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The

Le a der State University of New York at Fredonia

Issue No. 21, Volume CXVI I

Wednesday March 24, 2010

Steve Rees: Theatre and Dance department chair will retire after 28 years at fredonia, a-5

Three fredonia atheletes compete in national championship matches, a-6.

Visiting speaker talks on sexualization of youth, a-1. see op-ed on the impact of feminism, a-8.

American Indian Studies future in doubt ERIC TICHY News Editor

Fredonia considering dropping minor

Mary Lemcke/ Illustration Editor

The American Indian Studies minor at Fredonia is in limbo after James Stevens, the program’s director, left for a teaching position in New Mexico. Assistant Vice President for Academic Affairs Melinda Karnes has become the interim coordinator for the minor, which currently does not have a department head. Karnes said she is currently advising the students in the program until a replacement is found or resolution with Stevens

is accomplished. Stevens left Fredonia last semester but has not yet handed in a resignation. “When a coordinator steps away as [Stevens] did,” Karnes said, “I step in and I advise the students. I serve as their advisor while someone is away.” She added that the primary goal for the minor right now is to have someone available for students while the department head is vacant. Karnes said she was unaware of why Stevens left without a resignation or if he plans to return in the future. There are currently four students in the American Indian Studiets minor program – all of whom will be graduating this spring. With no one heading the minor and the shortage of students in the program next year, Fredonia is considering dropping the minor. Last February, students taking classes in the American Indian Studies curricular were made aware of the potential cut to

the program. An e-mail was sent to stu- her Native Studies class last semester had dents that asked “anyone who was inter- 22 students in it but “not enough is being ested in signing up for this minor please done to get the students interested in joindo so as quickly as possible…Please help ing the minor.” According to the American Indian us save SUNY Fredonia’s minor.” Students in the American Indian Studies Web site, the minor looks into Studies program are worried about the the “anthropological, historical, cultural, future of the program vvif a resolution is educational and political developments that have formed present-day Native not found. “The classes I took are phenome- America.” nal,” said senior history major Brittney John Kijinski, Dean for the School Jimerson, an of Arts and American Humanities, Indian Studies said in a recent minor. “I think interview that it is a huge no immediate waste if the plans have been school lets the announced in terms of finding a minor go. I replacement. think they need to make more “Professor of an effort to Stevens will not - Brittney Jimerson, keep it going. be back next year senior history major as he has acceptWe are in the ed a position at middle of two huge Indian another univerreservations and I think it is beneficial for sity,” Kijinski said.  “Dr. Karnes will be Fredonia to keep it.” talking with the interdisciplinary studies Jimerson added that more promotion advisory group about how the American for the minor is needed in order for stu- Indian Studies minor can best be directed dents to be aware of the program. She said next year. That’s what we know for now.”

“We are in the middle of two huge Indian reservations and I think it is beneficial for Fredonia to keep [the minor].”

Breaking free from the shackles of sexualization Morgan Burns Assistant News Editor Women’s History Month entered its second week with a presentation hosted by the Women’s Student Union and the Women’s Studies Program on Tuesday, March 9 on the sexualization of women in society. Tomi-Ann Roberts, a professor of psychology at Colorado College, gave the lecture. Roberts received her doctorate from Stanford University in 1990 and has dedicated much of her research to the exploration of gender issues in society. Roberts spoke about her findings from the 2007 American Psychological Society study on the sexualization of girls. According to Roberts, the most repugnant evidence of this sexualization is found in toys. Bratz dolls, marketed by MGA Entertainment, epitomize this trend of youth sexualization. With exaggeratedly large and infantile heads, coupled with slender bodies, fishnet tights under short skirts, high heels and makeup, the dolls exude an aura of sex. These dolls are marketed to impressionable girls ages four to eight. Roberts said that during a trip to Germany, her own daughter drew a parallel between German prostitutes and the dolls, saying, “they are so pretty, they could be Bratz dolls.”

Roberts spoke on the recent increase in youth-oriented stores like Justice, Limited Too, Abercrombie Kids, and Club Libby Lu which market specifically to young girls. These stores stock clothing that Roberts said is unacceptable for young girls. This condition affects boys and men as well. Objectification has become a part of masculinity, causing men to assess girls on image and nothing else. “This jeopardizes a man’s ability to create relationships. Real women simply aren't as attractive as the girls they have seen in pornography and in the media,” Roberts said. She argued that women develop their physical identity through the perception of others. Through previously established cultural norms, interpersonal relationships and self-sexualization, women are subjugated to a diminished role. This role dictates certain standards that are imposed rather than chosen. The effect of advertising is particularly potent and has been noticed by students at Fredonia. “Girls buy into this image that the media puts out of what a woman should be or is supposed to look like,” said senior visual arts and new media major Megan Elizabeth Carrol. Sexualization is the process by which a person or Morgan Burns/ Assistant News Editor join the conversation. www.fredonialeader.com

See "Bratz" on page A-6


A-2 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

For the love of film Faculty spotlight: Phil Hastings ASHLEY MAY Staff Writer Phil Hastings is a hard person to get to know. He is the type of man that you come to understand through your own observations and by listening to what other people have to say about him. The first thing you notice about Hastings is that he does not really look like a film maker. As one of his students lovingly put it, “he looks like he belongs on a [shrimp] boat or something.” Truth be told, the combination of his husky build and the serious expression he wore for most of the interview was intimidating. When I walked into his office, Hastings was wearing jeans, a black t-shirt and a black and white flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up just below his elbows. He had a thick, dark beard and his head was completely bald. I would have described him as looking more like a construction worker than a shrimp boat captain. Irrespective of what he looks like, Hastings is in fact a filmmaker. His films have been screened at venues such as the Winnipeg International Film Festival and the Black Maria Film Festival, just to name a couple. Hastings grew up in a small town north of Dayton, OH, a place he describes as “the country.” He is the

events 9 p.m.

Source: Fredonia Website

eldest of three brothers. Like many people of his generation, Hastings was captivated by George Lucas and the Star Wars Trilogy as a child. Growing up he says he “was torn between getting [his] degree for film or art.” Hastings decided to go to art school but while he was there ended up taking video, sculpture and installation classes. “That kind of inspired the idea of creating sets for my films,” he said. Three years ago, Hastings got a job at SUNY Fredonia. “I would not have even known about Fredonia if it

CALENDAR

24 WEDS

Late Nite Fredonia: The WNYF-TV program hosted by senior Keith Gomez will tape a live episode in the Williams Center MPR featuring the 'Bone Crushers' of Maximum Force Wrestling and musical guests Billy Mays War Machine

2 p.m.

wasn’t for the job,” he said. Hastings teaches Experimental Video, which looks into non-traditional styles of filmmaking. He said it is all about “saying something by doing very little [and it is] a one-man show.” Erich Von Hasseln, a senior illustration/animation major, openly admitted that the first time he met Hastings, he was not sure what to think of him. Hastings gave him a grade of 3.4 in a class when he needed a grade of 3.5. “After that, I saw him in the lab a lot interacting with students and I

25 THURS

Leadership Speaker Series: '95 SUNY Fredonia graduate and Buffalo Sabres TV broadcaster Kevin Sylvester will be featured as the second speaker of the series in a talk entitled, "Establishing Credibility and Developing Youth Athletes." S-104 Williams Center

8 p.m.

Faculty Recital: Solo recital by Assistant Professor of Piano Jonathan Mann featuring preludes from three different centuries. Rosch Recital Hall.

7:30 p.m.

27 SAT

ACAFest: Some Like It Hot hosts its Annual Spring Invitational concert. The concert will feature all four acappella groups on campus as well as "Proof of Purchase" from RIT and the "Acafellas" from Alfred University. $2 Students $4 Nonstudents. Williams Center MPR

7:30 p.m.

World Travel Series: Emmy-award winning photojournalist and documentarian Dave Banks presents his film, "Hidden Jerusalem." King Concert Hall

6 p.m.

Young Philosophers Lecture Series, presented by the Department of Philosophy continues. 105 Fenton

26 FRI 12 p.m.

saw the work that his students were producing and it was actually quite impressive,” Von Hasseln said. After seeing Hastings in the lab so often, Von Hasseln said he “warmed up to Phil a lot and really admire[s] him now.” Von Hasseln said he also has a lot of respect for Hastings. “He’s the type of person who’s always trying to make us continuously raise the bar,” he said. “I think it’s really important for professors to instill values in students that are important to what they’re teaching and I think Phil is definitely someone who does that.” Since coming to Fredonia, Hastings organized a SUNYWide Film Festival last year. The idea for the festival came from the Big Muddy Film Festival, which Hastings directed while he was going to grad school at Southern Illinois University Carbondale. “There is a Best of SUNY Student Art Exhibition in Albany every year, but they don’t accept time based media,” Hastings said. “They show 2-D work, sculpture, illustrations, paintings, ceramics, but they won’t show film or video, so I wanted outlet for film and video students to show their work.” The SUNYWide Film Festival is divided into four categories: animation, experimental, documentary and narrative. The festival will take place from April 15 to April 17

Guest Lecture: MACS Scholarship Program presents "Context Aware Design of Wireless Sensor Networks" by Ashfaq A. Khokhar of the University of Illinois at Chicago. 105 Fenton

4 p.m.

28 SUN

Concert: Fredonia Chamber Singers perform a post-tour concert featuring an eclectic mix of choral repertoire from the Renaissance to the twenty-first century. Conducted by Director of Choral Activities Donald Lang. Rosch Recital Hall

8 p.m.

29 MON

Faculty Showcase Recital: School of Music faculty perform a wide variety of music in chamber ensembles and as soloists. Rosch Recital Hall

30 TUES NO EVENTS ONGOING EVENTS 1) German Artists Exhibition in Rockefeller Arts Center. Runs March 5 - April 7th 2) Orchesis Dance Company Presents: "Contrived Persona." This Spring's performance focuses on themes of hidden identity and persona and features a wide variety of both student and guest choreography. 8 p.m. March 26th and 27th and 2 p.m March 28th. $4 Students $7 Non-students. Bartlett Theatre

*All events are free and open to the public unless otherwise noted.


A-3 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

More money in your pocket. Fewer worries on your mind. If you make less than $42,000, you should find out about the Earned Income Tax Credit. You could get up to $4,800 extra back from the IRS when you file your taxes. Wouldn’t that lighten your load? Visit irs.gov/eitc, or call 1-800-829-1040 to see if you qualify.

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1:25:58 PM


A-4 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

SA web site aims to improve communication

Erik Coler Special to The Leader

they hope to create a bridge between them allowing for easier communication. He said it will take some time for the site to become fully functioning but hopes to have it worked out by next fall. Students who have visited the site have already provided SA with positive feedback as the site lists

Ever wonder who was in charge of the Student Association (SA) but had no idea where to look? Try sa.fredonia.edu. The new SA Web site has been released for the public. After campaign promises and Facebook page requests, the SA Web site offers students the ability to meet their representatives and know what is going on at Fredonia. According to senior political science major John Waring, who is a member of the Web Services Committee in SA, the Web site will allow students to view what is happening in SA and keep track of what is being discussed. On the homepage of the SA site is a video of President Kevin Wysocki, Vice President Katie Boyle and Speaker Allison Bracikowski. The Web site is tailored to students who would like to know who is in SA and what their role is with Fredonia. The site is also an easy source to find information regarding different committees and how to get involved with SA. Some features of the new site include members of the judicial branch, groups included in SA and even links to their Twitter and Mary Lemcke/ Illustration Editor Facebook accounts. “The whole purpose of the Web site is so we can current members and their role in SA. “A lot of people said they liked it and it’s nice to [provide] information out to the students about what’s see us have a website,” Wysocki said. “We haven’t had going on with SA,” Wysocki said. He added that the Web a real one in so long and we are organized and moving site will also become a useful tool for all groups in SA as into the right direction so we can get our message out to

the students.” He added that the site will be beneficial for communication not only for groups but for any student who wish to voice their concerns or opinions. According to Waring, the site will also have updated videos that will keep students informed on issues that affect them on a daily basis. The Student Assembly has planned on using the Web site to promote the “Higher Education Empowerment and Innovation Act” which is currently going through the State Legislature and will have a direct impact on Fredonia students. Not everything about the site has been positive so far, though. “The biggest problem… honestly is it’s a very limited system,” Warning said. He added that a calendar system at Fredonia called FSU4U has been created to help students stay updated on events around campus. Waring said the FSU4U system at Fredonia allows students to click on an event and automatically find out the time, date and place of the event, similar to the event calendar on the Fredonia homepage. The SA Web site cannot add the FSU4U feature due to the limitations of the site’s host, Wordpress, and complications with adding the feature. Wysocki believes the time it took to get the Web site up-and-running was worth the wait and is now ready for students' feedback. “Just check it out and see what it’s about,” he said. “We have good content up there to look at and… hopefully we can work together to make our school even better.”

Technology incubator bridges Fredonia and Japan

ASHLEY BUONAUGURIO              Special to The Leader

Almost three years after introducing its temporary location in Downtown Dunkirk, SUNY Fredonia’s technology incubator is now preparing for the opening of its new facility this May. Serving as an aid to new and fledgling businesses, the incubator provides technology based businesses with the resources and networking necessary for a successful start up. The new twenty-one thousand square foot facility is a “green” building that will provide office space for up to thirty-one participating businesses. In addition to preparing its new facility, Fredonia has also been at work advancing the incubation project as a whole. Beginning early this year, Fredonia welcomed Technology Transfer Specialist Dr. Hiroko Sato, who began a four month residency aimed at

becoming more familiar with the incubating process and the research being done here. Dr. Sato is part of KUTLO- NITT, an organization supported by the Japanese Ministry of Economy Trade and Industry. KUTLO-NITT is composed of ten Japanese universities and two Technology Licensing Organizations whose focus is on research in the Bio and Life sciences. The consortium selected Fredonia to participate in its grant-funded technology transfer project. With a strong emphasis on trying to bring academia’s technology research into the business world, there is hope that this relationship will allow for the transfer of technology between Japan and Fredonia. “We want to make SUNY Fredonia into a gateway,” Sato said. Japan will be able to license and buy American technology, making it available to Japanese people and selling it for American companies. Richard Goodman, Fredonia’s Director of International

Affairs and the incubator's Client Relations Specialist, said “her [Dr. Sato] being here is just the beginning of a new relationship with the ten universities in Japan.” Goodman’s knowledge of Japan as well as his networking capabilities within Fredonia have made him an important project member. Sato has spent a lot of her time at the incubator, becoming familiar with the process and working on a plan to increase collaboration between American and Japanese universities. This is not the first university Sato has visited but she claims it is one of the best. “The staff and students are very kind and the school shows hospitality,” she said. In the upcoming weeks Sato will be preparing for the ribbon cutting ceremony for the new incubator facility that will take place in May. By providing opportunities for technology researchers and for technology businesses, the new facility stands to benefit both the local community and communities abroad.

Know Your Reps: Nick Weaver

Erik Coler Special to The Leader

Junior history major Nick Weaver is a native of West Seneca, NY. Weaver is the chief justice of SUNY Fredonia’s Supreme Court. While on campus, he enjoys playing ultimate Frisbee and is a member of the history club as well as accounting society. In his spare time he enjoys reading the paper and even publishes an editorial in the Buffalo News every so often. How did you get involved in the SA? “I was working in Campus Life for work study and my first semester…I would come in and see everybody leaving so I went to some GA meetings and I met people there and I became interested in joining SA. I joined the court the beginning of my second semester.” If you could change one thing on campus, what would it be? “I wish we had some magical way of keeping our sidewalks clean of any snow and we could use a bit of updating in our classrooms. We are still playing catch up a little bit but other than that we have a pretty good

campus.”

Do you have a favorite moment so far with SA? “I like how everyone banded together for the rally last year to protest the gay speech hater. It was impressive and it was a lot of people from the SA who were a part of that.” Where do you like to go on campus? “I like the tower lounge of the library. I use to go there all the time, but I like to hang around the SA office sometimes. Not all the time but sometimes I like to hang in my office; its usually quiet except when we have political debates.” What is your favorite sport? “My favorite sport is probably college basketball. I follow it a lot. I would say my favorite team is probably Gonzaga. It’s a little school on the other side of the country. I’m a big fan of small college basketball mainly.” What do you want to say to the student body? “I think that as an association we need to do a better job informing students what we do and what we are capable of. On the flipside, I think that students need to do the

Erik Coler/ Special to The Leader

best they can to stay informed. They can read The Leader, talk to reps and just figure out what’s going on. This is the place where we reach the administration. Otherwise you’re just idling, complaining about the school.”


A-5 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

Rees to leave behind a legacy Longtime Theatre and Dance professor to retire after this year STEVE BRACHMANN Staff Writer Editor's Note: The following is a condensed version of the full story available at www.fredonialeader.com. The office of Steve Rees on the second floor of Rockefeller Arts Center resembles an archive in need of a curator. Hidden away on bookshelves and in cardboard storage boxes are the many trappings of a long career at SUNY Fredonia. The memorabilia extends over the walls, including diplomas from the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point and the University of Memphis, as well as stage rigging certification from the Entertainment Services and Technology Association; there are about 500 certified stage riggers in the country. Rees will be retiring at the end of the 2010 spring semester after serving as the technical director for the Department of Theatre and Dance since 1982, as well as the department’s chair since 2007. It’s hard to summarize Rees’s contribution to theatre and the arts at SUNY Fredonia over his 28 years at the school. During his tenure, he has worked on nearly 250 productions, including plays, musicals, dance productions and concerts. This includes technical direction for the entire Department of Theatre and Dance Mainstage season, which currently produces five shows per year, and for the annual Hillman Opera, for which he’s served as technical director for almost two decades. As the chair of the Department of Theatre and Dance, Rees is responsible for retaining the department’s accreditation, hiring new faculty, approval of new course offerings and other programs as well as serving as a mentor for the entire department. In the larger university context, Rees has served on the Student Affairs Committee and acts as a safety officer for SUNY Fredonia’s Environmental Health & Safety department. “I think Steve’s retirement represents a watershed for the department historically,” said Tom Loughlin, a full-time professor in the Department of Theatre and Dance since 1988. Loughlin said that the department would be losing a lot of institutional history as well as a

Joe Lopez III/ Photo Editor

Steve Rees holding a certificate from USITT, the association of design, production and technology professionals in the entertainment industry. wealth of experience. “You can’t replace that experience overnight,” Loughlin said. “That’s just a normal part of these affairs.” After Loughlin, the longest tenured professor in the department has been at SUNY Fredonia for 12 years. Loughlin will be replacing Rees next fall semester as departmental chair. Rees was born in Waukesha, WI and remained there until graduating from Waukesha High School in 1965. Rees began attending University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point in fall of that year, but his college years were interrupted when he was drafted into the armed forces on the day of the Tet Offensive, January 31, 1968. “I never went to Vietnam,” said Rees, “but it led to a lot of things setting up a career in technical theater.” Attending an army electronics school endowed Rees with skills that are still applicable today, including

knowledge of digital multiplexing and low voltage control systems. Rees also credits his time in the army with instilling within himself a better sense of discipline. After spending three years in the armed forces, Rees returned to UW-SP in 1971, graduating from the school with a BS in Theatre in 1974. That fall, Rees began attending Memphis State University (now University of Memphis), graduating in 1976 with an MFA in Theatrical Production & Design. Rees began working as an Assistant Professor of Theater at the University of Georgia in Athens during the fall of 1976. He spent six years at the school, teaching courses in technical theatre as well as handling technical direction, lighting design and sound design for departmental shows,

Rees at a USITT convention in New Orleans. Rees is to the far right. Left of him is his wife, Mary.t

but had not been offered tenure. “I became notified through a Fredonia alumnus that the technical director and lighting designer positions at SUNY Fredonia were available on short notice,” said Rees. He was hired by Fredonia prior to the 1982 fall semester, taking over both positions, and received his tenure in 1989. Loughlin became well acquainted with Rees soon after being hired by SUNY Fredonia in 1988. “When I was hired, I came to look for houses, and Steve graciously put me up,” he said. Loughlin spent the weekend terrified that he might abuse the hospitality and cast a bad impression on Rees. It’s possible that this fear led to distraction, causing Loughlin to inadvertently pack one of Rees’s towels upon leaving. “He has not forgotten, and I have not returned it,” said Loughlin. “I have to do that before the end of the year.” According to Loughlin, Rees’s contributions to theatre at SUNY Fredonia include a commitment to excellence that has successfully raised the department’s overall level of quality. “The level of excellence that he works at, because he’s done it for so long, comes to seem commonplace,” Loughlin said. “Since it always shows up, you expect it, and that belies his consistent excellence since he’s come here.” Loughlin characterized his 21 year relationship with Rees as an affair. “For that many years, we’ve seen each other every day,” said Loughlin. “It’s like right hand, left hand after a while.” The two have collaborated on many different projects, including dozens of shows and many cases of Leininkugel’s beer. The two even bonded over the joys of fatherhood, as Rees’s son Dylan and Loughlin’s daughter and two sons grew up around the same period of time. “As a director, you get to the point where you feel like you can ask for the moon,” Loughlin said. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked for something that Steve has said no to, and five minutes later he’s working on a solution.” For the department, Loughlin believes the loss to be “hellaciously huge.” On a more personal level, Rees’s retirement will change some of Loughlin’s daily routine. “I don’t know who I’m going to share that parking space with. His smart car, my scooter. That sums it all up.”


A-6 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

POLICE BLOTTERS

Bratz:

What is appropriate?

Continued From page A-1

Fredonia At 12:38 a.m. on Mar. 18, Bradley S. Eichlberger, 20, was observed by officers holding an open beer can on Water Street. He was issued an appearance ticket for unlawful possession of alcohol and violation of open container laws.

At 3:02 a.m. on Mar. 18, Jose Lionel Caraballo, 24, was observed crossing a double yellow line and the white fog line. While being stopped by officers, he drove up over the curb. He was given a field sobriety test and failed. He was taken to the Fredonia Police Department and found to have a BAC of .21. He was issued a ticket for DWI. At 12:36 a.m. on Mar. 19, Robert A. Dentice, 19, was observed by a Wal-Mart loss prevention employee removing Magic cards from their packages and attempting to leave the store without paying for them. He was transported to the Fredonia Police Department and held on $250.00 cash bail.

All information reported according to police reports provided by the University Police and Village of Fredonia Police departments.

Christine McMullen/ Special to the Leader

At 2:26 a.m. on Mar. 18, Neal Robert Smith, 24, and Karl Giese, 20, were observed rolling around on the ground fighting on Water Street. Both were arrested for disorderly conduct and were held due to being highly intoxicated.

group is associated with sex. Age appropriate sexuality is entirely normal, according to Roberts. “Recent trends have sexualized youth while simultaneously encouraging younger girls to behave like mature women,” Roberts said. This puts women in a bind, particularly in the workforce where, Roberts said, there is a dichotomy for women to be sexy and young while simultaneously being assessed as mature professionals. There are particular facets of sexualization which separate it from sexuality. For the sexualized female, value is derived from sex appeal and seductive behavior. Roberts said that one in 40,000 women meet the standards of models depicted in mass media advertisement. This sexualization transforms women from individuals with human aspirations to objects to be

assessed and traded. “ Wo m e n trade their bodies for goods and services, like a commodity,” she said. Evidence of sexualization in young girls from the media is apparent. Many media outlets show signs of imposed sexualization. Television, music, video games, commercials, sports media, magazines and more have all portrayed women in a sexualized manner. What can be done about this developing trend? Adrienne McCormick, associate professor and chair of the English Department, said that legislation is necessary to combat the sexualization of girls. “We need affordable clothing lines that make age-appropriate clothing for young girls,” McCormick said. “We need educational initiatives that support ageappropriate, comprehensive sex education from kindergarten through high school. All of these efforts would be a start.”

SA Wrap Up

Erik Coler Special to The Leader

Education Bill Concern President of the Fredonia United University Professors (UUP) chapter, Bridget Russell, came to the GA meeting to discuss the Higher Education Empowerment and Innovation Act. Russell spoke on behalf of UUP which believes the bill will give too much control of tuition price to SUNY. She also showed concern over the bill’s promise to bring in an additional 2,200 students into the SUNY system which would force schools to drastically raise the cost of tuition to students. She concluded by saying “if they are calling it rational tuition, they would like it to actually be rational.” Early Adjournment SA did not have enough members to hold quorum after three student representatives left during the meeting. Due to the shortage of representatives and SA officials, the assembly was let out early by Speaker Rachel Bracikowski.


A-7 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

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                                  ��� 

  

         

      

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  

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Opinion

Wednesday March 24, 2010

theLeader Vol. CXVII, Issue 9 The Leader Fredonia State Free Press 2nd Floor, Williams Center Fredonia, N.Y. 14063 News Room: (716) 673-3369 Advertising Office: (716) 673-3798 Fax: (716) 673-3164 E-mail: leader@fredonia.edu E-mail: leaderadvertising@yahoo.com

Web Address: www.leader.fredportal.com Editor In Chief Brian Bishop Managing Editor Ned Campbell News Editor Eric Tichy Assistant News Editor Morgan Burns Reverb Editor Erin Quinn Assistant Reverb Editor Susan Kornacki Sports Editor Jim Christopher Lampoon Editor Brendon LePage Assistant Lampoon Editor Frederick Polone Illustration Editor Mary Lemcke Layout Editor Ashley Doring Assistant Layout Editor Maggie Oliver Photo Editor Joe Lopez III Copy Editor Samantha Stryker Assistant Copy Editor Erin Walsh Online Editor Liz Milton Business Manager Cyndi Thrun Advertising Sales Manager Katlyn Jennings Advertising Sales Associates Jenna Bresnahan Mike Davis Mike Leshley Production Manager Kim Steinhilber Assistant Production Manager Ben Gardner Communication Manager Jessica Pezzulo Distribution Manager Vacant Adviser Elmer Ploetz The Leader is funded through advertising revenue and a portion of the mandatory student activities fee. It is published by the students of SUNY Fredonia. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means except as may be expressly permitted in writing by the editor in chief. All opinion writings in The Leader reflect the opinion of the writer, with the exception of the editorial, which represents the opinion of the majority of the editorial board. The Leader editorial board holds its staff meetings, during the academic semesters, bi-weekly on Wednesdays at 7 p.m. The deadline for letters to the editor is 4 p.m. on Thursday. The Leader is printed by the Corry Journal in Corry, Pennsylvania and is distributed free on campus and in the surrounding community. Press run is 3,000.

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The Leader A-8

A New Face for Feminism Rearranging Womanhouse, currently showing the interwoven artworks of a collective of Fredonia students at Adam's Art Gallery in Dunkirk, is a representation of the current post-structuralist, third wave, or if you wish New Wave, feminist interpretation. Obvious, right? The subjects of the art were often naked, sometimes with the artists depicting themselves. Images of relationships conflicting, hearts badly broken get the audience thinking. The artist group included fifteen female and two male students. The gallery opening Saturday, March 6 was certainly filled with a mix of young and old, men and women alike. There was no particular emphasis placed on woman subjects, or at least not in classic feminist ways, in the art which directly reflects on what feminism needs to mean to us today. Women's History Month being in March, it is important to consider the beginnings of feminism. This is one question left unresolved for those not directly involved with this school of thought. Perhaps it seems that women's history should start with the beginning of all recorded history, in the time of ancient civilization. Yet the historical impact made by women and girls of all ages as a social group, not particularly a gender, was largely overshadowed prior to the modern momentum of the Women's Rights Movement that spread across the United Kingdom and United States, developing great strength towards the 1960s. The push for equality in wages, political power, employment, sexual freedom and reproductive rights came from the organization of women who were united under a common frustration with being degraded and exploited. This is known as First-wave feminism, where the primary objectives of organizers was social equality and securing women's suffrage universally. In the 60s to the 70s came the Secondwave ideology through which women's rights advocates rejected the stereotypes of women as an inseparable entity of the household and stringent regulations on reproductive rights. During this

“Who do you think is the most influential woman in history?” Reporting done by Ned Campbell, Managing Editor

period, the Feminist Sex Wars examined and questioned the role of pornography and sexual stigma in general in society. Today the socio-economical elevation of women is much improved, but there are considerable amounts of weighty social issues abound. That said there are some glaring disparities in the developing world that reflect little to no progress in identifying the needs of women's rights and staying relevant to present thinking regarding gender neutrality. Of significant concern is the aftershock that is the current gender mismatch that has derived from China's One Child Policy. A Jan. 18 Shangai Daily report titled "Gender gap still wide in China" showed that a rough estimate for the gender ratio of the country is 103107 boys to 100 girls. In 2005 alone, this equates to 32 million single males without a reasonable chance at finding a wife, reason being that baby girls are often aborted or passed off as the primary concern for the family is to have the children find a decent living in order for them to help support their parents' household. It is generally anticipated that men have a better shot in the workplace, which seems askew in the Western world's view where workplace equality is more developed. Much the same in India, gender is attributed to bread-winning. Unfortunately, spousal rape within the country cannot be prosecuted. Rape victims are sometimes pressured into marrying their perpetrators which essentially nullifies any argument of ongoing abuse. India's upper house of parliament expressed outrage two weeks ago when a bill was introduced, and subsequently passed, that mandates one-third of the parliament's seats go to women candidates. The main issue with this is that in attempt to offer a political voice to a more diverse population, there were no attempts to reserve seats for particular ethnic minority groups and members of lower social castes. Again, we see gender biases overlooking what is best for society as a whole.

President Barack Obama has raised his voice in support of revoking the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy which has excluded openly gay and lesbian men and women from serving in the military since Bill Clinton's administration. This is in line with questions of state governments allowing gay marriages (perhaps the civil rights issue of our generation). It is of The Leader's opinion that sexual orientation is not reasonable concern for the denial of any citizen's right. Students have spoken up on the issue too. A movement spearheaded by Fredonia College Democrats is organizing a campus rally for Marriage Equality in April. Plans to include schools throughout New York State are underway (Search Fredonia Students For Marriage Equality on Facebook). There is now a suggestion that gender is an often misunderstood and delicate characterization of humans purported to be viewed as equals in the workplace, court of law and so forth. We have found that feminism deals with a broad range of topics, most principally with sights set on gender at large. Focus is set not only on oppressing limits set on women but other disenfranchised identities as well. There is an ever-expanding set of social anomalies being brought into question which will hopefully help everyone understand themselves and others from the standpoint of gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity and age. What is the deal with faking orgasms? How can young children be steered clear of defining their individuality through images in mass media? These issues are now all addressed under the newly formed common bond between all feminists — an emphasis on the importance of a self–made identity. Womanhood should now be viewed as a universality. The plight of women along their rise on the social ladder is now reflected across the globe as a model of persecution based upon mandates from the pressures of society. Learning from these prior abuses should be applied to the response to struggles facing the United States and abroad right now.

Cat Casale, junior percussion performance: “My grandmother, because she’s been through so much.  Every single time I feel like giving up I think, ‘Well, I wasn’t forced to give up.’”

Chris Gorman, senior public relations and music: “I’m going to have to say Ella Fitzgerald was pretty sweet.”


A-9 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

from the desk of...

Brian Bishop/ Editor In Chief

On Hanging Out With Hippy Hillbillies

Jeanette Chin/Special to the leader

Marley Green, an activist with Mountain justice, led an unshown group of students to a roadside ledge overlooking a series of mountains in southwest virginia affected by coal mining. Green spoke on the devastating effects coal extraction has had on local communities.

"Ain't no pansies that settled these mountains." Those were some of the first words I latched onto while sitting in on a panel discussion at a state park in southwest Virginia last weekend. The topic was the strength of Appalachian women in their fight to protect their communities and historic landscapes that are being commoditized by the extractive coal industry. I had just traveled ten hours down to Natural Tunnel State Park on the border of Virginia and Tennessee with ten or so other Fredonia students representing the student group Campus Climate Challenge when we stumbled into a room filled with charged-up activists discussing the injustices being served to the coal field communities of Appalachia. We were to spend the next three days in workshops facilitated by Mountain Justice, a coalition of environmental groups from Kentucky, West Virginia, Virginia and Tennessee. Mountain Justice is dedicated to achieving an abolition of all surface mining for coal on a national scale. The movement sees support from surrounding states as well, as students as far as Seattle, down to Georgia and up in Connecticut attended the conference. Scanning the room that first night, seats were predominantly filled by grungy-looking hippies decked out in flannel with grungy bare feet. The strength of body odor in the air was impressive to say the least. Lost in people-watching, I refocused my attention to the front of the room. The discussion topic had somehow turned into stories of southern women getting so fed up with their drunk, abusive husbands that they turned to murdering them. I think that's when the Fredonia crew knew we weren't in Western New York anymore.

Jon Reilly, senior costume design: “Aretha Franklin. Do you need to further explain Aretha Franklin?”

Over the next few days, our team of environmentally-concerned students learned in a variety of many other ways that perhaps our views on environmental justice did not totally align with our counterparts from other regions. Many people outwardly preached their views on a conversion to anarchy with plans to overthrow state and federal governing bodies. Capitalism was Public Enemy No. 1, and Mother Earth had been literally "raped" by rampant consumerism. Following the women's panel on the first night, there was even an educational puppet show that offered advice on how to avoid being incriminated by ubiquitous FBI surveillance. Apparently, the Feds are listening in on your cell phones even when they are powered off, lesson being take your phone battery out during all cult meetings. As radical as the conversation often became, the most powerful experience for me was getting led out to a ledge overlooking the border of Kentucky and Virginia to where we saw coal mining sites for a few miles in every direction. Where there once was Black Mountain bordering Virginia and Tenessee is now a flat rocky terrace stripped of its peak. The mountain's valuable layer of coal within its depths was extracted, cleaned and transported off-site for processing. Our hosts talked of the ways in which coal companies were deliberately overtaking these small, poor and often defenseless communities in order to profit from the natural resources in this way. One activist likened the mountaintop removal scheme to the metaphor of a two-year-old and a birthday cake. The obnoxious toddlers (coal companies) come in and first rip off the mountain's candles (trees) and then scoop off the

Ariel Mombrea, senior acting: “Harriet Tubman or Queen Nefertiti. Joan of Arc. The real Mulan!”

top layer to get the middle frosting layer (the coal), leaving behind an irreversible mess (the heavy metal toxins that flow into the air and surrounding streams). Seeing is believing, and visualizing just a few of the approximately 470 named mountains which have been mined was a priceless experience. It was interesting to drive around Wise County, Virginia and see an obvious dichotomy in the local peoples' viewpoints on the coal industry. There was a seemingly even split of cars sporting either Friend of Mountains or Friend of Coal bumper stickers. Even the folks whose land is overrun and whose health is being destroyed often feel they must remain dedicated to the industry because members of their families have been employed for decades by coal companies. The whole time part of me wondered whether this was my fight to get involved in. I am not a descendant of Appalachia and none of my relatives have worked in coal mines. When at least 50 percent of our energy in the United States is from coal fired power plants, this becomes everyone's issue. It's often been said that the United States is the Saudi Arabia of coal. Appalachian communities have been likened to the Third World in the sense that King Coal has a stranglehold on community progress and economic development. The most depressing of all these thoughts is that there is no easy way to transition out of this mess. For that reason, the people of Appalachia and their external supporters remain optimistic that someday they can reclaim their communities once our country solves its reckless energy consumption habit. In their fight, they have nothing to lose but their land and their lives.

Tom Grundtisch, freshman computer science: “Rosa Parks.”

Chris McCleary, sophomore visual art and new media: “Sylvia Plath.”


A-10 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

L etter to the E ditor Dear Leader, My name is Brian O’Connor, I am President of Tau Kappa Epsilon. I, Anthony Faraco (President of Sigma Phi Epsilon), Grady Gorman (President of Delta Chi) are in the process of starting the Inter-Fraternity Council (IFC) on our campus again. We had meetings with administration who were supportive of it, including Mike Lemieux, head of Campus Life. We also had meetings with ourselves and were in constant contact for the last two weeks about starting this back up. IFC will be beneficial to not only Greek Life as a whole but for the campus as well. With an IFC not only will be have rules for rush that will protect and help those who rush our Fraternities. It will also unite the Social Fraternities on campus who rarely see eye to eye. With an IFC, we can also repair the image of Greek Life on our campus as well. This image is something that I personally do not like and what to be seen in a different light than we are now. IFC will also help relationships with the campus, administration and other Student Association groups. We can then organize better events that will benefit all, and also having a bigger solitary voice on issues. We can put on community service events and events that help educate the campus including but not limited to alcohol abuse,

hazing, and study habits. We went to the Rules Committee to be forwarded to the General Assembly. We pleaded our case for two hours about why this campus needs an IFC and the benefits that will come out of it. The Rules Committee showed their areas of concern with the group and we tried our best to answer their questions. There were a couple of concerns that we were exclusive to only Fraternity members on our campus. IFC will be open to all fee paying students on our campus who are interested in Greek Life or those who just want to be active on campus and the community. They were also worried about us using the money on events that will only benefit us. We already had events planned that would not only benefit us. After hours of deliberation we were passed through the Rules Committee 3 yays and one abstention. However their biggest concern that they stressed after was that there will be great opposition in the General Assembly. So we went to General Assembly hoping for the worst. Unfortunately we never planned on what would happen. My fraternity took their time to come to the meeting to hear the concerns of the students and to voice their opinion. They also invited people who were interested in IFC who were not in Greek Life. We were taken off the consent agenda which was not a surprise to us. However

halfway through the meeting, there was no longer quorum to vote on any more issues. For us to be cause and to apparently have such an opposition, but never have the opportunity to defend ourselves is a joke. Not only was our time wasted but the image of SA was tarnished in many of our minds. To lose quorum halfway through a meeting should never happen. If we could take the time out of our day, and postpone spring break plans to attend, why couldn’t the Representatives do the same. Apparently our time is not as valuable as theirs. The General Assembly should be there until the meeting is over, Not leave halfway thorough. Not only was IFC affected but there were statute changes that were brought up that could not be voted on. So we were clearly not the only thing affected. The Representatives of the Student Association have more important things to worry about it seems than a group that is trying to not only help itself but others as well. The representatives not only left a bad impression of SA to us, but also have hurt their own image as well. Sincerely, Brian O’Connor President Tau Kappa Epsilon

The Leader's Letter to the Editor Policy The Leader encourages Letters to the Editor from its readers, however the views of the writer do not reflect the views of the Editorial Board. Letters to the Editor should concern issues and not personalities in the campus community. Letters are chosen for print based on their timeliness, mass appeal and eloquence. All letters must be type written, double spaced and should be no longer than 500 words. They must include the author's signature, name, telephone number, major and class standing. The Leader reserves the right to remove libel, mechanical errors and invasion of privacy from all letters. Anonymous letters will not be accepted unless discussed with the Editor in Chief. Anonymity has and will only be granted in cases where the author is the victim of a crime or where the author could face legal repercussions. All letters must be received by 4 p.m. Thursday. Letters can be sent to leader@fredonia.edu or put in The Leader mailbox outside The Leader office.


A-11 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010


A-12 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

Photo Page

From Top Right: “Creme Brulee served at Butterwood Bakery on Main Street in Williamsville, NY.” “An evening in Delaware Park across from Albright Knox Art Gallery in Buffalo, NY” “Late night traffic around Elmwood Avenue in Buffalo, NY” “Pedestrian Bridge” “Playground in Williamsville, NY” “Untitled” -All Photos shot by Joe Lopez III Photo Editor


Wednesday March 24, 2010

R R everb

A look into the pages of The Trident

Joe Lopez/Photo Editor

BRIAN ZARLEY Staff Writer In a beige room in Thompson Hall, a battle is taking place. Students struggle with the mechanics of aesthetics, attempting to fit in literary forms more adventurous than the pages that hold them. They justify justifications, finalize fonts, talk about type and traverse space and dimensions. How much power can these young editors flex; trying to fit in but not disturb the copy others have lovingly written for their publication? How do the poems and fiction coexist? Is it fair to make poets share a page, when fiction writers can have three of their own? Where does the author’s name go? If it is after the story, does that interject an epistolary feel, perhaps tainting the work? If it goes beforehand, should it be under the title, imposing the name into the action? Can they live with leaving widows and orphans, poor abandoned stanzas, the product of the cruel and unyielding economy of space? These students are designing The Trident, Fredonia’s student-run literary magazine. The class is ENGL 261: Introduction to Literary Publishing, with professor Dustin Parsons acting as war chief. The Trident accepts works, both fiction and poetry, from any student. The poems and short form fiction are submitted via email. Parson’s students then select the pieces they will publish in that year’s magazine. Senior English major Catherine Colmerauer has a unique perspective on the editorial process she and her classmates undertake. Last year, Colmerauer’s poem, “Simple Trick,” was selected to be published. Now she is on the other side of the coin. “I have never really been on the editing side and it was always just this mysterious process to me,” she said. “I never knew why my particular poem got picked, why out of the three poems I submitted the one got picked.” Being on the other side of the process was illuminating for the young writer, revealing the thought process that goes into selecting and publishing works. “I’ve always thought of pieces on an individual level,” Colmerauer continued. “This is different because you consider a piece on an individual level, what you did and did not like about the piece, but then you take a step back. You have to consider not just if you like the piece, but will other people like this piece? Why would other people like this piece? Does it fit with the others and the aesthetic that we want with The Trident? It really lifted the curtain for me.” The integration of students who have spent years perfecting their writing and those who write in their free time is an important aspect of the process.“It (the class) is mostly English majors and writing minors,” said Parsons, “but not all. We get interesting opinions from people who have not studied literature.” The magazine is distributed both on campus and around the

community. “It is kind of a recruiting tool,” Parsons said. “All visiting writers receive a copy and the parents at the English department awards [do too]. We need to be mindful not just of the student population but the population in general.” The Trident staff is involved in almost all aspects of the publication -- from selecting the works, to editing them, to the layout and design of the magazine itself. “It’s aesthetics mixed with literature and design,” Parsons explained. A visit to the class showed just how involved they are. There was no need to jockey for participation; the students respond quickly and eagerly, offering up ideas on all aspects of the page. This level of communication and effort is imperative; The Trident is student-run, student selected and student published. “They have the final say,” Parsons said. Parsons acts as a guide to this new frontier, bringing in his own experiences and other publications as examples. Some of the magazines he shows in class are gorgeous, filled with art and cover pages arranged specially for certain pieces. “They hire an editor full time,” said Parsons, speaking about The Missouri Review, published by Mizzou in Columbia. “They’ve got money.” Nationally run magazines are an excellent source of inspiration, if not an unobtainable goal. The Trident itself is much more unassuming, though no less talented. Last year’s edition was a simple staple bound book, filled with nothing but the words of Fredonia State. One swath of those words is “The Girl Who Fell in Quicksand,” by Megan Mason. Megan is a BFA Acting major. “I wasn’t expecting to be picked at all,” Mason said. Mason had written short stories and fiction as a child but by high school had fallen out of it. A creative writing course she took at Fredonia reignited her desire to write. “As an artist you always want to showcase work… I’m doing this portfolio for creative writing, I might as well submit something and what happens happens,” Mason explained. Mason was particularly pleased to find that her poem was selected by her peers. “I feel a lot better that it was well received by students rather than someone who was just looking for technique.” You will most likely find Mason’s and others’ work on a table in the library, or a counter top in Starbucks. It will be smaller than a normal magazine and there will be no glossy pages. The pieces will sit in their places, places that were agonized over and analyzed up and down. The design and copy will blend or clash, the literature having room to breathe or suffocating under an unfortunate publishing decision. Blood, sweat, tears and ink will mix together to produce this unassuming little magazine. Like its namesake, the three prongs of aesthetics, design and literature will combine to form The Trident. Right: The cover art from the Spring 2009 issue of The Trident.

B-1 The Leader


B-2 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

Inspiration to ‘Absolute Determination’ JOHN MATEY Staff Writer “I may look like I’m having fun but rest assured, I am damn serious about everything. It’s absolute determination.” ~Sean Hallett, sophomore music business major Sean Hallett is best known as President of Fredonia Extreme Sports Club and actively involved in such clubs as DAGOHIAR recreational combat, Gamer’s Guild, ground fighting and Interactive Theatre Society. “I’m all about telling my life story,” said Hallett. “People go to college to invest their time in learning something worthwhile and discover who they are.” Whether you know him or not, students have most likely seen him on campus. At any given point in time, Hallett can be seen constructing, wielding and dodging giant foam handmade weaponry and bullets. The outlandishly oversized Nerf guns are not just for aesthetics either. For Hallett, the Nerf gun collection housed in his dorm room is so impressive that it can be considered the envy of every seventh grade boy in all of North America. While most students dismiss involvement in such activities as “weird” or “nerdy,” there is no doubt Hallett knows how to set some time aside for fun. Black haired, sporting a pseudo-typical college scum beard, Hallett first sparks interest with his appearance alone. What students do not know is that his determination and leadership in these groups stems from a passion much deeper than the activities for which he is commonly known. “How did I decide what I wanted to do with my life?” he said. “I was god awful at trumpet. I was fucking terrible.” Hallett recalls his passion for music early on and credits his 5th grade band teacher, Ms. Powell, as an active source of inspiration in his musical development. “There should be more people on Earth like this

Joe Lopez/Photo Editor

woman,” Hallett said. “Her not giving up on me cradled everything I am today.” Described by Hallett as a round and heavyset “typical ginger,” the redheaded elementary school band teacher was not at all hesitant in being 100 percent honest in every conversation the two had. Looking back to age 10, Hallett still remembers a conversation with Powell that to this day he can still recall by heart. A mere two hours before performing in

his school’s first assembly concert, Powell pulled him aside and decided that it would be best for him not to play alongside his peers. “She didn’t want to say it, but she knew she had to,” Hallett said. Sitting in the audience, Hallett looked on as his peers played on, wondering what would come next. Over the course of the next month and a half, Powell chose not to give up. Hallett would be fortunate enough to experiment with multiple instruments, including the French horn, saxophone and clarinet. Unfortunately, he would claim, every experiment proved to be “also a bad idea.” “Every time I made a sound . . .a dying moose came out,” he said. “Then I had no idea this thing even existed. It’s called a euphonium.” Shaped like a miniature tuba, the brass-valve instrument quickly caught his attention. The euphonium would become a passion of Hallett’s as he continued playing all throughout high school. When the time came to audition for college, Hallett was originally placed as a pre-music major and would later transition into music business. “Looking back, she did not give up on me. There should be more people on earth like this woman,” he said. Most importantly, the perseverance encouraged Hallett to pursue a project he’s tentatively dubbing “Pump Fredonia with Metal.” The project plans to create a networking platform among local musicians so that the bands involved can gain popularity. By creating new concert and advertising opportunities for local and up-and-coming bands, Hallett sets high ambitions in first working with metal bands and later expanding into other genres of music. Only in its beginning stages, Hallett considers the project his “brainchild,” and eventually would like to start his own record company after graduating college. “Metal is a loose term that I’m using,” he says. “I’m at least going to give it a chance – then at the end of the day I know I tried and I can still be a part of something much, much larger.”

Writer Laura van den Berg Visits Fredonia DON BRENNER Special to The Leader Editor's Note: Don Brenner is a student intern for The Visiting Writers Series. On Thursday, Feb. 12, over 300 students, faculty and community members showed up for author Laura van den Berg’s craft talk and reading. Although there was no breakdancing like Patrick Rosal wowed the crowd with last semester, there was plenty of excitement surrounding the event. Van den Berg was recently featured by Barnes & Noble in the “Discover Great New Writers” program and won the Dzanc prize for her short story collection, What the World Will Look Like When All the Water Leaves Us. The praise was not lost on Fredonia students and faculty, who gobbled up all copies of the book from the school bookstore before the publisher could even begin a second print. The first half of the event kicked off at 4 p.m. in McEwen Hall with van den Berg's craft talk. The talk focused on subtext in writing, which van den Berg described as “what is beneath the text.” She used many examples from Charles Baxter’s book, The Art of Subtext, and presented the audience with a writing exercise involving a couple who were in a fight shopping for a mattress at

a mattress store, but the conflict was not mentioned, just implied. Van den Berg continued with her talk after the exercise, focusing on subtext but more on fiction in general, where she said, “fiction is externalizing an internal situation.” After the talk van den Berg took questions from the audience about her writing craft and how she, herself, writes with subtext. At 7 p.m. the main event began where van den Berg read from her short story collection What the World Will Look Like When All the Water Leaves Us. The crowd was a bit larger than that of the craft talk and was engaged from the beginning when English professor Sarah Gerkensmeyer introduced her to a warm round of applause. Van den Berg read a condensed version of the first story in her collection, “Where We Must Be.” The story involves a failed actress who is now playing the role of Bigfoot at a Bigfoot recreation park out west. The actress battles through relationships with herself and her ailing boyfriend, struggles to separate her work life with her home life and finally loses her job. She then takes her boyfriend to a lake where they swim and seem to reflect on their lives. The story ends open-endedly, which Laura acknowledged in the question and answer session. “An ending should be more of an open window than a closed door,” she said adding that she prefers open ended endings in short fiction due to the nature of the genre. Laura finished

reading to a roar of applause from the audience and proceeded to answer questions from anybody willing to ask. An interesting topic that came up during the question and answer session was how van den Berg began to write. She said it was a total accident and that her mother had to even force her to read for school as a child. She started out as a psychology major because, “I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.” She took a creative fiction class as an elective and became hooked when she learned there was such a thing as short fiction. “It was such a revelation to hear that there are short stories,” van den Berg said. She went on to speak about her hardest challenges as a writer which included doubt and trying to make something out of nothing. She mentioned that it took four years to get What the World Will Look Like When All the Water Leaves Us from the first draft to the publishing date. To end her talk she gave the audience a piece of advice: “To be a good writer you have to love your work and take your writing seriously.” After the reading and question and answer session van den Berg pulled the raffle winners for a lemon loaf from The Upper Crust Bakery and two $10 gift certificates to The Book Nook. After the raffle van den Berg stuck around for almost an hour to sign books. The next two visiting writers will be poets Alison Stine and Deb Ager. The event will be held April 15 in McEwen 202 and will follow the same schedule as van den Berg's visit.


B-3 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

Making “That’s so gay!” go away

Learning how Oberlin college approaches multiculturalism Susan Kornacki Assistant Reverb Editor

Oberlin College- Multicultural Resource Center

Eric Estes, diredtor of the Multicultural Resource Center at Oberlin College.

DVD Releases

How does Oberlin College approach lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) issues and how does Fredonia? What can two liberal arts colleges in different states learn from each other? These questions were posed during a roundtable discussion with Eric Estes, director of the Multicultural Resource Center at Oberlin College, on March 11. Oberlin is a private liberal arts college and music conservatory located in northern Ohio. Mr. Estes was invited to visit our campus during Ally Week, which focused on acknowledging and celebrating supporters of the LGBT community. Representing Fredonia in the discussion were E-board members of Pride Alliance, the campus LGBT student organization and S.T.E.P.S. (Students Teaching Equals Positive Sexuality). Matt Foster and Julie Bezek facilitated the discussion. Foster is a member of the SafeZone committee and Bezek serves as coordinator of Campus Education Awareness, Support and Effect (CEASE), a violence prevention and victim services program. “I’ve become a firm believer that diversity education doesn’t work in a forced setting….people tend to shut down and become incredibly passive aggressive. These issues – race, gender, sexuality – don’t exist in a vacuum. Maybe time could be saved by talking collectively about these issues,” said Estes, discussing his approach to institutionalizing a multicultural approach to academics. One of Oberlin’s voluntary education options was a speaker series titled “My Name is My Own: Queering the Intersections of Race, Class, Gender and Sexuality” featuring visiting writers, lecturers and community orga-

March 23, 2010

The Blind Side

nizers in a sequence of film screenings, lectures, performances and workshops. Estes talked about questioning the multicultural month system that recognizes Women’s History Month and Black History Month, for example. He finds these demarcations limiting, exclaiming, “As if there aren’t queer Latino people!” Championing the collective approach, he said, “Maybe there’s a constructive way to say ‘it’s not an either/or [situation],’” suggesting that our campus host speakers who can address multiple audiences in a broader way. Fredonia student E-board members of S.T.E.P.S. and Pride Alliance explained their recent programming on campus, telling Estes about inviting Judy Shepard to campus as a guest speaker to discuss her son’s untimely death due to a hate crime, posting information about slurs and what individuals they hurt on the Day of Silence, and screening The Laramie Project, a film about reactions to Shepard’s death. When asked what issues and challenges Fredonia still faces, students mentioned the frequent use of homophobic slurs such as “that’s so gay” and the word “faggot.” Estes commented that sometimes the latter is used in an attempt to “police someone’s masculinity,” or project the speaker’s own masculinity. After listening attentively to the points brought up by students, Estes reflected and recommended some potential guest speakers to address the issues at hand. He encouraged the student leaders in attendance to think about ways to interject LGBT issues into mainstream and academic conversations, and to adopt an "intersectional" approach that could incorporate multiple perspectives, thereby bridging the experiential gaps that can be divisive in a diverse community.

CD Releases Monica Still Standing

Mad Men: Season 3

She and Him Volume Two

Fantastic Mr.Fox

Who Greatest Hits Live

The Men Who Stare At Goats

Snoop Dogg More Malice

Brothers

Young Jeezy That Hard White

Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Drunk.


B-4 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

Clown Pants and Skeletons and Plaid, Oh My!

JESSICA YU Special to The Leader

Lindsay Andrews, a childhood education major, shared similar sentiments. “They were pretty but just so outrageous,” People watch the Olympics for many Andrews said. “There was just too much different reasons: to watch extreme sports glitter and glam. It was kind of distracting.” Russia’s figure skating couple, Oksana that are less televised, to witness a special Domnina and Maxim Shabalin, skated event and also to support the United States. beautifully together. Sadly, their outfits I watch it for the pretty sparkly costumes. reminded me of Christmas trees. Don’t Unfortunately, not all of this year’s forget Belgium’s figure skater, Kevin van Olympic attire was pleasing to the eye. The der Perren, was probably the most graceful most memorable outfit was worn by the skeleton I have ever seen as he drifted and Norwegian curling team: also known as, the spiraled his way on the ice in a fancy skeletalclown pants. jumpsuit. These clown pants are actually called Plaid and fake jeans were extremely argyle pants and are made by Loudmouth popular with the snowboarders in the Golf in red, white and blue diamonds; the Olympics, especially for gold medalist Norwegian colors. They are sold for Shaun White. He was seen wearing retail at $89.95 a pair on the the plaid and jeans combo Loudmouth web site. designed by Burton. The According to The plaid coat and jeans Canadian Post, the are made entirely curling pants were from Gore-Tex so more worthy of a he could look cool fashion violation and stay warm at than an Olympic the same time. medal. The Olympic Mary Lemcke I Illustration Editor “I thought they c o s t u m e s were hilarious,” said evidently drew a lot of attention, but have freshman Timothy Brown, a music business you ever wondered what these athletes wear major. “I honestly thought they were a joke.” Curling uniforms are normally not underneath their costumes? Well they might be wearing skier Julia flashy at all, consisting of dark colored shirts Mancuso’s panties. Mancuso, who is known and pants. Norway decided to go against that for wearing her tiara wherever she goes, told tradition. the Associated Press that she had “always Sure, they are great athletes, but you wanted to be a clothing designer”. This have to admit, it’s hard to take them seriously inspired her to start her own underwear line when all you see are clowns gliding on ice. called “Kiss My Tiara.” “The print is unnecessary,” said “Those are so cute!” said Leslie Walter, freshman public relations major Jenifer a freshman at Fredonia. “I would so wear Striegel. “What is their prerogative, to stand them!” out? Clown suits are more attractive?” During the 2010 Olympics, she Thomas Ulsrud, a Norwegian curler, even gave them out to family, friends and explained to The Canadian Post that the competitors to spread the word of her new team refused the pants at first. Their second, line. They are sold for $15.00 a pair on Christoffer Svae, being a flashy dresser Mancuso’s website. himself convinced his team into wearing “Undergarments are a fashion statement them. Ulsrud admitted, “Some of the guys she [a girl] can make everyday in a way that are starting to like them – that’s the problem.” she couldn’t with a dress or even a T-shirt.” The Norwegian curling pants were not Mancuso said. the only thing that left a lasting impression. The winter Olympics are long over but This year’s figure skating costumes were we’ll always have pictures to look at and just known to have the largest number of fashion laugh. Who knows, clown pants may one fails, according to The Huffington Post. day take over the fashion world.

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Studying Abroad: My Experience at the Cliffs of Moher

Carly Salzberg Staff Writer Last Friday I visited the Cliffs of Moher in County Clare, Ireland. I boarded a tour bus cradled full of chattering tourists, who exchanged verbal repertoires and candid looks. I paid 10 euros to catch a lift to the cliffs of Moher and back, enjoying a scenic tour conducted by the romanticized portrait of an Irishman to guide our senses through this magical, historical journey. John Ready, modern day jester and Irish busman connoisseur, possessed the picture perfect Irish profile with his crystal blue eyes squinting sharply and brow lowered to anticipate a cheeky remark at every turn and bend. The cloudless sky paved a foggy lit cutout of the infamous Aran Islands, which stood mystical in the distance. That was Ireland, full of fantasy and desire. Look no further than the country’s landscape to find the equivocal power of a culture’s contingent hopes and dreams, fields of green, a blurry reality. With the sky ablaze and the mood nostalgic my thoughts seemed erratic. On the bus we listened to traditional Irish music by bands such as The Dubliners. The bouncing, rearing rhythm

of “A Rocky Road to Dublin” set the mind in a constant state of child’s play, smiling, rocking and bouncing at the sheer melody of the vibration of words. Who knew all it took to beat words from their meaning and turn language into keys was the Celtic cry? One, two, three, four, five, Hunt the hare and turn Her down the rocky road And all the ways to Dublin, Whack-fol-lol-de-ra. We coasted whimsically through Ireland’s beautiful west coast, beginning in county Galway and circling far into County Clare. In the country the view was picturesque in the most romantic sense of the word. The mountainous coastlines stand boldly like old mosaic oil paintings. Limestone boulders break the coming tide and give that appealing ruggedness which appeases the eyes. The waves unfold; fan out time, calming the mind, body and soul in a spiritual trinity tamed by the natural world. Every one of my senses seemed per versed by the next. The salty air became a visible grey sparkle over the Atlantic Ocean. Every emerald leaf, every

grassy field of shades upon shades of green land lent itself to a different vocal note. I painted the landscape like a cubist portrait, not with my eyes but with my ears, intuitively recreating the beautiful in the subjective reality of my imagination. When we finally reached the cliffs of Moher my aesthetic experience transcended, reeling me out of an indulging lullaby and into the fate of existence – terror, beauty and the unimaginable fate of 700 feet below crashing waves. Mind, body and soul unified into a cathartic straightjacket, possessed by the sublime, unable to convey the intangible. I stepped away and thought of Edmund Burke, his fascination with the sublime, the combustion of pain and terror, and his earnest separation of the beautiful and the sublime as segregated subjects, and I laughed. The day I visited the cliffs of Moher was the day I discovered the romantic in me as the words rose and fell like a colorful carousal…. One, two, three, four, five, Hunt the hare and turn Her down the rocky road And all the ways to Dublin, Whack-fol-lol-de-ra.


B-5 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010


Wednesday March 24, 2010

SPORTS

B-8 The Leader

Three athletes shine at national championships Nick Guarino brings back national title JOE TACOPINA Staff Writer For many students, spring break was a time to get away from school and enjoy a week off after a grueling first half of the spring semester. For many of the athletes that call spring their season for sport, there were games to be played. The baseball, softball, track and field, and women’s lacrosse squads made their annual pilgrimages to Florida and competed in tournaments throughout the state. While divers Christian Torres and Sarah Ficarro and track and field star Nick Guarino did not get to enjoy the Florida sun, they did get to go west and enjoy the privilege of representing Fredonia at the NCAA championships in their respective events. Torres and Ficarro both finished in the top-10 of each of their events while Guarino captured the national championship in the indoor one-mile run at DePauw University in Greencastle, IN. “Being a national champion feels awesome, just awesome,” Guarino said, according to the Fredonia Athletics page. “The goal was to make nationals and once I did that then become an All-American.” Guarino finished the race in 4:09.99, which was 1.32 seconds ahead of Will Yochum of Allegheny College. He finished three seconds under his preliminary time of 4:12.78, in which he had to finish in the top three in his heat to advance to the finals on March 13. He was second in his

Source:d3trackphotos.com

heat behind New York University’s Matt Turlip. The victory made Guarino the sixth male athlete to win an individual NCAA track and field championship for the Blue Devils and the first since Trevor Hitchcock won the 35-pound weight throw in 1994. He was also the first male Blue Devil to achieve All-American status since Eric Springer in 1999. Guarino spent the better part of the first two laps lingering in the middle of the field and keeping up with the pace. It was during the third lap that he started advancing toward the front of the pack and making his presence known. When the bell sounded to signal the beginning of the fourth and final lap, Guarino made his move and catapulted his way into the lead. Not only did he take first place and maintain the lead until the end, he blew the rest of the field away in the final lap until Yochum made a desperate effort to close the gap down the final stretch. “I wanted to go out with the leaders and conserve energy,” Guarino said. “I had confidence that I could outkick them in the end. I knew my body could hang with any pace anyone dished out. I knew I could outkick anybody at the end.” The championship came in on the coattails of another great honor. Two days earlier Guarino was named the 2010 Atlantic Regional Indoor Male Track Athlete of the Year by the United States Track and Field and Cross Country Coaches Association. The following week, the swimming and diving championships were held at the University of Minnesota, where Torres and Ficarro looked to join Guarino in the national champion ranks. Torres, a senior, fared well in both the 3-meter and 1-meter springboard diving events; he finished sixth and ninth, respectively. His total score of 489.65 in the 3-meter springboard was good enough to earn him All-American honors in what became the strongest field of divers in the history of the event. The top five finishers scored over 500, the first time that has happened in this event. Torres finished with a score of 479 even in the 1-meter event which was good for a ninth place finish and an All-American honorable mention, a solid ending to a successful college career. Torres was not included in the NCAA championship field in his junior year after a video panel review of his best performance was not deemed worthy enough to garner him an invite to the championships. According to assistant coach and diving specialist John Crawford, it was nice for other coaches to recognize how talented Torres was and come up to him and ask him where he was last year. His response, according to the Fredonia Athletics page, was simple: “Go ask the selection committee.”  

Source:d3trackphotos.com

On the women’s side of the board, Ficarro capped off a freshman season that was truly special. She finished second in the 1-meter springboard with a score of 457.30 points, which garnered her All-American honors in her first season of competition. She also finished sixth in the 3-meter event with a score of 433.45, good for another All-American honor for the diver from Owego, New York. “It reaffirms the fact that she has a tremendous work ethic,” Crawford said in an interview with The Leader. “She was the 22nd best diver in New York last year in high school, and to jump this high is a tremendous credit to her effort.” It practically took Ficarro the whole season before she realized how much success she was actually having in her freshman season. “I didn’t realize how much [success] I was gaining until I got to nationals,” Ficarro said in an interview with The Leader. “The season is so long but it never really overwhelmed me. I learned so much this season from Coach Crawford about new dives on both boards but also how to handle big meets and intimidating divers.” Ficarro said that her goal was to make it into the top eight and that finishing second was more than she ever expected. “I’m so pleased with how I dove that even if I were ranked lower, it would still feel great knowing that I did the best I could and achieved the scores I did. I’m so happy with how much I improved during my freshman year and I’m so happy to be an All-American on both boards.”


B-7 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

This Week In Sports athletes of the week

game of the week Baseball Saturday March 27 vs Oneonta, Noon After a successful trip in Florida, the Blue Devils look to open up SUNYAC play when they welcome the Oneonta Red Dragons for the first conference game of the season. Jim Christopher, Sports Editor

Sarah Ficarro

Christian Torres

Ficarro finished second in NCAA Division III women's 1-meter springboard diving last Thursday at Minneapolis, Minn. She finished sixth in women's 3-meter diving.

Making his first appearance on the national stage, Torres finished sixth in 3-meter springboard diving at the NCAA Division III championship meet in Minneapolis, Minn. He was ninth off the 1-meter board.

Information provided by Fredonia Sports Information Desk

shot of the week Women's Lacrosse prepares for action in Flordia.

Courtesy of Kimberly Buchheit

upcoming games Women's Lacrosse Tues., March 23 RIT, 4 p.m. Sat., March 27 at Hartwick, 1 p.m. Baseball Wed., March 24 Penn St. Behrend, 2 p.m. Sat., March 27 Oneonta, noon

sports standings TEAM

WLT

Lacrosse

3

2

0

Softball

7

6

0

Baseball

7

2

0

round-ups Track and field Participating in the Bulls Invitational at the University of South Florida over spring break the Blue Devils started off the outdoor season on the right foot. Kate Brett took fifth place in the 400-meter hurdles in a time of 1:04.22. Jackie Majka finished seventh in triple jump with a personal best of 11.26 meters and also took eighth in the high jump. For the men Carl Caughell finished eighth in the 110-meter hurdles with a time of 15.91. The Blue Devils had three athletes place in the top 15 in the javelin throw when Ryan Norton, Mike Hite and Kyle Paganello took fourth, tenth and 13th respectively. Reporting done by Jim Christopher, Sports Editor


B-8 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

Blue Devils look to repeat with another winning season Successful Florida trip starts team off on the right foot

Vincent Ascolese Staff Writer The Blue Devils Baseball team found success in Florida this past week, finishing with a record of 7-2. None of the games played over spring break were against SUNYAC competition but the fast start served as a great warm-up as the team heads into SUNYAC play. “Offensively, everyone stepped up so I would say every batter who hit this week deserves the team MVP award because of all the clutch situations we excelled through to come back and win games with our power hitting,” said sophomore shortstop Jake Nowak. The Blue Devils started off the season with explosive offensive play, scoring no less than four runs in any game and scoring more than eight runs in six of nine games. The Blue Devils out-slugged the competition by earning 80 hits while only giving up 39 over the duration of the trip. “Up and down the lineup we have been good at the plate overall,” said senior outfielder Matt LaPorte. “When somebody gets out somebody else steps in and picks them up.” The Fredonia pitching staff also had a productive spring training, allowing no more than two runs in four of the team’s seven wins. “All of our pitching has at least gotten their feet wet by this point” said senior catcher Rob Herrmann. “We have seen some great performances out of our guys. Andy Dlugosz has been a lock in late

Matt Callegari/Staff Photographer

inning relief as usual. Freshman Caleb Brown looked especially promising in his first start.” Brown was able to throw five innings where he struck out six and earned a nodecision.

Dlugosz, a junior at Fredonia, finished the Florida trip with a record of 3-0 and recorded a save. “He was brought in on the mound in a couple of pressure situations and was able to get out of them with the

Matt Callegari/Staff Photographer

least amount of damage done possible,” Nowak said. The games not only showed the Blue Devils’ strong points, but also some areas of play the team needs to work on before the season gets into full swing. “As we finish this trip and move towards conference play, the team needs to improve in one area: consistency,” said senior third baseman Don Kirsch. “Last year’s team was constantly putting pressure on opposing teams and that’s something this year’s team needs to improve on. But I think we are close to the level we were at last year, we’re just one breakout-inning away from being there completely.” The team is in the final stages of working out the minor kinks as they look to this season to be as successful as last years campaign. “We expected to be a solid ball club this season” said junior pitcher Alan Schoeneck. “We’re off to a good start. Everyone is looking great at the plate, turning in good at bats and making the opposing pitchers work. Our pitchers have looked good as well, allowing the team to make plays behind them.” The Blue Devils are back in action Wednesday March 24 with their first home game of the season. They will play Penn State Behrend at 2 p.m. in a nineinning affair as opposed to the regulation seven innings. Fredonia will play backto-back conference games Saturday March 27 against Oneonta and Sunday March 28 against New Paltz. Both games are set to start at noon.

Matt Callegari/Staff Photographer


Blue Devils head south

B-9 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

Softball team experiences decent success in Florida tune up

Courtesy of: Lisa Tighe

Justin Lamoreaux Staff Writer The Blue Devils softball team made a splash in Florida this past week when they garnered a 7-6 record in the Gene Cusic Collegiate Classic. This tune-up shows that the Blue Devils are ready for the long season that awaits them. With the first day of the classic in the books, Fredonia state emerged with a 1-1 record, defeating Saint Joe’s College of Maine 2-0 and losing to Worcester Polytechnic institute 2-1. Defense and pitching carried the Blue Devils on day one, as Jennifer Tighe and Michelle Lattner kept Saint Joseph off the board, and Rebecca Zimmerman and Ashley LaPorta held Worcester at bay. “For our first game together outside we really came out strong and played very good defense, with RBI hits from Hannah Vasneske and Rebecca Zimmerman,” said team Captain Brittany Lis. “We lost the second game 2-1 in the bottom of the seventh inning due to a few errors. We were playing very strong defense throughout the whole game and hitting the ball very well, but unfortunately our hits were not finding holes in the field.” Lauren Larson’s home run put Fredonia State on the board, but ultimately wasn’t enough to pull out the win. The following day, both games were rained out, allowing the team some time to rest and prepare for their  games against Wheaton and Ohio Wesleyan on March 13 and Lasell and

The Leader Classifieds can be placed either through the SUNY Fredoina Ticket Office. Classifieds are due Friday by 5pm

FOR RENT

Salem State on March 14. The Devils lost to Wheaton in the morning, 4-2. Strong pitching from Zimmerman and five doubles from the offense had Fredonia in position to win, but a key error put Wheaton ahead for good in the last half of the sixth.  Fredonia State had trouble producing timely hits against Ohio Wesleyan as

Courtesy of: Lisa Tighe

they stranded eight runners on base, resulting in a 3-1 loss despite having eight hits in the game. Fredonia State bounced back against Lasell in the early game. Led by Lauren Larson, who had three RBIs

and Brittany Lis, who hit a two-run home run in the second inning, the Blue Devils scored nine runs over the first two frames en route to an 11-5 victory. Several hours later, the Blue Devils retook the field to play Salem State and lost 6-4 due to four errors resulting in five unearned runs. Larson continued her hot streak in the losing effort, clubbing a homer in the bottom of the first while raising her batting average to .438. The Blue Devils won all three games played on March 16, defeating Amherst, Wooster and NYU Polytech with scores of 2-1, 3-2, and 11-4 respectively. The first two games were won off walk-off hits, while the third game saw nine runs scored by Fredonia State in the final two innings. Top performers on the day were Michelle Lattner, who pitched earned two pitching victories and added two home runs, and Katie Bartkowiak, who had five hits over three games and scored the winning run, beating out the throw from second against Amherst. Katie Turvey also shined, earning a three-hit game against Amherst while Jennifer Tighe’s pitching was crucial to the victory in that same game. Fredonia would split its final four games of the classic, losing to Richard Stockton 8-3 and Wisconsin Superior 5-3, and defeating Macalester 12-8 and Worcester State 3-2 to close out the tournament with a 7-6 record. The Blue Devils will begin SUNYAC conference games on April 2, as they travel to play SUNY Brockport in the first game of the regular season.

Phone: 673-3798

Classifieds

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2 bedroom furnished house located on the bus HOUSES! 4br-2baths, w/d, furnished 716-792- route available for fall 2010- spring 2011 716-7859000 4451 1-4 bdrm furn apts some W+D cozy + very clean! Summer apts also available call 6727317

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B-10 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

Fongabille Illustrated by Mary Lemcke, Written by Brendon Le Page & Mary Lemcke

so close Mike Hernandez

untitled Patrick Condon

I’m such a Genus Jacob Mansely


B-11 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

Wrigley Field Brendon Lepage

Out of the blue KATIE MCCARTHY

Strange Tails Christiee Hochstine www.christeeanneart.com


B-12 The Leader, Wednesday March 24, 2010

The “going green” blues Brett Jones

When girls in Northfaces attack Shanyn Rubenstein

Fortunately for our amusement, an altercation broke out last Thursday at approximately 2 a.m. outside the infamous Fredonia hot spot, Sunny’s. Apparently the brawl broke out when one girl in a purple Northface Fleece said caustically to another girl in a pink Northface, “My Uggs do a better job of hiding my cankles than yours.” The girl in the pink Northface replied by attempting to claw the purple Northface girl’s eyes out. It was reported that the girl in the pink Northface leapt across the street and started pummeling the girl in the purple Northface. This caused a small crowd of bros to gather around the fighting girls. One bro eye-witness said that the fight was “Totally epic! I have not seen a good girl on girl fight in ages, man.” While many onlookers watched in

amazement it was a considerable amount of time before law enforcement chose to step in and break up the fight. According to sources they had been parked on the corner awaiting their street meat. They questioned both of the girls separately. The girl in the purple Northface defended herself by saying, “I know my cankles are hidden better, like, guys don’t even know I have them and I just thought that I should tell her that guys totally make fun of her for her cankles.” When the girl in the pink Northface was questioned she admitted to having started the fight but also added that in no way were her cankles more noticeable. The officers let the girls go with only a warning. The Literary Lampoon would like to inform readers that neither girl’s Northface was damaged during the fight, so we can all relax.

Jack & Jill call it quits Mr. Polone

The storybook relationship between childhood sweethearts Jack& Jill recently added  a traditional American ending: divorce. After decades of documented bliss the couple has now decided to put an end to their "marriage of convenience" as Jill called it. According to Jack's publicist, the couple has spent many happy years together but “finally reached

a point of mutual disgust.” Last Thursday before a divorce judge, Jill, without any remorse, said, “I stood by his clumsy behind for years and I honestly have no idea why. He’s a lazy, lying piece of crap and he can fetch his own damn water.” It is confirmed that Jill will be releasing a tell-all book through NurseryRhyme Publishers entitled From a Hill to Hell: The Jack and Jill Story.  It should hit shelves the fall of 2011. 

In case you missed the memo on a novelty t-shirt at Target, green is the new black. With the constant buzz surrounding “going green” and the cool-factor associated with being environmentally friendly, it is hard not to get caught up in the hype. Quite frankly, I miss the good old days, the days when burning tires was a source of entertainment and throwing an empty McDonald’s bag out your car window wasn’t a hate crime against Mother Earth. Call me a dreamer but if we work together I believe we can go back to showing this needy planet who is boss. Not too long ago our awesome nation was living the good life. We were buying the biggest SUVs possible to handle the rough terrain of suburban roadways and burning fossil fuels like it was going out of style. Plastic bottles were as abundant as the water they held and electricity powered microwaves, not automobiles. In other words, everything was right with the world. Not anymore. When everyone was least expecting it, a dullard named Al Gore released the scariest movie of 2006, An Inconvenient Truth. Using a hydraulic lift and projector screens running on enough energy to power a small country, Gore rubbed our noses in the gigantic shit we have been taking on the Earth. With the help of mainstream media and political interests, “global warming” became a household term and suddenly everyone was concerned about homeless polar bears. This is where the problems started. First of all, polar bears need to stop being so lazy and support themselves – I don’t work 40 hours a week so that some lethargic bear can get free handouts. Second of all, as a resident of Upstate New York who just barely makes it through the winter, I whole heartedly advocate for global warming. Sometimes I

spray aerosol cans into the air just to speed up the sluggish process because I am an American and I like my gratification to be instant. Luckily for our allegedly decaying planet “going green” has been ingeniously marketed. Forget Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister. If you want to be the coolest kid in school all you need is an organic "Life is Good" t-shirt and a stainless steel water bottle. For all the middle-aged yuppies out there, consider it social suicide to keep driving that Hummer and using plastic grocery bags. In order to maintain an image of being “with it,” you need to purchase a Prius immediately. To earn the respect of everyone in your housing development, simply ask, “is this free-range chicken?” at the next neighborhood barbeque. If you are feeling extra green, throw a few solar panels up on your roof. Don’t even bother hooking them up; just having them there for all to see should do the trick. Of course, “concerned” citizens aren’t the only ones fighting The Green War. Institutions worldwide have promoted the movement to convey a righteous image and capitalize on the environmental frenzy. These days recycling is easier than ever. Keep in mind however, that easy is a relative term. The Man already made us believe it was wrong to throw our trash on the ground like God intended and now we are supposed to sift through our garbage like poor people just to leave the world “a better place for our children?” Where do we draw the line against this tyranny? So my fellow patriots, the ball is in your court. Will you lie down and accept being repressed and watch as your rights fade away like icecaps? Or will you stand up and fight for the purest joys in life: cheap synthetic clothing, genetically enhanced foods and badass gas-guzzling monster trucks.

  Scenes from Around the Office

“Sesame Street” falls prey to urban developers  Mr. Polone After  celebrating its 40th Anniversary a few months ago, it was made public yesterday that the beloved “Sesame Street” set will be leveled and replaced with a team of 40-storied luxury condominiums. The plans were announced Tuesday morning on PBS right before the show aired. It appears that the show’s executives, Bert Carr and Ernesto Johnson, forgot to renew the property lease. The  new owner of this famed set is British real-estate

"What do you want to do before you die?"

developer Hartliss & Crool Inc.  The notoriously corrupt developers have only begun their “death of innocence” as they call it. They have  announced plans to turn Walt Disney World into what they describe as an “children’s only Las Vegas,” complete with showgirls, penny slots and all-night juice bars. When asked what will happen to “Sesame Street,” executives said that it will relocate to Brooklyn, NY and the name will be changed to “Come Have Fun and Learn Spanish on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard.”

Champion Hearts Player keeps her cool amidst a nervewracking high stakes game

WALL-E

Morgan Freeman

Steve Jobs

John McCain

“EEEEEE-VAAAAAA”

“I’d like to narrate the second coming of Christ.”

“My fantasy is to create an app that creates apps.” 

“Well, it used to be become President of the United States but, I have scaled it down, now I just want to get the high score on Wii-Fit.”  

In Next Week's Issue...

• Vegan Horseradish crowned "Most Obnoxious Condiment Ever Conceived" •  Ratemyprofessor.com announces merger with Ratemyrack.com


Issue 22