Issuu on Google+

Volume 1, Issue 2 | 9/7/11 - 9/28/11 | www.theblacksheeponline.com

The

F can ree. sol ..like ve sw the a puzg fro zle m u on s if y Pag ou e1 8!

Black Sheep

“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”

What Your Major is Going to Really Mean monty miller wrote this Have you slipped into the daily routine of the school year yet, with your fancy learnin’ books and shiny, new computing devices? If not, you better start quickly, because the schoolwork is going to start piling on faster than you know. Whether that work is going to be difficult or easy is a whole other question. You know that thing that old people always ask you about when they know you go to college, your “major’? As it turns out, this supposed “major” is actually a very important choice. So important that it affect your experience while here at Ole Miss, both in terms of how much work you’re going to have to do, and the amount of drinking you’re going to have to sacrifice to get that work done. It also affects your life in the “real world.” Sometimes it can get a little confusing, but have no fear, here’s a quick reference list for briefing yourself on the present and the future of your respective major: Biology, Chemistry: If you’re in biology or chemistry it probably means you’re Pre-Med as well. Either you love setting goals for yourself that you can never actually attain, or you’re pretty on the ball and actually love studying. One’s ability to pull this off means one can look forward to either more school or a lot more school once you’re out of undergrad. Enjoy. Business: Bring your calculators to these classes, kids, because no matter what crazy-specific thing you want to do involving this very-broad major; it’s going involve taking classes about numbers. Future success can depend on the person, but more importantly, the people that person knows. Accounting: Speaking of numbers, if you’re an accounting major you really have to love the things. You also really have to love a future specifically involving numbers, with less emphasis on fun, love, or any basic-level human interaction. Once

Other stuff

Inside

04: Know Your Enemy: Mississippi State University In short, they suck.

February rolls around beware, your life will be a shitpile until tax season is over. Marketing: Guess you’ve been watching a lot of Mad Men lately, haven’t you? I’m not so sure it really works that way anymore, or maybe it does. If so, that kicks ass, good luck drinking all day, cheating on your wife and mistress with your other mistress and showing up hungover, but on time and looking dapper. Political Science: You love to argue, and also think you know more than you actually do. This also goes for your professors, so good luck getting any actual learning in. A PoliSci major’s future branches off into two very distinct directions: law school with the business majors, and homeless shelters for with the philosophy majors. Each lifestyle features a whole lot of arguing, but one is about life-and-death matters, the other, a sandwich. English, History, Education: You’re probably going to be really poor. Journalism: This is pretty hip right now, in the worst way. Everyone wants to be a journalist, but with the death of print journalism and the polarization of cable news networks, um, who is doing actual news anymore? Criminal Justice: There’s a very strong possibility you’re on the football team. I love football. I also love justice, so this is all good with me. Does it look like your post-college life is going to be filled with cheap lunch meats on even cheaper white bread in some 1-bedroom studio apartment with your 1989 Toyota Tercel? It’s not too late! Change your major, plead with your parents and spend another few years at this illustrious university, it’s the perfect plan.

06: top 10

here are some awesome stupid ways to get arrested in oxford!

14: New Show Schizo:

What you "should" be watching on TV this fall.


02

Meet The Staff!

Table of

contents

campus manager Scott McVey editorial manager Lee Smith Advertising Managers Scott McVey Wes White marketing manager Morgan Monroe distribution Manager William Mayfield Writers Monty Miller J.B. Cole Connor Bailey Doug Mcdaniel Marcus Bell Lee Smith Chris Buck

Page 05

My Super Sweet 21 You and your girls deserve a night of celebration, right? Right?

Page 06

campus director Brendan Bonham Founders Scott McVey, Wes White, Brendan Bonham, Atish Doshi, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, and Jessica Sommers

12

info@theblacksheeponline.com Advertising?

ads@theblacksheeponline.com Hate Us? lame@theblacksheeponline.com call us? 217.390.1747

Page 09

A Guide to Healthy Lung Living The first step is to stop

smoking, since you can’t do that, pretend to quit smoking. burden.

Page 12

An Optimistic Look At Ole Bartender of the Month Miss Football In a perfect world, Cameron Mitchell has 2 first can they beat Alabama, right? names. Can you trust him?

marketing team Scott McVey Reaghan Foley

Questions?

st

Pages 10 & 11 The World Famous Bar Grid!

Get your drink on every day of the week, fo' real cheap.

Page 12

Page 16

Page 15

Page 17

Nicktoon of the Month We take a look at a childhood classic, Rugrats. We Interview: Kids These Days Find out why these

Fake Beer Testing! See what happens when we give people fake beer...

Sorry for My Tiny Dog I know I look like an idiot 18-year-olds are cooler than us walking this thing, ok?

l l i w s f e h c g g n i n i n i t s a t a r t e t t s n e e b r e ! h d Ou t r o p f u x u O o n y i e k n o i is co u c e s ns e o n p u a o p c a J e for

it s om b c e . d w r o r f u o ox t o u y o o t k c t a eek Che s l w a i a c s e ay and sp pen 7 d now o - THURS: 11AM - 10PM 30PM MON 1AM - 10:

& SAT: 1 I R F N - 9PM O O N : Y A D SUN AVE W, SUITE 207 | OXFORD, MS | 662-232-8668 • FRESHEST SUSHI! • • BEST HIBACHI! • 2305 JACKSON


Page Pic three

of the

Week!

think your caption is good enough for page three? Prove it: caption@theblacksheeponline.com

join the team! Want to have some fun and become a mini-celeb at the same time? Can you make a joke about sombreros and swiss cheese? Well good, because we're looking for you! Whether it's writing, marketing, sales, or anything else, we want awesome people on our team. Email us at OM@theblacksheeponline. com and let us know what you'd want to do.

ue’s last iss

Now

pic

a TV in d a h ly n o if he

there...

Dave S. r e n n i k's w ize! last wee me! Enjoy the pr eso You're Aw

Wait a second...that's not how the Eiffel Tower works. ..

SEND IN YOUR PARTY PICTURES

pics@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com

Download our App! on iPhone and Android

seach black sheep mobile

! s m a r g a n A Sexy

Can you guess these hotties?

Send your answers to celebs@theblacksheeponline.com

The first 5 right answers wins $20 to GoGo Pizza!

Word of the week Inreptitude:

Craven Hiss

Ninja Hue Ghoul

Submit your own word! word@theblacksheeponline.com

Definition: Any bro’s constant need to exaggerate the workout they just completed. Sentence: “When Ethan told Karen he dead lifted 25 reps at 700 pounds, it was a clear case of inreptitude."


04

SHOUT OUTS!

know your enemy: Mississippi State University connor bailey wrote this

One of my first memories about Mississippi State University goes back to my first Egg Bowl experience in the Davis Wade Stadium in 1997. A typical drunkenly obnoxious State fan harassed my 8-year-old self with a cowbell in the face. It’s a memory that I’ll never forget; one which only helped fuel the fire inside of me. Now I feel as though I was born into the state of Mississippi to do one thing: Hate Mississippi State. When I say “hate,” I mean despise in every possible way that I can. It’s the kind of hatred that I feel for a cockroach under my shoe; I’m disgusted that any part of my body even had to touch it. Here are 5 reasons you should hate Mississippi State too: 1. Their culture “The Junction,” as State fans call it, is a hodgepodge of tents scattered about in various parking lots around their campus. It still amazes me how these obnoxious fans feel that they can even compare a town like Starkville to Oxford. Everything from history to culture, bars and parties, they will lose. Every time. They act as though their tailgating even compares to the Grove. Sorry State fans, parking lots don’t count.

palatable mixture of period blood and shit mixed in a blender and set to “frappe” setting for about 45 seconds, and the end result is the color Mississippi State chose for their school. And white. Well, it’s hard to have an issue with white, but let’s just pretend that it conjures up memories of segregation-era Mississippi, and for that we hate them.

"The vuvuzelas from the South African World Cup are a breath of fresh air compared to the noise a cowbell makes."

2. Their chants One of their most prevalent chants inside their football stadium consists of fans on one side of the field yelling “Maroon” and the fans on the other side responding by yelling “White.” Good job State, y’all know your school colors, maybe you can take a 4-credit hour class next year that’ll teach you simple addition. Next time you think our Hotty Toddy chant is getting old, stop to appreciate the fact that we actually used a little creativity in forming it. 3. Cowbells These artificial noisemakers hold the title as the most annoying sound in college football, but are necessary for Mississippi state fans to attract the obese heifers that attend their institution of lower education. The vuvuzelas from the South African World Cup are a breath of fresh air compared to the noise a cowbell makes. 4. Their school colors Maroon is one of the least appealing colors available to the human eye, it looks like a less-than-than

5. Their unwarranted arrogance. Mississippi State fans act as though the previous two Egg Bowls have proved that they are and always will be better than Ole Miss. I guarantee you that over half of their fans aren’t even aware that Ole Miss has won 60 Egg Bowls, whereas State has only won 41. This is because rampant meth usage kills an MSU fan’s short-term memory. They forget there have been multiple back-to-back wins from each side, just because you may have the Egg in your possession does not mean that you’ll always have it. Sure, the Egg Bowl may not take place until Noverber 26th, but the game has already begun, Mississippi State Fans. Hell, even if Ole Miss shits the bed again (this will not happen) there’s just no way—blind idiocy fandom aside—that Mississippi State has anything on Ole Miss. They’re John Grisham to our William Faulkner.

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Hey Justin, remember when you punched a hole in the wall? And then that guy one up’d you with an elbow in the wall! - Dave Dude Jason! Remember when you got drunk and started playing real life Fruit Ninja?! That was really weird. - Samantha Steve, thanks for the free showing. Watching you get beat up and arrested on that guy’s lawn was amazing. - The roommates that hate you. Owais! I stole your tie way too many times last night! Sorry, but at least you got to use it on me later? -Steph Dear strange guy in apartment 7, thanks for being so inviting and letting us crash at your place while our lost friend turned up...and for the pizza. - apt 5 William, you definitely learned your lesson to not blow a whistle at a cop past midnight... sorry for running away. -Chris Matt, next time you decide to play target practice with a bow and arrow, try not using my door as your target. Thanks. -Jake Dear Jenny, please forgive me for the vomit under your pillow! When I’m drunk and throw up, I try and hide things...-Meg

SEND IN YOUR BEST SHOUT OUT TO SHOUT@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com


05

www.theblacksheeponline.com

My Super Sweet 21st The big 2-1 is approaching. Obviously, you’ve already been hinting to everyone that it’s going to be the most fun they will have EVER, and if they don’t get to work on your dinner plans they should expect a full on riot. The dinner is a huge deal for many reasons: Reason 1: No more fake IDs, you’re finally twenty-one. Reason 2: You haven’t eaten in 48 hours so your birthday outfit will fit properly. Reason 3: You will be able to treat anyone and anything like a complete jackass would, and experience little to no consequence. Cue loser friend explaining “It’s her 21st…” to basically the entire bar population. Your friends will probably be praying that your parents come in town for your birthday and pay for the extremely expensive dinner, but even if they don’t…you’re twenty one and they need to deal with it. And no, you will not settle for Proud Larry’s or Old Venice. It’s Lenora’s, City Grocery, Snack Bar or no deal. More often than not your parents will come, and they will absolutely excuse your lush-like behavior because it’s your 21st birthday and in your eyes, nothing else matters. Now, allow me to clarify the aforementioned “birthday suit.” No, nudity is not an option. Yes, the revealing skin-tight sequin dress and plastic tiara are givens – but if you happen to have really good friends they will hand-make you a little something extra to wear. This home-crafted accessory truly gives the macaroni necklace a run for its money. It is the martini glass-shaped poster board (with or without feathers/ animal print/plastic gemstones). Written on the poster are

a sorority girl wrote this usually extremely original tasks an intoxicated girl would never do, such as “Get an old man to buy you a shot!” and “Take a kissy pic with the bartender!” You will wear this sign around your neck all night because you’re what? Twenty-one, bitches! The adorable poster sign is treated like a contract, and you must do all twenty-one of the tasks assigned. Needless to say, you probably won’t because none of your friends really give a damn. Chances are, they aren’t twenty-one yet. Not only will you look like a complete douche, but you will probably act like one, too. You totally have to make it to 21 shots and complete all the tasks on your poster! After ingesting somewhere around 6 shots made up of cranberry juice, sour mix and a splash of peach schnapps, you’re wasted and ready to vomit on everyone. But, you’re finally twenty-one, so you party on. More bars, more shots, more bad decisions. Did you break a heel off your nicest pair of pumps and fall on your ass at The Levee? At Roundtable did you make out with some guy that kinda looked a little bit like Shrek, but with a greener hue? And at Burgundy Room did you dance on the table, but spontaneously started crying? Of course you did. Why? Because you’re twenty-freaking-one. Thirty minutes later, after your third attempt to speak the same sentence, it’s time for the BFF’s to pick up the pieces and get your drunk ass home. As soon as you get home, you pass out on the couch with stale chips and salsa, only to wake up extremely hungover with no recollection of the night that you have been waiting your whole life for. Then you realize that you have to do it all over again, because it is your BFF’s 21st birthday and it is your turn to be the caretaker for her. The cycle continues.


06

TOP TEN

www.theblacksheeponline.com

stupid ways to get arrested in oxford

10. Drive Down Old Taylor This one’s a given, driving down Old Taylor is going to get you somewhere, and that’s definitely not to your destination without a little trouble. Old Taylor Road in Oxford is the hottest spot for road blocks. For those sophomore girls stuck in The Connection, and anyone else living there, call a cab. 9. Steal From the C-Store Sticky fingers don’t bode well on campus, especially at the C-Store. Having a convenient store where one lives provides easy access and illegal temptations. No matter what you’re under the influence of, keep in mind, the guy behind the counter might be cool, but UPD, not so much.

Optimistic look on OM Football Season Marcus Bell wrote this The wait is finally over. No longer do you have to sit through another grueling nine innings watching overpaid grass pickers or pretend that soccer is actually entertaining to justify your patriotism. Football is here. It’s grove time and hot damn I’m pumped. It’s a time when our ladies are queens, whiskey is king and listening to freshmen holler the Hotty Toddy chant until they lose their voice is somewhat tolerable; hey, someone has to do it. Then there is the always the lingering question: How good will our Rebels be? I might not be able to answer that question directly, but I’ve pooled together all my resources (doing some really hung-over internet surfing at 10AM Monday morning) to give my fellow Red and Blue faithful a little game by game prediction. BYU: Let’s not talk too much about this one. The Mormons took the game while Brandon Bolden and Coach Nutt made some questionable coaching calls.

McCalebb, Michael Dyer, and the best name in football, Philip Lutzenkirchen. Still, the Eagle dies at midfield in a 21-14 Ole Miss victory.

Southern Illinois: If you see this game on the schedule and think of Jacksonville State, then you’re an asshole. I want records set in yardage and tackles for loss. No mercy in the beat down of the century, with all of 20,000 people in the stands, Ole Miss 54-17.

Kentucky: We beat the hell out of the Wildcats last year, and hopefully this year’s game will be see more of the same. Honestly, the only thing I know about this team is that their head coach's last name is Joker. Um, Ole Miss, A lot, Kentucky 10.

Vanderbilt: Year after year the duel against Vanderbilt leaves a sour taste in the mouths of Rebels fans, no matter the outcome. Leave it up to these over-achieving scholars to get into the heads of the 2011 Black Bear squad in a sloppy game: Rebs 17-13.

Louisiana Tech: This would the second-worst loss in the history of Ole Miss football history, behind only the loss to Memphis. Rebs, A lot-Tech, a little.

Georgia: Mark Richt comes into Oxford in the Bulldogs’ fourth week, following a beatdown against Boise and a tough matchup against South Carolina. The Ole Miss secondary is tested against the best QB in the SEC, Aaron Murray, in an old school shoot out. Rebs win 34-31 and Coach Richt is fired on the spot. Fresno State: Unless Houston’s boys fasten their jock straps too tightly; this game should be an easy check in the win column. Rebs 24-7. Alabama: As much as I hate the color crimson, helmets with numbers on them, and elephants in general, the Tide is the best team in college football. Ugh, that was hard to say. As improved as I hope our defense is at this point... eh, who am I kidding, we don’t stand a fucking chance. Tide 32-28. Arkansas: the Razorbacks have lost their star running back, Nile Davis, but will be stacked in every other position. Despite the fact that their starting lineup consists mainly of inbreds with multiple physical deformities, Arkansas comes out with a hard earned "W." Pig Souie 36-24. Auburn: The Tigers couldn’t buy another team, so they will just have to deal with the one they have. That team will be led by an excellent backfield featuring Onterio

LSU: If only this were a boxing match we could throw Jordan Jefferson and Randall Mackey in there to see who really can knock the shit out of a cop. All offseason conflicts aside, the Bayou Bengals return to Oxford with a squad that is supposed to contend for a championship, and a week one win at #3 Oregon shows that dreams can be close to reality. I like to imagine us running away with the Magnolia Bowl again while Coach Miles has an allergic reaction to eating astroturf, but it will take one hell of a performance by the Land Sharks. Corndogs 28-17. Miss Stake University: I will speak for every non-cowbell ringing useful piece of life when I say this is a MUST WIN. Not just for me, the students, the alumni or even Houston’s job, but for the state of Mississippi. Ever since Dan Mullen has taken the job in Starkville, we have failed to perform and have left these gloating rednecks the right to talk all the shit they want. Expect a big performance by Damian Jackson and Jeff Scott to give us the edge in a 31-21 victory. It is safe to say we can go nowhere but up. After a disheartening 4-8 season that included losses to all SEC opponents except Kentucky, the Rebels are looking to show some life as the 2011 season approaches. With a top-25 recruiting class and some new faces on the coaching staff, Houston is pulling out all the stops to get his ass off the hot seat and back to being a contender in the SEC West.

8. Piss in Public Luckily, this is Ole Miss, and not UGA. At Georgia, you can be written as a sex offender for whipping it out in public. Although the ticket isn’t so hefty here in God’s Country, a quick leak might not be worth a night in the drunk tank. 7. Climb the Water Tower Bragging rights are earned climbing said tower, but one thing many may not know: It's a crime to climb the thing. So, when someone you’re with is seeking adventure late night, know the wild factor of climbing the water tower isn’t worth the consequences the law might hammer you with. 6. Drunken Retaliations Sure, a night at the square is usually successful without any rising testosterone levels or the unbuttoning of our beloved dress shirts. That being said, sometimes things get out of hand, which could lead to someone getting a good ole' ass beating. Once the fight is done, refrain from rounding up “your boys” for round two and swallow your pride. 5. Buy Beer from The Brittany Store (This is for the Minors.) Hell yeah, it’s Thursday night and the gang needs some booze! No one’s twenty-one so you head to the gas station that never dreams of carding. Beware, ABC loves hanging out at these places almost as much as they love slapping minors with fake ID charges and MIPs. So, for the minors out there looking for a trouble free way to get alcohol, find someone who’s twentyone. 4. Walker’s Challenge If you don’t know what the Walker’s Challenge is, just know that it’s a good way to kill boredom that involves rapid beer consumption in a car driving down Highway Six. Now, here’s where the trouble lies: state troopers, MDOT and OPD love speedsters on six, but they might be in for an even better find if you’re flying down six with a car full of idiots slamming beer. Get a designated driver. No way around it, this town is hungry for DUIs. 3. Drunkenly Forget Where You Live For those who live in one of those cookie cutter neighborhoods, beer goggles can cause a small problem. Example: Upon arrival to your neighborhood, you walk into 208, a house that looks incredibly like your own aT 210. Projectile vomiting on the couple having movie night in their living room might seem appropriate at the time, but this act is swiftly followed by a Hulk-like toss of your body into the front yard, and a speed dial to the cops. When in doubt double check the address. 2. Joy Ride Down a One way Word from the wise, if you’re stupid enough to attempt to drive under the influence, know the rules of the road. In Oxford it’s easy to mistake these small roads for quick short cuts. The trick is to identify the signs that say WRONG WAY or an arrow pointing a direction with a cross through it. Even after reading this, you’ll probably make this mistake. So again, get a DD. 1. Walk Outside Oxford is an incredibly safe town that has virtually has no crime. That being said, the OPD gets incredibly bored and will find a way to arrest college students for just about anything to fill their quota on tickets. Sadly, the only away to avoid arrest by these overcompensating officers is to sit on your ass and stay out of sight. Marcus Bell and Darren Fike wrote this


Send in your pics to pics@theblacksheeponline or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com

n i t s e b the ! s c i p y part

www.theblacksheeponline.com

View AND Send Pics from our iPhone/ Android App!

08


07

www.theblacksheeponline.com

The Black Sheep’s Guide to Healthy Lung Living

J.B. Cole wrote this

With news reports and public service messages pointing out the unhealthy living of most Mississippians, The Black Sheep is here to suggest a few lifestyle changes to make unhealthy, lung-damaging habits less so. We’ll help you increase your lung capacity without trying to emulate Michael Phelps or John Coltrane, and maybe even save a few days of your life in the process. First thing, instead of toking on a wide variety of choice cannabis that is available, try some edibles. Why would you want to waste precious lung power that should only be reserved for a Saturday at the Vaught celebrating the game winning touchdown or decimating the opposing team and their fans after a bitter Rebel defeat? To conserve lung power and decrease your risk for cancer and getting caught by Johnny Law, try a pot lollipop, bake up some bodacious cosmic brownies, or take some THC capsules for a great (and healthy) ganja-filled time. And as an added bonus if you live on campus, your nosy RA can’t catch a whiff of your wacky tobacky-laden treats down the hall. If you like to deteriorate your lungs legally with a daily (or only when you drink, sure) dose of nicotine, you should try some nicotineinfused Nicorette gum. Gone are the days of smelling like the inside of an ashtray, and there are six succulent flavors for you to choose from. The perks of smacking on some nicotine gum don’t stop with the health to your own lungs, it also helps out your fellow (wo)man. Secondhand smoke is alleged to cause others discomfort and harm and that is easily eliminated while you still get your buzz on. You can also save yourself loads of money, as the UPD has started a crack down on people enjoying their cancer sticks in a non designated smoking area. And who has time to memorize a map of where one can or can’t suck down their succulent cigs? Nicorette has another advantage: You won’t be one of the minions that has to step outside of your favorite watering hole to get your fix, you can simply keep swilling and failing to attract the opposite sex while reaching your nicotine needs. If the gum just won’t do the trick, you can always place the patch on your arm and let the needed nicotine slowly but surely seep in whenever you need.

Some “experts” say that exercise is a needed excursion for a happy, healthy life. The Black Sheep has trouble wrapping our minds around that concept. More importantly, we don’t have the energy or the time it takes to jog a few laps around campus or slave away in the Turner Center on a treadmill. There are a few remedies that will help you increase your heart rate and stay in shape. For example, involve yourself in various sexual acts. Whatever you participate in will it be extremely pleasing to you, and hopefully your exercise partner as well. If you’ve given an abstinence pledge or don’t get along too well with the opposite sex, there are many other options available to you. Another way to get some needed exercise and a boosted adrenaline rush at the same time is to venture down past the softball and soccer fields on campus and hop the fence at the National Center for Natural Products Research. Be warned, if you somehow skirt past security, you’ll be in for the run of your life. The guards inside the pillbox towers that surround this pot-producing facility will be tough to evade, but if you don’t get downed by a rubber bullet as you practice James Bond-esque stealth while humming the Mission Impossible theme song, you just may make it through. Grab as much of the product there as you can and take off like you were participating in Pamplona’s running of the bulls. If the chance of federal prosecution isn’t high on your bucket list, you may want to leave this form of exercise to the dumb and daring. A final remedy to get your health on track is to go to class. Walking is a simple form of exercise, which will be on in full form at the 2012 Olympic Games in London, showcased by the race for the speed walking crown, one of the most popular events behind women’s field hockey. So if you go to class and you aren’t teleporting, you are doing one better for yourself than the guy down the hall who hasn’t been to a single lecture to date. The Black Sheep hopes you take these healthy tips to heart and practice them in the safest way possible. We hope, with these simple tips, you can make your Mississippi a happier and healthier place to be.

"If the chance of federal prosecution isn’t high on your bucket list, you may want to leave this form of exercise to the dumb and daring."


The Bar Grid

Burgundy Room Happy Hour Mon-Fri 3-7 PM Two-for-One Wells, House Wines, and Domestic Beers

Happy Hour Daily from 4-7PM

Monday - Thursday: $0.99 10oz Domestic Drafts (8PM - 10PM)

Mondays: $0.99 10oz Margaritas

11AM-8PM: $15.99 Margarita Pitchers $18 Texas Margarita Pitchers $1.99 10oz Margaritas $2.50 32oz. Domestic Drafts 8PM-10PM: $0.99 10oz. Drafts

Two-for-One 10oz Margaritas (Lime and Flavored)

$0.25 Wings $1 PBR Karaoke Upstairs

Live Entertainment (every weekend)

All Day, All Night: Two-for-One Wells, House Wines, and Domestic Beers

11AM-10PM: $11.99 Pitchers of Lime Margaritas $0.99 12oz. Domestic Drafts $4.99 Bud Lt. Pitchers $3.99 10oz. Flavored Margaritas

Two-for-One 10oz Margaritas (Lime and Flavored)

Dueling Pianos! Happy Hour from 4-7 No Cover EVER!

Live Entertainment (every weekend)

SAT

All Day, All Night: $1 Off All Drinks 2-for-1 Champagne Sparklers

11AM-10PM: $11.99 Pitchers of Lime Margaritas $0.99 12oz. Domestic Drafts $4.99 Bud Lt. Pitchers $3.99 10oz. Flavored Margaritas

Two-for-One 10oz Margaritas (Lime and Flavored)

Dueling Pianos! 2 for 1 Margaritas All Day on the Patio (until 10pm)

Live Entertainment (every weekend)

SUN

Closed

Groups of 6 or More Get 2 Large Cheese Dips for FREE!

Best food and drinks specials all day

Open after any home football game!

Open home football weekends

11AM-8PM: $15.99 Margarita Pitchers $18 Texas Margarita Pitchers $1.99 10oz Margaritas $2.50 32oz. Domestic Drafts 8PM-10PM: $0.99 10oz. Drafts

$0.99 10oz Margaritas

$0.25 Wings $1 PBR Pints $4 PBR Pitchers DJ D-Wide Downstairs

$4 Octanes $1.50 Domestics

11AM-8PM: $15.99 Margarita Pitchers $18 Texas Margarita Pitchers $1.99 10oz Margaritas $2.50 32oz. Domestic Drafts 8PM-10PM: $0.99 10oz. Drafts

Two-for-One 10oz Margaritas (Lime and Flavored)

$2 Tuesday! $2 Wells & Domestic Beers

$4 Hurricanes $3 Wells

11AM-8PM: $15.99 Margarita Pitchers $18 Texas Margarita Pitchers $1.99 10oz Margaritas $2.50 32oz. Domestic Drafts 8PM-10PM: $0.99 10oz. Drafts

Two-for-One 10oz Margaritas (Lime and Flavored)

SPECIAL NIGHT

Happy Hour 3 - 7PM

THURS

FRI

7PM - Close: Ladies Night! 3-for-1 House Wine 2-for-1 Bellinis

Happy Hour 3 - 7PM

MON

7PM - Close: $1 Domestic Beers and $1 Slices of Old Venice Pepperoni Pizza Happy Hour 3 - 7PM

TUES

7PM - Close: $2.50 Wells $3 Bellinis Happy Hour 3 - 7PM

WED

7PM - Close: Half-Off All Whiskey

No Cover Ever!

$10 All-You-Can-Drink Wine for Ladies Night $12 Mini Pitchers of Well Drinks (for everyone!)

WEDNESDAY: 2 for 1 Skinny Bitch (ladies only) $1.50 Domestics

2 for 1 Skinny Bitch (ladies only) $1.50 Domestics


THE ONLY APP YOU’LL NEED Black Sheep Mobile App TO MAKE COLLEGE AWESOME Search: Black Sheep Mobile

e ladies love it)

(you’ll be pretty awesome, too)

BALLIN’ BAR SPECIALS (th

t)

swee (revenge has never been so TS OU T OU SH & CS PI Y PART

AVAILABLE FOR iPHONE & ANDROID

The Bar Grid

662-533-7685 Thurs - Sat: Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything from the Bar (PBR, Busch and High Life)

Monday, Thursday, and Saturday: 1/2 Price Margaritas All Day and All Night!

SPECIAL NIGHT

2 for 1 Wells

Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything from the Bar (PBR, Busch and Highlife)

1/2 Price Margaritas All Day and All Night!

THURS

$1 Pabst Tall Boys

Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything from the Bar (PBR, Busch and High Life)

Happy Hour 4-7

FRI

$0.25 Wings | Happy Hour! $4 Wells, $2 Domestics Cornhole Tourney Every Saturday at 4PM!

$1 High Lifes

Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything from the Bar (PBR, Busch and Highlife)

1/2 Price Margaritas All Day and All Night!

SAT

Open for Lunch & Dinner! Serving alcohol all day! Starting Sept. 4th

Closed

Brunch 11-2

Closed

SUN

Happy Hour 4-7pm Half Off Beer on Tap, Well Drinks, and House Wine! Margarita Monday! $3 Margaritas

$0.25 Wings $2 Pitchers

$10 Burgers & Beer

2 for 1 Frozen Margaritas

1/2 Price Margaritas All Day and All Night!

MON

$0.25 Wings $2 Tacos $4 Margaritas

Free Apps 5-6

2 for 1 Domestics

Happy Hour 4-7

TUES

$0.25 Wings PINT NIGHT! $1 Refill on Draft Wall

Ladies Night - 2 for 1 Wine

2 for 1 Wells

Happy Hour 4-7

WED

TUES: Happy Hour (4-7) $5 Big Boy 32oz Drafts, 2-for-1 Wells, $2 Domestic Bottles! Late Night: $2 Domestic Drafts

Happy Hour Mon-Fri (4-7) Half Off Beer on Tap, Well Drinks, and House Wine!

Happy Hour Everyday! $2 Domestics $4 Wells $0.25 Wings

Happy Hour (4-7): $5 Big Boy 32oz Drafts, 2-for-1 Wells, $2 Domestic Bottles! Late Night: $1 Wells (10-11), $1 Domestic Drafts (11-Midnight)

Happy Hour 4-7pm Half Off Beer on Tap, Well Drinks, and House Wine! Live Music from 9 to Close

Happy Hour! $0.25 Wings $4 Wells $2 Domestics

Happy Hour (4-7): $5 Big Boy 32oz Drafts, 2-for-1 Wells, $2 Domestic Bottles! Late Night: $3 Whiskeys!

Happy Hour 4-7pm Half Off Beer on Tap, Well Drinks, and House Wine! Live Music from 9 to Close

Happy Hour! $0.25 Wings $4 Wells $2 Domestics

$1.50 Bud Light Bottles

Live Music from 9 to Close

All beer and liquor sold 9am to 9pm after all home football games

Happy Hour (4-7): $5 Big Boy 32oz Drafts, 2-for-1 Wells, $2 Domestic Bottles! Late Night: Irie Promo Night

Happy Hour (4-7): $5 Big Boy 32oz Drafts, 2-for-1 Wells, $2 Domestic Bottles! Late Night: $2 Domestic Drafts Happy Hour (4-7): $5 Big Boy 32oz Drafts, 2-for-1 Wells, $2 Domestic Bottles! Late Night: $3 “U Call Its”

es!)

gam about music, sex... and drinking e (lik T EN NT CO ER LL KI

Happy Hour 4-7pm Ladies Night Ladies Get 2 for 1 House Wine Happy Hour 4-7pm Half Off Beer on Tap, Well Drinks, and House Wine! Open Mic Night!

Happy Hour: $1 OFF Anything Free Apps 5-6PM Everyday!

Check out

southdepottacoshop.com!


12

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Nicktoon of the Month: rugrats monty miller wrote this Welcome back to our continuing series on the Nicktoons of the 90’s. We try to analyze these classic cartoons from the more educated and informed viewpoint that has come with age. We’re still really immature though, so mostly we’ll talking about all the hidden penis and vagina jokes that Nickelodeon slipped in right under our noses. This week’s toon: Rugrats. Of all the Nicktoons released during my childhood, the one I can remember most vividly, despite it being released 1991 (I bet that makes you feel so old) has to be Rugrats, hands down. Everything is in the memory banks, from the theme song, which was written by Mark Mothersbaugh of Devo and Wes Anderson film soundtrack fame, to the most minor of characters, like Dr. Werner Lipschitz, the child psychologist. I can imagine most of you feel the same way. It was a pivotal part of our childhood, and you can’t just force those types of memories out of your mind, no matter how hard you try (besides that whole molestation business you were involved in as a kid. Don’t remember that? Then you’ve repressed those memories to the full extent! Good job! I’ll try not to bring it up again). But I should stop myself right there, because, despite the fact that everyone under the age of 27 loves this show, there is a community of people out there who thinks that Rugrats is evil, or in other words, “the devil.” Who would those people be, you ask? Why, radical conservatives, of course. Who else would you expect to make a gigantic shitstorm over the stupidest, least important things? But, to be fair to all maybe should review some of the evidence that leads them to believe that Satan is a huge Nicktoons enthusiast (Satan’s favorite Nicktoon? Probably AHHH! Real Monsters!). Let’s start with the Pickles family, or really let’s just start with name “Pickles.” The first thing you think about when you read that word: a green, fermented cucumber. The first thing that sexually repressed Evangelicals think of: Weiners, wangs. Johnsons; I’m not really sure what the proper Religious term is. Frankly, I can see where they’re coming from, because if there is anything really gets me wanting to do the devil’s work, it’s

the word “pickle” and all of its male sexual organ implications. Wait, it gets better. Tommy’s diaper that constantly looks full? That’s not for comedic purposes, that’s supposed to be an appeal to pedophiles with poop fetishes. Angelica, the cruel and obnoxious cousin who bullies babies both mentally and physically? Huge dominatrix. Chuckie Finster’s clothing and personality? An obvious ploy to entice gay males. Phil and Lil’s parents: Betty, who wears the pants in the family, and Howard, who’s kind of a wimp? Unmistakably a lesbian and homosexual living in secret in a fake marriage. Susie, the ethnic neighbor? Clearly created to convince immoral Satan-worshippers with jungle fever to watch Nickelodeon. The list goes on and on: the worshipping of idols (Reptar and Cynthia); creepy, pedophiliac grandpas; a movie set in Paris, the second gayest city in the world (big ups to San Fran). ISN’T IT OBVIOUS?! How did we not see this when we were children?! Oh, right. Because it’s just a cartoon for little kids. C’mon Man. Next issue: Hey Arnold!

n a c i x e M c i t n e h t u A ! t n s e w B o e T n Th i e c i v r Se d eryday v n E s a l a i d Foo k Spec n i r D d n ood a Great F

Monday: as $0.99 Margarit

ay: d r u t a S y a d s e Tu aritas g r a M z o 0 1 1 2-4

ee* ith entr w e b t s cials mu *All spe

patio! r o o d t u o our giant n o l l a Enjoy it 2622 West jackson avenue | oxford, mississippi | (662) 234.6456


13

Bartender of the

ell h c t i M n Camero ee canopy ev The Lclub

Major: Business Marketing Status: Single Hometown: Orlando, Florida Nickname: “First Round On Me” Mitchell Sex position: The Hanging Flower Pot Favorite shot to make: Chocolate Cake Shot Favorite liquor to drink straight: Tequila Favorite pickup line that shouldn’t have worked: “Hey…” One tip to the freshmen: "Try not to get more than one drunk in public or MIP, one is inevitable, it’s going to happen, I’m sorry." In a horror movie, who would you be sleeping with when you are murdered: "Megan Fox, or Brooklyn Decker, I think I would be content dying after that."

drinking game:

Getting Toasted Nothing like cheering to everyone’s favorite sport: drinking. Here here, delicious puke juice, you’ve been with us through good times and bad! Number of Players: At least four. What You Need: Buds and suds, man. Intoxication Level: You’ll be French kissing some French toast. How to Play: - Participants sit at a table. - A randomly assigned toastmaster begins the game by standing, raising their glass in the air and saying, “A toast, a toast to ___(one word)___!” The Toastmaster must quickly sit down. - The player to the left of the toastmaster must then stand, hold his glass in the air and say “A toast, a toast to ___(Toastmaster’s word)___ ___(New word)___!” The new word must begin with the last letter of the Toastmaster’s word. That player must quickly sit down. - For example, if the Toastmaster’s word was “apple,” the 2nd player’s word would have to begin with an “e.” A sample would be, “A toast, a toast to apple elephant!” -This continues—with each player standing up, raising their glass and adding a new word that starts with the last letter of the previous word—until one player makes a mistake. - If a player does not stand up or raise their glass, this counts as a mistake. - The player that makes a mistake must drink one drink for each word in the toast. - The player that makes a mistake becomes the new Toastmaster. The Game Ends When: Someone toasts to toast.

thirsty for more? theblacksheeponline.com/drinkage

Week

Future Aspirations: CEO, bitch. If all else fails, prostitution. What’s your theme song? “Headlines” by Drake Kill, Hitch, Bang: Jennifer Connelly, 1994 Courtney love, or Serena Williams? “Wow, well without a doubt I’m hitching Jennifer Connelly. I’m definitely not bangin’ Courtney love due to STDs and other obvious reasons, I would try to kill Serena, but I’m almost positive she would kill me first." Craziest place you’ve woken up? Next to Mrs…. Joking, but not really. Which member of the women’s USA team do you blame? "Definitely not Alex Morgan or Hope Solo."

recipe for disaster: Chili-Cheese Frito Wraps When the going gets tough the going gets hungry, but no one wants to go anywhere. Luckily this recipe can be made with some blurry vision walking into a convenience store and around $10. What You’ll Need: Chili, queso, Chili-Cheese Fritos, hot sauce, flour tortillas. Cook Time: No more than 10 minutes. Fatty Factor: The “recession weight” really starts to sneak up on you! Let’s Get Baked: - Put the chili in a pan on the stove-top, and cook until warm (about 5 minutes). - While that’s cooking, put some queso in a bowl and stick that in the microwave to warm up, about 3 minutes. - Once those are both warm, stick the tortilla in the microwave just to warm it a bit. - Once warmed, put a couple spoonfuls of chili and queso in the tortilla. - Lightly crush up a palm-full of Chili-Cheese Fritos and put those on top. - Garnish with hot sauce. - Roll up like a burrito and starting nomming. If you’re feeling fanciful, add any of these variations; jalapenos, Tabasco sauce, banana peppers, black olives, onions, sour cream, or tequila. You know, anything to make your butthole hate you more in the morning.


14

www.theblacksheeponline.com

New Show Schizo:

Why (and Why not) to Tune in This Fall

Fall TV season is right around the corner, which means a horde of new shows to further amplify America’s obesity issues. We look at 6 new shows and their potential fates. Will they be one-and-done like your mom was last night or will they stick around forever, pleasing our every whim, like your sister? Only time will tell! By: Atish & Brendan

Title: Apartment 23 Starring: Dreama Walker, Krysten Ritter James Van Der Beek Date/Time/Channel: Midseason on ABC Why You Should Watch It: From his cameos in How I Met Your Mother, Franklin and Bash, and even a Ke$ha video, James Van Der Beek doesn’t disappoint. The plot of the show is completely irrelevant (although admittedly awful) since you’ll be focused on Dawson Leary from episode one. Why You Shouldn’t: This show is shaping up to land into the fat middle of television—a show that’s not bad enough to turn off, but not good enough to DVR. Just be wary of falling into Van Der Beek’s head’s gravitation pull, you’ll never escape.

Title: Person of Interest Starring: Jim Caviezel, Michael Emerson Date/Time/Channel: Thursday, 9EST/8CST, CBS Why You Should Watch It: With J.J. Abrams executive producing and one of the Lost actors in the show, it’s going to be both awesome and compelling. If he could turn Felicity and Alias into mustsees, then this one should be just fine. Why You Shouldn’t: The hater in us can begrudgingly admit Person of Interest looks, well, interesting. Still, the overarching plot-- a billionaire who recruits a presumed-dead CIA agent to catch violent criminals in New York City—is too far-fetched and not properly defined for our taste.

Title: Terra Nova Starring: Jason O’Mara, Stephen Lang, Shelly Conn Date/Time/Channel: Monday, 8EST/7CST, Fox Why You Should Watch It: It’s like Jurassic Park meets Lost (those episodes centered around the first settlers) mixed with Stargate and some show that has people having sex a lot because they are scared. Winner. Why You Shouldn’t: Terra Nova, with its dystopian future and dinosaurs from millions of years ago is shaping up to be like nacho cheese and lime Jell-o, two awesome individual things that, when mixed together, produce less-than-optimum results.

Title: Playboy Club Starring: Amber Heard, Jenna Dewan-Tatum, Eddie Cibrian Date/Time/Channel: Monday, 10EST/9CST, NBC Why You Should Watch It: Any show they are boycotting in Salt Lake City and pretty much the entire state of Utah is worth watching. Sure they won’t show you any boobs since it’s on NBC, but after it gets cancelled and picked up as a Direct-TV only show with full nudity, you’re going to wish you were watching from the start. Why You Shouldn’t: This period drama is a pretty obvious Mad Men knockoff, attempting to capture the cool of 1960s casual misogyny. Except it’s on network TV, so all the sexy bits will be toned down. And if Amber Heard isn’t naked, then what’s the point?

Title: How to Be a Gentleman Starring: David Hornsby, Kevin Dillon Date/Time/Channel: Thursday, 8:30EST/7:30CST, CBS Why You Should Watch It: Sure the show is going to suck, but we know it will make one hell of a drinking game. Anytime Kevin Dillion tries to be serious, take a shot. Anytime your little brother can reenact a scene as Kevin Dillon perfectly, take a shot. You get the idea. Why You Shouldn’t: People, when are we going to stop pretending that Kevin Dillon is great at acting like a mongoloid and just accept the fact that he lucked into the one career when he can succeed despite being an actual mongoloid?

Title: Last Man Standing Starring: Tim Allen, Nancy Travis Date/Time/Channel: Tuesday, 8EST/&CST, ABC Why You Should Watch It: This has to be Tim Allen’s ultimate comeback. I mean, it can’t be any worse than the Santa Clause movies, Joe Somebody, Christmas with the Kranks, The Shaggy Dog, or Wild Hogs…right? Why You Shouldn’t: Last Man Standing is a network sitcom about a guy (Allen) asserting his manhood in a world dominated by women. So basically it’s one doofus dude that wants to do guy things, but his levelheaded wife and sassy teenage daughters won’t let him. Unless this is some sort of meta-satire of the whole sitcom genre (Note: It is not) then how exactly is this different from According to Jim?


www.theblacksheeponline.com

Kids These Days

the interview

15

Kids These Days are a bunch of rapscallions from the fine city of Chicago that just so happen to be in a band. Their eclectic style, a mix of soul, hip-hop, jam and funk, made us want to talk to them. Macie, the lady lead, obliged. The Black Sheep: So I know the band is all relatively young, but how old are you? Macie Stewart: I’m 18. TBS: And how old is the oldest person in the band? Macie: I think 19? TBS: That makes me sad. When and how did you guys start getting together? Macie: Well, a few of us went to high school together, and some of us—not me, unfortunately-- went to the Merit School of Music and enjoyed playing music together, so they decided to start a band. They brought in me and [rapper] Vic, because we had all gone to school together. The band started there. TBS: How does a band so young write songs that evoke emotion, when, frankly, you’re lacking a lot of the life experiences your peers have? Macie: Personally, I write ambiguous lyrics drawn from my own experiences, while Vic

CD REVIEW

Out Now

Girls

Father, Son, Holy Ghost

Honesty is what makes Girls great. The band Girls is not comprised of girls, but is made up of two key members, Christopher Owens, the lead singer, and Chet “JR” White, two boys. Owens, a Texas native, was once a part of the Children of God, essentially a really bizarre religious cult that was notorious for its liberal sexuality and its rumored sexual abuse of young children. His brother died when he was a baby, his father left, and his mother often had to prostitute herself for the sake of the cult. That shit’s so fucked up. It’s no wonder that Owens up and moved to California (under the aid of a local millionaire) and started playing an interesting combination of indie pop and badass rock, basically not giving a damn what genre he or his music fell into. I mean, he named his band Girls. Their sophomore release Father, Son, Holy Ghost starts off with “Honey Bunny” and sounds similar to their last album, which was ever so ironically titled Album. It’s a good tune to start the album off, yet it somewhat misleads the listener; if only the rest of the album could be as happy, upbeat and catchy… but don’t we always want life to be more like that, yadda, yadda, yadda? Owens sings about how girls don’t like his bony body or his dirty hair or the drugs that he’s on, but he knows she’s out there and it’s all going to be okay. The first single from their album, though, is “Vomit,” a six-and-a-half minute song about looking for and needing love, with awesome guitar solos mixed in throughout. It’s an emotional song that borders on whiney and slightly on unoriginality,

B+

which is the only general downfall of the entire album. The upbeat songs are what make this album great, while it’s sad to say that the slow, emotional songs like “My Ma” are what make the album drag on, even though they may be the most honest of the bunch. But just when you’ve had enough, you hear a song like “Die” that is pure, honest rock and makes you understand why Guns N’ Roses was an influence on a young Owens. “Saying I Love You” is a nice 50’s-esque song to the tune of a Buddy Holly or the Beach Boys, and is a good example of an emotional song while still being interesting, and less, you know, emo and whiney. The path Girls is on is a good one, so it’s high time these emo boys started to perk up a bit. Unless that means taking more prescription pills, then it’s not, or if it means that they won’t play as good of music, then it’s not. So perhaps it’s their sincere emotion that makes it all worth the while. Like, no one likes the person that’s always claim to feel good about life. We like the people who are real; one day they’re joyously optimistic about a new guy they’re dating, the next they are crying on your shoulder about how they miss their parents. Though Owens might be paining over something a little more deep, I’d let him cry on my shoulder whenever he’d like. Sounds Like: An even hipper Buddy Holly. Download: Honey Bunny, Saying I Love You, Magic Listen to it When: You’re feeling a little bi-polar.

>>> UPCOMING RELEASES Alice Cooper - Welcome 2 My Nightmare Blitzen Trapper - American Goldwing Bush - The Sea Of Memories Lady Antebellum - Own The Night

All Get Out - The Season Gavin DeGraw - Sweeter Tori Amos - Night Of Hunters Young Jeezy - TM 103: Hustlerz Ambition

writes his stuff based on his life, but also what he’s seen living in the city of Chicago. TBS: What have you been a part of that helped you define your vision as a musician? Macie: My mother is a musician and she—in large part—inspired me to write music. She’s good and it inspired me to write my own kind of music. Other artists like Fiona Apple and Metric inspire me to write my own lyrics instead of singing someone else’s. TBS: And with such a large band how do artistic contributions work? Like, how do you guys go about birthing a song? Macie: Sometimes someone will bring in an idea, and we’ll all build off that idea, whether it’s adding horns or a piano part. It’s really organic how we write our music, it’s not like we’re just sitting around saying, “let’s write a song!” TBS: How would you describe your band in 5 words or less.

Macie: We have our own sound. TBS: Not bad. Macie: It’s hard to describe, we all have different influences, and we bring them together to create something new. TBS: Do you ever worry that the eclectic sound you have will come off as unfocused? Macie: No, we play what we like and we play what we think sounds good. If someone thinks we’re unfocused, fuck ‘em. What we do, we do out of love. TBS: How would you describe a live show to someone who hasn’t seen you before? Macie: Crazy, lots of energy, fun and a lot of music. A party at the venue and a party on stage. Shows are the most fun part of this thing, I think. TBS: What’s the most fun show you’ve ever played? Macie: We played the Bele Chere festival in Ashville, North Carolina and it was the most fun I’ve had on stage. The crowd was just great and we were really feeling it. TBS: Do you guys hang out off-stage, or is it more of a “we’re done here, let’s all go our separate ways” kind of thing? Macie: We hang out after rehearsal, because practice is for practicing, and we like each other. TBS: Are you guys prevented from doing certain things because of your youth? Macie: I don’t think it prevents stuff, but sometimes we’ll play a 21+ venue and they’ll treat us like kids, writing huge “X”s on our hands or they won’t let us into the venue because we don’t have a 21+ ID. Shit happens, but there’s been nothing that has, like, totally held us back. TBS: If you could collaborate with any living artist, who would it be? Macie: Stevie Wonder. TBS: If you could pick a mythical creature as a pet, which would it be and why? Macie: That thing from Harry Potter, what’s it called? TBS: A Hippogriff? Macie: Yeah! TBS: If you could replace one part of your body with a robot replacement, what would you do? Macie: My legs, then I could run super-duper fast. TBS: Favorite childhood movie? Macie: Mulan.


See, you're so intrigued, you're reading sideways. Anyway, want to join our team and be a part of the funniest publication in town? We're looking for writers and marketers, and it could be you (but not your roommate, you know why). Email us at OM@theblacksheeponline.com!

now hiring

16

www.theblacksheeponline.com

the "faux" beer effect

secret tester wrote this

WARNING: Subjects of this experiment may be angered by its results. Treat with extreme caution. Hypothesis: Drinking fake beer will have subjects pretend to be drunken idiots. Being in college, we see beer everywhere we go. You have your mainstream beers like Miller Lite, Coors Light, PBR, etc., and then you run into some awesome microbrews as well. However, one type of “beer” that is always present when I go to buy some booze is “O’Douls,” along with other brands of the non-alcoholic variety. Out of sheer curiosity and as a result of perhaps a little too much time on my hands, I set out this summer to test whether or not the average college student would realize if they were drinking non-alcoholic beer as opposed to the real deal. How would they act during the experiment? What would be their reaction when they learned the truth? I was more than willing to risk some insults, so I bought 60 of the substitute beverages and waited for the best opportunity to strike.

One of them eventually approached my sister and she told them of the prank, only after ensuring they would not alert the girls. The evidence would suggest that not only are men perceptive of beer’s taste, they are honest about its effect on them. Boys will more willingly admit that they are not drunk, and don’t fake it just to fit in with the rest of the partyers. The same, sadly, cannot be said of the women. By about the 10th “beer,” the female subjects were dancing like fools, slurring their words, and appeared, to all who were unaware of the experiment, shitfaced. As the night drew to a close, we took them aside and explained to them that they had in fact drank more nonalcoholic beer than any known person to date, therefore their actions were totally an act. As you can imagine, they were pretty pissed off and embarrassed. (“I thought we were friendsssssss!!?!?!) But by the next morning, they told everyone about the joke and laughed about how stupid they must have been. They still probably won’t come to my next party.

"Why did they feel so full of beer and yet so devoid of its beloved effects? It’s a college bro’s worst nightmare."

Procedure: Throw party, select unfortunate test subjects, exploit them shamelessly for sake of experiment (and this article). Finally, one weekend in early August, my sister and I decided to have a small party at our house before everyone headed back to college and watch as four of our unsuspecting friends were duped by our slightly heartless trick. We had previously selected two boys and two girls, all over the age of 21, who attend self-proclaimed “party schools.” Knowing this background information, we figured that they should be pretty well acquainted with beer. We let another one of our friends in on the joke, the one who was playing bartender, to keep count of their consumption and to ensure that these poor schlubs drank nothing but the “fake” beers. Data: Unfortunately, a stain upon the female sex. After consuming about 12 of these concoctions each, the male test subjects began to suspect that something was terribly wrong. They should be feeling at least buzzed by now, and they were pretty mad that they didn’t. Why did they feel so full of beer and yet so devoid of its beloved effects? It’s a college bro’s worst nightmare.

Results: Boys rule, girls drool? Not really, but kind of. Based on our experiment, it would seem that girls are much more concerned with blending in with the mood of the party (SHOCKER), even if that means completely faking intoxication. How many times have girls been seen dumping out cups when they don’t want to drink anymore and are too embarrassed to say so? Bringing a cup into the bathroom with you alone is a signature move. It could also be theorized that there is a sort of placebo effect at work, making the drinker believe they are getting drunk just because that is what they assume the drink is meant to do. It works with medicine, so why not with non-alcoholic beer? One of the girls even said that she could tell she wasn’t being affected normally by the drinks, but just assumed that her tolerance had gone up, or it was because she had eaten a lot that day. Whatever the case, the girls lost in this game of dignity.

The moral of this experiment is simple: The next time you’re at a party and you have had beer after beer and feel nothing but absurdly full, you should probably confront your host. Otherwise, you will wind up embarrassed and cursing at your friends. And who wants that when they can’t blame it on being drunk?


17

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Dear oxford, I Apologize for my Tiny Dog A SAD MAN wrote this In general, I love dogs. I love how loyal they are; I love their little wet noses; I love their fuzzy coats; and I am deeply jealous that they get away with pooping in public. I used to think that I loved all kinds of dogs; fuzzy, bald, friendly, rabid, snoop, bomb-sniffing, Big and Red, Blue and Clue-loving, Bounty Hunter, and even tiny dogs. I think this is because my only real previous experience with tiny dogs was facilitated entirely through Taco Bell commercials and the movie Legally Blonde (go to hell, it’s an entertaining movie). But then everything changed. I moved into an apartment with a girl. A girl with a tiny dog. A girl with a… (heaves deep sigh)…half-Pug, half-Chihuahua. The word ‘ugly’ does not begin to describe this dog. The words ‘grotesque,’ ‘unsettling,’ and ‘tragic’ are close, but the only way I can really make you understand what this dog is like is to simply apologize profusely for its existence. As if it wasn’t bad enough living with this six-pound insult to Mother Nature, I also have to walk him occasionally. In public. I certainly don’t do this out of love, mind you, but my roommate is actually a productive human so she doesn’t spend much time in the apartment. This means I have to make a daily choice between sacrificing my dignity by taking him outside, sacrificing my dignity by cleaning up his inevitable living room turds, or preserving my dignity by CUTTING HIM UP WITH A CHEF’S KNIFE AND LAUGHING AT MY ROOMMATE AS SHE WEEPS OVER HIS CORPSE!!! YES!!! Okay, I lost control there. I don’t like cleaning poop, and I give it at least another few weeks before I morally deteriorate to the point of animal murder, so that leaves me no choice other than to walk him. Normally walking a dog on campus is a great experience. People smile at you, they pet the dog, suggest casual sex, it’s really quite magical. Unfortunately, if walking normal dogs is like “Cinderella-turned-into-a-princess” magical, then walking Benny (its name) is like “Voldemort-just-moved-into-your-neighborhood” magical. When I walk Benny, people don’t smile at me. At best they stare vacantly through me trying to convince themselves that I’m not real, and at worst they glare right into my eyes as if to say “You MONSTER! What gives you the right to combine the DNA of a vampire bat and a martian and parade it around in MY town?” This happened to me the other day. I was walking Benny through a park and a person stared at me for what had to have been 15 straight seconds before I finally mustered whatever pride I had left and said, in my manliest voice, “Can I help you?” Instead of responding, he sped up, most

likely so that he could get home and research whether or not he just saw a real life Rattata. The best part is that this person was walking the same direction as me. He was literally 18 feet in front of me craning his neck just so that he could leer at me like I was riding a unicycle and firing multiple rounds out of a semi-automatic rifle. It’s experiences like this that make me want to get on a soap-box, hold a University-sponsored press conference and say that I’m sorry to all of campus for exposing this creature to them. Unfortunately, I don’t have a soap-box, I have a newspaper. So here goes: I’m sorry, Oxford, for living with this dog. I’m sorry that he looks like he was born from the stomach of a man who was recently abducted by aliens. I’m sorry that when he barks it sounds like a flock of crows that flew through, and snorted, a giant helium balloon. I’m sorry that I don’t clean his poop up after him. This is unrelated to how I feel about him as a dog; I’d just rather not pick up poop that isn’t my own. But most of all, I’m sorry that not all of you have had a chance to meet him. Because if there’s any way to bring a campus, or even a country, together it’s by introducing a common enemy (like the British), and watching everybody unite against it. Going by that theory, this dog has potential to bring peace to the world, but it will have to wait, because (and I’m sorry) I refuse to walk that thing past the end of the block.


Seek-n-Find! Can you find all 10 hidden items? If so, you could win a bottle opener, koozie, pen, or something else to make you happy! Hit us up at puzzles@theblacksheeponline.com and good luck!


17 19 20

22

23

21

24 25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32 34

35

36

F R A B N O K O E G N I E S Y T M E A I A N T N

33 37

38

40

41

39

42

43

44

www.CrosswordWeaver.com

ACROSS 5 6 7 9 12 13 14 17 18 20 22 27 30 32 34 37

He wears Prada. Lives in the garden. Slips his fat ass down the chimney. Big socks imply a _____ _____. Hides eggs. Naked baby hunter. "Dawn of the Dead." Voldemort's an evil one. Male equivalent of witch. Cries for the Irish. This monster lives in Scotland and probably isn't real. People fish. Sneaky little guys responsible for sabotaging aircraft in one of the movies. Bird that ignites at the end of life. A unibrow would be most appropriate for this guy. Halo heads.

39 40 42 43 44

Three wishes. Breathes fire. Human head, horse body. Three-headed dog. Jolly green guy.

DOWN 1 2 3 4 8 10 11 15 16 19 21

I want me lucky charms. Salem _____ trials. Beware of full moon. Live in a rainbow-trimmed, cotton candy cloud. Half man, half bull. "Family Guy" family. Little dolls with jewels in their bellies. Small, mischievous green monster of sorts. Borat wants their tears. They steer clear of garlic and crosses. I'm Buddy the _____. What's your

favorite color? 23 Adorable people in "Lord of the Rings." 24 Big furfest; in many Japanese films. 25 Sprinkles magic dust. 26 He was assembled by lots of different parts. 28 Blue midget. 29 Head of the Greek Gods. 31 Scary character with lots of snot. 33 Beautiful sparkling pony with head decor. 35 Cutest Pokemon. 36 Napoleon Dynamite's favorite animal. 38 Under 4'10" and older than 18. 41 Shrek.

Fictional Creatures

16

S

15 18

Solution:

14

I

13

T

12

M I N Y O T A R D U R

11

N

10

E

9

8

I G R P I F F I H N O B B I X T

4

7

N

3

6

1 I want me lucky charms. 2 Salem _____ trials. 3 Beware of full moon. 4 Live in a rainbow-trimmed, cotton candy cloud. 8 Half man, half bull. 10 “Family Guy” family. 11 Little dolls with jewels in their bellies. 15 Small, mischievous green monster of sorts. 16 Borat wants their tears. 19 They steer clear of garlic and crosses. 21 I’m Buddy the _____. What’s your favorite color? 23 Adorable people in “Lord of the Rings.” 24 Big furfest; in many Japanese films. 25 Sprinkles magic dust. 26 He was assembled by lots of different parts. 28 Blue midget. 29 Head of the Greek Gods. 31 Scary character with lots of snot. 33 Beautiful sparkling pony with head decor. 35 Cutest Pokemon. 36 Napoleon Dynamite’s favorite animal. 38 Under 4’10” and older than 18. 41 Shrek. C A N T A R E R B U N B E A W I Z R S H E E L F S M L I N U R L F I D G E W E T A U R R F G

2

5

5 He wears Prada. 6 Lives in the garden. 7 Slips his fat ass down the chimney. 9 Big socks imply a _____ _____. 12 Hides eggs. 13 Naked baby hunter. 14 “Dawn of the Dead.” 17 Voldemort’s an evil one. 18 Male equivalent of witch. 20 Cries for the Irish. 22 This monster lives in Scotland and probably isn’t real. 27 People fish. 30 Sneaky little guys responsible for sabotaging aircraft in one of the movies. 32 Bird that ignites at the end of life. 34 A unibrow would be most appropriate for this guy. 37 Halo heads. 39 Three wishes. 40 Breathes fire. 42 Human head, horse body. 43 Three-headed dog. 44 Jolly green guy.

W G N O M E R F O O T E A S R W D O Z O M B G L L Y L F V P S B A E S S G M I F O P M E R M A I D I S I Z G R R I E C Y C L O P S L I A K A D R A G O N C E G H C E R B E R U S E

1

Fictional Creatures Creatures Fictional

DOWN

L W D E V I L P T R C B E H C C U H G W A R L O C K U B N L O C I N Z P H O E N U U A N G E L S I C O R N

the crossword

( class time )

ACROSS


Y O E CFootball N F I G Season! H T S O N G A L A R C R Tackle Season! I W Football S G R N F me B Q G L A D L U T Y R R B Yards class itas me! me Quarterback time Beer itas me! Brats S N B P A L OG E L V H F A Y R R C A R Cooler D B E L O N A D C E M A L R E L O O C Gameday S N BG P A L O G E L V H F A Y R R C A R Koozies F T R N E I W R E L M U I D A T S G E S Tailgate G D B UEGLK O D NCME TMOA R ME GLGOROL C Pigskin AN DA RO C LS A C Gameday FirstDown F T RMNT EO IL W HairMary Y R L DE EL QMUUA IR D T A E RT BS AGCEK SE Tailgate Helmet U G K BA I DO RT O Flag CN Z M T CTMOPCI SG A S M K G I NGMRC LCCS FirstDown EndZone Stadium OO S CUHAE RE TR EL R E AB DAECR KA ET Helmet BCS M T OLLHYZ LY D E Q Victory Y M R OP T I CGI SV K E II H Holding B I OET PCI ZN TB C N TMDCACT SA EndZone Fightsong CS NC F H I GE HE T RS LO E NG Tackle L H Z YYOOE O A AD LE ARRAC TR BCS Fumble N F B Q G L A D L U T Y R R B Yards E P I INWBS YG RR O T C I V E I H T D A T A Holding Quarterback Mascot Y O E C N F I G H T S O N G A L A R C R Tackle Cheerleader Beer I W S G R N F B Q G L A D L U T Y R R B Yards Penalty Brats S Quarterback Cooler Koozies Beer f Pigskin Brats HairMary Cooler Flag Koozies Stadium Pigskin Victory S HairMary Fightsong $0.25 WING Flag Fumble RS B 1908 W JACKSON AVE | (662) 236.3855 P 1 $ D N A Mascot Stadium Cheerleader ondays Victory m Penalty Fightsong nd

(

Football Season Word Search!

$0.99 10OZ DOMESTIC DRAFTS MONDAY - THURSDAY FROM 8-10PM

a Fumble tuesdays Mascot Cheerleader OR $10 F E N I Penalty W K N DRIN A

ALL YOU C

S! E I D A L FOR AY D S E N D E EVERY W

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD RIGHT IN OXFORD!

)

NO COVER EVER! DAILY HAPPY HOUR 4 - 7 (662) 259-2422 | 1210 HARRISON AVENUE FRANKANDMARLEES.COM


Ole Miss - 9/08/11