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Stop, collaborate, and listen.

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • VOLUME 4 NUMBER 169:38 • MARCH 29, 2011

DANCE DANCE DANCE

A NEW WAVE OF MUSIC DISCIPLES ARE laying the foundation for AN ELECTRO SCENE IN CORVALLIS by JIMBO IVY | p. 6

PLUS ALCHY PICKS | p. 9


SYMPOSIUM

VOICE

WHY, MATH...WHY? Albany ● Corvallis ● Lebanon ● Philomath VOLUME 4 NUMBER 169:38 ● MARCH 29, 2011

VOICE Opinions and Editorials, be they ours or yours, this is where they be.

3 | Dirtstir 5 | Shreds of Wisdom

VERDICT

We be the judge, you be the jury... you trust us right?

4 | Bookworm

WORD

Journalists call them features; we say it’s the word.

6 | Dance Corvallis

LITERATI

Amateur prose, poetry and fiction still has a home.

8 | Local poets

BUMP It’s the calendar of all things Albany, Corvallis, Lebanon, and Philomath.

9 | Alchy Picks 12 | Crossword 14 | Weekly Horoscope

Editorial

Editor Courtney Clenney Staff Writers Courtney Clenney, Noah Stroup, Stanley Tollett Bump Editor Noah Stroup Contributors Brandon Cook, Kiler Davenport, Dirtstir, Tim Hellman, Paul Huppert, Jimbo Ivy, Joel Rea, Linda Swaney, Jonathan Swerdlick, Michael Thomas

Art

Art Directors Courtney Clenney, Noah Stroup Layout Editor Andrea Fideler Cover Photo by Caleb Fennell

Advertising

Director of Marketing Stanley Tollett Account Executive Noah Stroup

Business

Publisher Noah Stroup The Alchemist Weekly is published by: CorvAlcheMedia LLC PO Box 1591 Corvallis, OR 97339 Alchemist Mission

As a publication, our goal is to facilitate greater understanding and appreciation for the diverse social and cultural groups found in the area. In doing so, we hope to create a greater sense of community between Oregon State University and Corvallis, between Albany and Corvallis, and between Philomath, Lebanon and Corvallis-Albany. The Alchemist recognizes the various interests of these groups and is dedicated to being as fluid as the community it serves. The Alchemist is available to you for free. Please limit yourself to one copy. If your picture is in it, you are welcome to take enough copies for your family. Subject to availability, back issues can be purchased by mail for $5. Send your request with specific issue date to PO Box 1591, Corvallis, OR 97339 and include a check or money order payable to The Alchemist.

I have a deep-seated hatred for math. I find it to be one of the most profoundly useless and antiquated subjects in all of academia. Simple math, as in...when we came to the amusement park I had five children and now there are only three in the car on the way home, is useful. Slightly more complex math, such as...there are only 3.3 grams of cocaine in this so called “eight-ball” that Frank is attempting to sell me, is also useful in some circles. However, complex math (anything involving algebra), as in: the cosine of the tangent is one-sixth of the negative value of X, is cruel and repugnant. There is absolutely no need for it in the modern world. We have computers now that do that sort of thing, and do it much better than any human ever could. When was the last time someone hired a calculus pro to check, long hand, the work of a computer? It simply doesn’t happen. Math teachers, at least in my experience, are sociopaths. They care nothing about the real world. They have no humanity or desire to investigate the philosophy of life. They are automatons sent from Satan to drill the absolutes of numbers and rules into children’s brains. There is no flexibility in math. There are no open-ended questions. Unless of course you ask something like, ‘What is the use of imaginary numbers?’ then you will receive a look that implies both exasperated panic and intense hatred for even questioning the validity of something that has been printed in official textbooks for years. I have never in my adult life been called upon to complete the ‘missing angle’ in a two-sided triangle. The fact that it was drilled into my head as a high school student that there are things such as acute, obtuse, and right angles does nothing for my appreciation of the beauty of a hillside or of the Great Pyramid.

Even people working in jobs that are math intensive don’t really do their math; they never have to show their work. There are computer programs that do it all for them. And, wouldn’t you rather it be that way? If I am standing on the balcony on the 56th floor of a high rise hotel, I would feel much better knowing that a computer designed the load bearing structural aspects of said balcony, rather than some guy with a protractor. The only instance I can even remotely bring myself to advocate for the continued existence of math is when it is used as a clever plot line in movies and books about people that, by some weird quirk of fate, are able to best computers in math. The one in a billion genius is always interesting. Especially if they are a janitor but suddenly impress and come to find themselves—with the help of men with scarves. Or, if they can go to Las Vegas and win millions in Blackjack by card counting, and then lose themselves in booze and women without scarves. Other than that, math is utterly useless. How many people own an abacus? I’m sure the Chinese thought it was indispensable at one point. Now it is decorative at best. One day slide rules, TI-84s, and even our primitive computers will be laughed at by the human’s left after our precisely calculated and double checked nuclear apocalypse. Because of precise targeting and mathematical redundancy calculations, we will be left to fend for ourselves in perpetual nuclear winter. Then, the only math we will need is the simple, intuitive math...as in Richard died, and now we need to divide his inner thigh so that the remaining eight of us can survive. -Stanley Tollett stanley@thealchemistweekly.com

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Last week's puzzle solutions

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DIRTSTIR

VOICE

Criticism

CORVALLIS VANITIES

There is no age or time element restrictions on the dependents of  public safety officers that were killed or disabled. Do the children of soldiers killed in the line of duty have their college education fully funded? Foster kids who spend 12 months or more before age 16 as wards of the state get nothing. However, unfortunately, a number of kids who enter the system at a young age are still in the system by the time they reach the mandated age for benefit. Imagine in the future, couples that abandon their child to a perceived better opportunity. Think "Great Expectations."

Last week in a letter to the editor, a person called the writers amateur (I know I certainly am), asked for their dismissal (glad to move over for a pro any time), and complained of content (like the ‘guy enjoying his food’ cover)—this person addressed many of my own concerns. I invite anyone to submit works to The  Alchemist Weekly, I solicit Reader’s ideas for my own exploration, and I too find the eating habits of people quite uncouth and humorous at times. No manners, and it looks funny. I used to inhale my meals (solids and liquids)  in large gulps, but graciously did not attempt to speak or  play any type of game, generally because it interfered with my rate of consumption. Polite dining can be accomplished with a few simple rules, although full etiquette can be quite dizzying. Ever think about the seating arrangement for lunching dignitaries of various rank, title, and nationality, or which fork to use to stab the hamster? For starters, forks and spoons are held underhand, knives overhand. Pass the pepper and salt together. Don't burp, slurp, or chew with your mouth open. This is extra bad if you talk while chewing. Use a napkin, not your pants. If you must put your fingers to your mouth, don't suck or lick them. Don't reach around or over other’s food, and take your hat off ('cause you ain't leavin' 'til yer done eatin' so take yer damn hat off at the table.) Also, don’t forget to bring a clean pair of hands. Beyond that, we're all lost causes because eating looks funny. Ice cream, ribs, corn-onthe-cob, not to mention the  gesticulations peoples lips make when they blow or sip at their coffee. It just looks funny. Try eating while looking in a mirror. No really—your entire meal. Do it and try not to laugh. Maybe next week I will explain my entirely normal and acceptable habit of counting and stacking my tater tots.

Move Over, Schonings

As the situation surrounding the "red door" real estate owners muddles on in Corvallis, let me introduce another contest in landlord ethics. Hailing from Salem—this family of rental owners control numerous complexes of marginal code compliance in a few towns. One of their properties in Salem caught fire last week, damaged one apartment, and resulted in the vacating of five other apartments, because of electrical hazards. This is not to suggest that landlords purposefully, and knowingly, allow housing conditions to degrade past unsafe levels. Hopefully, it will become widely understood that a lot of low-end housing is of dubious compliance. Surprise! I'm not asking for a zealous, purging crusade to bring all rental properties immediately up to code standards. I'm asking folks to think about where people living in these conditions would remove to while repair work is being conducted. It is not unheard of for a tenant to bring attention to rental conditions, only to be asked to move. Civil actions surrounding the inconveniences often collapse when one party leaves the area to find shelter, and angered landlords may hinder finding new residence by not responding or giving poor reviews to future background checks. Best yet, it's legal.

Cowbirds and Career Choices

Dribbles

I'm sure you've heard of House Bill 3471, introduced by Portland representative Michael Dembrow. This bill would provide free college tuition to any child who, at some time between the ages of 16 and 21, was a ward of the state and placed in foster care for a total of 12 or more months. To receive the benefit, one must enroll in an institution of higher learning within three years of being removed from Department of Human Services custody, or of receiving a high school diploma or its equivalent. What most people don't know is this benefit is also extended to the children (natural, step, adopted) of any public safety officer (fire or police) killed or disabled in the line of duty.

A, now stale, G-T editorial complained of the Wisconsin protesters inconveniencing and interfering with legislators. I wonder what the person thinks of lobbyists. Reducing strategic oil reserves for consumer benefit is a strategic detriment. Do China and Russia send aid to areas struck by natural disasters? Alexandra Datig would not have been praying to Jesus if she had enough drugs and alcohol. (I suggested last week that readers Google her biographical info from one of her many web sites.) -JTc  dirtstirreply@gmail.com

The Women’s Boutique rated 1 by The Alchemist Readers #

Revolve your Spring Wardrobe with Second Glance & The Annex Main Store The Annex 312 SW 3rd Street, Corvallis 214 SW Jefferson, Corvallis Mon – Sat 10 – 6 Mon – Sat 11 – 6 Sun 12 – 5 Sun 12 – 5 www.glanceagain.com Both locations accepting spring consignments daily, no appointment necessary.

The thoughts, views, and opinions expressed in Voice are of their authors and do not necessarily represent the thoughts, views, or opinions of CorvAlcheMedia, LLC. WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • MARCH 29, 2011 • 3


The Alchemist Weekly’s Copy Edit Challenge Returns! In the early days, the Readers were invited to correct the mistakes they found and we kept score. After last week’s mistakes we’ve decided to get the game rolling again. Send our typos and mistakes to copyedit@thealchemistweekly.com. WE’LL GO FIRST!

VERDICT

Lawls for Paul

by TIM HELLMAN

S

imon Pegg and Nick Frost (the comedic acting duo that starred in the two classic Edgar Wright films, “Shaun Of The Dead” and “Hot Fuzz”) re-team for this loving homage to 70s and 80s sci-fi films. They also wrote the screenplay. Greg Mottola, director of “Superbad” and “Adventureland,” directed the film. Seth Rogen co-stars as the voice of a stereotypical-looking little green alien, nicknamed Paul. “Paul” is sort of a raunchy adult version of “E.T.” and Frost and Pegg have said the film is a “love letter to Steven Spielberg,” who has a cameo in the film. The movie also co-stars Jason Bateman, Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig, Joe Lo Truglio, Blythe Danner and Sigourney Weaver. Pegg and Frost play two sci-fi loving British geeks who travel to America to go to Comic-Con as well as to take a road trip tour of all the famous American UFO Directed by | Greg Mottola Written by | Nick Frost, Simon Pegg Stars | Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, & Seth Rogen

ALCHEMIST - 2, READERS - 0

Alchy rating | 4.5/5

Bookworm by MICHAEL THOMAS Light In August (1932) Written by: William Faulkner

B

etween 1929 and 1932, William Faulkner wrote four of the most memorable and enduring novels in the canon of Southern Literature, a few of them masterpieces. The last of these, Light in August (1932), examines the subject of facades and self loathing in three characters who are all searching for something that is, in the end, unattainable. Lena Grove is an optimistic and pregnant young woman who is searching the countryside for her lover. Her outlook and fortitude are unshakable, even as she’s set barefoot and without possessions through unknown territories. Gail Hightower, the former reverend of the town of Jefferson, lives in a state of self-imposed exile in his home, after having been banished from the pulpit by a community scandalized by his wife’s suicide as well as his own egocentric sermons centering on his deceased grandfather. Joe Christmas is (possibly) a light-skinned African American, a drifter who has no sense of belonging and who,

through his upbringing, has come to despise his race and hate himself equally for being part of it. The characters of Byron Bunch, a factory worker who falls in love with Lena, and Lucas Burch—Lena’s former lover, also figure largely into the narrative and serve to connect Grove, Hightower, and Christmas to one another. All of them are looking for a sense of home or belonging, actively or subconsciously. These are individuals who find acceptance or disparity in one another as outcasts, an association that will lead some to epiphany, others to death. The story takes place in Faulkner’s fictional Yoknapatawpha County, Mississippi (the setting of most of his novels and short stories) which doubles as the author’s home county of Lafayette. Those familiar with Faulkner’s work will recognize Yoknapatawpha, and the town of Jefferson, as places of idyllic beauty, but also of terror—the pastoral scenes of summer valleys drenched in honeysuckle and thick ageless deltas are contrasted with the small town biases of secluded people and the macabre acts they are capable of committing.

4 • MARCH 29, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

Light in August expands upon the Jefferson mythos setting a young woman’s determination and an old man’s deportment against a folkloric backdrop where a beheading, a house fire, and a manhunt fueled by Dead at thirty nine, Flannery O'Connor is racial hatred are the arguably the greatest effects of a town in a short story writer that state of slow comthe Southern Gothic bustion. The novel is tradition ever produced. about the exploration of one’s identity, ethnic or otherwise, but it is also about common ground and how all people can be lifted up or denigrated through communion or its absence. Gail Hightower still strikes me as one of Faulkner’s more tragic creations with his last-ditch plea for salvation, he screams, “Men! Listen to me. He was here that night. He was with me the night of the murder. I swear to God—” It is pitifully agonizing in the failure of its intended purpose.

sighting locations. When a car crashes in front of their rented RV, they go out to investigate, they meet Paul, and they discover he needs their help. Paul has been doing government work for the US ever since he crash-landed here 60 years earlier. When he discovered they wanted to dissect him, and get what else they could from him, he made a run for it. Now he needs these two reluctant heroes to help him avoid capture and make his way to a rendezvous point with his mother ship. Along the way, they enlist the help of a religious fanatic motor park owner (Wiig) while avoiding three obsessed FBI agents (Bateman, Hader and Truglio). The film isn’t at all what I was expecting. It’s kind of a serious sci-fi action film at times, and it has great fondness and love for it’s comedic subject material (that’s what I liked most about it—the film quotes and references are perfectly timed crowd pleasers). It’s best and most frequent jokes are all very subtle and aimed at sci-fi nerds, which inspired the lead characters as well as the film. It doesn’t make fun of these people, or the movies they love. But instead, it pays tribute to them, in a humorous but heartfelt way. There are plenty of dick and fart jokes as well, to keep other audience members entertained too. And, there are some really cool action scenes and special effect sci-fi moments also. Mottola’s directing is, once again, top notch; plus, Pegg and Forst’s script is almost flawless. It does start out a little slow, but it builds and continues to get better and better (which is the best way to pace a film, in my opinion—you don’t want to blow your wad in the beginning). The film has a strong classic 80s feel and would have made a pretty cool kids film, if not for all the swearing. It’s the perfect sci-fi geek movie tribute, comedy done with respect!


SHREDS OF WISDOM

Inaugural address

by BRANDON COOK

much music. But, my close friends know that my thirst for knowledge knows no boundaries and I’ll pursue anything I find interesting. Currently, I’m in six bands. How could I do that? Well, someone calls me and I don’t say “no.” Pretty simple. It’s lead me to play with: Appetite for Deception, my GnR tribute, The John Thayer band, The Season Electric, Harness, Alter Ego, and my own band State of Balance. With State of Balance, my ego called, said, ‘Hey you should write heavy metal songs and sing ‘em.’ I couldn’t resist the temptation. Marty Friedman also said to me, “If you want to make music your business, you have to be willing to eat shit and ask for more.” With that in mind, I work like a dog. The payoff is the feeling of satisfaction I get looking through old videos and picking out all the mistakes I made live on stage. Other payoffs include: breaking a string in the middle of my most sensuous solo--and finishing the solo without anyone noticing it happened, accidentally stomping someone’s cable out in the middle of his big solo moment, jumping off a drum riser then losing my balance and running into a wall, smashing into my lead singer and nearly impaling him with the blunt end of my Les Paul. Ahhh, the good memories. Spinal Tap would be proud. I want to share my passion for breakneck downstroke, Thrash metal riffs by Kreator, and my weakness for tear jerking acoustic ballads, by lady singers like EmmyLou Harris. It’s all simply music to me. The more I can get, the more I feel alive and confident that I’ve found my purpose on the 3rd stone from the sun. But, the main purpose of this column is to help provide some knowledge to upand-coming musicians that might have questions about how to audition for bands and get the gig, or the best way to approach studio preparation for your band. We may even talk about preparing for that substitute drum gig that intimidates you. I’d love to hear your feedback and questions. I will be answering some of the questions in this column; some I may just e-mail you back directly. So, let the rockin’, swingin’, groovin’, and shake/rattle/rollin’ begin. Thanks for reading. -Brandon Cook www.brandoncookmusic.com www.myspace.com/stateofbalance

Thursday, Mar 31st

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Tribute to Rush with The Fake Police

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ello Alchemist Readers. My name is Brandon Cook. This is my very first column, and inaugural article for The Alchemist Weekly. I feel very honored to be part of such a stellar team of writers and editors. To give you a glimpse of my past, I’ve been a professional guitar instructor for 16 years and a guitarist for many bands around the Portland Area. In the mid-90s, I received a Bachelor of Music in Performance ( Jazz Studies) from Portland State University. I’ve paid my dues in a lot of musical theater pits, corner stages, and dive bars all over the Northwest. I’ve played a lot of styles--mostly rock based, but still the Funk, Jazz, Soul, Country, Latin, and Blues gigs seemed to land in my lap on a regular basis. Not to mention death metal, punk and prog-metal. I’ve studied guitar with several notable folks including, Jerry Hahn (jazz guitarist), Marty Friedman (ex-Megadeth/Cacophony), and Al Pitrelli (ex-Megadeth, current Trans-Siberian Orchestra) Marty Friedman said to me, “You should show up to the audition studio tight and ready to rock.” Basically what his message is: practice as if you’re already in the band and prepared to go into the studio or on the stage. These opportunities to study with really great musicians inspired me with the work ethic of an assassin, and got me every single music job to date, including a gig playing with Chris Caffery, a member of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. His band featured members of TSO, and we shared the stage with many world-class bands and musicians. It also helped me win a contest, thus allowing me to jam with Metallica. Hop on YouTube and type in “Kirk solos with Fan”. Some cynical folks might call me a bit promiscuous (read: band whore), in my tenacity to play so

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WORD

DANCE DANCE DANCE As the walls of Cloud 9 throb with unrelenting bass , I wade into a sea of bodies

writhing beneath beams of electronic light, cast in every imaginable color. The bass drops away as the music shifts into a rising tide, mounting frequencies that peak in a single note as the manic figures commanded by it become as still as they can be; mouths open, hands held up, and open, to the faux-stars beaming down from the eaves. Just as quickly, it crashes back down into digital chaos, the bass returning with vengeance, driving the figures before the DJ into a peak and valley frenzy, only properly expressed by sketching a sine wave across the wall. A poster on the wall identifies this neon cacophony quite astutely: a Riot in the Clouds.

A NEW WAVE OF MUSIC DISCIPLES ARE laying the foundation for AN ELECTRO SCENE IN CORVALLIS by JIMBO IVY

“Why do you dance!?” I shout at a girl leaping almost out of her skintight leggings, her beaded hair is lashing the air only inches from the massive speakers. “What?!” she shouts back over the sonic maelstrom. “Why do you dance?!” I reiterate, trying to imitate her arms pushing up and down at the air by her waist. She grins and shakes her head. “No, you take off your pants!” She spirals back into the midst of the others, eyes closed in almost spiritual concentration as she dips and slides, steps into the space between others only to withdraw. Giving up on verbal communication, I lean against the wall behind the speakers and meditate upon this phenomenon known as “electro.” Simply put, electro is a form of electronically produced music, specifically designed for dancing. But, in surveying the Corvallis scene, answers to the question, 'What is electro?' range from technical to spiritual. “I have to confess I used to be one of those igno-

6 • MARCH 29, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

rant, ‘I don't really listen to techno’ type people,” says electro DJ Chi Duly, the master of this Riot, while he mixes up madness for his loyal soldiers. “[For me] it's a combination of powerful melodies communicated through innovative synthesizing and soul-punching drum work.” Duly is surprisingly quiet and reserved, gazing intently across the floor from behind his tinted glasses—a loose tie at his neck, his hands constantly crawling across the tools of his trade—laptop, mixer, turntable. He is a young DJ, obvious by his non-adherence to the mantra of older DJs I know: “Needles or Nothing,” meant to convey that traditional vinyl turntables and vinyl records are the only “real” tools of the trade. But, disagreement over preferred ordinance is friendly, if staunch; the only real concern among the Corvallis DJs and their disciples is the music itself. I corner the girl that misinterpreted my ‘why do you dance’ ques-


WORD tion, Melanie Jenkins, a student at OSU, to get her take. “Electro is about conducting a feeling, a vibe, an energy thru the dance floor,” she says, beaming. She, like many in the scene, prefers electro to traditional dance music because it lacks the narrative and specific deployment of songs with lyrics. To these people, devoted to the cult of dance, rock music, hip-hop, and other traditional forms are too concrete, and don’t allow for as much interpretation. And dance, of course, is all about interpretation. “I do not know how to dance,” says John Renner, another Riot-goer and local graphic artist. “But with techno, it doesn’t matter. The DJ, the music, the lights, and the people around you tell you how to move.” Renner demonstrates, zooming around the floor like a child’s interpretation of an airplane, weaving in and out of others, until finally sliding to a stop in front of me. “The beat is all you need,” he says, panting. Of course, within electro there are a multitude of words to describe the work of the beats DJs compose: House, DubStep, French-Style, Trance, Jungle, Break Beats, Drum and Bass, Darkstep, Hardstyle, Ambient, Speedcore, Electrohop—the list is nearly endless. Chi Duly fuels his Riot with a mix of DubStep and French-Style, but to the uninitiated, the difference can be confusing, even trivial. “It doesn’t matter what [Chi] calls what he does,” says Renner. “It all has the same purpose; helping us feel alive.” Electro is not a new feature to the Corvallis landscape, though. Travis Adams, official bartender of Riot in the Clouds recalls his early days as a DJ in Corvallis. “Back in 1999 I was working at Nypro in Corvallis, hitting up raves on the weekends. A co-worker gave me a mixer and an old beltdriven turntable. Not the best, but it was a start,” he says, grinning. Adams started out playing after hours and house parties, an important aspect of the electro scene. “Not many venues believe in electro as an art form,” speculates John Renner. As it’s not thought of as “popular” music, many people’s first experiences with electro are at house parties usually featuring multiple amateur DJs spinning everything from Top 40 remixes to heavily produced originals. One group helping to spread the good word of electro through house parties is the Mid-Willamette Valley DJ Association. It has been formed over the past two years to

music played at more conventional dance venues. “I wanted [my] crowd to wake up in the morning happy to tell people where they went [to dance], rather than shamefully admitting they were being tractorbeamed by the stigma of the masses,” Duly said of his motivation for inciting the Riot. Chi Duly also leads another weekly electro event at Impulse on Thursday nights which features the same electro spirit, but with more Top 40 and hiphop flavor. For others the attraction to electro, and thus its commercial feasibility at local venues comes down to an artistic difference, rather than being bored with traditional fare. “It’s raw dance; that’s the difference,” says Churilla. “All art is communication; and with electro you’re communicating through sonic textures, as a DJ. The people are receiving the energy that you’re creat-

ing, live through your turntables, and then interpreting it through whatever’s going on in their lives, through dance.” It’s not hard to see this concept at work during my visit to Riot in the Clouds. John Renner, bopping along to a mentally persistent song called, “We No Speak Americano,” describes this energy transaction, that Churilla alludes to, as very addicting. “It’s unlike anything else I’ve found; a lot of people use drugs to get the high, I get [it] just from being in the room, let alone what happens when you're out on the floor,” Renner says. Drug use has been a negative issue for rave and electro scenes in the past, but nearly all of the participants I spoke with agreed that this was a thing of the past. “Drugs used to be a big part of the scene back [in the

continued on page 8

“I wanted [my] crowd to wake up in the morning happy to tell people where they went [to dance], rather than shamefully admitting they were being tractor-beamed by the stigma of the masses.” - CHI DULY

< < < <

CHI DULY SPins @ Impulse on Thursdays. YOu can find him @ CLOUD 9 ON Fridays

connect electro DJs with venues and parties within the I-5 corridor and regularly sponsors house parties and supports local events needing DJs such as the Sick Town Derby Dames “March Radness” roller derby event. Chris Churilla, an organizing member of the Alliance and bartender at both Cloud 9 and Snugbar, has been involved with the Corvallis electro scene since the late 90s, and spoke about the importance of house parties as a spawning ground for both new electro fans and new DJs to come together and share music. “A scene is just people, so wherever people are dancing, that’s where the scene forms, and it’s easier to have consistent house parties than bar events,” Churilla says. During his time in Corvallis, Churilla has worked with other local DJs such as Adams to host large-scale house parties and events at clubs, such as Platinum, to attract new fans, including an entire year of monthly parties themed around each month’s astrological/nature signs. “Those were a blast, just getting really creative with your partying is something most people don’t do, but with [electro] it’s pretty common,” Churilla says. Churilla is one of the organizers of the famed “Red Dress Party” that has occurred annually in Corvallis for over a decade, and is one of the large scale electro parties that local DJs credit with keeping the electro scene alive, even during times when there’s no consistent venue support. The 2011 Red Dress featured two dance floors, nearly 20 electro DJs over the course of eight hours, and attracted several hundred dancers. While there are many venues in Corvallis supporting “traditional” dance music, several clubs are starting to realize that patrons are seeking out electro as an alternative. The mainstream music, played in most dance clubs, is normally targeted to please as many people as possible but, according to Chi Duly and other local electro proponents, this has led to monotony in the nightly experience. “Electro is emerging as a popular form for a lot of people in town,” Duly says. “Because it's frustrating for them to come out, spend money at a club, and have their ears raped by the same Top 40 predictability.” The Riot in the Clouds weekly electro event, held on Friday nights at Cloud 9 Bistro and Bar, was created last fall by Chi Duly and his production partner Frank Nau. It seems to be a direct response to “predictability” and mass appeal of the

GENDERS GET BENT AT the 4th annual mustache bash.

>>>> WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • MARCH 29, 2011 • 7


WORD 90s], and still are for some, but it’s mainly the kids that get carried away. Those of us that have stuck with it, don’t need them,” Churilla says, shrugging. Jenkins speculates that the immediate, permissible intimacy that draws people to electro is an easy replacement for the drugs that some need to feel open. “With electro, out on the floor, I can touch people I’ve never met, never spoken to, and we can share a mood or a song or whatever’s going on all night, without a word. Nothing else that I know of can do that. Drugs, maybe,” she says, winking. “But this is cheaper and safer.” Riot in the Clouds, or simply, The Riot has developed the tag line: “a dance party for the rest of us,” and its supporters are rabid in their echoing of that sentiment. “The Riot is my only dance party,” exclaims Jenkins, grabbing water between sets. While other events focus mainly on radio-friendly hip-hop and pop, electro DJs tend to be more innovative in finding new combinations and techniques each week. This is not to say that Top 40 has no place at The Riot. “I can have a good time to a Katy Perry song just like I can with Kaskade,” Duly says. Duly and the other electro DJs regularly mix popular music with electro to create an interesting fusion of the usual and the new. Adams from Cloud 9 shares this philosophy, “In Corvallis there isn't a huge electronic following, so playing [electro] along with tracks that have familiar aspects, [Michael Jackson, Prince, Indie rock remixes], can really get a dance floor going

even if your crowd isn’t familiar [with] electronic music.” A great example of this kind of fusion can be found in the first few minutes of local DJ Zach Wear’s mix titled, “F*** the Republican Agenda” (found at his SoundCloud site, soundcloud. com/zflynnwear/), in which he mixes an electro beat with clips from Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” Whether it’s at house parties, Riot in the Clouds, Impulse, or Snugbar, electro is alive and well in Corvallis, offering a unique alternative to the usual dance scene. In a world in which much of art and entertainment is focused on melancholy and sarcasm, it’s refreshing to walk around a corner, look in a window, and see people dancing their asses off in joy.

Photo by Caleb Fennell

The 2011 Red Dress featured two dance floors, nearly 20 electro DJs over the course of eight hours, and attracted several hundred dancers. <<<<

it’s refreshing to walk around a corner, look in a window, and see people dancing their asses off in joy. >>>>

LITERATI DESPERADO VALENTINE by LINDA SWANEY Where are you now standing in a line Inhaling intoxicants believing you're fine Trying to be free your heart turns steel Faking life reruns to forget what's real Move on push down transcendent love You know you can't wear it like a glove If you could swear put the blame on me You might just then take a turn for free But as you started toward the exit sign I spoke the truth about yours and mine I had to tell you so deep down you know This isn't just an episode of historic tko So go on out there and try to live in bliss Forget praying for the unconditional kiss Of love and life with meaning and grace Open soul sensuous taste smiling face This month issues weddings in the mix Cupid flirting with emotions to get kicks Go ahead and act as if you are just fine A tragically hip and desperado valentine

for the seasons, but for winter most of all By Jonathan Swerdlick summer’s gone the high trail, leading the sun dance away from this place that fall gusts lope and gambol autumn repairs with a cool glance for she knows and won’t say what waits beyond winter’s gate the rain steals feeling from fingers and the shoulder is colder for sleet and frosts that linger  the warmth winter banks beneath the earth and snowdrifts spendthrift spring anticipates  awaiting the wild world, appetites to whet, an ardent bloom to beget. it is your wintering that is my penitence

LOST IN SPACE By KILER DAVENPORT A vast ocean of mindless drones in a sea of ruling class capitalists Forever lost in the dark vacuum of empty spaceforced to feed the monster with broken pieces of scrap from the wage earner day Men, women, and children once independent gobbled up by the hungry giant This global God of production, dominance, and power We are reduced to mere rubble in the pile puppets on a string, dogs on a short leash The dumbed down, beat up, worn out passive massive too duped for revolution, too weak to overthrow Like blinded pigs being led to slaughter We wave our flags of glory on this sinking ship like dogs cloaked in the dress of the civilized We gag at gnats and swallow camels We lick our vomit up in private places We parade our morality in the streets of public opinion Like small birds in giant cages we flaunt our false freedom We pledge allegiance to Big Brother We bow down to the powers that be We nourish ourselves on the lie We are products and manifestations of the state doomed to self-destruction Expendable, replaceable, gullible, powerless

8 • MARCH 29, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM


ALCHY PICKS

[week of MARCH 29]

[ROCK] Friday | APRIL 1 | 8 pm Calapooia Brewing WHAT'S THE RUSH, THAT'S WHAT

Nostalgia is an emotional state that gains power with age. Understanding that, it isn’t hard to see why tribute bands are so popular. How warm it is, to bask in the glow of reminiscence inspired by that musical trigger. Now, a quartet of veteran Willamette Valley musicians have come together to pay homage to that Canadian super-group, Rush, as heard from start to finish on the Exit Stage Left album. Why Why Zed, a play on the Rush song "YYZ," is itself comprised of Mid-Willamette Valley superstars. Paul Kincaid, maker and player of stringed instruments, is something of a “math-rock” geek, and the complex timechanges found in much of Rush’s music is fascinating to him. There’s something going on in what he calls their “strange, Canadian math code” that leaves him scratching his head. When he conceived of the formation

of a Rush tribute band, the first person he contacted was J.D. Monroe, also known as the Turntable Enabler. J.D. learned his chops as a drummer by listening to, and emulating Neal Peart, and it shows. Dave Trenkel, keyboardist, recalls being over Rush after high school, as he continued his explorations in prog-rock. But today, he admits to nostalgia combined with an eagerness to stretch musically in ways as yet untested. Guitarist Tyler Nitzke of Portland, is a big fan of progressive rock himself, as shown by the music of his band Keel Over, influenced as it is by such bands as Tool and System Of A Down. Why Why Zed’s debut performance will occur on April 1st at The Calapooia Brewing Company along with another outstanding tribute band, The Fake Police. For more details go to www.calapooiabrewing.com. Cheers! -Paul Huppert

[BIKE COLLECTIVE] FRIDAY | APRIL 1 | 12 pm Corvallis Bike Collective "HANDLEBARS..."

I marvel at the bicycle culture of Corvallis. It rains here...a lot. You’ve got to be pretty hard-core to bike year round. When the sun comes out you can cast a wry smile at all the people that you’ve seen in their cars as they dust off their Schwinn and know that you have put in the time to be called a real bicycler. Pro-status. If you’re cool and tough enough to become impervious to rain and wind and cold, then you probably have the pant rollup thing down. I get it. It’s so your pants don’t get caught in the chain. Some people even have bright reflective Velcro straps. Also, real bike pros have gloves and moonrefractingly bright LED head lamps. I haven’t ridden a bike since I was 13, and

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MAR 31 10p | FREE

THE NAUTICS

FRIDAY

APR 1 10p | $5

MANIMALHOUSE + LOVE LOUNGERS

SATURDAY

APR 2 10p | $3

ANGRY ORTS + SYMMETRY/SYMMETRY

2527 NW Monroe

Corvallis, OR 541.757.7221 bombsawaycafe.com

have been brutally chastised for this, which ironically makes me want to not purchase a bike. But, I think I will anyway. They say you never forget how to ride a bike, but in my experience one does lose a bit of the seated, balancing at slow speeds ability. There are bike lanes all over Corvallis, which is one of the most bicycle friendly places in the country. I see people riding in them almost everyday in packs or solo. Once, I saw a guy eschewing the bike lane completely. He rode right down the middle of the street with no hands drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette. Which was possibly one of the most awesome things I have ever seen. I particularly enjoy seeing those little wagons that people pull behind their bicycles. Sometimes there are groceries or laundry in the back, sometimes babies. But really it could be heroin. Nobody would think to stop someone on a bike and bring in the K-9 unit. I mean, I in no way condone those sort-of things, but they say the best way to hide something is in plain sight. If you were planning on transporting a large quantity of illegal drugs or counterfeit money or weapons a short distance, then put them all under a kids blanket in one of those brightly colored pull wagons on a standard ten-speed and nobody is going to stop you. Seriously, though, bike culture is almost as esoteric and fun as the Hell’s Angels were in the early 60’s. With bicycles, at least to my knowledge, you don’t have to commit a felony to become a member of the clique. You apparently just have to own a bike and smile. It doesn’t hurt to get to know some of the local bicycle gurus though, and a perfect opportunity to go head over handlebars into the bicycle underworld of the Willamette Valley is coming up. The Corvallis Bicycle Collective is holding its Grand Reopening on Saturday, April 2nd from noon to 5 pm. The event will take place at 250 SW Cummings Ave. in Corvallis. There will be music, food, activities, raffles, tours and demonstrations. You can bring yourself up to speed on all that is going on in the local bike scene and maybe even find out where the super secret exclusively cool biking paths are while listening to some great music and chowing down. So, if you’re a professional or like me a complete amateur, this is a great opportunity to set yourself up for an incredible sunny season of memorable human powered, two wheel adventures. -Stanley Tollett

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • MARCH 29, 2011 • 9


tuesday29 Corvallis

livemusic sing&dance

RILEY'S BAR & GRILL Cutting Edge Productions presents Throwback Thursday with DJ Tray, FREE [DANCE]

Corvallis

ELKS LODGE Beginner Line Dance 7:00 pm, $3 [DANCE] IMPULSE BAR Cuban Salsa 7:30 pm FREE [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]; On the Top: DJ , 9:00 pm FREE [DANCE] UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST FELLOWSHIP Fellowship Community Choir rehearsals, 7:00 pm, $50 for 12 week term [SING]

Lebanon

WOODY'S BAR & GRILL “Terry-oke” Karaoke with Terry Geil, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]

stuff Albany

VAULT 244 Special Wine Dinner with Guest Chef Carrie Wong, 6:30 pm, $75 per person, Reservations 541.791.9511 [DINNER] APPLEBEE'S National Trivia Association Night, 9:00 pm, FREE ENOTECA WINE BAR Girls night out! Knit night, 7:00 pm [SHE'S CRAFTY] OSU BENTON HALL Opera Preview: “L’Heure Espagnole” and “L’enfant et les Sortileges,” recorded excerpts and descriptions, 7:45, $4 WINESTYLES Tuesday Night Trivia, 6:00 pm, $10 per team for winter league [SMARTY PANTS]

10 • MARCH 29, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

Eagles Lodge Albany Senior Dance, 1:30 - 3:30 pm, $3 [DANCE]

Corvallis

APPLEBEE’S Karaoke/Guitar Hero, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING] PETER GYSEGEM’S STUDIO Argentine tango classes, 7:15 pm, $5 [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]; On the Top: DJ 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]

Lebanon

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

stuff

ALBANY PUBLIC LIBRARY “Dance Around the World with Jennifer,” 2:00 pm, FREE [PUPPETS!] PIX THEATRE “In Pursuit of a Dream,” tells of students traveling OR-CA trail,1:00 pm, FREE [FILM]

Halsey

Contributed Photo

sing&dance

Albany

Albany

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Corvallis

livemusic

Tangent

DIXIE CREEK SALOON Blues Jam with Wild Bill, 7:00 pm [BLUES]

SUNNYSIDE UP CAFÉ Celtic Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE [LISTEN/PLAY]

Albany

wednesday30

Corvallis

CORVALLIS-BENTON COUNTY LIBRARY “Valuing Beavers in the Beaver State,” with Wildlife Biologist Jimmy Taylor, 7:00 pm, FREE [LECTURE] CORVALLIS MULTICULTURAL LITERACY CENTER Day of Action from Palestinian Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions National Committee, 7:00 pm, FREE [CAUSE] CLOUD 9 Beer and Blog, 5:00 pm, FREE [LAGER BLOGGER]

Philomath

PHILOMATH HIGH SCHOOL Shining Stars Performing Arts Showcase, 7:00 pm, $5 [DANCERS]

[STRINGBAND]

Thursday | MARCH 31 | 8 pm | FREE

Wild Hog in the Woods Calapooia Brewing


thursday31

livemusic

Albany

CALAPOOIA BREWING Wild Hog in the Woods, 8:00 pm, FREE [STRINGBAND]

friday01

livemusic

Albany

CALAPOOIA BREWING A Tribute to Rush feat. Why Why Zed with The Fake Police, 8:00 pm, $5 [ROCK]

Corvallis

Corvallis

BOMBS AWAY CAFÉ Celilo, 10:00 pm, FREE [INDIE AMERICANA]

Lebanon

PEACOCK BAR & GRILL EAST Blues Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE [BLUES]

sing&dance

Albany

EAGLES LODGE Line dance, 7:00 pm, $4 [DANCE]

Corvallis

BEANERY ON 2ND Rick and Lavinia Ross, 8:00 pm, FREE [ACOUSTIC] BELLE VALEE TASTING ROOM Ralph Penunuri/Beth Brown/Acorn Bros, 7:00 pm, FREE [ACOUSTIC] BEST CELLAR COFFEEHOUSE Wild Hog in the Woods and Gumbo, 7:30 pm, $5 [STRINGBAND] BOMBS AWAY CAFÉ The Manimalhouse with The Love Loungers, 10:00 pm, $5 [FUNK] FIREWORKS Karl Smiley, 8:00 pm, FREE [BLUES] OLD WORLD DELI Hilltop Big Band, 7:00 pm, FREE [BIG BAND]

sing&dance

Albany

PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]; On the Top: DJ Mike, 9:00 pm, FREE [DANCE]

RILEY'S BAR & GRILL Cutting Edge Production presents Ladies Night with Dj Tray, FREE [DANCE]

Lebanon

Corvallis

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

stuff

Corvallis

APPLEBEE’S R&R Jukebox, 9:00 pm, FREE [PICK ‘EM] ENOTECA WINE BAR Chocolate Truffle Thursdays, 6:00 pm, FREE [YUMMERS] FIRST ALT COOP NORTH NORTH Wine Tasting, 5:00 pm [BEER ME] OSU MU JOURNEY ROOM “Of Snails and Horsetails,” Domenico Bertoloni Meli, 4:00 pm, FREE [LECTURE] OSU MEMORIAL UNION Visit with author of “The People Are Dancing Again: The History of the Siletz Tribe of Western Oregon,” 7:00 pm, FREE [LECTURE] OSU RICHARDSON HALL RM 107 “Global Forest Resources and Market Development,” by Ed Pepke, 3:30 pm, FREE [LECTURE] WINESTYLES French Wines Wine Tasting, 5:30 pm, $5 [WINE ME]

CLOUD 9 Riot in the Clouds, 10:00 pm, FREE [DJ CHI DULY] CORVALLIS SENIOR CENTER Friday Night Dance by The Syncopators, 7:00 pm, $4 [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]; On the Top: DJ Alex, 9:00 pm, FREE [DANCE]

Halsey

WOODY'S BAR & GRILL “Terry-oke” karaoke with Terry Geil, 9:00 pm, FREE [SING]

Lebanon

DUFFY'S IRISH PUB Karaoke, 10:00 pm, FREE [SING] MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

stuff

Albany

ALBANY CIVIC THEATER “Excalibur! The Story of Young King Arthur,” 8:00 pm, $11 [STAGE] LINN COUNTY EXPO Columbia River Agility Dog Show [DOGS] OREGON LANGUAGE CENTER “Northern Peru, Beyond Machu Picchu,” by Virginia Vanderbilt, 7:00 pm, FREE [LECTURE]

Corvallis

[BIKE COLLECTIVE]

Friday | APRIL 1 | 12 pm | FREE

Bike Shop Grand Reopening Corvallis Bike Collective

CHS BLACK BOX THEATRE Willamette STAGE Company presents “Boston Marriage,” 8:00 pm, $19 [STAGE] CHS CAFETERIA Mr. Spartan Silent Auction benefit for the Mario Pastega House and Samaritan Regional Cancer Center, 7:00 pm, $5 [BENEFIT] CORVALLIS BIKE COLLECTIVE Bike Shop Grand Reopening at 250 SW Cummings with live music throughout the evening, 12:00 pm, FREE [BIKE COLLECTIVE] CORVALLIS SENIOR CENTER “Discover the Night Skies,” intro to amateur astronomy 7:00 pm, $6 [LEARN] FIRST ALT COOP SOUTH Wine tasting, 5:00 pm [WINE ME] NEW MORNING BAKERY Artist Reception: Scobel Wiggins “Vertically Challenged,” with 2Towns Cider, 6:00 pm, FREE [ART] OSU LASELLS STEWART CENTER An Evening with Chris Botti, 7:30 pm, $30 - $75 [TRUMPET] OSU LASELLS STEWART CENTER OSU Spring Visit, 9:00 am – 4:00 pm, FREE [CAMPUS] OSU VALLEY LIBRARY “Experimenting with Animals from Antiquity to the Enlightenment,” 9:00 am – 4:00 pm [WORKSHOP] WINESTYLES Friday Flights, 5:00 pm [WINE]

Lebanon

LEBANON HIGH SCHOOL “Scrambled McManus,” performed by Tim Behrens, 7:30 pm, $20 [STAGE]

Contributed Photo

[FUNK]

Friday | APRIL 1 | 10 pm | $5

The Manimalhouse Bombs Away Cafe

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • MARCH 29, 2011 • 11


Diamond Capers

Saturday | APRIL 2 | 9 pm

The Angry Orts Bombs Away Cafe

Contributed Photos

[COSMIC COUNTRY FOLK] Saturday | APRIL 2 | 8 pm

Radio Cowboy saturday02

livemusic

Albany

CALAPOOIA BREWING The Kindreds, 8:00 pm, FREE [AMERICANA] RHYTHM AND BREWS Altered Notes, 7:00 pm, FREE [ROCK]

Corvallis

BOMBS AWAY CAFÉ The Angry Orts with symmetry/symmetry, 9:00 pm [ROCK] CLOUD 9 Inebriated Species, The Dandelion Club, and Lucky Stranger, 9:00 pm [ROCK] FIREWORKS Radio Cowboy with Heather Christie, 8:00 pm [COSMIC COUNTRY FOLK] SQUIRREL’S TAVERN Ambush Party with Lost Tortoise, 9:00 pm [ROCK] THE WAKE Jam Session, 11:00 am – 9:00 pm [iPLAY]

Albany

sing&dance

RILEY'S BAR & GRILL Cutting Edge Production presents DJ Tray, FREE [DANCE]

Corvallis

CORVALLIS DANCE CENTER Beginning West Coast Swing, 6:00 pm [DANCE] PEACOCK BAR & GRILL On the Top: DJ Big Cheese, 9:00 pm FREE [DANCE] FCC GATTON HALL Corvallis Folklore Society presents Contra Dance: Betsy Branch and Mark Douglass with Stacy Rose, 7:30 pm, $6 [DANCE]

Lebanon

DUFFY'S IRISH PUB Karaoke, 10:00 pm, FREE [SING] MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Albany

stuff

BENTON COUNTY FAIRGROUNDS Indoor Winter Market, 9:00 am, FREE [MARKET] CHS BLACK BOX THEATRE Willamette STAGE Company presents “Boston Marriage,” 8:00 pm, $19 [STAGE] ENOTECA Saketini Saturdays, 3:00 pm [SAKE-TO-ME] LBCC BENTON CENTER “Fooling Around with Words,” writing workshop, 9:00 am, $30, Register at the Benton Center [WORKSHOP] MAJESTIC THEATRE One Night in Frogtown, 4:00 pm, $10 [KIDS] OSU LASELLS STEWART CENTER An Evening with Chris Botti, 7:30 pm, $30 - $75 [TRUMPET] WESTMINSTER HOUSE Community Rhythm Circle, 7:00 pm, FREE [GOT RHYTHM?]

12 • MARCH 29, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

To be considered for a calendar listing, notice of events must be received in writing by noon on Tuesday, two weeks before publication. Send to calendar@thealchemistweekly.com. For photo consideration please attach high resolution images with proper photo credit.

sunday03

32. Iraq’s Muqtada al-___ 33. Waver? 34. Forehead-wiping word 35. Psychedelic guitar pioneer, to fans 39. “Well aren’t you Mr. Fancypants!” 40. Craft in some rumored cover-ups 41. Christian n¸-metal band 44. Not diffÈrent 46. Demolition crew’s compound 48. One who deals with a lot of bull shit? 49. Research funding sources 50. Like, big 53. It’s provided free by most clients 54. Bit of corporate encouragement 55. County fair sounds 56. “The Osbournes” patriarch 57. Mascot to be avoided, in vintage Domino’s ads 58. Forever 59. You might change one when winterising your car 60. ___ nitrite (club drug) 64. 31-Down tournament souvenir 65. English electronic act since 1990

3 4

8

4

7

6

7

3

9

6

5 6

2

2

4

8 1

9

1 3 8

Albany

1

6

4

2

9

4

1

5 7

Difficulty: Medium

livemusic

CALAPOOIA BREWING Blues Jam, 4:00 pm [BLUES] NOVAK'S HUNGARIAN RESTAURANT Strings of Time, 6:00 pm, FREE [FOLK]

Corvallis

FIREWORKS Ravin Crowe with Rare Birds and Rosemary, 8:00 pm [FOLK ROCK]

Corvallis

sing&dance

PEACOCK BAR & GRILL Main Stage: Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Lebanon

ALBANY CIVIC THEATER “Excalibur! The Story of Young King Arthur,” 8:00 pm, $11 [STAGE] LINN COUNTY EXPO Columbia River Agility Dog Show [DOGS]

Corvallis

Down 1. Minimum wage gig, perhaps 2. Pack ___ (prepare for a low-key evening, in a way) 3. Binary type of question 4. Hot temper 5. They may be held by CEOs 6. You might pull it to get your way 7. 7 letters, on old phones 8. Peaceful 9. Words repeated by Samuel L. Jackson in the diner scene from “Pulp Fiction” 10. Some modern critics 11. Brief second 12. Skiff, e.g. 13. Highway behemoths 18. Steel Reserve malt liquor rival 23. Big name in dog diets 25. Chicago airport code 26. Checks in the fitting room 28. Moo goo ___ pan 29. West or east end 30. 2010 BET Hip Hop Awards host Mike 31. See 64-Down

MERLIN'S BAR & GRILL Karaoke, 9:00 pm [SING]

Corvallis

stuff

CHS THEATER “Dance Gallery,” by Chamber Ballet of Corvallis/Regional School of Ballet, 7:00 pm, $10 [BALLET] CORVALLIS BREWING SUPPLY 4-course Sierra Nevada Beer Dinner, 4:30 pm, Seating limited to 20, Reserve at Corvallis Brewing Supply [DINNER] ENOTECA WINE BAR Saketini Sunday, 3:00 pm [DRINK]

monday04

Corvallis

stuff

FIREWORKS Southtown Talent Search: The Acoustic Showdown, 9:00 pm [LISTEN/PLAY] INTERSECTOR WORKSPACE 37 Cents Artists and Musicians Community Group Meeting, 6:00 pm [COLLECTIVE]

Lebanon

MERLIN'S BAR AND GRILL Karaoke, FREE [SING]

sudoku-puzzles.net

FireWorks

Inkwell Crosswords by Ben Tausig

[ROCK]

Across 1. “You ready to let a real expert give it a try?” 5. Dr Pepper rival, once 11. Members of James Brown’s band 14. Bored trucker, perhaps 15. Place for whiskey or bullets 16. Chit 17. Ballplayer arrested for battery, abuse, and possession of drugs and firearms 19. Most preferred, slangily 20. Have a title to 21. Inquire 22. Note on some birthday party invites 24. Mature, in a way 26. New York county near Pennsylvania 27. Ballplayer indicted for perjury 33. Oft-satirized Evangelical bracelet letters 36. HBO character Gold 37. UK adoption source 38. Hawaiian tuna 39. Things both baseball players and criminals might show up in 42. ___ Thai 43. Historical Greek city 45. Airport with an Anchor Brewing Company pub 46. Power-mad ruler of old 47. Ballplayer arrested for possession of cocaine, driving under the influence, and battery 51. Hang off of 52. Natural history museum prefix 56. 100 centesimi, once 59. See 61-Across 61. With 59-Across, cocktail at some themed summer parties 62. Certain menagerie 63. Ballplayer convicted of racketeering 66. White ___ (hamburger pairing, at times) 67. It’s from the heart 68. Historically black university in Tennessee 69. You might gain them during a run: Abbr. 70. “Lonely Planet” recommendation 71. Shouts at a football game (the other kind)


O'PINING PINTS

3rd Annual Ale-chemist Homebrewer's Challenge Photo by Matt Schmidt

'Tis the saison...

B

rewsters and Brew Meisters it is time to fire up those kettles in celebration of The Alchemist Weekly with the 3rd Annual Ale-chemist Homebrewer's Challenge! This year we are going at it with a different twist:  Nick Arzner of Block 15 Brewery and I, Joel  Rea of Corvallis Brewing Supply, have devised a single and most spectacular recipe. Should you accept this brewing challenge, the beer you are to brew is a Saison and the recipe is set in concrete with a few allowances for individuality and interpretation. The winner will be awarded the following:  Brewer For a Day @ Block 15, which includes lunch, a beer or two, and some kick ass garb.  Your picture will grace the cover of The Alchemist Weekly on the June 7th issue with a special O'Pining Pints interview that is about you and only you!  At

the release party (TBA) you will have the opportunity to be an honorary draftsperson (some might say a, “Lickspigot!”) where you will have explicit bragging rights as you serve the patrons of Block 15 your fantastic beer at the Official The Alchemist "Alechemist" Release Party! On top of that, Joel will reimburse your brewing costs with a $100 Corvallis Brewing Supply gift certificate. Even more on top of all that, your friends will now love and adore you!  The playing field is level and now we see who really has the best command and control of their home brewery! The deadline for delivery of the finished homebrew (3-12 oz. bottles) will be Saturday, May 28th. The judging of the beers and announcement of the winner will be in the following edition of The Alchemist Weekly.  At the Sunday judge-off we will be throwing a Saison party with Saison tastings and special Block 15 snacks.

The Ale-chemist #3: Saison

We are looking for a commercial release date of late June and so the beer is designed to be a balanced, summer quaffer. We are a stickler on the malts and hops, but not so much the timing of the kettle additions, just as long as you can produce a beer that is within the parameters we have set and it produces the most spectacular Saison.  You are allowed some allowance with one choice of an ingredient since that could be your signature for this brew.

of time and enjoyed fresh, young, or wellaged. None-the-less, in my professional opinion you have until about May 1st to get a batch fired up. So, brewers, fire up those kettles!!  If you have questions about this beer please direct them to the staff at Corvallis Brewing Supply. -Joel Rea Corvallis Brewing Supply owner joel@lickspigot.com

All-grain for a 5%-6% ABV beer

•Belgian Pilsner Malt (depending upon efficiency, suggested 8 lbs.) • 1/2 lb. Carawheat malt • White Labs Belgian Saison Blend • 4 oz. Willamette hops (You get to choose when and how to use them!) • Brewer’s Choice Ingredient: You may choose one and only one extra, spice, herb, grain, adjunct sugar, yeast, etc., etc. of your choice. *FINE PRINT: it must be legal, readily available to a commercial brewery and reasonably priced. You also have the choice of not adding a wild card ingredient. • Water chemistry: brewer’s Choice As far as mashing is concerned, use your best judgment for materials and your homebrewery system. Single infusion or decoction is all fair game!

Extract with steeping grains

• Briess Pilsner dry malt extract for a 5%6% ABV beer • 1/2 lb. Carawheat Malt • White Belgian Saison Blend • 4 oz. Willamette hops (You get to choose when and how to use them!) • Brewer’s Choice Ingredient: You may choose one and only one extra, spice, herb, grain, adjunct sugar, yeast, etc., etc. of your choice. *FINE PRINT: it must be legal, readily available to a commercial brewery and reasonably priced. You also have the choice of not adding a wild card ingredient. • Water chemistry - Brewer’s Choice Brewers, keep in mind that this is a style of beer suited well to Block 15, and that it can be brewed in a relatively short period

JACKSON STREET YOUTH SHELTER NOW HIRING! Jackson Street Youth Shelter, Inc. in Corvallis, OR is hiring! There is full time (34 hours/wk) Overnight Case Worker position available. We will also be hiring one or two part time Case Worker positions (18 hours/wk). All hiring and training needs to be done for potential staff to start working by April 22nd. The Overnight Case Worker position will pay between $9-$10.25/hr and the part time Case Worker position will pay between $8.50-$9/hr. The wage will be determined on education, experience, and your commitment to JSYSI and the Corvallis Community. To apply please do a resume, cover letter, have at least 3 references or reference letters, and copies of your current First Aid/CPR/Food Handlers certifications. The application can be sent by email or you can hand it in, in person. Please Contact KendraSue Phillips-Neal, Shelter Director @ sheltermanager@jsysi.org OR 541-754-2404

Sheepdawg TV

Episode II Launches in april

SheepDawg TV was created by Jordan Lucas and Tomas Correia in 2011. The project is directed towards connecting the Heart of the Valley and the Great Northwest with an inside look at the talented and professional artists in our local area. We are a YouTube based TV show and will be airing a ten minute episode once a month. We also provide advertising for local and small businesses. Check us out on YouTube and SUPPORT THE SHRED!

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • MARCH 29, 2011 • 13


week. Light comes in; light goes out, through your gathering and sharing efforts, affability and luminescence.

Independently Owned since 2006

1110 NW Van Buren Corvallis, OR 541.754.4257

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Historically, the New Year began last week and ended in a week long celebration on April 1. When told of the New Year change people said, “You’re foolish,” not being able to believe that a year would begin under dark skies instead of a brand new spring. Under the rule of Charles IX, the Gregorian calendar, which we use now, Jan. 1 marks the New Year. Act as if it were Scorpio. Wordsmith Shakespeare would tell you, “The first draught a man drinks ought to be for thirst, the second for nourishment, the third for pleasure, the fourth for madness.”

DISC SKATE GLASS

by

Coyote Kate

r ●Ma

,2 0 11

WEEKLY A

LOGER O R ST

9 2 h c

Aries (March 21-April 19): If history repeats itself on April 1st, the clock tower in England, Big Ben, will beam digitally, the Leaning Tower in Pisa falls over, spaghetti sprouts on trees in Sweden, televisions emit corresponding odors to viewed objects, Mars will be dredged for crude oil, and unicorns will be cloned. Using the words of Maya Angelou as a mind-set—“If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities.” Instead of spaghetti, I choose string-cheese trees, music that omits odors, the wind pushing my vehicle where I want it to go, and yes, unicorns, cloned or not. Crack your mind Aries, what fantasy of yours could be the springboard for the reality of millions? Taurus (April 20-May 20): As to the spring dawns in the valley, I agree with Ben Franklin who said, “The early morn has gold in its mouth.” I prefer to, and suggest, that you Taurus, lean away from the moneyfetching undertones and instead opt fully for the color scheme. Does a dawn rainbow start with golden edges? As you ponder this, take in what seems suitably illuminated and reflect rather than absorb.  Gemini (May 21-June 20): Gemini, find a cave, stand under a shower of flower petals falling from the blossoms, ponder upon a rock to enjoy the full capacity of Spring, and then Shakespeare’s words will woo you to the place you could be, “And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.” Cancer (June 21-July 22): Set your goals out to six months Cancer, “Rocks have shaken from their solid base, but what shall move a firm and dauntless mind?” ( Joanna Baillie, Scottish poet, 1762-1851). Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Straight up we say Rome wasn’t built in a day. Some of Rome’s basic underpinnings like the concrete mixture they used still stand strong today. We don’t know how it was made, and haven’t been able to match it yet. Your tedious work is the grounding of a solid structure for the future, Leo. Patience. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Ever see a hanging prism shed its light, like a tinkling on the wall? This is what is in store for you this

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): A wondering quest awaits you. Start with the strange question of the week: “The chief pleasure (in eating) does not consist in costly seasoning or exquisite flavor, but in yourself. Do you seek sauce by sweating?” (Horace). Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): From Mevlana Rumi—“Spring, the only fair judge, walks in the courtroom, and several December thieves steal away. The December klepto—a frigid wind who clips our ears, chomps upon rosy cheeks, beats blood from our fingertips, and licks out butts raw. Be gone! Cappi, if you have any legal dealings, welcome, for your own purposes, a warmer countenance, especially around your edges. Aquarius ( Jan. 20-Feb.18): One of the luminary stars of the asteroid belt, vestal virgin Goddess of the home and hearth, Vesta, enters your sign on April 2nd. Like the leftover planet it is, it burns like an ember of something that once was greater (its mass nine percent of the belt). Vesta’s transition into your sign allows you to fan the flames upon the deep-seated ember within. Home and hearth fires have changed from being the center of existence in our modern world, but we still depend on warmth coming from elsewhere. How do you perceive your own heat, Water Bearer? Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Circuitously, masses of fish rode the wave to a popular destination—Acapulco. Boon to the people who scooped up the ocean’s gift. Strange vacation—to be used for fodder in strange waters. Virgo, acclimate under the circumstances. Find a back door, an escape hatch of which the hoards aren’t aware. Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Snorkel like the invasive species known as the walking catfish as Neptune transits into Pisces on Monday. Here it will stay through summer until its movement back into Aquarius, and finally transits back into Pisces to stay for a long while. Looking for shelter against an unseen, non-storm, much like wriggling angst is what you face. The good news is that you have been working on losing apparitional feelings of doubt and will feel safe, even if refuge harbors the most stagnant waters.

14 • MARCH 29, 2011 • WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

and present

The Great Cupcake Flavor Quest Submit your flavor combinations to cupcake@thealchemistweekly.com Please include Your name: Cupcake name: and flavors for

Cake: Frosting:

* *

*required

Filling: Topping:

Contest ends on April 15th with a tasting to determine the winner during May’s First Thursday at a location TBD.

Corvallis’#1 choice for new and used records, CDs, and DVDs.

Corner of 3rd and Monroe • Downtown Corvallis • 541.752.9032 • Mon -Sat 10:30 - 7:00, Sun 12:00 - 6:00


honey

lets go out

Albany

Albany Civic Theater

111 First Ave. SW 541.928.4603

Corvallis

Aqua Seafood Restaurant & Bar

Alleyoop Lounge

151 NW Monroe Ave. 541.752.0262

Bogey’s Bar & Grill

The Beanery on 2nd

Calapooia Brewing

Big River Restaurant & Bar

901 Pacific Blvd 541.941.0977 129 W 1st Ave. 541.929.8900 140 Hill St. NE 541.928.1931

Cappies Brewhouse

211 1st Ave W 541.926.1710

Cascade Grill

110 Opal St. NW 541.926.3388

Chasers Bar & Grill

500 SW 2nd St 541.753.7442 101 NW Jackson Ave. 541.757.0694

Block 15

300 SW Jefferson Ave. 541.758.2077

Bombs Away Café

435 SE 2nd Ave 541928.9634

2527 NW Monroe Ave. 541.757.7221

Dixie Creek Saloon

China Delight Restaurant

32994 Hwy 99E, Tangent, OR 541.926.2767

Favorite Mistake Sports Bar

5420 Pacific Blvd. 541.903.0034

Front Street Bar

325 NW 2nd St. 541.753.3753

Clodfelter’s

1501 NW Monroe Ave. 541.758.4452

Cloud 9

126 SW 1st St. 541.753.9900

Murphy’s Tavern Papa’s Pizza

1030 S.W. Third St. 541.757.2727

Peacock Bar & Grill

125 SW 2nd St. 541.754.8522

Squirrel’s

100 SW 2nd St. 541.753.8057

Suds & Suds

1045 NW Kings Blvd. 541.758.5200

Troubadour

521 SW 2nd St. 541.752.7720

Tyee Wine Cellars 26335 Greenberry Rd. 541.753.8754

Wanted Saloon 140 NW 3rd St.

WineStyles

GameTime Sports Bar & Grill

Darrell’s Restaurant & Lounge

Artisian’s Well Lounge

DEL Alma

Cornerstone Café & Pub

Humpty’s Dump Bar & Grill

916 Old Salem Rd NE 541.926.3111

JP’s Restaurant & Lounge

220 2nd Ave. 541.926.5546

Lariat Lounge 901 Pacific Blvd SE 541.928.2606

Linger Longer Tavern

145 SW Main St. 541.926.2174

Lucky Larrys Lounge 1296 S Commercial Way SE 541.928.3654

Riley’s Billiards Bar & Grill

136 SW Washington Ave, Ste. 102 - 541.753.2222

Downward Dog

130 SW 1st St. 541.753.9900

Enoteca Wine Bar

136 SW Washington Ave. 541.758.9095

Fireworks Restaurant & Bar 1115 SE 3rd 541.754.6958

Flat Tail Pub

202 SW 1st St. 541.758.2219

Greenberry Store & Tavern

29974 HWY 99W 541.752.3796

Harrison Bar & Grill

124 Broadalbin St SW 541.926.2838

550 NW Harrison Blvd. 541.754.1017

Wilhelm’s Spirits & Eatery

Impulse

1520 Pacific Blvd SE 541.926.7001

1425 NW Monroe Ave. 541.230.1114

La Bamba Mix Night Club 126 SW 4th St. 541.207.3593

Luc

134 SW 4th St. 541.753.4171

magenta restaurant 137 2nd St Corvallis, OR

116 NW 3rd St 541.758.3353

2333 N.W. Kings Blvd. 541.738.9463

2200 NW 9th St. 541.752.6364

EVERY TUESDAY Drink specials with Bartender Joshua Nilsen 9:00 pm No Cover

Sunnyside Up Café

Crowbar

2211 Waverly Dr. SE 541.981.2376

usic e e se m tmosph r u o ge a ve h essi hill loun r g o c pr

2740 SW 3rd St. 541.738. 7600

2300 Northeast Front Ave. 541.926.2739

214 SW 2nd St. 541.753.7373

m

s y t n s e o i av r s T s se with

Lebanon

2250 South Main Rd. 541.451.3900

180 S 5th St. 541.847.6262

Duffy’s Irish Pub 679 South Main St. 541.259.2906

Fire Pit Lounge

2230 South Santiam Hwy 541.451.2010

GameTime Sports Bar & Grill

3130 South Santiam Hwy 541.570.1537

Merlin’s Bar & Grill 541.258.6205

Peacock Bar & Grill East

76 E. Sherman St. 541.451.2027

Sports Shack & Deli

1250 Grant St. 541.259.0800

Philomath

High 5 Sports Bar & Grill 1644 Main St.-541.929.7529

Meet’n Place Tavern

1150 Mian St. 541.929.3130

Wine Vault

1301 Main St. 541.929.8496

Wing Sing Restaurant & Lounge 658 Main St. 541.929.6255

connecting good food & good people since 1970! South Corvallis 1007 SE 3rd St (541)753-3115 Open 7-9 Daily North Corvallis NW 29th & Grant (541)452-3115 Open 7-9 Daily www.firstalt.coop

is what you’re eating

eating at you? We have all the ingredients for a

HEALTHY LIFESTYLE - Farm direct produce - Over 750 bulk items - 1,500 Local 6 products - 100% all-natural meats - Trans fat free - Quick, healthy meal solutions - Special diet experts ...and a friendly staff to help!

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • MARCH 29, 2011 • 15


PRESENTS

EVERYBODY MUST GET STONES Benefit for The Majestic Theatre

Friday, April 8th Majestic Theatre 115 SW 2nd â&#x20AC;˘ Corvallis

Doors at 7:30

The Rolling Stones performed by XENAT-RA audiophilia

The Flailing Inhalers The Taste

presents 2011 Chubby Bunny Championship Thursday April 21st Flat Tail Brewery 541.928.3431 32067 Old Hwy 34 Tangent, OR

Monday - Saturday 10:00 am - 6:00 pm

GREENHOUSE: Frames & Kits, Plastics, Cloths, Heating/Cooling/Lighting ORGANICS: Composts, Nutrients, Seed Savers Exchange Retailer ENVIRONMENT: Controllers, Fans, Air Filters, Reverse Osmosis HYDROPONIC: Flood, Aero,Mediums, Nutrients, H2O Tanks LIGHTING: High Pressure Sodium, Metal Halide, T-5s, Fluorescent

20% off MSRP on most items for our military Veterans.

Commercial,Agriculture, Business,and Community Garden pricing too.

Locally owned and operated

www.samuraigreenhousesupply.com

The Alchemist Weekly Vol 4 No 169:38  

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM • VOLUME 4 NUMBER 169:38 • MARCH 29, 2011