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RELATIONSHIPS

Advice Goddess HAVING IT TALL

I’m a 6’2” woman. What’s the ideal way for me to respond when people (almost always men and total strangers) ask, out of the blue, “How does a woman your height find boyfriends?” –Annoyed I’d opt for the macabre approach, delivered totally deadpan: “Actually, I stretch short men on a rack in my basement. You can sometimes hear the screams from the side yard.” AMY ALKON Responding with shocking humor – in an uber-cool tone – gives you the upper hand, in a way an enraged response to their rudeness would not. And yes, people who say this to you are rude – assuming you don’t go around wearing a sign that reads “Hey, strangers, ask me anything! Nothing’s too impolite or too personal!” Of course, when people overstep (as maybe 6,055 other people have done previously), it’s natural to get angry – to go loud and ugly in calling them on their rudeness. However, that sort of directness – explicitly telling them that they’ve wronged you – is probably counterproductive. Social psychologist Elliot Aronson finds that people are highly prone to “self-justification” – the ego-defending denial that they’ve behaved badly. Making matters worse, our fight-or-flight system reflexively reacts to verbal attacks in the same adrenalized way it does to physical attacks. So, angry directness from you is likely to provoke a rudester into amping up the ugly – turning around and deeming you rude, wrong, and “Wow...testy!” for your response. Ultimately, using humor as I suggested – an over-the-top statement, delivered flatly – allows you to restructure the power balance, shifting yourself out of the victim position. You’re clearly informing the person they’ve crossed a line, with minimal aggression on your part. This is important because, as a tall girl, your energy is best put to more productive ends – folding yourself up like origami to fly in coach and fighting the Statue of Liberty for the extremely tall guys of Tinder.

MEEK MY DAY!

My style is basically grunge rocker girl: ancient jeans, a vintage rock T-shirt, and bedhead. I need photos of myself, so late Saturday afternoon, I did a photo shoot with a professional stylist, makeup artist, and photographer. Long story short, I despise all the photos. They dressed me in “nice lady” clothes I hated and put too much makeup on me, including lipstick, which I never wear. I’m normally pretty assertive, so I don’t understand why I didn’t speak up for myself. –Irritated When your style is grunge femme – bedhead and jeans that appear to be loaners from a wino – it’s a major bummer to pay for photos that make you look like you sell high-end real estate via bus bench ads. It’s especially bummerific when you could have spoken up but instead just went along like a lap dog in a bee outfit. But the reality is, your ability to assert yourself – which comes out of a set of cognitive processes called “executive functions” – can get a little beaten down. Executive functions are basically the COO (chief operating officer) of you – the cerebral department of getting stuff done, through, among other things, planning, prioritizing, holding sets of facts in mind, and making choices. And then there’s the executive function that crapped out on you: “inhibitory control,” which, as cognitive neuroscientist Adele Diamond explains, allows you to direct your “attention, behavior, thoughts, and/or emotions.” This, in turn, empowers you to do what you know you should – like eating your green beans instead of going with what your impulses are suggesting: faceplanting in a plate of fries and soldiering on to do the same in a bowl of chocolate frosting. As I explain in my “science-help” book, “Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence,” our mental energy to keep our executive functions powered up gets eroded by stress, fatigue, hunger, and even seemingly minor mental chores – like choosing between the 30 slightly different kinds of balsamic at the supermarket. Basically, as the day draws on and you put weight on your executive functions, you wear out their ability to be there for you. So, what can you do to avoid repeating this experience? Try to schedule tiring, emotionally taxing projects earlier in the day. It also helps to figure out ahead of time where your boundaries lie – stylistic or otherwise. Then, when somebody does something you’re not comfortable with, you’ve pre-identified it as a no-no, which makes it easier for you to stand up for yourself – calmly and firmly. Remember, “every picture tells a story” – and it’s best if yours doesn’t seem to be about the time the lady at the Estee Lauder counter held you down, made you up, and then pulled out her Ruger and forced you into mom jeans. n ©2018, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)

52 INLANDER MAY 23, 2019

EVENTS | CALENDAR K-POP! THE KOREAN POP MUSIC PHENOMENON K-pop has grown into a global phenomenon, amassing enormous numbers of teenage and young adult fans. Generally “popular music” within South Korea, the term is often used more narrowly to describe a contemporary form of pop music that is influenced by styles and genres from around the world. This program is one of SPL’s events celebrating Asian/Pacific American Heritage Month. May 25, 3:30-4:30 pm. Free. Shadle Library, 2111 W. Wellesley. spokanelibrary.org GREAT SCOTT: A CELEBRATION OF SCOTT JOPLIN Richard Dowling, piano, presents a program of Scott Joplin’s famous Ragtime music. May 26, 5 pm. $16.52-$42.39. Pend d’Oreille Winery, 301 Cedar St. (877-452-9011) MEMORIAL DAY FESTIVAL: REMEMBERING ELVIS Includes musical performances on Sunday at 1 and 3 pm by Ben Klein with the Zonky Jazz Band, along with a patriotic concert by the Spokane Brassworks Band. Includes an antique/ classic car show model train display, free food and more. May 26-27 from 9 am-5 pm. Free. Hennessey Funeral Home, 2203 N. Division. (328-2600) MUSIC ON MAIN Blues, southern rock and country sounds are destined for Main Avenue in historic downtown Ritzville. Includes music, vendors and raffle drawings and the Ritzville Classics on Main car show. May 26, noon. Free. Ritzville. ritzvillechamber.com (850-7371) NORTHWEST BACHFEST: EVENING OF THE CLASSICS The second week of NW BachFest 2019, featuring a concert program of classics by Chopin, Beethoven, Ravel and more, performed by cellist and artistic director Zuill Bailey and guest pianist Richard Dowling. May 28, 7:30 pm. $16.52-$47.57. Barrister Winery, 1213 W. Railroad. nwbachfest.com (465-3591) EWU SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA The EWU Symphony, featuring Concerto Winners and the Cheney High School Orchestra, perform the music of Tchaikovsky, Copland, Mozart and more. In Showalter Auditorium. May 29, 7:30-9 pm. $5; $3/senior, student; Free/EWU faculty, students. Eastern Washington University, Cheney. ewu.edu (359-2241) WEDNESDAY NIGHT CONTRA DANCE The Spokane Folklore Society’s weekly dance, with music by the River City Ramblers and caller Karen Wilson-Bell. May 29, 7:30-9:30 pm. $5-$7. Women’s Club, 1428 W. Ninth. myspokanefolklore@gmail.com EWU PRESENTS: THE SOUND OF AMERICAN MUSIC Hear a wide variety of EWU musicians perform American music from the past 100 years. The concert culminates with a world-premiere work by Jenny Kellogg for Jazz Band, Orchestra and Choir. May 30, 6:30 pm. $10-$25. Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague. foxtheaterspokane.com (624-1200) UNFORGETTABLE: TRIBUTE TO NAT KING COLE A special tribute featuring Horace Alexander Young. May 30, 7:3010 pm. $10. House of Soul, 25 E. Lincoln Rd. imaginejazz.org (509-340-9370)

SPORTS & OUTDOORS

INTRO TO FLY CASTING This class is geared toward someone who has never

casted a fly rod or who has very minimal experience. Participants set-up their own rod/reel and do some fun practical drills. No equipment necessary. May 23, 5:30 pm. $15. Glover Field, 216 N. Cedar St. unitedwomenonthefly.com WASHINGTON STATE CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK State championship competitions take place across the region May 21-25 and include the following: WIAA 2A/4A Boys & Girls State Golf Championships, May 21-22, citywide; WIAA 1B/2B/1A State Track & Field Championships, May 23-25, Roos Field, EWU; WIAA 4A State Softball Championships, May 24-25, Dwight Merkel Sports Complex. spokanesports.org THE NEW FURY Prestige Wrestling comes to Spokane. Matches and talent TBA. May 24, 7:30 pm. The Pin, 412 W. Sprague. thepinspokane.com ARABIAN HOSE EXTRAVAGANZA The 51st Inland Empire Arabian Horse Show lets the public see these majestic horses perform in the show ring. Includes art, pottery, food and more. Enter at the back of Fairgrounds at the main covered arena. May 25, 6-9 pm. Free. Spokane County Fair & Expo Center, 404 N. Havana St. spokanecounty.org BE BEAR AWARE The Idaho Conservation League, Idaho Dept. of Fish and Game and Idaho Panhandle National Forests team up to educate and empower local residents to safely live and recreate in bear country. Pre-registration required due to limited space. May 30, 6-8 pm. Free. Idaho Fish & Game Panhandle office, 2885 Kathleen Ave. idahoconservation.org

THEATER

THE HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES Lead character of this black comedy Artie Shaugnessy is a songwriter with visions of glory. Toiling by day as a zookeeper, he suffers in seedy lounges by night, plying his wares at piano bars in Queens. Through May 26; Thu-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $27. Spokane Civic Theatre, 1020 N. Howard St. spokanecivictheatre.com (325-2507) YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN Grandson of the infamous Victor Frankenstein, Frederick Frankenstein inherits his family’s estate in Transylvania. With the help of a hunchbacked sidekick, Igor, and a leggy lab assistant, Inga, Frederick finds himself in the mad scientist shoes of his ancestors. May 17-June 16; ThuSat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $32-$30. Spokane Civic Theatre, 1020 N. Howard St. spokanecivictheatre.com BARE Stage Left ends its season with this contemporary rock opera that follows a group of students at a Catholic boarding school as they face issues relevant still to today’s students. May 24-June 16; Thu-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $20. Stage Left Theater, 108 W. Third Ave. spokanestageleft.org CADE PROPHET MEMORIAL PRODUCTIONS: SYLVIA A play for animal lovers. May 24-25 at 7 pm, May 26 at 3 pm. $11.49-$14.64. Heartwood Center, 615 S. Oak St., Sandpoint. heartwoodsandpoint.com CYT NORTH IDAHO: THE WIZARD OF OZ L. Frank Baum’s classic novel comes to life in this faithful adaptation by the Royal Shakespeare Company. May 2425, May 31-June 1 at 7 pm, May 24-26 and June 1-2 at 3 pm. $12-$15. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf Course Rd. cytnorthi-

daho.org/shows/Wizard-of-Oz/8 CYT SPOKANE: NEWSIES Featuring the now classic songs “Carrying the Banner,” “Seize the Day” and “Santa Fe,” Newsies is packed with non-stop thrills and a timeless message. May 24-June 2; Fri-Sat at 7 pm, Sat-Sun at 3 pm. $12-$16. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague. cytspokane.org

ARTS

FIGURA VERSATIL A collaboration featuring work by Allen and Mary Dee Dodge, Rinaldo Gil Zambrano and Ashley Vaughn. Works include steel and enamel sculpture, collage, charcoal and encaustic drawings. Through May 31; Thu-Sat from 12-4 pm. Emerge, 208 N. Fourth St. emergecda.org LUMINOUS: DALE CHIHULY & THE STUDIO GLASS MOVEMENT Partnering with Tacoma’s Museum of Glass and Portland-based collector George Stroemple, the MAC presents its first all-glass art exhibition. Thirty-three international artists working in glass, including Dale Chihuly, are featured. Through June 23; Tue-Sun, 10 am-5 pm. $5-$10. The MAC, 2316 W. First. northwestmuseum.org (509-456-3931) KATE VITA: NAKED A collection of 60 painted portraits of “women of a certain age” by Spokane artist Kate Vita. The artist used selfies provided by each subject, makeup-less and unsmiling. Through May 25: Friday 5-7 pm, Saturday 1-4 pm or by appt. Free. Kolva-Sullivan Gallery, 115 S. Adams. facebook. com/katevitaart/ (990-8098) TRACES OF: EWU 2019 BFA EXHIBITION Featuring art by BFA graduates Darlene Gibson, Sierra Dawson, Tayler Parkin, Erik Sullivan and Madeline McGinn. May 24-June 6; opening reception May 23 from 6-8 pm; open Mon-Fri from 9 am-5 pm. Free admission. EWU Gallery of Art, 140 Art Building. ewu. edu/cale/programs/art/gallery THE HISTORY OF INUIT PRINTMAKING IN CANADA Today, about 10% of Inuit make their living from art sales, one of the largest economies after mining. How did this art form develop in a culture that exists above tree line where there is no wood or a culture of paper making, writing or etching? Learn more in this talk. May 25, 6:30-8 pm. $10. The MAC, 2316 W. First. (456-3931) INTRODUCTION TO RELIEF PRINTING Students are introduced to the process of relief printing: sketching and transferring of an image to a block, later to be carved and printed on an edition form. May 25, 10 am. $70. Spokane Print & Publishing Center, 1925 N. Ash St. facebook.com/spokaneprint/

WORDS

POETRY OPEN MIC No sign-up sheets, censors, or microphones. New poets are especially encouraged to attend. Held on the fourth Thursday of every month from 6-8 pm. Free. Monarch Mountain Coffee, 208 N. Fourth Ave. monarchmountaincoffee.com FULBRIGHT SCHOLAR DR. MOHAMMED BOUDOUDOU Dr. Boudoudou is currently in residence at Community Colleges of Spokane, and give this talk, “The ‘Arab World:’ Historical and Cultural Perspectives.” May 24, 4:30 pm. Free. Neill Public Library, 210 N. Grand Ave. (509-334-3595) n

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