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Table of Contents Warm Gun Feature 5

Gift Guide Shopping 12

Employment Cards Outreach 19

By the Numbers: The Curbside Chronicle Statistics 22

Meet Mildred Vendor Highlight 24

Hoboscope Fun 29

Contact Director: Media: 1724 NW 4th St. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 73106 405-415-8425

Find Us Online The Curbside Chronicle is a program of the Homeless Alliance layout by Whitley O’Connor

WARM GUN by Sam Fried | photos provided by Natalie Baxter Floods of recent media coverage have turned the public’s attention to increasingly common mass shootings and conversation to the politics of gun control. Feeling powerless to act within these cycles of destructive outbursts and stagnant Congressional proceedings, Natalie Baxter found an outlet in making her own guns. “I feel powerless,” Baxter says. “Hearing news about mass shootings so regularly is heartbreaking. I think most of the country feels the same way, and while I know I shouldn’t, I can’t stop consuming the news coverage that surrounds each of these episodes.” So Baxter continues to sew. OK-47 is a series of sewn and stuffed sculptures, many of which are modified after actual weapons used in recent US mass shootings. In 2015, Baxter sewed over a hundred guns representing various firearms used in mass shootings around the U.S., though she couldn’t

sew fast enough to keep up with the 372 mass shootings that occurred. With fabric from New York City’s Garment District and her roommate’s Goodwill pile. Baxter turns images of these violent weapons into soft and brightly colored caricatures. Though she now lives in Brooklyn, New York, Baxter grew up in Lexington, Kentucky, a place that introduced her both to gun culture and to sewing. Her own gunowning, Appalachian grandmother taught her to quilt when she was young. Firearms are traditionally viewed as objects of power and masculinity, but Baxter is unsettling this image by using a historical feminine craft technique to create non-threatening, non-functioning translations. Her guns are more than plush toys. Baxter hopes that her works will act as catalysts for open-ended discussions about violence, gender, and the ways in which humans relate to one another.

“It’s not as simple as being either pro-gun or anti-gun,” Baxter says. “Everyone comes to view art with differing backgrounds, thoughts, and opinions, and they create meaning through their own interpretations. I hope that because of this work’s approachability, it provides an opportunity to get people thinking and talking about gun control, gun violence, and gender constructs. I appreciate work that doesn’t have just one takeaway or gives me that feeling of, ‘Oh, I get it.’ The gun debate has proven to be emotional for a lot of Americans; everyone has their own opinion about what should be done or not be done.” Baxter wants people to feel free to interpret her project in the same way. Baxter’s Warm Guns can be viewed on her website and on exhibition at various galleries around the world. 5

90 people a day die from gun violence in our country. That’s 33,000 people a year. Center for Disease Control

PLAY DATE fabric & polyfill | 2015

MAMA’S PACKING PISTOL fabric and polyfill | 2015

The average number of guns in a gun-owning household in the U.S. is 8.1, nearly twice as many as in 1994, 4.1. The Washington Post

TAMMY GUN fabric and polyfill | 2015

Gun deaths in the US from 2000 - 2013 exceeds the number of Americans killed by AIDS, illegal drug overdoses, the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, and terrorism combined. Vox


The presence of a gun in domestic violence situations increases the risk of homicide for women by 500%.

AUTOMATIC WEDDING I made from a wedding band quilt top purchased on ebay & polyfill | 2016

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

HOT SHOT fabric and polyfill | 2015

3% of American adults own half of the guns in the U.S. Harvard/Northeastern Survey

MIAMI HEAT fabric & polyfill | 2016

Buyers that purchase firearms through private sales in the U.S. don’t have to pass a background check before obtaining possession of the weapon. This is commonly referred to as the “gun show loophole.” 85% of Americans favor expanding background checks for gun buyers. Pew Research Center

There were an estimated 310 million firearms in the U.S. in 2009. It is estimated that there are now more firearms in the U.S. than people. Congressional Research Service

GOLDIE SHOT fabric & polyfill | 2015

HOT SHOT fabric and polyfill | 2015

80% of people who carry out mass shootings use legally obtained firearms. Mother Jones

400,000 guns are stolen in the U.S. every year. Harvard/Northeaster Survey

MY SUPER SWEET M SIXTEEN fabric & polyfill | 2015


ROSE TO THE OCCASSION fabric & polyfill | 2016

Since 2012, the AR-15 has been used in 7 of America’s deadly mass shootings, together claiming 79 lives, including the Aurora movie theater shooting and San Bernardino. Parents of victims in the Sandy Hook massacre have filed a lawsuit against Remington for selling the semi-automatic weapon to civilians knowing it could be used in a way that risks injury to others. Vox

COWBOY COLT fabric and polyfill | 2016

A 2013 Pew survey shows that men are around three times as likely as women to own a gun. Pew Research Center

LITTLE SISTER DON’T YOU fabric & polyfill | 2015

In the last decade, women’s participation in shooting sports has increased by 51.5 % for target shooting and by 41.8% for hunting. National Sporting Goods Association

UNNAMED fabric & polyfill | 2016

The FBI conducted 23 million background checks in 2015, nearly three times as many as the 8.5million completed in 2000. Federal Bureau of Investigations

NOT A PEEP fabric and polyfill | 2016

More than 60% of people in this country who die from guns die by suicide. 8 out of 10 firearm suicides among adolescents are committed with a gun belonging to a family member. Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence

TANNIA fabric and polyfill | 2016


48% of Americans cite protection as the main reason to own a gun, while 32% said hunting. In 1999, 49% of Americans said hunting was the main reason to own a gun, while just 26% said protection. Pew Research Center

Curbside holiday wrapping paper,

Gift Guide 2016

Holiday gifts that give back

by Clarke Emerson

This holiday season instead of the usual fruitcake, give ethical, eco-friendly, and socially conscious gifts to your loved ones and friends! We’ve made it super easy to do with our 2016 Holiday Gift Guide. We’ve sought out the best presents of 2016 that are not only stylish but also give back to worthy causes. From funding Oklahoma City Public Schools to employing Mexican seamstresses at a fair wage to supporting a greener world, these gifts give back without breaking the bank. And the best part is that all of these products are available for purchase at local shops around Oklahoma City. Here’s where you can shop locally and have an impact globally this holiday season! And while you’re at it, don’t forget to pick up some of Curbside’s holiday wrapping paper designed by local artists! 100% of proceeds from each package of wrapping paper purchased go to support The Curbside Chronicle. For more information and a list of local retailers, visit 12

Duke Cannon soap bars were inspired by the soap issued to G.I.’s during the Korean War. All Duke Cannon products are produced in the same U.S. based plant that was the sole supplier to the military during that era. And all products are tested by active duty military personnel to make sure they hold up in the harshest conditions. A portion of every Duke Cannon sale goes directly to support U.S. veterans. @ TREE & LEAF

Rare Form repurposes billboards into bags. Once a billboard’s time is done, it is shipped to Rare Form’s warehouse in California where it is washed and hand-cut into unique designs. Rare Form currently repurposes 20,000 lb. of billboard vinyl a month to make its products. Billboard vinyl is durable, waterproof, and lightweight, making it the perfect material for travel bags and accessories. @ FIT CIRCLE

Tired of choosing between over-priced razors that disrespect your intelligence and cheap razors that disrespect your face? Harry’s offers a quality razor at a fair price. In addition to a great shave, Harry’s donates 1% of every purchase to City Year, a nonprofit that offers job training and like skills development for young adults. @ SHOP GOOD

Architec housewares uses elements of architecture to improve the functionality of kitchen essentials through green manufacturing. From cutting boards to mixing bowls to utensils, all Architec products are designed from recycled, eco-friendly materials. @ PLENTY MERCANTILE

Mariposa Coffee is a small microroastery in Norman, Oklahoma dedicated to crafting excellent coffee, supporting community, and fighting social injustice. Their goal is to bring out the natural flavors that are hidden within each coffee bean, celebrating the delicate notes from each origin. Mariposa Coffee works with Water 4 to help put water-wells in coffee-growing communities that do not have access to clean water. @ COLLECTED THREAD

SIEMPRE VIVA is a socially responsible clothing company that utilizes vibrant and culturally significant textiles to create modern, comfortable women’s clothing and accessories. Add meaningful folk art to your closet when purchasing pieces that employ Mexican seamstresses at a fair wage and add flare to your personal style! Based out of Norman, Oklahoma, Simepre Viva works directly with artisans in indigenous areas of Mexico and empowers women through the manufacturing of their products. @ OUT ON A LIMB

Handmade ties, bowties, and pocket squares for the everyday gentleman. BYBIRD grew out of the desire to create high-quality products and foster lasting relationships. From raw material to finished goods, BYBIRD aims to impact the hands that touch their products all along the line: from start to finish. BYBIRD creates products that not only benefit the environment, but also create jobs, opportunities, and sustainable living for humans around the world. @ BLUE 7

Bongo speakers by Otis & Eleanor are the perfect blend of form and function. These stylish speakers are not only well designed, they’re loud! Bongo speakers use Bluetooth technology with a range of up to 30 feet. Each speaker is made using sustainable bamboo, one of the most environmentally friendly materials available. With a variety of fun, vibrant colors to choose from, these portable speakers will get the party going at your next gathering. @ FIT CIRCLE Color Cloud Hammocks was started by three friends who share a love for wandering. Every Color Cloud Hammock has been crafted in a family-owned local business in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, primarily employing women. Color Cloud believes that it is worth it to pay someone fairly to create each hammock and wants to make the world a better, more colorful place. @ BLUE 7

OTTER WAX is a line of all-natural Fabric Care, Leather Care, and Apothecary products handmade in Portland, Oregon. Right down to the recyclable packaging, their products are simple and natural. Otter wax uses zero animal fats, fillers, petroleum distillates, mineral oils or chemical preservatives. Otter wax believes that labeling a product as All-Natural should not be used as a marketing tool, but rather as a way of demonstrating a commitment to making products that are pure, honest, (and most importantly) effective. @ BLUE 7

S’well creates reusable bottles that look great and do good. S’well seeks to decrease environmental impact by eliminating the use of plastic bottles. These stainless steel bottles keep drinks cold for 24 hours and hot for 12. They come in an assortment of colors and sizes 9oz, 17oz, and 25oz. For every S’well bottle sold, a portion of the proceeds are donated to one of its three charity partners: WaterAid, American Forests, or Drink Up. @ CULINARY KITCHEN

For every shirt sold, Homiez pledges to donate a lightweight, high quality shirt to someone experiencing homelessness in Oklahoma City. And for the winter, Homiez has expanded their line to include fleecelined beanies with the same one-for-one model. Homiez partnes with local shelters in the Oklahoma City area, and for every Homiez product you purchase, an identical product is given to someone in need. HOMIEZ405.COM

ALCHEMY GOODS wallets, bags, and belts are crafted from reclaimed bicycle inner tubes. Alchemy Goods are durable, vegan, and often bear the unique markings of their former life inside of a bike tire. To date, they’ve upcycled 50,000 bike tubes and counting. @ AMP VARIETY 14

Fjallraven is an outdoor line of apparel and accessories. Fjallraven is dedicated to reducing its carbon footprint through its manufacturing process and also works to help save the Arctic Fox from extinction. Fjallraven supplies equipment and donates money to research and food supplementation for Arctic Fox Preservation. @ BLUE 7

Mata Traders is a design-driven, fair trade brand helping to end global poverty and inspire ethical companies and consumers to change the fashion industry. Made by artisans in India and Nepal, their colorful clothing and jewelry provide a stable source of income for families in some of the world’s poorest communities. @ COLLECTED THREAD

Krochet Kids empowers women living in poverty in Uganda and Peru by teaching them how to crochet beautiful, handmade products. Krochet Kids employs these women and assists them in furthering their education and career paths. Products range from scarves and hats to clothing and accessories. Every product is handsigned by the woman who made it. @ SHOP GOOD

Native Shoes are mondo-lite, crazy comfortable, affordable, easy to wear and completely Beast Free. Not a single hair nor hide on any animal, anywhere, has been used in the creation of their product. Native has been awarded the PETA Approved Vegan Footwear seal of approval. They come in a variety of fun styles and colors! @ BLUE7

Manduka yoga mats are guided by a responsibility to reduce global consumption by making better products that last longer. Their design approach is rooted in principles of conservancy and transparency, creating yoga mats, towels, props and apparel while also making every possible effort to minimize environmental waste. @ FIT CIRCLE Natural Living is an all-natural personal care company based in Oklahoma City that only uses the best oils, butters, and botanicals. No sulfates, phthalates, artificial colors or artificial fragrances. Natural Living focuses on making affordable, natural skin care products for a healthier you. @ BLACK SCINTILLA

Surely you would love your little one eating off such a beautiful bamboo dinner set that is also kind to the planet. Love Mae bamboo dinner sets are too cute for words and biodegradable. @ PLENTY MERCANTILE

Bumbelou is a handmade line of girls wear and hair accessories encouraging girls to be brave, bold, and beautiful. 10% of every purchase is donated to Compassion International, helping children in poverty around the world @ COLLECTED THREAD

Plastic-free Bucket-bibs are made of pure, soft, reusable silicone that keeps your baby’s sensitive skin happy. This flexible bib is perfect for on-the-go dining and to rescue clothes from spills and stains. Made with 100% food-grade silicone, Bucket-bibs are safe for people and the planet. @ PLENTY MERCANTILE Lovewell is a husband and wife team (he’s the designer, she’s the seamstress) based in Oklahoma City. Together, they create the most adorable line of baby apparel. All of their products are made using organic knit fabrics and printed locally using eco-friendly, waterbased pigment inks. And 5% of every sale is given to their charity partner - New Story - to build homes for families in life-threatening and unsafe conditions worldwide. @ COLLECTED THREAD

Tegu magnetic blocks not only help little ones build creative structures, they help men and women in Hoduras build stable careers. These blocks are made from responsibly harvested wood, hand-selected by local Honduran cooperatives from sustainable forests. Tegu pays all of their employees a living wage and focuses on long-term career growth, bringing world-class employment standards to Central America. These magnetic blocks will inspire endless fun and creativity for your future engineer. @GREEN BAMBINO

Green Toys are American made from 100% recycled milk jugs, and all products are packaged in 100% recyclable cardboard. Green Toys believes in creating toys that nurture young minds and encourage environmental stewardship through earthfriendly play. A portion of Green Toys sales are donated to nonprofits focused on children and the environment. @ GREEN BAMBINO

Designed and crafted in the USA, each pencil is foil-stamped with gold. The Pencil Factory is intimately involved with the Wonderful Life Foundation. A portion of all sales benefit this non-profit, which provides assistance to families of children undergoing cancer treatment. @ SHOP GOOD 16

Wolfpack Supply creates colorful, high quality leashes and collars for your furry friends. Wolfpack promotes animal adoption and for each collar or leash purchased, they donate one pound of food to an animal shelter through their ‘Purchase for a Pound’ program. All of their products are hand made in the U.S.A. and come with a lifetime warranty. @ TREE & LEAF

Over Under is dedicated to preserving the sporting lifestyle. All of their products are American designed, grown, and manufactured. Inspired by the sporting lifestyle, many of their designs nod to outdoor activities, hunting, and fishing. Over Under seeks to honor the bond between man and his dog, which is why a portion of each sale goes directly to nonprofits working with at risk dogs in need. @ FIT CIRCLE

Love Thy Beast pet beds are scratch proof and 100% machine washable. The fiber fill is made from post-consumer recycled material, ensuring that your pet will be cozy while reducing their environmental paw print. And all Love Thy Beast products are made in the U.S.A. @ PLENTY MERCANTILE

Repet dog toys are made with 100% recycled cotton and come in a variety of adorable shapes like fire hydrants, gnomes, and mail men. @ PLENTY MERCANTILE

HELP US EMPLOY OKC’S HOMELSS The Curbside Chronicle needs your help! Cut along the black lines and keep these cards to hand out to those in need. Together we can employ and empower OKC’s homeless!


HELP US EMPLOY OKC’S HOMELSS The Curbside Chronicle needs your help! Cut along the black lines and keep these cards to hand out to those in need. Together we can employ and empower OKC’s homeless!



3201 NW 48TH ST



134 YEARS 16 VENDORS total amount of time vendors who moved into housing in 2016 spent homeless.

moved into housing in 2016.

67 ARTICLES 9 ISSUES published in the past year.

published in 2016 by journalists and vendors.

47,785 MAGAZINES sold in the 2016 by Curbside vendors.

MONTHLY $103,570+ earned by Curbside vendors in 2016.

In July 2016, The Curbside Chronicle began publishing a new issue every month.


from the International Network of Street Paper Awards, the most of any street paper in the world for the second year in a row. Curbside was nominated for: BEST DESIGN, BEST NEWS FEATURE, BEST COVER, BEST VENDOR FEATURE, BEST PHOTO (2), & BEST ONLINE PRESENCE. 22


Plaza District | 405 - 601 - 4067 | | open tues-sun 4pm |Â brunch sat/sun 10am

Located north of Shepherd MaLL on ViLLa

Meet Mildred compiled by Ranya O’Connor

For many people, homelessness comes during times of personal tragedy and loss. And for those without a support system to rely on, times of deepest grief can turn into times of homelessness. Mildred first experienced homelessness at the age of 62 after her husband passed away. Mildred found herself financially unable to keep up with the costs of their home. On the following pages, Mildred shares her story. You can find Mildred selling magazines in the afternoon at NW 23rd and Meridian Ave. 24


Where are you from? I’m originally from New York City. Actually, Englewood, New Jersey. I was born during a parade on Thanksgiving day, so they had to go a roundabout way to get me to the hospital. I grew up in New Jersey, but my grandfather had a chain of stores in New York and we would go over there all the time. They were variety stores called Mildred’s Variety Stores. The store was named after my grandmother and so was I. They had everything you can imagine. He got to seven stores and then my grandfather decided to move. He wanted to live his dream as a farmer, so he bought a farm in Oklahoma and we moved out here.


Did you grow up with your grandparents? No, I lived with my dad. He took care of me, but they stepped in quite often. I was at their house most of the time. They wanted custody of me but he wouldn’t give it to them.


What about your mother? My mother was very rebellious. She got pregnant early. She had kids and they got scattered all over the place. I know of six siblings. She had kids and just dumped them off. My mother left me in an abandoned house when I was a baby. My grandfather and father broke down the door and got me out. They said I was in bad shape when they found me. My grandparents tried to shield me from her. They didn’t like to talk about her while I was growing up. I always saw this drunk lady that would come around the house. I didn’t know who she was. I came to find out, it was my mother coming around. She would leave presents and things for me but my grandparents would throw them in the trash. I didn’t know she was my mom until I was 19.

Mildred proudly sits in her new apartment.


How was your relationship with your father? He did some things that were pretty awful. He was a drug dealer. That’s how he met my mom. He was supplying her drugs… I never could get close to him. He was always dramatic. Always a nervous wreck. Always looking over his shoulder. I was 16 when I got married to my first husband. I was looking for a way to escape my father.

My mother left me in an abandoned house when I was a baby.

The warehouse where Mildred lived while she was homeless.


What did you want to escape? The drugs. The lifestyle. I didn’t want that lifestyle. Constant people. The screaming. The hollering. The violence. Selling drugs in the house and doing all kinds of crazy stuff. I seen some things I shouldn’t have. He kept on pressuring me to be like him. He’d have me hold stuff and hide packages around the house so no one could find them. He got me thrown into a juvenile detention center when I was 14. He went and shot somebody, and the police came to the house looking for him. All his drugs were in the house, and I was there by myself. I got accused of having something to do with the drugs. I didn’t want to snitch on my father.


How did you end up in Oklahoma? I was 14 when I came to Oklahoma. My grandparents moved here for their farm and my father followed them. They were threatening to take custody of me because he was an unfit parent. My grandparents made sure I went to private school and got a good education. They even sent me to college. They always took good care of me. My grandparents were good Christian people, very hard working, and instilled the value of a dollar in me. My grandparents always told me I had to work for what I get. They told me all kinds of things. They taught me. They told me when I was older I would understand. And I did.



What was your marriage like at 16? I was trying to escape my father, and I successfully did. But my first husband was very abusive - physically and mentally. He was thrown in and out of jail constantly for drinking and drugs. It was a mess. The marriage was a mess. That’s because I was trying to escape my father and ran right back into the same problems… I’d been in the hospital a lot of times for bruises. I had a broken arm from him. I was small then and my bones were kind of fragile. But my mother-in-law was good to me. I got pregnant at 16, and he went to jail. I didn’t know what to do, and she took me in. But she made me work and take care of my kids. She was a decent woman.


What was it like being a mom? It was hard because I was young. And I had always wanted a family of my own. I wanted a husband and to be the wife and have kids. A family that I never had. I started taking all kinds of odd jobs to help keep the kids fed. I worked on a hot tar roof. I put lights up at Christmas time. I still got scars from the blood bank on my arms. I was going twice a week for a couple years to donate plasma. And I worked a full-time job too as a cafeteria cook. It took a lot of work to raise them.










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Did you ever remarry? Yes, his name was Jimmie and we were married almost 11 years. He was a great guy. He took good care of me. Nothing like my first husband. He protected me from anybody he thought might hurt me. He died of Cirrhosis of the liver almost 2 years ago.

How did you two meet? I was friends with his mother and she thought that he was a perfect match for me. She used to sit on her porch and I’d go by on my way home from work. I’d sit and talk with her and we became friends. Then I got diagnosed with cervical cancer and was going through chemo therapy. When I got sick, she had her son drive her to the hospital to come see me. She was a little match maker like that.

What was it like battling cancer? I was about 140 pounds when I was diagnosed with cancer. After I beat it, I got up to 450 pounds because water retention is a side effect sometimes of chemo. I started putting on the pounds with water retention and had a lot of health problems after that. I felt bad about the weight and people judging me and not knowing me. But I’m down to 300 pounds now and plan to keep on losing it. So your husband passed away two years ago? Yes, I didn’t know what to do. We lost the house and a lot of bad things happened. He got sick and insurance didn’t cover everything. He needed medicine and we just didn’t have the money. We wound up in an apartment to save money. And then he passed away and I wound up in a warehouse. It was hard because he always knew what to say. He always knew what to do. And I didn’t know what to do.

What was it like living in a warehouse? It was awful. It was dirty and nasty. But at least I had my cats with me. That’s why I didn’t stay at a shelter. You can’t have pets, and I couldn’t imagine giving them up. I love animals. I kept my job the whole time I was homeless. I’ve been working at an auto care place for the past 7 years. I work 30 hours a week holding a sign advertising oil changes. But after my husband died, I wasn’t making enough on my own to pay for food, rent, and my medicine.


How did you find out about Curbside? There was a Curbside vendor and he gave me your magazine one day. He suggested that I call you guys. I needed extra income. Curbside helped me get the extra money I needed to get out of this situation. There have been times when the food was real low but after selling magazines I got the money. I was able to go to the store and get some food.

What was it like moving back into housing? I was scared to move back into housing. I was afraid of being by myself, but I’m okay. I got something to eat. I got a place to stay. I can take a warm shower when I want to.

What are your goals for the future? I want to do better. Housing is fine for now. But I just want something better. Maybe a better place to stay. Maybe a bigger apartment. Maybe not having to struggle as much as I do sometimes with medicine and paying rent and dealing with life’s situations. I’d like to get the cats some nice toys. And sometimes, I’m not saying right away. I’m still grieving my husband. But sometimes, I don’t want to be alone. I think that’s human. Constantly being alone is hard.

What brings you joy in life? Well, I do have a strong belief in God. I’m very spiritual. That helps me deal with my problems. And I love people. I’m a people person. And I like helping people too. Financially I ain’t able to. But I can give a kind word or smile. I do that all the time. It’s natural for me to smile. I’m usually always smiling. What are your hobbies? I like painting all kinds of pictures. I’ve always liked art, even as a child. I would draw and paint. When my husband was alive, we had a room with paint and an easel. I used to make extra money doing that. People would buy my paintings from me. I haven’t painted anything lately. One day I wanna get some paint and canvas and start again. What do you wish people knew about homelessness? I haven’t always been homeless. For the majority of my life, I wasn’t. I’m 63 years old and I’ve worked all my life. Most of the time for minimum wage. There’s a lot of people that fall in my category. When I was younger, I worked at the Salvation Army for 12 years as a cook. When I was working at there, I seen people like me but I never thought I would end up in that situation. It don’t make me happy, but it makes me feel a little bit better that I’m not alone. My life hasn’t always been easy. But I’m coming out of it.

I like helping people too. Financially I ain’t able to. But I can give a kind word or smile. I do that all the time.

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We stand behind lives in crisis and behind the promise that across Central Oklahoma, desperate need will be met.

Hoboscope by Mr. Mysterio




The Wandering Hills Super-Video and Tan will be closed on New Year’s Day. I’m relieved that I won’t have to go into work, but at the same time, I find it a little unrealistic. Shouldn’t we make the first day of the year more like every other day? You know, just so everybody doesn’t get their expectations out of whack. I think you should do a little work on New Year’s Day, Capricorn. Whether anybody’s expecting you to or not.

I love a parade, Aquarius. Doesn’t everybody? Floats full of flowers driving slowly past the cheering crowd. Marching bands and maybe a celebrity guest or two. Look, here comes another one! I think the theme of this float is “Goodbye 2016.” Watch it roll on past, Aquarius. Another year. I think maybe next year you should step out of the spectating crowd. Climb up on one of those floats and get in the parade. Next year’s parade is all about you.

Midnight is always a magical thing. One minute it’s today. The next it’s tomorrow. And how much more magical is midnight on New Year’s Eve? To move from one year to the next over the course of a single minute. Everything that happened last year meets everything that will happen in the year to come. A lot can change in a moment, Pisces. Even more than the date on the calendar. Use your moments wisely this week.




You tried a lot of new things in 2016! In fact, I thought you’d never stop trying new things. Between all the travel and jobs and projects and hobbies and classes, you stayed pretty busy all year, Aries. And that’s so great! But this year, I think you’re going to want to narrow your focus a little bit. Think about all your new experiences. Pick one or two that meant the most and put extra energy there this year.

Somehow I never have anybody to kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve. Maybe it’s because I so often fall asleep before 9:45 at home alone in front of the TV. The point is, Taurus, that whether you’re planning on starting the year alone or in good company, be sure you’re always getting enough sleep.

Spoiler alert! 2017 is going to have some hard parts. There will be some unexpected losses. There will be some disappointment. Some worries. Maybe even the death of an important daytime soap opera character. I don’t know exactly what 2017 will bring, but I know it won’t be all sunshine and roses. This year, Gemini, don’t try to skip over the hard parts. In fact, slow down and take them in. 29

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a renowned chef , or an appointed grand-marshal. Mr. Mysterio is, however, a budding intermediate podcaster! To find out more check out or follow him on Twitter @mrmysterio.




Are you making any New Year’s resolutions, Cancer? I think resolutions are just great! Of course, I never keep any of mine. But I’m sure you’ll do great! Go ahead. Make a list. Write them all down. And, if you happen to fail at any of your goals, just remember that you can make a new list any week of the year.

You know who gets a lot of attention, Leo? Famous people. In fact, it’s right there in the job description. And I know it’s tempting to think you would be happier if you were only a little more famous. But I don’t know if it works that way, Leo. I think this is a year to focus on giving attention instead of getting it. Start by paying attention to the people you actually know.

Drag the garbage out to the curb, Virgo. Get it out of the kitchen. Get it off the porch. This is a great time to take out your personal trash. Don’t miss the opportunity to leave it behind.




Things can change a lot in a year. For instance, if you set down this magazine and did a pushup right now, you’d probably have an easier time doing two pushups tomorrow. And if you did two pushups tomorrow, you’d probably have an easier time doing three the next day. You can even take a day off in between. You’d still get better. At least a little bit better. But you don’t care about pushups? That’s fine. Pick something you do care about. Do a little bit today and a little more tomorrow.

There’s lots of important work to do at the beginning of a new year. So much to get in order. You need to check your pantry for expired food, clean out your closet and your medicine cabinet, schedule a physical and a dental appointment, write Christmas thank you notes, change your smoke-detector batteries. And if that doesn’t sound like appealing work, I’ve got a better idea. How about you give yourself a little time to do nothing. Take this week to reflect and listen. Save the busy-work for February.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…Happy New Year, Sagittarius! I just love counting down to the new year! Why don’t we do that more often? Come to think of it, the only other time we really count-down is when we’re sending a rocket into space. Why don’t we do that more often? I guess what I’m saying, Sagittarius, is that you can treat this new year like a rocket. I have a feeling you’re about to achieve lift-off.


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The Curbside Chronicle - Issue 23  

The Curbside Chronicle - Issue 23