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THE VALLEY CRAWLER

EXP 03/31/10

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3706 27 Street, Vernon, BC • 250-545-0311 OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK

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This is where I get to plug great events and performers that are coming our way and this edition covers both. On February 6th be sure to check out the Inaugural “Winter Carnival Blues Festival”. The event runs from approx 5pm until 11pm and features performance by Cat Wells, Linda-Sue Wilson and Les Copeland from Vernon, Sherman Doucette featuring Poppa Dog from Kelowna, Jump Cat Swing featuring Sabrina Weeks (Salmonarmenians) from Kamloops and headlines Johnny Ferreira (Colin James Band) from Vancouver. This is a licensed event and is restricted to those 19 years of age or older. Along with the music there will be venders for food, drink and more to add to the festival spirit and a very large dance area. Tickets are $25.00 and are on sale now at the Carnival office. For more info e-mail phatbetty@shaw.ca If you have a

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EXP 03/31/10

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COFFEE NEWS VOL 1 • ISSUE 2 • JAN. 18, 2010

VERNON • COMPLIMENTARY COPY

Listen to the SUNRISE SHOW on SUN FM daily Monday to Fridays for the Hollywood Hotsheet and your chance to WIN Gift Certificates from the Valley Crawler Sponsors or logon to SUNONLINE.ca for details!

ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES: CALL 250-938-9969

will amuse and brighten your day. It will chronicle the great work of the city’s service clubs and organizations, and also tell you where the action is going on in town. But, it will be read. The Valley Crawler is an independent publication dedicated to reflecting the life of the community, and so it will remain just as long as it receives the support of the community. Just as long as the people of Vernon take pride in having a truly “Made in Vernon” coffee news, free to comment on that which affects the lives of those who live in VERNON. New location for the Valley Crawler Coffee News. As of Feb 1/10 the Valley Crawler Coffee News office will be located inside the US 2 Café. Come in and visit our twenty foot “Crawler Community Wall”, a display board for community events. Are you a new business? Inquire about our New Business Start up Package, and you could essential part of our prized local community. In qualify for a free ad. Time and space are limited, the past we’ve been graced by some hilarious and gutsy events including the Mayor Shootout, so call today. The Bavarian night, The Western Night, The Recent Cobs Bread franchisee, Mike Annual Bed Races, the Children’s Masquerade Robertson, is one of the hardest working guys Skate, and many more. One of the main events in town. Mike, owner of Cobs Bread, is doing an though, is the crowning of Queen Silver Star, the interesting promotion till the end of January. time when the young and beautiful girls of Bring in any large loaf of bread and he will replace Vernon come out to show their talents. You can it with a loaf of Cobs own Sandwich bread. Mike find more information on the Vernon Winter and events at starts his day at 2AM so that he can open his Carnival doors for you by 6AM. daily. Not only is he a big vernonwintercarnival.com. You can even view man in stature, but also a big giver in the the online pamphlet in the events tab with the community who is constantly donating his time, nifty page flip feature. I spent more time flipping and his products to several needy organizations the virtual pages than I did writing this article! in and around the Vernon area. Watch for a business profile on Mike and his bread business Need a home? 3 bedroom, 3 bathrooms, townhouse in Vernon. Bright, three levels, lots in our next issue. of green space and close to all amenities. Big welcome to Case Furniture store recently available February 15/10. For more information, opened in the old Sandy’s Furniture location. A call 250 306 1113. brand new store with an exciting new layout and some eye catching furniture displays. I wish you Thank you for reading the Coffee News. Please redeem the coupons provided by local the very best of luck! Welcome to Vernon. merchants and tell them you saw their ad in the The Vernon Winter Carnival has been Valley Crawler. something that has made memories and local history for over 50 years. From the Polar Bear See you next time. Swims and the Square Dance Jamboree to the Gary Pederson, Publisher Sometimes the Valley Crawler Coffee News will breathtaking floats and the crowning of our Valley Crawler Publications please, sometimes it will reward, and hopefully it stunning Miss Queen Silverstar, it has been an Valley Crawler Coffee News Wow! Vernon, what a tremendous response you have given us. I have been very taken a back as the positive comments keep rolling in telling me I am onto something. I was delighted by the enthusiasm and support shown, and to those who took the time to email their comments. For those who picked up the editoarial and sppeliin’ errors, Teena dually notes that she will continue to be “supportive and patient” and get help with editing LOL. I would like to take a moment to thank all businesses in the community who warmly welcomed the Valley Crawler Coffee News into their establishments. I was able circulate over two thousand copies in the Vernon area alone. With such a tremendous response, I see the need to grow! Watch in the next issue of the Crawler for new and exciting features. Thank you to those who “passed on their gas”. In the next issue I will be publishing what drives some of the readers crazy. Send us your cute baby pictures; and stay tuned for a community crossword puzzle. There will be business features, and news with reviews from the entertainment scene. Send in your amusing or touching stories, jokes or thoughts to the Valley Crawler. If it’s published you will receive a twenty five dollar gift certificate from one of our many Crawler sponsors!

EXPIRES 03/31/10

Cathy-Ann Wells aka Phat Betty

EXPIRES 03/31/10

& Wells

live event or performance you like to see listed or Airforce Club, Vernon. Les Copeland ~ Blue Heron Pub, featured here please send it to crawler@telus.net Vernon. Varied Bands ~ Lorenzo’s Café, Ashton Creek. Varied Bands ~ Royal Canadian Legion, Vernon. JAMS Saturday – 8pm, Varied Live music ~ Sir Winstons Pub, Monday, Rory hosts an open mic @ Blenz Coffee in Vernon. Varied Bands ~ Branding Iron Pub, Armstrong Vernon. Wednesday, 1st & 3rd Wed. of each month Ellie hosts CONCERTS AND FESTIVALS an open mic at Cliffs Bistro & Pub in Enderby. 7pm the Lent Fraser Wall Trio @ Brown Bag Concert Series ~ 2nd & 4th Wed. of each month, Sid hosts a Bluegrass 12pm – 1pm Friday January 22nd, Cheek to Cheek Jam @ Vernon Community Arts Center (Polson Park). Dance Studio Rudi Strauss hosts a jam @ Rosies pub in Armstrong. Art Taylor @ Robbie Burns Night ~ 5pm Friday Thursday, 7pm, Cat Wells hosts jam night at the Blue January 22nd, Royal Canadian Legion, Vernon Heron in Vernon. Rudi Strauss hosts a jam @ Rosies Abbeyfield Coffee House ~ 7pm Saturday January pub in Armstrong. 23rd, Falkland Hall Saturday, the 3rd Sat. of each month, Sid hosts a Salmonarmenians @ The Firemans Ball ~ 8pm coffee house at Coldstream Womens Institute and Hall Saturday January 23rd, Chilcoot Ballroom, Silver Star in Coldstream. Mountain Resort Sunday, 2pm, jam at the Legion in Vernon. After The Kings @ Vernon Winter Carnival ~ 6:30pm football, Orio host a jam at Sneakers in the Village Saturday January 30th, Shubert Centre Green in Vernon. 1st Sunday of every month, 1-3pm Karl Schwonik Quartet ~ Saturday Jan 30, Vernon Lake Country Open Mic @ Creekside Theatre Jazz Society Johnny Ferreira @ Winter Carnival Blues Festival ~ LIVE VENUES 6pm Saturday February 6th, Vernon Recreation Thursday – Live Piano Music @ Armstrong Inn Complex Friday – Varied bands ~ Armstrong Inn, Armstrong Shujaz! ~ Feb 13, Vernon Jazz Society Friday & Saturday – Varied bands ~ Army, Navy,

EXP 03/31/10

aLive

email: crawler@telus.net

EXPIRES 03/31/10

250-938-9969

COFFEE NEWS

EXP 03/31/10

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THE VALLEY CRAWLER

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Cute Baby of the Week Send in your cute baby pictures to crawler@telus.net and if we find your baby the cutest we will run his/her photo, and name in next issue of the Valley Crawler Coffee News. Proud parent will also receive a $25.00 gift certificate from Chicken Little Childhood Outfitters.

START TODAY WITH A SMILE!

For advertising rates and deadlines call

250-938-9969 email: crawler@telus.net

In the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks. One day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark." A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted." Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. One day he saw the mysterious cod again. He begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

It is written ...

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends. Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.

A BC MP was seated next to a little girl on the airplane leaving from Ottawa when he turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -Winston Churchill

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -- Winston Churchill

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."-- Mark Twain

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."-- Clarence Darrow

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend became a shark," Eager to put things right again, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again." Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed." ............ "I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian!

This is written in the Hebrew Talmud, the book where all of the sayings and preachings of rabbis are conserved over time. It says: "Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, But from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

'Oh, I don't know,' said the member of parliament. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."-- Paul Keating

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -- Moses Hadas

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."-- Robert Redford

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -- Abraham Lincoln

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."-- John Bright

"He had delusions of adequacy."-Walter Kerr

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -Irvin S. Cobb

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -- Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."- Billy Wilder

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." -- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? SEND US YOUR THOUGHTS AT CRAWLER@TELUS.NET. WE WELCOME YOUR FEEDBACK!

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Open Mon. - Fri. 7:30am-3pm; Sat. 9am-2pm 2904 33rd Street, Vernon

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Receive a FREE Traditional Loaf when you spend $5 or more.

250-545-7058 4407 - 29th Street, Vernon, BC — 250.549.1221 We also provide mobile service.

'OK,' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?

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The BC MP, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.' To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know shit?'

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel Johnson

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."-Jack E. Leonard

"Where's Christian?" he asked. The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." -- Winston Churchill, in response

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A hooded robber burst into a Texas Bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation. He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence. The Robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?" There are a few moments of utter silence, in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said, "I think my wife may have caught a glimpse of you."

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The Valley Crawler Community News  

The pride of the Okanagan Valley: Vernon, BC. A local guide to fun, live entertainment venues, guest columnists, humour, featuring area busi...