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Table of Contents Employment Cards Get Involved

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Monday Night Pizza Food

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Frightening Flicks

Back to School Community

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Meet Calvin Vendor

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Hoboscope Fun

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contact

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Editor: Ranya O’Connor Executive Director: Whitley O’Connor Director of Communications: Kinsey Crocker Director of Fundraising: Kelly Nugent

Children of the Corn

1724 NW 4th St. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 73106

Film

Inside Scoop

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Classified Conspiracies Humor

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405-415-8425 thecurbsidechronicle.org facebook.com/CurbsideOKC twitter.com/CurbsideOKC Layout and Design by Whitley O’Connor


HOW IT WORKS The Curbside Chronicle employs the homeless population of Oklahoma City.

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Vendors receive 15 free magazines

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We help vendors find and finance housing!


The Curbside Chronicle needs your help to end panhandling in OKC! Cut along the black lines and keep these cards in your car to hand out to panhandlers instead of cash. Together we can employ and empower the homeless!


The Curbside Chronicle needs your help to end panhandling in OKC! Cut along the black lines and keep these cards in your car to hand out to panhandlers instead of cash. Together we can employ and empower the homeless!


Monday Night Pizza by Ashley Dekat

It’s fall in Oklahoma and you know what that means: Football! Time for tailgating, football parties, and days spent on the couch. What goes better with football than pizza? It serves one or a crowd. With such great local pizzeria options, you won’t need to order from “the other guys.” Of course, there is more to do in Oklahoma in the fall than just watch football. The celebration of cooler weather is a great time to get out and see what our great city has to offer. Head to one of these spots and let them do the cooking for you, so you have more time to play. Mangia!

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The Hall’s Pizza Kitchen The Hall’s Pizza Kitchen offers three flagship pizzas by the slice ($3.50 per slice): ●Saturday Night - sausage, pepperoni, mozzarella, fresh basil, parmigiano reggiano, tomato sauce ●The Company - slab bacon, Italian sausage, pepperoni, Canadian bacon, mozzarella, fresh basil, parmigiano reggiano, tomato sauce ●The Matt - pesto, caramelized onions and peppers, artichoke hearts, mozzarella, fresh basil, parmigiano reggiano, tomato sauce Regardless of which pizza you choose, you can be assured that the ingredients will be fresh and as locally sourced as possible. They also bake daily pizza specials highlighting fresh, seasonal ingredients. All of their pizzas can be made on a gluten free crust ($7 for two slices). In addition to their

pizza, they also offer two daily salads. Salads are $3.50 and feature the day’s best produce, so you never know what you will get. But whatever they toss together will be fresh and delicious. The same is true for their daily dessert offerings ($2). Favorites include their homemade cookies and brownies. The Hall’s Pizza Kitchen can be found all over the Metro at different events and food truck hot spots. To find out where they are, check out their Facebook or Twitter (@TheHallsPizza) pages for weekly schedules. They also cater! If you need a pizza ($18 for a whole pie) for your movie night or football party, then you can text in your order (405-520-8202) and go pick it up. So, if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen…and head to The Hall’s Pizza Kitchen!

photo courtesy of The Hall’s Pizza Kitchen

You may have seen The Hall’s Pizza Kitchen driving around town. It has quickly become one of the top places to grab pizza in OKC and is unique because it is a pizzeria on wheels. In fact, The Hall’s Pizza Kitchen was recently awarded 2014 Best Food Truck in OKC on Yelp (Yelp.com; @ YelpOKC ). People love Hall’s so much that in its first year it served 20, 296 slices of pizza! What makes Hall’s so good? Chef Laurie Hall and her husband, Lorne, make their dough from scratch with a recipe that has been in the family for 28 years. Next, they add homemade tomato sauce, packed full of flavor. Finally, they crown their pizzas with cheese and toppings and bake them in a wood-fired oven. That’s right, their truck has a wood-fired oven in it! No matter where they go they can serve up delicious, piping hot pizza from the window of their food truck.

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Pizza 23 buttery flavor and texture, almost like a pie dough or cracker. All pizzas come topped with house-made sauces and can be made from size small to x-large (prices vary depending on the pizza toppings and size). Any small pizza can be made gluten free. Their Margherita (house oil & garlic sauce, mozzarella cheese, assorted colors of grape tomatoes, fresh basil) is a winner and could be my favorite pizza in OKC (but how can I really choose?). Unique pizza combinations include: ●The Spicy Okie - cheddar cheese, red onion, jalapenos, hamburger, bacon, topped with BBQ sauce ●The Mediterranean - house oil & garlic sauce, mozzarella cheese, spinach, grilled chicken, sundried tomato, feta cheese ●The Bleu Burger - house marinara, mozzarella cheese, hamburger, bacon, red onions, avocado, blue cheese

Of course, they have more traditional pizzas like: ●The Vegetarian - house oil & garlic sauce, mozzarella cheese, fresh spinach, sundried tomato, red onion, fresh mushrooms, black olives ●The Carnivore - house marinara, mozzarella cheese, pepperoni, canadian bacon, hamburger, sausage, bacon ●The Worx - house marinara, mozzarella cheese, pepperoni, canadian bacon, hamburger, sausage, red onion, bell pepper, black olive, fresh mushrooms What goes better with pizza and beer than wings? Pizza 23 has wings ($6) along with BBQ rib tips ($6). For lighter fare, try out their salads. And during lunch, grab a small pizza, drink, and house salad for only $10! As an added perk, a Keep It Local Card will get you 10% off any pizza. Now you have 23 reasons, or close to it, to head to Pizza 23. What are you waiting for?

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photo by Whitley O’Connor

Several years ago, 23rd street wouldn’t have been thought of as a culinary destination. Thanks to revitalization efforts, 23rd street is now called Uptown and is an upand-coming place to dine. Uptown stretches along 23rd street between Broadway and Penn. Pizza 23 (www. pizza23okc.com, @pizza23) is at the intersection of Dewey and 23rd, next to Orange Leaf Frozen Yogurt (bring in your Pizza 23 receipt for 10% off yogurt). The inside of Pizza 23 is bright, with plenty of seating for groups large and small. The walls are adorned with TVs that show all the big games. They have a bar that features wine and, you guessed it, 23 different beers. Their tap selection boasts several local brews like Mustang and Coop. On nice days, head out to their fantastic patio, which has ample seating overlooking 23rd street. The pizza at Pizza 23 is packed with fresh-cut veggies and quality meats. Their crust is on the thin side and has a


Empire Slice House If you don’t need a huge pizza, then consider getting just a slice or two ($3.25 per slice). One slice almost completely fills the paper plate! So what are their best selling pizzas? All of them! But here are a few: ●Notorious P.I.G. - bacon, pepperoni, sausage, capicola, canadian bacon ($22, whole pie) ●MCA (white pie) - mozzarella, ricotta, parmesan, asiago, roasted garlic ($22, whole pie) ●Foghorn Leghorn - Asiago, chicken, bacon, jalapeno, sweet marinara, sriracha drizzle ($22, whole pie) ●Evil Empire - spicy marinara, mozzarella cheese, jalapeno, poblano, serrano, cherry peppers ($21, whole pie) Although they sell a spectacular pepperoni pizza, I suggest venturing

outside the pizza-box and trying one of their unique combinations or building your own. You can get half-and-half toppings on any pizza, so you don’t have to settle for just one. If you happen to have an elastic stomach then you should order an appetizer. The 16th St. Garlic Knots ($6) are not to be missed, but so is the Andre The Giant Meatball (1lb lamb and pork meatball with house marinara, and ricotta cheese- $14). All of their appetizers are spectacular, with several options for serious carnivores and vegetarians. Anytime of day is great for visiting Empire Slice House. For lunch, get a slice from the daily selection, a salad, and a drink for $9. For late night dining, they are open until 2am! Empire Slice House is a great place to watch football at the bar, or to pick up a to-go order for a private party (405557-1760).

photo by Whitley O’Connor

Have you been to the Plaza District yet? If not, you should drop everything you are doing and go! It is one of OKC’s recently revitalized neighborhoods and an epicenter for creativity. The Plaza District is located between Penn and Classen at NW 16th street and is bursting with galleries, studios, retail shops, restaurants, performance venues, and creative services. The creativity doesn’t stop with the art studios; the restaurants in the Plaza are pushing the envelope with their menus and unique ingredients. One of these restaurants is Empire Slice House. Empire Slice House is a hip pizza place, complete with album art, loud music, and 12 taps of craft beer. It isn’t a huge place, so expect a bit of a wait, especially on weekends. Empire Slice House has perfectly thin New York Style pizza, and a whole pie is almost the size of the Empire State Building.


The Wedge Pizzeria ●The Wedge Trio - roasted artichoke hearts, roasted red bell pepper hummus, kalamata olive tapenade, Italian herb flatbread ($8) ●Prosciutto Wrapped Pears - with goat cheese and drizzled aged balsamic ($7) ●The Wedge Salad - cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions, kalamata olives, fennel, herb vinaigrette ($6) ●Marinated Mozzarella Salad arugula, sundried tomatoes, pine nuts ($6) And their pizza? The Wedge’s crust is one of my favorites because it is airy but crisp on the bottom from their wood-burning oven. The result is perfectly melted cheese and charring on the bottom of their 14-inch pizzas. Here are a few of my favorite pizzas, but make sure to check out the specials board as well:

●Truffle-Shuffle - truffle oil, sage, crimini mushrooms, spinach, roasted chicken, parmesan, mozzarella ($15) ●The Perfect Margherita - tomato, basil, roasted garlic, mozzarella ($13) As a bonus, The Wedge offers gluten free pizza dough and vegan nut-cheese options. And make sure to save room for gelato ($4)! The ambiance at The Wedge is great for everyone. Kids are given pizza dough to play with while they wait on their food, and they have a TV to watch the big game. Definitely check out their social media pages for fun events that they host, like local craft beer nights with all-you-can-eat pizza. In my book, the Wedge is at the heart of the OKC pizza community, so hurry and drop in or call in a to-go order for pick up.

●The Vedge - garlic, red bell peppers, artichokes, crimini mushrooms, pine nuts, ricotta cheese, mozzarella ($13)

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photo by Whitley O’Connor

I think it is obvious by now, being the Italian that I am, that I have yet to meet a pizza that I didn’t like. However when it comes to my go-to pizza in OKC, The Wedge takes the pie. They have a location on north Western but I tend to go to their Deep Deuce location most often (visit thewedgeokc.com for addresses). You will find me there on Monday nights, when I can get BOGO pizzas from 5pm-close with my Keep It Local Card (the card gets you free Wedge Bread any other time). After work, I pop in from 4pm to 6pm for Happy Hour: $10 pizzas, $2 beer, $3 cocktails, and $4 wines. And I satisfy my lunch cravings with their lunch special, which is a 6-inch of any pizza and any of their salads for $8. One unique thing about The Wedge is their garden. They grow a variety of vegetables and herbs that they use in their salads. As for the menu, there isn’t a thing on it that I haven’t tried. True story. Here are a few of my appetizer and salad highlights:


Frightening Flicks

by Marcos Powell, Vendor photos courtesy of Respective Film Studios

These are thirteen movies that I’ve enjoyed through the years and recommend for people to watch this Halloween. They are from the 70’s through the 90’s. The 80’s were my favorite decade for horror movies.

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The Evil Dead (1981) is a cult classic. It’s about a group of college kids that go to a cabin in the woods. While they are staying at the cabin, they come across an old book and tape. The tape is of an old doctor speaking in an ancient language. While they are playing the tape, his words open the gates of hell. Demons possess all the girls and the guys have to kill them. The Evil Dead movies starred Bruce Campbell and made him famous. Evil Dead is a trilogy and they are all great. They are funny and scary at the same time. Evil Dead 2 picks up where part one ends. Army of Darkness is part three and serves as a prequel to the series.

Food of the Gods (1976) is about an island that gets infected with radiation. A man wants to end world hunger, so he creates a food to make animals grow bigger for food supply. But the food gets into the rat supply and makes the rodents bigger. They become more violent and begin to eat and kill people. The rats grow to about the size of a car. I saw the movie as a child and it made me scared of rats. Other killer rat movies to check out are Food of the Gods II and Deadly Eyes.

Arachnophobia (1990) is a movie about the fear of spiders. It starts with a guy getting bit by a rare spider in South America. It kills him and they put him in a coffin and bring him back to his hometown. However, the spider is still in his body and gets loose in the town. The spider then breeds with other local spiders and they multiply. The spiders go around killing people. The local town doctor takes on battling the spiders. Other spider movies to check out are Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo and Eight Legged Freaks.


Monkey Shines (1988) is a story about a man who gets in an accident and becomes quadriplegic. He gets a pet monkey to help him around the house. However, he doesn’t know that his monkey had been experimented on in the past. His monkey can read people’s minds. One day, he finds out his girlfriend is having an affair and has violent thoughts about her. His monkey reads his thoughts and kills his girlfriend and her lover. The monkey then goes around killing other people. George Romero is the director of this movie. He is responsible for the Night of the Living Dead series. Another scary movie about monkeys to check out is Congo.

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) is a vampire movie directed by Robert Rodriguez. It stars actors Quentin Tarantino and George Clooney. They play two fugitive brothers running from the law. They end up in Mexico and take refuge at a bar called the Titty Twister. It turns out the Titty Twister is a bar full of vampires. It was one of the first movies I saw with Quentin Tarantino. His character is real psychotic. There is also Dusk Till Dawn II: Texas Blood Money and Dusk Till Dawn III: The Hangman’s Daughter. The Hangman’s Daughter is a prequel to the series. There is a recent TV series based off the Dusk Till Dawn series called From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series. I like this movie because it’s scary and humorous. In fact, it was my favorite movie of 1996.

C.H.U.D. (1984) stands for cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers. It’s about monsters living under the subway in New York City. The plot starts out with the monsters killing the underground homeless. There’s a man who runs a soup kitchen and he notices that the homeless are disappearing. He gets in contact with a cop whose wife was killed by the dwellers. They are humans with slimy skin, bright eyes, and sharp teeth. The first C.H.U.D. was great but the sequel C.H.U.D. II: Bud the CHUD was slow.

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The House by the Cemetery (1981) is directed by Italian director, Lucio Fulci. It is the third story in the Gates of Hell trilogy. It is about a couple that is sleeping in abandoned houses. A creature lives in the basement of one of the houses that they are staying in. The creature is some kind of evil doctor that used to experiment on people. It’s a good movie and completely different from the other Gates of Hell movies. I like the scenery in the movie a lot.

Puppet Master (1989) is one of my favorite horror movies. It’s about a toymaker who creates puppets and uses magic to bring them to life. However, the toymaker dies and they get an evil new owner. They start killing people and these psychics from Yale come to investigate. Blade, Tunneler, Leech Woman, Jester, and Pinhead are the five original puppets. Leech woman is interesting. She spits up leeches on people. Sixshooter is my favorite puppet, but he doesn’t show up until later in the series. He’s an octopus with a gun on each tentacle. There are seven Puppet Master movies in the series.

Gates of Hell is also known as City of the Living Dead (1980). Lucio Fulci is the director and he is a great Italian director. He also directed Zombie and The New York Ripper. Gates of Hell is about a priest in the small town of Dunwich who commits suicide. Through his suicide, he opens the gates of hell. There’s also a psychic in New York who sees the priest’s death and hurries to Dunwich to help. There are several famous scenes from this movie. In one famous scene, a girl throws up her internal organs. It is considered a classic horror scene. There is another famous scene where a guy drills through another guy’s head. This move is scary and part of a trilogy. Gates of Hell, The Beyond, and The House by the Cemetery are all part of the series. Each movie is a completely different story and cast.


The People Under the Stairs (1990) is about a little boy named Fool who lives in the projects in Los Angeles. Leroy, a local criminal, convinces him to rob the wealthy couple that owns his apartment building. But the couple is crazy and they keep cannibalistic children hidden under their stairs. The little boy ends up having to try and escape from the house. It is a thrilling story with an amazing cast.

Tremors (1990) stars Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward. It’s a story about people in a desert town isolated from society. Giant, carnivorous worms start attacking them from below the ground. It’s an interesting movie. Reba McEntire, the famous country singer from Oklahoma, stars in the first movie. There are four movies in the series. Tremors II: Aftershocks, Tremors III: Back to Perfection, and Tremors IV: The Legend Begins. Tremors IV is the prequel to the series. The nickname for the worms is graboids.

It’s Alive (1974) is about a husband and wife that have an older son. They are about to have another child and are really excited. During the childbirth, all the doctors and nurses die and the baby goes missing. The baby is some kind of demon that goes around killing people, but the baby doesn’t harm anyone in his family. Talk about being born to kill. He crawls through the sewer to hunt people down. That’s how he goes undetected. I thought the movie was really original. There are actually three movies in the series. It Lives Again is about another demon child being born in Seattle. It’s Alive III: Island of the Alive is weird. It takes place on an island and is kinda quirky. I like the first two parts of the series better. Some other movies with child killers are The Omen, Orphan, Basket Case, and The Bad Seed.

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Needful Things (1993) is based off the Stephen King novel. I call this movie “the thrift shop from hell.� In the movie, the devil comes to town and opens a thrift shop. People begin buying things from the thrift shop, but it costs them. When you buy from the devil, you need a favor but you have to do something wicked to get the favor. Ed Harris plays the sheriff in town trying to expose the devil. Other Stephen King movies that I suggest are Children of the Corn, Cujo, Carrie, and Creepshow.


Children of the Corn 8 Facts You May Not Have Known About This Cult Classic by Whitley O’Connor

The Curbside Chronicle had the chance to sit down with the Director of Children of the Corn, Fritz Kiersch. Mr. Kiersch is the Chair and Artist in Residence of the Moving Image Arts Department at Oklahoma City University. Also known for directing Tuff Turf, he has a great vision for film in Oklahoma and his impact can already be felt throughout the local (and national) film community. Here are some fun facts he shared with us about the cult classic Children of the Corn.

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Due to strong child labor laws, the child actors could only shoot for a few hours each day. This meant that most of the children had adult body doubles. When a child has their back turned in the movie, it is most likely their double.

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The children created a newspaper during the filming called The Corncob. The newspaper featured interviews with the actors and crew and stories about the towns they filmed in.

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Isaac was played by a 22-year-old, John Franklin, who had graduated from the University of Illinois less than 3 months earlier. He also co-wrote and starred in Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return.

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Although the film is based on Stephen King’s short story and carries his name, he disliked the movie. The short story focuses more on the adult couple’s relationship, while the movie focuses more on the children.

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There are eight Children of the Corn movies in the series. The original was released in 1984 but part two wasn’t released until nine years later. Most recently, Children of the Corn: Genesis (part 8) was released in 2011.

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The early dream scene where Linda Hamilton checks on the boy who was hit by their car was genuine. Linda didn’t know the actor was going to jump up and scare her.

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Hal Roach, the producer of Little Rascals, originally purchased the rights to the Children of the Corn script. It was later sold to a group of investors from New World Pictures.

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A description of the monster in the cornfield wasn’t written into the script, so it was made up on location. The monster is actually an upside down wheelbarrow in a large track made of PVC pipe pulled by a tractor owned by a local farmer.

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by Kristi Eaton

For families who don’t have a regular home each night, completing something as simple as enrolling a child in public school can be a challenge; many of these families lack a home address and oftentimes birth certificates. But The LINK, a program within the Oklahoma City Public Schools system, works to make it easier for homeless students to get an education regardless of their living situation. At the start of each school year, parents fill out a questionnaire that helps officials identify which families are eligible for services under the federal McKinney-Vento Homeless Assistance Act. The McKinney-Vento Act ensures that all students are able to receive an education, says Kathy Brown, the Homeless Education

Coordinator at Oklahoma City Public Schools. “It’s a federal law that makes sure children are immediately enrolled and have educational stability,” Brown says of McKinney-Vento. “It’s to support the district, so that they are able to serve homeless students without the proper paperwork. Otherwise, districts are required for each child to have birth certificates, shot records, and show where they are living. This goes ahead and negates that, so they can immediately get enrolled.” The questionnaire asks about current living situations, including whether or not the family lives in a hotel, on a campground, or rotates among the homes of family and friends. “The biggest barrier for these children and families is getting enrolled because

they don’t have all of the necessary documents,” Brown says. “We make sure if they’re having any difficulty with enrollment, that they get enrolled immediately. We then help them if they need to get birth certificates or other school records.” The LINK also provides families and students with uniforms, personal hygiene products, school supplies, and more. This year, a one-stop shop opened up for the families in Brown’s office to go and get everything they need for the students. “We made it convenient for the families so they didn’t have to get a voucher and go someplace else. They were able to immediately just come here. We tried to make it as convenient for them as we could.” The money for the materials comes from a federal grant.


The number of students considered homeless within the Oklahoma City school district has increased steadily over the years. According to school records, there were 1,365 homeless students in the 2006-2007 school year. That number increased to 2,100 in 2011-2012. Last year, the school district served 2,450 homeless students. “It’s growing a lot,” Brown says. The main reason behind the uptick is a lack of affordable housing within Oklahoma City. “They just don’t have the finances and they don’t have job security,” Brown says of the families. Some of the family members also lack an education, and without an education, it’s hard to get a decent paying job.

“It’s kind of a vicious cycle.” Brown also says that it’s further complicated by the fact that many college-educated students are graduating from school and taking jobs that were once filled by less-skilled workers. Identifying students who may be dealing with homelessness is something employees in the Oklahoma City School District try to watch for. Some of the key signs employees watch for include: students wearing the same clothes without the clothes being washed, tardiness, and/or behaviors like hoarding food. For the students in high school, missing school altogether is a key sign. “They don’t have a way to get to school and when the counselor pulls a child in they can say, ‘hey,

what’s going on? I see you’re late a lot or missing school.’” A lot of times the students will say they got kicked out of their parents’ home and are trying to figure out how to get to school every day and where to sleep at night. A special program has counselors work specifically with high school students who are living unaccompanied. For Brown, who has been the Homeless Education Coordinator for several years, each time she helps a family, she feels like she’s made a difference. “I always try to keep positive. If I look at it the other way, it’s not so great,” she says. Instead she thinks, “If I hadn’t found this child or hadn’t heard about this family, we wouldn’t have been able to help them.”

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THE END IS NEAR! PAUL IS DEAD! OUR LEADERS ARE ALIENS! MICKEY MOUSE MAKES PORNOS IN THE DISNEYLAND VAULT! THE MOON IS MADE OF CHEESE! TRIANGLES RULE EVERYTHING AROUND ME! While it may not be economically feasible to prove whether portions of the moon’s surface could be served to party guests with crackers and summer sausage, shouting these statements frequently and loudly enough can start to blur the lines between what

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is reasonable and what is completely fabricated mind candy. With Halloween just around the corner, The Curbside Chronicle’s team of unpaid interns decided to dive into their parents’ closets for cheap costumes and beg YouTube conspiracy theorists for their copious amounts of sweet nectar of the Illuminati. Fortunately, they doled out the goods or their houses and lawns would have been riddled with rotten eggs of truth and reason. From circumstantial curiosities surrounding George W.’s reptilian

tongue flicks, to secret societies orchestrating the actions of global leaders, to subliminal messages in your cartoons and breakfast cereal, the interns watched countless hours of VHS-quality recordings to seek out theories that might have local connections. To help connect the dots for you, we’ve assembled a brief synopsis of each theory accompanied by snarky commentary and speculation about possible connections to Oklahoma City.


1. Secret Societies Rule the World There are two common versions of this theory but one basic premise: a few secretive, powerful elites rule the entire world. The two best-known and *allegedly* most powerful are the Illuminati (rumored to have started in 18th century Germany) and the Freemasons (the original frat bros). Some top celebs to be linked to the Illuminati include: Jay-Z, Beyonce, Rihanna, Angelina Jolie, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Celine Dion, and Kim Kardashian, to name a few. Apparently, you only have to be famous, super sexy, and rich to join the most powerful organization in the world. Some of the most famous Freemasons include: Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, Mozart, Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, Franklin D. Roosevelt, J. Edgar Hoover, Silvio Berlusconi, Rev. Jessie Jackson,

John Elway, Shaquille O’Neal, Scottie Pippen, all seven Ringling Brothers, and even Michael Richards.

Any evidence? Both organizations are considered to be everywhere and can be linked to damn near anything. The Illuminati utilize the “all seeing eye” symbol (which you can find atop the pyramid on the back of a dollar bill), the ‘devil horns’ or ‘goats head’ hand signal, as well as any connections that form triangles. The Freemasons have a series of Masonic temples around the world and their best-known symbol is the square and compass with a prominent letter ‘G’ in the center. The Masons also have a series of complicated handshakes and signals that are accompanied by scripted, rapid-fire dialogue.

What do they want from us? In short, the Illuminati are seeking to establish a satanic one-world government, while it sounds like the Freemasons just want to do keg stands, hook up with Sigma Kappa’s finest, and draw some maps.

Any OKC Connections? Does OKC have an organization obscure enough to represent these secret societies? Possibly a local blog named after the “lost sibling” of famous local news reporters? *fake cough* Ogle *fake cough* I hear you can make a mysterious triangle by connecting this local blog’s weekly OKC trivia locations.

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2. Reptilian Shapeshifters David Icke, a former BBC sports reporter, published a book in 1998 called The Biggest Secret in which he claims that world leaders are actually reptilian aliens. The website Collective-Evolution. com provides a concise summary of the theory: “Since the dawn of civilized man, the ruling class have been controlled by extra-terrestrial/ dimensional beings, with an agenda that ultimately establishes the human race as mindless and robotic slaves to a system based on fear and control.”

How do we identify them?

What do they want from us?

We think they look kind of like the scaly-man-fish attached to your rod, muthalicka. We don’t really know for sure because the interns never actually saw one. Theorists claim the reptilian aliens just look like normal humans but sometimes make mistakes. Former professional wrestler, Jessie “The Body” Ventura, really, REALLY wanted to see one and used his truTV series, Conspiracy Theory, to get a little testy with Mr. Icke in a one-onone interview. Mr. Icke explained that you can’t see their alien form in the visible light spectrum. Obvi.

To enslave humanity and probably make us build more pyramids like the one on Mars.

Any OKC Connections? Is there such a place (excluding the Oklahoma State Capitol building) that could house a bunch of reptilian aliens bent on pushing covert agendas in a perpetual power struggle to gain the authority to tell us all what to do? ...ok, it’s gotta be the Oklahoma State Capitol building.


3. Fake Moon Landing It’s been nearly 50 years since the moon landing never happened, and I’ve never been more proud to be ‘Merican. I mean it. The government is getting SO much better at making this fake space crap look real (see: Mars rover ‘Curiosity’). Basically, critics say Neil Armstrong and Buzz “Don’t Call Me Lightyear” Aldrin never even left the lower 48 to become the most famous astronauts of all time (excluding Mr. Lightyear, himself, of course). Most critics believe the whole production was staged by the US Government on a set in Hollywood or Area 51 just so we could one-up Mother Russia.

Any evidence?

What do they want from us?

Oh yes. Various film segments and images *only available from NASA* show apparent discrepancies about the moon environment Buzz and Neil “experienced.”

They want us to think we went to the moon...which we did.

1. There’s no crater under the lunar module from the crazy-powerful landing thrusters. 2. There may or may not be a stage light reflection in the astronauts’ masks. 3. A still image of Earth shows no stars. 4. The flag is seen ‘waving’ in space. 5. There is a rock with a perfect letter ‘C’- could this possibly be a stage prop that some unpaid intern forgot to cover with “moon dust?”

Any OKC Connections? If I knew one person capable of hyping up a huge atmospheric happening and using video clips and images to get us all excited for nothing, his name would be Mike Morgan and he would wear sparkly ties. If you look closely in the reflection in the astronaut’s mask, you can kinda see a sparkly tie. Was it Morgan? Can he prove he was somewhere else at the time? Probs not.

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4. Paul is Dead Paul McCartney is rumored to have died in a car crash in 1966. This could change everything - or nothing at all - that we’ve come to know about the most prominent faces of the lessviolent British Invasion. The story goes that after the crash the band was so beat up they replaced their bandmate with a right-handed look-a-like by the name of William Campbell. They trained Mr. Campbell to play guitar left-handed (the REAL Paul was a lefty) and that was that. Until 1969, when some college kids started publishing articles claiming to have discovered “clues” of Paul’s death hidden in lyrics and cover art.

Any evidence? Maybe the most “evidence” of any conspiracy listed.

1. There was a period of no live performances for about three years after the alleged crash. 2. Some played a record backwards and thought they heard “Paul is Dead,” so they did what anyone would do and called their local radio station and fueled rampant speculation. 3. The cover of Abbey Road represents a funeral procession: ●John Lennon is dressed in white, representing a clergyman. ●Ringo is dressed in black, representing a mourner. ●Paul is out of step, smoking righthanded, and shoeless. ●George Harrison is looking dapper in a Canadian tuxedo, which in some cultures (excluding American Professional Wrestling) represents an undertaker.

4. Strawberry Fields is a cemetery overlooking Liverpool. 5. The cover of Sgt. Pepper’s looks like the band is at a funeral (AGAIN) and surrounded by deceased celebrities, some of whom died in car accidents.

What do they want from us?

To keep Beatlemania alive forever!!!!

OKC Connections? Rumor has it that Flaming Lips front man, Wayne Coyne, was killed in 2001 during film development for the sci-fi film Christmas on Mars. He was replaced by a clerk working at the Edmond Randy’s M&M store, who inevitably slipped up when he started sneaking empty grenades into airports.


“Truly I say to you, whatever you did for one of the least of my brothers and sisters, you did for me.” — Matthew 25:40 Every life has a story. Every person, a purpose. And we are all equal in His eyes. Thank you Curbside Chronicle for giving voice to the voiceless and hope to the homeless of Oklahoma City. Your compassion is profound. And it inspires us all.

OKLAHOMA CITY

WICHITA

TULSA


Compiled by Ranya Forgotson

meet calvin qa

What do you like to do? Computers. I got my first computer 3 or 4 years ago and I’ve been hooked ever since. I think if you don’t learn something new every day, it’s a wasted day. Computers make me mad and that’s why I’m attracted to them.

qa qa qa

Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? I’m from Lovington, New Mexico, an oil field town. Real small. There’s nothing to do there, nothing at all. I was there on and off for forty years. How’d you end up in Oklahoma? I came on the bus. I come up here to work in the oil fields. I’ve done that nearly all my life. I’ve been here a bunch of times. I have been here since ‘05 this time.

qa qa

What was it like working on an oil field? I loved it. I liked working the oil derricks. But I think I’m too old now. They want one of these young, strong guys. I’m 57.

What other jobs have you had? I’ve done a lot of things. I worked construction in North Dakota. I went to school for air conditioning and refrigeration in Phoenix. At my last job, I got my hand caught in a table saw. I was working at a trailer park shop. That’s why I had to start panhandling. They said I was an independent contractor, so they weren’t going to pay for it. They kicked me out of the trailer park. I’ve been on and off the streets for 2 years now.

What do you enjoy learning about? Anything and everything. Science. Einstein is my favorite scientist. I loved physics in school. I remember all the first space launches from my childhood. If they happened when school was going on, I didn’t care. I was at the house watching them, but it was okay with my teachers if I wrote a report about it after. I wanted to be an astronaut back then. I wanted to be a nuclear physicist after that. But I ran into some trouble when I was about 15.

qa

What kind of trouble? I watched my best friend die right in front of my eyes. We were in a Corvair. He stopped and let me drive it. I just barely got going and the steering cable snapped. We went off in a ditch and hit a telephone pole. It killed him and I come up without a bruise or anything. I sat there and watched him die and that was the last thing I remembered for a very long time. Before that moment, I didn’t cuss, drink, smoke, or anything. After that, I wasn’t the same. A week later I was doing drugs. I’ve been kinda crazy since then.

qa

What is it like being addicted to drugs? It has a power over you. It controls what you do, how you think, what you have to do. It controls you and that gives other people control over you too. And I don’t like being controlled like that. That’s why I stopped doing drugs. I’m completely clean now. I had to get clean to work.


qa

What is panhandling like? At first, I would get no money. I was injured and my sign said, “injured, no money, please help.” One day I saw a man really angry at the stoplight and got an idea. So, I made a sign, “Are you angry or frustrated? Scream at a bum, 50 cents a minute.” I turned it around and got every car. It got me put on the news in OKC.

qa

What’s the panhandling culture like? Nowadays a lot of people who don’t need to do it are doing it. A lot of people who have no business are going out there begging. There’s a lot of people out there that are drinking and drugging. They ruin it for everyone. That’s why people look at us like they do.

qa q a q a qa

q a

How would panhandling?

How many panhandlers do you know in OKC? About 50 panhandlers. Out of the panhandlers you know, how many don’t use it to fuel an addiction? Not very many. A couple. It’s easy to fuel an addiction in Oklahoma with panhandling. People are generous. Why did you switch to selling The Curbside Chronicle? A girl gave me a card. I thought I’d check it out. Panhandling is not me. I’m a worker. I’ve worked all my life. How does it compare? I feel better about myself doing it. I was having fun with the sign but it was not me. I’m a worker.

qa qa

you

educate

people

about

The people that don’t know anything about it, they should try it. A college professor once told me, “being a bum is the best education you can get.” I have to agree with him. It’s a survival thing. Besides when you live in a house and you’re in a car, there’s a whole world out there you don’t see. A whole different world out there that nobody sees. I was out there flying my sign one day and I was happy. I was content. I would see people coming by in their Cadillacs, Jaguars, whatever kind of car, and Mercedes. But they weren’t happy. They weren’t happy with me being out there with my sign. They weren’t happy with their lives. They just weren’t happy. Jim Carey said, ”I wish everybody could be rich and famous like the want to be, so they realize it’s not the answer.” I think that is very smart.

When are you happy? I’m happiest when I see people do something nice for someone. I’m a big believer in karma.

What are your future plans? I wanna get a job and go back to work. I wanna make enough money to go back to school. I want to study information technology. I want to be an I.T. tech.

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hoboscope

LIBRA

VIRGO How many birthdays has it been since you really had a plan, Virgo? Not just a to-do list or a general idea of things that you would like to happen to you. I mean a real, workable, executable plan that you thought was likely to happen. Look, Virgo, I’m not trying to give you a hard time. If you’ve gotten a little off course or just didn’t have a good course to start with, this isn’t the time to feel bad about it. But you need a plan. Sit down and write it out. Try to come up with something that you can start on now and can still be working on a year from now. This is a great week to get going.

It’s still too hot out there, but I can smell fall blowing into town. It smells like deep-fried snicker bars and dirt. It smells like a coop full of prize-winning chickens. It smells like fresh hay and cotton candy. Wait a second, that’s not the fall. That’s just the fair! Well, Libra, we’re going to have to get up and go! Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. You don’t really have to go to the fair. But isn’t there something coming up that you don’t want to miss? Some things just come along once in a harvest moon. Whatever you’ve been waiting around for, don’t miss it. Personally, I’m gonna go right now. I’ll meet you at the craft pavilion!

SCORPIO This is a great week to get out there and start being more … wait a second, Scorpio. Haven’t you already read this horoscope before? Or does it just feel that way? They say you get the feeling of déjà vu most often in your teens and 20s. After that, it starts to become less frequent. Nobody really knows what causes that strange sensation of impossible familiarity. Sometimes it feels like a memory. Sometimes more like a dream. But I think it’s a reminder that your awareness of time and your sureness of memory are susceptible to glitches. Whenever you get that feeling let it pass. Take it as a reminder to question your assumptions. Things that feel true in a given moment might be due for another look.

CAPRICORN

SAGITTARIUS

So let’s just say this year hasn’t quite gone as planned. Is that too much to admit? And we’re at that point in the year where the temptation is to holdon and ride it out. I mean, at least you get to start over in January with a new year on the calendar, right? But what if you could start over sooner? Why does it always have to be New Year’s Day? Why not Labor Day? I personally make it a point to treat every Labor Day like the start of a new year. Out with the old! Onward and upward! This year, make some Labor Day resolutions and try to keep them until next September. It sounds weird and arbitrary, but so is January first. If you need a do-over, you don’t have to wait.

I really do love the fair. It’s crowded and exciting and you never know what you’ll see. I usually start with a walk around the perimeter, just to feel the whole thing out. There’s a dance troupe and then a cart selling giant turkey legs. There’s a petting zoo and a guy setting spray paint on fire (I think he’s supposed to be here). Today’s schedule says there’s an Oreo-stacking contest with local TV weather personalities at 6 p.m. and a junior yodeling contest at 8 p.m. With so much going on, I can stop anywhere and enjoy myself. But isn’t every day supposed to be like that, Capricorn. What if today you act like you’re at the fair? What if you stop and pay attention every chance you get? Maybe take a longer lunch-break than usual and meet somebody new. Or sit at the dinner table a little longer before you turn on the TV. There are so many great things to see and do. And so many of them are worth it, if you can just take the time.

AQUARIUS For centuries it was the same. If you wanted to sing to an auditorium full of people, you had to learn opera. It was a vocal style that could soar from the stage to the back of the house, hurling every note all around a spacious room. And then came the invention of the microphone. Microphones changed not only the way people heard music but also the ways a performer could sing. Rudy Vallee or Bing Crosby didn’t need to have a big enough voice for the back row to hear. They could croon as soft and low as they liked and the microphone would do the rest. You’ve had a hard time being heard, Aquarius, but I think you’re just relying on the wrong style. Forget about opera. Get yourself a microphone. Because what you’re putting out there deserves to be heard.


PISCES

ARIES

TAURUS

Most TV shows get cancelled after a season or three, but somehow “Doctor Who” has managed to hang on for more than 50 years. I think they get away with it because every time things get boring, they replace the central character with a new actor. And suddenly, it’s like a whole new show. And if the audience likes the new one less, all they have to do is stick around for a few years and they’ll get somebody else. Don’t be afraid to make big changes, Pisces. It might keep you going a lot longer.

I love the fair, but I have to admit, I never really ride the rides. I was afraid of them as a kid. Before the ride started, it seemed so frightening and unknown. Then you got strapped-in and there was no going back, and you wondered if you’d make it through. After a few terrifying seconds, you got used to it. Then you kind of liked it. Then you wondered how long it would go on. And then it was over. It stopped and you had to get off. But somewhere in the process, you learned you could do it. You learned to be less afraid. I usually skip the rides, Aries. But maybe they’re good practice. They show us what we can make it through. I wonder what your next ride will look like. I think it’s gonna be a good one.

You know those funny Internet videos where American kids born after 1999 see something from years ago and can’t relate. I want to make one like that where they just leave kids alone in a room to experience boredom. As we all know, boredom disappeared in the late ’90s as the Internet took off. It was replaced by distraction and anxiety. Now it’s just a nostalgic oddity that grownups try not to think about and children have never known. Of course, that will change when we also lose nostalgia. Global nostalgia reserves have been on the decline since the early 2000s. In 2006 alone, VH1 used about 25% of the naturally occurring nostalgia left in the US. How do we reverse this trend? It’s not that hard, Taurus. Just be present. Be present in the present, so when the future gets here you’ll have had something worth missing.

GEMINI

CANCER

LEO

Confucius was a Chinese philosopher and teacher who lived about 2,500 years ago. Before he died, he had some kids. Then those kids had kids. And then those kids had kids. Since Confucius was pretty well known and respected, those kids’ kids wanted people to know whose kids’ kids’ kids they were. So they kept track. Eighty-three generations later there are around 3 million registered descendants of Confucius. It’s the world’s most extensive family tree. And I guess I understand wanting to know that you have a famous and beloved ancestor. It’s interesting. But remember, Gemini, it doesn’t really matter who you were when you were born. It matters what you’ve done since. Confucius would agree.

It wouldn’t be a trip to the fair if I didn’t get stuck at those quarter-drop machines. You know what I’m talking about, right? Those machines where you roll a quarter-sized token down into a box with a bunch of prizes and you hope that the slider knocks enough coins or prizes over the edge? Sure, it’s a gamble, but it’s not like I’m trying to make a living off the thing. You, on the other hand, keep rolling coins down the same slot and expecting to win big. Just remember that if it hasn’t gotten you the desired result in the past, it probably won’t pay this time either.

Are you doing what you meant to be doing when you started doing what you’re doing? I know that’s way too many “doings,” Leo, but don’t let that distract you. I think this is a great time to compare your actions to your intended actions. If you find that you aren’t doing what you meant to be doing, you’re always free to stop, reassess, and start over doing something that might get you a better result.

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The Curbside Chronicle - Issue 7  
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