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WHINELINE This whine is directed at District 1 commissioner Bill Fennoy for appointing a witch to the planning and zoning commission. He should have appointed a Christian, not someone who practices the dark arts. I bet Little Big Town gets a better reception this

Augusta go-round. Amazing what a catchy hit will do for a band. So I see a local meddler is back to promoting his “soldier shuttle” to ferry GIs from Fort Gordon to the downtown bars. He says it won’t cost taxpayers a dime, but what he is not telling people is that he is angling to get the lucrative no-bid

contract to operate the service using city busses. The Spirit needs to do a story on this

horrible and the sound was not mixed well at all. Also, it seems like the band could have stood a several more hours of rehearsals. Not one of their better shows for sure.

I usually make a point of attending all of the Ed Turner and Number 9 benefit concerts and so I did so downtown is safe? clean? this past weekend. Holding it what is the dda’s mission at the TEE Center was a big again? mistake! The acoustics were

o r t e m IRIT SP Why is it that everyone who has ever lived in NYC bring up the fact they lived in NYC within three minutes of meeting them? (continued on page 34)

Contributors Greg Baker|Sam Eifling |Kristin Hawkins |Rhonda Jones |Austin Rhodes|Josh Ruffin|Matt Stone|Adam Wadding|Jenny Wright

o r t e m IR P S

INSIDER RUFFIN’ IT AUSTIN RHODES

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Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

CONTENTS

The Power of Water: The canal not only supplies our drinking water, it supplies us the energy to pump it. Far. Nailing Down the Fort: Team discovers Revolutionary fort in rural Wilkes County Musical Salute: Lt. Dan inspires soldiers and vets with generosity and his band Painful Letter: Paine College, former commissioner receive letter demanding $27,500

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

SIDER

Horse Sense It’s official. Downtown Augusta now has a real PR problem on its hands. After years of struggling to overcome the stereotype of “not safe,” it now stands out as “not safe.” In the years the Metro Spirit has been covering downtown, two things have always stood out as problem areas: parking and crime. In the past year streetlights were finally installed, which were intended to brighten the sidewalks and fill in the shadows. But without police walking the streets in any number… ever… it has seemingly reached a tipping point. The TEE Center is designed to bring tourists to the downtown area. Yet as the politicians and local rabble-rousers squabbled over the air rights to the parking deck, the HVAC system, etc., nothing has been done to shore up the safety of the area. The reactionary policing that has gone on over the years around First Friday has done nothing to improve the experience. There are either hardly any cops or it’s a police state. With more small businesses concentrated in the area than just about any other area of Augusta, it appears a no-brainer that the sheriff’s office would concentrate on the area. Yet time and time again, late night thuggery rears its ugly head. The police that do “patrol” after dark do so from the safe confines of their vehicles. There should be a minimum of six officers walking a beat well past midnight when the problems erupt. If there aren’t two or four on the Riverwalk, then the city should place DANGER signs at all the entryways. The sheriff’s administration has changed, but not the shabby treatment of downtown. Sheriff Strength felt the businesspeople should pay for their own security (since First Friday benefited them) and was never challenged by any of our elected officials publicly who should recognize economic development. There is only so much bad publicity an area like downtown Augusta can stand before businesses begin to close. Even with such a low barrier of entry, entrepreneurs will begin to find even the slight investment (comparatively speaking) of opening downtown too risky. While the politicians squabble over fine print, this one falls squarely in the lap of our newly elected sheriff. Maybe it’s time to bring those horses back to Broad Street.

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Letter from the Publisher Saturday, as word spread about the assault on Wesley Spires and Ashley Solesbee, the young couple sitting on the park bench on the Riverwalk Friday night, fathers across the CSRA straightened up their spines a little. Crime happens, sure, but to beat a young innocent girl with a pipe? The couple didn’t produce any money, but the criminals got away with their phones, so why such violence? There was no reason other than psychopathic behavior. We struggle with how to understand the brutality, the mindset, the conscience of someone who could do such a thing. The perpetrators are described as young. Where will they be in 10, 20 years? What sort of mayhem will they bring to Augusta in the ensuing years? One father has stepped up to take these thugs off the street and put them behind bars where they belong by offering a $10,000 reward for the arrest and conviction of the perpetrators. No questions asked. On Tuesday evening, that father contacted me about the reward, and after talking with him, I contacted the Sheriff’s Department informing them that on Wednesday I would be delivering $10,000 to Metro Spirit attorney Philip S. Hibbard PC to be held in trust as the reward for the arrest and conviction of the perpetrators of the crime last Friday night.

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Who Now? All of a sudden, it seems like a different city, doesn’t it? A Riverwalk robbery turned brutally violent. A Broad Street beating on YouTube for everyone to see. It’s times like this, when all the promise we hear about seems in jeopardy, that real leaders sometimes emerge. Not the usual suspects with their usual gripes, but those rare people who can fill the leadership vacuum with a presence and a message. Several months ago, people in Augusta thought that person would be the sheriff. They might have had differing ideas on who the actual person would be, but the city seemed confident that the officeholder who would guide us through the rocky times would be the sheriff. The next few days will be filled with finger pointing and political types trying leverage things to their advantage. Much will be made of Sheriff Roundtree’s juvenile attitude toward the media — even those in the media who don’t sit behind microphones in the afternoon and have columns in local weekly papers — and still more will be made about proportional outrage and proper community reaction. What’s clear, though, is that there’s no sheriff rushing in to fill the leadership vacuum. Maybe it was unrealistic to expect as much. So now who?

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Looking Forward

But don’t forget to look back at some of the people who make Collins’ honesty possible If I’m being completely honest — and I rarely am, so take a picture — I’m ill equipped to write about most of the things I write about. That is, things that matter on a sociological, cultural zeitgeist-sort of scale. And I think it’s mostly because most of the problems I face day in and day out are the sort of problems that most white, 20- to 30-something, low-middle class tax bracket men face: I have a job, but want a better one. I have a little money, and want more of it. I want a yard, a dog. If I had children, I’d want them to do better than I have at… well, at everything. These are the problems — and they are problems, in their proper context — that quasi-plague the decently off. They are, however, problems unified by their common theme of “want,” and while that has something to do with my particular word choice, I don’t think the spirit of the matter is far off at all. To want something implies desire, which, however powerful and all-consuming it may seem at the time, itself implies a fixation on acquiring or attaining something that lies beyond that which comfortably sustains us. To wit: I find myself hesitant — see what I said literally 30 seconds ago — to touch on the whole Jason Collins saga. And at this point, it’s hard to even justify, news cycle-wise, getting indignant or even philosophical about it. He came out over a week ago, and the media has largely moved on. Still, it takes me this long to try and process something to the point that I feel comfortable pontificating on it. Being neither black nor gay nor a professional athlete — or even one who watches a whole lot of professional sports, surprise surprise — my authority is challengeable. But there are three primary narrative threads that have emerged as a result of Collins’ coming out, and they deserve all the print space they can get. 1. “Jason Collins is a virtual non-entity in the NBA.” Statistics-wise, maybe that’s true. Collins has averaged about a point a game for the season so far, and he’s essentially the basketball equivalent of a utility infielder: good enough to help get a job done, but nowhere near good enough to be a marquee name. His tenure with the New Jersey Nets (2001-2008) was by far the longest of his career, as he’s bounced around since to Memphis, Minnesota, Atlanta, Boston and now Washington. As he implied in the now-famous Sports Illustrated editorial, he knows that his primary service is to be expendable, saying that every game he knows he has “six good fouls to give” for his team. But again, context matters: yes, the talent of the NBA’s full roster runs the proverbial gamut, but we’re still talking about the absolute pinnacle of one of the world’s most

popular sports. Collins has been there for going on 15 years, and has made himself valuable enough to stick around. He was drafted in the first round in 2001; he has the oft-scouted ability to increase the differential between his team’s scoring and their opponents, largely through a series of intangibles, and he has a reputation as a team leader. People who want to will always find a way to trivialize something like this. If Lebron James came out tomorrow, Chriss Broussard (more on him next!) would call him out for craving attention. Jason Collins is a 12-year NBA veteran. Let’s not belittle that fact. 2. “Leftist media! WHAAAAAAHHH!” Frankly, I didn’t know or give a damn who Chris Broussard was before last week. ESPN talking heads generally resemble anthropomorphic piles of lint, in that they rarely have much of note to contribute to a narrative, but they’re kind of cool because, hey, it’s a talking pile of lint! In all seriousness, though, ESPN personalities tend to be pretty inoffensive. They seem like cool, genial people, who happened to somehow land both-feet-first into a lucrative job that lets them talk about sports all day. And good on ‘em. So when Broussard said, in the immediate wake of Collins’ announcement, “If you’re openly living in unrepentant sin... I believe that’s walking in open rebellion to God,” it was something of a jolt. Considering the unrelenting fascination that hard-righters have with gay people’s sex lives, I guess it’s no surprise that Broussard chose this moment to be indignant. He never said, “Ray Lewis kinda-sorta murdered someone, and I believe that’s walking in open rebellion to God,” or “Roger Clemens carried on a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old, and I believe that’s walking in open rebellion to God.” Nope, he picked the perfectly legal, perfectly mature and natural thing to lash out at. Ditto for CBS reporter Tim Brando, who tweeted “Simple Being a Christian White male over 50 that’s raised a family means nothing in today’s culture. The sad truth. Period.” Actually, I’m kind of impressed; the imp that flops out of Brando’s chest cavity to flail around and screech whenever it encounters the gay managed to almost type a workable sentence. Good for you, Nazeraathk! Again, this is a narrative that Republicans love to use (I can’t confirm how he identifies, but try and convince me Brando isn’t horrified by the notion of pantsuits): reverse bigotry. Somehow, because of all the social advances minorities — ethnic, economic, sexual, etc. — have made over the last few decades, now older Christian white people are becoming persecuted.

It’s bulls**t, of course; people like Brando are just upset that they aren’t getting anyone’s attention, so they have to make idiotic statements like the one above. For the benefit of those people, however, let me explain why you are not a big deal, and why people like Collins are: gay people are still being persecuted, and overtly so. They are being beaten, jeered, barred from high school proms, and illegally refused service by wedding industry professionals. They are, in effect, still treated like second-class citizens. You know who appreciates you being a Christian white male raising a family, Tim? Your family, if you’re doing it right. And that’s all that should matter to you. 3. “Jason Collins isn’t the first openly gay player in professional sports. There have been publicly lesbian athletes in the professional ranks for years.” I actually get both sides of this one. On the one hand, it’s absolutely true that it’s a little bit different for men. I haven’t played on an organized team since I was 11, but I took weight-training classes in high school, and showered in a giant, dungeon-like communal shower. Believe me, the testosterone is palpable, and as foreboding as a rising mist in “Silent Hill.” And I personally knew many of the guys; I grew up with them, and even the ones who weren’t complete meatheads acted like completely meatheads within the confines of the locker room. It’s a different culture there, a performance space that caters to hypermasculine posturing, and experiencing that kind of inherent or overt atmosphere for more than 20 years had to have been at least difficult, probably demoralizing for Collins, and only accentuates the courage he mustered to come out. On the other hand, I find it tragically ironic that, even in the midst of a huge leap forward for same-sex rights, women are still being somewhat marginalized. For heaven’s sake, tennis star Martina Navratilova has been out as a lesbian since 1981; the WNBA has its share of out players as well. It’s all fine and good that Collins is attracting this much attention; he should, and hopefully this will put some wind in the sails of acceptance throughout the nation. But we should take this opportunity to not just look forward, but also slightly back at the women who pioneered what will hopefully become the norm, rather than the anomaly.

JOSHRUFFIN, a Metro Spirit alum, is a published

journalist and poet who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

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The Sheriff’s Community Needs Policing When Richmond County Sheriff Richard Roundtree closed up his office last Friday night, he left the new Law Enforcement Center with a decent track record. By Monday afternoon, that record was under full siege. That is the problem with a reputation built in four months; it does not take long for it to be torn down. As someone who has watched local politics with a passion for over 40 years, the turn of events that put Roundtree into arguably the single most important position in the metro area were something to behold. There was political intrigue worthy of a Tom Clancy novel, twists and turns in all directions, and long time friendships and alliances were turned on their head. No need to rehash the tale here, it has been less than a year since we all lived it. To his credit, the sheriff brought in a fairly solid team of tried and true personnel, mixed with a few enthusiastic newcomers, and has had some spot success in bringing certain neighborhoods up to standard. Hip, hip hooray. The single biggest “story” of his tenure has no doubt been the decision to bring in the governor’s traffic enforcement task force known as Operation Thunder. If taking drunk drivers off the streets and locking up folks for no current insurance or tags were Olympic sports, he would be a multi-medal winner many times over. But with Thunder has also come many, many complaints. Restaurants blame the dozens of traffic roadblocks and check points for some significant drops in revenue, libertarians suggest the tactic is straight out of the Nazi gamebook and more than just a few meetings and meals have been missed because of long delays while driving out and about. The general consensus is that the iron fist has held its grip about two months too long, and as the arrests pile up,

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there have been more than just a few remarks made about the populations that seem to be paying a disproportionate price. But, hey, tough to feel sorry for the suburbanites; it is too easy to laugh as we see “family trucksters” searched on the side of the road by the po-po. So it is safe to say that many business and social leaders in the area were already on their last nerve when word of Friday’s horrific attack on a young couple at Riverwalk surfaced. While there have been people mugged on Riverwalk before, rarely have we seen such brutal physical damage done to two human beings, particularly when they were doing their best to cooperate with their attackers. It is a medical miracle that Wesley Spires was able to get to the hospital alive at all, and if God willing he does recover, he could bear the scars of his injuries in ways that may end up being worse than death. Our community prays for his complete recovery, and that of his companion, Ashley Solesbee. It says something that there has been such an outpouring of sympathy and concern for the pair, and the families involved tell me they have been touch forever by the sentiment. Curiously absent in all this, is any comment from Sheriff Roundtree. It took his people 17 full hours for any official announcement to come in the case, and even after that, the seriousness of the event seemed not to register as anything but just another news blip. The sheriff scored major points a few weeks ago when he chose to appear at the scene of the tense situation that came when the Laney-Walker neighborhood grocery store was dispossessed, and a gathered crowd was turned away from scavenging its discarded merchandise. He needs to understand his presence is also needed in front of the cameras when the community is demanding answers

and justice in the wake of a brutal street attack on innocents, whose only mistake was sitting on a park bench after dark in Augusta’s best known downtown attraction. His involvement is also personally needed when an episode such as “The Broad Street Beat-Down” surfaces, and creates a national stir on the world-wide interweb. The video-gone-viral features several dozen of our fellow citizens doing their best to stage a real life tribute to the worst kung-fu movie you have ever seen. And the people involved were not exactly your typical Mitt Romney voters. Drunk folks gathered on a sidewalk at 2 a.m. rarely break into a spontaneous prayer meeting, so that kind of thing is widely discouraged by most downtown business owners. Amazingly, though about a half dozen people were shooting the melee with their cell phone cameras, they apparently forgot the number for 911, because no one called it. Or so sheriff’s office officials now claim. The April 28 throwdown did not result in injuries as serious as those suffered by Wesley Spires, but may in coming weeks discourage more affluent visitors coming downtown than Operation Thunder. Again, no Sheriff Roundtree. It is time the big guy realizes that the city needs him far more when lives and property are threatened than when the local five and dime closes down. No one seems to be able to convey that thought to the man; he seems to be clueless. Right now, that badge that the people gave him needs to have a lot more metal, and a little less shine.

AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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ERICJOHNSON

Nailing Down the Fort

Team discovers Revolutionary fort in rural Wilkes County

Archeologist Daniel Elliott says the month-long search for Carr’s Fort, a Revolutionary War fortification in nearby Wilkes County, was like looking for a needle in a haystack, only more difficult. “We knew within 30,000 to 40,000 acres where it was, but it turned out we were looking for something that was smaller than a football field,” Elliott says. Elliott is president of the Lamar Institute, a nonprofit research organization focused on conducting archeological research and public education projects in the Southeastern United States. The search for Carr’s Fort was funded through grants from the National Park Service American Battlefield Protection Program and 8

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the Kettle Creek Battlefield Association. “This particular project was sort of a spinoff of the work we did in 2007, when our organization did a National Park Service study of the Kettle Creek battlefield that was part of a grant from Preserve America, which was, at that time, Laura Bush’s pet project,” Elliott says. The Battle of Kettle Creek, which took place four days after the battle of Carr’s Fort, occurred only three miles away. “In the process of researching Kettle Creek, we realized there were a lot of these little fortified sites all around Wilkes County, but nobody had ever found one archeologically,” Elliott says. “We knew that they existed, but we didn’t know what they looked like in terms of the archeological record, so I picked one that had a battle in it, which is how I was able to get the

grant from the Battlefield Protection Program.” Robert Carr was an officer in the Patriot militia, and his home became a fort for more than 100 soldiers. On February 10, 1779, Carr’s Fort was occupied by approximately 80 Loyalists, who were in the area recruiting subjects loyal to King George for military service. The force was trapped in the fort by the Patriot militia, and the two sides fought for several hours until the Patriots received word of a much larger force of British troops approaching from the Carolinas. The Patriots left the fort and defeated the advancing Loyalist force, numbered at 750, at Kettle Creek, but not before taking the Loyalist’s horses and equipment with them. “The Battle of Carr’s Fort wasn’t exactly a defeat for the British — it was kind of a stalemate — but the battle at Kettle Creek four days later was a decisive victory for the Americans,” Elliott says. “It was one of the few victories in Georgia during the Revolution for the Patriots. We lost almost every battle.” Calling it the largest metal detector survey in the Southeast, Elliott and a fluctuating crew of between four and seven members used nails to help them zero in on the right property. Since they knew the machinery to manufacture nails wasn’t invented until 1779, the group knew that if they found handmade nails, there was a good chance the structure was built sometime before 1800, whereas if they found manufactured nails, they knew it couldn’t be before 1779. “Based on that, we were able to roughly date these farmsteads, and we had surveyed the whole 2,500 acres around where the fort was and found over a dozen early homes, but none of those had bullets,” Elliott says. “Out of that 2,500 acres, we found four musket balls.” When they finally got to the area where the fort was located, at literally the eleventh hour of their search, they found two building areas and almost a dozen bullets, all of which had impacted. “Quite a few of them looked like they’d slammed into solid wooden posts,” he says. “So there was a pretty good fire fight, and that was our expectation — that we’d find quite a few bullets.” In the same area they also found gun parts and a full range of byproducts from the 1700s. “It’s like a Sears and Roebuck Catalog of the 18th century,” he says. “It’s all broken, but we’ve got one of everything.” Elliott says all the artifacts will remain the property of the landowner, but will go to the University of Georgia, where they’ll be stored in a research collection. “I think this was sort of a test case to see if these forts are findable,” he says. “We were very pleased with ourselves that we actually found what we were looking for. We were getting a little worried about having to explain to the Park Service why we wasted their money.” Given the fact that there are more than 30 such forts scattered across the county, Elliott anticipates returning for another search, though before then he’s planning to return to give a public presentation of their current find. “We’re trying to impress upon people that this is an important resource,” he says. “And in spite of all the years of farming and mechanical bulldozing, these things still manage to survive.” 9MAY2013


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Musical Salute

Lt. Dan inspires soldiers and vets with generosity and his band Thunder Over Augusta may have grown larger than its founders ever dreamed it would, even outgrowing its original home in downtown Augusta, but its devotion to the area’s soldiers, veterans and wounded warriors has never changed. “I promise you, when you’re there at that event with the things that go on — it’s probably the best you will have felt in years,” says Donnie Thompson, who along with Andy Jones and the late Dale Phelon founded the event in 2009. “I think it means something to them to know that people really care and they appreciate their service.” Considered to be the largest privately funded military celebration in the nation, the free event takes over Evans Towne Center Park on Saturday, May 18. The attention to service extends into this year’s choice of musical entertainment — the Lt. Dan Band, the group fronted by actor Gary Sinise. Sinise, a longtime supporter of the military, vaulted to stardom after his role as Lt. Dan Taylor, the officer who, in the Academy Award-winning film “Forrest Gump,” overcomes the anger and resentment associated with losing his legs in Vietnam. Though Sinise has gone on to star in several high-

profile movies and a hit TV show, he’s most readily identified by that role, and he’s used that to his advantage by performing several shows every year in support of the nation’s military and veterans. Earlier this year, the Gary Sinise Foundation announced that the Lt. Dan Band would perform benefits in 10 different states to raise money for the construction of a dozen homes for wounded warriors. “He’s very patriotic and one of the few genuine people that, when it’s all said and done, you’ll say, ‘Man, he’s even better than I ever imagined,’” Thompson says. “And that’s kind of the way you’ll walk away from viewing that day with him. He is so good, and it’s not all about him. It’s about other people, and he makes all those people he touches feel important.” Besides that, his band’s pretty good, too. “I don’t know anyone who has seen the Lt. Dan Band that hasn’t enjoyed it,” Thompson says. “They do things from WWII where they harmonize, and it’s exactly the way they did back then. It’s a very enjoyable show that starts you off there and goes through rock and right on up to modern day music.” Thompson says Sinise, who plays electric bass, has a relatively small role in the overall concert, which features several performers from all over the nation. “It’s his band, but he has some of the greatest entertainers working for him,” he says.

Sinise started the band in 2004 in advance of a USO tour, and since then the group has averaged 30-40 shows a year, covering everything from county and Motown classics to the latest from Katy Perry and Beyonce. “He takes no money himself,” Thompson says. “The money is only for his band — everything he does is free of charge.” And Thompson, who personally hosted Sinise a couple of times last year, says he does a lot. “He’ll go out and probably have lunch with these guys,” Thompson says of the wounded warriors who are honored during the Armed Forces Day military tribute. “You know how sometimes you run into important people who don’t want to be bothered with people? Well, with him, he took the time to be with every one of those wounded soldiers, and he stayed until he autographed everything they wanted because he’s so devoted.” Aside from the musical tribute, which Thompson says will last two and a half hours, the day will include skydivers, stunt bikes, lots of military equipment, helicopter flights and a fireworks show guaranteed not to disappoint — all free of charge and designed to honor the military. “I think to see them and thank them and see the flags flying — it just gives you a feeling that we don’t have in this country too often,” Thompson says. “It’s something we’re missing.”

ERICJOHNSON

Painful Letter

Paine College, former commissioner receive letter demanding $27,500 As if Paine College didn’t have enough problems, a New Jersey collection agency is looking to recover $27,525 for leasing services related to copy machines the school leased from Great America Financial Services. On Thursday, May 2, Paine received a final notice of default. “You have had ample time to voluntarily satisfy this obligation,” the letter reads. “As a result of your failure to pay this debt, we are recommending to our client that action be taken against you without delay.” Paine wasn’t the only one to receive such a letter, however. On the same day, a similar letter was received by former Paine CFO and former Augusta Commissioner Joe Bowles, identifying him as the “liable entity, corporate or personal guarantor.” “This came up at least a year and a half or two years ago,” Bowles said. “I got a strange letter in the mail, and it said something about some copiers that weren’t returned.” Bowles said he contacted Vice President of Institutional Advancement Brandon Brown. “I saw him somewhere, and he said, ‘I assure you that we took care of that,’” Bowles said. “So I sent something back to the guy I was dealing with, and he says Paine College won’t even communicate with them. He says, ‘You’re a 10 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

personal guarantor for these,’ and I said, ‘I don’t think so.’” Bowles said the representative from the copier company sent him copies of the leases. One copier from 2001 showed that he signed as a personal guarantor. “I don’t know why,” he said. “I might have just signed the wrong box.” However, he contends that he told the collection agency to send him documentation showing what he owes, and they haven’t. Given recent revelations about Paine’s financial turmoil, the idea that the school might have defaulted on a financial agreement doesn’t seem all that farfetched. Last March, an audit uncovered that school administration had mismanaged financial aid and had submitted incorrect enrollment figures to the federal government. A month later, a memo from former trustee Wayne Kendall alleged that federal money intended for students was diverted to cover payroll and past-due bills, and in June the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools’ Commission of Colleges placed Paine on warning, giving the school a year to turn things around financially. Despite that, in October the school announced plans to field a football team after a 50-year absence. According to Bowles, the optimism expressed by some of the trustees he’s talked to has not trickled down the ranks. “I can tell you from the faculty members that I’ve talked to, they aren’t happy,” he said. “I think GRU and ASU members are a lot happier than the Paine faculty.”

Bowles served as Paine’s CFO for roughly seven years, from 2000 to 2007, and though he admitted his name was on the contracts that the collection agent sent him, he said none showed him as personal guarantor. “I think these guys are just being debt collectors and trying to harass me to pay it,” he said. “But good luck getting that from me for Paine.” Bowles said he emailed Brown when he received the letter last Thursday and has received no response, but judging from the vendors he’s talked to since the school’s financial mismanagement become public, he said he wouldn’t be surprised if Paine hadn’t paid it. “In fact, I’m 99.9 percent sure they didn’t pay this, but all they had to do was return the equipment,” he said. “With a lease, you pay it, use the equipment and you’re done with it.” Though Bowles said he’s not worried about what happens when the seven-day grace period given by the letter expires, he said the whole thing has upset his relationship with the school. “I don’t like being lied to,” he said. “Either they settled this debt or they didn’t. I guess time will tell, but they’re not answering anything from me. It would be nice for the college to at least respond to me and tell me what their side of the story is, but they’re not responding to anybody, though I still get emails asking for contributions for their football team.” Brown did not respond to our request for an interview. 9MAY2013


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SOFT T’S

By Patrick Berry / Edited by Will Shortz Sidewalk cafe sight New releases? Bizarre Grind Bone: Prefix Plows leave them Back again Catch “Law & Order: SVU” actor Historic multistory dwellings Like ghost towns Show polite interest in, say They were big in the ’50s Place for tips Seasoned Seriously annoy Willing to let things slide In the hold, say Gymnast Gaylord “Essays of ___” “Music in the Key of Love” composer Down 75 Forces (upon) 1 Elementary school group? 77 One standing around the house, 2 Pasternak heroine maybe 3 Pitcher Hershiser 78 Mention parenthetically 4 Disco ___ 79 Bygone Chevy van 5 Hound doc 80 Form letters 6 Certain Ivy Leaguer 82 Recipe amount 7 Rise up 83 Saucy fare 8 One-named singing star with the 85 Be in the game surname Adkins 86 Comportment 9 Render imperfect 87 Late finisher 10 Central Swiss canton 88 Many a Bach composition 11 “Gymnopédies” composer 89 Long little doggie 12 Blood of the Greek gods 94 Thomas who wrote “Little Big 13 Trouser fabric Man” 14 ___ Taylor 96 “… see what I mean?” 15 Journey segment 97 Cabinet members? 16 All-too-public spat 98 Some MoMA works 17 First name in aviation 99 Maze answer 18 Painted thing, sometimes 100 Bond villain ___ Stavro Blofeld 19 Lacking meat 104 Cuisine with curry 24 Use a flying shuttle 105 Proceed 30 Common chords 106 Funny Johnson 31 Rush-hour din 108 “Little Birds” author 32 Grandson of Adam and Eve 109 Possible lunch hour 33 Moon larger than Mercury 34 Physiology Nobelist Walter Rudolf 110 Massive memory unit, informally 111 Miss America she’s not ___ 112 Noninvasive med. procedure 35 E equivalent 113 In former days 36 Watery 114 Cowpoke moniker 37 Cooks up 90 91 92 93 94 95

“I’ve got something to say” See 27-Across Pres. advisory grp. Buddy Men in a lineup Unpopular ophthalmologist’s implement? 101 What a fist might represent 102 Wall St. event 103 Sound of frustration 104 It had a hub at J.F.K. 107 Founding member of OPEC 108 What the giggling supporter of the Salem witch trials was told? 115 Defender of the West 116 It keeps things moving 117 Squad leader 118 Make mouseholes, maybe 119 Retiree’s accumulation 120 Arsenic ___ (ratsbane)

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Across 1 Coating on some facial tissues 9 Typical Busby Berkeley film 16 They’re often wasted 20 Drove fast 21 Athena turned her into a spider 22 Riverbank basker, informally 23 What faking a stomachache might entail? 25 At any point 26 “Blueberries for ___” (classic children’s book) 27 With 91-Across, 1976 album with a palindromic title 28 Fluoride, for one 29 Ship that sailed “the ocean blue” 30 Gun belts, holsters and nightstick straps? 38 In advance 41 Contend 42 Loan-insuring org. 43 Architectural designer Maya 44 QB with a statue at Sun Life Stadium 45 Dismounts like an expert gymnast? 50 Uses a keyless entry system? 52 Promise 53 They go places 54 “___ Andy’s Ballyhoo” (“Show Boat” song) 56 Move briskly 57 Engaged in battle 61 Group with a Grand Lodge 62 Bach’s “___, meine Freude” 63 Contraction in a patriotic song 64 Actress Wright of “Mrs. Miniver” 65 Growth ring? 66 Women’s pants with pictures of wood shop tools? 70 Word before pole or jump 71 Sci-fi author ___ del Rey 73 Take to sleep with, say 74 Good at scheming 75 Four-legged newborn 76 Drained of color 77 Time for TV debuts 79 City near Turin 80 Author/media observer Michael 81 They don’t face the street 84 1992 Olympic tennis gold medalist 86 Become a new person by washing up?

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THEY’RE FINE WHERE THEY ARE, HOW ARE YOU? Elliott Sons Funeral Homes ELLIOTTFUNERALHOME.COM

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ERICJOHNSON

The Power of Water

The canal not only supplies our drinking water, it supplies us the energy to pump it. Far.

Pumping Station

Augusta’s most identifiable resource is its canal. First opened in 1846, it allowed for the transportation of the goods that would supply the city’s growing industrial base while at the same time providing the energy needed to power that industry. Now, long after that industry has died off, the canal serves an additional two-part process — providing the majority of the city’s drinking water while simultaneously providing the energy necessary to pump all that water up to the water treatment plant on Highland Avenue, something that saves the city a little over a million dollars a year. Part geographical accident and part engineering brilliance, the canal remains as vital to the city as it was when it was conceived. The geographical part is easy enough to explain. Starting up at the Headgates in Columbia County where the canal begins, the river begins to fall rather rapidly through the shoals, while the canal stays at a lesser slope until, by the time you get to the pumping station, the canal is between 30 and 35 feet higher than the river. It’s that distance that brings us to the engineering brilliance. “That’s energy,” says Utilities Director Tom Wiedmeier of the distance between the two. “When you release the water down through the turbines, that energy is converted to mechanical energy and pumps the water to the water treatment plant on Highland, which is some 330 feet higher.” That’s roughly the size of a 30-story building. Like airflow turns the blades of a windmill, the force 14 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

of the water diverted from the canal down to the river turns the blades of the turbine. So, just as water falling through turbines powered the textile equipment, water falling through turbines propels the city’s drinking water across the distance and up the elevation to Highland Avenue, which represents Augusta’s high point. To a society used to thinking in terms of fuel-powered engines, the idea of falling water providing usable energy might seem kind of antiquated, but before you dismiss it, consider this — the energy it generates is enough to pump an average of 30 million gallons of water up to Highland every day. As impressive as that is, however, there are still any number of things that can disrupt that energy, which is why the city has always had powered backup pumps. After all, a city is only as secure as its drinking water supply. “Prior to 2009, we had only one diesel pump and could probably pump 20 million gallons a day,” Wiedmeier says. “But we couldn’t keep up with our demand — we were extremely vulnerable if something happened to the canal and we didn’t have that power available. We would have been running out of water.” So, in 2009, when the city installed two 60-inch water lines under the canal — an installation that required draining the canal — the city got to try out its two new, 2,500-horsepower diesel backup pumps, which pumped water directly out of the Savannah River while the canal was dry. Operators say the new pumps represent a significant upgrade in power, ensuring the city’s water supply remains safe. “It’s like the difference between a Yugo and a Cadillac,” says Bert Coleman, who has been at the pumping station for 25 years. “They’re the real thing.” The Waterworks Pumping Station, built in 1899, is

now actually a series of buildings that serve as a kind of museum of backup pumping methods, starting with steam in 1899 followed by electrical, which the city quit using in 1977. The diesel pumps can either pump from the canal or from the river, says Associate Director Allen Saxon. They can’t pump quite as much from the river because of the lift difference, but they pump enough to get through an emergency, though they do have one thing going against them. “They’re hideously expensive to operate,” Wiedmeier says. The definition of hideously expensive? $10,000 a day. Per machine. And while they certainly don’t want to spend that kind of money when the mechanical energy can do the same work for free, there have been occasions besides the canal draining when they’ve had to use them, like when a tractor trailer ran off the interstate bridge and crashed into the canal. Not only was the driver killed, but the load of plywood he was hauling came loose, floated downstream and got sucked up into the screens so they couldn’t get the water to fall through the turbines. “Plus, we had a vehicle in the canal,” Saxon says. “You get fuel leaking out of the truck, so we let that get passed us before we start taking up any water.” The pumping station provides about two-thirds of the total water produced by the city. The city also has the Max Hicks water treatment plant on Tobacco Road between the airport and Highway 56, as well as three groundwater treatment plants that use wells. The 60-inch lines were part of a $68 million improvement package meant to satisfy the city’s water needs until the middle of the century, and they actually cut through the Augusta National on their way up the 9MAY2013


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hill to the water treatment facility on Highland. Once the water is deposited into the reservoir at the top of the hill, it gravity flows to the water treatment plant, where they add chemicals for pH adjustment and to help remove solids. Then, the

water goes to a series of settling basins that allow the solid material — mostly organics from the river water — to settle out. From there, it goes through sand and anthracite filters, gets some additional disinfection and then has fluoride and corrosion inhibitors added, which keep the water lines from rusting. Then, the finished water goes into the clear wells, which are across Central Avenue from the Treatment Plant behind the murals, where it flows by gravity all the way downtown, while some is pumped up into elevated storage tanks. The entire process from reservoir to completion only takes between four

to six hours, and, thanks to the quality of the water the city starts off with, the settling tanks almost never have to be cleaned. “We drained them when we did the construction, and they had very little sediment in the bottom,” Saxon says. “We are blessed with some very good quality water to begin with. For the most part, we get good, clear, cold water out of the middle part of the lake up there, so it’s really clean when we get it.” Most people who take water out of a river are kind of captive to whatever happens, which means if it rains they can’t pump water because of the sediment. That rarely happens in Augusta, he says, because of the dam and because most of the mud and silt that gets into the river after heavy rains comes into the river from South Carolina, so it comes in and goes down the river on the other side and stays out of the canal. In water engineering circles, Augusta isn’t just known for its canal, however. “It was one of the first in the country to use sedimentation basins for drinking water,” Saxon says. “It was near 15th Street and Walton Way, behind what used to be the old Sears Building. There, up against the canal there were some settling basins. They’d take it from there and had steam pumps to pump it up to the water tower that was near there. Then, they had wooden pipes that carried it into town.” While the city of Augusta is the main user of the canal, others have a stake in how the canal is operated. Both the Augusta Canal Authority and Standard Textiles, the company which leases King Mill, are operating hydroelectric facilities on the canal. Like the city, they each want a strong flow through the canal, but during times of low water, the multiple demands on the limited flow coming from the dam can pose a challenge. And that’s not including the needs of the river. Basically, the more water devoted

to the canal, the less flow there is in the shoals, which has been a point of contention for over 30 years. With the recent drought conditions, those challenges came to a head. “That’s were [Canal Authority Executive Director Dayton Sherrouse] really stepped up,” Wiedmeier says. “He didn’t have to, but he and Standard Textiles voluntarily curtailed during that time. They lost money during that time.” According to Saxon, changes planned at the pumping station will help reduce the emphasis on the flow rate through increased efficiency. “We’re going to put two more turbines in, and they’re going to be much more efficient than what we have now because the technology is much better now,” he says. “They’ll use less water to pump the same amount of water, so water flow becomes less of an issue.” Though the new turbines won’t go in for a while, the groundwork has already been laid. “While we had that construction project, we went ahead and put our penetration through the canal bank in,” Saxon says. “Now, when we get ready to build the turbines, we’ll start building right there.” Besides being more efficient, these turbines will be fed from water flowing through an open channel. “We’re hoping that the project is going to start this year,” he says. “We just sold some bonds and we’ve got about $40 million. This is probably the biggest project in that bundle.” Not only will the project provide the new, more efficient turbines, but it will possibly provide additional recreational opportunities as well, including an access

area at the river for kayakers, who have had trouble accessing the river in that area. It will also limit access to the Pumping Station. “We try to control canal access because we don’t want just anyone hanging around,” he says. “This is where we’ve got our drinking water. Right now, it’s wide open, but once that stuff is built, it’s not going to be as wide open down here, so we should be able to contain it.” According to Saxon, foresight is the name of the game. “You can’t wait until you need something to decide you’re going to do it in this business, because you don’t do anything very quickly,” he says. “It’ll take us 16 to 18 months go get delivery of these turbines when we order them. If we start the project now, we won’t get them until sometime late next year. Any project is like that. If you decide you need more capacity at your water plant or your waste water plant, you better know way ahead of time, because it’s probably going to take you five or six years to design it, fund it and get it built. If you wait until you need it, you’re way behind.” They’re been there before, he says, and they don’t want to be there again. “Back in 2000, the Utility Department made the decision to do a major upgrade of all our facilities, and we spent about $480 million in 10 years,” he says. “So now we’re at the upside of the curve instead of down on the backside, and our plan is to stay there, because if you get back there, catching up is awful.”

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GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D

Internet Sales Tax

Local senators vote to cripple small businesses When I was growing up, I always dreamed about how I could help change the world. I suspect that’s not uncommon. We all want to make a difference. The politically correct thing was to go find myself while taking care of the poor in some far off country. My brain works differently, however, and I always felt my calling (and I still do) was to use engineering and technology to give people more tools to improve their own lives. As I’ve gotten older, I began to see that most people have good ideas on how to make the world a better place. A significant number of people actively give time and money in some way to help others. And most of the time, this service is done with love and humility. After all, it’s not about rewards. It’s about making the world a better place, one person at the time. Then you look at those in elected office, the pinnacle of public service. It’s like a switch goes off. All of the sudden, the grass-roots charity and serving out of love isn’t good enough. A government bureaucracy must exist. I wouldn’t mind so much except that you and I are stuck paying the bill. So that brings us to Senate bill S.743, commonly referred to as the Marketplace Fairness Act. This bill forces out-of-state retailers to collect state sales tax on all Internet purchases. The argument in support of the bill is that companies that have to collect sales tax are at a competitive disadvantage. Forcing everyone to pay sales tax will make everything fair. First of all, the premise is misleading. Generally speaking, only smaller businesses can benefit as an out-of-state retailer and not collect sales tax. If the business has a significant presence in the state, like most national online retailers, they are obligated to collect sales tax, even if the online division is located somewhere else. What is rarely mentioned is that large retailers enjoy a volume discount that more than compensates for any sales tax collection. Even with the sales tax collection, the volume discounts allow the large retailers to drive the market price. Secondly, only the large retailers have the resources to implement the tax collection. As it stands now, small businesses and individual sellers would be responsible for integrating as many as 46 state government-supplied software packages into their Web ordering systems. They will have to figure out how to comply with rules specified by American Samoa, the Virgin Islands, the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands and nearly 600 recognized Indian tribes. They will be subject to audits by one or all of these taxing entities. And they will be responsible for filing all taxes monthly. Is it any wonder that national online retails such as Amazon, WalMart, Target, Best Buy, Home Depot and Macy’s support this bill? Earlier this week, the Senate passed this attack on small business. How did our representatives vote? — Saxby Chambliss of Georgia voted to cripple small business. — John Hardy Isakson of Georgia voted to cripple small business. — Lindsey Graham of South Carolina voted to cripple small business. Only Tim Scott of South Carolina stood with small business, innovation, love and charity. The bill is now going to the House of Representatives. If you think it makes sense to give big companies more power and raise the price for everyone, stay quiet. Everyone else, write your congressman. Until next time, I’m off the grid @gregory_a_baker. GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits.

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9MAY2013


Coming Soon to Evans! Opening May 2013

4349 Washington Road Across from Mellow Mushroom in front of Kroger

Phyllis Salazar Vice President & OfďŹ ce Manager 706-650-2265 NMLS

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Get dirty at the Art in the Park festival, held at the Columbia County Amphitheater from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. on Saturday, May 11. The event will include performances by several local arts groups and performers, a variety of artists and artisans, a demo tent for adults, activities for kids, food and more. Registration for sidewalk chalk contest begins at 10 a.m. and is $10, but the festival admission is free. Email info@ columbiacountyarts.org or visit columbiacountyarts.org.

ENTERTAIN

Arts

Art in the Park festival will be held at the Columbia County Amphitheater, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Saturday, May 11. Includes performances by several local arts groups and performers, a variety of artists and artisans, a demo tent for adults, activities for kids, food. Registration for sidewalk chalk contest begins at 10 a.m. and is $10. Festival admission free. Email info@ columbiacountyarts.org or visit columbiacountyarts.org.

“Restoration,” an exhibit of work by GRU adjunct instructor Mahera Khaleque, will be on display through May 17 at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. Members, free; non-members, $5. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org.

ME

p.m., Friday and Saturday, May 10-11. Call 803-640-9287 or visit aikenbluegrassfestival.org.

The Godfather of Soul James Brown exhibit is on display at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Pops! Under the Stars concert will be presented by Symphony Orchestra Augusta at the Lady Antebellum Pavilion, Evans Towne Center Park, 7:30 p.m., Saturday, May 11. Free. Call 706-826-4705 or 706-650-5005, or visit soaugusta.org.

Tangled Threads Quilters Guild will give demos on spinning, knitting, weaving and felting at the Augusta Museum of History, 1-4 p.m., Sunday, May 12. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

“Romantic Spirits” exhibit, featuring paintings of the South from the Johnson collection, will be on display through May 26. Call 706-828-3825 or visit themorris.org.

John Hobbs special Mother’s Day concert will be held at 8th Street on the Riverwalk, 8 p.m., Sunday, May 12. Bring seating and a picnic. Ages 13 and older $6. Email info@gardencityjazz.com.

Call for entries for A Sense of Place national juried fine arts competition is announced by the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art, through May 31. Eligible media are as follows: painting, drawing, mixed media, printmaking, photography, ceramics and sculpture. Call 706-722-5495, email crice@ ghia.org or visit ghia.org.

Georgia Regents University Senior Exit Exhibition will be held at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art through May 29. Features the work of BFA candidates Nina Daniels and Sarah Brown. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org.

South Boundary male singing ensemble will perform at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken, 7-8:30 p.m., Monday, May 13. Free. Picnics encouraged; wellbehaved pets permitted on leashes; alcohol prohibited. Call 803-643-4661 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

“Blast From the Past” is on display at Augusta Museum of History to celebrate the museum’s 75th anniversary. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

The Fort Gordon Signal Corps Concert Band will perform at The Verandah at Maude Edenfield Park in North Augusta, as part of the Music in the Park series, presented by the North Augusta Cultural Arts Council, 7 p.m., Thursday, May 16. Free. In case of weather, concerts will be held in the adjacent Community Center. Blankets encouraged. Children’s playground located at the park. Call 803-442-7588 or visit naartscouncil.org.

Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. Corks & Canvas painting classes for adults 21 and over are held every Tuesday and Thursday night beginning at 7 p.m. and lasting 2-3 hours. Painting materials provided. Bring your own wine and clothes to paint in. $30; $25 with military I.D. Pre-registration required. Call 706-868-0990, email pstudiollc@gmail.com or visit pstudio.com.

Exhibitions

Student artwork from North Augusta schools will exhibit through May 17 at the Arts and Heritage Center. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. Marianna Williams Exhibit will be at Sacred Heart Cultural Center, through June 28. Reception will be held 5-7 p.m., Thursday, May 9. Call 706-8264700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. The Drawings of Rebecca Clark will be on exhibit at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art through May 17. Her subject matter is the interconnected nature of the insects, animals and plants of her environment. Members free; non-members $5. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org. 18 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

“Local Legends” is a permanent exhibit highlighting Augusta notables on display at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. “Protect and Serve,” an exhibit highlighting the stories of CSRA law enforcement officers, is on display at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. “Delightful Decanters” is a temporary exhibit on display at the Augusta Museum of History featuring colorful bottles used to sell products as late as the 1970s. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Midday Music will be held by First Presbyterian Church, noon, Thursday, May 16. Free. Reservations required. Call 803-648-2662 or visit aikenpresbyterian.org. The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706-364- 4069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Literary

Tara Scheyer will play on the Moonlight Music Canal Cruise, 7-8:30 p.m., Friday, May 10. $25 per person; passengers may bring aboard snacks and beverages. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 4 or visit augustacanal.com.

Used book sale will be held at the Headquarters Library, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Saturday, May 11. Most books are $1. Proceeds returned to library for new books, programs and equipment. Call 706-469-3356 or visit egcrl. org.

The Cecelia Ensemble will play at Covenant Presbyterian Church as part of the Covenant Concert Series, 7:30 p.m., Friday, May 10. Call 706-7330513.

Creative writing workshop by Susan Boerckel will be given at the Headquarters Library, 1:30-3:30 p.m., Saturday, May 11. Subject will be settings and plot development. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Aiken Bluegrass Festival will take place at The Highfields in Aiken, 5-10

Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday

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beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706- 737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Dance

Ladies Night Dance, sponsored by Augusta Christian Singles, is Saturday, May 11, at the Ballroom Dance Center. The night begins with free dance lessons at 7 p.m., followed by dancing at 8 p.m. For ages 18 and older, this alcohol- and smoke-free casual event features heavy refreshments, desserts, soft drinks and coffee and is $5 for ladies and $10 for men. Call 706-854-8888 or visit christiandances.org. Belly Dance Class is held every Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Euchee Creek and Wallace libraries. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-0594 (Euchee Creek), 706-722- 6275 (Wallace), or visit ecgrl.org. Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:309:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call 706-399-2477. Zumba with Sohailla is held every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706-421-6168 or visit zumbawithsohailla.blogspot.com. Saturday Night Dance with live music is each Saturday night at the Fraternal Order of the Eagles Post 1197 from 8:30 p.m.-12:30 a.m. $5. Call 706-495-3219.

Theater

“The King and I” will be performed by the Augusta Players, 8 p.m., Friday and Saturday, May 10-11; and 3 p.m., Sunday, May 12. $20-$43. Call 706826-4707, email info@augustaplayers.org or visit augustaplayers.org. “The Fox on the Fairway” will be performed by Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre, Friday and Saturday, May 10-11, and Thursday, May 16. $30-$45. Call 706-791-4389 or 706-793-8552. “August: Osage County” by Tracy Letts will be performed at Le Chat Noir, 8 p.m., Friday and Saturday, May 10-11, and Thursday, May 16. $25. Call 706-722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com. Auditions for a production of “Les Miserables” will be held by the Augusta Players at Wesley United Methodist Church, begining 7 p.m., Thursday, May 16. Jean Call 706-826-4707 or visit augustaplayers.org.

Flix

“Becoming Jane” (PG-13) will be shown at the Aiken Library, 6:45-8:45 p.m., Thursday, May 9. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org. “On a Clear Day” will be shown at the Nancy Carson Library in North Augusta, 7-9 p.m., Thursday, May 9. Call 803-279-5757 or visit abbe-lib. org.

11, at the CSRA Humane Society on Wood Street near Lake Olmstead. Walk your pet or a shelter pet. Register 9 a.m. if walking your own dog, or at 10:30 a.m. if walking a shelter dog. Proceeds benefit the CSRA Humane Society. Those who registered for the walk held on March 23 may participate free. Refreshments, live entertainment, games. Visit csrahumanesociety.org. National Train Day and National Railroad Week will be celebrated at the Aiken Visitors Center and Train Museum, Saturday, May 11. There will be guided tours of the museum’s exhibits, music, activities, stories for children. Call 803-293-7846. Community Shred Day will be held at the William Few Recycling Center, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. only, Saturday, May 11. Free. For individuals only: no businesses. Call 706-312-7195. Mead Hall Strawberry Festival will be held at Mead Hall in Aiken, 10 a.m.-3 p.m., Saturday, May 11. Call 803-644-1122 or visit meadhallschool.org. Mother’s Day Brunch will be held at the Augusta Jewish Community Center, 11:30 a.m., Sunday, May 12. Call 706-228-3636 or visit augustajcc.org. Celebrity Waiter Night will be held in Aiken, Monday, May 13. It is the annual fundraiser for Children’s Place. Call 803-641-4144 or visit childrensplaceinc.org. Cotton Ball will be presented by Historic Augusta at 2644 Henry Street, 6:30-9 p.m., Thursday, May 16. Membership starts at $50 per individual and $75 per couple. Call 706-724-0436 or visit historicaugusta.org. May Member Economic Luncheon will be held 11:30 a.m., Thursday, May 16. Chamber members $30; non-members $40; corporate tables $240. Registration required. Volunteers are needed as well. Visit 706-821-1300 or visit augustametrochamber.com. Wine Tasting will be held at Wine World in North Augusta, 5-8 p.m., Thursday, May 16. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com. Watson-Brown Foundation Junior Board needs members. Looking for high-school students to spend one evening a month learning about historic preservation, grants and philanthropy. Call 706-595-7777, email mzupan at hickory-hill.org or visit hickory-hill.org. Evans Towne Farmers Market is held on the grounds of the Columbia County Public Library each Thursday through June from 4:30-7 p.m. All meats, eggs, dairy and produce will be from local and sustainable farms. There will also be cooking demos and education, local artisans with handcrafted goods, live music, local food vendors and weekly events. Visit evanstownefarmersmarket.com. Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are held 4:30-6:30

food, drinks, entertainment and a group run that begins at 8 a.m. Visit theaugustamarket.com. Pet adoptions are held by CSRA Happy Tails Rescue at the Mullins Crossing Petco in Evans from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. each Sunday and from 1-4 p.m. each Saturday and Sunday at the Tractor Supply Company. Visit csrahappytails. com.

Health

Car Seat Class will be offered at the Safe Kids Office, 5:45-8 p.m., Thursday, May 9. $10. Financial assistance is available to Medicaid and Peach Care eligible families. Registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit grhealth.org/safekids. Baby 101 will be offered at Doctors Hospital, 7-9:30 p.m., Thursday, May 9. This class will discuss infant development and offer guidance on care for their new bundle of joy. Topics include normal newborn appearance and behavior, bathing, crying, diapering, swaddling and feeding. Registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Women’s Center Tour at University Hospital will be held 7-9:30 p.m., Thursday, May 9. Free. Registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Mobile Mammography Screenings will be held 8 a.m.-3 p.m. the following dates and locations: Shaw Industry, Thursday, May 9; Internal Medicine Partners, Monday, May 13; Columbia County Government Complex, Evans, Thursday, May 16. Free through Medicare. Appointment required. Call 706774-4149 or toll-free 866-774-4141. Mended Hearts will meet at the USCA Business Conference Center, 10:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m., Friday, May 10. It is a volunteer organization comprised of people with heart disease, spouses and family members of people with heart disease, and medical professionals and other interested individuals. No registration required. Call 803-648-2381 or visit aikenregional.com. ALS Support Lunch and Learn will be held at the Georgia Regents Medical Office Building, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., Friday, May 10. Lunch is provided. Reservations required. Call 706-721-2681 or visit grhealth.org/classes. Babypalooza, an event featuring vendors, giveaways, talks and more for pregnant women and their guests, is Saturday, May 11, from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Doubletree Hotel. Free. Call 706-721-7606 or visit gru.edu. Childbirth Tours will be held at the Georgia Regents Medical Center, 10:30-11:30 a.m., Saturday, May 11. Registration required. Call 706-7219351 or visit grhealth.org/classes. Look Good...Feel Better teaches female cancer patients beauty techniques to help deal with the physical side effects of therapy. Will be held at

Local favorite Tara Scheyer plays the Augusta Canal’s Moonlight Music Cruise from 7-8:30 p.m. on Friday, May 10. The cruise is $25 per person, and passengers are invited to bring aboard snacks and beverages. Reservations are recommended. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 4, or visit augustacanal.com.

“Pride and Prejudice” will be shown at the Aiken Library, 3-5:10 p.m., Saturday, May 11. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org. “Marilyn Hotchkiss’ Ballroom Dancing and Charm School” (PG-13) will be shown at the Nancy Carson Library in North Augusta, 7-9 p.m., Thursday, May 16. Bring your own refreshments. Call 803-279-5757 or visit abbe-lib. org.

Special Events

Decades of Discovery, The American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life 2013, begins with opening ceremonies Friday, May 10, at 7 p.m. at Westside High School. The public is invited to the event, which continues after the opening ceremonies for the next 12 hours. Call 706-731-0152 or visit relayforlife. org/augustaga. Military Spouse Appreciation Celebration will be held for all branches at the Balfour Beatty Community Center, 11 a.m.-2 p.m., Friday, May 10. Part of Military Spouse Appreciation Week, May 6-10. Child care available. Must present valid military I.D. Call 706-791-3579 or visit gordon.army.mil/acs. Wild Gourmet Dinner will be held at Mistletoe State Park all day, Saturday, May 11. It’s a potluck where every dish has to have at least one wild ingredient. So far, rattlesnake sausage and acorn dumplings are among the menu items. $5 parking. Call 706-541-0321 or visit gastateparks.org/ mistletoe. Tea on the Avenue will be presented by the Nancy Carson Library at the Stewart House in North Augusta, Saturday, May 11. First seating is 2-2:45 p.m.; second seating is 3:30-4:15 p.m. Several storybook characters will be in attendance. Adults $8; kids $6. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib. org. Makeover in May Paws in the Park Pet Walk will be held Saturday, May 9MAY2013

p.m. Fridays, and 1-6 p.m. Saturdays. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11. com.

the American Cancer Society office 5-7 p.m., Monday, May 13. Free. Registration required. Call 706-731-9900 or visit universityhealth.org.

Saturday Market at the River is each Saturday through Nov. 23 from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. at the 8th Street Bulkhead downtown and features vendors,

Breast Self-Exam Class will be held at the University Breast Health Center 4 AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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p.m., Monday, May 13. Free. Reservations required. Call 706-774-4141 or 866-774-4141 (toll free) or visit universityhealth.org. Childbirth Preparation class will be held at University Hospital 7-9:30 p.m., Monday, May 13; Tuesday, May 14; and Wednesday, May 15. Free. Registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Total Joint Replacement Educational Talk will be held at Doctors Hospital, 1:30-3:30 p.m., Tuesday, May 14. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctorshospital.net. Spine Education Class will be held at Doctors Hospital, 3:30 p.m., Tuesday, May 14. For patients considering spine surgery. Registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Women and Heart Disease lecture will be presented at the USCA Business Conference Center as part of the Aiken Regional Hospital Lecture Series, 6 p.m., Tuesday, May 14. For women only. Free, light dinner will be served. Call 803-641-5000 or visit aikenregional.com. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Class will be held in the University Hospital Heart & Vascular Institute, 2 p.m., Tuesday, May 14. Free. Registration required. Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org. Weight Loss Surgery Seminar will be held at the Columbia County Library, 7 p.m., Tuesday, May 14. Free. Registration required. Call 706-721-2609 or visit georgiahealth.org/weightloss. Cribs for Kids class will be held at the Safe Kids Greater Augusta office, 9:45 a.m. to noon, Wednesday, May 15. Teaches caregivers how to provide a safe sleep environment by showing what dangers to watch out for. Families who can demonstrate a financial need (Medicare, Peachcare or WICC) will receive a portable crib, fitted sheet, sleep sac and a pacifier. $10 per registered child. Call 706-721-7606 or visit grhealth.org/safekids. Big Brother/Big Sister class will be held at Doctors Hospital, Thursday, May 16. Prepares kids to welcome their new baby sister or brother. Registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Breastfeeding Class for expectant mothers will be held at Babies R Us in Evans 7-9 p.m., Thursday, May 16. Free. Registration required. Call 706774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

20 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Powerful Tools for Caregivers class will be offered at Doctors Hospital, 2-3:30 p.m., Thursdays, through May 23. Provides tools for caregivers to assist and support an elderly or chronically ill loved one. For more information, call 706-651-2490 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Yoga Class is offered by the Kroc Center every Saturday at The Augusta Market downtown, 10-11 a.m. Free. Bring your own mat. Call 706-3645762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Yoga I offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken 8:45-9:45 a.m., Tuesdays and Thursdays; Yoga II is offered 8:45-9:45 a.m., Fridays; Evening Yoga is offered 5:30-6:30 p.m., Mondays and Wednesdays. $41 for 10 tickets. Call 803-642- 7631. Tai Chi for Boomers is held at 6 p.m. every Tuesday and Thursday. Call 706 394-0590, email sbeasley@augustameditation.com or visit augustameditation.com/taichi.html. Stress Management Classes are held at the University Hospital Heart & Vascular Institute at 8:15 a.m., 9:15 a.m. and 1:45 p.m. each Wednesday. Call 706-774- 3278 or visit universityhealth.org. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson’s Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Members, free; nonmembers, $5. Pre-registration required. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is held every Tuesday at 2 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Free. Call 706- 774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org. Cardiopulmonary Rehabilitation program covers topics such as coronary artery disease, heart attack and CHF at the University Hospital Heart and Vascular Institute. Program is held each Wednesday at 8:15 and 9:15 a.m., and 1:45 p.m. Call 706-774-3278 or visit universityhealth.org. Adapted Evaluation, a 30-minute initial and annual evaluation including medical history and water assessment, is offered at the Wilson Family Y. $25. Call 706- 922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Adapted Special Populations classes offered at the Wilson Family Y.

Members $11; non-members $22. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy. org. Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual half-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. Members, $10; nonmembers, $20. Call 706-922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Support

PFLAG of Augusta, a support group for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, will meet at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta 7 p.m., Thursday, May 9. Visit facebook.com/pflagcsra. Breast Cancer Support Group will meet at the GRU Cancer Center, 12:30-2 p.m., Thursday, May 9. Call 706-721-4109 or visit gru.edu/ classes. Living Well With Diabetes Adult Support Group will meet in the University Hospital Cafeteria, 5 p.m., Thursday, May 9. Members learn how to eat healthy while dining out. Call 706-868-3241 or visit universityhealth.org. Cancer Survivor Support Group will meet at Doctors Hospital, Augusta Oncology Associates, 6-7 p.m., Thursday, May 9. This is a support group for people with all different types of cancer and their family members. Call 706-651-2283 or visit doctors-hospital.net. The Chatterbox Club of Augusta, for individuals who have undergone a laryngectomy and their families, will meet at Trinity Hospital, 3 p.m., Sunday, May 12. Call 706-481-7359 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Pink Magnolias breast cancer support group will meet at the University Hospital Breast Health Center in Professional Center 2, 6:30 p.m., Monday, May 13. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org. Men’s Breast Cancer Support Group will meet at the University Hospital Breast Health Center, 7 p.m., Monday, May 13. Provides support for husbands and significant others of breast cancer patients. Call 706-7744141 or visit universityhealth.org. Pink Magnolias Breast Cancer Support Group will meet at the University Hospital Breast Health Center, 6:30 p.m., Monday, May 13. Call 706-7744141 or visit universityhealth.org.

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Alzheimer’s Support Group meets Tuesday, May 14, the following times and locations: 6:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center, 7 p.m. in the Alzheimer’s Association Chapter Building in Augusta and at the Louis Memorial United Methodist Church. Call 706-731-9060 or visit trinityofaugusta.com, or universityhealth.org. LaLeche League, a support group for mothers-to-be, and nursing moms and their babies, will meet at Trinity Hospital, 10 a.m., Tuesday, May 14. Call 706-2310022 or 706-364-1768, or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Alzheimer’s Support Group will meet at the Alzheimer Association Chapter Building, 7 p.m., Tuesday, May 14. Call 706-731-9060 or visit universityhealth.org. OB/GYN Cancer Support Group will meet at 7 p.m., Tuesday, May 14. It is a community support group for cancers such as cervical, endometrial, ovarian, and vulvar. Call 706-821-2944 or visit universityhealth.org. Aiken Cares Alzheimer’s Support Group will meet at the Cumberland Village Library, 11 a.m.-noon, Tuesday, May 14. Intended for family members and caregivers working with individuals diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. No registration required. Call 803-641-5000 or visit aikenregional.com. Diabetes Support Group will meet at the O’Dell Weeks Center in Aiken, 3-4 p.m., Tuesday, May 14. For those with diabetes to discuss experiences and learn how to manage the condition. Registration required. Call 803293-0023 or visit aikenregional.com. Caregiver Support Group will meet at Doctors Hospital, 3-4 p.m., Tuesday, May 14. For anyone who provides care (both professional and non-professional) for another individual. Call 706-651-2283 or visit doctorshospital.net. Blood Cancer/BMT Support Group will meet at the GRU Cancer Center, 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m., Wednesday, May 15. Call 706-7219134 or 721-1634, or visit grhealth.org/classes. Trauma Support Group will be held at the GRU Medical Center, noon-1 p.m., Wednesday, May 15. Former patients as well as family, friends and others affected by a trauma are invited to attend. Call 706-721-4633 or 706-721-3264, or visit grhealth.org/classes. Spine Education and Support Group will be held at the University Hospital Levi Hill III Auditorium 1-2:30 p.m., Wednesday, May 15. Free. Call 706-774-2760 or visit universityhealth.org. Overeaters Anonymous meets at St. Andrews Presbyterian Church, 7:30 p.m., Tuesdays and at Covenant Presbyterian Church, 1:30 p.m., Saturdays. Call 907-854-1509. AA meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional MedicalCenters’ Aurora Pavilion, and includes an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com. Adult Sexual Assault and Rape Support Group provides group counseling at University Hospital for those who have experienced sexual assault, incest, rape or childhood sexual abuse. Call 706-724-5200 or visit universityhealth.org. Alcoholics Anonymous is a support group for those who wish to stop drinking. Call 706-860-8331. Beyond the Bars is a support group for those with incarcerated loved ones. Call 706-855-8636. Alcoholics Anonymous open discussion meeting takes place every Sunday and Wednesday, 7:15 p.m. at Aurora Pavilion in Aiken. Call 806-641-5000 or visit aikenregional.com/hospital-services/behavioral-healthservices. Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 9MAY2013

a.m. at Doctors Hospital’s Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building. All burn survivors, and their families and friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706-651-6660 or visit doctors- hospital.net. Cardiac Support Group meets three times a year. Free. Pre-registration requested. Call 706-774-5864 or visit universityhealth.org. Diabetes Youth Support Group meets quarterly. Call 706-868-3241 or visit universityhealth.org. Families Who Have Lost a Baby Support Group is offered by GRU. Call 706-721- 8299 or visit gru.edu. Gamblers Anonymous is a support group for those who wish to stop gambling. Call 800-313-0170. Living With Diabetes, a program designed to teach skills needed to manage diabetes, is offered at Trinity Hospital. Physician referral required. Call 706-4817535 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Lupus Support Group meets at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-394-6484 or 706-821-2600, or visit ecgrl.org. Narcotics Anonymous meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Visit na.org. Natural Family Planning support group meets locally. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Overeaters Support Group meets locally. Call 706-7850006 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Parents of Hearing-Impaired Children meets locally. Call 706-481-7396 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Reach for Recovery is presented locally by the American Cancer Society. Call 706-731-9900 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Recovery Support Group meets 7:30 p.m. Sundays and Fridays. Call 706-855- 2419.

Education

Intermediate Word Processing, a three-session class, meets Thursdays, May 9-23, from 10 a.m.-noon at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Walking Tour of Historic Augusta, led by Historic Augusta Executive Director Erik Montgomery, is Saturday, May 11, at 10:30 a.m. Participants should meet in the Headquarters Branch Library’s Georgia Heritage Room. Pre-registration required. Call 706826-1511 or visit ecgrl.org. Open House Drop-In is Tuesday, May 14, from 9-11 a.m. at Westminster Schools of Augusta. The event is for families of students in pre-kindergarten-eighth grade and includes meeting teachers, a tour of the campus and an explanation of the curriculum. Call 706-731-5260, ext. 2220, or visit wsa.net. Intro to Powerpoint I Class is Tuesday, May 14, from 10-11:30 a.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl. org. “The Past Never Changes, But History Does,” a program sponsored by the Augusta Richmond County Historical Society, is Tuesday, May 14, at 6 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art’s theater. Dr. Stan Deaton, senior historian at the Georgia Historical Society and host of Today in Georgia History on GPB, will be the speaker, and a reception will follow the lecture. Free and open to the public. Call 706-737-1532 or visit thearchs.org. Advanced Sign Language Classes will be held at University Hospital, 7-8:30 p.m., Thursdays, through May 30. $40 per person, per class; $40 for textbook. Call 706-774-8559 or visit universityhealth.org. AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Intermediate Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 2:30-4 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Beginner’s Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 4-5 p.m. at Friedman Library. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Free Tutoring for all ages, offered by GRU’s Literacy Center, is available by appointment Monday-Thursday, from 4-8 p.m., at the center at 1401 Magnolia Drive. Appointments required. Call 706-737-1625 or visit gru.edu.

Soul City Sirens Roller Derby team recruitment will be held at Redwing Rollerway, 7 p.m., Monday, May 13. Men are welcome as potential referees and volunteers. Free. Email training@soulcitysirens.com or visit soulcitysirens.com.

Hott Shott Disc Golf is held each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf in downtown Augusta, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-814-7514 or visit killerbdiscgolf.blogspot.com/p/ hott-shott.

Aiken City Cup corporate fitness challenge will be held at the H. Odell Weeks Center, 6-9 p.m., Tuesday through Thursday, May 14-16. Email jcampbell@ cityofaikensc.gov or call 803-642-7648.

Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net.

GED Classes are held Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5:30-8:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Cornhole League preseason party will be held at Mi Rancho Mexican Restaurant in downtown Augusta, 7 p.m., Thursday, May 16. All players must attend and pay at the preseason party. No late entries accepted. $50 per player due up front; remaining $50 due prior to Week 5. Season starts 7 p.m., Tuesday, May 21. Call 803-270-6123 or visit facebook.com/ cornholecarolina.

English as a Second Language (ESL) classes are offered every Tuesday from 6- 7:30 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Triple 8 Group Run meets at 8th and Reynolds, 8 a.m., every Saturday through Oct. 26. Choose your distance: 3, 6 or 8 miles. Open to everyone. Visit theaugustamarket.com.

Fort Gordon Toastmasters meets 11:30 a.m. each Wednesday in the Organizational Conference Room (Fish Bowl) on Fort Gordon Army base. Open to public. Visit fortgordon.toastmastersclubs.org.

Adult swim lessons are offered at the Family Y of Downtown Augusta for ages 13 and up. Days and times vary by branch. Members $55 per month; non-members $85 per month. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Adult Hebrew Class is taught at Congregation Children of Israel at 10:30 a.m. every Thursday. Email office@cciaugusta.org or visit cciaugusta.org.

Olympic-style Tae Kwon Do, taught by Master Michael L. Weintraub, is each Tuesday and Friday at 5:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.com.

Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

Tae Kwon Do is offered at the Wilson Family Y, Family Y of Augusta South and Family Y of North Augusta. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Guided tours of 1797 Ezekiel Harris House offered by appointment only Tuesday-Friday, and Saturday 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Last tours of the day begin at 4 p.m. Adults, $2; children, $1. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Kickball League registration is available for a new adult co-ed league at Riverview Park. Call 941-716-3163 or visit augustakickball.com.

Historic Trolley Tour of Augusta aboard the Lady Libby boards at the Augusta Museum of History at 1:30 p.m., Saturdays. See historic sites and hear spooky legends, including the legend of the famous Haunted Pillar. $12, including admission to the museum. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustaga.org. Tours of the Boyhood Home of President Woodrow Wilson are held regularly. Adults $5; seniors $4; kids K-12 $3; under 5 years free. Reservations required for groups of 10 or more. Call 706-722-9828.

Sports-Outdoors

SCRA Golf Scramble golf tournament will be held at Gordon Lakes Golf Club, 12:30 p.m., Saturday, May 11. Check-in starts 9 a.m.. Registration required. Email mark.f.papenfuss.mil@mail.mil or visit tournaments.com/ scra. Chamber Golf Classic will be held at Gordon Lakes, Fort Gordon, Monday, May 13. Registration and practice, 9:30 a.m.; shotgun start, 11 a.m.; awards and reception, 4 p.m. Email butch.holley@augustametrochamber. com or call 706-821-1318. Augusta GreenJackets will play at the Lake Olmstead Stadium, 2-7 p.m., May 13-16. Call 706-736-7889.

22 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email alsalley@wrh.org. Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Library meets every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Call 706- 556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Weekly Group Runs include the Monday Metro Run meeting at Metro Coffeehouse at 6 p.m.; Monday Intervals meeting at the Family Y track on Wheeler Road at 7 p.m.; the Tuesday Nacho Mama’s Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday’s Blanchard Woods Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday Stay in Shape Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday’s Post Office Hill Training Run at 7 p.m.; Thursday’s Homer Hustle at 6 p.m.; and Saturday’s Stay in Shape Run at 8 a.m. Visit augustastriders.com. The Augusta Furies Women’s Rugby Football Club practices 6-8 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays at Julian Smith Casino for players 18 and up. Email augusta.furies@gmail.com or visit augustafuries.org. The Augusta Rugby Club holds weekly practice sessions at 6:30 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Larry Bray Memorial Pitch in Augusta. Experienced players and newbies ages 18 and up are welcome. Bring a pair of cleats or cross trainers, a mouthguard, gym shorts and a T-shirt. Visit augustarugby.org or Facebook under the Augusta Rugby Club heading.

Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. Entry fee, $5; ace pool, $1. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com. Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, firstserved basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com. Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com. Adapted Aquatics for Special Populations offered at the Wilson Family Y by appointment. Members, $11 per session; non-members, $22 per session. Discount for additional siblings. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722- 8878. BlazeSports Swim Team, for all ages of physically challenged swimmers who want to train for competition, meets at the Wilson Family Y. Members, $35 a month; non-members, $50 a month. Pre-registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Civil War 150th Canal Tour, “Food, Fabric and Firepower,” is offered by the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center at 1:30 p.m. daily through 2013. Call 706-823- 0440 or visit augustacanal.com.

Kids-Teens

Nature Clubs: Spring Sessions are offered at Reed Creek Park. Session for homeschoolers 9-11 years old, 1-2:30, Thursday, May 9. After school grades K-2, 4:30-6:30 p.m., Thursday, May 9. Indoor and outdoor activities. $25 per child. Registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Lego Club for grades K-5 will meet at Aiken Library, 4-5 p.m., Thursday, May 9. Legos will be supplied. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org.

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Nature Clubs: Spring Sessions are offered at Reed Creek Park. After school grades 3-5, 4:30-6 p.m., Friday, May 10. Indoor and outdoor activities. $25 per child. Registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. YA Author Talk with Jackie Cummings Koski, author of “Money Letters 2 My Daughter, is Monday, May 13, at 7:30 p.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Snacks will be provided at this event, which is best suited to those ages 11-17. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Ventriloquist Tawanna Kelly visits the Wallace Branch Library Wednesday, May 15, at 10 a.m. Call 706-7226275 or visit ecgrl.org. French Language Class for grades 1-5 will be held at the Aiken Library, 4 p.m., Wednesday, May 15. Registration required. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org. Flower Mobile Craft Time, for ages 2 and up, is Thursday, May 16, at 11 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Youth Leadership Graduation Celebration is Thursday, May 16, from 2-9:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Big Brother/Big Sister, a class for soon-to-be older sibling that will help them care for a new baby, is Thursday, May 16, from 6-7:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706651-BABY or visit doctors-hospital.net. DuPont Planetarium shows for Saturdays in May are “In My Backyard� at 8 p.m. and “More Than Meets the Eye� at 9 p.m. Weather permitting, the observatory, housing the Bechtel Telescope, will be available for viewing after each show. General admission $4.50; seniors $3.50; 4K-12 $2.50; valid college or military I.D. gets you a 50-percent discount; USCA faculty, staff and students $1. Kids under 4 not permitted in public viewings. Reservations encouraged. Call 803-6413654. Drop and Shop is offered at the North Augusta Family Y, 9 a.m.-noon, Monday through Friday. Bring kids 8 weeks to 12 years old while you have a morning to shop. Free. Visit thefamilyy.org. Georgia Connections Academy, a free virtual public charter school has spots for 1,000 K-12 students in Georgia. Call 800-382-6010 or visit connectionsacademy.com/georgia-school/enrollment/ home.aspx. Georgia Regents Health System is taking applications for the summer Volunteen Program. High school students between 15 and 18 years of age are eligible to apply for this six-week program that provides an educational, hands-on volunteer experience in the academic health center environment. Call 706-7213596 or visit grhealth.org/volunteer. Tae Kwon Do is offered for all skill levels age 5 and up at the Family Y of Aiken County, North Augusta, Augusta South and the Wilson Family Y. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Creative Arts offered at the Family Y of North Augusta for ages 5-12 years. Members, $35 per month; nonmembers, $55 per month. Visit thefamilyy.org. Toddler Time, playtime for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. $2 per visit; $16 per 10-visit pass. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc. gov. 9MAY2013

Mother’s Morning Out is offered at the Family Y of North Augusta for ages 2-4 years, 9 a.m.-noon, either Monday and Wednesday or Tuesday and Thursday. Mothers enjoy a relaxing morning twice a week while kids learn. Members, $70 a month; non-members, $90 a month. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Drop and Shop is offered Monday-Friday at The Family Y of Augusta South for kids age 8 weeks-4 years, 8:30 a.m.-noon. Members, $5 a child per day; nonmembers, $7 a child per day. Also offered at North Augusta branch, 9 a.m.-noon. Members, $9 a day; non-members, $15 a day. Visit thefamilyy.org. Little Friends Gym, a parent and child class for those ages 6 months-4 years, is held each Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov. Story Time is held at the Columbia County Library at 10:15 and 11 a.m. Tuesdays, for kids under 2 years old; at 10:15 a.m. Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays for 2-year-olds; at 11 a.m., Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays for preschoolers; and at 4 p.m. Wednesdays for all ages. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Loud Crowd, a supervised after-school program for those ages 4-12, is Monday- Friday from 3-6 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-8602833 or visit augustaga.gov. Homeschool PE Time, for elementary school aged kids, meets Monday-Friday, from 9-11 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Members free. Call 706-364-5762 for nonmember prices. Visit krocaugusta.org. Mother’s Morning Out is every Tuesday and Thursday, 9 a.m.-1 p.m., at the Wilson Family Y for children ages 3-4. The schedule follows the Richmond County school calendar. $90 per month for members; $110 per month for non- members. Register at any Family Y or visit thefamilyy.org.

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Story Time is held at the Diamond Lakes Branch library 10 a.m. each Tuesday. Registration required for groups of six or more. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Tai Chi Panda, a Chinese martial arts program for kids ages 5-13, meets Tuesdays and Thursdays. Ages 5-7 meet at 4 p.m.; ages 8-10 meet at 5 p.m.; ages 11-13 meet at 6 p.m. Call 706-394-0590 or visit augustameditation.com/ taichi.html. Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is held every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706- 556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. Kroc Trotters Running Group, for those ages 16 and older, meets at 6:30 p.m. each Tuesday and Thursday at the Kroc Center to run the trails of the Augusta Canal. $15. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta. org. Story Time is held every Wednesday from 10-11:15 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is held each Wednesday at 10 a.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Pre-registration required for groups. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com. AUGUSTAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Story Time is held each Wednesday at the Appleby Branch Library from 10:05- 10:20 a.m. for toddlers age 18-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschool kids age 3 and up. An adult must remain with the child. Call 706-736- 6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Wednesday at 10:15 a.m. for pre-K, and either 11 or 11:30 a.m. for preschoolers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org. Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:30-11 a.m. for toddlers and 11:15-11:45 a.m. for preschoolers at North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-279-5767 or abbe-lib.org. Story Time at the Euchee Creek Branch Library, for all ages, is held each Wednesday at 10:30 a.m. and each Tuesday at 4:30 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl. org. Study Hall for teens meets Wednesdays from 3-5 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org/teens. Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803613-0484. Mudpuppies, an arts and crafts program for ages 2-5, is held each Thursday at 10:45 a.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov. The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5- 8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-854- 0149 or visit augustasoccer.com. Fairy Tale Ballet is held at the Family Y of Aiken County. Offered once a week for one month for a total of four classes. Members, $25 a month; non-members, $35 a month. Visit thefamilyy.org. Boy and Girl Scout troops are hosted by Augusta Jewish Community Center. For Boy Scouts, visit troop119bsa.com or email geoffstew@gmail.com. For Girl Scouts, email sbehrend@bellsouth.net. For Daisy/ Brownie Troop, email bdmrev@yahoo.com. Creek Freaks, a Georgia Adopt-a-Stream team of middle- and high-school students, meets regularly at Phinizy Swamp Nature Park to monitor the health of Butler Creek. Call 706-796-7707 or visit naturalscienceacademy.org.

Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. $31 for 10 tickets; free for SilverSneakers Swipe Card members. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Yoga I and II are offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:306:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Silver Sneakers, a senior exercise class, meets each Wednesday and Friday from 1:30-2:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Free. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta. org. Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday 9-10 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays from 11:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. and on Fridays from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Tai Chi for Seniors is held 11 a.m.-noon every Thursday at Augusta Jewish Community Center. Call 706-394-0590 visit augustameditation.com/taichi. html. Dancin’ with the Young at Heart, an event geared toward those ages 50 and older although anyone is welcome, is each Friday at 7:30 p.m. at the Aiken DAV. In addition to dancing to Yesterday’s Sounds, there will also be prize drawings, snacks and drinks. $6. Call 803-292-3680.

Hobbies

Bingo is held every Sunday at 1:30 p.m. and every Monday and Thursday at 7 p.m. at the Fraternal Order of the Eagles Post 1197 on Scott Road. Free. Call 706-495-3219. Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364- 5762 or visit krocaugusta. org. Simple Cooking Class meets each Monday from 6:308:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. The Garden City Chorus, the area’s leading men’s singing group and a member of the Barbershop Harmony Society, is seeking new members. Those interested are welcome to attend Tuesday night rehearsals, held at 7 p.m. at North Augusta Church of Christ on W. Martintown Road. Visit gardencitychorus. org.

Gesher, a teen program for post b’nai mitzvah youngsters (7th-12th grade), meets every other Sunday at Adas Yeshurun Synagogue. Call 706-7339491.

Bingo is held every Saturday at 1 p.m. at American Legion Post 205 on Highland Avenue. Call 706-4953219.

Seniors

DECLASSIFIED

Fun-Time Fridays, for ages 2-5, is held each Friday at 10:45-11:30 a.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov.

members. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Silversneakers strength and range of movement class is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Computer Classes for Seniors are taught at The Kroc Center Mondays and Thursdays. Registration required. Visit krocaugusta.org. Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m. $27 for 10 tickets; free for SilverSneakers 24 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Spiritual

Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com.

Night of Worship will take place at Mosaic UMC in Evans, 7 p.m., Thursday, May 16. Ninety-minute spiritual activity. Visit mosaicumc.org. Sunday activities at the Kroc Center include an adult Bible class at 9:30 a.m., youth Sunday school at 9:45 a.m., and a worship service at 11 a.m. Free. Call 706364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Volunteer

Hospice volunteers needed at Alliance Hospice to provide comfort, companionship and emotional support to patients and families, as well as assisting with chores and clerical duties and using other talents to benefit patients. Training provided. Call 706-4472461, email mwhite@alliancehospice.com or visit alliancehospice.com. Aiken Regional Medical Centers is looking for volunteers. Call 803-641-5021 or visit aikenregional. com. The Georgia Regents University Cancer Center is looking for volunteers, especially those who are cancer survivors or caregivers. Adult program for those 18 and older; after-school program open to high-school juniors and seniors who are 17. Applications available at the Children’s Hospital of Georgia. Visit gru.edu/ volunteer or call 706-721-3596. The Greater Augusta Arts Council offers volunteer opportunities for those interested in volunteering for events like Arts in the Heart, First Friday and special concerts, as well as helping in the GAAC office. Call 706-826-4702 or visit augustaarts.com. Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs administrative and patient care volunteers. No experience necessary; training will be provided. Call Rich Boland at 706-447-2626 or email rboland@ msa-corp.com. MACH Academy is looking for volunteers to provide tutoring, academic support and mentoring services during fall after-school sessions held MondayThursday from 3:30-6 p.m. Call 706-796-5046, email mparks37@comcast.net or visit machacademy.com. Miracle League Baseball, held by the Family Y, is looking for volunteers. Call 706-922-9597 or visit thefamilyy.org. Rape Crisis and Sexual Assault Services is seeking volunteer advocates for Richmond, Burke, Jefferson and McDuffie counties. Advocates answer crisis calls and respond to hospitals in their area within 30 minutes. Call 706-774-2746 or email volunteerrcsas@ uh.org.

United Hospice of Aiken, which covers Aiken, Edgefield, McCormick, Barnwell and Allendale counties, needs volunteers to visit with patients or work in the office. Training is provided. Call 803-641-0060 or email kathibault@uhs- pruitt.com.

Elsewhere

Buckhead Spring Arts and Crafts Festival will be held in Atlanta, 10 a.m.-8 p.m., Saturday, May 11. Open to all ages. Free. Call 404-873-1222 or visit affps.com. Confederate Memorial will be held at the 137th Rivers Bridge Confederate Memorial State Park in Ehrhardt, S.C., 10 a.m.-12:15 p.m., Friday, May 10. Email hmileysc@yahoo.com, or call 803-245-9326 or 803-308-5528. The Georgia Renaissance Festival is held in Fairburn, Ga., just outside Atlanta, 10:30 a.m.-6 p.m., Saturdays and Sundays, plus Memorial Day, through June 2. General admission $16.95, seniors 60 and over $15.95, kids 6-12 $6.95. Medieval and fantasy costuming, folk and filk music, food, beer, shows, lots of stuff for kids of all ages. There even be pirates and dragons! Call 770-964-8575 or visit garenfest.com. Karate is offered at The Family Y of Thomson 130 Center and Family Y of North Jefferson for all skill levels. Members, $43 a month; non-members, $63 a month. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Story time is held at the Warren County Library in Warrenton at 10:30 a.m. Wednesdays. Call 706-4652656. Thursday Nights at the High, a special event at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, offers half-price tickets from 4-8 p.m. each Thursday. A guided tour is offered at 6:30 p.m. Call 404-733-4200 or visit high.org. Story time and craft is held at the Burke County Library in Waynesboro at 10:30 a.m. Fridays for preschoolers. Call 706-554-3277 or visit ecgrl.org. Story time is held at the Midville Branch Library in Midville at 4:30 p.m. Fridays. Call 478-589-7825 or visit ecgrl.org. Gymnastics Lessons offered at the Family Y of Thomson 130 Center for a combination of age and ability levels. Members, $43 per month; non-members, $63 per month. Visit thefamilyy.org.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

Reed Creek Park offers opportunities to volunteers interested in collecting important data each month on the health of a local stream for the state of Georgia.

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Don’t Give Up

Downtown is still a place worth visiting Wow. You people know how to freak out, that’s for sure. Because of the above statement, here’s the disclaimer. What happened to the victims of last Friday night’s beating was atrocious. I’m truly sorry for their pain, suffering and the fear that will linger for the rest of their lives. Also, pertaining to the disgusting brawl that occurred downtown on Friday, April 27, gunfire in what is assumed to be a safe place is scary as hell. Besides, no one in the video I saw seemed to be worried about police or anyone else catching them acting afool. These things shouldn’t happen. They need fixing. That being said, let’s not give up. Listen. Augusta has its problems. All cities do. Remember a couple years back when First Friday was so sketchy it all but stopped? Large bar front windows were broken, fights erupted in the streets, and cars slowly drove up and down Broad Street, their propped open trunks full of beer and liquor. It felt like small-town anarchy. You know what? It got better. A couple of weekends ago, there was so much going on in the Augusta area it was hard to choose where to go. Everyone had an event planned. A TV station had a family festival on The Common. The Westobou Festival hosted The Blue Porch Revival at the Old Richmond Academy, which included a vodka tasting, a blues band and food from Kitchen 1451. The Spirit had The Chicken River Bluegrass Festival at the canal headgates. Goodwill’s Dragon Boats paddled Lake Olmstead. Artists young and old worked on collaborative art at Social Canvas at the Morris. Sacred Heart had its Annual Garden Festival. Every weekend during the spring and summer, Augusta offers a local Saturday Market, boasting produce from local farms, baked goods and crafts. They even have a yoga class. On Sunday, Augusta’s Roller Derby team, the Soul City Sirens battled (and beat!) The Rome (GA) Rollergirls. I’m sure I’m missing dozens of things. Don’t tell me there isn’t anything to do here. “Well that was last weekend, Jenny,” you say matter-of factly. “It’s not like that every weekend.” Okay. This weekend, you’ve got Fort Gordon’s Marine Mud Challenge, The Augusta Canal’s Moonlight Music Cruise, Friends of the Library Book Sale, Augusta Players’ “The King & I,” the Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre and much more. No, not all of these events are downtown. They’re all related, though. We all live in Augusta. How many of you living in Co County tell people you live in Martinez? I’m not the bettin’ kind, but I’ll put money on the fact that most of you say “Augusta.” Now, now. I’m not asking you to move downtown. I’m not asking you to come during a time you feel unsafe. Just as you wouldn’t ask me to move to the suburbs against my will (and it would be), I’m not going to make you go anywhere you’d rather not. I’m asking this: don’t give up. Believe it or not, some people still believe in downtown. We like it. We walk around on sunny days when Augusta hosts the Ironman, Arts in the Heart, Westobou or the bike races, and we’re proud. There is an energy in Augusta right now, and it’s palpable. It really, really, and pardon my francais, sucks when uneducated-up-to-no-good idiots try to ruin it for the rest of us. If you think living in Columbia County or South Augusta or North Augusta or Aiken precludes you from responsibility, please reconsider. Just as I enjoy a festival at the Evans Towne Center Park, playing tennis at Riverview Park in NA, eating at Sconyers restaurant or going to Phinizy Swamp, y’all have enjoyed events in my county. Regarding the violence, if you’re one to say “see, that’s why I will never go downtown Augusta,” please stay quiet. We’d love to have you, but just because it’s not for you, please don’t badmouth. But remember: please don’t ever say there isn’t anything to do in this town. We’ve offered. It’s not all going to change overnight. The commissioners must work together, with the mayor, to make it better. The sheriff must adjust to his job and find a balance. I don’t know about you, but I don’t plan on giving up. I’m not from here, but I live here now. I don’t walk away easily. Lately, when I go downtown for lunch or dinner with friends, finding a parking place takes a few minutes. Parking has always been an issue, and I’m sure those who work downtown find it to be a royal pain, but at least it means people are down there. If the restaurants causing the spaces to fill left downtown, I’m sure someone would complain about that, too. “We don’t have anywhere to eat, so we need a longer lunch break.” We’re never going to make everyone happy. Things will happen. Visit any city in this country and tell me you’ll be safe everywhere. I’m waiting. Oh, you can’t. That’s right. Do me this favor. If you’re not willing or able to help, please wait it out. Be quiet while you wait. Bad mouthing something you aren’t going to be a part of anyway is a waste of your energy. Make fun of me if you will, but I’m not willing to give up yet. Worry about the victims. They need your prayers. Rather than complaining, figure out how you can make improvements. Don’t let the bad guys win.

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

26 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Glitz and Gore

VALERIEEMERICK

Misfits’ Cabaret Diabolique ain’t Disney

Augusta’s non-traditional performance troupe, The Misfit Theatre Group, has evolved beyond “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” and lip-syncing. This year alone they have dedicated themselves to presenting more live shows, including tribute shows to Rob Zombie and Quentin Tarantino. This weekend they will present “Cabaret Diabolique,” with an original script by Jezibell Anat and Joseph Zuchowski. “It’s a script I wrote that with my husband, Joseph Zuchowski,” Anat said. “It’s a musical. The music is not original, but we have everything choreographed — we have dance numbers — it’s live singing, so it’s a great presentation and it does carry forward the story.” She got the idea, she said, after going to see the movie “Burlesque.” “We wanted to do something that was glitzy and sexy,” Anat said, “But also that had characters appropriate for Robert (Seawell) and I to play. We just started developing it and created different characters.” The story is about a Las Vegas brother and sister cabaret duo, Charles and Yvette Mansfield (played by Robert Seawell and Anat). The finale in the Mansfields’ act includes an onstage murder, which creates a lot of suspicion from the audience, including two detectives, played by Eric Poe and Ozzy De Los Lobos, and as the story unfolds, through the detectives we find out a lot about the private lives of the other characters, Anat said. “There’s a lot of mystery, there’s some horror, and a lot of very glitzy production numbers, some magic scenes, some dance numbers,” Anat explained. “We’re very, very proud of the overall show, and this time we have a really great cast involved. Everyone’s been working very hard.” The show was first performed on a Wednesday night in 2011 at Club Argos, Anat said, so they are looking forward to performing to a much larger audience this time because it is easier to get people out on a Friday and Saturday than it is on a Wednesday. Another exciting aspect to the show is that Anat has been working with Christopher Forbes, of ForbesFilm and the Poison Peach Festival, to make a movie of “Cabaret Diabolique” that will feature original music by Forbes and Anat. They will also be filming scenes at the Imperial Theatre on Sunday, January 5, from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. as part of the Poison Peach Film Festival. While Sector 7G may be an all ages venue, as with all Misfit Theatre Group productions, view discretion is advised. “It is a dark musical, because we like things that are not just Disney and not always shows for kids.” Anat said. “This is more adult themed. We do have a gay love interest, which is very important and something we think Augusta needs right now. We want to offer more than just the regular, tame theater offerings.” In addition to just the play, both nights will feature a special Vegas pre-show party with DJ Codec starting at 7:30 and Saturday night will feature a splattervision section for those who want to get bloody. Cabaret Diabolique Sector 7G Friday-Saturday, May 17-18 DJ Codec, 7:30 p.m.; show, 9 p.m. | $10 misfitcabaret.brownpapertickets.com/ (advanced tickets)

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Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Susan Marks, singer-songwriter Diana Jones and Rachel Marks at Augusta Amusement’s concert at the Jabez S. Hardin Performing Arts Center.

SIGHTINGS

Rick Lazenby, Grammy Award winner Janis Ian and Cindy Difaha at Augusta Amusement’s concert at the Jabez S. Hardin Performing Arts Center.

Amy McDade, Taylor Inglett and Monica Fairall at Somewhere in Augusta.

SIGHTINGS

Neil Shorthouse, Tre’ Gooch and Richmond County School Superintendent Dr Frank G, Roberson at the Performance Learning Center.

Justin Wheelon, singer-songwriter Patrick Davis and Lindsey Wheelon at Golden Harvest Food Bank’s FEEDBACK Sessions at River Island Pavilion.

SIGHTINGS

Christy Flaherty, David Nelson and Haley Flaherty at Derby Day, a benefit for the Augusta Training Shop, at the Legends Club.

9MAY2013

Wes and Holly Baxter, Pam Crawford and Betsy Mangum Flaherty at Derby Day, a benefit for the Augusta Training Shop, at the Legends Club.

Kristina Adams, singer-songwriter James Otto and Johnathan Adams at Golden Harvest Food Bank’s FEEDBACK Sessions at River Island Pavilion.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Donna Krouse, Summer Krouse and Becki Hodges at Derby Day, a benefit for the Augusta Training Shop, at the Legends Club.

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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9MAY2013

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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FEATURED

May 9 09Thursday, Live Music

Malibu Jack’s - Granny’s Gin Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Live and Local Rose Hill Estate - Preston Weston & Sandra Sector 7G - It Lies Within, Phinehas, Design the Skyline Sky City - Black Francis, Reid Paley Somewhere In Augusta - Connor Pledger Tavern at the Bean - Irish Music The Willcox - 4 Cats in the Doghouse Wild Wing - Jessup Dolly

Black Francis, singer-songwriter for seminal alt-rock band The Pixies, visits Sky City Thursday, May 9, for a special solo performance. Reid Paley opens the show for the music legend. Tickets are $17 in advance and $20 at the door, and music is set to begin at 10 p.m. Visit skycityaugusta.com.

What’s Tonight?

Bar on Broad - Liddle Ugleez Chevy’s Nite Club - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Trivia, Soup and Suds Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia Joe’s Underground - Trivia Night The Loft - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - DJ Rana Shannon’s - Karaoke Surreal at Surrey - College and F&B Night Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

May 10 10Friday, Live Music

100 Laurens - Keith Gregory Highlands Field, Aiken - Aiken Bluegrass Festival w/ Blue Billy Grit, Hackensaw Boys, Larry Keel and the Natural Bridge Augusta Canal Moonlight Music Cruise - Tara Scheyer Carolina Ale House - Jim Perkins Chevy’s - The Southern Meltdown Band Country Club - John Karl Coyote’s - Dave Firmin, Rhes Reeves & the Coyote Band Doubletree - Classic Jazz Joe’s Underground - Cameras, Guns & Radios MAD Studios - Kyle Smith Malibu Jack’s - David Heath Perfect Picture Polo Tavern - Reverse Effect Sky City - Jubee, The Morning After, the Mason Jars Somewhere In Augusta - Brandon Reeves Stillwater Taproom - Derelict String Band Surrey Tavern - Blue Dogs Wild Wing - Joey Bridewell Band

What’s Tonight?

Armando’s - Karaoke w/ Rockin Rob Chevy’s - DJ Dougie Club Argos - Friday Night House Party Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance Party Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim 30 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

The Playground - DJ Rana Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Sector 7G - TFS Rave: 20000 Hardcore Members w/ DJs Number5, LinearNorth and Polyphase Soul Bar - ‘80s Night Tavern at the Bean - Artists Showcase with Nick Brown Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

11

Saturday, May 11 Live Music

100 Laurens - John Kolbeck The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Highlands Field, Aiken - Aiken Bluegrass Festival w/ Doug and the Henry’s, Della Mae, Larry Keel and the Natural Bridge, Keller Williams, Keller and the Keels, The Traveling McCourys, Keller and the McCourys and a late-night all-star jam Country Club - The Ryan West Band Joe’s Underground - Cold Sweat MAD Studios - Chanda Timon Malibu Jack’s - Matthew Davis P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz with Pam Bowman Sector 7G - Definitely a First, Romeo’s Revenge Sky City - Prince and The Time Tribute Somewhere in Augusta - Granny’s Gin Surrey Tavern - Playback The Band w/ Tutu Dy’Vine Wild Wing - Jonathan Rooks Trio

What’s Tonight?

Chevy’s - DJ Dougie Club Argos - Saturday Night Dance Party and Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Loft - DJ Richie Rich Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke The Playground - DJ Rana Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Soul Bar - DJ JB Fresh Tavern at the Bean - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

May 12 12Sunday, Live Music

Candlelight Jazz - John W. Hobbs 5 O’Clock Bistro - Mike and Dave Cotton Patch - Keith Gregory (brunch) Malibu Jack’s - Playback The Band w/ Tutu Dy’Vine Patridge Inn - Sunday Evening Jazz w/ the Not Gaddy Jazz Trio Wild Wing - Dave Firmin The Willcox - Jon Vaughn, brunch; Preston & Weston, night

What’s Tonight?

Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing Polo Tavern - Bingo Night Shannon’s - Karaoke with Peggy Gardner

May 13 13Monday, Live Music

Hopelands Gardens (Aiken) - South Boundary Shannon’s - Open Mic Night

What’s Tonight?

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Chevy’s - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Poker Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia The Playground - DJ Rana Robolli’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Somewhere in Augusta - Poker Wild Wing - Trivia

May 14 14Tuesday, Live Music

The Highlander - Open Mic Night Shannon’s - Karaoke Contest The Willcox - Piano jazz

What’s Tonight?

Chevy’s Nite Club - Shag Night w/ Free Lessons Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Joe’s Underground - Poker Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane Limelight Cafe - Bottom’s Up Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Poker

Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Trivia The Playground - Truly Twisted Trivia with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke Shannon’s - Karaoke with Mike Johnson Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia Surrey Tavern - Tubeday Tuesday Movie Night

May 15 15Wednesday, Live Music Joe’s Underground - Grizzly Harris Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock

What’s Tonight?

Armando’s - Karaoke w/ Rockin Rob Chevy’s - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Midtown Lounge - Karaoke w/ Charles O’Byrne Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere in Augusta - The Comedy Zone w/ Mike Speanberg and David Beck Surrey Tavern - Trivia with Christian and Mickey

Upcoming

Augusta Big Band Aggregate - Sky City May 16 Lucas Hoge - Country Club May 17 Within Reason - Sky City May 17 Funk You - Stillwater Taproom May 17 Bill Gentry - Country Club May 18 Derelict String Band w/ Grizzly Harris - Sky City May 23 Jimbo Mathus & The Tri-State Coalition - Sky City May 24 Palmetto Groove Band - Chevy’s Nite Club May 24 Orange Twin Family Band, Darnell Boys, The Shoal Creek Stranglers - Sky City May 25 Mississippi Kites - Stillwater Taproom May 25 Down, Honky, Mount Carmel - Sky City May 27 AcostA - Stillwater Taproom May 31 Josh Pierce and Friends - Stillwater Taproom June 6 The Welfare Liners - Stillwater Taproom June 8 Blair Crimmins and the Hookers - Stillwater Taproom June 14 Donald Merkle and the Blacksmiths - Stillwater Taproom June 15 Earth, Wind & Fire - James Brown Arena June 18 Will McCranie - Stillwater Taproom June 19 9MAY2013


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What Is With You People?

Don’t complain about a lack of shows when you don’t go to the ones we do get

I guess I will never get Augusta. The more I try to analyze and predict what Augusta will do, it never is right. I’m not sure if this proves that I am dumb or that I’m just naïve; probably a little of both, but more of the first. Through my seven years of being a part of the music community. I have heard complaints about Augusta not getting the big rock acts. We can get every country act in the market, but why can’t we get a big rock act? This past January I thought to myself, finally! Finally we are getting one of the biggest rock bands in alternative rock music history to come to Augusta. In January, 95 Rock announced that Alice in Chains would be performing at the Bell Auditorium in May. This is huge! Finally Augusta will get a big name, one that everyone knows around the world. Even better, we will finally see Augusta sell out a rock show, and show those rednecks a thing or two. Let’s sell this show out in its first weekend of being on sale and get ready for all the big name rock acts to come to Augusta. To say the least, I was way off. I mean, way off. Not only did Augusta not sell out the Bell Auditorium, which maxes out around 2,700, but I doubt that there were 2,000 people there. Alice in Chains, even with a new lead singer (who isn’t new, considering he’s been playing with the band for over five years), is still a No. 1 selling rock band. Their album in 2010, “Black Gives Way to Blue,” is certified gold, selling over 500,000 copies. Alice’s new album, “The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here,” which comes out later this month, has already had two Top 10 singles on the rock charts. This is not an “old” band. This is not Lynyrd Skynyrd. I think I can speak for around 2,000 people by saying that Alice in Chains is better than ever. The crowd was really into the show: loud, intense and singing every word to every song. The band was even nice enough to say, “Note to self, come back to Augusta!” In my head, I laughed. I hope I’m wrong, but there is no way Alice in Chains is coming back to Augusta with a turnout like that. So here’s my question: what rock band could come to Augusta and sell out? I’m reluctant to even ask about the James Brown Arena because I doubt that will ever happen. Do you actually think Pearl Jam, The Black Keys, Muse, Red Hot Chili Peppers or even Linkin Park would ever come to Augusta when promoters hear that Alice in Chains couldn’t put 2,700 people in seats? Is there too much going on in Augusta? Do we just not have enough rock fans here? The sooner we come to terms, the sooner we can all move on. Augusta can officially be known as a small town host for rock music. I’m perfectly okay with this. I’m okay with this as long as the complaining about not having big rock acts in Augusta stops. Some of the best shows I have ever seen in Augusta were at Sky City and the Country Club. I think we need to catch the bands that are on the way up; that’s the only way we can get quality shows. I say keep the bands like Vintage Trouble, Foxy Shazam and Ponderosa coming through town and the people who want to see quality shows can see them. This is probably more on the shoulders of the promoters than anyone else; they have the power here. To some people’s surprise, 95 Rock and other radio stations are not bringing bands to town; the stations are there to support the shows. Promoters just buy the advertising and the stations run with it. For any music lover, I say you start looking for cool new bands and hopefully they will make their way to Augusta. Here a list of bands to start with: Imagine Dragons, AWOLNATION and Phoenix. Enjoy. What bands do you want to see in Augusta? Who’s the next band in town? Did the devil put dinosaurs here? Email me at matt@ themetrospirit.com.

MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

9MAY2013

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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BOX TOPS

Was there ever any doubt that Iron Man would come out on top? RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

1

IRON MAN 3

$174,144,585

$174,144,585

1

-

2

PAIN AND GAIN

$7,511,315

$33,830,390

2

1

3

42

$6,055,327

$78,181,097

4

3

4

OBLIVION

$5,642,335

$75,814,250

3

2

5

THE CROODS

$4,202,639

$168,720,798

7

5

DRAMA

SAMEIFLING

It’ll blow your mind “Iron Man 3” is such a galumphing gale of a movie, such an “Avengers”-fed force, that it pulled in the second-highest opening take in box office history (after, yes, “The Avengers”) without so much as a tagline on its poster. This is the fourth time Robert Downey Jr. has clambered into the now iconic gold-and-merlot armor, and in that span he has established Tony Stark as arguably the most distinct alter-ego in superhero cinema. He’s brash, stinking wealthy, endlessly smarmy — the antihero you love to hate to love — and he’s why you don’t need subtitles or slogans to slurp up a sixth of a billion dollars in its first three or so days in American theaters. In this round, though, Stark is an admitted hot mess trying to recoup his swagger after an incident in New York* that left him with insomnia and recurring panic attacks. (*See the near-fatal wormhole scene in “The Avengers.” — Ed.) He sleeps never, he neglects his lady (Gwyneth Paltrow, back again as Pepper Potts) and he seems unnerved by his new sense of mortality. It’s all he can to do just to drop double entendres in his patter with women and flat-out make fun of children to their faces. A distraction arrives in a series of mysterious bombings — apparent suicides, but without trace of bombs nor of bombers. A sinister old coot calling himself the Mandarin (Ben Kingsley, doing an Anglo bin Laden) keeps hijacking the airwaves to claim responsibility for them and to brandish generic jihadist home movies. Things get personal when Tony’s buddy Happy (Jon Favreau, who directed the first two “Iron Man” flicks) gets exploded, and there turns out to be some dark connection with a venture think-tank venture yutz called Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce). He’s into science that sciences around with scientific scientism, which all sounds very promising but could also be used for evil, if it fell into the wrong sciency hands, perhaps even those of a fellow with “rich” and “kill” as constituent parts of his name. The details from there, they get murky. Suffice it that bad things happen to the good guys and Stark winds up broke-down and miserable in Tennessee, though of course that’s a veritable redundancy. Shane Black, who wrote “Lethal Weapon,” directs and shares the screenwriting credit; he and his editors have a better sense of pace and patter than they do for particulars. Downey Jr. gets at least half a dozen laugh-aloud lines, which is about five more than the typical sci-fi comic orgypalooza can manage. As in most everything, strong writing in action movies is still the killer app. Stick around through the credits, because per usual with these Marvel tent-poles, an Easter egg awaits at the end. As a phone book of names lopes past you’ll also notice the sun-obscuring swarm of CGI worker bees who evidently toiled to make this one of the most seamlessly effects-heavy movies in the history of movies. The whole 130 minutes of “Iron Man 3” are no less visually seductive than a dream, even when the hero’s suit whizzes about as autonomous panels, or when Stark’s space-age cliffside manse catches missiles from helicopters, or during an impromptu group skydive. Those latter two scenes, by the way, are audacious summer-movie eye candy, and that’s where, ultimately, “Iron Man 3” earned its rake. It’ll blow your twitchy little mind without evincing a shred of remorse on how it does so. 32 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

COMEDY

“Peeples,” rated PG-13, starring Craig Robinson, Kerry Washington, David Alan Grier, S. Epatha Merkerson. The director of this comedy is Tina Gordon Chism, a Tyler Perry protégée, and she’s got one thing going for her: She was smart enough to cast Craig Robinson, better known as Darryl on “The Office.” Love that guy.

HORROR

“Aftershock,” rated R, starring Eli Roth. Horror director Roth does his buddy, director Nicolas Lopez, a solid by writing, producing and starring this story of some travelers trapped in an underground nightclub in Chile after an earthquake hits. Selena Gomez makes a cameo, if that makes any difference in whether or not you’ll go see this. If it does, we have concerns.

MAY 10

“Iron Man 3”

“The Great Gatsby,” rated PG-13, starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Joel Edgerton, Tobey Maguire, Carey Mulligan, Isla Fisher. Baz Luhrmann: you either love the director of such films as “Moulin Rouge” and “William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet” or you hate him. Chances are, the “hate” category might grow more than a little after fans of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s iconic novel see his adaptation, which is sure to be just as over the top as all his other works.

9MAY2013


WHINE

At first I thought Azziz was the right guy to take the bull by the horns and bring MCG into the 21st Century. It had languished for so long in a bubble without moving forward. But this is completely ridiculous. NOT counting his $600,000 salary, it looks like there has been almost $1 million spent placating his demands to update his living space, family events, and family needs. Not only is he not worth it - how is his job performance evaluated? - but he has cost Augusta more in morale, job security, and legitimacy than the $1 million he has already extorted from the university. I was strolling down the nine hundred block of Broad Street the other day and happened upon this temple of polyester. A shrine to the most horrific fashion mistakes of bygone decades. Was this some bizarre costume shop from a John Waters film?? An emporium for geriatric drag queens? I do believe I even saw polyester sansabelt slacks in the window and a hat with plastic flowers and a giant peacock feather. I wanted to go inside, but was afraid it was some portal into a alternate universe of bad taste with no return. An idiot savant (learned or knowledgeable idiot) is someone

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

up with serious mental disabilities often having prodigious, eidetic memories that are “very deep, but exceedingly narrow.” These are the people that can replicate a piece of music after hearing it once or can tell you the specific day for any date in time you give them. Unfortunately, they are great “repeaters,” but atrocious “originators.” Sort of like the yahoo that reencapsulates all of the whines from the previous week. It’s the whine line, NOT the re-whine line! Now go replicate Eruption by Eddie Van Halen you journalistic hack! To all you prissy little anti-gun people: I’ll bet that couple that got beaten with baseball bats on Riverwalk last week would not have ended up as victims if they could have legally had a pistol with them. Why was the brawl reported to be outside the New Moon Cafe? Why didn’t they say the J B White’s building? What’s wrong with you people? Don’t you know how to act? Keep your anti-social behavior in your own yard. Stop disturbing our lives and preying on decent people. Obviously your Mama didn’t teach you any better.

THUMBS

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Don’t mess with 83-year-old nuns. First there was Ironman Sister Madonna Buder. Now there’s Sister Megan Rice, who may spend 20 years in prison for destroying federal property and trespassing after walking onto one of the country’s “most secure” nuclear facilities undetected.

down

It’s quite simple, folks: If you want to go to a public forum on, say, downtown safety and accountability, go. If you don’t think it will accomplish anything, stay home… and stop bitching about it on Facebook.

t Eliminates the need for hot water in your laundry

NEVER

t Provides up to 10 years of service

BUYDETERGENT Davis Appliance & Furniture 3273 Deams Bridge Rd. Augusta, GA 30906

706.796.0500

34 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

t Installs to your existing washing machine t Environmentally friendly laundry appliance that produces sparkling clean, dazzling fresh laundry with little or no detergent, bleach or fabric softener. t Health Benefits include the reduction or elimination of skin irritations and allergic reactions caused by residual chemicals in fabric from detergent, bleach and fabric softener. t pureWash changes water by adding enhanced oxygen and photo-catalytic oxidizers to the cold water supply. It eliminates the use of harmful chemicals, using the strength of oxygen to turn your wather into the most powerful and efficient agent possible. t Hospitals have been using the technology for over 20 years because of its disinfecting and cleaning properties. 9MAY2013



Metro Spirit 05.09.2013