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The Black Sheep FR












ker !

• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •

Volume 3, Issue 9 11/1/12 -11/7/12 @blacksheep_om

Toke the Vote

barney thompson wrote this

The presidential election is practically here, how could we forget with every polisci major giving a laundry list of reasons why Money-Man Romney will walk all over Once-Cool-Guy Obama? Hilariously brilliant nicknames aside, there is a topic that could mean the difference between a strong Rebel support or opposition for Smirk Romney and Barack-to-the-Future Obama: medicinal marijuana. Ole Miss is home to the Medicinal Plant Garden: a legal grow operation for the federal government to research the effectiveness of, and supply for, individuals with federal medicinal marijuana licenses. While Obama has coughed on both sides of medicinal toking, ole Mitt is having no part in it, and vows to “fight it tooth and nail.” Regardless of your political stance, everyone has an opinion on how much freedom the modern hippies have with their healing mother; your vote matters. Given the liberal population of Ole Miss, it is no surprise the amount of students Barack-ing the proweed vote on campus. While doctor-prescribed dank has only recently gained popularity among the masses, it already has huge support across Ole Miss’ campus. Obama, though, seems to love teasing us with a chance at the rescheduling of this plant; a drunken game of tug of war, you know, like at the Anchor Splash. The current President of the United States has been dodging the question of his stance on medicalizing marijuana, but with the ASA vs DEA case, he will inevitably have to give the question some serious attention if re-elected. We all know Romney is a Grinch to your green, though you would expect even him to see the effectiveness of a few puffs of the sticky. While Miss-thePoint Romney might not wake up to “Two Joints,” he does know how to get the economy rolling in a good direction again; Barack “Charge-Card” Obama hasn’t been doing the best job at that. Medical marijuana is

Big Bird Tells All

It's not always so easy down on Sesame Street.

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a large industry though - giant even - the tax money moving through that would go a very long way in reducing the current national debt if the medical movement went federal.

the Mitt-understood walking around the pro-green campus of Ole Miss, give them a hug: Fair warning though, they may think you’re trying to assault them, so be prepared for a mace-shower.

At Oxford we take pride in our record for collectively being progressive-minded thinkers, and our Medicinal Plant Garden (MPG) just down from the intramural fields is a testament to that. The MPG supplies medicine to four lucky individuals who are still recipients of a federal medicinal marijuana program. Not everyone is touting the placement of the MPG though, and that is understandable, because unfortunately, some people wholeheartedly do not want it raining green lady all over campus. We like to “reefer” to those individuals as the “Mitt-understood.” If you see any of

Dr. Mary Jane aside, the presidential election is a tremendously important event for the entire nation. Policies formed in the next four years will decide what kind of direction we’re heading in as a country. Not voting doesn’t make you a “BAMF-status” Rebel; it makes you voiceless and mindless, like a tree covered in Black Bear defecation and picked clean by the Ole Miss squirrels. Politics are only as corrupt as you allow them to be; backwards-thinking politicians beware, Ole Miss is breakin’ legs.

what’s inside

The Top Ten Questions for our Political Candidates

We know you have a plan for the US economy, but tell us you're a cat person.

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bartender of the week

Seth K. and Eric T. from The Levee almost lit the bar on fire when we interviewed them.

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contents page 4: high grades, high life, high office

Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults?

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Not all of the Presidents of the United States attended college, but most of them sure as hell acted like they did.

page 9: from the streets Trick or treat... and why?

Table of

page 10: presidential face mash we took various presidential facial features and slapped them together, see if you correctly identify each feature!

page 11: the black sheep interviews professional bowler michael fagan We interview The King of Swing, but if you're expecting an old jazz musician,

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1/2 lb. Footlong Chili Cheese Dog


The Don Vito - Seared Chicken, Sauteed

Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich Fried or Seared Chicken Sandwich Jumbo BBQ Sandwich




w/ Onions and Tomatoes in White Wine



132 COURTHOUSE SQUARE | (662) 513-0588

page three p e e h S k The Blaicle App Mob









Sexy Anagrams

Yes Mom Rums

Do you know who these hotties are? Send your answers to First five right answers get a prize!

! k e e W e h t f o c i P

Loan Bloom Rod last week’s answers

Kristen Stewart & Colin Farrell

The stallion that mounts the world has no need for iron chairs. (Want to become famous next week? Awesome.) Send us your pic of the week at

word of the week Liecense:

Any form of fake identification used illicitly. “Kyle‘s liecense came in handy when the keg ran dry. When he came back with a few cases of Keystone Light he was the life of the party.”

The College Life of Past Presidents Andrew Jackson The ImpetuousAsshole Every once in a while you run into the kid who’s always looking for a fight. For some reason, just boozin’ and ogling girls all night doesn’t cut it for these guys – they need to establish themselves as the manliest man in the bar. Say something even remotely offensive, like “This food is too hot,” or “Hey, where’d your girlfriend go?” and they perk up a testosterone-riddled brain boner. Though our seventh president didn’t go to college, his friends probably hated hanging out with him. Reportedly, Jackson was involved in over 100 duels. And these duels weren’t over human rights or other matters of importance, most were about the honor of his wife, Rachel. Jackson lived with a bullet in his chest from an 1806 duel, and another bullet in his arm from a barroom fight in 1813 with Missouri senator Thomas Hart Benton. Where most guys will eventually cool down and walk away from a fight, Andrew Jackson said, “No, lets take it outside. With guns.”

calvin coolidge The Couch Potato Throughout college you’ll run the gamut of shitty roommates. From the kid who’s always “studying,” to the one who loudly bangs his overweight girlfriend, one of the most prevalent roommate-characteristics is the lazy asshole who never leaves his room. Whether he developed these habits at Amherst College or not is beside the point, because Calvin Coolidge carried them into the White House. Coolidge often slept 10 hours a day, and after waking up he enjoyed the morning ritual of having his head massaged with Vaseline while he ate breakfast in bed. Here the other White House-dwellers do their part in taking care of dishes and not sleeping through the morning – but Ole Calvin sits in bed eating until noon, getting Vaseline everywhere. You suspect the strange smell emanating from his room is beginning to take over the entire house. How he manages to get his work done is inconceivable, so maybe there is something to say about a good head massagin’ every morning.

Not all of the Presidents of the United States attended college, but most of them sure as hell acted like they did. We tracked down the best of the worst—the stereotypes. From fatty to fratty, below are six college stereotypes embraced by presidents long dead. By: Quinn and Brendan

Lyndon B. Johnson The Savvy Sex Machine Everyone comes to college with dreams of a multitude of sex partners dancing through their little brains. Then reality sets in, and you end up occasionally having sex with one girl, then get married, then die. But then there is your buddy, who you regard as a dbag but like hanging out with anyway. Perhaps you’re just jealous that, despite not being great-looking and lacking personality, this asshole manages to bring home different girls on the reg. LBJ, or should we say “El BJ,” was just that bro. He wasn’t in the White House long before installing a buzzer in the Oval Office so the Secret Service could warn him when his wife was coming. Your buddy might have a name for the girls he always brings home because he can’t be bothered to remember their names, be it “Asian Kelly,” or “Dance Floor Jenny.” LBJ couldn’t even go that far, and just called his small army of blowjobbers his “harem.”

gerald ford The Dumb Jock

Normal students often look on student-athletes with a haughty mixture of awe and disdain. On one hand, we love it when Jack Touchdown snags a pass to win a game in triple overtime. On the other, the idea that these guys get a free ride regardless of their academic acumen never quite exits the occipital lobe. With that in mind, one doesn’t expect star athletes to amount to much post-college. If the student-athlete is lucky, he’ll end up as the president of a regional fast food franchise; worse, he’ll end up president of his quickly-dwindling fan club. Then Gerald Ford comes along and shits all over your expectations. At the University of Michigan Ford starred as the football team’s starting center and starting linebacker—like your mom, he goes both ways. And in the days before helmets were worn on the field, he never suffered from pussy diseases like “brain damage” or “an early death.” The dude actually wound up as President of the United States after Nixon was forced to resign following the Watergate scandal. The dude totally smashed Keystone Light and pussy with the same vigor he did the SALT treaty. High five, bro!

William Howard Taft The Jolly Fat Guy His shirt may say “I beat anorexia” or “there’s more of me to love,” but we know behind closed doors this guy shovels ice cream cake into his mouth as he cries himself into a sleep apneainduced coma. William Howard Taft—prior to being eaten by a pack of wolves—was that fatass. Known as “Big Lub” during his time at Yale, he would go on to assume the 27th Presidency of the United States, where the comedic stylings of a fat suit movie continued. Taft was known for his insatiable appetite, and the gassiness that came with it. Furthermore, Fatty Fat Fat Taft famously got stuck in a White House bath tub on account of his fatness. Taft’s presidency lasted only one term which, in light of it resembling a bad Kevin James movie, is a good thing. And if his surely-marbled flesh is any indication, those wolves certainly found him delicious.

John Adams The Degenerate Wake up? Drink. Pass out? Drink. Go to class? Drink. Throw up? Drink. Some of us exist to go on and do great things, others exist as a living, breathing warning sign that things can go awry in a hurry if we don’t get our shit together. Well, unless that drunk turns out to be the second President of the United States. John “The Lush” Adams had a drinking problem, and that problem, most naturally, was his lack of drink. Famously he wrote a letter to his wife stating: “I would give three guineas for a barrel of your cider… I would give a guinea for a barrel of your beer. A small beer here is wretchedly bad. In short, I am getting nothing that I can drink, and I believe I shall be sick from this cause alone.” So yeah, hello spring break drunk dial voicemail. “Girl, I’m hammered but I jus wanna kish your mouth an have yew feed me my boozies an I jus threw up but I’ma be aiirigh---I’m gonna go sleep now, love you. Ya boo, Johnny A.”

The Top 10

the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android

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Questions for Our Presidential Candidates

Big Bird Tells All

TBS STAFF wrote this

A lone figure sits atop a brick apartment building. None of the buildings reach more than five stories, but it’s secluded enough for the very clandestine interview that is about to take place. There are a bunch of beer cans and condoms lying around, though, so the interview is slightly rushed in case the local teenagers return.

to forget about the day-walking vampire strolling around. The kids file out of their parents’ cars, and this creep is out there counting each one, like he’s waiting to pounce. This place just needs to be leveled, along with the rest of the forty-seven percent of the United States that’s overly reliant on government subsidies.”

“I used to see so much promise here. Now it’s just all shit,” says the yellow-feathered foam puppet in front of The Black Sheep correspondent, staring out at the carnage below. “The TV show paints it as such a magical place, but it’s a miserable slum that won’t die thanks to the government’s continual subsidizing of the Public Broadcast System.”

It’s definitely a bold opinion. When informed that cutting funding to the only Public Broadcast System would mean that all media would be commercialized, he didn’t seem to care. “I’m still voting for Romney. He may be a white-collar pansy, but he’s better than the foam that prances around these streets. It’s not like I can walk into the Obama office with my tail between my legs either. That extremely petty advertisement his media people came out with makes me look worse than Bernie Madoff for crying out loud.”

A Romney/Ryan pin sticks to one of the polyester feathers of Big Bird. He touches it with his fingers while saying, “I’d have worn a vest if those penny-crunching bastards at PBS would issue me any clothes. The paycheck they give us is hardly enough to support my alcohol addiction, let alone food and rent.” When informed that the Public Broadcast System is non-commercialized and thus relies on fundraisers and government sponsorships to broadcast its informational messages, he snorts and dismisses the idea. “This place simply needs to go,” he chirps while lighting up an electronic cigarette. Since the majority of the population on Sesame Street is made of polyester and foam, lighters are kind of taboo here. The Big Yellow Bird was the whistle blower to Mitt Romney, informing him on the wasteful spending devoted to sustaining the lives of the minority Muppet population of the United States. “Then that two-timin’ punk had to throw me under the bus with the rest of these psychopaths. Seriously, who the hell keeps dropping off their kids here? I’m technically a dinosaur if you Google it, and I am in no way a suitable babysitter. Then there is that monster that continually jumps out from trashcans and yells at everyone that passes by. These kids are very aware of him but don’t seem to want to avoid him at all. And everyone seems

It’s a good day for the United States of America when the two men vying to either remain or become the leader of the free world can take a break from their message in order to kick dirt in Big Bird’s beak. It’s not as if the United States is facing an environmental catastrophe, an economic downturn rivaling the depression, or a global war that doesn’t seem to have an end in sight. But let’s focus on making sure commercialized mediums aren't the only ones that get to broadcast information. But why would a Muppet want to leave Sesame Street? It would destroy all the memories and friends here. Big Bird flaps his poor excuse for wings as he responds. “No friends to hold onto and no memories worth saving if you ask me. I’m headed to Wall Street after this. The only equalizer for man and puppet is capitalism. I’m going to make so much dough on Wall Street that Olivia Munn will come crawling right back to me.” Big Bird would not go into any more details of his controversial affair with Newsroom star Olivia Munn. At the mention of her name though, some horny teenagers returned to the abandoned site of our interview, and The Black Sheep correspondent got out while he still could.

Political ads plague our televisions and argument wars are waged on Facebook. It’s almost voting season, which means it’s time we learn about our potential leaders. The debates don’t ask the right questions, we all know the economy sucks and we all know that we depend on oil way too much, what we don’t know is who our would-be presidents are. Here’s a list of the top ten questions that we should be asking to truly understand who we’re voting for. 10.) Would you rather...: The questions to these answers always expose true character. Asking if they would rather “fight Mike Tyson once or talk like him for the rest of your life” gives us a good feel for who these people are and how they’ll handle the “important” problems. 9.) Are diamonds really a girl’s best friend?: We want to know if this guy is knows how to treat a girl right. Are our candidates the type to offer a quick fix with an expensive gift, or are they in it for the long haul, talking slowly and sweetly to us without the need for Band-Aid fixes. Politics is much like a dating game where both options are equally batshit crazy, our part is to choose the one that’s going to putout in the least amount of time. 8.) Are you a cat or dog person?: A simple answer but one that speaks more about character than most questions we hear during the debates. Just remember: one cannot have an equal love for both, pets are like children, we always love one more than the other. 7.) Boxers or briefs?: Do they like to hangout or do they like to keep things close, tight, and orderly? The age-old question and I’ve yet to hear this question asked of our presidential candidates. Maybe they like to free-ball it, this is information we need to know. 6.) If you could be any Power Ranger, which one would you be?: If they choose any ranger outside of The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers of the 90s, they shouldn’t be running for president. If they even think about choosing the Red Ranger they should be put in a room with Rita Repulsa for being arrogant. Choose a better color, jerk. 5.) Coke or Pepsi?: Is our candidate overly sweet or classically calm? The colas have just as much controversy as any political problem and, again, we need to know where our guy stands. If he’s rooting for the wrong soda they might just lose a vote. 4.) White or Wheat?: Any good sandwich requires a good taste in bread. Any good politician should know how to make a good sandwich. (There’s a metaphor there, look for it.) 3.) What is your favorite Nickelback song?: If they answer anything other than “none” they obviously have poor music taste and are therefore unfit for office. There is no such thing as a good Nickelback song. 2.) Are you capable of communication in 140 characters or less?: The president should know that our generation is lazy and that we get the majority of our news and facts from Twitter. We’re a lazy generation and we need a leader who can explain to us, in as few words as possible (@2012Election #Vote4Me) so we can actually know what’s going on. 1.) Beer or liquor?: We’re college students, we need to know that our president is down to party with us.

kitty kat wrote this





THURSDAY! New Karaoke w/ Cowboy Dereck 2 for 1 Margaritas $4.99 Lunch Combo, $6.99 Lunch Fajitas

Taco Tuesday! Blackened Mahi, Fried Shrimp, Beef and Cheese, and Veggie Tacos only $1 each $2 Wells and Domestic Beers

THURSDAY - SATURDAY $1 PBR and Keystone Free Power Tower on Birthdays!

THURS, 11/1

New Karaoke w/ Cowboy Dereck 2 for 1 Margaritas $4.99 Lunch Combo, $6.99 Lunch Fajitas

Wingday Thursday! $1.50 PBR Pints Karaoke Downstairs in the Piano Bar at 9

$1 PBR and Keystone

FRI, 11/2

2 for 1 Margaritas $4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas

$2 “Pre Game Shots” from 8-10 Dueling Pianos downstairs in the Piano Bar at 9 Get Some Tamales! 5.99 for 1/2 dozen, 12 for $10.99

$1 PBR and Keystone

SAT, 11/3

2 for 1 Margaritas $4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas

Open @ Noon! All Burgers Half Price Until 4 2 for 1 Margaritas until 7 $3 “Rebelution” drinks from 8-10 Dueling Pianos Downstairs in the piano bar at 9

$1 PBR and Keystone

SUN, 11/4

$4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas

Open at Noon - 9 on Home Football Weekend $4 Fireball Shots All Day Long!

$1 PBR and Keystone (Only Open on Home Game Weekends)

MON, 11/5

$4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas $1 Margaritas w/ purchase of an entree ($8 or more)

Wingday Monday! $1.50 Pabst Blue Ribbon Pints

$4 Car Bombs

TUES, 11/6

$4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas $1 Margaritas w/ purchase of an entree ($8 or more)

Taco Tuesday! Blackened Mahi, Fried Shrimp, Beef and Cheese, and Veggie Tacos only $1 each $2 Wells and Domestic Beers

2 for 1 Wells

WED, 11/7

$4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas $1 Margaritas w/ purchase of an entree ($8 or more)

Happy hour Until 7 After 7: Drink specials change every 30 minutes on the Specials Wheel! Signature Burgers are Half Price until 10

$3 Shots Pool League @ 8pm

The Bar Grid MONDAY - SATURDAY $6 Meals Served with Chips or Fries!

Mon - Sat: Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife

Everyday Sunday and Wednesday: Flip Night! Call it right, the drinks are on us!

TUESDAYS: $10 Burgers & Bottomless Beer LADIES NIGHT! 2 for 1 Wells 2 for 1 Shooters (slammers, lemon drops) Beer Pong League


$6 Hamburger (w/ Chips or Fries) 2 for 1 Drinks

Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife

$1 Shot Night 2 for 1 on Everything until 9pm Penny Pitchers 9-10pm


THURS, 11/1

$6 1/2 lb. Footlong Chili Cheese Dog (w/ Chips or Fries)

Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife

2 for 1 on Everything until 9pm Penny Pitchers 9-10pm

$1 PBR and Keystone DJ Wade 

FRI, 11/2

$6 Don Vito - Seared Chicken, Sauteed w/ Onions and Tomatoes in White Wine (w/ Chips or Fries)

Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife

2 for 1 on Everything until 9pm Penny Pitchers 9-10pm

Cornhole Tournament for a free bar tab!

SAT, 11/3

Check out our great food specials all week long!

Check out!

Flip Sunday: Call it right, the drinks are on us!

Only Open on Sunday on Game Day Weekends!

SUN, 11/4

$6 Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich (w/ Chips or Fries)

2 for 1 Frozen Margaritas Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife

$10 Pitcher of Beer and 18 wings 2 for 1 domestics

$2 Pitchers and $0.25 Wings

MON, 11/5

$6 Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich (w/ Chips or Fries)

2 for 1 Domestics Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife

Beer and Shot Night Buy a Beer, Get a Free Shot

$10 Burgers and Bottomless Beer LADIES NIGHT! 2 for 1 Wells 2 for 1 Shooters (slammers, lemon drops) Beer Pong League

TUES, 11/6

$6 Jumbo BBQ Sandwich (w/ Chips or Fries) $1 PBR & Keystone

2 for 1 Wells Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife

Flip Wednesday: Call it right, the drinks are on us!

Whiskey Wing Day! FREE Wings and $3 Whiskey Drinks

WED, 11/7

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bartender of the week Seth K. & Eric T. The Levee Favorite drink: Red Bull vodka. Favorite shot: Stress reliever- vodka, peach schnapps, cranberry, Malibu, and pineapple. Worst drink ever: Levee Lunch BoxWhatever’s in the bar mats at the end of the night. If you could be an animal for a day what would you be and why: A dog so we could kick it all day and not do shit. What celebrity would you most like to punch in the face: We don’t want to punch anyone; we’re all about the love. What’s your favorite body part on the opposite sex: We like asses. If you could have an unlimited supply of anything in the world other than money what would it be: Seth - Red Bull vodka Eric - Patron. What would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail: Seth - Russian Roulette, Eric - Bull fighting.

the drinking game

Social Media Shots Face it: You’re always checking your Twitter feed or Facebook Timeline anyway. Why not make a game out of it? Instead of looking like a jerk when you’re out at a party staring at your phone and tweeting, you can turn it in to a group thing the whole gang can enjoy. What You’ll Need: A Facebook or Twitter account, shot glasses, beer, and hard alcohol. Number of Players: You have like 1,000 “real” Facebook friends, right? Level of Intoxication: Enough to willingly send some nudie pics later on. How to Play: - Take out your laptop or iPhone, log in to Twitter or Facebook, and drink as follows: - Take a shot of beer every time you see: - A sob story status or tweet. - A “Happy birthday!” post. - Someone quoting a song. Take 2 if it’s Taylor Swift. - A “lyke dis if u love jesus/if u hate cancer/if u think this girl’s hot” post. - Completely uninformed political arguments. - Take a shot of hard alcohol every time you see: - A picture of a girl naked/in her underwear/in a bikini. - A mirror shot of a guy showing off his muscles. - Someone announcing they’re getting engaged or having a baby. - Someone using a hashtag incorrectly. - An invite for an “I lost all my phone numbers!” event. - Give a shot of hard alcohol every time you see: - Someone’s relative calling them out on an inappropriate status/picture/tweet. - Someone acting as the “grammar police” in response to a status or tweet. - Someone has favorited or retweeted your tweet or liked your status or picture. - Someone has invited you to join them in Farmville or some annoying Facebook app. - An Instagram link to a picture of food or pretty leaves. The Game Ends When: Everyone feels awful about their social lives or body image.

download our app for all of our drinking games!

How would you like to die: Makin’ love. If you could only see in black, white, and one color, which color would you choose: Green, like money. Who do you think is the ultimate superhero and why: Seth - Superman, because he only has one weakness. Eric - Batman, he has a butler. What Disney character would you hook up with: Seth - The Little Mermaid. Eric - Jasmine from Aladdin. If you could trade lives with anyone for a day, who would you trade with: Seth - T-Pain. Eric- Rob Gronkowski. What’s the best fortune cookie prediction you’ve ever gotten: "I’m watching you." What famous person do people tell you that you most resemble: Seth - Brad Pitt. Eric - 2 Chainz

Recipe for Disaster

Cavity Bark As soon as Halloween ends, all of the mounds of candy left over in grocery stores goes on sale. After an extreme binge session, you’ll most likely have become extremely bored of the redundant, Juicy-Fruit-caramely-nutty candy pieces. Fear not, because this bark of candy is guaranteed to liven up your candy-eating habits. What You’ll Need: Excess Halloween candy, 1/2 pound of white chocolate, and mini pretzels. Cook Time: 1 hour Fatty Factor: You’ll finally fill in that chubby pumpkin costume you bought a few weeks ago. Let’s Get Baked: - Line an 8-inch square baking pan with parchment. - Heat your chocolate up in the microwave and stir until smooth. Make sure to do it in 15-second intervals so it doesn’t burn. - Spread the chocolate along your pan. - Here comes the fun part: Take any excess candy you have and pile it onto your melted chocolate. We’re talking candy corn, Twix, everything you got! - Stick your pan in the freezer until it’s hardened. This should take about one hour. - Remove the bark from the pan and break into little pieces. - Now stuff your damn face. There are really no restrictions on this one. Except maybe leave out those nasty fruit snacks the teachers next door gave you and the pennies from the old geezer down the block. Shit’s nasty.

Hungry for More?

From the Streets


Got a question you want us to ask?

Trick or treat… and why? “Treat, because I like sex and I like to party… And I broke my butthole.” - Andrew, Jr.

“Treat, because I like to eat a lot and I like candy… Fat.” - Kelly, Jr.

“Treat, because it’d be a real treat to take you home.” - Michael, Jr.

send your party pics to

(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)

l a i t n e d i s e h s pr a face m


The man you see below has spend over 38 years in the White House. What, he's unrecognizable to you? Well maybe you need to hit up a high school history class, or maybe it's just because we took various presidential facial features and slapped them together. Yeah, that's it. Well, can you identify which presidential facial feature belongs to each commander in chief? Your choices are listed below the picture. If you can correctly identify the head, hair, ears, eyes, nose, mouth and moustache of each big boy, email to claim your prize.

ower, Nixon, Obama, Kennedy Clinton, Bush Jr., Taft

the interview Michael Fagan is the PBA’s #3 ranked bowler. He’s a 4-time PBA Champion with one major under his belt. He’s traveled the world to bowl, and he also has a nickname: “The King of Swing.” Well, now he can check off another item off the ole’ wish list: an interview with The Black Sheep. We caught up with Mike because we were curious, what’s the life of a professional bowler like? Well, let’s find out. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: How did you get interested in bowling? Michael Fagan: I started playing when I was six years old. My grandfather and mother were always bowling, so it was something I did as a kid. I looked forward to hanging out in bowling alleys on Saturday afternoon. As I got a little older I started going to tournaments every single weekend. I made a little money doing it in college, doing amateur tournaments. Trying it professionally was something I really wanted to do after college, so I joined the PBA. I had some moderate success, I paid my dues, and it’s starting to come to fruition right now. TBS: How does one make inroads to becoming a professional bowler? Michael: In recent years they’ve definitely opened up the doors. There used to be a qualifying process, but these days if you think you’re good enough and you want to give it a shot, you pay your membership fees and you get your entries in. TBS: How did you make the jump from as you say, “moderate success,” to being one of the best bowlers in the world? Michael: Well, if you look at the first TV show I made back in 2003, I don’t throw the ball like that anymore. Back in college I was a little more irrational, more aggressive with my style—I’ve learned to tone that down a little bit, and I’ve figured out how to balance power and finesse. I’ve also learned to play the lanes differently, and that’s helped too.

Professional Bowler Michael Fagan

TBS: When you practice, how do you practice? Michael: For me it’s about working on my technique. Working on timing and releases. It’s situational things like how to play it straighter on the lanes, or if I have to hook it more, how to do that. TBS: Do you play your lane or your opponent? Michael: At the end of the day, you’re playing the lane. But, when it comes down to a match play situation, you have to pay attention to how your opponent is playing a lane, because each one of their shots can change the oil pattern. Someone with a high revolution rate, the oil pattern will change that much faster. At the end of the day, you’re bowing the pins. TBS: How much different is a competition lane from just an average lane in an average bowling alley? Michael: It’s a tough subject, honestly. When I was growing up oil was put on the lane to protect the lane. Now it’s used to alter the scoring environment with patterns. With technology and trial and error, there’s ways to oil the lane that will make the scores gigantic. There’s ways to pattern the oil where you’ll throw it towards a gutter, it’ll hit the dry boards and come back, or you’ll roll it down the middle and the ball will hold its line. We don’t bowl on those types of conditions. If you’re a decent bowler and you go to a random lane you can bowl 220 or 230 with those patterns, but we don’t play anything like that. The conditions we play on are comparatively much more difficult. It’s a tough thing, most people out there may not respect the pros because the scores on the tour may be lower than the scores in your everyday league. Bowling lanes are a business. They want people to strike, so they make the lanes easier to do that. TBS: Do you have a career highlight? Michael: Things have been going really well this past year and a half. Winning the USBC Masters this past January was my career

achievement. It’s one of those events where I’ve never had a lot of success, but this year I changed my strategy. Like I was saying, in years past I’d play my opponent and their strategy, this year I just played the lane. TBS: Is pop culture accurate? Is the 7-10 split the hardest shot? Michael: I would say I’ve made that more than I’ve made the 4-6. It’s a lot harder to slide the pin over or bounce it out, and I think I’ve only made the 4-6 once in my whole life, whereas I’ve made the 7-10 about 10 times or so. Read more about Michael at his website,

the classtime Good evening, my fellow Americans. This is your new president speaking, and I know that my election win comes as a shock to most of you. Rest assure that even though I only have the brains of a ___1___- cast member, this country is going to get hella better. Here is why: • First things first, ___2___ will become legalized. Not just medicinally but, you know, for ___3___ shows and marathons of ___4____. And those nasty hangovers, my God. • Universal healthcare? Why not! If you broke your ___5___ while partaking in ___6___ fun with your favorite booty call, fear no more! There’s no longer reason to worry about ___7___ or knocking up your ___8___ anymore, because condoms and birth control will be free for all! Especially for ___9____ and ___10___, for obvious reasons. • Because it’s 2012 and not 1812, women will

madlib: presidential speech

have equal rights! Novel concept, huh? So if you had one too many ___11___’s at ___12___ and ended up grinding with ___13___ to ___14___ all night long, and he swooned you with ___15___ and then you ended up on their ___16___ and… you know… well, you can get that taken care of now. Because it’s your body that little monster will be brewin’ in, so it only makes sense. • The troops will be coming home in time for Thanksgiving! So get excited for maxing out on ___17___ and ___18___ football and ___19___, because this is America! Additionally, for the holidays all who have served in the past two decades will receive complimentary bottles of ___20___, ample ___21___ and ___22___ strippers, because, again, this is America!!! My fellow Americans, I hope that you are satisfied with your choice of president. The next four years are going to be bomb as hell, I swear.

1) Reality Show 2) drug 3) rapper 4) TV show 5) body part 6) sex position 7) STD 8) slang for “girl” 9) ugly celebrity 10) slutty celebrity 11) cocktail 12) Local shitty bar 13) ex-boyfriend/girlfriend 14) catchy pop song 15) drunk food 16) piece of furniture 17) thanksgiving side dish 18) NFL team 19) shitty beer 20) quality tequila 21) stimulant 22) hair color



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Ole Miss Fall Issue 9 - 11/1/12  

Ole Miss Fall Issue 9 - 11/1/12