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VOLUME IX, ISSUE 5

TODAY’S WEATHER Today: Prevention Tomorrow: Treatment

Every two weeks on Thursday... give or take a week

The

Blowfish

Transformers Awareness Week offers support to pre-op Decepticons Pg. 3,000 nuts

HISTORY NEWS:

Brandeis finally replaces Ottoman Empire shuttle with Turkey shuttle Pg. 1923

POPULATION NEWS: World re-celebrates population milestone after week of war and genocide Pg. 7,000,000,000

POST-MORTEM NEWS:

America takes its first step on Andy Rooney’s lawn Pg. 1... 2... 3...

PRESIDENTIAL NEWS: Obama tired of referring to gardening tool as flat metal thing with long handle Pg. 4 more years

JOKE OF THE WEEK: Q: What type of bow can never be tied? A: A Rainbow. NOTE FROM THE EDITORS: Hey girl, we want to inform you that NoShave November is for the men… and their faces. Stop neglecting your legs. This isn’t Wesleyan. Follow us on Twitter! Twitter.com/BDeisBlowfish

C-Store Tension! Page 2 Gender Inequality! Page 3 Single Singers! Page 3 Kardashian Diaries! Page 4

Veni, Vidi, Easi

Inside This Issue LGBTQ NEWS:

November 10, 2011

Hiatt hooks student up with sweet prime minister gig

With Italian Prime jobs on B-hired that require only limited if any prior work Minister Silvio Ber- experience. These positions include personal secretary to lusconi’s imminent Marty Levin, photocopier at your dad’s law firm and Italresignation, Italian officials are frantically searching for a ian head of state. “As the newest entrants into the job markets, we’re the relatively capable successor. As a result, they have turned to the Brandeis B-hired network to attract suitable candi- ones who are left with all the jobs that no one else wants. dates. They naturally chose Brandeis for its history of pro- It’s either performing mind-numbingly boring data entry ducing competent, financially responsible statesmen. Look as some old dude’s secretary—I mean administrative assisat former Icelandic prime minister and Brandeis alum Geir tant—or it’s being the bitch of the European Union. Either Haarde. He led his country to economic collapse in 2008 way,” English major Hillary Brown ’12 explained to The and became the first Icelandic prime minister to be indicted Blowfish. “That’s why I’m going straight to grad school! for misconduct (this is all true). Geir Haarde found that gig Someday I hope to be self-employed at my very own interior design back in 2006 firm.” through Facing the career early recounseltirement, ing services Berlusprovided at coni plans Hiatt. to join But that his Greek was five counterwhole years part, PM ago and the George job market A. Papanwas a bit difdreou, on ferent then. a sailing Any recent trip around college grad the finanwho’s atcially jeoptempted to ardized find gainful Mediterraemployment nean. “Like after college us, it won’t is caught “I’m ready to make Professor Coiner proud!” be around in a classic much loncatch-22: All entry-level jobs require several years of experience ger” Berlusconi told The Blowfish with the surreptitious and getting work experience requires getting a job... but raise of an eyebrow. “Sure, I made some mistakes, but do all jobs require world experience! It can be a maddening I have any regrets? Mamma mia, no way! I slept with hunprocess. Luckily, Brandeis students have the Hiatt Career dreds of beautiful women young enough to be my grandCenter’s B-hired network to sort all that out for them. Hiatt daughters and even narrowly escaped a vote of no confiknows they were unable to provide Brandeis students with dence. In conclusione, I made the most of my time in office sufficient work experience to put on their resumes via sum- and I hope that the naive punk they get to replace me has mer internships. As a result, they have decided only to post fun cleaning up my mess. Ciao, bitches!”

BY DANIEL PIPES Staff Writer

Kirking Ass and Taking Names Todd Kirkland is fucking awesome

Brandeis students who have Kirkland’s high-caliber performance is spawning ire become accustomed to the among some. A source who asked to have her identity Has No Taste slow, pedantic drudgery known kept secret but is Diana Aronin ’11, said that Kirkland as the Student Union have had their heads turned in the redoing anything at all was making his predecessors look cent past by the frenetic efficiency of the new Student Union bad. “For instance, the printer in the romper room was secretary, Todd Kirkland ’13. broken for years, or wouldn’t Kirkland, a doe-eyed Wünprint. He fixed it, so now it dermensch from Arlington, looks like he’s doing stuff. AcMass., has been taking the tually, the real skill in being a plethora of petty issues that Student Union member is being plague the Student Union and able to get paid without doing going ripshit on them. anything.” When Aronin was Kirkland, who as recently reminded that she was not supas 2009 was a nobody, is now posed to receive payment for the single biggest force keepserving in the Student Union, ing the Union strong. He can she shrugged and added “You be seen wall-jumping from can’t spell shizzle without emthe Shapiro Campus Center bezzle.” atrium to the third floor rather “Pushing papers, making cofthan taking the stairs or the fee, come on!” Kirkland told the slowest elevator ever, and Blowfish in Iambic Pentameter. managed silently to coerce “That shit has got to go. Form the WBRS music only to play ’round me, all! / ’Tis blow and songs whose beats per minute blow we strike at lethargy / Docoincided with his heartbeat. ing shit like this ain’t nothing President Herbie Rosen ’12 for me.” commented on the Union secKirkland then blindly reached retary’s incredible work ethic: behind himself and caught an “I saw him re-fill all the staerrant Frisbee that would have plers yesterday, but he did it hit him in the head. one staple at a time, breaking The effective running of the the clips of staples up and inStudent Union even came to the serting them manually. When attention of President FrederI asked why, he told me that ick Lawrence, who called The We bet you can’t stop looking at this picture long they staple deeper that way.” Blowfish through the tin can enough to read this caption. While Rosen was speaking, and string phone we gave him. Kirkland, dressed in all black and wearing fingerless leather “That kid is great!” Lawrence said, his words obscured gloves, swept into the room, jammed his fist into Rosen’s by the scallop, bacon and cheese sandwich he was gorgchest Indiana-Jones-and-the-Temple-of-Doom-style. A kering on at the time. “I bet if you caulked him, he could be fuffle ensued during which Rosen shouted loudly and Kirka ship.” Lawrence refused to elaborate, instead choosing land disappeared, seemingly into the aether. Upon further to repeat the phrase “Where’s Brooklyn at?” over and appraisal of the situation, Rosen noticed his coronary arover again. rhythmia had been cured.

BY JAKE HERMAN


PAGE 2- OPINION

Dear The Blowfish,

BlowScopes

Is it just me or is there a lot of sexual tension in the C-Store? When I first got to Brandeis I blamed this feeling on my raging first-year hormones. But now that I’m an established junior at this school, I can’t help but shake the feeling that the C-Store is a hypersexualized playground where we are forced to confront our most carnal desires. I think a lot of it has to do with the music they play. Is it possible to hear Usher without reliving that middle school dance where Ashley accidentally touched your butt and you were forced to hide behind the bleachers until your boner went away? I mean, how long does a guy have to think about his grandma until he’s decent for the public again? It’s crazy! I think the sexual tension also comes from a culture of indulgence that pervades the C-Store. I mean, you don’t go there for healthy food that you’ll eat for the rest of your life. You go there to get dirty food—the kind of food you want to ravish for one night and never look at again. And that lighting … it’s reminiscent of the lighting in a cheap porno where the boom mic bobs into the frame every 10 seconds. And it’s just so unflattering. I mean, if I’m going to be put on the meat market then I want to be bathed in Penthouse lighting. Of course this all climaxes with an intimate encounter featuring whatever seductress is waiting for you at the cash register. There’s no denying it—the looks of devastating boredom on the cashiers’ faces are a stone-cold turn-on. But I never know what to do while they ring me up! I can’t look them in the eyes, they’re just doing their job. Do I look at the array of condoms hanging behind them? I can only assume those are for the students who play the C-Store game right. While I’m avoiding eye contact with everything that moves, there’s probably some slick guy playing tonsil hockey with an anxious blonde by the freezer. Some might call this sleazy, but you can’t criticize these hasty hookups. Everyone’s judgement is clouded by the sexual fog that hangs over the C-Store.

Your guide to shunning all logic and turning to the stars...

Aquarius: January 20 - February 18 - Death and taxes. Death and taxes.

Pisces: February 19 - March 19 - Pack yer bags! You’re movin’ out West, partner! Hope is all around you—wait, that’s dysentery.

Aries: March 20 - April 20 You say you would fly to Florence tomorrow if you could, so what’s stopping you? I’m beginning to think you’re full of it. Taurus: April 21 - May 21 We tend to regret the things we don’t do more than the things we do do. Not so when you replace the word “people” for “things.” Gemini: May 22 - June 21 You will feel proud of yourself for completing your laundry only to realize that you forgot to use detergent and have to do it all over again.

Hookups Over Really Nasty Yogurt P.S.- And don’t even get me started on the claustrophobic quarters of the V-Store! Dear HORNY, Meet us at the F’Real Machine, 5 p.m. We hope you like it extra thick. XOXO, The Blowfish

Photo Poll:

When you were young, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Cancer: June 22 - July 22 What’s that—you want to bake a cake but you don’t have any flour, eggs, sugar or butter. That’s gonna be some cake!

Leo: July 23 - August 23 Green is totally your color, but no one ever said it’d be easy.

Virgo: August 24 - September 23 - Sometimes people are hard to read. This is because they are either really good at poker, emotionally dead inside or you’re illiterate.

“I say, I say, I wanted to be a speech therapist!” -Foghorn Leghorn

Libra: September 24 - October 23 - If you love the sound of your own voice so much why don’t you just marry it?

Scorpio: October 24 - November 22 - Is that Julia Roberts!?! Don’t be afraid to chase her down the street begging for an autograph! Oh, it’s not her. Are you sure? We could have sworn. Damn. Sagittarius: November 23 December 21 - Grab a broom and clean your room / make you roommate cheery, not teary / cleanliness is a sure way to prevent gloom / so clean your room like a deary.

Capricorn: December 22 January 19 - Don’t be afraid to proclaim in a loud voice that you are not a whore. Your vehement denial will in no way confirm what people already think.

“Less awkward... GAAAH!” - Cartoon Lizzie McGuire

“The parent of a child I can be proud of.” - Your Mom

“A waitress” - Actress

For Reading

Thank You

“Why, Grover Cleveland, of Course!” - Grover Cleveland

“What do you mean grow up? I’ve been six for 35 years!” - Big Bird

Are you a real renaissance man?

Editors

Jesse Appell Abbie Kagan

Daniel Tassone Stacy Handler

Staff

Yael Katzwer Ben Swartz Gordy Stillman Adam Garbacz Scott Ogelsby

Elly Kalfus (AWOL) Paul Gale Audrey Stout (AWOL) Adam Lapetina

Contributors

Michael Chernin Sam Mintz

Yo’chai Re’em

YO, GET THIS: The Blowfish is not a real newspaper, and as such contains completely fictional articles. No articles or quotes are truthful by any means and should not be conceived as such. All photos courtesy of the Internet (public domain) and staff.

Well that’s great, but we only care if you’re funny or familiar with photoshop! stop by the Blowfish Brainstorming Meeting: Thursday November 17 At 9PM in the Romper room


XX Seeks XXX With XY

NEWS- PAGE 3

Brandeis beauties spend time pining away for Mr. Right If you were to the movie, or in the theater for that matter. Well, college take a random is like that. It’s like Saudi Arabia, but the opposite.” sample of 100 “I was really disappointed by this,” Andrew ReligBrandeis students, 49 of them would be femanner ’15 said. “When I got into Brandeis, I was so male and 51 of them would be male, or 60 of excited to get here and meet my new best guy friends. them would be female and 40 of them would I mean, if I have learned anything from dudes like Mibe male. Similar to coin-flipping, it’s all about chael Cera and Seth Rogen, it’s that there is nothing on the law of averages or something like that. The Earth better than a good, homosocial bromance. Nothpoint is that the Brandeis student body is 57 ing. But then I got to Brandeis and there were just so percent female and 43 percent male. This genmany chicks. Now I have a girlfriend and spend all my der imbalance has resulted in some erratic (yet time sexing her up. It’s terrible.” rarely erotic) behavior and strange visits from Most men, however, find this demographic shift BEMCo. uniquely in their favor. Men utterly incapable of putting For some young, bright-eyed coeds who two sentences together (obviously not my problem, lacame to college with the hopes of meeting dies) now have women throwing themselves at them, Mr. Right, the gender balance’s effects on the literally. “I still have a bruise from when this one chick college dating pool is especially depressing. lunged into my abdomen. She just came out of fucking “Everyone knows the gender imbalance at nowhere!” Ari Spellman ’13 reported to The Blowfish. Brandeis makes that frickin’ impossible,” said The health center has reported that more and more male Ladies can’t get enough of The Ralphinator Victoria Smithson ’12. students have requested medical attention and ace ban“I just don’t get it. Why would anyone ever feel the need to join a sorority when dages. “Apparently,” Dr. Altman told us, “girls these days are pursuing male attenwe’re practically living in one anyways,” a frustrated yet inquisitive Hannah Rich- tion very aggressively. They just want to feel noticed. But they must have had some ards ’12 told The Blowfish. “Why is it that I look around my upper level Spanish serious momentum to leave a shiner like that.” class and there are like only two guys? Since when did becoming proficient in a Two months ago at the Mods it was love at first impact. Melissa Fleisher ’12 foreign language become a gendered activity? Do you remember that movie a jumped off a couch right onto Ben Skooner ’12, giving him a concussion. Fleisher couple years ago with Meg Ryan’s new face called “The Women”? Everything fell onto him and for him. Now the couple can be seen walking around campus gazseems normal and then 30 minutes in you realize that there are literally no men in ing into each other’s eyes to the disgust of demure and reserved wallflowers.

BY AMANDA CHRISTIAN Can’t Miss Her Soaps

Tour-menting Guides

One mischievous student offers the tour guides a challenge

“And on your left you have Goldfarb Library, BY BERNIE MALDORF where Brandeis’ students come to study, find Has Felt Better books and do research. We have a really great library sciences department.” “Excuse me. Didn’t somebody once die in Goldfarb Library?” “No, no,” Alana Mackelwitz ’14 said, pinching the bridge of her nose and working hard to fight off a migraine. “Nobody died in Goldfarb.” “Do you have proof of this?” asked James Japerink ’12. “No.” “Hm,” he harumphed, clearly disappointed. This is a common occurrence on prospective-student tours of Brandeis. For the past two years James Japerink has been pretending to be a prospective student for the sole purpose of terrorizing the tour guides. “I didn’t know what to do,” cried Mackelwitz, still not realizing that Japerink is her peer. “This kid just kept asking if people had died. Every place we went to, he asked. Every place. It was terrible. Of course I denied it but by the end I just looked like a denier and I don’t think the prospective students believed a word I had said.” “I don’t do it to make them cry,” Japerink promised. “It’s just harmless fun … well, harmless for me. C’mon, haven’t you ever seen a tour going by and just wanted to scream something weird at them or just run over to them and start break-dancing? Well I have. Now I just do this.” Japerink got the tour guide schedule from Admissions during one of his long sojourns in the new building. “I like to hang out there sometimes, just ’cause,” he admitted. “They have cookies.” “I have hit about 10 tours so far this year,” he said, quite proud of himself. “The trick is to only go on tours with guides who don’t know you. I made the mistake last year of going on a tour led by my casual acquaintance, Herbie Rosen ’12, whom I awkwardly nod at whenever I see him. Long story short: He kicked my ass. “The trick to preventing them from recognizing you is just to make yourself scarce on campus,” he explained. “You know, never go to class, only eat Rahmen in your room and so on. That way, they only see you on their tours.” Next week, Japerink intends to go on a tour and ask at each stop, “So, like, this building looks very Jewish; do any Christians go here?”

iLouisLouis Shuffle

Student Events exploited the death of Steve Jobs this week with its Apple-themed “iLouisLouis” event series. Although they offered some brilliant song-inspired events and countless opportunities to beef up your shot glass collection, we can’t help but lament their decision to pass on these lost opportunities: Waiting on the World to Change We do a lot for Social Justice here at Brandeis, can’t we just relax for a minute? Sip bottled water from paper cups and try out our aerosolpowered Go-Karts. You deserve it! I Just Had Sex Free HIV testing! In Too Deep SE takes you to Walden Pond for this exciting swimming competition. Can you make it across the pond? We sure hope so!

Moves Like Jagger We know you can pop, lock and drop it … but can you pop your hip and drop to the floor until BEMCo arrives? Born This Way Have an inverted eyeball socket or a mole that resembles the president of Bulgaria when placed in certain lighting? Show it off at the first annual genetic mutation showcase! I Kissed A Girl (And I Liked It) QRC co-sponsors this exciting double-blind taste test. Free Cherry Chapstick for the first 50 attendees!

Duet Tu, Brute?

A bitter soloist deals with the rejection of his girlfriend, in song This semester the Choral-J Shapiros, Brandeis’ premiere Brandeis themed a cappella group, experienced their fair share of in-group drama when member Elliot Stewart ’14 broke up with longtime girlfriend Heather Miller ’14, also a group member. The break-up was so brutal that Stewart and Miller could no longer be in a room together—let alone harmonize. They would be no more than eight counts into a song before Stewart’s rhythmic percussion turned into a rhythmic stream of expletives and tears. Miller, for her part, wasn’t all that great of a singer in the first place, but she got even worse following the breakup, if that were even possible. Things got so awkward that the group was forced to split themselves. Stewart and his friends decided to form their own break-off group called The Harp-Breakers. The Harp-Breakers prepared for their first performance at the Finer Things Society Club’s coffeehouse by putting together a repertoire of songs. Inspired by recent events, Stewart wrote and arranged an original song titled “Heather is a Cheating Whore” meant to woo crowds with its honesty and emotional rawness. It was also intended as a shameless character snipe thinly veiled as musical expression. Also included in the set was an a-cappellized rendition of “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor. Stewart announced to the crowd that Gaynor’s passionate hymns were what got him through the last few weeks, along with large quantities of alcohol and what he called “the most expensive talcum powder I’ve ever bought.” The audience exchanged knowing

BY JESSICA FITZSIMMONS Doesn’t Appreciate That

glances as Stewart lamented his hatred of a certain not-to-be-named rival a cappellian. Other Harp-Breaker hits include a modern harmonized interpretation of “Bye Bye Bye” by *NSYNC, Elvis Presley’s “Heartbreak Hotel” featuring the beat-box stylings of William Simpson ’12 and Aretha Franklin’s “Since You’ve Been Gone” with solo by Frankie Stein ’14. The Harp-Breakers have been embraced by the Brandeis student body because they fill a need they didn’t even know existed. Their popularity has grown exponentially as more and more people decide they need to take a break from their respective partners in order to determine if they are truly meant to be together. “Sure, breakups are painful but they allow us to experience who we really are and reevaluate our wants and needs,” said sexily aloof Harp Breaker Brad Thompson ’12. The Harp-Breakers do have some opponents. Ezra Bernstein ’12 complained “their sad-sack music convinced my girlfriend to break up with me!” When questioned about the apparent connection between the music and the break-up, Julie Goldman ’13 responded that she “needed to think about things” before running off to follow the Harp-Breakers on their tour of area colleges. Meanwhile, the remnants of the Choral-J Shapiros have made notable changes to their collection of songs. Gone are their cheerful arrangements of Jason Mraz’s hit “Lucky.” Instead the Choral-J Shapiros are now singing songs like “Sorry” by Buckcherry and other songs that fail to express the depth of Miller’s sadness.


PAGE 4- P.S.

pore 85. Current 86. Three words: ___ Khan IV; Kurt Vonnegut ____; fun sandbox game 87. Helps you go where you want 88. Slaughterhouse _______ 89. American writer theme of Crossword puzzle

Happy Birthday Mr. V! It’s Kurt Vonnegut’s birthday, so we wrote a Crossword for Champions! Can you slaughter this puzzle?

43. Spanish verb to hear 44. Some Shakespearan dead lover 45. ____, Bam ____ ____ ____ Bam Chiri biri biri 46. Henry Miller book, he is as good as Vonnegut Across 53. Clumsy dumby 1. 5/4 jazz song 54. The Vonnegut of pop music 9. Salt Lake City State with songs like “Yeah” 13. Brandeis Christian Fellowship 55. Billy Pilgrim rode this to Tral16. Worldwide like the aims of the famadore Church 56. Phi Beta Kappa Society 17. Music information sent in 58. Throw a rock at the window keyboards and steal everything inside 18. If you read a funny book you 62. Resentments might laugh out loud 63. Whoa! 19. Vonnegut’s 2nd novel 64. US Volleyball Player Sanders 21. She gives me thinspo 65. Walls on the side 22. Touch Down Time 68. The third one of these caused 23. Spanish wave the second world war 24. Seattle’s finest 72. Short for senator 25. New Deal Program 73. Cry of surprise 26. What people sit on 74. Postal abbreviation of Von29. Massachusetts Island off Cape neguts home state; ccTLD of 32. Hasn’t ruled iran sinc 1979 where Galapagos is 35. Initialism for Dog Goat Emu 78. Air travel regulators 36. Deadeye Dick’s Midland City 79. Suffix of chloris here 80. Dude who tris to get yr books 37. Single men live in this hood sold 42. Can’t talk 84. National University of Singa-

Down 1. Is it a crossword puzzle, nope just an taxidermist internet meme 2. Low pH stuff 3. Cobain and Vonnegut are two 4. Shulgin drug in PiHKal 5. Muddy swamp 6. Insofar with the far 7. Early String instrument 8. European Commision Florida 9. Says “shine your light on the world” 10. (2 words) boobies; nongovernmental organization 11. This happened to Slapstick, Mother Night, and Harrison Bergeron and then they were movies 12. India Religion 13. Dark funny comedy (spelled with a u to be more British) 14. Organizing theme of a novel 15. A combination of a lossless audio codec and a toe 20. “Gym,____, Laundry” - Harold Bloom 27. ?; symbol for voiceless palato-alveolar sibilant 28. Police chief 30. Much aboutnothig 31. Funny thing 33. Either Tone of Spider 34. Bunny Hoover’s sexality for same 37. Salo is this in The Sirens of Titan 38. Breath it 39. Not straightness

40. Game rule upholder 41. ________ Pocus, a book about a schoolmaster 45. Likes to look at birds 47. So over 48. What Dresden turned into aft Allied Bombing 49. Farm of cool clothes 50. Actress Russo who is in movies 51. Calling all in transit Radio Free Asia 52. Head, Slangily 56. Peeing 57. Brie everywhere, so much, all over the place 58. Language in Africa 59. Explosive cocktail 60. Pokey stick 61. Whiz 66. Lupine last name of Seinfeld Composer 67. Knight 69. An egg that wonders conditionally in ifs 70. Tampa Bay Rays Jorge 71. Did I leave my head covering @ the store 75. Association of Atomic Veterans, Roy Hepburn thought he was in it 76. Cogito ______ sum 77. Magenta Yellow Black and this 81. Baby sheep 82. American Journal of Nursins 83. Graduate School Test

Soulutions to “Occupy Wall Street”

Humphing and Dashing

Kim Kardashian’s diary records the descent of her failed marriage

It was the much anticipated, whirlwind wedding of the summer lavishly designed to rival that other much anticipated wedding earlier this year on the other side of the pond. We thought their big white wedding would be the beginning of a marriage that would last forever. Now, 72 days later, the world, like the groom himself, is confused and looking for answers. Perhaps Kim’s diary can shed some light on what happened to America’s reality princess and her fairytale wedding. July 28 I’M MARRIED! I’M MARRIED! I’M MARRIED! OK, g2g make my grand entrance in gown #4! My wedding totally knocks Khloe’s wedding out of the park.

July 28 Ahhh, wedded bliss is so blissful. I mean, I have like a million thank you notes to write on our gold embossed Kim and Kris stationary, but it’s fine. No one actually writes their own thank you notes anymore. I’ll just have my momager take care of it. I am her favorite after all … Hey, who erased the DVR? I really wanted to watch the “E! True Hollywood Story” about Pippa Middleton’s ass. Bitch doesn’t know what’s she’s in for.

Aug. 14 I’m in heaven! These two great families joined together … I mean, sure he deletes “Nip-Tuck” before I have a chance to watch it but who cares! It’s not like that’s a dealbreaker or anything! Lol lol lol. Gotta go, we’re gonna go take a drive through Napa Valley! You wine groves better watch out! We’re gonna drink you! Lol. Before I go, I have to DVR that “Friends” rerun, the one where they all hang out in the coffee shop.

Aug. 25 Today I started thinking about baby names that I can spell with a K. There’s Kaitlin, Kala, Kairi, Kacey, Kadie, Karlos … wait, hold the phone, I just had the most amazing idea. I can design a Kardashian line of baby clothes. Do you think that anyone would be interested in purchasing pictures of my ultra-sound? Like Mama Kris always says, it’s never too early to start profiting from, I mean encouraging your children’s careers.

Sept. 10 I mean how hard is it to not mess with the DVR? It’s like he has this weird compulsion to maintain order, and what’s up with all of the unwatched “In real life, her ass is four-dimensions. It’s weird but I like it...” “Charlie Rose” episodes? Deep breaths, Aug. 6 Kimmie. I still love my honey! Lol. This is so wonderful. Living with another man whom you love and respect. We’re gonna do so many fun things together, like make collages out of hunOct. 20 dred dollar bills. Haha, no, I’m just kidding … Why would anyone want to Fuck this. I’m out. He just recorded a GOP presidential debate over TLC’s look at an old white man’s face when they can pick up any magazine and “Say Yes to the Dress” marathon. Not jking. see my face instead?

November 10, 2011  

Fall 2011 Issue 5