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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19) Mars is in Leo this month making your love life quite busy. You’ll start flirting with anyone of the opposite gender you come in contact with. Oh, wait . . . You do that already. Get yourself some standards. by Sarah Brown & Claire Mersmann

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19) Wondering what that funny smell is that’s coming from your locker? It’s a dead cat. Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Your life will be quite hectic this month. You should prepare by making a to-do list. Number one on that list? Stop wearing your “Free Weezy” T-shirt; that issue is over and done with. Also, no one cared when it was happening. Pisces (Feb 19 -Mar 20) The sun will strengthen and intensify your emotions this month, but that doesn’t mean you need to go cry to everyone about your problems. “Oh, you and your boyfriend are fighting? That stinks. Bye.”

Comic by Sarah Brown

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Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) All of the violent pictures you have drawn of your enemies and teachers will actually occur today. You have the ability to transfer events in your mind into reality. Do with that what you will.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Mars will help you get motivated and Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20) take action on things you’ve been Jupiter is in retrograde this month putting off. By the looks of it, the bringing growth into your life. By thing you been putting off is showertomorrow, you’ll be two inches taller, ing. Yeah, everyone knows that’s not and you’ll keep growing until your hair gel. Yikes . . . head bursts through the ceiling. You will get stuck like that, and have to Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) feed on the droppings of birds. A full moon this month will leave you Gemini (May 21 - June 20) You aren’t real. You are just living in someone’s video game: like SIMs. Sometime this week, they’re going to get bored, and go get a snack, leaving your life at a complete stand-still. Cancer (June 21 - July 22) A Libra full moon will increase your love for music this month. But, you absolutely do not need to stroll around wearing your Beats™ by Dre. They’re obnoxious; take them off.

feeling unstable and awkward for a few days. Oh, just kidding; you’re awkward all the time.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21) Everyone has flaws; yours just happens to be a total lack of personality. But hey, that’s okay. It makes you unique, you know; gives you character. Actually, it doesn’t. Never mind. Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21) You will receive some sort of a ‘welcome’ present this month. Yours will come in the form of “Welcome to the bathroom!” and get barfed on right as you open the door.

The Cardinal Issue 2  

December 2011

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