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Richmond County Sheriff

Solicitor General

Lt. John Ivey (D)

(I) Charles Evans (R)

Capt. Scott Peebles (D)

Freddie Sanders (R)

Lt. Richard Roundtree (D)

Michael Godowns (R)

Marshal of Civil Court

Lt. Robbie Silas (D)

(I) Steve Smith

Probate Judge

Clerk of Court

J. Carleton Vaughn, Jr. (R)

Harry James, III (D)

State Court Judge

(I) Elaine Creed Johnson (D)

Unopposed

Hattie Holmes-Sullivan (D)

Tax Commissioner

(I) Patricia Warren (Pattie) Booker

Unopposed

(I) John Flythe

Unopposed

(I) Steven Kendrick (D)

Unopposed

Coroner

Chief Judge, Civil and Magistrate Court (I) William Jennings III (D)

Kellie Kenner McIntyre (D)

(I) Grover Tuten (D)

Unopposed

Unopposed

Presiding Judge, Civil and Magistrate Court

Ballot Questions

(I) H. Scott Allen (D)

Democratic Question: “Currently, the candidates for Mayor and commissioners qualify as non-partisan. Would you like the law changed so that they qualify as partisan (Democrat or Republican)?” Republican Questions: “Should the Richmond County School Board members be limited to serve only two four-year terms?”

Unopposed

“Should the Augusta/Richmond County Commission pass an ordinance banning smoking in public places?” “Should the State of Georgia pass legislation to allow for Gambling on horse racing in Georgia?” “Should the Augusta/Richmond County Commission pay for tthe moving of families out of Hyde Park Subdivision?”

“Should the Sheriff, Solicitor General, Coroner, Clerk of Superior Court, Probate Judge, Tax Commissioner, and Civil Court Judges elections be non-partisan?”

Legislative District 23 (I) Sen. Jesse Stone (R)

District 123 Robert Ingham (D)

Unopposed

David Vogel (D)

Wright McLeod (R)

Mike Popplewell (R)

District 122 (I) State Rep. Ben Harbin (R)

Stephen Simpson (R)

Rick Allen (R) Lee Anderson (R)

District 121 Barry Fleming (R)

(I) U.S. Rep. Paul Broun (R)

12th Congressional District

District 33 (I) State Rep. Tom McCall (R)

Unopposed

10th Congressional District

District 24 I) Sen. Bill Jackson

(I) State Rep. Barbara Sims

Unopposed

Maria Sheffield (R)

(I) U.S. Rep. John Barrow (D)


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Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

FEATURE INSIDER JENNY IS WRIGHT AUGUSTA TEK AUSTIN RHODES

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COVER DESIGN | KRUHU

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Contributors James Allen|Greg Baker|Rob Brezsny|Sam Eifling|Matt Lane|Austin Rhodes|Josh Ruffin|Matt Stone|Jenny Wright

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

SIDER

THUMBS

up

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The grandmother who almost died skydiving to commemorate her 80th birthday says she next wants to try racing cars.

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How does anything, much less a Memorial Day party, end with a father shooting (and killing) his son?

METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

The Brackets: Augusta-Style Face it: As important as politics are and as much as the people we elect affect our lives, the act of getting elected often seems little more than a sport. The drama might be played out in the front of the paper or at the beginning of the newscast, but the election process has all the action and theater and intrigue of March Madness. Which is why we’ve included our own version of the brackets. We feel that sometimes a dense amount of information is most readily understood in a visual format. For one thing, it lets you see at a glance just how expensive the Richmond County sheriff’s race is going to be. With its scrum of candidates and the probability of three separate and very serious campaigns (primary, runoff and general election), you look at all that bracketed real estate and wonder how much money is being directed here that would have otherwise gone to other candidates in other races and how much all that might affect the election as a whole. Not only that, but how many Republican candidates are going to suffer because people care so deeply about this messy race, since voting in the primary is an all or nothing party proposition. It also allows you to contemplate the power of incumbency. While the four Republican candidates vying for the 12th Congressional District seat have been campaigning — and spending — for several months (spending to collective tune of $397,000), the incumbent, Democratic U.S. Rep. John Barrow, hasn’t yet had to spend a dime on anything other than moving expenses. Seeing all those Republicans lined upon one side of the mark, mustering their energy, scrambling to make a beachhead, forces you to consider just how difficult an invasion of any kind really is and how many more advantages go to the defenders. It’s like the invasion of Normandy, only the Germans know exactly when and where the invasion is coming. And speaking of incumbency, we’ve left those candidates running unopposed on the list because often it’s those races that show where the real power lies. Do you really think Columbia County Sheriff Clay Whittle is the only person in the county who wants to be sheriff? What about Kay Allen? Doesn’t somebody else — anybody else — want to be tax commissioner? Of course plenty of people covet those offices, but political power — real political power — is fighting the battles and waging the war long before anybody even thinks about qualifying. What our brackets don’t show, however, are the missteps and the drama that happened to some along the way, those that never made it on the page. Remember Damon Cline’s fiery rhetoric and his vow to hold Trey Allen and everyone else in Columbia County government accountable for the Magnolia Trace housing development? You don’t see him up there, because it turns out he didn’t live in the district he needed to live in to mount his campaign. And what about Vanessa Dianne Hewlet-Quinland, who flamboyantly prepared to take on Judge John Flythe, only to find out she did not meet the minimum qualifications needed to hold the office? She’s nowhere on the list, either. Also not on the list are the Richmond County Board of Education candidates or the commission candidates, who missed qualifying with everyone else because of a lawsuit and the schoolyard-like need many from both parties and both races have for one-upmanship. The best thing about our brackets? No Dick Vital.

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Pulling Strings

OPEN 7 DAYS

IN FRONT OF WALMART IN EVANS

Now that all those hypothetical political races have become real, people are whispering that one of the major players — a general orchestrating a full-on attack against Augusta’s established (read white) power structure — is State Court Judge David Watkins. Watkins, you’ll remember, was a central voice in the skirmish over the naming of the Judicial Center. He also wasn’t much pleased with the notion of bringing in conservative Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas to dedicate the building, the courthouse of which was finally named after Appeals Court Judge John H. Ruffin, Jr. — but only after Watkins reportedly threatened not to move in. Add to that the fact that Chief Judge Carlisle Overstreet appointed Richard Slaby rather than Harry James to fill in as probate judge when Judge Isaac Jolles retired for medical reasons earlier this year, and you’ve got one pissed off judge. So pissed that Watkins is rumored to have vowed to run a black candidate in every race. Some, like running someone against Elaine Johnson for clerk of court, were easy enough — he had to look no farther than his own judicial assistant, Hattie Holmes-Sullivan, who used to work for Johnson before working for him. Others, like finding someone to run against Judge John Flythe for state court judge, proved more difficult… and a little embarrassing. After making very public overtures for the position, Vanessa Dianne Hewlet-Quinland found out she didn’t meet the most fundamental requirements of eligibility (doh!). Another name, Inga Hicks, formerly of the district attorney’s office (formerly because she was fired by D.A. Ashley Wright) was thrown around for the position after she popped up at a both a fundraiser for Overstreet and the Law Day banquet, but ultimately she proved to be just a name and, in the end, nobody wound up running against Flythe at all. Former Municipal Court Judge Evita Pashall did sign up to run against Ashley Wright, though Wright, who seems to have walked right out of a Dick Wolf TV drama, appears unbeatable. She’s all-in as far as law enforcement is concerned — married to her job, dating Georgia State Trooper and District 7 Commission candidate Donnie Smith — and she’s constantly being praised by Georgia Attorney General Sam Olens. In fact, her only weakness seems to be the fact that she’s not black in an election cycle in which race matters more than usual. And if you think race doesn’t matter, look at all the maneuvering surrounding redistricting. Because of all of that, the school board and commission of Richmond County have yet to qualify, meaning we don’t know for sure if anyone else is going to muddy the waters of the District 1 pool or whether or not Marion Williams is really going to run again. While insiders say Watkins has been instrumental in harnessing the power of the black churches for registration efforts and get out the vote campaigns, which have remained more or less under the radar because of Augusta’s basic segregation, his direct influence wasn’t much required in finding a candidate for the sheriff’s race. Richard Roundtree’s quest for the sheriff’s office has always rested on the determination of an old white man, and his success in getting there will likely have more to do with the power of motivating voters for a runoff than it will anything else. Sources have been insisting that the black vote was gearing up to come out in record numbers long before Alvin Mason’s voter registration rally, and though the churches can help, in Roundtree’s case, the question might be whether or not they can rally everyone to make a return trip to the polls less than a month later for the all-important and nearly inevitable runoff. One thing’s for sure — Overstreet ended up with an opponent this go-around. Willie Saunders might have some tax issues and he may be backed by his share of white Republicans, but all that voter registration can work for him, too, regardless of ideology, and in this election, that could be worth a lot.

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JENNY IS WRIGHT The Joys of Bathing Suit Shopping

I hate bathing suit shopping. I’m sure there aren’t many women out there who actually enjoy it. If you do, please share your positivity and optimism. Bathing suit models might get some satisfaction, but then again maybe they simply look at it as work. I can’t imagine if my job was shopping for and fitting into the perfect suit. Getting a paycheck to do it? Might not be so bad. Once you get past, say, 10 years of age, shopping for summer activities becomes a yearly burden. As a girl in middle school, you worry that you’re a little too endowed, or in my case not at all endowed. While I had friends who were, well, ample busted, I was mosquito-bite city. I’d try everything to look bigger, to no avail. I hated my chicken legs, too. They made my feet look like skis. Or maybe I did have really big feet. Whatever. From there, you learn to mostly embrace (or deal with) your body. I mean, no one is 100 percent happy all of the time, but you sort of get used to it. Bathing suit shopping isn’t pure pleasure or anything, but I didn’t meet it with the sense of dread that I do today. What happens next either depends on whether you turn 30, have a kid, or both. Obviously, there are a lot of other factors, but for me, those were the only ones that matter. Everything has shifted a little out and a little down, and it’s not nearly as pretty as it was before my sweet little cherubs invaded and effectively changed my shape forever. Fast forward to now. As in, today. Well, okay, back up a little. I’m going on a trip in a few weeks. You know the one. Bathing suits are required. While I’ve felt great about exercising and eating well, I still wasn’t excited about going under the fluorescent spotlights in the dressing room and facing the fat mirror. Note to retailers out there: your dressing rooms blow. Big time. So last week, I went shopping. I picked up a few bathing suits on the way out to the lake, thinking I’d just try them on there. Surely one would work. All of them were completely different. The Man tends to provide an honest, but encouraging opinion, so I did a fashion show. I hated all three selections, but he convinced me that one truly did look good on me. There were two that we both agreed were horrible. They made me feel like a heifer dressed up like a beluga who eats bacon and drinks butter in her spare time. Not good. I trust The Man, so I kept the one that he liked. I like it too. One suit isn’t enough for five days at the beach (Mexico!), which brings us to today. I went back to the store, my returns in tow, and browsed the bathing suit section for what seemed like hours. There are so many options. While we’re talking about options, can I ask y’all something? What’s up with the trend of wearing a top and a bottom that don’t match? Trust me, you all look great, but why can’t we match? Do you really pull out two random pieces and throw them on, or is there a strategic process to find two that don’t go together but that look good together? I liken it to putting your hair up in that just-rolled-out-ofbed-bun-on-top-of-your-head-but-falling-off-of-your-head look that actually took 15 minutes to construct. Back to today’s shopping. I did eventually settle on one that I love. Yep. I love it. I feel good in it. It’d be good if I had a little sun in the form of a spray tan, but that will come. The funny thing is, it’s not all that big of a deal. Most people don’t even notice the

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things we hate about ourselves, and if they do, I’ve got a list of hobbies they can try. I’ll always remember when I was complaining one day, and my good friend Brad (Bubba!) said, ���But you don’t have cellulite?!?” He seemed truly baffled. Whether he deserves an Academy Award for his acting or a gold star for friendship, I’m not sure, but he convinced me. The worries are mostly mine. I’ll wear the damn suit. And both pieces will match.

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

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AUGUSTA TEK That New Car Smell

Once again, I’ve been bamboozled. Last year I wrote a eulogy on the Space Shuttle and the decaying state of the U.S. space program. All the political hacks and talking heads couldn’t stop making hay over the demise of U.S. dominance in space. With the end of the shuttle, our country no longer had the means to reach the Space Station. In order to remain dominant, funding to NASA needs to be increased... and so on. And I bought it. After all, it’s easy to envision a bunch of Washington politicos securing their districts by shifting funds from NASA to food stamps. Most certainly, our space program is simply just the first victim of Obamacare’s death panel. What I failed to consider, however, is that a government that spends almost $4 trillion a year, approximately 25 percent of our total economy, can pretty much get whatever it wants. Fast forward to last week… The private space company SpaceX launched its Dragon spacecraft to the International Space Station. Without the shuttle, the Dragon is the only spacecraft in the world capable of returning significant cargo from the space station. The capsule is 14.4 feet high and 12 feet in diameter, capable of transporting 7,300 pounds to orbit. Indeed, this space transport system was designed to carry up to seven astronauts at one time. Other than a slight delay in the original launch date, the mission has been flawless. This is the first mission of Dragon to the International Space Station, and the first of any privately owned spacecraft to dock with the ISS. The docking was accomplished on May 26, and upon opening the hatch, flight engineer Donald Pettit commented on the cargo capacity of the spacecraft, and the fact that the spacecraft had a “new car” smell. Right now, the Dragon spacecraft remains docked to the International Space Station, and approximately a half a ton of payload has been transferred to the ISS, the first significant transfer since the last mission. So you may ask, what’s my gripe? I’m just wondering why no one bothered to mention this project when everyone was lamenting the end of the shuttle. Did no one know about the $1.6 billion contract with SpaceX and a similar $1.9 billion contract with Orbital Sciences? Didn’t anyone read about the test launches that had already occurred? Of course they did. The end of the shuttle was used to create a crisis. And what’s the saying… you never let a crisis go to waste? The crisis that the NASA bureaucracy is fighting is the privatization and globalization of space flight. Not long ago, NASA held a virtual monopoly on spaceflight. Today, several countries including India, China and Japan are developing unmanned lunar vehicles. In addition, 26 teams are competing for the Global Lunar X Prize — a contest that will award $20 million to the first private company that can land a robot on the lunar surface, travel one-third of a mile and send back a high-definition image before 2015. The winner will get an additional $4 million if they can take a picture of a manmade object. In response to all this activity, NASA has sent a message to the world, “Please don’t touch our stuff.” Recently, the agency released a set of guidelines with the objective to preserve important historical locations such as the Apollo landing sites. Dust kicked up by rovers or malfunctioning equipment presents a risk to the existing hardware and footprints. “Only one misstep could forever damage this priceless human treasure,” reads the report. While it’s no doubt that increased traffic on the moon will have a negative impact on some lunar science, I’m not convinced that lunar environmentalism is the right approach. Granted, the lunar landing was of great historical importance. But there is another perspective on the story… A few guys spent the weekend at Tranquility Base lunar resort. While there, they went joy riding in a $250 million dune buggy. After a few days, they headed back home. Unfortunately, they couldn’t take the dune buggy, so they left it with the keys in the ignition and the engine running. Why should anyone be surprised that some space alien wouldn’t strip the thing and leave it sitting on blocks? In all seriousness, how is the equipment left on the moon any different than the millions of dollars in military infrastructure that we have abandoned in Iraq and Afghanistan? As far as I’m concerned, go get the junk and sell it on eBay. Until next week, I’m off the grid @gregory_a_baker.

SMART, HARD-WORKING WIRELESS

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4020 Washington Rd, Augusta, GA GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA,

which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. 31MAY2012

706.738.1651

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AUSTIN RHODES Jack Long: The Tax Avenger!

Someone alert the mayor, the sheriff and, for that matter, the Richmond County school board that their days of pinching pennies and scraping by are a thing of the past. All that outstanding tax debt and uncollected revenue should soon be rolling in and piling up. The coffers of federal, state and local government should soon be overflowing like the sewer pipes behind the new courthouse. There is hope for money-starved bureaucrats everywhere! Jack Long has arrived. (Actually, he has been around for years, but apparently his superhero cape just arrived from the seamstress.) The veteran attorney has come out of nowhere (his law office?) to proclaim his new-found mission to Augusta Chronicle columnist Sylvia Cooper; he intends to personally torpedo the campaign of any tax delinquent who declares for public office. He started by tattling, um, reporting that Juvenile Court Judge Willie Saunders, a recently qualified local candidate for superior court judge, has a substantial outstanding debt to the IRS. In addition to tattling, um, reporting the delinquency to the Georgia State Elections director, he also attempted via a superior court motion to set aside to use Saunders’ tax issues to appeal a case on behalf of one of his clients who did not appreciate a recent ruling by the judge. Upon reading the motion to have Judge Saunders’ decisions vacated, sitting Superior Court Judge David Roper used the opportunity while ruling on the issue to take Long to the woodshed/remedial civics class with the following admonition: “This court did not assign this case to a particular judge in Juvenile Court and has no authority to recall a case transferred to such a court. If Respondent (Long) has any remedy it is in the Juvenile Court or elsewhere. The court further finds that said motion is a frivolous and reprehensible attempt to embarrass a sitting judge who has announced his candidacy for elected office... the motion is hereby denied and dismissed.” In case you did not know, that is what is known in the most arcane legal terms as a slap down. Of course, Long knew it was coming, perhaps not as forcefully and colorfully as Roper phrased it, but the refusal was not unexpected. Just as Roper wrote, the move was made to embarrass Saunders. It is apparently Roper’s theory, and almost anyone else with any local knowledge of the local court system, that Judge Saunders crossed an unspeakable line by daring to challenge at the polls an established, sitting superior court judge (Carlisle Overstreet), who is currently

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AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. sitting all warm and snuggly right up the fanny of the local Bar Association. But Long denies such an agenda; “pooh-poohs” it actually. He then makes the following vow to Cooper, urging that she should never fear, he is on the case: “If anyone else is running that has not rendered unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, I’ll do the same thing. Taxes are what we pay for the benefit of living in a free society.” While not nearly as catchy as the Green Lantern’s oath, it does seem to have more panache than just screaming “SHAZAM!” at the top of his lungs. While there are dozens of state and federal candidates who have problems similar to Judge Saunders, there always seem to be plenty of locals the Chronicle catches as tax delinquents whenever they do their election season expose on such things. Apparently the earlier revelations, literally dozens of them, came before Long was endowed with his super civic sensitivity (think Spider Sense crossed with intuitive gift of an H & R Block rep). Now that Jack the Tax Avenger is on the case, no municipal deadbeat will be unmolested as they attempt to make their way into public office! No tax dodger will escape scrutiny! No scummy debtor to the public trust will walk without hesitation, trepidation and fear! Wait till that Chronicle list comes out soon! Jack the Tax Avenger will cloud up and rain all over all those who fall on the delinquency list; none will escape his wrath! (Insert superhero crescendo here with a flourish of confetti and a stiff breeze to inflate the cape!) All sarcasm aside, Jack Long is a brilliant lawyer who has a record of caring about tax delinquent politicians about as thick as my resume in advanced physics. His problems with Saunders should have been addressed as all other issues involving sitting judges are addressed, and that is through the state Judicial Qualifications Commission. He knows that, and he knows it well. But a JQC complaint would take time, and it may not even ever become public, and that would not have the effect Long apparently wanted it to have. Which was to embarrass Willie Saunders, and to remind all the other lemmings, um, lawyers in Augusta that this is the kind of treatment you can expect if you ever attempt to challenge the status quo with the sitting “accepted” jurists of the bar. That was likely Long’s ultimate goal. He was just hoping you wouldn’t find out about it.

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Ghostshi shift ERICJOHNSON

Paranormal Investigators work to save historic house

Josh Wilmoth has a bum knee from being hit by a car as a kid, but that doesn’t stop him from sweating behind an old push mower as he tries to tame the overgrown lawn surrounding one of Augusta’s oldest properties, the Goodale Inn. Mowing the lawn around a house with three walls — part of the historic home collapsed after a big storm last summer — might seem like an exercise in futility, but Wilmoth believes in things that aren’t always visible, and that makes him the perfect person to see the possibilities of this kind of project. Wilmoth is the lead investigator and case manager for the South Coast Paranormal Society (SCPS), and he and his group have adopted the Goodale Inn and dedicated themselves to its preservation. “We’re out here as often as we can be,” he says. “We’ve put a lot of effort into this place.” As you might expect, Wilmoth and the group were drawn to the building because of stories of paranormal activity, and though they have conducted several investigations and have accumulated many accounts of strange occurrences, they say that was just the introduction. The main push behind their effort is to keep the old building from deteriorating any more than it has. Built in 1799, the Goodale Inn is listed on the National Register of Historic Places and is known to be one of the oldest structures in Georgia to survive relatively unaltered. “Just looking at the building, it’s an excellent example of early Georgia history and architecture,” says Robin Mainer, preservation services director for Historic Augusta. “The footprint and the materials are there, which is really the biggest key to having historical integrity.” The house was actually one of the five featured properties in Historic Augusta’s 2012 list of endangered properties. “It was always our intention to put that on the list at some point,” she says. “We felt that since there was a new owner and we could reach out to him, that it would be the best way to kick start 10 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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NEWS that and move it forward.” The new owner, Wes Sims, lives in Alabama and is working along with Wilmoth and the other members of the SCPS to preserve the old building before it’s too late. Now that one of the walls has fallen down, the

sense of urgency has increased. On the upper floors, you can see where the house is separating, but it’s in the basement where you can see the house literally falling apart. “We’re going for a grant right now for a structural engineer to come in,” Wilmoth says. “We’ve got to 31MAY2012


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do that before we put the wall back up.” Fellow SCPS member Billy Daugherty nods his head into the darkness of the basement. “You can just rub your hand across the side of the brick and it will just crumble off,” he says. A lighter reveals just how deteriorated the brick has become. All around the foundation’s base, brick dust is piled up several inches high. Although nothing has been finalized, Wilmoth says they’re not ruling out fundraisers that involve selling off token bits of the house, which are of course are historic. Its age, its condition and its location — on Sandbar Ferry Road at the levy — have all contributed to the vandalism that has decimated the house. In most cases, it’s people looking for easy scores like copper wire or tubing, but in other cases, the trespassers seem more informed, like the ones who ripped apart the fireplace. They were possibly looking for forgotten valuables that might have been kept safe by hiding them in or behind the fireplace. “It’s really bad,” Wilmoth says, looking at one of the doors, which they’ve barricaded shut. “It’s almost like, what’s the point of saving it, since it’s already so far gone. But if we can just get the foundation sound, we can put the wall back on and then it would be different. Then, it would look like something that was worth saving.” As he finishes, a door randomly slams on the second floor, something that’s common, though unexplained. “We’re like, hey — come on down and help us cut the grass — and then two doors will shut,” Wilmoth says. “We’re like, fine — if you don’t want to come, that’s cool.” Owner Sims saw a little girl in the attic window and once, when he was on the side of the house, he saw a woman coming down the stairs. Rather than thinking she was a ghost, he ran inside thinking it was a person wandering around. No one was there. The SCPS crew has also heard a little girl giggling and they’ve heard stories from others about a little girl frequently being seen inside the house long after it was abandoned. Wilmoth is puzzled why Augusta seems so unwilling to embrace the economic possibilities of the paranormal, especially given how popular ghost tours are in nearby cities. “In the long run, I don’t see why Augusta couldn’t be like Savannah or Charleston,” he says. “What do you suppose Savannah makes off of ghost hunts every year? I just don’t understand why Augusta is so damned reluctant to do that.” Though his organization has conducted investigations at the Miller, the Imperial, Magnolia Cemetery and Pendleton King Park, he says trying to get access to government buildings after hours, like the historic courthouse in Appling or the gatekeeper’s cottage at Savannah Rapids Pavilion, requires an exorbitant rental fee, while other places, like the Old Medical College Building or Sibley Mill simply won’t allow them at all. “Everything we do is on our own dime,��� he says. “I just don’t understand why people aren’t willing to help us help them.” The group has an investigation scheduled for the Waverly Hills Sanatorium in Louisville, Kentucky, at the beginning of June, but their main local project remains the Goodale Inn, and if it’s less about investigation then rehabilitation, he’s okay with that. “Going into abandoned houses and stuff — this is like my childhood dream,” he says. “This is a Federal age house that I have a key to, so it’s like everything I’ve ever wanted and then some.”

31MAY2012

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Your Weird Week in Crime Is Augusta-Richmond County really as crime ridden as you think it is? As the crimes and the times change, so will the report. Due to Memorial Day weekend, this week’s crime tally will not include incidents that occurred on Friday, May 25, through Sunday, May 27. Hopefully no one had barbecue bad enough to warrant a call to the Richmond County Sheriff’s Department. When you invite the wrong person to church… On Monday, May 21, it was reported that the pastor of Miracle Baptist Church received a death threat. On the day before, members of the church went throughout nearby neighborhoods to invite people to join them in worship. At one house, the pastor and the suspect got into a verbal disagreement, at which time deputies were called to the scene. Later that evening, the pastor received a phone call where the suspect said “the only reason he would come to that church would be to make a deal with the devil, kill the [pastor] and burn the church down,” according to the incident report. The pastor did not press charges at the time, but wanted to document the incident. What would you do for Jolly Ranchers? On Tuesday, May 22, an Augusta man attempted to shoplift from Target the following items: a pair of Sony headphones, a green hat, a blue tank top and a pack of Jolly Ranchers. When a loss prevention agent attempted to stop the suspect, the suspect hit the agent in the face with his elbow. The agent called for assistance; when another Target employee attempted to subdue the suspect, who broke free and fled. The suspect left his backpack, which still contained the stolen items, as well as a black ball cap and two rope chains. At least he didn’t have a weapon On Tuesday, May 22, a RCSD deputy pulled a truck over due to the strong odor of burnt marijuana. When the deputy ran the suspect’s registration, the vehicle had no valid insurance and cancelled registration. The deputy witnessed small amounts of marijuana on the suspect’s lap when he was looking for his driver’s license, which he could not produce. While the suspect was being frisked for weapons, a bag of marijuana fell out of his pants, with another bag found in the waistband of his boxers. With permission to search the vehicle from the suspect, the deputy found

another bag of marijuana, a digital scale and a half-full can of Budweiser. Altogether, 34.5 grams of marijuana was recovered. Cruel might be too soft of a word On Wednesday, May 23, an Augusta woman was looking for her cat. She found the cat dead under suspicious circumstances and called RCSD. The deputy found the cat eviscerated and missing its internal organs. There was no sign of blood or foot traffic on the scene Crime totals for the week 58 counts of larceny (both felony and misdemeanor) 19 counts of assault 17 counts of invasion of privacy Eight counts of public peace disturbance Eight counts of recovered property Five counts of financial fraud Four counts of burglary with forced entry (time unknown) Four counts of burglary with no forced entry (time unknown) Four counts of burglary with no forced entry (daytime) Four counts of property damage Three counts of burglary with forced entry (daytime) Three counts of terroristic threats and acts Three counts of obstruction of law enforcement Three counts of identity fraud Three counts of forgery Two counts of felony possession of marijuana One count of theft/mislaid property One count of motor vehicle theft One count of aggravated cruelty to animals

RICHARDINGRAMLAW.com

If you ride...You need an attorney who rides.

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A Motorcycle Rider’s Attorney 631 Ronald Reagan Dr., Suite 102 • Evans, GA 30809 12 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

1-877-81-BIKER

31MAY2012


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WISECRACKS

By Alan Arbesfeld / Edited by Will Shortz 93 Allan-___ (figure in the Robin Hood legend) 95 Omelette ingredient 96 Middling grades 97 Stigmatize a “great” king? 100 Hankering 102 Salon selection 103 Twin killings, on a diamond: Abbr. 104 Went off course 106 Part of the inn crowd? 110 Access requirement, maybe 114 Old-fashioned ingredient 118 Big collection agcy. 119 Two reasons to avoid a dog kennel? 122 Apt name for a 1-Across? 123 Unenthusiastic 124 Maximum 125 Bar mixer 126 Rx amt. 127 Wonderland message 128 “Are you kidding me?” 129 Ocho minus cinco Down 1 Roman censor 2 Game ender, at times 3 Chemical endings 4 Given prominence 5 “A diamond is forever,” e.g. 6 Saint-Germain-des-Prés sights 7 Ohio or Colorado: Abbr. 8 Some tennis winners 9 Head line? 10 Lanchester on the screen 11 Little genius 12 Olive ___ 13 Mid 16th-century year 14 God with a shield 15 Launch party? 16 Was duplicitous 17 Former co-host of “The View” 18 Lose it 24 ___-shanter 25 Of no interest 30 See 32-Down: Abbr. 32 Native of 30-Down 34 It’s solid yellow 36 Take a peke? 37 Excitement 38 Debate ender 40 Do more than threaten, say

41 42 43 44 45 51 52 53 55 59 62

Pilgrim Anesthetized Tore Like some dorms Title town of a Longfellow poem Chihuahua drink Tandoor-baked bread Where heroes are made Elaine of “Seinfeld” Represented Outlaw Belle who is said to have harbored Jesse James 63 Many a Little League coach 64 River to the Rhône 66 When many German steins are lifted 67 They get bigger when you smile 69 Hit the runway 71 Astronomical distance: Abbr. 72 Refrain syllables 73 Easter activity 74 Abhor 77 Actor Alain 80 Barely 81 “I did it!” 82 It’s grounded every Saturday 84 Prepare, as some Mexican-style beans 86 Aesop, notably 87 Places for gates 88 “That makes sense” 90 Saturn S.U.V. 91 Conclusive trial 94 Lose it 98 Holiday quaff 99 Not worth ___ 100 Singer of the 1958 #1 hit “It’s Only Make Believe” 101 The first “H” in Hanukkah 105 Former TV judge 107 Suffix with cigar 108 Cousin of an ostrich 109 Back-to-sch. time 111 Growl 112 Sitting on one’s hands 113 Simba’s mate 115 ___ effort 116 Tactless 117 Mmes., over the border 120 Actor Alastair 121 Cambodia’s Lon ___

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Across 1 Course preparer 5 Close shave 11 John Lennon song that ends “I love you, yeah, yeah, now and forever” 16 Deck (out) 19 Tops 20 Like some church matters 21 Monster slain by Hercules 22 Lead-in to meter 23 Chocolat, say? 26 Shorten, with “off” 27 In the limelight 28 HBO competitor 29 Emphatic denial 31 Home to the Minutemen, informally 33 When repeated, an old New Orleans tune 35 Word repeated four times in the last line of Shakespeare’s “All the world’s a stage” speech 36 Polyester fabric 39 Macho drag queen? 46 Shield border 47 Make, as a copy of a CD 48 Stop on a line 49 Dockworkers’ org. 50 Like literary classics? 54 Call to the bar? 56 Weirdo 57 Earth goddess 58 Bobby who sang “Take Good Care of My Baby” 60 Hall-of-Fame pitcher Joss 61 Unsurprisingly 63 Skinny? 65 Discreet signal 68 Like a centaur? 70 “Don’t let that youngster get off without paying!”? 75 Rural setting 76 Had way too much of 78 Words from a con man 79 Given a number, maybe 83 Flushed 84 Baseball’s strikeout king 85 Go (for) 86 Unbiased account? 89 Announcement made by a transplant surgeon, perhaps? 92 British isle

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I S B E M E I O F D O U R L O E E G A S T E T D O I P N S

K I M J O N G U N

EVERY TRIP DESERVES A NICE Elliott Sons Funeral Homes ENDING. ELLIOTTFUNERALHOME.COM

31MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Ruffin’ It Not Writer’s Block

I don’t write about death much in this column. Best I can tell, there are a couple of reasons for that: For one, I’ve not had to reckon very closely with it. Yes, I’ve known people who have died — who hasn’t? Both grandparents on my mom’s side passed away before I was 10 years old, a girl with whom I went to church died in a car crash more than six years after the last time I saw her. My great aunt, to whom I was closer than probably any of my extended family, died just a few months ago. Acquaintances, pets, blood — I’ve witness all of them transition to whatever (if-ever) is next.

it probably has something to do with penises and Oedipal insinuations. Recently, Guillermo del Toro blamed the green-lighting of “Prometheus” for the failure of his own “At the Mountains of Madness” — an adaptation of the classic H.P. Lovecraft novella — to secure sufficient funding, as the former is, to paraphrase del Toro, pretty much the latter, only set in space. So, y’know, spoiler alert and all that. Really, he shouldn’t have been surprised. I’m a huge Lovecraft mark and everything, but if a major studio had to give the go-ahead to a risky, anthropological-

The other reason is… well, let’s be frank: this is a column, don’t forget, in which I’ve hypothesized murder mysteries based on crappy holidays, compared the job hunt to a mechanized, bloodthirsty Chihuahua, and reminisced about the time that one Japanese fighter got knocked out by a cross-dressing embodiment of karma. It’s not exactly the type of venue where you can dig in your heels, ruminate on the myriad implications of the nature of death and be taken seriously. In short, I’m not the first guy you’d go to. You’d sooner ask John Kerry for catchphrase advice. A good bit of my poetry, though, is, and it never really dawned on me until recently. I looked back over a manuscript of all my published or publishable work, and found the subject matter somewhat skewed toward some facet of death: used to bridge a conversation about spaghetti westerns and dueling cardinals beside a lake, a miscarriage and a leap of drunken faith, the common thread running through Spencer Tracy and Mount Kamiokoka. I’m not sure why this is. Trying to catalogue one’s every thought is an exercise in opulent futility but, to the best of my knowledge, I don’t spend an inordinate amount of time dwelling on the subject, and never have. I didn’t go through a goth phase in high school, though I did listen to HIM for about a week, so who knows. Most of the philosophy classes I took as part of my college major were more focused on historical power structures than anything else, and I’ve always thought 90 percent of black metal is hilarious bulls**t, no matter how favorably I may regard bands like Immortal and Nachtmystium. In about a week, “Prometheus” will be released across the nation. In case you’ve been living under a rock, this marks Ridley Scott’s return to the universe he helped create in the “Alien” franchise. While not a sequel or prequel, the film does have an undercurrent of “Alien” DNA running through it, according to those involved in the production. That’s why fanboys are intrigued. The rest of us are intrigued because the film purports to simultaneously explore the beginning — in fact, the engineering — of humanity itself, along with our inevitable end. And because H.R. Giger is involved,

philosophical space opera with an R rating, you can be damn sure they’re gonna give it to the guy who directed “Gladiator,” not the guy who directed “Hellboy II: The Golden Army.” As much sense as that doesn’t make to nerds. We bemoan this perceived lack of originality in art. “It’s been done before,” we say, or “Do we really need a sequel?” or “How is Tyler Perry a thing?” The truth, though, is that there’s only a handful of templates with which we have to work; it’s simply a matter of presenting those templates in fresh, engaging ways, whether it be through the use of cutting edge cinematography, startling metaphor or Bill Murray. In the case of the whole “Prometheus”/”At the Mountains of Madness” debacle, humanity has always been concerned with its own origins and eventual end. It’s what science, math and most of the arts are there for, and the reason why the Bible, “2001: A Space Odyssey” and “Planet of the Apes” all exist. Obsession, by its very nature, mandates revisiting. Here is what all poetry is about: love, sex, death. That’s ridiculously boiled down, but also, I think, accurate. Religious poems are nothing if not an affirmation of our belief that the afterlife might be real; in Matthew Zapruder’s “Poem,” the lines “the marching band took a deep collective/breath, and plunged back into its song” insinuate the seizing just before or during orgasm. We waste our time harping on repetition in art, expending energy that would be better served delineating, appreciating the near-infinite possibilities contained within such problems and wonders. As in fractals, the deeper you delve, the more miniscule the elements. The higher the stakes, the more devastating the consequences.

14 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

JOSHRUFFIN, an ASU and Metro Spirit alum, is a published journalist and poet,

who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar. 31MAY2012


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ERICJOHNSON

Mudbugs Invade the Common Event brings beer, fun and crawfish to downtown Augusta

If you were one of the 1,500 people who ventured out to the Augusta Common last year to experience the Mudbugabeaux-N-Brew, you don’t have to be told how hot the Common can get. “It was brutal,” says event organizer Jim Beck, owner of French Market Grille West. “I had a bunch of fans out there, but this time I bought a couple of mister kits that I’m going to put up just in case.” Following on the heels of the tropical storm named Beryl, which brought humid temperatures and rain to the CSRA, Beck hopes the Mudbugabeaux-NBrew experiences the temperate calm after the storm. This year’s festival will occur from 3-9.p.m. on Saturday, June 2. There’s a $5 charge to get in, and the first 1,000 to enter will receive a complimentary Mudbugabeaux-N-Brew T-shirt The event, now in its fourth year, has always been at the Common, and while Beck says he’s toyed with the idea of moving it to Columbia County, he continues to remain loyal to the Common, which seems to fit the event just fine. “We have a stage on one end and a pretty good sized tent for patrons to sit under,” he says. “Then we’ve got the tent that the craft beer is under.” On the Reynolds Street side there will be mechanical rides for the kids and some pony rides from Wisteria Plantation, and though kids love pony rides, they also love food, and what kid wouldn’t love getting food served up on a Frisbee with a the mudbug logo on it? For the adults, there’s quite a variety of things to indulge in beyond the craft beer, a must for any outdoor festival. “We’ll do muffalettas, corn dogs, jambalaya and a crawfish boil,” he says. “The crawfish boil is the most popular.” How popular is it? “I’ve gotten rid of better than 1,200 pounds each year,” he says. Beck got the mudbug bug back in 1992 when he took in a crawfish festival down in New Orleans, and ever since he wanted to bring something like that to Augusta. Four years ago he did, and Augusta’s summers haven’t been the same since. Though other times of the year might not be quite so hot, the crawfish season runs from late January through Labor Day, which really leaves only a few dates left that can host such an event. He has the crawfish, affectionately called mudbugs, trucked in from Louisiana in the weeks leading up to the event. “We freeze them getting ready for the festival and I’ll have a good many down

31MAY2012

there live in a tub to let some of the patrons come by and see them,” he says. They’re easy to eat, he says, but it takes a lot to make a good meal. In fact, he says people often buy them two or three pounds at a time. But it’s not all food and beer and kiddie rides, however. Beasley Broadcasting is in charge of the additional vendors, and though Beck will be the only food vendor, there will be plenty of other fun to enjoy, including the bands, which were chosen to please. Old Man Crazy, Back to Good, Electric Voodoo, Tom Brown and Son and Funk You are all expected to attend. And if it’s hot like it was last year, don’t worry. He’s got the misters, and there’s more than enough beer to keep everyone cool. The Fourth Annual Mudbugabeaux-N-Brew The Augusta Common | Saturday, June 2 | 3-9 p.m. | $5 frenchmarketwest.com

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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R.U.N.E ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED

Two of our favorite ladies combine forces when painter Staci Swider displays 17 brand-new works, including “Assemble” and “Collected” shown here, and seamstress extraordinaire Sally Keiser displays hand-embroidered, cross-stitched and sewn works, all made of recycled materials. Sorry, guys, it’s no lingerie fashion show like Sally’s last two outings, but we are happy to report that there is a live mannequin reportedly involved. Join the fun this Friday night. These superwomen are sure not to disappoint. Spaces Between Featuring Staci Swider and Sally Keiser Gaartdensity Gallery | Friday, June 1 | 7 p.m. 706-466-5166 | gaartdensitygallery@rocketmail.com 16 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

31MAY2012


ENTERTAIN

ME

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Arts

Georgia Brooks Meet and Greet is Saturday, June 2, from 1-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center of North Augusta, where the artist’s exhibit, A Moment in Time, is on display. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. Sunday Sketch is Sunday, June 3, at 2 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art and allows visitors to sketch in the galleries with materials provided by the museum. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Call for Entries for the Augusta Photo Festival, which is October 27-November, is going on now through August 1. For contest rules and more information, visit augustaphotofetival.org/competition.html. Call 706834-9742 or email info@augustaphotofestival.org. Active-duty military personnel and their families will receive free admission to the Morris Museum of Art through Sunday, September 2, as part of the museum’s participation in the Blue Star Museum program. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Exhibitions

Sally’s June Art Show opens Friday, June 1, at 7 p.m. and shows through the end of the month at Gaartdensity downtown and features handembroidered, cross-stitched and sewn works made with recycled materials. Call 706-466-5166 or email gaartdensitygallery@rocketmail.com. Spaces Between, paintings by Staci Swider, is an exhibition that opens Friday, June 1, at 7 p.m. at Gaartdensity downtown. Call 706-466-5166 or email gaartdensitygallery@rocketmail.com. Harriet Speer Art Exhibition opens First Friday, June 1, at Casa Blanca Cafe and hangs through the end of the month. Call 706-504-3431 or visit casablancatime.com. Annual Photography Exhibition shows June 1-July 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. An opening reception will be held Sunday, June 3, from 3-5 p.m. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. Tying the Knot, a display of wedding dress and accessories from the late 1800s to the 1960s, now shows at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. Plein Air Painters Exhibition, including the works of Sally Donovan, Marilyn Hartley, Ann LeMay, Sharon Taylor Padgett, Jane Popiel and Carol Sue Roberts, shows in June at the Aiken Center for the Arts’ AAG Gallery. Call 803-641-9094 or visit

31MAY2012

Get a “new” ride for a steal and suppor t a good cause at the Salvation Army Auto Auction Saturday, June 2, at their facility on Greene Street at 10 a.m. Pre-registration on the website is required, and buyers can pick up their bidder numbers ThursdayFriday from 8 a.m.-6 p.m. or on Saturday from 8 a.m.-10 a.m. $5 registration fee. Call 706-826-7933 or visit salvationarmycars. com. aikencenterforthearts.org.

artsandheritagecenter.com.

ACA Summer Camp Exhibition, featuring the works of participants in the center’s summer art camps, shows June-August at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Call 803641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.

David Mascaro Studio Group Exhibit, featuring the work of Yong Ae Alford, Cathy Armstrong, Mary Ann Brock, Carolyn Bohn, Sharon Fausnight, Linda B. Hardy, Miriam Katz, Linda Lavigne, David Mascaro and Sue Porterfield, will be on display through June 29 at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Binding Wounds, Pushing Boundaries: African Americans in Civil War Medicine is a National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health exhibit that will be on display at the Robert B. Greenblatt Library at GHSU through June 23. Visit georgiahealth.edu. The watercolor works of South Carolina native Renea H. Eshleman are on display through June 30 at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Georgia Brooks: A Moment in Time shows at the Arts and Heritage Center of North Augusta through June 1. The North Augusta resident’s paintings reflect her live during America’s civil rights movement. Call 803-4414380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. The Yellow Jessamine Festival Art Competition Exhibit, featuring 30 regional artists in a variety of media, shows through June 15 at the Arts and Heritage Center of North Augusta. Call 803-441-4380 or visit

Golden Afternoon: English Watercolors from the Elsley Collection shows through July 1 at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Window on the West: Views from the American Frontier, an exhibition of more than 60 paintings and works on paper from artists including Frederick Remington, Karl Bodmer and John James Audubon, shows at the Morris Museum of Art through July 22. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Music

Music in the Park, featuring Flashback, is Thursday, May 31, at 7 p.m. at the Maude Edenfield Park in North Augusta. Free. Call 803-442-7588 or visit naartscouncil.org.

Ukulele Camp Kick-Off Concert featuring Tara Scheyer is Friday, June 1, at 4 p.m. at Rock Bottom Music downtown. Email tarascheyer@aol.com or visit tarascheyer.com. Moonlight Music Cruise featuring Savannah River String Band is Friday, June 1, at 7 p.m. at the Augusta Canal. Participants are invited to bring snacks and drinks to the one and a half hour Petersburg Boat cruise. $25. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. Inaugural Columbia County Amateur Series, a series of summer musical performances in which the audience votes on their favorites, is Friday, June 1, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Amphitheater. Free. Call 706-8683349 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. An Evening with Yanni is Friday, June 1, at 8 p.m. at the Bell Auditorium. $47-$107. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. Music at Kiokee, a concert featuring the Columbia County Chamber Orchestra, the Kiokee String Quintet, Bill Nordan on organ and soprano Katrina Chandler, is Saturday, June 2, at 3 p.m. at Kiokee Baptist Church in Appling. $10, general admission; free, children, students, active and retired military and music educators. Call 706-755-5849 or visit columbiacco.org.

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 17


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Jazz in June, an evening of jazz and spirituals featuring M’Aiken Music and Tessa Teddar, is Saturday, June 2, at 7 p.m. at St. Paul Lutheran Church in Aiken. $10. Call 803-336-8802 or email officeadmin@stpaullc.net. Chris Crenshaw performs as part of Garden City Jazz’s Candlelight Jazz Series on Sunday, June 3, at the 8th Street River Stage downtown at 8 p.m. $6. Visit gardencityjazz.com. 2012 Hopelands Summer Concert Series, featuring the Southern Thunder Cloggers, is Monday, June 4, at 7 p.m. at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken. Participants should bring lawn chairs and blankets. Free. Call 803642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Evenings in the Appleby Garden, featuring a little bit of jazz with Jeni Michelson, is Tuesday, June 5, at 8 p.m. Guests are encouraged to bring their own chairs and blankets. Free. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

Music in the Park, featuring North Augusta Idol Spotlight with Jim Tau and Jazz Combo, is Thursday, June 7, at 7 p.m. at the Maude Edenfield Park in North Augusta. Free. Call 803-442-7588 or visit naartscouncil.org.

Literary

Singers interested in participating in the Riverwalk Series’ Star Spangled Concert chorus should contact Keith Shafer, musical director. The concert is Wednesday, July 4, at 7:30 p.m., preceding Augusta’s fireworks display, and rehearsals will be held Wednesday nights in June from 7:30-9 p.m. Call 706339-7208 or email info@riverwalkseries.com.

East Central Georgia’s Summer Reading Program continues through July 20. Categories include Dream Big: Read! for children up to 12 years old, Own the Night for those ages 13-19 and Cover 2 Cover for adults. Visit any branch or ecgrl.org.

The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706-3644069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

HOT POT.

Maxwell Morning Book Club, featuring “Homer’s Odyssey” and “Dewey,” meets Thursday, May 31, at 10 a.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Call 706-7932020 or visit ecgrl.org.

Porter Fleming Literary Competition submissions are being accepted now through July 13. The competition is open to authors ages 18 and older from Georgia, Florida, Alabama, South Carolina and North Carolina, and categories include fiction, nonfiction, poetry and plays. Prizes totaling $7,000 will be awarded. Entry forms and guidelines can be found at themorris.org/ porterfleming.html.

Salvation Army Auto Auction is Saturday, June 2, at their facility on Greene Street at 10 a.m. Preregistration on the website is required, and buyers can pick up their bidder numbers Wednesday-Friday from 8 a.m.-6 p.m. or on Saturday from 8 a.m.-10 a.m. $5 registration fee. Call 706-826-7933 or visit salvationarmycars.com.

Tango Night is every Thursday, 7-9:30 p.m., at Casa Blanca Cafe, 936 Broad Street. Call 706-504-3431 or visit casablancatime.com.

“Man of La Mancha,” a production of the Aiken Community Playhouse, shows June 1-2 at 8 p.m. and June 2 at 3 p.m. at the URS Center for the Performing Arts. $10-$25. Call 803-648-1438 or visit acp1011.com.

Flix

“My Darling Clementine” shows Friday, June 1, at noon at the Morris Museum of Art as part of the Films on Friday series. After the movie, museum Director Kevin Grogan will lead a discussion. Participants are invited to bring a lunch. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Crab Legs served with redskin potatoes and mixed green salad $7.99 a pound

“Where the Wild Things Are” shows Saturday, June 2, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library as part of the Family Summer Reading Challenge series. Participants will receive a copy of the book. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Wednesday night

“The Adventures of Tintin” shows Wednesday, June 6, at 1 p.m. at the Columbia County Branch Library. Free. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Bone in fried catfish over blue cheese grits and salad $6.99

Special Events

*dine in only

LUNCH - DINNER

6 DAYS

French Market Grille West

375 Fury’s Ferry Rd. next to Earth Fare · 706.855.5111 18 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Redcliffe by Moonlight, an after-hours guided tour of Redcliffe Plantation on Beech Island, is Friday, June 1, at 8:30 p.m. $18, adults; $10, children. Call 803-8271473 or visit southcarolinaprks.com.

Dance

Theater

Tuesday night

Dinner Under the Crown, an event that includes historical interpreters from the 18th century acting as hosts for a period dinner and dance, is Friday, June 1, at 6 p.m. at North Augusta’s Living History Park. Call 803-279-7560 or visit colonialtimes.us.

Mudbugabeaux N Brew Festival, a crawfish boil and craft beer festival, is Saturday, June 2, at the Augusta Common. Call 706-855-5511 or visit frenchmarketwest.com.

Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:30-9:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call 706-399-2477.

One pound of shrimp (fried, grilled or boiled) $9.99

First Friday Inshop Tasting, featuring six wines, is Friday, June 1, from 5-8 p.m. at Wine World in North Augusta. $5, with a $3 rebate upon purchase of one of the evening’s featured wines. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com.

Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-7370012 or visit bn.com.

Belly Dance Class is every Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Monday -Thursday nights

First Friday, an evening of music, arts, entertainment and more, is Friday, June 1, from 5-9 p.m. on Broad Street between 7th and 12th. Free. Visit augustaarts.com.

Out of School Bash for middle and high school students is Thursday, May 31, from noon-2 p.m. at the Odell Weeks Center in Aiken and includes music, games and inflatables. Call 803-642-7631 or visit aikencountysc.gov. 21st Annual Greater Augusta Medals for Excellence in Sports (GAMES) Awards Banquet, featuring guest speaker Kyle Maynard, is Thursday, May 31 at the Augusta Marriott and Convention Center, with social hour at 6 p.m. and dinner at 7 p.m. $40 for Augusta Sports Council members; $45 for nonmembers. Call 706-722-8326, ext. 231, or visit augustasportscouncil.org. Sand Hills Hat & Tie Tea is Friday, June 1, at 10 a.m. at the Sand Hills Community Center. Call 706-842-1912 or visit augustaga.gov.

Under the Crown, an historical re-creation of the area in 1780, is Saturday, June 2, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday, June 3, from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. at North Augusta’s Living History Park. Call 803-279-7560 or visit colonialtimes.us. WWE Presents Smackdown World Tour is Saturday, June 2, at 7:30 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $16-$96. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. 2012 Hydrangea Conference with Vince Dooley is Thursday, June 7, from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Savannah Rapids Pavilion. In addition to the former Bulldog coach’s presentation, the event also includes other presentations a Q&A with a panel of speakers and a guided tour of the Pendleton King Park Hydrangea Garden. $30. Email sharynaltman@comcast.net or visit csrahydrangeasociety.org. First Thursday at Midtown Market is Thursday, June 7, from 5-8 p.m. at the shop on Kings Way. The event’s featured charity is Phinizy Swamp and the featured artist is photographer Ed Belinski. Call 706-364-8479. Flag Day Commemoration is Thursday, June 7, at the Augusta Scottish Rite Center on Washington Road, with refreshments at 7 p.m. and the program at 8 p.m. The free event features guest speaker Major General Perry Smith. Call 706-733-5387 or visit scottishrite.org. Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com. The Augusta Market at the River is every Saturday through October 27 from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. at the 8th Street Bulkhead and features produce, arts and crafts and more for sale, as well as live music and entertainment. Call 706-627-0128 or visit theaugustamarket.com.

Health

Mobile Mammography Screenings, offered by appointment, are available Thursday, May 31, at Wrens First Baptist Church; Friday, June 1, at Walgreens on Washington and Belair; Monday, June 4, at Wills Memorial Hospital; Tuesday, June 5, at Belk in North Augusta; Wednesday, June 6, at Dillard’s at the Augusta Mall; and Thursday, June 7, at the Lincoln County 31MAY2012


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Health Department. Appointments can be made from 8 a.m.-3 p.m. each day. Call 706-774-4145 or visit universityhealth.org.

Total Joint Replacement Class is Tuesday, June 5, at 1 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-774-2760 or visit universityhealth.org.

Changes in Healthcare: What to Expect from Your Doctor, Hospital, Insurance and Yourself, a lecture presented by Aiken Regional, is Thursday, May 31, at 11:30 a.m. at Houndslake Country Club. Pre-registration required. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com.

Fresh Start Smoking Cessation Class meets Tuesdays, June 5-26, at 6 p.m. at University Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-8094 or visit universityhealth.org. Weight Loss Surgery and You is Tuesday, June 5, at 6 p.m. at University Hospital. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-774-8931 or visit universityhealth.org.

Baby 101 infant care class is Thursday, May 31, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctorshospital.net. Child Safety Seat Inspections are Friday, June 1, by appointment at GHSU’s Building 1010C. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth.org/safekids.

Breastfeeding Class is Tuesday, June 5, at 7 p.m. at the GHSU Medical Center. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Weekend Childbirth Education Class is Friday, June 1, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. and Saturday, June 2, from 9 a.m.-5:30 p.m. at University Hospital. Preregistration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

Childbirth Preparation Class meets Tuesdays, June 5-26, from 7-9:30 p.m. at University Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

Lamaze Childbirth Education Class is Saturday, June 2, from 8:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Call 706-4817727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

The Daddy Class, a newborn care class for new and expecting fathers, is Tuesday, June 5, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Medical Weight Loss Seminar is Saturday, June 2, at 9 a.m. at Live Healthy MD offices. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-922-0440.

Weight Loss Surgery Options Seminar is Thursday, June 7, at 5:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital. Free. Call 706-481-7298 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Childbirth Preparation Weekend Class is Saturday-Sunday, June 2-3, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at Aiken Regional. Pre-registration required. Call 800-3228322 or visit aikenregional.com. Family Focused Childbirth Tour is Monday, June 4, at 2 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Call 706-481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Look Good… Feel Better, for female cancer patients who want to maintain their image and appearance during treatment, is Monday, June 4, at 3 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. HUG Your Baby, a class providing help, understanding and guidance for young families, is Monday, June 4, at 4 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Call 706-481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

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Yeah, yeah… Vince Dooley is best known for his small role in Georgia football’s history, but this legend is also an avid gardener. Get dirty with him at the 2012 Hydrangea Conference on Thursday, June 7, from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Savannah Rapids Pavilion. In addition to the former Bulldog coach’s presentation, the event also includes other presentations a Q&A with a panel of speakers and a guided tour of the Pendleton King Park Hydrangea Garden. $30. Email sharynaltman@comcast.net or visit csrahydrangeasociety.org. Lymphedema Education Class is Tuesday, June 5, at noon at University Hospital’s Breast Health Center. Visit universityhealth.org.

Cribs for Kids, a safe sleep environment class, is Thursday, June 7, at 5:45 p.m. at GHSU’s Building 1010C. Families who can demonstrate financial need will receive a portable crib, fitted sheet, sleep sac and pacifier for $10. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth. org/safekids. Center for Women Tour is Thursday, June 7, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Child Safety Seat Inspections and Car Seat Class, sponsored by Safe Kids East Central, are offered by appointment at either the Safe Kids Office or Martinez-Columbia Fire Rescue. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth. org/safekids. Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday from 11-11:45 a.m. at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a

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free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of Georgia Health Sciences University. Visit georgiahealth.edu. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Free for members; $3 for nonmembers. Pre-registration required. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is every Monday at 6 p.m. and Tuesday at 2 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org. Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual ½-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10, members; $20, non-members. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Support

Dream Catchers Trauma Brain Injury and Disability Support Group is Monday, June 4, at 6 p.m. at Walton Options for Independent Living. Call 803-279-9611 or visit csradreamcatchers.com. Pink Ribbonettes Breast Cancer Support Group meets Tuesday, June 5, at 10:30 a.m. at Millbrook Baptist Church in Aiken. Pre-registration required. Call 803649-9267 or 803-644-3902. A-Team Autism Spectrum Disorder Support and Resource Group meets Tuesday, June 5, at 6 p.m. at

GHSU’s Children’s Medical Center. Call 706-721-5160 or visit georgiahealth.edu. CSRA Huntington’s Disease Support Group meets Tuesday, June 5, at 6:30 p.m. at MCG Movement Disorders Clinic’s conference room. Call 706-7212798 or visit universityhealth.org. The Lunch Bunch Bereavement Grief Support Group for Adults meets Wednesday, June 6, at noon at Aiken Regional Medical Centers’ cafeteria dining room A. Pre-registration required. Call 803-641-5389 or visit aikenregional.com. Spine Education and Support Group is Wednesday, June 6, at 1 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-774-2760 or visit universityhealth.org. Alzheimer’s Support Group, sponsored by the Area Agency on Aging, meets Thursday, June 7, at 10 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Amputee Support Group meets Thursday, June 7, at noon at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. A clinic will be held at 1 p.m. Call 706-823-8504 or visit wrh.org. Diabetes Youth Support Group meets quarterly. For more information, call 706-868-3241 or visit universityhealth.org. Cardiac Support Group meets three times a year. For more information on meetings, as well as for pre-registration, call 706-774-5864 or visit universityhealth.org. Adult Sexual Assault and Rape Support meets for group counseling. For more information, call 706-7245200 or visit universityhealth.org.

Narcotics Anonymous, sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. Call 706-855-2419 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

GED classes meet weekly at the Kroc Center. Preregistration required. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

AA meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center (Aurora Pavilion), and features an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com.

Work Networking Group is held each Monday from 8:30-10 a.m. at Grace United Methodist Church in North Augusta. A networking and informational meeting for anyone looking for a job, the group meets in room 206 of the Asbury Building and is facilitated by career and business professionals. Call 803-279-7525 or email doctor@pritchardgroup.com.

Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital (Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building). All burn survivors, and their families and friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706-651-6660 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Building 1010C. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Education

Adopt-a-Stream Biological Monitoring Workshop, including information on the collection, identification and evaluation of the macroinvertebrate population in a stream, is Saturday, June 2, from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. at Reed Creek Park. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-421-8639 or email reardonmp@hotmail.com. The Unusual and Bizarre: Collections in the Early Years is a presentation by Amanda Klaus on Wednesday, June 6, at 12:30 p.m. as part of the Augusta Museum of History’s Brown Bag lecture series. Participants should bring a lunch and the museum will provide beverages. Free, members; $3, non-members. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. Civil War Medicine Symposium is Wednesday, June 6, from 2-5 p.m. at GHSU’s Greenblatt Library and will feature presentations and discussions from several doctors and authors. A reception will follow in the library’s Historical Collections and Archives Room. Call 706-721-3444 or visit georgiahealth.edu.

GED classes are offered every Monday and Thursday at 6 p.m. and every Monday-Thursday at 9:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). PINES library card required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. ESL classes are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). Pre-registration required. Call Charles Garrick at 803-279-3363 or visit ecgrl.org. Intermediate Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 2:30-4 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Beginner’s Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 4-5 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Benefits

Fourth Annual Gold Tournament Fundraiser to benefit the Augusta Choral Society is Friday, June 1, at Forest Hills Golf Club. Call 706-826-4713 or visit augustachoralsociety.org.

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UNCOVER YOUR BODIES OWN SOURCE Six Ways to Have a Healthier Barbecue Everyone loves a good barbecue, but too much heat can be bad for your health. You OF HEALTH AND VITALITY don’t have to give up burgers, just follow these grilling tips from health.com. Clinical Stud Availabl ies e.

You don’t have to throw out that red-checkered tablecloth or forgo a refill on your propane tank, just be aware that research has shown grilling meats at high heat can cause the carcinogens heterocyclic amine (HCA) and polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAHs) to form. And it’s not an insignificant amount. One study found that people who consume well-done meat — grilled, barbecued, pan fried or broiled — on a regular basis were 60 percent more likely to get pancreatic cancer. Longer cooking times might also increase the risk of stomach, lung and breast cancer. Use a Marinade A 2008 study found that spicy marinades can decrease HCA formation, so don’t be afraid to sprinkle on the red pepper. Certain spices are packed with antioxidants that will help to eliminate HCAs in the grilling process. One study showed that adding spices, such as thyme, sage and garlic, can reduce the amount of total HCAs by 60 percent compared to the control. Rosemary may be especially potent. A recent study found that high concentrations of rosemary extracts may reduce HCAs by up to 90 percent in some cases. Get inspired by these marinated meals.

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Add Alcohol At your next barbecue, don’t forget beer and wine... for your marinade. We know red wine is full of antioxidants, and this can carry over in your marinades. Marinating beef in red wine for six hours before grilling decreased the amount of carcinogens — 40 percent fewer than in beef that wasn’t marinated — according to a study by the University of Porto in Portugal. This same study found similar positive effects using beer, and participants gave the beer-marinated beef top marks for quality. Turn Down the Heat Well done shouldn’t be in your vocabulary if you’re trying to cut down on carcinogens. Studies have shown that higher temperatures lead to an increase in HCAs. Allow some extra time, and try to cook your meat below 325°F, which is the temperature at which HCAs begin to form. To ensure that you’re meeting the minimum cooking temperatures, invest in a meat thermometer, and make sure your burgers have an internal temperature of 160°F. Precook Food in the Microwave Before your fire up the grill, nuke meat in the microwave for one or two minutes at medium power. Studies have shown that microwaving meat for two minutes prior to cooking decreased HCAs by 90 percent. Just remember to throw out the juice — that’s where the HCAs lurk. Grill Veggies Grilled veggies offer that same hot-off-the-grill taste but don’t contain carcinogens like their meaty counterparts. Portobello mushroom burgers are a great hearty option. However, if you crave grilled meat, make kebabs. Using half meat, half veggies is healthier and cuts down on the HCAs. Less is More When It Comes to Marinating Though this may sound counterintuitive, marinating meat for long lengths of times may lower the percentage of antioxidants in the sauces. A 2010 study found that marinating meat in sauce for five hours prior to oven baking cut down the antioxidant activity in the sauce compared with cooking after shorter marinating times. Play it on the safe side by aiming to marinate your meat for no more than a few hours. Marinades don’t soak deep into the meat, so there’s not a lot of flavor advantage to an overnight marinade. And brushing a little extra sauce on the meat shortly before serving could give you an extra boost of antioxidants.


GOLD’S GYM: JUNE 2012 |p.3

A Pain or a Strain?

Gold’s Gym Fitness Institute orthopedist Evan Ekman decodes common workout aches so you can tell the difference between “Ow!” and “Out for a month.”

Raising Kane Taylor Made Catch In Vaughn Taylor’s Columbia County home, he proudly

We’ve all heard the saying “No pain, no gain,” but not all pain is created equal. Many motivated gym displays trophies from his two PGA Tour wins and memorabilia goers have been put out of commission because they couldn’t tell the difference between post-training from when he played for the United States on the 2006 Ryder soreness and a serious injury. Cup Team. It’s an impressive showcase, but soon these items will “Many people don’t pay attention to their body, and as a result the pain can last the rest of their life,” says take a backseat to a new addition. Evan Ekman, a South Carolina-based orthopedic surgeon and Gold’s Gym Fitness Institute member. He “I’m just going to have to wait and see how big it is to decide believes much of the problem stems from not being in tune to the location. “Part of an effective workout is where to put it,” said Taylor. making yourself sore, but that soreness should be in the muscle belly — the big bulky part of the muscle.” The former Augusta State golf star is referring to the 56-pound, Pain in the joints or tendons might be an indication of a problem. 2-ounce striped bass he reeled in on May 7. The monster fish is the Here we look at six examples of gym pain gone too far and what to do about them. As always, biggest striper ever caught in the Savannah River. It smashed the old consult your physician before starting an exercise regimen. record by 13 pounds.

Hamstrings

Your legs can easily tire after a hard workout, but how do you know when you’ve pushed your hamstrings too far? According to Ekman, you may be dealing with a more serious injury if you experience pain when pressure is put on the ischium bone in the pelvis, often felt when you sit down or if you have difficulty running. What to do: Control inflammation by applying ice and wrapping the leg. Then gently perform a hamstring stretch: Sit on the floor, with legs spread. Keep your left knee straight as you reach toward the toes and hold for 30 seconds. Repeat on the right side. If you recognize the pain early, a hamstring injury might keep you out of the gym for a few weeks or less.

Snaps, Cracks and Pops

Some body creaks we all seem to have (like the back cracks your eccentric uncle shows off at parties). Others may be your body’s way of sounding an alarm. Ekman says there are two ways to tell if it’s something to get worried about: if you experience pain when it makes that noise, or if your body didn’t make that noise before you worked out and now it does. What to do: Because the noise could be anything, get to a doctor for a proper diagnosis.

Biceps

It’s normal for the biceps to engorge with blood and appear bigger immediately after a workout, but if the swelling lasts more than a few hours, you may have suffered a bicep strain or rupture of the tendon biceps. Another telltale sign of injury is discoloration or bruising. If you can’t tell for sure, don’t do another rep until you get checked out. What to do: A rupture may require surgery — get to a doctor ASAP. If it’s just a strain, you’ll need some time off to rest the muscle, taking anti-inflammatories in the meantime. The next step is light exercises that develop your range of motion. Begin with gentle stretching at the elbow, work your way up to bicep curls with band resistance, then finally light dumbbells.

Pectoral Muscles

Bench press is a popular lift at the gym, but using too much weight or trying for a maximum one-rep lift before being properly warmed up can lead to pectoral tears. “Most of the time it’s easy to tell when you have a pec tear because the pain is intense,” Ekman says. But you can also tell by a deformity — often a divot on the side of the pec near the armpit — or extreme tenderness that doesn’t go away between workouts. What to do: Immediately see an orthopedic doctor — this could mean a long haul to recovery.

Rotator Cuff

“I didn’t think there was a fish that big in the river and I thought I had a big one, but wasn’t sure how big,” Taylor said. “I really didn’t know until I got him all the way to the boat.” Taylor was fishing alone on this day and he knew getting the striper out of the water wasn’t going to be easy. Determined not to be the fisherman who could only go home to tell “the one that got away” story, Taylor had to improvise. “The fish got tired and once he got to the boat he was out,” Taylor said. But Taylor still had the tough task of getting the striper into his boat and realized he had a big problem. “My net was too small for him.” In a scene that you would see on the hit TV series “Swamp People,” V-T knew he had only one choice. “I ended up having to reach over and pull him in by hand,” Taylor said. “I laid down flat on the boat and kept my whole right arm and shoulder in the water. I reached under and grabbed him by his gills and just used some leverage by laying down and I pulled him in on top of me.” It took an exhausted Taylor more than 20 minutes to reel in the biggest catch of his life. “It’s special because I’ve been fishing for a long time and always dreamed of catching a really big fish,” he said, “but never dreamt of this size of fish.” Prior to snagging the 56 pounder, Taylor said the biggest fish he ever caught in the Savannah River was 11 pounds. “I was lucky enough to hang in there and be patient and take my time with him,” he said. “I was very, very fortunate to get him in the boat. I still can’t believe it; just a fish of a lifetime for sure.” News of Taylor’s epic catch is grabbing headlines across the country. The photo of Taylor holding the mammoth striper has been featured on many national websites. “I’ll probably never catch a fish as big as that,” Taylor said. “ I just enjoy fishing and getting on the water and enjoying nature. I always hope to catch something, but I’ll probably never again catch anything that size.” And now that Taylor is known as a renowned fisherman, any chance he might one day give up the PGA Tour for the pro Bassmaster Tour? “I love to fish, but I’ll stick to golf.”

If you’re having trouble reaching during your workout, it may not be time to work through the pain; it may be a rotator cuff injury. Other signs are tenderness during a military press or when lifting weight away from your body. What to do: Avoid lifts that involve raising your hands above your shoulders, and work to strengthen the four muscles of the rotator cuff — the supraspinatus, the infraspinatus, teres minor and the subscapularis. For the first, let your arm hang at your side with your elbow bent 90 degrees, then bring the hand across your body, as if you were shutting a door. For the latter, bring the hand in the opposite direction, away from the middle of your body.

Chris Kane is a Gold’s Gym member and is the morning and news co-anchor at WJBF News Channel 6 (ABC).

Quadriceps

Though it’s great to feel the burn on the squat machine, persistent aches — such as shooting pain, a slight burn or anything that limits daily movement or makes it painful to walk — may be a sign of a stress fracture to the femur, a rupture or even a contusion in the quads. Another warning sign of injury: deformity, or any change in shape and texture to the muscle so that one leg is noticeably different from the other. What to do: If it’s a strain, you may be out for four to six weeks while taking anti-inflammatories, icing and performing basic stretching and strengthening exercises. If it’s a rupture, surgery is likely to be needed.

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May is National Fitness Month and Mental Health Month, and the two couldn’t fit better together Glutes, lats, pecs and abs: These are probably the muscle groups you have in mind when you get set to do a workout. Yet every time you hit the treadmill or rack another set of weights, you’re also strengthening one of the body’s most important organs: the brain. One of the main things scientists now know is that how we treat our bodies does affect our brains, according to Perry Renshaw, professor of psychiatry at the University of Utah’s School of Medicine. “The things we do to improve our physical health and well-being, whether it be diet, changing sleep patterns, reducing drug and alcohol use or exercising, have real benefits cognitively,” Renshaw says. And those benefits are many, from that immediate boost in mood that happens mid-workout to relief from chronic pain, and even to preventing and recovering from debilitating conditions such as Alzheimer’s disease, depression and stroke. Read on to find out how and why exercise can improve mental health and your sense of well-being today and in the future.

>Exercise Makes You Feel Good Right Now

“People who work out regularly feel better than people who don’t,” says Renshaw. “And invariably, in the short term, exercise improves mood.” Why: This may be attributed to a number of factors: There’s the “runner’s high” — that burst of good feelings athletes report during periods of continuous exertion. “Biochemically, your body, when it’s working at a certain intensity level, will produce endorphins, dopamine and serotonin, things that help to calm your mind and make you feel happy,” says Adam Friedman, a Gold’s Gym Fitness Institute trainer. How to get that feel good effect: Renshaw says, for people who have chronically low mood or even symptoms of mild depression, a regular exercise routine is associated with an improvement in their sense of well-being. “There is almost no doubt: Exercise is one of the more natural antidepressants that we’ve been able to find,” he says. Friedman, too, has seen this effect in his personal-training clients in just the first 30 minutes of a session. “Elevated mood is one of the biggest positive effects of my work,” he says. “Often my clients come in stressed from their day, and early into the workout they’ve let a lot of that stuff go. They’re in much better spirits and are ready to take on whatever they have to do. The workout has cleared the mind.”

>Exercise Today Defends Against Mental Illness Tomorrow

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GOLD’S GYM: JUNE 2012 |p.5

an exercise regimen may keep you sharper and better prepare you to fend off mental illness later in life. Why: Immediately after exercise, nutrients are redirected to the brain at a higher-than-normal rate so it can refuel itself, which is why you feel a post-workout boost in mental acuity. All the good stuff heads north. How it happens: According to a study conducted earlier this year at the University of Tsukuba’s Institute for Health and Sports Sciences in Japan, regular exercise prolongs “brain refueling” specifically in the cortex and hippocampus, where learning and memory formation occur, and suggests that it’s involved in the development of a stronger mind. Further, a 2002 study at the Institute for Brain Aging and Dementia at the University of California, Irvine, determined in animal trials that voluntary exercise stimulates neurogenesis — the brain’s ability to build new neurons while increasing resistance to injury and improving learning and mental performance. Both findings give weight to the idea that exercise may help offset Alzheimer’s disease, which begins in the brain’s memory center, the hippocampus.

>Exercise Helps the Brain Heal

Perhaps the most important thing to know about the effect of exercise on the brain: It’s never too late to start. Why: Though it’s believed that when it comes to recovery from stroke, the earlier rehabilitation is started the better, a 2008 study by researchers at Johns Hopkins University found that patients who exercised consistently as many as four years following stroke not only improved their walking speed up to 51 percent, but experienced increased metabolic activity in the brain-stem areas associated with walking. In that case, exercise not only helped strengthen the body, but it also “rewired” the brain to compensate for its damaged areas. “This is great news for stroke survivors because results clearly demonstrate that long-term stroke damage is not immutable, and that with exercise it’s never too late for the brain and body to recover,” says Daniel Hanley, M.D., professor of neurology at that university. How to recover the best way: A study by the National Institutes of Health found that patients recovering from stroke who employed any form of intensive rehabilitative exercise, whether using bodyweight-supported treadmills or at-home physical strength and balance training, were able to recover their ability to walk — a key factor in happiness and quality of life — more quickly than did patients who used lower-intensity therapies.

ofile

ER

Where You May Have Seen Him Carter, a senior, plays starting defensive end for the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers. About Him Carter is from Jackson, S.C., and graduated from Silver Bluff High School. He attended Chaffee College in Southern California before going to Nebraska in 2011. His Workouts Carter has very little downtime but, while he’s at home, he’s a regular at Gold’s Gym. Working off a rigid schedule, Carter alternates his workouts from day to day. “One day it’ll be legs and chest, the next day chest and back, and then tri and biceps… lots of conditioning,” he explained. “I just go off the workout plan the coaches at Nebraska give me.” Luckily, he doesn’t consider this part of training a chore and has found the perfect place to work out in Gold’s Gym. “I love working out; I’m always there faithfully every day,” he said. “Gold’s Gym has some of the best staff and the best trainers.” What’s Next “I go back to school June 2, and we start summer training as soon as we get back,” Carter said. Working on a sociology degree, he added that what he’d really like to do is make a run at an NFL career. How does he see his chances? “There’s a pretty good chance because I’ve talked to a lot of teams,” he said. “I’ve already talked to Coach [Bill] Belichick from the [New England] Patriots.”


FORMER

PGA

TOUR

PR

& GOLD’S GYM MEMBER

BATTLES BACK When Will Brown began working out at Gold’s Gym, he couldn’t walk for very long on the treadmill and could only do a few reps on the weight machines. “And then I would have to go home and take a nap,” he candidly admits. Brown’s story, however, isn’t one of someone just out of shape. In fact, the 43-year-old is a former PGA Australasian Tour pro who currently teaches teens at the River Golf Club. It is, however, the story of someone who has battled back from surgery to correct deformed vertebrae and has fought squamous-cell carcinoma since August of 2009. Brown credits his workout partner, Dr. Rich Pawl (who also has squamous-cell carcinoma), and their almost daily visits to Gold’s Gym with giving him the three months in remission he currently has under his belt. “I’ve gone from 150 to 198 pounds. I gained 50 pounds and it’s been all muscle. My arms are three inches larger than when we started working out,” he said. “I think, to say the very least, that it has prolonged my quality of life.” Of course, Brown started out at 230 pounds before being beset with health problems. It began after he left Yibin, China, and the Australasian Tour and went to the English home of his caddy. “At that time, I was missing a lot of [tournament] cuts because of


GOLD’S GYM: JUNE 2012 |p.7 deformed vertebrae,” he said. “I would drop things. I had to go to Tervis tumblers because I dropped glasses all the time. My legs would buckle.” His caddy’s suicide at Brown’s California condo not long after prompted the golfer to make a change. “I couldn’t stay there anymore. I needed a change,” he said. “So I decided to move to Augusta and start teaching because I wasn’t having a great time with tournaments.” Brown opened a juniors academy at River Golf Club, working with kids for two hours a day, three times a week. At first, most of his clients were kids who wanted to make it onto their high school golf teams. He became so successful that he began working with kids whose goals were to obtain golf scholarships. During this time, Brown said he had some reprieve from his neck and back problems. Not for long, though. “I started dropping things again and I couldn’t sleep,” he said. “I went to a chiropractor many times and it would help a bit, but I was in pain.” Finally, in 2007, his doctor suggested a corpectomy, in which three vertebrae would be replaced with cadaver bones. “The doctor said that I could have this surgery or I could one day wake up paralyzed,” he said. Undaunted, Brown had the surgery, missed about a month of instruction with his students and, miraculously, was back and playing better. “I started playing pretty well again because I was pain free, so I decided I would try to play tournament golf again,” he said. “I intended to do that, but then I started having difficulty swallowing. A few weeks after that, I had a knot pop up on the side of my neck that was, oddly enough, the size of a golf ball.” That golf-ball-sized knot led to Brown’s cancer diagnosis, a diagnosis that led to three rounds of chemotherapy and six weeks of radiation, six times a week. The treatment caused blisters inside his esophagus and an 80-pound weight loss. “If you want to go on a crash diet, catch cancer,” he smiles. “But I don’t recommend it.” The diagnosis, despite the treatments, also led to some disturbing news. The outlook was not good. “The psychologists started talking about quality of life and end-of-life scenarios,” he said. “And for the first time in my life, I realized that I wasn’t bullet-proof. I wasn’t going to live forever.” So Brown did what most would probably do. He went to Fenway Park and Wrigley Field; he and his wife went to a Broadway show; He went to an Ohio State football game and just got back from trip to Hawaii. “I’m still filling my bucket list because the rate at which you could reacquire the squamous-cell carcinoma is there,” he said. “Put it this way: our cancer survivor

per month

$10

support group doesn’t meet anymore because we started out with five in our group and now there are only three of us left.” It was at this support group that he met his workout partner, Dr. Rich Pawl, who Brown says is about 9-12 months further along in his cancer than he was. The two decided to actively try to beat cancer. “We thought, we’ve got to get physically fit if we’re going to beat this thing,” Brown said. “So, to start out, we would meet at Savannah Rapids at 6:30 a.m. and go for a walk, and we could only walk about a mile.” After working up to about 2 ½ miles each walk, the two started meeting at Gold’s, where they would work on a regimen Pawl devised that included chest and arm weights one day, back and shoulder weights the next and cardio work every day. It wasn’t easy for either of them, Brown said. “I think his work probably suffered,” he admitted. “But that’s the price you pay for having a hand up on the people who sit around and wait for death to come to them.”

These days, both Brown and Pawl are doing well. Brown is able to play with his six-year-old son, rather than just watching cartoons in bed with him. He is working on a psychology degree so that he can help his golf students master the mental part of the game as well as the physical. He has begun training a PGA Tour player, who he can’t yet name. And while Brown knows that he has a long way to go before the five-year “cure” mark, he’s optimistic. “I have three months under my belt and I’m just hoping for four and then five,” he said. “I take each day as it comes.” And almost each day involves a trip to Gold’s Gym. “Gold’s has been a lifesaver for Rich and I because there’s that accountability to the other person,” he said. “The days I didn’t feel like it, I dragged my butt out of bed because I knew Rich was going to be there. And now, I don’t need a nap anymore.” To contact Will Brown, call 706-513-6333.

no commitment | month - to - month

no kidding

*amenities vary by location | $10 per month good at Bobby Jones location only


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Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item, which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Sports-Outdoors

National Learn to Row Day is Saturday, June 2, from 9 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Boat House, 101 Riverfront Drive. The event, hosted by the Augusta Rowing Club, includes facilties tours, demonstrations, hands-on lessons on the dock and on the water and more. Lunch provided. Admission is a donation of a non-perishable food item that will go to Golden Harvest Food Bank. Visit augustarowingclub.org. Swamp Saturday is Saturday, June 2, at 9:30 a.m. at Phinizy Swamp and includes a free 2.5-mile, 1.5-hour hike led by trained volunteers. Free. Pre-registration for groups required. Call 706-828-2109 or visit naturalsciencesacademy.org. 2012 National Trail Day at Aiken State Park is a hike guided by a ranger at Aiken State Park on Saturday, June 2, at 10 a.m. Participants meet at the Jungle Trail. Call 803-649-2857 or visit southcarolinaparks.com. The Augusta GreenJackets play the Greensboro Grasshoppers on Tuesday-Thursday, June 5-7, at 7:05 p.m. at Lake Olmstead Stadium. $7-$11. Call 706-7367889 or visit greenjacketsbaseball.com. BlazeSports Swim Team, for all ages of physically challenged swimmers who want to train for competition, meets at the Wilson Family Y. $35 a month, members; $50 a month, non-members. Preregistration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Wheelchair Tennis is each Monday at 6 p.m., weather permitting, at the Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or visit alsalley@ wrh.org.

Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered Monday-Saturday at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m., and Sunday at 1:30, 3 and 4:30 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com. Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, first-served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com. Zumba with Sohailla is every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706-4216168 or visit zumbawithsohailla.blogspot.com.

Saturday Historic Trolley Tours are Saturdays from 1:30-3:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-724-4067 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Dream Big, Read! Bookmarks program, for those ages 5-11 who will make their own bookmarks, is Thursday, May 31, at 10 a.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com.

Game Day for teens is Thursday, May 31, from 2-4 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Branch Library meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Weekly Group Runs include the Monday Metro Run meeting at Metro Coffeehouse at 6 p.m.; Monday Intervals meeting at the Family Y track on Wheeler Road at 7 p.m.; the Tuesday Nacho Mama’s Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday’s Blanchard Woods Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday Stay in Shape Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday’s Post Office Hill Training Run at 7 p.m.; Thursday’s Homer Hustle at 6 p.m.; and Saturday’s Stay in Shape Run at 8 a.m. For more information, visit augustastriders.com. Kroc Trotters Running Group meets Tuesdays at 6:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Free for members. Call 706364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Hott Shott Disc Golf is each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf, 863 Broad Street, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-814-7514 or visit killerbdiscgolf.blogspot.com/p/ hott-shott.

Kids

Safe Sitter, a babysitting class for those ages 11-13, is Thursday, May 31, from 9 a.m.-4 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Kids Night Out, for children ages 2-12, is Friday, June 1, from 6-10 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Dinner, activities and crafts are included. $15, members; $20, nonmembers. Pre-registration required. Call 706-3645762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Artrageous! Family Sunday: Drum, Dance, Design is Sunday, June 3, at 2 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art and features a concert by ABATSU African drummers and dance group. Participants will also make a wall medallion inspired by traditional African patterns. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Beginning Guitar Jam Sessions begin Tuesday, June 5, at 5 p.m., while Intermediate Guitar and Bass Jam Sessions begin at 6 p.m. Both are for kids ages 6 and older. $60. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. James Brown Academy of Musik Pupils Auditions are Tuesday, June 5, from 6-8 p.m. at C.H. Terrell Academy. Call 706-736-6216 or visit jamesbrownfamilyfdn.org. Keep ‘Em Playing six-week music workshop for those ages 11-14, begin Tuesday, June 5, at 7 p.m. at the Kroc Center. $100. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Sesame Street Live: Elmo’s Superheroes is Tuesday, June 5, at 7 p.m. and Wednesday, June 6, at 10:30 a.m. and 7 p.m. at the Bell Auditorium. $16-$58. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

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Jazz for Kids, featuring the book “The Sound That Jazz Makes, is Wednesday, June 6, at 4 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. What’s in the Box? Graceful Gardens with Fantastic Flowers, a family program in which participants will learn about flowers, insects and gardens and make their own living landscape, is Thursday, June 7, at 10 a.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Museum family members and parents, free; $4, non-members. Pre-registration required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Kroc Tots Activity Hour, featuring story time, crafts and more, is every Friday at 9 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Free, members; $1, non-members. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Digistar Virtual Journey shows Saturdays in June at 8 p.m. and More Than Meets the Eye shows Saturdays in June at 9 p.m. at the DuPont Planetarium in Aiken. Digistar shows are $5.50, adults; $4.50, seniors; $3.50, 4K-12the grade students; $1, USC-A students, faculty and staff. General shows are $4.50, adults; $3.50, seniors; $2.50, 4K-12th grade students; and $1, USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-6413654 or visit http://rpsec.usca.edu/planetarium. Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Groups of six or more must preregister. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must preregister. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

22 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. at Maxwell Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Wednesday from 10-11:15 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

Story Time is every Wednesday at 10:15 a.m. for Pre-K, and either 11 or 11:30 a.m. for preschoolers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org. Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:30-11 a.m. for toddlers and 11:15-11:45 a.m. for preschoolers at North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-279-5767 or abbe-lib.org.

Story Time at the Columbia County Library is each Tuesday at 11 a.m. for those under 2; Monday, Wednesday and Thursday at 10:15 a.m. for 2-yearolds; and Monday, Wednesday and Thursday at 11 a.m. for preschoolers. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Seniors

Story Time at the Euchee Creek Branch Library, for all ages, is each Wednesday at 10:30 a.m. and each Thursday at 4 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Senior Computer Classes meet weekly at the Kroc Center. Pre-registration required. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

Medicare and You is a program that meets every Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com. Story Time is every Wednesday at Appleby Branch Library from 10:05-10:20 a.m. for toddlers 18 months-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschoolers ages 3 and up. Parent must stay with child. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

Golden Agers meets Mondays from 9 a.m.-noon at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday at 9 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays and Fridays from 11:30 a.m.3:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Silversneakers I is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 1011 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Yoga I and II are offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:30-6:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Hobbies

Crafters Night is Wednesday, June 6, from 6:30-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Free. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Spiritual

Food, Faith and Fitness, a women’s group, meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-3645762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Morning Manna, a community devotion time, meets Wednesdays at 11 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Free. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Sunday activities at the Kroc Center include an adult Bible class at 9:30 a.m., youth Sunday school at 9:45 a.m., and a worship service at 11 a.m. Free. Call 706364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Volunteers

Augusta Public Library is looking for volunteers. Friends of the library receive a 10 percent discount at The Book Tavern, complimentary dessert at French Market Grille, one free Petersburg Boat Ride, free coffee and discounts at Sundrees Market, and bogo admission at the Woodrow Wilson House. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

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Thursday, May 31 Live Music

The First Round -Ravenswood French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - Ruskin Yeargain Maude Edenfield Park - Music in the Park w/ Flashback Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Live and Local O Lounge - Jazmine Soul Band Red Pepper Cafe - Funk/Fusion Jazz Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Sky City - Acoustic Cage Match w/ Will McCranie and John Krueger Travinia’s - Smooth Jazz The Willcox - Classic Jazz Wild Wing - Acosta

What’s Tonight?

Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Coyote’s - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Library - DJ Kris Fisher The Loft - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic Malibu Jack’s - Sports Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Soul Bar - Boom Box Dance Party Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Friday, June 1 Live Music

Augusta Moonlight Music Cruise - Savannah River String Band Bell Auditorium - An Evening with Yani Columbia County Amphitheatre - Columbia County Amateur Series w/ Celia Gary, Steel Cross, Local Propaganda Cotton Patch - Happy Bones Country Club - Tyler Hammond Band French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - Will McCranie PI Bar & Grill - Jazz Duo Somewhere In Augusta - Jim Perkins Surrey Tavern - The Mosier Brothers

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance Party First Round - DJ Kris Fisher Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke The Library - Foamed Out Friday Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic 31MAY2012

Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Sky City - 80’s Night Tropicabana - Latin Friday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Saturday, June 2 Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Cotton Patch - Old Man Crazy Country Club - The Dam-Fi-No Band Joe’s Underground- Ruskin Yeargain P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz with Pam Bowman Somewhere in Augusta - The Unmentionables Stillwater Tap Room - Will McCranie Surrey Tavern - The Mosier Brothers

What’s Tonight?

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Denny Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Trivia Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia

Wednesday, June 6 Live Music

Joe’s Underground - Kathleen Turner Overdrive

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Coyote’s - Drink N Drown w/ Snow Bunny Bikini Contest

Taproot, Hurt and Otherwise - Sky City June 8 Jacob Beltz - Somewhere in Augusta June 8 James Justin and Co. - Stillwater Tap Room June 8 Tony Williams and the Blues Express - Surrey Tavern June 8-9 Shovels & Rope - Sky City June 9 Situational Ethics - Somewhere in Augusta June 9 Louis Lewis - Surrey Tavern June 13 Los Bastardos Magnificos - Sky City June 14 Sibling String - Surrey Tavern June 14 Shane Owens and Bottom - Coyote’s June 15 Ruskin Yeargain - Somewhere in Augusta June 15 Playback the Band Featuring Tutu Dyvine - Surrey Tavern June 15 Josh Daniel Band - Stillwater Tap Room June 15 John Berret’s LaRoxes - 1102 June 16 Dallas Duff Band - Somewhere in Augusta June 16 The Unmentionables - Surrey Tavern June 16 The Joe Taylor Group - Surrey Tavern June 21

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, June 3 Live Music

5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice Candlelight Jazz - Chris Crenshaw Iron Horse Bar and Grill - John Berret’s LaRoxes Patridge Inn - Sunday Evening Jazz w/ the Not Gaddy Jazz Trio The Willcox - Jazz Jam Session

What’s Tonight?

Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Mike Swift Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, June 4 Live Music

Hopelands Gardens - Hopelands Summer Concert Series w/ Southern Thunder Cloggers Shannon’s - Open Mic Night

What’s Tonight?

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia with Mike Thomas Somewhere In Augusta - Poker Tournaments Wild Wing - Trivia

Tuesday, June 5 Live Music

Appleby Library - Evenings in the Appleby Garden w/ Jeni Michelson The Highlander - Open Mic Night Joe’s Underground - Happy Bones The Willcox - Piano Jazz

Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere in Augusta - Comedy Zone w/ Phil Hogan and Juanita Lolita

Upcoming

The Threads - The First Round June 7 Dave Firmin - Joe’s Underground June 7 Sweey Knievel - Surrey Tavern June 7 Riley Williams and Shane Davis - Cotton Patch June 8 Michael Stacey Band - Country Club June 8 Shameless Dave & The Miracle Whips - Laura’s Backyard Tavern June 8

Blair Crimmins and The Hookers - Stillwater Taproom June 22 Joe Stevenson - Somewhere in Augusta June 22 Granny’s Gin - The First Round June 22 The Unmentionables - Surrey Tavern June 22 Ten Toes Up - Surrey Tavern June 23 Sibling String - Surrey Tavern June 28 Fresh Music Festival w/ Keith Sweat, Doug E. Fresh, Guy, SWV, K-Ci, & JoJo- James Brown Arena June 29 Connor Pledger - Somewhere in Augusta June 29 The Southern Meltdown Band - Laura’s Backyard Tavern June 29 The Threads - The First Round June 29 Tony Williams and the Blues Express - Surrey Tavern June 29 Fried Goat - Somewhere in Augusta June 30 Siimplified - Surrey Tavern June 30 John Berret’s LaRoxes - 1102 July 6 Betsy Franck - Surrey Tavern July 12 Concrete Jumpsuit - Surrey Tavern - July 19 AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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IN MUSIC

If Bieber Beat You Up, Would You Tell Anyone?

This weekend I was full. Not just from plates of barbecue, but from a lot of banjos. The Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Que seemed to be a big success this past weekend. Thousands of people in the CSRA, and some out-of-towners, had a packed Memorial Day weekend out at the Evans Towne Center Park. Side note: When did we start spelling town with an “e”? Anyway, the event was great. The idea of two stages was very cool, helped with the down time in between bands. It also made it where you didn’t have to sit in a big crowd. We actually sat right in the middle and checked out both stages. The back bar set up was very impressive, along with a great beer selection. Kudos goes to Mike Marty and everyone at AB Beverage. The flavored Shock Top gets two thumbs up. This year’s big act was the Athens-based band Drive-By Truckers. I was super excited to see these guys. If you went to college in the South (War Eagle), you’ve heard every album by the Drive-By Truckers. This was my first time seeing these guys and, honestly, I wasn’t that impressed. Good solid band, just not that exciting. I was impressed by Whiskey Gentry. I have to quit lying to myself and admit that I hate the banjo. It’s awesome to watch people play the banjo because it is an insanely difficult instrument, but the sound it produces makes my ears feel like they’re being raped. I’ll take 12 months off and see you guys again next year. Just promise you won’t add Hootie to the bill. This is pretty cool. After a six-month hiatus, Big City Music is returning to 3526 Wrightsboro Road with a Live on the Lawn concert featuring music from Allgood Asylum, G-City Rockers and She N She, just to name a few. Fun starts at noon with live music starting at 12:30 p.m. Best part is that it’s free to the public! Here’s another return to Augusta via NYC. Our buddy Will McCranie is back in the AUG for a first Saturday at Stillwater Tapr Room, June 2. Will is playing two sets and, as you could of guessed, he’ll have some special guests joining in the fun. Don’t forget to grab your tickets for Taproot and HURT at Sky City on June 8. Both of these bands have sold out shows in Augusta and I have a feeling that this won’t be an exception. Tickets are only $14. Skycityaugusta.com has you details and tickets. I will be there enjoying $2 PBRs. It’s the choice of a new generation, and hipsters. I’m kidding, hipsters; loosen up your scarves. In a story that has the nation baffled, it appears that it is true. And I’m not talking about the man eating another man’s face story; I’m referring to Justin Bieber beating someone up. It appears that the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department is investigating a photographer’s claim that the Biebs assaulted him. After leaving a movie theater with girlfriend Selena Gomez, Justin wasn’t pleased with a photographer taking pictures of them, a “scuffle” ensued and the cops were called. Unfortunately, Justin had already bolted before the cops arrived. The photographer was later taken to a local hospital after complaining of chest pains. He later filed a police report, and Bieber is now being investigated for misdemeanor battery. I will tell you this: if Justin Bieber ever beat me up, I would tell NO ONE! And last in news of why it’s awesome to be in the business of rock ‘n’ roll: Gregg Allman revealed in an interview on CNN that he is engaged to a 24-year-old. Yes! This will only be Gregg’s seventh wife. What shows are coming up that you’re pumped to see? Where is you band playing next and are you any good? Prove it. Shoot over all the details to matt@themetrospirit.com.

MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

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Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Taila Jones, Jennifer Mercer and Melissa Chase at Bar on Broad.

SIGHTINGS

Julie Logan, Donna Lambert, Kristina Savage and Joanne Sanders at Allie Katz.

Cassidy Story, Hannah Atkins and Holly Morris at Metro Coffeehouse and Pub.

SIGHTINGS

Allison Soggin with Drive-By Truckers’ Patterson Hood and Erin Soker at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Que at Evans Towne Center Park.

Christy Beckham and Congressman Paul Broun with Christine and Mike Peters at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Que at Evans Towne Center Park.

SIGHTINGS

Daniel Johnson, Rachel Marks, Anthony Reid and Katie Hill at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Que at Evans Towne Center Park.

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Tony Paixao, Lindsay Wagner and Tyson Thaxton at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Que at Evans Towne Center Park.

Carolyn Tynan with singer Lera Lynn and Patrick Tynan at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Que at Evans Towne Center Park.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Danielle Long, Ashley Ballis, Amber Los and Caitlin Starnes at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Que at Evans Towne Center Park.

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EIGHT

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What difference does 10 years between movies make when you’ve got Will Smith? RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

1

MEN IN BLACK 3

$54,592,779

$54,592,779

1

-

2

THE AVENGERS

$36,686,871

$513,371,659

4

1

3

BATTLESHIP

$11,050,470

$44,555,815

2

2

4

THE DICTATOR

$9,276,560

$41,124,664

2

3

5

CHERNOBYL DIARIES

$7,955,307

$7,955,307

1

-

“Chernobyl Diaries”

SAMEIFLING

Exactly the kind of horror movie people who hate horror movies expect “Chernobyl Diaries” doesn’t exactly dote on story, so in that spirit of austerity, here it is in one sentence: Six tourists take a ride out to the Ukrainian town that was instantly abandoned when Chernobyl exploded in 1986 and then all sorts of awful things happen to them. None of the characters have last names, which hints strongly that the writers — chief among them Oren Peli, the father of the “Paranormal Activity” movies — never conceived of them as real people. All they needed were some dupes who could be dropped into a remote, desperate setting to be tormented and killed one by one. What results is exactly the sort of horror movie that people refer to when they say they hate horror movies: cheap, loud, dark, cruel and dumb. In all, it could be better. At least it got the setting right and, in a fright flick, that goes a long way. The tourists — four Americans plus an Aussie and a Norwegian backpacking — are driven out to the town of Prypiat by a thick-necked ex-military “extreme tour” operator (Dimitri Diatchenko). Guards turn them away from one checkpoint into the town (because of “maintenance,” the guide explains, which sounds odd to everyone expecting to drive into a deserted town) so he finds a back-road entrance. Apparently the movie was filmed in Serbia and Hungary, but the likeness to recent photos out of Prypiat (a terrific single-word search to undertake on Google Images) is truly unnerving, down to the Brutalist concrete buildings and the desiccated Ferris Wheel. Even after the credits roll on the suitably insipid and lazy ending of “Chernobyl Diaries,” the deserted town, with its stink of desertion porn, will linger in the imagination. Prypiat was the company town for the Chernobyl power plant that suffered a reactor explosion and then Febreezed the entire planet with radiation. Today it’s safe enough to serve as a real, active tourism site, so the haunted ghost-town premise is a bit of a reach. All seems manageably macabre for our tourists until they find their van disabled, and have to spend the night amid packs of feral dogs and some other menace in the dark that turns out to be people, or radiation zombies, or something. One of the hazards of riding shotgun in a Peli movie is that backstory — that is to say, a coherent rationale that drives the events of the film — doesn’t interest him

R O F HOTOS M P FRO 30 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

as much as what happens on screen at any given moment. Hence the action, and the moments of kidney-churning fright, that “Chernobyl Diaries” serves up never evolve. The scares stop at the autonomic, as the tourists are stalked and attacked and maybe eaten or something through a series of dark buildings and hallways and tunnels. If your goal is to scare audiences, yes, putting your protagonists into confined, dark spaces and sending something to get them is a fine way to accomplish that. This is a film in which you’ll yell at the characters for doing stupid things, but doesn’t give them any plausible options for you to suggest. We could debate the existence the supernatural until the Second Coming. Radiation poisoning carries no such question. While we watch Fukushima burn, and when we look at old nuclear test videos from the American west, we realize how fertile a ground radiation becomes, a semi-scientific stand-in for fairy tale horrors. The ghoulish cannibals in “The Hills Have Eyes” seem scarier because they seem more plausible than zombies and more familiar — they were just hicks in the wrong zip code during the Trinity tests. The very title of “Chernobyl Diaries” suggests the lives snuffed and disrupted when the eponymous reactor went nuclear. Too bad the writing and direction doesn’t follow suit.

T I S VI S AT U

com 31MAY2012


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ACTION

“Snow White and the Huntsman,” rated PG-13, starring Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron. Kristen Stewart as the fairest of them all? Doubtful. We’re pulling for Charlize Theron’s Evil Queen, who is sexy, scary and very, very cool. Especially when she’s wearing that gown decorated with baby bird skulls.

HORROR

“Piranha 3DD,” rated R, starring Ving Rhames, David Hasselhoff. This cinematic masterpiece is billed as a comedy-horror. But, once the Hoff’s name was attached to it, there was never a doubt. Our question? What the hell happened to Ving Rhames’ career?

MUSICAL

“Battlefield America,” rated PG-13, starring Marques Houston, Mekia Cox, Christopher Jones, Lynn Whitfield. Nope, it’s not a sequel to John Travolta’s “Battlefield Earth.” Unfortunately, it’s just about a kids dance team.

Okay, so 2013 is still a long way away. But the recent release of the teaser for “Anchorman: The Legend Continues” makes us long for the 1970s-era Channel 4 news team: sports anchor Champ is still talking about boobies; field reporter Brian still loves to “be stinky” and weatherman Brick is still borderline mentally handicapped (okay, so the borderline is way behind him). And though Ron himself promises that “this time, I’m on top,” we think Will Ferrell’s sexist news reader is funniest when he’s down on his luck, twisted around the finger of Christina Applegate’s Veronica Corningstone. Well, he’s actually funniest when he’s playing jazz flute, telling people that San Diego means a whale’s vagina and talking to his dog Baxter, but you know what we mean. The 2004 original will just have to tide us over until next year, but that’s shouldn’t be a problem. 31MAY2012

WERECOMMEND

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

WHERE GREAT FOOD ROCKS.

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GOLD’S GYM

RASHADO’CONNER

Name: Typris Hill Starting Weight: 182 Weight at Last Weigh In: 175.6 Percentage Lost: 3.51 Current Ranking: 12 Exercise Plan: One thing I’ve taken up that’s shown a lot of improvement is my belly dancing class. The days that I don’t have those classes, I work out for thirty minutes on the elliptical. My trainer also has me exercise on steps; I’m not sure what the name of that exercise is, but it’s definitely helped me a lot. I’ve also been doing exercises on yoga balls — which is a new experience for me — and my trainer always has me do warm-ups with dumbbells and things like that, so I’m definitely breaking a sweat every time I work out. Diet Plan: You know, my diet has changed for the worse and for the better. It’s been very hard. When I first started the competition, I was going to the grocery store, I was getting different types of foods, like egg whites, I was getting different fruits, vegetables, and when I would go to work, I would pack my lunch, and I would hate opening it up to see what I had packed, but I know I’m eating this stuff for the best. Some weeks, I would eat the same things continuously. I would go on an all-vegetable diet for one week or a fruit diet for one week and that kind of started to show results. I eat salads every now and then with certain meals, but for the most part, I just try to stick with other vegetables like celery and things like that. Biggest Struggle: My biggest struggles revolve around eating. I have days when I get tired of eating some of the same vegetables; it gets old after a while. And some days I get this urge to go out and get a double cheeseburger, but at the same time, I’ll tell myself that “I know I have to work this weight off.” So, I’ll run and concentrate on my exercises so that manage to get this weight off. Biggest Success: My biggest achievement came when I first started this program. Every time I saw the commercial for this competition on television, I kept telling myself that “I should really join this competition.” And I finally had a chance to join and that offered so many new opportunities to exercise with a trainer and discover new eating habits, and it’s just been a life-changing experience. Now, I’m really motivated to get up every morning, do a few exercises and, when I get off from work, I’m motivated to head straight over to the gym and even if I don’t get a full hour in, I at least fit in about 25 or 30 minutes of cardio in. Contestant to Beat: I think all of us are competing against each other, but at the same time, I don’t see it as a competition, because everyone is in this to lose weight. I don’t think any of us are in it for the competition. You know, we’re all in for a lifestyle change, so it’s kind of hard to judge who’s ahead and who’s behind, because we’re all in it to lose weight and get healthier. Future: Well, my trainer said that — since there would be cookouts and things like that — “over Memorial Day, you can eat whatever want, but tomorrow is a new day.” That really resonated with me and so I decided to watch what I ate anyway. But, my thing is, I feel like once this competition is over, as far as the pounds that I wasn’t able to burn off is concerned, I think I’ll just start [my training] over and just do better, because I feel that this competition has been very difficult to balance with my work schedule; I have a new job now. But overall, this competition has been great for me because I’ve lost so much weight and that’s made me really happy. I used to be afraid to even step on a scale because I would say “Okay, I don’t want to see how much I weigh.” But during this competition, I’ve kept exercising and eating right, and when I got on the scale on the second weigh in, I saw results, and it’s just been a blessing.

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GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Your core meditation this week is Oscar Wilde’s belief that disobedience is a primal virtue. Harness your disobedience so that it generates outbreaks of creative transformation that improve your life. For inspiration, read this passage by Robert Anton Wilson: “The entire web of culture and progress, everything on earth that is man-made and not given to us by nature, is the concrete manifestation of someone’s refusal to bow to Authority. We would be no more than the first apelike hominids if it were not for the rebellious, the recalcitrant, and the intransigent.”

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

“Some people tell me I’d invented the sounds they called soul,” said musician Ray Charles, “but I can’t take any credit. Soul is just the way black folk sing when they leave themselves alone.” Whip up a fresh, hot delivery of raw soul. One of the best ways to do that might be to leave yourself alone. Don’t pick your scabs and second-guess your enthusiasms and argue yourself into a knot. Create a nice big space for your original self to play in.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

“Where’s the most convenient place to discover a new species?” asks “The Second Book of General Ignorance.” The Amazon Rainforest? The high mountainous forests of New Guinea? Northwest Siberia? Your best chance of finding a previously unidentified life form is in your own garden. There are hundreds of thousands of species that science still has no knowledge of, and quite a few of them are near you. A similar principle currently holds true for your life in general. It will be close to home that you are most likely to connect with fascinating exotica, unknown influences and far-out adventures.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

“I’ll give you $1,000,” said a recent email from a Virgo woman, “if you will write a sequence of horoscopes that predict I’ll get the dream job I’m aiming for, which will in turn make me so attractive to the guy I’m pursuing that he will beg to worship me.” My first impulse was to reply, “That’s all you’re willing to pay for a prophecy of two events that will supercharge your happiness and change your life?” But I turned her down. I report on the music of the heavenly spheres, but I don’t write the music myself. Still, I sort of admire this woman’s feisty resolve to manipulate the fates; borrow some of her ferocity in the coming week.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

A solar eclipse happens when the moon passes in front of the sun and blocks much of its light from reaching our eyes. The metaphorical equivalent is when something obstructs our ability to see what nourishes us. Let’s say you’re in the habit of enviously comparing your own situation to that of a person you imagine is better off than you. This may blind you to some of your actual blessings, and diminish your ability to take full advantage of your own talents. You’re in an especially favorable time to detect any way you might be under the spell of an eclipse — and then take dramatic steps to get out from under it.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Some secrets will dribble out. Other secrets will spill forth. Still others may shoot out and explode like fireworks. People’s camouflage may be exposed, hidden agendas could be revealed and not-quite-innocent deceits might be uncovered.

If you maintain a high level of integrity and treat the brouhaha as good entertainment, you’re likely to capitalize on the uproar.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

If you go to a psychotherapist, she may coax you to tell stories about what went wrong in your childhood. Seek a chiropractor’s opinion and he might inform you that most of your problems have to do with your spine. Consult a psychic and chances are she will tell you that you messed up in your past lives and need a karmic cleansing. And if you ask me about what you most need to know, I might slip you some advice about how to access your untapped reserves of beauty and intelligence. Be discerning as you ask for feedback and mirroring. The information you receive will always be skewed.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Kansas has a law that says “When two trains approach each other at a crossing, both shall come to a full stop and neither shall start up again until the other has gone.” A similar situation has cropped up in your life. Two parties are in a stalemate, each waiting for the other to make the first move. At this rate, nothing will ever happen. May I suggest that you take the initiative?

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Should you get down on your knees and beg for love and recognition? Should you give yourself away without seeking much in return? Should you try to please everyone in an attempt to be popular? Should you dilute your truth so as not to cause a ruckus? I hope not. Ask the following question about every possibility that comes before you: “Will this help me to master myself, deepen my commitment to what I want most and gain more freedom?”

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Flamingos have their distinctive orange-pink color because of the carotene in the shrimp and other food they consume. If they change their diet, their feathers turn dull grey. That’s a dramatic example of the adage, “You are what you eat.” Is the cumulative effect of all those things giving you the shape, color and texture you want to have? If not, this would be a good time to adjust your intake.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

“Let’s waltz the rumba,” said jazz musician Fats Waller, suggesting the seemingly impossible mix of two very different types of dancing. In the coming week you will have an unusual aptitude for hybridization. You could do folk dancing and hip-hop moves simultaneously. It will make sense for you to do the cha-cha as you disco and vice versa. You’ll have a knack for bringing the spirit of belly dance into the tango, and for breakdancing while you do the hokey-pokey.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Have you been feeling a warm fuzzy feeling in your money chakra? The cosmos recently authorized you to receive a fresh flow of what we might call financial kundalini. Your insight into money matters should be increasing, as well as your ability to attract the information and influences you need to refine your relationship with prosperity. It may even be the case that higher levels of economic luck are operating in your vicinity. I’m not saying you will strike it rich, but you could definitely strike it richer.

ROBBREZSNY FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM

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SPONSOR THE

Metro Spirit’s Pet Page! lauren@themetrospirit.com

Train Your Dog By Sara Silverman

I promised to write a 500-word submission for The Metro Spirit about animal behavior. Any topic. Out of the millions of possibilities that floated around in my brain all week, the one topic I picked was train your dog. If I thought they’d print it, I’d just write those three words about 200 times. Train your dog, train your dog, train your dog. I have written it five times, but I would bet only one or two readers have changed their minds and decided to train your dog without more justification from me. So here are three good reasons to train your dog. The first reason is that dogs are smart. If you are not training your dog, your dog is training you. Your dog has probably trained you to do all kinds of clever behaviors, most of which serve the dog’s needs or just amuse it. Some folks like to go to the park and people watch. I like to go to the park and watch the dogs training their humans. Many of the dogs I see are trained, so I can tell it’s not an impossible task, but some of the dogs are clearly taking their owners out and training them to do all kinds of funny behaviors. Three games I see dogs play with their owners are “call me 5,000 times before I even look your way,” “walk me all the way to the other side of the park before I will even consider going potty” and the never boring “let’s run away and make owner chase us… weee!!!! Your dog is not deaf, picky or stupid. It just has you trained. Look at your dog right now. Your dog thinks that whatever he was doing caused you to stop reading this paper and pay attention to him. He will now try it several times and if it works he has just trained you. If he was sleeping you are lucky. If he was bringing you a half-chewed $500 shoe, then he just got rewarded for chewing up your Choos. Dogs are very good people trainers. It comes naturally to them. Train your dog or it will train you. It really is that simple and your dog makes you look like a chump. The second reason is that once your dog has you trained and is in control, you are legally on the hook for whatever your dog does. If your dog trains you to take him to the park so he can knock down elderly, frail, power walkers, you get to pay for any damages. Your dog has no assets and doesn’t care that you just became liable for a six-figure settlement. Imagine going before a judge. The judge asks you, “Is your dog trained?” Now imagine telling the judge “No, we never bothered to train him.” Slam goes the

Petey

gavel. Bam goes the judgment. Bye bye goes the kids’ college fund. Not just large, dangerous dogs. Small dogs can get you into expensive trouble too. Your dog bites the groomer who then loses three months income; your dog gets loose and causes some kind person to run into the street and try and save him only to be struck by a passing truck; your dog chases a kid on a bike into dangerous traffic. You have a reasonable duty to have expected when you got a dog that you would know to train it. Reasonable people who do not want to train animals get hamsters or cats. You got a dog. Train it. A third reason to train your dog is for the dog’s own well-being. Lack of training can kill your dog. Most dogs that end up in shelters are there because of behavior problems. Nobody wants your untrained dog but you. The dog will be put down if not rescued by someone willing to train it. If something were to happen to you, your dog should be as adoptable and appealing to a new home as possible. Cute isn’t good enough to keep a newly adopted dog in a new home. The dog must behave and not spend all its time trying to train its new owners. Only one in 12 dogs ever finds a lifetime home. A trained, well-behaved dog is much more likely to have a home or find one. It’s also in your dog’s best interest to be trained so that your dog can go to the vet and receive medical care in an emergency. I have had two dogs that I did not train to accept handling by strangers before they had medical emergencies. One almost bled to death before they could get a sedative into her and the other just had to heal up on his own since he had to visit the vet’s office four times a week before anyone but me could get near him. Train your dog so that one day, when it really matters, your dog obeys you. Vets are trained medical professionals. They are not miracle workers and cannot train your dog for you when they need to be sewing it up or administering needed medications. With your command your dog should let

Lucky

Special Events Augusta Humane Society offers obedience classes twice each year. For more information, call 706-736-0186.

Ongoing Adoption Events PETCO 4209 Washington Road, Evans Saturdays, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Sundays, 1-4 p.m. PetSmart 225 Robert C. Daniel Parkway, Augusta Saturdays, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Tractor Supply 596 Bobby Jones Expressway, next to Sam’s Club Saturdays and Sundays from 1-4 p.m. anyone you want to touch it and handle it. If your dog is not trained you do not have any commands. There, I just gave you three good reasons to train your dog. Less good reasons are that you just look kind of silly having a dog train you, you set a bad example for your children if they see that even your dog can boss you around and that, no, your dog is not a “good judge of character” and you really did just let Mr. or Ms. Right walk out your door because you were too ignorant or lazy to train your dog and now you and your dog can live happily ever after since your dog does own that couch. Train your dog. Sara Silverman has been training dogs and other animals since she was a small child. It comes naturally to her. She also has book learning and at least six letters after her name that says she knows what she is talking about. She lives in Aiken where she spends her time trying to come up with some kind of method that can easily be taught to the masses who it does not come naturally to so they can train their dogs. She is not going to train your dog. She is available for consultations on behavior problems that persist after you have taken the obvious and usual methods to train your dog.

Julie

Sarah

Want to adopt one of these dogs?

Visit Petey, Lucky, Julie, Sarah and many more at Graced Kennels, 1918 Colony Park Road, Augusta. Call Graced at 706-738-7168 or visit gracedkennels.com.

36 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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ON THE BALL

Let the G.A.M.E.S. Begin! Sports Council honor outstanding area athletes and coaches The Augusta Sports Council presents the 21st Annual G.A.M.E.S. Awards banquet on Thursday, May 31, at the Augusta Marriott Convention Center in downtown Augusta. The annual program was created to highlight the outstanding amateur athletes that represent a broad spectrum of sports disciplines in the CSRA. At the banquet, each finalist will be awarded a gold, silver or bronze medal. Additionally, two high school seniors, one male and one female, will be presented with $1,500 college scholarships. Kudos to all of the finalists this year who have excelled in their respective sports, and serve as a beacon of excellence for the entire community to take pride in.

Outstanding Female Athlete Katherine Huff — Lakeside Emily Graves — South Aiken Katie Krupp — Greenbrier

Adaptive Athlete Kinga Kiss-Johnson — Wheelchair Basketball, Shot Put and Archery

Rising Star Cameron Busby — Grovetown Morgan Taylor — Greenbrier

Amateur Star Connor Ardrey — Cycling McKenzie Talbert — Golf

Outstanding Male Athlete Frank Booker — Westside Matt NeSmith — North Augusta Jammie West — Laney

Outstanding Coach Jerry Hunter — Laney Boy’s Basketball

Collegiate Star Kayla Harris — USC Aiken Carlos Solis — Paine College

Outstanding Team Laney Boy’s Basketball

All-Around Female Athlete Jamie Alexander — Augusta Prep Natasha Dicks — Aiken Anna Motes — Augusta Christian All-Around Male Athlete Brendan Douglas — Aquinas Vinny Miller — North Augusta Jabari Odom — Augusta Christian

MATTLANE is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28. Call us today at 706.667.9009

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WHINE

LINE

Damn man if bath salts = gettin’ nekked and chewing faces off, I think I’ll just stick to weed then. Wright McLeod has called Rick Allen a rich white guy. Well might I point out that Wright is a member of the Augusta Country Club, he lives on the hill, his children went to Augusta Prep (Rick’s went to ARC), and he has a daughter at Washington and Lee University in Lexington, VA. I’m just saying.... The rednecks at the Day in the Country festival don’t bother me so much, only the ones who use vulgar language, get drunk and start fights, and spit chewing tobacco on the ground. This is supposed to be a family friendly event. Please leave your crude behavior at home. It’s sad to see DJ’s taking over the Augusta music scene slowly, but surely. We are being assaulted with Dubstep and other lower forms of audio entertainment. Even bars with a reputation for being live music venues are turning to DJ’s. Sad, I tell you. The Metro Spirit was wise to get rid of Jill Peterson. Her articles bordered on libel and her hatchet job on Mayor Copenhaver was unforgivable. You all have assembled a great team of columnists including the incredible Austin Rhodes. You have come a long way since the dark days of Tom Grant and Jill Peterson. Could Peebles possibly put up any more of those ugly signs along Washington Rd? I don’t even know who is running against him for the sacred sheriff job, but I want to vote for his opponent just so this campaign tactic fails. No more tacky signs please. Wathced ‘The View’ on Friday (5/25) with man host Donald Trump. Just when I was able to be ok with his being on the show, I was pissed. Where does he get his huge ego! Is it for sale? Can I buy it? And when the subject of husbands/wives and sex came up, I wanted to scream! This is where my dislike of Elisabeth Hasselbeck scoots in. This woman thinks that when you deny you husband sex b/c you are tired, you should stop and think b/c your husband might look or call elsewhere. Donald Trump agreed - I don’t agree with Elisabeth’s politic’s - that’s her, but being raped by you husband? Considering that we have a bunch of schlemiels on the Augusta commission , no wonder this town is perpetually stuck in stupid. What’s all this talk about a witch running for the Augusta Commission? I knew Augusta politics were a freak show, but this is taking it to a whole other level. It sounds like an episode of HR Puffinstuff.

DECLASSIFIED

I completely agree with the comments about Bonnie Ruben. I voted for her when she ran for mayor 10 years ago and would gladly vote for again.

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

BS Meter Okay, so it’s called the Truth-O-Meter, but politifact.com’s online tool may prove especially helpful to voters looking to cut through the crap, whether it comes from the Democrat or Republican camps. Click the Truth-OMeter tab and, about halfway down the page, viewers will find a list of “facts” politicians, PACs and others have spewed, as well as campaign promises kept or reneged upon. Beside them is the Truth-O-Meter, which registers whether the site’s staff has found these claims and promises to be true, mostly true, half true, mostly false, false or, as in New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s case, “pants on fire.” Click on it and you’ll find a story spelling out where the facts came from and how the site’s staff made their ruling. They do the work, so you don’t have to… especially helpful with the incredible amount of finger-pointing already going on leading up to next November. You might want to bookmark this one.

WERECOMMEND

Yes, Augusta does need someone with her intellect and tenacity on the commission. The good ole boys don’t have a clue what they are doing.

Can someone tell me what is going on at the old Alamo motel on Gordon Highway? The place looks like it has been turned into some kind of compound with tall privacy fences all around it. What’s going on there? It reminds me of some kind of cult compound like the Branch Davidians in Waco, TX. Strange. Do employers not understand, WHO YOU HIRE REPRESENTS YOUR BUSINESS!!! So my question is, why hire someone who does not speak proper English, when communicating with customers is your main task? “Dis”...not a word “Why you was doin’ that”... not a sentence I was so compelled to correct you , but held my tongue. Your attitude was also that of a child. I will be putting a complaint into your manager. Maybe a course in professionalism is all you need. who are the lamebrains in columbia county who invented this crap music series for this summer? theyre promising local bands studio time, etc. Big deal. Will their CD be played in their car radio? Basically, it’s knocked a lot of local talent out of playing summer events in columbia county. I agree with the commissioner who said we should tear down john c calhoun expressway. hint,hint.... those pigs are so annoying. worst advertising ever. please stop. I’m going to grill out and drink beer tonight. That means I’ll be playing with fire and drinking a lot of fluid before bedtime. Uh oh. I hope that doesn’t mean I’m going to be literally a bed wetting liberal. So Dandy Don Grantham will be speaking before the Columbia County Citizens for Good Government on June 12 to try and peddle the steaming, stinking pile of crap called the T-SPLOST. Oh this should be fun! Don won’t know what hit him. Just remember folks, Dandy Don never met a a tax or government spending boondoggle he didn’t like. He was the Augusta commissioner behind the TEE Center after all.

35$ dollars a head? WHAT IS YOUR TARGET MARKET METRO SPIRIT? In the May 3rd edition of the Metro Spirit, the article discussing the 12th District Congressional race had some misleading figures. It said “Wright McLeod is leading the pack in total money raised at $284,000.” It goes on to say Rick Allen $268,000, Lee Anderson $210,000, and Maria Sheffield $114,000. Well, if the writer of the article were to have done some research, he would find those numbers aren’t all that correct. Rick Allen loaned the campaign an additional $100,000. Maria Sheffield loaned the campaign $100,000, but the metro spirit decided to include hers in the total figure ($114,000). So they should say Rick Allen is leading the Pack in total fundraising with $368,000, McLeod $284,000, Anderson $210,000, and Sheffield $114,000. Unless the Spirit is backing Mr. McLeod. The CSRA Humane Society is the ONLY no-kill shelter in Augusta. Which is great, but it also means the animals there could spend their ENTIRE lives literally locked up in a jail cell. If you have the heart to donate your time by volunteering, or welcome an awesome dog or cat into your home, please visit the shelter. These animals aren’t guilty of any crime to be locked behind bars... Oh, and PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, SPAY and NEUTER YOUR PET!!! Or their offspring could be inmates, too. The best time to commit a crime in Columbia County is on Sunday between 10.45-11.15am. That is because deputies are pulling traffic control at various churches. A fine waste of our law enforcement assets.

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Columbia County County Commission District 2

Coroner

(I) Trey Allen

Lee Benedict

County Commission District 3

(I) Vernon Collins

Unopposed

Tax Commissioner

(I) Charles Allen

Jan “Butch” Holley

Countywide Chairperson of the Board of Education (I) Regina Buccafusco

Unopposed

(I) Kay Allen

Unopposed

Board of Education District 1 Carolyn Chase David Deckle

Sheriff

Brian “Books” Slowinski

(I) Clay Whittle

Unopposed

Board of Education District 4

Clerk of Superior Court

Bobby Ray Strickland

(I) Cindy Mason

Unopposed

Deborah Fisher (I) Roxanne Whitaker

Probate Judge (I) Alice Wheatley Padgett

Unopposed

Chief Magistrate Jason Hasty Christopher Hudson

Ballot Questions

Jason Troiano

County-Wide Sunday Sales Shall the Governing authority of Columbia County, Georgia be authorized to permit and regulate package sales by retailers of malt beverages, wine and distilled spirits on Sundays between the hours of 12:30 p.m. and 11:30 p.m.? Yes? No?

City of Harlem Sunday Sales Shall the governing authority of the city of Harlem, Georgia be authorized to permit and regulate package sales by retailers of malt beverages and wine on Sundays between the hours of 12:30 p.m. and 11:30 p.m.?

Augusta Judicial Circuit Superior Court Judge (I) Superior Court Chief Judge Carlisle Overstreet

Juvenile Court Judge Willie Saunders

July 31 — General Primary August 21 — General Primary Runoff November 6 — General Election December 4 — General Election Runoff

Also qualifying: Sheryl Jolly

Carl Brown

Danny Craig

Mike Annis

District Attorney (I) Ashley Wright (R)

Voting Dates

Evita Paschall (D)

Ballot Questions Shall Richmond County’s transportation system and the transportation network in this region and the state be improved by providing for a 1 percent special district transportation sales and use tax for the purpose of transportation projects and programs for a period of ten years? Yes? No?

Let us be the source for your 2012 election coverage, in print & on the web.

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Metro Spirit 05.31.2012