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March 2018


Southeastern Honda Proud To Be Brevard’s Premier and Longest Serving Honda Dealership

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All Causeways Lead To Southeastern Honda 3125 US Highway 1, Palm Bay, FL 32905

Just 1 Mile South of 192 Causeway, 20 minutes from Patrick Air Force Base

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Southeastern Honda A1A

192 US 1


Eau Gallie Causeway


321-984-4224 •

Pineda Causeway

HEALTHY EATING Recipes to improve your health and well-being Sweet & Sou r Chicken Ingred

ients 4 boneless, sk inless chicken breasts, cut in one-inch piece to s 1 red and 1 gre en bell pepper , cut into bite1 15.25-ounce size pieces can unsweete ned pineapple your choice) (crushed, slices or pieces – ¼ cup soy sau ce ¼ cup red win e vinegar Brown rice, co oked Directions 1. Mix togeth er the pineapp le, bell pepper 2. Place the ch , soy sauce, an icken in a bak d red wine vin ing dish prepar 3. Pour the pin egar. ed with cookin eapple mixture g spray. on top. 4. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. 5. Serve over rice.

Zucchini Boats Ingredients 2 zucchinis, sliced in half lengthwise 8 cherry tomatoes, sliced 1 tsp. lemon pepper seasoning 1 tsp. olive oil Parmesan cheese Fresh basil leaves (if desired) Directions h zucchini half; sprinkle 1. Brush a little olive oil on top of eac with lemon pepper seasoning. zucchini. Sprinkle again with 2. Place sliced tomatoes on top of lemon pepper. 3. Top with Parmesan cheese. minutes, or microwave for 4. Bake in a 400-degree oven for 15 5 minutes. 5. Garnish with basil, if desired. March 2018



If it doesn’t GROW, it goes...

The Beachside Resident Co welcomes a new partner Robert “Bobby” Burns as the Chief of Operations. Bobby is a Space Coast native who just returned home last year after retiring from an honorable career in the United States Army. As a combat proven leader, Bobby brings his expertise in management and leadership back to his hometown to serve the community. With a business education from Harvard Business School, and a Black Belt Certification in Lean Six Sigma Ideology from the Department of Defense, he brings a unique combination of brains and experience to the table. What brought Bobby back home after his retirement was his love for the beach. “After traveling all over the world seeing some of the most beautiful places, nothing could replace or replicate the beach I grew up on; so, it sucked me right back here like a rip tide.” Bobby was a World Class Athlete setting records in the 400-meter dash and the High Jump. Due to injuries sustained in combat, he has been physically limited, but continues to enjoy playing golf, softball, flag football and bowling. An experienced and talented singer, he has sung in multiple acapella song groups performing all over the United States. He’s known for singing our National Anthem at professional sporting events and even a very short stint on American Idol. He is a single father of 3; 1 boy and 2 girls. He has also served as a preaching minister and motivational speaker. If you are a fan of dad jokes and laughing, then find him on his Instagram @daddybody... just kidding @rwburns3rd. Bobby has hit the ground running here at The Beachside Resident co. and his presence has had an immediate and tangible effect. I feel there are big things to come... stay tuned.

-Craig Harriman


COMING UP... APRIL 2017: THE FISHING ISSUE The nature and wildlife in the Space Coast spoils us. We have the Indian River Lagoon, Sebastian Inlet and 72 miles of coastline. There’s only few places in the world where turtles hatch and we’re one of them. But with these great gifts comes responsibility. How do we ensure that our natural treasures can be preserved for the next generation? If you’d like to contribute to the Fishing Issue, please email by March 13.


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JOIN TEAM BEACHSIDE The Beachside Resident is a magazine for, about, and written by residents. We’re looking for talented, passionate writers. Articles need to be topical, contain 500 words or lesss and include photos. We’ll reference your blog, business or social media pages in your article. If you prove you have what it takes, we’ll pay you. Grab your moment in the spotlight, feather your resume, and let your voice be heard. If you have, an opinion, internet access, and the ability to tell a story, contact us...


CONTRIBUTORS Billy Bosh Samantha Deebel Erin Fox Capt Jamie Glasner John Hughes Robert J. Mancino Jason Mueller Bob New Eva Raczkowska M. Alberto Rivera Mike Rogers Capt. Todd Todderson D.R. Wolfe

Please recycle this magazine by leaving it somewhere with spotty Wi-Fi

Book online today

321.799.9776 210 N Atlantic Ave Cocoa Beach, FL March 2018



Invitational Apr

$5,0 00 Priz e



1, 20


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World Wide



The Tiki Carver Invitational is a 2 day tiki event with music, vendors and live world class carving. Friday night we start with a kick off party hosting Tiki exotica bands, mixed Mai Tai's from the legendary straw hat bar men and tiki themed vendors. Contact


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MARCH 2018

Volume 13 : Issue 1


8 9 10 12 15 16 18 20 21 22 24 26 28 31

Emergency Beach Cleanup

34 35

Beachside Puzzles

Beach Bucket Challenge Taste Cocoa Beach Grind for Life Pets on the Beach Beachside @ your Service Word on the Street Out and About I love Beachside Recipe of the Month Vacation like a Local WRRJ FM Beachside Radio Bartender of the Month Keeping it Real in Real Estate Love Adcive

March 2018



Like a bad ex, Hurricane Irma may be gone, but her effects are still being felt by all the residents of the beach. Instead of running up your credit cards however, she’s been causing problems with plastic in another way. After months of turning and breaking down in the currents, strong surf has washed massive amounts of plastic particles onto our shores. In comparison to large pieces trash found on the beach immediately following the storm, these pieces are so small it often requires a makeshift screen netting to effectively pick them up. Often not larger than a grain of sand, the pieces mix into just about everything already on the beach exponentially increases the difficulty of cleaning it up.

to coming out for the clean up. They were able to collect hundreds of pounds of trash within just 3 hours of dedicated and inspired work. “If you come to the beach and enjoy it, you should be out here helping keep it clean,” says Aniah, a 5 year old volunteer. Following The Beachside Residents lead, many other groups have followed suit and set up clean ups to go on in the coming weeks in an effort to keep our beach beautiful. The problem of this trash is far more than cosmetic. Fishermen have reported finding plastic inside some of the fish, surfers have suffered bloody noses for the finest particles, and the lasting effects on our sea turtles and other marine life are not yet known.

Desiree Lesko of Keep Brevard Beautiful believes that after breaking down for months in the ocean, these pieces had settled onto the If you would like to participate in future clean ups, you can follow ocean floor. She thinks that this will continue to be a problem for Keep Brevard Beautiful’s Facebook page for organized events. months to come as the surf constantly brings in plastic. They provide equipment and trash bags for you to use. Also, you can always bring your own bucket to the beach whenever you come Several local news agencies covered this story as the problem went and spend a few minutes doing your part. viral on social media. As a result, the staff of The Beachside Resident organized an emergency beach clean up within hours. With the help -Bobby of other local organizations like Fins Expeditions, Good Breeze, and Operations Director local residents like Danielle Degray, nearly 300 residents committed The Beachside Resident co.


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We are still feeling the effects of Hurricane Irma. With the recent heavy surfs, there has been massive amounts of plastic washing up from the ocean bed. Because this plastic has been circling the ocean for 4 months, it has broken down into pieces the size of kernels of corn and even smaller. It will take an ongoing community effort to tackle this problem and keep our beaches beautiful. Please come out and bring your innovative ideas on how to pick up these small pieces from our beaches. Can you fill an entire bucket? We are challenging all Residents to the Beach Bucket Challenge... It’s basically like the ice bucket challenge but instead of ice water being dumped on your head, we are challenging We will be heading out March 17th at 1:00pm to pickup trash off our local beaches, and would like to challenge our local residents to do the same. Please go enjoy an afternoon on the beach with friends, at your normal home break, and donate some time to clean it up. Please invite all of your neighbors along. If we all join in together we can make a major difference. Tag your photos with #beachbucketchallenge and share them here for your chance to win prizes from local beachside businesses. Respectfully submitted, Craig Harriman Executive Director The Beachside Resident co.

March 2018








See your dining options and read about local restaurants in Downtown Cocoa Beach at



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2 Minutemen cswy COCOA BEACH



coconuts on the beach March 2018


Meet Mike Rogers ABOUT MIKE.. Grind For Life, Inc was founded in 2003, by lifelong skateboarder Mike Rogers, after his second battle with sarcoma cancer. Mike's tumor was located behind his right eye and nasal cavity. He endured a 17 hour surgery a cranial-facial resection with a brain-lift, removal of his eye, cheekbone, and half of the roof of his mouth and some of his teeth. He beat cancer once as a pre-teen, and again 25 years later. Mike beat the odds and is a competitive skateboarder again.

What we do... The mission of the Grind For Life organization is to provide financial assistance to cancer patients and their families when traveling long distances to doctors and hospitals. In addition, we educate and inspire these patients and families concerning cancer survival and recovery with Mike Rogers Story a Two Time Sarcoma Survivor . Those who qualify may request assistance for travel and lodging expenses, meals, and personal needs.





JUNE 10 UPCOMING EVENTS Ron Jon Beach Fest- 3/10-12 Grand Opening of Jacksonville Beach Skatepark- 3/17

OCT 7 12

NOV 4 Maerch 2018

NOV 10

Kona Skatepark’s Pot O’ Gold Pro Bowl Contest- 3/17

Local Skate Parks Cocoa Beach Skatepark

Satellite Beach Skatepark

Combat Zone Sports, Airsoft, Paintball & Brevard Skate & BMX

McGriff Skate Park

1450 Minutemen CausewayCocoa Beach FL 32931

750 Jamaica Blvd, Satellite Beach FL 32937

555 Fortenberry Rd Merritt Island FL 32952

1146 Degroodt Rd SW Palm Bay FL 32908

Hours: Open today · 4–9PM Wednesday 4–9PM Thursday 4–9PM Friday 4–9PM Saturday 10AM–10PM Sunday Closed Monday 4–9PM Tuesday 4–9PM

Hours: Open today · 10AM–9PM Wednesday 10AM–9PM Thursday 10AM–9PM Friday 10AM–10PM Saturday 10AM–10PM Sunday 10AM–9PM Monday 10AM–9PM Tuesday 10AM–9PM

Hours: Open today · 12–8PM Wednesday 12–8PM Thursday 12–8PM Friday 12–8PM Saturday 10AM–8PM Sunday 10AM–8PM Monday 12–6PM Tuesday 12–8PM

Hours: Open today · 7AM–8PM Wednesday 7AM–8PM Thursday 7AM–8PM Friday 7AM–8PM Saturday 7AM–8PM Sunday 7AM–8PM Monday 7AM–8PM Tuesday 7AM–8PM

Phone: (321) 777-3538

Phone: (321) 454-2374

Phone: (321) 952-3443

Phone: (321) 868-3238

March 2018



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March 2018


Beachside @ your service!

Owning a home (or any property) takes a lot of upkeep. Here is a sampling of some of the beachside’s best maintenance and service professionals that are at your service to keep your property in tip-top shape. 1. ROOFING | East Coast Roofing Solutions New Roofs • Repairs • Maintenance State Certified Roofing Contractor • Free Estimates 321-292-9804 • 514 Cocoa Islesw Boulevard, Cocoa Beach 32931

6. ELECTRICIAN | Beach Electric U.S. Navy Submarine Veteran Owned Serving the Community for Over 30 Years Residential • Commercial • Industrial 321-783-7030 • 334 North Orlando Avenue, Cocoa Beach 32931

2. LANDSCAPING | Kris Grass Yard Care Over 20 Years Experience • Monthly Maintenance New Plant and Sod Planting • Tree Trimming • Annual Yard Clean Up 321-403-1023

7. CLEANING | Complete Cleaning Service, Inc. Your home and office cleaning specialists for 15 years. Licensed • Bonded • Insured 321-259-6825 • 3761 Fringetree Lane, Melbourne 32940

3. PLUMBING | Tom Walker Plumbing Serving Brevard County for Over 30 Years Sales • Service • Installation • 24 Hour Service 102 Columbia Drive, Unit 101, Cape Canaveral 32920 • 321-799-0508

8. POOL | Ashley’s Pool & Irrigation Swimming Pool Maintenance 321-784-2250 685 North Atlantic Ave, Cocoa Beach 32931

4. COOLING | I.C. Air LLC Air Conditioning and Refrigeration Balancing Comfort and Cost Service • Repair • Replacement 10% Senior and Military Discount 321-890-7904

9. MOBILE BOAT REPAIR | Tom’s Mobile Marine Inc. In Business for Thirty Years Marine Engines • Sales and Service 4880 Cangro Street, Cocoa 32926 • 321-636-5758

5. WINDOWS & DOORS | Superior Doors & Services by EG Doors & Windows Inc. Serving the area since 1972 Repairs and Replacements Call for a Free Estimate • 321-631-1340

10. INSURANCE | Carl Coddington Insurance Affiliate of Prudential Insurance Home - Auto - Life - Health 1980 North Atlantic Avenue, Cocoa Beach 32931 • 321-784-5705

For Advdertising info email: or call 321-323-1231


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Imagine a warm beachfront paradise... with soothing sound of waves rolling and the intoxicating sea breeze blowing through your floor to ceiling glass balcony doors. Inside, the perfect mix of nature and luxury comforts you with no detail left unnoticed. Finishes of stone, wood, and steel adorn the open floor plan. Only steps away, everyday life is enjoyed on the property’s many elegant amenities. The riverfront clubhouse can be the new office with a conference room where an eye can be kept on your boat waiting for you in the private marina. At The Marina Di Soma at Cocoa Beach, it’s your choice of movie night in one of the two theaters or game night to show off your skills in the game room. The amenities don’t stop there. Maintain the body and mind on a peaceful exercise trail unlike no other or in one of the two state of the art gyms. Relax away in the infinity pool and spa and melt away into the ocean view. On the occasion when life may take you outside of the gates at The Marina Di Soma, entertainment and leisure awaits in the city of Cocoa Beach. One of the nation’s most popular beaches, Cocoa Beach is known as the city of culture and coolness of the Space Coast.

Ellen Rubino 321-508-6077

Rubino holds the top 1% rank for real estate sales in Brevard County. After 15 years of delivering home dreams for thousands of families, she has certainly perfected her craft. She affirms simplifying the buying process and educating buyers about the steps along the way to her success, which she measures in customer satisfaction and referrals. Others may measure Rubino’s success by her multiple awards and seats in the Multi-Million Dollar Clubs. Rubino utilizes the latest technology for her real estate business to save on today’s largest luxury; time. **See back cover for more information. March 2018


on the



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For Advdertising info email: or call 321-323-1231

March 2018






5Locals Only Surf Contest

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6Congratulations to the Longeneckers


Happy 14th

March 2018


RECIPEOFTHEMONTH By: Wholistic Hippie Chocolate Chip Cookies

Paleo Friendly -2 cup almond flour

spoon coconut sugar

-3/4 cup enjoy life or pascha chocolate chips *dark*

-1 teaspoon vanilla extract

-1/3 cup brown butter ghee *melted*

- 1/4 teaspoon salt

-1/2 teaspoon baking soda

-1/3 cup grade b maple syrup -2 table-

Pre-heat your oven to 350 and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper. In a large mixing bowl add the dry ingredients and mix until well combined and little to no clumps are present. Add each of the wet ingredients to the dry and mix well. Once you have doughy consistency fold in the chocolate chips. Using a spoonful at a time scoop dough onto the pan and press down *these do expand* but need to be somewhat flat before baking. Bake for 10-13 minutes. Let cool for 10 minutes! Enjoy :) *Hand mix the dry ingredients and work through any clumps the almond flour might produce.


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March 2018


Vacation Local Like A

15 Must do’s beachside FIN EXPEDITIONS Guided Kayak Eco Tours (321) 698-7233 | $$/kid friendly/low

GOOD BREEZE KITEBOARDING Uptown Cocoa Beach across the street from Ron Jons (321) 252-5483 | $$$/kid friendly/high

BEACHSIDE HELICOPTERS 475 Manor Drive Merritt Island, FL 32952 321-406-0406 $$/kid friendly/moderate

TREETOP TREK AT BREVARD ZOO 8225 N Wickham Road - Melbourne (321) 254-9453 | $$/kid friendly/low-high

ENCHANTED FOREST SANCTUARY 444 Columbia Blvd. Titusville (321) 264-5185 | $/kid friendly/low


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GOLF N GATOR 6355 N Atlantic Ave Cape Canaveral, FL 32920 (321) 799-4545 | $/kid friendly/low

KENNEDY SPACE CENTER VISITOR COMPLEX Kennedy Space Center, SR 405 - FL, 32899 (866) 737-5235 | $$/kid friendly/low-moderate

RON JONS 4151 N Atlantic Ave Cocoa Beach 321-799-8888 $$/kid friendly/moderate SEBASTIAN INLET STATE PARK 9700 South Highway A1A Melbourne Beach (321) 984-4852 $/kid friendly/low-high

VICTORY CASINO CRUISE 180 Christopher Columbus Drive, Terminal B-2 Port Canaveral, (855) 468-4286 | $$/not kid friendly/moderate-high

SKYDIVE SPACE CENTER 476 N. Williams Ave Titusville (800) 823-0016 $$$/not kid friendly/high

WILDLIFE WATERSPORTS RENTALS 129 Manatee Lane - Cocoa Beach (321) 785-3244 | wildlifewatersports. com $$-$$$/kid friendly/low-moderate

ANDRETTI THRILL PARK 3960 S Babcock Street, Melbourne (321) 956-6706 | $$/kid friendly/low-high

ON THE EDGE ROCK CLIMBING 200 West Drive - Melbourne, Florida (321) 724-8775 | $$/kid friendly/low-high

SCHOOL OF SURF 200 N Atlantic Avenue, Cocoa Beach (321) 406-0433 | $$-$$$/kid friendly/moderate-high

March 2018


Tune into Beachside Radio 89.7/101.5 Fm WRRJ is the Space Coast’s first Reggae and Beachside style radio station. Artists include, Marley, Sublime, Pepper, 311, Slightly Stoopid, Tribal Seeds, Chile Peppers, Iration, Rebulation, One drop, UB40, The Police and local bands like Part One Tribe! Stay tuned for more good vibes....

89.7 Cocoa Beach

101.5 Melbourne

download our app WRRJ 89.7FM 30 and 60 second advertisement spots on WRRJ’s Beachside 26

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Contact: or 321.323.1231

March 2018



of Sapphire Lounge By: Craig Harriman @mrbeachside How long have you been bartending? I’ve been a bartender at the Sapphire Lounge @ Siam Orchid for eight years. When I was hired, I had ZERO experience and essentially had to learn on the go. I’m not lying when I say YouTube was a very big part of the learning process for me. Took me a long time to learn how to make certain martinis and how to free pour. In the early days, it was pretty much a guarantee that you were getting a pretty stiff drink from me. What is your drink of choice? Drink of choice for me these days is either a Bud Light or a Jameson and Sprite. I went through the vodka and gin phase over the years but I’m a big whiskey guy now. Plus, my last name is Carrigan, I got to stick with my Irish roots. Hangover cure? If I’ve been out drinking, I will drink a ton of water before bed. In the morning, I’m drinking Gatorade and getting a bacon, egg and cheese croissant from Juice and Java. Works like a charm! Most overrated/underrated drink? The most overrated drink in my book is a mojito. You can muddle 100 mint leaves in my rum and club soda and I still can’t taste the difference. An underrated drink for me would be the classic dirty vodka martini. The trick is to use the olive juice from the jar and not olive brine. Pop a couple olives and with all apologies to James Bond, a proper martini should be stirred, not shaken. You don’t want to dilute or bruise the vodka too much. Tell us about an original drink that you have concocted yourself? I can’t say that I’ve made many original drinks. One drink that I always enjoy tinkering with would be the Mai Tai. I like to use different flavored rums from time to time. I’ve made thousands of them over the years. What is the best/funniest pickup line you have overheard while you were working? One busy night, had a group of women at the bar for drinks. Guy after guy are coming up to them and they’re being swatted away like flies. One dude with plenty of liquid courage picked up a sugar packet and threw it on the bar. One girl said, “what’s that for?” and he replied, “you dropped your name tag”. She laughed, he bought her a drink and next thing you know, they’re leaving together. Unfortunately, that line hasn’t worked for me yet. Which closing/opening duties do you like the least? I’m pretty sure that if you ask any bartender, they will tell you that everyone dreads cleaning. And because of my OCD, I am constantly cleaning glasses or wiping down the bar. If I’ve had a pretty busy night, it isn’t uncommon for me to spend over an hour stocking the bar, sweeping and mopping. I promise you that you won’t ever find John Taffer from Bar Rescue screaming in my face about having a dirty bar though. 28

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Favorite perks of being a bartender? In my mind, the best perk of being a bartender is all of the people that I’ve met over the years. I’ve always said that I’m not in the bar business, I’m in the people business. I’ve built up some very awesome relationships in Cocoa Beach. It isn’t uncommon for there to be owners of some very successful bars and restaurants to be at my bar on a nightly basis. That shows I must be doing something right. There are people I’ve met in my bar who will be life-long friends of mine. I also have the pleasure of working for an unbelievable owner and alongside a very strong staff. They help make me look good on a daily basis. Where do you like to spend your time on the other side of the bar? I have a few go-to spots beachside. I’ve been going to Timeout Sports Bar’s Flip It night for quite some time. I’ve met plenty of future ex-wives there. My other spot would be Fishlips at the Port. The staff there has always made me feel very welcome. Plus you can’t beat the view! Tell us a quick horror story about a bartending mistake you made. When I first started working as a bartender, I always had a problem with dishing drinks from a drink tray. One busy night, I was handing out draft beers to a table. The weight on my tray became uneven and I spilled a beer all over a one-year old baby. I’ll never forget the look on that family’s faces. And to make things worse, I hurriedly grabbed a bar rag and tried to dry the baby’s head. Pretty surprised the mother didn’t punch me right in the face. How much sexual innuendo increases your tips? You want to know a great way to increase your tips? Look people right in the eyes when you meet them, dress sharp and wear a good cologne. When you look, feel and smell good, that rubs off on your customers and, in return, you’re making more money. What is number one on your bucket list? Number one on my bucket list is to make it to every Major League Baseball stadium for a game. I’ve been to 10/30 so far. The greatest one so far was Fenway Park, Memorial Day weekend this year, when I watched my best friend (and Cocoa Beach native) Brian Johnson throw a complete-game shutout for the Boston Red Sox. Happiness is often a rebound of hard work… Parting words of wisdom? Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. If I can make someone smile or laugh every day in my bar than I’ve done my part.

Photos by: Megan O’Hare Send in your Nominations for Bartender of the Month to Let’s see if your bar has what it takes to be the best on the beach… March 2018




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KEEPING IT REAL IN REAL ESTATE Is it better to price your home on the high side and let buyers negotiate it down? Pricing your home too high can backfire in two ways. Keep in mind the way most people search in regards to their budget. If you list your home at $525,000 but it's more realistically worth around $475,000 than buyers searching within a budget of $500,000 (your target market) will miss it completely. The other issue is pricing your home too high can cause the listing to become stale. In that case you either have to drop the price or the listing will expire with out any offers. Then you're back to square one. Christina Gaeta, REALTOR Fontaine Property Group 321.480.8015

Should I use professional photos to sell my home? Looking to sell your home quick? The photos you post online might make the difference, so using a professional photographer to help you sell your home is always a clever idea. Recent internal case studies have shown real estate photography for both sellers and REALTORSŽ—compared 350 listings using their professional photography against 350 equivalent listings in the same ZIP code. Listings using a professional photography sold 50% faster and 39% closer to the original listing price than comparable homes without professional photos. Marlina Sinclair, REALTOR Fonatine Property Group 321.591.2200

What's the most common cause for a deal to fall through? In my opinion, the common ways for transactions to fall through are condition of the properties, and mortgage financing. Lenders have become more strict in their guidelines to help stabalize the real estate market. Roy Wickfelder, REALTOR REMAX Aerospace Realty321.720.0002

When is the best time to sell a home? Being on the lender side we see high pre-qualification in Spring. June and July are the biggest months of the year for closings.

Should I trust online "estimates" for my home value? This is a big mistake that we see on the financing side everyday. This is not current and will not take into consideration of foreclosures, short sales or vacant land when getting your home value. Sarah Hidy, BRANCH MANAGER The Mortgage Firm 321.701.0441

March 2018


Formerly, Athens Gyros but in a New Location with an Expanded Dining Room and Exceptional Menu. Now Serving Beer & Wine. Please Stop by and Try our Amazing Authentic Fresh Made Lebanese Cuisine. You’ll be Amazed!

Located just west of A1A & 520 in the White Rose Plaza 255 W Cocoa Beach Cwsy. (321) 784-4874 | 


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An Authentic New England Style Eatery and Seafood Market

Fresh Market

visit our

New England Clam Chowder

The Best Chowda South of the Mason-Dixon Line


March 2018



ACROSS 1 Rush around in old car, to find escaped criminal in Oz (10) 7 A disease singular to sponge (4) 9 English is almost never spoken poetically in Telford, for example (8) 10 Rotter is in modern art emporium (6) 11 Copper into Turner gets depression (6) 12 I am unpretentious? No (8) 13 Clothe with part of a corset (4) 15 Get mean about bird call (10) 18 Monster horribly present on the waves (3,7) 20 Who should really have written Diary of a Nobody? (4) 21 See 4

24 Enjoy the flavour (6) 26 Composer of Semiramide and La Mer? No (6) 27 As were the leftovers a man ate, being overdrawn? (8) 28 Scolded infant without a trace of leniency (4) 29 4,21’s Mount is irregular cube next to a generation symbol (missing centrepiece) (10) DOWN 2 Auntie hit boiling asphalt (9) 3 Told of journey to university to find poem (5) 4,21 The king of 7, this general axed threat strategically (9,3,5) 5 Not,we hear, a problem for 4,21 (7) 6 Province is to take up weapons again, changing sides (5) 7 4,21’s country; a wine capital

erected around the last stages of 300 (as it’s written) (9) 8 Aeolian and Doric, say, in 12 (5) 14 Quarrelled in Hell over a sin (9) 16 Outside port finally, make fast a vessel – one that’s engine driven (5,4) 17 Some garment to stitch, it’s said – or more than one (9) 19 One goes into troubled centre, having some guts (7) 22 Man ‘as old Erica (5) 23 Residential area in upwardly mobile part of Bruxelles (5) 25 Student priest in Guanaco (5)



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Love Advice for love advice email: spacexxx@thebeachsidedresident

Mr. “xxx,”

I’m quite disgusted and offended by the advice you give out in your monthly column. These people are in desperate need of legitimate help with pressing romantic issues. I have a mind to submit my own advice column to replace your outdated, sexist “insights.” You should be ashamed, making passes at vulnerable women seeking comfort and reassurance. How do you look in the mirror every morning? Janice S. Cocoa Beach

Jenny, for your information I look incredibly handsome and desirable every morning! From the moment I awaken and look up at my reflection on the ceiling, I look toned, smooth, and tanned like George Hamilton. In the bathroom mirror I look wise, distinguished, and worldly like Larry King. In the mirror on my espresso machine I look rugged and adventurous, much like Ernest Borgnine in his youth. In the mirror in my refrigerator I look ready for action and my hair is luxuriant and youthful. In the mirror I have on my shoe to look up women’s skirts, you look old, jealous, and bitter. Nice to see you! Dear xxx, My husband and I enjoy... let’s say, “athletic” sexual relations. Among some of our amorous achievements are copulating suspended from our bedroom ceiling in a kind of sling “Ron” fashioned (he’s an engineer) and fornicating wildly in a speeding airboat (Ron was steering). But last month, our love of naughty hijinks took a turn for the worse when I tumbled off our roof in the middle of the night while we were engaged in lovemaking. Not only was it highly embarrassing -- my neighbors seeing me lying motionless in the grass in my Cat-woman suit and my husband up above in a Batman costume yelling for help because he was unable to untether himself from the chimney harness he made (Ron’s not a very good engineer) -- but I broke my right arm in the fall. I hate the thought of giving this hobby up -- we simply hate traditional bedroom sex -- but we are getting older obviously and aren’t sure how much longer we can continue on. Do you have any creative solutions? “Hilda”Cape Canaveral …Julie, I have many creative solutions as it happens, all of which are outlined in my latest lovemaking manual, “The Tantric Tarantula: and 1,001 Other Sexual Positions That Will Help You Rediscover the Pleasures of Intimate Contact, Tap Into Your Youth, Prevent Aging, and Win Successful Friends, and a Few Cooking Recipes My Mother Passed Down to Me Before She Died, Including Some Conversations with Angels and Some Reflections on the Decline of the Ottoman Empire (1830-1908) with Extensive Footnotes” sadly shortened by my unimaginative, market-obsessed publishers to simply: “Blow Me on a Bungee.” But you broke your arm, you say? That’s rather humerus! Ouch! Back to the drawing board!

Man, I've fallen in love with a great little lady. Not only is she really good looking, she also laughs at all my jokes, isn't interested in money, and loves to party!!! On top of that, she's a fantastic little cook! So what's the problem? She doesn't take criticism very well at all. Not that there's much to criticize, but the chili dinner she's planning to enter in next month's Bithlo Chili Cook-Off isn't up to her normal standards and she's really mad at me for suggesting some improvements. "Carol" has won awards at cook-offs throughout Central Florida for six years in a row, and I'd hate to see her lose on her lucky 7th. The chili itself is fine, but the spicy cornbread muffins just aren't up to par. I told her they needed more kick, and she kicked me out! And she hasn't spoken to me since. What should I do? "Roy" Cocoa Beach If I were you, Roger, I'd apologize immediately and then stick a hot pepper in her muffin. That should spice things up! You're welcome! -Cheer’s SPACEXXX March 2018






Maerch 2018


March 2018


Marina di Soma

Property listed by Ellen Rubino - Remax Aerospace & Linda Dellenberger - Coastmark Real Estate

Multi-Million Dollar Club Multiple Top Producer Awards National Association of Realtors Florida Association of Realtors Space Coast Association of Realtors Chamber of Commerce Quality Service Awards Bilingual - Spanish/EspaĂąol



Maerch 2018

Tourism Issue March 2018  
Tourism Issue March 2018  

There is nothing like the beachside. Every year, people from all over the world make the voyage to our beautiful coast. I was once a visitor...