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F*** it Fridays

The Black Sheep brings you...

“Because you know you checked out on Wednesday...”

Friday, April 29th, 2011 ISSUE 17

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Ke$ha’s Video “Blow” Why yes, yes it does.

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TOP 10: Rapper’s Guide to Seduction

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Where Are They Now: WE CATCH UP WITH VAN WILDER!

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We Interview: ...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead

Child Art Prodigy Just a Normal Kid… Never Mind He’s Weird as F**k

UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS Corey Guastini wrote this

A

t the age of two, Jimmy Connors was introduced to his first painting set. Initially, this was viewed as an awful gift from an extremely out-of-touch grandmother, but that was before anyone knew of his priceless talent. By the age of five, Jimmy achieved his very own gallery at the Art Institute of Chicago. At the age of eight, his painting titled “The Edge of Existentialism” was bought by famed art collector David Geffen for a whopping two million dollars. And last year at the age of ten he was granted permission to piss on Salvador Dali’s grave. Despite Jimmy’s unparalleled artistic awareness and awe-inspiring ability to create surrealist masterpieces with meticulously placed brushstrokes, away from the easel he remains a normal kid who likes to shoot hoops, play video games, and hang out with friends… who are we kidding? Everything about this little shit is weird as fuck. We caught up with Jimmy’s father Dennis to get an insider view of what Jimmy is like: “First off, my kid creates what are considered to be some of the greatest surrealist paintings in history at the age of eleven and you expect him to be normal? Please, he’s been spaced out since he left the womb. Here, let me share a few anecdotes with you about times we’ve tried to get him to do ‘normal’ things: I took him to a ball game last summer and they had a station with art supplies and poster board so you could make your own sign. I wanted to write a quick ‘Go to Hell, Jeter’ and get out of there. Instead, I had to wait for three hours while Jimmy created some abstract scene where players with their mouths sewn shut were kneeling over home plate crying tears of blood. It’s received a lot of praise from critics, which is great I guess, but come on, the White Sox were playing the Yankees! Fuck the Yankees!

Later that summer we took him to an amusement park. He was doing fine most of the day, you know, riding rides and whatnot. Then later at night when the sun was setting we boarded the biggest coaster in the park. As our car climbed toward the top of the hill, he started bawling his eyes out. Naturally, I asked, “Are you scared, buddy?” because that would be the logical reason for his crying, but he replied—and I shit you not—he replied, “No, it’s just the aesthetic beauty of this celestial body dipping below the horizon is moving my soul to tears.” What?! Yeah it was a cool view of the sunset but, my God, what is going on up there in that head of his? Let’s see, what are some more things about Jimmy? Well, if he’s not painting he’s usually sitting alone in a windowless room muttering to himself. Ummm, his diet is 90 percent legumes, he prefers to sleep in the hall closet not on his bed, and he’s afraid of the microwave. I mean deathly afraid. Every microwaveable popcorn I’ve made for the past ten years has been almost entirely unpopped kernels because he makes us turn the damn thing off before it really gets going. His favorite TV show? Oh here’s a good story. I figured he likes painting, so the one television show we should both like is The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. Bob’s voice is so soothing it makes my body tingle all over, and I think the way he snow caps his mountains with titanium white is pretty dang impressive too. But the second the show came on, Jimmy started laughing hysterically. He then got out of his chair, yelled “you’re a disgrace to the art form,” and spit at the TV, right on Bob Ross’s face. Clearly we don’t share the same respect for that man. We also don’t watch TV anymore. Of course I’m still proud of Jimmy, even if I am sometimes afraid to fall asleep in the same room as him. His talent is truly remarkable.” Dennis concluded by saying Jimmy’s future plans include opening art galleries across the world and having a complete mental breakdown by the time he’s thirty.


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Top 10 - Rapper’s Guide to Seduction Rapper’s get a lot of booty. Probably because they drive pimped out rides and have huge you-know-what’s, but also because they are quick with the tongue... I’m talking about rapping, of course! Here is what they say to get dem hoes.

Music Video in Review: Ke$ha’s “Blow”

Amanda grant wrote this University of wisconsin

Now let me make something clear before we get into things: I do heart Ke$ha (secretly). Her trashy-glam style- or “garbage-chic” as she calls it- is pretty fab. Sometimes I just want to not give a shit, stop brushing my hair, pile glitter on my face and dance the night away. But something needs to be said about this video for her song “Blow”. Ke$ha seems to have stepped over the line of garbage-chic to absolutely bat-shit crazy. I can’t tell whether she is trying to be Lady Gaga-esque, i.e. putting as much weirdness in your video as possible to be edgy, or she made the whole thing as a joke. I guess you’ll have to watch the video for yourself to decide. I’m just going to touch on some key points from the video that make me wonder just WAT DA FUCK this girl was thinking when she decided to combine unicorn people, teeny sammiches, and James Van Der Beek. Unicorn People Unicorns are great. But why are they in this video? And are they even unicorns, because they have the heads of mythical beasts but the bodies of ordinary humans? Unclear. All I know is that they aren’t the magically powerful yet vulnerable creatures that I learned about from Harry Potter. These are scary unicorns with giant eyes that drink champagne, bleed rainbows, and make out with Ke$ha. I’ll give those unicorns one thing though: when Ke$ha is talking about how she strangled a bear to save the president of Uzbekistan (silly, silly Ke$ha), the unicorn people look at each other with expressions that clearly convey that “WTF” sentiment that epitomizes this video.

James Van Der Douche I loved Dawson’s Creek back in the day (or in the present, when it was on everyday while I was abroad in Chile), so when I saw James Van Der Beek’s cameo in this video I was thrilled. Instead of his tragic, tortured teen role he played so well in DC, he appears as Ke$ha’s kick-ass nemesis, complete with tear-away suit and some crotch-thrusting dance moves (alright Dawson, I see you!). Just when you’re starting to appreciate the hilarity of James and Ke$ha together, things start to get weird again; bras start flying, gun play is exchanged, and the poor guy’s head ends up mounted on the wall for Ke$ha and her unicorn cronies to laugh at. Sucks to be you dude, maybe you should offer Ke$ha a bigger sandwich next time. And the comedy goldmine… Actual line from the video: “Muenster is like edible lactose gold.” I don’t really think I need to say anything more.

Oh Ke$ha. Maybe all that glitter is getting to your head, because as much as I try to see the humor in this video, it isn’t enough to detract from the fact that it blows. On a contradictory note, writers from The Rolling Stone and Spin praised the video, saying it is “provocative” and “has it all.” I guess all it takes to make a sweet music video these days is a bunch of random dialogue about cheese, some “clever” word play (James Van Der Dead, anyone?) and some shoes with guns on them. Makes me wanna make a music video with cat people, Joshua Jackson, and of course, some glitter.

10. Baby, you the whole package; plus, you pay your taxes. All of the ladies and gentlemen, who pay their taxes, raise your hands (Don’t raise that hand Nick Cage)! Success Rate: 4/5. A perfect pick-up line if the IRS is on your back. Hint, hint Benjamin Gates.

9. When I whisper in your ear, your legs hit the chandelier. Studies show that both women and men are drawn to the opposite sex through the intimacy of a whisper, so T-Pain kind of knows his shit. Success Rate: 3.5/5. Whispering may work but I’m not sure if I want my girl hanging from a chandelier. I don’t need to pull out a ladder while in hammered time.

8. Mix a little bit a ah, ah with a little bit a ah, ah. Give a little bit a ah, ah with a little bit a ah, ah. And sprinkle a that ah, ah. I like it when ya ah, ah. Girl, baby, make it ah, ah. Take advantage of a stammer and, good gracious, make it on in herre. Success Rate: 1.75/5. Nelly, the line’s too ah, ah. Just a little too ah, ah long. For future references, it must be the money. 7. Have you ever had sex with a pharaoh? I put the pussy in a sarcophagus. Not entirely sure where Kanye’s heading with this line: killing cats, burying cats, or Necrolepsy. But it has the “wtf” factor in its favor. Success Rate: 1/5. I don’t know many people into “playing dead” style, but for that one person who’s totally into a weekend at Bernie’s, this line’s for them.

6. I’m long and I’m strong and I’m down to get the friction on I don’t know who “I” is, but he’s confident and filled with spunk. Guaranteed it’ll work…until the break of dawn. Success Rate: 3/5. Line’s perfect if you’re hooked and you can’t stop starin’. 5. You got a sexy ass body and your ass look soft. Mind if I touch it and see if it’s soft? Straight to the point and perfect for a last minute compliment to that gal/guy with a round donk. Success Rate: 2.5/5. Some people love this line because they work hard for an ass that’s, delicate and soft, Downey soft.

4. Girl, you looks so good. Won’t you back that azz up? Offensive or inquiring, whichever way you look at it, it’s both polite and sexual. If you’re chatting up a grammar queen, this may not be the line for you. Success Rate: 2/5. Line can be persuasive while intoxicated or maintaining a hotdog for her buns. My bologna has a first name; it’s “Hell, yeah, Latina.” 3. Call me so I can make it juicy for ya. Mrs. Clinton may not have called Weezy for some banana juice, but Ryker inmate, Bubba Bones, loved “really Lil Wayne’s” smoothie. Success Rate: 1/5. Slightly higher than simply saying, “If I give you my phone number and you call me, then I can talk dirty to you and moisten your panties.”

2. It’s about that time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme. I’m a get mine so get yours. I wanna see sweat comin’ out your pores…come on, feel it, feel the vibrations. Oh yeah, Marky Mark, all of the women vibrations. Although successful for the Hollywood stud, the line only works if you regularly sport parachute pants, painter hats, and a portable stereo. Success Rate: 0.5/5. Damn you Mark Wahlberg.

1. I’ll take you to the candy shop. I’ll let you lick the lollipop. What I like about this line is that it offers a romantic journey combined with an amiable offer. You may not be showing her the milk duds, but I think a gooey caramel core will do. Success Rate: 3.5/5. Success rate is even higher when a Tootsie Pop accompanies the line. I wonder how many licks it takes to get to the center?? Tom Burson wrote this


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Where Are They Now: Van Wilder Mike Bennyboyson wrote this If you happen to be driving down I-15 in San Diego on a bright Tuesday or Thursday afternoon, there is a good chance that you may run into a familiar face in one of the California tollbooths. After spending seven years partying in college and getting with scores of babes, Van Wilder seems to have fallen on some hard times. He now works in a tollbooth on a busy California highway after several failed acting and pornography exploits. And now, after commuters have begun to complain to his manager about his rude, sexist attitude and sad college hijinks, it appears that Mr. Wilder still has a while to go to find stability. In this crossroads of his life, between I-15 and 257, I sat down with Van Wilder to find out just how the most popular man on campus has become the shame of the California Toll Worker Union 194.

Van: Right after college I felt like nothing could stop me. I mean, I was able to graduate, my nemesis was rejected from med school, and I was with the girl of my dreams. My future seemed bright and promising. And then... TBS: The real world. Van: Yes... that. I quickly learned that spending seven years in college usually raises a couple eyebrows among employers. “You’re 25 years old?” They would ask. “Why are you just getting out of college now?” I would tell them that I spent the first six and half years of college partying, having casual sex, and cheating my way through the system thanks to my super-rich father. But then I would tell them that after six years I met this super gorgeous girl who I really wanted to bang, but in order to do so I had to clean up may act and graduate, so I did. Did you write that down? TBS: No, I didn’t. I take it they didn’t like that? Van: No, I guess they were looking for nerds or something! TBS: True that, man. But at least you had that fine Gwen Pearson as your lady, things couldn’t have been that bad with her around! Van: You would think, but apparently poisoning somebody in order to sabotage their chances of getting into med school is a crime. She got ten years for attempted manslaughter, they really take that stuff seriously. TBS: Totally. Well, tell us about why you decided to move to California.

VOCAB!

Here is an amazing word for you to learn, memorize, and use on a daily basis. Try it out and see what happens!

Van: Since I wasn’t able to get a white-collar job, I decided to leave squareville, move to LA, and work in the movie business. In college my favorite movies were Vacation and Animal House, so I assumed that working for National Lampoon would be perfect for me! TBS: Well, was it? Van: No, apparently National Lampoon hasn’t made a good movie since Vacation and Animal House. TBS: So what did you do? Van: What any failed actor does in Hollywood, porn! TBS: Porn? Ouch, but at least that’s good pay. Van: Yeah, that is if you’re an actor. I worked as a janitor at 69 Cinema in San Diego. And it wasn’t easy work, either. Do you know what jizz smells like when it has been soaked into a padded movie theater seat for 3 days? TBS: No, can’t say that I do. Van: Well, to be honest it smells like any other movie theater seat. TBS: Can we stop talking about this? Van: Right. So there I was. Poor, homeless, and desperate. I turned to alcohol to solve my problems. I was getting drunk every night. Until my run-in with the law. But you know what? If it weren’t for the intervention of the police I would not have this job today! TBS: That’s great. Did they hook you up with this job as a sort of “get you back on your feet” sort of thing? Van: No, not at all. I was drunk one night and stole a pair of shoes from a Foot Locker. The police chased me down for hours until I hid in this tollbooth. The next morning the toll worker found me here and gave me the job. Apparently hiding in a tollbooth from the police is all it takes to get a job at one. Speaking of which, are you going to publish this interview? TBS: Umm, no. Van: Great! Well, I better get back to the old grind! That was the end of the interview. I pretty much learned that Van Wilder is a drunk and on the lam hiding in a tollbooth on I-15 in San Diego, if any cop is interested.

Textual Intercourse: Definition: Erotic text messages sent back and forth between two people. Sentence: “Jeff achieved orgasm minutes into his textual intercourse with Bridget.”


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The Black Sheep Interviews: …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead We were pleasant enough with the PR lady to finagle an interview with Autrey Fulbright from Austin rockers …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead. They were in England, we were in the United States, but the connection was magic, like their new album Tao of the Dead. Cop that shit. The Black Sheep: Tao of the Dead, your latest album, came out if February. Based on your fans’ reception, are you pleased with the record? Autrey Fulbright: Yeah, definitely. This record was an experiment, [frontman] Conrad Keeley, [drummer] Jason Reece and I have never worked together like this before. We like the same music and have the same influences, so I’m happy it’s been a success. At shows people seem really pleased with the newer material. TBS: How did the collaborative process work with so many people contributing to the album? Autrey: We kind of come up with different ideas or sketches together. We had a plan to do a record in a short period of time, so we really tried to let ideas and influences come at us naturally. It’s a lot of pressure because you don’t know where you’re going at first. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle, you don’t know where the pieces really go at first. TBS: On something like this how much do you leave on the cutting room floor? Autrey: All the ideas are kinda there, and that’s the record. Everything that’s on the record was supposed to be there, and there wasn’t a whole lot of fat that needed to be trimmed. Like, a long solo is there to be listened to; we’re not going to put it there just to take up space. TBS: How wary are you of changing your sound? Autry: I don’t think it’s something we’re conscious of, but it probably happens naturally. It all has to do with what we were doing or reading or listening to at the time, it’s nature and nurture. It’s not like we’re sitting around trying to make a record that we can say, “Yeah man, this is prog rock.” TBS: Do you guys pay attention to criticism? Autrey: I think criticism needs to be taken with a grain of salt. It’s hard to ignore—especially a positive review that reinforces a view you held—that stuff. But at the same time if it’s negative criticism it doesn’t mean that what you made wasn’t worth making. Criticism is circumstantial and it’s smart not to let it alter your worldview. TBS: That leads to my next question, your album Source Tags & Codes, received rave reviews, do you feel like you have to keep living up to that album? Autry: We always want to do better, but it’s more like, “We like this more” than what a critic likes. We believe that we can make a record that’s a step forward from where we were. TBS: Do you find touring gets easier over time, or is it the same grind? Autry: Well, this is the first tour for this record. There’s natural challenges all

on DVD

brendan wrote this

the time, where you’re tired or not feeling well, but it’s a privilege to play for these audiences. I mean, of course we have fun on stage, but we take it seriously out of respect for the fans and the music. The energy on stage isn’t contrived, it’s really there. We’re smiling and sweating, and it’s very real. TBS: What’s some music that you like, that no one would guess you like? Autrey: I’m a music lover. I like Gza’s “Liquid Swords,” Dr. Octagon, Odd Future, a lot of hip-hop. A lot of people might assume a band making this loud music wouldn’t like that stuff, we do. TBS: What’s your go-to drink? Autrey: I’ll have whatever everyone else is having. It’s about camaraderie and joining in the fun. TBS: If you could have any mythical creature as a pet, what would it be? Autrey: The pentacorn. It’s a unicorn with a pentagram on its forehead instead of a horn.

Paul Giamatti

answers are a few from here

April 26th

Upstairs Downstairs Human Planet South Park: 14th Season Blow Out (The Criterion Collection)

May 3rd The Green Hornet The Dilemma Boy Meets World: Complete Fifth Season What Dreams May Come

Giamatti’s father was the seventh commissioner of what sports league?

While attending Yale, Giammatti was apart of what famous secret society, which includes famous alumni like George Bush?

Giamatti first received critical acclaim when he played Harvey Pekar in American Splendor. What kind of books did Pekar write?

Which 2004 romantic comedy did Giamatti star in, which also won an Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay?


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What Your Girlfriend Really Thinks katie lindeen this university of wrote iowa What do you think your girlfriend thinks when you say “I can’t make it tonight?” You got really behind on your school work? You got called into work last minute? You are having a guy’s night? You are too tired to walk over? You are cheating on her? Well, whatever the reason is, she probably thinks something like this: You send: “Hey babe. I can’t make it tonight. Sorry.” She responds: “Why? What’s up?” What she’s really thinking: Why can’t he make it? What’s he doing? Who’s he doing? He’s cheating on me. I bet it’s that chick from Des Moines. She’s not even pretty. Okay, she’s kind of pretty. Guys only like her because she had big, fake boobs. Okay, so they are probably not fake. You reply: “Nothing important. Something just came up.” What she’s really thinking: Oh he better not be talking about his dick. If his penis comes up for anyone but me… The Des Moines whore totally has fake boobs. I can’t believe he would cheat on me with her. Does he like pumpkin orange fake tans? You send: “I really am sorry.” What she’s really thinking: Oh, now he’s just feeling guilty for cheating on me. Why doesn’t he just break up with me already? If he doesn’t want to be with me, then he should just end it. God, I hope he doesn’t break up with me. I’m such a whore when I’m single. Well, not as much of a whore as the pumpkin orange, fake boob-ed, chick from Des Moines. Why would he hook up with her? She replies: “Whatever.” What she’s really thinking: Whatever. Fuck him. If he’s gonna cheat on me, I’m not gonna waste my time replying to his stupid apology. You send: “Babe, are you okay?” What she’s really thinking: Why the fuck would I be okay? You’re cheating on me with an orange bimbo with fake boobs. She replies: “I’m fine.” What she’s really thinking: Fuck you. You send: “Nevermind, false alarm. I’ll see you at 8.” She replies: “What?” What she’s really thinking: Did the pumpkin cancel on him or something? You send: “I thought my Rhetoric essay was due tomorrow. It’s actually next Monday.” She replies: “Okay.” What she’s really thinking: I knew it was the chick from Des Moines! They have rhetoric together! Does he really think I’m going to hang out with him just because she cancelled? You send: “We still on for tonight?” She replies: “See you at 8! ” What she’s really thinking: You better bring me fucking roses or I’m dumping your ass. Fellas, I guess the lesson to be learned from this (slightly exaggerated) look inside the female brain is: If your girlfriend says “I’m fine,” buy her roses and don’t ask what’s wrong… You don’t want to hear the answer.

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Top 10 - Things Not to Tweet About Twitter has been taking the world of social media by storm for the past couple of years now, and has established itself as an excellent marketing, advertising, and networking tool. The site not only allows users to follow Lady Gaga’s every move, but also broadcast to the world their daily trials and tribulations. However, there comes a point when one needs to censor the amount and content of their tweets, because frankly, they’re often fucking embarrassing. So if you’re new to the website, here’s a little guide to the things you should keep to yourself and out of the Twitterverse. 10. How much you love Justin Beiber: You’re 21 years old. He’s not even legal. Constantly begging for retweets from the teenage crooner just makes you look sad, as it categorizes you on the same mental wavelength as a 13-year-old girl. So lay off the Beibs and start cyber harassing someone a little more age appropriate.

9. Every second of your life abroad: If you’re one of the lucky ones privileged and wealthy enough to study abroad, it’s guaranteed that everyone you know is already insanely jealous of you. That being said, stop fucking blowing up our timelines with all the new foods you’re obsessed with, how “America sucks,” and how you’re basically on a 5 month vacation. Everyone knows you’re having fun, no need to rub it in constantly. The occasional photo album and location update is enough. Seriously, if you want to come back to the states and still have friends, avoid this at all costs.

8. Your daily workout regimen: Most of us are lazy pieces of shits, so when someone constantly tweets about how jacked they’re getting, it’s like a huge slap in the face to everyone you know who’s probably in bed on their laptop eating a bag of Doritos. Maybe you’re trying to motivate your fellow tweeters to get off their asses, but mostly you’re just making yourself look like a huge douche.

7. How much you hate your boss: Bosses can be a real pain in the ass, but Twitter is considered somewhat of a professional tool, so keep your hatred for them on the dl. You never know if that conniving little employee-of-the-month twat is secretly stalking your page, waiting for the moment to bust you for badmouthing. The only thing worse than whining about your shitty employer would be whining about your shitty unemployed life, so don’t broadcast any work-related quarries.

6. How sexy your man is: Alright bitch, your 20 tweets per day about how hot and amazing your significant other is are completely unnecessary. Your insecurity issues aren’t gonna go away by using Twitter as your public relationship forum. In fact, guarantee that it will make girls way more tempted to make out with your boyfriend the next time they see him at the bar just to piss off your annoying ass. 5. Bible verses: Not to be offensive, but Jesus freaks are kind of a turnoff. I’m not saying I have a problem with religion in the slightest, I just can’t stand people who constantly feel the need to quote the Bible on the internet in order to...what? If you’re trying to prove your faith, just go to church or something.

4. Pooping: So, you just took a really big post-drinking shit and you want to tell the world about it, right? Wrong. This really doesn’t need a long explanation. People just don’t want to know about your bowel movements, regardless of how epic they may be.

3. #sorryforpartying: Fucking A, this phrase is like a year old already, which translates to 5 years old in the internet world. Yes, you rage. Yes, you go ham. And no, you’re not remorseful about it, WE KNOW. No one’s expecting you to apologize anyways, dammit! I think the new phrase should just be “fuck yeah for partying.” It’s way more direct. 2. Constant requests to be followed: For whatever reason, having a lot of followers on Twitter is extremely desirable. If you really think you’re that witty and cool enough that hundreds of people need to see what you’re thinking, you should probably get off of your computer and write a book about something meaningful rather than waste your energy discussing Taco Bell’s newest menu addition.

1. This: Ladies and gentlemen, the actual tweet that served as the inspiration for this article. It’s gross enough that this appeared on my homepage, but let me just make it known that it was a girl who wrote this. Behold: “Just picked a huge hard booger out of my nose. Feeling content knowing that there was no slime.” No words.

Alexandra Rose wrote this


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WORD K E AOGORGEW SEARCH E C D E K A N T E G st Things to do instead of working on asdasds that project...or novel...

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study drink barcrawl getnaked streak sleep cry dance

movies television pack read smoke gorge fornicate poop

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A E R D R I N K

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C M I T T I E R

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AWL P Y S DOM L EO R E K E L E NAD CKK

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dr ba ge st sle cr da m Movie Quiz 1. Major League Baseball 2. Skull and Bones 3. Comic Books 4. Sideways te Answers pa Sexy cr Anagrams! re Can you figure out who these hotties are? sm go po fo Send your answers to celebs@theblacksheeponline.com! The first 5 right answers win prizes!

At Puke Ton

Saggy Diet


REPORT CARD MOVIE REVIEW title:

Win Win

Paul Giamatti,

O

name(s): Alex Shaffer, Amy Ryan synopsis:

B+

A wrestling film where the characters wrestle with more than just other people. They also wrestle with their feelings. And other people’s feelings. Got it?

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CD REVIEW Name: Fleet Foxes

TITLE: Helplessness Blues overview:

O A-

You ever hear of the sophomore slump? No, you say? Let’s do an analogy. Freshman year you are fresh out of high school with still a pretty bangin’ body (hey, high school partying doesn’t really count) and since you are barely legal, everyone wants you. But then you drink too much beer too often, order a whole lot of pizza after 2 a.m., and think smoking weed on the couch with the cool stoners and not going to the gym makes you awesome. And it does, until you’ve gained 20 pounds and people start calling you “muffin top.” That’s when your sophomore year rolls around and it’s do or die time; you either fall into the pit of chubby despair and accept the fact that you will be chubby from here on out, or you pick up the pieces, get your shit together, and become a smokin’ hot almost-21something by Halloween. Well…. Fleet Foxes always kept their figure, so a sophomore slump was never in the cards. How’s that for a twist ending?

Click HERE for the rest of the review!

Click HERE for the rest of the review!

BOOZE REVIEW

BEER REVIEW

Name: Glenmore TITLE: Gin

suggestions:

O B-

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Tonic – AStraight –C Cranberry Juice – C+ Mountain Lightning – C Hot Tea – F JOOSE – F-

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Name: Anchor Brewing Co

O A

TITLE: Old Foghorn Barleywine Style Ale

PRICE: $3.49/Bottle

the beer: Old Foghorn pours a deep golden honey brown, with a very thin white head. The aroma is floral and sweet, like barley flowers, with a bite of crystal sugar. The flavor is very cool and crisp, with a honey sweetness and a very dry alcoholic taste beneath. There is no dominant grain taste, instead the flavor is a sharp, crisp flavor like wine. The aftertaste has no bitterness. Instead it is tart, like a citrus peel. The hops flavor flows beneath the whole thing, keeping the taste floral and clean.

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F It Friday 4/29  

Friday 4/29

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