Page 1

VOLUME X, ISSUE 1

TODAY’S WEATHER Today: It’s colder than a witch’s teat! Tomorrow: Now you’re a toad.

Inside This Issue POLITICAL NEWS:

Disgraced Obama admits to lip-syncing inaugural address Pg. 3 flubs

FACEBOOK NEWS: “Brandeis Crushes” memorializes Brandeis faculty and alumni who have perished in rockslides Pg. 426 boulders

INDIA NEWS: President Lawrence accidentally gives all of school’s endowment to slum family Pg. 300 rupees

RAP NEWS: Lil Wayne retires from rap, God promises return in one millenium to grant another wish Pg. 1,000 years

HUMAN RIGHTS NEWS: Boy Scouts agree to extend membership to gays and certain Italians. Pg. 1997

JOKE OF THE WEEK: Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An im-pasta! NOTE FROM THE EDITORS: This paper was printed with 100% recycled ‘30 Rock’ scripts. As one joke ends, another begins. The circle of life.

Like us on Facebook! Facebook.com/BDeisBlowfish

THIS IS STILL A THING, RIGHT?

The

Blowfish

January 31, 2013

Strategic Plan! Page 2 ClassRoulette! Page 3 Overhear Everything! Page 3 24 hours at Einsteins! Page 4

Bass Warfare

A-Trak facilitates dialogue about DJs’ struggle for fair treatment The conflict surround- the DJ!” According to one unidentified union member, ing America’s con- “That was a scary time for us DJs, I’ll tell you that much. tentious DJ/Musician I had friends over at Studio 54 who said they started using lockout was brought to DJs’ heads as disco balls! I realize now they were yanking Brandeis campus this past Saturday with a controversial my chain, but at the time... who could tell?!” For those who thought the worst of the the anti-DJ senperformance by A-Trak, a DJ who has long stood in solidartiment had ended in ity with his fellow the 80s, Green Day’s Disc Jockey Union single “Kill the DJ” (DJU) Members. in 2012 was a rude After years of unwake-up call. After fair treatment from hearing the ballad, rap, hip-hop, and which instructs its pop artists, famous listeners to “Shoot DJs from across the that fucker down”, country have joined the DJU called for together and refused its members to stop to collaborate with playing all Green “Instrument-mindDay tracks entirely. ed” musicians. AThe DJU’s leader, Trak explained the President “Rickaconflict to confused Ricka” Rubin, had fans during his perthis to say, “I’ll be formance, “The DJs honest, it was a have come home to pretty easy boycott. I roost! For too long mean, it was already musicians have in effect unintentiontook it upon themally, ya know what I selves to heckle, hamean? It just bothrass, and otherwise ered us that Billy belittle us for the Joel had so much sake of their music. resentment against Ke$ha, stop telling us, even after we us to turn the music supported him durup! There is a strict “Workers of the world, drop the bass!” ing his insufferable moral code among the DJ community and we will not damage your fans hear- “political” phase. People ask us if we see him as a threat ing despite your demands. That goes for you too, Rihanna! but come on, you saw his cameo in “This Is 40”. That guy And I’ll tell you what we’re waiting for, Ms. Spears. We’re needs help.” While most students try to avoid the conflict altogethwaiting for a little thing called r-e-s-p-e-c-t, and we will er, a group of young social activists have formed the club NOT wait until the world ends!” For those who think this is a new phenomenon, the DJU “DJ-Street”, which attempts to provide the campus with claims that such abuses have occurred since the inception both narratives. Unfortunately, their attempt to foster diaof their career. In the 70s, DJ abuses were mostly compen- logue through A-Trak’s concert was marred when a group sated under the table with bumps of coke and subtle hand of Xylophonists walked out in silent protest. When asked jobs. But calls for unionization were immediately heard af- for comment, a representative from Too Cheap for Instruter the release of The Smith’s song “Panic”, which includes ments said, “You all need to check your privilege.” the horrifying refrain, “Hang the DJ! Hang the DJ! Hang

BY DANIEL PIPES Staff Writer

Charmer School

A group of misguided students learn the proper way to treat a lady Or at least how to do it without ending up in the police In light of the recent Public log. One member says the club has done wonders for Safety Advisories that have him. “Oh yea, I’ve made a lot of progress thanks to been issued regarding poor this club. My old pick-up technique was just asking pick-up attempts by various men on campus, a group of women about the weather over and over and over. But male students has created “Boys Allied for Ladies’ Safety one day I hit bottom at (BALS) in order to eduEinstein’s when a girl cate their peers about the refused to respond. I proper way to approach a panicked and grabbed female. The club formed some sugar packets, after its president, Elijah hoping she’d take pity Bergman ‘15, had a revon a guy with hypoelation following his own glycemia. I guess she failed attempt to score a didn’t make the conlady’s number. “Yea, I’m nection, though, ‘cus I the one who approached saw myself in the pothe broad... excuse me, the lice log the next day.” “woman” in the library. I The club’s first ofthought I did everything ficial “Gentlemen’s right! I had my hair freshTraining” conference ly slicked, my face was last weekend was decleanly shaved. And clearscribed as a huge sucly she was impressed, she cess by many attendincluded it in her police ees. Jeffrey Vladder report! But I dunno, may‘14 said that he learned be I should try scoping the about the proper way library for chicks on Frito walk a lady to her day nights or something. room. “Years past, I’d These Sunday ladies were see a cute lady walkmore frigid than a New ing and think ‘Yes, England winter, yaknowI want that’. And of whatimean?” course, nobody ever While the club doesn’t told me I shouldn’t have many members to“What do you mean you don’t want a suitor?” follow a girl home to day, its leaders are opmake sure she’s safe. timistic that BALS will I didn’t know it was bad to sneak into her building expand as the weather gets warmer. Meetings for BALS and make sure she got home. And I swear to you, I take place in the SCC Multipurpose Room right after Pole thought it was a good idea to surprise her with an Dancing Club, which offers a unique challenge to club unexpected visit! This training turned my whole phimembers with self-control issues. At the meetings, group losophy on its head.” leaders instruct the men on how to court a lady properly.

BY GARY NEMO

Had a bad dream


PAGE 2- OPINION

Nowhere Plan

BlowScopes Your guide to shunning all logic and turning to the stars...

Aquarius: January 20 - February 18 - “Living life to the fullest” does not mean you can go off your strict diet. Pisces: February 19 - March 19 - Bless you! Oh, that was a cough? Well... nevermind, I guess.

Aries: March 20 - April 20 Why did you ask for a partridge in a pear tree, anyway?

Taurus: April 21 - May 21 It’s bitter cold outside, the trees look dead, it gets dark super early... Ahhh, the beauty of New England winters!

Gemini: May 22 - June 21 In Bio, just remember what Louis Brandeis said: “There are no shortcuts in evolution.”

The school continues to strategize about... something...

In the past few weeks, Brandeis students have waited with baited breath to hear about the next development in the school’s “Strategic Plan”. Many are excited to have a role in planning the University’s future direction, while others would like to give Marie in Usdan a bonus because her sandwiches were so damn good last semester. But despite what your Inbox tells you, President Fred Lawrence recently announced that University Provost Steve Goldstein has been fired from the school’s administration board. In fact, Lawrence claimed that Goldstein was actually fired over a year ago. He just refuses to leave. According to senior ranking administrators, Steve did not take his firing very well. “It was a bad scene. He kept shouting, ‘This is not a part of the plan! We need to follow the plan!’ We had to call in S.T.A.R., but they just gave him a list of some inspirational Tumblrs.” President Lawrence also spoke on the subject: “It was a pathetic sight. I mean, I get it. A man lost his job and he’s under a lot of stress. But that doesn’t mean he can come in to his old office night after night and work on some “strategic plan” for hours. We sent him home multiple times. ‘Go home, Steve. See your kids, hug your wife,’ I said. But he just kept whispering ‘Strategy. Strategy. Strategy.’ And he won’t stop obsessing over some red stapler...” Students claim that they could tell something was up based on the rambling, vague emails sent by Goldstein every week. “I mean honestly, I don’t even know what we’re planning anymore,” remarked Jeremy Fitzberg ‘14. “It’s become this weird chicken/egg scenario. Did the strategy come from the plan, or did the plan lead to a strategy? And when do we discuss the tangible goals? It’s like Brandeis is modeling itself after the United Nations...” Goldstein agreed to discuss the strategic plan with The Blowfish after a brief cavity search to prove we weren’t with the Feds. He laid out the plan as follows: “Okay, so we know that Brandeis wants to improve, right? How do we improve? We collaborate. Collaborate starts with a CO, that’s Colorado. Both “Colorado” and “Strategy” have 8 letters, so we know they’re connected. ‘Denver’ has 6 letters, and 8 x 6 is 48. That’s in reference to 1948, the year Brandeis was founded. So it’s obvious that we should move to Denver, Colorado. But how will we fund it? Well I’ll tell you: I have a Swiss Bank Account in Singapore that holds millions of dollars in Pesos. But I’m the only one who can access it! Can Brandeis really afford to fire me NOW?!?” While Goldstein continues to search for answers in his Frosted Flakes, the administration has no choice but to wait for his next move. According to officials, the one positive outcome of this situation is that it’s led to the development of the Goldstein Equilibrium.

BY CYNTHIA VIDDLE Only likes the remix

Photo Poll:

How are you keeping warm in this frigid weather?

Cancer: June 22 - July 22 Count your chickens before they hatch. That way you can know if your roommates used them to make omelettes. Leo: July 23 - August 23 Remember to enjoy the little things. Except for ants. If you don’t kill them immediately they’ll multiply.

Virgo: August 24 - September 23 - You can’t spell ‘homework’ without ‘me.’ But I’m not helping you. You can go to hell for all I care. Libra: September 24 - October 23 - It’s good to relive your childhood, but it is better to stay off the neighborhood watch posters at the local playground.

Scorpio: October 24 - November 22 - If you don’t have an opinion on Lena Dunham, you probably don’t attend a liberal arts college

Sagittarius: November 23 December 21 - This Sunday, make a fantastic dip to distract others from your lack of football knowledge Capricorn: December 22 - January 19 - It’s just like Honey Boo-Boo always says, “Somebody help me, please!”

“I’ll tell you when I get cold.” -Capt. James Cook

“Call maintenance” -Castle Resident

“Fleece toga! Fleece toga! Fleece toga!” - ZBT Member

“We dab a little heated lube on our cheeks” -SSIS

“Two words, bitches!” - Human Torch

“My fever keeps me warm...” - Your sick little sister

For Reading

Thank You

LOOKING TO DIVEST FROM BORING OLD SOCIAL ACTIVISM?

Editors

Nate Ennis Dan Tassone

Michael Chernin (AWOL)

Staff

Gordy Stillman Lisa Galperin Alisa Feinswog Elly Kalfus (AWOL)

Alexandra Barr Alison White Noah Coolidge

Contributors

Caroline Duchin

YO, GET THIS: The Blowfish is not a real newspaper, and as such contains completely fictional articles. No articles or quotes are truthful by any means and should not be conceived as such. All photos courtesy of the Internet (public domain) and staff.

then invest in the self-indulgent art of comedy! we’re looking for people with writing chops, photoshop skills, or layout experience. EMAIL US AT BLOWMYFISH@ GMAIL.COM FOR OUR MEETING SCHEDULE!


NEWS- PAGE 3

Stroke of Genius

The school’s online class option stimulates students’ imaginations

Brandeis University has been criticised in recent years for its lack of physical upkeep. Students have complained that the university is on the cusp of being too young to warrant massive renovations, but too old to maintain its original infrastructure. Recently though, Brandeis administrators have announced plans to bring the university soaring into the 21st century. Following the lead of many other top universities like Duke, Emory, Northwestern, and Notre Dame, Brandeis plans to offer online courses for credit. Critics hailed this as a huge improvement for students and professors alike, as Brandeis students can finally realize their dream of masturbating in class. Citing the need for an online system that is capable of reaching the most students possible, Provost Steve Goldstein took time away from his Strategic Plan to speak with The Blowfish. “The beautiful thing about online courses is the massive outreach. Whereas before, only those students sitting in the back row were able to masturbate in class, now nearly all online-registered students will know that luxury.” Goldstein continued, “How many times have you been in “Will this count towards my class participation?” class, seen an attractive guy or girl, and felt aroused? This can be devastating to the learning process. As we all know, an unresolved boner can take minutes to resolve itself, during which time students are unfocused on their lectures. By partnering with 2U, a private online education company based in Maryland, we hope students will take advantage of the ability to rub one out, then get immediately back to the course material.” Some professors, however, are skeptical of this online learning initiative. Citing the importance of interpersonal contact in the learning process, Political Philosophy professor Daniel Rettner said, “I get it. You’re able to reach a massive amount of students with courses that previously only allowed a small handful of kids to masturbate in class. But what about the interpersonal contact? This completely removes the fun of guessing whether anyone is masturbating in my class!” Other professors said that this was simply a new manifestation of old problems. Whereas professors in the past were disrupted by the noises of texts, instant messages, and phone calls, they now find themselves plagued by the sounds of heavy breathing and exclamations to God. “At the start of every lecture I tell students to mute their microphones and get ahold of themselves. Wait--” said Rettner. Brandeis estimates that other universities across the world will soon follow suit, including schools in Assloss, Scotland; Blowhard, Australia; and Intercourse, Pennsylvania. BY STACY MICHAELSON Doesn’t have any gum

It’s All On The Record

One bold Facebook group attempts to document every conversation at Brandeis It’s a pretty well-known fact on campus that Brandeis students tend to experience awkward situations fairly regularly. Brandeis wouldn’t be the same without “awkward” preceding it. However, not all Brandeis students necessarily encounter these uncomfortable occurrences; sometimes, simply overhearing snippets at the most embarrassing points of conversations is enough for any undergraduate to facepalm. Most of these ridiculous phrases would be lost to the icy castle winds or the overwhelming clamor of Usdan had it not been for the creation of the Facebook group “Overheard at Brandeis”. Since its creation over a year ago, “Overheard at Brandeis” has been booming with daily posts that make even the most mundane occurrences altogether confusing, painful, and most importantly, overwhelmingly hilarious. However, with the gradual influx of posts every day, the quality of the allegedly candid quotes has degraded to the point where people are just citing random conversations, usually limited to Judaism and or the attractive inadequacy of the general Brandeis population. Many have lost faith in Overheard at Brandeis, but they still have their number one fan. President Fred Lawrence is taking the initiative to not only keep Overheard alive, but to also make it better than it’s ever been. “Overheard at Brandeis is one of my favorite things on the internet. Ever. Which is why I hate to see all the most recent posts of the past few months be particularly unfunny,” President Lawrence recently told the Blowfish. “At this point, students are just quoting their friends, which is not only lame and uncreative, but it also means that they are not exploring beyond the boundaries of their friend group to catch just the best parts of the uncomfortable conversations that their peers are having around them! In other words, we’re missing all the good quotes out there! THEY NEED TO BE RECORDED!!” In what appears to be an act of futility, President Lawrence has announced a new campus-wide program called “Brandeis Overheard,” which will attempt to record literally every zany conversation and unremarkable occurrence throughout every semester. The program will entail the employment of hundreds of boom operators, cameramen, bugged agents, and scribes to record everything on campus, in class, dining halls, and even dorms. In addition, faculty, staff, and students will be required to wear small microphones and head-mounted cameras to capture every moment in two hour shifts. Funds for “Brandeis Overheard” will be charged onto the general Brandeis University tuition. Students have expressed concerns over privacy issues in the “Brandeis Overheard” program, but President Lawrence has assured students, “We’re not spying on you, we just want to hear and record how awkward this campus really is. Also, my doctor says I should laugh more.” When asked for his thoughts on the new program, undergraduate Patrick Clapp said, “I’m transferring. Seriously. It’s unreal. Was there a committee that met before they agreed on this program or something? I don’t even.”

BY TED JENSON

Loves a good hand rub

Major Opportunity

The registrar introduces a new major in light of tough economic times With the economy and the job market at an all-time low, students of Brandeis University begin questioning the relevancy of traditional majors. Logically speaking, the high-paying jobs are scarce. To introduce new majors, as a panel of students have proposed, would place Brandeis at the pinnacle of innovation. President Lawrence officially announced: “It is very forward-thinking of the Brandeis population to implement new majors to match the tough economic times. This coming year, we will be introducing three new majors: Barista Studies, Kidnapping, Assembly Lines, and Creative Tumblr Writing.” These majors will be unique because they directly cater to the available jobs for college students. In the Barista major, the goal is to be a Barista at Starbucks. The intro class, “Cream or Sugar?” is a hands-on approach to the psychology of people in the morning before they have had their coffee. Prerequisites for the major include: “Shoo, go away homeless man 101” and “Patience with snobs (Lab)”. The student must exemplify the role of an ideal Barista by enjoying coffee and “truly appreciating” Maroon 5. A major in assembly lines is a popular one for students who see themselves enjoying monotonous labor. The department head, Professor Henry Ford, comments, “It’s totally therapeutic.” Professor Ford is offering internships at his 52-acre Ford Factory located in Sommerville, Massachusetts which is unpaid but “basically pays for itself.” Another titillating major offered in the Fall of 2013, Creative Tumblr Writing, is meant as more of a second major due to its recreational nature. The faculty is studded with Tumblr stars including the mastermind behind “What Should We Call Me”, who will be teaching a class in “Gif Appreciation”. In addition, a first year seminar will be offered called, “The Aesthetics of Facial Recognition”, taught by the esteemed Tumblrer behind “Lesbians That Look Like Justin Bieber”. This will be cross-listed for the minor Gender, Sexuality, and Queer studies. For those students who don’t foresee a future in factory work, Tumblr, or Coffee Making, don’t give up hope! There are other options being discussed such as Carnival Worker, Marrying Rich, and Street Performer. The majors proposed as “Drug Dealer” and “Prostitute”, while relevant and probably useful, were ruled out by President Lawrence as “too traditional. Bottom line: the time is now to be whatever you want to be, within reason. The idiomatic expression, “shoot for the stars” is outdated. Now, we can look forward to shooting for the middle class, because if we miss, at least we land among the poor. These new additions to the Brandeis education offer a more realistic future for 99% of our school.”

BY MARGARET COOKE Really needs a nap


PAGE 4- P.S. 91. Biology 95. Coal carrier 96. Blight 98. Academy Award 99. Prison population 102. Delivery vehicle 103. Messy dresser 105. Cough-syrup ingredient 106. Capital of Mali 107. Rather, informally 109. Christmas season 111. Finish, with “up” 112. Cause of traffic jams 115. St. Louis airport 117. Broadcasting 118. Feeler 119. One hole under 120. “___ Smile” (1976 hit) 121. Bouquet of flowers 122. Was a good dog, perhaps

Freestyle This puzzle doesn’t have a theme, which means it can be anything you want it to be. Just like your college experience, midyears!

40. ___ Today 41. A dwarf’s condition 43. Riskiest 47. Beams 48. Clock standard: Abbr. 49. Arch 50. Atomizer output 52. Amazon, e.g. Across 53. Grand ___ (“Evangeline” setting) 1. Edible viscera, of a pig or deer, 55. A chorus line e.g. 57. More sharp 7. Casey’s job 59. Kind of drive 14. Amounted (to) 61. A bishop’s charge 18. Cave 65. Adaptable truck, for short 19. Fox relative 66. Like fans 20. A family jewel 68. Var. of lift 21. Jubilance 69. Calm 23. Not brief 71. Gun, as an engine 25. ___-tac-toe 72. Justin Bieber admirerer, e.g. 26. “Buenos ___” 75. Fills 28. Silly trick 76. Conceive 29. Pass through a membrane 78. Andy’s radio partner 30. Grand Lodge Convention attend- 79. A pint, maybe ees 81. “___ boom bah!” 32. Half of Dicken’s title duo? 82. Make, as a CD 34. Tokyo, formerly 83. “___ we having fun yet?” 35. Flammable hydrocarbon 84. Embrace 36. Court wear 86. Beethoven’s “Archduke ___” 38. Banking aid 88. Medium

Down 1. An organ connected to the kidneys 2. Sweet clover 3. Ewood Park dwellers 4. Affranchise 5. “Idylls of the King” character 6. Zeno, notably 7. Dracula, at times 8. “Mi chiamano Mimi,” e.g. 9. Mechanical changes 10. Skimpy swimwear brand 11. Vowel marking 12. Call to a mate 13. “Smoking or ___?” 14. It gives one pause 15. Electrolysis particle 16. Parsonage 17. Halftime lead, e.g. 20. Composer Mahler 22. Water-loving nymph 24. “El Capitan” composer 27. Brandy cocktail 31. Daniel Webster, e.g. 33. Primordial matter 35. Hide well 37. Chester White’s home 39. “C’___ la vie!” 42. Clairvoyance, e.g. 43. Alliance 44. Australian runner 45. “Friends,” e.g. 46. African pests 49. South African portch 51. Ashes, e.g. 52. Summed 54. Anger

55. “Bye” 56. Speech problem 57. Death on the Nile cause, perhaps 58. Wild, edible mushrooms 59. West Indies native 60. Obama’s second rival 62. Partly-digested food 63. Bindle bearer 64. First name in tea 67. A woman’s maiden name 70. Least challenging 73. Bust maker 74. With excitement 77. “___ calls?” 80. “Yadda, yadda, yadda” 83. Boosts 84. ___ Master’s Voice 85. Roswell sightings 87. “Flying Down to ___” 89. Tight collar? 90. Accept 91. Credit union’s activity 92. 1988 Olympics site 93. Kind of counter 94. Burst forth 96. Bounces 97. Bronx Bomber 99. It’s a part of life 100. Hinder 101. Sexy lips? 104. Spills the beans 106. Boys in the ‘hood 107. Atlantic City attraction 108. “___ and the King of Siam” 110. Give off, as light 113. Masefield play “The Tragedy of ___” 114. Chipper 116. Car accessory

Solution to “Elections Turn Us Into Monsters”

The Graveyard Shift

One man must handle the responsibilities that come with Einstein’s new hours Right now, President Fred Lawrence is about to be served the worst coffee he will ever drink. I’m hunTook the last Hot Pocket dreds of pages behind in my IR readings, and I think my lazy co-worker may be responsible for both. I’m bagel maker Jack Flour, and this is the longest shift of my life.

BY LANCE LOMBARDO

2:54 AM: Got to work for my shift earlier than anticipated. I couldn’t sleep well last night. I never can these days. It’s not an easy job, working for Einstein’s. But somebody’s got to do it. You work tirelessly and never get the proper thanks for it. But people love their shmear, especially Brandeis students.

‘coworker.’ 10:15 AM: It’s official: the President is paying us a visit for a nice cup o’ joe. Within minutes, so they say. We’re down one worker, but if there’s anyone that should be for this shift it’s me. The lines are almost overwhelming. Almost.

10:26 AM: He’s here. President Frederick Lawrence, our true leader, has graced us with his presence. I helm the register, almost giddy. A Tribeca Blend, he orders. The cup’s filled, but with my loose nerves some spills onto my hands. Get ahold of yourself, Flour. But I continue the hand-off. I’m not afraid to get my hands burnt. But that’s the problem: this coffee’s cold. I just handed President Lawrence a cold cup of coffee that was supposed 4:15 AM: Went to stock the bagels when to be piping hot, freshly brewed this morning. I saw Chris, the coffee boy, in the back And then it all makes sense: The FBoard member, room talking with a non-employee. Chris’s departure, the cold coffee. FBoard wanted Looked like somebody on FBoard. They Lawrence to have a bad Einstein’s experience so went silent when I got close, but I wasn’t that they could close us down. They got Chris to there for long anyways. ‘Probably nothing brew a bad blend of Lawrence’s favorite blend, important,’ I thought at the time. Little did and then he was out of here. President Lawrence I know how wrong I would be. would have a Darn Bad Coffee, Einstein’s would be shut down, FBoard would win, and Brandeis 6:51 AM: The regular customers begin would never be the same. And this was all hapto show up. Happy to serve warm bagels pening before me. But I could stop it. In the only and some Darn Good Coffee for fellow way I could think of. ‘Get down, Mr. President!’ Brandeisans. Anything to keep this beautiWe hit the ground, the terrorist coffee neutralized. “You’re about to get toasted!” ful campus going. The lines go silent, but they somehow know what has happened. I help the President to his feet, bring him a proper Einstein’s brew, and he 7:48 AM: Word around management is that we’re supposed to be getting a major leaves satisfied. And I’m satisfied too, knowing that FBoard didn’t have their way and guest today. Somebody as major as President Lawrence. I’m awestruck. Chris goes that Einstein’s Bagels will live to see another day. silent like the way he did in the stockroom. Probably just sleep deprived. You may not know me, but I know you, if only in passing. I serve your french roast 9:30 AM: Chris suddenly has to leave his shift for ‘an emergency’ and asks me to blends, your shmear-stuffed cinnamon bagels, your overwhelming blueberry muffins. cover him. I’m supposed to be out by 10. I’ve got a lot class work to catch up on. I may appear to you as an experienced Einstein’s employee, but I’m just like you, a And do I mean a lot of class work. It’s sometimes difficult to balance an EinBrandeis student working to get through that next class. Trying to reach the weekend. My stein’s career and a normal life. But Einstein’s needs me. I take the shift for my name is Jack Flour, and I’ll be here to keep Einstein’s alive and well.

Volume X, Issue 1  
Volume X, Issue 1  

January 31, 2013

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