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METRONEWS GUEST COLUMN CROSSWORD AUGUSTA TEK FEATURE
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SLAB MATTâ€™S MUSIC SIGHTINGS
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THE8 JENNY IS WRIGHT ART45 PET PAGE WHINE LINE
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Contributors ributors James Jamees Allen|Greg Baker|Rob Baker er|Rob Brezsny|Sam am Eifling |Matt Lane Lane|Austin ne|Austin Rhodes|Jo Rhodes|Josh Josh Ruffin|Andy Sto Stokes|Matt tokes|Matt Stone|Je Stone|Jenny Jenny Wright
INSIDER RUFFINâ€™ IT AUSTIN RHODES
Metro Spirit piritt is a free nnewspaper published publisheed weekly on Thursday, Thursd sday, 52 weeks a yea year. ar. Editorial coverage ge includes local issues issu sues and news, arts, s, entertainment, peo people, eople, places and apppear views from ac cross the political and an social spectrum.. The views do not necessarily n represen ent the views of thee ppublisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.ÂŠ events. In our paper appear across represent Publisher: Joe White. e. Legal: Phillip Scotttt Hibbard. Reproduc ction or use without ut permission is proh hibited. One copy per peer person, please. 15 House, LLC. Owner/Pu Owner/Publisher: Reproduction prohibited.
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So they are ready to move Cherry Tree Crossing people in Can someone out there help me Joe Biden is a jackass... less than a year? But they canâ€™t regarding Barrow and Anderson Mitt Romney has stated move the Hyde Park people in their race for Congress? I numerous times heâ€™ll create who had been stuck for over thought of myself as being 12,000,000 jobs during his term 20 years in pollution and water political savvy, now I donâ€™t know. Donâ€™t Democrats vote for as President - if elected. Over 4 problems that have affected Democrats, and Republicans for years thatâ€™s 8,219 jobs created physical health of the residents? Republicans? So why canâ€™t John per day and over 8 years thatâ€™s Geez ... Barrow support his own party? 4,110 jobs created per day. Why is he not allowed to support Mitt - surely you jest? [And just OK, I want to see a *real* Obama? Does it mean that you to make myself clear - Iâ€™m voting ghost. Not some made up one for neither Obama or Romney]. thatâ€™s noted just for Halloween can only vote along party lines except when the candidate is
time. I want to find and talk to a true spirit!
to the poor little tltle lamb who relocated from atlanta to augusta and was traumatized As a woman, Iâ€™m offended by by a picture in the metro of letters from men telling me what a klansman...if you are that I can do with my reproductive â€œsensitive â€œ to life then you rights. What about the right better gather up your skirts to bear children? Studies and find a nice island to live have shown it is harder to get on.HOW did you ever survive pregnant when you use birth in the cosmopolitan world of control over a long period Atlanta?Do you live with your of time. Infertility is a bigger mother? problem in our society than â€œfree birth control.â€? (continued on page 46)
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The Rookery: The last thing a birthday dinner at the Lowery house needed was howling wind Girlâ€™s Club: The DAâ€™s race pits two female lawyers against each other, but the candidates insist gender has nothing to do with it Repeat Success: Co-workers of Cheree Holcombe work to raise money for the cancer-stricken mother of two Press On: Brennan teaches us all about determination, dedication and devotion Quick Draw: Friedmanâ€™s Colt is classic example of historic gun
Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? 706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636
INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.
SIDER JD Paugh
A year after his tragic death, Richmond County still misses one of its best-loved officers The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. — Martin Luther King Jr., Strength to Love, 1963
“You’ve traded your traffic wings for angel’s wings. 7hanN you for your service and friendshiS. 5.,.3. my friend… we’ll take it from here.” — Judy Thomason “God bless you, JD, for the work you did here and for the lives you touched. We will never forget you, brother. Your family is in our thoughts and Srayers.” — John .. 6cott, &&62 “6uch a funny guy. $lways wanted to arrest me.” — Lisa “God Blessed us with angels and real men like JD. He was a true friend.” — 5ichard ,ngram
METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
“He died a hero, doing what he loved the most and now we all have another guardian angel watching over us. We love you and miss you brother.” ,nvestigator 3hiliS 6nead
We could watch the L.A. Times’ time-lapse video of the Space Shuttle Endeavour’s trek through the streets of that city all day long. Amazing to see how close it got to people’s houses… and how in the world did they get it past that tree?
Lance, Lance, Lance…
Note from the Publisher Cheree Holcombe is a dear friend of mine. I met her more than 20 years ago when I first moved to Augusta and she immediately moved into my T-Mobile Circle of friends. Her ex-husband Brian, Steve Shuey, Brent and Leah Liming, assorted high school football coaches and teachersâ€Ś we made up one of those teams that people in their mid-20s are a part of. She is one of the quickest, wittiest people I know. She is battling cancer, again, and it is a very hard time for her and her family and friends. Amy Christian has written a story that appears on page 11 about a fundraiser coming up to help cover her living expenses while she is in treatment, and I encourage our readers to please, if you are able, donate items for a raffle to be held November 10. Augusta turns out for its own. That is a fact. Please help out our friend Cheree. Best, Joe
The most powerful $9 an hour job you can get As we remember the loss of JD Paugh last year in the line of duty, the picture of law enforcement as a true mission by brave men and women contrasts heartily with the profit-motivated â€œprobationâ€? service provided by Sentinel Offender Services LLC here in Richmond County. They are the company contracted to manage misdemeanor offenders who have entered the court system. Insiders say they have been operating in Columbia County for years illegally. But that is another story. Misdemeanors such as disorderly conduct, traffic violations, shoplifting, DUIs and more all fall under the jurisdiction of Sentinel. While DUIs and shoplifting are more serious crimes, most of the folks caught up in the Sentinel racket are minor violators. Yet these minor violators become cash cows for this company. Word is once you get in the system, it is nearly impossible to get out, especially for the working poor. Insiders say it is a non-professional organization that preys on the poor and creates what is seen as a system that imprisons defendants as a penalty for failure to pay criminal justice debt. Yet most times, the debt that that is failed to be paid is to the private business venture Sentinel Offender Services LLC, creating a 21st century debtors prison. And the drumbeat is getting louder and louder against this company. The Metro Spirit has been looking into Sentinel for more than six months and there is little to no positive news to report. It genuinely seems like a modern-day mafia, working side by side with law enforcement. Weâ€™ve had many off the record conversations with those in our local law enforcement circles who view the company bitterly. With limited jail space, Richmond County cops are turned into collection agents. If Sentinel needs to collect some dough, they call Richmond County to come and pick up the person. Whether the charge or amount owed is legitimate, who knows. Often times it is not. But the backlash of having a private enterprise use our local sheriffâ€™s office to make them money seems to be coming to a boiling point. Pick up the Spirit next week for more info.
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AUGUSTAâ€™S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Justified Democrats come back; Republicans blames everyone they can think of What a difference a few weeks can make — or a single night, for that matter. Heading into their first debate, Obama was riding high on the strength of double-digit leads in almost every battleground, national, demographic and issue-related poll, and it was widely assumed that he would chew up and spit out his undeserving challenger without so much as breaking a sweat. I was a part of this group, and planned to phone in my column that week. It was all so perfect — I was going to catch up on “Survivor.” Then the debate actually happened. You know the rest. Republicans gloated, Democrats wrung their hands in panic — why was Obama so listless? Apathy? Underestimated his opponent? Benadryl? — and even noted Obama cheerleader/synthetic testosterone advocate Andrew Sullivan had to be talked off of the ledge. I stand by the fact that when it came to actually telling the truth, Obama won that thing by a Paul Ryan 5K time. There were so many holes in Romney’s talking points, so many (I hate that I’m using this meme) Etcha-Sketch moments in that debate, it was impossible to fact-check them all on the fly. In a way, that was part of the brilliance of the Romney team’s plan. They know good and damn well that most Americans don’t start paying attention to the election until the debates start, because most Americans are lazy nitwits who can’t be bothered to give a serious thought as to who should run the freaking country. And so, come debate time, all the “severe conservative” stances Romney had taken during the GOP primary and into the following summer (overturning Roe v. Wade, defunding Planned Parenthood, repealing all of Obamacare, etc.) were magically rubbed out as he made a 90-degree shift to the center. Of course Obama had no answer for it. If you spent weeks preparing for a bare-knuckle brawl with a Muay Thai expert, then entered the ring and saw a basket of kittens instead, what would you do? That’s right: you’d s**t your pants out of sheer confusion. But that was the last trick that the Romney team had up its sleeve. The Obama camp readjusted and, during these last three debates, Romney and Ryan were sliced apart and stitched back together so much that they qualify as a Batman villain. Joe Biden highlighted enormous logical and logistical gaps in the Ryan budget plan, and treated the half-man/half-tarsier with all the disdain he deserved. In the second presidential debate, Obama tore into Mitt with a vengeance, called out his flip-flopping — a phrase I admit we’ve co-opted from the
METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
2004 race — and invited the GOP contender to take his best shots. Undoubtedly the best moment came when Romney, winding up for his bolo punch, tried to call out the president on his apparent negligence to refer to the Libya attack as “an act of terror.” Whether or not that matters in the first place is another argument, but the exchange was beautiful to watch. Obama calmly replied, “Proceed, Governor.” Proceed Mitt did, and in doing so inserted his own foot so far down his throat, proctologists are still picking leg hairs out of his colon. This final debate was even more of a trouncing. Romney changed his position again and often, sometimes within the same train of thought. A true gem: “We can’t kill our way out of this,” just minutes before “We’ve got to go after the bad guys and kill them.” He supported initiatives around the world that he wouldn’t support here at home, including equal rights for women, minorities and the economically disadvantaged. He agrees that Assad has to be removed from Syria, but also says that we shouldn’t have any military presence in Syria whatsoever. Trying to follow Mitt Romney’s train of thought is like playing tag with a ghost: it only ends in stupidity and sadness. And Obama brought it. Bolstered by a foreign policy record rife with diplomatic involvement and bin Ladenkilling, he not only firmly justified the last four years of his presidency, but clearly illustrated that Romney has a cursory-to-nonexistent understanding of how the world, international relations and our own military work. Again, he did this mostly by using Romney’s own words against him. Not long ago, Romney expressed disappointment that our navy has less ships than it did in 1916. Obama pointed out that we also have less bayonets and horses, that our might is measured now in capability and not mass. He ripped Romney apart for his assertion that Russia is our No. 1 geopolitical threat, despite the fact that we are allies, and the Cold War has been done now for over two decades. Even if we’re just going on appearances, tone and body language — which is apparently a thing, as one Fox News pundit said after the last debate that you could really tell who won by watching without the sound on — Obama destroyed Romney. The president was calm yet calculating, aggressive yet measured, and only disdainful when the situation absolutely called for it. Romney, by contrast, was sputtering, sweaty and could barely string a sentence together without going off on a tangent, or trying to segue into a question that Bob Schieffer hadn’t
even asked. I recap all of this not to gloat (maybe a little), but to illustrate how the different camps’ reactions to each subsequent debate illuminates a greater truth in the liberal and conservative zeitgeists. See, I’ve followed the half-baked circus called the GOP for a couple of years now, and every time I see a group of them together — booing a gay soldier, cheering at the prospect of letting an uninsured man die, railing against free national healthcare — I wonder, “What is wrong with these people?” The answer, I think, lies in the debate fallout. After the first one, a whopping 70 percent of Americans thought Romney won the debate. Democratic strategists freaked, and rightfully so. Then, after subsequent thrashings of their counterparts by Obama and Biden, they were found to have won the same vote, but by much slimmer margins, though the beatings were infinitely more severe. Democrats were relieved and acted as such, but GOP shill outlets like The National Review and Fox News spun the outcome six ways from Sunday. Hell, Rush Limbaugh called Candy Crowley a terrorist for simply being a good journalist and well-prepared moderator. Conservatives will hump their hatred of Obama all the way to judgment day, and we can see that in the immediate “Who Won?” polls: that 70 percent margin of victory for Romney in the first one is a combination of hardcore GOPers, plus liberals who choose to believe what their eyes, ears and logic tell them. The slimmer margins in favor of Obama and Biden came about as a result of conservatives refusing to acknowledge reality. This is a fundamental difference between liberals and conservatives. When things go bad for us lefties, we allow ourselves a moment of teeth-gnashing, then we set to figuring out what went wrong, and knock it out of the park next time. When things go bad for conservatives, they blame everyone and everything but themselves. It is a state of mind that underscores their irrational, egocentric fear, as well as a stupefying sense of entitlement. Tommy Tiernan once said of his four-year-old son: “If reality does not meet the demands of his imagination, he simply abandons it.” Salient, that.
JOSHRUFFIN, a Metro Spirit alum, is a published
journalist and poet who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.
Azziz in a Courtroom? Oh, Pretty Please! Well, there goes the old Christmas list. Dear Mr. Claus: If you can’t pull off a seventh Super Bowl ring for my Steelers, I will certainly settle for news that Dr. Ricardo Azziz is going to have to go under oath concerning the lawsuit over the new GRU. Thanks! AR In case you have been under a rock, the Georgia Board of Regents is defending itself against a copyright infringement lawsuit brought by Virginia-based Regent University. This week the state filed a dismissal request based on some rather strange interpretations of state law, which is ironic, given that this is an interstate lawsuit brought in federal court. Judge Randal Hall, himself a graduate of Augusta College (long may she hail!), gets to decide on that issue once he gets back from hearing a case involving the Obama Justice Department suing an all-black Board of Elections for various civil rights violations involving their majority black constituents (you figure that one out). While the Regent University lawsuit is certainly a strange twist in the now well-worn tale, unless Judge Hall tosses it outright, we will almost certainly get to see (at some point) the Right Reverend Dr. Azziz get to swear in a courtroom to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth concerning the fine details of the origins and coining of the infamous moniker Georgia Regents University. Please Lord above, to quote Captain Jean-Luc Picard, “Make it so!” It has long been my contention, based on numerous well-placed sources, that the entire shizzlestorm over the renaming of the new consolidated collegiate mutant once known separately as Augusta State University and Georgia Health Sciences University (Medical College of Georgia), is 100 percent on the rather narrow shoulders of the enigmatic Azziz. Not only did he dream it up, I have been told that he sent members of his staff to every nook and cranny of the state, hunting down ever member of Georgia’s Board of Regents, to lobby for that despicable, silly, little name. The board approved the hideous tag even after being threatened with the suit in question.
The new GRU has turned out to be about as popular with locals as Martha Burk would be showing up the first week in April to host an Augusta-based revival of Lillith Fair. Knowing that he could face perjury charges and the end of his academic career as he knows it, what would be the chances that Azziz would fib under oath when he has to testify (or be deposed) in the case? At this point, the Eddie Munster Doppelganger might just be ready to head for the exit. I have been told he is livid that leading members of the Save the A committee met with Governor Nathan Deal, BOR Chancellor Hank Huckaby and Chairman Benjamin Tarburtton behind closed doors in Atlanta last week. Azziz was not on the guest list. As I first told my radio audience Monday, a replacement name is in the works, and soon all joy could be restored in Mudville (Augusta). Weeks ago, the governor’s office went to great lengths to make sure Azziz was seated front and center for the governor’s speech at the CSRA Regional Commission’s anniversary dinner, held Tuesday night. The governor’s office confirmed it, Azziz’s office confirmed it and it was set in stone for the night of the 23rd. Those confirmations dissolved first thing Monday morning as word of the Friday pow-wow drifted eastward to Augusta. Did I say dissolve? It was more like exploded. The good doctor is supposedly beside himself that his crap-laden new name may now be yanked, and he did not want to be in the same room as Governor Deal. Well, if that is true, at least he now knows how most of the senior staff and academic professionals at ASU and GHSU feel about him. Oh, and let me be the first to say that if the Save the A team gets a compromise that tacks the words “at Augusta” on the end of Georgia Regents University, this community is going to be about as happy as the kid who got a nice, sweet, red cherry lovingly placed upon the top of his freshly baked and warmly served piece of dog poop pie.
The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.
AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
The DA’s race pits two female lawyers against each other, but the candidates insist gender has nothing to do with it
S V These days, a woman assuming prominent political status is less of a rarity and more of trend. Augusta’s own judicial circuit bore witness to that in 2008 when Ashley Wright — known for duking it out against several of Georgia’s top criminal defense attorneys — became the city’s first female district attorney, making her one of many in the growing number of women appointed to the role across the country. Her ascent to the seat was considered a “history making” moment by local media, but while Wright felt “amazingly honored” to be handed the position, gender was never at the forefront of her mind. “You know, I went to a woman’s college, so I believe in smart women,” she attested. “But I don’t believe that it’s a job only for men and I don’t believe that it’s a job only for women. I believe that it’s a job for people who are qualified for the position and are willing to put the effort in.” Her opponent Evita Paschall, who’s practiced civil law for a little over three decades, feels the same, stating that she has “never given it [her gender] much thought” and that her decision to run was never gender-based. In fact, gender has been the least of Paschall’s concerns; her focus is on visibility, something she says Wright currently lacks. Earlier this year, Paschall conducted a poll in three of the circuit’s counties — Burke, Columbia and Richmond — which concluded that not only are many residents unaware of Wright’s 8
METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
gender, they “don’t even know what her name is.” “In my estimation, it indicates that the DA feels that voters don’t matter, that they aren’t important,” Paschall said of the poll results. “It’s important that voters understand that you are accountable to them, and to not be visible in the community — whether by appearing somewhere to speak or visiting schools — it shows that you aren’t showing accountability. Everyone remembers [former district attorney] Daniel Craig because he was visible. Those who took the poll acknowledged that if the current DA [Wright] walked through the door, they wouldn’t even recognize her.” With the guarantee of visibility being made a priority in her “administration,” Paschall also touched on her qualifications. A graduate of the University of Georgia’s School of Law, the civil law attorney immediately began working for Augusta’s District Attorney’s office under Richard Allen and later prosecuted in the city’s magistrate court under Judge Cooper. Through it all, Paschall continued practicing law, picking up valuable life lessons along the way. Of her journey in the legal field, she said that if “you haven’t lived and truly experienced life, then you certainly don’t need to be a DA.” But Wright assured that she is not without her own humble beginnings. Beyond telemarketing, waiting tables and working retail, the sitting district attorney has also served a stint volunteering for the Junior League, an organization she feels is often misjudged. “There’s a perception that Junior League work involves sitting around sipping tea with white gloves,” Wright said. “But during my time volunteering, I helped with attic sales — working in warehouses around rats and other varmint. I think that all types of experiences help prepare you for the next challenge.”
For Wright, the next challenge was picking up where Craig left off, a task that was perhaps not considered “challenging” per se to the current district attorney, but rather simply “part of the job.” “The competition for trial time is always a bit difficult,” Wright admitted. “Working on policy is something we focus on throughout the year, obviously more so in the time leading up to the legislative session and during the legislative session. We believe that meeting face-to-face with the legislator [in Atlanta] for that particular matter is always imperative.” Other challenges Wright pointed out since assuming her position included standard administrative duties. “We’re dealing with budgets, we’re dealing with employees, it’s a lot to handle,” she said. “We’re also trying to prevent furlough days, which we’ve had a lot of since I took over. We’re trying to make sure that those [furlough] days don’t impact the court process.” From resolving a sexual assault case — involving a girl who “darn near lost her life after providing oral sex to a man [Willie Tyler]” — to a serial rapist case, both back-to-back in the matter of a year, Wright confirmed that her passion has always been in the courtroom. But the former prosecutor admitted that since acquiring the district attorney’s seat in 2008, she has had far less time to work out of her beloved niche. “I miss being in the courtroom,” she said. “And it’s been a little more of a struggle for me to carry a regular caseload along with the other administrative duties and obligations that I’ve had.” The cases that Wright has been able to address in the past year have ranged from the foulest of sexual assaults to the most senseless of petty crimes. But she confirmed that her main intolerance is toward those crimes that can ultimately be prevented. 25OCTOBER2012
“The ones where children in particular are involved and get hurt upset me,” Wright elaborated. “Also, crimes against individuals who are vulnerable, whether they are mentally disabled or handicapped. And, of course, crimes against the elderly, whether by defrauding them of their money or taking advantage of them in other ways. Those are the ones that really seem to break everybody’s spirits.” Paschall agreed with Wright’s comment regarding the elderly, stating that if she were to win her fellow attorney’s seat, she would plan to “send a message to the community that such crimes against senior citizens would not be tolerated.” The current civil law attorney went on to reveal that she was actually made victim of a senseless crime: the burglary of her home. “My own home was burglarized, and let me tell you, once your house is burglarized, you latch onto this feeling that never goes away,” she said of the incident and its aftermath. “You know that somebody was in your house, ransacking through your things. It really leaves behind a large emotional scar.” Carrying the challenges of their work as attorneys as well as their own personal plights, both Wright and Paschall feel a deep sense of admiration for the work they do. “I know what it feels like to be a victim,” Paschall began. “And to know that I’ve made a difference in someone else’s [a victim’s] life, well, that’s better than Christmas. Because every now and then, there’s this one client that looks you in the eye and says, ‘Thank you,’ and they genuinely mean it to the point where they’re almost in tears. That’s the moment when you know that you’ve really made a difference in their lives. It’s rewarding in a way that’s difficult for most to understand.” Many citizens believe that crime occurs in a bubble, defiling only the lives of those directly involved. But for Wright, that perspective is never the case. “It doesn’t just happen in a bubble,” she said. “It’s a home in someone’s neighborhood that gets broken into; everybody in the neighborhood that knows about it feels less safe. That’s why I’m passionate about the work I do as district attorney: it’s a great job and it gives me the opportunity to help people. We try to help people affected by such crimes get through the process. We try to help them get through the pain. We try to help them see that they’re going to come out on the other side and that they’re going to be able to survive.” 25OCTOBER2012
AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
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A Teacher’s Perspective State Commission for Charter Schools Bad Idea
When you see these words appear on the November 6 ballot — “Shall the Constitution of Georgia be amended to allow state or local approval of public charter schools upon the request of local communities?” — what will your choice be? I will vote “no” to this Constitutional Amendment. Here’s why.
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Currently, as the Georgia State Constitution is written, if a group of parents or an organization wants to start a charter school, they must apply to the local school board. The local officials — that we voted for — can decide based on the needs and the voices of the community to either approve or deny the creation of a charter school. But if you vote yes to this constitutional amendment — which was passed by both the Georgia House and Senate, and signed by Gov. Nathan Deal into law, but needs voter approval — a stateappointed commission will be able to overturn decisions of your locally elected officials to create a state charter school, even if it runs counter to wishes of the community. Then funds will be diverted from the education budget to pay for that school. Why is this bad? Because school systems are already facing budget cuts. Counties have decreased the number of calendar days, increased the class size per teacher, put off new book adoption, cut out 20 days of Pre-K education, furloughed teachers and laid off teachers and staff. If this bill passes, schools will just have to do more of this. Supporters of the amendment say that touting this laundry list of cutbacks is fear-mongering. It’s not fear-mongering; it’s reality. These cuts are already happening as state and federal school budgets have been reduced by billions of dollars every year since 2008. It’s absurd to say that budget cuts would happen less if this amendment is passed. You may think I am motivated by the threat of salary cuts. As a public school teacher, yes, I would be unhappy to see my $43,000 a year dwindle even more. Obviously, I am not doing this job for the money. I teach because I believe an educated population is necessary for our country to survive. I am not an opponent of charter schools. I attended one until my ninth grade year in Ohio. Supporters argue that the amendment will provide an appeals process when reasonable and legitimate charter school applications get denied at the local level. There might be logic in this statement, if it weren’t for that there is already an appeals process. If a local group or organization wants to start a charter school and they get denied locally, they can still appeal to the State Board of Education. Charter schools are not unfairly being denied applications. This implication about the current system simply not true. They say that charter schools will better prepare students for college. Yet if you compare university studies of national SAT averages and graduation rates for charter and public schools, charter schools barely come out ahead as often as they lag behind. Even the Georgia Charter Schools Association admits that more data is needed to draw definitive conclusions. That’s not to say that there aren’t successful charter schools that we can hold up as an example, but there are also very successful public schools too. Amazingly, supporters use this point in their favor. Gov. Deal has said students in poor-performing districts will have more education options after this amendment passes. It sounds so great! More choices! An education menu of options! To the parent of a student in a failing or underperforming school system, I can see how the general appeal of taking control would be a panacea. Supporters of this amendment would have parents believe that too. Why? Because 96 percent of the funding for Families for Better Public Schools, the organization that is lobbying hardest for this amendment, comes from out-of state entities and organizations that make their money by managing charter schools. It’s in their financial interest to have parents believe that charter schools are the answer to poor state test scores. As a teacher, I have found only one answer to low test scores — parents. If you want your kids to do better, get involved! You don’t need this amendment. You already have options. You have PTOs, PTAs, Booster Clubs and volunteer opportunities. There are monthly, public Board of Education meetings in every county. Let me ask you this: How many times have you actually attended a Board of Education or a PTO meeting or been proactive and contacted your child’s teachers before grades came out? If the answer is never, then you have already given up control of your child’s education to someone else and you might as well vote for this amendment. Take if from a teacher. The system isn’t broken. One small group of parents on a campaign can lead to huge changes in a school system because the board is beholden to them as community members. Parents, let’s trust our local school boards that we voted in to do what’s right for the community. If you don’t like their decisions, lobby them at meetings or vote for someone else. Board members will listen because they have to. They live and work in the same neighborhoods as their constituents. They attend the same churches and are members of the same organizations. Let’s put it this way: you know where they live. And certainly locals understand the nuances of the community better than a state-appointed commission with no ties to and no interest in our local students. Need a prime example of what a state-appointed board can do to a local community despite outcries against an issue? GRU. Enough said. Angel Cleary teaches U.S. history and choir in the Columbia County public school system.
10 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Co-workers of Cheree Holcombe work to raise money for the cancer-stricken mother of two
In 2011, Cheree Holcombe’s co-workers at Jones, Jones, Davis & Associates, a CPA firm on Wheeler Road, decided to put together a lastminute fundraiser for the mother of two, who is battling cervical cancer. They raised $12,000. “We didn’t start planning it until about two months prior and we just kind of threw it together,” said her co-worker and friend Mandy Easler. “I look back at last year and think, ‘How did we do this?’ But it all worked out perfectly.” This year, Mandy and the entire firm are looking to best last year’s numbers. They started planning much earlier than they did last year and added more components to the benefit. Don’t worry, though; those looking forward to buying a barbecue plate will still be able to. While they’re
eating, however, they will also be able to buy raffle tickets for some great prizes. “And when we do the raffle, we’ll start with the highest-priced ones first so, so far, it’ll be he Apple ones and then we’ll just start randomly drawing,” Easler said. “And you don’t have to be present to win. We’ll have everyone’s phone number and email address, so we’ll contact them.” Easler said they’re still accepting donations for the raffle, but some of the prizes already up for grabs are two Apple gift cards, each for $650; several restaurant gift cards (Carrabba’s, The Chop House and Mellow Mushroom so far); a cookie platter from Two Mom’s Cookies; a Wildtree Spice Bundle Basket valued at $80; a Johansen Sporting Goods basket; a dental care basket from Dr. James Dunn; a peanut basket from Producer’s Peanuts; a haircare basket from Jondal; a women’s physical therapy fall basket; a haircut, wash and blow dry from Trisha Bentley; two certificates for haircuts from Michelle James Salon, each valued at $55; and a
$50 gift card from Pain Management. Those who wish to contribute prizes can call Easler at the number listed below. Cheree Holcomb (pictured here with her brother, Michael Leonard), a single mom to Caroline, 11, and Maddie, 9, has worked for Jones, Jones, Davis & Associates for several years and had a previous bout with cancer. “It had occurred years ago and she was at her fiveyear mark and went to see her doctors and they found something,” Easler explained. “She’s had numerous surgeries, chemos and radiation… two types of chemo to try and shrink the tumors. They’re just kind of grasping at straws to try and figure out a way to stop the cancer.” Easler added that Cheree is still employed at Jones, Jones, Davis & Associates, but hasn’t been able to work for a while because of both the disease and the effects of the treatments. That’s why the office, as well as the friends and family of those employed there, decided to repeat the fundraiser. Held outside the firm’s offices, everyone is pitching in to cook the chicken, green beans, potato salad, bread and desserts that will be sold for $10 a plate. Easler even said that her father is getting into the act, boiling the peanuts they’ll be selling by the bag. “I would love to meet what we did last year and, if we could go over that, that would be amazing,” Easler said. “Anything would help when she’s not able to work and has all these medical bills to pay.” But more than that, Easler and the staff at Jones, Jones, Davis & Associates want to give the Holcombe family hope, something that’s in short supply for them right now. “It’s really hard for her, and it’s hard for her girls, too, to see their mom sick,” she said. “But she’s doing what she has to do because she wants to be here for her girls.” Benefit for Cheree Holcombe Jones, Jones, Davis & Associates | 3602 Wheeler Road Saturday, November 10 | 11 a.m.-1:30 p.m. Chicken plate, $10; raffle tickets, $10 for one and $20 for three Please call, if possible by Friday, October 26, for advance reservations on plate purchases; peanuts and raffle tickets will be sold the day of the event 706-650-8877 | jjdacpa.com
AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Brennan teaches us all about determination, dedication and devotion differences between AML and ALL to seeing Brennan through four bone marrow transplants, trying to find the solution. “The problem with this story is that it’s just so long and detailed,” says Simkins. “If you were to write a chronology, it’d take you months and months to get the series. You can’t talk about the transplants or how he was the first kid to ever do this successfully unless you know how it all started.” So many people have had a part in his story. Brennan’s mother, Tara, says she recalls when Brennan used to get tons of get-well mail and well wishes while he lived at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis. “One day while we were opening some cards in Memphis, Brennan asked me to read them to him,” Tara remembers. “I opened the first card. It read ‘Get Well Soon.’ Brennan looked at me straight in the eye and said, ‘Why do people keep telling me to get well soon? I am not sick, you know.’ Here he was with no hair, a feeding tube hooked up to administer nutrition — but don’t tell him he was sick.” Brennan doesn’t want people to feel sorry for him. “When he was on the verge of death,” Tara says, “the 36 hours leading up to being intubated and put on a ventilator in the ICU, retching every 20 minutes and gasping for air, he muttered to himself the entire time, ‘I can do this. I can do this.’ And then looking back, he told me a couple of months later that he wasn’t sure he would make it then, but he wasn’t going to give up.” For the entire Simkins family, their lifestyle has changed — it’s not just Brennan that’s survived the four bone marrow transplants, it’s his whole family. They are a team. For Brennan and his older brother Nat and younger brother Christopher, they are When 10-year-old Brennan Simkins spoke to the Kiwanis Club of Augusta last month about his a real band of brothers. In fact, watching HBO’s “Band of Brothers” World War II miniseries has battle with cancer, the kid was more mature than nearly all of the adults in the room. Brennan become one of their favorite things to do. doesn’t have to stress about mortgage payments, the price of gas or how he can finagle a few Another brotherly bond for the Simkins family is with their life-long friends Stephen and Erin Chance extra vacation days, but what he does handle makes all of those dilemmas totally painless. of Atlanta. The Chances formed the Press On to The day before he turned 7, Brennan was they needed to go down to the hospital at Georgia Cure Childhood Cancer Fund in 2006 when their diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia (AML), Health Sciences University for more tests. three-year-old son Patrick was first diagnosed with which affects various white blood cells. Pediatric Simkins says reality set in when he saw all the Stage IV neuroblastoma. Patrick died on his ninth AML is very rare — only about 500 American other patients. birthday, early this year. children are diagnosed with AML every year. “Brennan got admitted immediately and when I The Press On to Cure Childhood Cancer Fund Typically, AML is most commonly found in adults, walked in and saw another little bald-headed kid (pressonfund.org) was the first named fund under while acute lymphoid leukemia (ALL) is what may and an IV pole — oh my gosh.” Cure Childhood Cancer’s 501(c)(3) nonprofit be found in children. For Brennan, the leukemia had effectively eaten umbrella. Press On invests in medical research Brennan’s father, Turner, says that they knew his blood. With his ER arrival, the nurses went into focused on novel and less toxic therapies for the something wasn’t right before they got to the emergency mode and gave him three units of blood. deadly pediatric cancers acute myeloid leukemia hospital, but they had no clue how serious it was. It all happened so quickly. (AML) and neuroblastoma. Since 2006, Press On The weekend before Brennan’s birthday, the “I mean, he was dying. He wasn’t producing red has raised more than $500,000 for funding basic, Simkins family had been on vacation in Cashiers, blood cells and so they were even putting warming transitional and clinical research relating to these North Carolina, and things with Brennan just hadn’t blankets on his hands. With the new blood, he pediatric cancers. The ultimate goal is of achieving seemed right. automatically perked up. It was like the ultimate a greater cure rate, while mitigating the potentially “He was pale and didn’t have any energy,” says cup of coffee — he was himself again,” Simkins devastating side effects of current therapies. Simkins. “It just seemed so wrong — he wasn’t remembers. But for Halloween, Brennan’s going to be pressing himself. We all just had a really bad feeling about With Brennan’s AML diagnosis, the Simkins on your doorbell and you better hand over that it.” got their crash course in leukemia. The source of candy — the kid’s got a ghillie suit on, so you won’t At an appointment with a pediatrician upon their Brennan’s AML is a chromosomal abnormality, see him coming! return to Augusta, Brennan’s parents were told but the family has gone from not knowing the 12 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
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14 METROSPIRITAUGUSTAâ€™S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Friedmanâ€™s Jewelers, which has recently expanded to include the buying and selling of firearms and collectables, has several rare and unusual items in its large and comfortable showroom, but perhaps none as interesting to gun enthusiasts as the 1860 Colt Navy, a gun used during the Civil War. â€œItâ€™s a percussion gun,â€? says Chris Leopard, an experienced firearms dealer with years of experience. â€œYou have to cock it and then the hammer hits the percussion cap, which hits the gunpowder, which as been poured down.â€? After loading the ball, the shooter would have to seal it with a grease to keep the ball from rolling out. Because that was a long and difficult process, the cylinders were pre-loaded, so rather than going through that process after every six shots, the gun owner could simply replace the cylinder with another one that was ready to go. â€œIf you watch â€˜The Good, the Bad and the Uglyâ€™ with Clint Eastwood, this is what heâ€™s using,â€? says Leopard. â€œHe has several of these, usually in his belt, that were preloaded. Youâ€™ll see him reach down, remove the one heâ€™s using, put a new one on, lock it into place and keep shooting.â€? The Colt Navy at Friedmanâ€™s has a naval scene inscribed on the cylinder. Colt also made a similar gun called the Colt Army.
MEDIA START-UPS By Todd Gross / Edited by Will Shortz
96 Stoller’s partner in songwriting 98 Like some coincidences 99 Enters hurriedly 104 What dead men are said to do 106 You may go under it at a hotel 107 Stock: Abbr. 108 With “The,” former sketch comedy program on CBS … fittingly enough 110 Bit of science 111 Farm fowl 112 Chilled 113 Some up-and-comers 114 Teetotaler’s amount 115 Or follower 116 Some classwork 117 Relative of a crown
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“Uh-uh, laddie” Blue Triangle grps. Not burn completely It might extend above a side door 48 The youngest Jetson 49 Only a day away, say 51 Cassette player 52 “Pulp Fiction” weapon 53 Benaderet of “The Beverly Hillbillies” 57 Cinnabar, e.g. 60 2010 movie with a plot to steal the moon 61 Prefix with comedy 62 Wuss 64 Pine-___ 65 Split in a hurry Down 66 Forest, in Germany 1 Top of a ladder, maybe 67 Epitome of simplicity 2 “___ Evil” (Mia Farrow film) 68 “Whatever” 3 Chronicle 71 River through Orsk 4 “Our Town” opera composer 72 Central Sicilian province 5 On the ground, in ballet 74 Windy City commuters’ inits. 6 Volume of the world 75 Lottery winner’s feeling 7 Pet that doesn’t need much 76 Departure from the norm brushing, say 79 Philosopher Kierkegaard 8 Old Brit. coins 81 Competent 9 Son in “The Royal Tenenbaums” 82 Ted who wrote “The Kennedy 10 Italian ladies Legacy” 11 Itty-bitty breath mint 84 T. S. Eliot’s middle name 12 Omani or Yemeni 87 “Nashville” director 13 Three-time All-Star pitcher Frank 88 Must 14 Hanger-on 89 Presidential middle name or last 15 Warning name 16 Blue eyes and blond hair 91 Take off again, as pounds 17 Takes baby steps 92 Dodger Hershiser 18 Alka-Seltzer ad character 93 Vasco da Gama’s departure point 24 Frist’s successor as Senate majority 94 #2: Abbr. leader 95 Low-rent district 25 Outta here 97 Pharmaceutical giant that makes 29 Percussionist’s setup Boniva 31 Home of the oldest school in 100 “___ Gold” Sweden, founded in 1085 101 African region including 35 Palm products Khartoum and Timbuktu 36 Recipe unit 102 “___ roll!” (bettor’s cry) 38 Hindu title of respect 103 Full of the latest 39 Round in Britain, maybe 105 Asian gold bar measure 40 More likely to crash? 106 Glassmaking material 41 Boating hazards 109 Game with Wild Draw 4 cards
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Across 1 Yoga posture 6 Mideast strongman 11 Men’s suit specification 15 Bread dispensers 19 Common belief 20 Complete, in informal writing 21 “Dies ___” 22 Slow leak 23 Special attention 26 Lioness’s lack 27 Behind 28 Against one’s will 30 Salon worker 31 Island west of Maui 32 Didn’t come right out and say 33 Word with Army or ant 34 Lapful, maybe 37 Tantrum, colloquially 38 General headquarters? 41 Farm wagon 42 Some baby sitters 44 Soap discontinued in 2011 50 Speakeasy’s distilling locale 54 Buzzer 55 Buzzes 56 Repeated phrase in “Hot Hot Hot” 58 Ikea store, to some 59 Something with a Blue Book value 61 1937 hit with the lyric “You’re like the fragrance of blossoms fair” 62 Brown ink 63 Comic strip with the characters Rat and Pig 67 A little off 69 Not well 70 Behind 73 Low-battery signal 74 Dog with “rough” and “smooth” breeds 75 British pens 77 Southwest terminal? 78 “The Gates” artist 80 M.R.I., maybe 83 Old-fashioned boiler input 85 “Have you ___ good?” 86 Tex. neighbor 87 Egypt’s Sadat 90 What a pusher may push in a park 94 Cabinet dept. since 1889
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A M P L E B O U G H T T E L E P O R T
M A G E S I N E N T L E N T Y E T I L Y E T I G A E L S U L L E T L E C S T R H F I V E L E S T F E V E R O W E T O R U S S M P A B T U T C A R D A S A D F F I C E I F L E R R E S S
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AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D
Of horror classics and LOLcats While this is a little out of the norm, I would like to start off today by paying a compliment to my fellow writer, Josh Ruffin, on his column last week. In case you missed it, Josh took a break from his typical leftist drivel to share some of his favorite B-grade horror movies. I sincerely enjoyed the piece, and I’m looking forward to watching some of his choices. Specifically, “The Horde.” Speaking of zombies… with the final debate coming within the deadline window of the Spirit, I suspect that Josh will be back to his socialist rants. I can already see it in print… pithy comments about bayonets, aircraft carriers and the one percent. Blahblah-blah. Personally, I think the Democrats better get hustling — there’s only two weeks left to blame Bush! Hey, I just thought of something… Josh, whether you are writing about the Democratic Party or a B-grade horror movie, it’s kind of the same subject, isn’t it? Who’da thought?
Paying ying It It Forw Forward ard Pa FUND TO HONOR JORDAN WHITE STILL ACCEPTING DONATIONS
Thousands of dollars have already been raised to create a youth arts outreach program in memory of 19-year-old Jordan Elizabeth White, and donations are still being accepted. Jordan, daughter of Metro Spirit Publisher Joe White, died Thursday, September 13, from injuries she sustained in a car wreck the previous night. To make a donation to the fund, please send a check to the Hibbard Law Firm, 205 Pitcarin Way, Augusta, GA 30909.
iPad (smaller) — First, and not unexpectedly, the iPad Mini was introduced this week. It’s pretty much what you would expect when you hear the words “iPad” and “Mini” mashed together. Its height and width make it slightly larger than the Kindle Fire, sporting a one-inch larger screen. It is also about one-third thinner and onethird the weight of the Fire. Three memory configurations will be available, and the pricing starts at $329. Tack on another $130 for 4G. The screen is an upgrade from the iPad 2, but it’s not a retina display. Facetime, yes, but I haven’t heard anything about Siri. I’ve got to believe she’s on board as well. Unexpectedly, Apple also announced the fourth-generation iPad, seemingly to replace the “new” iPad released earlier this year. (So does this make it the “new, new” iPad?) This iPad features about double the processing power, Facetime HD, the new Lighting connector and some additional LTE support. Preorders for both devices start on Friday, and wifi only versions should start showing up on November 2. Windows 8 — Amongst all the Apple hoopla, we don’t want to forget about Windows 8. General release is on October 26. I’ve heard a large number of good reviews, but honestly, I think the jury is still out. We won’t know the impact until we see the hardware specifically designed for W8. If it looks like a current desktop, that’s all it will be. But if something like the HP Envy, X2 lives up to its promise, The W8/tablet/laptop combo could be a very marketable product. Of course, the big advantage is that it runs desktop software. It’s the same app store whether you are on a tablet or a desktop. For that matter, the tablet is the desktop! Time will tell… Beer and Bytes — I need to apologize to Eric Parker for missing the Beer and Bytes event last Tuesday at Metro Coffeehouse. Yes, I promised that I was going to attend. I really wanted to hear the talk on Tor and Online Privacy. Unfortunately, Amy (our editor) started saying crazy stuff about replacing my picture with a gorilla butt if I didn’t get my column in on time. I understand there was a pretty good crowd, and that several folks got a start on their next Hackathon project. An aside, I had the pleasure of meeting Chris Williamson this week, one of the CSRA leading robot hobbyists and a founding member of CSRA Makers. Chris promised to build me a ballbot. I’ll let you know when he is done so you can stop by the store and see it. BTW — In case you’re missing it, a significant group of innovators in the Augusta area have started to form around Hack Augusta. The next big event is the Innovation Festival and Hackathon for Education on November 2-3 at ASU. For more information, visit csrainnovationfestival.com. Also, see meetup.com/hackaugusta for more information on HackAugusta. And finally, Amy, here’s my column. Now you can go back to the surfing the internet for LOLcats. Until next time, I’m off the grid at @gregory_a_baker. GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits.
16 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
The last thing a birthday dinner at the Lowery house needed was howling wind — it was a frosty enough affair on its own — but the wind howled anyway, rattling the storm doors and banging the upstairs shutters until it seemed as though the whole house was shivering. If that were true, Ross Monroe mused over a forkful of his mother-in-law’s lukewarm stuffing, if the Lowery house was indeed some kind of animated shell, a gable — shouldered, ivy — bearded body cowering against the cold in this miserable acreage of Wisconsin forest, then it would never again see the light of day. Not when its heart and soul, the unwilling family occupying its large and drafty chest cavity, could neither generate enough warmth nor beat enough hope to make the battered old hulk a home. Hardly a festive outlook, but Ross was a Southerner by birth and the bitter cold had frozen his normally obliging demeanor. Of small consolation was the fact that he now knew why the Lowery women turned out the way they did. With not even an ember of kinship to rub between them, they were each undeniable products of their present surroundings. It was tough to tell which was the most severe. To his left sat Lydia, his wife of eight years. As dour and forbidding a woman as he had ever known, she wore her dirty brown hair pulled tight against a head so devoid of flesh that it sometimes looked as though her skin had been shrink wrapped to her skull. In spite of that she could have been quite beautiful — she had the advantage of living at a time when thin and sickly was all the rage — but the tweeds and prudish prints she wore undermined whatever natural beauty she had acquired at birth, and the result was that of a spinsterish, angry, unwanted woman. Her mother, Nora Lowery, sat directly across from her, a fitting bookend for the bland dinner cooling on the table between them. From the long, imposing frown lines raking her forehead to the sunken pucker of her unused dimples, she was an exact foreshadowing of her 18 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
daughter’s destiny; an Edward Hopper woman come to life. It was no wonder Lydia had given up as early as she had. And then there was him, the balding, paunchy, husk of a man who had once harbored dreams, who had once had the confidence and audacity to believe that his life would matter, that his life would be worth remembering. It was all youthful hubris, of course, as irrational as his illusion of matrimonial bliss. The mere thought of it now made him laugh. No, the shivering old house didn’t stand a chance of making it through the night, and it seemed to Ross as if he could already feel the final, irrevocable freeze penetrating the framework. It had been Lydia’s idea, of course, to go up for her widowed mother’s birthday; an odd and unexpected idea to be sure, since she was nearly as indifferent toward her mother as she was toward him. He couldn’t fathom what curious urge predicated her sudden desire to drive 1,100 miles in the capricious infancy of winter when the payoff was such a stiff and predictably frigid dinner. When the interminable dinner finally ended, when the last bitter cobbler had been cleaned from their plates and the proper amount of time had been passed in silence, Lydia stood and removed the unused silver. At that point, as if startled awake from a dream, Nora finally looked up, her eyes darting nervously from Lydia to Ross. She seemed consumed by a panic that the dinner (evening, trip, family?) was on the cusp of disaster. “Ross, if you’re not going to help with the table,” Lydia snapped, “you could at least take Shep for a walk.” “Lydia!” Nora cried. “This doesn’t concern you, mother.” “But do you really...” she started, swinging around in her chair. “I mean, is it really necessary to...” “Mother, please.” Nora immediately squared with the table and buried her face in her hands. Ross sighed and retreated to the living room to find a coat. As he did, Lydia knelt down and held out her hands for Shep, who had been lounging by the residual warmth of the oven. Ross could hear the skating of his paws against the kitchen tiles, then the clicking of his collar tag as Lydia tousled the dog’s neck and ears. “Poor Shep,” he heard her say. “I know it’s not fair, but we’re just different people, that’s all. Can you understand that, boy? Can you?” Then he heard a loud, discouraged sigh and the clicking of the collar tag stopped. “You should have held out for a real family.” Ross returned a few moments later wearing an old wool coat he’d found on a peg in the living room closet. It smelled of tobacco and wet leaves, 25OCTOBER2012
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by Mary Chase
November 9, 10, 16, 17, 30 & December 1 Dinner 7:00 p.m. | Show 8:00 p.m. When Elwood P. Dowd starts to introduce his imaginary friend, Harvey, a six-and-a-half-foot rabbit, to guests at a society party, his sister, Veta, has seen as much of his eccentric behavior as she can tolerate. She decides to have him committed to a sanitarium to spare her daughter, Myrtle Mae, and their family from future embarrassment. Problems arise, however, when Veta herself is mistakenly assumed to be on the verge of lunacy when she explains to doctors that years of living with Elwood’s hallucination have caused her to see Harvey also! This laugh-filled Pulitzer Prize winning comedy is an all-time classic! A celebrated success... Full of charm and hilarity, this play has become one of the most successful and popular plays ever produced on Broadway or off!
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For reservations, call 706-793-8552 AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
but it was the only one that came close to fitting, so he fastened the oversized buttons, scooped up a pack of cigarettes from the table and wordlessly let Shep out the mudroom door He’d puffed away half a cigarette before he noticed the cold. It was truly brutal, now. Far worse than it had been a few hours earlier. The wind stung his face and rattled the branches of the big sugar maples on the property, sending discarded leaves swirling across the yard in riotous gusts. He was surprised to find it hadn’t snowed, but it was more than cold enough for little ribbons of steam to rise up from the tree bases Shep had squirted, marking his territory. Ross watched the ghostly vapor rise and shook his head. You’re a long way from Augusta, he thought, and way too far north. The cigarette butt cupped in his hand felt wonderful, and he savored the dying pinpoint of warmth. “To hell with her,” he said to the wind. “To hell with them both.” Then, turning up his scratchy collar to the cold, he took one last puff and headed into the woods. Shep gleefully raced ahead. After a few hundred yards, the scraggly footpath became more chiseled, and the twigs and vines that veined the path turned white with frost. Strangely, the path was the only part of the woods touched by the frost, a white ribbon stretched across a dark and dubious package. It made for easy following, though, as if nature herself sought to lead him away from the women he left behind, and Ross took full advantage of it, stepping lively down the trail while the black, boney shadows on either side chattered endlessly from the strumming of the wind.
20 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Shep had long since bounded out of sight, leaving only his paw prints in the frost for company. He walked like this for about 20 minutes, absorbed in thought. They hadn’t always detested each other. Eight years ago, he and Lydia had been very much in love, but now… It would only be a matter of time before one of them summoned the lawyers. He doubted they had another year in them. The wind was picking up now, using the trees like reeds to play a truly awful music. Loud, dissonant, reproachful wailing is what it sounded like, and it seemed suddenly to have taken over the forest. Most certainly it had been building over time, but it seemed to Ross almost as if he’d triggered it himself. A foolish thought, of course, but one that seeded his imagination. Anyway, it was time to be getting back. He whistled for Shep. He was so cold his cheeks wouldn’t support the pucker, so he shouted instead. Nothing. Probably couldn’t hear it over the wind, he thought. After a few moments he shouted again and then walked on. The cold was well beyond anything he’d ever experienced. His hands were numb and his legs felt vague and untrustworthy. His coat, Tyler Lowery’s old leaf raking jacket, lacked the modern synthetics to be anything more than a bristly plaid windbreaker, so his whole body felt miserably stiff and frozen. He was ready to return. He followed the frosty trail around another bend, and from there he could see that it straightened for a hundred yards before dumping into a clearing. The unfiltered moonlight at the end beckoned promisingly, and he increased his stride to meet it. Shep would be there, and in a minute they could head home. “Shep.” The closer he got to the clearing, the louder the wailing became; louder and louder until it drowned out everything else, including his own raspy breathing. “Shep.” He didn’t understand the physics of the awful noise, but right then, with Shep nearly recovered and a hot water bottle warming his future, the plaintive, almost cautionary wailing buoyed his spirits. Nature’s way of telling you to go home, he thought, stepping jauntily into the clearing. “Shep.” The sight of the bone white building pinned him
where he stood. His every nerve tingled in amplified awareness at the sheer unnaturalness of it. It was like stumbling upon the Taj Mahal. The building was nowhere near the Taj Mahal in stature or design, but the comparison was a fair one. He was, after all, in the timbered middle of the great Wisconsin nowhere, and to wander into anything more dramatic than a barn or a boarded up old summer home was far too bizarre for reason. And yet there it was, a compact two-story structure set down squarely in the middle of a perfectly round clearing. Its smooth granite walls and its Gothic, gargoyle covered roof gave the appearance of a mausoleum, but there were no markings anywhere to indicate occupancy. Even stranger, there were no doors or windows whatsoever; only blocks of unblemished granite topped by a couple dozen gargoyles. It was obvious, however, that the wailing was coming from inside the clearing. The clamor had increased substantially since he entered it, and looking around he realized the two rows of grotesque figures, each with pointy ears, hooked talons and folded dragon wings, possessed more than enough angles and jagged edges to produce the din. The one on top, a man-sized demon facing west, probably accounted for half of the noise itself. “Shep,” he shouted. “Come on, boy.” He strode briskly around the building, thinking the dog might be hiding around the other side. “Shep.” The unusual frost that highlighted the path had ended at the clearing, so there was no way to track him, no way other than yelling to get his attention. But the sound of the wailing gargoyles made it nearly impossible to be heard. At this rate he’d freeze to death before he found the dog, he thought, looking to the sky in exasperation. The gesture gave him a start; from his position underneath the building he caught a glimpse of the gruesome, fullsized gargoyle against the moon, his pointy jaw jutting menacingly to the east as if daring the sun to rise. Ross looked away. “Shep.” The wind was really blowing, now, and the wailing was increasing by the minute, making it hard to think. “Shep.” The whole thing was starting to bother him — the clearing, the moonlight, the damn wailing gargoyles. What kind of craziness was it to build a building full of freakish gargoyles in the middle of the forest? “Shep.” He looked up at the first tier of the wicked things. Contorted bastardizations of men and animals, they perched over the edge in sculpted terror, some weathered a moss — like green, others, like the one on the end, as clean and flawless as the granite walls. There was an old man, a baby, a chalky white dog. “Shep.” The one on top, the big one facing — Ross
was too mixed up to remember the points of the compass — the big one on top had an emaciated body, enormous outstretched bat wings, and a lurid grin on its raptor face that seemed to enjoy his agony. “Shep.” They were filthy things, all of them. He turned away in revulsion and scoured the clearing. “Shep,” he called. “Shep!” He caught a movement out of the corner of his eyes and spun around after it. It was nothing, however. Only a shadow. But it couldn’t have been a shadow. It must have been some leaves blowing, or maybe a rabbit. The wailing made it hard to think, but he was sure it couldn’t have been a shadow. It swooped out of sight much too fast for a shadow. Maybe it was Shep after all. Maybe he’d been distracted by the wailing and missed his dog as he ran around the other side of the building. Of course. He’d just go around the corner and... Another movement, this time behind him. He turned around, his hands out low to greet Shep and get the hell out of the woods, but again there was nothing there. Another shadow? It had to be. But what could cast a shadow like that in the middle of the night? He looked up, suddenly terrified. There was a vacancy atop the building. Soon there was a cold shadow across his body. He started to run, but even then he knew it was too late. The shadow flapped too large across the frozen ground in front of him, an angry interruption of moonlight that he knew was inescapable. But he ran anyway, slipping and sliding toward the safety of the trees, all the time knowing it was about ego now, about nursery rhymes and finishing well. I think I can. I think I can. Before he felt the first savage contact, he heard the final pitch of the wailing, and it seemed as if the remaining gargoyles on the building were singing the unison horrors of hell. Then he felt the razor grip of claws tear into his shoulders, the heavy force behind
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AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
them pushing him to the ground. A great weight crouched against his back, squeezing the air out of his lungs. It hurt to breath. The air smelled rancid. And when he felt the leathery wings fold around him he prayed God for a merciful end. What he got was a pitiless dawn. *** The wailing is what brought him to his senses. He’d been aware of its decline and eventual silencing, but now he heard it growing louder again, felt it crescendoing all around him, beside him, beneath him, behind him. He fought the randomness within, trying to bring order to his thoughts, understanding to his world. He remembered wings. He thought of Shep. He heard the wailing from the wailing itself. He opened his eyes. His vision was distorted, bowled slightly and lo lock locked cked forward. He saw trees, a clearing — the same me ccl clearing learing — but it was all somehow far away and awfu awfully fullllyy big. As if building. seen from above. As if seen from the top op of a building ng. Movement was useless. It was all too o cclear, lear, now. He was immobile, frozen forever in tthe he form of a
22 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
grotesque, squatting hunchback, the final occupant of the second tier from which he overlooked the man. The boy. The chalky white dog. Shep! The wailing grew louder still, but it wasn’t the wind swirling around wings and talons. It came from the gargoyles themselves, the unmoving, unspeaking, unholy reductions of life assembled around him. Assembled by the predatory sentry standing silent guard on the deadly perch above them. He sensed a rustling in the woods. The moonlight wasn’t bright enough to illuminate down the trail, but immediately he knew it must be Lydia. She would have gotten worried and followed the trail just as he had, following the footprints down the frosty path to the clearing. “Lydia!” He started to wail himself. It was the only way he could articulate his warning. He didn’t know how he did it, but he knew he had to alert her of the
danger, the evil. “Lydia!” He wailed louder, wailed with all his stifled might. Dear God, he thought. Turn back. Turn back. A figure emerged from the woods. “Lydia!” All at once the wailing ceased, replaced by a symphony of lower pitched hissing that quickly rose to the same painful level as before. He didn’t understand, he didn’t understand any of it, but he knew he had to save her. He had to save Lydia. Nora followed behind her, edging into the clearing with her arms folded solemnly behind her back. She looked as uncomfortable as she had at the house, the same disapproving frown on her face and an aura of guilty compliance slowing her steps. Lydia, however, showed no such reticence. With her tweed coat pulled tight against her body, she entered the clearing without apprehension, without even the slightest hint of worry. And there was nothing he could do to save her. The two approached the building just as he had, eyes turned up to the rows of hissing gargoyles. “It’s a pity about Shep,” he heard Lydia say to her mother. And then the two turned for home, ignorant of the hissing choir that had increased by one.
Just like Sulley, all the monsters at GHSU’s Monster Bash will be friendly ones. The benefit, proceeds from which will go to GHSU’s Children’s Medical Center, will include food and drinks, live music, a silent auction and more. Costumes are encouraged. $50, individual tickets; $600, VIP table for eight. Call 706-721-4004 or email castewar email@example.com.
Branch Library. Call 706-834-9742 or visit augustaphotofestival.org.
2012 Augusta Photography Festival, including exhibits, gallery shows, workshops, field trips, photo safaris and other special events, is October 26-November 4 at locations around the area. For a complete list of events, visit augustaphotofestival.org.
Portraits of Southern Artists by Jerry Siegel shows through December 2 at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.
Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.
Exhibitions Annual Doll Exhibition shows November 1-December 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Free with museum admission. Call 706724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. October Exhibitions at the Aiken Center for the Arts include The Artisans of the South Carolina Cotton Trail, Lila Campbell and Joseph Bradley in the main gallery, the ACA Summer Camp Show in the Brooks Gallery and Bill Updegraff in the Aiken Artists Guild Gallery. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. Annual Quilt Exhibition shows through December 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7243576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. Works by Troy Campbell show at Sky City during October. Visit skycityaugusta.com. The Whiskey Painters of America annual exhibition shows through October 31 at the Zimmerman Gallery. Call 706-774-1006 or visit zimmermangalleryaugusta.com. City of Dust: Photographs by John Mulhouse shows at the Headquarters 25OCTOBER2012
Elizabeth Moretz-Britt and Beth H. Jones Exhibit is on display through October 26 at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. Call 706-826-4701 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. The Art of Alfred Hutty: Woodstock to Charleston, including 60 oil and watercolor paintings, pastel drawings, etchings, drypoints and lithographs, shows through October 28 at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-7247501 or visit themorris.org. Tying the Knot, a display of wedding dresses and accessories from the late 1800s to the 1960s, now shows at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.
Elegant Simplicity, an Augusta Choral Society concert, is Saturday, October 27, at 7:30 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. $25, adults; $20, seniors; $10, students. Call 706-826-4713 or visit augustachoralsociety.org. A Tribute to Jaco Patorius, a presentation of the USC-Aiken Jazz Band featuring Mike Frost, is Thursday, November 1, at 7 p.m. at USC-A’s Etherredge Center. For tickets, call 803-641-3305 or visit usca.edu.
Literary Maxwell Morning Book Club discusses “The Man in the High Castle” by Phillip K. Dick Thursday, October 25, at 10 a.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. National Novel Writing Month Kickoff is Saturday, October 27, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.
“Hard Times” by Charles Dickens, a book discussion led by retired USCAiken history professor Val Lumans, is Tuesday, October 30, at 7 p.m. at the Aiken Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.
Karen Gordon performs Friday, October 26, at 6 p.m. at the Augusta Canal’s Moonlight Music Cruise. Participants are invited to bring snacks and beverages on the hour and a half canal cruise. $25. Call 706-8230440 or visit augustacanal.com.
Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.
Musical Bridges I, a Columbia County Orchestra performance of composers bridging the 19th and 20th centuries, is Saturday, October 27, at 6 p.m. at the Jabez Hardin Theatre in Evans. $10, adults; free, students, military and music teachers. Call 706-755-5849 or visit columbiacco.org. Masters of Motown perform at Burke County High School on Saturday, October 27, at 7 p.m. as the opening concert of the 33rd season of the Waynesboro-Burke Concert Series. For ticket information, call 706-4370070 or visit augustaarts.com.
Dance Tango Night is every Thursday, 7-9:30 p.m., at Casa Blanca Cafe, 936 Broad Street. Call 706-504-3431 or visit casablancatime.com. Friday Dance, hosted by the Fraternal Order of Elks, 205 Elkdon Court in Martinez, is each Friday night from 7-11 p.m., with light snacks served from 7-8 and the dance, starting at 8 p.m., featuring DJ Joe Tutt playing shag, slow music and music to line dance to. $8. The third Friday is the Elks Dance, $35 per couple, which includes a full meal served from 7-8 p.m. and music by the Fun Time Band until 11 p.m. Call 706-860-3232. AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Christian Singles Dance, a smoke-, alcohol- and drug-free event for those ages 40 and over, is each Saturday night at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Dance lessons start at 7 p.m., and the dance begins at 8 p.m. No partners needed. $8, members; $10, guests. Visit christiandances.org. Belly Dance Class is every Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:309:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call 706-399-2477.
Theater “Beware What You Ask of a Fairy,” a Storyland Theatre production, shows for schools on Thursday-Friday, October 25-26, at 9:30 a.m., 10:45 a.m. and 12:15 p.m. A Saturday matinee is October 27 at 3 p.m. School shows, $4.50 with teachers and chaperones free; matinee, $6. Call 706-736-3455 or visit storylandtheatre.org. “House of 1000 Corpses, a Misfit Theatre Group production, shows Friday, October 26, at Sector 7G, with doors open at 8 p.m. and the show beginning at 9 p.m. $13. Visit sector7gaugusta.com. “Night Chills: Tales of Terror by Edgar Allen Poe,” a production of the Aiken Community Playhouse Youth Wing, shows October 26-27 at 8 p.m. and October 27 at 3 p.m. $20, adults; $17, seniors; $12, students; $7, children under 12. Call 803-648-1438 or visit acp1011.com. Black Cat Ball, including a DJ, food, drinks, a costume contest and more, is Saturday, October 27, at 9 p.m. at Le Chat Noir. $10. Call 706-722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com. Professor Witchcock’s Spooktacular Illusions & Sideshow is Monday, October 29, at 6:30 p.m. at the Aiken Visitors Center and Train Museum. $40. Call 803-293-7846 or visit aikenis.com. Theatrical Magic: An Evening of One Acts is Thursday, November 1, at
26 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
7:30 p.m. at ASU’s Maxwell Theatre. $10, general public; $7, seniors; $5, children, students, faculty and staff. Call 706-667-4100 or visit aug.edu. Spencer’s Theatre of Illusion, presented by the Aiken Performing Arts Group, is Thursday, November 1, at 8 p.m. at the URS Performing Arts Center in Aiken. $40; $20, students. Call 803-648-1438 or visit apagonline.com. Quickies, Le Chat Noir Theatre’s short play festival, is seeking original scripts by local authors. Writers must reside within the CSRA and scripts should be shorts of 5-15 pages and one-acts of 15-30 pages. Writers may submit up to three scripts. Submission deadline is December 31 for the festival, which will be held in April. Email scripts and a cover sheet with contact information to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Flix “The Skin I Live In” shows Monday, October 29, at 7 p.m. at 170 University Hall as part of the ASU Film Series. $3. Call 706-667-4100 or visit aug. edu. “Ansel Adams: American Experience” shows Tuesday, October 30, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Free. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.
Special Events Trick or Treat So Others Can Eat is Thursday, October 25, from 5:30-8:30 p.m. at Patriots Park Gym. Admission is a can of food. Call 706-312-7194 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. Beer Tasting is Friday, October 26, from 5-8 p.m. at Wine World in North Augusta. $5, with $2 rebate upon purchase of any of the six featured beers. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com. Wine and Spirits Dinner is Friday, October 26, from 6:30-10 p.m. at North Augusta’s Living History Park. $50, with pre-registration required. Call 803-279-7560 or visit colonialtimes.us.
Last Saturday at the Park: Everything Pumpkins is Saturday, October 27, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at North Augusta’s Living History Park. It includes interactive displays of Colonial times living and the park’s annual scarecrow contest display. Call 803-279-7560 or visit colonialtimes.us. Jack-O-Lantern Jubilee is Saturday, October 27, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. in downtown North Augusta and features arts and crafts vendors, a children’s costume contest, performances, a barbecue cookoff and more. Visit northaugusta.net. Fall Festival is Saturday, October 27, from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. at Martinez Baptist Church and features live gospel music, holiday and other craft items and more. Call 706-726-4085. Spirits of Hallowed Eve, family friendly guided tours among ghosts in a Colonial setting, is Saturday, October 27, from 6-10 p.m. at North Augusta’s Living History Park. Pre-registration required. $5 per family. Call 803-441-8956 or email email@example.com. Annual Christian Haitian Outreach Celebration is Sunday, October 28, at 3 p.m. at Paine College’s Gilbert-Lambuth Memorial Chapel. The celebration will also honor CHO’s founder, Eleanor “Mom” Workman. Visit paine.edu or choinc.org. Explore Gravestone Symbols and Tour Magnolia Cemetery, a genealogy program, is Wednesday, October 31, at 2 p.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-826-1511 or visit ecgrl.org. The Western Carolina State Fair continues through Saturday, October 27, at the Aiken Fairgrounds. Hours are Monday-Friday from 5 p.m. and Saturday and Sunday from noon. Activities include a ride and games midway, exhibits, a rodeo, demolition derby and more. Advanced admission and ride tickets are on sale now and admissions specials are available daily at the gate. Visit westerncarolinastatefair.com. The Columbia County Fair will be held November 1-10 at the fairgrounds across from Patriots Park. Hours are Monday-Thursday, 5-11 p.m.;
Friday, 5 p.m.-midnight; Saturday, noon-midnight; and Sunday, 1-11 p.m. Events include rides and games, shows, food, a petting zoo and special performances. Admission and ride special daily. Visit columbiacountyfair.net.
Anxiety and Depression in the Context of Heart Disease, part of the Heart to Heart series led by Dr. Abbey Valvano, is Thursday, October 25, at 5 p.m. at GHSU’s Cardiovascular Center. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7219055 or visit georgiahealth.org.
The Augusta Ghost Trolley offers tours every Friday and Saturday at 7 and 9 p.m. departing from the Augusta Museum of History. The 90-minute tour Bariatric Seminar is Thursday, October 25, from 6-7 p.m. at Doctors includes the Old Medical College, the Haunted Pillar and St. Paul’s Cemetery. Hospital. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. $22, adults; $12, children ages 5-12. Pre-registration required. Call 706814-5333 or visit augustaghosttrolley.com. Weight Loss Surgery Seminar is Thursday, October 25, at 7 p.m. at GHSU Alumni Center. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2609 or The Corner Pumpkin Patch at Marvin United Methodist Church is open visit georgiahealth.org/weightloss. through Wednesday, October 31. Hours are Monday-Friday, noon-7 p.m.; Saturday, 9 a.m.-8 p.m.; and Sunday, 1-6 p.m. Call 706-863-0510 or visit Infant CPR Class is Thursday, October 25, at 7 p.m. at University marvinchurch.com. Hospital. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from universityhealth.org. 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or WJBF Health & Wellness Expo is Saturday, October 27, from 9 a.m.-2 p.m. visit vine11.com. at Savannah Rapids Pavilion and includes tests and screens, as well as information. Call 706-828-2502 or visit universityhealth.org. Apres Market walking tour of downtown art galleries meets Saturdays at 2 p.m. at the Augusta Market at the River. The tour, which lasts until 5 Second Annual Augusta Research Symposium on Advances in Warrior Care: p.m., includes live painting, children’s reading hours, demonstrations and An Integrated Approach is Monday, October 29, at the Kroc Center with discounts. Visit artistsrowaugusta.com. registration beginning at 7:30 a.m. The event includes talks, lunch with a keynote presentation and panel discussions. $15, with continuing medical The Augusta Market at the River is every Saturday through October 27 education credits available. Visit georgiahealth.edu/research/warriorcare/ from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. at the 8th Street Bulkhead and features produce, arts register.html. and crafts and more for sale, as well as live music and entertainment. Call 706-627-0128 or visit theaugustamarket.com. Childbirth Preparation Classes are Mondays, October 29-November 12 Health and Wednesday, October 31-November 14, from 7-9:30 p.m. at University Mobile Mammography Screenings, offered by appointment, are available Hospital. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit October 25 at Fiviet Pharmacy in Washington, October 26 at Walmart in universityhealth.org. Aiken, October 29 at SRS’s Area B, October 30 at the Lincoln County Health Department and October 31 at the Columbia County Government Complex. Breastfeeding Class is Tuesday, October 30, at 7 p.m. at Georgia Health Appointments can be made from 8 a.m.-3 p.m. each day. Call 706-774Sciences University. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-721-9351 4145 or visit universityhealth.org. or visit georgiahealth.org.
Cribs for Kids, an infant safe sleep seminar offered by Safe Kids East Central, is Thursday, November 1, from 5:45-8 p.m. at GHSU’s Building 1010C. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth.org/safekids. Center for Women Tour is Thursday, November 1, from 7-8 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Saturday Mammograms will be available at GHSU between 9 a.m.-1 p.m. in October. Register by calling 706-721-9729 or visit georgiahealth.org/ breasthealth. Child Safety Seat Inspections and Car Seat Classes, sponsored by Safe Kids East Central, are offered by appointment at either the Safe Kids Office or Martinez-Columbia Fire Rescue. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth. org/safekids. Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday from 11-11:45 a.m. at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of Georgia Health Sciences University. Visit georgiahealth.edu. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Free for members; $3 for non-members. Pre-registration required. Call Claudia Collins at 706-9229664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is every Monday at 6 p.m. and Tuesday at 2 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org. Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson
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Family Y, and feature individual Â˝-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10, members; $20, non-members. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org.
Support Insulin Pumpers Support Group meets Thursday, October 25, at 6 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706868-3027 or visit universityhealth.org. AWAKE Sleep Apnea Support Group meets Thursday, October 25, at 7 p.m. at GHSUâ€™s Childrenâ€™s Medical Center resource library. Call 706-721-0793 or visit georgiahealth.org.
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Multiple Sclerosis Support Group meets Monday, October 29, at 6 p.m. at The GHSUâ€™s Augusta MS Center. Call 706-721-7239 or visit georgiahealth.org. Cancer Share Support Group meets Monday, October 29, at 6 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-7748308 or visit universityhealth.org. Huntington Disease Support Group meets Thursday, November 1, at 6:30 p.m. at GHSUâ€™s Marks Building. Call 706-721-4895 or visit georgiahealth.org.
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Out of the Box, a digital photography basics class, meets Monday, October 29, from 10 a.m.-noon at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.
Diabetes Youth Support Group meets quarterly. For more information, call 706-868-3241 or visit universityhealth.org.
French Language Class is Wednesday, October 31, at 4 p.m. at the Aiken Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.
Cardiac Support Group meets three times a year. For more information on meetings, as well as for pre-registration, call 706-774-5864 or visit universityhealth.org.
Computer Bootcamp Part I meets Thursday, November 1, from 10 a.m.-3:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.
Adult Sexual Assault and Rape Support meets for group counseling. For more information, call 706-7245200 or visit universityhealth.org.
The Joy of Signing meets each Thursday from 10:30 a.m.-noon at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.
Narcotics Anonymous meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Visit na.org.
GED Classes are held Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.
AA meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Centersâ€™ Aurora Pavilion, and includes an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com. Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospitalâ€™s Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building. All burn survivors, and their families and friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706-651-6660 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Building 1010C. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.
Intermediate Word Processing Class meets Thursdays, October 25, November 1 and 8, at 10 a.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Free, but preregistration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl. org.
28 METROSPIRITAUGUSTAâ€™S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
â€œAmericans on Hellâ€™s Highway,â€? a World War II documentary, shows at the Aiken Public Library on Saturday, October 27, at 3 p.m. Director Richard Lanni will attend. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.
Beyond the Bars is a support group for those with incarcerated loved ones. For more information about meetings, call Gerry Nail at 706-855-8636.
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How Long Would You Wait for an M&M? Studying Willpower in Primates, a Psychology Lecture series presentation by Dr. Michael J. Beran, is Friday, October 26, at noon at ASUâ€™s University Hall room 170. Call 706-667-4620 or visit aug.edu.
Out of the Camera, a class on the basics of transferring photos from a digital camera, is Monday, October 29, from 1-2:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.
3015 Allen Drive, Evans, GA 30809
Army Medicine-Army Health: Leading Change to a System for Health, featuring guest speaker Maj. Gen. Jimmie O. Kennan, commanding general of the U.S. Army Public Health Command and chief of the U.S. Army Nurse Corps, is Thursday, October 25, at 3:30 p.m. at the Lee Auditoria Center at GHSU. A reception will follow at 4:30 p.m. Call 706-721-1420 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Hispanic Diversity Career Expo is Thursday, October 25, from 1-4 p.m. at Warren Baptist Church and includes more than 25 vendors. Sponsored by Goodwill Job Connections, it is free for those 18 and up. Visit goodwillworks.org.
Free Tutoring for all ages, offered by ASUâ€™s Literacy Center, is available by appointment Mondays-Thursday, from 4-8 p.m., at the center at 1401 Magnolia Drive. Appointments required. Call 706-737-1625 or visit aug.edu. Work Networking Group is held each Monday from 8:30-10 a.m. at Grace United Methodist Church in North Augusta. A networking and informational meeting for anyone looking for a job, the group meets in room 206 of the Asbury Building and is facilitated by career and business professionals. Call 803-279-7525 or email email@example.com. Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. ESL classes are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). Pre-registration required. Call Charles Garrick at 803-279-3363 or visit ecgrl.org. Intermediate Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 2:30-4 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. 25OCTOBER2012
Beginnerâ€™s Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 4-5 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.
Benefit Monster Bash, a benefit for GHSUâ€™s Childrenâ€™s Medical Center, is Saturday, October 27, at 8 p.m. at Enterprise Mill. The event features food and drinks, live music, a silent auction and more. Costumes encouraged. $50. Call 706-721-4004 or email castewart@ georgiahealth.edu. Second Annual Mutt Strutt and Canine Carnival, a fundraiser for Diamonds in the Ruff, is Saturday, October 27, at 8 a.m. at Evans Towne Center Park and includes a walk, followed by vendors, a pet costume contest and more. Visit diamondsintheruff.org. Pet-A-Fair, a benefit for the CSRA Humane Society, is Sunday, October 28, from noon-4 p.m. at Julian Smith Casino. The free event features pet and parent costume contest and other competitions, a silent auction and raffles, a bake sale, refreshments, T-shirts and a microchip clinic. Visit csrahumanesociety.org. Annual White Christmas Luncheon, featuring guest speaker Dr. Gregory DeLoach of First Baptist Church of Augusta, is Tuesday, October 30, at noon at Trinity on the Hill United Methodist Church. $25, with RSVP due by October 27. Proceeds to benefit Action Ministries and the White Christmas program. Call 706722-8195 or email firstname.lastname@example.org. Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item, which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio. com. Sports-Outdoors Spooky Sprint 5K Walk/Run and Kids Fun Run, to benefit the Arts and Heritage Center in North Augusta, is Saturday, October 27, at 9 a.m. at the Greeneway Trail at Center Street. $30. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. Third Annual Riedell Run 5K, a benefit for USC-Aikenâ€™s School of Education, is Saturday, October 27, at 9 a.m. at Pacer Path adjacent to the Convocation Center. A 1K costume run will begin at 9:15 a.m. $15, non-students; $10, students. Call 803-641-3564 or visit active.com. Granite Reminders, a tour of Westview Cemetery as part of the Augusta Canal Discovery Walks series, is Saturday, October 27, at 10 a.m. and Sunday, October 28, at 3 p.m. Tour meets at the cemetery entrance on Division Street. Free, Canal Keeper members; $2, non-members. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 2, or visit augustacanal.com. Zombie 5K Haunted Trail Run, for those 14 and older, is Saturday, October 27, beginning at 2 p.m. at Fort Gordon next to the Dinner Theatre. $35 includes the Apocalypse Party held after the run. Call 706-7914300 or email email@example.com. SRP Federal Credit Union Broad Street Ramble is Saturday, October 27, at 5:30 p.m. The start and finish of the 10K road race is at the Augusta Common and there will also be a kids fun run. A post-race celebration at the Common will include live music by Jesup Dolly, food and beverages. $40, 10K; $10, ids fun run. Visit active.com. 25OCTOBER2012
Fall Fest at Graystone Ranch Wildlife Education Center and Nature Park is going on through November 30, on Fridays and from 10 a.m.-midnight and Sundays from noon-midnight. the event includes a haunted hayride and fireworks over the lake through November 3, hiking, fishing, boat rides, exotic animal tours, petting zoos, a pumpkin patch, a hay maze, photos with the scarecrow, zip lines and more. $10. Visit graystoneranch.com. Kroc Trotters Running Group, for those ages 16 and older, meets each Tuesday and Thursday at the Kroc Center to run the trails of the Augusta Canal. Free, members; $15, non-members. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. The Augusta Rugby Club holds weekly practice sessions at 6:30 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Larry Bray Memorial Pitch, 100 Wood Street in Augusta, adjacent to the Augusta GreenJacketsâ€™ stadium at Lake Olmstead. Experienced rugby players and newbies ages 18 and up are welcome, and those interested should bring a pair of cleats (cross trainers will work) a mouthguard, gym shorts and a T-shirt. Visit augustarugby.org or Facebook under the Augusta Rugby Club heading. BlazeSports Swim Team, for all ages of physically challenged swimmers who want to train for competition, meets at the Wilson Family Y. $35 a month, members; $50 a month, non-members. Preregistration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Zumba Sentao and Zumba classes meet every Monday and Wednesday at 6:30 p.m. at the Aiken County Recreation Center on Jefferson Davis Highway in Graniteville, S.C. $6 per class, with coupons available. Call 706-627-1767. Wheelchair Tennis is each Monday at 6 p.m., weather permitting, at the Club at Raeâ€™s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or visit alsalley@ wrh.org. Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered Monday-Saturday at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m., and Sunday at 1:30, 3 and 4:30 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-7228878. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordanâ€™s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com.
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AUGUSTAâ€™S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Masters of Motown perform at Burke County High School on Saturday, October 27, at 7 p.m. as the opening concer t of the 33rd season of the Waynesboro-Burke Concer t Series. For ticket information, call 706-4370070 or visit augustaar ts.com.
Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, firstserved basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com. Zumba with Sohailla is every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706-421-6168 or visit zumbawithsohailla. blogspot.com. Saturday Historic Trolley Tours are Saturdays from 1:30-3:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-724-4067 or visit augustamuseum.org. Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com.
visit ecgrl.org. Time to Scare Halloween Carnival and Haunted House, for children ages 12 and under, is Thursday, October 25, from 5-8 p.m. at Diamond Lakes Community Center and includes carnival games, a costume contest at 7 p.m. and more. Call 803-278-1212 or visit augustaga.gov. Worlds of Fantasy, a Disney on Ice production, is Thursday, October 25, at 7 p.m.; Friday, October 26, at 10:30 a.m. and 7 p.m.; Saturday, October 27 at 1 and 5 p.m.; and Sunday, October 28, at 2 p.m. $16-$46. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. Teen Tales of Terror, the winners of the 10th Annual Teen Ghost Story contest, is Thursday, October 25, from 7-8 p.m. at North Augusta’s Nancy Carson Library. The event also includes an open mic portion for anyone who wants to tell their own ghost stories. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbelib.org. Lego Club for Kids meets Friday, October 26, at 4 p.m. at North Augusta’s Nancy Carson Library. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org.
Weekly Group Runs include the Monday Metro Run meeting at Metro Coffeehouse at 6 p.m.; Monday Intervals meeting at the Family Y track on Wheeler Road at 7 p.m.; the Tuesday Nacho Mama’s Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday’s Blanchard Woods Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday Stay in Shape Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday’s Post Office Hill Training Run at 7 p.m.; Thursday’s Homer Hustle at 6 p.m.; and Saturday’s Stay in Shape Run at 8 a.m. For more information, visit augustastriders.com.
YA-Al Scavenger Hunt for teens is Friday, October 26, from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.
Hott Shott Disc Golf is each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf, 863 Broad Street, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-814-7514 or visit killerbdiscgolf.blogspot.com/p/hott-shott.
Family Night: Pumpkin Decorating is Friday, October 26, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. $10 for a family of four, with $2 for each additional person. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.
Weird, Wild and Wacky Foods, a Halloween-themed cooking class for kids, is Saturday, October 27, from 9 a.m.-2 p.m. at Very Vera. $50. Preregistration required. Call 706-860-3492 or visit veryvera.com.
Cats Galore Craft Workshop, for those ages 3-5, is Thursday, October 25, at 11 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Participants should bring crayons, markers and glue, and pre-registration is required. Call 706-736-6244 or 30 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Trick or Treat at Reed Creek, which includes games, treats, a costume contest and more, is Friday, October 26, from 6-9 p.m. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com.
Childcare and Babysitting Safety, a program for those ages 11-14, is Saturday, October 27, from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. $30 fee includes lunch. Pre-registration required. Visit trinityofaugusta. com. Spook-tacular 2012 Halloween Carnival is Saturday, October 27, from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. and features attractions, games, raffles, food, a costume contest and more. Free. Visit augustaga.gov. Diamond Lakes Cheerleading Expo is Saturday, October 27, from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. at Diamond Lakes Community Center. $5 per child to perform; $2, spectator admission. Call 706-772-2418 or visit augustaga.gov. Harvest Party for families is Saturday, October 27, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library and includes music, games, stories, a costume parade and more. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Wii Gaming Free Play Session for ages 8-11 is Saturday, October 27, at 2 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Ghost Story Awards Program and Reception for teens is Saturday, October 27, at 3 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Downtown Halloween Festival in Aiken is Saturday, October 27, from 4-7 p.m. and includes trick or treating, carnival games, a costume contest and more for ages 12 and under accompanied by an adult. Free. Call 803-6427631 or 803-642-7634. Trunk or Treat is Saturday, October 27, from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Free. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Parents Night Out for Children of Deployed Soldiers at the Marshall Family Y, for ages 2-12, is Saturday, October 27, from 6-9:30 p.m. Free. Visit thefamilyy.org. Parents Night Out at the Wilson Family Y and the Family Y of Augusta South, 25OCTOBER2012
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Rape Crisis & Sexual Assault Services
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for ages 2-12, is Saturday, October 27, from 6-9:30 p.m. $12, members; $20, non-members. Pre-registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org.
Friday, from 9-11 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Free, members; call for nonmember prices. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.
Friday from 1:30-2:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.
Halloween Safety, Self-Defense and Situational Awareness Seminar for families is Saturday, October 27, from 6-8:30 p.m. at Superior Academy, 4158 Washington Road in Evans, and includes hands-on self-defense and stranger danger seminars, food and drinks, Halloween-inspired games and a costume contest. RSVP suggested. Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Storytime in the Gardens is each Tuesday in October at 4 p.m. at Hopelands Gardens behind the Thoroughbred Racing Hall of Fame. Local senior adults will read children’s books and each family who attends will receive a free book. Blankets, chairs, drinks and snacks are welcome. If the weather is bad, storytime will move to inside the Weeks Activities Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.
Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday at 9 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays and Fridays from 11:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.
Preschool Story Time (ages 2 and under) is every Wednesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. KinderCare Story Time (ages 3-6) is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.
Silversneakers I is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.
Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.
Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.
Solar System Adventure Tour shows at 7 and 8 p.m. on Saturday, October 27, at USC-Aiken’s Dupont Planetarium. Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec. usca.edu/planetarium. Get Understanding Youth Speakers Series is Sunday, October 28, at 3 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. School Day Out is Monday, October 29, during school hours at most Family Y locations. For students in kindergarten-fifth grade. Pre-registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Kids Halloween Party is Monday, October 29, from 6-7:30 p.m. at the Friedman Branch Library and includes treats, crafts, games and more. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Special Halloween Storytime at the Euchee Creek Branch Library is Tuesday, October 30, at 6 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Authors of Mystery and Horror, a live performance by Chad Crews, is Tuesday, October 30, at 7 p.m. at North Augusta’s Nancy Carson Library. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org.
Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time at the Columbia County Library is each Tuesday at 10:15 and 11 a.m. for those under 2; Monday, Wednesday and Thursday at 10:15 a.m. for 2-year-olds; Monday, Wednesday and Thursday at 11 a.m. for preschoolers; and Wednesdays for families with kids of all ages. Call 706863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.
Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Yoga I and II are offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:306:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.
Story Time at the Euchee Creek Branch Library, for all ages, is each Wednesday at 10:30 a.m. and each Tuesday at 4:30 p.m. Call 706-5560594 or visit ecgrl.org.
The Augusta Archaeological Society meets Thursday, October 25, at TBonz Steakhouse, 2856 Washington Road. Dinner on your own at 6:30 p.m., with the meeting, featuring guest speaker Dr. Al Goodyear, who will speak on current archaeology at the Topper site in Allendale County, S.C., and related Clovis topics, beginning at 8 p.m. Call 706-863-7964.
Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.
Belly Dancing Classes are held Tuesdays at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.
Pacerville: Where Vampires Fly, a trick or treating event, is Wednesday, October 31, from 5:30-7 p.m. at Pacer Commons and Crossings at USCAiken. The event also includes games, a haunted house, a hayride and prizes. Free. Email email@example.com.
Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.
Henry H. Brigham Center October Fun Fest, featuring a haunted house, candy, games and a costume contest for those ages 4-12, is Wednesday, October 31, from 6-8 p.m. Call 706-771-2655 or visit augustaga.gov.
Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.
What’s in the Box: Portraits of Plenty of People, a children’s activity event, is Thursday, November 1, from 10-11 a.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Members, free; non-members, $4. Pre-registration required. Call 706724-7501 or visit themorris.org.
Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706737-0012 or visit bn.com.
Non-Food Halloween Festival, open to children with medically restricted diets and their siblings, is Wednesday, October 31, from 3-5:30 p.m. on the fourth and fifth floors of the GHSU Health Sciences Building. The GHSU and ASU nursing colleges-sponsored event will feature non-traditional trick or treating, activities, games and arts and crafts. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2451 or visit georgiahealth.org.
Study Hall for teens meets Wednesdays from 3-5 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org/teens. Steed’s Dairy is open through November 18. Hours are Fridays, 5-10 p.m.; Saturdays, 10 a.m.-10 p.m.; and Sundays, 1-6 p.m. Activities at the working dairy farm include a petting zoo, a jumping pillow, a giant tube slide, rubber duckie races, a preschool play area, a Maize, hayrides, pumpkin patch and more. $12 per person; those 2 and under free. Visit steedsdairy.com. Fall Fest at Graystone Ranch Wildlife Education Center and Nature Park is going on through November 30, on Fridays and from 10 a.m.-midnight and Sundays from noon-midnight. the event includes a haunted hayride and fireworks over the lake through November 3, hiking, fishing, boat rides, exotic animal tours, petting zoos, a pumpkin patch, a hay maze, photos with the scarecrow, zip lines and more. $10. Visit graystoneranch.com.
Story Time is every Wednesday at Appleby Branch Library from 10:0510:20 a.m. for toddlers 18 months-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschoolers ages 3 and up. Parent must stay with child. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.
Volunteers United Hospice of Aiken, which covers Aiken, Edgefield, McCormick, Barnwell and Allendale counties, needs volunteers to visit with patients or work in the office. Training is provided. Call 803-641-0060 or email firstname.lastname@example.org. Rape Crisis and Sexual Assault Services is seeking volunteer advocates for Richmond, Burke, Jefferson and McDuffie counties. Advocates answer crisis calls and respond to hospitals in their area within 30 minutes. Call 706-774-2746 or email email@example.com.
Story Time is every Wednesday at 10:15 a.m. for Pre-K, and either 11 or 11:30 a.m. for preschoolers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-6422023 or visit abbe-lib.org.
MACH Academy is looking for volunteers to provide tutoring, academic support and mentoring services during fall after-school sessions held Monday-Thursday from 3:30-6 p.m. Call 706-796-5046, email firstname.lastname@example.org or visit machacademy.com.
Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:30-11 a.m. for toddlers and 11:15-11:45 a.m. for preschoolers at North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-279-5767 or abbe-lib.org.
Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs administrative and patient care volunteers. No experience necessary; training will be provided. Call Rich Boland at 706-447-2626 or email email@example.com.
Senior Health Fair, hosted by GHSU junior nursing students, is Tuesday, October 30, from 9 a.m.-12:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. The event will include information, activities and services to help with joint health, diabetes and hypertension. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.
Thursday Nights at the High, a special event at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, offers half price tickets from 4-8 p.m. each Thursday. A guided tour is offered at 6:30 p.m. Call 404-733-4200 or visit high.org.
Kroc Tots Activity Hours, for those 5 and under, meets every Friday from 9-10 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Free, members; $1, non-members. Call 706364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.
Blythe Senior Center Adult Halloween Costume Party is Tuesday, October 30, from 9:30-11 a.m. Call 706-592-6668 or visit augustaga.gov.
Homeschool PE Time, for those elementary school aged, meets Monday-
Silver Sneakers, a senior exercise class, meets each Wednesday and
Sunday activities at the Kroc Center include an adult Bible class at 9:30 a.m., youth Sunday school at 9:45 a.m., and a worship service at 11 a.m. Free. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.
If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@ themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon. AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - DJ Mike Swift Midtown Lounge - Karaoke w/ Charles O’Byrne Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere in Augusta - Comedy Zone w/ Sabo - Thomas Surrey Tavern - Trivia with Christian and Mickey Upcoming Ruskin - Joe’s Underground November 1 Celia Gary - 100 Laurens November 2 Happy Bones - Cotton Patch November 2 The Hollers - Polo Tavern November 2 The Burning Angels - Stillwater Tap Room November 2 Jim Perkins & Jason Prouty - Carolina Ale House November 9 Afroman w/ DJ Scientist - Sky City November 9 Steep Canyon Rangers - Imperial Theatre November 16 Smokey’s Farmland Band - Stillwater Tap Room November 16 Augusta Stock Music Fest Pre-Show w/ Robbie Ducey, Tony Williams and the Blues Express, George Croft and the Vellotones, Mama Says Sky City November 17 Kicks 99 Guitar Pull w/ Luke Bryan, Billy Currington, Brantley Gilbert, Little Big Town, Lee Brice, Lauren Alaina - James Brown Arena November 20 Mannheim Steamroller Christmas - Bell Auditorium November 29 Vagabond Swing - Stillwater Tap Room November 30 Willie Nelson - Bell Auditorium December 4 Holiday Pops w/ Joe Gransden - Bell Auditorium December 14 Suzy Bogguss - Imperial Theatre December 14 The Welfare Liners - Stillwater Tap Room December 14 Christmas with John Berry - Imperial Theatre December 20 Sam Bush - Imperial Theatre January 18 Ronnie Milsap - Bell Auditorium February 14 Mike Farris & the Roseland Rhythm Revue Imperial Theatre February 15 Classical Mystery Tour - Bell Auditorium March 8 25OCTOBER2012
Elsewhere Mike Watt & The Missingmen - The Earl, Atlanta October 25 Noah Gundersen & David Ramirez - Eddies Attic, Atlanta October 25 Alanis Morissette - Tabernacle, Atlanta October 25 Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson - Aaron’s Amphitheatre at Lakewood, Atlanta October 25 The Psychedelic Furs, the Lemonheads Variety Playhouse, Atlanta October 25 Chet - Rock House, Savannah October 25 Celia at The Stables - Rose Hill Estate, Aiken October 26 Lagwagon - The Loft, Atlanta October 26 Hundred Waters - 529, Atlanta October 26 Greg Burroughs - Desperados, Savannah October 26 Lauren Lapointe - Fiddler’s Southside, Savannah October 26 Sharon Van West - Terminal West, Atlanta October 27 Youngstaples -Forsyth Park, Savannah October 27 Freelance Whales w/ Geographer - The Loft, Atlanta October 28 Honly Tonk Halloween Ball w/ The Western Sizzlers - Smiths Olde Bar, Atlanta October 31 Primus - Tabernacle, Atlanta October 31 Frankie Valli - Fox Theatre, Atlanta November 1 Rush - Verizon Wireless Amphitheater at Encore Park, Atlanta November 1 National Symphony of Cuba w/ Nachito Herrera - Etherredge Center, Aiken November 2 English Beat - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta November 2 Nas, Lauryn Hill - Tabernacle, Atlanta November 2 The Whites & The Sullivans - Mill Town Music Hall, Atlanta November 3 Corey Crowder - Peachtree Tavern, Atlanta November 3 Sol Driven Train - Livewire Music Hall, Savannah November 3 Dan Deacon w/ Height with Friends - Terminal West, Atlanta November 6 Needtobreathe - Johnny Mercer Theatre, Savannah November 8 On Tap - Smokehouse, Savannah November 16 Gary Ray- Saddle Bags, Savannah December 1
AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
36 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Ladies can have Valentine’s Day; men will take Halloween any day It’s finally here! I’m talking about Halloween, of course, not the new phone books. I have to say that Halloween is a celebration for men. Ladies, I will leave Valentine’s Day alone; you can have that one. Valentine’s Day is a day where, as a guy, we treat our lovely ladies to a romantic night out; we discuss our relationship, how happy we are together and say things like: “we are going to last forever.” Halloween is a completely different story. For men, Halloween offers the best scenery of the year. Halloween is a time when a woman might question her outfit, but she will only change it for the better. The question “is my skirt too short” might come up, and if it does, all answers point to “no, it could actually be shorter.” A perfect example was at a costume contest last year. A very nice young lady dressed as a “black angel” won the contest. Let me take a moment and describe what exactly goes into a “black angel” costume. All you need is nice black underwear: a black bra, black wings and high heels. Next thing you know, you could be walking away with some cold hard cash. You will probably get a lot of free drinks as well. But remember guys, it’s okay to look, not to touch. Learn from your mistakes. If you are looking to cash in this Halloween, there are two huge costume contests going on. The first is with the brand new nightclub, Surreal at Surrey. Taking over in the old Vue location, Surreal at Surrey is hosting Halloween Horror Story on Saturday night. Surreal is asking ladies to show up in your sexiest costume and win cash prizes. You should listen to what they say. Doors open at 8 p.m. I’m not promoting their music, but the Country Club sure does know how to host a party. So of course you can expect something big. Kris Fisher and HD 98.3 will be live on Saturday night at the Country Club from 10 to midnight and Kris promised me that he would be wearing his favorite pair of assless chaps. Now there’s some scenery for the ladies! The Country Club is also hosting a costume contest with cash and prizes, including a trip to see Madonna in Miami. Remember Madonna? If you’re not ready for Halloween this weekend and want to wait for the official All Hallow’s Eve, catch Funk You with Lingo from Atlanta, Craig Waters and the Flood, and Griffen Eubanks at Sky City on the October 31. Doors open at 7:30 p.m. Quick celebrity music news: mug shot of the week has to go to Flaaaaaaavooor Flav. The Public Enemy rapper was arrested and booked this past week on charges of assault with a deadly weapon and misdemeanor domestic violence. What’s the big deal? So he threatened his 17-year-old son with a knife and chased him around the house with it; that’s sounds like a normal night at the Flav residence to me. If only he would have stayed with Brigitte Nielsen and lived a normal life. Make sure you tune in next week as I break down all the past chapters of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet.” The singer with horrible bathroom etiquette will release new chapters to this iconic tale on November 23, thanks to IFC. I wonder what’s going to happen with Rufus and Cathy. Last, I hope to see everyone tonight, October 25, at The Playground for Rockin for Breast Cancer Awareness. Proceeds are going to be donated to the American Cancer Society. You’ll be able to enjoy music from Celia Gary, The Beauty Fools and Focus. Come and close out Breast Cancer Awareness Month with a great show. What bands are coming to town? Who would you like to see in Augusta that doesn’t play country music? If you had to be one superhero for Halloween, who would it be and why? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock. 38 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Cassie Jones, Leah Nazzaro and Mary Baker Maund Gray at the Georgia-Carolina State Fair at the Augusta Exchange Club Fairgrounds.
Ben Agee, Lindsey Corley, Key Showman and Joseph Gray at the Georgia-Carolina State Fair at the Augusta Exchange Club Fairgrounds.
Jeff Hadden, Kate Zelgewicz and Brian Connor at the GeorgiaCarolina State Fair at the Augusta Exchange Club Fairgrounds.
Monica Jones, Matt Hitchcock and Madison Darr at Villa Europa’s Oktoberfest.
Sadie Blue, singer/songwriter Charlie Starr and Emily Glisson at the Blackberry Smoke show at Sky City.
Matt Loyal, Pat Schaffer, Ray Holmes and Marie Curtis at Villa Europa’s Oktoberfest.
Ales Hintz, Marlow Craig, Brittany McCracken and Ray Fulcher at the Blackberry Smoke show at Sky City.
Stacy Hopson, Alecia Lynn and Summer Widener at the Country Club.
Cheryl Servy and Stephanie Ognjenovic with Milan and Edouard Servy and Igor Ognjenovic at the Augusta Common.
- Kenny, Owner of Aces and Eights Tattoo & Piercing
AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Aren’t scary movies supposed to be... scary?
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4
“Paranormal Activity 4”
This movie will scare exactly… no one
Perilously pointless with scant sense of direction or purpose, “Paranormal Activity 4” might be the worst movie of the year. It’s definitely the worst “Paranormal” yet, and, aside from handstuffing 200 nickels up your nostrils, it’s the dumbest waste of 10 bucks possible. There should be a consumer protection commission whereto one may dial a toll-free number and hold the receiver up to the theater when the final credits roll. The chorus of “What?”s at the end would automatically initiate an official inquiry, followed by massive fines. The line of questioning would look like this: Why is the story so flimsy and incoherent? Why do your characters act like twits? Why didn’t you bother to come up with a credible ending? Most importantly, why wasn’t any of it scary? Other installments in this “Paranormal” series at least would give you a fright. Directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman managed a couple of proper scares in the previous “Paranormal” installment. This one, though? Gyaaaagh. To give you an idea, the respective IMDB user scores (on a 10-point scale) for the four “Paranormal” flicks look like this: 6.4, 5.8, 6.0, 4.7. In other words this latest inert lump, smacking of a low-imagination rush job, is a substantial dropoff even from a well-carved rut of mediocrity. The signature “Paranormal” elements are all here, though — a family in a house in California videotaping themselves and one another during bouts of poltergeisty, demonic, bump-in-the-night stuff. It’s B-movie found-footage fun, when done well. But this ain’t. There’s a mom and a dad and a young son and a teenaged daughter and her boyfriend. The parents are morons. They pay no attention when the daughter, Alex (the endearing Kathryn Newton), points out that weird things have been happening since they invited the creepy brat from across the street, Robbie (Brady Allen), to stay for a while. Robbie has some imaginary friend who seems to show up on the Xbox Kinect sensors and probably ought to be Ghostbusted. Also, Robbie’s mom is the Katie character from some of the other “Paranormal” movies, not that you’d much notice. At some level the filmmakers must have a sense of where they want this cash cow to wander, and how the various strands from various movies will connect,
but this film appears to know little of where it’s going and to care nothing of how it gets there. We know bad things are in store for our surnameless family, but (spoiler alert) the manner in which these bad things befall them is boring and nonsensical. It almost plays as an 88-minute practical joke, or a credible spoof of a “Paranormal Activity” movie. It didn’t have to be this way. The creep-child, Robbie, is a truly unnerving little toad. Children are fantastic assets in horror movies, not least because life’s most terrifying moments involve children who are sick, arrested or conceived. By the end, though, we don’t really know why he’s such a wretched nightmare tot. Maybe if you were a real fanatic of these “Paranormal Activity” films and their supposed mythology then the subtle intricacies that right now appear as lazy oversights might reveal a hidden masterpiece. For the other 99 percent of us, this movie carries all the beguiling charm of a fungal hangnail. It cost $5 million to make. It made more than $50 million worldwide in its first weekend. Another sequel has been announced. Please, do not encourage these people any longer.
THE8ERS Movie times are subject to change.
The Big Mo
Gates open at 7 p.m.; shows begin at 8:30 p.m. October 26-27 Field 1: Hotel Transylvania (PG) and Frankenweenie (PG); Field 2: Argo (R) and Paranormal Activity 4 (R); Field 3: Alex Cross (PG-13) and Taken 2 (PG-13)
Masters 7 Cinemas
October 26 Resident Evil: Retribution (R) 4, 7, 9:30; The Expendables 2 (R) 4:45, 7, 9:45; The Campaign (R) 5:15, 7:45, 10; The Dark Knight Rises (PG-13) 4:30, 8; Ice Age: Continental Drift (PG) 5:15, 7:30, 9:45; Madea’s Witness Protection (PG-13) 4:15, 6:45, 9:15; Brave (PG) 5, 7:15, 9:30 October 27 Resident Evil: Retribution (R) 1:15, 4, 7,
40 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
9:30; The Expendables 2 (R) 1:30, 4:45, 7, 9:45; The Campaign (R) 1, 3:15, 5:15, 7:45, 10; The Dark Knight Rises (PG-13) 1, 4:30, 8; Ice Age: Continental Drift (PG) 12:45, 3, 5:15, 7:30, 9:45; Madea’s Witness Protection (PG-13) 1:30, 4:15, 6:45, 9:15; Brave (PG) 12:30, 2:45, 5, 7:15, 9:30
Regal Exchange 20
October 26 Chasing Mavericks (PG) 1:30, 4:10, 7:05, 9:45, 12:30; Cloud Atlas (R) 1, 2, 3:20, 4:40, 7, 8:20, 12:05; Fun Size (PG-13) 12:35, 1:05, 2:50, 3:25, 5:05, 5:40, 7:20, 8, 9:35, 11:50; Silent Hill: Revelation (R) 12:40, 1:10, 2:55, 3:30, 5:10, 5:45, 7:25, 8:10, 9:40, 10:30, 11:55, 12:45; Paranormal Activity 4 (R) 11:50, 12:15, 2:05, 2:25, 4:20, 4:45, 7:15, 7:40,
9:30, 9:55, 11:45, 12:10; Alex Cross (PG-13) 11:30, 12:50, 2, 3:15, 4:30, 5:40, 7, 7:30, 8:10, 9:25, 10, 10:45, 11:55, 12:25; Argo (R) 11:20, 2:05, 4:50, 7:35, 10:30; Here Comes the Boom (PG) noon, 2:30, 5, 7:40, 10:15; Seven Psychopaths (R) 10:25; Sinister (R) 11:40, 2:10, 4:40, 7:10, 9:50, 12:25; Frankenweenie (PG) 12:30, 2:50, 5:05, 7:20, 9:35, 12:05; Taken 2 (PG-13) 1, 5:40, 8, 10:20, 12:40; Hotel Transylvania (PG) 11:45, 12:15, 2:10, 2:40, 4:30, 5, 7, 9:20, 11:40; Looper (R) 10:40; Pitch Perfect (PG-13) noon, 2:35, 5:10, 7:45, 10:30; The Perks of Being a Wallflower (PG-13) 11:50, 2:15, 4:45, 7:20, 9:55, 12:20 October 27 The Metropolitan Opera: Otello (NR) 12:55; Chasing Mavericks (PG) 1:30, 4:10, 7:05, 9:45, 12:30; Cloud Atlas (R) 1, 2, 3:20, 4:40, 7, 8:20, 12:05; Fun Size (PG-13) 12:35, 1:05, 2:50, 3:25, 5:05, 5:40, 7:20, 8, 9:35, 11:50;
Silent Hill: Revelation (R) 12:40, 1:10, 2:55, 3:30, 5:10, 5:45, 7:25, 8:10, 9:40, 10:30, 11:55, 12:45; Paranormal Activity 4 (R) 11:50, 12:15, 2:05, 2:25, 4:20, 4:45, 7:15, 7:40, 9:30, 9:55, 11:45, 12:10; Alex Cross (PG-13) 11:30, 12:50, 2, 3:15, 4:30, 5:40, 7, 7:30, 8:10, 9:25, 10, 10:45, 11:55, 12:25; Argo (R) 11:20, 2:05, 4:50, 7:35, 10:30; Here Comes the Boom (PG) noon, 2:30, 5, 7:40, 10:15; Seven Psychopaths (R) 10:25; Sinister (R) 11:40, 2:10, 4:40, 7:10, 9:50, 12:25; Frankenweenie (PG) 12:30, 2:50, 5:05, 7:20, 9:35, 12:05; Taken 2 (PG-13) 1, 5:40, 8, 10:20, 12:40; Hotel Transylvania (PG) 11:45, 12:15, 2:10, 2:40, 4:30, 5, 7, 9:20, 11:40; Looper (R) 10:40; Pitch Perfect (PG-13) noon, 2:35, 5:10, 7:45, 10:30; The Perks of Being a Wallflower (PG-13) 11:50, 2:15, 4:45, 7:20, 9:55, 12:20
“Cloud Atlas,” rated R, starring Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Hugh Grant, Hugo Weaving. The WTF movie of the year, directed by the Wachowski Brothers (The Matrix trilogy) -- well, Wachowski siblings, since Larry is now Lana -- and Tom Tykwer, director of one of our all-time favorites “Run Lola Run.” Somehow it involves past and future lives, and all the high-profile actors listed above play multiple roles and alternately dress up as characters who appear to be aliens, pirates and extras from a Charles Dickens adaptation. Odds are it will mesmerize you with its beauty… and that you’ll walk out of the theater with no more idea of what happened than when you walked in. “Chasing Mavericks,” rated PG, starring Jonny Weston, Gerard Butler, Elisabeth Shue, Abigail Spencer. The story of Jay Moriarty, who started surfing young and died in the water at 22.
“Silent Hill: Revelation 3D, rated R, starring Sean Bean, Radha Mitchell, Carrie-Anne Moss, Malcolm McDowell. A sequel to 2006’s “Silent Hill,” this one involves alternate realities, mysterious disappearances, terrible nightmares… and Malcolm McDowell hamming it up.
“Fun Size,” rated PG-13, starring Victoria Justice, Johnny Knoxville, Chelsea Handler, Ana Gasteyer. Justice, of TV’s “Victorious,” graduates to movies in this one that, from the cast list, looks a little like a train wreck. She stars as a girl who wants to go to her crush’s Halloween party but, instead, has to spend the night looking for her stupid younger brother. We’re sure somebody will want to see this one, but certainly not for Handler’s acting.
Yes, you’ll actually have to visit a movie theater to see this one, but don’t worry: It’s well worth the money. The (mostly) true story of the rescue of six U.S. diplomats from their hideout at the Canadian embassy in Tehran, Iran, in 1979, the movie could have been a dry, historical drama. Instead, director Ben Affleck crafts a taut thriller that stands up admirably to the best fiction Hollywood screenwriters can produce. Yes, moviegoers know how the story ends, but that doesn’t stop them from biting their nails and covering their eyes during the final half hour, when the diplomats hide in plain sight at the airport in Tehran, posing as film crew for the fictional sci-fi epic “Argo.” Before getting to that point, however, the film follows Affleck’s Tony Mendez, a CIA exfiltration specialist, as he sells his rescue idea up the American chain of command as “the best bad idea we’ve got.” He then uses his Hollywood contacts, here in the form of the hilarious John Goodman and Alan Arkin, to create a production company and sell the story to, first, the movie industry media before taking a chance with the Ayatollah’s people in Iran. It’s a crazy good movie, and you’ll realize how well it was cast at the end, when the actors’ pictures are shown side by side with the people they’re played. Well, everyone except Affleck, whose Mendez is much more handsome than his real-life doppelganger. In fact, that’s the only fault we can find with the movie: While Affleck’s hair is very ‘70s, it’s much too sparkly. They didn’t have those kinds of hair products back then and, even if they did, we doubt a CIA specialist would buy them. Otherwise, nice work Mr. Whofleck. See you at the Oscars. 25OCTOBER2012
AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
15 in 5 Because I love a list. Especially a random list. To the lady at Publix: My slow pace was totally intentional. I stood there looking for my keys, which were really tucked in to the zipper pocket in my purse, just to tick you off. I consider the entire operation a success, because when you opened your window to yell at me, your three kids got a reprieve from the ciggy hotbox you so generously created for them.
If you aren’t enjoying the fall weather, you have a heart of stone. Okay, the only thing I dislike about fall weather is that winter is right around the corner. The only things I like about winter are fires in the fireplace, fires on the deck and watching my kids celebrate Christmas. And jeans and boots. Okay, maybe winter isn’t that bad. It’s just the whole cold thing that gets me.
To the other lady at Publix. No, not you. The one I liked. Those pink bags are cute aren’t they? My old green bags were so ratty; buying new ones was a necessity. I had no idea how much the hot pink ones would make me smile. I didn’t anticipate that they’d make others smile, too. One woman even came up to me smiling, hugging me and thanking me for supporting breast cancer research. At $.99 a pop, I’d say those bags were a worthwhile investment.
Speaking of colds, please wash your hands. We don’t need to share the booger you just dislodged when you thought no one was looking. If your kids are sick, please keep them out of school. I understand that this seems impossible if you have to work. Sending them to school prevents them from getting the rest they need to get well. They will be sicker longer. Sending them to school while they are sick also greatly increases the chance that one of my kids will barf. We are in Halloween crunch time around here. The Boy wants to be a vampire. He has even kept his hair long, so he can slick all back. The Girl has sadly decided to be something other than Sparkly Kitty. It was a cute, simple costume, and we had all the parts. Ears, a tail and some glitter hairspray got us easily through three Halloweens. We’re still not sure about this one. Stay tuned. I’m not really a fan of costumes. I have many friends who are creative and who come up with awesome costumes every year. I just always feel silly. My second best costume to date was Michael Jackson (came in third place at the Partridge Inn many years ago). I wore black satin pants, crimped my hair, borrowed a leather zippery jacket, and covered a glove in silver glitter. The costume was simple. Who knew I looked so much like him.
We took The Kids to Boshears last weekend. We all had a great time. The people-watching was fantastic. The moment of the day was the invocation during the opening ceremonies. I looked around to see people praying in earnest, all while drinking an ice cold beer and balancing their offspring on their shoulders. Gotta love the south. The weekend before that, we went to the Greek Festival and the fair. We could’ve gone to see the Peter Pan, eaten at the Hispanic Festival, shopped for produce at the Saturday Market, Walked with the Spirits, relaxed on a Canal Music Cruise, watched an open Disc Golf tournament, laughed with comedian Mike Epps, or put on legwarmers for ’80s Night at The Soul Bar. I’m sure there was much, much more to do. Pretty impressive for a town where there “isn’t anything to do.” If you need to know what’s going on this weekend, you can flip through this paper until you get to the calendar. If you like to plan ahead a little more, visit augustaga.org/calendar. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. If not, I guess you’ll just have to make your own fun, but please quit complaining. It’s fall, y’all! Cheers!
My favorite costume (and one that might come out again this year) was Wine Drinking Girl with Wings. I wore wings. Otherwise, it was pretty much me, dressed as me.
JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.
42 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Fit to Be Gold Challenge Update After the second weigh-in October 15 Name: Grady Lee Starting weight: 243.4 Weight at last weigh in: 220.2 Number of pounds lost: 23.2 Ranking: 2nd Whatâ€™s your exercise plan? I have been doing my best to work out six times a week. I have been trying to use one of those days to lift some weights, another one to go to a spinning class and the rest of the other days I try to do different cardio routines to mix it up. Whatâ€™s your diet plan? I can sum my diet up into one word: chicken. I eat chicken for lunch and dinner almost every day. I limit my carb intake and make sure that I have a big breakfast. Whatâ€™s been your biggest struggle? My biggest struggle is working at dominos, going to school full-time and trying to find time to work out. It really adds up, but it has been with every sacrifice so far. Whatâ€™s been your biggest success? My biggest success so far is the amount of weight I have lost. I have not weighed this much since I played football in high school. It feels great! Who do you think is the contestant to beat? I have not really been paying much attention to the other contestants. The reason for this is because I feel like the biggest competition, when losing weight, is yourself. I have been doing my best to do everything Chris, my trainer, has been asking me to do. I know that if I stick to the plan he has given me I can reach my weight-loss goal, which will be a big win in my personal life. I also feel that I can win this competition if I continue to work closely, listen and follow through with everything my trainer asks me to do. C
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Almost Splatter Free
Misfits take on Rob Zombie to celebrate their 10th anniversary
Looking for something off the beaten path to celebrate Halloween this year? The Misfit Theatre Group, known for being Augusta’s non-traditional performance troupe and for bringing cult films to life on stage, performs their special Halloween show, “House of 1000 Corpses,” sure to deliver the shock and awe their fans and followers have come to expect. “We try to do stuff that other theater groups can’t,” boasts Robert Seawell, the troupe’s director and head of the cast. “We like to do more pulp and offbeat stuff.” Taking Rob Zombie’s film, “House of 1000 Corpses,” and turning it into a stage production would certainly qualify as offbeat. The story focuses on two couples who are held hostage by a sadistic backwoods family on Halloween. “This year is the 10th anniversary of that film,” explains Seawell, “and it just so happens to be the 10th anniversary of the Misfit Theatre Group, so I was like, how cool for a Halloween show this year, for us to pull Rocky Horror back to August, and then pull out ‘House of a 1000 Corpses’ as our Halloween show and just make it a big thing, since
Rob Zombie is on tour with Marilyn Manson, and they’re actually playing in Atlanta the night before we perform.” Fans of the Misfit Theatre Group will be familiar with the troupe’s previous productions, like “Repo the Genetic Opera,” that have been presented in “Splattervision!” Not to disappoint, but “House of 1000 Corpses,” is not intended to be a splattervision show. “There’s been a lot of misconception with the show,” says Seawell. “We started this thing with our theater group years ago called splattervision — which is where when we perform something that involves blood whenever somebody is getting killed in the show or if there’s something else with blood involved, then the audience gets splattered with blood as well. So, a lot of people think this show is presented in splattervision but it’s actually not. Now, that’s not to say that some people won’t get blood on them, because the show does have blood in it and sometimes it does tend to shoot out at people, but it’s not going to be officially presented in splattervision this time. It’s just if you happen to be in the right spot, you may get some blood on you. “
What else can the audience expect? “I don’t want to give anything away,” says Seawell, “but people can expect a lot of surprises — there’s more dialogue than the movie script. This is how it was originally supposed to be. It’s very raw. The show runs about an hour and a half. We used a lot of Rob Zombie’s music in it, which I thought was a nice touch. There’s just going to be a lot of crazy stuff.” In addition to the performance, there will also be pre-show music and a costume contest. It’s an all ages show, but Seawell says, viewer discretion is advised. It’s very adult themed and very graphic. “This has everything you’d see in a Rob Zombie show — a little something for everyone,” says Seawell. “People will be shocked at how elaborate it is. It’s going to be a great night. This show is really going to show what Misfit is capable of.” “House of 1000 Corpses” Sector 7G | Friday October 26 Doors, 8 p.m.; show, 9 p.m. | $13 at door sector7gaugusta.com
Are you so frustrated with your computer you’ve considered tossing it out the window? Is it so slow you can barely use it? Are you having trouble getting to your favorite web page... or facebood? Are you even tempted to teake it to one of those Big Box Stores for service? Think again! Do you really want the place that sells you envelopes or flat screen TVs working on your computer? Bring it to ComputerOne today... and our real computer guys will make it all better at a price you can afford. We’re the opposite of a Big Box Store. We’re the little store in Fairway Square and although we have our own of computer experts, we dont really call them geeks (at least to their faces). They’re just competent, skilled computer technicians with the know-how to clean up your computer at a reasonable price and get you back on the internet fast. And although we’re not keeping score, given the fact we’re celebrating our 25th anniversary this year, it is very likely we’ve sold and repaired more computers than any other company in Augusta... and we have thousands of satisfied customers to prove it.
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Professional Virus & Spyware Removal Services $69.95 Call us today at 706.667.9009
About Us | Services | Virus and Spyware Removal | Custom Built Computers | Point of Sale Systems | Driving Directions | Contact Us Copyright 2011 ComputerOne Technology, Inc., All Rights Reserved - Website developed, hosted and maintained by Southfire, Inc. 2825 Washington Rd., Fairway Square Shopping Center, Augusta, GA 30909 - 706.667.9009
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Walk for the Homeless Beverly Hixon
Lace up your sneakers and join us on Saturday, October 27, at Evans Towne Center Park for Diamonds in the Ruff CSRA's Second Annual Mutt Strutt and Canine Carnival, beginning at 8 a.m. Bring your favorite four-legged friend for a fun-filled day of music, games, food and strut for those animals less fortunate. Rescue dogs will put their best foot forward and proudly lead the pack in hopes of finding that forever home! Come out and shake their hands. You will meet local rescue groups who tirelessly and voluntarily save and care for dozens of homeless animals each and every year. Local vendors will be on hand to offer yummy treats, human and canine varieties, and information on groomers, pet sitters, obedience and more. Aiken Pet Fitness and Rehab will teach us how to keep our pets healthy and happy. Columbia County Canine Division will demonstrate the how these amazing animals work to keep our community safe. Custom college team doghouses, designed by Richard Worth, will be auctioned. And don't forget the pet costume contest! Diamonds in the Ruff is a nonprofit, all-volunteer organization formed as a fundraising vehicle to help rescue, medically treat, spay/neuter and adopt homeless animals from area shelters. We also proactively address pet overpopulation in the CSRA through education, legislation, spay/neuter programs and responsible adoptions. We are making a difference but we need to do more. We need your help. Here's how: Make a contribution to help us continue our work. Volunteer to help with your time and talents. Promote spay/neuter — be sure to spay/neuter your own pet. Spread the word about the plight of animal control. Adopt a rescue animal or from your local shelter. Early registration is available at diamondsintheruffcsra.org, or register the day of the event beginning at 8 a.m. We look forward to seeing you!
Bessy, a female bassett mix, was found wandering on Gordon Highway and hasn’t been claimed. She will be fully vetted before she is adopted.
Minny was seen dumped out of a truck, rescued and cared for by an out of state visitor. He has been fully vetted, and is house trained, sits, stays and walks on a leash. He is sweet and smart, and is less than a year old.
Sammy is approximately one and a half years old, and was found by a dumpster caring for a litter of pups also dumped there. He is very friendly and protective.
Diamonds in the Ruff’s Mutt Strutt Evans Towne Center Park Saturday, October 27 Starting at 10 a.m. Includes a dog walk, Halloween costume contest, kissing booth, vendors and more. firstname.lastname@example.org diamondsintheruffcsra.org CSRA Humane Society’s Pet A Fair Julian Smith Casino Sunday, October 28 Noon Contests, raffles, auction and more. 706-261-7387 csrahumanesociety.org
Bing is an eight-year-old male, neutered and sweet. He gets along well with other cats but prefers a quiet home.
Bandit is a nine-month-old black-and-white neutered male cat who is very playful.
Cinder is a solid black six-month-old female kitten with Oriental body type. She is a sweetheart and loves to romp and play!
Ongoing Adoption Events PETCO 4209 Washington Road, Evans Saturdays, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Sundays, 1-4 p.m. Amanda is a medium gray Tabby Tortie female cat, about 1.5-2 years old. She is laid-back, sweet and loves to get pets!
For more information about adopting these animals, call 706-736-3691 or visit Lorna Barret’s Facebook page. 25OCTOBER2012
Santa Paws’ Santa and Pets Pictures Pendleton King Park Saturday, November 10 8 a.m. Holiday pictures with your pets and family. Sponsored by Jennifer Weaver, photographer, and That’s What Friends Are For. Inc. 706-736-3691 thatswhatfriendsarefor.org
PetSmart 225 Robert C. Daniel Parkway, Augusta Saturdays, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Tractor Supply 596 Bobby Jones Expressway, next to Sam’s Club Saturdays and Sundays from 1-4 p.m.
AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
LINE Someone has vandalized the Romney/Ryan signs on Bellaire; I’m no fan of those two but I find the vandalism totally inappropriate! The message it sends is NOT one of ‘vote for Obama’ but one of childish schoolyard behavior. It’s so sad that we can’t be civil in our opposition to others.
who have their hands out for the welfare line.. and a lot of them are in RED states. They are just too ignorant to realize that they are voting for the (Repubs) very people who want to stop their Welfare checks. It’s a fact that Liberals read more books and it shows!
Somewhere in Uruguay a village is missing its idiot.
You paid how much for that fancy new Lexis and it didn’t even come with directionals? Are you just too lazy to use them, or are you just ignorant and don’t know how to use them? Whatever, you’re going to get a good honking from me if you pull out in front of me without using them. Sorry to inform you but the world does not revolve around you and everybody does NOT KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING!
If elected, the first thing Romney should do is suspend the rules of arithmetic. Otherwise, his tax plan is going to make George W. Bush seem like a great President. Check the math. Unless your net worth is a minimum of $5 million, you cannot AFFORD to vote for this bull artist. If you are pro-life then you must also be against the death penalty and all wars. Life is life. Speaking of pro-life could you also put your money where your mouth is and give the woman the $280,000 to raise her child until it reaches the age of eighteen? Mr. Howard, why does the RCBOE spend millions of E-SPLOST dollars on football stadia while spending not-one-red-cent on playground equipment for RCSS elementary schools, particularly those schools serving students whose parents have low incomes? I am sick and tired of you ignorant Republicans insinuating (look it up)that all Liberals are on welfare. I have worked since I was 15 years old. I am an educated professional. That’s why I have a mind of my own and don’t need to watch a bigoted, racist “news” channel or listen to a loud mouth on the radio to form my own opinions. There are a whole bunch of poor Republicans
46 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
To the guy defending matt and sanj...1) i shouldnt have to hear conversations in between songs( its rock radio not talk radio).2) the ocasional deftones song or a constantly repeated seether song do not make this a good rock station.3) as long as the black keys and kings of leon are being played this station will continue to suck. The rock fans of augusta deserve better.. And im gonna give it to em. I read the Metro Spirit every week and frequently there is no Seniors’ section in ENTERTAIN ME. If it weren’t for the Week’s Center activities and occasionally the Kroc Center, there would be no entries! Isn’t there an Augusta Senior Council? It is a shame that most of the Senior announcements take place at the Week’s Center in AIKEN (Kudos to their community support!). How about H2U (formerly Senior Friends) at Doctor’s Hospital? Does Trinity Hospital (or University Hospital) have any activities, seminars, etc. of interest to Seniors? I challenge any Senior
Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.
program to put some announcements in your publication PLEASE! Last week, on a show I didn’t watch, there was a black guy that was going to come on and talk about “Over-rated White People” or “Over-Hyped White People” - or something along those lines. I didn’t see who he mentioned but, because I’m as white as a polar bear in a snow storm, let me give you my list of “over-hyped” white people - in no particular order. The Kardashians. Paris Hilton. Bill O’Reilly. Lindsay Lohan. Donald Trump. Danica Patrick. Glenn Beck. And finally, Oprah Winfrey. Oprah Winfrey - isn’t she black? Well, she did straighten her hair out and every so often she’ll speak in or slip into a “black dialect” to try to be funny...so she’s white, right? Don’t like my list - that’s ok - go make your own! You just gotta love all the local ladies who’s every single facebook post involves their boobs. And their friends boobs. I guess if I paid that much for something I’d show it off as well. You Republicans can lie all you want to about your concern for the economy, it’s B.S. Where was all your concern for the economy when Bush got us into TWO WARS? Wars are expensive, as if you didn’t know it. Now Nit Witt Mitt is talking about confronting Iran (and their NUKES) and to increase military spending by $2 TRILLION DOLLARS!! Money the Pentagon does not even need (and money we don’t have..unless we borrow even more from CHINA)! Can you say WARMONGER? No one wants to talk about the 48,000 wounded young men and women who came back from Iraq. No one wants to talk about the 6,400 US soldiers who were killed there. Or the fact that we are STILL IN A WAR! Frankly, I’d
rather my hard earned taxes be used to secure our ports and to rebuild our bridges, not destroy lives. Obama got us out of Iraq (somewhere we shouldn’t have been in the first place) and OBAMA GOT OSAMA..that’s enough for me. Nit Witt Mitt has NO experience in foreign matters (unless you count his off shore accounts) and he sounds like he’s got his finger on the trigger. Just like a Republican..no money for the old or poor but for War there’s always more. I vote for PEACE. Former Augusta Commissioner Andy Cheek said recently that during the time he served on the commission and Kenny Echols served on the Board of Education, Echols introduced a Fortune 500 program called “value engineering management” that helped save Richmond County taxpayers over 10 million dollars on various county and school board projects. Guess who got my early vote to serve as the Augusta Commissioner for District 7. It’s rumored that professional golfer and Northern Irelands Rory McIlroy is about to sign a +$200 million endorsement deal with Nike. Can somebody remind me of how much (or is that how little?) Nike pays it’s slave-wage workers in China? Once again, another man getting rich off the fruits of someone elses labor. When is the “working stiff” going to wake up and realize he’s under-appreciated, under-respected, and mostly - underpaid?
The Metro Spirit is a free weekly newspaper that serves readers in the Augusta and North Augusta area. Editorial coverage includes Richmond...