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The Black Sheep's

Fun and games issue

KEEP UP ALL SUMMER @BlackSheep_PSU


contents PAgE 4: ThE QUIz: WhAT fAMoUS PEnn STATE AlUM ARE YoU?

Questions? Comments? Compliments? insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com

page 7

FIND OUT IF YOU HAVE THE HEART OF THE NITTANY LION, JOE PA, OR BO’B.

PAgE 5: fRoM ThE STREETS

WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU'LL DO AFTER FINALS?

PAgE 6: ThE BlAck ShEEP’S gUIdE To fInAlS WEEk

OUR STEP BY STEP GUIDE ON HOW TO SURVIVE THE WORST WEEK OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

PAgE 6: ThE ToP 10

Table of

WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR MARK ON CAMPUS.

PAgE 7: ARE YoU SMARTER ThAn PSU fooTBAll PlAYER gARRY gIllIAM?

TEN QUESTIONS FOR EVERYONE’S FAVORITE PSU TIGHT END TURNED OFFENSIVE LINEMAN.

PAgE 9: WhAT WE WIll MISS oVER ThE SUMMER

PSU HAS TONS OF STUFF TO DO OVER THE SUMMER BUT THE ONLY THING PEOPLE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT IS ARTS FEST.

page 7

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PAGE

three

! k e e W e h t f o c i P

P E E H S K C THE BLA

p p A e l i b Mo

g gAMES In k In R d | ARTY PIcS P | S l IA c BAR SPE ScAn To doWnloAd

ThE iPhonE APP

ScAn To doWnloAd

ThE AndRoId APP

Sexy Anagrams

After being banned from throwing racially insensitive parties, Kappa Omega started throwing socially insensitive parties.

(Want to become famous next week?) Send us your pic of the week at pics@theblacksheeponline.com

word of the week LACTATE CHESS OWN

Do you know who these celebrity hotties are? Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com first five right answers get a prize!

HAMMER INTO WORTS LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS

Jordana Brewster & daniel Radcliffe

Boysterous:

An open proclamation of sexual joy by a female who just got laid. “Lana boysterously screamed ‘Yeah, just got banged, bitches!’ from the rooftops moments after Rodrigo exited her apartment.”


page 4

theblacksheeponline.com

the Quiz

What famous Penn State Alum are you?

1.) If you had to eat at one of these places for the rest of your time at PSU, which would it be? a. East Halls Dining Commons b. The Willard vending machines c. McDonalds between the hours of 2-4 a.m. 2.) Which of these rejected creamery flavors are you most likely to try? a. HUB Lawn Berry b. Sober Canyon Pizza c. Natty Ice Swirl 3.) Where is your favorite study spot? a. The Vairo Express bus b. The HUB bathrooms c. In line at the White Building the week after New Year's 4.) Where are you most likely to be found on a Saturday night? a. Mt. Nittany emergency room b. Selling your plasma to afford next month’s rent c. Mourning the demolition of Simmons Dining Hall 5.) What is your dream date on campus? a. Doing the Mifflin Streak together b. Attending HUB craft night c. Playing footsies in the Pollock Testing Center

By: Amanda RichEAl 6.) Who is your Penn State idol? a. Boombox kid for knowing how to work an iPod b. Afro kid for not knowing how to work a pair of scissors c. Lambo kid for being rich and an asshole 7.) Your favorite Penn State memory is: a. Finding an open computer in the library b. Your STD test coming back negative c. Sharing a sandwich with the McLanahan’s bum

10-16: Nittany Lion

You are the Nittany Lion! No one is quite as fit as you, since you spend 75% of your day doing push-ups and running around shaking your head. You may develop carpal tunnel from pointing all the time, and sure, drunk students at football games have dropped you, and you might have multiple DUIs, but you don’t care, you’re famous! Besides, what could be cooler than being your team’s mascot? (Unless you have to dress up as an owl...)

17-23: Bill o'Brien

8.) The number one thing on my Penn State bucket list is: a. To get my freshman year “YOLO” tattoo removed b. To make it to my class in Innovation Park on time c. For Starbucks to get my name right on the cup 9.) My favorite Penn State souvenir is: a. My collection of 45 game-day pom-poms b. My iClicker c. My underage citation

You are Bill O’Brien! You don’t take shit from anyone. (The THON dancers this year? They wanted to know what time it was anyway.) You don’t have friends; you and your bunch of fuckers (fighters) just do what you want, when you want. You’re the rebel in town, but it doesn’t matter if people ostracize you because you’re gonna get paid big bucks anyway.

24-30: Joe Paterno

10.) If I could tell incoming students one piece of advice it would be: a. Read The Black Sheep PSU b. Read The Black Sheep PSU c. Read The Black Sheep PSU d. This is a trick question

You are Joe Paterno! You don’t care what people say, as long as they’re talking to you. Shit, you bought this school a library. Your immense school spirit will be culminated in a statue dedicated in your honor, but it will be torn down because you were the hero Penn State deserved, but not the one it needed. We’re rolling up our pant legs, because this is your house.

answers answers answers answers answers 1) A=2 B=3 C=1 • 2) A=1 B=3 C=2 • 3) A=2 B=1 C=3 • 4) A=3 B=1 C=2 • 5) A=1 B=2 C=3 • 6) A=3 B=1 C=2 • 7) A=3 B=2 C=1 • 8) A=1 B=3 C=2 • 9) A=2 B=3 C=1• 10) A=1 B=2 C=3

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FROM THE STREETS

[PartyPics]

Got a question you want us to ask? fTS@theblacksheeponline.com

What's the first thing you'll do after finals? “going straight home. I am absolutely not going to want to be here anymore and I want to actually get sleep, sleep in my own bed, and eat food that’s actually good.” - lianne

“I am going to my dorm, lying on my bed, and staring at the ceiling for an entire day.” - jess

"I’m going to my room, packing up, and going back to my homeland, the country of Texas. Yeah, that’s it." - Tyler

send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

(View and send Pics from our iPhone & android app! search black sheep mobile)


page 6

THE BLACK SHEEP’S GUIDE TO FINALS WEEK dEVIn coX WRoTE ThIS The time has finally come, dear friends, the last week of adult responsibility before you break free from the shackles of academia and spend three months talking about how much you hate your hometown. But summer vacation isn’t here just yet; you still have to fight through the emotional holocaust known only as Finals Week. Let’s hope you’ve got a little bit of that Easter money left, because the unhealthy amount of energy drinks you’re going to butt-chug this week will poison your kidneys and blow a hole in your wallet. The Black Sheep knows it’s a lot to assume you’re caught up in all your classes and you’ve already begun studying for next week’s exams, but we’re here to help. So sit down, relax, and stop crying; you’re an adult now—and that means you’re screwed anyway. -It’s extremely easy to get stressed out about exams. “Exam culture”—as we like to call it—can pollute your state of mind enough to counteract any studying you hoped to get done. Listen here; in 100 years, no one is going to remember you even existed, let alone the score you got on that COM 421 exam. If you plan on walking out of your test and into oncoming traffic, just keep in mind that the guy that hits you is probably on the way his exam, and you totally just made him late. -If someone bombs a test and says, “Well, even Einstein failed math class...” poke them in the eyes. The guy was a genius. The only thing Einstein ever failed at was living forever. -One of the biggest lies humanity has ever told itself is, “Oh, yeah I’ll remember that if I see it on a test.” It’s an experience we all have; you get to a question that you recall be a “trick question,” but that’s all you remember. Your inner dialogue goes something like this: “Hey, I remember studying this! Shit… What did I do to solve it?” -If you think the words, “multiple-choice,” mean the test

The

Top 10

Ways to Leave Your Mark on Campus

in a school of close to 45,000 students it’s next to impossible to leave behind a legacy, but for those with the drive, eye of the lion, vigor, passion and dangling pair to inspire change, you can become a legend. 10.) Write a Sex Article: Launch yourself from anonymity into stardom by sharing your sexcapabes in a student newspaper. Sharing your dirty sex life, like that one time you caught crabs having sex under a tree and mimicking a pathetic Carrie Brandshaw impression, will earn you the hate of millions. #MountingNittany 9.) drink five “Extreme liquor drinks” and not die: The Olympian gods once proclaimed you are the lord of the drunks and we puny peons didn’t heed their proclamation. Forgive us; we didn’t know your liver was made up of tiger blood and Chuck Norris DNA. 8.) find the Paterno Statue: Grab your nearest minority friend, a whip, your trusty brown leather hat and adventure the globe for the lost Paterno Statue. If successful in finding the lost relic of a bygone era numerous patty drops will be rewarded at the next alumni association meeting.

will be easy, guess again, idiot. Professors spend countless hours figuring out ways to make the simplest of concepts cause the most self-doubt and traumatic confusion possible. Remember back in high school when you learned to “always go with C”? Well that worked back then because your alcoholic geometry teacher didn’t give half a fuck what you did in his class. But now, you’ll spend much more time second-guessing every possibly decision you’ve ever made that has led you to where you are now—sweating, whimpering, and debating or changing your major. -By Wednesday of finals week, Penn State looks more like a post 80s Chernobyl than a habitable downtown area. The only sounds you’ll hear are the occasional Old Main bell or the quiet crying of a pre-med student as you walk by their window. -Remember that feeling you got when your first family pet died? Those are the same emotions an engineering student gets every time they finish an exam. If you see anyone mumbling to herself that isn’t a CATA Bus driver—just keep walking. A two-hour differential equations exam can cause more PTSD than D-Day, and if you are so bold to ask “how it went”, be prepared to talk

someone out of suicide. -Being successful on a final is all about psyching yourself up right before the test. When you walk into the room you’re taking your exam, find the guy frantically shuffling through a stack of index cards – and go ahead and sit next to him. This part’s important; you’re obviously not going to do the best in the class, but you sure as hell don’t want to do the worst – so look this asshole right in the eyes and tell him you heard this test was impossible from your friend that just took it. As soon as these words leave your lips, this poor guy already forgot everything he’d crammed into his sweaty head for the past six hours. -If someone sits down next to you and says something about the test being impossible, you are apparently the one that looks the least prepared for this exam. Just go home, man. If all else fails, just remember your mommy will still be proud of you no matter what. Hell, you get the lowest grade in history, but if you tell your parents you studied hard, they’ll blame “this generation’s lack of instructional quality”, or something… So grab that Number 2 and a handful of Adderall, and remember, there’s always a possibility “it’ll come to you on the test”… not.

7.) get the creamery to Mix Two flavors: You must be a VIP or a psychopath in order to be persuasive enough to get the Creamery to mix you flavors, a feat only ever accomplished by Bill Clinton. 6.) develop a Badass Persona: Hate yourself and your life? Well kick your shitty sense of self-worth to the curb, grab your boombox and kick it to classics from the 90s. Haters/ Staters may not know your real name, but they will buy you booze. 5.) Be a Racist: Nothing says ignorance (and internet infamy) like impersonating an offensive stereotype in a sorority picture. Hey ladies, we have some work for your distasteful depiction -- cleaning up Penn State’s reputation you ruined. 4.) create a holiday: You never need an excuse to drink, but it’s nice to have one anyway. Come on Penn State, you’re telling you’ve never celebrated Drunksgiving before? Make it happen. 3.) Spread the Word of christ: Rain, snow, foggy or cloudy, it’s always the right time to hear about our lord and savior at the Willard Building. After all, only you and your turtleneck sweater can save Penn State students from the fiery pits of hell. 2.) Tip over a news Van: Be that independent thinker you know you are by tipping over the symbol of the conformist mainstream propaganda machine. Don’t worry comrade Penn Stater, fellow revolutionaries will remember, and visit you while you serve out your jail time. 1.) Be an Every day hero: Whether it is giving blood to beat Ohio State or slipping into a tight tie-dye leotard for Thon, you are making a difference. Sure it may not be glamorous, but for the people that matter it makes all the difference, and to them you are making the most valuable mark of all.

AdAM WRoTE ThIS


page 7

the black sheep mobile | FoR iphone & anDRoiD

are you smarter than?

Garry Gilliam, Penn State Football PLayer 1) TEchnologY: Who is the largest cell phone service provider in the United States? __________________________________________________

6) SlogAnS: What car company trumps themselves as the "Ultimate Driving Machines"? __________________________________________________

2) ThE WIld: The black mamba is the most poisonous what in the world? __________________________________________________

7) fAMoUS SPEEchES: Which President of the United States issued a warning against the rise of the militaryindustrial complex in his farewell address? __________________________________________________

3) hISToRY: Bushido was a way of life practiced by these romanticized warriors of days past. __________________________________________________ 4) coMEdY: Famously, where does SNL character Matt Foley live? __________________________________________________ 5) SPoRTS: In 2012 R.A. Dickey won what  prestigious award? __________________________________________________

9) cURREnT EVEnTS: The bombs used in the recent Boston Marathon bombings were housed in what? __________________________________________________ 10) TV: What much-loved TV show sparked rumors of a comeback ten years after going off the air? __________________________________________________

Garry's answers 1.) AT&T 2.) Snake 3.) Incan  4.) california 5.)home run derby 

6.) BMW 7.) Eisenhower  8.) Ben franklin 9.) Pressure cookers 10.) Friends

Gary's score: 5/10 correct

1) Verizon 2) snake 3) samurai 4) in a van down by the river 5) cy Young/nl cy Young 6) bmW 7) Dwight D. eisenhower 8) Friedrich engels 9) pressure cookers 10) Friends

correct answers

8) PolITIcS: Who co-authored 1848's The Communist Manifesto with Karl Marx? __________________________________________________

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Additional rental properties available in and around town! Contact 814-238-1598 to schedule a showing www.continentalrealestate.net

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The Bar Grid Happy Hour Every Night 10PM-Midnight!

First Time at Chrome? First Drink is on Us! (Just ask for your ticket at the door) Sun - Thu 9:30 - 11:30 1/2 Mixed drinks and Mixed Shots

Every Night! 10-12: $2 Strong Island Iced Teas, $2 Shots (over 100 choices), $3 Colossal Teas, $3 22oz Bacardi drinks in all 13 flavors, $3 Vegas Bombs and all bomb shots, $3 Smirnoff drinks , $4 Smirnoff and Red Bull, $4 Patron shots

SUNDAY - THURSDAY $3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints

ThURS. 4/25

Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $2 ABC's, $3 Grey Goose $1.50 Bud Lite Drafts (All Day)

Pop Culture Party (9PM-2AM), $2.50 Bud light drafts/ $7.50 pitchers (All Day) Happies 10PM - midnight: Half price all Liquor and Mixed Drinks ($1 extra for Red Bull during happies)

Thirsty Thursdays Featuring DJ DRU! Happy Hour 9:30 - 11:30 1/2 Price Mixed Drinks & Mixed Shots $3 featured Drinks available all day

DJ Cashous! Free Cover 9-10pm, $3 Cover After

$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints

fRI. 4/26

Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $3 Absolute Bacardi Flavors, $2 Blue Moon Drafts (All Day)

Rock & Roll All Night (9PM-2AM), $3 Blue Moon drafts/ $9 pitchers Happies 10 PM - midnight (except home games): $2.50 moonshiners, $3.50 flavored vodka and Bacardi Oakheart ($2 extra for Red Bull during happies)

Featuring DJ Cashous Happy Hour 9:30 - 11:30 $3 Smirnoff Flavors $3 Jose Cuervo Shots $12 Hookahs before 9 pm

DJ Manik Mike (State College's only video DJ) Free Cover 9-10pm, $3 Cover After

$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 5PM-7PM, 10PM-12AM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints

SAT. 4/27

Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $3 Absolute Bacardi Flavors, $2 Blue Moon Drafts (All Day)

Free For All Music Fest + DJ (9PM-2AM), Blue Moon $3 draft/$9 pitchers (all day) Happies 10 PM midnight (except home games): $2.50 moonshiners, $3.50 flavored vodka and Bacardi Oakheart ($2 extra for Red Bull during happies)

Featuring DJ Keigo Happy Hour 9:30 - 11:30 $3 Smirnoff Flavors $3 Jose Cuervo Shots $12 Hookahs before 9 pm

DJ Kid AV and special guests! Free Cover 9-10pm, $3 Cover After

$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-12AM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints

SUn. 4/28

Full menu + Brunch 11am - 2pm

Nascar & Maxin' Relaxin (9PM2AM), Bud light $2.50 drafts /$7.50 pitchers (all day) Happies: 10PMmidnight: Half off all liquor ($1 extra for Red Bull during happies), $2 Miller light drafts/ $6 Pitchers, $1.75 Coors Light bottles

S.I.N. Sundays $10 Hookahs All Day Happy Hour 9:30 - 11:30 1/2 Price Mixed Drinks & Mixed Shots, $3 Featured Drinks available all day

10-12: $2 Strong Island Iced Teas, $2 Shots (over 100 choices), $3 Colossal Teas, $3 22oz Bacardi drinks in all 13 flavors, $3 Vegas Bombs and all bomb shots, $3 Smirnoff drinks , $4 Smirnoff and Red Bull, $4 Patron shots

$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints

Mon. 4/29

Check out our awardwinning wine list! Voted best wine list by State College Mag!

Modern Music! Molson Canadian $2.50 Drafts, $7.50 pitchers (All Day) $2 Miller Light drafts/ $6 Pitchers, $1.75 Coors Light bottles Happies 10PM-midnight: Half off all liquor and mixed drinks ($1 extra for Red Bull during happies)

Mellow Mondays! $3 Select Apps & $5 Sandwiches Happy Hour 9:30 - 11:30 $5 Martinis, 1/2 Price Mixed Drinks & Mixed Shots

10-12: $2 Strong Island Iced Teas, $2 Shots (over 100 choices), $3 Colossal Teas, $3 22oz Bacardi drinks in all 13 flavors, $3 Vegas Bombs and all bomb shots, $3 Smirnoff drinks , $4 Smirnoff and Red Bull, $4 Patron shots

$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints

TUES. 4/30

5 Consecutive Awards from Wine Spectator - Come Try Some Tonight!

Country Crossover (9PM-2AM), Budweiser $2.50 drafts / $7.50 pitchers (all day) Happies 10PM - midnight: $2.75 Jack Daniels drinks, $2.50 Lynchburg Lemonades, $2.50 Alabama Slammers, $1.50 Miller Lite drafts, $4.50 Miller Lite pitchers, $1.75 Coors Lt. bottles ($2 Dollars extra for red bull during happies)

Happy Hour 9:30 - 11:30 1/2 Price Mixed Drinks & Mixed Shots, $3 Featured Drinks available all day

10-12: $2 Strong Island Iced Teas, $2 Shots (over 100 choices), $3 Colossal Teas, $3 22oz Bacardi drinks in all 13 flavors, $3 Vegas Bombs and all bomb shots, $3 Smirnoff drinks , $4 Smirnoff and Red Bull, $4 Patron shots

$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints

WEd. 5/1

Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $2.50 Bacardi Flavors, $3 Sam Adams Drafts, 1/2 off Corona and Corona Lite Bottles

The 80's w/DJ (9pm-2am), $3 Sam Adams drafts/$9 pitchers Happies 10PM-midnight: Half price all Liquor and Mixed Drinks, $2 Miller Lite drafts, $6 Miller Lite pitchers, $1.50 Coors Lt. Bottles ($1 extra for Red Bull during happies)

Happy Hour 9:30 - 11:30 1/2 Price Mixed Drinks & Mixed Shots, $3 Featured Drinks available all day $12 Hookahs before 9pm

Go Go Gadget and DJ Keigo, $4 Cover 9-close

$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints

SPEcIAl nIghT

Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $3 Absolute Bacardi Flavors, $2 Blue Moon Drafts (All Day)


page 9

the black sheep mobile | FoR iphone & anDRoiD

lions crossing

upgraded

WHAT WE WILL MISS OVER THE SUMMER dAVId PoRTER cAllAnAn WRoTE ThIS Summer is finally upon us, which means graduating seniors will soon be checking into mental after they can’t find a job in this economy. THANKS OBAMA. Freshmen, sophomores, and juniors on the other hand are now free from those horrific ten hours of class a week, and can now spend their summer vacation telling their friends from home how much they miss State! Here at The Black Sheep we are utterly perfect human beings who contain literally no flaws, but we have to admit we will miss a few things at State this summer too. Since people have some sort of obsessive fetish with lists (looking at you Buzzfeed) we decided to compile a list of the three things that we will miss this summer. Steve Martin at the BJc: You know that comedian who your parents think is the funniest person ever, but you just think he’s just a creepy old guy? The guy from classic films like the pink panther remake and cheaper By The dozen 2? Yeah, he is coming to the BJC to play bluegrass with his band and then perform comedy, because nothing goes together like banjos and stand up! We have to admit the BJC has gotten better this year after we trashed them (Bernie Punt, you’re the man) and Steve Martin is a legend, but we’re just glad they scheduled this during the summer so we can’t openly complain about them not caring about us students. State college Spikes Entire Season: Did you know that the baseball field right behind Beaver Stadium is actually used for something

other than annoyingly occupying space where we tailgate? Well, after a thorough search on Yahooligans.com we found out it’s true! The State College Spikes are a shortened-season single A affiliate of the Pittsburgh Pirates. Yeah, it’s as horrific as it sounds. But hey, it’s a great time if you want to binge drink, hate families of four, and watch horrible amateur baseball.

student

living sign & save with zero deposit

+ get a $50 gift card enter to win an ipad mini take a tour - 1 entry + fill out an application - 2 entries sign a lease - 5 entries + post a picture of your property swag on our facebook wall for a bonus entry

Arts fest: Everyone should seriously come back up for this because it’s the most underrated weekend at PSU. The weather is generally orgasmic and you will be reunited with your school friends after two long months apart. While artists come to show off their paintings and musicians come to perform downtown, frat bros will be busy perfecting the art known as “day drinking.” The Saturday of arts-fest will feel like the longest day ever. Those kegs and eggs will make you feel like dying, but think of how cool you will sound telling all of your apathetic friends from home about how much you drank with your bros. They're going to love it, even though they don’t care at all. So that’s what you’ll be missing, unless of course you decided to stay in this ghost town for the summer, which honestly isn’t a bad idea... if you hate yourself. If you do hate yourself and decided to stay here, make sure you get season tickets to the Spikes to really pile on the self-loathing. Enjoy your summer guys, hopefully by the fall The Black Sheep will be able to distribute on campus again to make you LOL, because we know that is the only thing you look forward to in your sad, miserable lives.

nittany crossing limited time offer. while supplies last. see office for details.


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passing the bar

page 11

If you're too cool for Burnett's or stopped shooting Smirnoff months ago, well la-di-dah. Test your knowledge on these blank liquor labels to see how well you know your stuff. Send your answers to labels@theblacksheeponline.com and if you're right, you'll win a prize.


THE page 12

THE RIDDLE

Do you know what's going on here?! email us the question the riddle is asking plus the answer to said question, to riddle@theblacksheeponline.com. If you're right, you'll win something sweet!


SUMMER MUSIC FESTIVAL MATRIX

WaNT TO HIT Up SOMe SICK FeSTIeS THIS YeaR, MaN? CaN'T DeCIDe WHICH ONeS YOU WaNT TO SpeND YOUR paReNTS' MONeY ON? CHILL OUT, We'Ve gOT a MaTRIX TO HeLp NaRROW DOWN SOMe OF THe OpTIONS FOR YOU.


page 14

theblacksheeponline.com

the SEEK N FIND: uLtimate frisBee


the CROSSWORD: STUDYING FOR FINALS

Meet The Staff CAMPUS MANAGER

PR MANAGER Olivia Sloan

ADVERTISING MANAGERS David Porter Callanan, Olivia Sloan, Manisha Yarlagadda

PR TEAM Briana Meme, Jenna Seco

WRITERS David Porter Callanan, Devin Cox, Kayla Danielle Driscoll, Siobhan Sullivan, Amanda Richeal Adam Cochrane, Sammy Mancuso,

CAMPUS DIRECTOR Quinn Myers

DISTRIBUTION MANAGER David Porter Callanan

FOUNDERS Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers

David Porter Callanan

PHOTOGRAPHER You? You!

Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.

OWNER Atish Doshi

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aCROSS 1) Literature majors' online study buddy 4) Secret Starbucks super-strong coffee 5) Last-second study session 11) Coffee alternative for the weak 12) Hope you've taken notes since day one if you've got one of these exams 13) Don't let one audibly slip in the library 14) They always manage to break right before your paper is due 17) Look at these for last minute cramming 18) Biblioteca, according to Spaniards 19) Where to vent your #studyprobz 20) Coffee shits can be described as such

DOWN 2) As finals get closer, the price of this goes higher 3) A bubbly test form 6) "Adderall Alternative" by Genetech Pharmaceutical 7) "To ___ perchance to dream" 8) Adderall and meth have this in common 9) The social networking mecca of procrastination 10) It streams hours of procrastination 12) The lifeblood of studying 15) You'll have to borrow these after never going to class 16) Scientific word for "why coffee makes you pee"

find us at... Chili's The Deli Restaurant Dining Room at the Inn Fresh Harvest Kafe Gardens The Restaurant Grillers Margarita's Pizzeria and Italian Cuisine Nittany Lion Inn Tarragon at the Atherton The Tavern Restaurant & Adam's Apple The Waffle Shop Whiskers Lounge Ye Old College Diner Zola New World Bistro Big Bowl Noodle

Chopstick Express Golden Wok Green Bowl Maki Yaki Seoul Garden Uncle Chen's Yummy Cafe Are U Hungry? Bradley's Steaks & Hoagies Brother's New York Style Pizza (both locations!) Canyon Pizza Canyon Wings College Pizza Five Guys Burgers Fraser Street Deli Jersey Mike's Jimmy John's Logan's Grill Mama Mia Otto's Café Panera Bread

Company Penn State Sub Shop Philadelphia Pretzel Factory Pita Pit Subway Taco Bell Bell's Greek Pizza All-American Rathskellar Bar Bleu Bill Pickles Tap Room Brewery, Inc. Café 210 West Central Pennsylvania Festival of the Arts The Corner Room Chronictown The Darkhorse Tavern

G-Man Indigo Legends Pub Lion's Den Levels Movement Arts Studio PA Centre Orchestra PA Centre Stage Penn State Downtown Theatre Center The Phyrst Saloon Shandygaff Spats Café & Speakeasy The State Theatre Whiskers Lounge Zeno's Pub GREEK HOUSES! STREET TEAMS! MORE!


THE

MADLIB

A CONVERSATION ON THE RIDE HOME WITH MOM AND DAD Yeah, this year’s been totally _______ 1 _________ , I ____2____ a lot and got a ton of new ___3_______. It all started when me and this kid ______4____ that got introduced by a mutual friend. We bonded pretty quickly because we both like things like _____5____ and _____6______ ,but he’s definitely more into _____7____ than I am, so that was an adjustment. Anyways, our first party was ____8____, just like I thought it would be. I even got to do my first keg stand, but don’t worry guys, I didn’t _____9_____ too much, but ______10___ was a little more reckless. After his eighth beer he was so drunk he couldn’t even ______11____, going up to random girls and trying to talk to them about his_____12____ and tickling their _____13_____, but most of them would just ignore him. My classes we’re totally ____14_____. Sometimes I would just stay home and ____15___ because you really didn’t need to be there, it was just Mr. ____16_____ rambling about his pet _____17_____ and most of the notes are online anyway. The tests were pretty hard though, getting out of a really stressful exam just makes you want to go _____18____. There was one night that things got a little crazy. I had to carry this girl, _____19_____, back to her friend’s place after she started to _____20_____ all over my floor. The thing was, as soon as I got her back, a huge guy named _____21_____ was waiting for her. So in case you were wondering why I have a black eye, that should explain it. 1) Adjective 2) Past Tense Verb 3) Plural noun 4) Mens Name 5) Verb-ing 6) Verb-ing 7) Verb-ing

8) Adjective 9) Verb 10) Same Name 11) Verb 12) Body Part 13) Body Part 14) Adjective

15) Verb 16) Cereal Brand 17) Animal 18) Verb 19) girl’s name 20) Verb 21) Another Men’s name

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Penn State - Issue 7 - 4/25/2013