Page 1

making the cover

Tha Teeniez Voice!

www.theinsyder.com

Directors Ann Ngigi • Adam Nyakundi • Ngaruiya Githegi Editorial director Mahinda Mahinda mahinda@theinsyder.com SUBEDITOR Carlos Mureithi cmureithi@theinsyder.com Editorial KRU Snyder Lukalia • Dismas Adega • Charles Kariuki Nina Kosen • Liverpool VCT • All teeniez massive Marketing Cornelius Mambili cornelius@theinsyder.com Jeffrey Quantai quantai@theinsyder.com Departments Corporate Affairs: Ann Ngigi Distribution Agency: Nation Courier Printer: Emirates Printing Press LLC, Dubai PHOTOGRAPHY Emmanuel Jambo • Moses Mwangi Makeup Fredric Mwaniki - Vera Beauty College Layout & DESIGN Elias Mwangi elias@theinsyder.com CirculatioN manager Joash Mumo joash@theinsyder.com

The Insyder House Vihiga Road, off Makueni Road, Kileleshwa PO Box 51634, Nairobi 00200 Tel: 020 2323363/519 0714 888 555 Email: yuaholla@theinsyder.com

COPYRIGHT The Insyder is published by Teenwise Media Ltd. All rights reserved. The Insyder is published once a month. Contributions are most welcome and must be accompanied by stamped self-addressed envelopes. All due care will be taken with material submitted, but the magazine and publishers cannot be held responsible for loss or damage. The Editor reserves the right to edit, amend or alter material in any way deemed necessary. The Insyder cannot be responsible for unsolicited material. The opinions expressed in the magazine are not necessarily those of the editors and publishers of The Insyder.

The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com | 1


Insyde

What’s sizzling this month HOT STUFF

14

30

IAN MUGOYA’S

Fashion Statement

FROM KHASLIM WITH HYPE

8

VANESSA GRANT

AT A GLANCE

33 Lockwood’s cultural day

I-qru's take What’s your fashion statement? Charles: Rocking the 80’s vintage sunglasses and my crimpable 24-carat chain.

38 The coolest teen fashion

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Snyder: There is no way I am leaving the house without my killer sunglasses. Yes, you never know when the sun will come out with the rest of its family.

Nina: My fashion statement must be dark eye liner,crazy earrings,neon nails and ofcourse red lips!!!!!Top it off with my large sunglasses and am set!!You never know who you will meet :)


My

ROCKS!

Hello, Wonderful! You are strong, brave, capable, creative and ready to take on the world. Now pick up your BIC and make life happen!

Because BIC students always shine.


THANKS I want to thank The Insyder for giving teenagers this golden opportunity to try out their luck in joining the I-Qru. Cynthia Wanja Benson (404) Kambui Gee

ADDICTED If there is a crazy addict of ua mag then that’s me. Everytime I go through the Insyder mag I feel enlightened as it teaches me a lot. Insyder is a part of us and we are part of the Insyder. Nimrod Kimathi(304)Thika

NICE Lol I-Qru I’d hate myself if I failed to commend you for a job well done. All I can tell you is that the Insyder roqs our teen life n world. I wish you knew how pleasured I am since am an Insyder fanatic. Lily Brawan, Nyakiambi gee (Squinas)

YOU LEAD

Hi, I’m a 16-year-old student who is so passionate about art and design and I would just like to appreaciate you. The I-Qru, for showing me the way and always motivating me. I would like to work with you one day and just want yew guyz to know that u da bwest!!! PEACE AWT! Rachael Waihumbu (204) Kamahuha Gee

SKY’S NO LIMIT Hi guys, I think what the Insyder Magazine has taught me is believing that the sky is never the limit and so I will spread my wings and fly higher and higher. Love you . Kelvin Leina, Naivasha High School I-Qru, Hi Kevo, You are right. Keep working hard in school and in put effort in your talent. I-Qru

GIRL POWER GREETINGS Salaamz I-Qru, Surely you have proved your ability in organizing efficiently and effectively Kenya’s best mag, the Insyder. You guyz have taken up successfully the task of keeping Kenyan teeniez abreast with the hottest trends in fashion, music, hae skul stuff n hottest funkiez that bang year in year out. Salute to the I-Qru one more time! Byron Oyoo, St. Pius Uriri Bee

Sup, I am now a determined girl with a brave mind, I understand how to tackle real life situations and put them down into articles. All these thanks to The Insyder that has helped mould my writing talent. I appreciate. Beverly Florence,St. Marys Lwak Girl’s High School I-Qru Hi Beverly, Never let the desire to write escape you. Send us some of your articles too on the Write Stuff contest. I-Qru

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BIG UP Sup, I feel very appreciated for this opportunity you have offered the youth to express themselves, send shout outs to their pals in far away schools and just by generally keeping us informed on whats latest. Thanks y’all. Judith Biaki Mochama (Precious Blood Kilungu)

BIG DREAMS

Hi I-Qru, I am a Lilian Muli in the making and want to be a journalist in the future. I idolise the Insyder magazine because it has equipped me with the knowledge of how to become a good journalist and improve my writing skills through the write stuff contest. Brace Ndanu Kyalo, Muthale Girls

THE MASTERS Salamz, Surely you have proved to be the gurus. I remember when the Insyder used to be 100 baab. Now the price has doubled and so has the quality and uniqueness making the Insyder Magazine a force to reckon with. Carolyne Waithera (304) Stremaggz

MOTIVATION Hey I-Qru, It’s your die hard fan here just extending my gratitude to the all tym blazing magazine...The Insyder ofcourse. I started reading my big bro’s Insyders since I was in primary and have never stopped to date. My sincere congrats for all the dedicated I-Qru members out there for making our school days to be fun. Mary Nunga (204) St. Tito Gee


Connect Myke Da Prince Sam Im addicted to insyder magazine..u guyz jst rock ma tym @skul..kip it up i-qru n da team A-ryk Carter Vivasy Salute i-qru!!manze u guyz rock us teeniez...big up!!! Zilhat Abdulhalim Mbarak U aLwayz rock n keeps our (teens)drimz alive big ups guyz . David Mwesh Hey guys ,,,,hii insyder magazine hu ni bamba saaaana. George Kimirei aje dem kip da blazin burnin 4 da youts!!! Safara Wa Mungu Karish Mi sey insyder fi de pple ov guly Gaza..... East Coast n West coast.... Awuoooh Lexy Vilaz insyder rox dah universe bt plz b fyam kenyans n future westan skuz kwa mag n mosly vihigah district.ian fwom chango hae Collo Cryme Tyme collo de shooshiner repping st.josephs githunguri big up 4north Marble Ranxye waaaa APACHE APACHA mko rada juu kibao Wolerce Nyanga thanx 4 da advice u alwayz give da teen kudos and bigups Carl Denis ....really d coolest magazine on the planet....you guyz rock +254 highskul lyf...=>=>big up!!!! Steve Roy big up to wase wa onjixe mko ju 2 xana Raphael Kariuki you guyz mko twopz mbaya 2 xana Nikki Ida You guyz r jus more than awsome!!!ur magz jus terific!.. >mAad luv @ uw’z< Mras Nij Kavash Ezy iQru..yo bringin the issues mre hawter than ever..yawa!2tanunua gani 2kose gani..eish!.. Dennis Kimani The coolest mago eva...tnx 4 evrytng that u did 4 us kwa opens zote Teddy Ochieng Kelka Doephant Keikamz wana thank yu 4 adi fun tymz kwa mafunky zote.. thumbz ups.””vuvuzelah”” men it iz on top Tamila Rowan Iko twoupwist ne kare w2 wanguz Adan Shafih i realy do appreciate wat u r doìn guyz keep on kutuwakilisha Dan Ongechi Felix Insyder mag mambo noma 2 sana. This round watch out wako area but mbona mucisian hawatoi song ya insyder waxito? George Kimirei Kip it blazin lkn wase wa western wakumbukwe bana re in the t to featu n a w op on u o If y s the sco e, give u in z a g a l: m oo your sch olest peeps ie, co k n fu t s e wn. The hott e low do and all th get set, spill! , mark On your on: Hit us up

Teen pix

Maggie and Belinda (404s) Parky

Maureen Wabai

Parky Boyz

Jaky Kilonzo (404) Bugzville

Facebook www.facebook.com/theinsyder

Twitter @the insyder

Sydney

Email Letters yuaholla@theinsyder.com P.O. Box 53164 - 00200 Nairobi

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presents

Tevin Rock

Ryan Odek (204) Mbita Boys

Ryan Odek (204) Mbita boys

Joe Gakuru and Erico (304s) Nyahe Bee

C Gavala (104) St. Pius Seminary

Reckon you have the talent to feature in this column? Send us your artwork to win great prizes. Each month we will feature entries and pick the top 3 for the winners gallery. The winners will receive fantastic prizes, the awarding ceremonies will be held during the April, August and December Holidays No 1: Shopping Voucher, Funkie Tee & a Bic Sationery pack No. 2: Lunch Voucher , Funkie Tee & a Bic Stationery pack No.3: Travel Bag, Funkie Tee & a Bic Stationery pack For your entry to be selected as a winning entry the mistari must be via a BIC biro and MUST have the Bic Logo. All winning monthly entries will be entered into a draw to win a cool mountain bike or a termâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s school fees. Please ensure you include a telephone number in your artwork. Send your entries to P.O Box 51634-00200 Nairobi

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Davie Onkobar (101) Terige Hae


Winners Gallery

Cyprian Kavita, Mac Bee

Timo (204) Mumbuni Bee

Grishon Whizkid

Raphael Kathini, St. Joseph Seminary

Davie Onkobar, Terige Hae

Chris Maina (304) Nyahe Bee

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VANESSA GRANT AT A GLANCE Official school name: Vanessa Grant Girls’ School AKA: Van Gee (Ogopa Gee) Best teacher: Mr Benson Coolest teacher: Mr Onyango School parrot: Mercy Chebet Dancehall queens: Obiero, MaryAnne, Njagi, Hilda Mothoni, Diana She and Mary Wamaitha Panoeholic: Margaret Irungu Funkieholic: Beryl Obiero Coolest chics: Cynthia Macharia, Diana She, Hilda Mothoni, Gloriah, Obiero, MaryAnne and Mary Wamaitha Best class: 3V Worst class: 4V Best dance group: 21 Guns Gentleman’s lady: Mary Wamaitha Best food: Chapati and meat Worst food: Rice and beans Most treasured Item: Electric fence.

CROWNING MISS VAN GEE The I-Qru is meant to bring entertainment to a school funkie and make it the best day for the teens. But at Van Gee, things are different. We were instead told to sit down and enjoy ourselves. These mamis had a full day of activities set up and almost each and every chille in the school had something to present.

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The dance crews killed it, showing how each was talented in a certain genre of music, Hip-Hop and Ragga being the dominant ones. Models did their thing like professionals. After all, they had an entire week’s training session with the former Miss Narok University. Crowning Miss Gee became the most difficult jobo. But eventually, we found her.


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eVER WONDER 21. Is there a place where nodding your head means ‘no’ while shaking it means ‘yes’? 20. Will Arsenal ever lift silver again? 19. Do bald people have dandruff? 18. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called ‘rush hour’? 17. Is it Wyre or Redsan who is the true Kenyan Dancehall king? 16. Now that Nyanda is singing solo, has Brick and Lace broken up for good? 15. Can blind people see their dreams? 14. At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours? 13. What were Mary and Joseph’s surnames before Jesus was born? 12. Can you be downstairs and upstairs at the same time? 11. If ‘horrific’ means ‘to make trouble’, then does ‘terrific’ mean ‘to make terrible’? 10. Why do skydivers wear helmets? 9. How do self-help groups work when everyone has problems? 8. If our knees bent the other way, what would a chair look like? 7. Why do we tend to raise our shoulders when we’re out in the rain? 6. Does it matter what temperature a room is, as it’s always room temperature? 5. Why in a world of free speech are there phone bills? 4. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 3. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? Why do psychicians have to ask for your name? Doesn’t ‘expecting the unexpected’ make the unexpected expected?

2. 1.

20

17

5 21

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tEEN WRITERs

Twisted cupid

I

t’s in with the old and out with the new. Playerz are plenty but we just don’t know what the player world just made up with all the heartbreaks around. Now their worst nightmare is here...Twisted Cupid! Unlike cupid’s old self, playerz have made him so twisted that he has just come to make them have the worst competition rival they will ever have. As they say, ’’If you can’t beat them, then join them’’. One of his offsprings

INDESCRIBABLE ORDEAL

T

he front-door bell rang. I was sure that it was Steve who might have decided to check in before going hunting. I angrily opened the door and looked straight in his eyes with a scowl. I wondered whether this boy was dummy for I had warned him time and again never to visit me at home. Though we had gotten to be best of friends, I did not want to accommodate him because of my brother John who disliked him and a scuffle would break out if he found him at home. Steve pushed his way through and I found it challenging to dismiss him-anyway, who would scram his friend out of her house with such hostility? I did not have to serve him any drink as he only drank human blood. I then led him to my my room where I had been playing dart and for your information, Steve was an excellent dart player so I knew I had great company. Furthermore, my room was secure

S

Christine Nduku, Muthale Girls

in that John wouldn’t find out that Steve had sneaked into the house. Personally, I detested John’s attitude towards Steve. He was annoyed after he had found out that Steve was not one of us — Human. He always hurled abusive words, telling me how stupid I was for having vampires as friends. Though Steve was a vampire, he had the most beautiful soul which was incomparable with his glorious body, though I had not fallen in love with him. As we played, I could feel his fresh and his perfume. A barrage of rhetoric questions flooded my mind. I knew that he always felt thirsty when near human blood but he had sworn to control himself and he had promised never to hurt me or initiate me into the vampire family. What would happen if John came? Steve warned that I should not fidget but remain calm even when John came he would deal with him. After some time, there was a blackout,

HOME WRECKER ALERT o much has been said, discussed and even written about mothers. Well, my mother was the best. She was the mistress to a top politician whom I won’t name for reasons you can try guessing. Some people would like to call her some non-printables but let us be civilized, wont we? To those who would prefer calling a spade a spade, well, call your own spade a spade and let me call mine a big spoon. Jenny, as my grandmother used to call her, was for lack of a better word “a wasted beautiful piece of art”. I will call the politician Mr Y. Frankly; we lived better than Mr Y himself and his family conscience wise. At least we slept soundly at night knowing that my mom and I were making use of our God-given gifts. Being a home-wrecker is not really what many girls would picture their mothers to be but I was always left in a fix when trying to describe what exactly she was. Don’t get me wrong though. It is not like I am complaining or anything. I lived one hell of a good life. Hang out with the who is who in the social scene, dated the coolest ‘jamaaz’ around and was even Miss

is ‘Albert’. Just place your name the same way I have placed mine and talk about the offspring. Note though: twisted cupid is a black heartbroken bachelor who wants to uncover the true player story and have a competition with them at their own game. Give me your response through Facebook at Zalashi Da Espada...it’s yourboy Albert Orlando aka Albertö Örla from Highway Sec.

Brenda Wambui Wairia, Limuru Girls

my school. It was a good life. Having a hot mama for a mother was really something else. Especially when every dude was telling how fly my sister is and I am left wondering how on earth I would break it that she was my mother. Whoa! Sometimes I wondered why the heavens she gave birth to me with all those curves and her glorious skin at risk of stretchmarks, but, whatever. I was still born-the prettiest home wrecker child yet. The rubber meets the road when the whole world knows your mother is a husband snatcher (sorry mom for using that ugly word). However, they did not call her that, trust me. All the words that were said were better off in those people’s minds because I almost went to jail for assaulting some big-mouthed girl physically. Please, let us learn to keep our mouths shut and save seventeen-year olds a great deal of time in juvenile. As it normally happens, most of the promiscuous top notch politicians end up calling quits on their ‘mpango wa kando’. This happened to Jenny and after one drink

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we heard a squeal against the windowsomeone deliberately scraping the glass to make a horrible goose-bumps-down the spine noise. I shuddered. Someone invisible hissed menacingly from the other side of the room. It was undoubtedly John who could dare anything trying to get ‘The vampire’ out of the compound. “Let that killer out of your room before I set your room on fire,” he said. For the time I had spent with Steve, I had learnt that vampires are allergic to heat. Within a second, Steve’s eyes shone bright enough lighting the entire room. Blood oozed from his mouth. Suddenly, his muscles coiled like a spring and he vanished swiftly through my window for my eyes to follow. Then followed by a muted thud. I let out a shrill scream. Someone tapped my forehead. I opened my eyes only to find my mother standing right by my bedside. To my amazement, it was only a dream!

too many, found herself on air spilling her heartbreak. She threatened Mr Y on air announcing that he better deposit money for her family’s upkeep or she would do constituency x a favor by telling them just how great of a leader they have. She never came home. She never will. Now I am seating here needing my mother so much. What I miss most about her is her honesty. Unlike most single mothers who lie to children Jenny was no liar. I had always known that my father was an alcoholic who disappeared before I appeared! Anyway I cannot accuse Mr Y. His money got me a tattoo for my birthday and everything I call my own. However, the same money took away the loudest cheerleader of my life. Bummer. A lot of slop has been said about my family on social media but who cares. Talking of social media, I better post a hot photo of me and my significant other. Let the world know that though husband snatchers, we are the hottest home wreckers yet! When all is said and done, mama, please come back!


THE WRI

TE STUF

[TrendS]

F

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ite stu Do you have the wr

e we are looking tim is th d an on is n io tit The essay compe rtaining pieces. te en d an n fu e, tiv ea cr for uber So do the write thing. ning not more than ai nt co y sa es l na io ct fi Send your to work with the I-QRU ce an ch a d an st d an ds 500 wor ver know, we ne u Yo . lz ho e th ng ri du for one week well! might just publish it as Mail it to: Contest, The Insyder Write Stuff 200 or PO Box 51634, Nairobi 00 m yuaholla@theinsyder.co And include your ail address full name, school, age, em & telephone number

I

creatlivoivtye

writing!

is in my DN

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[Cover Story]

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Fashion Statement

When you look up to someone as your idol, you will probably try to emulate everything he/she does and that is inclusive of how that person dresses. To some who are probably not the same size as their role model, it becomes hard to vividly bring out the latest trends as worn by that person. But to the blessed few who happen to have the exact body size as their symbols of fashion, it comes out quite decently

T

V personality and host Ian Mugoya is one person that got the latter. He dresses like Kanye West from head to toe and even has some few things here and there that you won’t find easily in the local market. He has managed to successfully bring out the KenyanKanye look. Here are just but a few fashion statements that go well with the lad. Tying shirt around waist This is a style from the 90’s but we all know that right now trends from back then are the thing in the streets. With the likes of Rita Ora, Kanye West and Rihanna rocking it, this trend has managed to resurface and our own Ian

Mugoya- who is always up to date- completes his look with a nice shirt around the waist. Spikes on Shoes Spikes on hats, leather jackets, or on gloves are something cool especially for all Goth lovers. But here is the new way of rocking spikes and still maintaining your cool...on shoes! Yap that’s right Ian shoes are layered with spikes. Such shoes are oftenly worn to complement the leather pants or jacket. All Leathered Woe to all who go out shopping for leather attires and end up buying ‘Pleather’ which is a mixture of plastic

and leather and ends up torn within a few weeks of purchase. Well, Ian can go from simple fabric to all leather. With a classic leather skirt (for men) and a leather laced chain you might confuse him with Kanye performing in the legendary Madison Square Garden concert. Vintage Shades Everyone is trying to wear the vintage shades. The hawkers have not left behind by this urgent necessity by fashion lovers and have gone ahead to produce some ‘shady shades’. But those who really appreciate the art in these antiques go for the real thing. And that’s why Ian opts to go for his 1980 John Lennon oval sunglasses on a sunny day.

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[Cover Story]

IAN MUGOYA’S


CATWALK CONFIDENCE

! Y L I A D E H T N O

Would you like to feel confident all day, every day? For chiles, this is really hard, especially at that time of the month. When everything feels like it’s sweaty, dry and just not pleasant. OMG! It can be described as a little hellish! But yoh! There are ways to make that time of the month a lot more comfortable. Always Ultra comes from a company with 20 years of experience in listening to girls like you in order to find out what you look for when in need of a confidence boost. Always Ultra gives women what they want You have told the team at Always Ultra that you want to feel as if you are on your own personal catwalk every day. Not necessarily as a supermodel wannabe but walking with confidence, feeling comfortable in your own skin, your look and abilities without distractions getting in your

way. Always Ultra pads feel even more comfortable so that you almost forget you are wearing them and get on with your day. Always Ultra has been redesigned with a unique, cotton-like, soft-to-touch pad that is more cushioned and with even greater flexible fit. Feel the comfort and protection from the Always Ultra pads that let you get on with your day and walk confidently, free from distractions. Catwalk confidence technology that lets you get on with your day Dermatologically tested, the topsheet on the pads means that 50% less pad is touching the skin so as to give increased breathability, comfort and catwalk confidence. “The new topsheet is higher and therefore increases the space between the absorbent core and the skin. The pad also has

50% more absorbing volume, ensuring you stay dry. We know periods can be an uncomfortable time so the new topsheet technology is designed to make you feel as comfortable as possible,” says Annette Goldhammer, a scientist at Always. Five tips for walking with catwalk confidence Comfy underwear: to feel ready for anything Streamlined silhouette: for a lean, long look Classy shoes: match your shoes with your mood and feel fabulous Embrace your walk: practice your signature walk, it’s unique Always Ultra: the best comfort and protection For more information about Always, please visit www.beinggirlkenya.com

8 HOURS NO CHECK NO STAIN UP TO


Funkie Vybe Show

S SAINSTT FE 3 201

F

orget the usual funkie you always scram to go to. Forget about ones such as music fest, drama festival and NAPAHIKA whereby the way some of the irresponsible Jahmu dudes obed Parklands Arya’s project and ate it – a cake that had taken the mamas a week to bake and decorate. Talk of the real #TeamMafisi. Anyway, where was I? The Saints Fest, 2013 edition. Waar! This was no ordinary event. It is such a great understatement to call it a ‘funkie’. What makes such an event tick? SECURITY You all agree with me when I list this as the number one key factor in the list. No one can come to your event if they will spend the whole time looking after their belongings. Obes are a scare to many and with the slight presence of obe culture, people will immediately chuck from the venue. Saints made sure that this issue was well dealt with and after a good

screening at the gate, one walked past several security guards posted at various corners before reaching the main location. It had several armed policemen, just to ensure total security. SETUP You organise your events in a stuffy hall with no proper ventilation or better yet, if it’s an average funkie, some sort of kastage is hurriedly put into place and as it endures the weight from the performers, it looks like it is going to give in any time. Well, welcome to the digital generation of performance stages and top notch platforms. Saints Fest was graced by a full metallic stage complete with a fully equipped drum set and theatrical lightings. All these were supplemented by a background of LED screens and of course The Insyder’s vertical banners on each side. If that’s not a perfect setup, then what is?

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DEEJAYS Sentient Sound Session, Chelsea Van Carter, Deejay Leeam, DJ Short wave, DJ Mosh and Mikhail Kuzi had their sets. These are top DJs in Kenya and have all made a name in playing Electronic Dance Music. They made sure the crowd was on their feet jumping all through and finally killed it when the event culminated in the after party. Does your funky ever have an after party? That’s what I thought. Then came Sauti Sol with their moving performances that drove the chilles, especially those from Newlight Girls and Kenya High cray. Media coverage was done by crews such as Legit photographers and Vandoorne. Then lastly – my favourite – was the presence of a cute Yorkshire Terrier that some lady came with. I am not a lover of dogs but really, a funkie that has a poodle? That is some real isht right there.


[Floetry Fury]

[blue corner]

[RED corner]

JINA YA GOVA: DON MSANII: DUDU MANYOYA REPPIN’: JAMHU TRACK: IVO NOMA Dudumaonyoya mi naflow ka magma Sinaga tym ya maplayer na magema Dis ivo noma mi najua itawauma Wa!!ni ukweli na si rumour GXU wakizua tunawaacha na alama Wakiplan vita watushtue waache njama Texas nao washaanza kupanga chama Wanahata lembe wana sesa uko nyuma I guess this is the worst drama Hii ujumbe Manyoya anatuma Ati bado nyii hucheza na mafuma Wakati si hung’ang’ana na mapuma Msing’ang’ane na xixi vichwa chuma Dis zikishika we toa hio pajama Uki diss Manyoya utapata mlihama Na nikikudiss usikimbilie mama Insyder nunua usome hii grama Dudumanyoya nawaacha mki stama

Slang Corner

JINA YA GOVA: VERA PHOEBE REPPIN’: NGARA GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL If we aint talking about rap we got nothing in common And that’s just common sense I don’t need to make a pretence All rounded,make my teacher so proud how I construct a sentence All your ears begin to spaz because I make sense I came to the game 3 yrs prior 3yrs later trust me I’m on fire Bcoz everything I do takes me higher Oh pardon I cant mix with liars See I don’t go aroud fire expecting not to sweat Well seeing you is more of bitter than sweet Don’t even bother to give me a tweet I’m feeling wow No one can slow my momentum when I’m about to blow I only do a spectacular show So you can tell by now blue makes me mellow And if you can’t then your IQ is low So move before I gave you a mighty blow, Look how you move your ore slow.

Word: Afere Meaning: Bus Fare Origin: Ofafa/Marish As used in a sentence “imagine nimespend doh yote kwa canteen mpaka afere ya kuenda home”

Word: Ma-spin Meaning: Chapattis Origin: a ka-boarding school in Eastern As used in a sentence “Kesho tunapika spin na ndondo”

e] [Poetry Loung NAME: Elizabeth Gathigia aka Lizzie REPPIN’: Ikuu Gee Miss You

Branches:

Despite of what happened I still crave for you It all began with a dream then you walked in my life I took my chances en I ain’t letting go Just lyk that I cast a dry spell in our romantic Endeavors you walked away never coming back

ʩ ʩ ʩ ʩ ʩ ʩ ʩ

Would you give me if I told you how sorry I am You walked away with my life leaving me half dead Hold no grudges of me because you still care Deep inside it hurts but we can give it another shot I miss you big time forget me not Now I can call it a day Though I called it quits I have been soul-searching Av been to hell and back Believe me coz I never meant to hurt you I miss you big time say we give it another shot.

Nairobi, Nakuru & Eldoret.

Certificate and Diploma Courses offered:

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[Trends]

THE YEAR'S BEST COMEDY FILMS The August holiday is here. Who wouldn’t like a good laugh as they wait for the shortest term of the year and the best holiday yet??? HANGOVER III

So, from Hangover parts I and II, we now know the crew. In this third film of the series, the focus is on Mr Chow who escapes from a Thai prison. Also, the fact that Phil, Doug and Stu are trying to get Allan to an institution that will try to explain why he still acts like a 12-year-old. No weddings and no parties. What could possibly go wrong this time?

THE INTERNSHIP

The duo of Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson from Wedding Crashers is back. They are salesmen whose watch-making company is sold. So decide to try out as interns at Google (probably the oldest interns ever!). Will these grandpas make it in the tech world?

GROWN UPS 2 This all-time favorite sees childhood best friends go back to their home town to try and give their kids a better life. However, this journey makes these ‘big babies’ learn more than their kids.

KICK ASS 2 THE HEAT Imagine you have been put on a top F.B.I mission with the most annoying, loud, arrogant and downright unruly cop in the force (yes, that partner you never wish to get). Find out how this cop duo brings down a drug lord!

20 | The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com

First day of high school (yes, yes, back in January for some of you!). All you want is to go unnoticed, be cool and simply survive! Well, too bad because your destiny is to be a superhero (with a really bad costume: P).


y of Essa

nth

the mo

[teen writer]

DADDY’S DAUGHTER, DADDY’S LOVER I was always my father’s favorite when I was a little girl. He would call me to sit on his lap as he sung nursery rhymes to me. We would go out for long walks as he taught me the ways of the nature of plants and animals. Linda Wanja, Mary Leakey Girls High School

W

e were two compatible peas in a pod that never left each other. My two sisters had nicknamed me ‘princess’ because I always seemed to get what I wanted. My mother on the other hand would always support me in everything I did all in the name of being just a baby. When I grew up and joined high school, my relationship with my father took a back seat and my boyfriend Alex filled the space. We would spend all of our time together. There was no day that passed without being together. I would go visit him and despite of being so close to each other, we did not do anything regrettable. One day when I arrived home, my dad suddenly looked at me fiercely with his fist tightly clenched and asked me where I was from. I honestly told him I was from Alex’s house. The sound of his name made my dad shake with anger. He took my phone and forbade me to ever leave the house without permission. I was too terrified to fight back because this was a side of my father I had never seen before. I locked myself and tear nearly cascaded down my eyes although I knew I had to fight them back because I couldn’t leave Alex. When mom got home I told her the whole story. She went to talk to dad. That night it was all noise in my parent’s bedroom and we were so terrified that none of us felt like sleeping. the next morning

our mom told us that she had to leave for some time. We all knew why but our guts kept us from asking. After she left I was the only link between my dad and my siblings. It was like my past was having a re-run in my life. I would now accompany him wherever he went, I would be his company when he was lonely. Even though we were close, I still used to run away in the middle of the night to go to rekindle the love between Alex and I. One day my father came up to me and started telling me how much he missed my mother and how I reminded him of her, as he smoothly glided his hand over my lap. He then came close to me and pecked me on the cheek as his hand firmly touched my petite waist. We were both highly aroused until we gave in to the forbidden temptation. It was wrong but the feeling felt right. Guilt, the feeling that was always on my mind. Days passed and turned into months. I knew there was something wrong. I went to Alex’s house and told him that I was pregnant with his child. He boldly denied it and told his parents about the whole situation. His parents and my dad agreed to a paternity test. The hospital room was too silent, the doctor came in and broke the silence. He handed over the documents to Alex. There was a sigh of relief on his face as he said that the baby was not his. At that moment all eyes were on me. Alex sternly asked me whose baby it was. Warm tears wet my face as I knew I had been cornered and there was no way for me to hide the truth. I did not hesitate and said...”It is daddy’s baby!”

The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com | 21


Picharazzi

VANESSA GRANTâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S BIG DAY

Fun mode as school crowns beauty queen and students display talent

22 | The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com


The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com | 23


Big ups! UNGEM HIGH Jay b Willy(404) to Kate Monari(304) Nembu gee gyal, chop smart... n kip the fire blazing Brian Willis(304) to Mercy Muthoni(304) Kangaru gee Not all these words in this paper can describe ma luv 4 u... chop gwanest beib n missn u a loot! Jay b Willy(404) to Queen Ann Willy(404)Olooseos galz **winkwink* lv yo swagg gyal! #sobsob# te quiero Ken Tabu(404) to Jane Siki(404) Olooseos gee que te pasa? Soy yo, Hasta pronto!! Te quiero Ken Tabu(404) to Queen Ann Willy(404)Olooseos gee We luv yo 4 awa capy Jay B Willy!!! Mapenzi gwann. Pendaneni,big up. Jay b Willy(404) to Margaret Ndixha(404)Mugoiri gee lv u aloooot n av missd u xo much!! Beib am still waiting. Xignawt! Jay b Willy(404) to Malissa Mayar(304) St. Lucie Chop xmart 4 ua future pouwa!!sob* Vybz Kanjo(304) to Joan(304)Njurii gee mob luv. Frendz 4 G! Miss u Derique Osale(404) to Form 3’s Nembu galz Como esta? Besos u ol. Hasta luego...hahaha Charles Kagwanji(404) to Shally Zaid St. gee Leer bien mi elamigo “chop vismart” la senorita usted!! Asif Tofa(404) to Sally(304) Kambaa gee love u 4eva awao! Samuel Opande(304) to Gloria Okore(304) Statoe Mis u a lott!! Frank Leah(304) to Leah(304) Nembu gee hi cutie? I luv you so much Richie fisi(304) to Esther(304) Shnnem gee beby am missin u big!! Chop hardest fi beta future c u holiz! Alex(304)to Vivian(304) Embakasi gee love isn’t about finding the perfect person,its about finding the imperfect n seeing the perfection in them Kevo(304) to Nancy

Statoe Nimekudeady mbaya. Kama ni kamote imezidy. Mwaaah! Chris Kimani(204) to Lisa Nyang’au(204) Kenya hae Alwys love you, mwaaaah. Abdilatif Adan(204) to Edith Nyagathu(204) Statoe luv u a lot n miss u bad. Joseph ngan’ga(204) to Dianna(204) Nembu gee Hae bebz!Hope ur chopping hard n lots of lv from me. We will meet at home. Bye! Husseno(204) to Linnet(304) Nembu gee I luv you n a miss you. Dennis Mwaura(204) to Ann Nyambura(204) Kamandura gee you are alweiz mine...never doubt. Sheddy Omondi(204) to Yvonne Wairimu(204) St. Catherine Lv you garl, Chop 2 ua fullest. Brian Willis(304) to Sharon(204) Shunem gee chop hardest n miss yoh baad n bigger! Jay b Willy(404) to Lucy Mugure(404)Ruthimitu galz fwend,chop 2 ua fulllllllest!! Sawa? Jay b Willy(404) to 404’s xpecially 4East Olooseos girlz U galz r awesome....reppin hard. GITHUNGURI GEE Shantel Macharia(304) to Mark Mwangi(304) Thika Hae Wazzup nigga!!! Still chilin around. Nweiz keep it ril n swaggy Sjantel Njambi(304) to Derrique(304) Thika hae Haez mdiarest?? Ma mixxmentation nazo? Chop vihardest Shantel Macharia(304) to Sirmee Chege Thika hae Unlock da xilenxe in yah dia...chop hard Shantel(304) to Kevin Kimani(304) Kangema boiz xema bro...kukuhata ndio part of me. Be cool Lucy Macharia(304) to Jaymoh Khago Kangema byz Sema beshte...chop vismatah NAGEE Antoinette(204) to Iqbal Bachu(304)Patch You guy!..break the silence. I miss you so much

24 | The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com

Boss(204) to JB(204) Booker niajeh mrembo!Kunyamza nayo! Betty vintauz(202) to Saif Kutif(404)Kanchez xowy 4 last tyme pwomise to mke it up 2 yew..mapenzi tele bff! Tania gee(204) tew Erico shotstuff(Changez) ajez hun kutulia ivo...mix “us”. me luving dem dem daiz. ILYSFM Tania gee(204) to Dan da Mullah(204)Uppah Just remembering the special pipz who make lyf a blast. Taranee Corneila(204) to Dizzy(204)Ololaiser bee lets kip dis fake love journey ov ourz moving.. LYSFM Faith Wangz(304) to Joy Njeri(Kabare gee) Hi siz, semaar Nimoh Kartel(204) to Darwudz(404)Nyagzville suup,dara hizo books hadi zikufeel vixaanz, u xtl ma medicine hunny. always with you. Carol Njau(204) to Sylvia Wambui(304)Kambaa gee Waddup cuzo, mixin yew lyk cuweizzy pwiiz do something about dah silence Jane Wangeci(204) to Brian Muthoni(UBA) Hay Hay AM ALSO GLAD U DUMPED ME, GAME YAKO IMECHAPA TU XANA!! xoxo “hunny” Caroliciouz(204) to Rose(204)B.G., Flora(204) Nax gee Galz, I miss u... dara dem buks vismartest. PATCH BIG UPS Benny Nyotz(404) to Brigid Cherono(404) I just cant afford to lose you, nt nw. apologiez, Brinad Benny Nyotz(404) to Linda Karani (404) ; Nmesare.Nicrucify xaxa..... Collo(404) to Faith Boogy (304)(New light ) ; ILSFM , Prms 2 mke it up yeuw nxt Holz ;-) Collo (404) to Ladysha Kurgat (Annester precious 304) ; Miss u big . Til dec .Nway ; Chop hrd ! IMY

Benny Nyotz (404) to Joan Kui 404 (BOMA) ; Apologiez .Thts just me . Better get wed . Benny Nyotz (404) to Lydia (404 BOMA ) ; If only I knew u hav ½ of my future on your right palm! Bryan to Betty Kurgat (404 KABARAK) ; Somewan’s in mah hed .... Na ni ww ! ILT !! Benny Nyotz (404) to Adora 404 ( BURU GEE) ; A Mexican soap opera is just starting .. And you are among the cast main members ! Miss yeuw !! Nyotz (404) to Mellisa (304 citoxx) ; Utanielewe 2 day moja .. Slap Sizzey 4 me ... Spongy (404) to Sarah Njeri ( 404 statoe) IMYSFM Squarpants! Felix Taraiva (404) to Nduta Ndiho(404)Forest view Academy Nakupenda kuliko pombe Besh(404) to Rosh(304) St. Martins Take your time Harizone Hades(404) to Vidah Brenda(304)Ngiya Gee Love you LWAK GEE Vicky Anne (404) to Emmanuel Okinyo (St. Peters Mumias) Hey bro, keep da fire burning... luv u!!! Rezia to Shanice, Joy Miriam LOL... Myss yah... Rezia to Esperance, Joy Anne, St 8 oohh...gee... MOL Joy to Gorrety Gache (402) (Sinaga girls) kunyamaza nayo... mixment nayo mob luv Felix Juma to ma bro St. Marys Yala(404)Waddup bro, me luv ur swag!! chop vi smar---test Joy to Jeancot(403) homabay high Assup!!! Bro mi missing u... chop shmarttest... Joy to Herine Egutus(402) Huruma hae Assup ope uko pouwa Na unachop smartest. Mob luv!!! Beverly Florence to Shanice Agoro (st Pauls kobudho ) Niajez!! Nimekuhata yangu yote!!!! Mob luv

Perpeture Jackson to maybank gitiba (mangu high) I know u can do worst things...lakini ive a lot 4 u n Dedan. Luv u. Nicole Ondisa to Sydney Kitazi (st Marys school yala) Ssup lil bro, mixment mkubwa! Chop shmarttest. Mob luv Nicole Ondisa to Eugene Sewe (maranda hae) Chop hardest mbaka vitabu viwake moto. Mis ya big Laura Stacey(404) to Vera Makini (404) (makini school) Whoa! Long time nuh see... missin yhue lyk cwazy. Hope to see yarr soon *biggest love* Joan Laura Mbai to Mike Otieno Ayoo (rapogi hae) Tsup!!! Kunyamaza nayo!? Chop shmarttest Perpeture Jackson to Vincent Jackson (Ramba hae) U’l always be my most adorable less bro... Chop smartest luv yo swag Perpeture Jackson to Allan Chacha (upper hill) Weuwe... play safe. Meet yu nxt holyz Joan Linda to Gideon Odundo (Rapogi hae) Ayeiyah... xemaz. Dey xei chuz wisely n dat y u were chosen mis u KNEWLs Crew Lwak to Potmore Empire (rapogi hae) Ur attitude is tattooed xo dat means it’s permanent. Huh ... sharper lyk a swagger dagger on metal. Mobest luv... tunawategea our hommies Florence Natasha to Shanice Agoro and Joy Miriam (st Pauls) Misment nayo Joy Shanice to Cynthia Abuya (st Francis mangu) Assup!!! Siz misment nayo... chop shmarttest... Mob luv Celestyne Candy to Bil Martin (maranda hae) They’l nur knock ‘us’ down .BFF ... ryt??? Lol. Tracy Harriet to Alphonce Okoth (rapogi hae)Mamboz... uu hop uko rada Na kujinga.Ok chop NYC n smart Perpeture Jackson to Bill


Martin (maranda hae) Our stand is always ryt; compact majority says nothin... get u anytime... Cate Shiko to Tony (404) katch hae Waddup!!! Still got the love J Cate Shiko to ken (404) kiambu hae BFF 4eva!!! Chop smartest ... Miss Yah Victoria Ann (404) to Lamech(404)UBA Don’t know at u xay... misment kibao... chop smart!!!! NAROMORU(NARU GEE) Faridah(304) to Michael Mburu(304)Kirimara bee sup handsome... maze nimekuhata major ur mischievous ways serenity in yr eyes r priceless treasure 4 mih. Miss yah Shiru(304) to Charles Karanja(404)Vasho D The distance is killin bt I still lurv yah. Mih n u against tha world. chop hard peace! Maryoz(304) to Antony Muchiri(404)Kaggz bee Kunyamza nayo. mOb love and chop vihard Flora Ivyan(304) to Edwin Maina(304)Kimathi boyz Wat de silence boy? Keep it real! Anyway miss u big! Joy Wantahz(304) to Noel(304)Kaggz always @ heart swithrt. mwobest lurhv!!! Moryn Angel(304) to Allan Kurei(304)Kapenguria boys Hope ur kippin it kwul. Chop hard coz life is too easy Nicole Karen(304) to Morris(404)Kirimara Hae Chop hard dude! AWUOR!!**! Wanjaz Ann(304) to Erico(404)Muhoho Boyz I kent resist u no mata hao I try. Adawiz chop vihardest.<<wink>> Leah Wachira(304) to Btrian Chege Anestar Boyz I cant wait to see you soon miss yah.

Roziella Maish(304) to Francis Mutero(304) Muhae,John Gichuru(304) Kaggz n also Isaac Gitau(304)Kenyatta Mahiga. Hey! Wazup. Kip da fire burning n know that a miss yah big deal. Cynthia Lavigne(304) to Kelly Brian Muhoho Bee Hey cuzo, kukuhata ndio mob. hope to see you soon. Mob luv!! and chop hard!!! Maryroz(304) to Pauline(304)Naivasha galz n Cynthia(304)Pangani galz Break da silenxce! Flora Ivyan(304) to Newton Gitonga(404)Othaya Boyz Speak it up guy! What’s wrong? Otherwise chop hardest. Joy Taj(304) to Danqo(304)Kaggz Lyk av always sed. Distance doesn’t matter. Missn yhue bwig!! Leah Wachira(304) to Fanuel Ojal(304)Vatican Boyz Miss yah, hope to have a chat soon. Khartum Habidah(304) to Edwin Emmah(304) Vision View Hastallarvista dude. Why the silence? No matter wat u still rock mah world. Speak up pleaaase!!! Khartum(304) to Mohammed Yusuf(204) Giakanjah Hae bro, All I wish 4 you is to be tha best in your studies. Mwaaaest!! Daixie Tashique(304 to Allan(304)Kerugoya Boyz Wassup Adonis?? Mamissmentationz nazo?? Xi para... chop vigwanext! Bianca Kuzy(304) to Kelvin Gala Deen(304) Choggz Boyz and Dwen Maina(304)DB Whats with the silence y’aall?? Fridah(204) to Melvo(304)Kangaru school Awuolan!!! Kukuhata nayo!! Cynthia Lavigne(304) to Peter Mwas and Palmer

Nguch(304)Kianyaga Boyz Chop hard dudes n kip de fire burning. Denks 4 being such gewd fwends. Mob lurv!! Peris Maina(304) to Benson Wambugu Dedan Kimathi(304) I cherish every moment we have Sharlin Kimberley(304) to Joseph(304) Ditchez Hae dear... miss yah so much!!! Chop vigwan nweiz! Jillian(304) to Jackson Gichuki(404)Kangui Boyz Why so much silence? Anyway u still in mah heart baibez! Esta(304) to Grace Wanja B.Dkt. Kiano I didn’t mean it...Ope we still ride together. Die together till... Kharly Aiden(304) to Kadunga(404) Nanyuki Hae Wasup dear still waiting for yah snap. Mob lurv!!! N kip it cool. Khartum(304) to Abdia(404)Kieni Galz Bueno siz in law kip e tags tights dem hollaz from Ali-Zenith Joannina(304) to Erico(404) Xaxar big bro . Kukuhata nakwo. Enyewe chop vismarta na gorreah dih usual deshki wa uaz. Luv u mostest. Biancah Kuzy(304) to Alex G. and Vybez Kaggz(304) Waxxup dude kip up de fuaya miss yah big!! Fridah(204) to Collo Jabbz. Break da silence bro!! Cynthia Lavigne(304) to Sarah Wanjiku(304) T.T Galz Chop hard n mob lurv!! and Paul Macharia(304)Karima Boyz Chop hard and keep the fire burning. Sharlin(304) to Samuel Wafula(304) Patch Denkyu for being such a gewd fwend. You are a treasured pal...LOL! Jillian(304) to Alfred

Ndirangu(404)Karima Boyz. Kunyamaza nayo?? Break the pin drop silence aki. and Denno Mbauni(404) Dedan Kimathi Break tha silence! Esta(304) to Manu(304) Kangaru Hey yew!... Chop hard xo dat you’ll rock the world. KOELEL BEE Mose(304) to Tabbie n Grace(304) MFA MIA***Mob lurv. emember 3JLCLV ....(Biblical) Steevoh Octo(304) to Eva Mwathi(304)MFA Missin u big hun!!! Nyc tyme. Kim Martins(304) to Ivy Wangari(304)St. Annes Missin u a great deal.... nyce time. Kike Djoerue(304) to Ekky n Martha(304)Kiriaini Gee aki nawapenda....!! Ezeky to Tabby(204) Njoro gee Hi xwaireh, mismentz zko tu most. Bwek the sylens...MOB LURVH Edgar(304) to Loise n Jaynox(404) How are the most gorgeous gyals on the planet earth doing? MIA xoxo Telvo(304) to Rose (304) Nagee Chop hardest and mob lurv baibe J Sydow Jean(304) to Ruth(204)L.K . Missing you madly babie. Mwob lurv Frank (304) to Shirlene(204) Quabbz Hey hun, Kukuhatar nayo?? Miss u big! MobLurv. Ka-boom!! Berie to TabieKim(404) to Njoto Gee Hey boo, Cut the silence banar... Miss yah Ochy(304) to Kezz(404) MFA Missing you biggest...Mwobest lurv!!! Sos(304) to Jenny Roman(304)Eastmore Mismentations to. Mobest lurv xwit@!!

Shawn(404) to Nicole(304) MSOH hey Barbie. Missing you most. Love you. Brayoh(304) to Esther(304 St. F Mang’u Aaaah! Missing you big. Ndesh(304) to Ann and Diana(304) Nagee Missing you big!!! Mob lurv and chop hard. Nixon king’ori(404) to Jedidah, Janet, MaryAnne(South Tetu Gee) Hibenny(304) to Kate(304) Kristy Gee Missin you a great deal. mob lurv Feisal Musa(304) to Maria Murgor(204) just wanted to halar at a great fwend Julius L.(304) to Monicah(304) Limuru Gilrls I miss you baibe...Mob lurv! Ndauwa(304) to Risper (304)MFA Missin you. Jeez!Wacha kunyamaza xana. Mob lurv Anthony Wyre(304) to Esther(304)Welco Mamissmentation za u zinanikill vimassive....U rock!! Mose(304) to Evelynn Wambui(404)Mt Laverna *IMYSFB* Kim Martins(304) to Leah, Martha and Phydelis(304)Kiriaini Girls Looking Forward to hear from you Steevo Octo(304) to Charity(304)MFA Hehe chao!!! Allan(304) to MaryAnne(404)Karima Girls Hi Frank(304) to Rossy(304) Kinoo Gee Hey baby. Mamissmentation ndizo zangu! Mato(304) to Ivy Delancy(304) Mount Kenya Babe you light up my mind like nobody else loved for a 1000 years. Erico de Bruce(304) to Mercy Wanjiru(304) Nagee Luv you big and chop smart

outs to t u o h s r u for an to Send yo r e d y s n The I ty for them ni rrine o C y opportu b live be read on HBR. The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com | 25


| Ed's Head |

MY MAMA WANTS ME TO SLEEP EARLY Dear Ed, My mom is making me go to bed early tonight (I’m supposed to be asleep right now. She says she’ll spank me if she catches me up, but I don’t believe her since she hasn’t spanked me since I was six). She’s punishing me because she says I threw a tantrum in the store today. I admit I MIGHT have raised my voice and I shouldn’t have called her a bad word and I certainly shouldn’t have thrown a shoe at her, but this punishment is so stupid! She says I’m cranky because I’m not getting enough sleep because I spend so much time reading novels. Do you think it’s fair to put me to bed early? I’m 14, for God’s sake! (If you’re wondering the tantrum was becuz I wanted these shoes and she wouldn’t buy them for me so I threw them at her). Yours truly, Anisa

| t9 |

PLAYAZ AND TEXTING

“T

ell me something nice.” Send this text message to me again and I swear...! Anyway, we all know of those people whom we wonder how their names made their way into our phonebooks. We know them for sending the most annoying messages. Ladies, a simple ‘k’ sounds like an insult, especially after a brother has sent a lengthy text. Anyway, straight to the playa texting text book. HAVE READY TEXT MESSAGES Always have text messages that are suited for every situation. Be it for comforting needs, pranks or anything to make her smile. Be on top of the game such that whenever you get a text message written “I am bored today”, you can instantly respond with one from your drafts. ASK QUESTIONS Don’t make the conversation boring and tasteless. Throw in some questions in between. This will ensure you both have content to discuss as well as get to know each other better.

Dear Anisa, No, throwing a shoe at your mom is not right. You should apologise to her. You need your mom and you love her, don’t you? I know novels are great. Even I had that phase. But it will pass, also you are being hormonal. Your hormones are taking over you and making you behave like this. Everything that happens to you while a teenager might seem unfair but you need to learn how to rationalise with things. So I suggest you just sort things out with your mom and try to stay calm. I hope my response helps. Yours truly, Ed

NO NAMES Yeah, yeah. Don’t you all get surprised, it happens. Sometimes we forget some of your names. So fellow playaz, don’t create the habit of including the names of the people you are chatting with. You know what happens when you call a chic your ex’s name...*! #!!* MASTER YOUR KEYPAD You definitely don’t want to be that guy that misses some words in between your romantic messages or in your punchlines. A simple omission or addition of a letter can bring a whole different meaning to what you want to say. Check out the following: You want to state “Itakuaje sasa?” but because ‘S’ is in the same button as ‘P’, ‘Q’ and ‘R’, you accidentally typed ‘R’ instead of ‘S’! What a shock it would be to the chille. BE WISE You never know who you are chatting with unless you see them. It might be her mom and you end up embarrassing yourself for life. And every once in a while, send her her text message from last year and see how it means the world to her. *Logged out*

tions e? Send your ques ms and need advic ble pro be ba g vin Ha ent, Mr T9 to: to the Playa El Presid 200 x 51634, Nairobi 00 Bo PO m, co er. yd yuaholla@theins 5 or call 0714 888 55 26 | The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com


! it o d e w w o h is is TH The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com | 27


feature

erica's sweet 16 bash C

elebrity mum Ciku was busy putting finishing touches for her daughter Erica’s surprise birthday party. With her was Sheila Mwanyigha, the birthday girl’s godmother. This was at Pampa Grill, a Brazilian steakhouse in Lavington, Nairobi. Erica’s friends managed to keep the surprise a secret. Some came from a school play at the National Museums of Kenya and others from her school, St. Andrew’s, Turi. Classy cars pulled up in the driveway as the guests began to arrive. All were dressed to kill as the young and fancy crowd waited to enjoy what was clearly going to be the party of the year! Everything was set as the DJ kept the expanding crowd busy while an unexpecting Erica was on her way. Then a sleek Merc pulled up and there was silence. Dressed for a family dinner, Erica walked in with her aunt. She was immediately taken back by the loud shout of “Surprise” by everyone. Erica couldn’t believe that the party was hers. She later told the I-Qru that she was previously upset because she thought that her mum and entire family had forgotten her big day – her sweet 16! It was all smiles from here as Erica went around hugging everyone, posing for photos and talking to friends. Eventually, she sat and the Brazilian dinner began. Everyone was asked to have some salad first as the main dish was to be served individually. On each table was a plate or two of golden fried chips that tickled the taste buds in anticipation of the main meal. Waiters were on standby just in case one wanted more food! Friends and family alike mingled freely as Erica was spotted at different tables, especially the one that her boyfriend and friends sat. The cake was something else. Chocolate (check), cupcakes (check), decorations…(woah!). Everyone had enough and I must say it was an amazing party! A photo session followed, first Erica with her mom then with other guests. All in all, that was the best party we have attended this year! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERICA

Erica was surprised by the turnout Some motherly love

Go, Erica! Time to hit the dancefloor

Nina of I-Qru (R) was present with a friend

Erica with some of her relatives

Erica gets a word of wisdom from Sheila Mwanyigha, her godmother

A party ain’t a party without music

The birthday girl’s pals from St. Andrew’s, Turi

Ciku, Erica’s mum (L), lets Sheila share some birthday wishes

The boys were not left out

Erica blows off the candles

28 | The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com

Boyfie moment

Let’s salsa!


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Funkie vybe show

FROM KHASLIM WITH HYPE

Gladys Njau (404) rocks the butterfly bra

Standing ovation Nariki learns some dancing skills from Mercy of DBL crew

Journalism club officials

Gaza Empire

W

ow...just wow. Y’all schools that claim to possess mad syke need to take the back seat and get a tip or two from Khaslim Gee. Situated some few kilometers from the hustle and bustle of Nairobi, Gathirimu Girls High School rests like a queen in the serene vicinity of Kiambu County. Dudes, you need to attend a funkie here if you are tired of

Mr. Seed poses with mafans

boring ones with people who cannot even dance a little to save face. The school’s annual talent show was a Gathirimu-only affair but this does not mean the party was not exciting. Uh-uh! Not at all. The event started at a high notch with the girls showcasing their different talents. From dancers to singers, all killed it, leaving the judges between a rock and a hard place when

deciding who was better than the other. Then came the heaven-sent models. The room was taken from the cheering shouts of “yaaaaay” to the “woow’s” of surprise brought about by the creativity in dressing shown by the girls. In true sense, the school’s fashionistas and designers brought their A game. Kudos to the organising team that made sure there was a good flow on the

Cate Mutindi (304), Khaslim Gee’s best dancer

Mrs Githinji (Journalism club patron) proves she can dance too

Lynn Thuo shows her singing prowess

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Making bush wear look cool


Maryann Shadre (404), a DJ in the making

Back to the roots

Fashion queens: Doris (second runner-up), Mary Wanjohi (winner) and Nina Wangari (first runner-up)

programme’s part. The only dance crew present was DBL Dancers. At first sight, the members looked calm and relaxed but when they got on stage, the energy was unleashed. Woe unto you if you think Kiambu town lags behind in terms of new dance moves. This crew showed them all, including the ‘crocodile dance’, as the crowd followed suit. And to top it all off, they crumped! The dance session was culminated by none other than the teachers themselves. They all got on stage and each started breaking a move the way they did back then. Do you know how cool it is to see your deputy princi or your ever-serious mao TA trying to do the African twist (find out what that is)? Performances by Nariki, one of the school’s alumnus, and Mr Seed, a renowned gospel artist, left everyone breathless. This somehow led to one of the runways giving in to the super hype dance moves by everyone on it but luckily,

Namaste

Flower candy

Masai wear

Call them danceholics

no one was injured. Finally, Mary Wangui Maina (304), the new Ms Khaslim, was crowned amid cheers. Everything was just fresh, from the way these girls handled themselves to their unique clapping style of ‘Shangwe kwao, kumi kwao’. All that remained was the creation of committee members for Miss Gathirimu and the winner’s official induction. And just so you know, she comes third in command after the school’s deputy and its captain.

Hot and classy

Monica Njoki, Miss Gathirimu 2012, hands the crown to Mary Wangui, this year’s title holder TAs surprise the crowd

Monica (404), Miss Khaslim Gee 2012, struts the catwalk

The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com | 31


I ON SKOOLS

GATHIRIMU GEE

S!!’

g but ‘WATCH OUT FI DI

ve been silent 4 too lon d of Khaslim Gee...We ha

From the lan

sKOOL PROFILE Status: Single Best food: Mcheti na nyama Worst food: Githeri aka kokoto Prized assets: Sony Bravia, myriad compyutaz and a school bus Coolest cops: Julia, Winnie, Ngere and Coasta Best classes: 4 Niger and 4 Tana School hog: Christina (204) Dancehall queens: Maggie, Julia Gitonga, Bossy and Mukami Rockstarz: Gladys, Josephine Kimemia Fashionista: Monica Njoki Panoeholic: Eliza (204) Craziest mamas: Mwanasiti (104) and Julia (404) D WE E SYKE AN WE LOVE TH VE FOR YOU LO HAVE MAD . ALL XOXO I-QRU

Gathirimu Mail Kahuho Uhuru Boyz Mann, u guyz rock... Ur d hypest squl in 2013. Bigg up 2 y’all 4 de syke. ambia wengine wako ligi ndogo ju nyi mko Ligi Soo. Rating 9/10 Ditchez We r expecting more from you in our funkiez ju you really drive us crazy coz of ua mad syke. Mko poa na mjue tunawatambua saana Rating 8/10 Katchez aka Kiambu Hae Uuuum...Lyk... Hehehe.. No wordz. Just saying hi, na mko poa. Rating...*loading*...ting ting! Komo Bee We luv u guyz..In that, we were meant to be 2gether. The journey has been long but 2ko kimoja. Ur school is the dopest around. Atleast nyinyi tunajua mko

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Digital(na msiringe) although ni weakness yenyu!! Lots of love. Rating 9.5/10 Chano Bee We luv u guyz... We loved yr company kwa funkiez especially chano open. Ey!! Nyi ni ma rude boyz kweli! Manze c mnabambisha ssaana. Thenx 4 ur support there plus gotea the smallest cute guy in yr school Andy Caleb(104) Rating 7/10 Riabz Hae Hee, U guyz c mnatukwachu. Ata ka funkiez mnachorea bado mko top adi top. syk byaaad. Luv Yah!! Rating 6/10 Corner Brook You guyz have been quiet for long. Just checking on yah. Please break out of your shell and come out loud.


HIGH SCHOOL HOTTEST HONIEZ by Do you want your face on the cover of The Insyder? Do you have what it takes to be the 2013 High School Hottest honey? Send your photos to The Insyder High SchoolHottest Contest and stand a chance of getting your face on the magazine cover, a makeover and an awesome gift hamper from Venus! Send your pics to The Insyder High School Hottest Contest, PO Box 51634, Nairobi 00200 or email them to yuaholla@theinsyder.com

Reveal your beauty with 24hr Moisturisation

4 NEW variants that moisturise and soften skin all day long The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com | 33


FUNKIE VYBE SHOW

Jay A with his loyal fans from Lockwood

LOCKWOOD's CULTURAL DAY When asked to quickly describe their school in one word, three girls from Lockwood Gee randomly said “Fun”, “Freedom” and “Funkies”; coincidentally, they all begin with ‘F’, and I have to add an extra one – Fashion

L

ockwood Girls’ potential does not come as a surprise, as one can tell by the number of hot dendaiz the school houses. The new Miss Lockwood is also the proud winner of this year’s Miss UBA. The ambience in Lockwood Gee’s hall was something that beckoned. The cultural atmosphere completed with a traditional funky throne awaiting the winner of the day. Everyone was finely dressed, from Indian saris to Sudanese thobes, many cultures were represented. A funkie doesn’t end without you noticing the most hyped chic. In this case, Nettiah

Nzambi kept people entertained throughout. Then Leilah Achieng’ got on stage and displayed her ‘juju’ Lingala dance moves. Vatican Boys did not let the chance go as they came on stage to showcase pocket afi shake, the latest Dancehall dance style. The models started streaming in amidst shouts from their die-hard fans that had gone the extra mile to carry placards bearing their favourites’ names (talk of true support). Later, it was time to crown the new Miss Lockwood. Alas! there was a tie, and the only way to break it was by a show of one’s talent. And yes, you guessed it right, dancing was the

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main thing here. The judges finally got a winner as Gabriella took the crown. The day’s designers, who had done a splendid job, were acknowledged for their work. What more? Vanika, Annette and Jay A performances left the crowd impressed. From the dress code of the day (which could easily make you confuse the event for Blankets & Wine), to the tattoos on the pretty ladies, and the flow of events, I pronounce Lockwood Gee’s Cultural Day a never-miss funkie.


The ‘free-style’ dance move

Leilah (404)

Vatican Boys were the funkie’s dance masters

Jenny and Valorie (304s)

Shillah Selian

Yvonne,Gabi and Makena Lorna and Yvonne, tattoo girls

Kisoso,Vicky and Kelcy Gabriella, Frida and Palmer Proud African from Geneveive,Hildah and angela(404’s)

Jay-A and the girls

Traditional Agikuyu look by Grace

Gabriella, Grace, Salome and Cynthia

Annette of the song ‘Pole Pole’ Lockwood fanbase section It’s time to hit the floor Terry and Khairiya (404s) do it Bollywood style

Kelcy (404) Dowpswag Family

I can spit rhymes!

Khairiya,Yvonne,Terry and Makena

Netiah Nzambi Gabriella, Miss Lockwood Girls 2013

Gabriella after being crowned Miss UBA

The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com | 35


June

(July 23 – August 23)

Aquarius

Gemini

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

(May 22 – June 21) The strong Leo Sun burns through your 3rd House of Interaction until Aug 23, providing a really brightly lit level for showing your thoughts. You have numerous possibilities to talk up, but you’d better practice your collections properly to create the most of them. That’s because Mercury will be retrograde Aug 2–26, a period when spoken incidents happen more regularly.

Scorpio

(October 24 – November 22)

Taurus

Taurus April 21 – May 21 With the leader of your home of partners, Mars, cornered by three harmful planets, the connection might go through some challenging minutes. It could be about uncertainty, restrictions or external challenges. The last described, even if not feelings-related, will cause some indisposition or problems in operating combined tasks.

(April 21 – May 21)

You can anticipate to take care of responsibilities. You will also concentrate on your own personal wants and needs and your economical responsibility linked with other responsibilities.

Cancer

The Sun/Mercury duo in Leo will carry you money. Mars and Saturn will increase your actions assisted by your anticipating the waves. With Uranus, you will usually adhere to your signals. Your actions will be belittled and it will cause you to encounter like providing up. There will be stress in your personal and public lifestyles with a dissonant Pluto in your indication.

virgo

(August 24 – September 23)

You have invested far a long time pursuing objectives when instead you need to look what is right at the front side of you and experience up to truth. It is excellent and amazing to want to accomplish your objectives but without meticulous preparing and effort, it is just never going to occur.

You can happily say that you’re among the few satisfied people in Aug 2013. The valuable impact of Jupiter on connections will continue to perform completely, reinforced by Venus’ popular place. Consequently, the expressive life will be on the right monitor, with shiny viewpoints, and, remarkably enough, with a beneficial impact on place and self improvement.

(September 24 – October 23) What you are looking for is right under your very nasal area. Saturn in Libra is providing you to be able to take cost of every scenario. This month has an variety of possibilities for you to achieve out and get, create the most of what they have to provide. Don’t fear about displaying your own viewpoint on certain issues, everyone is eligible to their own viewpoint, such as you and others will regard you more if you talk your thoughts, provided that you prevent the Tenth of Aug as the day you select to create waves!

February 19 – March 20

Pisces

Although this is a relatively silent 30 days astrologically for Pisces with little occurring in Pisces itself, these 30 days are going to be those where the Pisces attributes come to the front. When this happens, you discover it very challenging to make choices even when it is essential for your upcoming.

Aries

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

(November 23 – December 21) Strange things will occur to you, different from what you would have thought, and there will be inadvertencies, setbacks or confusions brought on by interaction mistakes. But there will also be unique conditions that will benefit the knowing of some definitions or signs.

You really push the limits this month, but you’re much more subdue right now, You might be your own worst enemy these days - don’t hold yourself back. The Moon gives you the chance to radically change something in your life for the better, so take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. Your wish is someone else’s command. There’s a glow around you.

(April 21 – May 21)

Capricorn

Leo

Many Leos will find out themselves rethinking their lifestyle options and analyzing their own actions. As your eye changes inward you will create findings that are entirely surprising and this self evaluation may take you locations you never expected.

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(December 22 – January 20) Our concentration for the 30 days will turn to long-distance travel, international people and locations. It will also be a time period to pay attention to the associate such as associates, colleagues and workers.

You’re trying to be energetic, but you just want to lie around. You can make up for lost time on Tuesday and Wednesday, but you’re going to have to put forth your very best effort. No phoning it in! Take the high road between Thursday and Saturday, especially if you think that someone is trying to get you to stoop down to his or her level. It isn’t worth it. Let your sensitivity guide you on Sunday.


birthday t s u g u A

mates

√√Usain Bolt – August 21

Madonna – August 16

Mario Balotelli – August 12

Kobe Bryant – August 23

Robin van Persie – August 6 Barack Obama – August 4

–Halle Berry – August 14

Olivia Holt – August 5

Meagan Good – August 8

Cameron Diaz – August 30

Fat Joe – August 19 Dave Chappelle – August 24 The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com | 37


[Street style]

DRESS TO IMPRESS

Need a fresh look? Want to keep up with the fast-changing trends? Well, read, check your closet and see what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re missing out on!!!

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LEATHER This is the biggest comeback to fashion since skinnies. Whether as tops or pants, leather and leatherlooking material are a big hit this year. Combine them with your favourite pastel, neon or aztec accessories.


GOTH Goth jewellery is also trendy with both sexes. Besides, leather and spikes, combined, look beautiful.

The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com | 39


[Street style] DENIM I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mean pants. Denim material is unisex and is well complemented with differentcoloured leather.

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COLOURED HAIR You can rock a nice, coloured weave or have your hair in coloured braids, such as brown ones.

CHINO PANTS This is a new element in the world of fashion. It is a fresh trend that is easy to wear as it can be put on together with a simple black tank top, chiffon-buttoned top, heels or flats.

FLORALS They have picked up over the years from 2010, and are still fresh and fashionable. Floral prints can match skinny jeans, skirts and dress. In addition, they can show the feminine side of a lady without her having to try too hard.

PRINTS African prints are popular. Whether as pants or tops, they are best rocked with a subtle opposite such as an African print blazer or pastel pants.

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[Street style]

Hoodies, Lately everyone seems to be releasing thier own line of hoodies and funkie tees. What they miss is that different aspect in their line. Wan Fam noticed this and came up with a cool idea of using the common massai shawl to make awesome jackets. You will kill for this one. Stand out from the rest.

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ANIMAL RINGS They are large, cocktail-looking rings symbolising different animals. Try them on.

AZTEC This shape has ancient Greek origins and looks like a confusion of interesting figures. In boys, it looks good as a top paired with jeans. And for girls, it can be worn with almost with any bold-coloured item, as long as it is not combined with another ‘busy’ fabric.

PASTEL COLOURS They seem to be in competition with the more popular and still fashionable neon colours. Pastels are more subtle. Therefore, with a proper combination, they look good on both girls and boys.

NAILS From fake to well-done naturals, nails have become trendy, whether in aztec, polka dots, monster lines or glitter. The best part is that you can have on your own unique designs. So, get creative!

XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX

BOX BAGS Ladies! This is what is kicking out the usual satchels. It comes in a variety: from tiny and easily convertible box bags, to larger and bolder types. Don’t miss out!

The Insyder Magazine - August 2013 | www.theinsyder.com | 43


Hey bro, I am very bitter as I write this to you. I cannot believe that my main guy, my bro the one I used to call my BFF is hitting on my chille. How can he do this to me? I do not like confrontations, so I have not talked to him but I swear I feel like I can strangle him. I am very angry and I do not know how to deal with this some of my friends say that the girl is not to blame; this is because she did not accept his advances and she was the one who told me about all this. Some are saying that maybe she wants to destroy the good relationship between my BBF and I. What should I do about this? Miguel (202) Miguel, You have all the reasons to be bitter, feel hurt and betrayed by your best friend whom you had given all the trust, yet he has decided to hit on your girlfriend. Being angry is a normal reaction when such a thing as you are going through happens. However, anger management is very important as unmanaged anger may lead you to do something that you may live to regret later. First, you need to cool down before addressing the issue, get to know the circumstances at which he did hit on your girlfriend and understand exactly what he did. Second you communicate your concerns, positive confrontation in the presence of a trusted and genuine friend can help clear the issue as you seek to know what could have lead him to do what he is did. Was he aware of the relationship? Did your girlfriend inform him of the existence of the relationship and he ignored? These questions may lead you to unravel the reasons behind him hitting on your girlfriend. If for some reasons you come to know that he was indeed hitting on your girlfriend behind your back then you need to talk about it more and how it affects your relationship with him as your brother and as your BFF. It will also be important to let your girlfriend know that many a times she will be receiving advances and how she handles them may affect your relationship positively or negatively. Big Bro

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HE DOESN'T APPRECIATE MY EFFORTS What’s up siz, My boyfriend won’t give me the attention I need. We have been together for one year now and all was just fine until recently, we no longer spend time like we used to or even go out. What could have led to this? I have given him all a girlfriend should give to her man but I still do not get the attention I deserve. Salma, 303 Hey Salma, As human beings, we all long to love and be loved, to care and be cared for. It can be frustrating when you have invested in a relationship with the yearning that it will flourish only for things to turn out the opposite of your expectation, I do acknowledge that this is not easy especially when everything seemed okay then drastically things started changing. Salma, share your concerns/fears with your boyfriend, let him know how you are feeling about the relationship and find out what might be happening. Maybe he is going through rough times or he has other things that are disturbing him thus not been able to give his all. Again it could be the expectations that you have- maybe you are expecting a lot from the relationship or things to work in a certain formula which might not happen hence feeling like the relationship is not working. Small sis communication is a key element of a healthy relationship, if or when this lacks the relationship may not work as you expect. Therefore talk it out and don’t blame each other rather find a solution to the issue you are having. Whichever the decision both of you will make, take it positively. Big Sis

[Gurl talk]

[boy talk]

MY BROTHER WANTS MY GIRL

The Insyder August 2013 issue  

Forget all you've heard about Ian Mugoya, what you read is what matters. And it matters most if he's the one telling all. This August, Ian b...

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