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The Black Sheep Fr

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.... l fl ike p or o id int a at s sc la o nt re ic. d o

n

• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •

Volume 3, Issue 5 9/13/12 - 9/19/12

theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_UGA

seven creative ways

to get free stuff in athens jess allen wrote this

College students are broke. Between buying drinks downtown, getting a new outfit for every football game, and late night runs to The Grill, budgets are tight. It’s especially difficult since good jobs are few and far between, so most of us are making minimum wage. Unless you are working 70 hours a week, that’s not going to cover more than rent. So, here’s a little list to help ease the pressure on your budget. Play the field: Check out the UGA Student Org website and go to every first meeting for every single club. Of course you’re not actually interested in saving the local possum population or talking about “hot button” issues, but almost every student organization has free food at the first meeting. Be prepared to eat a lot of pizza, but there are a few groups that will spring for something awesome like Barberitos. And that’s how you’ll decide which groups to be involved with for the rest of the year. Bonus points also go to clubs that provide donuts or especially, alcohol. Act the part: Invest in a pair of scrubs. Solid colors, patterns, panda bears—it doesn’t matter what they look like, just buy them. Then, go to the Jittery Joe’s near the hospitals, look at your watch a lot, and order regular coffee “because you just don’t have time for anything else.” The poor, confused hourly workers will think you are a doctor late for surgery, and you are NOT going to correct them. If you act impatient enough, they will just give you the coffee. They will feel like they just helped save a life, and you’ll feel like you have two extra dollars. Cleavage: Girls, grab your push-up bras. Guys, grab…uh…your girlfriends’ push-up bras and a tub of fried chicken, you’re going to need to bust out the moobs. Saunter in to a place of business and flaunt the puppies like there’s money to win. If the cashier can’t take his eyes off of your chest, then he won’t see you sliding that pint into your purse. Credit or debit? You’ve never heard anyone say this before, but panhandling is your friend. Put on your grossest outfit and head downtown. As long as you watch out for the other hobos and don’t infringe on their territory, you will be golden. This will be an especially lucrative tactic if you stand outside the bars on weekend nights

bud light platinum: aweslove story. has found a new lover,

the young, spunky, and ever evasive blp.

page 4

and get all the drunk people to feel guilty about their privilege. Their vision will be so blurry that they will just give you their debit card. Don’t forget to ask for their PIN number! “All I’ve got is change”: Knock over parking meters. This one might be kind of tricky, but the payoff is well worth it. The Coinstar at Kroger won’t even be able to handle how rich you are about to get. Reciprocity: Date someone on meal plan and force them to steal food from the dining hall for you. It doesn’t matter what they look like—it would be worth hooking up with Andre the Giant or a Dementor if you got free meals out of it. Make sure they rotate dining halls to take advantage of the many options. If you aren’t simultaneously eating pizza from Snelling, stir-fry from O House, and

what’s inside

a smoothie from ECV, they’re doing it wrong. You don’t need anything from Bolton. No one ever needs to eat at Bolton. Steal: Okay. Maybe “creative” isn’t the word we’re going for here, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Having a hard time justifying this to your friends? Politely ask them, “Would you criticize a man for stealing bread to feed his hungry family?” When they say no, throw the mascara you pocketed at them, while screaming, “Well, you need this more than I do then!” Follow the tips above and watch your overdrawn bank account skyrocket past zero into “I can afford to eat like a king! Pizza rolls for all!” territory. Everyone will love you and your new monetary methods.

top ten movies you wish would play at tate.

we interview: abx from the hood internet

star wars episode iv, on repeat.

his idea for a pizza topping will blow your mind...

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page 13


contents

Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com

page 6 page 6: the campus napper if these walls could talk, they’d say we sleep around. a lot.

page 6: confessions of a house pet

Table of

So this is why they shit on your carpet.

page 10: bartender of the week tess e. from 9d’s thinks you all dance like idiots.

page 10

page 11: from the streets

whats your ultimate deal-breaker in a relationship?

now hiring! Why wouldn't you want to work somewhere with unlimited koozies and a "pants are optional” policy?

Marketing, , Promotions, Writing, Groupies, & More!

apply online at theblacksheeponline.com


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Sexy Anagrams

Taking beer goggles to the next level... (Want to be famous next week? Awesome.)

Send us your pic of the week at pics@theblacksheeponline.com

A Safari Grove

Do you know who these hotties are? Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com First five right answers get a prize!

Each Honk Trust last week’s answers

Amber Heard & Taylor Kitsch

word of the week Spinsturd:

A piece of poop that wraps all the way around the bowl of a toilet. “Hey Jeff, come look at this spinsturd I dropped after eating all that cheese!”


page 4

theblacksheeponline.com

Bud Light Platinum: A Love Story wes allen wrote this I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. I was just a senior in college, but I knew I had found the one—my soul mate. Like most stories of true love, this one began with an immediate attraction. My significant other refuses to flatter me with compliments on my appearance, but I know I looked good in the Golden Pantry that night. My baby was new to the scene, but the washed-up regulars failed to intimidate the newcomer. In fact, my love sat icy cold, gazing lustily at me, boldly challenging me to walk past like nothing had just happened, like my soul hadn’t been turned upside down and shaken to its core. I wasn’t looking for love in that Golden Pantry, but I found it. The very next day we made it Facebook official—I am in an open relationship with Bud Light Platinum. My commitment to Bud Light Platinum has been unwavering since our first encounter. Prior, I had been a wellknown philanderer, refusing to be held down by commitment. In my youth, I pursued tramps: Natty Light, Keystone, and Busch Light; seeking only to gain experience, with no intention of pursuing long-term relationships. They were my booty call bitches, they meant nothing to me. As I began to mature, I found myself shacking up with Yuengling, but the next day I could be found fondling a Blue Moon, whispering sweet nothings that we both knew I didn’t mean. Oh, but how things have changed! I am head over heels in love with Bud Light Platinum, and I’ve told her that more times than I’m comfortable ad-

mitting. I know that she has feelings for me, but she is at a different stage in her life and I have to respect that. She’s young and still experimenting with her sexuality. Unfortunately for this infatuated lover, it seems that anyone who wants a taste, gets one. I understand what you are thinking—how can you handle being in a relationship that isn’t monogamous? Believe me when I say this—it’s Platinum’s idea. She is a wild beauty that cannot be tamed, no matter how much unconditional love I shower on her. Of course I would prefer that she wouldn’t be such a raging slut at times. It’s not easy seeing your significant other actively participating in public orgies on weekends. I guess my invitations keep getting lost in the mail! I’m not the jealous type, but seeing strangers caressing those curves, and tasting her; God, it makes me sick. It’s okay, though, that’s just love. That’s just love... Although Bud Light Platinum has been more promiscuous than I would like, she has been there for me in my times of need. I’m talking the good, the bad, the uncomfortable, and while on vacation. Just like a rapper’s favorite female, she’s been my ride-or-die. I love you Bud Light Platinum, and I want this feeling to last forever. I know we’re young, and that we’ve only been dating a few months, but today I am asking for your bottle

cap in marriage. It doesn’t matter what our parents think! I am down on one knee, with a seven-carat koozie in my hand, begging you to be my wife. She’s going to say “yes.” And when she does, respect our relationship and stay away from my wife. Hook up with her older sister Bud Light all you want, but Bud Light Platinum is now off the market. Forever hers, Wes

Confessions of a Campus House Pet kitty kat wrote this I’ve always been your typical fat cat who enjoys naps near an open window and tossing my felt mouse from paw to paw. I’m not one for snuggling or purring against the ear. I’m a lush for catnip and a good roll in kitty litter, but other than that, I’m not the friendliest pussy around. Regardless, my owner Hillary hasn’t gone one day without planting a sickening kiss on top of my head or hugging me into oblivion before bed. That’s why I almost gagged on a hair ball the day that she brought me off to college for her sophomore year. Between her homework and part-time job at Flanagan’s, she barely had time to keep my milk bowl full. Bitch. So I was surprised when she brought somebody new home: an ugly, furry bunny. That hideous thing had beady, red eyes, and it couldn’t aim its piss to save its life. One day I was lounging and watching a stoned Hillary force-feed that fuzzy asshole some crisp baby carrots. Within seconds, it started choking until it eventually flopped over and remained motionless. Hillary looked sad for a few minutes, but then scooped up the body, tossed it in an empty plastic bag, and brought it out to the dumpster. A few days later Hillary bought a squirrely little hamster. It lasted for a week or so until one night when Hillary came home from the bars with a half empty beer bottle. She didn’t know it, but I saw exactly what that sneaky girl did. With an evil glint in her eye, she emptied the remains of the bottle right into the hamster’s dish and coaxed him

to take a drink. After a few minutes, the pathetic thing swayed right to left and collapsed. This time there was no mourning; Hillary picked it up barehanded and tossed it in the trash. I started to grow concerned. Were these just careless accidents or something more? Was an intoxicated college student really capable of taking care of another being, when she really couldn’t take care of herself? I found myself growing restless and anxious when I was alone in the apartment with her. I flinched at any noise I heard, and flickers of light across the wall sent me flying. Just the sight of Hillary caused my fur to rise. Was she coming for me next? Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, Hillary brought home a puppy. Normally I hate those damn yappy things, but I felt bad because I knew what was coming. Hillary hosted a party, and the place was wall-to-wall with people. The dog was annoying, humping random legs and licking people’s toes. Hillary shut him up in the bedroom with me and threw a plastic cup at him for a toy. Within minutes the dog had ripped it apart and swallowed every last inch of plastic. A few gags, a whimper, then nothing. I sat frozen on the bed, terrified. Later, when Hillary found his body, she just kicked it out of the way, under her bed. After Hillary passed out I snuck under the bed to give the puppy a proper burial. The puppy was still alive, but was

bleeding profusely from his mouth and anus caused by internal lacerations from the jagged pieces of Solo cup. I asked him if he had trouble breathing because of the blood coming from his mouth. He said he wasn’t actually bleeding from the mouth, but had earlier attempted to eat his anus blood, mistaking it for runny diarrhea. At this point I remembered why I hated dogs so much. However, what he said next will remain with me until the day I die. He said, “I just don’t understand why college students buy animals that they are only going to neglect. Don’t they realize that they are assholes? Total assholes?” and then closed his eyes.


The Top 10 Movies You Wish

Would Play at Tate 10. Black Sheep (2006): Not only does this film have the same name as our publication, but it also has one of the cheesiest taglines in history: “Get the flock out of here!” This embarrassing excuse for a horror movie tells the harrowing tale of harmless sheep being turned into bloodthirsty monsters, and it’s a nonstop laugh riot. 9. The Brave Little Toaster (1987): This film is a bold mixture of Toy Story and Homeward Bound, and none of our childhoods would have been complete without Toaster, Lampy, and the gang. If this played at Tate, people would show up in droves just for the sake of nostalgia. They would also never look at their appliances the same way. 8. Snakes on a Plane (2006): As soon as trailers for this movie started airing, people became obsessed with how ridiculous the premise was—it had hype before hype was even a thing. It’s basically a requirement of our generation to make a Snakes on a Plane joke once every few months, but did anyone even see it when it was in theaters? It’s time we bite the bullet and actually watch the movie, if only to make our jokes more hilarious. 7. Shame (2011): Made famous by Michael Fassbender’s hot throbbing assbender, this great movie would be hysterical to show at Tate. Freshmen without cars are always taking advantage of this cheap, easy movie theater, and it seems they’ve only heard of the movie about half of the time. It would be more interesting to watch confused and shocked bros on dates than the actual film. 6. Batman: The Animated Series (1992-1995): While it isn’t technically a movie, no one would complain. Following the release of The Dark Knight Rises, our culture is basically obsessed with Batman, and this series is one of the better adaptations. They could just show one episode a day for 85 days, NBD. 5. Animal House (1978): This movie is an obvious choice, but as the film that spawned the “gross-out genre,” Animal House would clearly have wide appeal for UGA students. For about half of the student body, it would be like watching a documentary about their lives. 4. Monsturd (2003): If the title and premise for a movie are so ridiculous that it sounds fake, then you know you’re in for a good time. Chased into a sewer, a serial killer mutates with toxic chemical waste, becoming half feces, half man. Yes, you read that right. And, yes, it would be the most absurd 80 minutes of your life. 3. Brink (1998): When we were growing up Disney channel original movies defined our Friday nights, and Brink was one of the greats. Within a week of the release of this movie, every kid between the ages of 5 and 15 had a pair of roller blades. We’d all love to see this movie again, especially if it gave us an excuse to bust out our skates one last time. Gnarly! 2. Face/Off (1997): This list would not be complete without a Nicholas Cage movie, and Face/Off is the greatest of the greats. Who wouldn’t want to watch Cage and Travolta switch personalities? 1. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977): “Adventure, excitement, a Jedi craves not these things.” Shut it, you old green hobo, the student body does, and this movie is full of it.

Jess Wise wrote this


page 6

The Campus Napper

theblacksheeponline.com

sarra sedghi wrote this

My eyes are on the clock. Finally, the minute hand grants my dismissal. Freedom at last! I drift down the hallway, anticipating my destination: The oasis of sage and burnt orange chairs a slant away from Jittery Joe’s. My sanctuary. I’m about to do what I’ve been dreaming of since I woke up. I am going back to sleep. We all have nicknames for certain people that reflect their pastimes. The Guide Dog Posse that holds club meetings on various campus lawns. The Bros with Frisbees. The Girl Who Wears Great Vintage Dresses. I’m the Girl Who Sleeps. I can’t sleep at night—I’m always having nightmares and waking up sporadically, and my mornings are a tango with the snooze button—so I make up for it during the day. “You’re right across from a coffee shop,” you say? I don’t see the point in being awake unless I haven’t completed my homework or the bookstore has new magazines. Coffee is expensive, but naps are free. You might think sleep is easy, but napping on campus actually takes some intensive research. You have to become familiar with your surroundings. You can’t just sleep anywhere. You might think the Main Library is a great place to take a nap because it’s quiet, but there is not a comfortable chair in that building. I’ve managed to do it once, with my

face against a table. Not happening again. Even the good places to take naps can have setbacks: If you decide to take a nap in the grass and don’t bring a blanket, you’ll get bitten by ants or water will get on your ass and it’ll look like you peed in your pants. If you’re ever going to be a serious napper, you have to learn what you’re dealing with. Knowing your environment is key. If you’re going to sleep somewhere that’s chilly, like in the SLC, you might need to bring some form of blanket. A yard of shitty fleece works really well for this—you can also take it outside to avoid grass-based injuries or embarrassments—and will fit right inside a backpack. If you don’t want people to think you’re a freak, bring a sweater. At least half of your body will be warm. Taking a cue from homeless people works well too; newspapers make great blankets. The New York Times is the warmest. Temperature is not the only thing to consider in the realm of recreational napping: Silence and comfort are important too. Light sleepers should stay away from heavily trafficked areas, like the SLC oasis. Other academic buildings, like Peabody Hall and Park Hall, are much quieter. If you don’t want to walk that far, try the Tate Center, which also features very comfortable chairs.

Of course, with falling asleep comes waking up. If you’re sleeping between classes, you’d better set an alarm because Providence will not tap you on the shoulder to make sure you get to your lab on time. Do you have a thing for the snooze button? Try to set another alarm a minute after the first one is supposed to go off. That way, if you do hit the snooze button, you’ll hear it twice as much and get so annoyed you’ll have to wake up. We spend one third of our lives asleep. You might as well do it right, and often.


The Grid Friday & Saturday Happy Hour 9pm -11pm! $2 Bud Light and Miller Lite

Friday & Saturday Happy Hour until 11pm!

Everyday! Happy Hour 4pm-9pm: $3 Wells, $5 Calls, $3 Drafts & $2 House Wine Power Hour 9pm -11pm: $2 Wells, PBR, High Life, XX Sol, House Wine $4 Jager Shots!

Monday - friday Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm: $1.50 Champagne and Domestic Bottles, $3.25 House Wines, Wells and Drafts, $1 Off (Almost) Everything Else

THURSDAY 9/13

$3 Pitchers $2 Wells

$2 Wells & Domestics $3 Wine, $3 Bacardi $4 Jack 3 Bombs for $10

Happy Hour 4pm-9pm Power Hour 9pm-11pm Bomb Night 11pm-Close! $2 Well Bombs $3 Bacardi Bombs

$2 Speciality Martinis for Ladies $2.50 Yuengling for All Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm Adult Swim 10pm -11pm!

FRIday 9/14

Happy Hour 9pm -11pm! $2 Bud Light and Miller Lite

Happy Hour until 11!

Happy Hour 4pm-9pm: $3 Wells, $5 Calls, $3 Drafts & $2 House Wine Power Hour 9pm -11pm: $2 Wells, PBR, High Life, XX Sol, House Wine $4 Jager Shots All Day!

Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm: $1.50 Champagne and Domestic Bottles, $3.25 House Wines, Wells and Drafts, $1 Off (Almost) Everything Else Adult Swim from 10-11!

SATurday 9/15

Happy Hour 9pm -11pm! $2 Bud Light and Miller Lite

Happy Hour until 11!

Happy Hour 4pm-9pm: $3 Wells, $5 Calls, $3 Drafts & $2 House Wine Power Hour 9pm -11pm: $2 Wells, PBR, High Life, XX Sol, House Wine $4 Jager Shots All Day!

Adult Swim! 10pm - 11pm $2 Wells, Wines, and Domestic Bottles $2.50 Grand Marnier $2.50 Cazadores Tequila

SPECIAL NIGHT

SUNday 9/16

Sunday Funday!

Closed

Closed

Closed

Gruet Champagne Mimosas 15 Draft Beers all for $3.25 $2.50 Grand Marnier All Day!

Closed

$1 Wells & Shots $2 Domestics 3 Bombs for $10

Happy Hour 4pm-9pm Power Hour 9pm-11pm 11pm-Close: $3 Well Martini’s $2 House Wine

Bottomless Spinach Dip! $2 Wells Martinis $3.25 Specialty Cocktails Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm

tuesday 9/18

$2 All Bottled Beer

$2 Wells & Domestics $3 Wine, $3 Bacardi 3 Bombs for $10

WED. 9/19

$2 Wells $2 Domestics

monday 9/17

$2 Wells and Domestics $3 Wine, $3 Bacardi 3 Bombs for $10

Happy Hour 4pm-9pm Power Hour 9pm-11pm 11pm-Close:

$2 Domestics, $1 Shots Happy Hour 4pm-9pm Power Hour 9pm-11pm Pitcher Night 11pm-Close: $8 Draft Pitchers & Well Pitchers, $12 Call Pitchers

Taco Tuesday! $1 Pulled Pork Tacos 7pm - 10pm 10pm - 2am: $2.75 Drafts Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm 10 Wings + A Pitcher of Yuengling or Heineken for only $10! 10pm - 2am: $2 Wells Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm


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YOU WON’T KNOW WHAT’S SO DAMN FUNNY.

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The Grid Happy Hour 4 - 10 P.M. Monday - Thursday Happy Hour 12-10 P.M on Fridays $2 Wells, $2 Domestics $1 Off Everything Else!

SPECIAL NIGHT

Everyday! Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm: $2 Drinks and Shots, $1.50 Bud Light

THURSDAY 9/13

Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm

Ladies Night! 11pm - 2am $2 Speciality Martinis $6 Wine Bottles

FRIday 9/14

Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! $2 Tall Boys After 11PM!

SATurday 9/15

Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! $2 Tall Boys After 11PM!

$2 Shot Specials

Happy Hour 9-11: $2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys ALL NIGHT!

SUNday 9/16

Closed

Closed

Closed

Closed

monday 9/17

Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! 11pm - 2am: $1 Wells, Drinks, Shots & Shooters

$1 Domestic Drafts $3 Wells

$2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys

Happy Hour 4-10: $2 Wells, $2 Domestics, $1 Off Everything Else Live Music!

tuesday 9/18

Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! Koozie Night 11pm - 2am! $1 Tallboys $2 Drinks & Shots

$2 Wells & Domestics All Night!

$2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys

Happy Hour ALL DAY! $2 Wells, $2 Domestics $1 Off Everything Else

WED. 9/19

Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! After 11: Karaoke with Kenny! $1 Shots, $3 Drinks

$2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys

Soup of the Day: Whiskey $2 Bourbon Happy Hour 4-10: $2 Wells, $2 Domestics, $1 Off Everything Else

Everyday! Happy Hour 5pm - 10pm: $2 Wells & Domestics

Everyday! $2 Tall Boys

$2 Champagne $3 Wells

Happy Hour 9-11: $2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys ALL NIGHT!

$2 Shot Specials

Happy Hour 9-11: $2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys ALL NIGHT!

Happy Hour 12-10: $ 2 Wells, $2 Domestics, $1 Off Everything Else Breakfast, Bloodies, and Brews (Only on Gamedays)! Complementary Breakfast Beer Specials & Bloody Mary Specials

$10 Bottomless Wine, $3 Wells

LADIES NIGHT! Soup of the Day: Vodka $2 Martinis, $2 Vodka Shots & Shooters Happy Hour 4-10: $2 Wells, $2 Domestics, $1 Off Everything Else


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The Grid Friday! Happy Hour from 4pm - 9pm $1.50 PBR

All Day, every day! $2 Natty Light Tallboys, $3 Crystal Lt. & Vodka Drinks $3 Margaritas, $3 Cuervo Tequila & Smirnoff Flavor Slammers

Everyday! Power Hour 9pm -11pm: $1 Wells, $4 Firefly Drinks All Night

Everyday: 2 for 1 VIP & Floor Dances till 8PM *All Night on Tuesdays

power hour daily! $1 Drinks & Shots until 11pm

SPECIAL NIGHT

$2.50 Stella Artois $3 Absolut Drinks

$2 Natty Tall Boys $3 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters

Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night

$3 Cover $2 PBR, $3 Wells $4 18oz Coors Light 2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM

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THURS. 9/13

$1.50 PBR Happy Hour Specials from 4pm - 9pm

$2 Natty Tall Boys $3 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters

Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night

2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM

Power Hour! $1 Drinks & Shots until 11pm

FRI. 9/14

$2.25 Doug Styles

$2 Natty Tall Boys $3 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters

Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night

2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM

Power Hour! $1 Drinks & Shots until 11pm

SAT. 9/15

Closed

Closed

Closed

Closed

Closed

SUN. 9/16

$1.25 High Life Drafts $3 Fireball

$1 Wine Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters

50% Off Everything!

No Cover! $4 18oz Coors Light 2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM

$1 Drinks & Shots

MON. 9/17

$1.25 High Life Drafts $3 Tullamore Dew

$2 Pitchers, $2 Wine $2 Moonshine Drinks and Shots Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters

$2 Vodka Well Drinks $2 High Life Pitchers $4 Skinny Girl Cucumber Vodka Drinks $5 Wine Bottles $5 Bottles of Wine

$1 Tuesdays $1 Cover $1 House Shots $4 18oz Coors Light 2 for 1 Vip and Floor Dances ALL Night!

$2 Drinks & Shots

TUES. 9/18

$1.50 Off All Pitchers! $2.50 Lone Star Tall Boys $2.25 Doug Styles

$1 Wine $1 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters

$2 Well Drinks

$2 Cover, $3 Shots $4 18oz Coors Light 2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM

Ladies Night! $1 Wells

WED. 9/19

Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night

Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night


page 10

theblacksheeponline.com

bartender of the week tess e. 9d’s Relationship status: IRL Major: Digital and Broadcast Journalism Favorite drink (and how you make it): Hot toddy! Hot tea, lemon juice, whiskey and honey. Favorite beer: Blue Moon because it’s acceptable in summer and winter. Worst drink ever: Amaretto Sour. What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve heard on the job? They’re all horrible, but this one guy said his brother (a fallen soldier) would want him to get my number. That was pretty awkward, especially when I didn’t give it to him. Which Disney character would you most like to hook up with? Ariel. If you can pull off being a Ging, you’ve got my heart.

the drinking game

Categories

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen on the job? The dancing is unlike anything I’ve seen. It’d be different if they were on drugs. But some of them don’t even drink! What’s one thing you never want your mom to know about you? How low my tolerance has become. We’re Irish. She’d be disappointed. What’s your favorite 90’s song? “Closing Time,” by Semisonic. It usually means my shift’s over. What’s the oddest drink order you’ve gotten? Someone made me roll up a napkin in the shape of a pill and put it in a drink. No idea. What’s the one item you’d bring if you were stranded on a desert island? I would bring the Da Vinci Code. So I could burn it.

Who would play you in a Hollywood movie about your life? If I had my way? Aubrey Plaza. If someone wrote a biography about you, what would the title be? Caring is Creepy Biggest pet peeve on the job? Waving for my attention then not knowing your order. If you could meet anyone in the world dead or alive who would it be and what would say to him? Jim Morrison—“Let’s do it.” What’s your favorite childhood cartoon character? Winnie the Pooh. He was so insightful. As a connoisseur of the 90s, Britney or Christina? It’s Britney, bitch.

Recipe for Disaster

Nutter Butter French Toast

Forgive us, loyal boozers, for we have sinned. We’ve been so preoccupied with partying hard that we forgot about the pleasures of just casually drinking among friends. Do your liver a favor and try this one out.

Have you ever bit into a Nutter Butter and thought, “Wow, it doesn’t get any better than this!”? Well think again, because we’re taking your favorite buttery nuts to the next level.

What You’ll Need: Beer and beer only. Number of Players: Four or more. Level of Intoxication: You’ll get a great buzz going, so even if your alcoholic self wants to go hard, this is a good way to pregame.

What You’ll Need: Bread, bananas, peanut butter, and butter. Cook Time: As long as it takes your ex to bust a nut, so like, 10 minutes. Fatty Factor: It’ll give you a little chub, that’s for sure!

How to Play: - Grab some beers and sit around a table. - Choose a broad category, like U.S. states, colors, Adam Sandler movies, etc. - Going around the circle, each player must say a word that falls under the chosen category. For example, if “Adam Sandler movies” is the category, possible answers would be Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison. - If a player can’t think of an answer, they must drink their beer for five seconds. - If a player repeats an answer that was already said, the player must take a sip of beer along with the person originally said the answer. - Once someone messes up, switch to a new category. The Game Ends When: The beer runs out, and everyone just wants to call it a night. We’re tired from being so glamorous, give us a break, uggo.

download our app for all of our drinking games!

Let’s Get Baked: - Beat eggs in a bowl. - Spread one tablespoon of peanut butter on top of each slice of bread. - Cut up your banana and spread the pieces across your peanut-buttered bread. - Put the pieces of bread together, making a peanut butter and banana sandwich. - Melt butter into a frying pan. - Dip your sandwich into the beaten eggs. - Place the sandwich on the heated pan and cook until both sides are brown. If you’re really trying to indulge, grab your two main squeezes, Aunt Jemima and Betty Crocker, and smother syrup and chocolate all over this delicacy.

Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com


From the Streets

[PartyPics]

Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com

“What’s your ultimate deal breaker in a relationship?” “Anyone sorted into Hufflepuff.” -Thanos Skouteris, 5th year, Digital and Broadcast Journalism/Marketing

“If you’re missing a limb.” -Erika McCraw, 5th year, Special Ed.

“Bad breath or bad teeth.” -Hudson Greer, 5th year, Management Information Systems

send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)


As long as the entertainment industry ignores the internet and continues to pour money into cable television, we will continue to be bombarded by mind-numbing commercials. Take some smiling middle-class twenty-somethings with nice jobs and cool clothes, inject a few minorities, and voila, you’ve got yourself a commercial. Despite being material girls in this material world, The Black Sheep wondered what would happen if advertising execs stepped out of their money caves and into the real world. What would these commercials look like if their commercials just dropped the pretence and said what the company was really trying to convey? By: Quinn and Brendan

Miller Lite

5-Hour Energy

Hey dude! Yeah you, sitting alone on the couch! Look at us bros on the TV, drinkin’ Miller Lites and razzin’ each other like dudes do. Look at all the hot girls around us! Look at how hot that bartender is!

Got that been-drinking-for-3-days-straight feeling and it’s only Friday? Second day of frothy acidic coffee shits? Too pussy to reach out to an acquaintance for Adderall? Try 5-Hour Energy. It might trick you into thinking it’s working.

Why are you sitting alone, drinking water and watching football like a pansy? Who does that? No one here does that! Join us, crack open a cold Miller brew and you’ll never look back. You’ll be at a tailgate or a not-decrepit sports bar with your pals! Don’t have any pals? You will if you drink Miller Lite! But if you’re thinking about drinking anything else besides a Miller Lite you can see yourself through the God dammed door. Go ahead, order whatever is on special, and watch as your new hot friends and bartenders call you out for being such a pussy. Drinking anything else is unmanly, you might as well push your penis up inside yourself and wear lipstick.

You are a man, aren’t you? Men have beards, watch football and have sex on women that resemble Grecian goddesses. They don’t, above all else, drink “whatever.” You might as well be some sort of tight jean-wearin’, soccer watchin’, he-she who doesn’t know what good beer tastes like. Our beer is good, and that’s why we’ve invented bottles and cans that funnel it down your throat as fast as possible.

AXE Body Spray

Listen, you’re a hard-working person who doesn’t have time to make coffee. While your co-workers sit in the dark pit that is their cubicle, drinking latte after latte and thinking about hanging themselves in the shower later, you’re chock-full of B-Vitamins and Guarana – it’s basically gasoline for humans! Drink a 5-Hour energy every morning and you won’t not be not having sex and running on treadmills before dawn! DAWN! You don’t need to nurse your hangover with “food” or “sleep,” 5-Hour Energy has everything your body needs in a 1.93 oz package! Plus, you won’t crash!*

Hello there, our very stoned friend. Sure, you could change the channel, but that remote is literally three feet away, and after that fourth bong rip we both know you’re not lifting a finger.

Well, it’s because you’re not getting enough of that sweet, sweet pussy.

Instead, we’re going to show you some images of delicious, low-rent Tex-Mex food. Yeah, look at the way we drape that velvety cheese-flavored wax blend all over finelyground possum assholes. Right now you’re wishing you could fire that gooey goodness into a spoon and inject it straight into your cholesterol-laden bloodstream. Oh, but we’re not done yet. After that we’re going full-on H.A.M., wrapping that bitch up in flour tortilla, smothering that thing in cheese, then wrapping another deep-fried corn tortilla around that diarrhea missile. Sure, you’re going to shit your pants later, but that just means you can shove some more Type-2 Diabetes down your gullet.

The problem isn’t your general disgust towards mainstream music, movies, television shows and books. It’s not your obsession with Minecraft. It isn’t your greasy, unwashed hair, or your chain wallet, or the black jean short and Queensryche t-shirt combo you sport in the middle of December. Nope, you’re not fist-deep in freshman snatch right now because you don’t smell like a dumpster behind a strip club. You need to get in the car right now and head to your nearest department store. Park

*In you won’t crash the airplane you’re not flying. An emotional crash, however, is guaranteed. Imminently.

Taco Bell

Sitting alone in a corner? Does the scent of self-loathing seep through your pores? Feeling like you’re slowly slipping away from the world because you exist on a different plane of being?

So listen up faggot, you need some Axe Dark Temptation Body Spray before you put that Glock to your temple and double tap your way to the big Poon Tang Palace in the sky.

So get to the store and grab yourself a case. Stock your cabinets with 5-Hour Energy, people won’t think you’re a psychopath, they’ll think your smart and awesome! Are you a boring old office worker? You should drink 5-hour energy! Are you a boring old construction worker? You should drink 5-Hour Energy! Are you an inmate snowman? 5-Hour Energy!

in a handicap spot, because if we’re being realistic, you’re afflicted with a mean case of Vagophilia. Hustle down to men’s health products and just grab the first can you see. Spray that shit all over your body. Just… just empty that bitch out. If you think you’ve sprayed enough, you haven’t. Alright slithound, now it’s time for you to get all up on the bitches. You see, we lace our shit with chemicals that draw them sluts towards you. Pheromones or hormones or something. What Einstein, does it look like we went to college? Either way, you’ll have some whores moaning all up on you when you’re Axin’ and relaxin’.

“But I’m way too high to drive, and it’s almost 10:30p.m.,” you foolishly mumble to yourself. Hah! Don’t you know we’re open later

than shit? We invented the fourth meal to eliminate the anguish degenerates like you feel when you’re mouthfucking your food hole mere minutes before you pass out from exhaustion after a long day of self-loathing and jacking off. So yeah, we’ll wait a few hours for you to hop in your 1997 Chevy Lumina and haul your “sober enough to drive” ass down to the nearest Taco Bell. And don’t forget to pick up some Baja Blast when you swing through, that shit is legit.


the interview

the hood internet

Do you like the Beastie Boys? What about Adele? Too bad they’ve never put out an album together. But wait! Don’t act so glum! There’s always mashup acts like The Hood Internet to make your wildest musical dreams come true. We spoke with The Hood Internet’s Aaron Brink, also known as ABX, about making their type of music, and their newest, less mashup-y album, FEAT. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: How does a collaboration of this sort work on the production side of the music? Like, with a more traditional music outfit there’s a drummer, guitarist, bassist, etc. People have roles to play. How do you guys divvy up the workload? ABX: We both end up doing everything. Sometimes that means that we are working on tracks individually, but for bigger projects we are constantly sending stuff back and forth. It’s kind of like a band in that you end up playing off what the other person adds to a track. The difference is that we’re collaborating over the internet rather than in person in real time.   TBS: How does it work for a live show? ABX: Live shows are more of a DJ set, but without the turntables and both of us pulling from the catalog of tracks we’ve made over the years. For this tour in support of our album we are adding in more elements of a live band and mixing that with our more traditional DJ set. We have some extra musicians joining us to do live instruments and we mix that in with some pre-recorded tracks that we trigger live. TBS: Your new album, FEAT, gets away from the sampling. How challenging was that for you? Did you find artistic freedom in it? ABX: We definitely welcomed the challenge of building something from scratch rather than constructing it from samples. We’ve been doing the mashups for five years and have a pretty solid formula, so it was freeing to step outside of that for this album. The biggest challenge of working sample-free was just that it takes a lot longer to put something like this together. It’s a lot easier to pull from our music libraries, mix a track, and post it our website than it is to get in the studio and record something new.  TBS: Does “FEAT” mean anything as an album title? ABX: All of our tracks on the album feature several singers, MCs, or instrumentalists. It’s all a big collaboration and FEAT references those featured artists. We also liked the dual meaning of the word. Going from posting mixes on a blog for our friends, it feels like a feat to be putting out a full-length [album] with so many cool guests. TBS: Conceptually, how do you decide to cut an album into tracks? Like, how do you decide, “well, this is a cool stopping point”? ABX: We kept FEAT to ten tracks, which I think gave us enough room to present the variety of what we do while also having something that felt like a cohesive album rather than just a collection of songs. With the number of collaborators that we have, you run the risk of having it not fit together as a whole if you do too many songs. We’ve previously done mixtapes which can be a bit sprawling and wanted this to feel different. TBS: Do you have a “holy shit” moment in your music making career? ABX: When we started out doing this, we would sample an artist, end up meeting them at a show or festival, and find out that they heard our track and liked what we did. That was pretty unexpected given that we were just putting music on our website and not trying to get anyone specific to hear it. Some of those connections ended up actually leading to guests on our record, which was also a “holy shit” moment. TBS: What’s your work schedule like? ABX: It’s pretty flexible. I like to work on music in the morning and when I’m traveling for shows. It helps to have a few things I’m working on at the same time so that if one isn’t happening I’ve got something else to do.  TBS: What’s the most interesting thing you’ve had the opportunity to do as a result of your job? ABX: We made a giant Hood Internet logo out of multi-colored tacos. I guess we could have done that even if this wasn’t our job, but that would have been weird.  TBS: What’s on your perfect pizza? ABX: It would be really cool to have a pepperoni pizza, but where the pepperonis are actually their own tiny pizzas with tiny pepperonis that are even smaller pizzas.

the big three

entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.

Band of Horses - mirage rock out september 18

Indie-rock darlings Band of Horses are back with their fourth studio album, Mirage Rock. These sleepy Seattle natives have undergone several changes in the past few years, while always keeping their signature style of pseudo-bluegrass tunes mixed in with catchy pop and rock beats. Check out their new tracks, "Dumpster World" and "Knock Knock."

liberal arts - in theaters out september 14

Cute, bearded, single, unemployed, and 35, Jesse Fisher (Josh Radnor, from How I Met Your Mother fame) gets asked to speak at his favorite college professor's retirement party. While back on campus he, naturally, falls for a cute, precocious sophomore Zibby (Elizabeth Olsen) and awkward love ensues. Cue the cute emotional cuteness!!!

SNooki & jwoww - Season finale thursday, september 13 @ 10 p.m.

Curious to find out how the summer of Snooki and JWOWW will end? Well if you've looked at any magazine covers or been on the internet at all, you probably know. But what you won't know are all the ridiculous and entertaining intricacies of the two guidettes that only a supremely edited show will give you. And let's all applaud for a season 2, in production now!


the photo hunt

can you find all 10 differences in this lecture hall? email us at puzzle@theblacksheeponline.com with the locations or a picture of your findings and win a prize!


the classtime

totally tailgating Across 4) ESPN’s Saturday morning gig. 8) You can thank them for setting it all up, usually. 9) 50% of the time you don’t make it here. 12) Basically bags. 15) The OG drinking game. 17) The act of making extremely delicious things. 19) Throwing bolas. 20) A bro’s tailgating uniform. 21) A handstand with help.

brats... bacon... 6) Pairs nicely with chips. 7) Huge, cheap, and everyone centers around it. 10) A real badass brings this RV. 11) The whole reason you do this, supposedly. 13) One shot of beer every 60 seconds. 14) Brought attention (and cameras) to tailgating. 16) A standard starting time, in the A.M. 18) Keeps that beer so kool.

Down 1) We can think of a sunny tune about this game. 2) Ladies will don these with their school’s logo. 3) Fat-free, but not booze free. 4) With beans, or without. 5) Burgers, hot dogs,

Answers

Meet The Staff campus manager Cutler Sheridan Editorial manager Cutler Sheridan Advertising Managers Megan Thompson Sibonee Latty Writers Sarah Everett, Riley Humes Jess Wise, Katherine Weimer Wes Allen, Alex Edelstein, Sarra Sedghi photographer You? Come on... distribution manager Sierra Moore pr/Marketing TEAM Sierra Moore, Sarah Everett

Find Us At...

campus director Brendan Bonham owner Atish Doshi Founders Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com Advertising? ads@theblacksheeponline.com Hate Us? lame@theblacksheeponline.com

8E’s City Bar The Globe Barberitos Nona’s Planet Smoothie Bar South JR’s The Mad Hatter Chango’s Landmark Properties “Speak Easy Tapas Boar’s Head Lounge Pita Pit The Pub at Gameday* Cloud & Bar” Buffalo’s Capital Room Toppers International Transmet Cutter’s Pub Starbucks Bulldawg Pizza Copper Creek Show Bar Volstead Flanagan’s Sweet Peppers Deli Little Caesars Fuzzy’s Georgia Theatre Whiskey Bent Foxhole Lounge The Manor Mirko Pasta Max Canada (Bar) Hangover Blue Sky Genco Import ComThe Winery ABC Package Sand Bar Little Italy Silver Dollar pany (bar) Treppenhaus Aftermath Ted’s Most Best Mama Goldberg’s The Grill Jack’s Bar Your Pie Bourbon Street (bar) “Washington Street Deli Yummy Pho Vietnam- Jerzees Sports Bar “Walkers Coffee Shop Buddha Bar Pour House” Nowhere Bar & Pub“ Junkmans Daughter ese Cuisine Downtowner New Earth Roadhouse Yoguri Moonshine Bar 9D’s East West Greek Row! Choo Choo Express The Branded Butcher On the Rocks All Good Lounge Five Star Day Cafe Blind Pig Johnnys Pizza Shokitini Amicis Grilled Teriyaki 40 Watt Athens Bagel Co The Bury Bar Code Jittery Joes

Disclaimer

The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.

Owned & Operated By: Black Card Media, LLC 2130 W. Potomac Ave. Suite 1 Chicago, IL 60622 217.390.1747


the classtime

Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House.

Best Man: • Bob Barker • Bob Costas • Bob Ross • Bob Marley

Wedding Entertainment: • Synchronized Swimmers • Soulja Boy • Salsa-Making Instructors • Sammi Sweetheart

Unfortunate Incident: • Parasailing Accident • Poops Oneself • Pregnancy • Painkiller Addiction

Maid of Honor: • Heidi Montag • Heidi Klum • Heidi Fleiss • Hawt Heidi, the local stripper

Honeymoon Destination: • Fallujah, Iraq • Fat Camp • Fort Wayne, IN • Fantasy Factory

Career Path: • Meth Cook • Marriage Counselor • Master Gardener • Maid

Wedding Caterer: • Chick-fil-A • Church’s Chicken • Chili’s • Crock Pot Potluck

mode of transportation: • Jetski • Jet Boat • Just Walkin’ • Jalopy circa ‘91

Claim to Fame: • Found Alien Life • Famous Zucchini Bread • Fruit Basket Tattoo • Flimsy Arms

some dots on the page until a friend (or your brain) tells you to stop. Starting with M.A.S.H., go around the board crossing off whatever How to play Doodle option corresponds with your number. Go around the board until only one of each category is left. That, my friend, is your future. Enjoy it.

Pabst Blue Ribbon Always $1.50

Check out our weekend dance parties on the patio!


Georgia Fall Issue 5 - 9/13/2012