John Q.’s housing lottery rant. Page 2. Special coverage of Usdan table situation. Page 3. Entire World’s Presidential Announcement. Page 3. Evil mini-word. Page 4.
MARCH 8, 2007 VOLUME #2 ISSUE#11
WE DON’T GET IT EITHER
Tony Blair pulls out early, Bush not pregnant. Page 3D
Every year at about this time, well meaning Feminists trot out their annual bitch-fest, The Vagina Monologues. Well, as much fun as this fishy fundraiser can be, the Blowfish wanted to capture the other side of the story. That is why we have here, printed for the first time, excerpts from the follow up to The Vagina Monologues, The CockTales. The show will be released on International Steak and a Blowjob Day, a holiday that Johnson hails as “the only cock-positive holiday out there, besides maybe Rosh Chodesh.”
High: Nipple-perking Low: Fucking cold. Page 4H ENTERTAINMENT
Britney Spears joins Hitler Youth. Page 3M
Brandeis basketball makes March Madness, attendance increases to 3. Page 2B HEADLINES IN HISTORY
March 8, 1909 International Women’s Day founded. Don’t expect dinner to be served on time. TODAY IN THE FUTURE
March 8, 2031 International She-bot Day founded. Don’t expect dinner to be rehydrated on time. CORRECTIONS
It has been brought to our attention that the past 16 issues of the Blowfish have been complete and utter bullshit. The Blowfish regrets the error.
Worried about our cocks... “I bet you’re worried. I was worried. That’s why I began this piece. I was worried about cocks. I was worried about what we think about cocks, and even more worried that we don’t think about balls. I was worried about my own cocks. It needed a context of other cocks.” Look at your cock... “In the first place, it’s really easy to find your cock. Men go weeks, months, sometimes years without not looking at it. I interviewed a high-power businessman who told me he was very busy; he didn’t have the time for distractions. But he had no problem with his Johnson. ‘Looking at, or playing with, your woody,’ he said ‘can be done while doing other things. You just have to undo your belt—if you’re even wearing a belt-----and, BOOM, you’re in. Not like a vagina, which is like trying to see the inside of a rat’s butt. You can quote me on that.’ And I did.” My cock, the coochie snorcher... “My man-meat loves to snorch coochies. I mean, what wang doesn’t? I call it the coochie snorcher. I let it practice as often as I can.”
My huge dick... “I come from the ‘my huge dick’ generation. That is, those were the words—spoken frequently and in a booming voice—that the men in my family used to refer to all male genetailia, franks or beans. It wasn’t that they were ignorant of terms like penis, cock, schlong, or mushroom tip. On the contrary, they were trained to be vulgar pricks and probably had more access to dick-slang than most. They just liked the phrase ‘my huge dick’, I guess.” The hours... “I could never spend hours looking at my penis. I don’t have to. First of all, all I have to do is look down and it’s right there. Also, I look at it all the time. Since I was four. I mean, I love it; I always have. nothing traumatic has ever happened to me or my penis. So I don’t waste my time in front of mirrors or anything looking at my dick. Instead, I go out and chase tail... ladies.” Love Balls... “You cannot love a cock unless you love balls. Many people do not love balls. My first and only wife hated balls. She said they were hairy and dirty. She made me shave my balls. It looked great, and they looked bigger, and cleaner. This excited her. When she made love to me, my balls felt exactly the same. Who notices nut-hair during sex? Not me. Now I shave them all the time. My wife never had an affair. At least, I don’t think she did, and that’s all that matters.”
Bauer misses early clock change, Terrorists win BY DANIEL PIPES Starff Sargent
The Blowfish has obtained exclusive information about the final episode of the current season of Fox’s hit show 24. ** SPOILER ALERT: WE ARE REALLY TELLING YOU THE ENDING. I KNOW, USUALLY WE ARE A HUMOR PAPER THAT MAKES UP SHIT. BUT NOT THIS TIME...(just kidding...or are we?)** In the riveting finale, Jack Bauer arrives at the location of the terrorist bomb at 22:53 and, with seemingly plenty of time to spare, decides to take a quick nap before defusing the bomb and saving the country. But, as Jack was so busy going through the entire season kicking ass and reinforcing negative stereotypes of Muslim-Americans, Bauer forgets that last year Congress legislated Daylight Savings Time to start 3 weeks earlier (mostly so that they could spend more time with their interns and pages before their spouses catch on). At the last second, Bauer wakes up and realizes his mistake, but is instantly vaporized by a nuclear explosion. The President, safe aboard Air Force One, then comments, “Man, that’s the last act of Congress I expected to destroy America. I Continued on page 3
Jack, sporting the man-purse, thought he had time to take a quick nap before saving the world, but he forgot about Daylight Savings Time.
Supreme Court takes away Gore’s Oscar BY MO GRYZMISH Ghandi Enthusiast
Weeks after the Al Gore lovefest that was the Oscars, the Supreme Court voted 5-4 to revoke Al Gore’s Oscar for Best Documentary. Instead, they awarded it to the Sean Hannity’s new documentary, “There are Muslim Terrorists Everywhere That Will Kill You and Your Family Unless You Vote Republican (and Global Warming is Fake); an insightful look into the War on Terror (and the Climate Crisis).” Upon the Supreme Court announcement, Gore, his eyes more watery than a melted polar ice cap, called Justice John “Paul the Second” Roberts to try and understand what had happened. “Bush appointed me, what did you expect, douche?” Roberts replied. “Besides, if you think it’s getting too warm here, you can move to Antarctica or something...maybe you can win an election there. OOOOOOOH BURN! 2000 ELECTION REFERENCE!” “My fellow Americans, I will investigate every dimpled chad, examine every pregnant chad, look over every ballot, and open every lockbox to ensure that the Oscar votes were all recorded,” Gore said. “The Supreme Court may try to stop me from being elected president or winning an Oscar, but no 5-4 decision can ever stop their courtroom from getting hit by a giant tidal wave when the polar ice caps melt.” Gore forgets, of course, the landmark case of Justice v. Wave, where the Supereme Court voted 5-4 (Scalia dissenting) that Waves do not have the Con-
stitutional right for tidal waves to hit buildings. Man, I want a Coke. Bad.” RoddenAccording to CNN, Gore received 52% heim then mauled a vending machine. Editor’s Note: Technically, Al Gore didn’t of the Best Documentary vote but still lost. “Hehehe,” commented Kathrine Har- even win an Oscar. We don’t know what the big ris, from her cave in Buttuglyville, Florida. hoopla is. The winner of Best Documentary was “Global warming is a fucking farce,” said an David Guggenheim, the director of an Inconalways-irate Sean Hannity, as his servant pol- venient Truth. Since Gore has never received ished his Oscar and then his Johnson. “Al Gore an Oscar, nor been President of the United only believes in global warming because he’s States, Al Gore < George W. Bush < 3-6 Mafia. been eating so many Hot Pockets. I mean, have you seen that guy lately? He looks like he ate Tipper! And I’m pretty sure he hates America.” Hannity and his peeps then drove off in a fleet of Hummers, throwing sixpack plastic rings into the ocean and burning their plastic collections. Meanwhile, polar bears don’t know what to think. Polar bear Tim Roddenheim commented, “I’m not really sure if we’re going to go extinct due to global warming, all I know is that Coca-Cola will never go extinct. Always, enjoy, this time is yours, Coca-Cola, just for the During Gore’s acceptance speech, Justice Scalia rushed the taste of it, do-do-dododo. stage and tried to take away Gore’s Oscar.
Sodomized by the housing lottery Slice of Apple Pie BY JOHN Q. PUBIC American
Of all the things that I hate about this university, the housing lottery is the one that I’m writing about right now. I know what you are probably asking, “How could anyone be angry about a housing lottery? Where’s the beef, Johnny Q.?” Thanks for asking. I would love to use this award-winning column to explain the situation with regards to the location of my beef. Never did I think that being part of a lottery would be so much fucking work. Normally, I buy a ticket, pick some numbers, and curse whoever actually wins the damn thing. But this stupid lottery’s got like, all kinds of box checking, and going to meetings even when you lose? Pass. I’m tired of all this
Letters to the Editor Dear Editors, As a captain of the men’s basketball team, I’d like the community to know how proud I am of my team for reaching the NCAA Tournament last week. And thank you, fans, for supporting us. We heard the fan bus to Emmanuel was rocking last weekend, and that while you could’ve fit everyone into a car, you stuckwith the bus. Now, after an unfortunate loss this weekend, we’re preparing for the Sweet 16! My Super Sweet 16, that is. I’d say we had a pretty good run, but Jazmin and Alexa are having an awesome Luau party, featuring Ciara, and we cannot miss it! By the way, a Mercedes-Benz as a gift? No way!! While other schools like Rhode Island College and Fitchburg State are preparing for more basketball, I know we’re satisfied watching the Sweet 16 parties we wish we had. And I’ve been talking with the women’s basketball team, they love watching their fellow JAPs on MTV. - John M. Echee ‘07 - Men’s Basketball Team Captain
Dear Editors, As a captain of the men’s basketball team, I’d like the community to know how proud I am of my team for reaching the NCAA Tournament last week. And thank you, fans, for supporting us. We heard the fan bus to Emmanuel was rocking last weekend, and that while you could’ve fit everyone into a car, you stuckwith the bus. Now, after an unfortunate loss this weekend, we’re preparing for the Sweet 16! My Super Sweet 16, that is. I’d say we had a pretty good run, but Jazmin and Alexa are having an awesome Luau party, featuring Ciara, and we cannot miss it! By the way, a Mercedes-Benz as a gift? No way!! While other schools like Rhode Island College and Fitchburg State are preparing for more basketball, I know we’re satisfied watching the Sweet 16 parties we wish we had. And I’ve been talking with the women’s basketball team, they love watching their fellow JAPs on MTV. - John M. Echee ‘07 - Men’s Basketball Team Captain
“As a freshman, my housing number was –28. I lived in a broom closet with this guy who was a complete dick. Sophomore year, I got i. I lived in an imaginary double with this guy who was actually pretty cool.” BS doubletalk. They should call the housing lottery what it really is: ResLife sodomizes John Q. Pubic. The housing lottery is an inherently flawed process and in this exposé/opinion column I will reveal to you in unblinking detail this so-called “system.” For those of you unfamiliar with the lottery process, it goes something like this: they add up the number of letters in your first and last names. Then they take the number of vertices on your middle initial and add that to the sum (i.e. U has two points, T has three, O has zero, etc.). Then they add up the numbers in your social security number and multiply it by your previous sum. They square that number to come up with the final sum. Then they throw that final number away and use nepotism to give out lottery numbers. Like everyone else on campus, the lottery has always been cruel to me. As a freshman, my housing number was –28. I lived in a broom closet with this guy who was a complete dick. Sophmore year, I got i. The fucking square root of negative one! I lived in an imaginary double with this guy who was actually pretty cool. Flash forward half a decade or so, and finally I get a good number: 8. But those assholes at housing selection were all like “you’re reading it sideways!” Douchecocks. I haven’t been this screwed by a lottery since those villagers tried stoning me to death (luckily, I was able to escape from them by hiding behind the world’s most ironic rock.) So, you’re probably thinking, “John, you’re brilliant. You must have a great solution.” Well, dedicated reader, I did formulate a plan, which was to live off-campus in Waltham. But, once again, the Man put an end to that. I moved into a house on Prospect Street, but after less than a month I got evicted because the city of Waltham claimed that my lawn gnomes were “indecent” and “flagrantly racist.” I can’t stand that political doubletalk. Now I am homeless again (the first being the time I was kicked out of my girlfriend’s house because I gave her Syphilis.) Except this time I don’t have a window to stand outside, or a boombox to hold over my head, blasting Phil Collins’ “In The Air Tonight” and asking for my girl back. Now I just have an urge to bone someone while listening to “Truckin’,” but singing along and saying “fuckin’ “ instead of “Truckin’.” It’s not weird, it’s just who I am. Of course, it could have been worse. My sophomore roommate, Matt Starr Baiter (real name), forgot to check the box. The next day, he woke up dead.
After the disaster that is the housing lottery, I’ve decided to go homeless. And I’ve met some really great, inspiring, people on the streets, like this guy.
Maybe one day Brandeis will get invited to the Super Sweet 16 Round.
George W. Bush celebrates his new favorite holiday.
Photo Poll: IF YOUR VAGINA COULD TALK, WHAT WOULD IT SAY?
“Read my lips.” - Barbara Bush
“If I’m gonna be in the Whitehouse, this bush has got to go.” - Hillary Clinton
“Echo... echo... echo” - Paris Hilton
“Finally, the curtains match the carpet.” - Britney Spears
“For the last time, rocks don’t absorb blood.” - Wilma Flintstone
JOKE OF THE WEEK: Why do flourescent lights always hum? Because they don’t know the words!.
Mar 11 -- 11 pm Village TV Lounge www.brandeis.edu/~blowfish
“What the hell kind of newspaper is this?” - Bob Newhart
FOR READING Editors
David Klasko Jonathan Krisch
Sam Roos JoshuaLouisSimon
Jessica Axel Daniel Baron Alex Braver Judah Druck Becca Freifeld Sean Patrick Hogan
Hannah Kirsch Daniel Levy Alex Martynov Daniel Orkin Anthony Scibelli Derek Tesser
Contributors Jay Judah Not Aaron Gaynor YO, GET THIS: The Blowfish is not a real newspaper, and as such contains completely fictional articles. No articles or quotes are truthful by any means and should not be conceived as such. All photos courtesy of the Internet (public domain) and staff.
Usdan new table layout causes uproar BY VIOLET ROSENTHAL Level 7 Paladin
Students returning to campus after February break were shocked and disturbed to find that the classic rectangular table layout of lower Usdan had been replaced with a new design featuring round tables. According to dining services spokesperson Edith Nahrung, the new layout was implemented to promote equality between all dining students. As Nahrung smugly suggested, “Who can sit at the head of a round table?” Despite these auspicious and largely whack claims, the controversial new layout has frustrated many for just the opposite reason. “With the new round tables, eating groups are now separated from one another,” said Tippy A. Whithousen ‘09. “Actual privacy while eating amongst friends? Where’s the social justice in that?” The new tables also pose practical dining issues “How can I expect to go unnoticed taking Proposed new “new table layout” in The Usdan Cafe. up an entire table to myself?” said John Fresca dievel Appreciation Society of Middle Earth, spoke very ‘08, that weird midyear in your Econ class who you always think is looking at you. “With the old tables at least highly of the new tables. “All are equal at the table round! Forsooth! Like our forefathers of Brittania, we will haveth I could hide between groups.” Not everyone is opposed to the change, however. Hugh many a fine quarrel whilst dining at this inherently equal G. Weirdo ‘07, president of the jousting club and the Me- table! Finally, the world shalt know: Kirk or Picard?!”
Everybody announces run for President BY LEN OLIN-SANG White Rook
own vagina-- and I don’t care if that doesn’t make sense.” All across the world, new candidates are announcing their candidacy with great excitement. “This is a great opportunity.” said Derk Derk Click, a poor Ethiopian boy. “I promise that if I win, I will rid my country of the most dangerous problem to hit us in decades: Angelina Jolie.” Others, like Henry David T., a mute boy of Who Cares, Canada, expressed his excitement with two thumbs up, followed by another session of crying on his bed, won-
In a stunning announcement made on Sunday, everyone, all six billion inhabitants of earth, have decided to run for president. The move comes as a response to the already growing number of politicians announcing their decisions to run for office. With so many in the race, the competition has gotten fierce. “This is certainly a shocking develop- “This is certainly a shocking political development.” ment” said political analyst Roger Sta- - Roger Stamos, of the newly-created mos, who has decided to run under the newly created “Not Related to John” party. “Not Related to John” party The move now puts the already-declared presidential candidates on the defensive. “Obvi- dering why God hates him. When the Blowfish asked ously, with my entire cam- Henry if he wanted to talk about it, he responded by tellpaign team leaving to run ing the Blowfish, in sign language, that we were “numon their own campaigns, ber one.” At least, we assume that’s what he was saying. With over six billion voters, each expected to vote I’m forced to take matters for his/her/itself, the Supreme Court is already preinto my own hands,” said paring for the worst: a six billion way tie. “This is gopresidential hopeful Hilling to be a disaster,” said Judge Roberts, who will ary Clinton. “Except unbe representing his own “Let’s Go Whitey” party. like my husband, I wont “The 2000 election was only 2 candidates, and look at the stop with just my hands.” trouble it got us into,” obviously referring to the challenged When asked to clarify, 2000 American Idol election, which was heard in the now Clinton said that “I’m gofamous Justin vs. Kelly case. Roberts closed by saying, ing to take matters into my “All we can do is pray... that everyone will vote for me.” Derk Derk Click and his Vice Presidential candidate Murray have followed the other 6 billion inhabitants of the Earth in declaring their canidicy for President.
Of course, for the Brandeis students living in this century, the new Usdan layout has brought nothing but utter confusion. The mass hysteria resulting from the reorganization has caused students to be an average of 4 minutes later to class. “I was just getting used to this place, and then they go all round on me!” whines midyear Ignor Amos in between bites. Amos had more to say, but ““How can I expect to was interrupted by a go unnoticed taking up Usdan employee and an entire table to mygot off topic, yelling self?” “No, I’m not done - John yet, ok?!” Fresca ‘08, that When questioned, weird midyear Aramark president in your Econ E. Coli Inyorrfud class. was unable to give a comment as he was busy singing “Money, Money, Money” by ABBA. The Blowfish didn’t find that to be a very germane contribution to the topic, but generally agreed that “it must be sunny in a rich man’s world (dadada-dadada-dada). Amidst the controversy, dining services has proposed a possible compromise that would include a pair of the new round tables connected to one classic longer style table. The Feminist Majority Leadership Alliance (FMLA) is outraged at this suggestion, although they weren’t sure why.
BAUER Continued from Page 1 thought it would be Social Security reform or something.” “We felt that the realism on the show was a little lacking,” Executive Producer Absalan al-Sataf said. “So we decided to put in some real-life situations. At first we had the idea of having him eat breakfast or use the bathroom or get a parking ticket or something, but then we thought ‘Hey! They’re changing the clocks really early this year and no one seems to know about it, so why not use that?’” When asked whether this was the end of the series, al-Sataf said, “We had planned on a bit of a more spectacular ending...something about Congressional acts being able to bend the laws of space and time, and Bauer being a robot sent from the future to save the past. Of course, something like that would lead right into the next season, but
“We decided to put in some real life situations: Jack eating breakfast, taking a deuce, getting a parking ticket, forgetting to set his clock forward.” - 24 Executive Producer Absalan al-Sataf we ran out of time when we forgot to set our clocks back an hour, so we kind of had to wrap things up quickly.” The finale closes with the survivors of Washington remarking on the irony of having their city destroyed by an act of Congress. “They changed DST to save energy...” laments one survivor, “and it worked! I guess I really underestimated the new Democratic congress. That’s real progress; good for them.”
Obama’s finds shocking twist in family tree BY YUSEF USEN Red Power Ranger
that his home is a block away from his parents’ house. It was revealed that Obama’s Great-great-grandfather,
In some startling news today from the nation’s capital, it has been revealed that the ancestors of Barack Obama were owned by the ancestors of none other than Barack Obama. Obama, who is half black, recently discovered that his mother’s side, who is white actually owned his father’s side, a twist that even M. Night Shyamalan couldn’t have come up with (mostly because he sucks.) Inspired by Al Sharpton’s recent genealogy research, Obama jumped into the project headfirst, donating copious amounts of blood and sperm to research facilities. “But mostly sperm” said doctors. Sharpton’s findings revealed his ancestors had been owned by the ancestor’s of one of America’s great supervillains, Strom Thurmond. Obama’s findings were much closer to home, in Barak Obama raises the roof in an attempt to prove that he’s black.
Jedediah Obama actually hailed from Hawaii, the “not real” state. He moved East after missing the bus home from school and wandering the wrong way. There, he was mistaken for a runaway slave and taken to a plantation in Alabama, or “hell” for short. As it turns out, that very plantation was owned by Obama’s great-great-amazing-granduncle. After being freed by the Civil War, (which, in another ironic twist, was not civil at all, but really rude,) Jebediah moved north where he met his eventual wife. Years later, the families were reunited, this time not in bondage but in holy matrimony, as Mr. and Mrs. Obama. They married and eventually decided that naming their kids after insane terrorists would “probably be for the best.” Though many have speculated on the effect of this discovery would have on Obama, the presidential candidate vowed that he would stand strong, saying, “Look, I make my wife whip me sometimes. Why couldn’t my ancestors do it?”
Insanity Reigns in Crazy Bracket
BY LEN LEVIN Tattoo artist
prodigious natural insanity), but it wasn’t enough for him. He began dabbling in alcohol, which is forbidden by the league though it is still a fairly common practice, but that wouldn’t. Desperate for any edge he could gain, Van Gogh began to turn to psychedelic drugs, which fueled his record breaking 2001 season where he bashed his way to one of the maddest seasons of all times, only to be disqualified in the finals when his water bottle was discovered to be full of Absinthe. Several failed drug tests and a grand jury hearing later, Van Gogh was out of the tourney. Since then, Van Gogh has found the love of his life, cut off his ear (which he expects will make him faster on the court), and re-emerged as a viable threat to win the tournament. Unfortunately, reigning champion George W. Bush will not get to pursue his recordbreaking seventh straight title. Bush has been ruled ineligible for this year’s tourney. Tournament organizer Lee Harvey Oswald called Bush “Just too damn crazy.”
King Richard III hit the parquet floor hard, but his face didn’t show it. The 6’7”, 240lb former king of the Brits was just happy to be back on the basketball court. “I feel great” remarked Richard, the former all-Britanian center and two-time all-star. “I mean, after the whole loss of my crown thing, I had a lot of soul searching to do. Was I a mad tyrant, or a mad rebounder?” In the end, Richard’s passion for the game was too strong, and he’s spent the off-season getting his body in game shape Ofcourse,Richard’simpressive pedigree by no means guarantees him success in this month’s March Madness tournament, which pits the maddest men in history against each other. Although Richard is a true madman, and he’s definitely totally insane, he’s by no means the maddest man in March Madness. In fact, Richard isn’t even the number one seed in his bracket; that honor goes to peren-
nial madhouse Ty Cobb. Cobb, who averaged the EURO bracket’s number 15 seed, Vinover 21 points per game and 13 racial epi- cent Van Gogh. “Oh Baby! There’s no questhets per quarter, also set new records in “Mi- tion that Van Gogh is the craziest mother norities offended” and “African-Americans in this tournament,” Madness expert Dick beaten (physically)” on his way to the ACC Vitale yelled to nobody in particular. “But title. Cobb said in a press release that he ex- the question, baby, is does he have the repects to “lynch the shit” out of his opponents. bound ability to make this happen? Nobody But the number one seed rarely goes on knows, but God knows, baby, that we are to win the tournament. In fact, Edgar Allen all, baby, pulling, baby, for baby, baby!” Poe’s 1988 campaign re““I mean, after the whole loss of my crown thing, I had mains the only a lot of soul searching to do. Was I a mad tyrant, or a mad number one seed to ever win rebounder?”” the tourney. - King Richard III So who else has a chance? The sleeper Vitale was referencing Van Gogh’s strugpick of the tournament seems to be Alfred E. Newman (#12) who many would claim gles with drugs and alcohol, which had invented the concept of Mad. However, the seemingly derailed his career. Van Gogh had fairy tale story of the tournament has to be tremendous early sucess (due mainly to his
It’s small, but fierce. After all, it doesn’t matter how big it is when it’s as hard as this one.
Number Games ...Looks like Sudoku, tastes like crossword. 1
Across 1. Chinese Chairman 4. Turn, abbr. 7. 80’s TV Alien 8. Poet Margaret 10. Pebble, rock 11. Big mtgs. for GWB in NYC and Philly 12. Actor from The Producers, originally 15. Beer variety 16. Priests, and others 20. ____ of Evil 21. Pigskin org. 24. Ancient city on the Tigris River 25. Raw mineral for metal 26. Intro ‘Deis Econ class, in ancient
rome? 27. Dumbells, etc. Down 1. Certain grad. degrees 2. Comp. key next to Ctrl 3. Frequently, usually 4. Star Wars speed unit 5. “Really, ____ be the same without you” 6. “Voice,” in Italian 9. Cable modem alt. 13. Brady girl 14. Garchy or gopoly opener 16. Dog adj. 17. Rt. 66 on the Apian Way 18. “_____-o, and on that...” 19. Winter weather
22. Industrial cargo 23. Guitar or guitarist Paul
Solutions to “Star Boozing, Part II” H E M P
O M A R
L E A S T
E A R T H
D A N D Y
E G G E E
T A N S
A L E S
P M U S A R G A R E T A X S A I T E R S R E U P E V E M S T O L EW M U R E O G D O N N I S S I D O N OM M E E I R O S E N S M E
A M A R I D I T A H U N T N D U U M A N O N O A R T I T E I S B L T I G A R A R A S M I L L T R O O S H L K A L L I N I A C S E N Y
A W A R D N R A I L
M Y S T I C I O C
E R E R Y I V N C G R
R E E S A R T A WO R T S O A O G N D S I O C O C R H O O H M MO I K L A B C P I C G U I C A L I F E N R A S I R S O C K H T R I O S C A T
E S H A S H
T E E N Y
E A U
M P A Y A W C O A N E D A A L L S N E A C S T S S I L D S S A T
“THE MOST IMPORTANT BUS RIDE SINCE ROSA PARKS” - RABBI AL SHARPSTEIN
“IN COOLIDGE CORNER, ALL THE COPS ARE KOSHER COPS!” - ROGER EBERT, Ebert & Roeper
FREE Brandeis 5:30 7:00 8:30 10:00 11:30 1:00
SATURDAY, MARCH 10 Brookline 6:15 7:45 9:15 10:45 12:15 1:45
L E E R
K I N D
P E T R I
E L A N A
A S H E R
A S T R O
O O R T
R N A S