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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
theblacksheeponline.com
Volume 6, Issue 5 2/8/12 - 2/15/12
Dating Profiles of MSU Figures Ziev Beresh wrote this T.J. Duckett My self-summary: People who come across me usually think to themselves “hey what a cool guy” + then they either stop me for a conversation (I do luv 2 talk, ladies!) or just to take a picture. im a man who made his career by running, but never from adversity. I’m HUMBLE. What I’m doing with my life: Check me out in front of the bars. Tell me you want me 2 hook u up, and I’ll hook u up…with sum drinks! I’m really good at: FOOTBALLLL, wearing jackets, making club sandwiches, and lately I been plucking some notes on the uke. The first things people usually notice about me: A lot of times people are like “man! ur beard!” Well for your information (ladiesss) I started growin out my beard to fund a childrens cancer fund n shaved it off at the end of every season….now I just grow it to hide the redskins logo tatt’d on my chin…sum Cherokee tribe dudes I met didn’t like it! lol Zeke the Wonder Dog My self-summary: Arf.im an athlete. They say I’m the “best receiver in the Big Ten,” but they meant retriever...(hehe). I’m a yellow lab and would prefer to share my bone with bitches of the same breed. sorry, not attracted to pugs! I’m really good at: Catchin discs, licking kids, smelling stuff, parkour The six things I could never do without: Love-when I catch that frisbee just right. Intimacy-from a simple pat to an all-out rubdown, love to touch+be touched. Butts-life is nothing without ‘em. You say weird. I say ‘damn that smells good.’ Honesty-when I don’t catch, don’t cheer. I know i fucked up :( A bathroom: I primp..kind of a lot. maybe its shallow but hey if you look good you feel good!! My vest-because I’ll be damned if you catch me without it. On a typical Friday night I am: Going for a walk. Fetching. Eating. Pooping. Spending too much $$ on drinks for slutty terriers at club kennel. Sparty My self-summary: Greetings fellow Spartans! It’s a great day for…love. I shall tell you my virtues. I am the truest warrior. A man of impenetrable armor. A beast. I’ll tuck you under my arm and carry you to a pool of nymphs…where I’ll rip off your toga while the Gods watch us from Mount Olympus in jealousy. Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food: Pride and Prejudice, John Tucker Must Die, Grey’s Anatomy, Switchfoot, and mashed potatoes! I spend a lot of time thinking about: Defeating wolverines. killing wolverines. skinning wolverines. stuffing wolverines. eating wolverines. The most private thing I’m willing to admit: I’m bicurious…but b4 u judge: it was the norm in ancient Greece.
Other stuff
Inside
My Date With the Devil
Tom Izzo My self-summary: Well, everything you’ve heard is true. I’m not on here looking for a relationship, though…Lupe keeps me pretty busy ;) I’m actually just on here scoutin’… never know where you’re going to find your next all-star player….amirite Mateen?? (We bonded over our love for mangos.) The first thing people usually notice about me: It’s hard to say what people notice first when people are constantly noticing you. I don’t mean that in a conceited way, I just mean that in a way that says I’m really well known and well liked, so people come up to me pretty frequently. I’m really good at: Well, aside from making sweet, sweet love to my wife….probably just winning basketball games? I mean, I’ve got 400 wins and counting, if we’re counting… The most private thing I’m willing to admit: I cried at the end of D2: Mighty Ducks. USA! USA! Gets me every time.
Satan stops by for a hot Valentine’s Day date.
Professor Starkweather’s Field Trip To Amy’s Chocolate Factory
We’re totally blaming this dude for what ails us.
see page 4
see page 5
see page 11
Amateur Adult Fiction: Volume III
An Open Letter to St. Valentine