THE QUEST SUNDAY FEST
S R AY O D D TO EN V PLY P A
I immediately thought of Max Weber’s theory of bureaucracy being the most efficient method of organizing large-scale human endeavors. More accurately, I thought of the critiques of Weber’s theory of bureaucracy and specifically of an article I read on the “J-Curve of Bureaucratization,” which suggested that with increased resources, bureaucracies ramp up efficiency to a certain point, then the law of diminishing marginal returns kicks in and the whole thing collapses into self-perpetuating redundancy and feedback loops. That’s a kid’s party. Indeed, as with most everything else in 21st-century life, kids’ parties are drastically over-organized, curated, staged and contrived. As my wife rightly pointed out — waving her Montana mimosa over the half-finished superstructure of the Creeper — almost no part of a kid’s party is designed for the actual kids. It’s a performance for the parents. True that. At certain points, I was literally undertaking physical feats before an audience of adults: corralling the whack-a-Creeper mayhem; snatching up errant trash as I simultaneously served pizza and told my own kids to quit whining that they didn’t win the Creeper Beatdown; running like a lunatic to scatter all those eggs between the pizza and cake. The kids, who were having fun (I think) could not have cared less what I was doing, but the adults stood there like a Greek chorus — simultaneously celebrating and bemoaning my and my wife’s ordeals. It was like a passion play; the Stations of the Cross. Most of all, for me, it was damn annoying. Don’t get me wrong; my wife and I have enough self-awareness to understand that we did this to ourselves. No one directly told us to go to these ludicrous lengths for a kid’s birthday party, and we’re both smart enough people to know that it’s an enormous waste of time and money to construct a schedule and fill it with stuff that budgets all of 20 minutes for unguided play during a morning’s proceedings. But there’s no doubting the sense of pressure to do these silly things. Last year, we were shamed for not opening presents during the party; someone had told us it was rude to open presents at the party because it distracted from the party-ness of the party. So, we took the unopened presents home. Well, that was super gauche, so we were told. This time, by God, we opened presents during the party, but tastefully timed to coincide with the eating of the pizza, so it wasn’t a lusty worship of lucre (which, of course, it was). Pinterest and Facebook and Instagram and all the other “information platforms” are very keen to tell parents how to present their ability to throw a kid’s party in such a way that it reflects well on their quality as a human being, which is a terrible way to organize a civilization. I don’t know if other people feel this way, but in case they do, here’s a person who’s more than happy to unplug kids’ parties as a means to unplugging this whole rotten society. But bring beer. n
JULY 14, 21, 28, AND AUGUST 4, 11 Find local art, crafts, gourmet food, free kids’ activities, performance art, music and free street festival fun at the Northern Quest Grand Plaza. Details at questsundayfest.com
Relax in the Ultimate Stressless Chair
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Zach Hagadone is a former co-publisher/owner of the Sandpoint Reader, former editor of Boise Weekly and current grad student at Washington State University.
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a p r i l 2 8 — m ay 4 , 2 0 1 1 n f r e e
FROM THE VAULT
2011
BLooMsDay • • • •
where to watch the race who’s going to win the t-shirt’s trip anD More! page 18
APRIL 28, 2011: In honor of the 2011 Bloomsday race, we dug up predictions that founder Don Kardong had collected in 1986, asking people what it might look like in 2001. Someone predicted, “Runners will use their home computers via the telephone system to register for the run.” Check. Also, the race would use “technology to read everyone’s start and finish times electronically.” Check again. One idea, that the skywalk would expand to NorthTown Mall, sadly never came to pass.
LUMINOUS: DALE CHIHULY AND THE STUDIO GLASS MOVEMENT
NOW UNTIL JUNE 23
northwestmuseum.org
MAY 2, 2019 INLANDER 7