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TABLE of CONTENTS

6TH ANNUAL

whine line - TOM TOMORROW - INSIDER - AUSTIN RHODES metro - AUGUSTA TEK - NY TIMES CROSSWORD - RUFFIN’ IT - SIGHTINGS are you not entertained - CALENDAR elements the8 - CUISINE SCENE slab - IN MUSIC - EARDRUM - FREE WILL ASTROLOGY - CUISINE SCENE - BALL - JENNY IS WRIGHT

04 04 06 08 09 10 11 12 14 16 17 19 45 47 49 49 50 50 55 56 58

Co Co Wine & Culinary Festival An Afternoon of Wine, Food, Jazz & Rose Displays

Over 200 wines and beer with selected food items provided by local chefs. Live jazz music. Same ‘GRAPE’ Event and price to attend as last year.

November 5, 2011

1:00 - 4:00PM Savannah Rapids Pavilion Evans to Lock Rd.

Tickets

Advance tickets - $35 At door tickets - $40 Designated drivers - $20

Ticket location

Vinyard Wine Shop Evans, GA

Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? 706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636 AmyChristian|production director amy@themetrospirit.com

JoeWhite|publisher-sales manager joe@themetrospirit.com

GabrielVega|lead designer gabe@themetrospirit.com

BrendaCarter| account executive brenda@themetrospirit.com

EricJohnson|writer eric@themetrospirit.com

JedCapuy|account executive jed@themetrospirit.com

JenniferPoole|publisher’s assisstant jennifer@themetrospirit.com

LigéHaab|account executive lige@themetrospirit.com MichaelJohnson|sightings

JordanWhite|design intern AmyPerkins|editorial intern

9th Street Wine Market Augusta, GA

csrawinefestival.com *Ticketholders must provide proof of age & be over 21 to attend the Wine Festival.

ErinGarrett|photography intern

Contributors Amy Alkon|Brian Allen|James Allen|Greg Baker|Rob Brezsny|Sam Eifling|Matt Lane|Austin Rhodes|Josh Ruffin|Chuck Shepherd|Matt Stone|Tom Tomorrow| Chuck Williams|Jenny Wright

COVER DESIGN | KRUHU.COM

Event hosted by CSRA Wine Festival, Inc Proceeds above the operation of the event will be donated to the Augusta Technical College - Culinary Program Endowment Fund

Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

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METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

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WHINELINE Well the Gestapo is alive and well in little old Grovetown. Whats with the road blocks to check a persons Ausweis. Today the mexicans, tomorrow the Jews and next week the Catholics. P.S. don’t you think a week in jail with no visitors and an 1800 dollar bail bond is a little over the line for a misdemeanor? Maybe the Metro needs to do a story about our own jack boots. Do you have to change the paper all the time? I get used to it and then Austin’s column is in the middle and Jenny’s column is in the back. Let’s get settled please. papa john for prez...now that’s funny! There’s only one reason why people are talking about that new band downtown with the blonde female singer. And it’s not because their music is very good. Grady should abstain from any votes that concern the Forest Hills Golf Club. I have to give a shout out to the Augusta Canoe & Kayak Club. This is my first season competing in triathlons. Club volunteers helped me get through the swim course at both the Langley Pond and Hickory Knob races. The time you spent volunteering had a huge positive impact on my experience. Thank you all so very kindly! Is it just me or is our system all screwed up?? So Ohio teacher has sex with 5 students & gets 4yrs with possible parole in 6months??? Huh!!! Augusta secretary has sex with 1 & gets 18yrs?? Now don’t get me wrong, both women are sick individuals, but

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METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

REALLY??? Wow... I’m just saying!! How is it possible for a 24-hour burger joint, located at an all-night truck stop right off of I-20 and Riverwatch, to NOT sell burgers but offer just about everything else on the menu? Even at 1 AM on a Friday? I’m sure that the baked potato or even French fries are delicious but when the sign says burgers...where’s the beef? The RCBOE paid porcine Pete Fletcher ONLY $600,000 last year for legal services. The CCBOE paid Fletcher even-more-ONLY $200,000. Does anybody know what the corpulent one did to earn three times as much money from RC schooltaxpayers as from CC ones? Better yet, what did he do to earn $200K from us folks in the country? re:”Man Firebombs Georgia Taco Bell for Not Giving Him Enough Meat:” Beware Fast Food Joints! This Gives New Meaning to he “Catch Phrase” Where’s The Beef?” I was layed off from my job last week for taking off work to take care of my wife and kids. When I got back to work after switching my day off and only taking one sick day, my employer told me he was letting me go. Oh yeah by the way, the last day I worked before all this happened I was told what a great job I was doing. I keep hearing these occupy folks are opposed to the 1% that they claim are the wealthy and I wonder how the true 1%er’s feel about the elite being referred to by their moniker. I noticed an ad for a maid service. The girl was dressed unlike most maids I have had come to my house

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Woot! Woot! Looking for a good deal? Then check out woot.com. Here, you won’t find any fancy live customer service and, if you have buyer’s remorse, the website suggests you “sell it on eBay.” Heck, Woot won’t even tell you how many of a particular item they have. They just post the pictures, the price, the specs and a silly story about why you should own whatever it is. (A recent headline for a camcorder sale was “What do you mean, ‘why’ is it my dream to film an all-cat remake of the 1991 Gene Hackman legal thriller Class Action?”) However, if the “I want one!” button starts bouncing around, that’s a hint. After the day’s item sells out or it reaches 11:59 p.m. CST, Woot replaces it with something else. And you can check out their other sites, such as Wine Woot, Home Woot, Kids Woot and Shirt Woot. Holiday shopping, anyone?

WERECOMMEND and even joked to my husband about hiring this maid service so he would get something out of cleaning the house also. I then re-read it and it states “topless” maid service. I

don’t really believe it belongs in a publication as the Metro Spirit.

up THUMBS

Nice dedication ceremony. Great concert.

down THUMBS

Really, Ron? What are you going to ask them to do next? Screw in a light bulb in your office?

V. 22 | NO. 62


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(THEY PAY OUR BILLS!) METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

5


INSIDER

INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

OPEN LETTER

ea volunteers: email to many Augusta ar ing low fol the nt se irit e of Sp This week the Metro charity, etc., you are awar al, tiv fes , on ati niz ga or an nes to “not to “As a member or leader of reement” which outli Ag ip sh or ns po “S s le’ ace for this the Augusta Chronic (free) advertising sp ry ta en im pl m co r e us or this market” and “offe in purchase advertising n tio ica bl pu t in pr wspaper or print event in any other ne of refusal for exclusive ht rig st fir of ht rig e th the Augusta Chronicle ”. ar tive for ye sponsorship next e it as positive or nega se u yo Do n? io at ul ip st How do you view this ity. your success? portant to our commun im is t pu in ur Yo d. on Please resp received a few responses: As of press time we have r….” has the potential to pe pa ws ne er oth y an in e rtising spac “Any effor t to “limit adve ms.” this agency and its progra reduce the awareness of charity Director of local Augusta ds ities to raise maximum fun ar ch of ts or eff the fle sti that can .” “Restrictive turf protection charity and their mission the of s es en ar aw ts ibi inh d for their organizations an volunteer d an r Local business owne ? ys that they can do this? A negative!! What law sa charity Executive director of local Chronicle is contract with the Augusta the nk thi I ts, en ev ny ma dia nt to use all for ms of me As a local coordinator for rta po im is it d, ee cc su to events ltiple target ridiculous. In order for the ent types of media, and mu fer Dif t. en ev ch ea ote oduct om en you are paying for a pr to get the word out to pr Wh t. en ev an ng eti rk ma ccess in t of rules and markets, are the key to su e your business”, not a lis iat ec pr ap e “w d an u” Yo es business. there should be a “Thank y the Augusta Chronicle do wa the ge an ch l wil s thi regulations. I hope of them. Wow . . . very proprietar y unications Director Local Marketing and Comm Negative. r Advertising agency owne

not sive. As a result, we have

be offen lation by the Chronicle to We have found that stipu them for several year s. had any advertising with Ar tistic Director

cipate in Dear Metro Spirit, d as such, we do not parti an , tity en t ofi pr nno 3 1c Name Redacted is a 50 any company. “exclusive” contracts with Thank you. ar ts organization Executive Director of local

IF YOU’RE GONNA USE ME, AT LEAST USE ME RIGHT! Reservations appreciated (not required| free of charge)

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METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

IdRatherBeFireside.com V. 22 | NO. 62


SAYWHAT?

Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

Supper… er, Dinner Time! It’s the circle of life in the restaurant industry

Dino’s on Fury’s Ferry Road closed recently, a year after becoming the first franchised location of the 11-yearold restaurant. It is startling. Not the restaurant closing (it’s a very tough time for fast casual restaurants, which offer higher quality food at higher prices). What is so surprising is the attitude of the founder, Dino Dakuras. In public (and private) remarks, he has nothing but kind words for his first franchisee. Not everyone feels the need to blame

someone for everything? Interesting. While on the Fury’s Ferry restaurant beat, a locally owned casual dining restaurant is rumored to be on the market a little over a year since opening. Over on Walton Way Extension, Buffalo Wild Wing has opened and is taking on Carolina Ale House in a beer/wing/sports bar mano a mano. In just a very short while, the formerly fading Target/Robert C. Daniel area of West Augusta has taken off. Bar West and the Usual Place

Bar and Grille are smaller alternatives to the hustle of the wingaporiums, and by all accounts are doing quite nicely. Limelite Cafe, the sports bar across from Regal Cinemas known for it’s incredible beer selection, has big plans to remind folks they were there first. Rumors are swirling that one local bar/ club will be forced to rein itself in or lose out on a prime locale. The blue bloods enjoy a cocktail or two, but once things get too down market, it’s time to go.

A product of the competitive restaurant business locally has been more and more eateries staying open all day, as opposed to opening for lunch then closing down till dinner. (We refuse to call it supper. Austin, please stop calling it supper. Unless you are ringing a dinner bell while holding your petticoat close from the breeze… it’s dinner. But that’s just us. Call it what you will.) Goolsby’s in Evans and Blue Sky Kitchen downtown are but two recent examples.

“Flight com, I can’t hold her! She’s breaking up! She’s breaking—” The Six Million Dollar Man seems to have broken up fo’ shizzle. Vaudevillian Herman Cain is winding down his “Get to Know Me” press junket in a rather time-tested way… the skirt-chasing

gotcha… the “I got no idea what you talkin’ ‘bout Willis” defense. Certainly a bright and successful man (dare we say articulate?), Herman was never cut out to be Republican material.

No chance Rick or Mitt has ever had to pay any settlements for liking the ladies a little too much. Love “real” Republican style is just too boring. (No foul intended Mark Sanford… you

did awesome!) How long before the election? Our unctuous-osity meter is red lining.

Cross Takes the Stage Dear Lord, they finally came

Though the Lady Antebellum ramp up is finally over — the local media, including the Metro Spirit, has been participating in it for seemingly the last six months and it is finally, thankfully and definitively over — we can’t let the concert go by without giving it a quick look for those of you who were too busy to wait in line for tickets or too poorly connected to know someone who was a VIP to hit up for passes. When Columbia County throws a party, the VIPs nearly outnumber the

regular attendees. In actuality it was a 2,000 to 3,100 split, but still… 2,000 is an awful lot of VIPs. Unfortunately VIP status didn’t include free food and drinks. “Let them eat cake!” Or not. Complaints began early. Parking was going to be a nightmare. The band was only going to play a short acoustic set. With only the sound guy and lighting tech on stage. Inviting folks to enjoy the concert from outside the fences was going to create a familial, yet possibly snarky, riot.

Lost to most of the detractors was that we experienced a tour de force performance by a band at the apex of their international fame… right in our backyard. And on to the complaints about Ron Cross. Some say he has driven home a boondoggle to be reckoned with for years to come. Pat Boone and Lee Greenwood will certainly pass before the park is paid for. Then what? Well, relax. The quality of life equation has been increased tenfold.

And to be truthful, Cross wasn’t wearing a leather jacket. He’s a Republican, after all, which means he was wearing a leather sports coat. Big difference. Either way, he couldn’t seem to get enough of being seen wearing it. You’ve got to figure he’s earned it, though. It may be the Lady Antebellum Pavilion and the Josh Kelley Stage, but it was the Ron Cross tenacity that brought it all together.

Cremation is not as expensive as you think.

$995 Pre-pay for a complete Direct Cremation V. 22 | NO. 62

706.798.8886 for details METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

7


AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

Incomplete Information Makes for a Bucket of Mud I have always enjoyed Augusta’s collection of Paranoid Peanut Gallery Pontificators, even back to the days of Ira Davis and Bernie Starsesky. Good men who, when it came to spewing on all things political and on all kinds of civic corruption, mined about an ounce of gold for every cubic ton of batcrap they turned up. And in their minds, that one ounce was worth the effort to continue. Kinda like me and my golf game. If I make one great shot in 18 holes of play, which is about my average, it is enough to keep me teeing it up for another year. Dumbasses. Them and me. So it is with a genuine fondness that I take to the internet and read the musings of folks like former Spirit freelance writer Jill Peterson, and self-described “gadfly” (his words, not mine) Brad Owens, along with several others, who take bits and pieces of current and former news stories and twist them on their head, creating all kinds of bizarre conspiracies and

get rich quick schemes hatched by Augusta’s cabal. Cabal is their term for anyone who belongs to the Augusta Country Club, the Augusta National or the Chamber of Commerce, who makes a red cent off real estate, media or government contracts. If you manage to find someone who fits all of those subsets, it is likely today’s PPGP will poop their pants in excitement/outrage. To these people, Billy Morris is the Anti-Christ (and yet they still heap praise on Morris/Augusta Chronicle city government reporter Susan McCord... who they must believe is an archangel working as a double agent). In recent months, the group has moved from doing YouTube videos to creating websites, blogs and now filling Facebook every day with their thoughts, accusations and “discoveries.” They claim in their “City Stink” blog, which you can link through their Augusta Today FB page, that they “discovered,” through intense real estate records research,

disturbing factoids in the ongoing Augusta Tee Center parking deck deal. These factoids include, but are not limited to: Georgia State Senator Bill Jackson “bilking” taxpayers out of $119,000 in a dubious land deal (complete batcrap, by the way). The fact that the Morris group has managed to jack up real estate values through the above deal (the guano gets deeper). That bond attorneys and other real estate owners in the area are also likely poised to swoop down and bilk taxpayers of mucho dinero (no idea where that comes from... if they proof, they ain’t sharing it). It was the Bill Jackson accusation that made me call their bluff. I checked into their conclusion, which was based on reviewing real estate records, that something was wrong with the deal that saw a piece of property he had owned for 42 years (the corner of James Brown Boulevard

and Reynolds Street — the building last known as “Reggie’s Hot Dogs,” taken for the deck, in exchange for another piece of property further down Reynolds Street. Jackson was chided because it “appeared” he bought the property one day, and sold it the next for a huge profit. Well, kinda. You see he bought out the estate of his deceased partner, at the request of his family, so they could “cash out” in Augusta. Bill paid 24k for the property, which was listed far and wide as the “value” because “that was what he paid for it.” Our intrepid investigators forgot to consider that Bill was paying 24k for one half of the property; he already owned the other half. That makes the rock bottom value at least 48k. Still a stretch? Consider this: Reggie’s hot dog business was doing well, and they were paying the partnership $600 a month in rent. In a depressed real estate market, 600 bucks a month represents a low figure for potential

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METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

V. 22 | NO. 62


METRONEWS

ERICJOHNSON

Marketing Greater Augusta Local agencies contemplate branding the region

rent, and it was going up soon. So, Bill Jackson was not losing a $24,000 piece of property, he was losing (against his will) a property generating a minimum of $7,200 a year in revenue. Suddenly, that 119k isn’t sounding like it was so much. Again, Jackson did not want to sell, not in this market. Who does? So he asked for a land swap, so that he would still have Reynolds Street property, and so that he would not have to pay capital gains taxes on the original property. He was able to buy the other parcel (which was valued at 119k), and in essence “swap” the properties. This was not some kind of crooked deal, and it would have been an outright swap, but the city had complications arise because of inspections and construction schedules. Bottom line, it was no “sweetheart deal,” and if the government is taking away a profitable rental property that has been owned for 42 years, they damn well better be willing to pay for it. As far as the land values being “jacked up” in the process? More batcrap. The price paid can be attributed to rental income that no longer exists. Unless the surrounding property can prove they have similar steady income dating back years, the value remains the same.

V. 22 | NO. 62

Walter Sprouse

A recent economic development forum has local leaders contemplating the advisability of banding together to form a regional brand to aid in economic development, but is such a commitment really necessary? “The region has phenomenal resources and capabilities,” says Dr. Anthony Robinson, strategic advisor to Augusta Tomorrow and the MBA program director at Augusta State University. “That’s from an internal perspective. From an external perspective, we have to learn to be competitive.” He says that in this day and age, local economies have a hard time competing against global economies. “They don’t always even compete well against large cities,” he says. “So given the resources and capabilities that we have and given the new reality of an emerging global economy, we have to form a regional economy or a regional plan. We have to pool our resources and capabilities to be competitive.” Those assets, he says, are significant and concentrated relatively close to the already established medical community housed in Augusta. There are technology assets at SRS and Burke County and communications and information technology assets at Fort Gordon, all easily part of a greater Augusta, and a greater Augusta is more attractive than a singular Augusta. Being part of an established region gives the businesses we’re interested in attracting the freedom and flexibility to locate where it’s most advantageous and attractive to them. It also allows them to tap a broad pool of resources no matter where in the area they choose to locate. And it’s important to note that to

the outside world, Augusta is no more recognizable than, say, Omaha. While everyone has heard of Omaha, how many people know anything about the counties surrounding it? According to Walter Sprouse, executive director of the Development Authority of Richmond County, such a regional approach would simply streamline the way the different development authorities already work together. “It would not be there to supersede the efforts of local economic development organizations, it would be sort of an assistance to help in getting the word out,” he says. “More of a marketing arm than anything.” Rather than pitting the individual economic authorities against each other, having a regional agency overseeing regional development simply allows interested businesses to be attracted by the general area, at which point the local agencies would each give their pitch if they had the attributes the company was looking for. Such an agency would likely be a nonprofit rather than an actual authority, which has the ability to issue bonds. “If you work collaboratively to attract a business in their region and then choose where, those tax dollars flow across multiple counties,” Robinson says. “Your slice of the pie grows if that business is located in a neighboring county.” Recently, Chattanooga had a 20-plus

county effort to attract a Volkswagen plant. “I’m sure the people of north Georgia and other areas up there aren’t upset at all that the plant is located in Chattanooga, because they still get the advantages of the jobs,” says Mayor Deke Copenhaver. “It just makes all the sense in the world.” The recent announcement of the Bridgestone Plant expansion in Aiken County is a local example of the same situation, Copenhaver says. “It was a great thing,” he says. “I would much rather have a major employer located in this area than in Alabama or Texas or somewhere else.” While all say the forum was instructive, each says the idea is still in its earliest stages. “We are on the first 10 feet of about a hundred-mile journey,” Sprouse says. As far as who will be a part of the journey, Sprouse says that while he knows there will be plenty of public engagement, he expects the public to remain relatively uninterested. “The ones that will probably focus on this will be the players,” he says. “The development authorities of all the counties, the CVBs, the chambers. I don’t think there’s going to be too much local Anthony Robinson government pushing it. They all have enough on their plates with fire protection and road maintenance and that kind of stuff.” Copenhaver, on the other hand, is excited by the interest he’s seen. “I think at the grassroots level, and based on the turnout of the forum the other night, people are ready for this,” he said. Robinson says the timetable will be dictated by the momentum in the community. “It’s going to be a long-term process, but it certainly is a process worth undertaking,” Robinson says. “Particularly when you realize we’re competing with regional, national and global economies.”

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

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Yes, that is the mantra from those who dismiss the coming of Web 2.0 as a fad. To them, smartphones are useless novelties that will never supplant the form and function of the desktop PC. The story goes that any serious computer user cannot possibly populate forms or create documents without using a keyboard. Given the state of technology existing today, I would have to (reluctantly) agree. The Electronic Health Record packages we support all require a mouse to navigate the system and a keyboard to enter data. The method is intuitive and, after all, it’s always been that way, right? Well, actually, no. The mouse and keyboard came into fashion about 30 years ago when Graphical User Interfaces (GUIs) became popular. Prior to that time, the Human-Machine Interface (HMI) consisted of what we commonly call a Command Prompt. Personally, I find command line interaction and scripting still the fastest and most efficient method of working with a computer. However, the average consumer seems to prefer the less efficient “Point and Click” method. Hence, Windows and MacOS have dominated desktops for the last three decades. Will “Touch and Swipe” eventually replace “Point and Click”? Yes. If you don’t believe me, ask anyone under 20 that has grown up using both. One caveat… application developers need to make the transition. Most tablet applications I’ve seen are simply touchscreen versions of programs written for keyboard and mouse. Not optimal to say the least. The short-term solution is to get a keyboard attachment for your tablet. The Apple iPad2 and the Samsung Galaxy Tab seem to currently have the best support from third-party keyboard vendors. The next big transition to Touch and Swipe will probably come with Windows 8, so stay tuned. Experiencing problems with the iPhone 4s battery life? Apple engineers haven’t specifically identified the problem, but many iPhone users point to the “Setting Time Zone” feature, which automatically sets the phone’s time zone, a the probable culprit. When you travel outside your time zone, the location-based feature constantly polls cell towers for the phones location. Under normal operation, the feature polls only occasionally. The result

AUGUSTATEK

HOT POT.

10 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

GREGBAKER

is a greatly reduced battery life; in some cases, just a few hours even with minimal use. If you are experiencing problems with battery life, try disabling the service. The “Setting Time Zone” function can be located within Settings, moving into Location Services, scrolling down to System Services and sliding the toggle on Setting Time Zone. BTW — HP announced last week that it is officially out of TouchPads. Literally. These devices started selling like hot cakes when HP announced that it was discontinuing the product in Augusta and reduced price to liquidate inventory. HP also changed its position from another announcement made in August. HP CEO Meg Whitman stated that keeping the PC business within HP is “right for customers and partners, right for shareholders, and right for employees.” Interesting developments since tablet computing will likely grow and the PC market will likely decline over time. I expect that we will hear more from HP on both of these fronts. Finally, there’s good news for all of you ladies that are looking for potent suitors. Loes Segerink, a researcher at the University of Twente in the Netherlands, has developed a “fertility chip” that measures sperm concentration and motility (I’m not sure what motility is, but it sounds important). The chip contains a channel designed to funnel fluid under specially-designed electrode bridges. As the cells pass beneath these bridges, brief fluctuations of electrical resistance occur, providing a method to enumerate the little soldiers. The magic number is 20 million per quarter teaspoon. Fertility might be an issue with anything less. Segerink is reportedly working toward creating a company that will commercialize her research into a home-use product where samples can be collected a bit more… (a-hem)…discretely. Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet…tweet me @gregory_a_baker. L8R.

Gregory A. Baker, Ph.D., is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. V. 22 | NO. 62


TAKE IT FROM THE TOP BY Joe Dipietro

92 W. Hemisphere grp. 95 Queen’s land 97 Like average folks, in Britain 98 Enthralled 99 ___ Park, classic Coney Island amusement locale 100 V formation? 102 Shop chopper 104 Bounce (off) 105 Mil. officers 106 Avg. level 107 Change quickly 110 Incredibly nice 115 Matter in statistical mechanics 116 Bulldog 117 Dispatch boats 118 Neighbor of Oman: Abbr. 119 “Pride and Prejudice” actress Jennifer 120 9-Down holder 121 Pickup line? 122 One of the Chaplins 123 Underworld route DOWN 1 Transference of property to pay assessments 2 Asian republic 3 Gets up for the debate? 4 Certain poetic output 5 Reveal 6 With 19-Across, far back 7 Beats it and won’t explain why? 8 Proof that a “Jersey Shore” character has an incontinence problem? 9 Heady stuff 10 Entire “Reservoir Dogs” cast, e.g. 11 Athlete’s attire, informally 12 Pampers maker, informally 13 Arrests an entire crime syndicate? 14 Inits. in ’70s and ’80s rock 15 Slayer of his brother Bleda 16 Like some majors 17 Impudent 20 Longtime ESPN football analyst Merril ___ 23 Protected images, for short 25 Russian novelist Maxim 27 Fancified, say 32 Singer Gorme 33 Eschews Mensa material when going to parties? 34 “Drag ___ Hell” (2009 movie) 36 “Star Wars” character ___-Gon

Jinn 37 SALT party 39 Dashboard choice 42 Contents of Lenin’s Tomb, e.g.? 46 Settle in 47 Aquatic nymph 48 The Wildcats of the N.C.A.A. 50 Merits at least a 20% tip? 51 “Airplane!” woman 52 King or queen 53 Hard Italian cheese 54 Slower to pick up 56 Phone button trio 58 ___ Minor 61 Break down 63 A bar may offer it 68 One-dimensional: Abbr. 70 Flat flooring 73 Minute 78 Scout’s mission 80 Assertive comeback 83 118-Across is in it 85 Super Bowl IV M.V.P. Dawson 87 Scoring stat for N.B.A.’ers 89 Wallop 91 Motorola phone line 93 Departure from the norm 94 Untraditional, as some marriages 95 Charges 96 Give a hard time 99 Soup kitchen implements 100 They’re shown by X’s, O’s and arrows 101 Luggage attachment 103 Some annual bills 104 Major org. representing entertainers and athletes 108 Anita of jazz 109 Desideratum 111 ___ Fit 112 Brooklyn’s Flatbush, e.g.: Abbr. 113 Go unused 114 Symbol for electric flux

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R U N E

A R M A D A

R E D F O R D

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N F L P R O R E I E S A W L D I A E L N N L E

C L U T C H

E S T E R E E C T O A R A I D I L E O R L I T S R A P E L N K C O E R M O N I N O A S T

94

70

75

107

111

93

65

80

85

106

110

52

59

69

79

101

50

58

74 78

49

64 68

73

51

44

67

71

17

40

48

62

66

16

34

39

47

60

15

29

33

43

46

14

25

31 36

13 21

24

30 35

12

20

26

53

8

19

PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

ACROSS 1 Onetime propaganda source 5 Portmanteau 8 Obstruct 13 Brings in 18 Funny Johnson 19 See 6-Down 20 Queen City of the Rockies 21 Prefix with light or sound 22 Holiday purchase, informally 24 Tone setters for conductors 26 Item in a certain e-mail folder 28 A couple of Spaniards? 29 E-mail alternatives 30 Source of the Amazon 31 South Carolina’s state bird 32 Neurotic Martin Short character 35 Not discounted 36 Give up 38 Start of a 1957 hit song 40 Press and fold, say 41 Pecking order? 42 Oxidized 43 Agree (with) 44 Cousin who’s “altogether ooky” 45 Vague early afternoon time 47 Like certain investments 49 Soaked 53 To the point, to lawyers 55 Times ___ 57 Succeed 59 Bridge expert Culbertson 60 Go back and forth 62 Some are cohesive 64 Territory 65 1985 film based on “King Lear” 66 How some games finish 67 How some cars screech 69 Plant known as “seer’s sage” because of its hallucinatory effect 71 Loser 72 Skinny 74 Screenwriter Ephron 75 Somme place 76 Prefix with magnetic 77 Old fishing tool 79 An instant 81 Blowup, of a sort 82 “… but possibly untrue” 84 Peeper protector 86 Wield 88 Uncorking noise 90 His debut album was “Rhyme Pays” 91 Grating

P I C K O T R U E F A R T I F S T E O W E R I V I L M A S I U L E G S O C O F A I R I F F S M I R V A C I N C C E C A R A S S A I N T R C A T E I A O D N E C K G A M E T E N

F F P A C T A I C I A L L A M I L R O N A A A S L K P U E S S E M E Q U I R U E M I A T A E E R L H E I G B I D E E N E R P E C A N O S H O L K N L A C E O V E R S I O N

A C M A N C H E B E H E A R T E L I S E T D N E I G H A L M E R R E D S C K A L B P O O L O U V R E H T E E N N T D S O R O E A I M S C T A O W N A S D O G G Y A R L E S S K E E T

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V. 22 | NO. 62

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 11


JOSHRUFFIN

Tea Party

False witness and a better nickname

12 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

is basically a knee-jerk reaction of the far right to a black man being elected president. Am I relying on sensationalism? Okay then: someone please explain to me why these selflabeled “patriots” were standing around with their thumbs up their asses while previous administrations (not, I promise you, limited to Bush’s) ran roughshod over the Bill of Rights and were complicit in laying the groundwork for both the current economic crisis and the everwidening divide between the wealthy and the impoverished. -Takes breathIt’s classic misdirection. Around the time of the original TP (snicker), the upper-class was far more concerned with its own financial status than the wellbeing of the common man; it just so happened that breaking away from England, and thus freeing up their own business interests from the crown’s tax laws, fell right in line with lower-class outrage born out of disenfranchisement — in other words, the impoverished had as much incentive to storm the gates of stateside merchants and bankers as they did to go redcoat-hunting. Howard Zinn, in “A People’s History of the United States,” recounts how in Virginia, “it seemed clear to the educated gentry that something needed to be done

RUFFIN’IT

In America, one thing is certain:* If a good idea, noble pursuit or constructive movement gestates long enough, it’s going to get bastardized, or at least give way to horrible, unforeseen consequences. “The Real World,” which in its infancy dealt sensitively with topics like the AIDS epidemic and racial politics, now plays second fiddle to clap-riddled cousin “Jersey Shore.” Plastic, a relative miracle and testament to human ingenuity that was initially mass-produced for cockpits in WW2 fighter planes, spawns refuse that now infects our environment all the way down to zooplankton. The civil rights movement and MLK laid the foundation for racial equality, but it also gave us Tyler Perry. You get the idea. It’s taken considerably longer for the Boston Tea Party to be deconstructed and reassembled into a barely recognizable golem (though the high morals and rebellious spirit of liberty normally associated with the event itself have by now been half-debunked). The original act, dubious though the motivations of its perpetrators may have been, was at least aimed at a ruling body that was legitimately overbearing and borderline tyrannous. Our modern-day “Tea Party,” on the other hand, which purports to call attention to governmental overreach,

to persuade the lower orders to join the revolutionary cause, to deflect their anger against England.” Up stepped none other than Patrick “Give me liberty, or give me death!” Henry who, as Rhys Isaacs phrased it, was “firmly attached to the world of the gentry,” but whose manner of speech appealed to poorer whites. Fast-forward to now, and Tea Partiers — for the sake of brevity, we’ll just call them “Asshats” — are trying something similar with the Occupy protests, the rallying cry for which centers around the phrase of “the 99%.” Asshats are now feigning solidarity with the protesters by way of their “53%” catchphrase. This seeks to accomplish two things: further the absurd notion that Asshats have some sort of legitimate gripe and convince this country’s disenfranchised red-staters — fun fact: most of the country’s poorest states are predominantly Republican — that Asshats are looking out for their best interests: “Look, poor whites! We sympathize! We can afford healthcare and other basic needs, but we totally get where you’re coming from!” Listen, it’s a pathetic attempt to highjack a legitimate, necessary movement in this country: Yes, a fringe element of the 99-percenters are hippie-douche blowhards, but for the most part, the Occupy protests are truly an example of democracy in action. People are pissed, with good reason, and they’re letting the higher-ups know about it. The Tea Party has no reason to gripe, except to gripe that they have no gripe. And good for them: They’ve managed, thus far, to convince this country’s poor whites, again, that they’re on the same side. As of today, Politico carries a headline reading “Income Gap Slips into GOP Talk.” Sooner or later, though, the constituents (read “proletariat”) are finally going to start asking questions. And then it will get interesting. *Actually, many things are certain, but I’m only allowed about 700 words.

ASU and Metro Spirit alum Josh Ruffin is a published journalist and poet, who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

V. 22 | NO. 62


Business As Usual

Ethics complaint brings spotlight back on Columbia County Republicans In the beginning, there was an email. It was an email from former Columbia County Republican Party board member Lee Benedict to local party chair Brian Slowinski. Though Benedict is no longer on the board, people still come up to him and ask him what he thinks about party stuff. It’s something he takes pride in, so when two separate people came up to him and asked him what a thought about a belligerent email allegedly sent by Slowinski to another party member, Benedict figured he’d follow up. “I said ‘Let me call Brian,’” he says. “I thought I was civil when I asked the question, but then he went all pious on me.” Here’s the exact exchange, dated August 16, provided by Benedict himself: Brian: I have heard from numerous sources that, paraphrasing, you spoke to the audience of Austin Rhodes during a broadcast and said that the Party/ Executive Board will do what you tell it to do, and, paraphrasing again, sent an email to someone with the message of my way or the highway, or get off the bus, or something along those lines. Therefore, I am asking you to confirm/deny and explain the situation. Thank you. You can judge for yourself how civil that was. Slowinski’s response, again provided by Benedict, was as follows: Hi Lee, I don’t respond to rumor or innuendo, just facts!! I also will not respond anonymous attacks via Columbia County Conservative Viewpoint! Just building a file for a Defamation Lawsuit! I sign everything I do and will not dignify or get in a spat over this nonsense. Hope you have the common sense to let sleeping dogs lie! Regards, Brain. P.S. It was nice to see you and your wife at the GCCRW meeting.” It should be noted that this information was provided by Benedict in the form of a three-page ethics complaint he wrote up against Slowinski that same day. Yeah, the Columbia County Republicans are at it again. Of course, this isn’t the first time Republicans have tussled in Columbia County. Just last year, the party ousted its chairman, Lawrence Hammond, over the way he handled the party’s disapproval of the county’s hiring of V. 22 | NO. 62

an outside firm to assist the legislative delegation in Atlanta. It wasn’t pretty. In December of 2009 Hammond was removed as chair but he appealed to the 10th District Republican Committee, which reinstated him in early 2010. Shortly after the reinstatement, however,

he’s not some loose cannon who just rolled into town. He’s a special needs instructor at ARC, a veteran of the Iraq War and a former candidate for Ben Harbin’s seat in Atlanta. So how does someone like that take a postscript of pleasantry as a threat? “I guess I was thinking back six

Hammond resigned, citing an inability to work with the party. Benedict was a member of the Ethics Committee at that time, so he’s no stranger to the intricacies of party workings, but his complaint against Slowinski isn’t the only complaint he filed this August. He also filed complaints with the Judicial Qualifications Commission about the political associations of two judges associated with Ron Cross and State Rep. Ben Harbin, but his complaint against Slowinski is the first to allege the threat of bodily harm. Did you miss that part? It was right there in the email. The part where Slowinski said it was nice to have seen him and his wife at the meeting. That was it. “After I received that, I called someone and said, ‘Is this something I need to go down Columbia Road and file a complaint about?’” he says. “Looking back on it, I don’t think anything would have happened, but why does he have to bring that up — tell me to butt out and have the good sense to whatever…” So he honestly viewed the email as a threat? “At that time, I did.” To some, Benedict’s claim could be easily dismissed as oversensitive, but

months prior to when he called and asked me to remove the link from my Facebook page (more on that later) and then, given the background that I allude to in the complaint (Slowinski was a Golden Gloves boxer and is a martial arts expert) and given the tone he took with a simple question or two… I thought about it, but I did not go to the Sheriff.” Slowinski, who is known for his blustery demeanor, says he is nevertheless shocked that his words were taken the way they were. “I say that and he accuses me of threatening him and using a mob tactic?” he says. “All I said was it was nice to see you and your wife and it’s considered a threat? Come on.” Slowinski, who took over as chairman when Pat Goodwin stepped down early this year, came to the post as a bridge builder. A healer. Someone who could be chief cook and bottle washer. And cat herder, if need be. Which brings us to the link on Benedict’s Facebook page. “When I had just become chairman of the party, all of a sudden there’s this Viewpoint, puppets-on-a-string thing that I thought was derogatory,” he says. “My whole point was to come together and be respectful of one another — if you disagree with somebody on issues,

you take them to task on the issues, but don’t be disrespectful and make it personal, and I saw that as very personal.” The cartoon Benedict linked to depicts Cross as a puppet master with the commission as his puppets. “I don’t think it was in the right tone and Mr. Benedict was previously a party officer,” he says. “I saw the link and I called him and told him about it.” Both men characterize the conversation as cordial and ultimately positive, though Benedict later took issue with Slowinski’s right to make the request to remove it. The Columbia County Conservative Viewpoint, a well-informed but anonymous website of stories mostly critical of Cross and, to a lesser extent, the rest of the commission, is the successor to the old Columbia County Taxpayer’s Coalition run by current Third Vice Chair Jim Bartley, who was living with former chair Pat Goodwin at the time the site was actively attacking Cross. Benedict also raises questions about the timing of party members’ resignations and the musical chairs that has become the ethics committee, but says that it was not initially his intention to get Slowinski ousted. “I was just looking to reel him in, but as this went on and on, I said, ‘You know what — he needs to resign because this is something that’s going to bite someone in the butt.” Benedict says he finds the timing of all this particularly troubling, given the fact that state and even national candidates will soon be marching through the county and they’re going to find… this. However, for someone who fears what outsiders might deduce from the complaint, which is basically about a curtly worded email and a lack of an apology, he has gone to great lengths to make sure as many people as possible know about it. Not only did he send a letter to the editor to local papers including the Metro Spirit — it was sent only after Slowinski refused to send a letter of an apology that was written and offered up by Benedict himself — he sent a copy of the complaint to State Republican Party Chair Sue Everhart, ensuring that the state party, which has 159 other counties to worry about, now has reason to recognize that in Columbia County it’s still business as usual.

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 13


Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Jason Brock, Liz Fisher, Manish Mattawar and Jaime Jackson at the Second Annual Zombie Walk downtown.

SIGHTINGS

Nicky Gendreau with Tony and Charity Miaco at the Second Annual Zombie Walk downtown.

Kennedy Miller, Brandon Crandall, Rachel Plovsky and Knuknu Pierce at the Second Annual Zombie Walk downtown.

SIGHTINGS

Devan Masters, Chelsey Davis and Khaki Starnes at Somewhere in Augusta.

Johns Martin, Jamie Childers and Steven Ocak at the Country Club.

Corey Durrence, Carla Johnson, Brandy Sanders and Robert Crosby at Allie Katz.

SIGHTINGS

Amanda Steele, Threser Hendricks, Tresa Hensley and Diana Marx at Somewhere in Augusta.

14 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

Johanna and Taylor Strickland with Sam and Preston Nale at the Black Cat Ball at Le Chat Noir.

Stephan Jankus, Amanda Bargeron and Melanie Jones at the County Club.

V. 22 | NO. 62


SIGHTINGS

Stacie Adkins, Scott Johnson and Sybil Surrett at the Lady Antebellum concert at Evans Town Center Park.

Maria Lister, Holly Rippy and Amanda Wicklum at the Lady Antebellum concert at Evans Town Center Park.

Corey Godfrey and Gail Soucy with Carolyn and Kai Bailey at the Lady Antebellum concert at Evans Town Center Park

SIGHTINGS

Charles Kelley, Hillary Scott and Dave Haywood at the Lady Antebellum concert at Evans Town Center Park.

Dr. Jed Howington with Mary and Jimmy Parramore at the Lady Antebellum concert at Evans Town Center Park.

SIGHTINGS

Kathy Blandenburg and Lisa Fehrenbach with Amy and Billy Black at the Lady Antebellum concert at Evans Town Center Park.

Cameron and Tricia Nixon with Lynn and Craig Smith at the Lady Antebellum concert at Evans Town Center Park.

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R.U.N.E ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED

First Friday Tasting Wine World November 4, 5-8 p.m. 803-279-9522 wineworldsc.com Fort Gordon Wine Fest November 4, 6:30-9:30 p.m. 706-791-6779 fortgordon.com A Symphony of Wine Richmond Hotel November 4, 7 p.m. 706-826-4705 soaugusta.org CoCo Wine and Culinary Festival Savannah Rapids Pavilion November 5, 1-4 p.m. csrawinefestival.com Wine Tasting The Bee’s Knees November 9, 6-8 p.m. 706-836-0457 beeskneestapas.com

Wine Time

Judging from the number of events this week that revolve around wine, you might think Augusta has a teensy-weensy bit of a problem. From the monthly to the yearly, from the large to the small, there are five — count them, five! — festivals and tastings this week. And the one at Fort Gordon on Friday features more than a hundred different bottles to sample. It’s difficult to imagine such joy outside heaven. Plan your week well and you might be able to hit each event for just a little while… if you’re lucky and have a designated driver. And the only problem we have is that we can’t keep our glasses full, thank you very much!

16 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

V. 22 | NO. 62


ENTERTAINMENT or visit usca.edu/etherredge-center. The Davidson Fine Arts Magnet School Chorale, directed by Dr. Timothy Power, plays at Tuesday’s Music Live on Tuesday, November 8, at noon. Concert is free; lunch following the concert is $10 with advanced reservation. Call 706-722-3463 or visit tuesdaysmusiclive.com. Just Desserts, an Augusta Children’s Chorale annual concert, is Thursday, November 10, at 7 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. The concert will be followed by a dessert reception. $10. Call 706-826-4718 or visit augustachildrenschorale.org. AUS Jazz Ensemble performs Thursday, November 10, at 7:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Theatre. $5; free for ASU students, faculty and staff. Call 706-6674100 or visit aug.edu. The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706364-4069 or visit krocaugusta.org. Get your Just Desserts by attending the Augusta Children’s Chorale’s annual concert on Thursday, November 10, at 7 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. After listening to some great music by one of the area’s most unsung yet gifted choirs, treat yourself to some fantastic desserts at the reception that follows. $10. Call 706-826-4718 or visit augustachildrenschorale.org.

Arts

Washington-Wilkes Art Fest is Saturday, November 5, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m., and Sunday, November 6, from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. on the town square in Washington. Event includes artists’ works and a children’s hands-on art area on Saturday from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Call 706-678-5111 or visit washingtonwilkes.org. Photographer Alec Soth discusses his work at the Morris Museum of Art on Thursday, November 10, at 6 p.m. at part of the Terra Cognita series. A reception follows. Free. Call 706-7247501 or visit themorris.org.

Exhibitions

Making Something Ancient of the New, sculpture by Kath Girdler Engler, opens at the Morris Museum of Art on Tuesday, November 8, from 5:30-7 p.m. The exhibit shows through January 8, 2012. Call 706724-7501 or visit themorris.org. David Swanagin and Mike C. Berry Exhibit Opening Reception is Thursday, November 10, from 5-8 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. Exhibit will be on display through December 31. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. V. 22 | NO. 62

Local Legends is a new permanent exhibition at the Augusta Museum of History that focuses on area-wide entertainers, musicians, singers, authors, athletes, journalists and other notable personalities. It opens Friday, October 28. Call 706-722x-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. The Annual Quilt Exhibition shows November 1-December 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. William Willis: Paintings and Drawings shows at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art November 3-December 13. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org. Americana Tugs at Your Heart, an exhibition by artists Anne Rauton Smith and Judy Adamick, shows during the month of November at the Aiken Artist Guild Gallery at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Call 803-278-0709 or visit aikenartistguild.org. Marcia Bergtholdt Art Exhibit shows during November at Hitchcock Health Center in Aiken. Call 803-278-0709 or visit aikenartistguild.org.

Music

Rob Foster, playing the Japanese flute, and Not Gaddy, playing percussion, perform at the Augusta Canal’s Moonlight Music Cruise on Friday, November 4, at 5:30 p.m. $25. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. The Silkie Celtic Band performs at Covenant Presbyterian Church on Friday, November 4, at 7:30 p.m. At 6:30 p.m., the band will hold a demonstration and discussion. A reception follows. Free. Call 706-733-0513 or visit covenantaugusta.org. Freddy Cole and his jazz quartet perform at USC-A’s Etherredge Center on Friday, November 4, at 8 p.m. Call 803-6413305 or visit usca.edu/etherredgecenter. Brass and Flash, a presentation of the Augusta Choral Society, is Saturday, November 5, at 7:30 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. $25, adults; $20, seniors; $10, students. Call 706-8264713 or visit augustachoralsociety.org. University Wind Ensemble Fall Concert is Monday, November 7, at 7 p.m. at USCA’s Etherredge Center. Call 803-641-3305

Literary

Library Book Sale is Saturday, November 5, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m., and Sunday, November 6, from noon-5 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. The sale also includes CDs, videos and more. Call 706724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Alexia Helsley, author of “Lost Columbia” and “Wicked Beaufort,” will discuss her books and have copies available for purchase on Saturday, November 5, at 2 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-6422020 or visit abbe-lib.org. Janice McDonald, co-author of “The Myrtle Beach Pavilion and Aiken,” will discuss her books and have copies available for purchase on Saturday, November 5, at 4 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org. Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual poetry contest. Cash prizes will be given out. Categories are middle and high school, adults, and seniors. Visit poetrymatterscelebration.com.

Theater

“Dream With Your Eyes Open: A Toussaint Duchess Experience” shows Thursday, November 3, at 7:30 p.m. at the Bell Auditorium. $29.50-$35. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 17


“The Women of Troy” by Euripides shows at ASU’s Maxwell Theatre on Thursday, November 3, through Saturday, November 5, at 7:30 p.m. and Sunday, November 6, at 3 p.m. $5-$10. Call 706667-4100 or visit aug.edu.

or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

“Disney’s Aristocats Kids,” a production of the Augusta Players Youth Theatre, shows Friday and Saturday, November 4-5, at 7:30 p.m. at Our Redeemer Lutheran Church. $10 for those 13 and up; $8 for those ages 4-12 and $5 for those under 4. Call 706-826-4707 or visit augustaplayers.org.

A Symphony of Wine at the Richmond Hotel, sponsored by Symphony Orchestra Augusta, is Friday, November 4, at 7 p.m. and includes 20-30 wines to sample, heavy hors d’oeuvres, live music, raffles, silent auctions and more. $50; $35 for those 35 and under. Call 706-826-4705 or visit soaugusta.org.

“Children of a Lesser God,” a production of Aiken Community Playhouse, shows November 4-5 and 11-12 at 8 p.m., as well as November 6 at 3 p.m. at the URS Center for the Performing Arts. Tickets are $17 for adults, $15 for seniors, $12 for students and $6 for children under 12. Call 803-648-1438 or visit acp1011.com. Local authors are invited to submit original scripts for Quickies 2012, the short play festival at Le Chat Noir. Scripts should be 10-15 pages; all styles and subject matters considered. Deadline is December 31. Mail scripts to Quickies, c/o Le Chat Noir, 304 Eighth Street, Augusta, Ga., 30901, or email them to info@lcnaugusta.com.

Flix

“The Lady Eve” shows on Friday, November 4, at noon at the Morris Museum of Art as part of the Films on Friday series. After the movie, museum Director Kevin Grogan leads a discussion. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. “Of Gods and Men,” part of ASU’s fall film series, shows Monday, November 7, at 7 p.m. in University Hall, room 170. Free. Visit aug.edu. “Citizen Ruth” shows at the Headquarters Branch Library on Tuesday, November 8, at 6:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-821-2615 or visit ecgrl.org.

Special Events

First Thursday on Kings Way in Summerville is November 3 from 5-8 p.m. and features live music from Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold, a cookbook signing with Chef Bill Coxwell and work from featured artist Panny Force. Proceeds raised with benefit the Lynndale School. Email jrlog@knology.net. CSRA’s Got Talent is Thursday, November 3, at 7 p.m. at North Augusta High School. $10 for adults; $5 for those 10 and younger. Proceeds benefit the Arts and Heritage Center. Call 803-441-4380 18 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

Fort Gordon Wine Fest is Friday, November 4, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. at Gordon’s Conference and Catering. It features more than 100 specialty wines, food, live music and door prizes. $20, active duty and designated drivers; $25, advance; $30, day of. Call 706-7916779 or visit fortgordon.com.

Professional Bullriding, sponsored by USC-A baseball, is Friday and Saturday, November 4-5, at 8 p.m. at USC-Aiken’s Convocation Center. $12-$25. Call 706262-4573 or visit uscatix.com.

The Columbia County Fair is Thursday, November 3, through Saturday, November 13, at the fairgrounds in Grovetown and features rides, games, shows, a petting zoo, nightly entertainment, exhibits and more. $5, with nightly specials available. Visit columbiacountyfair.net. Health Emphasis Weekend at Wildwood Lifestyle Center and Hospital is Friday, November 4, through Sunday, November 6, in Columbia County and includes seminars on topics such as cholesterol, hypertension, obesity and diabetes and more, as well as a cooking school on Sunday, November 6, at 11 a.m. Free, expect for cooking school, which is $12 and requires pre-registration. Call 706364-2884. Dr. Connie Drisko, dean of GHSU’s College of Dental Medicine, will give a state of the college address on Friday, November 4, at 12:15 p.m. at GHSU Auditoria Center’s Natalie and Lansing B. Lee Jr. Auditorium. Call 706-721-2117 or visit georgiahealth.edu. First Friday includes shopping, live music and entertainment, food and more on downtown Augusta’s Broad Street and is Friday, November 4, from 5-10 p.m. Free. Call 706-826-4702 or visit augustaarts.com. First Friday Tasting at Wine World in North Augusta is November 4 from 5-8 p.m. and features six wines. $5, with a $3 rebate upon purchase of one of the night’s featured wines. Call 803-2799522 or visit wineworldsc.com.

Decorating with Nature is a hands-on session at Mistletoe State Park that will teach participants ages 12 and up flower arranging, table decorating and wreath making, all from items found in most people’s yards. $5 admission, plus $5 parking. Pre-registration required. Call 706-541-0321 or visit gastateparks.org. St. John’s Apple Fest is Saturday, November 5, from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Church in Aiken. Call 803-648-6891 or visit stjohns-umc.org. Paint the Town, art demonstrations sponsored by downtown Augusta’s Artists Row, is Saturday, November 5, from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Free. Call 706-7244989 or visit artistsrowaugusta.com. Sixth Annual CoCo Wine and Culinary Festival is Saturday, November 5, from 1-4 p.m. at Savannah Rapids Pavilion and includes more than 200 wines and beer, food from local chefs, live jazz and rose displays. $35 is advance; $40 at the door; $20 for designated drivers. Visit csrawinefestival.com. Richmond County Public School Student Media Festival projects will be displayed at the Headquarters Branch Library on Saturday, November 5, from 2:30-5:30 p.m. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Wine Tasting is Wednesday, November 9, from 6-8 p.m. at The Bee’s Knees downtown. Admission is $15 plus tax and tip and pre-registration is required. Call 706-836-0457 or visit beeskneestapas. com. Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from

1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com.

Health

The Inaugural GHSU Dr. Lois Taylor Ellison Lecture Series features Dr. Marlene Rabinovitch, who will discuss chronic lung injury, cardiovascular development and disease, pulmonary vascular disease and pulmonary hypertension. The lecture is Thursday, November 3, at 4 p.m. in room 1222 of the Health Sciences Building. It will be followed by a reception. Visit georgiahealth.edu. Cribs for Kids, a Safe Kids East Central Class that will teach caregivers how to provide safe sleep environments for children, is Thursday, November 3, from 5:45-8 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. Those who can demonstrate financial need will receive a portable crib, fitted sheet, sleep sac and pacifier. $10. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7217606 or visit georgiahealth.org/safekids. Center for Women Tour meets Thursday, November 3, from 7-8 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Center for Women Tour is Thursday, November 3, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-6512229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Weekend Childbirth Education class meets Friday, November 4, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. and Saturday, November 5, from 9 a.m.-5:30 p.m. at University Hospital. Preregistration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Saturday Express Lamaze Childbirth Preparation is November 5 from 8:30 a.m.3:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta, with a tour of the childbirth unit included. Pre-registration required. Call 706-4817727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Short and Sweet childbirth preparation class is Saturday, November 5, from 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m., and Sunday, November 6, from 1-5 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-6512229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Infant CPR Class is Monday, November 7, from 7-9 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Call 706-4817727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Augusta Birth Network meets Monday, November 7, from 7-8:30 p.m. at Earth Fare. The topic is the benefits of letting baby choose their own birthday. Visit augustabirthnetwork.org.

V. 22 | NO. 62


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It’s Christmas-time in the small town of Fayro, Texas, and the Futrelle Sisters – Frankie, Twink and Honey Raye – are not exactly in a festive mood. A cranky Frankie is weeks overdue with her second set of twins. Twink, recently jilted and bitter about it, is in jail for inadvertently burning down half the town. And hot-flash-suffering Honey Raye is desperately trying to keep the Tabernacle of the Lamb’s Christmas Program from spiraling into chaos. But things are not looking too promising: Miss Geneva, the ousted director of the previous twenty-seven productions, is ruthless in her attempts to take over the show. The celebrity guest Santa Claus – played by Frankie’s longsuffering husband, Dub – is passing a kidney stone. One of the shepherds refuses to watch over his flock by night without pulling his little red wagon behind him. And the entire cast is dropping like flies due to food poisoning from the Band Boosters’ Pancake Supper. And when Frankie lets slip a family secret that has been carefully guarded for decades, all hope for a successful Christmas pro-gram seems lost, even with an Elvis impersonator at the manger. But in true Futrelle fashion, the feuding sisters find a way to pull together in order to present a Christmas program the citizens of Fayro will never forget. Their hilarious holiday journey through a misadventure-filled Christmas Eve is guaranteed to bring joy to your world!


TABLE of CONTENTS

AugustaHomeCareers.com

Augusta Home Careers

- WHAT’S YOUR WORKOUT?

04

- SPINNING TO THE FINISH LINE

05

- DON’T DIET

06

- THERE ARE TWO I’S IN RELATIONSHIP

08

- PETS WITH PURPOSE

09

- FARM TO TABLE

15

- SAY AHHHHHH

17

- PAIN MANAGEMENT AT THE CROSSROADS

19

- SPA RETREATS

20

Dear Augusta, For three and a half years, Augusta Home Careers has been actively helping individuals and business owners earn supplemental income by offering an affordable business opportunity. We are the perfect example that not all “home businesses” are created equal. We are the marketing arm for a 26 year-old and thriving, well-respected, award-winning US wellness company. Our “job” is to advertise and market the company and to set up member accounts for those who are interested. We do not offer sales positions as we are not distributors. We do not offer a multi-level-marketing opportunity. This is not some sort of get-rich-quick scheme. We would love to give you straightforward information about our program, give you the opportunity to know us, and perhaps partner with us. Sincerely, Anna Bass Owner – Augusta Home Careers 706.496.2786

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Contributors Brandi Freeman | Anna Caroline Harris

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Elements is a free magazine published monthly focusing on Mind, Body and Spirit. Published monthly by 15House, LLC. Owner/Publisher Joe White. Legal: Phillip Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited.

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WHAT’S YOUR WORKOUT?

Angelia Kniphfer, 44

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I’m an avid runner. Being outside and in the environment is my most favorite thing. I run five days a week never less than two miles. Twice a week I try and get in four and a half miles. So, if I get my five days in, I take the weekends off, but if not I catch up then. I do like to push myself. We were stationed in Washington state for four years. Lots of inclines! I remember the first time I took off running the hill was so steep and the kids were still really young so I had them in a side-by-side jogging stroller and I’m pretty sure someone could have walked right past me!

Coley Faircloth, 30

I live down in the Keys working at a bar and play in the water as much as possible. In the spring I’ll be moving back to Charleston. I try and mix it up. Right now I’m doing traditional back and biceps one day, legs and shoulders, chest and triceps, and one day of cardio, forearms, calves, whatever I feel like doing. Everything I do is in the gym. Once a week I try and play either basketball or racquetball. When I feel like I’ve plateaued a little, I’ll start doing fullbody workouts every day just for muscle confusion. I’ll do that for a couple of months. I like the full body because if you just hit the gym three days a week you hit all the muscle groups. And it allows me to get out and kayak and paddleboard.

ELEMENTS NOVEMBER 2011


Spinning to the Finish Line Locals flock to spinning classes

Over the last couple of years, spinning has taken the Augusta exercise world by storm. Every time you turn around it seems like a new spinning class is being offered. “When I came to Augusta three years ago, there were no spinning clubs,” says Ivan Trinidad, who considers himself the father of Augusta spinning. “I’ve opened three clubs already and a bunch of clients that were taking my class have opened their own businesses.” Trinidad, who came to Augusta from Miami, runs The Spinning and Fitness Gallery, which has a location at the Joseph M. Still Burn Center at Doctor’s Hospital and another one on Washington Road. His version of spinning incorporates a full workout on a spinning bike while the music, which is considered an important motivator to the workout, is mixed live. Spinning bikes are different from stationary bikes. They offer more ways to adjust to the rider and the workout is varied by adjusting the resistance on the bike. “I coach participants to add resistance so that they feel like they’re climbing a hill,” says Becca Phelan, who teaches spinning at the Kroc Center, Family Y and Ultimate Ride and Fitness. “Their leg speed will slow down and they’ll start to feel the big riding muscles in the legs engage.” At the Kroc Center and the Family Y, Phelan teaches the RPM form NOVEMBER 2011 ELEMENTS

of spinning that’s part of the Les Mills group of workout programs. A competitive cyclist, she enjoys the fact that the workout mirrors the actual cycling experience. “There’s a lot of anaerobic work in an indoor cycling class,” she says. “There is some aerobic as well, but there are a lot of times where your heart rate is up a lot higher.” Both agree that the trainer is important to a successful spinning workout. “You’ve got to be able to motivate the client to be able to reach his goals,” Trinidad says. “If they don’t have the motivation and you’ve got somebody instructing that doesn’t have a great attitude, then they won’t be able to motivate somebody who really needs to lose weight.” “We’re there to encourage them and help push them a little harder than they would be able to if they were alone on a treadmill or a stationary bike,” Phelan says. That motivational component is another way spinning races ahead of traditional stationary bikes. “You’re all in there together,” Phelan says. “You feed off the energy of others. When you start to fatigue, you can kind of feed off of other people and the workout they’re getting.” Phelan says a participant can burn from 500 to 800 calories in a typical onehour class depending on how hard they work, and they stand a good chance of

working hard from the very beginning because the intimidation factor is so low, even though people of all fitness levels work out together. “You can progress at your own pace,” she says. “I have people of all ages and ability levels come into my class. I have other cyclists that I ride with that will come to my class and I also have people who don’t have as much fitness.” Trinidad says he sees a lot of people looking for something that’s more fun than working on a treadmill, as well as some athletes who are looking to work on their cardiovascular and endurance. All can ride and work side by side. “Everybody’s a beginner,” he says. “Everybody’s got to build up on their own. We tell them to do what they can do now and it will motivate them to get their endurance back and get them to where they want to be. Every time they come to class, they’re going to be built up a little more.” Typically, clients will participate in spinning classes anywhere from three to five times per week, though Trinidad says some of his more committed clients will come in twice a day. Another benefit to spinning is that it’s low-impact workout, which also contributes to its popularity. Trinidad says that for many of his classes, all 50 bikes are full and Phelan says that it’s not uncommon to see people

reserving their bikes well before class starts to make sure they’ll be able to participate. And while workout programs come and go, spinning seems to offer enough variety and substance to stick around. “Cycling in general has become so huge across the county,” Phelan says, “but people enjoying this indoors, too. Time flies in there because we’re playing music the whole time.”

Ivan Trinidad

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

5


BRANDIFREEMAN

Don’t Diet

Lifestyle changes will lead to weight loss Diet and exercise finds their way to the surface of conversations quite frequently in today’s media-driven society. While various celebrities swear by pills, supplements and surgeries in order to ensure substantial weight loss, obesity remains an issue in our country today. So, the question lingers, “What can I do in order to lose weight and keep it off?” “I don’t like the word ‘diet’,” says Nicole Hill, formerly a nutritionist at Alabama’s Prichard Community Health. “It is really a lifestyle change.” She advises that everyone aspiring to live healthy should generally have a balanced diet of five to six small meals a day, all consisting of whole grain, a little bit of fat and lots of water. However, in order to lose weight, she states, “Your calorie intake should be lower than your calorie output.” Generally, a proper calorie intake consists of the person’s weight multiplied by 10. Then, those looking to lose should add activity to offset some of those calories. “Thirty minutes of exercise every day is good to burn off calories that you’ve taken in. If not every day, then three times a week,“ Hill says. “There is no quick way to lose weight and keep it off.” Even when supplements are sold like crazy and raved throughout advertisements and websites? “I don’t think they keep weight off,” Hill says of these quick fixes. “Initially, they do, but the product is probably enhancing the metabolism and the weight will come back if you don’t keep it up. Plus five or 10 pounds extra.” Angela Burch, a 45-year-old fitness instructor and full-time VA employee in Augusta, says at 35 she became complacent with the idea that she was approximately 211 pounds. But then her doctors diagnosed her as a pre-diabetic and she already suffered from hypertension. “I was at a health fair with a lady that was about 20 years older than me. She got her finger

6

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

pricked and her blood pressure taken and she was fine,” Burch said. “They went to check me and told me to go see my doctor.” Medication to prevent tuberculosis later induced type II diabetes, devastating Burch’s weight and health issues. “Diabetes and hypertension run in my family,” Burch explains. “Plus I did not cook healthy for myself or my family.” So while on the medication, doctors closely monitored her and left the weight loss process up to her. “They told me if I lost just 10 pounds it would help me,” she says. “So, I walked first, with my Walk Away the Pounds video. Not in a gym or outside. I didn’t want people looking at me. I wasn’t going to do that to myself.” This low-impact regiment helped her go from 211 pounds down to 180 pounds. Then her husband came home from the service and she lost track a little. “Back at 186, I decided to do an independent workout. I began boxing,” she elaborates on needing a change in workouts. Doing something that is fun assists with the process. “It psyches you out of thinking working out. Then, I discovered spinning.” As far as food goes, Burch agrees that it is not all about just one or the other. Diet and exercise must become a part of one’s lifestyle in order to change. Assisted by a nutritionist, Burch gave up white bread and soft drinks to assist with her health ailments, as well as help her lose weight. Today, Burch has ran six half marathons and maintains a 140-pound frame. She still maintains a seven-day workout, teaching Zumba and spinning at Urban Body and Ultimate Ride, and aspires to become a personal trainer. Her journey, she says, has totally changed her outlook on food and exercise. “Food is fuel,” she explained. “This is my life and my heath.”

Angela Burch ELEMENTS NOVEMBER 2011


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7


ANNACAROLINEHARRIS

There are Two I’s in Relationship

And thinking about what you want and need is the first step in making a relationship work

Anna Caroline Harris We���ve all been there: It’s your first date at Calvert’s and you’re hesitant to “go Dutch” because your bank account is in the low double digits. During an over-dinner overshare, he confesses to waxing a Jayhawk in his chest on

game days. At the end of date two, you linger at your door — too long for a first kiss, but long enough for him to sigh, “Awkward!” Or on a weekend getaway, he walks you to the edge of the ocean, takes your hand and says Jesus wants

him to stay single. It’s a wonder we even bother dating these days. But such tales prove why dating is essential. You can’t take too long getting to know someone. Time is everything. “Getting to the relationship too quickly is the biggest mistake people make,” says Dr. Wayne Hunsucker of Transitions Mediation. “A much more casual approach is always better.” Begin with a daytime meeting, like lunch or afternoon coffee. Work makes weekdays busy, so such initial outings are more casual. After a few noon rendezvous, meet for drinks (Patti Stanger gives you a limit of two!) or dinner, when both of you are more relaxed. Just don’t get caught in the Friday night, dinner-and-a-movie rut. Take break-dancing lessons. Paint each other’s portraits. Be active. It’s important to teach each other things, too. This means you’ll want to date people with different interests from you. “Opposites do attract and should be explored,” says Hunsucker. They provide “an entirely new vista from which to see life.” But while you shouldn’t date a mini me, do look for some sameness. Likely, that’s how you’ll meet — based on your similar eHarmony or Match profiles, or maybe even the old-fashioned way. Yet different can have its pitfalls. As a recent “SNL” skit warned, beware of red flags (e.g. “I’m a dancer”). If your gut suggests something isn’t right, listen; you’re not just hungry. “‘Oh, he’ll change for me,’ is someone saying they hope he’ll change,” Hunsucker warns. “Change is slow at best, and not possible unless the

one with the problem wants to make changes.” If you think someone will change, that’s your chance to make a change; pull a Steve Holy and get “a brand new girlfriend.” No matter what stage in the dating game, the first person to be concerned about is you. It turns out the “Me Generation” is onto something. “Life is about the ‘I,’” Hunsucker says. “People need to take time to learn why they behave the way they behave.” That’s the only way to determine why you want to be in a relationship, or if you’re most comfortable watching “Say Yes to the Dress on Friday nights” — solo. A lack of “genuine grieving” for past relationships is the main cause for future failed relationships. It’s one reason why nearly half of all first marriages end in divorce, and why subsequent marriages fail at an even higher and more rapid rate. “People should spend the time and do the work to understand their part in the breakdown of the former relationship,” Hunsucker suggests. If hindsight is 20/20, then make sure you can admit why you intentionally broke her feminine china before getting to know or committing to someone new. Once you’re ready for a new relationship, Dr. Hunsucker has one final piece of advice: “argue well.” Compromise implies sacrifice. “Learning to argue effectively, with consideration for the other person primary to our mind,” he explains, “is hugely important.” And the secret to longevity — that, and his and her sinks.

CELEBRATING 10 YEARS OF SERVING YOU! YOU!

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METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

ELEMENTS NOVEMBER 2011


AMYCHRISTIAN

Pets With Purpose

Chickens as pets? The surprising answer for many in Augusta is yes. Marci Miller Cannon

They’re not cuddly or cute. They don’t provide protection, affection or anything else those who own pets usually list as reasons for acquiring a companion. Nevertheless, chickens are becoming the pets of choice for many, particularly women. Even more surprising, chickens aren’t just popping up in the country anymore. Sure AB Beverage President and General Manager Cathy Varnadore, who lives in Appling, has a brood, but so does Marci Miller Cannon, who lives on Walton Way across from Augusta State University. Marci is, in fact, sort of the unofficial NOVEMBER 2011 ELEMENTS

leader of a “very unorganized group” called Chicks With Chicks. She got into the odd venture, however, purely out of curiosity. “Actually, Laura Farmer kind of got me into it,” she says, pointing to Laura as the two, along with fellow Chicks With Chicks member Amy Engler, watch six hens wander around Marci’s back yard. “I think they got theirs as kind of an Easter basket kind of thing.” “It was right around Easter,” Laura confirms, adding with a shrug when asked what made her decide to get chickens. “I just always thought chickens were kind of cool and thought having

eggs would be really cool.” After seeing Laura’s new pets — she now has six hens and a rooster — Marci said she did a little research into what went into keeping chickens, decided she was interested and found someone nearby selling chicks. “I thought, ‘Oh my gosh, we have to do this,’ so I found this lady in South Carolina who had baby chicks for sale and we went out the next day,” she says, adding with a laugh. “Of course, we had Zaxby’s first.” Today, Marci has a collection that includes Ameraucanas, Rhode Island Reds and, most interestingly, a Polish Crested, who looks like she’s wearing a white hat. They all reside in a coop that sits along the fence line at the very back of the yard. “My husband built the coop,” Marci mentioned earlier in the day, on the way back to let the chickens out. “It’s eight by eight by eight because that’s the way the wood comes.” It’s around lunchtime and the chickens

Country Chick

Cathy Varnadore, president and general manager of AB Beverage, said she first got into owning chickens for fun and then for the eggs. She certainly didn’t expect to enjoy having them around but, nearly three years after getting her first chickens, she absolutely loves them. “I really enjoy them,” Cathy says. “Once you get set up with them, they’re really easy to keep and fun to watch. Different breeds have different temperaments and, within the breeds, you can watch the different personalities of different ones. It’s a lot of fun for me.” Cathy, her husband and their three young sons live on 170 acres in Appling. They also love the outdoors and animals, and have added everything from dogs to goats (a failed experiment, she admits) to their METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

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are clucking because they haven’t yet been let out of the coop for the day. Once they are out, they ramble haphazardly around the yard, walking a bit like drunk Frankensteins suffering from severe muscle spasms. After accepting the leftovers that Marci offers, they settle down and forage in the yard for bugs and grass seed. And therein lies a few of the chickens’ attributes that their owners definitely list in the “pro” column. One is that they eat leftovers. “They like vegetable peelings,” Amy says of her chickens, “and the other day we threw oatmeal, cooked oatmeal, out and they loved it.” Sometimes, Marci says, they’ll even eat things that surprise their owners. “The other night the kids brought them home food from a restaurant and I looked out and thought, ‘Oh my gosh

they’re eating chicken fingers,’” she says. “But they ate it.” Not only do they help recycle and reduce the amount of trash, they also help out in their owners’ yards, and not just because they eat bugs. “I tell you what, my back yard has never looked better because of the way they fertilize it,” Amy says. And then there are the eggs, which vary in color depending on the breed. All three women say their hens produce enough eggs for their family and, in some cases, even more. “Marci gets the prize for extra eggs,” Laura says. And not only are there enough eggs to go around, even for neighbors, relatives, friends and teachers, but the eggs are distinctly different than the ones most people buy in the store. “I definitely can,” Laura says when ELEMENTS NOVEMBER 2011


menagerie. “Well, the whole family likes to be outside and likes animals, and we’re just trying different things to add out here,” she says. “We thought about cows and we tried the goats — I didn’t like the goats, and our first chickens I got from Brown Feed and Seed when they used to have them. It was just for fun. We got them for Father’s Day for my husband, and I got to where I really enjoyed them.” Enjoyed them so much that she began branching out with different breeds, first getting them from someone in South Carolina and now ordering them online from McMurray Hatchery. She now has 80, six of which are roosters, in one main coop and one smaller coop. “I’ve got a spot cleared out in the woods to build another coop but I haven’t gotten to that yet,” she says. “My husband actually built the coops themselves, but I built the egg boxes myself.” As with the Chicks With Chicks, Cathy says her chickens are pretty selfsufficient, staying out all day and coming home to roost pretty much by themselves at night. Her biggest

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Cathy Varnadore

asked if she could tell the difference between her hens’ eggs and store-bought ones. “I think Trey [her son] was the first one to say this, that the scrambled eggs are orange and not yellow. Trey didn’t like eggs before we got chickens. They just have a better, richer taste.” For as much good as the chickens do for those who own them, the three

women agree that they require very little. All they really have to do is let them out in the morning, close the coop door at night, watch against predators (neighborhood dogs, snakes and possums seem to be the worst offenders) and make sure they have water and food. “And really, if they’re out in the yard

they can find enough to eat,” Marci says. So the popularity of pet chickens may not be as odd as one might think. “They’re about as easy as cats and they’re pets with a purpose,” Amy says. “They’re food, insecticide and fertilizer all in one.”

concern is predators — coyotes, possums and snakes. Good thing she has dogs… and a rake. “I have a lab who doesn’t mess with them and kind of protects them,” she says. “But one time I saw a ratsnake and a didn’t have a gun or a shovel or anything with me. So I grabbed a rake and chased him, yelled at him, and he never came back.” Cathy says she and her sons currently collect eggs once or sometimes twice a day, which they label, date and keep in a separate refrigerator in the basement. Sometime soon she hopes to do more with the eggs, but, for now, having them, and the chickens, around is enough. “I love to watch them and I love to hear them,” she says. “They start up about five o’clock in the morning crowing. At first it may be a bother but you get used to it. They’re fun to watch when they’re babies and when they grow up. They’ve got a lot of personality.”

"Let the healing begin" Have More Energy Recover Faster From Exercise Sleep Better Have Greater Mental Clarity and Focus Less Inflammation Improved Joint Function Have Better Immune Systems Live Longer Live Better Improve the Health and Function of Every Cell, Tissue and Organ in the Body.

327 Elm Street | Lincolnton, GA | 706.359.7516 NOVEMBER 2011 ELEMENTS

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 13


Call us today at 706.667.9009

THINK. NOT A BIG BOX... NOT EVEN CLOSE

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Professional Virus & Spyware Removal Services $69.95 About Us | Services | Virus and Spyware Removal | Custom Built Computers | Point of Sale Systems | Driving Directions | Contact Us Copyright 2011 ComputerOne Technology, Inc., All Rights Reserved - Website developed, hosted and maintained by Southfire, Inc. 2825 Washington Rd., Fairway Square Shopping Center, Augusta, GA 30909 - 706.667.9009

14 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

ELEMENTS NOVEMBER 2011


ERICJOHNSON

Farm to Table

Local producers provide freshness for an increasingly demanding audience

Most people wouldn’t consider Augusta much of an agricultural community, but in the last few years a variety of local farmers have popped up to help supply the area’s growing appetite for locally grown food. “There’s definitely a lot more interest in locally grown food,” says Richmond County Extension Coordinator Sid Mullis. “Whether it’s community gardens or people wanting to buy locally grown food — people love to know where their food is coming from.” Mullis says this rise in interest roughly coincides with the advent of the first downtown market, which started at the Common in 2005. After bouncing around a lot of different locations, it was eventually renamed Saturday Market on the River and is now located at the 8th Street Plaza. One of these farmers, East Georgia Produce’s Matt DeMatteo, offers customers a weekly basket of seasonal produce from his six-acre farm in Jefferson County. NOVEMBER 2011 ELEMENTS

“It’s just a variety of stuff we have coming out of the farm at any one time of year,” he says. “We try to change it up as much as we can every week.” DeMatteo supports this enterprise by growing five or six items on a large scale and then 10 or 12 items on a smaller scale to offer more variety, rotating crops as the seasons demand. Besides staples like tomatoes, lettuce and broccoli, DeMatteo grows more exotic things, too. This year, he tried his hand with bok choy, rainbow carrots and Japanese turnips. While he says the locally grown phenomenon is particularly strong in Augusta — about 80 percent of his produce goes to the Augusta area and last April’s Local Fest farmer’s market held in Evans drew around 5,000 people — restaurants have also been eager to jump on the locally grown bandwagon. “It’s a big thing these days,” he says. “French Market Grille buys a lot from us. So has New Life Natural Food’s PeriPeri Cafe, New Moon Cafe and 1454.”

It’s not just produce, however. John Gillis of Sweetwater Farms is raising specialty Wagyu cattle for high quality Kobe-style beef out of his farm in rural Dearing. Beef from the Wagyu, considered a delicacy in Japan, has a unique ratio of unsaturated versus saturated fat and has earned a growing following here in the states. “The degree of marbling in Kobe beef that’s properly finished is much higher than prime,” Gillis says. “The FDA rating system doesn’t go high enough to incorporate the amount of flakes of marbling that is spread throughout the whole animal.” Gillis has customers drive down from as far away as Tennessee, including several competitive barbecuers, who feel the specialty beef gives them the edge. “Every time we butcher an animal we’ve got a list of guys that want to buy brisket,” he says. “In the last week we’ve had five calls.” Wagyu differ in appearance from

Angus. They’re built more like dairy cows and aren’t necessarily pretty to look at, Gillis says. That’s in the pasture. On the plate, it’s so much different than American beef, he crosses the Wagyu with Angus to offer variety that’s more familiar. “The American palate sometimes doesn’t want the full-blown Kobe experience where it’s mostly fat,” he says. “A lot of people like a nice prime, really juicy steak, and our half-bloods fall right about there. The three-quarters suits people who like a little more fat.” Like DeMatteo, Gillis also supplies restaurants, but mostly on a limited basis because he can’t provide the amount of beef needed to keep it a regular menu item. “It’s just a connoisseur-type of thing,” he says. “The Wagyu will probably never be as widespread, but the meat is just beyond anything even certified Angus can match.” Kay Pittman has been farming her 16-acre Persimmon Hill Farm organically METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 15


for 28 years, well before the organic food trend moved east of the Rockies. In addition to offering baskets like DeMatteo, Pittman has a store on Central Avenue called Summerville Wellness, where customers can actually choose the fresh produce they take home. She also sells to restaurants, particularly Crums on Central. “I think people are getting back to knowing where their produce is grown,” she says. “The difference between fresh off the farm and fresh in the store is two different things.” Though freshness and taste are the

16 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

biggest reasons people choose to buy shares in her Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) program (the fact she’ll home deliver from Lincolnton to Aiken doesn’t hurt, either), customers also like the adventure of encountering new foods. “I’m always trying new varieties,” she says, adding that sometimes she has to supply instructions for some of her more exotic picks. “Some of the squash I put out are a little different, and I love planting a lot of heirloom tomatoes.” While most of the people who participate in her CSA or are diligent enough to seek out her store understand

the ups and downs of farming, she does admit that occasionally she’ll run into someone who just doesn’t get it, like the woman who couldn’t understand why she didn’t have sweet corn in December like the supermarket did. The biggest thing she tries to do is promote, however, is buying local. “Organic was never meant to be grown in California and shipped to Georgia,” she says.

Sweetwater Plantation 706-595-2840 jcgswp@aol.com sweetwaterplantation.com Summerville Wellness 706-993-8938 kay@summervillewellness.com summervillewellness.com

East Georgia Produce 706-410-4570 eastgeorgiaproduce@gmail.com gaorganic.com

ELEMENTS NOVEMBER 2011


Say Ahhhhhh

How to know if massage, yoga or meditation is right for you Some tend to lump massage, yoga and meditation together, as if they are all three the same thing. And while there are certain similarities, and certainly some overlapping benefits, each has a different effect on body, mind and spirit. All three, for instance, can relieve stress. But while yoga may, at least initially, cause some muscle soreness, massage can relieve it. So how do you know which is right for you? Read on.

Massage

Alleviate low-back pain Assist with shorter, easier labor for expectant mothers Ease medication dependence Enhance immunity by stimulating lymph flow Exercise and stretch weak, tight, or atrophied muscles Help athletes of any level prepare for, and recover from, strenuous workouts Increase joint flexibility Lessen depression and anxiety Improve circulation. Reduce spasms and cramping Relax and soften injured, tired, and overused muscles Release endorphins, the body’s natural painkiller Relieve migraine pain Decrease anxiety Enhance sleep quality Increase energy Improve concentration Reduced fatigue

Yoga

Decreases pulse rate Decreases respiratory rate Decreases blood pressure Increases cardiovascular efficiency Increases respiratory efficiency

NOVEMBER 2011 ELEMENTS

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 17


Normalizes gastrointestinal function Increases musculoskeletal flexibility and joint range of motion

Improves concentration Improves memory Improves attention Learning efficiency improves

Meditation

Increases grip strength Improves eye-hand coordination Improves dexterity skills Improves posture Increases strength and resiliency Increases endurance Increases energy level Normalizes weight Improves sleep Decreases pain Improves steadiness Improves mood Increases self-acceptance and self-actualization Increases social adjustment Decreases hostility

18 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

Lowers oxygen consumption Decreases respiratory rate Slows the heart rate Increases exercise tolerance Decreases high blood pressure. Reduces anxiety. Decreases muscle tension Helps in chronic diseases like allergies and arthritis Reduces pre-menstrual syndrome symptoms Enhances the immune system Reduces activity of viruses and emotional distress Enhances energy Helps with weight loss Decreases cholesterol levels, lowers risk of cardiovascular disease Improved flow of air to the lungs resulting in easier breathing Cure headaches and migraines Improves performance in athletic events Relaxes nervous system Produces lasting beneficial changes in brain electrical activity Builds self-confidence. Increases serotonin level, influences mood and behavior Helps with focus and concentration Increases creativity Improves learning ability and memory. Increases emotional stability. Increases Productivity Increases ability to solve complex problems Helps react more quickly and more effectively to a stressful event. Increases perceptual ability and motor performance Decreases potential mental illness Decreases aggressiveness Helps in quitting smoking, alcohol addiction Helps cure insomnia Reduces road rage Decreases tendency to worry Increases listening skills and empathy Provides peace of mind, happiness Increases compassion Brings body, mind, spirit in harmony Helps living in the present moment

ELEMENTS NOVEMBER 2011


Pain Management at the Crossroads Doctors are forgoing prescriptions for a more natural approach to pain

The need to escape from pain is as universal as pain itself. And while doctors have recently grown proficient at treating the symptoms of pain through medications that sometimes have unanticipated and destructive results, a growing number of people are seeking pain relief by relying on as little medication as possible. “Chronic pain is very much like diabetes or heart disease,” says T.J. Midla, administrator of Augusta Pain Center. “It’s not a situation where you take a pill and it goes away. It’s something you have to address, potentially for the rest of your life.” The doctors at Augusta Pain Center do a variety of pain relieving procedures, including radiofrequency neurotomy, spinal chord stimulation and steroid block injections. Though they do occasionally refer patients for surgery, their goal is to effectively treat the problem before it comes to that. “If we can see these people before they opt for the scalpel and surgery, we could potentially delay, if not entirely put off, the need for surgery,” Midla says, adding that additional surgeries are often required after the first. According to Dr. John Downey of Royal Pain Center, it’s important to discover the root cause of the pain. “Pain is a symptom, but there is a condition that’s causing the pain and the most important thing to do is to determine what the diagnosis is and treat accordingly,” he says. “From there, it’s trying to manage the condition, either the treatment or manage the medicine or providing injections with a goal toward returning to work and returning to function.” Dr. Tom Paris, a Martinez chiropractor who offers a variety of services including neurofeedback and herbal supplements, says once patients understand that pain relief can exist — and be sustained — without prescriptions, they continue to remain patients. “Generally speaking, our initial contact will be because of a specific ailment or concern, and from there they’ll stay on just to keep the body tuned, almost the way a patient goes to a dentist every six months just to make sure there’s nothing major going on that will cause a lot more concern a short ways down the road,” he says. “However, some realize that including chiropractic care as part NOVEMBER 2011 ELEMENTS

a wellness plan is a vital part of good health.” Because pain has a way of infiltrating every aspect of life, including sleep and emotions, Midla says the Augusta Pain Center employs a clinical psychologist along with other therapists in order to make sure the patent receives the most effective care possible. Midla recalls one of the doctors using a spinal chord stimulator to help a young cheerleader recover from severe injuries she sustained as a result of a fall. “Now, there’s nothing she can’t do,” he says. “We gave her back a component of her life she didn’t think she was going to have again.” Using special needles and fluoroscopes to ensure their accuracy, doctors are able to target individual nerves with injections, avoiding unnecessarily medicating the rest of the body. “Sometimes, you’ll go to a doctor and he’ll prescribe a steroid and you take that orally and it goes throughout your whole body,” he says. “A lot of times we’ll use that same medication, but we’re putting it directly onto the nerve. It’s going right that that area, so you’re getting the maximum effects without the residual effects.” Though Midla says only 20 percent of his patients are over 65, Downey sees a change in the people he’s treating. “Now it seems like a significant percentage wants to stay active and they don’t want pain to be a limiting factor,” he says. As people retire, more and more will pick up a golf club or a tennis racket and want to be able to participate in those activities for a long period of time. Some will choose a pain reliever, others will choose chiropractic care or yoga or other rehab exercises. “I can tell you which is going to work the best long-term,” Paris says. “The pain reliever may work a little while — enough for them to make another round of golf — but if they want to do these things long-term, then they have to have a better strategy than just that.”

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 19


SPAS

The Cloister and Lodge, Sea Island Spa and Fitness Adventure Package November 11-13 Friday Arrival

4 p.m. Check-in time, although you may arrive early. Leave your bags at the front desk, and enjoy the resort until your room becomes available. 6:30-7:30 p.m. Wine at Sunset on the Black Banks Terrace. Gather for a taste of select wines and light appetizers overlooking the river as you meet the spa team and each other.

Day One Adventure

8:30 a.m. Gather at the Bike Shop at the Beach Club; wear comfortable clothes and athletic shoes. 9-11 a.m. Bike to the north end of the island, with historical narrative, touring side streets and viewing island architecture, followed by a group stretch and yoga on the beach guided by our expert fitness staff. Limber up while you take in the beautiful wild dunes and seaside. Return to the Bike Shop. 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Enjoy a nutritional athlete’s luncheon with creations of the Sea and Shore prepared by Spa Nutritionist Joyce Mattox, who will demonstrate food preparations and share recipes. 1-3 p.m. Board the Cloister Belle for an afternoon cruise and tour of the rivers, wildlife and nearby islands. Captain Brian and an expert naturalist will guide participants through the winding waters.

4-5:30 p.m. Indulge in a 60-minute massage, facial or a special mineral-packed body treatment; upgrades are available at an additional cost. Choose from an array of spa treatments using ingredients reminiscent of the island, such as sea salts and white oak.

Day Two Adventure

9-10 a.m. Fitness Farewell Finale morning workout and stretch

10:30 a.m.-noon Your choice of Horseback riding or kayaking through the marsh. Both include a beach destination on the island over looking St. Simons and the Atlantic. Noon Check-out time Price: $550 per person; service charge and tax are additional. Package price includes all activities listed in the two-day itinerary. Room and other meals are additional. Must have a minimum of four guests. Times of activities may vary depending on weather, tides and number of participants. 912-638-5148 seaisland.com

The Ritz-Carlton Lodge, Reynolds Plantation One Lake Oconee Trail, Greensboro, Ga. 706-467-0600 ritzcarlton.com/reynolds Decompress in luxurious serenity while the lodge sees to all your needs. For the discerning traveler, this spa package lets you custom-design your perfect spa escape. It includes overnight accommodations in a resort-view guestroom and a choice of two of the following spa treatments: body glow with vichy (50 minutes); organic renewal facial (50 minutes); customized massage (50 minutes); refresh hands and peach ginseng pedicure combo (75 minutes) Valet parking and 20 percent off additional treatments are also included, but it excludes tax and gratuity. Offer, valid through December 30, starts at $449 per night The lodge also offers a girlfriends getaway that includes overnight accommodations in resort-view guestroom; American breakfast for two in Georgia’s Bistro, including tax and gratuity; $100 spa credit (one per room, single or double occupancy) and 10 percent off additional spa treatment purchases; complimentary cosmo cocktail (one per person, single or double occupancy); and one complimentary in-room movie with popcorn. Offer, valid through December 30, starts at $385 per night on weekdays and $465 per night on weekends.

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ELEMENTS NOVEMBER 2011


2917 Riverwest Dr. Suite 105| Augusta, GA

GREUBEL’S Mixed Martial Arts

RIVERWATCH & I-20

GET IN SHAPE WITH A TWIST ONE MONTH FREE NO STRINGS WHATSOEVER “I scored a 282 out of 300 on my Army PT test with 86 push ups, 75 sit ups and a 14:08 two mile run. I can honestly say it's due to all the hard work and training and being able to focus that I get from Greubel's MMA.” -Trenty Watford “I travel often and have frequented several gyms. I have been hardpressed to find a gym of your caliber. Hope to come back train with y'all again and thank you.” Nathan Bowman

7 06.7 3 7 . 091 1 | G R E U B E L S M M A . C O M NOVEMBER 2011 ELEMENTS

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 21


Spa Services at Château Élan Haven Harbour Drive, Braselton, Ga., just north of Atlanta 678-425-0900 x 41 chateauelan.com Couples Retreat

$779 Double for two days and one night Complimentary access to the Spa’s whirlpool, steam, sauna, locker room, wellness classes and afternoon tea (served 4-5 p.m.). Please note no children under the age of 18 may stay overnight at the spa. The spa suites furnishings are unlike what you are accustomed to as they appear to have been carefully selected and acquired over time. The rolled head and footboard of the upholstered bed, appointed with nail head trim, commands attention as the room’s focal point. The room invites you to put your feet up, rest and relax. You will notice an absence of a desk so as to not remind you that you have work waiting for you at home. There is, however, ample table space to pull out a laptop should you need to check an email. The room’s bathroom is like a mini spa in itself. Calming textured wall coverings, watery glass tiled walls, deep pedestal soaker tubs and large glass showers. The 119-gallon two[person airjet tub provides a combination of therapeutic elements necessary for optimal relaxation. Water offers the effects of weightlessness and relaxes muscles. Heat relaxes the body to make it more receptive to the benefits of the massage. The movement of air activates the lymphatic system and blood circulation. The combination of water, heat and air movement create an incomparable therapeutic effect and offers physical relaxation and even relief of pain related to ailments such as arthritis, osteoarthritis and rheumatism. The shower, featuring a Hansgrohe Raindance 10” Showerhead with Handshower AirPower, infuses each drop of water with air, delivering an invigorating highperformance shower. All Raindance products feature air-injection technology with three unique spray modes: Rain AIR, Balance AIR and Whirl AIR. Celebrate a special occasion, or just each other, with a relaxing stay in a spa suite. Enjoy a romantic couple’s massage, dinner and breakfast for two, a bottle of bubbly and a dozen long stemmed roses.

22 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

ELEMENTS NOVEMBER 2011


Childbirth Tour at GHSU is Tuesday, November 8, at 7:30 p.m. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-7219351 or visit georgiahealth.org. Car Seat Class, offered by GHSU’s Children’s Medical Center, is Thursday, November 10, from 5:45-8 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. $10, with pre-registration required. Call 706-7217606 or visit georgiahealth.org/kids. The Weight Is Over, a weight loss surgery seminar, is Thursday, November 10, at 6 p.m. at Doctors Hospital’s south tower, classroom 1. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Surgical Weight-Loss Information Seminar is Thursday, November 10, at 6 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Centers, classrooms A-B on the sixth floor. Pre-registration required. Call 803-6415751 or visit aikenregional.com. Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, November 10, at 6:30 p.m. in suite 310 of Medical Office Building One at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-6512229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Weight Loss Seminar, hosted by GHSU’s Weight Loss Center is Thursday,

at MCGHealth or 706-860-7763 in Martinez. Car seat classes are also available by appointment at these two locations, and those interested should call 706-721-7606 for an appointment. Visit georgiahealth.edu.

Creating Business Cards Using Microsoft Word is Thursday, November 10, at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

Free HIV/AIDS Testing will be given all month long in various locations in the CSRA. Contact 706-721-4463 or visit csrasafetynet.org for a list of locations and dates.

Real Estate Issues, a seminar sponsored by the South Carolina Bar focusing on mortgages, second mortgages and foreclosures, is on Thursday, November 10, at 7 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of MCGHealth. Visit georgiahealth.edu. registration required. Call 706-7212681 or visit georgiahealth.org. Cancer Support Group is Thursday, November 10, from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-7214109 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Education

Introduction to Facebook Class is Thursday, November 3 and 10, at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

V. 22 | NO. 62

Benefits

Support

Burn Support Group meets each Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. in the Lori Rogers Nursing Library at Doctors Hospital. Call 706651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Child Safety Seat Inspections, offered by Safe Kids East Central, are available by appointment at either MCGHealth Building 1010C or the Martinez Columbia Fire Rescue Engine Company 3. Call 706-721-7606 for an appointment

Email Basics Computer Class is Fridays, November 4 and 11, at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-

Thursday, November 10, at 11:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Lunch, catered by Shane’s Rib Shack, is $15 and pre-registration by November 8 is required. Call 706-826-4702, ext. 2, or email grace@augustaarts.com.

Breast Self-Exam Classes will be held every Tuesday through the end of the month at 5 p.m. at the University Breast Health Center. Registration required. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

Cancer Survivors Support Group meets Thursday, November 10, at 6 p.m. at Augusta Oncology Associates on Wheeler Road. Call 706-651-2283 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

November 10, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Library in Evans. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706721-2609 or visit georgiahealth.org/ weightloss.

Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

Site Review for initial accreditation of Augusta Technical College’s associate degree nursing program is Thursday, November 3, at 3:30 p.m. in building 600, room 633. The public is invited to meet the team and share comments. Call 706771-4000 or visit augustatech.edu. Introduction to Microsoft Word is Thursday, November 3, at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required.

registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Google School is Friday, November 4, at 10 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-8631946 or visit ecgrl.org. Email for Beginners is Friday, November 4, at 1:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Word Processing Basics Class is Mondays, November 7 and 14, at 6 p.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Resume Typing Using Microsoft Word is Tuesday, November 8, at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Mouse and Keyboarding Skills is a computer class on Wednesday, November 9, at 10 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Library card and pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Absolute Beginners’ Computer Class is Wednesday, November 9, at 2:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Library card and pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. 2011 Legislative Luncheon, hosted by the Greater Augusta Arts Council, is

Oysters on Telfair, a fundraiser for the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art, is Thursday, November 3, from 7-10 p.m. at Ware’s Folly on Telfair. The event features raw and steamed oysters, live music, a full bar, an artwork silent auction, raffles and more. $65; $50 for members of Contemporaries. Call 706722-5495 or visit ghia.org. 19th Annual Harvest Ball is Saturday, November 5, from 7-11 p.m. at Julian Smith Casino and features dinner, live music silent auction. Proceeds visit the scholarship for of the Savannah River Sail and Power Squadron, Metro Adult Literacy Council and ASU’s Born to Read Literacy Center. $20, advance; $25, door. Call 706-821-2804. Benefit Raffle at Greubel’s MMA is going on through Saturday, November 5. Tickets are $25 for one, $50 for three, $100 for 8 and $200 for 20, and include prizes such as a lifetime membership to Greubel’s, restaurant gifts certificates, original artwork, massage sessions, Metro Spirit ads, and autographed memorabilia from NGL New York Islander Trevor Gillies. Call 706-737-0911 or visit greubelsmma.com. Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Sports-Outdoors

The Augusta RiverHawks play the Columbus Cottonmouths on Friday, November 4, at 7:30 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $10-$18. Call 706-9932645 or visit georgialinatix.com. The Augusta RiverHawks play the METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 19


Fayetteville FireAntz on Saturday, November 5, at 7:30 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $10-$18. Call 706-9932645 or visit georgialinatix.com.

demonstrations, old-time games and art projects, and more. Free. Call 706-7247501 or visit themorris.org. Beginning Lacrosse Clinic is Monday, November 7, at Patriots Park, field 4, from 6:30-8 p.m. For boys and girls ages 8-12, admission is $50 and includes a free lacrosse stick. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-7523 or visit columbiacountyga.gov.

Swamp Saturday at Phinizy Swamp Nature Park is November 5 at 9:30 a.m. and includes a 2.5 mile, 1.5 hour hike through the nature park led by a trained volunteer. Call 706-828-2109 or visit naturalsciencesacademy.org. Golfing for GAMES Scholarship Tournament is Monday, November 7, at 12:30 p.m. at Forest Hills Golf Club with proceeds benefiting the Augusta Sports Council’s GAMES awards program. $125 per player for members and $450 for teams; $150 per player for non-members and $575 for teams. Price includes lunch, range balls, cart, dinner and awards. Call 706-722-8326, ext. 231, or visit augustasportscouncil.org.

Puppet Special is Wednesday, November 9, at 10:30 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. No other story times will be held

Yoga Class is held each Tuesday at 4 p.m. at the Euchee Creek Branch Library. Call 706556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Kids

Annual Fall Festival at Augusta Christian Schools is Saturday, November 5, from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Open to the public. Call 706863-2905 or visit augustachristian.org.

that day. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

DECLASSIFIED

Artrageous! Family Sunday: Down Home Day is Sunday, November 6, at 2 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art and features a performance from Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold, basket weaving, pottery

$1-$4.50. Reservations recommended. Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec.usca. edu/planetarium.

Turkey Time Craft Workshop, for ages 3-5, is Thursday, November 10, at 11 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7366244 or visit ecgrl.org.

Internet Genealogy Class is Thursday, November 10, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-8261511 or visit ecgrl.org.

Harry Potter Thanksgiving, for ages 6-11, is Thursday, November 10, at 5 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-8631946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-3645762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

“In My Backyard,” 7 p.m., and “Worlds in Motion,” 8 p.m., show each Saturday in November at the DuPont Planetarium at the USC-Aiken’s Ruth Patrick Science Education Center. Tickets are $4.50 for adults, $3.50 for seniors, $2.50 for students 4K-12th grade and $1 for USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec.usca.edu/ planetarium.

The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878.

Bucking Antlers, a program about whitetail deer for those ages 5 and up accompanied by a parent, is Saturday, November 5, from 4:30-5:30 p.m. at Reed Creek Park. Pre-registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com.

10 a.m. or 11:15 a.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Sarah Martin Busse and Jacqueline Briggs Martin will read from their book and participants will learn about painter Art Rosenbaum and his work. Afterwards, they will make a banjoinspired collage. Free for members; $4 for non-members. Pre-registration required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Turkey Trivia Wednesday, for ages 6-11, is Wednesday, November 9, at 1 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-8631946 or visit ecgrl.org. Banjo Granny, part of the Toddler Time series, is Thursday, November 10, at

Steed’s Dairy in Grovetown, a working dairy farm that includes a corn maze, petting zoo, jumping pillow, tube slide, rubber duckie races, preschool pay area, hayrides, a pumpkin patch and more, is open through November 13. Hours are Friday, 5-10 p.m., Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays, 1-6 p.m. $9-$12. Call 706-855-2948 or visit steedsdairy.com. Kackleberry Farms is open Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays 1-5 p.m. Visit kackleberryfarm.com. Blown Away: The Wild World of Weather will be presented Saturdays in October at 7 and 8 p.m. at the DuPont Planetarium.

STYLIST WANTED Experienced or just out of school, must be creative, outgoing & Christian. New salon opening in November 2011 off Washington Road. We look forward to hearing from you! Interested? Please call us at 706-564-3793 or email

caroline@glorifiedcolorspark.com

(actual size) 1.5” x 1.9” Tall $40 per week 20 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

Toddler Story Time and Preschool Story Time take place every Thursday in September at 10:30 a.m. and at 11:15 a.m. at the North Augusta Library.

Hobbies

Simple Cooking Class meets each Monday from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. The Garden City Chorus, the area’s leading men’s singing group and a member of the Barbershop Harmony Society, is seeking new members. Those interested are welcome to attend Tuesday night rehearsals, held at 7 p.m. at North Augusta Church of Christ on W. Martintown Road. Visit gardencitychorus.org.

Volunteers

Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs volunteers to help support staff, visit patients and more. Call 706-4472626 or visit msa-corp.com/companies/ hospicecareofamerica.aspx.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

BABYSITTER NEEDED

Babysitter needed to come to my home and take care of our Aspergers child who is 9 years old in the Modoc area. Monday thru Friday 6:45a-5p. Special Needs experience, background check and references required. Call 803.341.1677 and ask for Donna

All declassified ads are Cash in Advance (credit card payment required) and are $40 per week. Visit metrospirit.com to place your ad in minutes. V. 22 | NO. 62


THEEIGHT BOX TOPS

A cute widdle kitty cat knocks a scary movie off the top of the box-office mountain. RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

1

PUSS IN BOOTS

$34,077,439

$34,077,439

1

-

2

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3

$18,144,516

$80,919,170

2

1

3

IN TIME

$12,050,368

$12,050,368

1

-

4

FOOTLOOSE

$5,502,026

$38,544,825

3

3

5

THE RUM DIARY

$5,135,369

$5,135,369

1

-

“Paranormal Activity 3”

Sam Eifling Things that go bump in the night never go out of style By this, the third installment, there’s a familiar normalcy to the happenings in “Paranormal Activity 3.” But say this for its unrepentant, unadorned approach to the bump-in-the-night haunt flick: You know exactly what’s coming. It tells you what’s coming. Eerie noises. Ominous, shadowy bursts. Furniture moving… on its own! Remarkably it all still works. This is the grilled cheese sandwich of horror movies, straightforward but quite satisfying, if it’s what you’re in the mood for. Like the previous “Paranormal” movies — the first of which was shot for $15,000 and went on to gross nearly $200 million; the second, shot for $3 million, raked in $177 million — the third is filmed by the characters therein. Most of it takes place in 1988, when the sisters from the earlier movies, Katie and Kristi, are little girls first making the acquaintance of the haunts that will follow them later; Kristi, the younger, has what everyone assumes is an imaginary friend named Toby. Their mother,

V. 22 | NO. 62

Julie, played to an underconcerned T by Lauren Bittner, reluctantly consents to her videographer boyfriend Dennis (Christopher Nicholas Smith) positioning cameras around their home in a bit of DIY ghostbusting when he starts noticing some lowgrade thuds and thumps that can’t be explained merely by an errant Teddy Ruxpin doll. Real-life documentarians Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost (who teamed up for “Catfish”) direct. Fans of the previous movies will appreciate that the prequel addresses some of the story points raised in the 2007 and 2010 “Paranormal” flicks, though it’s clear by glancing at online discussion boards for this movie that dedicated viewers could drive a dump truck through the plot holes. Care at your own risk. Also, the trailers would have you believe that all hell proceeds to break loose, but whether those are being saved for the DVD extras or what, the result on the screen is as patient as any 81-minute movie you’ve seen, with each scene’s reveal turning the screw

another notch. “Paranormal Activity 3” doesn’t overexplain the whys or hows beyond Dennis’ buddy Randy (Dustin Ingram) flipping through some library books on the occult. (in California, of course, the local branch carries titles like “Demonology.”) There are a couple of scary symbols placed on walls and a couple of pretty aggressive acts by whatever’s haunting the home. Mostly the low, wooden sighs and random rattlings are attributed to something that stays out of view, and rightly so. For as campy as the “Paranormal” franchise is (and it’s sure to keep expanding, given that these movies print money) there’s an endearing quaintness to the films. Audiences absolutely scream at these things, so long as they can suspend their disbelief

long enough not to giggle. A swinging door, a shuddering mirror — in the age of profligate digitized explosions, aliens, monsters, magic, space travel, on and on, ad naseum, ad mortem, how can it be that a little girl standing still for an hour to stare at someone else sleeping is still so utterly creeptastic? The minimalist approach forces even yappy teenagers to shut up and stare if they’re gonna get anything out of it. The scariest things, the funniest things, the sexiest things, the most engrossing things, are those which remain just out of view. When you find yourself wondering how a stationary bedsheet can seem so frightening, you’ll stop wondering how these low-budget gotcha flicks keep raking in the dough.

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 21


OPENING FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 4

THE8ERS

COMEDY

“A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas,” rated R, starring Kal Penn, John Cho, Neil Patrick Harris. Remember, oh so long ago, when you first spotted NPH in “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle,” and thought to yourself, “Hey, it’s Doogie Howser!” Then a few seconds later, you thought to yourself, “OMG, Doogie Howser is doing what?!” Good times.

Movie times are subject to change.

The Big Mo

“Tower Heist,” rated PG-13, starring Eddie Murphy, Ben Stiller, Casey Affleck, Matthew Broderick, Alan Alda. Hawkeye Pierce plays a Bernie Madoff type, while Stiller and Murphy team up to steal back the money he stole from them. Sure, it’s good to see Eddie Murphy on screen again but what we really want to know is where we can get one of those pools with the $100 bill on the bottom of it.

November 4-5 Main Field: Puss in Boots (PG) and Footloose (PG-13) Screen 2: A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas (R) and Paranormal Activity 3 (R) Screen 3: Courageous (PG-13) and The Ides of March (R) Gates open at 7 p.m.; Movies start at 8:15 p.m. (approximately)

DRAMA

Masters 7 Cinemas

“The Son of No One,” rated R, starring Channing Tatum, Al Pacino, Juliette Binoche. A young cop in the working-class neighborhood where he grew up tries to keep an old secret that threatens him and his family. Sounds like a Scorcese movie, but it’s not. Rest assured, however; Al Pacino will ham it up like he always does.

November 4 Straw Dogs (R) 4:15, 7, 9:30; Apollo 18 (PG-13) 7:30; Colombiana (PG-13) 4, 7, 9:30; Our Idiot Brother (R) 4:45, 9:50; Fright Night (R) 4:15, 7:15, 9:40; 30 Minutes or Less (R) 5, 7:45, 10; Rise of the Planet of the Apes (PG-13) 4:30, 7:15, 9:40; Crazy, Stupid, Love (PG-13) 6:45, 9:20; The Smurfs (PG) 4

WERECOMMEND

November 5 Straw Dogs (R) 1:15, 4:15, 7, 9:30; Apollo 18 (PG-13) 1:45, 7:30; Colombiana (PG-13) 1, 4, 7, 9:30; Our Idiot Brother (R) 4:45, 9:50; Fright Night (R) 1:30, 4:15, 7:15, 9:40; 30 Minutes or Less (R) 1, 3, 5, 7:45, 10; Rise of the Planet of the Apes (PG-13) 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 9:40; Crazy, Stupid, Love (PG-13) 6:45, 9:20; The Smurfs (PG) 1:30, 4

Evans Cinemas

“American Horror Story”

Halloween is over, but the scares keep coming each Wednesday night at 10 p.m. on FX. Taking the idea of turning a scary movie into a TV series, Ryan Murphy, the creator of “Glee,” has certainly outdone himself freaking viewers out. Each week’s intro focuses on a different event that has taken place at “The Murder House,” the L.A. home Ben and Vivien Harmon, along with their daughter Violet, recently bought. As if Ben and Vivien didn’t have enough problems (he’s a cheater; she suffered a “violent” miscarriage), they now own a house where ghosts and monsters roam freely. A man in a rubber fetish suit, a horribly deformed baby, a man with half of his face melted off and a maid who changes appearance depending on who’s looking at her are just the beginnings of the Harmons’ waking nightmare. Murphy is an expert at placing the right actresses in small but vital roles (Sue Sylvester is “Glee”’s only saving grace at this point) and here he’s created a double whammy: Taissa Farmiga, playing surly teen Violet, and Jessica Lange, playing aging femme fatale Constance, both deserve Emmys. If anyone had doubts about how horror would translate to the small screen, Murphy has certainly erased them.

22 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

November 4 Tower Heist (PG-13) 2:50, 5:10, 7:35, 10; A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (R) 2:20, 4:40, 7:05, 9:35; In Time (PG-13) 2:30, 4, 5, 6:45, 7:30, 9:20, 10; Puss in Boots (PG) 2:40, 3:20, 4:50, 5:30, 7, 7:40, 9:10, 9:50; The Rum Diary (R) 4:30, 7:10, 9:50; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 3, 5:15, 7:25, 9:55; The Three Musketeers (PG-13) 4:20, 7:20; Footloose (PG-13) 4:10, 7:15, 9:55; The Ides of March (R) 10; Real Steel (PG-13) 3:50, 6:50, 9:40; Courageous (PG-13) 3:40, 6:40, 9:30; Dolphin Tale (PG) 3:45, 6:40, 9:25; Moneyball (PG-13) 4:45, 8 November 5 Tower Heist (PG-13) 12:20, 2:50, 5:10, 7:35, 10; A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (R) 12:10, 2:20, 4:40, 7:05, 9:35; In Time (PG13) noon, 1, 2:30, 4, 5, 6:45, 7:30, 9:20, 10; Puss in Boots (PG) 12:30, 1:10, 2:40, 3:20, 4:50, 5:30, 7, 7:40, 9:10, 9:50; The Rum Diary (R) 1:40, 4:30, 7:10, 9:50; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 12:35, 3, 5:15, 7:25, 9:55; The Three Musketeers (PG-13) 4:20, 7:20;

Footloose (PG-13) 1:20, 4:10, 7:15, 9:55; The Ides of March (R) 1:30, 10; Real Steel (PG-13) 12:50, 3:50, 6:50, 9:40; Courageous (PG-13) 12:40, 3:40, 6:40, 9:30; Dolphin Tale (PG) 12:45, 3:45, 6:40, 9:25; Moneyball (PG-13) 1:50, 4:45, 8

Regal Exchange 20

November 4 Tower Heist (PG-13) noon, 1, 2:35, 4:05, 5:05, 7:05, 7:35, 9:40, 10:10, 12:15; A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (R) 12:15, 1:15, 2:30, 3:45, 4:45, 7, 7:30, 9:15, 9:50, 11:30, 12:10; Puss in Boots (PG) 12:15, 12:45, 1:15, 1:45, 2:30, 3:05, 3:35, 4:05, 4:45, 7, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 9:15, 10:05, 10:35, 11:30, 11:55, 12:25; In Time (PG-13) 3:20, 4:20, 7:25, 10, 10:30; The Rum Diary (R) 12:20, 3:50, 7:15, 10:25; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 12:30, 1:30, 2:40, 3:40, 4:50, 7:10, 7:40, 9:20, 9:55, 11:45, 12:15; The Three Musketeers (PG-13) 12:10, 1:10, 4, 7:05, 7:35, 10:15; Footloose (PG-13) 12:50, 4:30, 7:20, 10; The Thing (R) 12:55, 3:55, 7:30, 10, 12:30; The Ides of March (R) 4:15, 10:20; Real Steel (PG-13) noon, 3:40, 7, 9:55; Courageous (PG-13) 12:05, 4:10, 7:10, 10:15; Dolphin Tale (PG) 1:35, 7:20; Sarah’s Key (PG-13) 12:35, 4:25, 7:25, 10:05 November 5 The Metropolitan Opera: Siegfried (NR) noon; Tower Heist (PG-13) noon, 1, 2:35, 4:05, 5:05, 7:05, 7:35, 9:40, 10:10, 12:15; A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (R) 12:15, 1:15, 2:30, 3:45, 4:45, 7, 7:30, 9:15, 9:50, 11:30, 12:10; Puss in Boots (PG) 12:15, 12:45, 1:15, 1:45, 2:30, 3:05, 3:35, 4:05, 4:45, 7, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 9:15, 10:05, 10:35, 11:30, 11:55, 12:25; In Time (PG-13) 3:20, 4:20, 7:25, 10, 10:30; The Rum Diary (R) 12:20, 3:50, 7:15, 10:25; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 12:30, 1:30, 2:40, 3:40, 4:50, 7:10, 7:40, 9:20, 9:55, 11:45, 12:15; The Three Musketeers (PG-13) 12:10, 1:10, 4, 7:05, 7:35, 10:15; Footloose (PG-13) 12:50, 4:30, 7:20, 10; The Thing (R) 12:55, 3:55, 7:30, 10, 12:30; The Ides of March (R) 4:15, 10:20; Real Steel (PG-13) noon, 3:40, 7, 9:55; Courageous (PG-13) 12:05, 4:10, 7:10, 10:15; Dolphin Tale (PG) 1:35, 7:20; Sarah’s Key (PG-13) 12:35, 4:25, 7:25, 10:05

V. 22 | NO. 62


CUISINESCENE Raise a Glass

Columbia County’s Toast Wine and Beverage offers customers more Almost exactly four years ago, Allan Barrett and his three partners opened Toast Wine and Beverage, hoping to give Columbia County residents a little taste of something different. Customers won’t, for instance, find cigarettes or lottery tickets for sale at the counter. What they will find are soothing surroundings, easy-to-find merchandise and a staff ready and willing to help. “We wanted to create a comfortable, clean and friendly environment that’s organized. In most liquor stores, nothing’s in any particular order,” explained Barrett, who is general manager and managing partner of Toast. “The idea was to create a nice ambiance and make it a friendly place for women to shop. And we do have a lot of women who shop here.” One of the reasons women in front of the counter might be comfortable shopping at Toast is undoubtedly the look and layout of the store, which Barrett hopes reminds people of a certain upscale market. Another reason, however, is that there’s a woman behind the counter as well. Brittany Napier has been with Toast since the beginning, first as the wine buyer and now as the buyermanager of the store. A former server at a downtown restaurant, Napier said she learned about wine at her boss’ insistence and learned to love it. “Our manager was adamant about us knowing the wines,” she said. “I had to learn it and, once I started tasting it and learning, it was just an automatic interest. I never thought when I was mandated to learn the wine list that I would be here.” “And you never learn it all,” Barrett added. “That’s right,” Napier agreed. “The alcohol industry is ever-evolving. It’s always changing.” And whether it’s in the liquor, wine or beer section of the 7,000-square-foot store in the Publix shopping center, Napier and Barrett aim to stay on top of trends, whether it be flavored vodkas or

V. 22 | NO. 62

low-calorie mixes and pre-mixed drinks. The wine department at Toast features a couple of trends that some might be surprised to see in a more upscale store — boxed wines and screw-top bottles. “Boxed wines are actually very good for storing,” Napier explained. “The air never gets to the wine so the customer doesn’t have to worry about it spoiling. There are four bottles’ worth of wine in a three-liter box and it can last for about four weeks. It’s perfect for a person who just likes a glass of wine here and there, and it’s great for trips and parties.” Storage is also the reason more and more winemakers are using screw tops, or stelvin enclosures, instead of corks — not only are they less expensive, they don’t succumb to spoilage once the bottle is sealed. The general public, Napier said, has been slower to accept the screw-top bottles than winemakers have. “Some people believe that screw caps take away from the romance, the elegance of pulling the cork out, but I think people need to look past that,” she said. The story of the wine isn’t in the top, it’s in the bottle. It’s about enjoying what’s in the bottle.” There’s plenty of enjoyment to be had at Toast, which devotes an entire room to wines. The room is divided into and clearly marked by varietals. “When we first opened we had everything by country and varietal and the more we learned, we found it’s easier for the customer to come in here and shop by varietal,” Napier said. “And everything’s in order by price progression from less expensive to more expensive in each section, so it’s easier to guide the customer.” In the back of the wine section is the cellar, which contains all of the store’s sparkling wine offerings, as well as the most expensive bottles. Almost half of the store’s sales may be wines, but both Napier and Barrett say that beer sales are catching up. The store is, of course, equipped with a

beer cave, but the growth comes from a different area. “Craft beer sales are on the rise and we have the biggest selection in town by far,” Barrett said, estimating the store has 500 kinds of beer in stock. “It’s changing, it’s growing. We’re introduced to new beers weekly.” Customers can mix and match any of the beers at Toast. Now that winter and the holidays are around the corner, that beer tends to be darker and heavier, just as the first shipments of holiday wines have more festive labels and the liquor gift boxes are on display. Toast is gearing up for the season, preparing for their biggest wine sales week during Thanksgiving and making sure that customers know employees can help with everything

from holiday party special orders to gadget gifts for the wine connoisseur to holiday wrapping. They do, however, want customers to know that they can expect this kind of service any time of the year. “Anybody can go to a grocery store and get wine, but you can’t get anybody to help you,” Barrett said. “If somebody comes in here, we’ll help them out with whatever they need. We offer full service.” Toast Wine and Beverage 417 Fury’s Ferry Road Monday-Saturday, 9 a.m.-10 p.m. 706-922-8627 toastbev.com

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 23


EVANS

Across from Evans Cinema • 706.868.1450

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Across from the mall • 706.738.1300

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THURS & SATURDAYS — COLLEGE FOOTBALL

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PLEASE SUPPORT OUR ADVERTISERS (THEY PAY OUR BILLS!)

V. 22 | NO. 62


INMUSIC

Matt Stone can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

Anybody Out There? Matt Stone

Taylor Swift

Where is everyone? It seems there is a current decline lately with people showing up to shows downtown. Is it just me? Are we not friends anymore? I managed to bar hop over Halloween weekend and, sure, there were people out, but nothing crazy, and it was Halloween weekend. But what can you do? Well, I’ll tell you what you can do. You can get off your couch and enjoy some great, and most times free, entertainment. I did manage to catch the band The Atom Blonde for the first time on Friday. I think the band has some work to do, as most do, but it’s definitely nice to see a female-fronted rock band in Augusta. It helps that she’s attractive as well. Check them out, and be on the lookout for a highly produced music video for the band coming soon. In geriatric news. Old man fall down, old man bust his face. This week, Aerosmith frontman and “American Idol” judge Steven Tyler collapsed in a hotel bathroom, smashing his face and knocking out his two front teeth. (I’m already laughing, it’s okay.) Tyler got four stitches and some dental work. No word on if he went ahead and replaced V. 22 | NO. 62

a hip or inserted a pacemaker. I think he’s off the wagon. I’m proud to introduce the new Tupac: it’s Amy Winehouse! Her first post-overdosing album will be called “Amy Winehouse Lioness: Hidden Treasures.” More albums from the afterlife. The disc is due out December 5. The 12-track set contains previously unreleased songs along with alternate versions of her previous hits. Taylor Swift went on a rampage this past week after a website, Celebrity Jihad, claimed they had topless pictures of the country star. She threatened to sue the website if they didn’t remove the photo. The websites response to Swift’s threat was classic: they promise to remove the picture if Swift “agrees to convert to Islam” and “sacrifice a goat and devour its entrails.” I have to see this. No word on if Swift is cool with the conversion to Islam, or if she has a taste for goat entrails. Your worldly news in brief format: Irish rockers the Cranberries are back. Oh why did they make us linger and wait on this news? Ha! You see what I did there… okay. Mark it in your calendars: February 13 is the release

date for “Roses.” Hey, do you remember when patchouli and hacky sacks were cool? Well if you do, it’s time to get excited. Phish is releasing a seven-CD box set containing three complete backto-back shows from their fall 1997 tour. And last, Stone Temple Pilots’ frontman Scott Weiland just released his Christmas album. Let me repeat that: STP frontman Scott Weiland released a Christmas album. He has to be back on drugs. Heading to the charts. After being released 35 weeks ago, Adele has made it back to the No. 1 slot of the Billboard music charts. And all it took was her canceling her U.S. tour. Other notables in the top 10: there aren’t any. In stores

this week: new music from Florence and the Machine and the band The Decemberists, and you also get a rerelease from U2; the 20th anniversary of “Achtung Baby.” Don’t worry; I’m sure all the proceeds from sales of U2’s reissue will go to some country other than the United States. Coming up on the 19th, check out a new band being introduced to Augusta, they’re called Nobunny. They’ll be performing at the Firehouse for a $5 cover. And keep your ears on details of a possible M-Tank reunion. What shows am I missing? Let me know, email matt@themetrospirit.com.

Steven Tyler

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 25


SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) “Try to be surprised by something every day,” advises Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his book “Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention.” This is the week you have the best chance of tinkering with your rhythm so that it will thrive on unpredictability. Are you brave enough to capitalize on the opportunity?

Chuck and his wife run Downstairs Live, a private concert series streamed live from their home. He also dabbles in photography and videography. For more info, go to crwconcepts.com or downstairslive.com.

26 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

“Dear Rob: I was born on November 30. While in Iraq in 2006, I was half-blown up by a bomb, and had a near-death experience, which is why I now celebrate September 24, the date of the bombing, as my second birthday. What do you think? TwoWay Tamara.” Dear Two-Way: We’d all benefit from having at least one rebirth in the course of our lives.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

EARDRUM

Since 2009, we’ve averaged 10 Downstairs Live concerts a year and each has been meticulously planned. During the months prior to a concert, there are hundreds of details to be ironed out to ensure that everything will run smoothly. When the night finally arrives, we want the artists, guests and internet viewers to have a great experience. Over the years as Downstairs Live began to take off, I started receiving emails and phone calls from different artists and agents who had an interest in playing our stage. Some were keepers and we ended up booking them, but many of the artists had a certain sound or style that just didn’t appeal to us. During this learning process I chose to be up-front with every request. On a few occasions, my “honest” approach put me in some awkward situations. We had the very talented Josh Hoge playing our room in the summer of ’09, and a late-night conversation had me stuttering. We were all hanging out after the show and Josh was commenting on how much he was enjoying his DSL experience. He started mentioning his favorite artists and which ones would be a good fit for our room. At this point I started to get nervous because I had a feeling where the talk was leading, and that being towards the subject of his brother, Will Hoge. Will is a great alt-rock artist with a huge fan base around the southeast. We’ve seen him three or four times over the years, and during those shows everyone around us loved his music, but unfortunately it did nothing for us. I hate to even write this, but I’m sorry, he just didn’t push our “wow” button. This was nothing against Will Hoge, for thousands adore him… we simply learned that his music wasn’t our favorite. As Josh kept naming artists, I could feel the question getting closer… and I started to get nervous. It was almost like having to vomit; you know it’s coming, you just don’t know when. How was I going to answer it? Should I stick to my guns and remain honest, or lie and possibly be boxed into booking a show we don’t want to do? Finally he said it, “I think my brother would like this room… have you ever listened to his music?” Now Josh is pretty observant, my friends, and he could immediately see that I was uncomfortable. Unfortunately he has about as much tact as me, so he said, “You don’t like my brother’s music, do you?” I thought to myself, “Oh s***!” A million replies went through my brain in only a few seconds. I looked around the room and there were 10 people staring at me waiting for my answer. My wife Heather was dying inside because she knew the truth and was curious to hear my reply. Suddenly the words came out of my mouth, “It’s not that I don’t like Will’s music, I just like your music better.” What a great answer! I felt like I nailed it! I hit the game winning three with a second on the clock! Lucky for me, Josh just laughed and took it in stride. Since that first show, he has played our stage three other times, the latest being four weeks ago. During one of that night’s many conversations, the story about my opinion of Will’s music came up again. As Josh relived it and told his version to those in the room, he said the following. “I knew I liked Chuck and Downstairs Live when I first played here in 2009, but after he was honest enough to tell me he didn’t like my brother’s music… I fell in love with the guy! You have to respect someone that honest.” Josh has an amazing voice, and his stage presence and humor lift his show to another level. You can watch him perform some of the songs from his 2008 CD “Everything She Was” by going to YouTube and searching Josh Hoge Downstairs Live. His latest October 1 show can be seen at justin.tv/downstairslive.

spring garden. You won’t appreciate it if you’re too intent on seeking serenity and comfort. Be willing to dirty your hands and even your mind. Feel the moss on your back, the leaves in your hair and the mist on your bare legs.

Columnist Thomas Friedman said: “Ludwig Wittgenstein once remarked that if you ask a man how much is 2 plus 2 and he tells you 5, that is a mistake. But if you ask a man how much is 2 plus 2 and he tells you 97, that is no longer a mistake. The man you are talking with is operating with a wholly different logic from your own.” In order to understand what’s coming toward you, you will have to do the equivalent of standing on your head, crossing your eyes and opening your mind as wide as it’ll stretch.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Josh Hoge

FREEWILLASTROLOGY

Josh Hoge Is a Class Act

Social climbers are focused on gaining higher status in whatever circle of people they regard as cool. Soul climbers foster the power of their imagination, keep deepening their connection with life’s intriguing enigmas, and explore the intersection of selfinterest and generosity toward others. You could go far in either of those directions. Which will you choose?

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) An Australian man named Daniel Fowler has more giraffe tattoos on his shoulders than any one else. Billy Disney managed to inject a world-record 31 sexual innuendoes into a rap song about potatoes. Try to establish your reputation as the best at your specific talent.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) “You have to know how far to go too far,” said poet and filmmaker Jean Cocteau. You really can’t afford to keep playing by all the rules and staying inside the proper boundaries. Wander out beyond the limits that you’ve been so faithfully respecting. And yet it would be a mistake to claim you have a right to stop at nothing. Know how far to go too far.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) Here’s Malcolm Gladwell, writing in “The Tipping Point”: “Look at the world around you. It may seem an immovable, implacable place. It is not. With the slightest push — in just the right place — it can be tipped.” You are now within shouting distance of your own personal tipping point. Follow your gut wisdom as you decide where to give a firm little push.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Welcome to the autumnal garden of earthly delights, full of the kind of dark beauty that wouldn’t be caught dead in a

If you want to grow vanilla beans, you have to pollinate the plant’s flowers within 12 hours after they bloom. In nature, the only insect that can do the job is the Melipona, a Mexican bee. Humans can also serve as pollinators on commercial vanilla farms using thin wood splinters or stems of grass. You’re extra receptive to fertilization, but all the conditions have to be just right. Figure out exactly what those conditions are.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

Even our most sophisticated drilling machines have barely made pinpricks in the earth’s surface. The deepest hole ever dug was 40,000 feet, which is just 0.2 percent of the planet’s 20-million-foot radius. Plumb further into the depths of anyplace or anything you’re intrigued by — whether that’s a subject you’ve always wondered about, a person you care for, the mysteries of life or the secrets of your own psyche.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

National Geographic speculates that most of the species on Earth are still unknown and unnamed. You know about 14 percent of what you need to know, but there’s still a big frontier to explore. The coming months should be prime time for you to cover a lot of new ground.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You will have a minor form of good luck going for you this week. It probably won’t be enough to score you a winning lottery ticket or earn you a chance to get the answer to your most fervent prayers. But it might bring you into close proximity with a financial opportunity, a pretty good helper or a resource that could subtly boost your stability over the long haul. Rob Brezsny

FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM

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Thursday, November 3

Live Music Coyote’s Ladies Night w/ Jeremy Graham French Market Grille West Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground Randall & The Rest of ‘Em Malibu Jack’s Marilyn Adcock One Hundred Laurens Kenny George Rose Hill Stables Preston, Weston and Sandra Sia-a-Spell Coffeehouse Joel Cruz and Travis Shaw Sky City Eye of Abram, Uncrowned, My Latest Fashion What’s Tonight? Cadillac’s Karaoke Casa Blanca Thursday Tango Club Argos Karaoke Cocktails Lounge Karaoke Coyote’s Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Fox’s Lair Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia The Highlander Butt Naked Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans DJ Kris Fisher The Playground Open Mic with Brandy Polo Tavern DJ Nirvana Shannon’s Karaoke Villa Europa Karaoke with Just Ben Wooden Barrel ’80s Night Karaoke

Friday, November 4

Live Music Augusta Canal Moonlight Music Cruise Rob Foster & Not Gaddy Boeckh Park in Hammond’s Ferry Karen Gordon Cotton Patch Ray Piazola Country Club Chris Lane Band Coyote’s Joe Olds Band Doubletree Hotel A Step Up Etherredge Center Freddy Cole Fox’s Lair Roger Enevoldsen French Market Grille West Doc Easton Joe’s Underground Mike Greene Malibu Jack’s Yesterday’s Dream Polo Tavern Brent Lundy Band Sky City First Friday 80’s Night The Willcox Kenny George What’s Tonight? Cadillac’s DJ Tim Club Argos Variety Show Cocktails Lounge Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill Karaoke V. 22 | NO. 62

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 27


Islands Bar & Lounge Caribbean Night with DJ Spud Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke Palmetto Tavern DJ Tim Polo Tavern Robbie Duecy Band Rebeck’s Hideaway Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe Karaoke with Steve Chappel Tropicabana Latin Friday Wheels Live DJ Wooden Barrel Karaoke Contest

Saturday, November 5

Live Music The Acoustic Coffeehouse Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Cotton Patch Old Man Crazy Country Club Larry Frick Joe’s Underground Jamie Jones, Woody & Walt Bday Bash Malibu Jack’s South Atlantic P.I. Bar and Grill Not Gaddy Jazz Polo Tavern Southern Conduct What’s Tonight? Cadillac’s DJ Rana Club Argos Variety Show Cocktails Lounge Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Fox’s Lair Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge Reggae Night with Island Vybez The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke One Hundred Laurens DJ Kenny Ray Tropicabana Salsa Saturday Wheels Live DJ Wooden Barrel Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, November 6

Live Music 5 O’Clock Bistro Buzz and Candice P.I. Bar and Grill Live Music The Wilcox Mike Frost Jazz & Lauren Meccia What’s Tonight? Caribbean Soul Love Jones Sundays Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke, Salsa Dancing Polo Tavern Island Grooves w/ DJ Nirvana 28 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

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Monday, November 7

What’s Tonight? Applebee’s (Evans) Trivia Club Argos Karaoke Malibu Jack’s Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Danny Haywood

Tuesday, November 8

Live Music Cocktails Lounge Live Music Fox’s Lair Josh Fisher The Highlander Open Mic Night What’s Tonight? Club Argos Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Dart League The Highlander Open Mic Night Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice Malibu Jack’s Karaoke with Denny

Wednesday, November 9

Live Music 209 on the River Smooth Grooves Joe’s Underground Sibling String Malibu Jack’s Marilyn Adcock Manuel’s Bread Mom’s Davidson What’s Tonight? Club Argos Santoni’s Satin Dolls Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Cocktails Lounge Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch Trivia and Tunes Laura’s Backyard Tavern Karaoke The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad Jazz DJ The Playground Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta Comedy w/ Jason Russell and Derrik Tennant

Upcoming

Jim Perkins Metro Pub & Coffeehouse November 10 Michael Stacey Band Country Club November 11 Lo Down Brown Polo Tavern November 11 L.i.E., Artemia, Rooftop Harbor Sky City November 11 Jessica Lea Mayfield, Richie, Carey Murdock Sky City November 12 Three Kosher Singers Imperial Theatre November 13 Bamboo Polo Tavern November 14 Kicks 99 Guitar Pull James Brown Arena November 15 Haley Dries Manuel’s Bread Café November 16 Russell More and IIIrd Tyme w/ Nu- Blu V. 22 | NO. 62

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 29


Imperial Theatre November 18 Dash Rip Rock Metro Pub & Coffeehouse November 19 Casting Crowns, Sanctus Real & The Afters, Lindsay McCaul USC-Aiken Convocation Center November 25 Avenged Sevenfold James Brown Arena November 26 Black Swan Lane, Romeo Spike Sky City December 1 Jucifer Sky City December 8 Zach Deputy Sky City December 9 Those Darlins Sky City February 1 Winter Jam Tour James Brown Arena February 9

Elsewhere

The Elementz Project 40 Watt Club, Athens November 5 Feist Tabernacle, Atlanta November 6 Todd Rundgren Center Stage, Atlanta November 9 New Sneakers Amici Italian Cafe, Athens November 10 Gavin Degraw, David Cook, Carolina Liar Classic Center, Athens November 10 Jim Perkins Gnat’s Landing, Athens November 11 Duran Duran Chastain Park, Atlanta November 14

Peter Murphy, She Wants Revenge Masquerade, Atlanta November 14 Michelle Shocked Eddie’s Attic, Decatur November 15 John Brown Jazz Orchastra Aiken Performing Arts, Aiken November17 Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Masquerade, Atlanta November 17

30 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

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CUISINESCENE

ANNACAROLINEHARRIS

Three Little Piggies Fall-ing for The Polka Dot Pig Gastropub

It’s no longer hot, but their beer’s still cold — and the perfect complement to menu bestsellers like shrimp and grits, Sheppard’s pie and a pork sandwich. “We’re locally owned. We do great food at a great price, in a comfortable atmosphere,” says Duane Harris, owner of the Polka Dot Pig Gastropub in Surrey Center. “I’m not doing fine dining. What we are is traditional, with little twists.” And Harris is not just talking about the curled tail of his restaurant’s mascot. When he opened his pub in 2010, Harris — a Michigan native — wanted to introduce a unique dining experience to his adopted Southern city, but he also understood the importance of serving up classic fare. So if the approaching winter weather has you craving comfort food, try the Ultimate Grilled Cheese, made with a twist trifecta: Gruyere and Gouda cheeses, and Granny Smith apples. Craving a little more green? Try the arugula salad, with lump crabmeat, cherry tomatoes and cilantro lime vinaigrette. Or if burgers are more your style, order the Triple Piggy Burger — a current special featuring a V. 22 | NO. 62

pork burger stuffed with pulled pork, bacon and Gouda cheese, with a roasted apple aioli. In anticipation of this three-meat treat’s popularity, Harris says he plans to add it to the new menu, currently in the works. He also wants to bring back a few earlier, popular items, such as the duck and goat cheese empanadas. Harris is hesitant to reveal too many tricks up his sleeve, though, with regard to his evolving menu. “You have to leave something to the imagination,” he says. And aside from his business’ positive reputation, curiosity may be the best way to get people through the door. One thing that certainly won’t change, however, is the high quality and freshness of the pub’s food, homemade every day — something Harris takes pride in.. Beverages are also in rotation at the Polka Dot Pig. Patrons can try an array of wines year-round, and the beer selection varies even more frequently. “I try and change up my beer taps as often as possible,” says Harris. “We get in different microbrews. We’re bringing in Brooklyn’s Oatmeal Stout [later this fall].”

They’re also bringing in people. After more than a year in business — having marked its first anniversary in July — the pub has a loyal group of regular patrons. And this following is constantly growing. Harris says newcomers often comment “that we have a unique menu, that we have options you don’t see at [any other] one place, and that it’s affordable.” It’s these characteristics that are quickly making the Polka Dot Pig a household name and Augusta’s neighborhood hot spot. The pub also has a growing number of Twitter followers (@ PolkaDotPigPub) and nearly 900 Facebook likes. Harris uses the websites to announce menu updates, specials, and deals — like September’s free fried pickles promotion. People are definitely talking and checking in. Harris also uses social media tools as an opportunity to show his support for local businesses and charitable organizations, such as The Morris Museum of Art, Golden Harvest Food Bank and the Bell Auditorium. As a small business owner, he’s a proponent of supporting hometown institutions, and he hopes they’ll do the same for him.

And it seems that they are. With the holidays approaching, Harris wants to encourage the community to let him host their holiday parties. Sophisticated, but not stuffy — with its bright decor and open floor plan — this “fun, upscale pub” happens to be an ideal setting for fall and winter festivities. The restaurant has a special events space that can seat between 40 and 50 people and, unlike many other venues, there is no room rental fee. And while groups are welcome to order from the restaurant’s regular menu, Harris says, “I can work with individual parties to create their own menu for their event.” But if you’re interested, you’d better call soon because, just like its patrons’ stomachs, the Polka Dot Pig’s holiday calendar is filling up fast. Polka Dot Pig Gastropub 399 Highland Avenue, Surrey Center (fountain level) 11 a.m.-10 p.m., Tuesday-Thursday; 11 a.m.-11 p.m., Friday and Saturday; bar stays open late 706-496-2930 polkadotpiggp.com

METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11 31


ONTHEBALL

Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at Mattlane28.

Predictably Irrational

When do the dominoes start to fall for undefeated teams in college football? Those pesky rankings, all they ever do is confuse everything and everyone. Yet, ratings show we don’t mind it a bit. We enjoy talking heads giving their take and stirring the pot to promote viewership for a system that has not existed one year without some sort of controversy. It’s opinion and chaos that sells, remember. But before we open that can of worms, let’s not wax poetic on why we need a playoff system, but profile the teams that have had their bubbles busted — and one that came mighty close — since the BCS rankings came out. Stanford. Almost blew their chance at the big one with a three-overtime thriller against USC on Saturday. I personally was all-in for this one once I saw that Georgia Tech was doomed against Clemson. The Cardinals still have a long road ahead as they still play Oregon before finishing the regular season with Notre Dame. Clemson. Look, it was unfortunate running back Andre Ellington could not play against Tech and then have the bye week to regain his health. Clemson was reduced to a pass-only offense when they could not establish any type of run game. And four turnovers have never helped a team win a big game on the road. Or so I’ve been told. Wisconsin. You could say the Hail Mary pass that connected in the Michigan State game was a fluke. A fluke that cost the Badgers a shot at the BCS title game. But the same thing against Ohio State? For a team that looked to be the most complete in the nation, it’s funny that the same gimmicky type play would cost them two weeks in a row. No matter how small, a chink in the armor is still a chink in the armor. Oklahoma. The injury-riddled Sooners were the shoo-in for the title game against the LSU-Alabama winner, so all they had to do was win out the rest of their games. Not even convincingly, just win, baby. How horrifying that the dream came to a crashing halt against an also injury-plagued 4-2 Red Raider

32 METRO SPIRIT 11.03.11

bunch who, on their best day, sadly, were enough to beat my pick of this years BCS champion. Crap.

A Dream Come True

That’s exactly how Scott Elledge, executive producer of Chevy Game Night Live on WJBF’s digital channel 6.2, explains the thrill of bringing live football on Thursday nights into the homes of everyone in the CSRA. “As an ex-jock myself [Elledge played football at Middle Tennessee State University], I know how big a deal it is to have the local outlets covering your game, much less a full production with six cameras, incredible graphics, sideline reporters, etc.” For the 11-game schedule that concluded last Thursday, it has been an exciting first year not only for football fans but for the administration of those schools as well. “Outside of the usual player spotlight segments we have each week, we were also able to donate $500 back to each home team with the help of our sponsor, the CSRA Chevy dealers.” And it’s that exclusive time slot on Thursday that seems to be the key for all those involved. “You are able to watch a bunch of local teams that otherwise you might not have the opportunity to see,” said Grovetown’s Rodney Holder. “We have to coach every Friday night, so it’s nice to be able to sit back and watch a live game each week of the season.” And the games have been great theater for those able to watch them live or replayed Sunday on WJBF Channel 6. Holder can attest to the excitement around the games as his Warriors defeated the Greenbrier Wolfpack in the first game of the season 28-24 in a thrilling finish. And for his post-game report on how the entire production played out? “If you can’t get behind this you’re just crazy. The excitement and exposure for the kids playing on Thursday night is incredible.”

Games to Watch

Burke County @ Thomson: Friday, November 4, 7:30 p.m. The CSRA’s version of LSU-Alabama. Seriously. No hyperbole here. South Carolina @ Arkansas: Saturday, November 5, 7:15 p.m. ESPN Must win for the Gamecocks in order to stay atop the SEC East division. LSU @ Alabama: Saturday, November 5, 8 p.m. CBS Even causal fans are talking about this game and how important it is. Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburg Steelers: Sunday, November 6, 8:20 p.m. NBC Don’t miss this one. Always one of the best-played games of the year in the NFL.

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Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

RIP, Fat Man’s

Nothing, still, can compare to the place where you could get almost anything It was Halloween day and I needed fake blood. I also needed some bandage-type things, a toy gun and some sparkly makeup. I know it was the eleventh hour, but that always seems to happen when trying to get every component of a costume together. Sparkly Kitty and Bloody Zombie were counting on me. I got in the car and traipsed over to the big box store. It was a nightmare. Everything was picked over and the store was crowded. The employees were required to work because it’s holiday time, but all had another place they’d rather be. Some things will never change. But some things do. Two and a half years later, the empty lot on LaneyWalker still saddens me. I didn’t grow up in Augusta, but shortly after moving here I knew the importance of Fat Man’s Forest. As a

matter of fact, I worked there. I was in between jobs and just needed something to do. I never really left once I started. Sure, I stayed home when The Kids were born, but in the two years in the between and every Christmas, I made my way back to The Forest, earning a little (love you Brad!) extra cash and spending every penny on gifts for myself and others. My kids saw Santa there for the first time. They knew they could find Tony, who’d happily give them jellybeans. Mrs. Jan made me rest when I was pregnant and feeling faint. Mrs. Carolyn calmed me when I was stressed. Mr. Paul over-filled our peanut cups, and Mrs. Opal put together the prettiest flowers. I could go on and on. Anyone who worked there will tell you, with rare exception, it was a jack-ofall trades kind of place. You didn’t just work there as a cashier. You weren’t just a taker of floral orders or a bow maker. Just about everyone could complete just about every task. Because of this, it felt like a team. Like family. Most people won’t be surprised by

that. It was a family owned, family operated emporium. I challenge you to come up with a place where you ride a train, order flowers for your girlfriend, rent a Santa suit, get a gift wrapped, have bows made, print custom stationary, pick up your wedding invitations, snack on boiled peanuts and a glass bottle Coke, shop someone’s wedding registry, design your landscape lighting, decorate your Christmas tree(s), find that perfect pumpkin, and pick up fake blood, all while the employees call you by name and let you put your wares on your charge account. Oh yeah, when you’re done, you can walk a few feet for a meat and three or Pearl’s special of the day. Where? Right. There isn’t a place. Whatever the reasons may have been, it was time for the owners to make a change. That doesn’t mean we’re okay with it. When I was racing around yesterday, I craved the smell of cinnamon candles and freshly popped popcorn (even if we did burn it a few times). We actually didn’t get a pumpkin this year, but it wasn’t because I didn’t

want to. When Fat Man’s was around, getting a pumpkin (or Christmas tree) was an event, and it was so convenient. We’d go, in costume, to ride the rickety train and go through the little “haunted” house. Nothing else has been quite as meaningful, though I know there are other options in town. It was a funny little place. No one understood the description of my place of employment until they walked through one of the many doors. Once they visited, though, they got it. It was a special place. For 60 years, it was our neighborhood everything store. You can still get the meat and three and more at the cafe, which is at Enterprise Mill. Go get the vegetable soup, grilled cheese and a fat slice of red velvet cake. They’re even boiling peanuts this fall. While you eat, look around and see the decades of memorabilia on display. Memories may be all we have, but they’re good ones. If you don’t have any of your own, ask your neighbor. There are plenty to go around. Whatever happened to that train, anyway?

JENNYISWRIGHT

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Metro Spirit 11.03.2011