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Game boy


Marc crosby on violent video games and supermarkets

amy Winehouse


almaz Messenger reviews posthumous album “Lioness”

Heythrop Students’ Union


Volume 2 Issue 4 Monday 12th December

Xmas Games!

the Lion keeps you entertained over the Xmas holiday!



Halls Conditions Cause Complaints • Student alleges “water was pouring down back wall” • Some argue for halls fees to be reduced to compensate Faye West Acting Features Editor A number of students in the Alban Halls, Heythrop’s on site halls of residence, have lodged complaints to the college regarding what they deem to be “unacceptable” showering facilities and “unsafe” conditions. Some residents living on the first floor of alban halls have reported that the showers have not been working to “acceptable standards” since at least october, during which time at least one of the showers has been out of action. the heythrop Students’ Union passed these complaints on to the college administration, had the shower fixed temporarily, but since then the showers broke again and the college has yet to act. It has been reported by some residents that using the shower on the first floor causes a leak through the floor into students’ rooms below. A ground floor student, who did not wish to have their

name reported, stated that “the water was pouring down the back wall of my flat. I didn’t notice that it was pooling under my wardrobe for days, it’s frankly unacceptable and just not safe”. The first floor residents have been using a single shower for both male and female students since mid october. the male shower has been out of commission for the past two months, fixed briefly for a few days but broke soon after. residents reported that shortly after the hall’s hot water had been fixed a sign was placed on the door to the shower requesting they use the showers on the floor above; this has been almost impossible since the start of last year, when residents’ student cards only granted access exclusively to the floor on which they live. One resident of the first floor called the situation “Unfair considering we have to pay to have these useless facilities, we are paying a lot for this” continuing to stipulate that “We should have a reduction in fees for every time the shower is out of action”. Continued on P2>

heythrop Sex Quiz causes “outrage” in religious Press Advertisement

Joshua White News Editor The Tablet, the international Catholic journal, has reported on the sex quiz organised by the Heythrop Students’ Union in November. as the tablet notes from the event’s blurb this was a quiz which “smashes into the quiet world of heythrop to challenge your expertise both mentally and physically”. but the major focus of the tablet’s article was on the adult content of the quiz and the prizes in contrast to the “catholic

ethos” of the college, with “its emphasis on ethics [and] interfaith relations”. the story came out through twitter when a heythrop Student - under the username @chinmj - tweeted about recieving an invite to the quiz through his college email. he responded via twitter with “Fellow heythrop students might wish to check their emails. catholics may wish to forward to their bishops..#stunned”. the quiz was then later tweeted about by both Luke coppen, editor of catholic herald, and riazat butt, religious affairs correspondent for the Guardian newspaper. John ord, the organiser and postgrad-

uate student of the college, was asked if the quiz ‘conflicted’ with the College’s values and he maintained that the quiz was an educational event in line with “bringing everyone together to learn from one another” quoting former heythrop Principal John Mcdade SJ. It should be noted that the former Principal has since made it clear the he does not wish his name to be connected with the quiz. the quiz itself was organised independently of the college and run by the heythrop Students’ Union. Gala Jackson-coombs, current hSU President, said of the quiz “I feel that it was a great success, everyone en-

joyed it and I recieved a great number of students thanking me for holding it. the event was organised entirely by the hSU and there was no cost due to it being funded by the sponsoring company. the students have a choice whether or not to attend hSU events so to my mind there is no conflict” thomas Mannion, a student ambasador, said “one of the hSU’s responsibilities is the Welfare of students this includes Sexual Welfare, although (as with all events) Students were encouraged to attend many chose not to.” Continued on P3>


Monday 12th deceMber | THE LION


Heythrop Staff Say Sorry for Halls Hot Water Interruptions


HOT WATER: above/below - Students’ evidence of Water damage and subsequent mould in Flat. Left - Sign put on first floor shower door. f t Y :

>Continued from P1

Please recycle your Lion at one of the many recycle bins around College

acting director of estates Fr. chris Pedley stated the reason the hot water had taken so long to fix is due to the company who service the boiler, Maracom, requiring a “new part” to be ordered and installed, which “unfortunately...was not delivered and fitted by Maracom until 11th november”. Fr. Pedley does continue to state that the “Maintenance team went into the boiler room, opened up the burner, cleaned the old nozzle and reset the

system every morning and evening to ensure that there would be hot water for the residents. We have been monitoring the situation but [have] not been aware of any further problems since Maracom replaced the offending part... We were sorry that there were interruptions to the hot water supply in the hall of residence and the Maintenance team worked very hard to try and minimise these interruptions while we were waiting for the part to arrive.” Fr. Pedley also stated that he had not heard of the case of water pouring into

The Editor-in-Chief alex hackett

News Editor Joshua White

Senior Editor John arthur craven ord

Acting Features Editor Faye West

Senior Editor Joshua Ferguson

Comment Editor ryan boyd

the Lion is the independent student newspaper of heythrop college, University of London. We distribute at least 1000 free copies during term time around campus and to popular student venues in and around Kensington. the Lion is published by hackJack Ltd. and printed by Mortons Print Ltd. all copyright is the exclusive property of hackJack Ltd. no part of this publication is to be reproduced, stored on a retrieval system or submitted in any form or by any means, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Culture Editor Francesca Gosling Sport and Societies Editor Joe Walsh

a students’ flat, but was willing to look into the case once the date of the students complaint is given. the alban halls is “run as a hall of residence under the Universities UK code of Practice”, a code which stipulates that students must have a “ a healthy, safe environment” with “timely repairs and maintenance”. This story will be available on the Lion Website so for futhur updates, please visit

Editorial Team



Please send your submissions to: the views expressed in this publication are those of the author and not necessarily those of the editors or of the heythrop Students’ Union. every effort has been made to contact the holders of copyright for any material used in this issue, and to ensure the accuracy of this fortnight’s stories.

Created by alex hackett and Gala Jackson-coombs © hackJack Ltd. 2010, 639 nell Gwynn house, Sloane ave, Kensington, London SW3 3be


Monday 12th deceMber | THE LION


heythrop Fascist barred from running at birkbeck SU

Joshua White News Editor Geoffrey Godber, former student of heythrop, has been refused from running for General Member of council at birkbeck SU due to his self-proclaimed Fascist views. Since leaving heythrop Godber founded the counter-democratic League, a fascist group which has distributed leaflets at Birkbeck in the past as well as business cards carrying the motto “Striving against democracy and the herd mentality!” the group also has a twitter page and a blog (both of which have since been taken down) which featured articles on benito Mussolini, a figure that the CDL has also held talks on. the cdL has been refused society status by the birkbeck SU. Geoffrey Godber stated that he ran in order to ‘improve’ the college with a proposed end to positive discrimination saying “I advocated the destruction of any position based upon such irrelevancies (to the academic world at least) as gender, sexuality or race.” he went on to add “Why should I, as a nondisabled person, have a right to vote for the ‘Disabled Members’ Officer’?” The campaign Godber launched for the General Member of council was met with a counter-campaign from students and he was eventually disallowed from continuing the bid for the position by the birkbeck college Students’ Union. In regards to the specific details of his political views Godber has told the Lion “I am a supporter and admirer of the economic and political policies of benito Mussolini, along with oswald Mosley, Francisco Franco and a few other historical figures of that period. however, it must be noted that above everything, submission to the catholic church is the only thing that will bring lasting unity and peace, this beyond all politics, is what I hold to.” he states these beliefs, as opposed to his policies, are the real reason that the counter-campaign was launched. ULU VP and executive of bcSU Sean rillo razcka has said “the student movement must resist this repulsive political stance, and that means explicitly and directly opposing fascists and racists on campus. Godber is a selfproclaimed Fascist, and he has no place in any students’ union. I am proud that birkbeck passed a no platform policy and Godber and his group of one were not allowed to be part of our Union... [N]ot sufficiently challenging hate speech in society has clearly lead to an increase in Islamophobia of late, so it is all the more important we campaign for real equality not the charade that everyone has the right to say what they wish without consequences.” In spite of the efforts of students to halt his bid for the position Geoffrey Godber has pledged to run again at birkbeck next year.

CHRISTMAS BALL: Students enjoying the heythrop Students’ Union christmas ball, held on the river thames. Photos: amy rollin

Sex Quiz Tweeted by Guardian and Catholic Herald

Heythrop Students Vote for Second Sabb at OGM

OGM Josh Ferguson Senior Editor

>Continued from P1 “I chose not to go because I personally disagree with the quiz and the nature of it. If heythropians did not want it there they could not attend and if no one attended there would be no quiz the following year.” but Mannion went on to say “I personally do feel there is a clash

of interest between the Sex quiz and the nature of the college as it does promote things against catholic beliefs but its not being done to be provocative.” he added “I think the issue here is that it was held on the ground that was owned by a catholic university. If it was held with the students in the Greyhound for example, they would not have a story.”

the heythrop Students’ Union held its first Ordinary General Meeting on 25th november in order to determine amendments to the hSU constitution and the structure of the Union executive in the coming year. the majority of the hSU exec were in attendance in order to give their reports of the year thus far, and to oversee the voting on the motions proposed by the exec and by students. the major proposal regarded the changes to the hSU constitution, the addition of a second sabbatical role and the changes to the hSU executive roles. this was proposed to those attending the oGM by hSU President Gala Jackson-coombs, and was passed with a majority. the other proposal that went through was the motion for the hSU to encourage the college to buy a vending machine for the benefit of postgraduate students. current hSU President Gala Jackson-coombs said of the oGM “I am very thankful to all those who came, and grateful that I got a chance to listen to some of the important issues, such as the problems in halls. I’d love to see a larger turnout next time, but I’m very thankful to all those who came and voted.”

MOTION BREAKDOWN Second Sabbatical Officer


Ask College For Vending Machine


Change HSU Voting from FPTP to STV


HSU to raise Halls issues with College


For more information on the Heythrop Students’ Union, or to raise something at the next OGM, visit the website at


Monday 12th deceMber | THE LION


This page was provided by the Heythrop Students’ Union








! N I JO



! E V I T U C E




Monday 12th deceMber | THE LION

FEATURE John Ord Senior Editor the hSU has undeniably come a long way from where it was five or even three years ago. the college granted the budget to allow a sabbatical officer and the exec (executive committee) has taken this and run with it. however, most people at heythrop are unaware of the strides made by the exec in these years. I was asked to interview the three sabbatical Presidents of the hSU to see if I could better relate these changes to the Union as a whole and see where the hSU could go from where it is now. For those of you who don’t know, the Presidents were (chronologically) ben Lund-conlon, James Johnston and Gala Jackson-coombs. to speak to ben is to speak to someone who not only knows what he’s talking about but also shows it naturally, taking time to consider each question posed to him and respond in the appropriate fashion. an ‘awful lot’ of ben’s job was mapping new ground for the exec, a burden that one should expect being the first sabbatical President should bring. It was no easy task, although he could learn from other colleges, ‘heythrop is of course unique and we had our own rather idiosyncratic issues to deal with so I did have to pretty much make it up as I went along.’ he was, however, quick to point out that he had foundations to build on that had been laid down by the execs before him; ‘Our predecessors had done fantastic work preparing the reshaping of the Union and securing the sabbatical position. It was our job to take this good work and figure out how exactly it should all function, thus laying the foundations for further developments by our successors, who would at least have some precedent to follow.’ When asked where he sees the exec progressing from where they are now, almost two years on, he stated ‘Well of course there is the hope of another sabbatical post next year… this can be nothing but a good thing for heythrop students, but if it does happen I think this year’s exec have got quite a job on their hands of not only defining the new role but redefining the non-sabbatical positions.’ James Johnston now works for the college as their Schools Liaison and Marketing assistant and is now, overall, in his fifth year at Heythrop so is in a better position than most to comment on how much we’ve changed over these years. When asked if he sees the hSU in a different light now that he’s involved with the college, he said ‘not in that much of a different light, I think a little bit of the sabb mentality will be etched on my soul until the day I die.’ Perhaps the main achievement of the previous exec was the drafting of a new constitution, taken on by Vice-President development chris nicholson, whose work James says was ‘fantastic…it was like his child… he did loads of work on charity law and bringing us into line with other SUs’. also born under James’ term, prepare music now, was the Lion newspaper (you know, that thing you’re reading now – nants ingonya…). not wanting to blow the trumpet too much, it’s a long way to imagine we’ve come from a bi-annual newsletter to a full print newspaper and this could not have been achieved without the support of the exec. When James was at the helm he felt there was ‘a really acute feeling of things evolving and taking shape’, which has carried on ben’s exec’s work and led onto Gala’s exec very nicely indeed. the current President, Gala, has the task of running the exec this year and was more than willing to give of

Three Wise Sabbs as the hSU executive begin to formulate a document outlining where the union will be in three years time, John Ord asks the last three hSU Presidents what they think the future has in store for the Union while reminiscing about their time in office James Johnston hSU President 10/11

her valuable time to contribute to this piece. She is the second of the sabbatical Presidents to have had previous experience of the exec, being a comms and Pubs appointee on James’ exec. this was time well spent, Gala stating that ‘I don’t think I would have run for the position, had I not been involved in the hSU the year previously’. considering the journey the hSU is embarking on, she said ‘I think every year the hSU has taken a massive leap forward’, ‘the hSU now is almost unrecognisable from what it was 5 years ago’ she says, keen to see more changes benefit the Exec and the Un-

Ben Lund-Conlon hSU President 09/10

ion as a whole; ‘This year should see the beginning of our move to charity status, our own bank account, an hSU shop front, a careers dinner with work experience, more intercollegiate nights out, and many more things.’ It has not all been plain sailing for this year’s exec, however. It’s a demanding job and they have lost a total of three officers in the first term. Speaking of these losses, Gala says that ‘every officer that we have lost have been exemplary in their position...the executive, with our newly elected officers, I believe is functioning very well together… and [speaking of the newly elected of-

ficers] incredibly lucky to have two such dedicated students working with us.’ evaluating the position of the exec, and the hSU as a whole, I can see that the growth the exec has undergone has been remarkable. the exec only had its first sabbatical officer three years ago and the benefits that this has brought the hSU are clear for all to see. now with obvious branding, a website, a series of defined officer positions, a new constitution, the beginnings of a move to financial independence from the college, a burgeoning society base and merchandise all over the place the Exec has grown into itself and is finding

Gala Jackson-Coombs hSU President 11/12

its feet, importantly so now that value for money and the student experience will be at the forefront of the college’s agenda with the rise in tuition fees. every year, the exec battles the great demon of student apathy, now holed up in the new fortress that is the alban Halls. In taking the time to find its own identity, the exec has readied itself to tackle connecting with the student body and, although it’s a hard battle to fight, the revision of the Strategic Plan is perfectly timed to see the exec and the hSU evolve again and continue to go from strength to strength over the next three years.


Monday 12th December | THE LION


Edited by Ryan Boyd |

A Call for Responsible Parenting 2nd year Undergraduate Marc Crosby gives us an insight into the life of a supermarket worker and how his experience has informed his view on violent video games. Marc Crosby 2nd year Undergraduate As a supermarket checkout drone I’m subjected to all types of bad manners from annoying customers, like one man who insisted he pay for his £150 worth of shopping all in pound coins, all while dressed in “festive” attire - it’s the Christmas season so my workplace have been inspired by the Santa look apparently. Of course if my employers are reading this, the best thing about my job is the unbelievably great management. But really, as a checkout worker there’s a lot to moan about: one customer I served suffered from such a sweat problem that each item was damp and sticky, and I was forced to use the moisture from his frozen goods to temporarily clean my hands – seriously, I was expecting Ant and Dec to show up and tell me that if I managed to put three more items through the till I’d win a meal for camp. The thing that annoys me most, however, is parents who buy video games - clearly rated 18 - for kids who are far too young. It’s not just the act itself that winds me up, but the fact that they seemingly are oblivious that they’re doing anything irresponsible. I’ll put through the till ‘Violent Generic War Game #3’ for an adult, and they’ll casually hand it to their four year old child to collect it ‘from the nice ladies over there’. As a worker your hands are tied; I can object to selling them the game if they’re buying it for their child but, apparently, the well-mannered, well-spoken middle-aged mother in front of me is a huge Gears of War fan. And it’s become apparent people don’t like people called liars, particularly when they are in fact lying. It seems important, to me at least, that age restrictions should be taken seriously. They are not numbers chosen arbitrarily, but instead, for the protection of those too young to be exposed to what’s on offer. So, the first reason I’m so deeply frustrated by parents pretending that age ratings don’t exist is that, frankly, I’d like to live in a society with as few sociopaths as possible. There’s clearly something not healthy I suspect even in adults but certainly as a young person at an impressionable age - in fostering the violent urges that some video games bring out. For example, Gears of War enables you to chainsaw in half humanoid-looking locusts (which, in a weird way is probably more disgusting that it sounds); frankly I find it disturbing that adults can get any joy out of such an action (and trust me when I say I’m taking no moral high ground here; when I play, sprinting across the battlefield and taking massive health damage purely for a grisly kill, it makes me feel warm inside) but imagine how it affects kids. Particularly apparent at the moment, given the recent release of Modern Warfare 3, is

how many kids are playing Call of Duty. Why the Call of Duty franchise is still a big deal, I can’t work out; the game design never seems to change, all you do is shoot things and its story seems to find its basis in a Cold War paranoia and is as engaging as watching paint dry (I was going to say watching Twilight, but I’ll give Call of Duty the benefit of the doubt on this one.) Call of Duty is to videogames what Michael Bay’s direction is to film; loud, annoying and a distraction from real innovation. In any event, the basis of enjoyment behind playing such a war game is simply the joy of the kill, indeed, killing without consequence. I sometimes worry that when (if?) I stand before God on the Day of Judgment, and he’s in a particularly bad mood, he may ask me to account for the thousands of virtual lives that I have mercilessly takenalthough he may ask me first to justify why I spent money on such a game in the first place whilst there’s real suffering my money could have genuinely helped relieve - I don’t want to get sidetracked, but if God is a massive socialist it’ll be just my luck! But really there is something very worrying about allowing children to play these kinds of games, particularly as they are becoming increasingly realistic. There certainly is evidence that prolonged exposure to violent videogames is damaging to children; with effects that include expressing themselves in increasingly violent ways and, according to the American Psychological Association, less ability to empathise. In 2004, Manhunt, an 18+ certificate videogame, was blamed as a reason behind the murder of fourteen year old. I don’t hold the view that games can cause people to kill, I think imitating a murder seen in a videogame in the real world says a lot more about the murderer than the game, but nevertheless playing a game wherein the main aim is to murder in sadistic and creative ways can’t help. A second reason why kids shouldn’t be playing adult videogames is that is has a negative effect on the videogame industry itself. It seems to me that there’s a greater awareness amongst parents that 18 certificate films shouldn’t be viewed by those not mature enough to handle the content. I can kind of see why, an adult movie (not the dirty kind) has a far greater liberty to what it can show on screen compared to a videogame. I’m certain that there are few, if any, videogames that can claim the depravity of Hostel, The Human Centipede or the Saw franchise films. Equally, films are taken in a more considered way; there’s a sense that some parents see gaming as purely a children’s activity and thus don’t recognize just how adult some games are. This sometimes causes the videogame industry to be criticised as a whole, as if every game should be designed with the idea in mind that kids will play it. It is not unusual to hear reports that Grand Theft Auto includes drug use and quite

Photo: sean dreilinger/

extreme violence, said as if these things have just crept their way into a Disney movie, completely missing the point that these are not games for children. This limits, in many ways, the content that can be shown in videogames. As videogames are taken increasingly seriously as an entertainment medium we’ll see increasingly mature content; one can only hope that parents will respond responsibly which will, in turn, speed up the process of videogames being seen as more than a past time for obese children. Furthermore, looking at the range of videogames available for serious children gamers is rather depressing. Nintendo alone can be said to be truly offering, in any sense of the word, a diverse range of games for youngsters, although if there anything like me they’ll find the Wii’s motion controls a

little annoying; I want to be immersed in a game, not pausing every five minutes to tighten my wrist-strap so the Wii-mote doesn’t go flying through my mum’s window, or getting savaged by my dogs for making sudden, bizarre unexpected movements (that may be a more personal problem.) But given the creative drought videogames are going through, with far too many dreary shooters with zero personality, if parents bought responsibly I suspect we’d see further investment in quality games for youngsters which can only be a good thing. I was raised on the great variety of family friendly games available on the Nintendo 64, and each had more charm and creativity in one level than most videogames out at the moment have in an entire franchise. I can’t offer practical ways in which we can increase parental responsibility,

other than emphasising the need for parents to spend time learning about their child’s hobby. Hopefully, as videogames are taken more and more seriously, parents will become increasingly educated about the need for purchasing responsibly. This will be for the good of both the child and the videogame industry as a whole. As a spokesperson for Rockstar, the company behind the Grand Theft Auto franchise, said last year ‘if you’re a parent and you buy one of our games for your child, you’re a terrible parent’; and let’s be honest, if you’re getting judged by a man involved in the creation of a game in which you can sleep with a prostitute then bash her over the head with a baseball bat, get your money back and then go on a killing spree…it’s probably time for some self-reflection.


Monday 12th deceMber | THE LION

A question of Faith...


Who Guards the Guardians?

Photo editor James Barber speaks to The Lion about his path to priesthood. Zahra Al-Kateb 2nd year Undergraduate

Photo: VISIon Vocation Guide/

James Barber Photo Editor So, this weekend I had my mind probed by some professionals as part of my application process for seminary, where the catholic church forms and trains men for the priesthood. thankfully, everyone, not just me, has to go through this examination before moving on to the Selection committee later in the academic year, where they tell us whether we’re admitted to seminary. It’s so they know exactly what they are letting themselves in for before they let you in; therefore the tests are very thorough. there are four areas they examine you on: personality, psychosexual, psychosocial, and spiritual - all over a period of three days with a feedback session at the end so they can tell you what they’ve found out. It’s not, as some might expect, an inspection of how catholic one is or a check specifically for madness or paedophilia (though they would find these things out) out of the fear of another scandal. It is, rather, so that the candidates for seminary and those who form him are made aware of strengths and weaknesses which might play a part while being formed for priesthood. Most people would be mortified at the very idea of someone asking over

800 questions about every facet of their lives, and understandably so. however, I found that the honesty they require of you is the same honesty we should always have with ourselves and others trying to help us. those who believe themselves called to priesthood are prepared to go through this experience, which for some people can be deeply humiliating, in pursuit of their consciences. but why does the church require candidates to undergo psychological analysis? Is it out of fear of another sex scandal? Or is it to torture men as much as possible into a guilt-fueled celibacy? In my experience it is so people who apply for seminary know they are truly able to do so in freedom from mental difficulties, moral corruption, or social conditioning (if you’re convinced you’re called to the priesthood just because all your friends and family say you are, they will find out rapidly). also it seems to give the candidates themselves the opportunity to share how they feel called and why, without fear of overstepping their mark. this opportunity given to us candidates allows us to move forward fully aware of their failings and weaknesses - so they can be resolved - and of their strengths and loves - which can help shape us into well-rounded catholic priests.

the Leveson Inquiry is an investigation that has been called for by the Prime Minister which aims to investigate the role of the press and the Police, particularly within the phone hacking scandal which took over the news during the summer of 2011. It intends to examine the relationship of the press to the public, scrutinizing the culture and practices of the media. Lord Justice Leveson, who was appointed chairman of the inquiry, has been assisted by a panel of six different individual assessors who have expertise in issues concerning the inquiry. Lord Justice Leveson opened the inquiry on Monday 14th november 2011 and said “the press provides an essential check on all aspects of public life. this is why any failure within the media affects us all. at the heart of this inquiry, therefore, may be one simple question: who guards the guardians?” the inquiry, under the Inquiries act 2005, has the power to summon witnesses. So far the range of witnesses have included Sienna Miller, Kate and Gerry Mccann, JK rowling, Max Mosley, bob and Sally dowler, hugh Grant and many more. the inquiry itself aims to make recommendations on the future of press regulation and governance consistent with maintaining freedom of the press while preserving the highest ethical standards. JK rowling, the author of the harry Potter series, was one of the many high profile celebrities to speak up for themselves at the hearings. She explained in her witness statement that she does not have any personal “vendetta against the press” and that she understands the vital role that the press plays in order to maintain a free and democratic society, claiming “as an author I strongly believe in freedom of expression”. She also praised some of the journalists who first interviewed her, explaining how she was treated with “kindness and respect”. She recalls an event where one journalist switched off his tape recorder to give advice and was supportive of her decision to keep her young daughter out of the spotlight, an incident she claims she will “never forget”. however, as the interest in the harry Potter franchise increased, she described how she and her family became victims of “a different kind of journalistic activity” which drove herself and her family out of their home, because of journalists banging on the door and sitting in parked cars immediately outside of her house. She explained how she believes her husband and children should not be deprived of living a normal life “simply because they happen to be related to someone who is well known and in the public eye”, describing how her husband is a General Practitioner and has no desire to live a “celebrity” lifestyle. one of the stories recounted was an occasion where a journalist put

a letter in her five-year-old daughter’s school bag. rowling said “I can only say that I felt such a sense of invasion. It is very difficult to say how angry I felt that my five-year-old daughter’s school was no longer a place of complete security from journalists”. because of incidents such as this amongst others, rowling claimed that she felt that she was forced to take actions against members of the press on several occasions through the Press complaints commission (Pcc) and through the law. Other high profile speakers who were involved in the inquiry were Kate and Gerry Mccann, parents of missing Madeleine Mccann. Gerry Mccann claimed that since their daughter went missing whilst on holiday in Portugal in 2007, his family have become victims to some of the most “sensationalist, untruthful, irresponsible and damaging reporting”. he explained their reasoning for initially engaging with the international media was due to the fact that Madeleine’s kidnappers could possibly smuggle her out of the country given that the Spanish border was only 90 minutes away. during the early days, they agreed to be filmed going about their normal day to day activity (although Gerry Mccann stated that they acknowledged that they were likely to be filmed regardless of whether they consented or not). Initially they believed their relationship with the press worked well, until it became apparent that the media began to increasingly focus on Kate and Gerry Mccann as opposed to missing Madeleine. he explained how his family suddenly became headline news as the media focus intensified, with journalists in Praia da Luz from all over the world. he also explained how journalists huw edwards and Sir trevor Mcdonald were both also in Praia da Luz in the early days and requested interviews for bbc and ItV. he claimed that both he and Kate expected the media attention to become less intrusive but it began to get worse “day by day”. he described how he “cannot put into words how hurtful it was to read some of the articles” recounting an incident where the London evening Standard wrote in its 7 September 2007 paper “Police believe mother killed Maddy”. other articles they felt suggested that he and Kate were “swingers”, criticising their lack of parenting. Mr Mccann described this type of journalism “unforgivable”. he told how he and his wife received hate mail including death threats which he believed were “largely attributable to these articles and the reporting of the investigation”. another incident he described was when the family returned from Portugal to find several photographers camped outside their home in order to get up-to-date pictures of the family, despite their appearance not having changed at all. they would often bang on car windows to provoke a reaction when he and Kate would leave the house with their twins, prompting their daughter to say “mummy, I’m scared”. both Kate and Gerry Mccann described

their anger at how the press implied several times that Madeleine was dead, when in fact “there is no evidence to suggest that she has been seriously harmed at all”. he said it was very difficult to properly explain how he and Kate felt as a result of these articles. the witness statement of Sally & bob dowler displayed similar problems regarding the press. their thirteen-yearold daughter Milly went missing in March 2002, but it was only until six months later in September 2002 that they discovered that she had been murdered. Her killer Levi Bellfield was convicted of Milly’s murder on 23 June of this year. this, along with the recent phone hacking scandal, has caused the case to remain largely of public interest despite the fact that the incident took place almost 10 years ago. Sally and bob both explain in their witness statement the incidents surrounding Milly’s voicemails. In the preceding days and weeks, they had both been frantically calling Milly’s phone. Unable to get through to her they were always directed to voicemail where they had left several messages for her. this resulted in her voicemail inbox becoming full. every time either tried to ring, they would hear an automated message telling them that the inbox was filled and that they should try again later. yet despite this Sally, bob and their daughter Gemma continued to call her phone constantly, dialling the phone many times and hearing the usual message. on one occasion Sally dialled the number and was shocked to hear Milly’s voice – she had got through to her personal voicemail message. She described that in that moment, she was “so elated to think that there was a possibility that Milly had accessed her voicemail and was therefore still alive”. on april 1st 2011, just weeks before the criminal trial involving Levi bellfield began, the Dowler family received a phone call from the Metropolitan Police saying that they would like to see them. there they explained to them that the news of the World had hacked into Milly’s phone in 2002 and had accessed the voicemails left by Milly’s family. Sally and bob described themselves as “sickened and shocked at the thought of it” claiming it was “a horrific ordeal for all of us”. It has to be asked what effect the Leveson Inquiry will have on privacy. allison Pearson of the telegraph writes that she is sickened by the newspapers that have been “breaking and entering into private grief”. Suzanne Moore of the Guardian writes that it is the responsibility of readers not to read the kinds of articles which infringe on people’s lives. one can only hope that the Leveson Inquiry is able to come up with better and sustainable regulation. the media has become an unchecked power that has created this culture where not even the blameless dead are safe from some of the vile tabloid newspapers. the media simply has too much unaccountable control. the inquiry continues.


Monday 12th deceMber | THE LION


Optimistic but not Reassured ex-hSU VPc Philip Woods replies to the hSU President on tuition fees.

“Journalism dies as False Fact Hack Rats caught with pants down in legal hearing”

The Men That Can...

Photo: ssoosay/

Photo: Official Star Wars Blog/

Sam English Ex-HSU VP Campaigns

Photo: Monika ciapala/

Philip Woods Ex-HSU VP Campaigns I found it very interesting to read in (heythrop Students’ Union (hSU) President) Ms. Jackson-coombs’ response to my previous article on heythrop’s fees, that the decision to increase them to £8,250 was made during the academic year in which I served as Vice President (VP) – campaigns. If this is true, this did not happen until after my resignation over an unrelated issue in March. as VP – campaigns, I was indeed involved in discussions with my colleagues on the hSU executive about the new figure (although I wasn’t invited to the relevant meetings with the college management), but, at that point, we (the hSU executive) agreed upon the figure of £7,500. Moreover, for the duration of the student elections (a short while after my resignation), James Johnston made it clear that he was pushing for the figure of £7,500 and asked candidates whether they would do the same; Ms. Jackson-Coombs said that she would and that she would campaign for alternative means of raising revenue, which is why I voted for her. I do not share Ms. Jackson-coombs’ now very determinist and reductionist view that, if heythrop does not increase fees to at LeaSt £8,250, the college will not be able to afford to remain open. on a more positive note, I think that her initial plan to campaign for alternatives to increasing fees is excellent and that she certainly shouldn’t give up on it. there are numerous ways in which the college can save money without putting up fees to £8,250 or more. one option could be that the site is rented out for private functions like weddings; yes, this may cause some disruption to staff and students in their work and study, but that we already put up with the noisy school-children is because the school pays us for the use of the site. Furthermore, speaking with my chaplaincy hat on, I believe that the relatively new division between the role of chaplain and counsellor has damaged the Heythrop community; if we were to cease employing a counsellor independent of the chaplaincy and instead had the chaplains profes-

sionally trained as counsellors, this would certainly save money as well as strengthening the college community. another somewhat more drastic option is that heythrop move to another campus; yes, this is a lot easier said than done, but we have done it before and it is an option worth exploring more thoroughly. these are some of, I dare say, many means by which the college could save enough money to remain open without increasing fees to £8,250. Furthermore, the hSU President has explicitly and quite rightly stated her plans to ‘continue to campaign for cheaper fees for students on a national level’. I think it quite strange that she has dismissed my call to fight the higher education council for england (heFce), regarding the decision to restrict numbers at small and specialist colleges like ours, because ‘is a national government decision’. nevertheless, I agree with Ms. Jackson-coombs that it is very healthy that the HSU has a talk-first policy regarding management, but I also agree that ‘should there be something we disagree with’ the hSU should not hesitate ‘to fight it to the best of our ability’. I suggest that a general meeting is held and that, if the general meeting votes to resist the £8,250 figure, The HSU should first consult management, and, should this fail the hSU must protest; I have already heard suggestions of an occupation. I am not saying that we will succeed, but I am not saying that we will fail either. as I highlighted in my previous article, heythrop students have already expressed grievances about the £8,250 figure. It is therefore a moral imperative that the hSU executive at least do their best to ascertain the general view of students before dismissing plans to resist the figure. overall, however, I am optimistic about this year’s hSU executive and, indeed, the President. the hSU is now involved in the London citizens’ Living Wage campaign, the wider anticuts campaign and other worthwhile projects. Moreover, as I mentioned in my previous article, the hSU is still challenging the college on some issues. nevertheless, Ms. Jackson-coombs’ article has not left me reassured on the matter of fees.

While watching the Leveson enquiry, I was led to ponder seriously, how many of the reporters implicated actually live without shame? I use the word reporter loosely; it seems some of these men and women were merely rumour mongers, and we the public lapped up the ‘stories’ they consistently fabricated. one of the hackers ‘reported’ that diane Watson, a brutally murdered 16-year-old girl, had been the school bully; this “white lie” caused so much distress to her grief stricken family that the next year diane’s brother killed himself. the worst part, this was not even factually accurate, but a total fiction conjured up to sell more papers. I find it horrifying that Mr Watson took his own life whilst clutching the offending newspaper articles. the archetype of the adage “Sorrow piled on sorrow”. as I watched on, I couldn’t help but think that Margaret and James Watson looked like orphans, cuddling for support while looking utterly lost, and to this day [rightfully] distraught. two decades have passed since their children died; one was killed by a school knife attack, the second child was “stabbed through the heart by an irresponsible media.” as I listened to Margaret describe the journalists as “sick”, I quite agreed. In fact I’d say that most would dub any person who gave the dowlers a temporary respite when they discovered a voicemail message had been deleted on daughter Milly’s phone as sick. retrospectively, it seems even crueller to know what we do now, that a perverse journalist had gone an amoral mission for a story and duly hacked a dead girl’s phone leading Sally dowler to break down screaming “bob, she’s aLIVe” at the time. the malign hack in question was wiping away vital evidence and creating false hope. this seemed to me a particularly cruel branch of suffering for the dowler family. Mrs dowler recently produced a gem of polite, british fury at the inquiry into Media ethics when she noted how she was left feeling “really cross” when a photograph appeared in the news of the World of the dowlers retracing a stroll that Milly had taken. “how on earth did they know we were doing it on that day?” was her question. the now defunct paper knew because they regularly trespassed into private grief; we the public read their papers and sales went up when the journalists participated in the callous burglary of people’s souls and lives for profit. It seems that the press considered hacking part of the process; it is abhorrent but was endemic within the tabloid

press, though the broadsheets seem to love splashing Sienna Miller et al. on their front covers when enquiries begin. “Look a judge is involved so it’s not low brow for us to dish out all of hugh Grant’s sex life” seems to be the attitude taken by the broadsheets. actions like that ensured that Gerry Mccann (father of missing child Madeleine Mccann) was left explaining to a baffled Leveson inquiry this week, how he and his wife took take legal action against one tabloid which ‘reported’ that the Mccann’s took the decision to “sell Maddy into white slavery” to solve fiscal problems that the couple had been in. the Mccann’s really had a rough ride however as vilification in the press wasn’t enough. Following this ‘report’ there was a promise given by a news of the World executive to print a positive article marking the first anniversary of Madeleine Mccann’s abduction in Portugal. this would sell, apparently, and so the paper thought it apt to run pages stolen from Kate’s painfully personal diaries. It gets worse, though, as Kate Mccann had no idea this was to occur - the paper maintains it obtained the diary from a Portuguese policeman. these actions seem so cruel, so unjust, so reprehensible that only a lunatic could credit them. yet the news International powers that be maintain that nothing awful took place. hugh Grant has been in my view rightly mocked for his “I’m a celebrity bUt feel my pain” routine of late. yet I do hold that he was on the mark when he declared that the british tabloid press was “toxic”. While thousands of journalists check facts and run stories past lawyers, the circling vultures that are ‘hacks’ act with a Mafia-esque arrogance, showing a flagrant disregard for the law. arguably we could and should have predicted this; as early as 1992 england rugby captain Lawrence dallaglio was the victim of a ‘honey-trap.’ aged 26, and one of the best players in the world, dallaglio took it upon himself to brag to a beautiful woman, she did naturally turn out to be a duplicitous bitch. Posing as an executive, Ms. oswald duly delivered dallaglio’s head on a silver plate, as the headline “england rugby captain exposed as drug dealer!” adorned our nation’s front pages. I could rant about this abhorrent practice forever, but I shall conclude now with a rather tasteless joke: What is the difference between a prostitute and a tabloid hack? Answer: A prostitute will screw a man for money, but at least she will never claim it is in the public interest. here’s to hoping that Lord Justice Leveson teaches hackers a lesson they’ll never fail to forget, perhaps: “False Fact hack rats caught with pants down in legal hearing.”

Photo: lewishamdreamer/

Matthew Peach 1st year Undergraduate Often I find myself asking ‘what can I do?’ I usually come to the conclusion, ‘well, anything really’ but I find that’s as bad as coming to the conclusion of nothing. anything has narrowed it down by, well… it hasn’t. I am still stuck in the vicious circle by which there is no obvious ending. What has prompted this you may ponder? Well, having just read Stephen Fry’s autobiography “the Fry chronicles”, cover to cover, I find myself awe struck with what he managed to achieve. how many times have we heard of the delinquent who ends up in prison, forever stuck in a rut of perpetual nothingness. no purpose, no point. although, obviously not quite the same for Fry’s position coming from a more upper class background, he still managed to make something of his life when even he thought nothing could have come of it. this nicely leads to well, what do I do? Should I write? Should I teach? Should I… well, whatever really. I still do not know. despite now attending university where I am constantly asked, ‘what are you going to do with your degree?’ I’m still as clueless as I was all those years ago. I am extremely jealous of anyone who can decide what to do. envious, to the point of annoyance, of anyone who has set their heart on something. It doesn’t have to be big, dreams are dreams. Whether it be army (man?), academic, actor, musician; you have goals. determination, perseverance and a bit of good luck will get you, potentially, there in the end. I long to have some goal, some ultimate purpose to my life, a talent to pursue. For what is life without purpose? Who does not want to be remembered, even if it is just by those who knew you personally? Remembrance is key. Personally, to be forgotten is to be wasted. you may as well have been discarded at birth, tossed onto the pile of underachievers, timewasters and complete tossers and let’s face it, no matter how much you mess around in your youth, no one wants to be there at the end of it all. So whilst I ponder in my mind as to what I wish to throw myself at, those who have already decided consider yourself lucky. Lucky that you know what to do and that you aspire to achieve those dreams. as the wise old Gandalf once said, ‘all you have to do is to decide what to do with the time given to you.’ choose wisely, pursue avidly.


Monday 12th deceMber | THE LION


People: Too Rare To Die, Too Weird To Live... JT White and Josh Ferguson “We were two miles outside of barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold.” thus begins the first line of the book which serves as the handshake, for most, with hunter S thompson, the masterpiece ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas’ (1972). It is 40 years after that book was written and 6 years after he decided to call it a day with a bullet to the head. the suicide in 2005 was inevitable. thompson had made no secret of his decision to commit suicide for years before he actually did it. the reasons were many and varied, but the main reasons were due to his failing health, his idealisation of youth and his resolute refusal to grow old gracefully. the funeral had been planned years before and thompson’s old friend, Johnny depp, was responsible for the funding of the ceremony – the good doctor’s remains were fired out of a cannon at his compound in colorado. the stereotypical image of hunter S. thompson is not actually one of Thompson himself; most think of his alter ego, the drug crazed, babbling lunatic, raoul duke. this is the persona in which thompson was able to write such insane tales of unbelievable excess, such as the aforementioned ‘Fear and Loathing’. but thompson himself was less of a caricature, and more of a thoughtful, darkly angry crusader against all that

he saw was wrong with america. his targets included the decadence of the 70’s, pro football, and his arch nemesis richard Milhous nixon. nixon personified everything that Thompson thought had gone awry with the United States, for he was the gutless war-monger who bombed Indochina into the stone-age for nothing more than political capital and, when the students at Kent State came out in protest thompson, connived to have them slain by the national Guard. years before Woodward and bernstein blew open the Watergate scandal, thompson was already decrying nixon as a crook, a blowhard and the bastard who would plunge america into a decadent, depraved parody of every truth and principle on which it was founded - as indeed he did. but it is for Gonzo that thompson is so fondly remembered. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Gonzo journalism, here’s a quick primer to save you the trouble of checking Wikipedia. Gonzo journalism is the antithesis of “fly on the wall” journalism, being more “fly in the ointment” in its style. It approaches any given subject material from a subjective viewpoint, exacerbating details to a ridiculous proportion in an attempt to give a more sympathetc view of the material in question. It was invented and pioneered by thompson in his article ‘the Kentucky derby Is decadent and depraved’, in which he described his own experience of the derby rather than in the traditional

sports-writer style – he covered the crowd and not the derby. he did this purely because of a looming deadline and he had no time to write up his notes. the resulting article is by turns grotesque, informative and utterly hilarious, and gives a far more accurate portrayal of Kentucky horseracing than would have otherwise been shown by a traditional writer. Gonzo grew from there, and is now aped by innumerable writers across the world (one of these writers being a particularly persistent perpetrator of this style). the aforementioned ‘Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas’ is undoubtedly his most famous work: a monolith of excess and depravity seared across america’s most grotesque altar to consumption and vice. It is the starting point for most into the world of hunter S. thompson and is also his funeral eulogy for the spirit of the 60’s. the nihilistic search for a thrill that thompson (masquerading as raoul duke) and his unnamed Samoan attorney (a comic exaggeration of thompson’s real life friend and confidant, Oscar acosta) undertake in nevada is born out of a sadness that the hippy spirit of the decade before did not bring about universal peace and love, but instead opened up america to the “grim meat hook realities” of what absolute freedom really meant. the famously herculean consumption of narcotics undertaken in the book is also inspired by the death of the 60’s, a sly comment on

Edited by Fran Gosling

how the spiritualistic nature of drugs, as preached by timothy Leary, descended into the hedonistic need for a chemical buzz that fuelled the 70’s, and as it remains to this day. the book came as a howled requiem for the beat Movement, the generosity and revolutionary zeal of writers such as Jack Kerouac and allen Ginsberg replaced with a scowling, dark commentary on how the world failed to live up to the promise of the hippy dream, and wistfully looking back on how pathetic and futile the whole movement had been. We must remember thompson as a man with one face looking back at John F Kennedy, the closest a politician could get to an everyman, and looking towards George McGovern with his other face as he asks for three margaritas and six beers for lunch. there are few ways to summarise the man’s viewpoint without giving way to his own words, as he was more eloquent than we can ever be: “there are times, however, and this is one of them, when even being right feels wrong. What do you say, for instance, about a generation that has been taught that rain is poison and sex is death? If making love might be fatal and if a cool spring breeze on any summer afternoon can turn a crystal blue lake into a puddle of black poison right in front of your eyes, there is not much left except tV and relentless masturbation. It’s a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die.”

Music: Amy Winehouse - Lioness: Hidden Treasures Almaz Messenger Culture Correspondent the late songstress’ new album of unreleased material is more beautiful stuff from the late, troubled star. although very much in-keeping with her usual style, with no great risks taken, it is noticeably more laid back. her voice is allowed to shine on the lighter production on the first few tracks of the album, sounding even more like a sixties blues singer then ever. there’s a chance to hear the recorded original of ‘tears dry on their own’ which, while it is not better than the ‘back to black’ version, gives a more melancholic feel to the song and emphasises the rawness in her writing. the same goes for ‘Wake Up alone’: a version more stripped back really brings out the emotion expressed in the song. the cover of ‘Will you Still Love Me tomorrow’ suffers with an unnecessary introduction and while, she sung perfectly, lacks something in comparison to the Shirelles version of the Sixties. however, amy’s vocal range is shown off with the higher register given a rare showcase; it is also given a place on the ‘best Friends right’ introduction and it’s nice to hear it being used along with her gutsy lower vocals. another cover featured on the album, ‘a Song For you’, has a darker feel than

the original and is an interesting twist on a song that is not generally changed when covered. ‘Valerie’ (’68 Version) has softer instrumentation than the back to black version and losing some of the brashness works really well. the album begins to feel a little samey as we reach ‘the Girl from Ipanema’, but then ‘half time’, with its smooth r&b reminiscent of India arie is a welcome change and her teaming with her favourite rapper, nas, in ‘Like Smoke’ really works too. her other collaboration with tony bennett on ‘body and Soul’ is heartbreaking in it’s beauty and it is here where her voice really shines and is complimented faultlessly with that of her partner. overall, this is a very good album though it feels a little disjointed in places – but this cannot be helped. It’s sad in that it provides a kind of sneak-peak into the more versatile artist amy could have become, or was becoming, and it’s clear we are missing out on what she could have created if her life hadn’t been cut short. controversy around her personal life aside, amy’s gift of songwriting and vocals to the music world will be missed – this album reminds us of that. To read more reviews from our fantastic culture correspondents visit the website at

Life: Your London A Newbie’s Guide to Christmas in London

Daniel Tripp Culture Correspondent Seeing as we’re already well into the run up to christmas , being in London puts us in the good position to experience christmas culture that you’d struggle to match elsewhere. The first is Winter Wonderland in hyde Park. normally I’m not too keen on these sorts of things (though I did rather enjoy a Popeye themed Park in Malta once, though, in hindsight, I was twelve) and I went with a couple of my friends expecting it to be awful. but christmas is meant to be that tiny bit embarrassing; it’s corny but wonderful at the same time. to get you in that christmas spirit I’m sure it’ll work a treat, but I wouldn’t want to spend longer than an hour there. Second is the christmas tree made entirely of Lego and it is just as amazing as the name promises! Granted I am biased as I love Lego, but it’s still pretty impressive even if you’re not a fan of little plastic blocks. It’s over at St. Pancras which, if you haven’t been to yet, is worth a visit in itself both for christmas shopping and station architecture. thirdly, and more widely available, is the wonder that is the Mc donald’s apple pie. now I know Mc donald’s is pretty much evil incarnate but those apple pies, as much as you might hate the fact, are christmas. aside from all the religious stuff. the taste, the smell, the warmth is perfection on a winter’s day in the city? Lastly, seeing as it is christmas and all, I should probably throw in a mention of church and I would like to recommend St. Martin’s-In-theFields church, located in the northeastern corner of trafalgar Square. If you’re like me and have a great love of churches themselves but not so much the explicitly christian aspect then this one is perfect. every week you can go along to a free (though £3.50 is the recommended donation) concert or, if you are feeling particularly festive, they have choral concerts galore! all are conducted by candlelight as well which just makes everything better (though that might be why I need contacts). overall, London is a great place to celebrate christmas, though it can get pretty hectic. as impressive as the markets, churches, fairs and Lego tree are, I can’t wait to go home, listen to White Wine in the Sun by tim Minchin on repeat and simply relax.


Monday 12th deceMber | THE LION


Tipsy Hippo John arthur craven ord

Gig: Paul McCartney - Twist & Shout! Photo: darioferrini/

Matilda It must have been an exciting moment when this project was revealed to the team at the rSc as their next big thing. I bet everyone was jumping at the chance to be involved. Matilda has become a children’s classic and this musical is set to achieve the same. everyone should celebrate that they are now booking until the 21st october 2012 and push for more; it deserves it. Want to know why? I’ll tell you. The stage itself looks magnificent; adorned all around, up and under with books and cutout letters it has the feel of a child’s imagination allowed to explode all over the place. the various walls that slide in and out and desks and platforms, slides and swings that appear and disappear only serve to amplify the enduring enjoyment of the diversity of imagination. the whole play is fantastic. It has captured the feel of childhood perfectly where the mind takes a simple idea and makes it fantastical; the lasers that fly across the room when it comes time for the infamous chokey to make an appearance is a prime example and works wonderfully. there isn’t a single moment that feels out of place in the script and the story progresses with dexterity and intelligence as Matilda tells her story to the librarian in conjunction with the development of her own story. they two marry naturally and not a moment is wasted or missed. the music is supremely entertaining. I don’t think there’s a better fit for this project than tim Minchin who has brought every iota of his comedic brilliance to this score while at the same time a maturity that moves us very deeply. It’s a wonderfully innocent score while at the same time being mischievous and passionate. the cast were outstanding. Melanie La barrie as Mrs Phelps the librarian was the voice of the audience on stage and was magnificent in the role; I laughed out loud almost every time she had something to say. the scenes with the acrobat and escapologist, played by emily Shaw and Matthew Malthouse were spectacular and when they merged with the main story it felt right, which is a credit to the actors. the entirety of the supporting cast deserve critical appreciation for their efforts. Lauren Ward’s Miss honey is moving; effortlessly making the audience empathise with her situation and root for her against the seemingly indomitable odds. Matilda’s parents are largely responsible for these odds and Paul Kaye and Josie Walker bring everything they possibly can to the stage. Mixing some great physical comedy with an energy that I’m surprised could last for the full two and a half hours, Kaye in particular lights up the stage and creates an iconic character for himself. their presence on stage is simultaneously something you want to rebel

against while at the same time being immobilized by laughter at their ludicrous lives, costumes and everything about them, really. yet this is only one half of the cast. the rSc have always had a talent for bringing good child actors to the stage and here they have outdone themselves. every child on the stage was confident and more than able to pull off both complex dance routines and songs as well as holding character. Particularly special are the performances from bruce (played by Zachary harris when I saw it) and, unsurprisingly and undeniably, Matilda herself (played by cleo demetriou). Matilda in particular was outstanding. all the performances showed maturity beyond belief, perhaps ironic when the show is all about childhood and imagination, and the queens of this must be those playing the lead role. the things that are achieved on this stage by these young talents are often things that one would have left to imagination but are undeniably real. having said how brilliant the cast were, and not wanting to undermine any of their achievements, I feel I must make special mention of bertie carvel whose rendition of Miss trunchbull is nothing short of magical. becoming the linchpin of the whole show he brings raucous laughter to the auditorium by simple appearing let alone letting loose with his comic charms. Switching with ease between intimidatingly scary and hilariously funny, he shows us exactly what that kind of drag role should be. his script and his music both support him but he takes full advantage of everything at his disposal and lifts the show to greatness. the only things I would say in a critical way are that shining bright lights at the audience when their eyes aren’t prepared for them is rather painful and that if any of the front of house staff are reading, it’d be good if there was a more efficient routine for making sure people are in their seats in time for the lights coming up – it’s very distracting having people walking in front of the view, especially when you’re sitting close to the back. this show celebrates play, fun and imagination, moving you from tears to roaring laughter and back again in moments and is far more than a show for children. It may be that but it is so much more, dragging the inner child out of everyone and entertaining the most fundamentally silly instincts in all of us. Unadulterated excellence; one of the best things you will ever see, certainly one of the best musicals any of us will ever see.

George Camm 1st year Undergraduate Former beatle Paul Mccartney, 69, played to a sold out London 02 arena crowd on Monday night (5th december). the newlywed showed he still had the rock ‘n’ roll enthusiasm he had shown in the cavern club back in the 60’s, with a monstrous 40 song set. It was London’s turn to be entertained by the two-part, 19-date ‘on the run’ tour, which kicked off back in July in new york. the night lived up to its billing with an opening standing ovation as the rock-pop musical god ran on stage. the opening number - beatles classic, hello, Goodbye - kept everybody on their feet as the 3 hour long set began. the hits continued to be played including drive My car and Paperback Writer. as well as Mccartney, every member of his four-piece band delivered a strong individual performance; most notable was the drummer

and real party animal, abe Laboriel Jr. Mccartney showed his versatility by frequently changing between guitar and piano and then to the ukulele for a tribute to George harrison’s Something. the tributes continued throughout the night, with a Jimmy hendrix-esque guitar solo and a rendition of John Lennon’s Give Peace a chance and here today, which ‘Macca’ dedicated to the deceased Liverpudlian. one of the most impressive moments of the performance was when Mccartney was handed the acoustic and the 20,000-strong crowd turned to complete silence as he played an intimate version of blackbird. Mccartney played from a diverse back catalog, including numbers from beatles to Wings and his latest musical masterpiece, Fireman. he saved the sing-along anthems like hey Jude and day tripper for the end but the spectacle of the night was the explosive Live and Let die. With a star studded crowd, including bill bailey and members of Maccas’ family – such as the fashion

designer Stella Mccartney – Mccartney waited until the first of two encores to announce yet another special guest. the sixty-four year old rolling Stones guitarist, ronnie Wood, swaggered on to join Macca for Get back, providing the icing on the cake of a fantastic show. this addition held everyone to their seats even when Mccartney left the stage once more - only to return within two minutes with a Union Flag in hand, waving to his adoring fans. he closed with a peaceful yesterday, but only to reawaken the crowd with a frantic helter Skelter. During the final song, Mccartney thanked the crowd and admitted he himself didn’t want to go back to St John’s Wood (his north London home) and would rather carry on. I, for one, felt sure that Macca was still very much at home on stage. It was definitely one of the best gigs I have ever been to, if not the best - 10/10.

Music: Niteflights - Paris 1919 Josh Ferguson Senior Editor I’ve been a fan of John cale for a long time, ever since I first heard the Velvet Underground. his album, Paris 1919 has long been beloved by many, it’s avant-garde flourishes mixing beautifully with cale’s talent for writing excellent pop songs. And now the Niteflights have covered the eponymous song from said album. And, I have to say; it’s certainly a remarkable cover. I have to confess I didn’t recognise it. once the singer broke in I twigged, but the changes these boys have made to cale’s song are many and varied. For one thing, the strings of the original have been replaced by a rattling drum machine, some strange electronic dial-twiddling, bursts of guitar and a much less ro-

bust, more delicate take on the vocals. one thing that I had to do in order to review this song properly was suspend my slavish fanboy-defence of John cale and judge the song on it’s own merits. It’s certainly just as catchy as the original, even if I did find the vocals a bit exacting. the middle section that breaks down into a more ambient section is certainly very well done, and sounds beautiful, but it feels slightly incongruous in a way that the original didn’t (no! bad JoSh!!). Judging it by its own merits, it’s a worthy cover of an excellent song, markedly different to the original enough that the two can’t really be compared. It’s decent, and I did find myself humming along while typing this review, but I can’t help but think that the Niteflights could have done a better job covering one of Mr. cale’s later-period songs (Sold Motel leaps to

mind). nonetheless, check it out even if you aren’t a fan. Who knows, you might learn something. oh, and by the way, did you think you could slip your name onto the Paris 1919 Wikipedia article unnoticed, lads? That’s right, I’m calling you out.


Monday 12th December | THE LION


S t ud

Game: Skyrim Toby Fairclough Game Reviewer

Hob t n e

Mayan Magic

Overall Rating/5: 4.5 I was very tentative about purchasing Skyrim. Bethsheda, the publishers behind the new game, are responsible for other popular titles such as Oblivion, Fallout 3 and New Vegas – all of which seem to be a similar kind of game and all of which I didn’t like. You create a character choosing their gender, features and base skills and explore a vast fantasy world. Each one has a basic storyline but from the outset you’re free to completely ignore it and wander. Skyrim ticks all of these boxes, yet something’s different. To be honest, I didn’t even complete Oblivion and Fallout 3 because I just got bored. I found myself overwhelmed with side-quests and lost the reason for doing them. Skyrim is much bigger and much more tempts you to distraction; yet I loved it! At one point, only a few hours into the storyline, I initiated a bout of quests by talking to the leader of a town; only to find out, 9 hours and a Hogwarts-esque escapade later, that what I was doing had nothing to do with the main storyline! Fortunately, Skyrim lists all your active quests and although it’s a little tricky to navigate since there’s no indication as to which ones are essential, perhaps that’s the point. Skyrim is not so much about the main storyline as it is about immersing yourself in its world of medieval fantasy. And what a rich world it is! The story of Skyrim is complex. In a nutshell dragons have come (again) and you’re the only one who can stop them. You play as the ‘dragonborn’, discovering your importance and role in preventing the end of the world. However, the main story is only the surface of it. During the ‘campaign’ you’ll be guided across the breadth of the land, the heights of the mountains and the depths of the dungeons. However, it is not very long (suppos-

Ann Fig-rols Spatula Thief

edly less than 6 hours in a rush) and only really serves as an introduction to the world you’re slowly becoming a part of. An example of this is in your experiencing of the ongoing civil war ravaging the lands of Skyrim, which is left unconcluded – only to be explored again later in a host of side-quests. Missions like these add to the depth of the world you’re in and make these expeditions all the more compelling. Despite having completed the main game as it is, in order to understand the events fully you have to continue. Of course there are plenty of seemingly random missions too – such as handing out flyers, farming and sorting out lovers’ tiffs – but the variety keeps them feeling fresh. Unusually I even appreciate the inclusion of seemingly mundane activities such as buying and decorating a house or sitting in front of the fire in the local pub. These all add to the experience and make Skyrim feel less like an unrelatable fairy tale and more like your second life. Thankfully, the submersion of Skyrim is aided by its detailed graphical style; it might not be groundbreaking but it is easily passable. Playing on Xbox 360 I experienced few pop-ins and graphical glitches, although I warn you that many people have – which hope-

Music: Smugglers Records Daniel Tripp

Culture Correspondent Bomb the music industry? I’d rather have a pint with them; especially if every recording company out there was like Smugglers Records. Smugglers Records are a bit different you see, where if there’s ever a profit it goes straight to the artist and they give out their compilation albums during impromptu games of bingo. I first discovered this group of merry music makers in the form of folk band Cocos Lovers (straight after being pushed down a hill by a girl I was trying to hit on so, as you can imagine, I wasn’t in the best mood). But I was simply blown away by the sheer unadulterated talent of this group. There is something about their lucid tones that forces you off your seat (and they had some pretty comfy sofas in the place as well) and gets you dancing – and I don’t think there is anything more that needs to be said about a band that can create this sort of feeling. Their biography says plainly, ‘We won’t try and

explain what Cocos Lovers sound like’ and neither will I - just go see them. I’d recommend live, but, as they’re not in London as often as I’d like, you can always find them on Spotify or Soundcloud. The stand-out track for me is, and most likely always will be, ‘Time to Stand’. I’d recommend starting there! The second Smuggler I’m here to recommend to you is a singer-songwriter by the name of Will Varley. I first heard this guy while, yet again, trying to pull another girl (successfully, this time) - though I hope doesn’t reflect an underlying theme! It’s all about the voice and lyrics with Varley, as you get lost among the words he huskily sends into your mind. It’ll make you think, it’ll make you laugh, and it’ll make you a little sad. He sings poignantly about a world that is too busy to listen. So don’t be like the world, settle down with a pint in your hand and embrace Varley’s soulful melancholy. Smugglers Records will be presenting The Ideas Bank in Hackney on the 10th December.

fully have been fixed in the upcoming patch by the time you’re reading this. The presentation generally is fairly minimalistic; there are few menus to scroll through, easy item/magic selection and a simple HUD. This minimalism unfortunately borderlines boring in the many cut-scenes and extended dialogue events. In recent years videogames have become more and more like films, partly thanks to impressive cinematic sequences, however, Skyrim doesn’t make use of this. Although the game itself can be played in either third or first person (or a mixture of the two), unlike most 3rd person games it lacks any action-packed cut-scenes and unlike most 1st person games it lacks any action-packed POV scenes. I remember one sequence where I was glued to the floor watching three hopeful warriors battle a dragon and the whole time I was thinking ‘I wish this was a cut-scene’. Repeated movements, unrealistic contact physics (why is there blood when he missed?) and a general lack of finesse wasted what could have been a thrilling set-piece. If you like your games like you like your movies – big, beautiful and full of bang – then be warned. Comparing Skyrim to a film reveals another potential deal-breaker: this game is slow. Yes, the ‘campaign’ can be

completed in around 6 hours but I bet at least 2 of those were spent walking from A to B and 2 more spent talking to NPCs. Thankfully, Skyrim includes fast-travel options for teleporting from one location to another but this will only work for places already found. Skyrim is a diverse place and taking a stroll down a mountain path or an afternoon swim in the lake are pleasant experiences. However, after a while I found myself utilising a running glitch to progress faster. Glitches are another factor worth mentioning. If you believe YouTube, Skyrim is full of them. In my 45 or so hours playing the only real glitches I noticed were 3 freezes where I had to reset. However, people have come across a variety of issues from flying mammoths to broken quests. As mentioned before, Bethsheda are releasing a patch that will hopefully fix the worst of these issues but only time will tell. If you play games to be completely submersed in an alternate reality where you can be a hero and slay dragons one moment and pick daisies the next, buy this game. If you’ve had bad experiences with sandbox RPGs before, rent this game. If you only play games to enjoy a few minutes distraction before going back to another essay, don’t buy this game – it might take over your life.

As you are almost certainly aware, whilst Christmas is a time for fabulous food, sparkly parties and flowing mulled wine, it can also turn into one of panic over a tight shopping budget and inspiration over how to spend it in a way worth spending! But, every year I find that, whether you love or hate the person you are buying for, chocolate is a timelessly failsafe option. Simple, sophisticated and infinitely appealing to our most sensual of senses, a well-chosen chocolate gift never disappoints. But it’s not just about mass-produced Cadbury’s chocolate snowmen or “individually handmade” Lindt reindeer. Since the Mayan traditions of pre-Columbian Mesoamerica, chocolate (or ‘xocolatl’) has been revered as a heavenly luxury and was used both as an ingredient and as currency. The Mayans even worshipped a fertility goddess of cocoa: Ixcacao! Even today, chocolate is still commonly used in both sweet and savoury South-American cuisine and is curiously combinable with fruits, vegetables and a variety of spices. The luxurious versatility of chocolate in the gastro world, its mysterious historical power and its indulgently seductive effect on us has inspired all sorts of Latin-based fantastical literature, from Laura Esquivel’s “Like Water For Chocolate”, to Joanne Harris’ “Chocolat” (and sequel “The Lollipop Shoes”) So for a creative, cosy and thoughtful Christmas gift, what better than concocting your own batch of Mayan magic with these Aztec truffles! The recipe is surprisingly simple and easily amended to include all your favourite flavours. 200g good quality plain chocolate (around 70% cocoa) 200ml double cream Knob of butter 2.5 cl Cointreau (half a miniature bottle) or your favourite flavour rum/ liqueur 1tsp vanilla essence 1tsp chilli powder 2tsp cinnamon A large plate generously covered in cocoa powder. Firstly, smash up the chocolate into small pieces and set aside in a large bowl. Over a low heat, warm the cream until it just starts to bubble at the edges and then add in the butter, stirring until the butter has fully melted. Pour into the broken chocolate and whisk this all together until the chocolate has melted to form a gorgeously thick, silky liquid. Stir in the vanilla, chilli, cinnamon and liqueur, cover with cling film and leave at room temperature for an hour to allow the flavours to mingle and develop. Transfer to the fridge for at least 2 hours (or even overnight) until you’re ready to make them up. Take large teaspoon-sized scoops and roll them into balls (quickly as possible to avoid melting), roll each one in cocoa and place on a large plate back in the fridge – where they will keep happily for up to a week - until you are ready to divide them into boxes, bags or jars and sneak them into stockings! /thestudenthob


Monday 12th deceMber | THE LION

Societies Sports and

Edited by Joe Walsh |

Heythrop LGBT Society: There’s More to Life than being LGBT... Peter Hughes LGBT Soc President I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a christian..oh no wait, wrong campaign. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a filthy liberal, but you know there’s something wrong in this country when the rights of some are elevated on a pedestal beyond the rights of others. remember folks, we’re all equal but some of us are more equal than others. this week the government announced a push toward securing new legislation protecting the rights of transgender individuals with equalities Minister Lynne Featherstone announcing new plans to tackle hate crimes, workplace discrimination, and harassment in schools. Sounds good, so far. however one proposal and the point I take issue with is the proposal to include a mandatory minimum sentence of thirty (30) years for the murder of a transgender person. the minimum sentence for murdering anyone else is fifteen (15) years. discrimination comes in two forms, positive and negative. negative discrimination is treating someone poorly because they are ‘different’. Positive discrimination is treating someone more favorably because they are ‘different’. both are as bad as each other. being L, G, b or t does not make you any more unique or special than anyone else, the telos of the whole equal rights

movement is exactly that, equality; all peoples being on an equal footing. Is the unlawful killing of one person more ‘severe’ than that of another? Is the life of a transgender individual more precious than that of cisgender individual? Certainly not, and I doubt any transgender person would consider such either. Murder is a heinous and reprehensible act, but murder is murder regardless of sexuality, race, religion, gender etc. What ministers need to stop doing is speaking for whole groups of ‘individuals with protected characteristics’ (the whole wording of which I find not only cringeworthy but downright offensive). the idea that all gay people need protecting in a certain way, or that all elderly people need protecting in a certain way etc. serves only to cement and justify prejudice from those outside that ‘protected characteristic’. Surely the whole point of an equalities minister is the removal of the perception of barriers. (I phrase it that way because ‘being LGbt’ actually doesn’t stop you from doing anything physically, the ‘barriers’ it creates are purely in the mind – of oneself and ‘phobes’ of course.) the notions these new proposals bring serve to do nothing but firmly replant those perceived differences and thus perceived barriers. thank you very much for listening to my rant, I look forward to your hate mail.

Hip-Hop Soc: Straight Outta Kensington... Gerald Narag Hip Hop Soc President a new and Upcoming Society is ready to hit heythrop college, where dancers of any level can learn various hip-hop dance styles. If you are impressed by people that dance, or wish to learn some moves and choreography that will certainly grab everyone’s attention on the dancefloor, at a party, anywhere really, then the heythrop Street dance Society is right up your street. you don’t need a background in dancing to join, anyone can come move to a beat, it’s another thing flowing with it. Did I mention it’s free? The art of dancing is easy to pick up, believe me. What will you learn at Hip Hop Soc? you guys will learn dance moves from other dance crews, choreography from r&b and hip-hop artists and choreography that I made myself. Are any of the techniques difficult?

not at all, I will teach you guys step-bystep and in no time you will be popping, tutting, doing the dougie and moving like a robot. Do I have to like hip-hop and R&B? of course not! you’ll be surprised what kind of music you will be dancing to. 90’s Pop, Korean Pop, Indie, the list goes on. each session will be an hour, free of charge and will involve learning choreography fit for 30 seconds. I am also hoping to work with the ULU hip-hop dance society, to try and get other tutors (you guys wouldn’t want me to teach every week) and their support too. Watch this space for dates and venues.If you have any further queries, suggestions or general fan-mail for me please don’t hesitate to ask me, or our awesome vice-president; Jasmin. Gerald Narag: Jasmin Morrison: jasmin.morrison@heythrop.

Photo: eschipul/Flickr


Monday 12th deceMber | THE LION

SOCIETIES WI Soc: Stitch and Bitch!

Photo: nist6ss/Flickr

Emilie Perkins WI President come and smash down gender binaries with the heythrop (not just) Women’s Institute, with regular meetings at which you can learn how to knit, bake and make other cool and mostly useless stuff. It’s not all ‘Jam and Jersusalem’ as they say! We’re here to nurture heythrop’s little store of creative talent, and as such hold regular jumble sales at which anyone can sell their second hand or homemade goodies, quirkiness and thrift being the order of the day! Some workshops to be held this academic year (20112012) include: christmas chutneys and mince pies, how to knit, crochet and read paper patterns, tie-dying, candle-making, liqueurs and limoncello. come see us at our meetings for an excuse to eat cake mix and drink tea! If you didn’t catch our first major event of this term, the christmas Jumble Sale, never fear! We are expecting many more in the new year.

Football: Balotelli Dave Roberts

Sports Correspondent Why always him? He just doesn’t seem to be able to help himself. Mario balotelli is a footballer rarely noted for his exceptional playing of the game, but for his ever more astonishing list of escapades outside football. Whether it’s setting fire to his own bathroom by setting off fireworks in his house, getting questioned about his links to the mafia, throwing darts at youth players at his club, or having to be substituted because you are allergic to grass (as a professional footballer), balotelli’s life is a phenomenal one. he is hated by many, but is in my opinion exactly what sport needs. In a modern day culture where the most interesting thing that can be said after a match is the muffled repeats of overused clichés from managers and players alike, it’s refreshing to hear balotelli describe his season as ‘shit’ live on television minutes after winning Manchester City’s first trophy in 34 years. Football needs character, however utterly insane, to keep the sport interesting. he is labelled arrogant, childish and stupid by many, but for these reasons he should be adored, not vilified. his famous moments also include being pulled over by the police in his Maserati, and when questioned as to why he had £5000 on the passenger seat replying ‘because I’m rich”, driving around Manchester high-fiving city fans after his side’s 6-1 victory over rivals Manchester United, playing on an iPad whilst on the substitutes bench, taunting prostitutes, and being arrested for breaking into a females prison because he was ‘curious.’ really the hardest thing to do is pick your favourite.

In the last week, he has been reported to have bought a brand new £100,000 audi r8 supercar, only to have it confiscated the next day, as well as potentially incurring a fine by his employers Manchester city for breaking a compulsory curfew less than 48 hours before a crucial top of the table clash against chelsea. this latest misdemeanour wasn’t the result of heavy drinking as might be expected for a footballer missing a curfew; he was causally having a meal with friends, having his picture taken for fans, and having playful sword fights with rolling pins in a restaurant. this seems to be a new theme with Super Mario, the casual nature of his discrepancies, he and everyone else expects, almost demands them now, some are barely heard of in the media as these happen so regularly. Since balotelli came to england and announced his arrival swiftly with a mixture of goals, red cards, and an astonishing episode in which he failed to put a training bib on, he has been a constant stream of entertainment for everyone, even those who love to hate him. A similar figure before he moved abroad was then chelsea boss Jose Mourinho. When in england, press and punters alike daily claimed how Mourinho was bad for the british game, his claims to be a ‘special one’ were arrogant and he was a poor loser. but now he’s gone, his comments about how he lost a champions League tie because Unicef fixed it are missed, and press conference quotes have changed back from ‘Losing this match is not pressure. Bird flu. This is pressure,’ to the usual ‘the lad’s done good.’ as well as this form of entertainment being brought by characters such as this, Mourinho and balotelli also share extraordinary ability in their professions. Mourinho wins whatever he

Photo: zawtowers/Flickr

wants wherever he goes, and balotelli, despite the constant controversy off the pitch, continues to deliver goal after goal, and always seems capable of the remarkable, not only the ridiculous. For this reason, he has always been the sort of player I adore, as aside from the crashing of supercars, mocking

colleagues and impounding his car 27 times within a year, he produces moments which no-one else on the pitch can. Without such madness and genius from characters such as Mourinho and balotelli, we would be left with nothing more than the futile prospect of endlessly kicking a ball into a net. Sport

should be about the people who keep you at the edge of your seat due to their brilliance and what they could possibly do next, as well as the maddening nature of what we can’t believe they do. So let’s love Mario while we can. there are precious few geniuses like him.


Monday 12th deceMber | THE LION


Can you find HSU Male Welfare Officer Andrew Swindley (pictured on the left) in this image? Send your circled Swindley’s to


Across 1. dante’s guide through the inferno 4. Uses smoke and mirrors 6. See further with this collapsible lens 8. Sent into coalmines to die 10. a gift of an english one of these was traditionally intended as a proposal of marriage 14. hat worn by artists, soldiers and the French 15. Volcanic rock 17. dessert 20. Father of psychoanalysis. Presumably we want to kill him 22. the body’s hormone system 23. Folk religion native to haiti and new orleans 25. american bird of prey 28. having greater length than breadth 30. Generous or big-hearted 32. capital city of botswana 33. colourless liquid formed through the fermentation of sugars 34. cube, expire

Down 2. noble big cat and newspaper 3. Violet mineral deposit 5. burnt at both ends by students doing dissertations 7. ovum 9. as rich as this chap 11. atropine sulphate 12. not as strange as truth 13. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it 16. twelve of your peers 18. a type of journalism, muppet 19. collective noun for hamsters 21. british premier who banned christmas 24. aquatic bird of the family anatidae 26. belgian who cut off hands 27. Melted sand you drink from 29. the lowest it can get 31. Music of coltrane and davis


Monday 12th deceMber | THE LION


Heythrop Horoscopes!

as predicted by oracle Löwe, Master of the Mysteries of the Zodiac and Marriage counsellor.

Aries you are entering a period of great instability. Keep your feet on the floor and you will be all the stronger for weathering this turbulent time. It's probably best to keep away from anyone who thinks it's really, really funny to topple you over while you're doing up your shoelaces. avoid any dealings involving friends, because you have inadvertantly befriended a group of predacious social vampires who will fuck you over as soon as look at you.

Taurus as Mercury moves into the heating vent and the resulting fumes drives everyone around you insane, you remain the calm, cool centre of the world. now would be a good time to start thinking about a new job, but avoid moving too

quickly. you'll need all the money you can get when your gambling addiction really starts to take hold.

Gemini you have just come through a very difficult period, and are taking great delight in toppling those aries suckers over when they're doing up their shoelaces. enjoy any and all schadenfreude while you can, because very soon the guilt brought on by the passage of the moon into orion will send you into a crippling depression that will have you simply unable to do anything involving the works of Stephen Law.

Cancer you're going to lose weight, but it will be from a part of your body you find flattering, so the victory will be hollow

at best. Moreover, you will be undeservedly shouted at by homeless man you didn't notice while you are on your way to Waterstones. take courage, however, because Saturn is in retrograde, which means you'll finally be able to put a name to that song you've had in your head for weeks that you remember from the 90's.

Leo your destiny is uncertain. you are staffed by a group of overstressed misanthropes, creepy obsessives and psychopaths, and you have difficulty filling up the news section. Stand firm through the storm, and all will turn out well. your social life is going well, but it may be time to increase your circulation. you grow progressively more playful, even as christmas appraches. Steer clear of cooked fish.


Virgo there is absolutely no doubt that your current problems stem from a lack of sex. having as much as you possibly can, at every conceivable opportunity, is the only way to make your life any better. a gratuitous amount of self-indulgence is the key to a wholesome and fulfilling existence.

Libra you have been feeling a little self-conscious lately, but you will soon bounce back by realising that it's perfectly natural, happens to everybody once in a while and it's just something that will be dealt with. It happens to lots of men, and there's absolutely no shame in it. on an even more positive note, Mars is in retrograde and moving into conjunction with cassiope, which means (more or less) that now is a good time to quit your job. the stars know when the market's hot.

Scorpio you, as well as having a truly bitchin' star sign, have the wonderful opportunity to help someone out. Many chanc-

Spot all 6 differences!

es for philanthropy and good deeds await you. alas, many opportunities for sin involving copious amounts of expensive alcohol and persons of dubious virtue also await. be strong, and don't be afraid to do the right thing. Just imagine your mother is always watching you. that's what's given me such a well-adjusted outlook on sex and indulgence.

Sagittarius Jupiter has moved into conjunction with orion, foreshadowing an unfortunate encounter you will have with a man on the tube, who will sneeze on you then demand that you apologise to him. your karma will be corrected by tweaking his nose and calling him a mountebank.

Capricorn the planets as one sing a chorus of fortune for you. Should you attempt to cook a fillet of salmon en croute with potatoes dauphinoise and a cream sauce reduction, you will make a fairly passable attempt. Fail to do so, and the universe will crush you mercilessly and absolutely.

Aquarius You will have the good fortune to find a significant amount of money lying loose on the street. however, it will then cause your relationships to fall apart, then destroy your family, your work, your education and finally your sanity. there is no possible escape, save for staying in your room until you're certain there are no £20 notes lying on the ground anywhere you might conceivably walk. Godspeed, dear child.


Pisces the stars rising over the mountains say that you have been neglectful to those who need your attention most. your conscience and destiny call you to acts of charity and good Karma. resist at all costs. Mars has moved into a central point between castor and Pollux, which foreshadows the collapse of your sexual prowess and ability to achieve orgasm if you so much as spare a kind thought towards those less fortunate. Steel your mind, and fuck the poor. you owe it to your genitals.




The Lion - Issue 4, Volume 2  

Created by The Lion Team 2011/12