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Check Yo’ Self: The Art and Science of Being Gangsta Shauntionne Mosley wrote this wrote this Does Ovid’s make anyone else feel claustrophobic…or is it just us? It’s entirely too small of a place to have as many people as it has inside of it on a daily basis. One day we found out we weren’t the only ones who were annoyed by it when the guy next to us claimed he had been waiting in line since, like, last semester or something. And all he wanted was a hot grilled cheese and some fries, which wasn’t asking for too much. Nothing, however could prepare us for what was about to happen next.
From the Streets Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
Who’'s your celebrity crush and what food would you cover them in? "Carrie Underwood, and yogurt... nom daddy."- Brendan L., Freshman
This disturbed, yet bold man walked up to ask about his order and came to find they had already sent it out with another student. And like the badass we didn’t know he was, he snatched the next order that was called, grabbed some grapes, and waltzed out without paying a cent. We don’t even think the kid blinked! Our first thought after witnessing this greatness was that he obviously had to be one our loyal readers. But our second thought was “That was the most gangsta thing I’ve ever seen… we need to roll in this kid’s crew.”
"Ryan Gosling covered in yum yum sauce!" - Maygen S., Sophomore
Which brings us to our topic, you thugalicious reader, you. Throughout our lives we’re told to kill our enemies with kindness, but no one told us what to do after our enemies don’t keel over from us smiling the shit out of them. At times like this it’s perfectly logical to ask ourselves, “What would The Black Sheep do?” And since our staff is filled with the most gangsta of gangstas known to man we’d frankly have to start busting caps (that is, hitting caps from cap guns on the ground – you don’t have to use icky guns and it’s just as loud!). Now don’t get us wrong - we are perfectly “sane,” semi-civilized, artistically-minded, and not cigarette-smoking monkeys chained to a typewriter types. But some people just don’t understand you when you’re nice. If you said “Excuse me” 2.3 million times and they still haven’t jumped over, we do declare that a “Move, bitch!” is in order. And if you’re walking back to your dorm after a long day of classes and the -2 degree weather has caused your legs to freeze up, The Black Sheep suggests that you totally Grand Theft Auto the next golf cart you see rolling through campus. Is this wrong? Absolutely not. If you can walk a mile and back from North to South campus, then they can too! And if they say anything about being handicapped take their stupid little card. The parking on this campus can get real pretty quick and that parking pass can come in handy.
Or how about the time your little bitch professor objects to your chronic tardiness? Just slash his tires and jack the rims off of his precious Toyota Prius. And next time you come to class, hang one of his rims from a giant necklace and wink at him. And there you have it - just a little pinch of gangsta and your problems are practically solving themselves! But be careful with your new gangsta swag. Once you’ve decided to roll up to a scene and snag that really nice mechanical pencil some douche in biology wasn’t paying attention to, it’s hard to turn off. With great power comes great responsibility, young grasshopper; one does not simply choose the thug life. You have to be selective in choosing the time and place to unleash your inner ratchet. Naturally, we at The Black Sheep are expert practitioners of gangstology and if for you’re having trouble knowing when to call your goonies, run to the nearest newsstand worthy enough of distributing our paper and we’ll happily give you your daily dose. Holla at ’chya paper. (Ed. note: Don’t actually holla at the paper, people might think you’re insane – unless of course that’s what you’re going for, because you’re gangsta.)
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"Mila Kunis, in cottage cheese... YEAHHHHHH!”- Austin M., Freshman