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Col·lege /kälij/ [n]

an organized group of professional people with particular aims, duties, and privileges.




T+ 10.09.2013

3 Bikes Make You Sexy




How to make friends

Ask Al

Is Grindr addiction Wondering what awaits you Didn’t get invited to the patry ruining your life? Then Cycling 15 minutes how far would in UCD for the next few years? across the hall in Belgrove? Did Al Porter has just the you get? Ranelagh, Rathmines, From the highs and lows, to the your best friend get Trinnerz? advice for you. Donnybrook, Goatstown and dos and don’ts, our A-Z guide While some people may see our most of the way to Stillorgan. introduces you to UCD’s advice as stalking and harassment, Not too shabby. Cycling is by far unofficial motto: ‘you can repeat we think it’s a sure-fire way to bethe easiest mode of transport in the exam but you can’t repeat the coming the biggest thing in UCD Dublin and T+ have you sorted party.’ since Mary Harney opened the with our Freshers’ Bike Guide. dermatology department.


Essential tips for your social success in the Big Shmoke

We’re giving away a pair of tickets to see Rob Chubby Brown at the Olympia Theatre on Saturday 5th of October Get ready for a barn-storming night of jokes, banter and hilarious mickey-taking from Britain’s most outrageous comedian, bar none! Laugh till it hurts as Chubby rips into his live audiences with a nonstop battering ram of laugh-out-loud comedy guaranteed! To be in the chance to win a pair of tickets simply email with the subject Roy Chubby Browne and your details.



Ayisha Ogbara has all the style tips to help you achive your own new individual collegiate look


10.09.2013 T+


College Hack Life

This one is about tea. Save money on buying tea by bringing a flask or a carry cup - Contigo, Urban outfitters or IKEA are good for this. This will set you back a bit but you will make it back after a couple of weeks. You can also bring your own tea bags and get hot water and a cup in the Arts Cafe for 50 cent.


Speaking of tea, free tea is a thing. Find it. LGBT and the Irish crowd are your friends.


To save money on expensive lunches, just bring a water bottle to fill at the fountains and some cereal bars.


Get a waterproof jacket, laptop bag, shoes etc. You will thank yourself in January.


If you commute, get a travel card. Do this early on or you will never do it. Then get a student ticket and the Dublin Bus app. Do this now.


Get a bike. Bikes are sexy. *See our bike guide.


You can pay your fees by semester, so don’t panic if you don’t have it all to begin with.


Join L and H and Lawsoc, because you will want to go to their debates later on in the year, they also have handy discounts on their cards. Always ask for student discounts.


Sync your UCD Connect account to your mobile, because they will cancel your nine am lectures with a half hours notice and you will already be standing outside your class when you find out.


Take a screen shot of your timetable so that you can find all the things.



14 Buy your books on a kindle or other reader for less than a hard copy. They also allow you to highlight texts as you go and then download the quotes for use in essays. Handy.


Google Books has lots of free books which you can easily search for. Do this.


Most of the books for your bibliography are at the end of other author’s works which cite similar material. This filters your search down to the topical and relevant content. Also, use online databases, like JSTOR, to find articles. These are short and concise.


Take advantage of handy skills-based tutorials or library workshops early on like “how to find a book,” “how to reference,” or “how to write an essay.” When your friends are wondering what a bibliography is in week 11, you can sell them information for coffee.


Never underestimate the following: how long the printing/ programme office/ coffee queue can be, how long it takes to get a bus in rush hour and how long it takes to find the RDS at exam time.

If you take classes with lots of tutorial readings, print them all out at the beginning of the year and then you can bind them in the copi-print for a couple of euro. This means that they are on hand for each tutorial and you can write notes on the back pages. Then, come exam time, you have all your If you are chaotic and disorganized find the organized nerds. Befriend them, especially around exam time and with group tutorial readings and class notes combined in chronologiwork. Then buy them tea. Result. cal order and you have only spent as much as you would on a refill pad. This hack stops the vicious circle of - late for class, pre-tutorial queue for printer too long, therefore, Get a locker for a tenner and you can leave all your heavy have no readings - therefore, cannot go to class. Also, if this things and gym gear on campus. book is lying around you might actually read some material before your class. Maybe. Study in the Health Science library. It is a superior experience.




If your going to miss something, miss lectures and not tutorials as most lectures will be available in PowerPoint documents at the end of the year, while tutorial attendance lands you a handy ten percent, which is not to be sniffed at.


Buy your books on amazon as they are a million times cheaper. Pick super saver delivery books and spend about 30 euro and they will be sent for free and usually in good time. Then, you won’t have to fight over the five copies in James Joyce.

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Get a wall planner and mark down all your deadlines and exam times, this means that you can immediately visualize your workload and due dates.


When studying, listen to game or movie soundtracks as they have been designed to melt into the background and not hinder concentration.


If you are worried or think you might fail a class, turn up to your professor’s office hours or email your tutor. They like chats and they can’t fix a problem they don’t know about. Also, talk to your tutors and professors as you may one day need a reference off them and a name to a face helps.


Don't be the one who chooses their elective in neuroscience. Pick interesting and easy electives which can act as a break from your course work and push up your overall grades. You will have enough going on with your core modules. Trust me.



T+ 10.09.2013

Bikes make you sexy Cycling = exercise. Exercise = fit. Fit = good body. Hence, bikes make you sexy.


Cycling 15 minutes how far would you get? Ranelagh, Rathmines, Donnybrook, Goatstown and most of the way to Stillorgan. Not too shabby. Cycling is the fastest way to get around for reasonable distances: no bus timetable, no looking for parking spots. Cycling is twice as fast as walking. A Student 30 Day Rambler bus ticket is €91.50. Even an expensive bike will have paid for itself almost twice over during the college year. So, what bike to get? The simple answer is a light one! It's like getting heavy shoes. Why would you do that to yourself? Suspension is also awesome. Racing along and cutting through pavements without having to worry too much about curbs makes me happy. UCD is filled with bumps so mountain bikes and hybrids are the way to go. They are comfortable and generally cheaper than those light sexy racers and fixies. If you have long distances to go, stay away from mountain bikes and look towards the lighter hybrids and racers. Nothing is as painful as trying to cycle a heavy mountain bike up that last hill home. So where do you get your bike? The first port of call is the bike shop on UCD campus which has a decent selection. There are also shops surrounding UCD that are worth checking out and don't forget the bicycle depo in Rathmines. If you opt for online, you will need some luck to find a really good, well-priced bike, but it's well worth a try. Ebay and Gumtree are the main ports of call. Now here is something I've stumbled across recently - discounts. The Dublin cycling campaign has discounts for members. It's €20 to join but it offers discounts for most bike shops in Dublin. You can earn your money back on your first purchase if it’s a bike and you’ll have it for everything else you'll need too. What about maintenance? A little knowledge goes a long way and don't forget YouTube! The first time you fix something, it is not as quick or as effective as a bike shop but in the long run you'll save some cash. The easiest thing to do is check the tire pressure. The right tire pressure makes it easier to cycle and you are less likely to get a puncture too. To check it just press down on your tire with your thumb and if it sinks in then it's time to pump it up.

So if someone is determined to get your bike then they are going to get it . However, you can lock your frame to whatever you are locking your bike to. Simple isn't it? I've lost count of how many bikes I've seen that are locked by the seat post or handle bars or by a wheel. These parts are easily removed and then your bike does a Houdini. Take extra care if your wheels are quick release as you can take them off by releasing a lever and if you can do it, someone else sure can as well. To avoid this, wind your lock through the wheels and frame. Also take your light off as they are easily stolen or damaged by the rain. If you have your bike locked on campus and for some reason you can't get the lock open, for example, the lock broke or you lost your keys, report it to campus services. They have a bolt cutter which will sort you out if you don't use a U-lock. If you do use a U-lock head to the bike shop. They have an angle grinder which is what you’ll need. In terms of safety, you should be lit up and visible. The most common reason for accidents is that the driver didn't see the cyclist. This can't be helped all the time but let’s not add to our risks of being knocked down shall we? The single most vital thing for cycling is using hand signals, while wearing earphones with music blaring is a big no. Carrying things while cycling can't be helped. It's most handy using a backpack but side bags are good too if you pull the strap tight enough. Also... Buses are SCARY!! This is Ireland - get some RAIN GEAR!!!! Happy Sexy Cycling

Some Useful Bike links:

UCD's bike shop staff are great so if you have any problems head their way. Not only is it a handy location but they always try to knock down the price if you have to get lots done. You can't make your bike thief-proof, as they have bolt cutters, angle grinders and even acid.


Bike Guide

10.09.2013 T+

UCD for Culchies


You’ve done well in the Leaving Cert and have taken a ‘mad notion’ to ditch the wellingtons, pack your bags and move up to the ‘big smoke,’ - well fair play to you! Not only have you moved to the capital, you have moved right into the heart of very posh Dublin 4 to University College Dublin, UCD, or as it is otherwise known= ‘not Trinity.’ Moving from the depths of Leitrim, or the bowels of Cork to the civilized and cosmopolitan capital can be a challenge for some of ye ole country folk. Most UCD students come from schools within walking distance of the university and consequently, you may consider many of them ‘posh,’ ‘D4s,’ ‘Ross O’Carroll Kellys,’ or, ‘wankers.’ However, during your time here you are likely to befriend at least some of these UGG wearing, Paul’s Boutique bag-yielding beings. So here are some essential tips to help you settle in.

Get to know the schools Accept who you are

Regardless of whether you are from the heart of Cork city, or Baggot Estate in Limerick – your Dublin counterparts will consider you from the ‘bog.’ They will picture you as coming from a farm and ask if you know Peig Sayers, personally. Best to just accept this rather than engage in their regional based banter.

6 Nations If you befriend a critical mass of poshies on Facebook you are best to avoid the medium during the 6 Nations. The only thing South Dubliners love more than watching 6 Nations rugby is providing minute by minute commentary and reaction to 6 Nations rugby. Unlike countryfolk who actually enjoy watching the sports they follow, the Dubs enjoy frantically posting on social media throughout live events. Join in by posting insightful and thought provoking statements yourself – such as as “sickened for BOD, top quality guy,” “I never lost faith in the boys,” “Jonny Sexton, ride me!”

Most UCD students come from posh schools within walking distance of the university. Many of them will know each other already, have gone to the Debs with one another, or bumped into one another during their ‘totes great time in Ios this summer.’ Get accustomed to the different schools, Alex, Muckross, Gonzaga – Googling ‘‘Blackrock College ski trip’ will be a good way to start.

Some complete wannabe from BRAY (of all places) came up to me yesterday begging for change. I was like get away from me, you focking pov!... Daddy bought me a porshe for my birthday, totes gorge!

Know what Wezz is The Wezz is an underage disco that many of your new UCD friends will have frequented in their mid teens. It was kind of like those youth club discos they used to have in your community centre once a year to raise money to pay for the town Christmas lights – except there there wasn’t straw on the floor and no parish priest was present.

Ios, Interrailing, J1, Thailand Each Summer poshies will head on a different adventure seen as essential to their personal development. Ios, interrailing, J1s, and Thailand may be peppered with volunteering stints in Guatemala and Ghana. The Dubs will spend a good deal of the Autumn recounting their experiences, and most of the Spring planning their next trip. Meanwhile, you will be left standing there silently, knowing all you did during the summer was collect glasses in a nightclub in Carlow. There is nothing you can do about this. It’s capitalism and all that.




is for “interesting”, the popular mantra regurgitated in tutorials when you chose Breaking Bad over Biology the night before.


J is for part-time jobs, key to this is finding an employer who thinks that being a chronically late expert on Game of Thrones and five euro wine-themed lunch breaks is a life skill. Real jobs are mythical, like unicorns.

is for AWOL. After September this will be your new state of being. is for Black Monday, the first day back to term when you drink all day. Also, blackouts, banter, binging and Bolivia, which is probably where you will wake up. Is for chlamydia, Coppers and condoms - all interrelated in ways you will find out on Black Monday. is for deadlines. Meet them or develop a welltimed case of dead granny. Remember, “due tomorrow do tomorrow.”

Is for exams, which are like essays with no extensions. Awkward.

is for fake tan, which explains the unseasonable orange hue radiating from Quinn.


is for THE FEAR which descends upon Theatre L on a Thursday morning, inspiring flash backs in the addled brains of hungover first years, juxtaposing theoretical physics with too much tequila. This would never happen in Trinity because they are all tee-totaling tossers.

is for golden week, which is when you turn up to all your lectures and tutorials for a whole week. G is also for getting the ride, home that is. is for hangovers, hats, hair, havoc and Hogwarts...well H is for a lot of things, but you’ll experience the hangover most of all. That hog bomb seemed like a good idea last night but when you’re dissecting a cat at 9 am you see things in a whole new light. Oh, and Hogwarts wasn’t on the CAO, but if you think that a seemingly abandoned castle in Scotland is a front for the greatest school of witchcraft and wizardry, then Gamesoc is beside Theatre L.


U is for unemployment which is what happens after you go to university.


is for keeping up. It’s easy to fall behind in UCD and there is a lot of competition. Make sure to pre-drink twice as much. K is also for keys, the most endangered item in your bag when your a bit sauce faced.

is for Lidl, god bless competitive capitalism.

is mistake. You’ll know what this is when you’re staring into her bloodshot eyes at 10.30 in the morning.

N is for “next semester will be different”, a promise which often ends with “No Grade.”

O is for Observer. A fortnightly publication produced on campus, which acts as a handy door jar or coaster.



is for well-intentioned lists, which include yoga, triathlons, library picnics and early morning study sessions. These thing will never happen. ever.


is for Xanax, the staple diet of commerce students.

is for panic, which is the price you'll pay for your procrastination and puerile prodigality producing a poor performance to be presented with painful palpitations to your perturbed parents. is for Quinn School of Business. And don’t forget it, roysh.

is for repeats and regret. Thailand wasn't that great anyway.

is for sex, a phenomena whose occurrence is apparently maximized when you have the word “PINK” plastered across your arse.


Y is for virtue. You will have none of this when you leave.

is for yesterday which is when you should have studied, slept, stopped drinking and saved money - don't worry there will be plenty more yesterdays.


is for Zoology, a degree you’ll require to identify most Ag Science students.


T+ 10.09.2013

How to Make Friends & Alienate People People are bored of their own names. Develop new names for strangers based on their appearance. Call them this. People appreciate innovation and creativity.

If you need a flat mate, turn up to people’s flat viewings, invite yourself in and sit suggestively on the furniture. Look at home but also eager to please. Then wink at the landlord so that he knows you are on your game.

Fashion is important in university but so is flashing. Make sure to flash groups of people at every opportunity. Make sure to make it clear that you are sober, otherwise they might think you have a drink problem.

Nights out are socially tricky. If there is anyone from your class or a society you are involved in going out too, the best thing to do is drink exactly five times more than them, this should ensure that by 10pm they are receptive to your emotional problems and feelings about rice pudding.


If you like the way someone looks in class, try to wear matching clothes the following week. People in college love unusual skill sets, like palm reading, paper mache and fellatio. Make sure they know how talented you are.

If you are trying to attract another student don’t forget the cardinal rules. People who ignore you now will also ignore other suiters once you are dating. The dating pool is huge in UCD, so a good tip is to adopt speed dating type tactics, whenever you are near someone attractive, quickly shout three facts about yourself and then encouragingly say, “you next.”

Sometimes freshers get lost. Learn the various letters which donate each block in the arts block, then stand near the blob and ask people if they would like help finding their classes. If they agree, sing them your easily learned alphabet direction song.

During your first weeks in college it is important to appear academically astute. Turn up to tutorials having done your readings. All the readings actually, for the whole semester. Then impress your tutors and fellow students by pointing out which parts of the class are also relevant to the coming week’s topics. Then predict the end of term paper during lulls in conversation.

Fitting in is important in college. If you like the way someone looks in class, try to wear matching clothes the following week. Make sure they know how much effort this took.

Feminists don't like boys so remember to hold doors for pretty girls and then remind them of how they are not feminists.

When people are giving feedback in class it is often boring and repetitive. To help their presentation skills, give them a rating from one to ten. Do this on flash cards.


10.09.2013 T+ If you want to get involved with the LGBT Society you can find them at the freshers’ tent, add them on facebook - UCD LGBT, follow them on twitter, or check out their website -

A to Z of LGBT

[E] [F] [G] [H] [I] [J] [K] [L]

E is for LGBT Events, there are many of these, go and meet people.

[A] [B] [C] [D]

G if for Gender identity: A person’s internal sense of their own gender.

H is for Happiness. Do this.

I is for the “In crowd”, the scene is full of these.

B is for being who you are.

C is for Coming Out, i.e. telling people your sexual orientation or gender identity; for example, coming out as straight in a gay bar. D is for Drag Queen/King: A type of performer who appears as the opposite gender. A man dressing up as a woman would be a Queen and a woman dressing as a man would be a King; Veda, Panti and Phil T. Gorgeous, to name a few.


N is for not giving a damn. This is sometimes needed.

F is for new Fab Friends, something you will find loads of in the LGBT community, no matter how you identify.

Asexuality is when you don’t experience sexual attraction. This can be viewed as a spectrum.

[M] [N] [O]

M is for Modern family, an American series featuring Cameron and Mitchell, a couple who are raising a baby.

J is for Jack, the name of LGBT society's auditor. Go and find him and have chats. He may even make you tea. K is for “Keep calm it's only equality” This is one of many creative slogans for marriage equality and gender recognition. L is for lipstick lesbian or a lesbian who dresses particularly feminine. L is also for Love which is what it's all about and lots of other things if the L word theme song is to be believed.

O is for OTT, a stereotype often involving glitter, feather boas and theatrical displays, which is allied to the community and is often deployed during celebrations like pride.

[P] [Q]

P is for Pride, which is about accepting who you are and is inflated to community pride during the various international pride parades which celebrate diversity across the world. Q is for Queer and refers to anyone who chooses to identify as such. This term has different meanings to different people. Some still find it offensive, while others reclaim it.

[R] [S]

R is for Rainbows, which often appear on flags. They signify diversity and acceptance and are used as internationally recognized symbols of the community. The colours used vary according to what they represent, but the classic 6-colour spectrum is most common. S is for Safe Sex. Have this as much as possible. S is also for Society, a.k.a. the LGBT one.

[U] [V]

T is for The Scene and refers to the queer social scene, for example “he's not on the scene, he likes to drink tea on Friday nights”. In Dublin the scene includes gay bars like The George, The Dragon, Panti bar, The front lounge and other LGBT nights. U is for Uganda and the other 6 countries that have the death penalty for being gay. V is for Volunteering, we are mad for volunteering. Volunteer for Pride, Volunteer for the LGBT, “Volunteer” to go on a night out.

[W] [X] [Y] [Z]

W is for Wicked and all other musicals.

X is for the crazy eX. Everybody has one. Even the crazy ex's have a crazy ex. Scary thought!! Y is for Yestergay, someone who 'went from gay to straight' magically, possibly even in a day.

is for zero tolerance of homophobia.



Fashion Profile

10.09.2013 T+

Third Year English and Film student Eleanor Byrne tells us about her own personal style and what she likes best about fashion in UCD.

This summer I visited a fashion exhibition in the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. I attended the aptly titled PUNK: Chaos to Couture which examined punk cultures impact on high fashion. It featured iconic punk garments, some made from pieces of rubbish, juxtaposed with modern haute couture. Designers such as Vivienne Westwood and Yohji Yamamoto contributed to illustrate how the avant garde movement influenced fashion. I felt that the exhibition was a space that was synonymous with how I dress and how I express myself. I found it colloquial and inspiring, with lots of new engaging ideas. I love anything grunge, gothic or vintage and get excited by eccentric one off pieces. Nonetheless, I'm obsessed with the latest trends and incorporating them into what I wear. I like a mixture of independent Irish stores and high street shops; these include Lucy’s Lounge, Om Diva, 9 Crow Street, New Look, A|Wear and Topshop - all only a stone’s throw away from UCD.

New Semester, New You.

Do you ever question what your personal style is and where exactly it came from? This might come as a shock to a lot of Freshers, but gone are the days of being told what to wear and exactly how to wear it. Forget ugly plaid skirts, frumpy blouses and formal ties, style has now become a personal choice, a pure expression of self. Fashion changes almost everyday, but what about style? Society has dressed in certain forms throughout many different eras. Bubble skirts, classic cardigans and knee high socks were staples in the 60’s, however now this trend carries a more vintage feel. Those who wear it may choose to do so when it’s in fashion, but for those who feel a connection with this time, and these clothes, it’s about a lot more. It’s about style. Styles and labels didn’t appear out of thin air - this isn’t magic. We have the fashion houses - Coco Chanel, Saint Laurent and Dior to thank for this. They’ve provided us with the very tools we need to enjoy newly found fashion freedoms: the ability to become whoever and whatever we want through the formation of style. Although the famous quote says “fashion fades, style is eternal,” one can simply not exist without the other. Without fashion there is no such thing as personal style and without style there is no fashion. However, the thought provoking part is how exactly do we find a way to portray ourselves through the means of putting an outfit together? One word: self-expression. A person’s style can reveal so much about who they are. Take the infamous Jackie Onassis as an example. She dressed in trench coats, tailored trousers and structured dresses. There was always an air of the sophisticated and the classic about Jackie, a style many of us like to call on today. Jackie was a strong, independent woman and this was reflected in what she wore and the image she created. We chose certain clothes to wear because they represent the image we intend to portray to the world. Style is what makes a statement about the person, the mood and the circumstance. For you freshers, while over the next few years many of these elements will change, the foundation and heart of your style will always stay the same. Style comes from within. The concept of style is not about what the on-trend celebrities are wearing or what the designers say is popular, but what kind of person you are and what you want to say about yourself. Finding your own personal style may be an experience at first, but never forget the three most important steps in finding a look that suits you: -Don’t be afraid to experiment. -Be true to your own sense of self. -Always break the “rules.”

Style should express your own personality and interests, and that's what I really enjoy about UCD students. There's a huge variance - whether it's a religious trend follower, a dedicated sports fan in their team jersey or someone drawing from the latest craze off Tumblr, UCD students are in the pinnacle of their style journey.

Savvy Student Shopping : 1 0 1

Fashion is a huge part of student life. It’s the reason we feel powerful in the morning and the way that we stand out from the thousands of people buzzing around us. The great thing about student style is that it doesn’t have to break the bank. Being a student means being the best at bargain hunting - your greatest asset. Fortunately, having the eye for a great purchase is a talent which can be developed by using these two vital tips. Firstly, your student card is your best friend. When hitting Grafton Street the shops are in such close proximity to Trinity (yes, believe it or not we owe them our thanks) that it’s odd for them not to offer at least a ten percent discount when you flash your status card. This is a God send, especially in shops on the more expensive side of the high-street, like Topshop and River Island. All the autumn wonders like the stunning clash of prints, the wild dark florals, the checks and the addictive textures suddenly become more affordable. A ten percent discount might not sound like much, but the difference between €60 and €54 could be a night’s dinner. Secondly, you need to learn that Facebook wants to help. You should have pages like Jervis Street Shopping Centre and Shutterbug down as priorities for their killer events. Student lock-ins in Jervis Street are bustling with amazing bargains. The shops to hit first are those in tune with their student audience. River Island shows its soft side by offering a 20% discount, and Forever 21 will be kind and cute by offering 21% off – student deals only. As for ShutterSo, bug, prepare for the queue. Every so often the page will advertise their ‘Kilo you’re settling into Sale’. This can turn to madness quickly, but everyone walks away with a kilo UCD fresher life and now of original vintage pieces for €20. you’ve got to look the part. These Simple but brilliant.

five beauty products will help you at Emily Kielthy least appear bright-eyed and bushytailed, even if you feel like you’ve been steamrolled after a week of finding your feet, getting to know everyone and 1 Foundation Primer partaking in Fresher’s week nightEvery fresher needs a great base for her foundation. Smashbox Photofinish Foundalife. The best part? We’ve got tion Primer, €31.50, will take you from a 9am lecture to the SU Bar and then on to the every budget covered. dancefloor with minimum touching up needed. The holy grail of foundation primers. GOSH’s Velvet Touch Foundation Primer also performs similarly for €19.99.

T h e B e au t y Su r v i v a l K i t

2 Dry Shampoo Some mornings, despite our best intentions, there simply is no time for hairwashing. For this there really is only one product to be recommended; Batiste Dry Shampoo, €3 in most pharmacies. Available in brown shades for brunettes and possibly red-heads, while the original Batiste is great for blondes.


Ayisha Ogbara





3 Self-Tan Saint Tropez Self Tan Bronzing Gel, €27, is a fresher’s best bet for an even, golden tan, as befitting a UCD girl-about-town, especially if you're planning on attending the infamous Fresher's Ball. Penneys’ Cocoa Brown One Hour Tan at €7 also delivers fantastic results in an instant formulation. 5 Skin Repair Product 4 Under-Eye Concealer Finally, the frivolity of semesBenefit’s Erase Paste, ter one can leave one’s skin €27.50, has become a feeling a little neglected. Cult favourite for concealing classic Elizabeth Arden Eight under-eye shadows. By Hour Cream, €32, is your the end of Fresher’s Week, man. However, Lidl’s Lacura you’ll have plenty of those. Beauty Oil at €5 will also Bourjois Healthy Mix conleave you replenished and cealer, at just €9.99, is also moisturised. a dab hand at banishing Emily O’Brien. tired peepers!


T+ 10.09.2013

Mu s i c i n U C D

Dublin Days of the Week


Dicey’s Student Mondays are the place to be. Although packed, this venue is great for all those students who want to have a good time. Plus the smoker’s area is awesome.

So here you are in UCD. The next phase of your life. You’ve had a crappy social life for a year in order to get into college and now it’s time to show your liver who the real boss is. You are now in the biggest university in Ireland and if UCD is known for one thing - it’s for our ability to have a really good time. Apart from some trivial academic dilemmas, the big questions are the social ones. How fast will I make friends? Where are the cool places to be in Dublin? I wonder how I will get time to go to all the awesome gigs? We’re going to try and make it easier for you by giving you the lowdown on the music scene in Dublin - including the gigs, venues and events that you're going to want to check out in your first few months of college. Let’s face it, your social life is a HUGE part of university life and it’s best to take it seriously. The most important part? Music of course! Dublin has one of the best music scenes in Europe. You now live in that city kid, so embrace it. Never again will you need to get the train up from bally-wherever in order to see that show in The O2 or Marley Park. Never before have there been so many musical opportunities to be had! Within this music section we are going to give you a rundown of the best venues, events and gigs of the coming weeks. Don’t be afraid to branch out and explore the city with a couple of newly made friends. It’s good to break away from the crowd and see a couple of bands you’ve never heard of. Embrace the music and see whatever you want - don’t just go to see DJ-whoever with half of Merville and Glenomena. Here is our alternative (and I use that in the most un-hipster sense of the word) music and entertainment guide. These venues will give you plenty of nights to remember or not as the case may be. This is a student guide so we’ve done our best to give you the most value for your money as it may be awhile until SUSI decides to kick in - Centra pasta sauce anyone? When reading this, you’ve probably just recovered from the horrific and thrilling experience that is Black Monday. Your week has gone a little like this - Black Monday, Hung-over Tuesday, I promise I’ll go to college Wednesday. Suck it up and decide on the next assault on your liver. Here is a list of places where the music is great, the beer is reasonable and you can let your college memories begin to flow.

Event Guide

Button factory:

Fritz Kalkbrenner (German Alt DJ, very popular, cool gig) 13th Sept, €20 The Black Angels (Psychedelic rock with a name derived from Velvet Underground’s song The Black Angel's Death Song, talented)15th Sept, 19.30

The Sugar Club: Charles Bradley & his extraordinaires (This guy is awesomesauce - his voice is a mix between James Brown and Ray Charles and he’s bringing soul to the Justin Bieber induced masses) 2nd Oct, €25

The O2:

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis 14th and 15th Sept, €36 Jay Z 6th October, from €59.50

The Academy: Boyce Avenue (all round popular and talented) 15th Sep, €30

[TUESDAYS] Lost society’s C.U.N.T is the place to be on a Tuesday night due to it’s cool DJ’s and music including an awesome pair of resident DJ’s Cian Murphy (Rosbeg) and Ian Heffernan who play a mixture of pop, disco and classic tunes.


Workman’s is a living-room styled venue with awesome cocktails and different rooms to cater to everyone’s musical preference. Whelan’s Silent Disco is every Wednesday 11pm-3am, free in before 11.30 and five quid thereafter.

[THURSDAYS] Button Factory’s Junior Spesh Night has an eclectic mixture of sounds, from house to reggae and indie to electronica.

[FRIDAYS] MUD is another Button Factory night out involving an alt scene with hip-hop, reggae/soul and funk/DnB/world music. Plastic Fridays at the Dragon has great music and a good vibe.

[SATURDAYS] Whelan’s live allows you to chill on Sunday with a bit of live music and some decent cocktails.


Whelan’s live allows you to chill on Sunday with a bit of live music and some decent cocktails. Towards the end of September you will be getting used to this whole university lifestyle. You’re getting to know the city, have survived black Monday and are beginning to make some friends. The end of September sees one of the best made-up holidays that has ever been invented. The important thing about Arthur’s day is the music. The beauty of Arthur’s day is that the night is yours to find the artists across Dublin including the Original Rudeboys, The Script, James Vincent McMorrow, Emeli Sandé, Bobby Womack and the Manic Street Preachers who will be held up in pubs across Dublin waiting for you to find them.



10.09.2013 T+

Let Al reach out and touch you


Al Porter

Generous of time or put simply, unemployed. Tallaght’s local treasure Al Porter kindly corresponds to those who write to him seeking advice. Those correspondences are herein laid bare with dual purpose - that they might provide some comfort to others whose lives are similarly pathetic, and that they might entertain those far better off. This week, Al addresses sexual concerns.

Q: Dear Al, I’m your average nineteen year old straight lad. But, I’ve had a hankering sexual curiosity about men. I’m thinking about exploring this. Should I? Curious Gav. A: Hi Curious Gav, I’ll be terse. Of course you should! I’ve sent you a private email with my details and phone number. If you can’t open the attached images let me know.

Al Porter hosts Rammed on Monday’s fortnightly in the Woolshed on Parnell Street. Tickets €5 for students.


Q: Al, I’m an addict and it’s ruining my life. I just can’t get off Grindr. It has me obsessing over sex. I read news headlines about Ed Snowden and the National Security Agency, and all I see are grindr profiles... ‘NSA Whistlebower Exposed’, ‘NSA Whistleblower Seeks Asylum’, ‘Whistleblower Seeks Same; must be discrete’, ‘Whistleblower seeks diplomat; must be able to accom.’ It’s Ryanair whistleblowers too.... I stumbled upon the Dispatches documentary about it, shamefully looking for a film with the same title, ‘Secrets from the Cockpit.’ Everything’s tainted. My social skills are holding me back...I went to the Workmans Club the other night and I didn’t know how to open up a conversation. You can’t just ask them for face pics, can you? Rather than go over to my mates, I chose who I wanted to talk to based on their distance from me, and sometimes I’d pathetically keep two or three conversations going at the same time in the hope that one of them might show me their cock! As if they’d just take it out there and then. It’s Workmans, not Coppers! Please help me. How can I get my life back from this app?! Yours, Distressed Topless Torso A: Woah man, calm down my darling! You’re not alone! With online dating, for a long time the only thing I could connect to was a server! Snapchat, Facetime, Chatroulette! It had been years since I’d used a webcam without the frustration of some stranger clicking ‘next’ and disconnecting! I was so disgusted with my behaviour, I even went to an ex-gay meeting advertised as ‘Sodom Today, Straight Gomorrah.’ Foolishly, I didn’t even realise the straights were addicted to Blendr too. How did I beat the digital sex pestery? The gym. If I felt like using grindr, I’d go to the gym and channel my sexual frustration. Rooms full of sweat, homoerotic bromance and repression. Ironically, many of these new mates were on grindr just looking for ‘gym buddies.’ I’m grindr free, addicted to the gym and filling every waking moment with elaborate regimes that don’t give me time to consider how lonely I am. Success, right?

Yours, Al.

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T+ Issue 1 - Fresher's Edition  
T+ Issue 1 - Fresher's Edition