related areas (the brain’s pleasure center)… the same areas that are activated when we get high on drugs or gambling.” You have a choice: Keep pressing your paw on the little lever for your dogooder’s high, or accept the risk of seeking real love with the sort of man who can live without you but would really rather not. Real love means having a crush on a man as a human — respecting and admiring who he is, as opposed to pitying him for what he’s done to himself. A man who really loves you wants the best for you; he doesn’t guilt-trip you (“I did this all for you!”) into ignoring your own needs so you can better meet his. Should you decide to stay with your help object, inform him that you’ll bail if he doesn’t start putting out more than a clean urine sample. If he doesn’t come through, either accept your fate as Mommy II or finally act on what you’ve spent three years pretending not to know — that a woman without an addict is like a fish without a Smart car.

You’ve Got Stale

I’m a woman who’s been online dating for two years. I’ve noticed that people who’ve been on the dating site as long as I have often put up different pictures. By never changing my picture in two years, am I broadcasting that I’m a loser? I feel changing it seems more loserish, as in, “Hey, anyone want me from a different angle?” — Still Here

Do you also suspect Banana Republic is going out of business every time they update their store windows? Changing your picture is a way to say “New and Improved!” — a classic advertising gambit that seems to perk up sales despite everybody knowing it probably means “Toothpaste’s largely the same, but check out the butterfly and sparklies we added to the package!” Keep in mind that research has shown that men are drawn to flirty, smiley shots of women, and common sense says to avoid cropping all your photos at the shoulders, as this leaves a little too much mystery about what shape the rest of you is in. Have fun while posing and you should seem like you’re having fun putting yourself out there — as opposed to having fears that the next man at your side will be the utility worker who discovers you sitting mummified on your couch.

©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email Also visit and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

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METRO SPIRIT 11.17.11 45

Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

She Said Yes

A friend’s engagement brings back memories In last week’s 15 in 5, No. 7 mentioned an impending proposal. It seemed like I was spoiling a huge surprise, but my friend Colleen lives in Chicago. She won’t see the paper in print until I deliver her souvenir copy. Update: Andy asked, and she said yes. He wrote and illustrated a book, documenting various milestones in their relationship, with the final page asking, “Will you marry me?” It was sweet and meaningful and, to them, full of just enough fanfare. Afterward, they joined close friends at a planned engagement party at a bar. I have never seen Colleen so happy. That happens when someone is engaged, doesn’t it? There’s usually a shiny ring, an exciting story and a wedding to plan. I wasn’t much for the wedding planning part. Some little girls dream of their wedding day, practically planning every detail before there’s even a suitor. While I had a great time at our wedding, the details were insignificant to me. The only important detail was that The Man asked me to wake up next to him every morning for the rest of his life.

All that mattered was that he chose me. Okay, that and a top-shelf open bar at the reception. I remember those first few days after the proposal. You find ways to place your bejeweled hand in the middle of the conversation, hoping that everyone will congratulate you. And they do. People want to know the story. “How did he do it?” they all ask, whether they care or not, and you excitedly tell each and every person. How did he do it? Well, try not to judge. I do love The Man, and I was over-the-moon excited that night. Simply put, I was utterly shocked. He cooked dinner that night, which wasn’t all that unusual back then. The Man is a really good cook, but once he learned that I could prepare the meals, he quit cooking everything but quesadillas and grilled meat. After a great meal, we

enjoyed a bottle (or two) of wine in the rocking chairs on our beloved screened porch. We rocked. I put my feet in his lap. In one (not so) swift move, he pushed my feet off of his legs, moved to the ground in front of me and rested his arms on my knees. What the hell is he doing? “I love you babe,” he said sweetly. “I love you too.” Um, okay? What are you doing on the floor, you fool? “No, but I really love you.” This was especially mushy for The Man. “And my great grandparents were very much in love (he was giving me his greatgrandmother’s ring), and that’s why I hope you’ll…” Honestly, I have no idea what else he said. It was all tunnel vision at that point. I saw the ring and couldn’t see anything else. And then I realized he was sitting

there, waiting for me to answer. My first words? “If this is a joke, it’s a really sick joke.” Yep. The most romantic moment of a girl’s life, and that’s what I said. Of course it wasn’t a joke, and obviously I said yes. Ten years later, we still laugh about it. If you know us, you know it’s completely us. We’re not all that typical. As a matter of fact, on our honeymoon, in an attempt to try something traditional, The Man carried me over the threshold. Cute, right? Well, he actually threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, emptying the contents of my purse all over the floor of our hotel room. Trying to survey the damage, he spun around, smacking my head into the wall. For Colleen and Andy, the next months will include making the guest list (yuck!), planning the reception (yay!) and answering the repeated, “So, when do y’all want to have kids?” Watch out for the inevitable doorframe, but don’t worry if your story doesn’t read like everyone else’s. It’s all yours, and it’s no joke.


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V. 22 | NO. 64

Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre presents

By Jones, Hope and Wooten

November 11, 12, 18, 19 & December 2, 3 Dinner, 7:00 p.m. | Show, 8:00 p.m.

“The funniest thing since GREATER TUNA!” The Lake County News, Lake County, CA “The play kept the audience laughing all night with the writers’ witty humor.” Garner News, Garner, NC “This hilarious comedy has been making audiences all over the country merry and bright!” The Malibu Times, CA

MENU Chicken Marsala Pork Medallions with Spiced Pear Sauce London Broil Glazed with Pineapple Salsa Rice Pilaf • Glazed Carrots Squash Casserole Scalloped Potatoes Au Gratin Green Salad with Assorted Dressings Deluxe Dessert Table

TICKETS Civilians: $40 Seniors (65 & over), Retirees, DA Civilians, Active-Duty E7 & above: $38 Active-Duty E6 & below: $30 Show only: $25


It’s Christmas-time in the small town of Fayro, Texas, and the Futrelle Sisters – Frankie, Twink and Honey Raye – are not exactly in a festive mood. A cranky Frankie is weeks overdue with her second set of twins. Twink, recently jilted and bitter about it, is in jail for inadvertently burning down half the town. And hot-flash-suffering Honey Raye is desperately trying to keep the Tabernacle of the Lamb’s Christmas Program from spiraling into chaos. But things are not looking too promising: Miss Geneva, the ousted director of the previous twenty-seven productions, is ruthless in her attempts to take over the show. The celebrity guest Santa Claus – played by Frankie’s longsuffering husband, Dub – is passing a kidney stone. One of the shepherds refuses to watch over his flock by night without pulling his little red wagon behind him. And the entire cast is dropping like flies due to food poisoning from the Band Boosters’ Pancake Supper. And when Frankie lets slip a family secret that has been carefully guarded for decades, all hope for a successful Christmas pro-gram seems lost, even with an Elvis impersonator at the manger. But in true Futrelle fashion, the feuding sisters find a way to pull together in order to present a Christmas program the citizens of Fayro will never forget. Their hilarious holiday journey through a misadventure-filled Christmas Eve is guaranteed to bring joy to your world!

Metro Spirit 11.17.2011  

The Metro Spirit is a free weekly newspaper that serves readers in the Augusta and North Augusta area. Editorial coverage includes Richmond...

Metro Spirit 11.17.2011  

The Metro Spirit is a free weekly newspaper that serves readers in the Augusta and North Augusta area. Editorial coverage includes Richmond...