The Black Sheep
FR EE ... lik fr e a s om w gr edis andma h ma ss ag . e
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 5 10/4/12 - 10/10/12
Moutaineer Myths Busted WVU staff wrote this
Couch burning, epic parties, I’m Schmacked; all reasons for parents to tear up their childrens’ applications to WVU and hope that their little angel forgets it existed. WVU is notorious for, and guilty of, quite a few of these unflattering qualities. Frankly, one of the draws to WVU is the party scene, and while there is always an abundance of drunk twenty-somethings crawling up and down High Street, the reality of life in Morgantown is exaggerated, much to the chagrin of every student who is forced to set foot in the library. The assumptions that exist about WVU are copious and vitiate the educational integrity of the institution, and while there is truth to the gossip, there are some myths that need to be busted. No One Studies: This is as ridiculous as it is insulting. There is a plethora of exhausted, intelligent, and driven students who pass up a night at Bent’s so they can kinda maybe hopefully pass their chemistry lab test the next morning. Sure, some especially crazed-looking students hanging around the library may be burnouts coming off an acid trip, but the library is open until 2 a.m. and there are students there until close every night. Well, not game days. Jersey Rules: Yes, there are many people who are from New Jersey that come to WVU, but downtown is not a high-end reenactment of The Jersey Shore meets Davy Crockett. Walks to class make it obvious that WVU hosts a huge foreign student population, as well as a multitude of residents from states far and wide. Unless the person in question is an awkward shade of orange and is doubling up on the North Face jackets in the summer, you can guarantee you won’t know a person from Jersey when you see one…unless you hear them mutter “gabbagoo” under their breath.
ends, but not everyone drinks themselves into a vomitcovered stupor before their 11 a.m. lecture.
Everyone’s Perpetually Plastered: “Oh you go to WVU, eh? Bet you party all the time.” Sure, right on, dude. Just because we receive attention for our out-of-control party scene, doesn’t mean that the students who are here to graduate actually partake in everynight antics. Domes are not hung over toilets on Tuesday mornings in the vain hope of making all the pain go away, they’re hung in shame when they wake up to news of couch burnings,. That’s not to say that the average student doesn’t indulge in some mind-numbing fun on week-
It’s Easy: WVU is an equal opportunity school, meaning it will give any decent student a chance at university life. However, there’s a 50% graduation rate; the people who stay long enough and endure much of the shit show deserve the diplomas they’ve earned. If WVU was easy, it wouldn’t be such a surprise when a person says, “I’m a graduating in four years from WVU.” The hoards of students who actually use the library’s computers for research and paper-writing would beg to differ with anyone who scoffs at the idea of WVU’s curriculum be-
top ten places to relax on campus between classes
ing anything less than challenging. Plus, if debunked stereotypes are to be believed, students here have to overcome the temptations of alcohol, drugs, and ass on the daily in order to put their face in books, and that is an accomplishment in itself. Phew, that was exhausting, and those were the easy myths to dispel. Next time we look to take down the real beasts, like: “Geno Smith: did he really walk on water?” “Are there dragons in the basement of Mountainlair? It sure sounds like there’s dragons living in the basement of Mountainlair.” And “Your mom: did he really hit that?” Join The Black Sheep again, and soon.
from the streets
Much of the list is places to eat because we want food always!
whats your hangover cure? ours is sex... and food!
we caught the mountaineer relieving himself in the woods! omgz!!
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page 4: skipping class for sukkot the Jewish faith has more holidays then followers, time to join up!
page 5: The Black Sheep's Guide to the Apocalypse: Cthulhu Edition
Who knew the Great Evil That Sleeps would be such a dick?
page 7: UVA to form actual grammar police squad Grammar police? what a violation of our rights great idea!
page 11: Bartender of the week Lydia t. from bent willey's loves taking ciroc red berry to the dome.
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word of the week Disshertation:
Any longwinded, angry diatribe one woman makes towards another woman.
Shakira & Chris Hemsworth
“Lisa’s disshertation on Theresa’s formal dress got her over 300,000 YouTube views and one lost Facebook friend.”
Skipping Class for Sukkot TBS Staff wrote this As we head into midterms, one thing has become increasingly clear: We just really don’t give a shit about class anymore. Sure, you started out the semester with valiant intentions of only going out on the weekends and getting a 4.0 for the first time ever, but all of those lofty goals are now long-gone. At this point, you’re looking for any and every reason to miss class. Some may consider it desperate, but I for one am not above exploiting my Jewish heritage and using religious holidays as an excuse to skip a lecture. You really can’t lose here. As per university policy, professors are required to be “understanding” of their students’ religious practices. You can interpret that as you will, but I understand it to mean that I’m free to miss class in observance of my faith and suffer absolutely no repercussions for it. As a semi-professional truant, I encourage not only my Jewish brethren to miss class for religious holidays, but my goy friends as well. Hopefully you established (or faked) your Jewish-ness earlier in the semester by skipping class for the High Holidays (that’s Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, you shmendrik). If so, congrats, you have laid the groundwork in letting everyone know that you are Jewish— not just culturally, but for-real-like-actually-doing-Jewish-things Jewish. If not, don’t fret: There are seriously more Jewish holidays than there are actual Jews, so you have plenty of upcoming opportunities to remind everybody that you are one of the chosen people. Whether you’ve been strictly observant, are just starting to embrace your Jewish roots for the sake of skipping class, or are simply faking it, the next such opportunity is the holiday of Sukkot. So, here are the basics: Sukkot, meaning “Feast of Tabernacles,” is the weeklong holiday beginning at sundown (for the non-Jews: Virtually every holiday begins at sundown—commit it to memory. I think we used to be vampires or something) on Sunday, September 30. The cool thing about Sukkot being a week long is that you can kind of pick and choose, a la carte-style, which days you’re going to skip class in observance of the holiday. Already in class as you’re reading this? Mumble something to your professor about what a shlemiel you are for missing shul and dip the fuck out. If for some unfortunate reason your professor decides to question you about your religious activities (in which case you should imply that your prof is an anti-Semite—that’ll
shut him up real quick), you should probably have at least a vague understanding of the holiday. In short, Sukkot commemorates the 40-year period that the Jews spent wandering the Sinai Desert after their exodus from slavery in Egypt. The word “sukkot” actually refers to the fragile structures in which the Israelites dwelt during their years of wandering the desert. To up your Jewish ante, you should try to casually inform everybody of your plans to go build a Sukkah on the front lawn of Hillel. Not like you’re actually going to go, but you should at least stroll by the Jewish student organization on University Ave. for the purpose of Instagramming a picture of the Sukkah. When you finally do return to class and are asked how your Sukkot was, reply that there was some brokh, but that overall the week was a brokheh. Continue by saying that you look forward to receiving aliyah during Simchat Torah, which is the day after the conclusion of Sukkot and yet another occasion to ditch class. Hopefully by now you’re prepared to “celebrate” Sukkot. Chag Sameach, y’all!
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Places to relax on Campus Between Classes It’s very rare that schedules are set up so that your classes are in quick succession of one another, especially if you’re a first or second year. Most of the time you will have a few hours between biology and English to kill, and to be honest, the Mountain Lair isn’t really that happening after a month of forcing yourself to do homework in the cacophony that never ceases. You could sit in the library or pretend to text your friends while sitting outside of Clark, but your friends will quickly become concerned with your lack of social skills and new lone wolf status. Once you get out of your head and decide that staring blankly at a $200 copy of Intro to Sociology isn’t for you anymore, you can explore downtown. 10.) The Blue Moose Cafe: The Blue Moose is a great place to study, to catch up with a friend between classes, or to meet professors for a quick chat on your progress in class. It also offers a wide selection of coffee and primarily vegetarian foods, so it’s a great place to spite-eat the rawest, reddest meat your budget affords you.
The Black Sheep Guide to the Apocalypse: Cthulhu Edition
9.) Animal House: Miss your family dog? You can go to the pet store and look at all the pets you can’t afford. Most of the time, petting a bunny is enough to help you get through the never ending stream of hopelessness that is your day-to-day life.
Staff wrote this As a child you became aware of the horrible pollution of the earth. For a month, you wouldn’t shut up about the Great Pacific Garbage patch. “How could humans let a 270,000 mile patch of trash in the ocean exist?” you wondered annoyingly. You vowed to go green and clean up the world for your own children. Then SpongeBob came back on and you forgot all about pollution. If a sponge can live in a pineapple at the bottom of the ocean, then so be it. But do you know who didn’t forget about pollution? The Old Ones. They slumber in the depths of the ocean, a deathlike coma blinding them to the movements of mortals. Until now, the world has nervously ignored the existence of the Old Gods, like a shadow in the corner of our collective mind. But as the world warms, as humanity fights one another for dwindling bacon resources, as we come to the final months of our world’s life, they stir. They stir. PREPARATION: When Cthulhu and the other Ancient Ones wake up, the last place you’re going to want to be is here on earth. The Old Ones are from, according to the prophet Lovecraft, space. They have as much regard for life on earth as we do for bedbugs, and when Cthulhu wakes up, we are in for an acid wash. Is that excessive? Yes, of course. The Ancient Ones are bad about doing laundry. But damn if it’s not the most effective way to kill bedbugs on the planet. If you crapped your pants in fear at that, you have just scratched the surface of how deep the shit we’ll really be in if we allow Cthulhu to end the world. When he awakens, he’s going to be pissed that he’s been breathing in our refuse from his sunken city of R’lyeh. We could, of course, clean up the ocean, switch to more sustainable energy sources than oil and protect the fragile ocean ecosystem. But that sounds hard and boring. Your best bet is to make a super convincing Lovecraft-inspired demon costume, and try to sneak onto whatever spaceship they’ll use to leave earth when they’ve finished enslaving all of humanity.
THE BATTLE: If the apocalypse manages to catch you with your pants down (it shouldn’t - Christ, people have been warning you for years) and you find yourself without a suitable disguise, you will find yourself in a very tense situation. You cannot stop Cthulhu, and if the armies being massacred outside your window are any indication, no man can stand against the might of the most ancient of evils. In fact, there is no way for a simple human to defeat the Great Old Ones. That is why you have to download the Necronomicon onto your Kindle and summon other, darker Gods to fight the Great Old Ones (you can try the Elder Gods if you’re a pussy, but the benign Elder Gods are to the Cthulhu Mythos what 50 Shades of Grey is to Twilight.) Be warned: the Gods the Lovecraft saw treat humanity with either disdain or apathy. If you plan to convince Yog-Sothoth to even consider looking in this galaxy’s direction, you better have a hell of a human sacrifice planned and manage to teach the knowledge-craving God what “compassion” and “mercy” are. THE AFTERMATH: The world will be ravished, perhaps even devoured by Ubbo-Sathla, in the end. But let’s assume for the moment that, due to an insane amount of luck and the sexiest ass the Outer Gods have ever seen, they heard your pleas and postpone the obliteration of our planet for a thousand more years. Where does that leave you? Well, depending on how much you’ve practiced your puppy dog face, you’ll either be enslaved for eternity or repurposed as a food source for the Gods. And rest assured, your last moments will be spent in reeling, ceaseless madness from which no mind can escape - it is the fate of all who behold the Gods. Because science hasn’t delved too much into the effects endless existential horror have on the mind, we don’t know if insanity will dull or enhance the unimaginable pain Azathoth will inflict upon your inconsequential body, but we have to assume that it will be comparable to living in the center of our sun, unable to die in the hellish fires as the pressure crushes your every bone into dust. So recycle that damn Coke bottle, fucktard, before you doom us all!
8.) Morgantown Brewing Company: Assuming you’re of age, the Brew Pub on University is all things wonderful. Offering a wide variety of beer and hearty food, just be careful not to spill your Technicolor Tripel and beer battered fries all over your geology homework. 7.) The Campus Bookstore: As you browse the magazines and look at books while you stand in the Starbucks line for thirty minutes, you’ll realize you don’t really need that latte after all. Hey, after that ordeal at MBC you’re running late for class anyway. 6.) Cold Stone Creamery: Hey, look! You can pay someone to sing songs of happiness and joy to you! Climb on outta that pit of despair buddy, and hop right into these 46-waist pants, they come with type 2 diabetes! 5.) Boutiques: There are quite a few little clothing stores on High Street, like Fig Leaf. Swing on by and pick up a little somethin’ somethin’ that everyone else is already wearing. 4.) Black Bear Burritos: Located on the aptly-named Pleasant Street, Black Bear has the best burritos and live music in town. Thankfully, they learnt their lesson after last year’s MetalrritoFest9000 devolved into the spiciest orgy Morgantown’s ever seen. 3.) The Cupcakerie: Whether the store’s creatively named or not is up for debate. What isn’t up for debate is a simple fact: You’re going to find a way to afford a cupcake, even if you have to beg between classes to afford it. 2.) The Student Recreational Center on Evansdale: Take the PRT to the Rec to burn off those cupcakes or simply to enjoy a nice session of Yoga(pants watching) to de-stress before your exam. 1.) Zenclay Cafe: The art studio and café on Evansdale is a gem and stays true to its name; it provides a zen atmosphere to philosophize with your friends or feign contempt when you read about things you don’t understand in the New Yorker.
WVU wrote this
From the Streets
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What's your go-to hangover cure? “Chicken noodle soup.” - Bree M., Senior
“Water, Advil, and at least 14 hours of sleep.” - Emily S., Junior
“Sleep, 3 Advil, a lot of water, and a glass of wine around 4p.m.” - Morgan G., Junior
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WVU to form actual grammar police squad Staff wrote this An innovative new initiative aimed at promoting and enforcing proper grammar among University of West Virginia students is slated to begin at some point later in the current fall semester. According to a highly placed source within the school’s administration, WVA will officially endorse a new section of the University Police Department, known as the Grammar Patrol and Action Squad (GPAS), which will be responsible for overseeing all issues of grammar incurred by WVA students. The new program is part of WVA’s attempt to raise its academic profile in the midst of a national trend of flagging test scores. The school believes that the GPAS will eventually become such an ingrained part of the university that their influence will begin to rub off on students, leading to thousands of graduates who can differentiate between words like “there” and “their.” Rumor has it that the original idea was hatched when a university official read a Facebook post, in which one party was called a “grammar Nazi” after attempting to correct a second party’s spelling mistake. After a focus group of school administrators decided the litigation costs of forming an actual Nazi Party to roam the school would be too great, a police force was formed instead. It is believed that the powers of the GPAS will be fairly far-reaching. Already confirmed is its responsibility to review all social media registered under the names of WVA students for potential misspellings, errors in punctuation, or incomplete sentences. Users of social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr can soon expect all of their previous posts, comments, and tweets to be edited
for proper grammar. Other members of GPAS will review a constantly-updating stream of new social media entries, and make corrections in real-time as the user posts new content. Despite the apparent violations of privacy, and even the right to free speech possibly occurring with this new enterprise, complaints from students thus far have been limited - with many accepting and even lauding the new system. One such student had the following post on his Twitter account: “I can’t believe WVA is allowing this to happen; the very idea of the GPAS is so wrong awesome that it’s ridiculous!” The Black Sheep has received a tip that the GPAS officers in charge of social media have already begun working. Another power the GPAS will have is the power to discipline students who repeatedly flout the basic rules of the English language. “We have several plans in place for wrongdoers,” said one GPAS officer. “We have large dictionaries already in place for minor repeat offenders—they will be beaten with them, of course. We’re thinking about playing a game of hangman with the more serious offenders. A super special game of hangman…” The officer then began rubbing his hands together while laughing maniacally. One potential concern about the institution of the GPAS is their presence in classrooms during examinations. Some
341 CHESNUT ST. | MORGANTOWN, WV
professors believe that their actions will disrupt students’ concentration and focus. Others say that, because the GPAS officers will immediately examine each answer written down and make any necessary corrections, students will not have enough time to finish what would otherwise be relatively short exams. One English professor in particular took issue with the new practice. “This is kind of outrageous,” said the instructor. “My students write essays for their exams, and I’m pretty sure it’s my job to vet them for grammar and writing mistakes, isn’t it? I mean, that’s kind of what grading is. Wait…they’re going to be grading my work for me… Um, nevermind, just forget I said all this. I love this new idea!” [This article has been audited by the Grammar Patrol and Action Squad.]
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How to Get Your Roommate to Move Out hannah borland wrote this Are you the type of person who displays geriatric-like behavior? Do you eat dinner at 5:15 p.m., go to bed early, and stay in on the weekends while the rest of us are out reenacting scenes from Jersey Shore? We thought so, and here at The Black Sheep we cater to squares such as your boring self. And you, my dude, are obviously the most geometrically correct square to ever crack open a Seagram’s Escapes Strawberry Daiquiri while playing Call of Duty on a Friday night. Well, at least that’s what your roommate thinks of you. Yes, we know your roommate is that guy or girl who goes out seven days a week to validate themselves, starts drinking at 5:30 a.m. the day before a noon football game, and wakes up your responsible ass every time they stumble in crying and/or farting at 4 a.m. on a Tuesday. We know exactly how many minutes you were late to that exam because you didn’t wake up to your alarm after enduring a night of your roommate banging a thick three-and-a-half. However, we know just how to get rid of your special little snowflake! Method 1: Proudly announce your status as a Jehovah’s Witness, Black Panther, atheist, Tea Partier, necromancer, etc… and never, ever stop talking about it. Hold daily meetings of the applicable group in your digs. People, including your roommate, hate others who actually give a shit about anything that they don’t see in the mirror every morning. Pro: Your roommate will be out of your life completely in less than one week. Con: So will everyone else. Method 2: Write a suicide note and sign it with your roommate’s name. Then nonchalantly leave it by the Spaghetti-O’s encrusted microwave for you roommate to find. For a better effect, casually, and I mean casually, sharpen your hunting knife collection while
“oohing” and “ahhing” over The Walking Dead or Slingblade. Pro: When your roommate goes into hiding, there will be no evidence that she even existed, save for her skeevy silk thong that has been on your kitchen floor for seven weeks. Perhaps her parents can clone her from the herpes still on it. Con: No, that’s not a meter maid knocking at your door because your car isn’t parked at a perfect 90 degree angle in your driveway. It’s J. Edgar Hoover, and he’s not happy with your finally-wellrested ass. Method 3: Leave gaseous surprises for your roommate all over. We mean farts. No one wants to inhabit a place that perpetually smells like Wal-Mart mixed with Denny’s. Be sneaky about it—you don’t want him to realize that the new “Dude, what the shit is that?” smell is emanating from your balloon knot. If you’re a girl, perfect - you can continue to pretend that nothing comes out of your ass while subtly ripping ones that are more toxic than Agent Orange. Pro: He’ll GTFO, and your stomach won’t make that awkward groaning corpse noise when you have to hold one in. Con: You’ll quickly forget that farting in front of others is socially unacceptable and interrupt Chemistry 251 with a stinky organic reaction of your own. Methane, anyone? Method 4: Call the shit out of her parents. This is a low, low down play. A Blood would light a Crip on fire and eat the ashes before he stooped to calling the rival gang member’s mother, and even then he’d feel bad about it. Don’t do it unless you really mean it, because you’ll be the least honorable person on the streets of Morgantown, a population which includes a man who digs through the garbage for pissed-in returnables. Pro: Either she gets pulled out of school by her parents to have some quality time with Jesus on the farm, or she moves out
because she realizes you’re the biggest goody-two-shoes to ever attend college. Con: See above reference to the dumpster diver. Get going, oh cursed one. You have knives to sharpen, groups to join, and beans to eat. May you never again live in fear of being ridiculed for only going out four nights a week. And may your next roommate be worthy enough to share your living space…or else.
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bartender of the week Lydia t. Bent Willey's Major: Public Relations. Favorite drink to make: Buttery nipples. Best part of working at Bent Willey’s: All of the other people who work here, from bouncers to bar backs to other bartenders. What’s your favorite liquor to drink straight: Ciroc Red Berry. What’s your most embarrassing bartending story: Once, I was making a round of 9 shots, until they were all knocked over when I hit them with my arm.
the drinking game
chestbump This game may sound like it’s only made for frat bros, but if you’re a girl who can hold your own when it comes to beer, then feel free to join on in. This game will involve more stinky burps than a roadside truck stop. What You’ll Need: Cups, four ping pong balls, and beer. Number of Players: Four if you want to go hard, more if you actually want to remember your night. Level of Intoxication: You’ll be buying shots for the undercover cops at the bars later on. How to Play: - Have everyone pick a partner and sit across from them around the table. - Every player grabs one beer and divides it up between three cups arranged into a triangle in front of them. If you’re feeling competitive up the ante and play will full cups. - On “Go,” everyone bounces a ping pong ball across the table to their partner. The receiver has to bounce it off his or her chest and get it into one of the cups in front of them. - If your partner succeeds, he or she slides one of the beer cups over to the opponent on the right of them, who now has to chug its contents before continuing bouncing. - After a team has finished all of their cups, one last full beer is placed directly in the middle of the table. The team must double bounce the ball into the cup to win. The Game Ends When: The last beer has been finished and someone spews into the cups in front of them. Drink up, brah!
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Any advice to girls trying to get drinks: Don't tell me it's your birthday, I won't believe it! Also, tip well. What’s the worst pick-up line used on you: “What time do you get off work?” What’s the worst night to bartend: Wednesdays, or when it rains outside. What do you think is your best attribute: I'm kind of crazy, I don't mind talking to anyone who comes in. If you could have one super power what would it be: To be able to disappear.
Recipe for Disaster
Bacon Cholesterol Toast If you don’t wake up every morning without a craving for greasy delicacies, then something is wrong with you. Just when you thought breakfast toast was just a crunchy piece of burnt bread, we found a recipe to change the world of morning meals. What You’ll Need: About a pound of bacon, bread, and some salt. Cook Time: Ten minutes. Fatty Factor: No amount of Cheerios is going to lower your cholesterol after this. Let’s Get Baked: - Grease up a frying pan and fry up all that bacon on your stove, preferably shirtless after a night of heavy drinking. - After all the bacon stops simmering and popping, remove it from the pan. Drop some bread in the pan with the leftover bacon grease and brown it evenly on both sides. - Once the bread is toasted remove it from the pan and sprinkle both sides with salt. - The way to eat it is up to you. We’re fans of creating a mega bacon weave and sandwiching it between a few slices of our cholesterol toast. Maybe grab some syrup and have some finger food dipping fun? Have 911 and a respirator on standby. You will have trouble breathing and your blood flow may slow down immensely. But it’s super delicious so at least the last thing you eat before you die will be totally worth it.
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Mascot Juice, Straight From Concentrate
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Super Spectacular Sparty OUT and About!!
Mountaineer Back on the Flame Train???
top stories The Hottest Stories Right Now! Fuzzy photos LEAKED of CHIEF ILLINIWEK at underground poker table! VCU’s Rodney the Ram denies accusations of horniness - Buster Bronco says he’s considering CHARGES!!!
SHOCKING!! So, Sparty the Spartan was seen sportin’ his skirt outside the stadium! A source close to us says he just “feels right” wearing the skirt, and might soon take on more feminine attire. OMGZ! Maybe after getting rooted by the Irish, Sparty is getting in touch with his boy-loving Greek roots!! Seeing him swing around night clubs in East Lansing in his skirt AND emerging stories of several student athletes seeing Sparty carry his pride into the locker room, might lead us to one FAB conclusion: gay! gay! gay!!! Sparty has long been seen with a perm frown on his face, BUT we’re hoping this revelation might leave him with a glamz smile! Go Sparty! We’re all on your team!!
Dead Doggies’ Dark Doo-Doo Demises
Wait till you hear who’s at it again! Last week the paps caught The Mountaineer deep in the woods of West Virginia burning a couch! Fresh out of pyromaniac rehab, The Mountaineer couldn’t live without getting his fix, and was reportedly “found rolling around in the mud, in a catatonic state… pupils dilated while muttering ‘longhorn’ under his breath.” Apparently The Mountaineer couldn’t take the pressure of another big game, and needed fire to relieve himself. We don’t want to cast judgment on The Mountaineer, but several other mascots have lent their support. The forever shiz-faced Iowa State University Cyclone tweeted “@Mountaineer yo iz kool wut u did bro, liv by ur one rolzze!!1 #livurLyf.” LOL looks like Cyclone has had one too many hurricanes!
Redbird Cy, Oh My!
Cavalier attitude nets night in jail for UVa mascot. Goldy Gopher, 3, Found dead in auoterotic asphyxiation mishap. PHOTOS INSIDE!! After sex change USC’s Cocky legally changes name to Pussy. MUST SEE BEFORE/AFTER SHOTS! Two years later, Rebel Black Bear admits mascot change “A trap” in interview with ET. What was the Clemson Tiger doing outside the Trophy Lust Club at 4a.m.?? The pap catches Syracuse Orange shopping in baby store!! Is s/he pregnant! EXCLUSIVE PICS!
Do all doggies go to heaven? Let’s hope so! Seems as though the party went a little TOO hard in Athens two weekends ago, especially after the Bulldogs beat the Volunteers by 7. Early reports out of the coroner’s office suggest both suffered from chocolate sickness after bonging Hershey’s chocolate syrup into their little hound heinies! According to the Athens Animal Hospital Uga IX and Smokey IX were admitted to the emergency room at approximately 2:14a.m. with sever fevers. By 5:00a.m. both were pronounced dead. Hey, college football studyboyz like Uga IX and Smokey IX are notorious for partying with fine bitchez, so don’t act like we didn’t see this coming. They will be thrown in a local incinerator on Monday, October 8th.
Seems as though The Parent Trap really is about some redheads, after all!!! We’re here to reveal a Peep Sheep EXCLUSIVE! An intense investigate has finally proven that ISU’s Cy the Cardinal and ISU’s Reggie Redbird are one in the SAME! Turns out, Cy (Real name: Crandall Berkowitz III) been the head worm-catcher of TWO nests!!! During the winter months leaves his hen and two chicks to fly south for the winter to Bloomington/Normal, IL to live in the lap of luxury with his other family, the Redbirds under the assumed name, “Reggie.” When questioned on the matter, Berkowitz III’s lawyer, Hyper-Chicken, declined comment. Turns out, birds of a feather DON’T flock together. They’re the same bird!!!!!!
Notre Dame Fightin’ Irish swears all boys-club was a “fight club.” What do you think!? USC Trojan can’t seem to get excited with NCAA sanctions. Say’s [the sanctions] are “too tight.” Puddles, the Oregon Duck, is splitz-ville the Horned Frog - did religion get in the way AGAIN!?!
If you haven’t heard the name Zedd, you have definitely heard his work. At twenty-three, having worked with an ambit of major artists – from Baby Biebs to Skrillex – Zedd has produced several chart-topping beats. Stepping into the spotlight with a full-length album, Clarity, Zedd is an artist worth picking up on (and following on Twitter @Zedd). By Quinn The Black Sheep: You’ve produced and toured with some pretty major artists - do you prefer being behind the scenes producing beats, or working on your own? Zedd: It really depends. I obviously love doing my own music because I don’t have to please anyone with my music. With all my love and respect to my whole team - at the end of the day the only thing that matters to me is that I truly love something I did. If I do work for other people, especially major artists, there are so many people you have to make happy - compromises have to be made which I don’t like. At the same time I can try new things out if I work for other people that I would probably not have done for myself. TBS: You released Clarity to iTunes on October 2nd (October 9th everywhere). After a long list of singles and remixes, what made you transition to a full-length album? Zedd: You know, I really like releasing singles because you can put something out right after you finish it, and it’s still fresh and hot. Making a full-length album is very difficult, especially for us DJs who tour 24/7. Making an album is a huge commitment, but it also gives you the chance of expressing yourself in a way that is more detailed than you could ever do it with singles. If you put out a single all the attention is on one track. With an album you can very well show a wider range of yourself, make songs that would probably not be a good single, but a great album track, and fulfill a certain roll in an album - just like the tension is not constantly high in a movie, there’s ups and downs. I’m not talking about fillers; in fact I believe my album doesn’t have any fillers, but tracks can definitely tell a story in a context of an album that singles can’t. TBS: Any track you are particularly excited for on Clarity, or are they all equally awesome? Zedd: It’s very close to impossible to pick my favorite song. “Hourglass” is one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written in my whole life and... yeah ... it’s really just the whole album that I’m mostly excited about, more than particular tracks. TBS: How do you describe Clarity in comparison to your past work? Zedd: Well, I think to a certain degree it’s probably a little bit more adult and experienced. Where the focus sometimes has been on making a big club-hit before, the focus on this album is to make music that is so timeless you can listen to it in 30 years and still be proud of the musicality in it. TBS: How do you build songs? Like, how did you come up with mixing Skrillex and The Doors for “Breakin’ a Sweat?” Zedd: Usually I’ll just play around on a keyboard or piano till I come up with the melodic / harmonic part; mostly the chorus or the hook. Then I make the parts around it. With my “Breakn’ A Sweat” remix Skrillex asked me to do a remix so that was a no-brainer for me. TBS: When you play live shows, do you feed off the crowd or do you come in with a strict setlist? Zedd: It’s a good mix of both. I prepare for shows depending on where I play and what type of crowd is expected. But a lot of the times the crowd will be completely different from what you expect, and in that case I switch up things. I have certain routines but there’s never a strict setlist. TBS: Your parents are musicians, and you started studying classic piano at a young age - how has that influenced you? And how much do your parents love your music? Zedd: It influenced me very much because I’ve learned about music theory, and learned to play several instruments – that’s stuff I can use to make music that’s a little different from a lot of other producers. This doesn’t mean they’re better or worse; it’s just different and I like being different. My parents actually like the music! They’ve never listened to electronic music before but they like the “musical” part of my music more than the sound-design aspect. TBS: Of those major artists you’ve worked with, are there any weird similarities you find between them? Like, do Skrillex and Baby Biebs have anything in common that the layman wouldn’t know? Zedd: [Laughs] Well, the biggest similarities are that they all share the same passion: music! Skrillex and Bieber, I’d say, have fairly different personalities but they’re both very passionate about what they do in their own ways. TBS: Your Twitter is pretty hilarious - is that all you? Zedd: [Laughs] Thank you! It is all me - and probably sometimes a little bit too much of “me” but I enjoy not thinking too much about what I say there. TBS: Also on Twitter, your about me is “Shave it up,” what’s that about? Zedd: Illuminati man... It’s all Illuminati! TBS: What’s one thing you can’t tour without? Zedd: I can’t tour without shows! I really can’t!
the big three
entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.
Jersey Shore Season 6 Premiere Thursday, Oct. 4 at 10pm on MTV The final season of the cultural phenomenon made up of meatballs and meatheads is coming to a tearful end, the kind that only comes after six shots of vodka annd a drunk dial to mother. The dynamic of the house is different this time, however, with Nicole being 6 months pregnant. How will sober Snooki do in a house full of alcoholic maniacs? We can’t wait to see.
v/h/s In Theaters Oct. 5
This film, comprised of five short films, revolves around a woven narrative of a group of guys who break into a creepy house in search of one particular VHS. They then watch five, each of which is more messed up then the one before, and all terrifying as hell. V/H/S was available on iTunes weeks ago, so take it from us that this is one of the scariest movies you’ll see...except for those movies inside the movies.
mellowhype - numbers out oct. 9 Odd Future members Hodgy Beats and Left Brain team up to form the Los Angeles hip-hop duo MellowHype. With two studio albums already under their belt, not to mention plenty of features on Odd Future and Tyler, the Creator albums, and even a song on the Madden NFL 12 video game, these wacky dudes are certainly on their way to certified success.
Would you consider yourself a trill OG? Are you down with that flow, yo? Are you reading this thinking, “Whoever wrote this is painfully white.”? Well, la-tee-dah. More importantly, can you decipher our Mad Swag? Below are several mondegreens - words replacing similar-sounding words - of well-known rap lyrics. Can you figure out what these artists are sayin'? email us the title of the song the lyric is from to madgab@theblacksheeponline. com and if you get them all right, you’ll win a prize!
Lives ab i tch hand ten nude eye
Soup her intend dose egg a ninja sis
Hi loafed win ewe calming beak pop huh
So far ash soak lean
Rapper: Notorious B.I.G
Rapper: Notorious B.I.G
Hue mice hunch tine
Hi got nigh tee nigh bro blooms
La booty bro Emma moth kin pawn star
Yellow bee distiller orgy
Rapper: Lupe Fiasco
Rapper: Kanye West
Rapper: Dr. Dre
Smock we derriere
Adjust dope lava truck
Icee herb toy French ate in lick an idiot
Doughnut even a views my ache
Rapper: Snoop Dogg
Rapper: Lil’ Wayne
Rapper: Ice Cube
90’s music stars Across
4) Sugar, Salt, Garlic, Pepper, Oregano
1) Bye, bye, bye to all but one, really.
6) Don’t go burning ex-boyfriend’s houses down.
2) Definition of 90s grunge, and plaid.
7) He’s a loser, baby.
3) Rocked the bald look very well.
9) Blue Ivy’s grandmothers.
5) The OG white rapper, after Vanilla Ice of course.
11) Just like rain on your wedding day. 14) Wake me up when this crossword ends. 16) Mmm, they’re all married with kids now. 18) Not Tyler Perry’s.
8) Now she’s dancing with somebody upstairs. 10) Recently toured with the original 80s boy band. 12) Somehow still competes with women half her age. 13) Holds the longest-running #1 song in U.S. history.
20) Titanic Pipes.
15) With certainty. 17) Ladies loved this ripped rapper. 19) 14 minutes and 59 seconds of fame.
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