JUNE 2011 — GUAM’S GUIDE TO ELEVATING YOUR LIFE | LIVING | FITNESS | STYLE | TECH | STRONGER MIND + BODY | VOL. 2 No. 7
Page 4 | RIDES: the 2012 FORD TRANSIT
THE FINAL ISSUE. FEATURING: BUILDING BETTER FAMILY
RELATIONSHIPS • FATHERS IN THE MILITARY • GREAT FAMILY SUMMER FOR LESS • FOSTER DADS • OVERCOMING DISCONTENT • HEALING OLD HURTS • VOLUNTEERING • SUMMER STYLE • FITNESS TIPS • SAFE PLAY FOR YOUR KIDS • MESSAGES OF GRATITUDE • INSPIRATIONAL PEOPLE ... AND MORE!
PLUS: GOVERNOR EDDIE CALVO TALKS ABOUT FATHERHOOD
Thanks for the smiles. Mobil Oil Guam is honored to be a part of the legacy of The High Road Magazine as they continue to remain committed to promoting the importance of healthy living and fostering an atmosphere suitable for families and communities. With your note-worthy accomplishments, youâ€™ve always taken the high road in providing the people of Guam with countless of smiles to share with everyone.
11-MGI-095 High Road Congrats Ad - FP, FC, 7.5 X 10â€?- 6/10/11
PUBLISHER'S POST The High Road, June 2011, Volume 2 NO. 7
All good things... When I decided to create The High Road a year and a half ago, my desire was to offer our community a resource theycould use to enrich their lives.
Whether it was to improve relationships, health & wellness, finances, or other areas, I sought out a team of experts to share their insight so that others may benefit from their advice. Within a short span of time, the magazine developed a loyal following and a core group of advertisers saw the value of our mission and supported our product. The publishing business is tough and we had our fair share of challenges along the way. In the process, however, we proved that if you provide consumers a magazine that’s relevant to them and one which offers true value, you can succeed—even in a tough economy. Growing appreciation, investment in advertising, and name recognition for the magazine has never been stronger. Yet, as much as it pains me to say it—this edition you’re reading will, in fact, be our last.
In this “farewell edition” we focus on the topic of fatherhood along with the joys and difficulties that come with this great responsibility. Dads have to face the reality that we can’t always watch over our children. No matter how hard we try, we can’t protect them from every harm, or be there to provide guidance at every pivotal moment. There comes a point when we just have to let go and trust that the upbringing we gave them will influence the type of individuals they become. Similarly, The High Road was my “brainchild.” With a team of professionals, we nurtured the magazine and watched it grow into the publication it is today. Likewise, we’ve reached a point where it’s time to say goodbye and must have faith that the phenomenon we started will continue to live on and inspire our readers to better our community, starting with themselves. "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us." ~Joseph Campbell
Sometimes, in the pursuit of our dreams, we must make difficult sacrifices along the way. In order to grow as individuals, we need to step outside of our comfort zones in order to achieve greater things. This holds especially true for me as I’m in the midst of change— I’ve recently decided to embark on a new career path. Because of the immense challenge I face with this latest endeavor, I must re-prioritize and devote all of my energy and dedication towards it. Ultimately, these circumstances leave no room for me to provide the leadership that is neces-
definition: the high road also high·road n. The most positive, diplomatic, or ethical course.
sary for the monthly production of the publication.
Publisher Norman Analista
After all is said and done, nothing will take away from the amazing stories we’ve shared and the lives we’ve touched through the pages of this magazine. We worked tirelessly to give our readers a publication they could trust, and our advertisers a product they could rely on. Our team will part ways from this undertaking knowing that we gave nothing less than our all. As the saying goes: “All good things must come to an end.”
Editor & DESIGNER Carlo Cariño
In closing, thank you to all of our faithful readers and advertisers for believing in the mission of our magazine. My undying gratitude goes to the Triple J Group for committing many resources toward this project. I also want to express my deepest thanks to three people who were instrumental in the publication’s formation since its inception: my wife Hernalin for her everlasting support; our editor & designer, Carlo Cariño, for his insightful feedback and commitment to pursuing a higher vision for the magazine; and our photographer, Eugene C. Herrera, for his unforgettable photos.
Photography Eugene C. Herrera
So, for one last time, I want to thank you for taking The High Road. We are honored that you accepted the magazine into your homes, you made us a part of your lives, and you stood by us until the very end. Sincerely,
Writers Hernalin Analista Leo Babauta Juvy Gao-ay Cariño Dave Currie, Ph. D. Jill Espiritu Sean Fitzsimmons, M.D. Peter Lombard, M.D. Steve Oshiro MaryAnn Pangelinan Gennette Quan-Simmons Dave Ramsey Darlene Deloso Stremmelaar Frank Whitman
ADVERTISING SALES Greg Esplana Janet Kerrebrock Published by Triple J Creative Services For advertising Inquiries contact: Tel: 648-6081 Fax: 649-3679 email@example.com THE HIGH ROAD Vol. 2 No. 7 is published 12 times per year (monthly) by Triple J Creative Services, 157 South Marine Corps Drive Tamuning, Guam 96913; (671) 646-9126. Copyright 2010 by Triple J Creative Services. All rights reserved. The reporting in THE HIGH ROAD is meant to increase your knowledge in various areas of life and well-being. Because everyone is different, the ideas expressed and research shared cannot be used to diagnose or treat individual health or other problems. Seek professional help. The views expressed in this publication are the views of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of Triple J Creative Services, its staff, management or its Board of Directors. Triple J Creative Services makes no representation concerning and does not guarantee the source, originality, accuracy, completeness or reliability of any statement, information, data, finding, interpretation, advice, opinion, or view presented.
JUne 2011 TABLE OF CONTENTS
Page 55 The Rundown 4 | Rides: The 2012 Ford Transit 6 | Doing Family Right: Fatherhood 8 | Community Pulse 10 | Fatherhood: Gov. Eddie Calvo 12 | Military Dads and Fatherhood 14 | How I'm Like My Dad 16 | Social Studies: Dad Edition 20 | A Special Kind of Dad 22 | Fatherhood and Healing 24 | Grandfathers: Untapped resource 26 | Live Easy: Finding Contentment 28 | New and Local: The Bahaki Hut 30 | Stopping the Cycle of Abuse 30 | Ask the Bone Doctor 33 | Summer Style 38 | An Anger Management Story 39 | Good Works: Help for the Weary 41 | Fitness: The Family Dynamic 44 | Sports: XTERRA GUAM 46 | Ask Dave: Loans or Dad's Retirement? 48 | Parenting: A Place to Play 49 | Home Improvement 52 | Dining Out: Issin 54 | Strength in Facing Tay-Sachs Disease 55 | Editor's Note: So Much Left to Say
On the Cover A colorful tribute to the 18 previous covers and the wide range of Guamanians who graced each cover. Cover design by Carlo Cari単o. Pictured at the bottom section of the cover is the First Family of Guam. Photo courtesy of the Governor's Office. Also on the cover is the 2012 Ford Transit which is available at Triple J Ford.
4 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
Doing Family Right | Relationships | June 2011 By Dave Currie Ph. D.
looking at Snapshots of a fatherhood Reflecting on the moments that define who I am now
Life often comes down to collection of snapshots in an album. They don’t tell the whole story; so much goes on between each captured Kodak moment. But photos, like memories, do capture the highlights that permanently shape your remembrance of your past – and thus, the shaping of you. Let me share part of my album. As a boy, I wanted to be like my Dad. Most of us do. I was awestruck by all he knew; he could answer any question it seemed about bees, motors, fire, baseball— you name it, he knew it. I was amazed by how strong he was; he lifted things with ease like the couch, tires, and even my bed. I was enthralled by his attention. Imagine, he took time away from his big person’s world just to be with me. I loved the chance to be around Dad. He had no idea of how much I watched him and how much I admired him.
These are some of my snapshots. They tell a story of a subtle but deep influence. 6 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
Like most prairie kids, I grew up playing minor hockey on outdoor rinks. Some days, it was so cold that the ice would crack and shift. You could actually trip over the ridges. My Dad didn’t coach but he was there—tying skates and all. On one of those crazy cold days, I have this distinct memory of my Dad rubbing my frozen toes as I cried. He assured me it would get better. His faithfulness to back me showed in the spring and summer too. He would let me pitch to him for 10-15 minutes almost every noon hour. He was always there for me. He was a man of consistency.
of Dad’s life. His word was his word. A handshake was enough. He never lied, ever! He was a man of integrity.
move didn’t make sense to me; after all, it was her mistake. He
said that if I knew and kept it, then
One of my most powerful memories of Dad was after I understood the meaning of money – likely around age 7 or 8. The lady at the Sear’s checkout gave my Dad too much change. After he started to walk, his calculator mind revealed her oversight. He turned and gave her back the extra. That
it would be just like stealing. I saw this honesty in many areas
One Saturday, while shopping with Mom and Dad, I became curious of some bizarre behavior of my father. When we were walking down Third Avenue (a busy downtown street), he would repeatedly change sides with mom – always moving to the side closest to the traffic. When alone, I asked him about it. He said, “Men always walk on the outside – to keep their women safe.” It dawned on me. This was
Send your questions to Dr. Dave at firstname.lastname@example.org or visit his website www.doingfamilyright.com Get Dr. Dave’s daily marriage and family tips by following him on Twitter.com/@doingfmilyright
nothing new. He was always a gentleman. He looked out for others, held doors for people, and it was always, “ladies first.” He was a man of chivalry. As a teen, I have a vivid mem-
ory of Dad’s explanation of Mom going through menopause. I laugh now thinking about it. I asked why she was becoming so moody – like “what’s with Mom?” After all, this once happy, effervescent lady was turning into a grouch right before our eyes. In his kind way, Dad said, “It’s her Time of Life” (like I was supposed to know what that meant) and he called me to be patient with her. He was. But that was Dad’s way. He treated Mom so well. He always spoke well of her. He was a man of graciousness.
faith Coming home from football practice one Tuesday, I got a snapshot of my Dad that I will never forget. For over 30 years, my mother held a Good News Club for neighborhood kids (often 20-25 of them) to help them know God’s love. To escape the clamor of the kids leaving, I slipped into our den. There was Dad, still in his trench coat, suit and tie. He was on his knees at the couch with one kid under each arm. He was praying with them. I listened without a sound. This sales executive was not too “big for his britches” to help little kids pray. I absorbed the moment. Then I slipped out before they knew I had been there. It was clear. Children were important. God was important. Dad’s faith was real. He lived what he believed. So much of his life reflected this snapshot. He was a man of faith.
My album is so full of amazing memories of my Dad and what his life was all about. He shaped me as well as my views of ‘Fatherhood’. As I turn the pages of my mind, I recall more significant moments that hold the same richness and carry the same impact. His open hand for giving revealed he was a man of generosity. His living in a 680 square foot home for over 50 years showed he was a man of contentment. His willingness to serve on the board or committee of non-profits screamed he was a man with a cause. There are still many more snapshots. I pray to God that I resemble my Dad. Take a moment to celebrate your Dad this month. Create another memory and add to your life photo album. Why not even get your picture taken with just you and him? It’ll be a keeper – a snapshot of fatherhood.
Friends and Neighbors | June 2011
[ SHOWCASING Philippine independence: Citibank kicked off its celebration of the 113th anniversary of Philippine Independence on June 10, 2011 with a display of Philippine products, samples of Philippine food items and a mini photo exhibit of Camp Roxas at the branchâ€™s lobby area. Representatives from the Philippine Consulate General Agana office, the Guam Humanities Council (GHC) and Filipino Community of Guam (FCG) joined in the celebration. From left to right: Mar-Vic Cagurangan, Managing Editor of the Marianas Business Journal; Philippine Vice Consul Maria Paz G. Cortes; Philippine Consul Kerwin Orville C. Tate; Leah Beth Naholowaa, FCG President; Liel Gonzalez, Cards and Marketing Head of Citibank; Jo Ann Alonzo, Cultural Officer of the Philippine Consulate General Agana Office; Connie Moral-Mayers, Public Affairs/Community Development of Citibank.
0 Relay sponsor: The Bank of Guam is the 2011 Presenting Sponsor for Relay for Life, the American Cancer Societyâ€™s annual fund-raiser to fight cancer. At the check presentation were, from left: Tracy Mullins (American Cancer Society (ACS) Board Member), Dan Rosenberger (ACS Board Member), Cora Yanger-Bejado (ACS Board Member), Theresa Obispo (ACS Board Member and Bank of Guam Vice President), Lou Leon Guerrero (Bank of Guam Board Chair, President and Chief Executive Officer), Michelle Ada (Bank of Guam Employee Relay for Life Representative), Elyze McDonald (ACS Board), Tina Noket (ACS Community Manager).
THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
0 Certified: Michael T. Fejeran, Technical Training Manager for the Triple J Auto Group recently completed training offered by the American Honda Motor Company. He completed all of the "Interactive Maps Certification" requirements and is now an Export Honda and Acura Master Technician. The training was held for two weeks in South Florida. The Mangilao resident has been employed with Triple J for 11 years and is also ASC-Certified.
Community supporters 1 The Citi Foundation donated $20,000 to fund the second summer of the Post-Secondary Education Accessibility Initiative (PSEAI), a six-week program at Guam Community College that prepares incoming and graduating high school seniors for college. Present at the ceremony were, from left: Connie Moral-Mayers, Citibank Public Affairs/ Community Development; Dr. Michelle Santos, GCC Dean; Dr. Mary Okada, GCC President; Agustin Davalos, Citigroup Country Officer/Country Business Manager; and Dr. Michael Chan, GCC Adjunct Dean. SUPPORTING THE Crime Stoppers 1 Triple J Ford recently donated the use of a new 2012 Ford Explorer to Guam Crime Stoppers. The vehicle will be used to raise awareness and to support the various functions of the program. Pictured, from left: Officer AJ Balajadia, Guam Crime Stoppers Coordinator, and Cynthia J. Blas, Guam Crimestoppers Board Chairwoman. Behind the vehicle is Jay Jones, Senior Vice President, Triple J Group. Triple J Ford also donated a 2004 Ford Explorer to the Guam Police Department for the Guam Family Justice Center to utilize. The 2004 Explorer was the vehicle previously used by Guam Crimestoppers but will now become the property of GPD. The Guam Family Justice Center houses a multi-disciplinary team of professionals who work together, under one roof, to provide coordinated services to victims of family violence.
Reflections | Fathers | June 2011
[ FIRST FAMILY (Left to Right): Rosae Calvo, Paul Jerome Calvo, Melva Calvo, Governor Eddie B. Calvo, First Lady Christine Calvo, Celine Calvo, Edward Calvo, Jr., and Vinson Calvo. Photo courtesy of the Governor's Office
Joy and responsibility Guam Gov. Eddie Calvo talks fatherhood Gov. Eddie Calvo knows firsthand that parenthood has its special rewards, and he also understands that raising children is one of the most important life tasks a person can take on. Of course, much of his insight into parenting comes from the close relationship he continues to have with his father to whom he looks for advice in both family and public matters. Calvo is the father of three sons and three daughters ranging in age from 13 to 23. “Fatherhood has been my greatest joy and my greatest responsibility,” he says. “I’ve participated in the miracle of birth, which is such a joyous experience. But with that, there is a responsibility innate in…ensuring that [my children] grow up with both spiritual and physical health and values so that they can live a life that is beneficial not only to them and their families, but to the community and to mankind.” Though it is not easily surmised from the governor’s easygoing, down-to-earth manner, he is a member of one of the island’s most prominent families. He is the fourth (the younger of two sons) of the eight children of former Gov. Paul M. Calvo. His father is the president and chairman of the board of Calvo Enterprises Inc. — and a worthy role model, Eddie Calvo says. In addition to being
10 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
By Frank Whitman
successful in business and in politics, Paul Calvo provided his children stability, security, love and support. “I’m blessed to have such a great father,” Eddie Calvo says. “I remember when I was 3 or 4 years old, the sense of comfort that I would have sitting next to my father on the sofa with my head on his shoulder. I felt that I was totally safe, totally secure. I have this memory of this big figure that is the epitome of love and stability, and of both spiritual and moral character. That is the earliest sense of my father.” He remembers and values the support that his father provided as he was growing up. “He would be there when I didn’t do very well [in school], but he wouldn’t rebuke me, he’d pat me on the back and say, ‘Son, you try your best,’” Eddie Calvo says. “The same when I played sports—playing football or running track. If I won he was there to highfive me and celebrate, and if I lost he was there to pat me on the back and say, ‘You did your best. Don’t give up; try again.’” His deeply held religious beliefs are a vital part of the legacy Eddie Calvo has received
"I try to use the experiences that I’ve had as a father, as a husband, as a citizen of Guam and as a citizen of the world and I try to convey that to them." from his father. “The message that my father passed on to me and that the whole Christian faith is about is the exemplification of unconditional love a great father can provide,” Eddie Calvo says. When he recently learned that he was going to be a grandfather, Eddie Calvo first shared the news with his parents. “I said, ‘I’ve never been a grandpa before, do you have any advice?'” he says.
“I’m still looking to [my father] for advice.” He also looks to his father when it comes to matters concerning his job as governor. “My father is a man of principle and he knows history,” Eddie Calvo says. “He remembers clearly what Guam was in the late 1930s. … He’s seen the rebirth of Guam after World War II and the different phases of development in our communi-
ty. I don’t mind tapping into some of that knowledge as we move forward in the 21st century.”
Evolving job Eddie Calvo’s life experiences influenced his approach to fatherhood and during the 10-year span between the birth of his first child and the birth of his youngest, “I evolved as a parent,” he says. “I’ve grown and my children have grown with me.” What has remained constant is the depth of his love for his children, he says, and the seriousness with which he has taken his responsibility in seeing to their development “so that they can become complete and healthy human beings.” Calvo finds himself having “a lot of influence” with his younger children and “having more of an advisory” role with his adult children. “I try to use the experiences that I’ve had as a father, as a husband, as a citizen of Guam and as a citizen of the world and I try to convey that to them,” he says. “I will continue to do what I can to provide them the necessary support and input.”
As with his own upbringing, that support and input includes passing on his religious beliefs. “It is so important to understand that there is more to life…that the things we do, the things we say, the things that we profess, will have an impact on our eternal lives,” he says. “I try to convey that message of faith to my children.” His experience as a father provides a perspective that he brings to his governorship. “There are a lot of pressures that make it difficult sometimes to keep the family unit together—some have to do with economics, some have to do with social and cultural issues,” he says. Many government agencies help to provide the support needed by families so children “can grow up in a healthy and loving environment.” On Father’s Day, if he has his way, Calvo will be at the beach, “under a coconut tree by a barbecue pit where I’m having a deep conversation with my wife and children, watching the other kids playing together — that’s an ideal Father’s Day for me,” he says. ■
Reflections | Fatherhood | June 2011 By Frank Whitman
When duty calls: Dads in the service mong the A sacrifices made by
members of the U.S. military is the separation from their families as duty calls them away for months — sometimes more than a year — at a time. Such separation can only be more difficult on special occasions, such as Father’s Day, when families traditionally plan to be together. The fact that they are not becomes even more of a burden.
Members of Naval Mobile Construction Battalion 133 began their 10-month deployment to Camp Covington on Naval Base Guam in March while their families remain at the Seabees’ home base in Gulfport, Miss.
a new dad If all goes according to schedule, Petty Officer 2nd Class Christopher Dillard’s daughter will be two-and-a-half weeks old when he marks his first Father’s Day as a father, and he’ll likely not hold her until the unit goes home in January. Like most husbands in similar situations, Dillard is frustrated that he is unable to be with his wife during the final months of her pregnancy, but he is thankful
12 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
Shackelford and his wife lisa, and children (inset) Jasmine and Xavier.
for the support—formal and informal—that the Navy provides. He and his wife have taken advantage of the classes and counseling offered by the Fleet & Family Support Center’s New Parent Support Program. And he will be able to watch as his daughter, Madeleine Grace, is born. “We have it worked out with the hospital, so we’re going to be able to Skype the birth,” Dillard says. “That’s pretty outstanding; or else I’d just be heartbroken.”
support of friends And, as they do for shipmates, fellow Sailors have stepped up. “I count on the friends that I’ve made in the military,” Dillard says. “[My wife] can’t really get around while she’s pregnant to mow the lawn and all that stuff. They do that once or twice a week. They’ll be actually driving her to the hospital.” Fellow Seabee, Petty Officer 1st Class Eric Shackelford, has been deployed four times since his children, 12-year-old Jasmine and 10-year-old Xavier, were born. He knows well the importance of the friends at home. “There was a column in my carport that was about to collapse and my friends came over and they fixed it,” he says. “They mowed the grass; they got up on top of the house
Dillard and his wife, Elizabeth
[to clean autumn leaves off the roof]. That’s something that I would normally do; some friends of mine went over there to help support. I appreciate it.” Having been in the Navy for 18 years, Shackelford remembers when there were few options— long-distance calls on sometimes-available telephones—to ease the stress separation puts on families. “I’m glad technology has come around because I can Skype and Facebook, and things like that,” he says. “It makes it a lot easier. Every deployment I’ve been on, about that month or month-and-a-half mark, [my kids] have their ‘meltdown.’ They act out and they act out until ‘OK, I can talk to Daddy now’ and it’s all over with.” While separation remains difficult as the children get older, they at least are more able to understand their father’s responsibilities.
two-service member household Master Sgt. Michael Quitugua, of the Guam Air Guard’s 254th Security Forces Squadron, knows the challenges families face during military deployments for both the deployed and the parent at home. In September 2009, two months before he returned from six months at Eskan Village Air
Base in Saudi Arabia, his son was born. “My wife calls me and says, ‘I’m going to give birth now; I’m driving to the hospital.’ I said, ‘Who’s with you?’ ‘No one, I’ll just drive myself,” he says. As one can only imagine, the next few hours were filled with anxiety. “I just couldn’t get hold of her. She finally called me back and said, ‘Our son was born.’ And she filled me in on the details.” Quitugua says the tail end of his deployment dragged on as he anticipated holding his son for the first time. Skype was of little help as connections were often poor and added to the frustration. “[We’d try to log on] and before you knew it, we spent 30 minutes trying to fix [the connection],“ he says. “We ended up just trying [to connect] once. If it didn’t work we would just talk on the phone and send emails.” Then, six months after Michael Quitugua’s return, his wife, Tech. Sgt. Maria Quitugua—a member of the same Air Guard squadron as her husband—was deployed to Kirkuk, Iraq for more than seven months. In addition to the challenges of caring for an infant while serving active duty with the 254th Security Forces Squadron at Andersen Air Force Base, Michael Quitugua’s perspective was colored by the fact that he is a service member himself.
“When she was on the phone and I’d hear the alarm go off [alerting personnel to an attack] and she’s ‘OK, I love you. I’ve got to go,’ I knew what was going on,” he says. “I don’t know if that made it easier or harder for me, but from that time until the next time she called—I never worked it out bestcase scenario; I always worked out the worst-case scenario.”
now. We have an appointment.’” He says. “I didn’t tell her that I didn’t sleep that night, that I kept him wrapped up in wet clothes to keep his temperature down. I didn’t go into details; I told her what she needed to know—‘He’s better now.’” Similarly, he says, she did not relay the details of her work. Since Guam is their home, the Quituguas relied on family for support, though Michael Quitugua acknowledges that the Air Force offers “an abundant amount of support” for families of service members. While working, he was and is, able to leave his son with an aunt who had been his baby sitter. “That helped both of us a lot,” he says. “We know that we’re missing part of our son’s life, but we know that he’s being taken care of as if he was her own.”
The Quituguas were also dealing with the fact that their son had been suffering from recurrent febrile seizures. Their communication was a balance between keeping each other informed but not alarmed. “I would tell her, ‘He’s sick, but he’s better
Having been away from their families, the dads seem to value their role a bit more than they might otherwise. “My main priority is just being there for [my children],” Shackelford says. “My home time is my home time and I try to maximize that as much as
Hopes for the future
The Quituguas: Master sgt. Michael with his wife, tech sgt. maria, with their son Michael, Jr. possible.” Shackelford says that he hopes to instill a sense of integrity in his children. “The thing that…hopefully they’ve picked up from my character is doing the right thing even when no one’s looking,” he says. “Even though sometimes it’s not popular—I’ve been talked about, laughed at, ‘Why aren’t you going to do that? Everybody else is doing it.’ Well, I’m not everybody else.” Similarly, Quitugua says that he hopes to set an example that his son will want to follow. “I want my
son to say, ‘That’s the kind of man I want to be,'” he says. “I would want him to be honest, hardworking. I want him to be a giving person. I want him to be family oriented.” Father-to-be Dillard says he hopes to teach his daughter to do her best at all that she does and he looks forward to taking her to the zoo. “I’m excited and scared at the same time,” he says. “I don’t know how good of a father I’m going to be. Hopefully I’ll do a good job.” ■
Reflections | Fatherhood | June 2011
How I'm Like my Dad Grown daughters discuss fatherly influence By Gennette Quan-Simmons
General Manager, PBS Guam Father: Francisco Gogue
Cathy Gogue sees the world through her father’s eyes. “I credit my total outlook in life to my dad. He taught us that hard work does pay off and that in order to get ahead in life, we needed to work hard. My father’s positive attitude and persistence allowed me to believe that I could do anything if I put my heart and soul into achieving my goals. My father believed all things were possible,” Gogue says.
COleen San-Nicolas Perez Public Affairs Officer, Joint Forces Marianas Father: Joseph B. San Nicolas
“A gift from God” is how Coleen San Nicolas-Perez describes her relationship with her dad. “My dad has been there for me right from the start—bringing me home from the hospital a few days after I was born, cheering for me at my volleyball games in middle school, guiding me through the teen years, standing proud at my college graduation, walking me down the aisle on my wedding day, celebrating with me when I earned a civilian position in the Navy, and more importantly, sharing the moment I became a mother,” San Nicolas-Perez says. As a wife, mother, and career woman, San Nicolas-Perez attributes her father’s approach to life’s difficulties as an opportunity for her to grow personally and professionally. “I am sure there have been challenges and struggles that he has faced. To some, facing a challenge can be a sign to give up. To my dad, a rare breed, challenges are opportunities to grow, learn, and succeed," San Nicolas-Perez says. "I have adapted this way of thinking. We are all faced with difficulties in one fashion or another, but I believe that these hurdles provide a chance to develop as a professional and more importantly as a person."
Gogue describes her father as worldly, persistent, efficient, wholesome, spiritual, and a quiet gentleman who is serious about the things he says and does. "While growing up, my father always gave us sound advice that would allow us to be better human beings in our community," she says. "Education was extremely high on his priority of accomplishments for us, not necessarily to land great jobs but to allow as to be exposed to the many different things a college education would provide." Following in her father’s footsteps, Gogue approaches life in a positive manner. “I believe that we can all learn from our failures to develop a sound path that will allow us to achieve our goals. Staying calm in a chaotic situation will allow for solutions to present themselves so that we don’t feel overwhelmed in problem solving,” she says. She sums up her dad in one word—incredible. Gogue adds that one of the most meaningful lessons from her dad is the need to be spiritually connected to their faith. “Living and being guided by the basic decree of our religion has allowed me to be fair in the decisions I’ve made in both my personal and professional life," she says. "And while there may have been distractions that have allowed me to deviate from what may have been right, remembering or returning to the basic principles we were taught by our church, and reinforced by my parents, have allowed me to make some of the best choices of my life." ■ 14 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
Having an autistic child, San Nicolas-Perez is no stranger to challenges. In addition to her husband’s support, she is blessed with the encouragement and added support from her dad. “My dad is one of the most loving, ethical, and loyal people I know. He is kindhearted and always has good intentions, not only for his family, but for everyone he encounters. Since my son was diagnosed with autism, my dad has helped my husband and I learn about autism and more importantly care and love our boy,” San Nicolas-Perez says. ■
Culture Shift | March 2011 Roundtable Talk | June 2011
SOCIAL STUDIES: Dad edition
Professor of Ichthyology
Laborer Agbayani Construction Corp.
University of Guam
Petty Officer 1st Class Avery Eisenhardt
Mike Murphy Retired teacher
Hull Technician USS Frank Cable
EVERY MONTH, we invite everyday islanders to have a conversation about the topic of the month. Here’s what they said.
Before you actually became a father, what did you think was important about fatherhood, based on your upbringing? DONALDSON: I had a series of ideals in my mind about what a father should be based on what was important to me as I was growing up. One was to be there to listen and also to be there to guide my daughter’s upbringing. CHACO: To put my kid first
so that he’ll be well taken care of and to provide whatever necessities. To put them before I put myself and never let them down — my child and his mother. Eisenhardt: Being there for the kids and upholding the responsibilities that my father
placed on me as a father, living up to those expectations — that actually kind of scared me. I had some tough times as a kid and my father never gave up on me no matter how hard things got, and I’m very thankful.
support them. I hadn’t thought
Murphy: Well, certainly to
about it much and it just kind of happened, but I relied on the way my parents brought me up. It was about supporting them in all aspects of their lives and steering them in the
During your time as a father, is there one incident or moment that stands out as epitomizing fatherhood for you? DONALDSON: My daughter used to climb up onto my lap so I could read to her and when she was younger she’d fall asleep. When she got a little older she didn’t climb onto my lap, but she’d still read with me. She’s in college now and she loves to read.
"There are times when they're just playing or talking, and I see the little light bulb go on in their head. I realize that they’ve gotten an idea or concept that they haven’t had before."
CHACO: I lost my father a couple of months after my son was born. He had always loved me unconditionally and gave me what I needed. I had been taking care of him and then I was taking care of my son. When I lost him, the reality set in. It was a challenge, but I
thought, ‘This is how fatherhood is going to be.’ Nobody taught me how to be a dad, but I’m following my dad’s footsteps.
16 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
— AVERY EISENHARDT
Eisenhardt: There are
so many, but there are times when they're just playing or talking, and I see the little light bulb go on in their head. I realize that they’ve gotten an idea or concept that they haven’t had before, and the
next thing I know I’m having a conversation with a sixyear-old. Or realizing that they already have a concept that I’m not aware of, and they’re trying to explain it to me. And, finally I get it and realize that’s a pretty big concept for such a young person. That’s pretty amazing. Murphy: That would have to be when they were born — going to the hospital and holding them for the first time. I still think that was cool.
Smart Investing | June 2011
Forging a new relationship between father and son By Ken Canfield
For the record: You don’t have to plow up your corn and build a baseball field to reconcile with your father. The climactic scene of the movie Field of Dreams offers a powerful portrayal of reconciliation between father and son. With each toss of the baseball and dusty pop into the leather glove, we know that Ray Kinsella and his father are healing past hurts and building a new relationship. Though the movie relied heavily on fantasy, we still appreciate the emotions of that final scene. And I believe much of the movie’s success can be attributed to the hunger so many people feel for that kind of reconciliation.
Is this just a Hollywood fantasy? I don’t think so. There are real-life stories that are every bit as moving. Listen to this testimony from John: My father came back in my life after about a 15-year estrangement. Six years ago he became ill, and my wife and I took him in and took care of him. Then he went home to be with the Lord earlier this year. My children had never met this man, and if this had not happened, I would not have known who my father was. It wasn’t always easy, and I thank God for the angel he sent for me to marry. But I’m thankful that my children now know who their grandpa was and miss him very much. But I want to say that I almost missed it. If anyone has the opportunity to get to know their father, do it. I got a second chance, and that doesn’t happen very often. In building a new relationship with your father, you are trying to recapture the original design for fathers and sons, but not as a child. You’re a man now, a competent adult, acting on what is true now, not what should have been true when you were six or sixteen. Just relax and let the relationship re-define itself. Persevere through difficulties; share new experiences; learn to express love to your dad. But, at the very least, I urge you to take John’s advice. Build that connection while you have the chance. Finish that unfinished business. ■
Planning a low- By Mike San Nicolas cost summer for your family
It’s that time of the year again. The kids are off, the sun is shining, and we have several months to enjoy more family time and drive each other crazy. More free time, if not planned for, can lead to periods of boredom and random spending, so as a financial planner I like to try and figure out what to do in advance. The thrill of coming home from college or ending the school year means that there is a lot of energy to burn in the first weeks of the season. This is a perfect time to hit the beach, get some sand in between your toes, and fire up the barbecue grill. On Guam, we are experts at organizing these kinds of gatherings. Plan to do a beach day with the family at least once a week and have everyone rotate on who is going to bring what so that the costs are shared, rather than you being the one to bring the meat all the time. The smart thing to do will be to contact the Department of Parks and Recreation to reserve yourself a pavilion so that you aren’t scrounging for a place at the last minute. And remember to always bring extra trash bags for the mess you make and the mess of the less responsible people out there. Another great inexpensive energy-burning activity is to go hiking. This is best done with a group and an experienced leader, and both can be found at Guam Boonie Stompers. In between beaching and hiking, get more into the earth, literally. If you stay in a place with a yard, or if you are lucky enough to have a ranch, make it a family activity to get planting. My three-year-old son loves to fill up the planting cups with dirt, get the seeds into them, and water his plants. Just make sure that you are planting what can grow well on Guam and that you have the proper soil to be successful. Our first attempt flopped because we failed to plan properly; this summer, I plan to contact the Department of Agriculture and get the low-down on what to do and how to do it right the first time. When success finally comes, you actually end up saving a bit of money and enjoying fresh crops at the same time. On the lazy days when the weather doesn’t cooperate or when we want to just chill out, pull out the old DVD's and get a bowl of popcorn and enjoy some in-home entertainment. Check family and friends if they are interested in swapping DVD's for more variety. Did you know that our public library also has movies that you can borrow? Don’t forget to checkout some books as well–reading is a great form of entertainment that we forget about with all of our electronic gadgets taking up our time. Make planning inexpensive summer activities into a game, and get the whole family involved in the planning so that everyone is on board. As weeks of inexpensive memories pass, you will be happy to look back and know that you did so much with the people you love and didn’t have to break the bank to do it. ■ Mike San Nicolas is a Wealth Manager with BG Wealth Management Services in the Bank of Guam, and serves as a Financial Advisor with an educational certificate in Financial Planning. A proud husband and father, Michael is the author of "A Father's Hand: Lessons for Life from Father to Son.”
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Inspiration | Fatherhood | June 2011
A Special Kind of Dad By Frank Whitman Ballares
Among the fathers to be honored this month are some who demonstrate a special commitment to the children they are raising by being foster parents. Francis Ballares and his wife, Victoria, made that commitment two years ago in a particularly selfless way, and they have found it to be fulfilling and gratifying. Ballares is a counselor at John F. Kennedy High School and, through his work, had become aware of the foster system— the role it plays in the lives of children and the ongoing need for foster parents. After being childless for more 10 years, the couple submitted their names to GovGuam’s Child Protective Services to be considered for foster parenthood. “We decided, ‘Let’s try being parents for kids who don’t have parents that are able to take care of them,’” Ballares says. “We wanted to help and at the same time get a taste of being parents.” The screening process is thorough, “but not super difficult; it’s something that I believe should be done for every person who applies,” Ballares says. “It’s almost like applying for a job or for
20 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
a loan. They want to see everything—economic background, accounts, police clearance, court clearance…our moral character, we had to turn in a couple of letters [of reference].” About a year after submitting their names, the Ballareses picked up their infant foster daughter. The baby had been removed from her family because of physical abuse that left her with cognitive and physical disabilities. “When the doctor told us [about the disabilities], we didn’t mind,” Francis Ballares says. “We felt the call that as foster parents, come what may. When we received her from CPS, she was just a baby. She couldn’t even cry, so we didn’t know if she was hungry or not, except that we would feed her and she would drink. But my wife and I understood the challenges of being a foster parent whether the child’s normal or whether the child has challenges. We were willing.” In the two years since Francis and Victoria Ballares received their foster daughter, the child has developed well beyond what they had been told to expect.
“When the doctor saw her again this year, he couldn’t believe it was the same baby we had two years ago. She could say a few words and stand; she could see. He was in shock.” Ballares says that prayer has played a role in both their decisions and their foster daughter’s progress. “I really believe the Lord has answered some of our prayers,” he says. One particular challenge foster parents face is that foster children may be returned to their biological families depending on court proceedings. “From day one, CPS told us that we might hold her for an hour, maybe a day, maybe a week, maybe a month,” Ballares says. “I told my wife that we couldn’t get attached to her. I tried to prepare her. But so far things happened in the baby’s life that she’s been able to stay with
us.” From the beginning, the couple has indicated to the authorities that they are willing to adopt the girl — if the court decides it is permissible. After two years, Ballares acknowledges that if their foster daughter was removed from their home, “I would be devastated,” he says. “We raised her since she was a baby. My wife, I know, would be heartbroken. But as foster parents I understand that it’s like that.” Even so, Ballares says he would have no regrets. “I am very grateful to have been part of her life,” he says. “She’s a joy.” In the meantime, the Ballareses opened their family to another child, whom they adopted shortly after birth. Through friends, they were contacted by the family who wanted to give their baby for adoption to a loving family who would be able to provide for her. The two families connected online, then by phone and finally in person. “We got along well; I feel fortunate for that.” The families stay in touch and exchange pictures of the now 1-year-old. Ballares says that Father’s Day —his second as a foster dad, his first as an adoptive dad—has taken on a new meaning for him. “Things have changed,” he says. “It’s a big responsibility; there are a lot of things that I’ve given up to make sure they are taken care of. I’m constantly looking after them. If they fall, I’m there to get them. If they cry, I pick them up.” Ballares says that he encourages others to help fill the need for foster parents. “I’m always advocating for the foster-care system because I know there’s a great demand; a lot of children need foster parents, but there’s no place to put them,” he says. “There are a lot of families out there who could do it, if they only knew it’s a labor of love. I let them know it’s not easy but at the same time they are helping a life and that’s what counts.” ■
Reflections | Fatherhood | June 2011
The Healing Power of a New Son By Darlene Deloso-Stremmelaar
Paul Stremmelaar, my husband of seven years, lays on a green futon, smelling like apple juice and baby formula. Our two yearold son Dylan, is a 38 pound boy saddling Paul’s back with no care that his Daddy is out of breath from all the jumping. Dylan is a happy child and Paul is a proud father. But, behind the smiles and laughter, Paul has memories of a painful past, and his upbringing deeply contrasts that of Dylan’s. This is his story and how he has fought personal adversity to become the loving dad that he is today. I am honored to share it with The High Road. Paul was given up to a Catholic orphanage run by nuns in Holland. At eight months old he was
22 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
adopted by a Dutch couple that later divorced when he was ten. His father had custody of Paul but he was able to see his mother on weekends. Many times his mom would not show up. After so many times of being left alone, at 14 he said to her, “You don’t have time for me. It’s better for us not to see each other anymore.” That was 24 years ago and he has never spoken to her since. Paul’s father remarried a woman who already had children of her own. His life was filled with turmoil. “I never wanted to be at home. I always liked being at the homes of my friends because it was nice-it was harmonious,” he recalled. “In my home I was always being sent to my room, there was a lot of yelling, I was chased down the street to get away from my Dad so that he wouldn’t hit me.” Paul’s step sister had attention deficit disorder (ADD). She would get herself into a lot of trouble and would often get spanked.
“So many times I would take the blame and get hit. There was something different about her and my parents dealt with it by hitting. We were both young and she needed my protection. As I got older, verbal abuse occurred more because I had the tendency to fight back if I thought the physical abuse was too much,” he said.
A gentler perspective on discipline As our conversation progressed, Dylan climbs some storage boxes to make it his nap spot. Paul carries him off and Dylan is screaming mad. Eventually, they are on the futon again. Paul, belly down and Dylan stepping all over his back holding a plastic golf club, laughing again. At this point, Dylan’s outburst encouraged Paul to reflect on discipline. “If you hit your child then you are trying to gain respect by instilling fear. That can’t be right. In the adult world you can’t hit
people to get what you want. Until now I don’t know what good came out of being hit except that it got me far away from the people who were supposed to love and care for me.” Living in a household where there was strict discipline, however, helped Paul to develop traits which enabled him to develop a strong work ethic. He learned the importance of taking responsibility and the willingness to work hard because if he didn’t, he was told he couldn’t have other things besides food, clothing and a roof over his head. “Looking back it made sense because we weren’t a rich family—I never went hungry. When I was fifteen I took so many jobs like, delivering newspapers for two cents apiece, harvesting asparagus, stocked groceries, working for a plastic bag manufacturer,” he said. “Like any kid, you know, I wanted to buy music tapes, junk food, a pass for the swimming pool, cool clothes... with Dylan it has to be different.
"I just feel like my childhood—if you can call it that— happened and I can only accept it. I can’t change what happened to me. I was a child at the mercy of adults. I’ve moved on." I would like him to work and get experience but I want my child at home. I want him to have fun and just be a kid. It’s my first
time being a father but somehow I think we can balance things out.” Paul currently has a relation-
ship with just his adopted father because his step mother chose to never speak with him again. This resulted from Paul choosing to spend important events like Christmas and New years at his best friend’s family on several occasions because he felt more comfortable there. Paul’s father and step mother decided it was best for Paul to leave home, and so he did when he was 19. “My father has acknowledged Dylan as his grandson and I hope that they do meet one day but it’s not my life goal to make it happen. He has expressed wanting to come to Guam when his wife passes away. He’s welcomed in our home.” Paul is silent while changing Dylan’s diaper for a minute or two and then says, “You know honey, we have discussed forgiveness but I don’t think that there’s anything to forgive. I just feel like my childhood—if you can call it that—happened and I can only accept it. I can’t change what happened to me. I was a child at the mercy of adults. I’ve
moved on.” Paul had a best friend who had a similar life. “We both talked about our past frequently and we decided that we’d never do it the way our fathers did, we’d be different. I’ve always kept that in the back of my mind. Now I am a father, I’m happy.”
New Meaning of fatherhood I asked Paul what it meant to be Dylan’s father and he said, “It’s a great feeling. When he’s feeling sad or distraught over the littlest thing all he wants from me is to hold him. Or if Dylan sees me and he runs to me and hugs me so tight and doesn’t want to let me go, that’s pretty special. I’ve never hugged my parents the way Dylan hugs me —they were distant. I’ll never do that to Dylan, he can come to me always. When we hold each other it tells me that he is everything to me and I am everything to him. I’m home.” ■
Parenting | Fathers.com | June 2011
Grandfathers: An untapped resource By the Dads, Fathers.com
In 1979, President Jimmy Carter set aside the first Sunday after Labor Day to honor grandparents. The official proclamation made a convincing argument for Grandparent's Day. Grandparents are our continuing tie to the near-past, to the events and beliefs and experiences that so strongly affect our lives and the world around us. Whether they are our own or surrogate grandparents who fill some of the gaps in our mobile society, our senior generation also provides our society a link to our national heritage and traditions. 24 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
According to a 2002 survey by the AARP, most grandparents (56%) see at least one of their grandchildren every week, another 12% see one of their grandchildren every two weeks, and another 24% said they see a grandchild once a month to once every few months. If you're a granddad reading this, thank you for all you do! Take it from us: you are an incredibly valuable resource that is far too seldom tapped by our current generation. As you know, your grandchildren need you. And so do the children down the street, in your community and place of worship. For the rest of us fathers, we need to recognize and capitalize on the benefits that grandfathers can bring to our children's lives. They are important because they symbolize family, they are living links between the present
and the past, and they serve as connection points for the extended family. Our children can also benefit from grandfathers because of the unique perspective granddads have on the world and on the family. They are more objective, so they can provide useful insights on our children as they grow and develop. They are more relaxed, and can be a great source of positive encouragementâ€”without pressureâ€”for our children. They are another model of manhood, often stepping in as a father figure for children who don't have a dad. And they have unique opportunities to answer children's questions and transmit values that a child might resist coming from his parents. Let's honor grandparents and give our children opportunities to receive these great benefits!
ACTION POINTS for Dads and GRANDDADS Granddad: Do little things to remind your grandchildren that you're thinking of them. Send cards and letters, newspaper clippings, e-mails, text messages, etc. Dad: Encourage your children to "interview" their grandparents about their lives using an audio or video recorder. Granddad: Set up a reading reward system for your grandchildren based on a list of books that you will purposefully choose and purchase for them. Dad: Tell your children something positive that you learned from your father. Dad: Honor your father and mother by committing yourself to meet a need that they have. Involve your children if possible. â–
Live Easy | June 2011
Curing the modern misery of discontentment By Leo Babauta | www.zenbabits.net “There is no greater sin than desire, no greater curse than discontent, no greater misfortune than wanting something for oneself.Therefore, he who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.” – Lao Tzu
was talking to a loved one the other day, a woman who from an outside point of view has everything: an incredible house with a swimming pool, a wonderful husband, two smart, beautiful and good-hearted children, and a life of mostly leisure. But as we were talking about contentment with life, she said, “That’s what I need — I need to find contentment.” And there were tears in her eyes, and my heart reached out to her. 26 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
around. Use this great feeling to do something else good. 2. Decluttering. Just declutter one shelf, one tabletop or countertop, one little corner of a room. That’s it. Just start, and then bit by bit (or a whole bunch at a time), continue to declutter. You’ll feel great. It’ll help you create the surrounding you need to change your life.
Do Something That Gives You Meaning I’ve been through stages in my life like this, and I’ve also climbed out of such ruts more than once. I know it isn’t easy, but I also know that it’s possible. Looking back on these times in my life, when I overcame discontentment, I’ve realized there are three things you can do:
• Change your attitude and perspective. • Take some kind of positive action. • Do something that gives you meaning. And you can do one of these things or all three, all at once, one at a time, or in whatever combination works for you. They can work alone, or together. Let’s look at each one of these solutions.
Change Your Attitude and Perspective This is huge. I can’t overstate the importance of how you look at things. And I know, the power of positive thinking is a cliche in the self-help world, but that’s because it works. It’s worked for me in everything I’ve done, and without it I would have accomplished nothing—no popular blog, no best-selling book, no running
three marathons, nothing. But it’s more than accomplishing things—by changing your attitude, you can become happy, almost immediately. It’s a choice.
Take Some Kind of Positive Action It doesn’t matter what the action is, as long as you’re doing something positive. Start small—just take a tiny little baby step. But start. And you know what? Taking that little baby step will feel like a victory. Then take that feeling of success and use it to take another little tiny baby step. And another. And then, yet another. And so on, until you look back and you’ve actually taken a series of baby steps that add up to a whole great amount of traveling. It’s amazing how the power of little positive steps can add up over time. Two good places to start: 1. Exercise. Just do 10 minutes of exercise a day. Walk, jog, swim, do yoga, pilates, pushups, it doesn't matter. The act of exercising regularly will make you feel amazing. It can turn your life
Often we feel dissatisfied with life because while we might have a good life—at least, all the comfort and leisure we need—we might not be doing anything that feels worthwhile. It might feel meaningless. The cure: find meaning, do something meaningful. Here are just a few ways: 1. Spend time with loved ones. I love spending time with my wife and kids, with my sisters and parents, and other loved ones. 2. Volunteer. This is a common suggestion, but that’s because it’s so awesome. There is nothing like giving yourself—your time, your love—to something you feel is worthwhile. 3. Create something meaningful. As I said above, writing is something that is very meaningful to me. Any kind of creating—whether it be writing, drawing, playing music, designing, building something—can bring meaning to your life. ■
Leo Babauta is the author of The Power of Less and the creator and blogger at www.zenhabits.net, a Top 100 blog with 175,000 subscribers—one of the top productivity and simplicity blogs on the Internet. It was recently named one of the Top 25 blogs by TIME magazine. Babauta is a former journalist and freelance writer of 18 years, a husband and father of six children.
New & Local | June 2011
Strictly Casual: The Bahaki Hut By Darlene Deloso-Stremmelaar
0 Taste the Rainbow: Mariana Quinata shows off one of the many varieties of shave ice at The Bahaki Hut.
If you're looking for that certain “gem” of a place because you want something different, then the “Bahaki Hut” is the place to go. “Bahaki,” is the local adjective for clothes you wouldn’t use for your “Sunday best” outing or an important meeting at the office, but rather, casual, comfortable “play” clothing. In Antigo or olden times, they were what you would wear to work at the “ranch.” In Bahaki Hut, you will find a relaxing place to have a filling meal or snack, indulge in their healthy desserts, do a little gift shopping and maybe even purchase some eye-catching locally handmade jewelry, and an original t-shirt, from their exclusive Bahaki Basics (BB) T-shirt line. Bahaki Hut is relatively new, having only been open for four months. Owners Esther Aguigui, Julie Manglona and Suzanne Naputi wanted to offer something special to Guam consumers by creating a nice comfortable space espousing healthier food alternatives and offering Chamorro novelties that could also feature local talent. Health, wellness and culture are at the heart of the Bahaki Hut where you can come in for a healthy and light, yet filling, meal which includes a sandwich or wrap with Bahaki’s special sauce, yogurt, flavored gourmet popcorn 28 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
and a non-carbonated beverage for an affordable price, because eating healthier shouldn’t cost a fortune, Naputi says. If it’s soft-serve yogurt ice cream you want, they have it plain or with an assortment of toppings ranging from flavored syrups, assorted fruits and granola. Bahaki Hut has 28 shaved ice flavors including traditional ones and new choices like Blue Chamorro, Tamarind, Passion Fruit, Kiwi, Li-Hing Mui and Banana Colada. They even have an assortment of sugar-free and diabetic friendly flavors like Ahu, Chamorro Colada and Cotton Candy, to name a few. Gourmet popcorn is also on their list of goodies, which is just as unique as their store concept. Naputi said some of the most popular of the 16 (and counting) popcorn flavor selections are Sassy Red, Pineapple, BananaVanilla and their very own mix
of seaweed seasonings they call Tropical Storm. The Bahaki Hut recipes are made daily by their staff. If you want to share these fantastic flavors with friends and family on a larger scale, you can order their gourmet popcorn prepackaged to use as a unique, affordable and yummy party favor. To help promote culture, Bahaki Hut offers authentic Chamorro Jewelry and an adorable assortment of BB t-shirts for adults and children (Patgon Nene) designed exclusively for them by local artist Javin Cruz. The owners also credit graphic designer and artist, Jessika Duenas Merrill for developing and promoting Bahaki Hut’s unique signage and logo. The store is also an exclusive retail outlet for the revolutionary Hi-Dow portable massager that helps with pain management. A percentage of unit sales go to support 15-year-old aspir-
ing Olympian, Benjamin AguonSchulte. Naputi said she and her partners have a long-term goal of opening a wellness center, and that Bahaki Hut is a stepping stone to making that dream a reality. “Esther, Julie and I want to do whatever we can to promote and protect our culture and our island, and recognize and encourage the positive, unique attributes and talents of our people, particularly our youth,” Naputi said. “It’s all about pride in our heritage and promoting a good quality of life… for us, health, wellness and culture are key components to that!” The Bahaki Hut in the Oka Plaza, is located behind Oka Payless in Tamuning, Monday-Saturday from 11am-7pm. You can contact them at 647-4881 or at email@example.com. ■
Parenting | Fathers.com | June 2011
Stopping the Cycle of Abuse By Ken Canfield
"My Losing Season" is a book by Pat Conroy revealing the true story behind his novel, The Great Santini, which was made into a film in 1980, starring Robert Duval. That movie has often been used as an example of how abusive fathering can forever mark a family. In the story, a marine officer repeatedly beats and ridicules his son, and ultimately commits suicide. Conroy writes, "I did not tell the whole truth, because if I would have ... no one would have believed me." From the time Conroy was a two-year-old, he watched his father abuse every family member. "My father did not allow
his sons to cry after he backhanded us. If we did, well, then the beating turned serious, and then my mother had to pull him off us, and then my father would turn on her." He continues, "That was always the most killing moment. Because we wept, because we did not take our punishment like men, we drew our mother into the bloody, fiery zone of our boyhoods, where she received her beatings for our cowardice." Conroy confesses that a childbeating father was common in all of his novels. When The Great Santini became a success, his mother and father saw his work as a "ruthless and unforgivable act of treachery and betrayal." However, the truth of his work somehow motivated his father to change, and he was a much different father to his two youngest children. Conroy’s father began to care and reach out to his children in new ways. He found it within himself to change. So often, abuse remains
shrouded in secrecy for many years. Because of the pain—and because they’ve never known what a healthy family is like—victims adopt an unwritten "don’t talk, don’t feel, and don’t listen" policy. But if they don’t deal with those issues and memories, healing and change will not occur. If you have unresolved issues with your father, you may be thinking, "What’s the use of dredging up all those feelings and wounds?" Well, if you continue to bury those issues, they can easily hinder you as a father. You could easily be caught up in a cycle of repeating your father’s behavior. But by resolving your feelings toward your father—and hopefully establishing some guidelines for a renewed relationship—you will find freedom from repeating his mistakes. You can create a turning point that sends you confidently on your way as you father your own kids. Every father needs to be able to say to his child, "I was wrong. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?"
Few fathers can say that unless they’ve learned to deal with their own weakness and their need for reconciled relationships. Healthy fathers are "healed healers." We are agents of change. We come to terms with our emotions, our failures, and whatever void we feel in our lives, and we foster that same emotional and spiritual health in our families.
ACTION POINTS If your father abused you or another family member, discuss these questions with someone who knows you well: • How have you processed that abuse? What steps have you taken to assure that behavior is not passed on to your children? • Discuss with your wife specific qualities that distinguish your fathering style from your father’s. • Tell your children a fond or heartwarming memory you have of a time with your father. • Talk to your older child about a challenging issue you faced with your father. ■
Ask The Bone Doctor | June 2011
How do I know if I'm dealing with a hernia? Hafa adai Dr. Fitzsimmons,
I have been athletically active since middle school and continued this trend until after college. I continued to maintain a weekly dose of running, tennis or golf, but the past five years have been frustrating for me. The reason for my frustration is the occurring pain in the lower abdominal region (below my belly button) after a 3 mile run, a tennis match or a game of golf. With rest, the pain will go away, but it would immediately return after exertion of some sport. I have seen several doctors who have ruled out a hernia and thus have recommended, 3-6 month rest to alleviate the pain. I have tried the recommendation without any impact. I have also been told that I should not worry and just live with the pain. I had a CT scan done, with "unremarkable" results. I have since minimized my weekly activity to a short run or an easy swim, but 30 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
there are times when the pain would return even on an easy walk. I have noticed that the pain is more prominent when I am walking uphill. I do not want to live with the pain, what do you recommend I do? — Anthony Dear Anthony, There are many causes for abdominal pain with sports. It is hard to tell you exactly what your problem is by reading your email, but I can give you a few ideas. I think you have done the most important thing which is to be seen by a primary care doctor or general surgeon to make sure you do not have any hernias or intra-abdominal (“stomach”) cause for your pain. There are a few possible causes for your pain but it
sounds like you may have what is called a sports hernia. This is actually a misnomer because there is not a true hernia in this condition. It was named because of its anatomic location. A sports hernia is a tear in your abdominal muscles as they insert onto your pelvic bone. Sports hernias can occur in all kinds of athletes but is common in hockey and soccer players and even runners. Lower abdominal pain without a discrete injury in an active patient is a common history. On physical exam the patient is tender around the area of the muscle/ tendon as it inserts on the bone. Doing a resisted sit-up often exacerbates or mimics the pain. There is no great imaging study that will show the tear although there are some special ways of doing a MRI that can show the tear in some cases. Treatment for this injury is rest, activity modification, over the counter medi-
cations, and physical therapy. This injury does not always respond to this type of management and can require surgery. You may want to be examined by an orthopaedist or sports medicine doctor to confirm the diagnosis. There are many professional (and even more recreational) athletes that have had this problem so don’t feel alone. I hope this helps, and good luck getting back to your routine.
Sean Fitzsimmons, M.D. has completed an orthopaedic surgery residency at Mount Sinai Hospital and an orthopaedic sports medicine fellowship at Lenox Hill Hospital, both in New York City. During his fellowship he worked with the New York Jets, New York Islanders, and Division I and II college soccer and basketball teams. He has training in the latest arthroscopic treatments for shoulder problems and knee ligament reconstructions. His office is in the Guam Medical Plaza in Tamuning.
By Hernalin Analista
Although the style tips will cease when the final curtain is drawn, we hope that our last issue of “The High Road” will impart life-long lessons that will extend far beyond the shelf life of the magazine. That being said, we’d like to pass on the torch and encourage you to invest in your own personal style and to always bring out the best in you. Here’s how you can continue to make your mark.
0 Donny Borja is wearing a white jacket with matching white slacks by INC. He sports a blue long sleeved shirt that is also by INC and an aqua tie by Alfani.
Style lesson #1:
Take healthy risks. Our style tips have repeatedly instructed you to experiment with color, proper fit, different patterns, and rich textures. When you exercise the courage to try something new or different, you can begin to appreciate your potential and see the opportunity for growth. Let the development of your own style serve as the catalyst for change and positive transformation.
[ Becky Espinosa is wearing a knit shirt by Moringue, vest by Woodleigh MKSTY, boot-leg cut black jeans by Hudson, pewter bangle bracelets by M Style Lab, and necklace by Betsy Johnson 1 JR Romero is wearing a dark blue jacket by Kinder Agguguie, blue shirt by Denim Rash, and jeans by Guess.
Style lesson #2: Be your greatest creation. Achieving great style is not just about the clothes. It’s about how you take what you know of yourself —your size, your shape, your personality and using that knowledge to masterfully create a look that radiates confidence, poise, and sophistication. Imagine yourself as the artist; your body is your canvas; and your clothing, shoes, accessories make up your palette. You have the distinct task of utilizing all these elements to produce your prized work. 0 Mags Sablan is wearing a snake print dress by Michael Kors, silver dangling earrings by Lucky Brand, and bangle bracelets by M Style Lab. ] JR Romero is wearing an orange hooded jacket, a striped polo shirt, and brown cargo pants that are all from the Polo Ralph Lauren clothing line.
Style lesson #3: Be comfortable in your own skin. Coco Chanel said it best when she said that fashion is architecture, it is a matter of proportions. You don’t have to be a certain size or shape to look good in your clothes. You simply have to understand how clothes fit your body best. When you take the time to learn about the three F’s of fashion: fit, flatter, and forgive, you can adopt them as rules to live by. After all, we should learn to love the body that we’re in and embrace any perceived imperfections.
1 Ele Magdael is wearing a blue opal dress shirt by INC, solid black tie by Alfani, and black slacks by INC.
1 Caroline Sablan is wearing a military green shirt by Michael Kors, a sweater vest by Alfani, darkwashed denim jeans by Joe’s, and gold earrings by Betsey Johnson.
Style lesson #4: Don’t underestimate the importance of a winning smile, great posture, and a self-assured attitude. Sporting the latest fashion does not automatically earn one the title of having great style. Rather, the honor of having remarkable style is bestowed upon those who not only dress the part, but can also carry out the look as well. May your experience in taking “The High Road,” lead you to soar to greater fashion heights!
0 Lita Magdael is wearing a faux leather jacket by Studio M, red embroidered top by Studio M, dark wash denim jeans by Michael Kors, gold chain necklace by Monet and round gold earrings by Kenneth Cole.
CREDITS • Men’s and Women’s Clothing & Accessories: Macy’s • Venue: Hilton Guam Resort & Spa • Photography by: Eugene C. Herrera • Stylist: Hernalin Analista
Learning to Cope | June 2011 By Hernalin Analista
keep calm & carry on A personal story of anger management
Recently, my patience was tested when I attempted to perform a transaction through a drive-in teller at a bank. A woman driver in a luxury SUV was clearly parked in one of the parking stalls, and away from the transaction line. But in a matter of seconds, she pulled up behind me. She honked frantically and looked hysterical. She created such a disturbance that all who were lined up to perform their transactions took note. She then got out of her car and approached mine. “Excuse me,” she exclaimed, “but you were being very rude - I was supposed to be the next in line.” In my defense, I mentioned to her that I was unaware of her placement because she was situated in a parking stall. But of course, she was too irate to listen to my explanation and appeared more interested in picking a fight rather than reaching a compromise. Naturally, her attitude evoked so much anger in me that I, too, was boiling with rage. As a result, I maintained my position in line despite her belligerent protests.
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In response, she then inched her way into the little space between the drive-through teller window so that she could cut right in front of me. I was faced with a decision— fight for my position in the line and cause a potential collision or exercise social responsibility and not stoop to her level. I chose to take “the high road.” Weighing heavily in my mind were my children. They were in the car, and I was concerned that if I mirrored this woman’s inappropriate behavior, I would be setting the wrong example for them and also put them in harm’s way.
Although that decision to yield dissipated further conflict with the woman, I still felt very much upset and victimized by an emotionally unstable person. She exhibited road rage and had no qualms about causing injury to others or damaging property, as long as she had the pleasure of getting her way. There are some flaws in our system that give these hot-headed, tantrum-throwing people the perception that the louder they kick and scream, the less likely people would want to aggravate them and hence give them what they want. While the bank’s security personnel eventually came out to assess the situation, they only talked to me and avoided the woman who exhibited all the road rage. This woman got away with her reckless behavior. Yet, there are greater lessons that I and others can take from this experience. We can respond to the injustices of the world without having to compromise our own dignity and respect. This article is just one example. We can turn a negative situation into a positive one by channeling our anger to do something constructive rather than become destructive. Unlike the woman I encountered, I have not chosen to use aggressive tactics in dealing with conflict, but to utilize the power of the pen to engage in the healthy expression of anger. In doing so, I am able to put my experience into perspective and impart some insight onto others about the merits of being the better person. Anger is an emotion that all of us experience, however, we have the choice to either let it overcome us or choose to overcome it. Consequently, how you choose to deal with your anger will affect how you feel about yourself and how others will also view you. Anger can bring out the worst in
us when we refuse to recognize, even appreciate, the need to humble ourselves. From this experience, I saw how this woman allowed her pride to get in the way of conducting herself in a respectful manner. Whether it was the kind of car she drove, the clothes she wore, or the resources she had that gave her a sense of self importance, she still could not disguise the obvious flaws in her character. This became apparent in her hostile actions. What is even more disappointing is that she appeared ignorant of her own behavior. She may have made all the attempts to try to get her way, but nothing she did or possessed at that point would have earned her any respect. During the time that the woman got out of her car and confronted me, she accused me of being rude and questioned the kind of example I am setting for my children. Well, to answer her question, I'm teaching them a greater lesson on humility. When you allow your anger to further fuel your arrogance, you rob yourself of the opportunity to win the respect of others. Ironically, this woman became angered because she thought that she was being disrespected, yet she was blind to the fact that her obnoxiousness perpetuated others' lack of respect for her. I hope my example doesn’t only rub off on my children, but on her as well. When you take the road less traveled, you reap the benefits of being the better person who can look proudly at yourself in the mirror with a clear conscience. The fact that you behaved in a dignified manner earns you the respect of others. Victory does not come any sweeter than this. ■
Good Works | June 2011
Help for the weary The GMH Volunteers Association eases burdens By Jill Espiritu
his last Father’s Day was exceptionally tough for Chris Campos. His father, Antonio M. Campos, was only 50 years old when he passed away from complications due to colon cancer, a tumor in his digestive tract and internal bleeding — just two years ago. “My father’s death really hit me hard,” Chris Campos says, with his voice cracking a bit. “My whole family took it hard, too, actually—and we still do. Special occasions and during the holidays is when it’s most stressful. “I would say my mom felt it the most. For her, it’s a double—actually a triple whammy. There’s Father’s Day, then her birthday, then their wedding anniversary all in just a matter of weeks,” he adds. Antonio Campos was diagnosed with his condition the same year he passed away. He had spent five straight nights at the Guam Memorial Hospital before the fateful day. During his father’s time in the hospital, Chris remembers spending time at GMH, engaging in crossword competitions with his family, all the while keeping the elder Campos company.
It was extremely difficult for the Campos family to accept their patriarch’s diagnosis and eventual death. Members of the GMH Volunteers Association (GMHVA) helped them cope with the tragic time following Antonio Campos’ diagnosis by visiting the family and their ailing father at the hospital and after, lending support following his death.
The association's Mission “Our mission is to support the patients, staff and the hospital in general—to enhance the quality of health care,” says Lulu Duenas, current president of the GMHVA. “We are a ‘working organization’—we have one activity right after the other to raise funds to support the hospital. The members of the organization are all volunteers and donate their time and resources to successfully support our mission.”
“The community has been very generous,” Duenas says. There are about 100 active members who don the pink vest to represent the organization. Since its inception in 1965, the organization has raised over $6 million and members have donated more than one million volunteer hours, Duenas says. improving lives Recent achievements include the purchase of a specialized ultrasound machine for prostate cancer detection for patients and sleeper chairs in rooms for patients’ family members. Funds raised also go toward paying for services, including cable television in rooms and waiting areas. The organization also runs the hospital gift shop and provides other direct services. The organization members continuously coordinate many fund raising events, including their annual Charity Ball and their popular Thanksgiving Raffle. Recently, the group launched a cookbook with recipes from volunteers and hospital staff.
In addition to the volunteers’ work with the organization, the generosity of the community helps a great deal with successfully supporting the hospital.
The organization always welcomes new volunteers with very simple requirements—a desire to help and a one-time fee of $15 to help offset the costs of the group’s pink, distinguishing vests. The group can be contacted by calling the hospital gift shop at 647-2168.
Gratitude Chris Campos is grateful for
the group’s help when his father was in the hospital. “I always got the feeling from them that they really cared about us,” he says. “They always showed up to greet my dad, and after he died, they helped out my mom—assisting her cope with the tragedy by sitting down to speak with her and reassuring her.” Although this Father’s Day Chris was busy at work at the Hilton Guam Resort & Spa, it’s the same place he has one of the fondest memories of his late father. “My dad never liked staying at hotels—he always liked his own bed,” Chris says. “He didn’t like swimming in pools either. One Father’s Day though, we celebrated at the Hilton and he actually did things he wouldn’t normally do—and he enjoyed it. I remember also being a bit upset that time, too—I mean, who brings a (fishing) net to a hotel and catches manahak at the beach? Overall it was good — the whole family was there just spending time together while celebrating Dad on Father’s Day. It was a good time,” he adds.
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Getting Active | June 2011
XTERRA GUAM: Motivating athletes By Peter Lombard, M.D. and Gabe Lombard
Guam’s idyllic outdoor scenery is perfectly suited to host a race in the prestigious XTERRA World Tour of off-road triathlons. The XTERRA events take athletes off the asphalt and onto the trails, which is how they differ from “regular” triathlons. The XTERRA Guam course—a 1 km ocean swim, followed by a 31 km mountain bike, and finishing with an 8.2 km trail run—challenges even the most experienced triathletes. But with the right preparation, even first time triathletes can safely complete the daunting course and come away with a profound feeling of accomplishment. For beginners it can be an intimidating prospect, but the truth is that just about anyone can run a triathlon, even those who haven’t been working out for years! And you don’t have to train 10 hours a week to get there. In fact, if you can devote just two to three hours a week to training, you can be ready to run a short distance triathlon. This can be a great way to kick-start a new workout routine and healthier lifestyle.
SWIM If you’re not comfortable in the water, it might take a little more effort and time to get yourself ready. Potentially the most dangerous part of a triathlon is the swim section. You definitely want to be sure you can comfortably swim the full distance of your race without stopping. This can be breast stroke or crawl, but you don’t want to tire yourself out and get yourself in trouble in the open water. Bottom line: if you can swim 25 yards across a pool comfortably, then with just a little training you can improve your fitness level to swim the 250-500 yards of most short distance or “sprint” triathlons. Conversely, if you can’t even make it across the pool, you will be better off taking swimming lessons before embarking on a triathlon training course. Open water swimming also introduces challenges of currents and sometimes high surf. Usually the swims are in fairly protected areas, but even an average swimmer should practice in the open water once or twice before the race. Swimming 2-3 times a week at the pool, and challenging yourself to make it further and further without taking breaks will 44 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
get you to the swimming fitness level that you need to finish the sprint distance swimming event. Even better would be to get some coaching tips from good swimmers, or sign up for lessons!
BIKE Biking can be a tough sport to break into. For starters, you need a bike! I have seen people train exclusively on a spinner or exercise bike, then borrow a bike and helmet for race day. Of course this is not ideal, but hopefully it gives you some perspective. It is perfectly fine to borrow a bike to train and race, until you have the means and desire to get one of your own. Be sure to get your bike inspected or tuned up if it hasn’t been ridden in a while. Road cycling can be dangerous, especially on busy streets and in the rain. It would behoove you to start riding with a friend or
a group of riders to get the hang of it. Obey traffic laws, stay as far on the shoulder as possible, be visible, and wear appropriate bike wear and safety gear. If you’re bold enough to try an off-road triathlon like XTERRA Guam, a solid mountain bike is required, and you’ll definitely want to practice a few times on the red dirt trails of Guam. It would be best to find somebody that knows the trails for your first few times.
RUN You will need to build your jogging base so that you can comfortably run the triathlon distance comfortably. Typically jogging 2-3 days a week for 20-30 minutes is sufficient training for a sprint distance triathlon. Trail running is a little different, and for an XTERRA event you’ll want to spend a few sessions jogging on trails to prepare yourself for uneven terrain,
and steeper climbs and descents than seen on the pavement.
Putting it together Once you’re comfortable training in each individual sport, you can put together a schedule that incorporates all three. A suggested routine would be to run Mon/ Wed/Fri 15-30 minutes, swim Tue/Thurs 15-20 minutes, and bike on one weekday, as well as on Sunday for 30-60 minutes. Of course rest is important as well, so don’t be afraid to take off one of those running days, or combine 2 sports on one day to give you a day off here and there. One day off a week is recommended, and if you’re increasing your training times, remember not to increase by more than 10% per week, either in distance or duration.
THE FIRST TIME Local competitors Gabriel Lom-
bard and Julie Mages recount their experiences in their first ever XTERRA Guam triathlon. Growing up, “Gabe” Lombard was an accomplished studentathlete at St. John's School and at the University of Hawaii. He had previously declined invitations to join one of the weekend triathlon events hosted by the Guam Triathlon Federation. Fortunately, he had both a swimming and running background, but even so he felt uncomfortable trying a triathlon competition. Gabe is a real estate agent with the Captain Real Estate Group.
goal, simply by signing up. Gabe’s inexperience on the trails led to some hairy moments. “I had no idea what was in store for me,” he recounts. Abrasions and scars were the only physical impressions left on his body from the numerous falls he took trying his best to stay upright over the bike course. And he still had a trail run to complete. The 8.2 km course traverses Guam’s infamous swordgrass, up and down ravines, down waterfalls and river sections, and finishes along the beach, forcing athletes to dive and dodge Banyan
0 ON THE MOVE: Julie Mages bikes through the mountain leg of the XTERRA. Photo by Cameron
[ Cutting Through: Gabe Lombard (foreground), swims the water leg. Photo by Takamitsu Usami,
O'Neal, courtesy of XTERRA.
courtesy of XTERRA.
Julie Mages, 28, has been on Guam for almost 3 years. She works at NAVFAC Marianas as a Construction Management Engineer. She was an all-around athlete growing up, playing soccer, running track and cross country in high school, and skiing. She came to Guam with about 10 years of mountain and road biking experience, and has greatly enjoyed racing locally in cycling races and triathlons. But one race, the XTERRA, continued to elude her. With the encouragement of their friends and family, Gabe and Julie took their first step towards a new
tree roots to make it to the finish line. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about quitting,” he said. He probably wasn’t the only one who thought about simply stopping along the way and calling it a day. Gabe finished. Three hours and fifty-four minutes later after the gun sounded, he finished. Julie finished too, in four hours and thirty two minutes. For more information about XTERRA Guam and local cycling and triathlons events, visit xterraguam.com, triathlonguam.com, or guamcycling.com. ■
Peter Lombard, M.D., is a regular contributor for The High Road and is the only military ophthalmologist on the island. This was his 4th XTERRA triathlon since 2005. He competed at the XTERRA World Championships in 2006 in Maui. He placed 3rd this year at XTERRA Guam and will be representing Guam in a triathlon at the Pacific Games this fall. Gabriel Lombard is a past contributor of The High Road. He holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Exercise Science PrePhysical Therapy from Abilene Christian University.
Ask Dave | Finances | June 2011 By Dave Ramsey
Student loans or my dad's retirement?
Is it the right time to start giving back, or should I pay down my own debt? sary is just around the corner. My two oldest sisters made plans for a party without consulting the rest of us. Now, they want everyone to chip in $1,000 to help pay for things. I’m trying hard to get out of debt, and I just don’t have that kind of money right now. How can I be fair about this?
Dear Dave, I’m single, and I make about $70,000 a year. I’ve been able to set aside a nice bit of money in savings, and I’m paying off my student loans and car payment. One student loan is $4,000, the other is $30,000, and my car note is $21,000. Since I’m on the right track now, should I save up some for my dad’s retirement? He’s getting older, and he’s horrible with money. — Colby Dear Colby, Right now, you need to be getting out of debt, saving, and building wealth for you. As you do this you can choose to use some of your money to help family, friends, or your community, if you want. But just because you’re headed in the right direction, and being responsible with your money, is no reason to set up a “my dad’s irresponsible with money” account. In your situation, you need to be working the debt snowball. List your debts—and it’ll be easy since there are only three of them— from smallest to largest. For you, this means you’ll make minimum payments on the car and the big student loan while you attack the $4,000 loan with a vengeance. Scrape together every penny you can to throw at that thing, and once it’s paid off, take the money you were putting toward it, plus
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any other you can scrounge up, and knock that car out. It may take you a couple of years of rolling up your sleeves and really attacking these things, but you can do it! — Dave
Dear dave, My wife and I just relocated for my new job. Right now we’re renting an apartment, and we should make about $15,000 on the sale of our old house. Should we use the money from the sale of our house to pay off all our debt, or go ahead and use it as a down payment on a new home now? — Brian
Dear Brian, Traditionally, lots of people would tell you to use the money now to help save up for a down payment. The problem is that I’m not traditional at all. I love real estate, and I want you guys to own your own home
again. But even more than that, I want to see you two get out of debt and stay out of debt! I know this wouldn’t be a popular plan with some folks, but if you’ve got no debt – along with a decent, inexpensive place to hang your hat for a couple of years – you’ll be able to save money like crazy for a fat down payment. It will also give you time to become familiar with the area and find a place you both really like. When you lose the debt, Brian, you gain control of your largest wealth-building tool – your income. That’s when the fun begins! — Dave
Dear dave, I’m one of five sisters, and our parents’ fiftieth wedding anniver-
A $5,000 party is pretty big stuff. Since you weren’t asked about this ahead of time, and had no say in anything, fair would be for you not to pay a dime! That kind of planning without consulting the people involved and helping pay for the event is way out of line. Don’t let your big sisters lay a guilt trip on you, either. This has nothing to do with how much you love your parents. It has everything to do with communication and consideration, or in this case, a lack of these things on their part. Just let them know, in a firm but loving way, what your situation is right now. Tell them you’d be happy to chip in what you can, but it won’t be anything close to $1,000. And tell them next time to check with their little sisters before hatching up an expensive plan like this! — Dave ■
Dave Ramsey is a personal money management expert, popular national radio personality and the author of three New York Times best sellers – The Total Money Makeover, Financial Peace Revisited and More Than Enough. In them, Ramsey exemplifies his life’s work of teaching others how to be financially responsible. For more information visit www.daveramsey.com.
Parenting | June 2011 By Darlene Deloso-Stremmelaar
Playing it Safe and Smart Playport at the Agana Shopping Center gives parents new options
Every parent thinks of safety, cleanliness, and cost when it comes to seeking alternative areas for their children to play. Children seek play because of their explorative nature. Their motivation to play is evoked by the brightness of color, the multiple textures they see and touch, the sounds of other children at play and ranges of movement that they wish to experience. When all these wants and needs come together, Playport delivers. This was the dream that two sisters born and raised on Guam, Angela Mendiola and Sharlene Cruz, who are also mothers, thought about after their travels throughout Asia. Cruz’s family was stationed in Japan for seven years and when her sister’s family came to visit her there, the playground was a big part of making their time together enjoyable. They were exposed to Japan's indoor playgrounds that fascinated both the children and the sisters alike. Because they loved the indoor playgrounds so much, they wanted to bring the same experience to Guam. After all their hard work, their dream indoor playground “Playport” opened on May 1, 2011. “People have welcomed us and we’re proud to be the business that encourages families to become even closer and spend quality time together,” Mendiola says. Cruz add, “We want parents to be able to spend time with their children and see how much imagination and creativity their child can show them when given the right setting." Playport is located on the second floor of the Agana Shopping Center and you can't miss it. It’s visually stunning and the voices of laughter from parents and children are what makes this indoor playground exceptional. They have a trolley line, six different slides, a bouncy house to let loose the wildest of energies, a basketball hoop, colorful balloon alley, toys to engage the most creative of imaginations, walk throughs and crawl spaces that lead to exciting adventures and more. To ensure that all children and
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parents enjoy their play time safely, Playport guarantees that the indoor playground meets the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) requirements, and their playground surfacing has met the requirements of The American Society for Testing and Materials (ASTM). Playport employees are CPR and First Aid Certified with the American Red Cross. Mendiola further explained that employees are also involved in educational training to ensure that the needs of all their patrons are met. The indoor playground has only been open for a little over a month and employees have attended training on “Safe Play” and training on understanding special needs children so that their play time is both safe and fun. If you’re a parent that has trouble getting around the play grounds for whatever reason,
Playport employees will help make sure your child is looked after. It is equally important for parents to know that Playport safely sanitizes their equipment throughout the day and that the carpet is steam-cleaned daily. Even with these specifications in place, Playport is affordable to everyone. “It was part of our business plan to ensure that parents could afford to take their children here," Cruz says. "Everyone should have the opportunity to give something special to their children without feeling that they have to spend a fortune to make their time with their children spectacular." The playground is open to children 9 years of age and below, and admission is free for children that have not reached their walking stage. Playport also offers different party packages for your child’s
birthday and will help execute any game activities you have planned for that day. There is also a food package available to help make the event planning easier. If you just want to set up a play date with your child’s closest friends, Playport will help make it possible. Come rain or shine Playport offers a window for parents to see that play is an important part of every child’s well-being as well as the importance for parents to be a part of it. In Mendiola’s words, “It’s a joy to see parents getting involved with their children and relishing in the moment. Just being there makes a big difference. It’s a beautiful thing, and we are blessed to be able to make it happen.” ■
Home Promotionals | June 2011
Garage Doors—Beauty, Strength & Security By Ken Limtiaco Bedrock Construction Materials www.bedrockguam.com
Garage doors provide a high level of curb appeal. Gone are the days when you would see the rusty bicycles and unused weight bench when you drive up to someone’s home. These can now be neatly tucked away in the garage and covered by attractive garage doors. Additionally, as our resident population becomes more diverse, particularly with the impending military build-up, the expectation that homes should have garage doors may become
quite high. Here's several buying tips to help you select the right garage door.
Strength First and foremost in most buyers’ minds would be the strength of the door. We live on an island that’s prone to devastating typhoons and those of us that have experienced one can attest to the strength of a Supertyphoon on Guam. Most US manufacturers will make a special line of doors that meet the worst wind conditions experienced in the mainland. Manufacturers of these types of garage doors will provide a certification that the door you’ve purchased meets the Miami Dade requirements and you should insist on receiving that when buy your door. Of course, there are “standard” type garage
doors that don’t meet these certifications and will cost you a little bit less. However, the extra investment you make will provide you with peace of mind and add to the value of your home.
external light to get into your garage. You can choose a wood door, a wood composite door, a steel door (typically the only ones Miami Dade Certified), or a fiberglass door.
Secondly, garage doors come in a variety of colors and designs. Over the past year or so, I've only seen white garage doors. This may be because white is a very neutral color and really goes with any color of exterior paint. Bear in mind though that you can choose from a rainbow of colors. The designs available are also varied. You can choose from a plain paneled door to one that looks like a “barn door” complete with old school handles (only there for aesthetics). Additionally, you can opt for glass inserts throughout the various panels to add a unique look to the door as well as providing for
The last factor is to ensure your home will physically accommodate a garage door. Some homeowners are renovating their existing open air carport with the hopes of installing a garage door. There are certain clearances on the sides and the top of the garage opening that need to be met in order to properly install a garage door. Call or visit one of the local dealers here on island to get the measurements that you will need. A garage door will certainly add to the curb appeal and overall value of your property. It not only presents a cleaner look but also adds to the security of your home. ■
Edge Realty Advice By Alfredo Bustamante Principal Broker & Owner Edge Realty (Owner), (Veteran) BBA/EPA Certified/Short Sales & Foreclosures Specialist/ EPRO/CRS/ABR/Realtor
Real estate agents like to say that the three things that determine the value of a house are location, location and location. But we also talk a lot about curb appeal, the impression a house gives when you first approach it. It also helps determine the value of your home. Many of our home buyers eliminate homes from their options quickly if the initial vi-
sual impression is not impressive, especially when looking at a home valued at $350,000 or above. For this reason, it is important to enhance the curb appeal of your home prior to listing it for sale. Keep in mind that potential buyers will see your home differently than you do. A large percentage of our clients decide whether or not to look inside a house or take it seriously based on its curb appeal—the view they see when they drive by or arrive for a showing. You can help make sure they want to come inside your house by spending some time working on its exterior appearance.
In thinking about curb appeal ask yourself, "How does the driveway look?" If it is weathered and gray, it might be a good idea to re-pave it with an asphalt sealer. This will give the
front of the home a new and more attractive entrance. Yards and planting areas can
Continued next page 1
Home Improvement | June 2011
HAVING A NICE Curb appeal LAWN ON GUAM Continued: By Russell F. Young, CGCS
One of the biggest factors in growing healthy turf grass anywhere in the world is the composition of the soil it has to grow in. Most of Guam's top soil is clay, on which it is fairly easy to grow grass. Clay holds moisture and nutrients very well and is well suited for plant growth. It’s always recommended to have a soil test done on your yard prior to planting your lawn. This can be done by taking several different samples from the top three inches of your soil. Mix them all together and put about two cups of the mix into a bag. This sample can be taken to the University of Guam or to a soil lab to be tested. They would need to check the ph levels, soluble salts, nitrogen, phosphorus, and potassium which will tell you what your soil needs and how much of it to support turf growth. The soil amendments can then be added to the soil and roto-tilled into the top six inches. Two things you need to consider before planting are irrigation and the type of grass. The benefit of irrigation is that you will never need to drag hoses around the yard. Also, a sprinkler system is very accurate and only applies a scheduled amount of water.
On island, you have to choose a warm season grass. Here are some options: • Zoysia Tenufolia or (Japanese Grass): The grass has a slow growth habit, is very drought tolerant and, once it's established, is very durable. It has to be propagated from sprigs or stolens as it is not available in seed form. This grass takes a long time to establish, but worth it in the long run. • Centipede Grass: Available from seed and is sometimes called the lazy man’s grass. It has low fertility and maintenance requirements and requires less mowing than Bermuda and St. Augustine. • St. Augustine Grass: Requires more fertilizer and maintenance and the mowing height can be 1-3 inches and needs to be mowed weekly. • Sea Spray Paspalum: It can survive with very little amount of Nitrogen; however it does need potassium and other minor nutrients to stay healthy. It can also be used in salt affected areas and can be watered with salty water. • Bermuda Grass: Common on the golf courses. It requires more fertilizer and maintenance but can provide a nice lawn if you are willing to do the work required. ■
50 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
be one of the most attractive features of a home and should not be overlooked. It is not difficult to create a beautiful yard or gardens with just a little bit of time and expense. Now that your yard is in order, let's consider the home itself. A new coat of paint will always give a home a greater appeal. You may wish to tailor the colors of your home to your own ideals, but remember that not everyone has the same taste as you do, and what you think is "individual," others may see as undesirable. So sometimes its better to play it safe with a neutral color. With all of these elements to consider, your yard and home should be in pretty good condition to sell. Remember, you deserve to get the most out of the sale of your home, so don't sell yourself short and please call us if you need a second opinion or if you have questions or need advice. We will be able to provide you with free and sound advice so you can be assured that your home will be sold faster! ■
Dining Out | June 2011
institution in Japanese cuisine Top quality authentic Japanese cuisine, an inviting ambiance, and professional, friendly service are all included with your sensibly priced meal at Issin Restaurant.
For over 25 years, many generations of local families have frequented the restaurant, now located at the Westin Resort Guam—its fourth location. The first Issin Restaurant opened in April 1986 and the restaurant moved to its current location in 1997. “There are many local families that enjoy the restaurant,” says Tamotsu (Tom) Iizuka, president of Iizuka Corporation, Inc. which owns the restaurant. “I’ve seen even third generation family members of some of my guests from when the restaurant first opened.” The restaurant caters mostly to tourists and local business professionals. Issin features a variety of dishes from small Japanese appetizers, to sushi and sashimi, and teppanyaki among others. From Mondays to Saturdays, the restaurant features a special lunch set for under $20.
“Many guests like teppanyaki. It’s popular here because the food is not greasy, the portion is adequate and everything is freshly cooked and tasty.” For meat lovers in particular, all beef selections on the menu are prepared with Certified Angus Beef, including teppanyaki beef dishes. Issin also serves Koshihikari rice, which is arguably the best rice in Japan. Seafood for sushi and sashimi are brought in directly from the world-renowned Tsukiji Market in Tokyo, Japan. Special appetizers include smoked mahi-mahi, and the list goes on. Food is prepared by the restaurant’s devoted kitchen staff, all of whom have dedicated at least ten years of their lives perfecting the restaurant’s dishes. The rest of the current team at Issin has been serving guests for about ten years, too, Iizuka says. For Iizuka, he enjoys small Japanese delicacies and appetizers at the restaurant. Iizuka’s family is crazy for the restaurant’s sushi, he says. Certain types of sushi can be ordered as rolls or hand rolls and are specially prepared to order. For spicy tuna in particular, you can
52 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
D IMAGES OF TASTE A. Assorted Tempura. B. Smoked Mahi Mahi. C. Chicken and Shrimp Teppan-Yaki D. Seafood Salad.
order the regularly created rolls or opt for the special kind made only at Issin, which is torched lightly and then topped with spicy mayo and Sriracha sauce to give the sushi a special spicy kick. Iizuka has lived on Guam for the last 40 years. He first came to Guam in 1972 from Hilton Tokyo to assist in the opening of Hilton Guam Resort & Spa as a beverage supervisor. He assisted with banquets, the Tree Bar, Galleon Grill and Islander Terrace. He later was appointed to head Genji Restaurant. His last post at Hilton Guam Resort & Spa was Food and Beverage Manager. His ultimate goal was not to ascend the ranks at Hilton hotels
around the world, but to open his own restaurant. He left Hilton Guam Resort & Spa in August 1985 and opened Issin just eight months later. “In the future, if the economy gets better, I may open another restaurant,” Iizuka says. Regardless of when that new restaurant will open, both local residents and tourists can satisfy their cravings for top quality authentic Japanese cuisine at Issin Restaurant. The restaurant is open for both lunch and dinner. Lunch is served Monday to Saturday from 11:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. and dinner is served from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. ■
Parenting | Good Causes | June 2011
Hope & Determination
Family finds strength fighting a rare disease By Juvy Gao-ay Cariño
ive-yearold Gavin Marquez is a fighter. For most of his life, he's been poked and prodded by all kinds of doctors. Gavin isn't able to walk, talk, or eat like other children his age. Yet, he perseveres, inspiring his parents and others moved by his struggle. Gavin has a rare genetic disorder called Tay-Sachs Disease. Symptoms include blindness, delayed development, seizures and paralysis. Gavin lives in San Diego with his parents, former Guam residents Jannelle and Ferdinand Marquez. "My son inspires me in so many ways and reminds me that truly, life is precious," Jannelle says. Gavin was born a normal baby on November 13, 2005, but began showing delayed development thereafter. At 3-years-old, his parents noticed that he was constantly falling down when walking and had difficulty swallowing. In March 2009, after years of testing and misdiagnosis, a pediatric neurologist finally broke the news to Jannelle and Ferdinand that their son had Tay-Sachs. The couple was devastated. "The emotions were so unbearable," Jannelle says. "It was al-
54 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
[ MARQUEZ FAMILY: Jannelle and Ferdinand Marquez of San Diego hold their children, 2-yearold Audrey and 5-year-old Gavin. Photo by Patrick Bondoc, Open the Light Photography most as if I just wanted to be a robot at that moment so that I can feel numb from the pain." There is no cure for the degenerative disease. According to the Cure Tay-Sachs Foundation, there is also no treatment for preventing the disease from taking its course. And, children who are afflicted often die young. While most carriers of the hereditary disease are among families of Eastern European Jewish descent, Gavin is the first Filipino child documented to have TaySachs. On a daily basis, Gavin is fed through a gastrostomy tube because he is unable to chew and swallow food. At least twice a day, he is strapped to a gait trainer to help him walk around while being pushed from behind. He is prone to getting pneumonia, so he wears a cough assist machine vest to keep his lungs clear from congestion. But, despite the emotional and financial hardship they face ev-
eryday, Gavin's parents continue to be hopeful and determined.
"To me, the hope is our fuel. It's what keeps me and Ferd going." "It reminds me constantly to look at Gavin's eyes and say, 'Hang in there my son, you'll be okay.' It inspires me to work harder to fight for the cause and to put an end to this disease." Gavin's parents and friends have held fundraisers to help pay for Gavin's expenses and to raise awareness and support for other children who have TaySachs. Most recently in May, they held a golf tournament in Santee, CA. For those who know the Marquez family, the campaign is simply known as, "Hope for Gavin." "Each time, we have spread awareness to familiar and new
faces," Jannelle says. "If we can inspire at least one person to help in Gavin's cause, then we have made a difference, but the biggest challenge is that [families dealing with Tay-Sachs] are two million dollars away from getting gene therapy clinical trials started so more efforts nationwide needs to be more intensified. We definitely need the help from our homeland." Jannelle was born and raised on Guam, graduating from Academy of Our Lady of Guam in 1996. Ferdinand graduated from John F. Kennedy High School in 1993. They both moved to San Diego to attend college in the late 1990s. The couple has a second child, Audrey, who does not have the disease. You can learn more about TaySachs and how you can help others afflicted with the disease by visiting www.ntsad.org or www.CureTay-Sachs.org. To find out more about Gavin and the Marquez family, visit their website at www.hopeforgavin.com.
Editor's Note | June 2011 COVER GALLERY
So Much Left to Say A farewell from The High Road
By Carlo Cariño, The High Road Editor
The High Road is ending. Thank you so much for reading. Thanks so much for following us to the finish line. Most of all, thank you for proving that Guam has an audience just like the people who make The High Road—who believe we should use the media to enrich people’s lives. When publisher Norman Analista and I first discussed starting the magazine in October, 2009, we spent plenty of time thinking about what it should be. We agreed—that above all else—readers should come away from each issue having learned something that would make their lives a little better. Based on all of your feedback and since our first issue, I’d say that we accomplished more than we ever thought we could. If you ever felt grateful for anything you’ve read in The High Road, trust me, the appreciation goes both ways.
SO MUCH TO LEARN In 19 issues, we tried to bring a diverse group of experts and enthusiasts together to show our readers that learning can be surprisingly fun and inspiring. Did you want to learn how to make Rambie’s Chicken Adobo like Nita Baldovino does? The recipe was in our July 2010 Food Issue. Did you want to know how to help your child cope with his or her learning disabilities? Deane Jessee-Jones provided such insight in her Bright Ideas Column. Did you want to know how to better communicate with your
Got it covered 1 Having designed
every cover since Issue 1, I'm glad to have worked with great photos from Eugene Herrera and Robert Tenorio.
spouse or children? You can thank columnists Dave Currie and the great contributors from Fathers.com for doing that every month. Did you need practical advice about living with less anxiety? Take a look back at our two April issues. Every month, Leo Babauta showed us how to manage stress and Live Easy. Dave Ramsey and Mike San Nicolas showed us how to make our money go farther. Our esteemed medical contributors, MaryLou Dulay, M.D.; Sean Fitzsimmons, M.D.; and Peter Lombard, M.D. gave readers answers to their most common and not-socommon medical questions. Amongst our most educational features were the fitness articles by Kat Barnett and Steve Oshiro. Many readers, some who've been profiled in previous issues, can credit Oshiro with putting them on the road to becoming a slimmer and healthier person.
Continued next page 1
Editor's Note | June 2011 Continued from page 56
So Much Left to Say: Beyond the cornerstone principle of advice, our dedicated team of writers took pains to find inspiring stories to tell about everyday Guamanians. Over the course of the last year and a half, I’ve come to understand that everyone’s personal story—if told correctly—contains
a lesson that can help sustain all of us through life’s ups and downs. The Guamanians who shared their stories of strength and perseverance in The High Road have helped others in times of crisis or demonstrated what it took to transform their lives for the better. Thanks to their stories, every issue served as an inspiration to someone. I'm proud to say that we've carried this dedication to sharing important human
stories through to this, our final issue.
SO MUCH MORE TO READ If the short life of this incarnation of The High Road has demonstrated anything to me, it’s that there’s no shortage of people interested in the efforts of others to get the most out of life. Here are some resources you can turn to online for further exploration— all of which I visit daily: www.zenhabits.net: Leo Babauta’s acclaimed blog about simplifying your life www.lifehacker.com: Tips and tricks for making everyday life a little easier though small adjustments. www.psychologytoday.com: Questions answered about why we act the way we do and suggestions on what might we do to make oursleves better. If you’re interested in my 100-pound challenge from the January 2011 issue (in which I declared my intention to lose
100-pounds in one year), you can still read my progress at www.100poundblog. com or www.itsjustcarlo.com.
The archives Just joining us? It's never too late to start. Visit our online archive at www. highroadmagazine.com to read most of the issues.
NEVER OVER Even though the magazine as we know it today is ending, the people behind the scenes still remain. We look forward—in whatever incarnation we can—to share more of The High Road spirit with you in the future. Good luck to you. Thanks for reading. ■ Carlo Cariño is the Editor of The High Road. He is a writer, illustrator, cartoonist, and graphic designer. He lives in Yigo with his wife, Juvy. You can follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/itsjustcarlo or view his blog at www.itsjustcarlo.com.
[ So long for now: Pictured above are a small portion of the people who made The High Road possible. From left (front row): Publisher Norman Analista and Editor & Designer Carlo Cariño. Second row: Contributors Hernalin Analista and Juvy Gao-ay Cariño, and Marketing Assistant Greg Esplana. Back row: Advertising Sales Janet Kerrebrock, and Contributors Darlene Deloso Stremmelaar and Frank Whitman. Not pictured: Staff Photographer and Supplemental Designer Eugene Herrera. Past and present contributors: Maresa Aguon; Leo Babauta; Kat Barnett; Maria Cenzon, Esq.; Maria Cooper-Nurse; Dave Currie, Ph.D.; JoAnna Delfin; Marylou Dulay, M.D.; Jill Espiritu; Sean Fitzsimmons, M.D.; Deane Jessee-Jones; Gabe Lombard; Peter Lombard, M.D.; Gregory J. Miller, D.C.; Steve Oshiro; MaryAnn Pangelinan; Dave Ramsey; Matt Sablan; Michelle Moyer; Mike San Nicolas; Christine Restuvog-Quinata; Gennette Quan-Simmons; and Faye Varias. 56 THE HIGH ROAD JUNE 2011
Published on Jun 21, 2011
Our Extra-Sized Final Issue. More than just goodbye, however. Still contains all the High Road Goodness you've come to expect. Thank you for...