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METRONEWS AUGUSTA TEK CROSSWORD FEATURE

09 10 11 14

EVENTS CALENDAR JENNY IS WRIGHT

18 29

SLAB MUSIC: ARS MATT’S MUSIC ART 45 SIGHTINGS

30 32 34 34 35 36

WHINE LINE

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Contributors Greg Baker|Sam Eifling |Kristin Hawkins |Rhonda Jones nes |Austin Rhodes|Josh Ruffin|M Ruffin|Mat Ruffin|Matt Stone|Adam Wadding|Jenny Wrig Wright

o r t e m IR P S

INSIDER RUFFIN’ IT AUSTIN RHODES

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Metro Spirit is a freee newspaper published publis weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks eks a year. Editorial coverage includes local ocal al issues and news, arts, arts entertainment, entert people, places and pectrum. The he views do not necessarily represent present the views of the th publisher. publish Visit us at metrospirit.com. m.© events. In our paperr appear views from across the political and social spectrum. ner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permissio p person, perso please. 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: permission is prohibited. One copy per

CONTENTS

The Art of Recovery: Program that uses art to help cancer patients will have art show at the Morris

EricJohnson|news editor eric@themetrospirit.com

GabrielVega|lead designer gabe@themetrospirit.com

BrendaCarter|senior account executive brenda@themetrospirit.com

AmyChristian|arts editor/production director amy@themetrospirit.com

JoeWhite|publisher joe@themetrospirit.com

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Michael-RKQVRQ_VLJKWLQJV‡Valerie(PHULFN_ZULWHU‡Amy3HUNLQV_HGLWRULDOLQWHUQ‡Laura3HUU\_YROXQWHHU‡KristinHawkins|editorial intern

WHINELINE It’s disgraceful enough that what was left of Alice in Chains even considered recording new material under the same name, or that William Duvall has attempted to “cover” Alice in Chains songs during live shows, and in my opinion flat out butchered them.

Irony is a real bitch! So all these years loudmouth Lori Davis has been hollering for more police in Harrisburg and now that she is getting it her husband gets arrested for DUI. Doesn’t look like Mercy Ministries is the problem in Harrisburg after all. Watch for future articles where we will provide

strategies time, employers illnesses and helping break harder addictions. Not only has the prohibition against marijuana and weed Los Angeles state that Law cannabis yearly considering the fact that yr 1968. the pax vaporizer Ask yourself some occurred when nothing as to marijuana, drug marijuana to stop, be or a gram feelings and

may also be imprisoned and fined. What is crimes a psychologically will hold their medical destroying this planet one day at a time. Tetrahydrocannabivarin is found in debate, form, to grow approach marijuana to the body, support of friends, families and loved-ones. Welcome to Augusta. The next Detroit. You saw what

o r t e m IRIT SP happened when it became about race and they started giving everything to every hand to beg. We are next. (continued on page 38)

Card Stock: Abused and misunderstood, EBT cards continue to polarize Online Supremacy: While Amazon drags its feet and the state plays chicken for jobs, small business suffers

Milestone Market: Tenth year of the Saturday Market promises new things and more of what people love

COVER DESIGN: KRUHU Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? 706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636


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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

SIDER

Roux the Day Last Thursday wasn’t all that great for Roux’s Catering’s Service’s Robert Williams. Not only did state revenue agents pop him for bringing over six cases of wine from South Carolina, but when they went into his business, they discovered additional alcohol he had on site, which is illegal, too, since Williams doesn’t have an on-premises liquor license. That’s two strikes with a pretty formidable pitcher on the mound, but the popular caterer, who has been in business 17 years, insists everything is better than it sounds. “Everyone is trying to perceive this as some big mastermind of me going and bootlegging alcohol from South Carolina and bringing it into Georgia to illegally sell it,” Williams says, “which has really not been my intent by any stretch of the means.” Though he acknowledges that the booze is cheaper across the river, he says it was convenience more than price that motivated his drive to North Augusta. “I honestly was not aware that what we were doing was illegal,” he says. “I was just doing it because it was more convenient. I am a licensed caterer. I had professional servers and bartenders that worked beverage packages for us — I just had a misinterpretation on what the letter of the law was. I thought that what we were doing was within the letter of the law, but apparently it wasn’t.” While the state unravels the tangle of violations, Roux’s remains open. Williams says he’s currently using a licensed beverage service to provide bar service. The state has not closed his business, though they did seize all his alcohol, and he’s not even officially sure of its status. “I’m not a bar,” he says, emphasizing again that he was not intentionally trying to break any laws. “I don’t set up bars in random places and sell alcohol — to me, that’s a big difference. I didn’t get a storefront on Broad Street and start selling alcohol. I’m a licensed caterer.”

t Eliminates the need for hot water in your laundry

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t Provides up to 10 years of service

BUYDETERGENT Davis Appliance & Furniture 3273 Deams Bridge Rd. Augusta, GA 30906

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4

METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

t Installs to your existing washing machine t Environmentally friendly laundry appliance that produces sparkling clean, dazzling fresh laundry with little or no detergent, bleach or fabric softener. t Health Benefits include the reduction or elimination of skin irritations and allergic reactions caused by residual chemicals in fabric from detergent, bleach and fabric softener. t pureWash changes water by adding enhanced oxygen and photo-catalytic oxidizers to the cold water supply. It eliminates the use of harmful chemicals, using the strength of oxygen to turn your wather into the most powerful and efficient agent possible. t Hospitals have been using the technology for over 20 years because of its disinfecting and cleaning properties. 21MARCH2013


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Under the Umbrella A couple of Sundays ago, the Chronicle reminded us why the FCC won’t allow newspapers to own television and radio stations in the same market. That day, the lead business story — the lead business story on Sunday — was about TAC Media. If you’ve forgotten what that is already, it’s the “umbrella brand” created last year to keep the Chronicle, its other publications and all its digital products nice and dry in this inclement media climate. The story told how TAC Media had brought in representatives from all the important online companies to speak about digital marketing. Companies like Google and Constant Contact. According to a quote by TAC Media’s vice president of sales, the summit was organized because business leaders wanted more education about digital advertising. Hmm… Any idea who might be willing to sell some of that advertising to these newly digital savvy business leaders? So here you’ve got a newspaper giving preferred space to a story that doesn’t just give itself exposure, it actually helps it make money while strong-arming potential competitors out of way.

Easter March 31, 2013

Brunch

CHILLED DISPLAYS

Smoked Salmon with Capers, Tomatoes and Cream Cheese Chilled Peel and Eat Shrimp with Lemon and Cocktail Sauce Oysters on the Half Shell Cajun Seafood Salad, Tossed Salad, and Deviled Eggs Roma Tomato and Buffalo Mozzarella with Fesh Basil & Balsamic Vinaigrette Domestic and International Cheeses with Fresh Fruit Garnish Baked Brie with Cinnamon Apples

BREAKFAST

Chef Attended Omelet Station Made to Order Waffles Country Sausage and Applewood Smoked Bacon Buttered Garlic Cheese Grits Fresh Assortment of Muffins and Danish

CARVING STATION

Leg of Lamb with mint jelly Black Oak Ham with Dijon Mustard

FROM THE SILVER CHAFERS Mediterranean Wild Salmon Herb Roasted Chicken Pecan Rice Pilaf Cornbread Dressing Macaroni & Cheese Garlic Mashed Potatoes with Gravy Honey Glazed Baby Carrots Squash Casserole

Greasing the Wheel Just when it seemed like things had quieted down on the Sentinel front, attorney Jack Long filed yet another case against the private probation company that holds the probation contract for Richmond County Superior Court. This one alleges more of the same — a wrongful extension of a probation that ended up with an unlucky individual locked up and shaken down for $655 that Long says the company was never entitled to in the first place. You’ve got to figure that, at some point, Judge Danny Craig is going to get sick of hearing these cases and make the definitive ruling everyone’s waiting for. Until he does, we’ll just sit back and watch more of Augusta’s poor and unfortunate work their way through the hungry gears that run Sentinel’s profit-making machine.

DESSERTS

Bourbon Pecan Pie Double Chocolate Cake New York Cheese Cake Pumpkin Cheesecake Key Lime Pie And Many More

Served from 11:00 am until 3:00pm Adults -$28.95 Senior Citizens -$25.95 Children 5 to12 -$14.95 Reservations Strongly Recommended

706.855.8100 | 2651 Perimeter Parkay | Augusta 21MARCH2013

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT

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Switcheroo

Rob Portman’s gay marriage switcheroo, Sarah Palin’s celebrity and what this has to do with Pope Francis It always seems disingenuous to start out this column with a lead like “X number of important things happened this past week.” It does, of course, go without saying, though I think it helps to be forcibly reminded once in a while — why else would you read this page except, for example, to be forcibly reminded that I’m sort of an a-hole — else we devolve into the fictionalized Charlie Kaufman in “Adaptation,” telling Brian Cox’s screenwriting guru, “But nothing happens in real life.” Google video that exchange, by the way, for an apt retort. I think this is one of the root causes of our lack of empathy towards one another: a black hole type of insularity to our individual lives, an inability to see that, outside the flimsy film of our self-constructed bubble, people are born, die, love, lose, kill, save, laugh, cry, change and do not change. They, we, fill the nanoseconds that imperceptibly pass, each in the other’s blind periphery. Be forcibly reminded, then, that we’re all sort of a-holes. Moving on. Rob Portman, it seems, is becoming less of one. Yeah, he was already one of the saner, more moderate GOP operatives — the fact that he was ousted from the Republican primaries in early 2012 speaks highly of him — but prior to this year his voting record has exhibited a staunch, if not intentional and rigorous, stance against gay rights: he co-sponsored the 1996 federal ban on same-sex marriage, and voted for a 1999 measure prohibiting same-sex couples in Washington, D.C., from adopting children. His recent reversal of position on same-sex marriage comes on the heels of, not surprisingly, finding out that his son was gay. That’s what happens when the Other is humanized: empathy kicks in, and we either learn to accept that which is different or, in Portman’s case, to continue loving someone he has always loved — every part of that person. Speaking of which, Christians: don’t give me this “love the sinner, hate the sin” nonsense. I keep hearing this smug drivel from “religious leaders” and right-wing grassroots organizations spokespeople, and it just doesn’t work in this context. You can’t hate an aspect of someone based not only on love, but on the ongoing struggle to have that love universally accepted and validated — to, in other words, be treated like a human being — and still claim, with a straight face, to “love”

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that person. You do not understand how love, or Christianity for that matter, works. Speaking of which: new pope! Whee! And, against all expectations, the best thing that can be said about Bishop Jorge Mario Bergoglio cum-Pope Francis I isn’t, “Well, at least he wasn’t a member of the Hitler Youth.” By all accounts, Bergoglio is the epitome of “decent human being.” His home in Argentina was modest, he rode the bus, he ate and prayed with the poor, and he blessed a freaking seeing-eye dog at his first press conference. Just after being ordained Pope Francis, he refused use of the papal limousine, and rode the elevator with his fellow cardinals (Mitt Romney could learn something here). He’s also made promises to reduce the Church’s material wealth, and step up philanthropic outreach. But! His position on same-sex marriage — indeed, on homosexuality in general — is predictably, archaically, hateful. In July of 2010, when Argentina was considering legalizing same-sex marriage, Bergoglio wrote a letter to Argentina’s cloistered nuns. It reads in part: “In the coming weeks, the Argentine people will face a situation whose outcome can seriously harm the family… At stake is the identity and survival of the family: father, mother and children. At stake are the lives of many children who will be discriminated against in advance, and deprived of their human development given by a father and a mother and willed by God. At stake is the total rejection of God’s law engraved in our hearts. Let’s not be naive: This is not a simple political fight; it is a destructive proposal to God’s plan. This is not a mere legislative proposal (that’s just its form), but a move by the father of lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God… Let’s look to St. Joseph, Mary, and the Child to ask fervently that they defend the Argentine family in this moment... May they support, defend, and accompany us in this war of God.” — National Catholic Register It’d be quaint, really, if this man wasn’t at the head of a politically powerful organization. More than anything, though — and I’m going to kind of contradict my last statement here — this illustrates how disconnected the papacy, and the upper Catholic hierarchy, is from Catholics worldwide, especially in the United States. A

majority of Americans support same-sex marriage; a majority of Americans also claim either some form of Protestantism or Catholicism. Methinks the demographics bleed. After Bergoglio’s stance became known, several Argentine priests came out in defense of same-sex marriage; one was defrocked. Rob Portman won’t be kicked out of the Republican Party, but only because he was borderline inconsequential in the context of their power grabs in the first place. Meanwhile at CPAC a few days ago, the party trotted out Sarah Palin to shamelessly pander to teabaggers and poledance for dye job money. To put the kind of audience Republicans still court into context, there were two major applause moments in her speech: when she pulled out a Big Gulp and when she derided Obama’s call for more strenuous universal background checks, saying that we “should have started with yours, Mr. President,” because Sarah Palin is an insane Birther who thinks everyone has a constitutional right to be shot in the face. If there is one positive to take away from all this, it’s that this re-upping, this continued insistence of Church and Party bosses on toeing the same old lines, results in the increased democratization of the citizenry that comprises the true body of those organizations. When Cardinal Dolan went after nuns last year, telling them to abandon their work among the poor in order to campaign against same-sex marriage, the nuns refused — guess who the faithful backed? Republican leaders demonized Obama; Portman went to work for the administration as an ambassador, and has since turned a major moral corner. At the risk of sounding like a hippie, power wanes in time. Love, acceptance, a sense of what is truly right, rises in the midst of such waning.

JOSHRUFFIN, a Metro Spirit alum, is a published

journalist and poet who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

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Time Is Our Ally in the Battle of GRU So I am still optimistic that Federal Judge Randy Hall is going to issue an order soon mandating that hideous “turd in the punchbowl” that we know as the name Georgia Regents University be forever stricken from our collective consciousness. As they are packed off victorious to their old Virginia homeplace, we can also hope that Judge Hall sends the plaintiff’s attorneys who represented Regent University in the fight to protect their name with personal checks to cover their time and trouble, personally drawn on the accounts of the members of the Board of Regents, the same folks who ignored warnings to cease and desist in the larceny of said moniker oh those many months ago. And I hope he orders Dr. Ricardo Azziz to pony up a share as well. He can afford it. The man who is singularly responsible for the abortion known as the name GRU is loaded. He is paid a king’s ransom in salary, lives in a free castle and he clearly never spent a dime of the money his parents gave him for art lessons. Not to mention the tuition he pocketed by skipping Charm School. But on the off chance that Judge Hall fails us all, there is one thing we have working for us as a community and family, that he and his minions do not: Time. I believe Dr. Azziz’s tenure in Augusta will be ending sooner rather than later, as will the political career of Governor Nathan Deal (possibly over as early as next year, or at the latest, 2018) and the terms of his uberloyal, and downright submissive, Board of Regents. So what will change when those folks go? Everything.

21MARCH2013

Many years ago I volunteered to help a dear friend clean out his parents’ house as he prepared to wrap up their estate with the passing of his elderly mother. His father had died a few years before, and his mom had been too sentimental to really sort through anything, so it was quite a task. I had known both his parents since I was a young boy, and I had always been fascinated by his father’s massive record collection. Thousands of albums, meticulously cataloged and lovingly stored. Everything from Bach to The Beatles, and more Broadway and movie soundtracks than Nathan Lane and Harvey Fierstein, combined. Then there was the incredible personal memorabilia collection. Hundreds, and I do mean hundreds, of scrapbooks, working scripts and director’s notebooks, tucked away in dozens of bookcases over the course of a 40-year community theater career. Probably a metric ton of papers, books, pictures and notes, no exaggeration. The albums filled half of a full-sized basement; the memorabilia took the other half. As overwhelming as the massive mountain of keepsakes was, it was all put away and neatly stored, as if by the specific order of the most anal-retentive drill sergeant on God’s green Earth. This collection was the pride and joy of the Master of the House, and when he died two years before, his wife guarded the treasure with much the same fervor, and even more sentimentality, than her late husband. Junior did not share his parents’ reverence concerning the stockpiled archives. He probably spent a few hours cherry-picking, but pretty soon, 95 percent of Dad’s records were being hauled off by a collector, and 98 percent of those prized

scrapbooks, signed programs and ancient photographs were sitting in cardboard boxes in front of the house, waiting for the garbage truck. Most of what meant the absolute world to his parents, a basement full of vinyl and memories, he was able to toss out, with only one cardboard box needed to hold the highlights worth keeping. He took what he needed, and moved on. In a few years there will be new politicians and bureaucrats, who will be looking for this community’s approval to assume the positions now held in the vice grip of Azziz, Deal and his minions. The name GRU will have no meaning to those new people, there will be no attachment to it and there will certainly be no silly “pride of ownership” in a silly and meaningless name. The old crew will take their shoebox of memories as they leave their positions, and we, and the new leaders, can then do what we want with the institutions that remain in our hometown, and all of the rest of our cherished memories and shared experiences, that once were thrown away as trash. They will all be ours to enjoy once more. Governor Deal may not have much use for our heartfelt wishes and hopes, but the next governor will most certainly want to make the voters here happy. Time, and the political process, are on our side.

AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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KRISTINHAWKINS

Card Stock

Abused and misunderstood, EBT cards continue to polarize

The Electronic Benefits Transfer card, better known as the EBT card, is a way for people on two separate government programs to access money distributed to them by the government, but examples of misuse and a general lack of understanding about the cards has given these two programs a bad reputation. EBT cards are used by people who are either receiving food stamps or Temporary Assistance for Needy Families, also known as TANF. It’s a common misconception that people who use EBT cards have access to anything they might want to purchase. Susan Boatwright, the Department of Family and Children Services communications director for the state of Georgia, emphasized that food stamps and TANF are two very different programs with two separate sets of guidelines and requirements that must be met before receiving either benefit. “For TANF, you must have a [dependent] child under the age of 18,” Boatwright said. “And the income limit for TANF is very different from food stamps limit. For example, for a family of four the annual income limits for TANF that would cut you off is just over $11,000. If you make over $11,000 you are not eligible for TANF.” The eligibility for food stamps, however, is strictly income based. “It’s a federally funded program that is essentially the same across the United States with some variations from state to state,” Boatwright said. Mindy Wadley, a student at Georgia Regents University and a single mother, has been receiving food stamps for the better part of a year and explained the benefits of being able to use this type of assistance to help her and her daughter with every-day needs. “When I stopped working I thought it would be good to have that as a little supplemental help,” Wadley said. “I went to the health department and they told me to go to the Department of Family and Children Services and I went there and they gave me a packet of information about it.” 21MARCH2013

Wadley said she went online to fill out the application for food stamps and then was contacted via phone for an interview about her application. “I got my card in the mail and start receiving a monthly amount,” Wadley said. “At first it was a little bit more, and then I started working part time again so I had to tell them about the change in my income and then the amount that I was getting went down a little bit.” Boatwright said that the way that food stamps are used makes it nearly impossible for clients to misuse those particular funds; however, that doesn’t stop some people from believing that the requirements on what people can buy should be tighter. “Obviously there is never going to be a perfect system,” Wadley said. “I’ve heard a lot of people say, when they are talking about people being on food stamps, that people shouldn’t be able to buy candy or junk food or whatever. Again, it’s like healthy choices are obviously more desirable, but you can’t really regulate stuff to that level. You have that food money to buy whatever food you want.” Boatwright ensured that the Department of Family and Children Services does the best it can to promote healthy living and eating, but admitted there is only so much that can be done. “We have several promotional items out and some information out to our customers and to our vendors as well, encouraging our customers to purchase nutritional items,” Boatwright explained. “The whole intent of the food stamps or SNAP [Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program] is that [it] adds nutritional value to the lives of children and their families. However, the guidelines say that any food item can be purchased with EBT. At the end of the day, if someone wanted to purchase a pack of crackers and a Mountain Dew at a gas station, as long as it was a food item, it would not get bounced back by the machine.” Publix Super Markets are one of the many stores that accepts EBT cards. Spokesperson Brenda Reid explained the regulations the stores abide by and the process each store follows. “First of all the state will say to us, these items are eligible these items are not,” Reid said. “We process

that into our computer system so that anything that rings up that is not in the categories that are accepted by the state will ring up as a requirement to pay cash. So we don’t arbitrarily set and our associates cannot override a program in our system that says this item is not eligible.” Both Reid and Boatwright explained that every store that has a machine that has EBT accessibility is set up to reject non-food items. Reid went on to say that Publix stores are very methodical. Even the food items are coded to ensure that food stamp benefits are used the right way. “It is very detailed,” Reid said. “For example, we sell a lot of sub sandwiches. So when you go up to the deli you can order a hot sub or you can grab a cold one from the case. A hot so would not be eligible under the EBT guidelines whereas a cold one might be, so we would have to code the cold one differently.” Although the restrictions for purchases for food stamps are strict, the TANF program has allowed for more leniency. In turn, the state has had to enforce harsher punishments for the misuse of these government funds to verify that the money distributed through the TANF program is used toward the right items. “We are committed to ensuring that the funds that are issued from TANF go towards supporting the needs of Georgia children and the families,” Boatwright said. “We revised our TANF policy to make it an intentional program violation. That’s another word we use for fraud, so an EBT card is used to withdraw cash or to form any transactions at any of the locations that we’ve identified as inappropriate, then it counts as a fraud for the customer and there are penalties associate with that.” According to Boatwright, the state of Georgia has some of the harshest penalties when it comes to TANF fraud. Since last May, when Georgia started cracking down on TANF fraud, Boatwright said that there has been an 85 percent decrease in the number of fraudulent cases. Penalties escalate from a six-month disqualification to a lifetime ban. As of December of last year, food stamp benefits affected 1,969,534 individuals. The number of TANF benefits consisted of 4,792 adult cases and 13,811 childonly cases. “A little known fact, there are not a lot of adult TANF cases anymore,” Boatwright said. “The adults have the work requirement, so we are trying to move those adults into the workforce as quickly as possible so that number stays relatively low.” Boatwright admitted that there is no perfect system, but said that, at the state level, they try to do everything possible to make sure that government funds are going to the right people. And though there may be some people that try to take advantage of the programs, Boatwright said there are still many out there that still need the assistance. Wadley agreed. “I’d rather be able to make money and pay for my own stuff,” Wadley said. “It’s just something that I felt like would be good since it’s out there. People who need help paying for their food or whatever, it’s there for that reason. So I wanted to take advantage of it.” AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D

Freedom 1, NSL 0 And which is better: laser or phaser?

It’s pretty easy to close your eyes and imagine a Nazi or Communist Party official presenting a letter to a business owner and saying (with a sinister accent), “You would provide a great service to your country by providing us with certain information on one of your particular customers.” Of course, we’ve all seen this played out in the movies hundreds of times. The requested service to country is not optional. In addition, this service to country is something you should be proud to perform in private. “After all, discretion is a virtue. When people start talking, things can get messy.” This is the imagery I remember during civics classes at Evans High in the 1980s. Freedom and liberty were esteemed values, and a very clear difference was drawn between us and past tyrannies. Little did we know that while we were discussing freedom, the representatives we sent to Washington were authorizing the scenario described above. National Security Letters issued by the FBI compel the disclosure of customer records. The letters then prohibit the recipient from disclosing the receipt of the letter, much less any information that might have been provided. The Patriot Act greatly expanded the authority of the letters, and their use has exponentially increased. According to the Electronic Freedom Foundation (eff.org), almost 200,000 letters were issued between the years 2003 and 2006. That’s 200,000 searches without judicial oversight and with no opportunity for appeal or protest. On March 14, the Federal District Court in Northern California struck down the National Security Letters. The court held that the gag order and resulting restriction on public discourse violated the First Amendment, and the review procedures violated the separation of powers. The ruling will likely be appealed, but for the time being, score one for the good guys. Set to Stun — A hundred years ago, energy beams and particle weapons were under the sole jurisdiction of the science fiction writer. The rationale for this jurisdiction is pretty obvious — the physics behind these devices had yet to be discovered. In 1917, Albert Einstein first worked out the basic theory of stimulated emissions. However, it took until 1960 to create the first optical device. Nowadays, Light-Amplification-by-Stimulated-Emission-of-Radiation systems, or lasers, are ubiquitous. We see these systems on every computer mouse, high-precision weapon site, ultrafine cutting tool, or as a device to torment your cat as it futilely attempts to trap the red dot. Science fiction fans all recognize that while the laser is all well and good, it’s the phaser that represents the pinnacle of weapons technology. While a laser is capable of cutting or welding, the phaser provides the capability to stun, kill or vaporize its target or, if allowed to overcharge, the phaser can produce a devastating explosion. In addition, a phaser serves as valuable tool for expedition teams. At low settings the phaser can be used to heat rocks to provide warmth. At higher settings, the phaser can shatter landscapes in order to clear or block paths, whichever the situation may dictate. In reality, the physics between lasers and phasers are quite similar. Both systems obey the same rules of quantum physics regarding their basic quanta — photons when dealing with light, phonons when dealing with sound. The technology to manage the stimulated emissions of coherent phonons has only recently been developed. A group out of NTT Basic Research Laboratories in Japan recently announced a device that utilizes the stimulated emission principle to produce a coherent vibration within a material, or a “sound” laser, or a “phaser.” So start your clocks everybody. It took 50 years for the laser to go from prototype to practice. Will the phaser follow the same path? Only time will tell. Until next time, I’m off the grid @gregory_a_baker.

GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits.

10 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

21MARCH2013


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CONDENSATION By Finn Vigeland / Edited by Will Shortz

91 Places to eat a late breakfast, maybe 92 Nitpick 95 Sound at a checkup 96 Means of inheritance 97 Unilever soap brand 98 Auto-shop offerings 102 Coastal structures countering erosion 104 Tale written in runes, perhaps 106 Unconvincing reason, informally 107 ___ Islands 108 Pong maker 109 Historic event on June 18, 1815 112 Like many Playboy Playmate photos 117 Certain nest eggs, for short 118 Actress Eleniak 119 Greek war goddess 120 SeaWorld resident 121 Irish county 122 Up to 123 Snookums 124 Leaves used in Mediterranean cuisine 125 Chop ___ 126 Hens and vixens Down 1 Refuse to hand over 2 Slowly 3 ___ niçoise 4 Software for touch-up artists 5 Gothic window ornamentation 6 Cleansing agent 7 Bygone Ugandan tyrant 8 MG, e.g. 9 Marvin Gaye’s record label 10 Actress Thurman 11 D.M.V. issue 12 Relative of -esque 13 Symbol of the golden ratio 14 Last possible moment 15 Robes, scepters and such 16 Ski-mask feature 17 Queen ___ lace 19 20/20 26 Japanese drama 28 Adaptable aircraft, for short 29 Cobbler’s tool 34 HP product 35 Gives off 36 “Be quiet,” on scores 38 Line of defense?

39 Pasta primavera ingredients 41 Doc grp. 44 Marge who owned the Cincinnati Reds 45 Recurring ideas 47 Intervene 48 Fleet 49 N.Y.U. athlete 51 Where people are always changing? 52 One coming out 54 N.B.A. star Ming 55 “AC360” channel 58 Nabob 59 Unabridged 60 Like matryoshka dolls 63 Frame jobs 64 Horn of Africa resident 68 What an optimist has 69 Kind of income 70 Antique restorer’s “touch,” in brief 73 Sanctuary 74 Old Dungeons & Dragons co. 77 Coach Don with two Super Bowl victories 80 “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” song 81 Word on either side of “to” 83 Pivotal point 84 Prominent features of the theme from “Star Wars” 86 Cupcake 87 Swimming, diving, etc. 89 Open-faced sandwich topped with a fancy spread 90 “Amen to that!” 93 It’s clear 94 Dolt 97 N.Y.C. airport 99 Early stone tool 100 First-year 101 Toasts 102 Responded sheepishly? 103 Wine aperitif 105 Former “American Idol” judge 106 Irish county 110 Drop ___ 111 Coup de ___ (gunshot: Fr.) 113 Kind of connection from a mobile device to a PC 114 Doo-wop syllable 115 Suffers from 116 U.K. record co.

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105

106

118 122

120

121

124

125

P E T C O

L E H A R

T E E T O T A L E R S

A T A H U A C L A P W A

R I V E R B O A T

P I N T A

E G G T E R C O O K G U N S N E H E D E Y A S E R E S P A D T S I T H E E D Y A S T S L R Y P I E D A R K O R A S E T S S E T I R A T B

M O I N E S T E X T H O R N S H I A

O P I O N E E R S

P A S S I V A T E

T E R S E

B L I S T E R P A C K

M E L E E

W E L L S

A G R E E

P A T S Y

107 111

117

123

N E H I S

94

110

119

A T T W O

101

88 93 98

109

112

100

78 84

87

104

99

71 77

97

103

70

83

92

108

60

65

76 82

96

59

46 52

69

91

58

42

64

86

90

41

56

81

17

36

51

75 80

16

30 35

68

74

15

26

40

55

67

14 22

63

79

13

45

62

66

12

34

39

54

11

29 33

44

53

73

10

25

50

61

89

9

24

49

72

8

21

38

48

7

20

43

PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

Across 1 Direct descendant of the Mayflower Pilgrims, e.g. 5 Way up a mountain 9 Dutch flower 14 Humorist Bombeck 18 Sun Valley locale 20 Tony of the Dallas Cowboys 21 Lancaster County folk 22 Kings of ___ (“Use Somebody” band) 23 Claw 24 Puccini piece 25 Prop in many an action film 27 Subject of big 1970s headlines 30 Elliptical 31 Adriatic resort 32 Western nickname 33 Exchange 35 The second African-American, after Hattie McDaniel, to be nominated for an Oscar 37 Completes at the request of 39 Old TV’s ___ Club 40 Hero of a Hindu epic 42 Zip 43 Papal court 45 Ape 46 ___ Bo 47 Enjoy 50 Seltzer 53 Many altar paintings of the Middle Ages 56 Long-distance letters 57 Onetime art glass manufacturer 61 Rock subgenre 62 Not loco 63 Some college dorm rooms 65 Pickle juice 66 Bud 67 Best Picture inspired by a Pulitzerwinning series of newspaper articles 71 Sporty cars 72 In other words 75 Book after II Timothy 76 Sitcom diner 78 Quipster 79 Femme fatale of cartoons 82 Director Van Sant 83 Ignite 85 Necklace decoration that’s not from the sea 88 Pressed upon 89 20-20, e.g.

I S R E A N I O N D N G O F J S T O U D O R S T R U C T K A T E O N H S O F J A I L L I M E O F T A R E R I G H N S O C A P O E S S O F A L O T T E N O E W A R F R I N E S Y S T A T

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D S I P O Y R E G E I O N R A I O S E C K A N I C A F R T S O L O B P R I H O G R A L A R E S A E D

C O R D O F W O N O I D K A F B E D R U N C T B O F L I O N

C A R T O N

E Y E

THEY’RE FINE WHERE THEY ARE, HOW ARE YOU? Elliott Sons Funeral Homes ELLIOTTFUNERALHOME.COM

21MARCH2013

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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ERICJOHNSON

Online Supremacy

While Amazon drags its feet and the state plays chicken for jobs, small business suffers

Last legislative session, the Georgia Assembly passed sweeping legislation that changed several of the mainstays of state revenue collection, including forcing out-of-state companies like Amazon to pay sales tax. A Georgia company using the internet to sell items to Georgians was always required to collect sales tax, but it wasn’t until January 1 that companies outside Georgia — in other words, those companies without a physical presence in the state — were required to do it. Loosely called the e-fairness bill, this change basically expanded the definition of a physical presence to include other websites through which a company gets its traffic, and those internet retailers, like Amazon, who fell into that category were supposed to start paying sales tax to the state starting the first of the year. By all reports that hasn’t happened, and it’s taking a toll on local businesses, who are not only trying to match the prices of companies with considerably more buying power, but also with those who have the advantage of not paying sales tax, which for the Augusta region rose to 8 percent with the passage of the TSPLOST. “It’s not an issue of head-to-head price,” says Larry Moore, owner of Trucks and Moore, a service and accessory center located in Martinez. “It’s an issue of that tax advantage.” Moore says he frequently gets customers who come in, get their vehicles sized, then go out and 12 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

purchase the parts online, often with unexpected complications. “People buy products over the internet and a lot of times they open the box and start reading the directions and go, ‘This is over my head,’ and they bring it to us and we put it on,” Moore says. “The customer buys on price and they don’t know they’re going to need a lot of other things.” Frequently, these parts are not just complicated, they’re of a poor quality or come missing other needed parts, which prompted Moore to go to a stepped labor rate and then a lift fee in case missing or deficient parts kept a lift occupied longer than the job required. Initially, he says he considered those things an irritation, but more and more he and other retailers are losing significant sales to online retailers like Amazon. Recently, he followed up with a customer who had priced tires and found out the individual had purchased the tires online. “I asked him what he paid for them and it was within $20 of what we quoted him,” Moore says. “But he said he didn’t have to pay tax on them, and they were tires that cost about $480 a piece, so we were almost $200 higher because of the tax, where really we were only about $18 to $20 higher. For $18 or $20, he could have bought local, but when it’s $200, there’s no question in his mind.” Of course everyone who purchases something online is supposed to pay the use tax back to the state, but who among us does that?

“There are so few people who would do it, and the state doesn’t have the resources to track those folks down, anyway,” says Kyle Jackson, Georgia state director of the National Federation of Independent Business. So if consumers can’t be trusted to voluntarily level the playing field, small business owners like Moore say it’s up to government, which ironically passed a law, yet has not enforced it, something Jackson indicates tends to be standard operating procedure. “[Amazon] is in talks with the Administration and the Department of Revenue as to how they’re going to start complying with that,” Jackson says. “I know their strategy in other states was to either litigate or go to the Department of Revenue or Taxation and basically say ‘Give me x-number of months to comply and we’ll promise to put a distribution center somewhere in your state.’ That buys them some time for compliance purposes and then the state gets promised jobs out of the deal.” Though Jackson wouldn’t say if that’s what happening here in Georgia, if history is any indication, Amazon seems to be incorporating the nation’s increasing desire to collect tax revenue into its growth strategy. In Tennessee, where they recently passed a law similar to Georgia’s, tax collection won’t begin until next year, but Amazon promised to add 3,500 full-time jobs on top of a $350 million capital investment. Texas was promised 2,500 new jobs over four years and South Carolina made an agreement with Amazon that keeps its sales in the state tax free until 2016 as long as it creates 2,000 jobs by the end of the year. Adding distribution centers where required allows Amazon to manage its growth while at the same time strategically managing law changes that will eventually demand compliance. Dragging their heels this compliance seems to play into their hand because, according to Jackson, the states seems to be no real rush to implement the law change, even though in Georgia’s case, officials expected to collect $16 million over the course of the year. “Frankly, the way these types of laws are passed, the law may take effect, but there’s always a kind of delay because Amazon has litigated in some of the states where they feel the state laws are unconstitutional, or in other states, they’ve used more of a negotiating type of tactic.” That negotiating tactic can prove valuable to state coffers once the jobs arrive, but it comes at the expense of companies like Moore’s, which have just that much longer to compete on the uneven playing field.

21MARCH2013


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ERICJOHNSON

Milestone Market

Tenth year of the Saturday Market promises new things and more of what people love The Augusta Market at the River will celebrate its 10th anniversary with new partnerships and new events designed to broaden the reach of the Saturday staple. “It started out as more of a farmers market, but it’s evolved now into a full-blown local artisans market,” says market Director Brooke Buxton. “It’s almost like a festival every weekend.” That festival feeling will be in full force this Saturday, with appearances by members of Symphony Orchestra Augusta’s brass section, Garden City Jazz and an art festival sponsored by Artists Row. Artists Row President Syd Padgett says the inclusion of Saturday’s art festival is refreshing the market as well as downtown. “We’re going to extend the market all the way down to the river where the city built a stage last year,” he says. “We’re going to do our regular market hours down there from 8 a.m. until 2 p.m. and then, from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m., we’re bringing it back over to Broad Street where all the different galleries are.” That kind of spirit is what Buxton was striving for when she took over the market in 2010.

21MARCH2013

“I personally have a passion for all of downtown, and to see the market continue to grow from what it was is rewarding,” she says. “It has a visual arts presence, a jazz presence and it’s got the local produce and other things you think of as part of a farmers market.” Artists will be collaborating on a mural that will later make its way over to Artists Row when the crowd moves on. Though the Saturday market has sometimes struggled to stake a claim on a long-term location, the event seems to have found a home at the fountain entrance to the Riverwalk, otherwise known as the 8th Street bulkhead. There, vendors of everything from homemade soap to caricatures to starter plants man tables and greet the public, rain or shine. The bread has become especially popular. “We have three or four bakeries who come out, including Lil’ Dutch Bakery and Manuel’s Bread Café,” Buxton says. Manuel’s, now a popular North Augusta restaurant, got its start at the market, and though Buxton would like to feature more restaurants, she says she’s happy at the varied way in which the market has grown. “Initially when I took the market over, I would

call people and ask them to participate,” she says. “We had a list at that time of about 400 vendors, and I called them all and invited them back out, but after that first year, they came to me. This year, I’m more concerned if we’re going to have the space to hold them all.” Another interesting new addition to the market is the Triple 8 Run, an eight-mile run that starts at 8 a.m. at the 8th Street Plaza (hence the Triple 8). The bi-state loop includes the Riverwalk, two bridge crossings and the North Augusta Greeneway and will occur each of the 36 weeks of the market. “The YMCA is sponsoring it,” Buxton says. “And for people who are trying to get into running, we’re offering a three-mile and a six-mile course as well as a walking group.” Vendor membership packages give a significant discount to those who commit to a full season, but Buxton says that only amounts to about 25 percent of the vendors, which means that every market is going to be a little bit different.

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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ERICJOHNSON

The Art of Recovery

Program that uses art to help cancer patients will have art show at the Morris

Roel and Marian Wielinga

As part of the new synergy between GRU’s Summerville campus and its medical campus, Dr. Alan MacTaggart, chair of the Art Department, has developed an internship to send art students to work with patients at the GRU Cancer Center to help make the long, difficult cancer journey a little more tolerable and the treatments perhaps a little more effective. “It can’t just all be about drugs and poisons to kill the cancer,” MacTaggart says. “Sometimes, it’s also your attitude.” Increasingly, scientific evidence supports the value of art therapy, particularly with cancer patients. “It all comes down to mind over matter and your personal will actually helping you to fight better against these things rather than being in a neutral space watching TV or being drugged all the time,” he says. The program — a three-credit course which requires students to spend six hours a week working with patients — is part of the cancer center’s whole-patient approach to care. “Our philosophy is to treat the patient as a whole, which means that we don’t only treat the cancer, we literally treat the patient,” says Dr. Samir Khleif, director of the GRU Cancer Center. “We address all aspects of the patient’s care and all aspects of the patient’s life.” Part of that comes through standard cancer therapies like chemotherapy, radiation and surgery. Then comes addressing the patient’s environment, psychology, spirituality and the 14 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

patient’s integration into the community. Art therapy, Khleif says, is part of this comprehensive approach to treating the disease. He admits it’s a departure from the way the disease used to be treated. “It’s a kind of non-traditional approach,” he says. “This is something that I integrated into the philosophy of patient care because we really want to approach the patient from all aspects.” Because of the nature of the disease and its treatment, Khleif says cancer patients are unique. A cardiac patient, for example, might undergo a surgery and then go home, but cancer patients often suffer severely from the different treatments, which in the case of chemotherapy can mean long hours connected to an IV that is delivering toxic substances intended to kill the disease, but which often cause extremely negative side effects. Besides that, the treatments are frequently boring, with nothing to do but watch TV and contemplate unpleasant things, which is why patients and caregivers alike find art therapy so encouraging. “Art therapy is part of that comprehensive approach because it takes the patient’s mind off of things, it enhances the patient’s worth, it enhances the patient’s well being and it gives the patient an expressive medium to be able to think about where they are,” Khleif says. MacTaggart says he was excited by the chance to give his students the opportunity to use their talents in such an uplifting way, but he knew that, because of the circumstances, it was important that only the most mature students be allowed to participate, which is why he personally screened each of the 10 students taking part in the program. “I only wanted upperclassmen that were pretty well-

grounded and mature enough to deal with the issues of working with cancer patients,” he says. “The last thing you want is for somebody who is working with a number of different people down at the cancer center not to be able to handle it if, say, one of the patients dies. You don’t want them to drop off and disappoint the other people they’ve been working with.” Also, he says he wanted to make sure that they were in the program for the right reasons. “They can’t be selfish,” he says. “They have to be selfless if 21MARCH2013


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they’re going to be involved in something like this.� Leila Toatley is just one of those students. A nurse who works in the neonatal intensive care unit, she is uniquely qualified to understand the sensitivity required when dealing with patients and their families, and, as an art student, she is well schooled in the therapeutic power of art. “It’s a powerful thing and we see it all the time in our art classes,� she says. “And here — it’s great to see what people come up with. I always tell them they don’t have to draw perfectly — if they just want to put down color, it’s still their experience and it’s coming from them and it has a meaning to them.� MacTaggart says that while many of the patients who agree to participate in the program have no art experience whatsoever, they can still gain a lot from working with the students. “Many people haven’t picked up a pencil to draw with in 30 or 60 years,� he says. “Basically, they’re going to start where they left off, or they have forgotten how to do a lot, so having an art student around who’s not judgmental but is just there to help and enjoy them is kind of a special gift. It’s alright for them to be primitive, but it’s also alright for the students to sort of demonstrate on another pad how to make something look like it’s in front of something else or some very simple perspective. They can get all the help they want.� And the results are almost instant. “All of a sudden, their head is in a place that is full of love and happiness and just the opposite of sitting there worrying about death,� MacTaggart says. Even if a patient doesn’t want to draw — younger males, for example, tend to be a harder sell when it comes to art therapy — the students are still encouraged to engage the patients. “I’ve told my people if they don’t really want to draw but they’re happy to be with you, then talk to them about their lives and what they loved to do and what their happiest memories are,� MacTaggart says. “For one thing, it’s taking their minds off things, and it’s at least putting their head in a happier place. And I tell them — you’re art students: draw them.� Some of those pictures will accompany the artwork of patients (about 50 pieces in all) at a special exhibition called “An Exhibit of GRU Cancer Patient Art,� which opens with a special reception on Thursday, March 21, at 5 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art’s Education Gallery. The exhibit will show until April 21. Though the new program has only been in effect for a couple of months, MacTaggart has observed that patient satisfaction has been high. “Whether it’s been life changing for my students, we’ll wait and see,� he says. “I know that at least one of my students has basically changed where she wants to go as an artist. She really wants to do the masters degree in art therapy and make this her career. That student is Heather Romig. A tall, energetic woman with a quick smile and an infectious laugh, she started out wanting to be in the medical illustration program, but discovered her interaction with the patients had impacted her in ways she wasn’t necessarily prepared for. “I found that I enjoy working one-on-one with people or in groups of people much more than I prefer the isolation that medical illustration can sometimes result in,� she says. “The nice thing about it for me is that it marries the two interests I have, which is medicine and art. I’m pretty passionate about both, so this gives me another sort of career path other than medical illustration, which had seemed like one of the only career fields I could get into that married science and art.� One of the patients she works with is Roel Wielinga. A professional artist, he’s certainly not representative of the skill level of the patients seen by the students in the program, but if ever there was an advocate for the therapeutic power of art, it’s him. He is articulate, persuasive and full of praise. “I wouldn’t be here right now if I hadn’t done that,� he says of his art. “If I had sat back in my bed and just watched TV like a lot of people and had nothing to do, I wouldn’t be here.� Wielinga, who spent 20 years as an artist in the Air Force before working as an illustrator for magazines and comic books, has used art both as a distraction from the pain and uncertainty that goes along with his leukemia treatments as well as a way to make sense of what he’s going through. “I made characters that represent me and my wife,� he says. “Then, I started doing illustrations that represented the sequences I went though the two years I was in and out of the hospital.� The characters are firmly rooted in the fantasy genre — a bare-chested warrior and his voluptuous female guardian existing in a dangerous world filled with monsters and spirits. Though he drew the characters with a lot of strength and power, the drawings are complex. Never is it just the strong characters beating back the monstrous disease. Sometimes the hero is on the offensive, but other times he is wounded. Or succumbing. Or simply very small. He points to one drawing, where the hero’s body looks resigned to defeat. “When I was in a really bad state, I almost gave up, but my guardian pulls me back,� he says, moving his finger to his beaconing guardian. “I’m already in the spirit halo.� The guardian, his wife, is always somewhere in these drawings, sometimes offering support, sometimes searching or sometimes, like in the picture he’s describing, the reason he has not given himself to the abyss. What is especially fascinating about the pictures is that they’re not his way of looking back on the tough times, they are a representation of what he was feeling at the time it was all happening. 21MARCH2013

5k Fun Run/Walk March 30‡DP

Intersection of 9th Street & Brainard Avenue Check-in begins at 7:00 a.m. At each kilometer, runners are sprayed with color. Runners are blasted with a barrage of colors at the finish line.

Registration: 10 years and under: free with adult purchase 11 years and older: $40.00 Includes: Fun Run, T-shirt and 1 Color Packet Call 706-791-4300 or email Battleofthecolors@gmail.com Visit www.fortgordon.com for Rules and Regulations Presented by

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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He compares one especially detailed drawing to one with fewer details. The more intense the time, he says, the more intense the concentration and the more intense the attention

16 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

to detail and technique. “You look at this one — I was drawing, but I wasn’t really there,” he says. “But when you look at the detail of this one

when I knew that the end was here — I had to overcome.” Not only does the art help him express the powerful emotions that are inside, but his wife, Marian, says it also helps him in practical ways. “He has fought with what is called chemo brain,” she says. “He says his sequential thought process gets messed up, but when he was doing this, it helped him refocus.” Romig, who credits working with Wielinga for helping her overcome an artist’s block, believes along with him that the art is responsible for results beyond mere distraction, which certainly has value in itself. “I think when people have a tendency to internalize a lot of their illness, it actually causes the medicine to not be quite as effective,” she says. “Obviously, that’s all theoretical, but studies tend to show that when you have positive feedback and positive outlets in things like art therapy and music therapy, it just has a tendency to help the individual get through the struggle on a mental and emotional level.” For a long time, Wielinga didn’t go back and look at his drawings. They were too raw and the scars from the treatments and the bone marrow transplant and the infections and the recurrences were just too fresh. And it’s because of that that he believes so strongly in the therapeutic properties of art. “It’s a very good mental outlet and it’s something that will encourage the patients, whether they realize it or not, to get the strength and hope to battle whatever affliction they have,” he says. “It can be very positive.” That’s just the reaction MacTaggart wants to hear, and though he is unsure whether or not art therapy is a program that will expand beyond its current form — Romig will have to find her masters in art therapy somewhere else — he too has no doubt about its worth. “The fact is, visual art is an art of creation,” he says. “It’s the opposite of dying from a cancer.”

21MARCH2013


Coming Soon to Evans! Opening May 2013

4349 Washington Road Across from Mellow Mushroom in front of Kroger

Phyllis Salazar Vice President & OfďŹ ce Manager 706-650-2265

www.firstbankofga.com


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See your favorite local artists, including Jason Craig, Jay Jacobs, Leonard Porkchop Zimmerman, Carrie Brooks and Brian McGrath, paint live to ‘90s music at Sky City on Saturday, March 23, at 8 p.m. Silent bidding on individual painting will take place until midnight. $3 admission includes a raffle ticket to win a collaborative painting by all five arts. Visit skycityaugusta.com.

ENTERTAIN

Arts

Spring Artists Market at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art, with featured works on view and available for purchase, will continue through Friday, March 22. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org. “Arts and Change in the 19th Century” lecture will be given at the Morris Museum 1 p.m., Friday, March 22. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris. org. Adult Artist Workshop: Everyday Calligraphy will be offered at the Morris Museum 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Saturday, March 23. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Live Painting and Silent Art Auction, presented by Augusta Visual Artists, is Saturday, March 23, at 8 p.m. at Sky City. Artists including Jason Craig, Jay Jacobs, Leonard Porkchop Zimmerman, Carrie Brooks and Brian McGrath will paint to ‘90s music and silent bidding on individual painting will take place until midnight. $3 admission includes a raffle ticket to win a collaborative painting by all five arts. Visit skycityaugusta.com. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. Corks & Canvas painting classes for adults 21 and over are held every Tuesday and Thursday night beginning at 7 p.m. and lasting 2-3 hours. Painting materials provided. Bring your own wine and clothes to paint in. $30; $25 with military I.D. Pre-registration required. Call 706-868-0990, email pstudiollc@gmail.com or visit pstudio.com.

Exhibitions

Exhibition Opening: First Lady Ellen Axson Wilson and Her Circle will be held at the Morris Museum 6 p.m., Thursday, March 28. Amy Kurtz Lansing, curator of the Florence Griswold Museum in Old Lyme, Connecticut, will discuss the influence of the Lyme Art Colony. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Agnes Markwalter Youth Art Competition and Exhibition will show at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art through March 28. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org. “Alterations: Fashioning a Black Identity” exhibit will be presented by Nancy Wellington Bookhart at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History through April 30. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. 18 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Millie Gosch art exhibit is on display at Sacred Heart Cultural Center through April 30. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. “Restoration,” an exhibit of work by GRU adjunct instructor Mahera Khaleque, will be on display at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art, through May 17. Members, free; non-members, $5. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org. The Godfather of Soul James Brown exhibit is on display at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. “Romantic Spirits” exhibit, featuring paintings of the South from the Johnson collection, will be on display through May 26. Call 706-828-3825 or visit themorris.org. “Tying the Knot,” a display of wedding dresses and accessories from the late 1800s to the 1960s, will be on exhibit at the Augusta Museum of History until May. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. “Blast From the Past” is on display at Augusta Museum of History to celebrate the museum’s 75th anniversary. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. “Local Legends” is a permanent exhibit highlighting Augusta notables on display at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. “Protect and Serve,” an exhibit highlighting the stories of CSRA law enforcement officers, is on display at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. “Delightful Decanters” is a temporary exhibit on display at the Augusta Museum of History featuring colorful bottles used to sell products as late as the 1970s. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Music

Midday Music will be held at First Presbyterian Church in Aiken noon, Thursday, March 21. Free. Reservations required. Call 803-648-2662 or visit aikenpresbyterian.org. The Assembly Quartet will perform a recital at the USC-Aiken Etherredge Center, Thursday, March 21, at 7:30 p.m. Call 803-641-3328 or visit usca. edu. Drum 4 Your Life class is at the Odell Weeks Center in Aiken noon, Saturday, March 23. Registration required. Call 803-642-7630.

ME

Cleon W. Mauldin Memorial Concert will be played by Augusta Concert Band at the Kroc Center auditorium at 3 p.m., Sunday, March 24. Free. Call 706825-9124 or email augustagaconcertband@gmail.com. A Collage of the Arts for Passion Week will be held at St. John United Methodist Church, 7 p.m., Sunday, March 24. It will be the final installment for the season of the Concerts with a Cause series. John Ourensma will be guest organist. The cause is the Augusta Rescue Mission. Call 706-7249641 or visit stjohnaugusta.org. Elvis Lives multimedia and live musical tribute will be presented at the Bell Auditorium, 7:30 p.m., March 27. $35-$45. Call 706-262-4567 or visit augustaentertainmentcomplex.com. The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706-364-4069 or visit krocaugusta.org. Irish music session will be held at the Bean Baskette coffee shop in Evans 7:30 p.m., every Thursday night. Featuring Lillie Morris, and Mike and Joanne Hay, with guests. Call 706-447-2006.

Literary

Book Discussion will be held at the Headquarters Library, 6:30-8:45 p.m., Thursday, March 21. It’s Your Book Club will discuss “Dare, Dream, Do” by Whitney Johnson. New members welcome. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Writers’ Weekend will be held at the GRU Summerville campus, Friday and Saturday, March 22-23. Visiting writers include Jericho Brown, Wendy Turner, Michel Stone, Deno Trakas and Christine Deriso. Email aharri31@ gru.edu. Maxwell Morning Book Club will meet at the Maxwell Library, 10 a.m.-noon, Tuesday, March 26 to continue their discussion of “The Island of Lost Maps: A True Story of Cartographic Crime” by Miles Harvey. Call 706-7932020 or visit ecgrl.org. Talk the Talk Ladies Book Club will discuss “The Rapture of Canaan” by Sheri Reynolds at the Headquarters Library, 6:30-8:45 p.m., Tuesday, March 26. New members welcome. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual poetry contest. Cash prizes will be given out. Categories are middle and high school, adults, and seniors. Visit poetrymatterscelebration.com. 21MARCH2013


IVFGA.COM 812 Chafee Avenue Augusta, GA 30904 706-724-0228 3193 Howell Mill Road, Suite 214 Atlanta, GA 30327 404-985-7918

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It Only Takes One Egg By all accounts, Krista and Trent Saxon should not have a son. A little more than five months ago, however, little Tucker was born in an event that everyone familiar with their story classifies as a miracle. Even more miraculous is the way Tucker made his entrance into this world, conceived by in-vitro fertilization at the Servy Massey Fertility Institute and carried to term by his grandmother, Angie Stockton. It all began when Krista, now almost 27 years old, was born. An otherwise normal baby, she was nevertheless born without a fully formed uterus, something Krista and her parents didn’t find out until she was 15 years old. “Then, it wasn’t a big deal to her,” Angie remembered. “However, me at the time? I was hysterical because I knew what that meant for her later in life.” “Honestly, I don’t think it phased me that much,” Krista agreed. “At 15, I’m not thinking about marriage or kids. At that time, those things weren’t at the top of my to-do list. Of course, as I got older and got married, it was a totally different story.” Krista married Trent Saxon nearly four years ago and, a year later, the couple decided to see if having a baby was possible. After seeing her OB/GYN, who performed several tests, Krista found her way to Servy Massey. “Actually, I have a good friend of mine who I work with who also had some fertility issues,” she said. “She’s from Augusta and used Dr. Servy, so she recommended him to me.” Krista and Trent, who live in Winder, began making trips to see Dr. Servy in Augusta in December of 2010, in what would end up being a two-year journey toward pregnancy. Dr. Servy first had to determine whether Krista could, in fact, produce any eggs. And then there was the matter of the gestational carrier.

“It’s not something I can just go up and ask anybody to do,” Krista said of having another woman carry her baby. “It’s a lot to ask.” But Dr. Servy had an idea. “Dr. Servy asked her, ‘Who are you thinking about that would carry your baby,’ and she said she really didn’t know,” Angie said. “Then he turned to me and asked me how old I was and if I was in good health and told Krista, ‘This is the person who needs to carry your baby.” An unusual situation, to be sure. Angie says that, from the research they’ve done, they think she is the fourth woman in the U.S. and the first in Georgia to carry her daughter’s baby. It made for some interesting situations later on. “When I had to deal with the paperwork to make sure Krista and Trent’s names went on the birth certificate, the lawyers had never heard of it before,” Angie laughed. “When we went to the hospital to have Tucker, people couldn’t believe it.” Finding a gestational carrier, however, wasn’t the only hurdle Krista and Trent had to overcome. Krista could produce eggs, but only two rather than the 10 or more that fertility specialists prefer to harvest. One, however, did not mature. “Dr. Servy said, ‘Krista, it’s up to you. You’ve got one good egg. The odds are against you,’” she said. “It was very disappointing. Hearing that just kind of makes you think, ‘This may not work. I might not be able to have a child of my own.’ But I felt like, at that point, after going through all that, I could only be optimistic. It only takes one egg to make a baby.” Krista’s egg was fertilized with Trent’s sperm, grew for five days and was frozen. It was thawed and transferred several months later to Angie’s “oven,” as they like to call it. On February 13, 2012, the Saxons discovered they were pregnant.

By Amy Christian “Oh yeah, that was a great Valentine’s Day,” Krista said. “When they told her I was pregnant, everybody cried. The staff cried, we cried,” Angie said. “Dr. Servy came in grinning ear to ear. He said this is a miracle baby.” Two weeks later, however, Angie began bleeding. The placenta, it turned out, was separating from the lining of her uterus. The heartbeat was still there, though, so Dr. Servy prescribed bed rest. Mother and daughter say the rest of the pregnancy went well until Angie developed preeclampsia in her third trimester. Doctors decided Tucker would be born by C-section on October 6, two weeks before his due date. “There wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t worry because you never know,” Krista said. “Just to have him out there and holding him, it was hard to believe he was finally here. Of course, now that he’s here, I still worry about him.” Krista and Angie say that five-month-old Tucker is one of the happiest babies they’ve ever seen. Relatives have even nicknamed him “Smiley.” And though it was a long and stressful journey, Krista said she’d definitely recommend the Servy Massey Fertility Institute to others. “He’s compassionate and cares about his patients,” she says of Dr. Servy. “I would highly recommend him. He was honest and straightforward, but very sweet. He’s just a great, great doctor.” Tucker has already met the doctor who helped bring him into the world, but Angie said that someday they’ll tell him just how it all happened. “There were so many times where it could have been the end of it and it wasn’t,” she said. “We thank God every day and that little Tucker has been a fighter from the start. He is one special child and one day he will know what we did to get him here.”


Is Tubal Ligation Reversal or IVF Right for You? It is estimated that 700,000 American women undergo tubal ligation each year as a means of permanent contraception. Many of these women later regret having their “tubes tied” when they decide they want more children. Tubal ligation reversal and in-vitro fertilization (IVF), both offered at the Servy Massey Fertility Institute, have the potential to restore fertility for these women. What Is Tubal Ligation Reversal? Tubal ligation reversal is a procedure that reconnects the fallopian tubes in women who have previously undergone tubal ligation. Reconnecting the fallopian tubes restores the natural function of the fallopian tubes, allowing sperm to reach and fertilize an egg. The procedure restores fertility in approximately 80 percent of cases. How Is Tubal Reversal Procedure Performed? The procedure is carried out at an outpatient center and takes approximately two hours. It is performed under general anesthetics, using minimally invasive microsurgical techniques. The surgeon makes a small (2-inch) incision in the abdomen and the blockage in the fallopian tubes is excised. The free ends of the fallopian tube are then carefully reconnected. Once the fallopian tubes are reopened, sperm should be able to travel along the fallopian tube and fertilize an egg. The egg should then move to the uterus for implantation. Even if the tubal reversal procedure is successful, it does not guarantee that you can become pregnant.

Tubal Ligation Reversal or IVF Determining between tubal ligation reversal and IVF to restore fertility take into account both the personal preference of the patient and the expert opinion of Dr. Edouard Servy of the Servy Massey Fertility Institute. After reviewing a patient’s tubal ligation surgery operative notes and pathology reports, Dr. Servy will also consider several other factors, including the overall health of patient; the patient’s age, weight and body mass index (BMI); the type of tubal ligation previously performed; the remaining length of fallopian tubes; the extent of damage to the fallopian tubes; and the condition of the area of fallopian tube closest to the ovaries (the fimbrial portion). Dr. Servy will also consider other fertility factors, including a sperm analysis. If tubal ligation reversal is not an option, in-vitro fertilization (IVF) is an acceptable alternative. IVF involves retrieving mature eggs from the woman, fertilizing them with a man’s sperm in a laboratory dish and then, 2-5 days later, implanting the embryos in the uterus. The national pregnancy rate average for IVF can be as high as 40-45 percent, depending on the women’s age. The success of tubal ligation reversal is dependent on several factors and the most successful procedures are seen in patients who are less than 40 years old, have

three or more inches of healthy fallopian remaining after tubal ligation, and have fallopian tubes that were originally blocked by clips, rings or minimally burned. The procedure restores fertility in approximately 80 percent of cases, but even if the tubal reversal procedure is successful, some patients may need assistance to reach their goal. Side Effects Tubal ligation reversal procedures are conducted on an outpatient basis, and patients are usually discharged on the same day as their surgery. Patients can usually return to their normal activities 4-5 days after surgery, with full recovery taking up to two weeks. Very rare side effects of tubal ligation reversal surgery include bleeding, infections and anesthetic complications. There is also a 2-3 percent chance of an ectopic pregnancy later on, in which the fertilized egg implants outside of the uterus, usually within the fallopian tube. Cost The total estimated cost of a tubal ligation reversal procedure is $5,770, and that price includes preoperative consultation, surgeon’s fee, anesthesia fee, operative facility fee and post-operative follow-up care. Payments should be made by either money orders or cashier’s checks, and all fees must be paid in full on month prior to surgery. Cancellation of a procedure within 14 days of the surgery date will result in a 25 percent cancellation fee.

Servy Massey Fertility Institute Ready to Vitrify Oocytes More than one year after the considerable decrease of IVF pricing (discounted as much as 50 percent from other IVF centers), the Servy Massey Fertility Institute announces another improvement: oocyte vitrification, or harvesting a woman’s unfertilized eggs and freezing them for later use, is now available.. Vitrification is a new method of cryopreservation, simpler than slow-freezing. The institute has been vitrifying embryos for eight years, but a few American and foreign clinics are already preserving oocytes. It was time for the institute to get ready for this change. In order to teach the lab’s two embryologists, Yaqi and Karla, the co-founder and partner of SMFI (Servy Massey Fertility Institute), Dr. Edouard Servy, decided to request the help of an Italian PhD in biochemistry the first week of February. Giovanna Di Emidio, 27, graduated from the University of L’Aquila (Italy) and specializes in oocyte vitrification. She worked a year in her school’s reproductive biology laboratory with her professor, Carla Tatone, and lived a few months in Germany, where she did some research on the link between the aging of oocytes and oxidative stress. She also spent four months in Valencia, Spain, and vitrified oocytes every day. “What convinced me to study reproductive

endocrinology was this friend of mine who had difficulties in getting pregnant,” explains Giovanna. She describes the embryologist as a “babysitter”: “He or she takes care of the eggs, keeps them outside the incubator the minimum amount of time, makes sure that they stay at the correct temperature, with clean air and dim light.” Why did Dr. Servy invite an Italian specialist? “Because this country is far advanced in oocyte cryopreservation by vitrification,” he said. In 2004, a law was voted in that country to forbid the freezing of embryos for a moral reason. They wanted to keep IVF laboratories from fertilizing more than three oocytes and requested that they transfer all the resulting embryos. Italian laboratories thus started to freeze all extra oocytes. Who could benefit from oocyte freezing? 1. Young women who are about to receive cancer treatment (chemotherapy, radiation therapy) and want to protect their oocytes in order to be able to conceive in the future. 2. Young women who are not yet ready for a pregnancy but would like to preserve their fertility. 3. Egg donors. Oocyte vitrification allows using the eggs whenever needed by the recipient, without having to worry about donor synchronization. Giovanna spent six days working with the lab’s

By Stephanie Kanitsch

By Claire Perez

embryologists for training. “The user instructions for vitrification are no secret,” she explains, “but you must know many tricks if you want the better results.” They split the eggs in two groups. They injected the first group’s eggs with sperm, and they froze the others to thaw them and inject them later. The next day, they compared the results and found that fertilization of the frozen eggs provided the same results as conventional IVF. “The fertilized frozen eggs turned into beautiful embryos, that grew to the blastocyst (5-day) stage,” Dr. Servy says proudly. “It means they have a very good chance to implant in the uterus and lead to a good pregnancy.” What about the willing women who gave their eggs for the trial? “IVF will be free for them,” Dr. Servy answers. “Oocyte vitrification is a new procedure for the institute,” says Karla after her training. “The SMFI low-cost program has drastically increased traffic in our lab. Surely, oocyte vitrification will further increase our number of cases.” Above all, it brings an additional tool to the institute. P.S. Three out of three patients who had frozen, thawed oocytes are now pregnant. Excellent results!


Part of the Process

When it comes to fertility treatments, it’s usually all about the mom. But Augusta couple Jennifer and Erik Dos (pictured above) say that the staff at the Servy Massey Fertility Institute did their best to make Erik feel he was included. “Every time we had an appointment, Dr. Servy would pat Erik on the back and tell him he was doing a good job,” Jennifer remembered. “He always made Erik feel like he was a part of the process.” And to Erik, that was important. “As a guy, you feel like everything is out of your control. Like most guys whose wives are visiting that office, I felt helpless,” he said. “But they have a wonderful attitude and I’ve never seen anything like it. They truly want you to be successful and they’ll do anything they can to make it happen.” The staff at Servy Massey — Erik especially points out Beth, Gwen, Karen and Joan — did make it happen for the Dos family: Jennifer is 29 weeks

By Amy Christian

pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl. The pregnancy, however, didn’t happen overnight. The two, who’ve been married more than six years, began seeing Dr. Servy two years ago after about three years of trying, and then seeing Jennifer’s regular OB/ GYN for tests, didn’t work. “Dr. Servy found out that I had a cyst near one of my ovaries, so I had surgery two months after that,” Jennifer said. “They weren’t able to remove the cyst and discovered I had stage 3 endometriosis. That was all within the first couple of months of going to Dr. Servy. And I had never had any type of surgical procedure in my life, so it kind of freaked me out.” Jennifer and Erik had already tried through her regular OB/GYN to get pregnant two or three times through IUI, and continued to try that method with Dr. Servy. “I think he would have liked us to go to IVF (in-vitro fertilization) before the last IUI, but we asked him to try

one more time and he was wonderful about us being active in our plan. He’s very good at hearing what you want. I think he probably would have had us move on to IVF quicker than we did but, because we didn’t want to, he was very understanding,” Jennifer said. “But after the last one didn’t work, he said IVF was our best bet.” Their first IVF attempt was not successful but the second in September was. When Jennifer took a home pregnancy test, she said she couldn’t believe her eyes. “I couldn’t speak. I showed it to Erik and he was freaking out and then I ran downstairs and took a picture and sent it to Beth [at Dr. Servy’s office] and asked if it was too soon,” she remembers. “Every month you’re so used to a negative, a negative, a negative. You hope it’s going to be positive, but, no, I didn’t believe it.” After getting over the initial shock of being pregnant, Jennifer and Erik then had to adjust to the idea of twins. Erik seemed to have a bigger problem than Jennifer. “The first few appointments we went to with Dr. Servy to do the ultrasounds, Erik had to have him make sure that there were only two babies and not three,” she laughed. “One of the other embryos we had frozen had split, so Erik was really worried that one of the embryos we put back would have split as well.” Now comfortable with the idea that they’ll be parents of twins in June, Jennifer and Erik are looking forward to introducing the kids to Dr. Servy and his staff. “We can’t wait for Dr. Servy and Beth to babysit,” Jennifer said. “He has to babysit, he just doesn’t know it yet.” In the meantime, Jennifer and Erik say they will recommend the Servy Massey Fertility Institute to anyone who needs help becoming parents. “They truly want to see you become parents. It’s really neat and you just don’t see that in other medical offices,” Erik said. “And Dr. Servy made sure it wasn’t just him talking to the mother. He’s got a way about him and he just applies his experience with such grace.”

Meet the Men Behind the Servy Massey Fertility Institute When patients first visit the Servy Massey Fertility Institute, they can be assured that the two doctors the clinic is named after are the best in their field. After all, Dr. Joe B. Massey (pictured at right) is responsible for the first baby born in Georgia by in-vitro fertilization (IVF) and Dr. Edouard J. Servy is responsible for the second. The two have been practicing in the field of reproductive endocrinology since the 1970s, and met for the first time during a research project they collaborated on in the 1980s. It wasn’t until the fall of 2011 that the two doctors decided to team up, having both identified a need for low-cost IVF treatments for patients whose insurance wouldn’t cover it. The partners now have two locations: one in Augusta and one in Atlanta. “Currently in this country, one-third of the people who would like to have IVF or need IVF don’t get it because their insurance doesn’t cover it,” Dr. Massey explained. “Insurance companies see IVF as a luxury, like plastic surgery, and it’s not fair.” Dr. Servy wholeheartedly agreed with Dr. Massey and said that it took two established physicians to be able to accomplish what could help thousands of couples in need. “I know how these young couples suffer from not being able to afford this,” he said. “It’s still expensive, but it’s half the cost. I think it’s going to be good for our lab and our practice, but I also think it’s going to be a good humanitarian project. And it takes two older guys like Joe and me to do something like this. We’re really out of the mainstream. Fortunately, we can afford to do it.” They may be “older guys,” but Drs. Servy and Massey are still in their prime. Dr. Servy, a native of France, is a founding member of the Augusta Rugby Club

and an avid golfer. He’s been married to his wife Cheryl for 41 years and the couple has four children and three grandchildren. Dr. Massey plays tennis, enjoys visual and performing arts and loves spending time with his six grandchildren. Providing help to those in need, however, is a passion for both doctors. “Our early experience is that people who don’t have insurance, and those who find it difficult to get into the system under the old pricing model, are responding,” Dr. Massey said of response to the low-cost IVF program. “It’s a good service and good pricing, so it’s good for everyone.” The results, Dr. Servy adds, make it all worthwhile. “Obviously, you cannot be fully satisfied until the couple have their child,” he said. “And that is the best feeling, when they come back with the child who is two or three months old. And most of them do come back. We have plenty of pictures.”


Fresh IVF Cycle Includes bloodwork, ultrasounds, retrieval, transfer, ICSI and assisted hatching First Cycle All Other Cycles

$6,975 $6,575

Additional Services Medication $2,500-$5,000 Cryopreservation $400-$600 Embryo Storage $375 per year Prices subject to change. Servy Massey Fertility Institute Advanced fertility science. Exceptionally affordable care. 812 Chafee Avenue Augusta, GA 30904 706-724-0228 993-D Johnson Ferry Road, Suite 360 Atlanta GA 30342 404-250-1518 3193 Howell Mill Road, Suite 214 Atlanta, GA 30327 404-985-7918

IVFGA.COM

The Servy Massey Fertility Institute was founded on the belief that fertility treatment should be more affordable and accessible to all. The Institute’s founders, Dr. Edouard Servy and Dr. Joe B. Massey, are pioneers in reproductive endocrinology and the treatment of infertility, and have been helping patients build families for more than 30 years. With offices in Atlanta and Augusta, Georgia, the Servy Massey Fertility Institute serves the southeast region, the US and abroad.


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Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-7370012 or visit bn.com.

Dance

Belly Dance Class is held every Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Euchee Creek and Wallace libraries. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-0594 (Euchee Creek), 706722-6275 (Wallace), or visit ecgrl.org. Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:30-9:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call 706-399-2477. Zumba with Sohailla is held every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706421-6168 or visit zumbawithsohailla.blogspot.com. Christian Singles Dance, a smoke-, alcohol- and drug-free event for those ages 40 and over, is each Saturday night at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Dance lessons start at 7 p.m., and the dance begins at 8 p.m. No partners needed. Members $8, guests $10. Call 706-854-8888 or visit christiandances.org. Saturday Night Dance with live music is each Saturday night at the Fraternal Order of the Eagles Post 1197 from 8:30 p.m.-12:30 a.m. $5. Call 706-495-3219.

Theater

“The Story of Noah and His Great Big Gopher Boat,” an original musical production presented by the Enopion Theatre Company at the Kroc Center, is Thursday and Friday, March 21-22. General admission, $16; seniors, children and groups of 10 or more, $11. Call 706-771-7777 or visit enopion.com. “Of Mice and Men” by John Steinbeck will be performed by GRU Theatre at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre, Summerville campus, 7:30 p.m., ThursdaySaturday, March 21-23, and 3 p.m., Sunday, March 24. General admission, $10; seniors, $7; faculty and staff, $5; GRU students, free with JagCard. Call 706-6674100 or visit gru.edu. “Roar of Love” will be presented by the Columbia County Ballet at Bell Auditorium, 1 p.m. and 5 p.m., Saturday, March 23. General admission, $25; students, seniors, children and military with ID, $20. Call 706262-4567 or visit augustaentertainmentcomplex.com. “Steppin’ Out” gospel stage play will be presented by D Brown Productions at the Imperial Theatre, 7 p.m., Saturday, March 23. Advance, $20-$23; door, $23$25. Call 706-722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.com.

Flix

“Hotel Transylvania” shows at the Headquarters Library, 2 p.m., Saturday, March 23. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Special Events

PigJam will be held at Sacred Heart Cultural Center, 6:30 p.m., Thursday, March 21, and features barbecue, live music from Sibling String and more. $35. Reservations required. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. Paws in the Park Pet Walk will be held by the CSRA Humane Society, Saturday, March 23. Registration begins at 9 a.m., at the CSRA Humane Society. Walk begins 10 a.m. If you don’t have a dog, you may walk a shelter dog, beginning at 11:15 a.m. Registration for that begins at 10:30 a.m. $10, $17 or $22. Proceeds benefit the CSRA Humane Society. Visit csrahumanesociety.org. Soup Kitchen will be held at the Augusta Jewish Community Center, 8 a.m., Sunday, March 24. Call 706228-3636 or visit augustajcc.org. The Lee Bros, celebrity foodies, will appear at two locations for cookbook signings and tastings, Monday, 21MARCH2013

March 25: The White Crane, noon-2 p.m., and 3 Monkeys Fine Gifts in Aiken, 5-8 p.m. Call 706-7386359 or 803-648-7592. 21st Annual Art Patchin/Will Weston Celebration will be held at The Richmond on Greene, 6 p.m., Thursday, March 28. Individuals, $50; couples, $75. Call 706667-0030, 706-729-5660 or 706-729-5656, or visit universityhealth.org. Saturday Market on the River begins March 23. It will be held at the 8th Street Plaza, 8 a.m.-2 p.m. through Nov. 23. Browse local produce, baked goods, coffee, arts, crafts and more. Visit theaugustamarket.com. Evans Towne Farmers Market is held on the grounds of the Columbia County Public Library each Thursday through June from 4:30-7 p.m. All meats, eggs, dairy and produce will be from local and sustainable farms. There will also be cooking demos and education, local artisans with handcrafted goods, live music, local food vendors and weekly events. Visit evanstownefarmersmarket.com. Pet adoptions are held by CSRA Happy Tails Rescue at the Mullins Crossing Petco in Evans from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. each Sunday and from 1-4 p.m. each Saturday and Sunday at the Tractor Supply Company. Visit csrahappytails.com.

Health

Breastfeeding Class for expectant mothers will be held at Babies R Us in Evans 7-9 p.m., Thursday, March 21. Free. Registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Mobile Mammography Screenings will be held 8 a.m.-3 p.m. the following dates and locations: University Hospital, Friday, March 22; Walgreens, Monday, March 25. Free through Medicare. Appointment required. Call 706-774-4149 or visit universityhealth.org. Weekend Childbirth Education class will meet in the University Hospital Education Center, 6:30-9:30 p.m., Friday, March 22 and 9 a.m.-5:30 p.m., Saturday, March 23. Registration required. Free. Call 706-7742825 or visit universityhealth.org. Total Joint Replacement educational talk will be given at Doctors Hospital, 1:30-3:30 p.m., Tuesday, March 26. Bring your questions and concerns. Registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital. net. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Class will be held in the University Hospital Heart & Vascular Institute, 2 p.m., Tuesday, March 26. Free. Registration required. Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org. How Parkinson’s disease affects driving will be the topic of a talk given by Dr. Abiodun Akinwuntan at the CSRA Parkinson’s Disease Support Group, St. John Towers, 6 p.m., Tuesday, March 26. Free. Call 706364-1662. Weight Loss Surgery Seminar will be held at the Georgia Regents University Alumni Center, 6:30 p.m., Tuesday, March 26. Free. Registration required. Call 706-721-2609 or visit gru.edu/weightloss. Bariatric Seminar will be held at Doctors Hospital for anyone looking for options for medical weight loss. Takes place 6-7 p.m., Thursday, March 28. Free. Registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Colorectal Cancer Treatment and Genetics talk will be given by oncologist Mitchell Berger at The Legends, 6-7:30 p.m., Thursday, March 28. Call 706-722-9011 or visit universityhealth.org. Introduction to Infant CPR class will meet in the University Hospital lobby, 7-8:30 p.m., Thursday, March 28. Registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Grab your pooch and head to the Paws in the Park Pet Walk, held by the CSRA Humane Society Saturday, March 23 at their Pet Center on Wood Street near Lake Olmstead. Registration begins at 9 a.m., and the walk begins 10 a.m. If you don’t have a dog, you may walk a shelter dog, beginning at 11:15 a.m. Registration for that begins at 10:30 a.m. $10, $17 or $22. Proceeds benefit the CSRA Humane Society. Visit csrahumanesociety.org. The Happiest Baby on the Block educational session will be offered at Doctors Hospital, 7 p.m., Thursday, March 28. Learn “5 S’s” of calming a fussy baby and getting baby to sleep better. Class recommended before having the baby or soon after birth. Registration required. Call 706-6512229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Childbirth Education Class will meet at the Georgia Regents Medical Center, 6:30 p.m., each Wednesday in March. Free. Registration required. Call 706-721-9351 or visit gru.edu/classes. Adult Boot Camp high intensity exercise class will be held at the Wilson Family Y through April 19. Class meets Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 5 a.m. and 6:15 p.m. Members $35 per session; non-members $65 per session. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Child Safety Seat Inspections offered by appointment at the Safe Kids office (call 706-721-7606), Martinez/Columbia Fire Rescue Engine Co. 3 (call 706-860-7763) and Columbia County Sheriff’s Substation in Evans (call 706-541-3970). Visit gru.edu. Car Seat Classes are offered by appointment only at the Safe Kids Office in Augusta and at the Martinez Columbia Fire Rescue Headquarters. $10. Registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit gru.edu/safekids. Yoga I offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken 8:45-9:45 a.m., Tuesdays and Thursdays; Yoga II is offered 8:45-9:45 a.m., Fridays; Evening Yoga is offered 5:30-6:30 p.m., Mondays and Wednesdays. $41 for 10 tickets. Call 803-642-7631. Tai Chi for Boomers is held at 6 p.m. every Tuesday and Thursday. Call 706-394-0590, email sbeasley@augustameditation.com or visit augustameditation.com/taichi.html. Stress Management Classes are held at the University Hospital Heart & Vascular Institute at 8:15 a.m., 9:15 a.m. and 1:45 p.m. each Wednesday. Call 706-774-3278 or visit universityhealth.org. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson’s Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Members, free; nonmembers, $5. Pre-registration required. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is held every Tuesday at 2 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Free. Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org. Cardiopulmonary Rehabilitation program covers topics such as coronary 24 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

artery disease, heart attack and CHF at the University Hospital Heart and Vascular Institute. Program is held each Wednesday at 8:15 and 9:15 a.m., and 1:45 p.m. Call 706-774-3278 or visit universityhealth.org. Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets from 1111:45 a.m. every Thursday at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Adapted Evaluation, a 30-minute initial and annual evaluation including medical history and water assessment, is offered at the Wilson Family Y. $25. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Adapted Special Populations classes offered at the Wilson Family Y. Members $11; non-members $22. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy. org.

Call 706-231-0022 or 706-364-1768, or visit trinityofaugusta.com. AA meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Centers’ Aurora Pavilion, and includes an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com. Adult Sexual Assault and Rape Support Group provides group counseling at University Hospital for those who have experienced sexual assault, incest, rape or childhood sexual abuse. Call 706-724-5200 or visit universityhealth.org. Alcoholics Anonymous is a support group for those who wish to stop drinking. Call 706-860-8331. Beyond the Bars is a support group for those with incarcerated loved ones. Call 706-855-8636.

Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual half-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. Members, $10; nonmembers, $20. Call 706-922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital’s Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building. All burn survivors, and their families and friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706-6516660 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Support

Cardiac Support Group meets three times a year. Free. Pre-registration requested. Call 706-774-5864 or visit universityhealth.org.

Weight Loss Support Group will be held at Doctors Hospital, 6-7 p.m., Thursday, March 21. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Journey Sistas women’s support group will meet at the IWS Event Center, 7 p.m., Saturday, March 23. RSVP required. Email journeysistas@gmail.com or text 706-751-9210. Cancer Share, a support group for all those who have been diagnosed with cancer, meets at the University Hospital Breast Health Center 6-7:30 p.m., Monday, March 25. Call 706-774-8308 or visit universityhealth.org.

Diabetes Youth Support Group meets quarterly. Call 706-868-3241 or visit universityhealth.org. Families Who Have Lost a Baby Support Group is offered by GRU. Call 706721-8299 or visit gru.edu. Gamblers Anonymous is a support group for those who wish to stop gambling. Call 800-313-0170.

Multiple Sclerosis Support Group meets at the Georgia Regents Medical Center, 6-7:30 p.m., Monday, March 25. Call 706-721-8664 or visit gru. edu/classes.

Living With Diabetes, a program designed to teach skills needed to manage diabetes, is offered at Trinity Hospital. Physician referral required. Call 706-481-7535 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Weight Loss Support Group will meet at the Georgia Regents University Alumni Center, 5:30 p.m., Tuesday, March 26. Free. Registration required. Call 706-721-2609 or visit gru.edu/weightloss.

Lupus Support Group meets at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706394-6484 or 706-821-2600, or visit ecgrl.org.

Parkinson’s Disease Support Group meets at St. Johns Towers 6 p.m., Tuesday, March 26. Call 706-863-6355 or visit universityhealth.org. LaLeche League, a support group for mothers-to-be, and nursing moms and their babies, will meet at Trinity Hospital, 7 p.m., Tuesday, March 26.

Narcotics Anonymous meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Visit na.org. Natural Family Planning support group meets locally. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. 21MARCH2013


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Overeaters Support Group meets locally. Call 706-7850006 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Parents of Hearing-Impaired Children meets locally. Call 706-481-7396 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Reach for Recovery is presented locally by the American Cancer Society. Call 706-731-9900 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Recovery Support Group meets 7:30 p.m. Sundays and Fridays. Call 706-855-2419.

Education

Creating Flyers and Business Cards will be offered at Wallace Library, 6-7:30 p.m., Thursday, March 21. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. “The Work of the African-American Civilian Conservation Corps� will be the topic of a program to be given at Aiken State Park, 2 p.m., Saturday, March 23. General admission, $2; South Carolina seniors, $1.25; ages 15 and younger, free. Call 803-649-2857 or visit southcarolinaparks.com/aiken. Computer classes offered at Wallace Library include PowerPoint, 6-7:30 p.m., March 26, and Introduction to Excel, 6-7:30 p.m., March 28. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Free Tax Help is available at the following library locations: Headquarters Branch, every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday from 9 a.m.-3:30 p.m. through April 12; Maxwell Branch, every Thursday, Friday and Saturday from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. through April 13; Columbia County, every Tuesday and Thursday from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. through April 11; Euchee Creek Branch, every Monday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. through April 15. Visit ecgrl.org. Intermediate Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 2:30-4 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Beginner’s Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 4-5 p.m. at Friedman Library. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Free Tutoring for all ages, offered by GRU’s Literacy Center, is available by appointment Monday-Thursday, from 4-8 p.m., at the center at 1401 Magnolia Drive. Appointments required. Call 706-737-1625 or visit gru.edu. GED Classes are held Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5:30-8:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. English as a Second Language (ESL) classes are offered every Tuesday from 6-7:30 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Fort Gordon Toastmasters meets 11:30 a.m. each Wednesday in the Organizational Conference Room (Fish Bowl) on Fort Gordon Army base. Open to public. Visit fortgordon.toastmastersclubs.org. Adult Hebrew Class is taught at Congregation Children of Israel at 10:30 a.m. every Thursday. Email office@ cciaugusta.org or visit cciaugusta.org. Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Guided tours of 1797 Ezekiel Harris House offered by appointment only Tuesday-Friday, and Saturday 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Last tours of the day begin at 4 p.m. Adults, $2; children, $1. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. Historic Trolley Tour of Augusta boards at the Augusta Museum of History at 1:30 p.m., Saturdays. See 21MARCH2013

historic sites and hear spooky legends. $12, including admission to the museum. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustaga.org. Tours of the Boyhood Home of President Woodrow Wilson are held regularly. Adults $5; seniors $4; kids K-12 $3; under 5 years free. Reservations required for groups of 10 or more. Call 706-722-9828.

Sports-Outdoors

The Augusta RiverHawks face the Columbus Cottonmouths, Thursday, March 21 and the Fayetteville FireAntz Friday, March 22. Unless otherwise noted, home games are held at the Augusta Ice Sports Center and start at 7:35 p.m. $10-$21. Call 706-993-2645 or visit augustariverhawks.com. Volunteer Trails Day, 10 a.m.-noon, Saturday, March 23 at Mistletoe State Park. Clean trails, pick up trash, remove fallen trees where able. $5 parking. Call 706541-0321 or visit gastateparks.org/mistletoe.

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Spring Bird Count will be taken at the Augusta Canal by the National Audubon Society, Aiken Chapter, 10 a.m., Saturday, March 23, and 3 p.m., Sunday, March 24. Meet at Lake Olmstead bulkhead parking area at the end of Milledge Road. Visit augustaaikenaudubon.org. Lacrosse registration will be held at the Marshall Family Y, for kids age 7-15, through April 21. Members, $55; non-members, $75. Visit thefamilyy.org. Summer baseball registration will be held at the Family Y of Augusta South through April 21. Visit thefamilyy. org. Adult swim lessons are offered at the Family Y of Downtown Augusta for ages 13 and up. Days and times vary by branch. Members $55 per month; nonmembers $85 per month. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Olympic-style Tae Kwon Do, taught by Master Michael L. Weintraub, is each Tuesday and Friday at 5:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.com. Tae Kwon Do is offered at the Wilson Family Y, Family Y of Augusta South and Family Y of North Augusta. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Kickball League registration is available for a new adult co-ed league that starts April 7 at Riverview Park. Call 941-716-3163 or visit augustakickball.com. Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Raeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email alsalley@wrh.org. Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Library meets every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl. org. Weekly Group Runs include the Monday Metro Run meeting at Metro Coffeehouse at 6 p.m.; Monday Intervals meeting at the Family Y track on Wheeler Road at 7 p.m.; the Tuesday Nacho Mamaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Blanchard Woods Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday Stay in Shape Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Post Office Hill Training Run at 7 p.m.; Thursdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Homer Hustle at 6 p.m.; and Saturdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Stay in Shape Run at 8 a.m. Visit augustastriders.com. The Augusta Furies Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Rugby Football Club practices 6-8 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays at Julian Smith Casino for players 18 and up. Email augusta.furies@gmail.com or visit augustafuries.org. The Augusta Rugby Club holds weekly practice sessions at 6:30 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Larry Bray Memorial Pitch in Augusta. Experienced players and newbies ages 18 and up are welcome. AUGUSTAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Bring a pair of cleats or cross trainers, a mouthguard, gym shorts and a T-shirt. Visit augustarugby.org or Facebook under the Augusta Rugby Club heading. Hott Shott Disc Golf is held each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf in downtown Augusta, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-814-7514 or visit killerbdiscgolf.blogspot.com/p/ hott-shott. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. Entry fee, $5; ace pool, $1. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com. Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, firstserved basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com. Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com. Adapted Aquatics for Special Populations offered at the Wilson Family Y by appointment. Members, $11 per session; non-members, $22 per session. Discount for additional siblings. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Augusta Canal Interpretive Center and Petersburg boat tours winter schedule runs through March 31 and is as follows: The center is open from 9:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Hour-long Petersburg boat canal tours depart at 11:30 a.m., 1:30 and 3 p.m. Admission to center is $6, or free with $12.50 boat tour ticket. Seniors 65 and older, active military/dependent and students (age 4-grade 12 or with valid college I.D.) are $2. One child under 3 per ticketed adult may get in free. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 4. Groups call ext. 7. Visit augustacanal.com. The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878. BlazeSports Swim Team, for all ages of physically challenged swimmers who want to train for competition, meets at the Wilson Family Y. Members, $35 a month; non-members, $50 a month. Pre-registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Civil War 150th Canal Tour, “Food, Fabric and Firepower,” is offered by the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center at 1:30 p.m. daily through 2013. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com.

Kids-Teens

Google Gateway will be held at Diamond Lakes Library for teens, 10 a.m.,

We W e specialize in tree cutting and a nd limbing, landscaping, lot clearing, clearing, stump grinding, and much more!

Ask A sk to see our License and Insurance.

Michael M ichael Murray : 706.691.8832 Thomas T homas Prince : 912.531.7079

AUGUSTA A UGUSTA TREE PROFESSIONALS

26 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Thursday, March 21 and 28. Participants set up a Google account and learn about the variety of services available to them such as Gmail, Drive, Calendar and more. Registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Nature Clubs: Spring Sessions are being offered at Reed Creek Park. Session for homeschoolers 9-11 years old, 1-2:30 p.m., Thursday, March 21. After-school grades K-2, 4:30-6:30 p.m., Thursday, March 21. After school grades 3-5, 4:30-6 p.m., Friday, March 22. Indoor and outdoor activities. $25 per child. Registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com.

15 or more. Call 706-737-1625 or visit facebook.com/gruliteracyplays. Pirate and Princess Party will be held at the Euchee Creek Library in Grovetown, 10:30 a.m., and at 4 p.m. at the Harlem Library, Wednesday, March 27. There will also be one at Evans Library, 4 p.m., Thursday, March 28. Call 706-556-0594 (Euchee Creek), 706-556-9795 (Harlem), 706863-1946 (Evans) or visit ecgrl.org. Craft Workshop for ages 3-5 will be offered at the Appleby Library, 1111:45 a.m., Thursday, March 28. Bring glue, crayons and or markers. Registration required. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

Sea Urchin Storytime will be offered at Aiken Library, 4 p.m., Thursday, March 21. Features, “While the Sun Shines, the Sea Urchin Sleeps,” by local author, Barbara Lawrence. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Bunny Tales for children of all ages will be held at the Aiken Library, 4 p.m., Thursday, March 28. Stories, games and a craft. Registration required. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.

“The Hobbit” will be shown at the North Augusta Library, 6-9 p.m., Thursday, March 21. Bring your own refreshments. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Lego Club for grades K-5 will meet at the North Augusta Library, 4-5:30 p.m., Thursday, March 28. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org.

“It’s the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown” and other Easter movies will be shown for Easter Movie Fun at North Augusta Library, 10:30 a.m.noon and 4-5:30 p.m., Friday, March 22. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org. Kids in the Kitchen will be held at the Kroc Center, 9 a.m.-noon, Saturday, March 23, and includes family activities to help participants learn about healthy eating with fitness activities, coloring and planting a seed to take home. There will be cooking demos and sampling. Free. Visit kidinthekitchen.org. Easter Egg Scramble will be held at Evans Towne Center Park, Saturday, March 23, beginning at 10 a.m. for ages 1-4 and at 11 a.m. for ages 5 and older. $1 per child. Visit evanstownecenterpark.com. Easter Egg Hunt will take place at the Appleby Library, 10-noon, Saturday, March 23. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Black History Quiz Bowl will be offered for the youth at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum, 10 a.m.-2:30 p.m., Saturday, March 23. Free. No children under 5 admitted. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. “The Life of Pi” (Rated PG) will be shown at the Aiken Library, 3-5 p.m., Saturday, March 23. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org. Parents’ Night Out will be held at the Marshall Family Y, Wilson Family Y and Family Y of Augusta South for kids age 2-12, 6-9:30 p.m., Saturday, March 23. Kids have a fun night of activities while parents get a fun night on their own. Non-members, $20 per child; free for children of deployed soldiers. Visit thefamilyy.org. All About Frogs will be offered at Reed Creek Park for ages 5 and up, 8-9 p.m., Saturday, March 23. Participants will listen to frogs while learning how the park is studying them. Children must be accompanied by an adult. Registration required. Members, free; non-members, $2 per child. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com.

T-Ball and T-Ball School will be offered at the Marshall Family Y for ages 4-7 years, through April 22. Members 4-5 years, $40; non-members, $60. Members 6-7 years, $55; non-members, $75. Discounts for additional siblings. Financial assistance available for all Family Y programs. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Celebrate Women’s History Month Contest is going on through the month of March at the Headquarters Branch Library. Participants should pick up a contest form at the children’s department desk. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. “Larry Cat in Space” will be presented at the DuPont Planetarium, 7 p.m., Saturdays in March. “To the Moon and Beyond” will be shown at 8 p.m. General admission $4.50; seniors $3.50; students 4K-12 $2.50. Reservations encouraged. Call 803-641-3654. Youth Boot Camp high-intensity exercise class will be offered through April 13 at the Family Y of North Augusta for ages 10-14. Meets twice a week for six weeks. Members $20 per session; non-members $40 per session. Visit thefamilyy.org. Swim Lessons are offered at the Wilson Family Y and the Family Y of Downtown Augusta for all skill levels from 6 months to adult beginners. Held in four-week sessions with twice-weekly classes through March 28. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Tae Kwon Do is offered for all skill levels age 5 and up at the Family Y of Aiken County, North Augusta, Augusta South and the Wilson Family Y. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Winter Basketball is held through March at the Family Y of North Jefferson for ages 7-18 years. Members, $30; non-members, $50. Call 706-5472653 or visit thefamilyy.org. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Teen Minute to Win It for grades 6-12 will be held at the Aiken Library, 4:30-5:30 p.m., Tuesday, March 26. Play wacky games to win prizes. Call 803-642-7585 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Creative Arts offered at the Family Y of North Augusta for ages 5-12 years. Members, $35 per month; non-members, $55 per month. Visit thefamilyy.org.

“The Princess Who Forgot How to Smile” will be performed by the Patchwork Players at the GRU Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre, 9:30 and 10:30 a.m., Wednesday, March 27. $3 per person; $2 each in groups of

Toddler Time, playtime for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. $2 per visit; $16 per 10-visit pass. Call 803-642-7631 or visit

MONEY

DOESN’T

GROW ON TREES (Although some local tree services must beli be liliev evee it doe ev ddoes oess ac oe acco cord co rdin rd ingg to tthe in heir he ir eest stim st imat im ates at ess!) believe according their estimates!)

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cityofaikensc.gov. Mother’s Morning Out is offered at the Family Y of North Augusta for ages 2-4 years, 9 a.m.-noon, either Monday and Wednesday or Tuesday and Thursday. Mothers enjoy a relaxing morning twice a week while kids learn. Members, $70 a month; non-members, $90 a month. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Drop and Shop is offered Monday-Friday at The Family Y of Augusta South for kids age 8 weeks-4 years, 8:30 a.m.-noon. Members, $5 a child per day; non-members, $7 a child per day. Also offered at North Augusta branch, 9 a.m.-noon. Members, $9 a day; non-members, $15 a day. Visit thefamilyy.org. Little Friends Gym, a parent and child class for those ages 6 months-4 years, is held each Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov. Story Time is held at the Columbia County Library at 10:15 and 11 a.m. Tuesdays, for kids under 2 years old; at 10:15 a.m. Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays for 2-year-olds; at 11 a.m., Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays for preschoolers; and at 4 p.m. Wednesdays for all ages. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Loud Crowd, a supervised after-school program for those ages 4-12, is Monday-Friday from 3-6 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov. Homeschool PE Time, for elementary school aged kids, meets MondayFriday, from 9-11 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Members free. Call 706-3645762 for non-member prices. Visit krocaugusta.org. Mother’s Morning Out is every Tuesday and Thursday, 9 a.m.-1 p.m., at the Wilson Family Y for children ages 3-4. The schedule follows the Richmond County school calendar. $90 per month for members; $110 per month for non-members. Register at any Family Y or visit thefamilyy.org. Story Time is held at the Diamond Lakes Branch library 10 a.m. each Tuesday. Registration required for groups of six or more. Call 706-7722432 or visit ecgrl.org.

21MARCH2013

Tai Chi Panda, a Chinese martial arts program for kids ages 5-13, meets Tuesdays and Thursdays. Ages 5-7 meet at 4 p.m.; ages 8-10 meet at 5 p.m.; ages 11-13 meet at 6 p.m. Call 706-394-0590 or visit augustameditation.com/taichi.html. Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is held every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

803-279-5767 or abbe-lib.org. Story Time at the Euchee Creek Branch Library, for all ages, is held each Wednesday at 10:30 a.m. and each Tuesday at 4:30 p.m. Call 706-5560594 or visit ecgrl.org. Study Hall for teens meets Wednesdays from 3-5 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org/teens. Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484.

Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

Mudpuppies, an arts and crafts program for ages 2-5, is held each Thursday at 10:45 a.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov.

Kroc Trotters Running Group, for those ages 16 and older, meets at 6:30 p.m. each Tuesday and Thursday at the Kroc Center to run the trails of the Augusta Canal. $15. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-854-0149 or visit augustasoccer.com.

Story Time is held every Wednesday from 10-11:15 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

Fairy Tale Ballet is held at the Family Y of Aiken County. Offered once a week for one month for a total of four classes. Members, $25 a month; non-members, $35 a month. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Story Time is held each Wednesday at 10 a.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Pre-registration required for groups. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706737-0012 or visit bn.com. Story Time is held each Wednesday at the Appleby Branch Library from 10:05-10:20 a.m. for toddlers age 18-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschool kids age 3 and up. An adult must remain with the child. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Wednesday at 10:15 a.m. for pre-K, and either 11 or 11:30 a.m. for preschoolers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-6422023 or visit abbe-lib.org. Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:30-11 a.m. for toddlers and 11:15-11:45 a.m. for preschoolers at North Augusta Branch Library. Call

Boy and Girl Scout troops are hosted by Augusta Jewish Community Center. For Boy Scouts, visit troop119bsa.com or email geoffstew@gmail.com. For Girl Scouts, email sbehrend@bellsouth.net. For Daisy/Brownie Troop, email bdmrev@yahoo.com. Creek Freaks, a Georgia Adopt-a-Stream team of middle- and highschool students, meets regularly at Phinizy Swamp Nature Park to monitor the health of Butler Creek. Call 706-796-7707 or visit naturalscienceacademy.org. Fun-Time Fridays, for ages 2-5, is held each Friday at 10:45-11:30 a.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov. Gesher, a teen program for post b’nai mitzvah youngsters (7th-12th grade), meets every other Sunday at Adas Yeshurun Synagogue. Call 706-733-9491.

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Parties at the Family Y offers various activities, days and fees, according to branch location. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Seniors

Simple Cooking Class meets each Monday from 6:308:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Senior Circle Excursion takes place 8 a.m.-6 p.m., Wednesday, March 27. The group will visit IKEA and Hamrick’s. Call 706-481-7979 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Free tax preparation will be provided through April 12 at the Aiken Library (803-642-2020) and the Nancy Carson Library in North Augusta (803-279-5767). Visit abbe-lib.org. AARP Tax Aide allows seniors to have their returns prepared for free at The Kroc Center through April 15. Call 706-364-4064 or visit krocaugusta.org. Silversneakers strength and range of movement class is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

The Garden City Chorus, the area’s leading men’s singing group and a member of the Barbershop Harmony Society, is seeking new members. Those interested are welcome to attend Tuesday night rehearsals, held at 7 p.m. at North Augusta Church of Christ on W. Martintown Road. Visit gardencitychorus.org. Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are held 4:30-6:30 p.m. Fridays, and 1-6 p.m. Saturdays. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com. Bingo is held every Saturday at 1 p.m. at American Legion Post 205 on Highland Avenue. Call 706495-3219.

Spiritual

Bible teaching seminar will be held at the Friedman Library, 10-10:45 a.m., Saturday, March 23. The topic will be “The King Honors Mordecai,” from Esther 6. Call 706-691-4023 or visit ecgrl.org.

Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m. $27 for 10 tickets; free for SilverSneakers members. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Metropolitan Community Church Anniversary Celebration will take place Saturday and Sunday, March 23. The Reverend Elder Dr. Nancy Wilson, moderator of MCC worldwide, is special guest. Saturday events include a potluck luncheon, noon; workshop, 1 p.m.; and anniversary banquet, 6 p.m., at the Partridge Inn, $30. Special Palm Sunday worship service, with finger foods after, 11 a.m., Sunday. Call 706-722-6454 or visit mccoor.com

Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. $31 for 10 tickets; free for SilverSneakers Swipe Card members. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Dr. Niren Vyas will discuss and sign his book, “Harmony and Unity Through Spirituality” in the Business and Education building, USCA, 4-6 p.m., Tuesday, March 26. Free. Visit usca.edu or call 803-648-6851.

Yoga I and II are offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:30-6:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

“Requiem” by John Rutter will be performed at Reid Memorial Presbyterian Church, 6:30 p.m., Maundy Thursday, March 28. Call 706-733-2275 or visit reidchurchaugusta.org.

Silver Sneakers, a senior exercise class, meets each Wednesday and Friday from 1:30-2:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Free. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Sunday activities at the Kroc Center include an adult Bible class at 9:30 a.m., youth Sunday school at 9:45 a.m., and a worship service at 11 a.m. Free. Call 706364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday 9-10 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays from 11:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. and on Fridays from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Volunteer

Tai Chi for Seniors is held 11 a.m.-noon every Thursday at Augusta Jewish Community Center. Call 706-394-0590 visit augustameditation.com/ taichi.html. Dancin’ with the Young at Heart, an event geared toward those ages 50 and older although anyone is welcome, is each Friday at 7:30 p.m. at the Aiken DAV. In addition to dancing to Yesterday’s Sounds, there will also be prize drawings, snack and drinks. $6. Call 803-292-3680.

Hobbies

Wine Tasting will be held at Wine World in North Augusta, 5-8 p.m., Thursday, March 21. Call 803-2799522 or visit wineworldsc.com. Bingo is held every Sunday at 1:30 p.m. and every Monday and Thursday at 7 p.m. at the Fraternal Order of the Eagles Post 1197 on Scott Road. Free. Call 706-495-3219. 28 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Aiken Regional Medical Centers is looking for volunteers. Call 803-641-5021 or visit aikenregional.com. The Georgia Regents University Cancer Center is

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Computer Classes for Seniors are taught at The Kroc Center Mondays and Thursdays. Registration required. Visit krocaugusta.org.

looking for volunteers, especially those who are cancer survivors or caregivers. Adult program for those 18 and older; after-school program open to high-school juniors and seniors who are 17. Applications available at the Children’s Hospital of Georgia. Visit gru.edu/ volunteer or call 706-721-3596. The Greater Augusta Arts Council offers volunteer opportunities for those interested in volunteering for events like Arts in the Heart, First Friday and special concerts, as well as helping in the GAAC office. Call 706-826-4702 or visit augustaarts.com. Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs administrative and patient care volunteers. No experience necessary; training will be provided. Call Rich Boland at 706-447-2626 or email rboland@ msa-corp.com. MACH Academy is looking for volunteers to provide tutoring, academic support and mentoring services during fall after-school sessions held MondayThursday from 3:30-6 p.m. Call 706-796-5046, email mparks37@comcast.net or visit machacademy.com. Miracle League Baseball, held by the Family Y, is looking for volunteers. Call 706-922-9597 or visit thefamilyy.org. Rape Crisis and Sexual Assault Services is seeking volunteer advocates for Richmond, Burke, Jefferson and McDuffie counties. Advocates answer crisis calls and respond to hospitals in their area within 30 minutes. Call 706-774-2746 or email volunteerrcsas@ uh.org. Reed Creek Park offers opportunities to volunteers interested in collecting important data each month on the health of a local stream for the state of Georgia. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. United Hospice of Aiken, which covers Aiken, Edgefield, McCormick, Barnwell and Allendale counties, needs volunteers to visit with patients or work in the office. Training is provided. Call 803-641-0060 or email kathibault@uhs-pruitt.com.

Elsewhere

Carl Purdy will play violin 7-8:30 p.m., Friday, March 22, at the Lake Oconee Food and Wine Festival, in the Ritz Carlton Linger Longer Ballroom, Greensboro, Ga. Visit lakeoconnefoodandwine.com. Mobile Mammography Screenings will be held 8 a.m.-3 p.m. the following dates and locations: Fievet Pharmacy, Washington, Thursday, March 28. Free through Medicare. Appointment required. Call 706774-4149 or toll-free 866-774-4141.

levels. Members, $43 a month; non-members, $63 a month. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. “Impressionism from Monet to Matisse” exhibit will be on display at the Columbia Museum of Art through April 21. Adults, $15; seniors and military, $12; students, $5; kids 5 and under, free; members, free. Call 803-799-2810 or visit columbiamuseum.org. “Anxious Visions” by surrealist Michael Northuis will be on display at the Columbia Museum of Art until April 7. Call 803-799-2810 or visit columbiamuseum.org. “Sketching Politics,” an exhibit of political cartooning, will be on display at Hickory Hill historic house in Thomson through April 15. General admission, $3; seniors, $2; children, $1. School and educational groups are admitted for free, but must make reservations. Visit hickory-hill.org. Story time is held at the Warren County Library in Warrenton at 10:30 a.m. Wednesdays. Call 706465-2656. Thursday Nights at the High, a special event at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, offers half-price tickets from 4-8 p.m. each Thursday. A guided tour is offered at 6:30 p.m. Call 404-733-4200 or visit high.org. Story time and craft is held at the Burke County Library in Waynesboro at 10:30 a.m. Fridays for preschoolers. Call 706-554-3277 or visit ecgrl.org. Story time is held at the Midville Branch Library in Midville at 4:30 p.m. Fridays. Call 478-589-7825 or visit ecgrl.org. Story time is held at the Sardis Branch Library in Sardis at 3:30 p.m. Fridays. Call 478-569-4866 or visit ecgrl.org. Gymnastics Lessons offered at the Family Y of Thomson 130 Center for a combination of age and ability levels. Members, $43 per month; non-members, $63 per month. Visit thefamilyy.org. Art and Music Classes offered at the Family Y of Thomson 130 Center for all ages. Members, $25 per month; non-members, $35 per month. Visit thefamilyy.org. If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

Karate is offered at The Family Y of Thomson 130 Center and Family Y of North Jefferson for all skill

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Out of Hand

Seriously… I’m going to take that smartphone away from you!

This smartphone thing has gotten out of hand (again). Don’t get me wrong. I love mine, too. I take it everywhere. Although I have a nice camera (and I’ve been told I take decent photos), I use my iPhone to document special moments in my kids’ lives. Every once in a while, I dump the pictures and videos to my computer, so I’ll have a record of the Easter Egg Hunt or the St. Paddy’s Day parade. We are all reachable every minute of the day. If my phone’s battery level drops to 15 percent or worse, I’m on a quick hunt for the charger. Even my sister in law finally upgraded to a big fancy phone. We’re all connected. Here’s what gets me: Just about anywhere you go, unless it’s forbidden, the screens take over. Last week, The Kids’ school was recognized for their awesome Spanish program at the Foreign Language Association of Georgia’s annual conference. Everyone in attendance was abuzz about how cool it is to see these students learning Spanish at such a fast rate. Every child has Spanish class five days a week, which is a luxury

22MARCH2013

that most schools don’t have. We’re proud. About 25 kindergarten and first grade students and half as many fourth and fifth graders assembled in front of the 300 or so teachers attending the conference. They practiced and memorized the song and dance. People were impressed. Well, they were if they were able to see through the forest of illuminated screens. Seriously, people. You are ruining awesome things with your iPads and phones. There is absolutely no need to record every single second of every single thing that little Johnny does. One picture will suffice. I was charged with taking some pictures for the yearbook, and we promised to share the photos with parents. Unfortunately, I was unable to get many at all. I had to sit on the floor in the front row, because so many moms and dads held their phones high. The whole time. When I was a kid, video camera users were out of sight in the back of the theater. Sure, the cameras were the size of a lawnmower back then, but I’m sure there was some etiquette involved, too. If you’re videotaping something, you will block people’s view. I tried to take some photos of the big ballroom, so we could show others the size and magnitude of the conference. I went to the middle aisle, and it was completely blocked by moms who, despite the request to remain in the back, were taking obscene amounts of pictures. Here’s a tip: Get one good shot as a memento. After that, sit there and watch your kid. You might be surprised at how much you’ll enjoy the performance. Rather than going through hundreds of crappy photos, you can actually talk to your kid about the experience. No one wants to see that many pictures anyway. Trust me. I know, I know. Grandma lives in Iowa and she wants to see pictures. Aunt Sassy couldn’t make it, and she’s checking her Facebook for the pics. They’ll live with one. Trust me. Last fall, I photographed a friend’s wedding. Many of the big-picture shots in the sweet little chapel by-the-sea are useless without Photoshop (which I don’t own). A young woman, part of the bride’s family, took it upon herself to video the entire ceremony. She hung her arm out into and over the aisle throughout the vows. I’m sure the bride didn’t expect an illuminated blue rectangle in her wedding album. A beach wedding I attended last summer had more iPad photographers than bad bridesmaid dresses. I have kids, too. I understand not wanting to miss a single moment. C’mon, though. Let’s get a grip. Take less pictures (unless you are paid to do it, of course). You may remember more than you think. Besides, your hiney was hangin’ out of your low rises while you were crouchin’ down in the center aisle. None of us could miss that. I may or may not have sent it in for the yearbook.

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

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LET THE MADNESS BEGIN. THURSDAY AND FRIDAY

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AUGUSTA 706-364-WILD 32 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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3035 WASHINGTON ROAD

Classic Rock

Members of ARS crisscross the state to get to Evans on March 30

For an original member of the Atlanta Rhythm Section who now resides in Tampa, Florida, singer Rodney Justo sure does know a lot about Augusta. “I was in Augusta about three years ago for the Masters and, I gotta tell you, man, I don’t think people can be this way year round, but I know somebody told them, ‘Alright when Masters are going on we are going to be the most accommodating people in America,’” he laughed. “I’m telling you, man, even the cops. If you’re stuck at a traffic light and make a right turn too late or too early or make a left turn too late or too early, they won’t break your balls. They’ll just look at you and shake a finger or something.” Justo said it’s a much different situation where he lives. “I live in Tampa and we always complain about the tourists, but they keep us alive, you know?” he said. Justo should know a little bit about the area; after all, his son, James Freece, is a civilian firefighter at Fort Gordon. And while he may miss Masters by a week or so, he’s looking forward to ARS’s upcoming gig at the Lady Antebellum Pavilion… and seeing his bandmates. That’s right, members of ARS are actually spread among three states. “I live in Tampa, two of the guys live in Atlanta and three live in Huntsville, Alabama,” he explained, saying that traveling can be difficult. “So let me give you an example: We’ve got a gig coming up in Atmore, Alabama. So I’ll drive up from Tampa and they’ll drive from Atlanta and Hunstville. So now we’ve got three cars that all show up in Atmore. Then, we have a gig somewhere in Georgia, let’s say Brunswick. So we take all three cars to Brunswick and then, I’ll be damned if another date didn’t come up after that. So now, from Brunswick, Georgia, we’ve got three cars going to Ft. Lauderdale.” It’s a far cry from the glamorous tour buses filled with women and illicit substances that people always associate with the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle, but Justo said the music business is just not like that anymore. And for some bands, it never was. Justo said he and ARS recently played a Rock Legends Cruise with several other classic ‘70s band including Foreigner, 38 Special, Kansas, Bachman-Turner Overdrive and Blue Oyster Cult. It was there that he ran into old friend Randy Bachman of BTO who, in the ‘70s, was a very frugal traveler. “They flew coach, they stayed two guys to a room, they did all the things you’re supposed to do when you’re running a business as opposed to a band,” he said. “I hadn’t seen Randy in years and I said, ‘Randy, you still live in Vancouver or Winnipeg?’ And he said, ‘Well, I have a house in Winnipeg, a house in Vancouver, I have one in London, I have one in California and I have one in Maui.’ So that’s what happens when you run your business like a business as opposed to the bus with the hookers and the coke.” Justo may love to reminisce about the ‘70s classic rock scene, but he says it was the Rock Legends cruise that got him fired up, both for the touring season and for the upcoming Evans show, where they’re sure to play hits like “So Into You” and “Imaginary Lover.” “We played with the Little River Band in Cartersville, Georgia, maybe about three months ago and they were great,” he said. “You know, I don’t get out much. I don’t listen to much music, but that cruise we went on really inspired me, man. There’s a lot of good music out there and, I hate to say it, but most of it comes from our era.” The Litter River Band and the Atlanta Rhythm Section Lady Antebellum Pavilion Saturday, March 30 | 7:30 p.m. $25, lawn seats; $40, VIP reserved; $60, VIP gold reserved 334-799-7177 | etix.com

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FEATURED

March 21 21Thursday, Live Music

French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - Von Holmes Julian Smith Casino - #JazzLives Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Live and Local Rose Hill Estate - Preston Weston & Sandra Sky City - Sirsy, Chris Hardy & his 4 Stringed Little Friend Somewhere In Augusta - Celia Gary The Willcox - Jazz Wild Wing - PWM

Truth and Salvage Co. is a sixmember roots rock/Americana band currently headquartered in Nashville, Tennessee, and containing four lead singers. Yep, that’s correct: four lead singers. Come see what that’s all about when they play Stillwater Taproom Friday, March 22. Music starts at 10 p.m. and cover is $5. Visit truthandsalvageco.com.

What’s Tonight?

Chevy’s Nite Club - Karaoke, wine tasting Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Trivia, Soup and Suds Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia Joe’s Underground - Trivia w/ Jacob & Wendell The Loft - Karaoke MAD Studios - Open Mic w/ John Lacarbiere III Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

22

Friday, March 22 Live Music

100 Laurens - Keith Gregory Chevy’s Nite Club - The Southern Meltdown Band Country Club - Joe Stevenson Doubletree - Classic Jazz Fox’s Lair - She N She French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - Celia Gary Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Shameless Dave & the Miracle Whips Malibu Jack’s - Tony Williams Blues Express PI Bar & Grill - Music for Lovers w/ Matthew Whittington Polo Tavern - Atomic Road Somewhere In Augusta - Granny’s Gin Stillwater Taproom - Truth and Salvage Co. Surrey Tavern - Playback The Band w/ Tutu Dy’Vine Wild Wing - Mad Margritt

What’s Tonight?

Armando’s - Karaoke w/ Rockin Rob Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance Party Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim The Playground - DJ Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel 22MARCH2013

Soul Bar - (r)EVOLUTION Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

March 23 23Saturday, Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Chevy’s Nite Club - Live Music Country Club - Larry Frick Joe’s Underground - Stillview MAD Studios - Invite Only Showcase Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz with Pam Bowman Polo Tavern - Mama Says Sector 7G - Holiday Away, My Brother’s Keeper, Anatomy of an Ocean, Come What May Somewhere In Augusta - Connor Pledger Stillwater Taproom - Mississippi Kites Surreal at Surrey - Jessta James Surrey Tavern - Playback The Band w/ Tutu Dy’Vine Wild Wing - Irritating Julie

What’s Tonight?

What’s Tonight?

Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing Shannon’s - Karaoke with Peggy Gardner

March 25 25Monday, Live Music Shannon’s - Open Mic Night

What’s Tonight?

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia Robolli’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Somewhere in Augusta - Poker Wild Wing - Trivia

March 26 26Tuesday, Live Music The Highlander - Open Mic Night Shannon’s - Karaoke Contest The Willcox - Piano jazz

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Loft - DJ Richie Rich Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke The Playground - DJ Rana Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Sky City - ‘90s Night Soul Bar - DJ Lowterio Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

What’s Tonight?

March 24 24Sunday, Live Music

March 27 27Wednesday, Live Music

5 O’Clock Bistro - Mike and Dave Cotton Patch - Keith Gregory (brunch) Malibu Jack’s - Playback The Band w/ Tutu Dy’Vine Patridge Inn - Sunday Evening Jazz w/ the Not Gaddy Jazz Trio Wild Wing - Cody Webb The Willcox - Jon Vaughn, brunch; Preston & Weston, night

Chevy’s Nite Club - Shag Night Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Joe’s Underground - Poker Night Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane Limelight Cafe - Bottom’s Up Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Poker Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Trivia The Playground - Truly Twisted Trivia with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke Shannon’s - Karaoke with Mike Johnson Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia Surrey Tavern - Tubeday Tuesday Movie Night

Chevy’s Nite Club - Steve Chappel Joe’s Underground - Kathleen TurnerOverdrive Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock

What’s Tonight?

Armando’s - Karaoke w/ Rockin Rob Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent

Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Midtown Lounge - Karaoke w/ Charles O’Byrne Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta - Comedy Zone w/ Jerry Farber and J.A. Anderson Surrey Tavern - Trivia with Christian and Mickey

Upcoming

Von Holmes - Joe’s Underground March 28 Panic Manor w. Everybody Run - Sky City March 28 Tyson Thaxton - Somewhere In Augusta March 28 Granny’s Gin - Wild Wing March 28 Michael Stacey Band - Country Club March 29 The Lacs - Coyotes March 29 Jesup Dolly - First Round March 29 The Unmentionables - Somewhere In Augusta March 29 Soul Dimensions - Surrey Tavern March 29 Lindsay Lou and the Flat Bellys - Stillwater Taproom March 29 Steven Bryant - Tavern at the Bean March 29 Toyzz - Wild Wing Marach 29 Pretty Petty - Polo Tavern March 29-30 Holman Autry - Country Club March 30 Futurebirds w/ Shaun Piazza and New Madrid - Sky City March 30 J.C. Bridwell - Somewhere In Augusta March 30 Todd Coleman Band - Wild Wing March 30 Joy Division Cover Band - Soul Bar March 30 Funk You - Surrey Tavern March 30 Jason White - Laura’s Backyard Tavern April 5 Josh Hilley Band - Polo Tavern April 5 She N She w/ AcostA - Sky City April 6 Ryan Morris - MAD Studios April 11 Lera Lynn w/ Shaun Piazza & Celia Gary - Sky City April 11 The Broadcast - Surrey Tavern April 11 Carl Dylan - MAD Studios - April12 Carrie Underwood - James Brown Arena April 19 Vagabond Swing - Stillwater Tap Room April 19 Alice in Chains - Bell Auditorium May 1 Derelict String Band - Stillwater Tap Room May 10 Palmetto Groove Band - Chevy’s Nite Club May 24 AcostA - Stillwater Tap Room May 31 AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Moshing Not Allowed The Country Club will escort you out if you try

No moshing? No way! Way. That’s right, not only was that a “Wayne’s World” reference, moshing has been discontinued! Well, at least for the Country Club, that is. A sea of concertgoers showed up last Wednesday night to see the bands P.O.D. and Nonpoint, and were shocked to find out that the Country Club has a “No Moshing” policy, which they strictly enforced. For most audiences that love hearing loud angry music, they know a night of moshing is in store. This still holds true when it’s a Christian rock band, like P.O.D. Most planned on strapping up their boots, put on a Slayer shirt and getting ready to “dance.” The Country Club warned the crowd of hundreds that if you decided to mosh, you would be escorted off the premises, and they were not lying, even after P.O.D. told the crowd to do it anyway. Maybe that wasn’t the best advice to get from the band; there were numerous people showed to the exit doors without a penny refunded. Surprising news to most: I’m on the Country Club’s side on this one. Not because I didn’t want to get my new Polo shirt wrinkled, but because I think moshing is at a high level of douchebaggery, like drinking a Monster Energy Drink. I mean, have you ever seen someone holding a Monster Energy Drink and thought, hmmm, he seems like a nice guy. Come on, moshing? What are you 14 years old at a Mud Honey show? The main reason I am anti-moshing: I hate creepy people touching me. This is especially true when it’s “sweaty alcohol driven” creepy people. Even if you are the “respectful mosher,” the one who helps people up and who isn’t there to hurt people, I still don’t want you to touch me. It’s like going to a strip club and allowing the dancers to touch you. It’s just not right. I hate to sound like an old fogy (not really), but I think moshing is the dumbest thing since yelling “Free Bird!” during a concert. Is it lame to just want to watch a concert? I want to be right there in the middle of extremes. I don’t want to go to a Ben Gibbard show and sit in silence, and I don’t want to be in the pit at a Slipknot concert getting my teeth kicked in by someone who hates his dad. That’s a lot of pent up aggression. Either way, for now, my side wins. If you are up for moshing, don’t forget the band Down will be in Augusta in May. This seems like the perfect show for you. Live music this weekend can be found at my favorite drink tank, Stillwater Taproom. Stillwater has bands both nights this weekend, which is a treat. Truth and Salvage Co. can be heard on Friday, and The Mississippi Kites on Saturday. Banjos unite! On a scale of one to 10, this show ranks a 0 on the “Potential to Mosh” scale. Attention, attention: Low dough show! These are always good, a massive amount of live music for less than half the price. The Playground presents Screaming For Silence and A Memory Down, with special guests Necessary Evil, on Thursday, March 28. Five dollars gets you in. This show ranks a 7 on the “Potential to Mosh” scale. Tribute band or cover band? Either way, I get to hear music that I know. Check out the Soul Bar on March 30 for a Joy Division cover band. Since Joy Division only put out two albums, I’m willing to guess you’ll hear some songs you know. If you’re a Joy Division fan, of course. This show ranks a 3 on the “Potential to Mosh” scale, but I think it will be a lot of hipsters moshing. A couple of concerts on the horizon to look forward to: Almost Kings is returning to Augusta on April 27. This time the band will be at Surreal at Surrey with special guests Right to Fall and F.O.C.U.S. The next is a pretty cool thing to hear. Black Francis, from the Pixies, is doing a solo acoustic show at Sky City on Thursday, May 9. I recommend getting these tickets in advance. What shows are coming to Augusta? Who is the next big band? Has a stripper ever touched you? Email me at matt@themetrospirit.com.

MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

34 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Familiar Reading

VALERIEEMERICK

GRU Theatre performs adaptation of Steinbeck’s classic “Of Mice and Men”

Because “Of Mice and Men” is required reading for most people at some point in their education, it is a story that all should be familiar with. The story takes its title from Robert Burns’ poem “To a Mouse”, which in translation reads: “The best laid schemes of mice and men / Often go awry.” It follows the lives of two migrant workers, George and Lennie, who seem to personify the words from Burns’ poem. Georgia Regents University Theatre will present John Steinbeck’s “Of Mice and Men,” this Thursday through Sunday at the Maxwell Theatre of Performing Arts. The production is directed by associate professor Dr. Carolyn Cope, who spoke about the play with great enthusiasm. “One of the reasons why I chose it,” Cope explains, “was because a lot of people would remember it from reading the novel. Steinbeck is one of our classic writers and I like to work with the classics, especially ones that may not have been produced in a while.” Most of us are probably accustomed to seeing the roles of George and Lennie portrayed by much older actors. Cope addressed this as well, saying that it was something she put a great deal of thought into. “I had been thinking about it for some time,” she said. “I decided that George and Lennie could be in their early 20s. Most productions portray them as being older, but [for us] I didn’t think it would be that big of a stretch and thought that there would be enough age-appropriate roles for our kids. The ranch hands, for example, could easily have been in their 20s.” Aside from the student roles, there are also community actors involved in the production who play the roles of Candy and The Boss, characters who are older. Bob Rollins, who portrays Candy, is the oldest player in the production according to Cope, and is active in other theater groups around the CSRA. The Boss is played by former Augusta State University math professor Jim Benedict. “I taught math at ASU for 35 years,” said Benedict. “My wife, Michelle, taught math there for 30 years.” Why is Benedict’s wife significant to the production? In addition to having an acting role in the play, Benedict is also a troubadour and he and his wife will be performing before the play each night. In keeping with the theme and time frame of the story, the Benedicts will be performing Woody Guthrie songs and encourage everyone to get there early to enjoy the music. “This is my first acting role since 1964,” laughs Benedict, recounting his performance in the title role of “The Mad Butcher,” in high school. He also had lots of praise for the other actors. “For a college production,” Benedict said, “we have the greatest Lennie, George and Candy — everyone, really. We have a really strong cast.” “Of Mice and Men” Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre Thursday-Saturday, March 21-23, 7:30 p.m. | Sunday, March 24, 3 p.m. | $5-$10 Call 706-667-4100 | gru.edu 22MARCH2013


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Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Emerson Kelly, Justin Pye and Madison at the Augusta Irish American Heritage Society’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

SIGHTINGS

Lisa Bryant, artist Steve Penley and Hank Bryant at the Morris Museum’s Art at Lunch: The Art of Steve Penley.

Michelle Schulte, Blake Leverett and Jenna Tankersley at the Morris Museum’s Art at Lunch: The Art of Steve Penley.

SIGHTINGS

Peg Randall, Susan Skadan, Pat Rogers and Debbie Whitfield at the Augusta Irish American Heritage Society’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

Will Herman, Caroline Guinn, Grand Marshall Bill Herman and Scott Herman at the Augusta Irish American Heritage Society’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

Adam Holderman, Rachel Neely, Katie Reeves and Christopher Neely at the P.O.D. concert at the Country Club.

SIGHTINGS

Sarah Kennedy, Mary Helen Purcell, Dane Anderson and Brendan Douglas at the Augusta Irish American Heritage Society’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

Carly Houck, Chris Houck and Michael Leite at the Augusta Irish American Heritage Society’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

Elizabeth Logan, Catherine McNanus, Caroline Eaker and Charles Whatley at the Augusta Irish American Heritage Society’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

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AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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BOX TOPS

Even a gaggle of magicians can’t unseat the Great and Powerful Oz... or a Lifetime movie, apparently. RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

1

OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

$41,252,704

$144,056,326

2

1

2

THE CALL

$17,118,745

$17,118,745

1

-

3

THE INCREDIBLE BURT WONDERSTONE $10,177,257

$10,177,257

1

-

4

JACK THE GIANT SLAYER

$6,315,262

$54,007,635

3

2

5

IDENTITY THIEF

$4,419,310

$123,606,175

6

3

SAMEIFLING

“The Incredible Burt Wonderstone”

Magical cast can’t fool audiences into thinking this is a good movie “The Incredible Burt Wonderstone” is a crass, chaotic jumble of a movie that squeezes several laughs out of the raw talent of its performers. But it’s also painfully less than the sum of its parts: Steve Carell, as the titular Vegas magician, plus Steve Buscemi as his partner, James Gandolfini as the plutocratic casino owner, Jim Carrey as a send-up of douchebag magicians everywhere (specifically those named David Blaine and Criss Angel), Alan Arkin as a retired curmudgeon magician. Instead of darkly hilarious, or perversely strange, or consistently silly, “Wonderstone” sprays all those elements onto a sort-of feel-good comedy that mostly feels like a scattershot approach to nowhere. To put it in the most dire terms possible: Jay Mohr appears for about six minutes as a character named Rick the Implausible and gets nearly as many laughs as Carell does in the remaining 94 minutes. “Wonderstone” begins with little Burt getting gut-socked by a bully who tells him no one will ever like him. But when Burt receives a magic kit for his birthday, he attracts another lonely boy, Anton, who becomes his lifelong sidekick. Thirty years later, they’ve become bona fide stars. Downside is, by playing the same room in Vegas with the same sagging act for a decade, Burt, inured from real life by his fortune and fame, has become a jackass of the highest order. This transformation to a woman-using, verbally abusive burnout happens totally out of view — just one story element this potholed script expects you to write on your own — but, okay, we now instantly are supposed to loathe the protagonist. With that, the confusion begins. Appropriately, shifting audience tastes bring his comeuppance. Carrey’s magician, in the sharpest bit of parody “Wonderstone” serves up, drags magic into a masochistic black art with tricks such as marking a playing card, concealing it and then cutting it out of his face. Burt and Anton, pressed to keep up, instead flame out spectacularly and, on

MARCH 22

ACTION

“Olympus Has Fallen,” rated R, starring Gerard Butler, Aaron Eckhart, Morgan Freeman, Angela Bassett. The White House has been attacked and the president has been taken hostage. No, it’s not an NRA revenge fantasy, it’s a movie that, despite the presence of Gerard Butler, looks pretty good.

FAMILY

“The Croods,” rated PG, starring the voices of Nicolas Cage, Ryan Reynolds, Emma Stone, Catherine Keener. This movie about a cave family on a road trip, has reportedly been in production since 2005. That’s a bad sign, as is the presence of Nicolas Cage. To us it just looks like “Ice Age” with people instead of critters.

MUSICAL

“The Sapphires,” rated PG-13, starring Chris O’Dowd, Deborah Mailman, Jessica Mauboy, Shari Sebbens. This one, set in 1968 and featuring an Australian Aboriginal girl group who entertain U.S. troops in Vietnam, will probably not come to any theaters near us.

36 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

his own, Burt proves to be a sad disaster. The rest of the story tracks like a letter V — a decline, an ascent, ta-daaaaaa. The two semi-surprises in store involve Burt’s relationship with his assistant (Olivia Wilde) who forgives his jackassery at ludicrous speed and a finale that, while borderline funny, trashes any claim the movie had toward representing magic realistically. In context, that’s a shame. One of the tensions in “Wonderstone” is a real one: the possibility magic has to blow people’s minds, and how that power makes magic either incredibly powerful or, done badly, incredibly disappointing. At first we see Burt, with his sequined maroon jumpsuit and tragically literal choice of Steve Miller Band’s “Abracadabra” as his theme song, representing the cheeseball school of magic. Gradually he finds his way back to some pretty decent tricks. When “Wonderstone” lets the performers simply perform, the giddy thrill is the magician-comedy equivalent of watching stunt doubles risking limbs. The filmmakers cut a few corners via edits and digital effects. But some of the tricks? The sleight of hand, the parlor classics? Those are the finest parts of the movie. They arrive as a relief, a chance to wonder how (instead of why) did they ever do that?

COMEDY

“Admission,” rated PG-13, starring Tina Fey, Paul Rudd. This comedy has an alarmingly familiar plot: uptight woman needs a guy’s help to loosen up. But the uptight woman is Tina Fey and the guy is Paul Rudd, so it’s got to be a better than average romcom. Right? “Starbuck,” rated R, starring Patrick Huard, Julie LeBreton, Antoine Bertrand, Dominic Philie. A 40-something slacker, a pregnant girlfriend and a class-action lawsuit from 142 people who claim said slacker is their father via artificial insemination. Sounds hilarious.

DRAMA

“Gimme the Loot,” not rated, starring Ty Hickson, Tashiana Washington, Joshua Rivera, Zoe Lescaze. A SXSW fave about graffiti artists intent on tagging the New York Mets’ Home Run Apple. “Love and Honor,” rated PG-13, starring Liam Hemsworth, Teresa Palmer. Despite what you might think, this one was not adapted from a Nicholas Sparks novel. Although the story, about a Vietnam soldier who goes AWOL to find and win back his girlfriend in the States, sure sounds like one. 21MARCH2013


WHINE

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WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

LINE

That’s funny how Azziz tried to get rid of ASU logos on hats and shirts in those suspicious photographs. That reminds me of Van Halen when they tried to “erase” former bassist Michael Anthony’s face from their back catalog when VH released A Different Kind of Truth in February 2012. The only difference is this: Would you rather listen to Azziz or listen to Van Halen? I know which one I’m listening to - Hey!...Hey!...Hey!

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To the person bitching about the speed at which a firetruck passed though the intersection on Washington rd. Take it from someone that has had the opportunity to be the one driving the firetruck don’t pass judgement on something you no nothing about. Yes there are guidelines on the speed to enter intersections. But do you know where they were going? What the emergency was? What if it was your wife, husband, son, daughter that was in need of rescue and every second counted and all that stood between them and the grim reaper was 10 mph more through a light. Would you want them to slow down? Go ahead think about it I’ll wait....... I didn’t think so.

Augusta could probably get more national music acts if the venues would quit barricading the crowd 10 feet from the stage and putting as many cops as they can in front. It irritated the bands as much as it did the crowd. I’ve never once been able to find/read Latchkey Kid online. Am I just missing where to find it? I’ve tried everything I can think of. Thank you.

up

So according to Facebook, Augusta’s gadfly is now in Argentina. I wonder what story he will come up with now, that he is helping the new Pope move his stuff to Rome? Isn’t there supposed to be changes to the City trash services because of new contracts? Shouldn’t the charges for trash in the tax bills be correct first? Why do some properties pay less than others? How much money is being lost because of this? Why did the media drop the ball on that Christopher Dorner story? If you remember, he was that California ex-cop that got roasted in that Big Bear Lake, California cabin fire. I guess the media has ADHD just like the 3%7% of school children that have it - according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual.

I appreciate the RCSD’s effort of putting a few cars out on Gordon Highway in the mornings, but you’ve been doing it on the wrong side... go for the entitled jerkoffs who are driving TO Ft. Gordon. Deans Bridge is a gold mine for speeders as well. T

Anyone else sick and tired of hearing “Lee from Carolina Ale House??” Yeah, even UFC. Aaale yeah! Please shut up.

I thought that Jeff Foxworthy was a Comedian! After 34 Years of Residency in this area, I realized that he is Actually a Historian!

THUMBS

I see that Chelsea Clinton and her husband Marc Mezvinsky (why isn’t her name Chelsea Mezvinsky if she’s married?) traded in their shabby, run-down, decrepit, $4 million dollar house of horrors hovel of a habitrail for a newer $10.5 million dollar pad. She’s 33 and he’s 35. When I was 33 and 35, I was 3 years and 5 years into my $50k mortgage, respectively. Don’t you just love how you, “We, the people...” keep propping up the 1%’ers while you, “We, the people...” wallow in a quagmire of debt and you, “We, the people...” bitch about them?

A

ridiculous it makes you sound? It sounds like something from the X-Files or some Dan Brown novel.

Will Paul Simon be the leprechaun in Augusta’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade? he sure looks the part. Stay away from his lucky charms..aka taxpayer pot of gold.

In response to last weeks whine about the fire truck speeding down Washington Rd......I TOTALLY agree. I don’t know if it just has dirty rims or black rims but there is one that has almost ran me into another car and another time I had to swerve into different lane almost getting rear ended because they ran the red light at the McDonalds on Washington Rd and were in my lane. I understand you are trying to get to a fire or some other emergency, but don’t kill innocent people because you think you are superman behind the wheel.

M

I just wanted to thank 95 Rock for making me hate the new Alice In Chains song. I think I’ve heard it 60x in the past two days. You guys are the kings of overplaying songs. It’s mostly Chuck and Matt Stone though, Big Troy and Sanj give us a little more variety. P.S. Foxy Shazam is the worst band in the world.

CPAC is over.

down

South by Southwest is over.

Is anyone else sick if the overuse of the word “Cabal” to refer to Augusta leaders? Do you all realize how S

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HITTING THE HAY SINCE 1938!

CLOSING SALE EVERYTHING MUST GO! Now Open next to the new Weinberger’s | 3002 Riverwatch Pkwy | Augusta| 706.496.8741 38 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

21MARCH2013



Metro Spirit 03.21.2013