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The Black Sheep

FR EE . (FC .. lik S) e te be am ing in th th e 2 e n 0t at h b io es n! t

• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •

Volume 3, Issue 5 10/25/12 - 11/7/12 @theblacksheepUD

T’was The Morning after Halloween Kat Healy wrote this

T’was the morning after Halloween, when all through UD Not a student was stirring, less in search for their keys, Cell phones next to beds, placed gently with care, In hopes that last night’s hook ups would not carry a scare. Blue Hens were nestled all snug in a bed, While visions of Burnett’s all spun through their heads. The girls with their cat ears and boys in Mario and Luigi caps, Had just settled down for their long, drunken naps. When all of a sudden, there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. I ran to my window faster than The Incredible’s Flash, Looked out onto Main St. and saw what my mother calls trash. The sun on the boxes of old D. P. Dough, Were all being stepped on by the objects below. When what to my wandering eyes should appear, Ladies, all different, with their make up all smeared. With heels in their hands, trying to walk so lively and quick, I realized at once, to the curb they were kicked. More rapid than seagulls in flocks they came, While the boys whistled, and shouted, and called them by name! Now Flapper! Now, Dancer! Now School Girl Vixen! On Copper! On Cupid! On Nurse, and slutty Nixon! To the Top of Main St.! To the trolley bar crawl! Congrats, on your morning of shame, to you all! And then in a twinkling, I heard on the street, The mention of Delaware’s own morning treat. As I covered my eyes with the room spinning ‘round, I turned to my friends and realized we were NDB-bound. So off on this journey, we traveled by foot. Passed girls still with whiskers, looking covered in soot. Overheard were people whispering how to get their dignity back, While some were more focused on where to get a hangover snack.

When all of a sudden I was staring at the NDB man’s shiny teeth, Saw a girl with green hair, was she trying to be Heath? NDB man asked what I wanted to help with my alcohol-filled belly, And I said plain bagel with cream cheese, actually make that jelly!

We passed some sort of Disney princess looking the opposite of merry, And a girl dressed as a slutty UD squirrel, turned red like a cherry. I saw a Britney Spears drop her pink bow, And some Spice Girls crying, putting on quite a show.

He was quick and polite, he made fun of a slutty elf, And I laughed when I heard him, in spite of my hung-over self! A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, I knew my bagel would be in my hands shortly, I had nothing to dread.

My Life as a Freebie Hunter Noting good in life comes free, except for like, everything.

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what’s inside

The Top 10 Halloween Costume Personalities

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work, I heard a pregnant nun call Kirkbride Jesus a jerk. Some sort of fairy in the corner seemed to doze, While her firefighter friend recalled last night, at least what she knows. The NDB man sprang to the front, and gave out a whistle, Luckily he didn’t trip over Ms. Slutty Cowgirl’s pistol. And I heard a bro exclaim, as a Ke$ha walked out of sight. Yo! You got glitter in my bed, but hey - thanks for last night!

A Love Letter to the Party Scene

What does your costume say about you? Ours says, "Oh shit, it's Halloween."

We miss you baby, please come back.

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! k e e W e h t f o c i P

word of the week Internpreter: Colloquial term for a career center worker trained in parsing the vague language found in internship job postings.

“The internpreter I went to told me that ‘for class credit’ is just a nice way of saying an internship is unpaid.”

Meet The Staff

campus manager Kim Hogan

distribution manager Kim Hogan

Editorial manager Kim Hogan

Social media manager Nikita Mutter

Advertising Managers Nicholas Brown

Marketing manager Jaclyn Weisberg

Writers Jason Hewett, Dillon McLaughlin, Erin Eller, Kelia Scott, Kathryn Locke Brittany Choplin photographers Hannah Linde

Founders Kim Hogan, Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers Questions?


campus director Brendan Bonham

owner Atish Doshi

Hate Us?

"Yes my pretties, drink, drink the malignant elixir! Muahahehehe!"

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Beautiful People


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American Population Forgets Everything in History in Face of 2012 Election Dillon McLaughlin wrote this The United States of America entered its 42nd straight week of collective amnesia this week, a state that has existed since the Republican primaries. The amnesia under which the entire population is suffering seems to have targeted areas of the brain that recall historical facts and figures, solve problems, and think rationally. Americans have forgotten the place of Napoleon’s downfall, the War of 1812, and what socialism is. In several focus groups, many voting Americans began decrying President Obama's economic policies. The most common defamations were about the reported recovery in the American economy, astronomical unemployment, and the lack of new jobs. Such uneducated statements support the theory that the amnesia sweeping through the public has forced from people's memory the Great Depression and the economic recovery following it. Additionally, that that economic recovery was only possible because of government projects and US involvement World War II, an event that most Americans think is “that fistfight at the bar last week between the Armenian guy and the Korean exchange student.” “This is not what recovery looks like,” said Vice Presidential Candidate Paul Ryan in the recent debates. The Congressman is right. Recovery, according to 330 million deluded Americans, looks like the iconic America of the 1950s, despite that America only existing in Fallout 3 as an in-game computer simulation - a simulation that ends with either a killing spree by the controlling player, or an invasion by the Chinese army.

In fact, Americans have forgotten most cases of political precedence from within the time frame of their own existence. When pressed for comment on the Syrian civil war, a democratic revolution that has been raging for 18 months, only two could say that the phrase “civil war” was familiar to them, saying they had vague recollections of an American war concerning the economy, “or something like that.” “I don't understand how the Syrians could still be fighting,” said Frank Morgan, an electrician working for DuPont. “What's it been, a year? And they still haven't set up a perfectly functioning democracy, complete with checks and balances? Something tells me their hearts just aren't in this one.” As Morgan spoke, he failed to remember that the American Revolution had lasted from 1775 to 1783, six and a half more years than the Syrians' battle for a changed government. Morgan then spoke about the American Constitution, saying it was a “superbly executed governmental plan written by men who were all on the same page.” He was also certain that there were absolutely no controversial compromises or omissions from the Constitution, completely forgetting that the Constitution wasn't written until 1785, did not account for slavery, and was only instituted after the shortcomings and utter failures of the Articles of Confederation were illustrated by the beginnings of another revolution - a revolution that was ultimately squashed by state militias and federal troops.

The rest of the world wonders what's going on in Americans’ heads, and have offered to host history classes in an effort to pull the American public out of its slump. In a brand new Treaty of Versailles (the original of which was abolished from memory, along with Charlemagne, the Silk Road, and all knowledge of Vietnam), the populations of Britain, Russia, Germany and Zimbabwe, with France playing host, have all agreed to sit down and go through some early American history, starting with the 3rd grade curriculum on colonization. Iraq and Japan are going to cater snack time. The nations of the globe hope to prevent incidences similar to the regression of the civil rights movement. The evacuation of all information pertaining to civil rights has had regrettable consequences on American policy. Even though the United States had already overturned the segregation instituted by Plessy v. Ferguson with Brown v. Board of Education, Americans forgot about that and decided they would like to have a similar fight with the gay rights movement - instead of taking the more intelligent, shorter, and inevitable road of legalizing gay marriage. “We're hopeful that our attempts at remedial education give some kind of perspective back to the United States of America,” said the civilized world. “But we're not holding our breath.”

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My Life as a Freebie Hunter

The Top 10

Halloween Costume Personalities

Kelia Scott wrote this

It’s another gray and miserable Monday. I’m walking through Trabant when suddenly I see something that brightens the entire day. Spotted up ahead - a table covered in candy bars being guarded by a few bored and indifferent club members. Score. Free shit. The word “free” changes the meaning of an object. Under normal circumstances not everyone would love a slice of a Hot-n-Ready, but that Little Caesar’s tastes so much better when it’s free. I really don’t like cats, but I’ll take that travel mug for the SPCA Cat Foundation if you insist. I might actually be allergic to coconut (never gotten an official test) but that king-size Almond Joy is just so tempting when you’re handing it to me – just have an EpiPen ready. Sure I’ll pledge to stop binge drinking if it means I can have one of those “How do you know you had fun if you blacked out?” t-shirts. Fixes my problem of what to wear to Rooney’s tonight. I know entering contests may seem like a long shot at free stuff but I still hold out hope that I’ll win a free jet ski or other fabulous prizes. My daily morning routine might consist of checking my e-mails, Twitter feed, and entering my name for that vacation to Hawaii. Don’t judge me - I’m about to win a cruise for two and you just might get invited. I have probably spent more money buying Dunkin’ Donuts trying to win a car than the car is actually worth, but if it’s all in the name of free stuff, I’m okay with it. There are some freebies that are on a slightly higher level than your standard pen handout, and even though they require a bit more work on my part, it’s usually something I am all too willing to do. You might have to fill out surveys, jump through flaming hoops, or sign away your first-born child just to get these - but in the end it’s worth the effort. Maybe these kinds of things would inconvenience a normal college student who actually uses their time productively, but I’d rather collect and send in 20 box tops from my Dunkaroos than write that paper any day. “You got an A? I got a free ‘Snooki for President’ pinnie.” Even though I love all kinds of giveaways, food is my real weakness. Who hasn’t stood in line to get Rita’s for 2 hours on the first day of spring? Every time I go to the grocery store I make a

quick sweep through the deli department or the bakery to see what sorts of little samples they’ve put out. Sorry Mr. Cheese Man, but we both know I’m not actually going to buy any of the things I try. Since I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings in the game of free stuff, I will give you an encouraging smile and say I’ll come back when I host my next wine and cheese party. Played! I regret not taking advantage of free food in the dorms more when I had the chance. Now I long for the days when my RA would come knocking on my door to let me know about the grilled cheese event going on downstairs. “Board Games and Banana Splits?” Screw studying, I’m there. I've been known to attend meetings of clubs I don’t even belong to if I know there will be snacks. “Dark Magic and Wizardry club, I don’t know… oh there’s pizza you say? I guess I could check it out.” The Spanish Language Club might finally be catching onto my shenanigans since I only ever say “Cervezas,” but it’s their own fault for getting food from La Tonalteca every meeting. Viva Tacos! There are several different places on campus that usually have free stuff around. Trabant is a relative gold mine when it comes to giveaways. Running after the Red Bull car is almost as much fun as chasing the ice cream man down. Except this time you don’t even have to pay for the crazy sugar rush, and Red Bull tastes so much better with alcohol than a Creamsicle does, trust me. Sometimes the gym even gives out free samples - anyone else remember the Wheaties Extravaganza of Fall 2010? No shame in taking more than one box at a time. Even after I graduate and achieve enough success that free lunches will come in the form of actual lunches, and not soggy PB&Js in a plastic bag. Freebies will always tickle my fancy. And if comes down to me sitting under a bridge and asking for free spare change, then so be it. Now if I could just find bars that give out free shots every now and then, all of my financial problems might be solved. Until then, I will continue to scope out all those brightly decorated tables in Trabant in hopes of scoring swag.

Halloween can bring anxiety to an all-time high. Your friends are bugging you about your plans, your choice of alcohol, and most importantly—your costume. Whichever ridiculous outfit graces your body on that fateful October night can make or break you. So what does your costume say about you? 10.) WTF is That?: You may be doing a triple take, but the zombie ninja vampire slayer from the 1800’s doesn’t give a crap what you or anyone else thinks. They’ll strut their stuff as parents scream and cover their children’s eyes. Think Lindsay Lohan circa Mean Girls—throw your popcorn in the air kind of scary. 9.) Cute and Cuddly: This costume says, “I am never ever growing up, like ever." That Disney princess and sparkly butterfly are holding on tight to childhood and never letting go. Don’t be surprised if they get into a heated argument with you about the existence of Santa Claus. Just nod slowly. 8.) Nerdin’ Out: If you didn’t know they were a fan of it, you do now. Harry Potter is in the corner doing a keg stand, and you’re pretty sure you just saw Katniss going shot-for-shot with Hermione. These people are passionate, so if you accidentally spill your beer on Khaleesi don’t be surprised if she sicks her dragons on you. 7.) Slutty Something or Other: This girl is ready to ditch her clothes. She can take any regular costume and make it, well, slutty. You can bet your ass that the firewoman with just a skirt, bra, and suspenders on is not fire resistant… but she is looking to smother any flames she might start in guys’ pants (Ed. note: With her mouth! Zing!). 6.) Barely-Clad Lad: This is the guy that takes his shirt off at every opportunity. He wants a laugh or show-off, and you can bet he will be wearing less clothes than your skankiest girl friend. The Ryan Lochte-wannabe in the hot pink speedo might have only half a six-pack, but hey—he tried. 5.) Laugh Seekers: These costumes are worn by the life of the party. We all have the friend that feels like a failure if they don’t have you laughing, so make sure you high-five the girl in the beer bottle costume, and jokingly indulge the boy with the breathalyzer costume situated over his junk with a suggested “Blow me!” sign. 4.) Celebrity Impersonators: Though rarely accurate, most of them deserve at least a “you tried.” The girl in the plaid skirt insisting she is Britney Spears will cry if you don’t nod in agreement. All they want is a little fame for the night, so tread lightly. Let’s just hope the Honey Boo Boo costumes are sparse. 3.) Dynamic Duos: Whether it’s best friends, a couple, or two strangers whose costumes accidentally complement each other, paired costumes are awesome. Mario and Luigi revive the ultimate bromance and the Biebs and Selena look-a-likes will be flirting up a storm. 2.) Last Minute: This is the kind of person who does their homework on the way to class and shows up to their own party two hours late. Their precious attempt at a costume is endearing if anything, and usually ends up being a white tee with a permanent marker message blaring “costume” at you. Pat them on the head and give them a shot, they’ll need it. 1.) Halloween Haters: They are the Grinches who stole Halloween, so to say, and you want to steer clear. Their choice of costume on the 31st is usually a dressed-up outfit that makes it clear that they are above the childish idea of wearing costumes. But have no fear, they are the odd ones out and you can judge them right back. Consider it your opportunity to march up and ask them what the hell they are supposed to be.

Brittany Choplin wrote this

ts sses

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UNIVERSITY POISONS THE GREEN: “NOT DANGEROUS UNTIL SOMEONE DIES” Jason Hewett wrote this Recent reports indicate that University of Delaware groundskeepers are using herbicide sprays on the Green that are hurting more humans than herbs, and who did they tell but nobody. According to the second most popular news source on campus, The Review, students were in fact lying on the Green and getting rashes. One student went as far to claim that his skin was “pretty much on fire.” In order to get to the bottom of this enigmatic rumor, The Black Sheep launched an investigation worthy of several Pulitzer Prizes, but will humbly publish its findings amongst a priceless college newspaper that will be shoved into the hands of many truth-seeking individuals like yourself. But we digress. University spokesman Brandon Johnson said that if the chemicals are dealt with according to standard training regulations, they aren’t dangerous. “Let me put it to you this way, if our workers were safely installing hidden landmines on the Green, we shouldn’t have to tell anyone. I mean seriously, unless you’re actually dumb enough to step on it, you won’t get hurt.” Sophomore Todd Hasselbrook said that he doesn’t know anybody who’s dumb enough to step on a hidden landmine, let alone herbicidal chemicals on the Green. “I don’t know why everyone’s making such a big deal out of this. The university doesn’t need to warn us about everything, from chemicals on the Green to looking both ways for oncoming traffic. People just need to use common sense.”

Junior Carly Brown says she always looks both ways before crossing the street, but nothing could prepare her for the horrific rashes she found on her arms after reading a book under her favorite tree. “I always read here before class, and I’ve never had any problems until just the other day. I saw some [workers] spraying something on the grass—I thought they were just watering it.” Brown must have overlooked the fact that people don’t usually water plants while wearing HAZMAT suits. Obviously they were applying Basagran T/O, and anyone with even the slightest amount of common sense should have run away screaming. Instead, she just kept on reading her stupid book. Studies show that many life forms are vulnerable to the herbicide Basagran T/O, including herbs, dogs, and even humans. The East Nigerian Wildebeest was found to be particularly susceptible. Although these chemicals also contribute significantly to erosion, acid rain, and the deforestation, Johnson claimed that the herbicides used on the Green are environmentally friendly because Al Gore personally endorses them. “Not only that but the FDA approves of it,” Johnson added, “and you don’t want to question them. I’m serious.” Even more serious are the twenty fourth-degree burn marks on freshman Dale Richardson’s arms, which he received after making a spectacular diving catch during a harmless game of Frisbee. Following the burn incident, Richardson has made a speedy, albeit painful recovery at Christiana hospital.

“Yeah it hurts a little I guess, but ultimately I’m just grateful that I still have my arms, and even more importantly, my life.” Richardson says that he will not press charges on the university, but hopes his story will convince them to give fair warnings in the future. The University declined to comment on Richardson’s situation, but released the following statement: “Safety is a primary concern of ours; we at the University of Delaware are committed to maintaining a beautiful, healthy campus by any means necessary. We are dedicated to the lives, the health and the well-being of our grass, and also our students. The herbicides used are FDA approved and show no significant harm to students. Bottom line is, until someone dies or another herbicide goes on sale at Home Depot, we will continue to use Basagran T/O.”

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Halloween’s Sexiest, Sluttiest Costumes… for Men tex mex wrote this

There’s always that one sourpuss who complains about how revealing women’s costumes are come Halloween, but let’s be serious here: No level of white knighted-ness is going to stop girls from partaking in such a rousing night of mini-skirts, bunny ears, or nothing at all. But with so many scantily clad sailors, soldiers and nurses, Halloween is growing a little stale on the female front. Here are some costume ideas for men so they can spice things up with that one night where guys can just be slutty for a change:

benefits than simply dropping off the goods. For one, it opens up windows of opportunity such as showing up to parties completely unannounced and at the worst possible time. You could even do something goofy like bringing a Sharpie along to have people “sign for their package” on your skin, which could either be phenomenally hysterical or abysmally traumatizing the next morning. Think Momento with less important reminders and more poorlydrawn penises.

Male French Maid: Lace up a dude with heels, stockings, a blouse, and a little hat, and you’ve got yourself a bona fide French manservant who isn’t afraid to “get into those tight corners.” A guy can even add in a feather duster to accentuate his manly arms whilst getting some cleaning done around the apartment. No matter what accessories you tack on, you still won’t have to shave your legs.

Cupid: If girls can pass off concealing 10% of their skin as a costume, then a guy donning nothing more than a diaper/cheetahprint Speedo and a quiver full of phallic arrows should be acceptable. As the God of Love, you may not have the same appeal as a buff Tarzan or the Old Spice guy, but you instead have the responsibility of being one hell of a wingman. Even on Halloween, the line between “hilariously adorable” and “public indecency” is regrettably unclear.

David Bowie: It’s not cross-dressing, but it’s pretty damn close. If you have the time (and the funds) to turn yourself into the glitterdazzled, fire red-haired wonder that was 70s Bowie, then there’s no way you wouldn’t be able to get Ziggy with it. With enough androgyny to confuse Boy George, you’ll attract the eyes of both sexes no matter where you go with that skin-tight, god-knowswhat-material suit and those sunken cheekbones that scream, “I’m not afraid to be ‘Under Pressure’!” Also, the Bowie Bulge, if any lesser man can manage it, is always a plus. UPS Man: Just to get it out of the way, yes, the endless barrage of your friends drunkenly sputtering, “Do you have a package for me?” and commenting on the thigh high short-shorts is going to grow tiresome, but being a UPS delivery man has way more

Genghis Khan: Was he the best looking ancient warlord? Probably not. But the power dynamic of being a fearsome, tyrannical conqueror of many a nation offers a hefty bit of attraction, but for a guy’s sexual sphere to peak at around 2,000 to 3,000 women, there’s got to be an overlooked tender side to him. It’s either that, or Genghis Khan was just a complete and totally shameless manwhore. The armored costume might not be the most revealing of the night, but using “I’m the sluttiest emperor the Mongolian empire has ever seen” as a pickup line will definitely cause some swooning. Slutty Abraham Lincoln: He’s America’s favorite sixteenth president and an absolute heartthrob. He may have not had the cha-

risma of Bill Clinton or the spirited charm of JFK, but Abe Lincoln’s “Work hard, play hard” attitude (which was his campaign slogan) stands as the staple for this costumes rugged manliness and political promiscuity. Just toss on a top hat, a fake beard, prosthetic mole, and a pair of button pants with cufflinks, and you’ll be ready to emancipate this proclamation. If things become too risqué, just toss on a hoodie to become Casual Abraham Lincoln, one more focused on just chilling and having a lax time, man. Gentlemen, don’t be afraid to show a little skin this Halloween season. You’ve been hitting the gym hard enough; it’s time to show off what you’ve got. Unless you’ve already gained more than your freshman fifteen this early on in the year. In that case, just stay out of our sight, please.

A Love Letter to the Party Scene Erin Eller wrote this With the semester well under way and midterms under our belts, some students at UD have struggled to find time for partying. Needless to say, students are less than thrilled about this. Reduced to mere robots trapped in a world consisting solely of homework, some painfully sober underclassmen are desperately seeking an outlet. An undisclosed source from the university has bequeathed one of many heartbroken letters being sent to various departments as the students suffer through this difficult time: To the Party Scene, My heart is haunted by your hooky. I measure months in hours and days in minutes. I am wrought with rich writhing ruefulness; I long to once again find solace in your sweet, sweet, sweat-mingled swagger. No longer can I tussle in turmoil and torment by the somber solemnity of sobriety. As word counts wield no worth, as flashcards flaunt no feeling to be fathomed by my fancy, midterms leave no mother-fucking mark upon my mild-mannered memory to match the manner in which your crowded basements have intoxicated me. I crave your crowded, crooked-painting-strewn crimes, dubstep devouring devoted young devils in the name of Natty Light and nonsense well into the naughty nuances of the night. I dream of drafted drink to drown this dreary drought. One red plastic pocket puts me a ping and a pong apart from the peak of permeated paradise; but alas, Monday’s midterm mocks my mirthful memories. Saturday nights spent studying, swaddled in sweatpants separate me from the shit-show that satiates my sanity. Chants of “Cheers!” chastise me; I am brought to the brink of presumptuously pre-gaming preachings proctored by prattling professors. Boisterous bimbos bathe in the brooks of the bars, taunting the torrid tangles of my toils. No more! I’ll cut the crap and blatantly beg you: return rapidly to ruin my record of reading, recording, and reasoning. College can’t consist of constant capitalization on careers and callings; there must be more madness, more mistakes, and more misty-eyed mobs. I feast my focus on you from afar; my tolerance is toppling from its treacherous terrace. Why should I be subjected to this sorrow? I realize our most recent rendezvous may have rendered me retching. I may have made some minor remarks in my dribbling drunkenness.

For that (among other things), I am rightfully regretful. Since kicking the kegstands and kissing the kicks of fun killers, I miss your boozy, bountiful bosoms (just kidding, beer doesn’t have boobs!). As affirmed, I am able only to articulate always alliteratively, and quickly these quips are quelling. I will not be whittled to waving the white flag in wicked defeat. Fate forecasts future forays if we fast forward. Or maybe I’ll meet a milder medium with a means to make me merry again. For now, knowledge knocks upon my door with knotted knuckles, and I am required to receive it. Sincerely, - Sorrowful Students Missing Mischief University of Delaware officials are accepting ideas for the disposal of these letters as students come to terms with their unwillingness to not party. Current ideas for use include dining hall “special ingredients,” an addition to alumni newsletters, and/or a prospective Sociology course in the spring titled “Drinking in College: When Education Meets Withdrawal.” Students may wine about how un-beer-able their workloads are, but at least the phenomenon is making for a shift back to snail mail for a generation raised on tweets and blogs.

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bartender of the Issue Gianna Kildare's Sign: Virgo

hell wants pennies? I wanted candy!

Shifts: Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays

What is your favorite food to get at Kildare’s: I love the BBQ Flatbread with bacon. Always order it with bacon.

How do you get through Tuesday karaoke nights with out killing yourself: We normally keep busy so we barely notice the terrible singing. Are there any regulars on Tuesday nights: Yes there’s this Dane Cooke look-a-like that always sings Korean songs, and we always make fun of him because he is so bad! How does Fitz’s (another bartender) hair defy gravity: We are pretty sure he uses glue instead of gel. What used to scare you about Halloween as a kid: People who gave out pennies instead of candy. Who the

the drinking game

What is your favorite food to drunk eat: Pizza tots from Sliders. It’s not on the menu so ask for it, but they are SO good. What is the worst thing that could happen to you on a date: I would hate it if he judged me for ordering something other than a salad. I am not about to skimp on a meal if he is paying! Do you get to pick the color of your skirt: It’s a kilt, but yes, I have about 3 or four colors besides my yellow one.

Recipe for Disaster

hocus pocus

pumpk’n pudd’n

For anyone who ever had an ounce of a real childhood, October is all about the Thirteen Nights of Halloween on ABC Family. Between sexy high school virgins and Sarah Jessica Parker as a witch, Hocus Pocus is bound to get anyone going.

‘Tis the season for jack o’ lanterns and stealing candy out of the hands of little, helpless children (okay, we’re not that heartless. We leave them a Skittle or two). This will put your excess pumpkins to use, in case you have some leftovers after throwing your pumpkin guts at the neighbors.

What You’ll Need: Beer and Hocus Pocus. Number of Players: As many as you can get. Everyone loves it, shouldn’t be too hard. Level of Intoxication: Great game to a get an early night buzz going. How to Play: - Sit back with some brewskies and watch Hocus Pocus. Anytime something on this list appears in the film, you must drink your beer for a few seconds. - Drink when: - A spell is cast. - Sarah Jessica Parker sings. - Someone mentions a virgin. - The black flame candle is mentioned. - Binks (in cat or human form) says “Emily.” - Max gets bullied. - Bette Midler says “sisters.” - Sarah Jessica Parker flirts. - The magic book’s eye moves. - If someone forgets to drink, they must shotgun a new can of beer. The Game Ends When: Spoiler Alert: The witches turn to stone! Shotgun your last beer, and enjoy the rest of the magical night.

download our app for all of our drinking games!

What You’ll Need: A pumpkin, rice, milk, brown sugar, and ground cinnamon. Cook Time: 45 minutes (but it’s well worth the wait!). Fatty Factor: You’ll get a hell of a sugar high but nothing too serious. Let’s Get Baked: - Combine 1 cup of rice, 3 cups of milk, and 1 cup of brown sugar in a saucepan. - Heat and stir until the mixture boils. - Continue to stir until rice is tender and most of the milk is absorbed. - Mix in a separate bowl 1 cup of mashed pumpkin and 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon. - Take your new mixture and put it into your heated concoction. - Stir in 1/2 cup of milk until it looks like a pudding mixture. - Let cool or chill in a refrigerator. - Once it’s set, dive on in and enjoy! If you’re trying to get real fancy wit’ it, sprinkle some cinnamon, pecans and whipped cream on top. This pudding will make you feel like you just got laid by someone who actually likes and respects you. No more pity sex, ever!

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From the Streets

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Who do you think is better suited to run for president than our current politicians? "Leslie Knopye from Parks and Rec for president!" - Charlotte B.

"Anyone who will make this job market better." - Andrea J.

"Everyone who is running now can suck it." - Steve S.

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Playboy Bunny


French Maid



Beer Wench




Cat woman

School Girl



Bumble Bee



Police Officer

Girl scout



Cave Girl


Disney Princess


the interview The Hush Sound is a Chicago rock band that plays music and has also been known to eat food. After going on hiatus in 2009, they recently announced a reunion tour across the Midwest. To celebrate, we deigned to speak with vocalist and guitarist Bob Morris, as well as vocalist and pianist Greta Morgan. They were nice. By: Brendan

The Black Sheep: What brought about The Hush Sound doing a reunion tour after being on hiatus for several years? Bob Morris: It was a perfect storm. We were happy just doing shows together once in a while, but our personal lives just all lined up. Greta and I got back in touch, we’ve grown in some cool ways and we’re all excited to play music together again, so we decided to tour. TBS: When you say, “getting back in touch,” what do you mean by that? Like, what to what degree did you guys stay in touch when you were on hiatus? Bob: Stressing about the break, or without the understanding of what we were, there wasn’t that much communication. Time heals all wounds. We realized that there wasn’t anything actually wrong, it was just issues we created ourselves. The day I quit this other band I instinctually called Greta. She’s like family, even if we were mad at each other at some point. Eventually we started hanging out and playing music, and we decided to do a tour. TBS: What’s it like preparing for a tour when you haven’t played music together regularly for several years? Greta Morgan: We take it on a show-by-show basis. We’ve played a few times a year for the past three years. Whether they were private college shows or hometown Chicago shows, we’ve been getting together, rehearsing the songs. Approaching these old songs, we can find something new in an old lyric, something that’s about our lives now. I mean, I wrote most of these songs before I graduated high school, and we put out our last album when I was 18, I think.

the hush sound

TBS: So do you ever look back at your songs and say, “What the hell was I thinking?” Bob: Yes, I do think that sometimes. At the same time, when you say something and you’re young, it’s before you’ve seen anything in the world, so it’s this primal, reactionary thing. I think there’s something special about a band’s first album that is hard to replicate, but as you do it again you get better and better at expressing yourself. TBS: Is there anything where it’s just too embarrassing, where it’s just like, “No way we’re doing this song?” Greta: Oh yeah. Bob: Oh yeah. Greta: That’s what I was saying about finding something new about a song. There are a few songs during rehearsal where Bob would say, “There’s no emotion to your vocals,” but it’s hard to flash back to when you’re 16 so you can feel it. Bob would say, “Try it like it’s an instrument—like you’re a trombone player or it’s a flute.” Bob saying that all of a sudden shows you this old thing in a new way and you can find something new in it. TBS: What do you expect to get out of this short tour? Greta: It’s just an experiment to see how much fun we can have touring and playing together. Also, it’s really exciting to reconnect with fans that saw us in 2005 or 2006, their tastes have changed, as have ours. Beyond that, it’s wild to see these kids all grown up with their husbands or wives or kids. It’s a wild transition. Bob: And to your point about music taking on a new meaning, a friend of ours, Eric from Gold Motel (Ed. Note: Greta’s other band) just tweeted about how music you listen to when you’re 14 to 17 sticks with you. I know what he’s talking about—when I listen to some of the punk I listened to growing up, I think “Man, some of this is really awful.” TBS: Yeah, I know an embarrassing amount of KoRn songs. Speaking of touring, what’s the weirdest venue you’ve played in?

Bob: We’ve played in a parking lot of Augusta, Georgia when the promoter didn’t have a PA, and a club in Long Island that had glass showers all around the club. Greta: Yeah, it was a strip club turned into a rock club. It was super-weird. When we started we’d play basements, Legion halls and VFWs. TBS: How do you engage with a crowd when you’re on stage? Greta: It’s really up to the band to start the ignition, but whether or not the audience responds in an excited, unguarded way, or if they stand back and just hang out, that determines how a show will go. Bob: And however potent the ecstasy is that we hand out before the show. TBS: Remind me to stop by your show.

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the quiz: what kind of trick-or-treater were you? Every October 31st, people, normally kids, dress up and walk around collecting candy from strangers and neighbors because, well, America rules. But not every punk-ass kitty or pro-basketball player always played nice. Take our quiz to find out what kind of kid you were when you trick or treated back in the day.

8) Did you ever trade your candy? a) Not really. b) I always talked kids into giving me their Snickers for a stupid Tootsie Roll. c) Oh yeah! That was half the fun at the end of the night!

6) What did you use to collect your candy? a) The biggest pillowcase I could find! b) Eh, my pockets and… stuff. c) This lame bag my mom sewed for me.

7) a=3, b=1, c=2 8) a=1, b=2, c=3

9) a=3, b=1, c=2

answer key

5) Who would you go trick-or-treating with? a) Just a few trustworthy friends... b) All sorts of kids from my group of friends and the neighborhood. c) A bunch of lame neighborhood kids.

5) a=2, b=3, c=1 6) a=3, b=2, c=1

3) What was your go-to last minute costume as a child? a) I’d just throw on a mask. b) A sports fan. c) I was always prepared and I never had some half-assed costume.

7) How would you respond to the old lady who handed out nickels? a) Aww, I thought it was still so sweet of her. b) I was like, “Whatever, can I leave yet?” c) I liked them, it made for great ammo.

9) On November 1st you see an elderly man cleaning up toilet paper in his lawn. How do you respond? a) I totally help to clean up. b) It’s not my problem, so I don’t care. c) I just giggle.

3) a=2, b=1, c=3 4) a=1, b=3, c=2

2) How far in advanced would you plan your costume? a) I’d start brainstorming in July and have a solid plan by September. b) A few days before, but then change my mind at the last minute. c) Like 10 minutes before I went out.

4) Did you ever do anything naughty on Devil’s Night? a) Nah, I’d be playing video games inside. b) No way, I’d be putting the final sequins on my costume. c) Smashing pumpkins was more than just a band name, after all.

1) a=1, b=3, c=2 2) a=3, b=2, c=1

1) What was your favorite part about Halloween as a child? a) School that day was a huuuuuge joke. b) Everything!!! c) That pranking people was socially acceptable.

9-14 Points: The Kid Who Didn’t Dress Up

You cynical bastard. You were either too cool to care about a costume, or you really just had no desire to get off the couch for a few hours to gather free candy. When your parents forced you out, you barely threw a sheet over your head and shrieked “Boo!” to the smiling little old lady who still put a Bit-O-Honey in your basket. Today you spend a lot of time smoking weed on the couch, and have strong feelings about the election.

15-21 Points: The Kid Who Tricked

An immature prick of a kid, you thought candy was dandy but toilet papering and egging a house was a lot more rewarding. The folks who left out a bowl of candy and relied on the honesty of kids to take only one piece got screwed over by your punk-ass. And to top it all off, handfuls of kids went home crying because you stole their candy just because you could. Today you have at least one misdemeanor under your belt, and have never stayed faithful to a significant other.

22-27 Points: The Kid Who Was Too Old

Even when you were of an appropriate age, you had an enthusiasm about Halloween that wasn’t seen amongst other kids. As you got older, you didn’t really know when, or how, to stop trick-or-treating, and you didn’t think it was a big deal. Most parents didn’t like that you still took their mini-Musketeers every October 31st, but no one could deny your passion. Today you have a lot of underage friends, and really don’t think the dorms are that bad!



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Delaware Fall Issue 5 - 10/25/12  
Delaware Fall Issue 5 - 10/25/12  

Delaware Fall Issue 5 - 10/25/12