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THE VALLEY CRAWLER

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Ella’s Designer Blinds

It’s Just a Healthier Alternative! 3004 31 Street, Vernon • 250-558-3088

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* Medical Appointments * Grocery Shopping * Dental Appointments * Personal Shopping * Adult Day Programs * Dialysis Units * Alzheimer's Companionship * Home Support & much more!

$5 OFF A ONE HOUR SERVICE

Receive a FREE Traditional Loaf when you spend $5 or more.

with purchase of one Basic Package.

3706 27 Street, Vernon, BC • 250-545-0311 OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK

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HAPPY NEW YEAR AND WELCOME TO 2010! A NEW YEAR AND A BIRTH OF A NEW VERNON PUBLICATION “THE VALLEY CRAWLER COFFEE NEWS” EXP 01/31/10

4407 - 29th Street, Vernon, BC — 250.549.1221

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2904 33rd Street, Vernon Mon-Fri 7:30am-3pm; Sat 9am-2pm

CONCERTS AND FESTIVALS Colin James ~ Saturday, January 9th, 2010 at 7:30 pm, Vernon and District Performing Arts Centre. Half a Quorum ~ Jan 16, Vernon Jazz Society Sara Davis Buechne ~ 7:30 Wednesday, Jan. 13 & 1:30 Thurs, Jan. 14 @Vernon and District Performing Arts Centre. Karl Schwonik Quartet ~ Jan 30, Vernon Jazz Society Johnny Ferreira @ Winter Carnival Blues Festival ~ 6pm Saturday February 6th , Vernon Rec Centre Shujaz! ~ Feb 13, Vernon Jazz Society

EXPIRES 01/31/10

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Purchase of regular priced clothing.

Specialty Coffee • Internet Access

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LIVE VENUES Friday – Varied bands~Armstrong Inn, Armstrong Friday & Saturday – Varied Bands~Army, Navy, Airforce Club, Vernon. Les Copeland~Blue Heron Pub, Vernon. Varied Bands~Lorenzos Café, Ashton Creek. Varied Bands~Royal Candian

VERNON • COMPLIMENTARY COPY

Legion, Vernon. Saturday – 8pm~Varied Live music @ Sir Winstons Pub, Vernon. Varied Bands~Branding Iron Pub, Armstrong

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BUY ONE ALL YOU CAN EAT WAFFLE AND RECEIVE THE SECOND ONE FOR FREE

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JAMS Monday, Rory hosts an open mic @ Blenz Coffee in Vernon. Wednesday, 1st & 3rd Wed. of each month Ellie hosts an open mic at Cliffs Bistro &

Pub in Enderby. 7pm the 2nd & 4th Wed. of each month, Sid hosts a Bluegrass Jam @ Vernon Community Arts Center (Polson Park). Rudi Strauss hosts a jam @ Rosies pub in Armstrong. Thursday, 7pm, Cat Wells hosts jam night at the Blue Heron in Vernon. Rudi Strauss hosts a jam @ Rosies pub in Armstrong. Saturday, the last Sat. of each month, Sid hosts a coffee house at Coldstream Womens Institute and Hall in Coldstream. Sunday, 2pm, jam at the Legion in Vernon. After football, Orio host a jam at Sneakers in the Village Green in Vernon.

email: crawler@telus.net

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I remember a day (seems not so long ago) you could go out and dance to live music every night of the week. Bands were on the road, booked into live venues for 5-7 nights and the rooms were full of enthusiastic music lovers. Now it seems you really have to sniff around to find some live music. Well fear not, I’m here to help you find all those nooks and crannies where music is still live, from Coffee houses to pubs and clubs. Each edition we’ll list as many live venues as we can and hopefully start to showcase some of the musicians playing them as well. So here’s a start, get out there and support live music so it can thrive!

COFFEE NEWS

THE CRAWLER was designed to be a fun paper to read with bits of local gossip, announcements, some news and a joke or two to start. We are a local independent publication dedicated to having fun and reflecting the life of the community. Although we are small now, watch us grow, because we firmly believe that as long as the people of Vermon take pride in having a “Made in Vernon” publication, it will support the Valley Crawler Coffee News. Please find several discount coupons on our last page that I urge you to take advantage of. By doing so you will be encouraging home town businesses. Tell them you saw their ad in the Crawler!

VOL 1 • ISSUE 1

Listen to the SUNRISE SHOW on SUN FM daily Monday to Fridays for the Hollywood Hotsheet and your chance to WIN Gift Certificates from the Valley Crawler Sponsors or logon to SUNONLINE.ca for details!

FOR ADVERTISING RATES & DEADLINES CALL 250-938-9969

located at 2904 33st, fast becoming one of the Best Breakfast and Lunch spots in the downtown, open Mon-Friday 7:30am ‘til 3pm and Sat 9am ‘til 2pm. Sit back, relax, and enjoy a fresh roasted cup of Voets coffee while you wait for your All you Can Eat Waffle for only $9.50. Delicious! Just across the street, located on the corner of 30ave and 33st, is another hot spot Dorians Greek Taverna. Gus and Tammy, a great couple, owners who bring you years of experience in the restaurant business. Tammy will greet you at the door with her infectious smile and charming personality, she will soon have you to feeling at home (or, maybe you’ll feel like your in Greece!) Recently having been there for dinner, we were completely blown away by the food that Gus prepared. The calamari is to die for, and don’t even get me started on Tammy’s specialty coffees! They are open six days a week for lunch and dinner. A little further up 30ave across from Bookland, is Grillers Meats. Owned and operated by Jeff (Family Guy) Griffin is the best place in the downtown for quality, premium Hormone Free Beef at reasonable prices. FYI, Vernon’s favorite waterfront eatery, the Blue Heron Pub, is closed for two weeks for renovations to the kitchen. Closing Monday January 4, and back open for business Jan 18. With the Blue Heron under renovations, Rick would be happy if you stopped in to say hello to brother Jamie at their new Eastside Liquor Store, on the corner of 27th Str. and 43rd Ave, for all your take home beverage needs.

singing sensation Cathy Anne Wells alias Phatt Betty (three time winner of the best entertainer of the year in the valley) is featuring a Blues Festival Sat. Feb. 6 at the Rec Centre. The line up looks great, appearing on stage with Cathy Anne will be Linda Sue Wilson, Jimmy D Lane, Sabrina Weeks, Lightnin’ Les Copeland and Sherman Doucette. Tickets are $25.00 and can be purchased at the Carnival office. If you are a Blues fan you won’t want to miss this show as it is going to be a real Butt Kicker. Our favorite valley radio station SUN FM is co-sponsoring the event. Please listen to Sun FM daily for the Sunrise Show Monday thru Friday for the Hollywood Hot Sheet and your chance to win gift certificates from Crawler sponsors. Celebrating another milestone, the ever popular Funbook, has hit twenty years in business. Continuing to save you thousands of dollars with local businesses, is available by asking most high school students or by contacting Dave at 5031075 for your copy. This year the Funbook is sponsoring the Vernon Jubilee Hospital fund, and Sun FM’s “Teens Count Too.”

For you seniors who need a hand with transportation, getting around town is much easier with Michelle at Driving Miss Daisy. A super friendly and accommodating lady who can help get to your doctor appointment or take you grocery shopping, see back page for your $5.00 discount coupon. Vernon’s Winter Carnival is just around the corner, January 29th to February Congratulations to Teena, and her mother Pam, 7th , is celebrating their 50th anniversary this Patients of the Vernon Medical Clinic and the (continued next page) the new owners of Us Two Café. They are year. To help them celebrate, well known local

EXPIRES 01/31/10

250-938-9969

COFFEE NEWS

EXPIRES 01/31/10

FOR ADVERTISING RATES & DEADLINES CALL

THE VALLEY CRAWLER

Us2Café

Take a moment to enjoy a great cup of coffee!

Fresh Roasted Gourmet Coffee

2400 53rd Avenue, Vernon

250-549-2711

voetscoffee.com

Open Mon. - Sat. 7:30am-3pm 2904 33rd Street, Vernon

250-545-7058


250-938-9969 email: crawler@telus.net

In closing, I would like to thank Liz for her eye catching graphics, Dexter from Lake City Printers, Ed Imhoff for his web site work, and last but not least Teena, for her editorial skills, and her constant support and patience. To my readers I once again wish you a very Happy New Year, and to my advertisers, I say thank you for your support with your advertising dollars, and I wish you all a happy and prosperous 2010! Welcome to Vernon’s own Coffee News.

Need to Relieve a Little Gas? Drop us a line and let us know what’s driving you crazy! Your beef will be published in the PEOPLE’S GAS section of Coffee Talk.

5 Minute Management Course LESSON 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

LESSON 3: An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

LESSON 2: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and

Now that Vancouver will be hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked! Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England ) A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA ) A: Depends on how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden ) A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden ) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver , Edmonton and

Halifax ? ( England ) A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA ) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe Cana-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.

LESSON 4 A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients..'

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England ) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy ) A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

4407 - 29th Street, Vernon, BC — 250.549.1221

2D, 4601 23 St. Vernon, BC 778-475-5666

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

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Your Printer Sales, Supplies & Support Specialists #6, 1800 Kalamalka Lake Road, Vernon

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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA ) A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

250-545-7058

We also provide mobile service.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Open Mon. - Fri. 7:30am-3pm; Sat. 9am-2pm 2904 33rd Street, Vernon

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Receive a FREE Traditional Loaf when you spend $5 or more.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA ) A: Only at Thanksgiving.

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One Stop Shopping for Kids, Grandkids, Family & Friends

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? ( Germany ) A: No, WE don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? ( USA ) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA ) A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA ) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Ella’s Designer Blinds

For advertising rates and deadlines call

repairs, networking and upgrades to both Mac and PC’s. and can be reached at 250-5402248.

AND SHADE

EXPOSE YOURSELF!

Nolan Clinic Pharmacy be advised that they are moving to their new location at #200- 3207-30 ave and will be in completely moved over by Jan 3, 2010. Some telephone numbers will change as a result of their move, and the Doctors would like to thank you for your understanding and patience during the transition. Kal-Mor Mortgages and Investments have also moved to a new location at 4007- 27th street in the Demonte Medical Centre and they can be contacted at 250-549-3250. A warm welcome to Nathan Kleger owner of Alpha Onsite Computer Services, new business of the month. Nathan specializes in virus cleanup, wireless setup,

Someone Thirsty?

3706 27 Street, Vernon, BC OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 250-545-0311

classic elegance validation embodiment K E LOWNA 250-861-5344 • VE R N O N 250-545-6404

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Clothing • Local Art • Glassworks • Cosmetics • Aromatics • Rolling Papers 3004 31 Street, Vernon 250-558-3088

Lake City Printers & Bookbinding What is your Story? Encourage your kids to write a book I can help with layout and cover design

Call DEXTER 250-260-1970 email: lakecityprinters@telus.net • web: www.lakecityprinters.com

CALL US TODAY 1.866.351.9696 www.drivingmissdaisy.net


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