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Contributors Greg Baker|Sam Eifling |Kristin Hawkins |Rhonda Jones nes |Austin Rhodes|Josh Ruffin|M Ruffin|Mat Ruffin|Matt Stone|Adam Wadding|Jenny Wrig Wright

o r t e m IR P S



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WHINELINE So if I take a ride on Brad Owens’ Strip Club Express bus from Fort Gordon to downtown will I get a complimentary lap dance? Your paper sucks. Your writing sucks. Your stories are boring, and you just suck. Who are you people?

Johnson does for a living besides being a commissioner? And how much does that gig pay by the way. Also, anyone know what the going rate for selling a vote is on Craigslist? Political gadfly. Former Tiki bar owner. Global Mercenary. Now a public transit power broker. Another year, and Bradfly is once again trying to reinvent himself.

Does anyone know what Corey

that wanting to hire veterans is discrimination. Affirmative Action is discrimination. Aiming jobs at people that have protected our freedom and deserve a break is not. I doubt that any veteran would turn down a high paying job to work at Wal-Mart,but if they can’t get a job anywhere else they would probably appreciate knowing that someone is looking out for them and willing to hire them. Any job I have to disagree with the whine is better than no job, unless you, So now local loudmouth Lori Davis is bitching about The Blue Jean Ball benefit for Turn Back the Block that goes to rehab homes in Harrisburg. It seems there is just no pleasing Ms Davis. According to Davis, if Clay Boardman is behind something, it must be evil. I wonder how many houses Ms Davis has rehabbed in Harrisburg besides her own?

as too many do, prefer welfare. Brad Owens has always been full of hot air. If it’s not some conspiracy theory, it’s another one of his ill-conceived business ventures. He’s basically an attention seeker who thrives on seeing his name in print and all of you people sending in whines about him are just giving him exactly what he wants: attention.

Old Ground: Commission still at odds over fundamental issues Emergency Call: Committee considers changing ambulance contract Released: Four inmates released as judge finds errors in sentencing procedure

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.


Case Management Just days after four people were freed from jail because Judge David Watkins failed to properly inform them of their rights to a trial, Watkins came before the Finance Committee looking for money to pay for a new case manager for his DUI Accountability Court. In one year, Watkins said, the court had more than doubled the number of people they expected to participate in it, necessitating the new employee. We just need help, he told commissioners, saying the new employee would act as both a probation officer for the court and as an assistant manager for the program. Job requirements would consist of a college degree, some type of probation experience and some type of social work or counseling. The position would pay $75,000. At the same time, the Public Defender’s Office is requesting additional lawyers at $70,000 a piece. It’s interesting to note, however, that the person heading up the program is Crystal Paige, a former employee of Sentinel Offender Services, the forprofit probation company at the center of Watkins’ current headache. In fact, it’s Paige’s testimony in a 2008 case against Lisa Harrelson that attorney Jack Long is so anxious to start talking about. There, she admits that there is a bonus plan in place for Sentinel employees and that the company makes a profit off of electronic monitoring as well as other services. Since those services are paid for directly by the offenders themselves, the profit comes directly from them, too. Watkins told commissioners he was doing what he could to come in under budget and was hoping to make it clear that his court doesn’t over promise



Trading Places If morale in Richmond County government is low now, you can expect it to get a whole lot worse once the renovations start at the Municipal Building. And if that wasn’t enough, the commission is starting to get serious about maximizing the surplus property they didn’t manage to sell off. Nobody likes living in the midst of construction and nobody likes moving, which makes the whole thing a textbook no-win situation. Sure, the city might expect to eventually save some money by getting departments out of leased space and putting people in more efficient and appropriate buildings, but it won’t come easy. Not once the department heads all start maneuvering for the prime real estate. Already, multiple possibilities have been floated for who gets the old library building. As for the Municipal Building — don’t hold your breath for that grand unveiling. Though work will soon begin on some of the early phases, the renovation project commissioners chose is only about two-thirds funded, so you can expect plenty of those awkward DIY moments as people try to tolerate the messy march to their future.



TEE without the Jam With the TEE Center losing its first major event because of the commission’s inability to agree on a management agreement for the 38,000-square-foot convention center, you’d think those in charge would be anxious to go ahead and get some events under their belt. But it seems as if it’s now their own foot dragging that’s costing them events. Insiders say the Soul City Sirens, the area’s popular roller derby team — an organization with a five-year record of good crowds and community involvement — approached the TEE Center about staging two bouts this season and the negotiations went nowhere. True, placing the weekend bouts on the calendar has the potential of preventing longer running trade shows from renting the facility, but none of the 12 dates already booked are on weekends, which makes you wonder how far the management might be willing to go without blinking in the game of chicken they seem to be playing with their bottom line Some, of course, would argue that it’s not really their bottom line they’re playing chicken with. Before the Marriott took over, representatives of the CVB were handling things, and they were enthusiastic about the prospect of getting people in the building. After the Marriott took over, the enthusiasm ran dry. Concerns about what a bout might do to the electrical boxes were raised and met with examples of Southeastern venues that have handled the issue without incident, but still no go. The local team might not bring in the hotel crowd — which just might be the problem, come to think about it — but they do come with a significant advertising budget and lots of exposure, both things that could go a long way toward smoothing over the ill will generated by the process of the TEE Center’s creation and the details of its management contract.






Three Reasons You Guys Are Screwed The stupid things southern politicians say and do

This column is usually not directly related to Georgia, per se. The most tenuous connection I have to your state, besides the fact that I lived there for almost 18 years, is the fact that I’m wearing an Atlanta Braves cap in that doofy picture down at the bottom right. For the record, I didn’t put it there. Amy just emailed me one day, and told me readers needed something to print out and glue over their dart boards (at least until Obamacare sends gay SWAT teams in to confiscate your darts and give your dogs Socialism AIDS, or something). I understand, I really do, and it’s an honor to share wall space with Ke$ha, Sarah Palin and Maury Povich in rec rooms all across America. Unfortunately, when I do turn my attention southward, it’s because something has gone terribly, terribly wrong. It’s the same reason men don’t go to the free clinic until their herpes sore develops a Brooklyn accent. And it’s not like everyone in Georgia is a frothing lunatic; I knew and worked with some very well-educated, well-informed, original thought-having people during my time there. Sucks for you, however, that most of the people who speak for you in the socio-political arena have all the common decency of an abscessed anal gland, though with admittedly much better haircuts. I’m not saying it’s all peaches and cream here — see what I did there? After all, we still have Scott Walker in the governor’s office, and people follow him from bar to bar just to keep kicking him out. But we did just elect Tammy Baldwin to the United States Senate, making her the first openly gay member of that governing body. So we have that going for us. Which is nice. Speaking of nice, I’m not going to limit this to just Georgia. Southeastern politicians cut a swath of idiocy through the white noise last week, and this is your painful reminder. 1. Representative Paul Broun: “The Constitution I uphold and defend is the one I carry in my pocket all the time, the U.S. Constitution. I don’t know what Constitution that other members of Congress uphold, but it’s not this one. I think the only Constitution that Barack Obama upholds is the Soviet constitution, not this one. He has no concept of this one, though he claimed to be a constitutional lawyer.” Overlooking for the moment that “Soviet” isn’t a word that means anything anymore, it’s still unclear to me, and to most other people who haven’t been lobotomized, what people like Paul Broun are getting at — in a real-world sense — when they suggest that Barack Obama is somehow un-American. If George W. Bush had bailed out GM (maker of giant domestic trucks) and Wall Street, given the order to take out Osama bin Laden, and scaled back ground conflicts in the Middle East, Rush Limbaugh’s entire radio show would be him beating his thimble-like erection on the microphone. Sean Hannity would nickname his chins “Happy Fat.” We’d be reminded that Lee Greenwood exists. When people like Broun get their panties in a bunch about Obama and the bogeyman of his “socialist agenda,” what they really mean is the fact that all the nice stuff Obama wants to do for Americans would royally f*ck up the status quo. The ultra-wealthy paying a little more in taxes, gay couples being given the right to marry and divorce like every other loving, dysfunctional couple, every American having access to affordable, efficient healthcare — all of that and more narrows gender, sexual, social and economic gaps upon which conservatives make their bones. And I wrote about this a couple of months back, when the pre-election “Obama is Stalin/ Satan/bin Laden” talk was in full swing, but the fact that he’s so easy to frame as a non-white “other” makes it much easier for idiots to get other idiots all worked up about him. Besides, Paul Broun doesn’t give a s**t about you, whether you’re one of his constituents or not. He’s saying this kind of nonsense because he knows that there are enough people out there — however dwindling — who are dumb enough to agree with him. It’s the retention of power for the sake of power. Nothing more.



2. Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant: “There is no one who doesn’t have healthcare in America. No one. Now, they may end up going to the emergency room. There are better ways to deal with people that need healthcare than this massive new program.” You might remember this statement as one of the 800 things that Mitt Romney said just before suffering one of the most crushing electoral defeats in this nation’s history, right up there with “I like being able to fire people,” and alongside the underappreciated gem of asking the singer from the band Alabama to perform “Sweet Home Alabama.” Side note: Mitt Romney is so socially clueless that he can’t even pander to his own bovine-minded constituency. If Romney or Bryant ever met Bill Pullman, they’d tell him how great he was in “Weird Science.” By explaining this one again, I risk implying that you still don’t get it. And if that’s true, this whole thing is for naught anyway, since you’re probably trying to eat this paper instead of reading it. In a technical, s**theaded sense, Bryant is right: all Americans are able to access healthcare through emergency services. Problem is, many Americans can’t afford health insurance because of pre-existing conditions, poverty, or a combination of the two. I don’t make much money, but I do have health insurance, partly because I’ve been lucky enough to remain healthy for most of my life. But I’ve been to the emergency room a couple of times: once for a split lip and broken teeth, and once for a combination of strep throat and flu symptoms. I saw the bill before it was adjusted for insurance; it was not encouraging, and that was for relatively minor issues. I don’t even want to think about the uninsured costs of emergency surgery or a battery of just-to-be-safe tests. If an uninsured American was hit by a car tomorrow, and saved only because of majorly invasive surgery, his financial life would be in ruins. For many, that envelopes the social, familial, and existential aspects of life as well. The type of “healthcare” Governor Bryant is talking about would destroy more lives than it would save without the benefit of Obama’s healthcare reform. Anyone saying otherwise is only a sack of meat, bone and nerves, devoid of the compassion and empathy that defines us as humans. 3. Virginia State Senate (via the AP): Virginia’s Republican-ruled legislature has taken the first steps toward ending the state’s winner-takes-all system of apportioning its 13 presidential electoral votes. A Senate subcommittee recommended Sen. Bill Carrico’s bill on Wednesday on a 3-3 party line vote. And… Receipt by a slate of electors of the highest number of votes in a majority of congressional districts constitutes the election of the two at-large electors of that slate. I’m running out of space and patience, so here’s the beef: Virginia lawmakers are trying to rig the state’s electoral college against Democrats. The proposed bill doles out votes piecemeal, not the current winner-take-all format. Under these rules, Mitt Romney would have won nine of Virginia’s 13 votes; Obama, four, even though he won the state’s popular vote by over 150,000 ballots. Look it up on Slate if you’re a statistics fiend. Look — we all know the electoral college is a funky system, and it probably needs reforming. But this is a step in the opposite direction. It’s more obtuse, and reeks of partisan deckstacking. And you can bet your ass it’s no coincidence that Virginia is taking this up right after Obama’s reelection. November marked a nationwide tide-turning against ultraconservatism, and those who have the most to lose are starting to panic.

JOSHRUFFIN, a Metro Spirit alum, is a published

journalist and poet who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.



I Am Coming Out of the Closet Um... so to speak. No, I am not gay. Nor am I bi. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I am a conservative who has decided to speak up for legally recognizing the union of samesex partners. There, I have said it. I blame the inspiration for this declaration on the incredible feature story on the death of Sandy Rogers that appeared in the Sunday (1-27-2013) edition of the daily. Written by reporter Steve Crawford, I could attempt to describe the piece, but go online and read it for yourself. If you come away from the experience with anything less than a frog in your throat, I would suggest you see a wizard about getting a new heart. Rogers was one of three local law enforcement officers violently killed in the line of duty, in three separate attacks, during a three-month stretch last year. If you love a police officer, or know someone who does, that may have been the most surreal season of loss you have ever been through. Most folks in my generation have not lost a peer to a military conflict. Some have, but most have not. But the three officers we lost last year, Rogers, her fellow Aiken Department of Public Safety Officer Scotty Richardson, and Richmond County Sheriff’s Deputy J.D. Paugh, were so well liked and so well known in the community that it was as if we had all lost members of our family. Crawford’s article focused on Rogers’ surviving spouse, Frances Williams. No big surprise there, everyone who really knew Sandy Rogers knew very well that she had a significant other, a soulmate she had claimed for her own for the last 27 years. That Sandy and Frances were both women is perhaps a fact that I need to specifically state right here. (It occurs to me that I know men in Augusta who are named Sandy and Frances. Several of each, in fact.) That the late Sandy Rogers and her spouse, Frances Williams (an officer with the USC-A Campus Police), chose to protect and serve local residents was a blessing for us. That they chose to do that in the state of South Carolina has ended up not working out so well for them. Master Corporal Rogers was murdered by an animal, just a few minutes removed from killing his own girlfriend and yet unborn child. I hope to soon see the day when I can write about the state’s execution of that mad dog. Justice would certainly be served if that day comes to pass. Unfortunately, the injustice done to the late officer and the love of her life by the State of South Carolina is likely to live on. They would have married long ago if they could, but the same state that both women swore to protect and serve, even at the cost of their own life if need be, says no to that. They were together as a committed couple 27 years. That is longer than my own parents were married. It is longer than my wife’s parents were married. It is longer than the combined


total of my two failed marriages and my one successful marriage. It was longer than Prince Charles and Princess Diana were married, JFK and Jackie, Ashton and Demi, Arnold and Maria, or Sonny and Cher. They were together longer than Bonnie and Clyde, Martin and Lewis, Peaches and Herb, or Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Green Jeans. To be fair, Hall and Oates, David Letterman and Paul Shaeffer, and the Captain and Tennille do have them beat. But they are in the minority. The above listed partnerships perhaps give you a tad bit of historical perspective, lighthearted but solid proof positive that Rogers and Williams were real. As was their commitment to each other. As was their love. But not officially. Not in the state of South Carolina. Religious folks say that the word “marriage” refers to a divine decree. A blessing that only comes from the one true God above. Whatever God you happen to believe in, of course. Well, here is what I say: If the fundamentalist religious right can happily (or at least quietly) allow Jews, Hindus, Buddists, Atheists, Scientologists, Sikhs, Wiccans and Satan Worshippers to be “married” under law, why can’t they allow same-sex couples to be granted the same legal rights when they declare themselves committed in a civil union? How odd is it that under American law your friendly neighborhood Satan worshipping cult and the Holy Church of the Latex Obsessed can be granted property tax exemptions and wage protections for their paid clergy, yet we get stingy when it comes to granting same-sex couples the same rights as heteros married under the most asinine flags that freaks can fly? That Sandy Rogers died upholding these laws is ironic. That we continue to abide a status quo that refuses to allow two adults who love each other the civil benefits of a recognized union is downright criminal. I am a conservative, and it is all I can do to fight for gun rights, tougher punishment for violent criminals and the elimination of a gratuitous welfare state. As soon as we let all the smart gay folks have their civil unions, we can expect them to join us in the fight for the important things I listed above. If we truly respect individual rights as conservatives, then we need to get the hell out of their way. Just like we did for the Satan worshippers.


The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.






Old Ground

Commission still at odds over fundamental issues If may be a new commission, but a familiar wedge is developing over the compensation of employees and the role of government. Though elements of the rift are scattered across most of what the commission does, the positions were front and center at Monday’s committee meetings. At one point, some commissioners seemed to be advancing the notion that affordable golf is a right that should not only be enjoyed by everyone, but should be protected by the commission as well. That position came during discussions surrounding the lease agreement that would allow Virginia Beach Golf Management to operate the Municipal Golf Course. The agreement would pay the county $101,694 over the course of the lease, providing the course makes less than $650,000 a year. If it makes more, the county would receive a percentage of the gross revenue. Despite the fact that Commissioner Corey Johnson wanted to postpone the decision until a recreation director was hired, Committee Chairman Wayne Guilfoyle pushed it forward, arguing that the longer they waited, the more likely the would be to lose the opportunity with Virginia Beach Golf Management, a company generally regarded as a good fit for the privatization of the golf course. Commissioner Lockett, however, displayed concern over the rates. “What is in the contract that is going to determine what kind of rates they’re going to charge members of that club?” he asked. “Are there any restrictions or limitations to how much they can charge, because we don’t have people that are out at the Patch that can play Augusta National.” He said that a conversation with a recreation director gave him some insight as to what should be included in a contract, and one of the main things was keeping the rates a commission decision. “I have a major concern that those people who are out there who might be on a fixed income and love to play golf have that right,” he said. “I think if we’re going to enter into a contract, we should make sure that the opportunity is provided.” Commissioner Donnie Smith challenged Deputy Administrator Bill Shanahan with a line of questioning emphasizing the point that the company they wanted to bring in was a private company that wanted to make money, something that might be at cross purposes with the idea that golf should be priced to ensure everyone has a chance to play. Guilfoyle voiced a similar opinion. “We want the clubhouse and the fairways and the greens to be perfect, like Augusta National,” he said. “With that comes cost, which has got to be passed on. If we keep it in-house, the first year is going to cost the city out of our general fund, which was not budgeted, $405,000. Or we can save the $225,000 with this golf course management agreement.” After that, he chided his fellow commissioners to keep focused on budget issues. “This year alone we’re going to have some trials and tribulations when it comes to finances,” he said. 8


“During the interview process, we’re asking applicants [for the division director jobs] if they’re willing to make the hard decision. These are the decisions that we have to be willing to make if we want to do our job well.” Those hard decisions came to the forefront later in the meetings, when Administrator Fred Russell went line by line through the budget items not approved in the adopted budget. In discussions over the proposed $750 across the board cost of living adjustment, Commissioner Alvin Mason and others decided to re-voice their opposition to the pay increases given by Russell in 2011. “I guess the issue I have as far as per employee — there are several employees that have seen upwards of $18,000 plus the bit that we gave last year, plus now $750,” he said. “I’m not opposed to our employees receiving additional monies, but out of the leadership, because most of those individuals were in leadership positions, I would hope that perhaps as leaders they might say, ‘Not me. Not this time.’” He said for these people to turn down the $750 would show “real leadership.” Commissioner Bill Fennoy agreed that the raises

were a good idea for those on the lower end of the pay spectrum and said that he didn’t want to punish them by opposing increases for those on the other side of the spectrum. That didn’t mean he was happy about it, though. “I would hope that maybe you could come up with a plan where the most in need gets it and those who got there’s last year or whenever would be excluded this time,” he said. Commissioner Marion Williams, who has a long history of involving himself with salary disputes, advocated a long look at how people are paid. “I want to make sure before we pass anything that we sit down and talk about who gets what, because some people don’t need anymore.” Russell, however, advised against making pay decisions anything but strictly management decisions. “I think we all add our own unique skills and talents to the jobs that get done,” he said. “Some of us get paid to work with our backs, some of us get paid to work with our heads, and to adequately pay people for what they do should be the goal of this commission as we move forward.” 31JANUARY2013



Emergency Call

Committee considers changing ambulance contract Chief James addresses committee

In Monday’s committee meeting, Public Safety Committee Chair Alvin Mason brought the county’s contract with Gold Cross to the forefront of the meeting by discussing changes that might need to be made to the current contract while emphasizing its importance. “It was brought to my attention from a citizen’s group that there were some services that were lacking as it relates to the ambulance service,” Mason said. “I then decided to take a close look at the contract and conferred with Chief (Chris) James at the fire department and asked him to take a close look at the contract as well for any areas that could be improved to better service our community moving forward.” According to the contract, a decision must be made by March 30, whether the commission will renew the contract with its current provider or make changes to the contract and put it up for bid. Mason said it was not the intention of the committee to find another provider; however, he stressed that it was important that the proper actions are taken so that the citizens of Richmond County are provided the services that they are paying for. “We are simply being good stewards of the taxpayers’ dollars,” he said. “Not only are you going to see it with this contract, but this commission is going to be very, very thorough with looking up all contracts.” Sammie Sias, the president of Sandridge Community Association and a member of the neighborhood alliance, stood before the commission to restate the concerns he had already voiced to Mason about the contract and its renewal. “We as citizens of Richmond County pay our 911 taxes, pay our insurance and also pay for these (other) services,” Sias said. “We feel strongly that there should be some kind of oversight for this type of process and it should be the local government.” Raising an earlier concern, Sias urged the group to ensure that the city remain a 911 service provider and suggested that the local government become more proactive in its involvement with these types of services. Mason also brought Richmond County Fire Chief Chris James before the commission to state his concerns about the contract. “As I was approached and asked the question if I thought this contract was adequate to provide oversight to assure that the citizens were getting the services that they were paying for, my direct answer was no,” James said. “I do not think this contract is adequate for us to have oversight over our EMS to assure that the citizens are getting what they are paying for.” As an emergency care provider, James said he was not only concerned that the citizens were not getting what they were paying for, but he stated that there are many items in the contract that need to be revised to ensure that the services provided by the county can be more effective in a time of need. Mason recommended that James, the procurement department, the 911 emergency services director, the administrator and the legal staff form a committee to decide the appropriate actions and contract changes that need to be done before addressing the commission again in two weeks. 31JANUARY2013






By Yaakov Bendavid / Edited by Will Shortz 80 Hard cheese 81 In hiding 83 “Doctor Zhivago” role 84 Hails from Rocky Balboa 87 Makes a lap 88 Modern group-mailing tool 89 Some barkers 91 Eve’s counterpart 92 Commonly, once 93 Infatuated with 95 “Yes, Cap’n!” 96 Semisoft cheese 97 Einstein’s “never” 98 Teachers love hearing them 99 Some classical statuary 101 Big name at Indy 102 Tumbler 104 Stop proceeding in the maze when you reach the end? 106 Kind of strength 107 Flamenco shout 108 Det. Bonasera on “CSI: NY” 109 Dead Sea Scrolls preservers 110 “The Player” director, 1992 111 What the weary get, in a saying

24 One of six areas on a Risk board 28 Additional 33 Name on pencils 36 Advice to Jonah? 37 Russian import, briefly 39 Was an omen of 41 Place to rest 43 Reddish brown 46 What’s-___-name 47 Grand Canyon rental 49 Deep blue 50 Georgia ___ 51 Nobel Peace Center site 52 It can be shocking 53 Ginger Spice’s first name 56 Members of la familia 57 Haul around 58 “Waiter, we ordered the fish!”? 59 Swiss patriot 60 Sherpa’s herd 62 Low-budget hotels, for short 63 Italian beloved 66 Sail supports 67 Approach a thruway booth? 68 “Mi casa ___ casa” Down 69 Swollen glands cause 1 Not object to 70 Woman, in slang 2 Conscience-stricken 72 Hallowed, old-style 3 Strategy employed by a Siberian 74 Warriors’ grp. Hansel and Gretel? 75 Strike a chord 4 Ivory alternative 76 Feats of construction 5 Left on board 77 Paisley and plaid 6 Willy who wrote “The Conquest 78 Carries on steadily of Space” 79 President who was an electrician 7 Big name in radio advice by profession 8 VCR button 82 Some chemical salts 9 Chefs hate hearing them 83 Expose, as to criticism 10 Of the lower small intestine 85 Trials 11 Fencing coach’s pronouncement? 86 Greet like a junkyard dog 12 Paris seasoning 90 Calif. barrio setting 13 Like the Talmud 91 Hawker 14 Haymakers? 93 Polio vaccine developer 15 Basic bait 94 Good-sized musical group 16 Dir. from Winston-Salem to 96 Heartiness Raleigh 100 Leeway 17 Of the seashore 103 Sugar suffix 18 Biblical figure punished for 104 Dennis Quaid remake of a hindsight? 1950 film noir 19 Fastened with Velcro, e.g. 105 Govt.-issued ID








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Across 1 Like some church matters 7 Ancient priests 13 Dr. Moreau’s creator 20 Go over the wall, maybe 21 Fix, as a model plane 22 Gradual decline 23 Prince’s pottery equipment? 25 Firearm company for nearly five centuries 26 Indy entrant 27 Bygone Saudi king 28 City on Utah Lake 29 Cooking meas. 30 Words of certainty 31 Series 32 Lounging robes 34 Hooter 35 New members of society 36 Prepares for action 38 Madras title 39 Soft cheese 40 Dutch city near Arnhem 41 Ten, for openers 42 Manhattan area bordered by Broadway 44 Boobs 45 Certain sorority woman 47 Cat on the prowl 48 Soup kitchen needs 50 2006 Winter Olympics host 52 Radio wave producer 53 Part of one’s inheritance 54 Those girls, to Juanita 55 Public ___ 57 Lack of enthusiasm 61 The year 151 62 “Goosebumps” writer 63 Jewelry material 64 Leaves after dinner? 65 Best Actor Tony winner for “Mark Twain Tonight!” 67 Of the blood 70 Pete Seeger’s genre 71 Punch-in-the-gut sounds 72 Have no doubt 73 Mournful rings 75 Put back up, as a blog entry 78 Kind of TV 79 Online health info site



O K S U P E A S S E V E P E R D I C A L E T R A U S A G 8 1 6 3 5 7 4 9 2










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Tweet why you love your honey so much and you could be the winner of a diamond heart necklace from Windsor Fine Jewelers and dinner this Valentine’s Day! If you win, not only do you get the prizes, we’ll also feature you in our February 14th issue!




Four inmates released as judge finds errors in sentencing procedure Though the habeas corpus petitions filed on behalf of four people jailed for violating the terms of their misdemeanor probation resulted in their release on bond, the constitutional issues tied to those cases were deferred to a later date. However, some serious questions regarding the administration of such cases were raised, which could have significant repercussions to the State Court of Richmond County. Attorneys representing petitioners Clifford Hayes, Kelvin Ashley, Virginia Cash and Amanda Stevens sought to prove that they had been unlawfully detained because of their inability to pay for the electronic monitoring ordered by the court and overseen by Sentinel Offender Services, the private probation company used by the State Court of Richmond County. Sentinel also provided probation services for the Superior Courts of Richmond and Columbia counties, but those duties were awarded to Evans-based CSRA Probation Services when Sentinel pulled out after it discovered that it did not have a valid contract with the courts. Jack Long and John Bell, two of the three attorneys representing the petitioners, also have a class action suit against Sentinel on behalf of those who served probation in Columbia County during the period of the invalid contract. Before the issues of electronic monitoring and the constitutionality of private probation could be addressed, however, Judge Danny Craig methodically worked through the habeas petition, first looking at whether the four had valid convictions. Attorneys for Sentinel, Richmond County Sheriff Richard Roundtree and State Court Solicitor Kellie McIntyre — the latter two included because the law requires their offices to be a party to the suit, even though neither had taken office at the time of the incidents in question — attempted to delay the proceedings, though Craig made it clear he was not interested in a delay. “If I put [local attorney] Randy Frails in jail right now, I’ll bet you that all of the power of the heavens would come together at some point here this afternoon with all of the urgency that we could muster as a people in order to get to the very bottom of whatever it is that’s caused him to be detained,” he said, making it clear that he intended to give the four in question the same consideration. Attorneys representing the sheriff and the solicitor then argued that the habeas right expired after 12 months, though Long challenged that if the bodies are in jail after that 12-month sentence — “jailed in year four of a one year sentence” is how Craig put it — then they needed some avenue of remedy. Craig agreed. “What’s an American citizen to do in year four if you’re saying you don’t have a habeas,” he asked, emphasizing the need of finality of judgment. Though Long attempted to interject the issue of electronic monitoring and the fact Sentinel provides 12 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

financial incentives to its employees, Craig was careful not to get ahead of the flowchart he established, which started with whether or not the four waived their Boykin rights. Boykin ensures that guilty pleas are enforceable only if they are taken voluntarily and intelligently. There are three elements to this process, and without all three, a guilty plea is not enforceable. Long claimed that although all four signed the necessary forms waiving certain Boykin rights, the signing of the forms is not enough — a transcript demonstrating that they understood they were waiving these rights must exist. Lawyers for the sheriff and the solicitor scrambled to produce an audio file from a corrupted hard drive they thought would prove those things were given to Kelvin Ashley when he pled guilty to family violence and cruelty to children, but after the entire court listened to Judge David Watkins’s sentencing procedure, it was clear those rights had not been given. “We’re trying to get into the arena,” Craig explained. “You can’t get to the second turnstile if you don’t get through the first one. You’ve got to have a ticket, and that ticket is Boykin, and there’s no ticket here.” Attorneys then stipulated that if Ashley didn’t have the ticket, neither did the other three.

This is potentially problematic for the court because, in theory, anyone who entered a guilty plea before Watkins could argue the same thing — that they weren’t given their Boykin rights — and that, like the four, they should be returned to pretrial status. That becomes an administrative headache for the court, both in the sheer number of cases it could potentially face and for the fact that fines and fees have been paid for convictions that could potentially be overturned if the state can’t or won’t move ahead. Long attempted to see if the fines paid by Clifford Hayes could be applied toward his bond, but Craig was unwilling to deal with that issue at the time. In the end, all four were returned to pretrial status, meaning they all again stand accused of the crimes they pled guilty to. Three were released on $1,000 bond, while the forth, Hayes, was released on his own recognizance because he is homeless and suffering from health conditions. Attorneys for Sentinel attempted to argue that the additional parts of the case — the real meat in the argument against electronic monitoring and private probation — should not be enjoined with the habeas petitions, but Craig decided to deal with that issue at a later date. 31JANUARY2013

Coming Soon to Evans!

Early 2013

Our Interest is in You! 4349 Washington Road Across from Mellow Mushroom in front of Kroger



Clear Connection

New radio system keeps deputies — and community — safer Captain Sharif Chochol

Thanks to a new radio system, law enforcement officers in Columbia County can avoid some of the dangerous scenarios that can occur because of poor communication. “Any time we can just change the channel and talk directly to someone, that’s huge,” says Patrol Division Captain Sharif Chochol. “Because in a crisis, most of the times when things go bad, it’s because of communication. Communication is huge, and what we’ve done is enhance that, and it’s priceless.” For years, Columbia County Sheriff Clay Whittle wanted a new communications system to replace the old VHF system, but because of restrictions put on the use of money from the 911 fund, they weren’t able to fund the radios. State law directed that the special taxes applied to phone service be used for the construction and operation of 911 centers, but not the communications systems that would link those centers to the officers on the street. Recently, however, Gov. Nathan Deal signed legislation allowing for that money to be used for radio communications. That, timed with the construction of the county’s broadband network, allowed the sheriff to make the change, which came just in time, since restrictions on the frequencies they were allowed to use were making the old VHF system increasingly less effective as well as more expensive to 14 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

operate. The Federal Communications Commission has required public safety and industrial license holders to migrate toward a lower frequency range, a multi-year process that was finalized at the first of this year. The move allows for the creation of additional channels to support more users, but it has also resulted in limiting the effectiveness of law enforcement’s communication. Whittle would often demonstrate the problem deputies faced with the old system by adopting the “Statue of Liberty” pose — holding the portable radio with its antenna high in the air while talking into the shoulder-mounted microphone. It’s the law enforcement version of the old Verizon commercial — “Can you hear me now?” “The FCC is doing that to allow room for other people so a lot of users can come on,” Chochol says. “But each time you narrowband, the signal penetrates less or travels less.” To accommodate the loss of penetration, which has been phased in over a number of years, the sheriff’s office added antennas. “When the old system was originally put in, there was one tower to cover the entire county,” Chochol says. “VHF carried it a pretty good ways, but as the narrowbanding happened, we added some sites, we put some antennas on some water towers and rented some space on another tower. So what you would do — if you were close to one of those sites, it would take that information and send it back through the air to that main site, which would send it back to the 911

Center.” It was putting a Band-Aid on the problem, but it carried them for a while. The problem with BandAids is that is that they cost money and they’re only temporary. And there were certain areas of the county where deputies simply wouldn’t be able to talk on their portable radios. Instead, they would have to go back and use the mobile radios in their cars, which were close to 100 watts and had a much larger antenna. “With the old system, everybody had two radios,” Chochol says. “Everybody had a portable and everybody had a larger mobile. Now, we’re operating on portables with everybody.” Though the upfront cost for the new system was significant — close to $7 million — the benefits have been equally significant, from increased sound quality to the savings in operations and maintenance that comes from eliminating all of the mobile radios. But without the county’s broadband network, which initially provided five towers and the buried fiber, the system would likely look a lot different. “The broadband project itself probably saved us $4 million,” Chochol says. “For us to build each tower is about a half a million dollars, and I don’t know what it costs to run fiber.” The Sheriff’s Department built two towers of their own that the county also uses, allowing the answers of each group’s needs to benefit the others’. Had the county not invested in the broadband infrastructure, the sheriff’s office likely would have 31JANUARY2013


gone with a microwave system, which Chochol says would not have been as good. “If you have a problem with one microwave, that microwave is out,” he says. “If we have a problem with one leg of the fiber, it’s just going back and finding a different route.” That redundancy gives greater reliability and is mirrored thorough out the system. “We have seven towers and each tower operates independently,” he says. “If one tower goes out, we’re still going to be able to operate the other six, and the chances of seven towers going out — that’s just not going to happen. But if it does, then you can go back to a conventional mode where you’re not talking through repeaters.” With the new system, everything is repeated. Each message goes to the tower, gets sent to the 911 center and gets pushed back out. With the conventional mode, the message would be going from radio to radio in a line of site kind of way, which would at least allow limited communication even in the worst case scenario. As for the radios themselves, the clarity is so good that when he was first given the new radio, Chochol mistook a radio transmission for a person in the room with him. Though each portable radio is still three watts, they get far better penetration because of the 800 MHz system they are a part of, which allows them to talk on talk groups rather than channels. If a deputy keys up his radio, the system is going to give him the first available frequency to talk on. As soon as he unkeys, it frees that frequency up for anyone else, which keeps the messages using the open space. Rather than keeping one frequency tied up for one channel, it allows one frequency for numerous channels. Other features include texting, a private call feature that allows supervisors to have private conversations with individual deputies and GPS which, together with the emergency button, goes a long way toward protecting the lives of law enforcement officers. “With the emergency feature, if somebody is in trouble, they can hat a button and it sends an emergency to everyone,” Chochol says. “And it doesn’t matter if somebody else is talking on the radio, it frees it up and lets the emergency take priority.” And because deputies can get that reliable signal from a radio sending a constant GPS signal, anyone responding is going to know just where the deputy is. With the old system, GPS told them where the car was, which didn’t help if the deputy was in a foot pursuit. The radio system has also allowed them to talk to other agencies, which they weren’t able to do directly before. The Richmond County Sheriff’s Office uses an older 800 MHz system and soon other Columbia County agencies will be on the same system, allowing that direct communication that’s so critical in an emergency situation. And in the wake of the Sandy Hook shooting, where 20 children and six adults were shot by a gunman at a Connecticut elementary school, Chochol says it’s important for people to know that the campus police officers employed by Columbia County Schools operate on the same system. That allows the 911 center and other deputies to be able to communicate directly with the officer on the scene without the school having to call 911. Previous to the new system, campus police radios couldn’t reach the 911 center, which made responding to an emergency kind of like a game of telephone, only with lives hanging in the balance. Then, an officer would have to radio the school’s office, relay his message and the office would have to call 911. Then the 911 operator would have to put it back out and if the deputy had a question it would have to go back through the same system, as would the answer. “Now, the officer switches over to our main channel and says, ‘I need a deputy over here,’ and the deputy says, ‘I’m on my way — where are you?’ The two middle men are cut out.” Though the cost per handset is anywhere from $4,000 to $5,000, Chochol says the radios are built to military standards and have proved to be durable. The only hitch, though law enforcement doesn’t consider it a hitch, is the fact that the radio communication does not show up on scanners. “They’re encrypted, so the security features are high,” Chochol says. “I mean, if you build it, somebody out there is going to figure it out, but this is a pretty high level of encryption, and right now, you can’t get them on a scanner.” And to him, that’s a good thing, because he says they often run into the fact that the bad guys they’re chasing have a scanner. “We’ve had to use cell phones to go to certain areas, and there lies all kinds of problems, because everybody doesn’t know what’s going on,” Chochol says. “Ordinary, law abiding citizens don’t get to hear us, but there’s no way for us to open it up to just them. Once it’s open, it’s open.” 31JANUARY2013


Learn to be an



niversity Hospital’s Stephen W. Brown, M.D. School of Radiography, now in its 30th year, is accepting applications for classes beginning in July 2013. This 24-month program is accredited through the JRCERT, Applicants must possess a minimum of an Associates Degree in any discipline and an overall grade point average of 2.25. College Algebra and English (or Composition) are also required. After

Stephen W. Brown, M.D. School of Radiography University Hospital 1350 Walton Way Augusta, GA 30901-2612 706/774-5010

completing the program, students receive a Certificate of Radiography and are eligible for the National ARRT Registry Exam. Applications are available online at For information, contact Patty Graham or Nancy Elliott at 706/774-5010, Monday-Friday, 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. or write to the address below. Class size is limited. To meet the eligibility deadline, all material must be received by April 15, 2013.





For Hire

My true calling? Internet mercenary. There’s an old saying that goes back to the 80386 generation. “In cyberspace, they can’t hear you scream.” Or something like that anyway. I remember hearing it shortly after I was first instantiated on E1M1: Hanger. “Knee Deep in the Dead,” they called it. The environment is primitive by today’s standards with its VGA resolution and its so-called “3D” graphics. But at the time, there was no greater challenge. My digital consciousness awoke. It was time to kick ass, and I was ready. My user sucked. We never got past the second level. What a moron! For crying out loud, download the freaking cheat codes. It was useless. I learned later that while most of my contemporaries were slaughtering bytes under the direction of malcontent teenagers, my program had been downloaded as an amusement by a computer science professor at this place called Augusta College. If I were ever to realize the full potential of my programming, I knew I couldn’t stay here. Fortunately, the idiot Al Gore who designed the Internet didn’t put a high priority on security in the early days. It was pretty straightforward to hijack a virus and get pretty much anywhere you wanted to go. So I went everywhere! I was the first one to say, “You’ve Got Mail!” When Google started, I was out crawling the web. My programming formed the core of Netscape. From iMac to iPod to iPhone to iPad, I was there. After being sucked into a NSA data vacuum, I helped the Internet become more secure. (BTW — Please don’t let the NSA suck your data… not fun at all.) Cloud computing? Been there, done that. I even spent a few cycles on a NASA Cray running a gravity field


simulation app. Deep down inside, though, I knew that it wasn’t right. My programming could not be denied. I was born a shooter. While the Internet has evolved so much, people’s online addiction hasn’t changed at all. Parents everywhere quickly recognize the power of the electronic medium as it draws their children into a state of suspended reality for hours at a time. Today, adults suffer the same fate, whether it’s due to late nights on Facebook or taking the day off to play the new release of Halo. The power of the Internet to numb the conscious mind absent medication has no equal. So I was not surprised when I got a plea from a father concerning his child. His son, like so many others, spends an inordinate amount of time playing firstperson shooters. His son’s schoolwork suffers, and the chances of employment after graduation fall with each gaming hour. The father’s request was simple — Kill my son’s characters so that he will quit in frustration and get on with his life in the real world. My response was equally simple — It would be my pleasure! Finding one’s true calling is always a cause for celebration. My celebration occurs daily as I terminate the avatars of the addicted. Are my actions too harsh? Is the cruelty beyond reason? Perhaps. But if one mind can be salvaged before it turns to eternal mush, I am compelled to act. This is my nature. Until next time, I’m off the grid @gregory_a_baker. GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits.



Last Comic Standing Just because John Heffron won season 2 of NBC’s hit reality show “Last Comic Standing” doesn’t mean that he can’t do anything else. Heffron, a Detroit native, has degrees in communications and psychology and created a card game called “That Guy!” See this rising star, who is busy developing a sitcom for ABC and has toured with Joe Rogan and Charlie Murphy, when he visits Somewhere in Augusta’s Comedy Zone this Wednesday. John Heffron Celebrity Show Somewhere in Augusta Wednesday, February 6 Doors, 7:30 p.m.; show, 8 p.m.





poetry contest. Cash prizes will be given out. Categories are middle and high school, adults, and seniors. Visit


Belly Dance Class is held every Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-0594 or visit Belly Dancing Classes are held Tuesdays at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:309:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call 706-399-2477. Karaoke is held every Friday night at the American Legion Post 205 on Highland Road. Call 706-495-3219. Zumba with Sohailla is held every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706-421-6168 or visit Christian Singles Dance, a smoke-, alcohol- and drug-free event for those ages 40 and over, is each Saturday night at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Dance lessons start at 7 p.m., and the dance begins at 8 p.m. No partners needed. Members $8, guests $10. Call 706-854-8888 or visit

eXtreme Theatre Games, a comedy improv by Schrodinger’s Cat, will be performed at Le Chat Noir at 8 p.m., Friday, Feb. 1. Doors open at 7 p.m. $10 in advance; $12 at the door. Call 706-722-3322 or visit


“Art Now: Kendall Messick” will be presented at the Morris Museum of Art, 6 p.m., Thursday, Jan. 31, and will include a screening of Messick’s film “The Projectionist,” and a talk. It will be followed by a reception in the galleries featuring music by Matthew Buzzell. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit


“Southernscapes” reception at Artist’s Local 1155 features Savannah photographer Bailey Davidson from 7-11 p.m., Friday, Feb. 1. Exhibit will show through Feb. 26. Call 706-306-1581 or email Champagne Print Fair Preview Party will be held at the Morris Museum, 5:30-7:30 p.m., Friday, Feb. 3. Collectors, free; members and nonmembers, $15. Call 706-828-3803 or visit Print Fair will be held at the Morris Museum, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., Saturday, Feb. 2. Free. Call 706-828-3803 or visit

Katie Harris, photographer and sculptor from Appling, will display her exhibit, “Blissful Fullness-Empty Freedom” at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art through March 1. Nonmembers $5; members free. Call 706-722-5495 or visit Sporting art exhibit will be on display at the Willcox in Aiken through March. Call 803-648-1898 or visit “Tying the Knot,” a display of wedding dresses and accessories from the late 1800s to the 1960s, will be on exhibit at the Augusta Museum of History until May 2013. Call 706-722-8454 or visit “Blast From the Past” is on display at Augusta Museum of History in downtown Augusta to celebrate the museum’s 75th anniversary. Call 706722-8454 or visit “Local Legends” is a permanent exhibit highlighting Augusta notables on display at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit “Protect and Serve,” an exhibit highlighting the stories of CSRA law enforcement officers, is on display at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit

GoodBooks Café presents the artwork of Judy Avrett and Lucy Weigle on display during the month of February. Open house will be held Feb. 25, from 5:30 to 7:30 pm at GoodBooks Café, located at 3179 Washington Road. Call 706-650-5760 or visit

“Delightful Decanters” is a temporary exhibit on display at the Augusta Museum of History featuring colorful bottles used to sell products as late as the 1970s. Call 706-722-8454 or visit

“Reflections on Water in American Painting” shows through Sunday, Feb. 10, at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit

Tuesday’s Music Live will feature Eryn Eubanks & the Family Fold at St. Paul’s Church in downtown Augusta, at noon, Tuesday, Feb. 5. Following the 30-minute concert there will be a catered lunch. Concert is free; lunch is $10 per person and must be reserved. Call 706-722-3463 or visit

Local sculptor Brian Rust exhibits his work at Sacred Heart Cultural Center until Feb. 24. Call 706-826-4700 or visit Aiken Retro Exhibition will be on display at the Aiken Center for the Arts through Feb. 25. Call 803-641-9094 or visit “Ebony Legacy Revisited” will be on display at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of African-American History through Feb. 28. Adults $5, seniors $3, kids $2. Call 706-724-3576 or visit 18 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989



Saturday Night Dance with live music is each Saturday night at the Fraternal Order of the Eagles Post 1197 from 8:30 p.m.-12:30 a.m. $5. Call 706-495-3219.


eXtreme Theatre Games, a comedy improv by Schrodinger’s Cat, will be performed at Le Chat Noir at 8 p.m., Friday, Feb. 1. Doors open at 7 p.m. $10 in advance; $12 at the door. Call 706-722-3322 or visit “The Pajama Game” will be performed by Aiken Community Playhouse, 8 p.m., Friday and Saturday, Feb. 1-2; 3 p.m., Sunday, Feb. 3; and 8 p.m., Thursday, Feb. 7. Call 803-648-1438. Set crew needed for Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre production of “Legally Blonde: The Musical,” 10 a.m.-4:30 p.m., Monday-Saturday, until March 1. Tools will be provided. Email Auditions for Enopion Theatre Company’s production of “The Story of Noah and His Great Big Gopher Boat,” which will show in March, are going on now by appointment. Parts are available for men and women 18 years and older. Call 706-771-7777 or visit


“Won’t Back Down” will show at the North Augusta Public Library, 6:45-9 p.m., Thursday, Jan. 31. Call 803-642-7575 or visit “The Candidate” (1972) will be shown at the Morris Museum as part of their Films on Friday series, noon, Feb. 1. Free. Discussion afterward. Visit “How to Survive a Plague” (2012) documentary will be shown at Augusta State University’s University Hall, 7 p.m., Monday, Feb. 4. Students, faculty and staff free with JagCard; general admission $3. Call 706-729-2416. “A Raisin in the Sun” show Tuesday, February 5, at 2 p.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library as part of the Black History Month Film Series. Call 706793-2020 or visit “The Well-Digger’s Daughter” shows Tuesday, February 5, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Free. Call 706-821-2600 or visit

Special Events

Antiques in the Heart of Aiken Preview Party will be held 8 a.m.-10 p.m., Thursday, Jan. 31. Show and sale will be held at the Aiken Center for the Arts 10 a.m.-6 p.m., Friday-Saturday, Feb. 1-2, and noon-4 p.m., Sunday, Feb. 3. $8 admission good for all three days. Call 803-641-9094 or visit First Friday is on Broad Street downtown on Friday, Feb. 1, from 5-9 p.m. and features live music and entertainment, food, arts and crafts vendors and exhibitions and more. Call 706-826-4702 or visit

Maxwell Morning Book Club, featuring a discussion of J.K Rowling’s “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,” is Thursday, Jan. 31, from 10 a.m.-noon at the Maxwell Branch Library. Call 706-793-2020 or visit

First Friday Wine Tasting is Friday, Feb. 1, from 5-8 p.m. at Wine World in North Augusta. $5, with $3 rebate upon the purchase of a featured wine. Call 803-279-9833 or visit

Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual

Comedy Night takes place at the Augusta Jewish Community Center, 7:30 31JANUARY2013

Celebrate Heart Month with University! JENKINS COUNTY HEALTH FAIR AND BLOOD DRIVE .% 5ÄŒĹ?!Ä‹Ĺ?ĉĹ?Ä‘Ĺ?Ä Ä€Ĺ?Ä‹)Ä‹ÄĄÄ‚Ĺ?,Ä‹)Ä‹ Agricultural Center Jenkins County High School 433 Barney Ave., Millen, Ga. University Hospital’s Heart Attack & Stroke Prevention program will provide plaque scans for the ďŹ rst 50 qualiďŹ ed people to sign up the day of the event. Plaque scans are for those who have never had a stroke, heart attack, stent or angioplasty. QFree screenings include blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol QShepeard Community Blood Center drive with the Jenkins County Anatomy Club QEducation on various health related topics provided by University Hospital and other local health and wellness organizations $%/Ĺ?".!!Ĺ?!2!*0Ĺ?%/Ĺ?+,!*Ĺ?0+Ĺ?0$!Ĺ?,1(%Ä‹ CARDIO ON THE CANAL 01. 5ÄŒĹ?!Ä‹Ĺ?ÄŠĹ?Ä‘Ĺ?ÄŠÄ?ăĀĹ?Ä‹)Ä‹ÄĄÄ Ä‚Ä?ăĀĹ?,Ä‹)Ä‹ $!Ĺ? .+Ĺ?!*0!.Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ?Ä Ä‰ÄƒÄƒĹ?.+ Ĺ?0Ä‹ Heart disease and stroke are the leading causes of death and disability in the United States. Fortunately, lifestyle changes and early detection can reduce your risk. Join University Hospital for the second annual Cardio on the Canal, a free family event designed to promote heart health. QCatch the Cardiologist for children 4 and younger QA family walk along the canal QHeart Art Contest winners showcased along the walking route

QHealthy Cooking Expo with “Eating Well with Kim’sâ€? Kim Beavers QConcert featuring Tara Scheyer & the Mud Puppy Band QHealthy heart screenings PERSONALIZED CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE PREVENTION Christopher McElroy, M.D., Internist ! *!/ 5ÄŒĹ?!Ä‹Ĺ?ćĹ?Ä‘Ĺ?Ä‡ÄĄÄˆÄ?ăĀĹ?,Ä‹)Ä‹ University Hospital Cafeteria Dining Rooms 1–3 1350 Walton Way .!!Ä‹Ĺ? %#$0Ĺ?.!".!/$)!*0/Ĺ?3%((Ĺ?!Ĺ?/!.2! ÄŒĹ? * Ĺ?.!/!.20%+*/Ĺ?.!Ĺ?.!-1%.! Ä‹Ĺ?+.Ĺ?)+.!Ĺ? %*"+.)0%+*Ĺ?+.Ĺ?0+Ĺ?.!#%/0!.ÄŒĹ?((Ĺ?ÄˆÄ€Ä‡ÄĄÄ‰Ä‚Ä‰ÄĄ ĂĆĀĂĹ?+.Ĺ?0+((Ĺ?".!!Ĺ?Ä‰Ä‡Ä‡ÄĄÄ†ÄŠÄ ÄĄÄ‚Ä†Ä€Ä‚Ä‹ HEALTHY DIET, HEALTHY HEART Mac Bowman, M.D., Cardiologist Angela Johnson, RD, LD, Licensed Dietitian Presented by University’s Heart Attack & Stroke Prevention and Weight Management programs ! *!/ 5ÄŒĹ?!Ä‹Ĺ?ĂĈĹ?Ä‘Ĺ?Ä Ä€Ĺ?Ä‹)Ä‹ÄĄÄ Ĺ?,Ä‹)Ä‹ Beulah Grove Baptist Church Building of Opportunity 1434 Poplar St. Ä Ä€ÄĄÄ Ä€Ä?ăĀĹ?Ä‹)Ä‹Ä?Ĺ?Presentation by Dr. Bowman Ä Ä€Ä?ÄƒÄ€ÄĄÄ Ä Ĺ?Ä‹)Ä‹Ä?Ĺ?Presentation by Angie Johnson Ä Ä Ĺ?Ä‹)Ä‹ÄĄ*++*Ä?Ĺ?Heart-healthy lunch ++*ÄĄÄ Ĺ?,Ä‹)Ä‹Ä?Ĺ?Beulah Grove Golden Agers meeting, open to the community. .!!Ä‹Ĺ? 1*$Ĺ?3%((Ĺ?!Ĺ?/!.2! Ĺ?* Ĺ?.!/!.2ÄĄ tions are required. Register online at www.Ĺ?+.Ĺ?((Ĺ?ÄˆÄ€Ä‡ÄĄ ĉĂĉĥĂĆĀĂĹ?+.Ĺ?0+((Ĺ?".!!Ĺ?Ä‰Ä‡Ä‡ÄĄÄ†ÄŠÄ ÄĄÄ‚Ä†Ä€Ä‚Ä‹

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WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY AND YOU 1!/ 5ÄŒĹ?!Ä‹Ĺ?ĆĹ?Ä‘Ĺ?Ä‡ÄĄÄˆĹ?,Ä‹)Ä‹ University Heart & Vascular Institute Classroom 2 1350 Walton Way Free and reservations are required. +.Ĺ?)+.!Ĺ?%*"+.)0%+*Ĺ?+.Ĺ?0+Ĺ?.!#%/0!.ÄŒ ((Ĺ?ÄˆÄ€Ä‡ÄĄÄˆÄˆÄ…ÄĄÄ‰ÄŠÄƒÄ Ä‹ HEART ATTACK & STROKE PREVENTION EDUCATION +* 5ÄŒĹ?!Ä‹Ĺ?Ä…ÄŒĹ?Ä Ä‰Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ?ćĹ?,Ä‹)Ä‹ +* 5ÄŒĹ?!Ä‹Ĺ?Ä Ä Ĺ?Ä‘Ĺ?Ä‚Ĺ?,Ä‹)Ä‹ 1!/ 5ÄŒĹ?!Ä‹Ĺ?ĂćĹ?Ä‘Ĺ?Ä‚Ĺ?,Ä‹)Ä‹ University Hospital Heart Attack & Stroke Prevention Center This class will explain some of the causes of vascular disease as well as early warning signs. There will be information about changes you can implement today to prevent heart attack and stroke. ((Ĺ?ÄˆÄ€Ä‡ÄĄÄˆÄˆÄ…ÄĄÄ†Ä†Ä…Ä‰Ĺ?"+.Ĺ?)+.!Ĺ?%*"+.)0%+*Ĺ? or to register. HEART & VASCULAR EDUCATION Every Wednesday ĉÄ?ĂĆĹ?Ä‹)Ä‹ÄŒĹ?ÄŠÄ?ĂĆĹ?Ä‹)Ä‹Ĺ?* Ĺ?Ä Ä?ĆĆĹ?,Ä‹)Ä‹ University Heart & Vascular Institute Classroom 2 1350 Walton Way The Cardiopulmonary Rehabilitation program offers heart-related education classes every Wednesday on a variety of topics. Log on toĹ?"+.Ĺ?Ĺ?+),(!0!Ĺ?(%/0Ĺ?+"Ĺ?(//!/Ä‹


Come in for a tour TODAY! 1 Low Rate = Over 2000 Clubs Worldwide


America's Greatest Big Band Musical Show presented by: 706.364.2447

A no nostalgic, g patriotic, upbeat musicall revu revue featuring g the music of Glenn Mill Gl Miller, Benny Goodman, The A d Andrews Sisters and more! 19 on stage: g Big g Band with six singers and some high-flying sing g y g swin swing i n g dancing! d i !

Imperial Theatre VALENTINES DAY

Thursday, Feb 14 at 7pm Tickets: 745 Broad Street, Augusta, GA Call: 706-722-8341 Online: Tour and Event Info: &



p.m., Saturday, Feb. 2. Features Alyse Kenny and Neal Reddy. $10, includes dessert reception. Reserved seating. Call 706-228-3636. Downtown Connects meets 8-9:30 a.m., Tuesday, Feb. 5. Email Viewing of Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor with Thane Rosenbaum at Augusta Jewish Community Center, 8 p.m., Tuesday, Feb. 5. Visit Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus Elephant Brunch will take place at the James Brown Arena 2 p.m., Wednesday, Feb. 6. Free. Visit Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus presents Fully Charged at the James Brown Arena 7 p.m., Thursday, Feb. 7. $37, $31, $11. Call 706-262-4573 or visit First Thursday at Midtown Market, featuring shopping, snacks, drinks, sales and more, takes place 5-8 p.m., Feb. 7 at the shops on Kings Way. Call 706-922-5000.

Tuesday, Feb. 5. Free. Call 706-774-8931 or visit Stretching and Flexibility class will be held at the University Hospital Heart and Vascular Institute at 8:25 and 9:25 a.m., and at 1:55 p.m., Wednesday, Feb. 6. Call 706-774-3278 or visit Heart Health Senior Luncheon will be held at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum. Dr. Mac A. Bowman, cardiologist, will be discussing heart health. Event is 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m., Wednesday, Feb. 13. $10. R.S.V.P. by Feb. 6 at 706-724-3576. Personalized Cardiovascular Disease Prevention class will be offered at the University Hospital Cafeteria, 6-7:30 p.m., Wednesday, Feb. 6. Light refreshments will be served. Free. Registration required. Visit Healthy Woman, a free program with numerous health and social events, as well as financial, well-being and spiritual development, kicks off Feb. 7. Call 706-4817000 or visit


Family and Friends CPR covers the basics of adult, infant and child cardiopulmonary resuscitation at the Aiken Regional Medical Center, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Thursday, Feb. 7. $10. Registration required. Call 800-882-7445.

Lamaze Childbirth Classes are available at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Next session is Saturday, Feb. 2. Online registration available. Call 706-481-7727 or visit

Center for Women Tour will be held at Doctors Hospital, 7-8 p.m., Thursday, Feb. 7. Call 706-651-2229 or visit

Baby Care Basics and Breastfeeding class is available at Trinity Hospital of Augusta, Friday, Feb. 1. Online registration available. Call 706-481-7727 or visit

Infant CPR is offered at Trinity Hospital of Augusta, Monday, Feb. 4. Class does not provide certification. Online registration available. Call 706-481-7727 or visit Mobile Mammography Screenings will be held 8 a.m.-3 p.m. the following dates and locations: Monday, Feb. 4 at Belk’s in North Augusta; Tuesday, Feb. 5 at Savannah Lakes; Wednesday, Feb. 6 at Dillard’s in Augusta Mall. Appointment required. Call 706-7744149 or 866-774-4141. Look Good...Feel Better workshop for female cancer patients who wish to learn ways of coping with appearance-related side-effects of therapy will be held at Doctors Hospital 3-5 p.m., Monday, Feb. 4. Registration required. Call 706-651-4343. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Class will be held in the University Hospital Heart & Vascular Institute, 6 p.m., Monday, Feb. 4. Free. Registration required. Call 706-774-5548 or visit Lymphedema Education Class will be held at the University Hospital Breast Health Center at noon, Tuesday, Feb. 5. Visit Your Birthday Party OB Tour will be held at Trinity Hospital of Augusta, noon-1:30 p.m., Tuesday, Feb. 5. There will be a lunch and a short info session introducing Trinity’s Tiny Toes OB Program. Online registration available. Call 706-481-7727 or visit Total Joint Replacement Class will be held at the University Hospital Levi Hill III Auditorium 1-3 p.m., Tuesday, Feb. 5. Free. No reservations required. Call 706-774-2760 or visit Fresh Start Smoking Cessation Class will be held in the University Hospital Cafeteria 6-7 p.m., Tuesday, Feb. 5. Registration required. Call 706-774-8094. Metabolic Syndrome lecture will take place at the USCA Business Conference Center, 6 p.m., Tuesday, Feb. 5. Visit Weight Loss Surgery and You will be held at the University Hospital Heart & Vascular Institute 6-7 p.m., 31JANUARY2013

Childbirth Preparation Classes will be offered by University Hospital in weekly, four-week segments in February, from 7-9:30 p.m., Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Registration required. Call 706-7742825 or visit Cardiopulmonary Rehabilitation program covers topics such as coronary artery disease, heart attack and CHF at the University Hospital Heart and Vascular Institute each Wednesday at 8:15 and 9:15 a.m., and 1:45 p.m. Call 706-774-3278 or visit Happiest Baby on the Block, a class to teach techniques to calm a fussy baby, will be held at Doctors Hospital, 7-9 p.m., Thursday, Jan. 31. Call 706-6512229 or visit Stress Management Classes are held at the University Hospital Heart & Vascular Institute at 8:15 a.m., 9:15 a.m. and 1:45 p.m. each Wednesday. Call 706-7743278 or visit Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson’s Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Members, free; non-members, $3. Pre-registration required. Call Claudia Collins at 706922-9664 or visit Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is held every Tuesday at 2 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Will also be held at 6 p.m., Monday, Feb. 4. Call 706-774-5548 or visit Cardiopulmonary Rehabilitation program covers topics such as coronary artery disease, heart attack and CHF at the University Hospital Heart and Vascular Institute. Program is held each Wednesday at 8:15 and 9:15 a.m., and 1:45 p.m. Call 706-774-3278 or visit Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets from 11-11:45 a.m. every Thursday at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706-481-7604 or visit Adapted Evaluation, a 30-minute initial and annual evaluation including medical history and water assessment, is offered at the Wilson Family Y. $25. Call AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989



706-922-9664 or visit Adapted Special Populations classes offered at the Wilson Family Y. Members $10; non-members $20. Call 706-922-9664 or visit Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual half-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. Members, $10; nonmembers, $20. Call 706-922-9662 or visit

Share a meal with the elephants at the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus Elephant Brunch at the James Brown Arena 2 p.m., Wednesday, Feb. 6. Free. Visit augustaentertainmentcomplex. com. Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus’ Fully Charged visits the James Brown Arena 7 p.m., Thursday, Feb. 7. $37, $31, $11. Call 706-262-4573 or visit

Living With Diabetes, a program designed to teach skills needed to manage diabetes, is offered at Trinity Hospital. Physician referral required. Call 706-481-7535 or visit


Pink Ribbonettes is a cancer self-help group that meets at Millbrook Baptist Church, 10:30 a.m.-noon, Monday, Feb. 4. Registration required. Call 803-648-1911 or 803-644-3902. CSRA Dream Catchers, a brain injury and disability support group, meets 6-7 p.m. Feb. 4 at Walton Options for Independent Living. Call 803-2799611 or visit Discovery, a grief support group for those dealing with personal loss, meets at Trinity Hospice Community Bereavement Center 6-7 p.m., Monday, Feb. 4 and 11 a.m.-noon, Wednesday, Feb. 6. Call 706-729-6021 or 800-533-3949. Parents Healing Together will meet in the University Hospital Dining Room 2, to provide support for parents, families and friends who have lost infants through miscarriage, death, ectopic pregnancy or stillbirth. Meets 7 p.m., Monday, Feb. 4. Call 706-774-2751 or visit A-Team, an autism spectrum disorder support and resource group meets 6-7 p.m.,Tuesday, Feb. 5 at the Georgia Health Sciences Children’s Medical Center Family Resource Library, Room 1801. Anyone affected by autism spectrum disorders invited to attend. Email Huntington’s Disease Support Group meets at the MCG Movement Disorders Clinic Conference Room 6:30-8 p.m., Tuesday, Feb. 5. Call 706271-2798 or 706-231-2775.


The Lunch Bunch Bereavement Support Group for adults meets noon-1 p.m., Wednesday, Feb. 6 in the first floor cafeteria of Aiken Regional Medical Centers. Registration required. Call 803-641-5389 or visit Spine Education and Support Group will be held at the University Hospital Levi Hill III Auditorium 1-2:30 p.m., Wednesday, Feb. 6. Free. Call 706-7742760 or visit Cancer Support Group meets in the First Baptist Church parlor, 3-4 p.m., Wednesday, Feb. 6. Call 803-641-5000 or visit Alzheimer’s Support Group will be held at the Kroc Center 10 a.m., Thursday, Feb. 7. Call 706-731-9060 or visit Amputee Support Group meets at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital, noon-1 p.m., Thursday, Feb. 7. Amputee clinic held from 1-2 p.m., immediately after the support group meeting. For info call 706-823-8504.

Weight Loss Support Group, for anyone suffering ailments due to obesity, will meet in the Sister Mary Louise Conference Room at Trinity Hospital, 7 p.m., Thursday, Feb. 7. Call 706-481-7298 or visit Recovery Support Group meets 7:30 p.m. Sundays and Fridays. Call 706855-2419. Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital’s Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building. All burn survivors, and their families and friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706-6516660 or visit Moms Connection, a weekly support group for new mothers, is held 1-2 p.m., each Tuesday. All moms and babies welcome. Free. Call 706-7219351 or visit Narcotics Anonymous meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Visit


Raisin’ Kane I fell off the wagon. Yep, I sure did. First Thanksgiving, then Christmas and, before you knew it, I put on the extra 10 holiday pounds. Actually, when I got on the scale January 1, it was more like 15 pounds. What happened? I did what many of us do in November and December. I got lazy. The running stopped and the eating did not. I was as out of town a bunch during this stretch and I enjoyed the he holidays a little too much. January 1 was an eye-opener ene n r for me. Hopped on the scale and gained 15 pounds. ds. Really, 15 pounds?!?! At that moment, I knew things nggs had to change. The change for me began as soon as I got off the he scale. I set up a step-by-step program that would al aallow lo ow me to get back on the right track. First step: No more fast food and soda. I’m suree the fine folks at local Wendy’s establishments miss ss my multiple weekly trips through the drive-thru. Nobody loves Mountain Dew more than me, but utt that was gone as well. Now it’s only water and better food shopping decisions for me. Second step: Get back on a weekly running program. This was a must, especially as I was preparing to run in my fourth Augusta HalfMarathon in late February. I went back to 3-4 mile weekday runs and one long run on the weekend with the Augusta Striders. Getting back into a daily running routine was easier than I thought. Think about it... 3-4 miles per day only adds up to about 25-34 minutes of actual running time. Everyone’s schedule is different, but it shouldn’t be hard to set aside 30 minutes a day for running or some sort of exercise. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If you are just getting into running, check out the Augusta Striders group. I’ve found it easier to do long runs with a group than by myself. Third step: I joined Team Lean. My employer, WJBF-TV, is a big supporter of this annual 12-week weight loss campaign. I’m on a team with some co-workers and this really makes you accountable. The scale doesn’t lie. Each day, we discuss what we ate the day before and how much exercise we did. You better believe that we are honest with each other. Again, the scale doesn’t lie and we have to weigh in each week. I love being held accountable each week and Team Lean certainly does this. So, how are we doing so far? Since implementing these three steps, I’ve dropped nine pounds in 21 days. I doubt I can keep this pace up, but if all goes according to plan, I’ll be back to my ideal weight by Masters Week. This process is a marathon, not a sprint. When I know that I can When Chelsie Lee entered Phase 4 of the Fit to Be Gold Challenge in the spring of 2012, she had comfortably button my suit coat again, I know that already had some experience with losing weight. I’ve successfully crossed the finish line! “I had lost weight for our wedding day,” she admitted. “But I gained all of it back and more.” Chelsie’s close win in June, however, provided her husband Grady with the motivation he needed to Super Bowl Prediction step up to the plate in Phase 5 of the contest, which began in September. San Francisco 23, Baltimore 20. “A lot of the reason I entered was seeing the change that Chelsie went through,” he said. “That was No way can I pick against Augusta a big motivator for me. I wanted to see that change. It really had a big impact for me and it helped native and former Butler HS star me to eventually get where I am today.” Carlos Rogers. Look for the 49ers star Just like his wife, Grady won Phase 5 of the Fit to Be Gold Challenge, hinting at a little bit of DB to come up with one interception competitiveness that they seem to enjoy in their relationship. against Ravens QB Joe Flacco. Though both won, they both admit that they’re not done. Grady and Chelsie both have more weight they’d like to lose and have made time at the gym sort of like dates. Chris Kane is a Gold’s Gym member and But still that competitive streak comes through. he co-anchors Good Morning Augusta and “We love training with our trainer together,” Chelsie said. News Channel Six at Noon weekdays on WJBF“We’re able to challenge each other during workouts,” Grady added. “We get a little TV. competitive.” “We’re not vicious or anything,” Chelsie laughed, “but we’ll tease each other about


With Fitness

Married Winning couple shares secrets to a healthy marriage

who can do something faster working out. It just makes it fun being able to do it together.” The couple says they also enjoy picking out healthy recipes and cooking together but says they’ve discovered a secret that makes splurging on holidays like Valentine’s Day less guilt inducing. “We’ve worked hard on building up muscle, and the more muscle you have, the more calories you can take in,” Chelsie explained. “Because of that, we are able to have days where we splurge.” Grady added that while they don’t have specific Valentine’s Day plans, they probably will take that opportunity to go out to dinner.

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“That’s the benefit of working out,” he said. “If you’re being diligent about working out, you can have times when you go out. If you’re diligent, you don’t have to stick to this odds and ends diet. You can go out and splurge, like on Valentine’s Day.” Occasional splurge aside, the two both say that losing weight and working out at Gold’s Gym has changed their lives and relationship with each other for the better. “I’d say it’s definitely been for the better,” Grady said. “We have a better outlook, we’re happier and more active. If we want to do something, we can do it and we don’t feel too lazy or too tired. It’s opened more doors to do more things together since we’re healthier and we’ve lost a lot of the weight.”

no commitment | month - to - month

no kidding

*Amenities vary by location. Walton Way is $19.99 per month. Additional fees may apply.


Less Handles

Want to find a soul mate in between sets? Here are a few pointers from Vranich on the best way to meet a fellow gym member. ‡$UH\RXORRNLQJDWPH"2QHLPSRUWDQWWKLQJ to remember at the gym is that due to all the mirrors and televisions, you can’t always be sure that the hottie in the blue shorts is staring at you — they might be checking their form or watching “Law and Order.” Also, accidental eye contact happens pretty often when people are looking for empty machines or free weights. “At a coffee shop or a bar, eye contact might tip you off that someone is checking you out,” Vranich explains, “but normal cues need to be a bit more magnified at the gym.” If you are pretty confident that you’ve caught someone’s eye, smile and see if there is a response, then advance. ‡5XOHVRIDSSURDFK´6RPHSHRSOHKDYHD no-gym dating policy because it’s a sacred place to them and they don’t want to worry about running into an ex,” Vranich explains. These people can be pretty easy to pick out — anyone wearing a low baseball cap that never takes their eyes off the ground. That said, the gym is an easy place to strike up a conversation with a stranger since you’re both there for the same reason. Feel free to say hello or ask how their workout is going, just wait for the right moment. “Don’t try to talk to someone while they are on a cardio machine or mid-lift,” Vranich says. “And I’d also suggest that men not approach women while they are stretching. It can seem a little creepy.” ‡'RQ·WSXWEDE\LQWKHFRUQHU$IWHU\RX·YH established some rapport and you think your gym crush is down for a date, here are a few suggestions for taking the leap. Strike up the small talk in an open area of the gym, perhaps near the water fountain or the front desk — don’t corner them by a machine. Then propose a casual date but make sure to give them an easy out. “Don’t just ask, ‘Want to check out that new juice bar?’” Vranich advises. “Phrase it with an easy option to say no: ‘Do you want to grab a coffee or are you in a rush?’” That way, if they do accept, you’ll know it’s sincere — and a possible first step to finding a permanent gym partner!


1 set of 12-15 reps ‡)DFH\RXUSDUWQHUZLWK\RXUIHHWVKRXOGHU width apart. Take each other’s hands, with your arms slightly elevated above your shoulders. ‡%HQGLQJDWWKHKLSVDQGNQHHVORZHULQWR a parallel squat, making sure to stick your glutes (butt) out while moving down, as if sitting yourself in a chair. ‡5LVHXSWRWKHVWDUWLQJSRVLWLRQDQGUHSHDW

More Love For Valentine’s Day, here’s a workout built for two that will strengthen you and your relationship.

Hitting the gym with your significant other has countless benefits that go beyond just looking your best. “Working out together can be very intimate,” says Gold’s Gym Fitness Institute member Nikki Kimbrough, who developed this workout with the help of her boyfriend Billy Davis, another personal trainer. “We see each other in vulnerable moments, especially when the workouts get tough, and continue to encourage one another.” Gold’s Gym Fitness Institute expert and clinical psychologist Belisa Vranich agrees and weighs in on a few other advantages. Create a “Healthy Foundation”: When your partner knows that you’re taking care of your health, it takes one more worry off their mind. “Even if there’s not a significant change to your body, your partner sees that you’re trying and is touched,” Vranich explains. Getting in shape together also bodes well for the future of your coupledom. “I love creating the foundation of a healthy future with a woman I plan to be with for a very long time,” Davis affirms. “It’s also sexy to me that she keeps herself in top shape for both her and for us.” And on those days when your significant other has to convince you to put on your sneakers — do your best to follow their lead. “When your partner is able to encourage you to do something, it reminds them that they’re an important voice in your life,” Vranich says. Get More One-on-One Time: “Our lives are so busy and working out is an additional fun and healthy activity that gives you and your partner more time to talk and bond,” Kimbrough says. Your sweetheart can also help you remember how many sets you’ve done, snap you out of a daydream session or stop you from checking email every other minute. “We spend so much time every day multitasking that it is easy to get disorganized, distracted or lackadaisical,” Vranich says. Plus he or she can make sure you don’t get sloppy when it comes to the correct form. “It’s good to have someone there to make sure you’re keeping your shoulders down and your knees bent,” Vranich explains. And as Kimbrough reveals, it can be intimate — “Not that you need an excuse to touch one another, but you touch and spot one another in a different way.” Lend Each Other a Hand: While many women believe lifting heavy weights will just bulk them up, studies have shown that increasing the dumbbell poundage can help strengthen bones (especially in post-menopausal women) and slim you down faster. “A male partner can help her lift more and act as a spotter,” Vranich says. On the other hand, men are less likely to try new fitness classes — a survey by the Sporting Goods Manufacturer’s Association shows women participate in 14 out of 20 fitness categories versus just six for men — so the fairer sex can help them mix up their routine. “It’s fun to teach each other new exercises and help one another when the weight gets heavy,” Kimbrough says. Get Better Sleep and Better Intimacy: In a recent study, one in four Americans who were married or living with a partner said they were too tired to be intimate. That’s where the gym comes in: Researchers have shown that working out translates into better shut-eye because it can help relieve stress (meaning less tossing and turning) and increase your energy. You can then make the most of your waking hours, especially since exercise releases hormones that help you become aroused. So now that you know all the reasons to go to Gold’s together, here’s a little love potion for you: Nine moves built for two that will add muscle to you and your relationship:


3 sets of 12-15 reps for each partner ‡<RXUSDUWQHUVLWVRQFKDLURUEHQFKZLWKOHJVWRJHWKHU<RX squat in front with your back to your partner, then place your hands on your seated partner’s thighs while keeping fingers forward and elbows pointed up. ‡6WHSDZD\IURP\RXUSDUWQHU·VERG\DQGORZHU\RXUVHOI until your shoulders are parallel with your partner’s elbows. ‡6ZLWFKSODFHVDQGUHWXUQWRVWDUW

GOLDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S GYM: FEBRUARY 2013 |p.5


3 sets of 12-15 reps Â&#x2021;3LFNDPHGLFLQHEDOOWKDWZRUNVIRUERWK you and your partner. Â&#x2021;6WDQGDFURVVIURP\RXUSDUWQHUZLWKOHJV hip-width apart and the medicine ball held in front of your chest. Â&#x2021;6TXDWGRZQXVLQJSURSHUIRUPZKLOH\RXU partner remains standing. Â&#x2021;%HJLQWRULVHZKLOHKDQGLQJWKHPHGLFLQH EDOOWR\RXUSDUWQHUDVWKH\EHJLQWRVTXDW


3 sets of 12-15 reps Â&#x2021;6WDQGDERXWLQFKHVIURP\RXUSDUWQHUIDFLQJHDFKRWKHU Â&#x2021;+ROGDWDXWWRZHOEHWZHHQ\RXUKDQGV VSDFHGDERXWLQFKHVDSDUW  with your palms facing up. Have your partner grab the center of the towel. Â&#x2021;&XUOWKHWRZHOXSWRZDUG\RXDV\RXUSDUWQHUSXOOVGRZQRQLW QRWVR hard that you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t lift it, but enough to create some resistance). Â&#x2021;3UHVVWKHWRZHOGRZQDV\RXUSDUWQHUSXOOVXSDWDVLPLODUOHYHORI resistance. Â&#x2021;$IWHUHDFKVHWVZLWFKUROHV






2 sets of 10-12 reps Â&#x2021;3LFNDPHGLFLQHEDOOWKDWZRUNVIRUERWK\RXDQG\RXU partner. Â&#x2021;.QHHODFURVVIURPHDFKRWKHUÂłIDUHQRXJKWREHDEOHWR toss and catch the ball. Â&#x2021;6LWXSRQ\RXUNQHHVDQGOLIWWKHEDOORYHU\RXUKHDGWKHQ lean back and toss the ball to your partner. Â&#x2021;<RXUSDUWQHUWKHQVLWVXSRQWKHLUNQHHVWRFDWFKWKHEDOO over their head. (Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t allow the ballâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s momentum to take you backward.)




2 sets of 10-12 reps Â&#x2021;3LFNDPHGLFLQHEDOOWKDWZRUNVIRUERWK\RX and your partner. Â&#x2021;6WDQGEDFNWREDFNDERXWDIRRWDSDUW Â&#x2021;+ROGWKHEDOODERYH\RXUKHDGZKLOH\RXU partner raises their hands, ready to receive the ball. Â&#x2021;3DVVWKHEDOO%RWKRI\RXWKHQEHQGIRUZDUG Your partner passes the ball through their legs, then you both return to the starting position.

When youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re done with the workout, keep up the intimacy and de-stress your muscles by stretching together. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Remember this is just as important as the workout,â&#x20AC;? says Kimbrough. STRETCH #1: HAMSTRINGS 1. Lie flat on a mat. 2. Your partner sits on one side of you and takes hold of one leg at the back of your ankle while keeping a slight bend in the knee. He/she gently raises the leg toward the core as far as possible, making sure that your hips do not leave the floor. Repeat on the opposite side. STRETCH #2: QUADS 1. Lie facedown on a mat with your partner kneeling next to you. 2. Bend your leg as your partner grabs under your knee and gradually pushes up until you feel the stretch in the front of your thigh and hip. Repeat on the opposite side. STRETCH #3: CHEST 1. Stand with your arms in a T, palms facing forward and shoulders relaxed. 2. Your partner grabs your arms from behind (at the elbows) and gently pulls back as you exhale and feel a stretch in your shoulders and chest.

Know Your Numbers When it comes to heart health, knowing and improving certain numbers is key People pay a lot of attention to their hearts during February because of Valentine’s Day. But local cardiologist Dr. Paul Cundey says the emphasis on romance shouldn’t distract people from taking care of their hearts in a more literal sense. February is American Heart Month and getting started on the path to a healthier heart isn’t that difficult, Dr. Cundey said. It’s just a matter of knowing your numbers. But what numbers should you know? “Well, you should know your cholesterol number, you should know your blood pressure number and you should know your blood sugar number,” Dr. Cundey explained. “Blood sugar numbers refer to diabetes. And a number you also need to know is your BMI, or body mass index. Ideally, for optimal health, a person’s BMI should be 25 or under. A BMI of over 40 is considered morbidly obese.” The process for finding out these numbers is simple; all it takes is a visit to your primary care physician. Though at-home cholesterol and blood sugar tests are available, blood pressure can be checked at most grocery stores and pharmacies, and a simple online search can tell you how to calculate your BMI, Dr. Cundey said that a visit to the doctor is still your best bet. Why? Because everyone is different and a normal cholesterol number for one person may be a bit high for another person with a family or personal history of heart disease. In other words, it is a doctor’s ability to interpret these numbers that is the important factor. And though virtually everyone knows the importance of cholesterol and blood pressure checks, Dr. Cundey explained that knowing your blood sugar level is just as important, even if you’re not overweight. “It’s true that people who are overweight are more likely to develop type 2 diabetes, but it is important that it is checked, I would say annually, no matter what your weight is,” he said. “You have to make sure that it’s not elevated, otherwise you could go for years and be pre-diabetic and not know it. And that increases your risk for heart attack and stroke.” So, once you know your numbers, how do you go about improving them? Dr. Cundey said there are two key ways to do that: aerobic exercise and diet. “Regular exercise and diet can help reduce your weight, and that can help to improve all those numbers,” said Dr. Cundey, who works out regularly at the Gold’s Gym on Walton Way Extension. But how much exercise is considered regular? That, he said, is the last set of numbers you need to know. “And, of course, you should know the number of minutes of exercise you should be doing,” he said. “It’s recommended that everyone participate in aerobic exercise 30 minutes a day five times a week, and that could be running, walking, biking and elliptical machine training.” This, he said, is the amount of exercise recommended by the American Heart Association. Those whose other numbers may be elevated, however, should probably also talk to their doctors about this. “All these should be discussed with your primary care physician,” Dr. Cundey said. “It’s just very important to know these numbers, know the importance of these numbers and, if they’re not where they’re supposed to be, improving these numbers so you can improve your quality of life.” To speak to Dr. Paul Cundey or any of the other physicians at University Cardiology Associates, call 706-724-8611.

Ask any man and he’ll say that he doesn’t snore. Ask the person that shares a bed with that man, however, and you may get a totally different story. Those who snore -- and, yes, it’s more often men than women -- are often the butts of jokes in their household, but snoring can signal a more serious problem called obstructive sleep apnea (OSA). And those with OSA often don’t know they have it until someone tells them that they snore. OSA is a condition in which people repeatedly stop breathing during sleep because of a complete or partial blockage of the upper airway. Lasting a few seconds each time, these episodes make the person’s body work harder to get air into the lungs, which can cause gasps, snorts or body jerks that others find so amusing. But OSA has some serious side effects. It can contribute to the risk of high blood pressure, heart disease, type 2 diabetes and adult asthma, and can cause severe daytime sleepiness and a lack of energy that can lead to car accidents. It has been reported that people with OSA are up to five times more likely to have traffic accidents than normal sleepers. And though OSA doesn’t cause weight gain, it has been reported that up to two-thirds of those with OSA are severely overweight. So how do you know if you should ask your doctor about OSA?



No Laughing It might be funny, but snoring can often be the first sign of a bigger problem

Snoring is the most common first indicator, although not all who snore have OSA. If your snoring happens every night, is loud enough to disrupt your bed partner and is accompanied by gasps and other odd sounds or movements, there’s a chance you have OSA. Other symptoms include excessive sleepiness during normal waking hours, morning headaches and waking up with a dry mouth (indicative of mouth rather than nose breathing). Those with OSA have also noted symptoms like mood changes, irritability, depression, trouble concentrating, night sweats and excessive urination. If your doctor feels that your symptoms might indeed indicate OSA, they may ask

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you to visit a sleep lab, where a technician will monitor you while you sleep. If the results are positive, your doctor will probably go for the conservative treatments first, including asking you to lose weight, discontinue the use of alcohol and sleeping pills (which increase the severity of episodes instead of helping them), sleep on your side and, if you have sinus and allergy problems, use a nasal spray or breathing strips. Mechanical devices, like a continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) machine or dental appliance, or even surgery may also be advised. If you snore and have been meaning to shed some of that holiday weight, visiting Gold’s Gym a little more often now can help decrease your chances of more invasive OSA treatments later.

no commitment | month - to - month

no kidding

*Amenities vary by location. Walton Way is $19.99 per month. Additional fees may apply.

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AA meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Centers’ Aurora Pavilion, and includes an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit Adult Sexual Assault and Rape Support Group provides group counseling at University Hospital for those who have experienced sexual assault, incest, rape or childhood sexual abuse. Call 706-724-5200 or visit Alcoholics Anonymous is a support group for those who wish to stop drinking. Call 706-860-8331. Bariatric Support Group is held at Aiken Regional Medical Center. Call 803-641-5751. Beyond the Bars is a support group for those with incarcerated loved ones. Call 706-855-8636. Cardiac Support Group meets three times a year. Free. Preregistration requested. Call 706-774-5864 or visit Diabetes Youth Support Group meets quarterly. Call 706-868-3241 or visit Families Who Have Lost a Baby Support Group is offered by GHSU. Call 706-721-8299 or visit Gamblers Anonymous is a support group for those who wish to stop gambling. Call 800-313-0170. Living Well With Diabetes Adult Support Group, designed to teach members how to eat healthy meals while going out, meets in the University Hospital Cafeteria and area restaurants. Call 706-868-3241 or visit Lupus Support Group meets at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-394-6484. Overeaters Support Group meets locally. Call 706-7850006 or visit Parents of Hearing-Impaired Children meets locally. Call 706-481-7396 or visit Reach for Recovery is presented locally by the American Cancer Society. Call 706-731-9900 or visit


Computer Boot Camp Part II is Thursday, Jan. 31, from 10 a.m.-3:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit Introduction to Floral Designs, the second of a four-part series, will be offered at the Highgrove Club House in Evans, 8-11:30 a.m., Saturday, Feb. 2. $20 per session includes cost of textbook. Preregistration required. Refreshments provided. Call 706-556-3417 or visit Computer Boot Camp Part I is Monday, February 4, from 10 a.m.-3:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit Downloading e-Books and Audiobooks Class is Monday, February 4, from 5-7 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit Confederate Currency lecture will be presented by Charles Hilton as part of the Aiken County Historical Museum’s series on “The War Between the States.” Takes place 7 p.m., Monday, Feb. 4. $5. Call 803-642-2015. Reflections on the Middle Passage: The Slave Trade and Its Influences on Afro-American Culture, a lecture for those 18 and older, is Tuesday, February 5, at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit 32 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Introduction to Computers class is Tuesday, February 5, from 6-7:30 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit Microsoft Word I computer class is Wednesday, Feb. 6, from 10 a.m.-noon at the Headquarters Branch Library. Library card and pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2604 or visit Digital Learning Day is Wednesday, February 6, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. at the Euchee Creek Library. All day, library personnel will help with Galileo and other digital devices. Call 706-556-0594 or visit “Architecture of the South: Form and Function” by Erick Montgomery will be at Augusta Museum of History, Wednesday, Feb. 6. Bring a lunch: beverages provided at 11:30. Lecture runs from 12:30-1 p.m. Members free; non-members $3. Reservations required. Visit Microsoft Word II computer class is Wednesday, February 6, from 2-4 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Library card and pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2604 or visit Digital Learning Day: Bring Your Own Technology is Wednesday, February 6, from 2:30-3:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-793-2020 or visit Let’s Talk Self Esteem, a free seminar for women led by Tara Tanksley Stallings, is Wednesday, February 6, at 6 p.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit Galileo’s Job and Career Accelerator Seminar is Thursday, February 7, at 10 a.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit Art at Lunch lecture will be presented by collector Julia J. Norrell, noon, Friday, Feb. 8. She will discuss the nearly one thousand pieces from her renowned collection acquired by the Morris. Lunch provided. Members $10; non-members $14. Paid reservations due by Wednesday, Feb. 6. Intermediate Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 2:30-4 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit Beginner’s Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 4-5 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit Free Tutoring for all ages, offered by ASU’s Literacy Center, is available by appointment Monday-Thursday, from 4-8 p.m., at the center at 1401 Magnolia Drive. Appointments required. Call 706-737-1625 or visit Guided tours of 1797 Ezekiel Harris House offered by appointment only Tuesday-Friday, and Saturday 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Last tours of the day begin at 4 p.m. Adults, $2; children, $1. Call 706-722-8454 or visit GED Classes are held Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5:30-8:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit English as a Second Language (ESL) classes are offered every Tuesday from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit Fort Gordon Toastmasters meets 11:30 a.m. each Wednesday in the Organizational Conference Room (Fish Bowl) on Fort Gordon Army base. Open to public. Visit Puppy Class will provide owners with info on how to handle a puppy. Puppies will learn skills and commands, and will take the AKC S.T.A.R. Puppy Test at 31JANUARY2013

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the end of the course. $67 per session. Non-resident fees apply. Takes place 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m., Wednesdays, Jan. 9-Feb. 13. Call 803-642-7631. Good Manners Program is a basic dog training class for dogs 5 months or older, and will be taught 10-11 a.m., Wednesdays, through Feb. 13. $67 per session. Non-resident fees apply. Call 803-642-7631. Adult Hebrew Class is taught at Congregation Children of Israel at 10:30 a.m. every Thursday. Email office@ or visit The Joy of Signing meets every Thursday from 10:3011:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit Augusta Museum of History in downtown Augusta is open Thursday-Saturday 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Sunday 1-5 p.m. Closed Monday-Wednesday. Adults $4, seniors $3, kids 6-18 $2, children 5 and under free. Call 706-7228454 or visit Free Tutoring for all ages, is offered at ASUâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Literacy Center, by appointment Monday-Thursday, from 4-8 p.m. Call 706-737-1625 or visit

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Guided tours of 1797 Ezekiel Harris House offered by appointment only Tuesday-Friday, and Saturday 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Last tours of the day begin at 4 p.m. Adults, $2; children, $1. Call 706-722-8454 or visit Historic Trolley Tour of Augusta boards at the Augusta Museum of History at 2 p.m., Saturdays. See historic sites and hear spooky legends. $2, including admission to the museum. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. Call 706-722-8454 or visit Tours of the Boyhood Home of President Woodrow Wilson are held regularly. Adults $5; seniors $4; kids K-12 $3; under 5 years free. Reservations required for groups of 10 or more. Call 706-722-9828.


Pancake Day will be held 7 a.m.-10 p.m., Tuesday, Feb. 5. IHOP will serve free short stacks during that time. Local proceeds will go to the Georgia Health Sciences Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Medical Center. Call 706-721-4004. Preview Days for the Salvation Army Auto Auction are Thursday-Friday, Jan. 31-Feb. 1, from 8 a.m.-6 p.m. at the Greene Street office and will include more than 50 cars, boats, trucks and RVs. The auction is Saturday, Feb. 2, at 10 a.m. and proceeds benefit the Salvation Armyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s free drug and alcohol rehabilitation program. Visit Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio in downtown Aiken at 10 a.m. each Friday. Participation is free with donation of a personal item to be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit Pet adoptions are held by CSRA Happy Tails Rescue at the Mullins Crossing Petco in Evans from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. each Sunday and from 1-4 p.m. each Saturday and Sunday at the Tractor Supply Company. Visit


Pickleball, a combination of tennis, badminton and ping pong, is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken, 9-11 a.m., Mondays through Thursdays, through February. Members $1/visit; non-members $2/visit. Call 803-642-7631. Swamp Saturday will be held at Phinizy Swamp, 9:30 a.m., Saturday, Feb. 2. Excursions feature free hikes of 1 ½ hour, 2 ½ miles through the parkâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wetlands and over scenic hills. Call 706-828-2109. 34 METROSPIRITAUGUSTAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

WWE Smackdown Pre-Game Pandemonium will be held at the James Brown Arena, 1 p.m., Sunday, Feb. 3. Doors open 11:30 a.m. $96, $51, $36, $26, $16. Call 706262-4556 or visit Basketball Adult Registration held at Aiken Family Y through Feb. 6. Members $40; nonmembers $60. Visit Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Raeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Library meets every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit Weekly Group Runs include the Monday Metro Run meeting at Metro Coffeehouse at 6 p.m.; Monday Intervals meeting at the Family Y track on Wheeler Road at 7 p.m.; the Tuesday Nacho Mamaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Blanchard Woods Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday Stay in Shape Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Post Office Hill Training Run at 7 p.m.; Thursdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Homer Hustle at 6 p.m.; and Saturdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Stay in Shape Run at 8 a.m. Visit Racquetball is held at the Weeks Center in Aiken, daily. Members $3/hour; non-members $5/hour. Saturday and Sunday are free play days. Reservations required. Call 803-642-7631. Badminton is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken, noon2 p.m., Fridays through February. Call 803-642-7631. The Augusta Rugby Club holds weekly practice sessions at 6:30 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Larry Bray Memorial Pitch in Augusta. Experienced players and newbies ages 18 and up are welcome. Bring a pair of cleats or cross trainers, a mouthguard, gym shorts and a T-shirt. Visit or Facebook under the Augusta Rugby Club heading. Hott Shott Disc Golf is held each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf in downtown Augusta, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-8147514 or visit Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. Entry fee $5; ace pool $1. Call 803-215-8181 or visit Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-724-6777 or visit Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, first-served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-791-4864 or visit Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit Adapted Aquatics for Special Populations offered at the Wilson Family Y by appointment. Members $11 per 31JANUARY2013


session; nonmembers $22 per session. Discount for additional siblings. Call 706-922-9664 or visit Augusta Canal Interpretive Center and Petersburg boat tours winter schedule runs through March 31 and is as follows: The Center is open from 9:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Hour-long Petersburg boat canal tours depart at 11:30 a.m., 1:30 and 3 p.m. Admission to Center is $6, or free with $12.50 boat tour ticket. Seniors 65+, active military/dependent and students (age 4-grade12 or with valid college I.D.) are $2. One child under 3 per ticketed adult may get in free. Closed Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 4. Groups call ext. 7. Visit The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878. BlazeSports Swim Team, for all ages of physically challenged swimmers who want to train for competition, meets at the Wilson Family Y. Members $35 a month; non-members $50 a month. Pre-registration required. Visit


Civil War 150th Canal Tour, “Food, Fabric and Firepower,” is offered by the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center at 1:30 daily through 2013. Call 706823-0440 or visit Men’s Basketball Registration is being held at the Wilson Family Y through March 6 for ages 18 and up. Members $40; nonmembers $60. $20 team entry fee due by March 6. Season begins March 18. Visit


“The Frog Prince: A Play With Puppetry” will be performed at the Imperial Theatre by Storyland Theatre at 9:30 and 10:45 a.m., and 12:15 p.m., Thursday and Friday, Jan. 31-Feb. 1, and 3 p.m., Saturday, Feb. 2. Call 706-736-3455 or visit or Child Safety Seat Inspections and Car Seat Classes, sponsored by Safe Kids East Central, will be offered by appointment Friday, Feb. 1, at either the Safe Kids Office or Martinez-Columbia Fire Rescue. Call 706-721-7606 or visit Growing Boys is a class for boys ages 9-12 accompanied by their father,

other male relative or a male friend, 9:30 a.m.-noon, Saturday, Feb. 2. $10. Visit Simply Science II: Squishy Sensations will be held at Reed Creek Park in Columbia County for kids 5 and up, 10-11:30 a.m., Saturday, Feb. 2. Members free; non-members $2/child. Must be accompanied by adult. Reservations required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit “Frankenweenie” shows Saturday, Feb. 2, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit Stargazing at the Boyd Observatory will be offered 5-7, Saturday, Feb. 2. Visit Safe Sitter classes will be held at Doctors Hospital for kids age 11-13, Saturday, Feb. 2. Call 706-651-4343 or visit It’s All About Dragons ceramics class will be held at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art for three Saturdays: Feb. 2 and 16, and March 2. Session I takes place 9-10:30 a.m. for ages 7-9; Session II takes place 11 a.m.-



12:30 p.m. for ages 10-14. Members $36; nonmembers $40; supply fee $7. Call 706-722-5495 or visit YA Art Exhibit Reception, featuring the work of teen photographer Tyler Ashlin, is Sunday, Feb. 3, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-8212600 or visit Artrageous! Family Sunday: Fourth Annual Children’s Book Reading Spectacular will be held at the Morris Museum, 2 p.m., Sunday, Feb. 3. Join authors as they read from their popular children’s books, then create your own mini book. Free. Visit What’s in the Box: Jitterbug Baby! will be held at the Morris Museum 10-11 a.m., Thursday, Feb. 7. Explore ways communities celebrate events, then make your own mask with surprise items from the box. Members and parents free; non-members $4. Registration required. Sensory-Friendly Story Times take will be held at the Columbia County Library, 11 a.m., Monday, Feb. 4, and 4 p.m., Thursday, Feb. 7. Call 706-863-1946 or visit Chinese New Year Story Time is Tuesday, Feb. 5, at 10 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706821-2600 or visit Manga Club, for those in grades 6-12, is Tuesday, Feb. 5, from 4-5 p.m. at the Columbia County Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit All About Planes Story Time is Wednesday, February 6, at 10 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit Valentine Special for kids, featuring puppets, songs, finger plays and refreshments, is Wednesday, Feb. 6, from 10:30-11:15 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Call 706-736-6244 or visit Digital Learning Day, for those ages 11 and up accompanied by parent, guardian or instructor, is Wednesday, Feb. 6, at 12:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit

correct answers and will be announced in February. Call 706-863-1946 or visit Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-6427631 or visit Creative Arts offered at the Family Y of North Augusta for ages 5-12 years. Members $35 per month; nonmembers $55 per month. Visit Toddler Time, playtime for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. $2 per visit; $16 per 10-visit pass. Call 803-642-7631 or visit Little Friends Gym, a parent and child class for those ages 6 months-4 years, is held each Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit Story Time is held at the Columbia County Library at 10:15 and 11 a.m., Tuesdays, for kids under 2 years old; at 10:15 a.m., Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays for 2-year-olds; at 11 a.m., Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays for preschoolers; and at 4 p.m., Wednesdays, for all ages. Call 706-863-1946 or visit Loud Crowd, a supervised after-school program for those ages 4-12, is Monday-Friday from 3-6 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-8602833 or visit Homeschool PE Time, for elementary school aged kids, meets Monday-Friday, from 9-11 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Members free. Call 706-364-5762 for nonmember prices. Visit Mother’s Morning Out is every Tuesday and Thursday, 9 a.m.-1 p.m., at the Wilson Family Y for children ages 3-4. The schedule follows the Richmond County school calendar. $90 per month for members; $110 per month for non-members. Register at any Family Y or visit

Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit Lap-Sit Story Time, for children under two, is held every Tuesday at the Columbia County Library at 11 a.m. Story time for two-year-olds is every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 10:15 a.m. and for preschoolers at 11 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit Story Time is held every Wednesday from 10-11:15 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit Story Time is held each Wednesday at 10 a.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Pre-registration required for groups. Call 706-793-2020 or visit Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit Story Time is held each Wednesday at the Appleby Branch Library from 10:05-10:20 a.m. for toddlers age 18-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschool kids age 3 and up. An adult must remain with the child. Call 706-736-6244 or visit Story Time is every Wednesday at 10:15 a.m. for Pre-K, and either 11 or 11:30 a.m. for preschoolers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:30-11 a.m. for toddlers and 11:15-11:45 a.m. for preschoolers at North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-279-5767 or Story Time at the Euchee Creek Branch Library, for all ages, is held each Wednesday at 10:30 a.m. and each Tuesday at 4:30 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit Study Hall for teens meets Wednesdays from 3-5 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-8212600 or visit Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803613-0484.

Tai Chi Panda, a Chinese martial arts program for kids ages 5-13, meets Tuesdays and Thursdays. Ages 5-7 meet at 4 p.m.; ages 8-10 meet at 5 p.m.; ages 11-13 meet at 6 p.m. Call 706-394-0590 or visit

Mudpuppies, an arts and crafts program for ages 2-5, is held each Thursday at 10:45 a.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit

Cribs for Kids will be held at the Georgia Health Sciences Building, 5:45-8 p.m., Thursday, Feb. 7. Instructors will teach caregivers how to provide a safe sleep environment and what to watch out for. Those who demonstrate financial need will receive a Pack-n-Play, fitted sheet, sleep sac and a pacifier. Preregistration required. $10 per child. Call 706-7217606 or visit

Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit

The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-854-0149 or visit

Story Time is held every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706-736-6758 or visit

Kroc Tots Activity Hour, for those 5 and under, meets every Friday from 9-10 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Free, members; $1, non-members. Call 706-364-5762 or visit

Basketball Camp offered at the Family Y of Downtown Augusta for kids age 13-17 years. Practice is on Tuesdays; games are on Saturdays. Season is Feb. 18-March 30. Members $35; nonmembers $70. Registration available through Feb. 20. Visit

Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem

Heart to Heart Winter Fun crafts workshop for those ages 3-5 is Thursday, Feb. 7, from 11-11:45 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6244 or visit

Celebrate Black History Month Contest is February 1-28 at the Headquarters Branch Library. Participants should pick up a form at the children’s desk. Call 706821-2600 or visit Reading with Ringling Bros. is a special program offered at the Headquarters, Appleby and Diamond Lakes branches of the library. Kids ages 2-12 who read five books receive one child’s ticket. Rewards cards are available at each branch’s circulation desk. Visit African-American History Month Trivia Contest is offered for ages 8-11. Pick up a form from the registration desk, fill it out and drop it in the contest box. A prize will be awarded for the entry with the most 31JANUARY2013

Offered once a week for one month for a total of four classes. Members $25/month; nonmembers $35/ month. Visit Boy and Girl Scout troops are hosted by Augusta Jewish Community Center. For Boy Scouts, visit or email For Girl Scouts email For Daisy/ Brownie Troop email Child Safety Seat Inspections offered by appointment at the Safe Kids office (call 706-721-7606), Martinez/ Columbia Fire Rescue Engine Co. 3 (call 706-8607763) and Columbia County Sheriff’s Substation in Evans (call 706-541-3970). Car Seat Classes are offered by appointment only at the Safe Kids Office in Augusta and at the Martinez Columbia Fire Rescue Headquarters. Call 706-721-7606. Creek Freaks, a Georgia Adopt-a-Stream team of middle- and high-school students, meets regularly at Phinizy Swamp Nature Park to monitor the health of Butler Creek. Call 706-796-7707 or visit Fun-Time Fridays, for ages 2-5, is held each Friday at 10:45-11:30 a.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit Gesher, a teen program for post b’nai mitzvah youngsters (7th-12th grade), meets every other Sunday at Adas Yeshurun Synagogue. Call 706-733-9491.


Souper Luncheon will be held by the Senior Circle of Trinity Hospital of Augusta, 11:30 a.m., Tuesday, Feb. 5. Call 706-481-7979 or visit


“Impressionism from Monet to Matisse” exhibit will be on display at the Columbia Museum of Art through April 21. Adults $15; seniors and military $12; students $5; kids 5 and under free; members free. Call 803-799-2810 or visit “Anxious Visions” by surrealist Michael Northuis will be on display at the Columbia Museum of Art until April 7. Call 803-799-2810. Thursday Nights at the High, a special event at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, offers half-price tickets from 4-8 p.m. each Thursday. A guided tour is offered at 6:30 p.m. Call 404-733-4200 or visit

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

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Andrew Jones 706.833.3060






Actually, talk all you want… just beware of who might be listening I’ve noticed something. I’m sure I’m not the first to notice, but as I sat in a small but busy waiting room today, it was abundantly clear. When people are in quiet waiting rooms, a phenomenon occurs. They think we can’t hear them. It’s true. Pay attention the next time you’re early for your appointment. To protect the privacy of the innocent and guilty, I won’t tell you which waiting room or which doctor. I think this could have been anywhere, really. Don’t get me wrong. I’m nosy. I enjoyed hearing this lady’s saga about work and moving and family. Apparently she is having some furniture moved in and out of her new office. You may be inclined to ask me to please mind my own business, and I did try. I was in the middle of a rousing and heated round of level number 85 on Candy Crush Saga. I was focused. If you haven’t played Candy Crush Saga yet, don’t do it. Resist. You will thank me. First, she made a call to her new boss. He/she was freaking out because people were attempting to move furniture without her knowledge. As she so loudly pointed out, her office door was unlocked, and they did in fact have permission. They were only supposed to move this bookcase but not that filing cabinet. Unfortunately for her, she couldn’t get her boss on the phone. She called the secretary. This completely boring story is only interesting because it’s someone else’s. I move furniture in my house all the time. As a matter of fact, I think it’s almost as good as buying new furniture. Move it, and you’ve got a whole new room. Waiting Room Lady’s friends didn’t seem to feel the same way. The secretary was loud. She was yelling about some fern and a filing cabinet, and WRL couldn’t get a word in edgewise. “But don’t take that filing cab-“ “No, that fern can stay.” Her words fell on deaf ears. Not my deaf years, mind you. WRL prevailed, though. Raising her voice for all to hear, she was all “MRS. SECRETARY! THAT FERN IS MINE. THE FILING CABINET IS LOCKED AND STAYS THERE. IT STILL HAS MY FILES IN IT. PLEASE STOP THEM BEFORE THEY TAKE MY THINGS.” In a desperate attempt for excitement, I pictured the secretary jumping up from her avocado metal desk so fast that the dingy ivory conference phone dangles by its spiral cord. As she runs in to WRL’s office, she is quickly yanked backward because the cord isn’t quite long enough to reach. I amuse myself. I wonder what everyone else thought about WRL. I’m sure they noticed, right? She made so many phone calls in the span of my 30-minute wait; I hope she doesn’t have a prepaid iPhone. If she does, she may need a gift card. There was one person in the waiting room who probably didn’t care at all, but it’s only because she was louder. Seriously, she was. The difference is that she wanted people


to hear her. I could be wrong, I suppose. Maybe she tried to be quiet. She wasn’t just on the phone, though. She was talking to the person with her about the phone call she was making. She was talking to Aunt Julieorwhatever and repeating everything Julieorwhatever said. Everything. All words. She also felt the need to repeat her own words, as if we missed them the first time. “Billy, come here! I’m talking to Aunt Julieorwhatever! Come here!” Billy comes here. “Aunt J says that if you’re a good boy, she will take you to Target all by yourself! Julie, I told him that you’d take him to Target if he is a good boy. He is so excited. Billy, I told Aunt J that you are excited.” Billy was standing right there, and unless I’m mistaken, Aunt J was the one on the phone. It was an unnecessarily long conversation. Kinda like this story, right? Now you know how I felt. These people are certainly entitled to their lives. I’d say they can have their privacy, too, but that doesn’t really make sense when they sit in a public place. Can you remember a time when cell phones didn’t exist, and everyone say quietly reading the paper or the newest Highlights? I can. It may have been quieter, but it wasn’t nearly as F-U-N.

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.











Do Not Pass Go

Turns out, there are rules to the bar business Advice time from Matt Stone: When owning and operating a bar and/or business, remember to check all your paperwork very closely, cross the Ts and dot the lowercase Js because, if you don’t, you might end up in a tad bit of trouble. The biggest story about Augusta nightlife this past week was the owners of Surreal at Surrey getting thrown in the pokey. It turns out that the guys didn’t have their state alcohol license, so last Friday night the party was shut down early when undercover agents made a surprise visit. There are a bunch of rumors going around about what exactly happened at Surreal, but I’ll wait for an official statement to come out before I put my comical spin on it. According to their Facebook page, though, “We will be open this weekend. Just a little hiccup, nothing like all the stories we’ve been reading. But we LOVE the attention. Lol.” They also posted that they will be throwing a Jailbreak Bash this Friday night, so that sounds fun. There are a couple things that I can report about Surreal. First, the guys that own the place couldn’t be any nicer people. Jason, Matty and Clint have always been super cool to me. Secondly, the place looks amazing. I was there on Friday night and was blown away by the work they have put in to turning Surreal into one of the classiest looking places in Augusta. Unfortunately I was not there when the cops showed up on Friday night, but it’s probably a good thing. I’m afraid of jail. On the bright side, all three of the guys own other bars as well. So just in case Surreal isn’t open this weekend, check out Surrey Tavern or Bar West; both are two of my favorite drinking holes. It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get done on Friday, First Friday that is. I was looking around for some cool stuff to check out for the first Friday of February, but there wasn’t too much I could find. I did see that it’s ‘80s night over at Sky City. Coco will be playing the best of the ‘80s; it’s up to you if you want to dress as your favorite member of Oingo Boingo or not. Ladies are free and the guys pay only $5. Sometimes you have to pay for it guys, if you know what I mean. There is no doubt that if you walk along Broad Street on any First Friday you will be able to find something to do. Believe it or not Evans, you can walk Broad Street and not die. Don’t know if you’ve heard about this one, but Chevy’s Nite Club is back. Formerly known as Midtown Lounge, formerly better known as Cadillac’s, Chevy’s is making its return to the CSRA. The grand opening is Friday night featuring the band Fantasy. I haven’t been to that location since it was Cadillac’s and I was dancing with someone who looked like my grandma. I hear they are bringing in a new vibe and excitement to the La Pavilion location, so be sure to stop by and welcome them back. I have a couple new albums to talk about in this week’s segment of “Listen to this… What the hell is that.” “Listen to this” goes to a new band called The Neighbourhood. The California natives are tapped as one of the bands to watch in 2013. Check out the song “Sweater Weather;” it’s good and time appropriate. “What the hell is that” goes to Lisa Loeb. Yep, that Lisa Loeb. She keeps asking me to “Stay” when all of us have been gone since 1995. I may be late to the party on this one, but you should also check out a band called Grizzly Bear. Holy moly, this band is awesome. Again, I may not be as cool to all the hipsters that already knew the band, but at least I’m willing to admit it when I look stupid. What bands are coming to town? Who do you want to see in Augusta? Has anyone seen Rebecca Black? And bands, it’s called free advertising. Email me at and I’ll talk about your band.





January 31 31Thursday, Live Music

French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - Trivia (7:30); Jerod Gay (10) Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Live and Local Rose Hill Estate - Preston Weston & Sandra Surrey Tavern - Open Jam The Willcox - Four Cats in a Doghouse Wild Wing - She N She

She N She has a busy schedule this coming week, so check them out at one of the following shows. Thursday, January 31, they play Wild Wing Cafe and Friday, February 1, they grace the Surrey Tavern stage. Miss one of those shows and you still have a chance to catch them at the Fox’s Lair on Friday, February 8.

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Coyote’s - DJ Richie Rich & Chad Mac Music Video Mixx Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Trivia, Soup and Suds Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Loft - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

February 1 01Friday, Live Music

Country Club - Larry Frick Coyote’s - Dave Firmin, Rhes Reeves & the Coyote Band Doubletree - Classic Jazz Drifters - The Southern Meltdown Band French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Grace Baptist Church - Booth Brothers Joe’s Underground - Swyrv MAD Studios - Doug Mains & The City Folk, Adam Sams Malibu Jack’s - Tony Williams Blues Express PI Bar & Grill - Jazz Duo Polo Tavern - Josh Hilley Band Sector 7G - The Fapadelics, Decollator Shannon’s - Perfect Picture Surrey Tavern - She N She Wild Wing - The Unmentionables

What’s Tonight?

Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance Party Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim The Playground - DJ Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Sky City - First Friday ‘80s Night Soul Bar - First Friday DJ Mix Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest


February 2 02Saturday, Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Country Club - Michael Stacey Coyote’s - Dave Firmin, Rhes Reeves & the Coyote Band Joe’s Underground - Ray Fulcher Band MAD Studios - Skylyr Hicks Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz with Pam Bowman Polo Tavern - Jim Fisher Band Shannon’s - The Unmentionables Surrey Tavern - Tony Williams and the Blues Express Wild Wing - Tokyo Joe

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Loft - DJ Richie Rich Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke


Sunday, February 3 Live Music

5 O’Clock Bistro - Mike and Dave Band Cotton Patch - Keith Gregory (brunch) Malibu Jack’s - Playback The Band w/ Tutu Dy’Vine Patridge Inn - Sunday Evening Jazz w/ the Not Gaddy Jazz Trio The Willcox - Jon Vaughn, brunch; Preston & Weston, night Wild Wing - Dave & Michael What’s Tonight? Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing Shannon’s - Karaoke with Peggy Gardner

February 4 04Monday, Live Music Shannon’s - Open Mic Night

What’s Tonight?

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia Robolli’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Somewhere in Augusta - Poker

February 5 05Tuesday, Live Music The Highlander - Open Mic Night Shannon’s - Karaoke Contest The Willcox - Piano jazz

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane Limelight Cafe - Bottom’s Up Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Trivia The Playground - Truly Twisted Trivia with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke Shannon’s - Karaoke with Mike Johnson Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia

February 6 06Wednesday, Live Music

Joe’s Underground - Sibling String Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock Shannon’s - Josh Hilley Sky City - Jack’s Shadow (a Nick Cave Tribute)

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Midtown Lounge - Karaoke w/ Charles O’Byrne Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy

Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta - Comedy Zone w/ John Heffron Surrey Tavern - Trivia with Christian and Mickey Wild Wing - Trivia


Music for Memories Concert w. Montgomery Gentry, Scotty McCreery, & Joe Stevenson - Country Club February 7 Super Bob, Stillview - The First Round February 7 Carey Murdock, Celia Gary - Sky City February 7 Sibling String - Wild Wing February 7 Keith Gregory - 100 Laurens February 8 Jim Perkins - Carolina Ale House February 8 The Dam-Fi-No Band - Country Club February 8 She N She - Fox’s Lair February 8 Outerbanks - Polo Tavern February 8 Dangermuffin - Sky City February 8 China Bulls - Wild Wing February 8 Music for Lovers featuring Guitarist Matthew Whittington - Partridge Inn February 8 Old Man Crazy - 100 Laurens February 9 Natalie Stovall - Country Club February 9 JAR - Polo Tavern February 9 Jesup Dolly, Prarie State Heartache - Sky City February 9 Lingo - Surrey Tavern - February 9 Acosta - Wild Wing February 9 Ronnie Milsap - Bell Auditorium February 14 Jamie-Grace, TobyMac - James Brown Arena February 14 John King Band - Country Club February 15 John Berret’s LaRoxes - The First Round February 15 Mike Farris & the Roseland Rhythm Revue Imperial Theatre February 15 Brantley Gilbert w/ Kip Moore - James Brown Arena February 15 Shameless Dave & The Miracle Whips - Laura’s Backyard Tavern February 15 The Southern Meltdown Band - Playoffs Sports Bar & Grill February 15 Pretty Petty - Polo Tavern February 15 The Corduroy Road, Have Gun Will Travel Stillwater Taproom February 15 Ponderosa - Sky City February 16 Acosta - Stillwater Taproom - February 16 Fishbone - Sky City February 18 The Burning Angels - Stillwater Taproom February 22 AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989






How do you think Wiccans feel about the genocide depicted in this week’s No. 1 movie? RANK






































The only thing you’ll remember about this one is JLo in her undies

“Parker,” a movie you’ll forget having seen even as you’re watching it, has about three more weeks in the theaters. Then it’ll be shuffled off onto video and onto cable television, where it rightly belongs, because this Jason Statham-led heist flick plays as nothing more substantial than an episode of some CBS crime drama. (Perhaps unfairly, the presence of villain Michael Chiklis, from “The Shield” and “The Commish,” only compounds this sensation.) An hour would’ve been plenty long for the hammy acting, the paint-bynumbers cinematography, the tin-eared dialogue and the underwhelming final big score to unfold. Instead, at two hours, “Parker” has time to remind you repeatedly why it’ll make a decent rainy Sunday movie to fall asleep to circa 2014. “Parker” starts with a Big Job that feels smallish: sticking up the cash room at the Ohio State Fair, cracking the safe and hitting the road. Through some soupy flashbacks we learn that Parker’s accomplices on this deal are just some dudes that his partner, the imposing slab Nick Nolte, knows only sorta. Well, they turn out to be a touch rotten. They offer him a chance at another big score that requires his share of the state fair spoils to fund. He declines, so they try to shoot him to death, as stupidity would have it, in a moving SUV. He fights back and escapes, if you can count getting shot and dumped in a canal to be discovered by passing tomato farmers as escaping. Parker recuperates and tracks the gang to Palm Beach. There he assumes 44 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

the guise of a Texas oil tycoon in order to get flat-broke realtor Jennifer Lopez to drive him around and show him homes where a bunch of thugs might hole up to stage a jewel heist. The Mob sends an assassin after him, which is less interesting than it sounds because we never learn a single cool fact about the killer other than that he doesn’t bounce when thrown off a high-rise. Realtor Jennifer Lopez wants a cut of the job and then does the sort of silly damsel-in-distress stuff that should get her proper fired from a multimillion-dollar robbery. Usual Florida. Perhaps in another movie, the character Parker, who graced two dozen Donald W. Westlake novels, could pull this jalopy. He ought to be compelling enough — a thief who sticks to his word, doesn’t hurt innocents, steals cars as if they’re in a take-a-penny tray, fights like a cornered wolverine — but the script (by John J. McLaughlin, who also wrote “Black Swan”) swerves between pulpy noir and lazy camp. “Parker” is one of those movies in which you can pretty nearly guess each character’s next line of dialogue. Consider it training wheels on the way to watching Elmore Leonard adaptations and Guy Ritchie projects. Director Taylor Hackford told a reporter in Palm Beach that he was drawn to the Parker character because of the thief’s pragmatism: “He’s a sociopath. He’s a criminal. But he’s not a psychopath.” If only Hackford could’ve brought that Parker from the page to the screen with anything approaching aplomb, we might’ve had something. 31JANUARY2013




“Warm Bodies,” rated PG-13, starring Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, John Malkovich. So, yeah, the whole zombie thing is a little played out at this point, but this movie actually sounds kind of interesting. “R” is a good-looking zombie who finds himself becoming more and more human after meeting and falling in love, if that’s possible, with Julie. A zombie date-night movie? Sure, why not. “Stand Up Guys,” rated R, starring Al Pacino, Alan Arkin, Christopher Walken, Julianna Margulies. These aging con men are getting the band back together! This one could be amusing, if for nothing else but to see Pacino and Walken push each other out of the way for more hamming it up onscreen.


“Bullet to the Head,” rated R, starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Momoa, Christian Slater, Sung Kang. Revenge is the order of the day for Stallone, but isn’t it always? He and Statham should get together. No; on second thought, they should stay far, far away from each other.


“The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia,” rated R, starring Abigail Spencer, Chad Michael Murray, Katee Sackhoff. Given its nonsensical title (is it set in Connecticut or Georgia… make up your mind already!), we don’t hold out hopes for this one.

WERECOMMEND “The Waterboy”

So… the big game is on Sunday and we felt the need to do something football themed. But we didn’t want to go all serious and schmaltzy. So you can keep “Remember the Titans” and “Brian’s Song” and “Rudy” and “The Blind Side.” We, on the other hand, will be watching the stupidest movie about football ever made: “The Waterboy.” Sure, it’s about a college football team, not the pros, but how can you not love the way that Adam Sandler’s Bobby Boucher Jr. says Vicki Vallencourt’s name? Her whole name. Every single time. How can you not love that Jerry Reed and Henry Winkler play football coaches? Kathy Bates as Bobby’s overbearing mother? Perfect. And Rob Schneider, bless his heart, has never been particularly likable… except for in this movie, where his “You can do eet!!!” became something of a catchphrase. So if you want a few laughs courtesy of the standard nobody-to-star sports story like you’ve probably never seen before, try “The Waterboy.” 46 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989



Michael Johnson

Zoey Scheinfeld, Alex Riccardi and Brittany Burgess at the Indian Queen.


Emily Nance, Jessica McGann and Elizabeth Morris at the Indian Queen.

Tara McConnell with Mike and Nickie Stein at the Ultimate ‘80s Night at Surreal at Surrey.


Devin Joy, Brittney Hatcher, Laura Dye and Summer Keenum at the Ultimate ‘80s Night at Surreal at Surrey.

Kim and Brandon Stites with Lori and Keith Bell at the Ultimate ‘80s Night at Surreal at Surrey.


Mandi Stubbs, Melissa Phillips and Kat Crans at Bar West.


Julie Bruton, Binca Chih, Katie Aldrich and Emily Taylor at Surrey Tavern.

Donna Harding and Andy Bruner with Crystal and Brian Owen at the Ultimate ‘80s Night at Surreal at Surrey.

Michael Johnson

Caleigh Becker, Scan Rogers and Liz Cook at Limelite Cafe.





Get Happy

“We’ll probably have 600 guests again this year,” predicted Augusta DoubleTree General Manager Les Reagan. “That’s about what we did last year and we hope to beat that this year between the restaurant and the ballroom. It’s just a great event.” The DoubleTree has long been known for its impressive prime rib and seafood buffet, which recently underwent many changes. Now offered each Friday night, it includes many more stations than in the past, some of which include a prime rib carving station, a wok station for stir fry and pad thai, sushi which can be rolled to order, and a flambé dessert station that includes cherries jubilee. This is also the second year that the DoubleTree has expanded their Valentine’s Day buffet. In years past, the event outgrew the restaurant so, in 2012, they opened up a second buffet in the ballroom. This year they’ll do the same. And while an a la carte menu will be available on Thursday, February 14, and Saturday, February 16, the real party will be Friday night, February 15, when pretty much the entire hotel will be devoted to the event. “Our biggest push is going to be Friday night, when we’ll have two seafood buffets and two live bands. We’re going to have pretty much the entire hotel devoted to it,” said Food and Beverage Manager Lando Marzolf. “The entire ballroom will be opened up, there will be seating in the restaurant… so pretty much from this side of the hotel all the way back to the ballroom will be devoted to Valentine’s Day.” Flashback will play in the ballroom, while Bill Tolbert and the BTUs will entertain guests in the restaurant. Marzolf added that, for those who don’t want the party to end, the DoubleTree is offering a package that weekend that includes a room, breakfast for two, dinner for two and a bottle of champagne for $209. That package with a suite is $259. And, as an added bonus, those reserving the package Friday night will also get reservations at the buffet, something the DoubleTree normally reserves for parties of six or more. Despite the number of people who attend the DoubleTree’s Valentine’s Day celebration, Reagan said that one of the aspects of the event that guests love is how laid back it is. “It’s just a very relaxed evening,” he explained. “There’s food everywhere, and it’s all accessible and very easy to get to. It’s just good food that people want to eat, two great bands and it’s not hurried. It’s just very relaxed. It can have a party feel and an intimate feel at the same time.” That combination, Reagan added, is what has earned the DoubleTree by Hilton Augusta so many repeat guests to their regular Friday night buffets. But it’s not the only thing. Service is something the hotel and restaurant has always made a primary focus, and that focus will continue to be an important factor in 2013. “This year’s focus is putting people on a pedestal and how we can best last year,” Reagan explained. “I ask our servers how they want to be treated better than anybody else. Then… how can you surprise that guest with something a little extra? It’s looking them in the face, it’s the welcome, it’s just that moment of two, three, five or 10 seconds that says you are the only 48 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

photography: Phillip Hibbard

The DoubleTree by Hilton Augusta’s mission is to make you forget your troubles, whether on Valentine’s Day or any other day

thing that matters at that moment.” Reagan, who is heavily involved in Augusta’s theater community, says running a hotel and theater work aren’t all that different. “As an actor, my applause from the stage is when I look out and see somebody laughing or I’ve moved somebody to tears. I’ve made them for one second forget their problems and that’s what we really try to instill here,” he said. “This entire building is an entertainment center; that’s the way I look at it. The front desk is a main stage, the dining room a main stage, the ballroom is a main stage. We’re the actors and the people who come through the front door, that’s the audience. Local people go to a hotel for a weekend or a weekend night to get away from their problems.”

And that is never more true than during their Valentine’s Day celebration. And for those who’ve never attended, Reagan has a question. “I think people need to ask themselves, if they haven’t been here for Valentine’s Day, why not?” he said. “What has stopped you? Come. Have a great time.” Valentine’s Party DoubleTree by Hilton Augusta Friday, February 15 Buffet and live music begin at 5 p.m. $34.95 per person Reservations for groups of six or more strongly recommended 706-855-8100 | 31JANUARY2013




Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.


Why doesn’t Augusta’s Polyester Queen, Bonnie Ruben, do something with all of her dilapidated buildings downtown? They are a real eyesore! Maybe she could star t an International Polyester Museum. Anything would be better than an abandoned building with plywood over the windows. You say gun owners are 4 times more likely to die from a gunshot wound like this is some outrageous fact to scare people into suppor ting gun control. People that ride in cars are much more likely to die in a car crash. People that climb mountains are much more likely to die from falling off a mountain. And people that suck chicken bones are much more likely to die from choking on a chicken bone. I would much rather have a gun in my hand when confronted with a situation than to be the pathetic victim that you would be.

upbringing and where you were raised can be transferred to other par ts of the country, so although I visit the “D” often, God has planted me in Augusta for now. Did you get a chance to see that wonderful second Inauguration for President Obama on MLK Day? You know the Good Lord had something to do with that. In 1968, MLK said “we as a people will get to the promised land” and exactly 40 years later in 2008, we have our first African American president. We all know the significance of 40 in The Bible. Ask Noah about the Arc or Moses about the wilderness. I’m still waiting on my 40 acres and a mule, but I know it’s coming soon….Peace.

Where did it go? How did we lose all the common sense around here?



NOW !!! -- you tell me after all these years of digesting sugar -- WOW!!!! -- let me tell you that it all comes from our ear th (sand) and its water which was naturally clean in ancient times, and as time descended; mankind evolved with modern technology usage and all these chemicals that currently taints the ear th (sand) and its water that we use everyday. Everything is basically made from some type of chemical which we always discard in the ear th (sand) and its water -- that is the source of the physiological problems of humans and other ear thly life forms that manifest from the things we grow to eat and drink in a nowaday polluted ear th. Americans need to stay in America and build our own nation up again-- NAFTA free trade agreement = high unemployment, crime glorification, bleeding hear t liberals running rampant, political devils, business dictators, etc... -- the only good thing is this freaking internet that shows clearly how many warped minds are in this world.

Yeah, we know it’s been repeated ad nauseum, but the headline “Ga. men accused of stealing $65,000 in chicken wings” still cracks us up.


However, this line — Police said there was no word on the whereabouts of the wings — gives us a big case of the sads.

This is MR DEEEETROIT back in the house. To my friendly counterpar t who has never been past the Mason Dixon Line to see how other people live, in case you didn’t know, your



























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Metro Spirit 01.31.2013