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"We are the youth gone wild." -Skid Row

VOLUME 3 NUMBER 143:12• SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

OUR STUDENT GUIDE TO and our towns

befor e e h t t e we g u o y f o best


SYMPOSIUM symposium What is Symposium?

The Greeks called it symposium. Today, we call it a drinking party. Now, before you go out to your next frat party and start calling it a symposium, let’s get one thing straight. As far as I’m concerned just because you are drinking does not mean you are engaged in a symposium. A truly worthy symposium requires some attempts at higher understanding. Whether it be a serious question like, “Is it really human nature to remain monogamous?” or “How hard is it to become a male escort?” The purpose of symposium is to question the unquestioned, answer the unanswered, and sometimes re-question and re-answer. Symposium, symposium Today, what will I suppose of them? A question unanswered I will impose again As my dearest friends bestow a grin It’s not for answers that I dare incite But stirring minds from their slight respite I’m not alone in my questioning ways And thoughtless nights spawn thoughtless days So rather than sit alone and quietly wait We need a symposium! Now set the date! Last week, The Alchemist generally talked about the subject of medicinal marijuana. A drug that the federal government has considered a Schedule I is gaining momentum in the public consciousness to be described as medicine. For states to truly feel confident about their programs and no longer fear the wrath of DEA agents running through the doors of dispensaries and card holders, they need the federal government to assign marijuana to the list of Schedule II drugs. This would allow states to regulate it in the same fashion as Dexedrine, Pseudoephedrine, and other drugs found in your pharmacy pills. If the momentum is shifting from the Just Say No era, what else can we attach to this public enlightenment? Why not medicinal sex? Prostitution is currently experiencing a period of prohibition with the exception of some Nevada counties. Exchanging money for straight up sex is illegal. Exchanging money for straight up marijuana without medical precedent is illegal. Let me introduce you to the idea of sex surrogates. In 1970, the research team, Masters and Johnson released “Human Sexual Inadequacy” in which they described the first use of sexual surrogates as a method to treat sexual dysfunction. The idea of sex surrogate can be thought of in much the same way as prescription drug use. In cases of psychological problems, like depression, drugs are used in conjunction with therapy to allow the patient to understand the end goal. Anti-depressants shouldn’t be thought of as an end-all solution, but as a tool to aid in the counseling. If you want to find more information about surrogates, you can check out the International Professional Surrogates Association. I was surprised to find, “no specific academic degrees or courses are required as prerequisite to IPSA’s training program.” Oh really? So, anyone can become a sex surrogate? “This is not a profession for people who are confused about themselves or who are simply looking to have a good time.” Before you sign up, it is likely that as a surrogate you won’t be able to work unless in conjunction with a licensed sex therapist. What seems interesting in this moment when compared to other medical uses of drugs in therapy is nothing about the medical marijuana program seems to require follow up appointments to make sure it’s working. In the case of a sex surrogate and sex therapy, the therapist and patient have an end goal in mind. They are using surrogates as a means to end, rather than just a means to alleviate symptoms. Maybe this is the distinction between drug use for physical problems and drug use for psychological problems. Currently, the Oregon Medical Marijuana Program only allows physicians to suggest marijuana use for physical ailments. As such, it’s possible that once you’ve acquired your card, the doctor will only ask if it is working and not expect that one day you won’t need it. In sex therapy, you’ll need to move on from your sex surrogate and into a real lasting sexual relationship. So, what do you think? Are sex surrogates a roundabout way to allow people to have sex for money? Is the medical marijuana program flawed in how easily the program might be abused by those reporting symptoms that have gone away? Happy thinking and safe drinking.

VOLUME 3 NUMBER 143:12•SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

CONTENT S Opi n i on s a n d Editor ia ls , b e t h e y ours or yours , t h i s i s wh e re th e y be.

3 4

Dirtstir

B U MP

I t ’s t h e c alendar of al l t h i n g s A l b a ny, Cor v a l lis , L e b a n on , a nd P h iloma th .

GRAB

6

You know it. We know it. That student loan money is burning a hole in your pocket.

8 GRUB&GULP

Yo u go t t a eat. You gotta d r i n k. Do it h e re.

10

t o d o in Cor v a l lis .

GENERAL

T h e re ’s l o t s to know when yo u c om e t o a ne w town , e s p e c i a l l y i f yo u’re f rom out of s t at e. We ’ve compiled some i m po r t a n t in f o f or you.

15

2

Art

Art Director Courtney Clenney Cover Photos Noah Stroup

Advertising

Account Executive Noah Stroup Sales Representatives Luke Thomas, Lisa Weller

Business

Publisher Noah Stroup The Alchemist Weekly is published by: CorvAlcheMedia LLC PO Box 1591 Corvallis, OR 97339

GO

G e t yo u r b ac k up off the w a l l . W h e re t o go and what

13

Editorial Tag Team Courtney Clenney, Noah Stroup, Stanley Tollett Staff Writers Courtney Clenney, Noah Stroup, Stanley Tollett Bump Editor Noah Stroup Contributors Robin Canfield, Cindy Dauer, Dirtstir, Patrick Fancher, Josh Goller, Steve Hudson, Joel Rea, Dusty Stallings, Ricky Zipp

voice

VOIC E

Editorial

Cro s s wo rd

Alchemist Mission

As a publication, our goal is to facilitate greater understanding and appreciation for the diverse social and cultural groups found in the area. In doing so, we hope to create a greater sense of community between Oregon State University and Corvallis, between Albany and Corvallis, and between Philomath, Lebanon and Corvallis-Albany. The Alchemist recognizes the various interests of these groups and is dedicated to being as fluid as the community it serves. The Alchemist is available to you for free. Please limit yourself to one copy. If your picture is in it, you are welcome to take enough copies for your family. Subject to availability, back issues can be purchased by mail for $5. Send your request with specific issue date to PO Box 1591, Corvallis, OR 97339 and include a check or money order payable to The Alchemist.

SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

THE ALCHEMIST

-Noah Stroup think@thealchemistweekly.com

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM


D I Rstir T

Sicker by the Minute

Elements of the national health care legislation came into operation last week. Nice that kids with preexisting conditions cannot be denied coverage and nice people with insurance that develop a condition cannot be dropped from their carrier. Kinda nice for now that kids can stay on parents’ insurance until age 26. Not nice where all this is leading. Proponents of the health care plan crow about young people soon paying into the system because young people don’t seek health care as often as other age groups and will provide more than they use. Never mind many of these kids will because they will still be on their parents’ insurance plan. I want a single payer system and for now it’s not a reality.

C O RVAvanities LLIS

Be

I am getting my ass kicked by my job right now. I like it. I have no idea what the hell is going on. A delirious nausea overcomes me when I am away from work and can’t remember a damn thing about the project I am presenting. And, when I walk into the conference room, I am exactly where I am supposed to be and I can get it done. Part of me thinks I could be quicksanding (I want you all to credit me with creating a new gerund/action verb. It means, unknowingly slowly sinking.). Determining pace and order of operation and setting deadlines knowing full well I am no measure of the gentleman recently temporarily promoted to a more important project. And, I keep getting back in the ring. Ah, the eye-rolling tonguelolling ecstasy of masochistic celebration through self-induced stress.

905

Is a song by The Who. From a 1978 album, it pretty much fits the mind I have worn since before I heard the song for the first time. Not a new idea, but hearing it put my young feelings into words and gave them some kind of justification. I realized I wasn’t the first. Listen to it. I won’t be the last. -cJT dirtstirreply@gmail.com

Independent. Local. Unique.

WAY DOWN INSIDE... HONEY, YOU NEED IT...

CROW LOTTA LOVE

214 SW 2nd - Behind Downtown Dream - 753 7373

300 SW Jefferson Ave Corvallis, OR

541.758.2077 www.block15.com

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The thoughts, views, and opinions expressed in Voice are of their authors and do not necessarily represent the thoughts, views or opinions of CorvAlcheMedia, LLC.

THE ALCHEMIST

SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

3


artsalbany•corvallis•lebanon•philomath & culture

28 tuesday

First Presbyterian Church 114 SW 8th St Indoor Park Preview/Play [KIDS] 10:00 am, FREE Old World Deli 341 SW 2nd St Belly Dance [DANCE] 8:00 pm

Albany

OSU Withycombe Hall Open Auditions for The Coming of the Rain [ACT] 7:00 pm

bump

IOOF Hall, 738 SE 5th Ave Modern Western Square Dance [DANCE] 7:00 pm Corvallis Elks Lodge 1400 NW 9th St. Beginner Line Dance [DANCE] 7:00 pm Enoteca Wine Bar Girls Night Out! Knit Night [CRAFT] 4:00 pm OSU Women’s Building Rm 112 Salsa Dancing [DANCE] 8:00 pm

29 wednesday Albany

Corvallis

Albany

Albany Eagles Lodge Country dance lessons [DANCE] 7:00 pm, $4 Bogey’s Bar & Grill Andy Wood and Art Krug [COMEDY] 8:00 pm, $20

Corvallis

Enoteca Wine Bar Chocolate Truffle Happy Hour [EATS] 6:00 pm

Albany Eagles Lodge 127 Broadalbin St Albany Senior Dance [DANCE] 1:30 pm to 3:30 pm, $3

First Alternative Co-Op North NW 29th and Grant Wine Tasting [LIBATIONS] 2nd and 4th Thursdays, 5:00 pm

Corvallis

Cloud 9 Beer and Blog [LIBATIONS] 5:00 pm, FREE

Majestic Theatre 115 SW 2nd St Educating Rita [STAGE] 7:30 pm, $11/$9

Corvallis Dance Center 1935 NW Circle Blvd Ballroom Dance Lessons [DANCE] 7:00 pm

WineStyles 2333 NW Kings Blvd High Tier Wine Tasting [LIBATIONS] 5:30 pm, $20

Corvallis Public Library Cougar Ecology in Oregon with Dr. DeWaine Jackson [LECTURE] 7:00 pm, FREE

Lebanon

SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

To be considered for a calendar listings, notice of events must be received in writing by noon on Tuesday, two weeks before publication. Send to our Bump Editor. Photographs should be clearly labeled and will be returned if accompanied by a self addressed, stamped envelope.

THE ALCHEMIST

Bald Hill to Skate Park Long Board Push Rally: Benefit for Vina Moses [SKATE] 10:00 am Cloud 9 Tailgate Party [FUN] 3:30 pm Corvallis Dance Center 1935 NW Circle Blvd Swing Lessons [DANCE[ 4:00 pm, 5:00 pm, and 6:00 pm First Street and Monroe Corvallis Artisans’ Market Corvallis Farmers’ Market 9:00 am-1:00 pm

Corvallis Senior Center 2601 NW Taylor Ave Friday Night Dancers [DANCE] 7:00 pm, $4

Majestic Theater Educating Rita [STAGE] 7:30 pm, $11/$9

First Presbyterian Church 114 SW 8th St Corvallis Indoor Park Registration [KIDS] 10:00 am La Bamba Mix Night Club PRIDE La Bamba [DANCE] 8:00 pm, $3 Majestic Theater Educating Rita [STAGE] 7:30 pm, $11/$9 WineStyles 2333 NW Kings Blvd Friday Night Wine Flight [LIBATIONS] 5:00 pm

Lebanon Downtown Main St. Farmers Market, 3:00 pm

Corvallis

Autzen House 811 SW Jefferson Ave Rich Bergman, “The Place Names Project” [LECTURE] 9:00 am

First Alternative Co-Op South 1007 SE 3rd St. Wine Tasting [LIBATIONS] 5:00 pm

First Alternative Co-Op South, 1007 SE 3rd St. 1st & 3rd Thurs. Beer Tasting [LIBATIONS] 1st and 3rd Thursdays 5:00 pm

Enoteca Wine Bar Wine Tasting [LIBATIONS] 6:30 pm, $10

4

Oregon Language Center 237 3rd Avenue Karen Rogers, “The Many Uses of Apples,” [LECTURE] 7:00 pm

Albany Public Library Oregon Poet Laureate Paulann Petersen [READING] 6:30 pm, FREE

Corvallis Skate Park Juggling lessons [FUN] 6:30 pm, FREE

Albany

IOOF Hall, 738 SE 5th Timber Twirlers, Talk Like a Pirate Dance, 7:30 pm

30 thursday

Corvallis

1 friday

Linn County Fair/Expo Center 3700 Knox Butte Rd Oregon Mennonite Festival for World Relief [CAUSE] 7:30 am

2 saturday Albany

City Hall Parking Lot 4th and Ellsworth Albany Farmers’ Market 9:00 am to 1:00 pm

Linn County Courthouse 4th Ave SW Walk for A Cause/Run For A Life, [CAUSE] Register at 8:00 am

Muddy Creek Corn Maze, 27001 Llewellyn Rd Opening Day for Fall Corn Maze [FUN] 11:00 am to 5:00 pm Reser Stadium OSU Beavers vs Arizone State The madness begins at 3:30 pm WineStyles Blind Wine Tasting, 4:00 pm

3 sunday Albany

Corvallis Boys and Girls Club 1112 NW Circle Blvd Swing Class [DANCE] 7:00 pm

Corvallis

Enoteca Wine Bar Book Group [LITERARY] 3:00 pm OSU LaSells Stewart Center 875 SW 26th St Vista & Vineyards Art Exhibit Reception [ART] 3:00 pm Majestic Theater Educating Rita [STAGE] 2:30 pm, $11/$9

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM


music albany•corvallis•lebanon•philomath

Corvallis

Indie Energy House Living Room Concert: Will Johnson & Anders Parker [Acoustic Indie Folk] 8:00 pm, $20 www.undertowtickets.com or contact Doug: 503.784.4956 Majestic Theater 115 SW 2nd St Lunasa [IRISH] 7:30 pm Peacock Bar and Grill Karaoke, 9:00 pm, FREE DJ Big Cheese, 9:00 pm, FREE Sunnyside Up Café Celtic Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE

29 wednesday Albany

Riley’s Billiards Bar and Grill Pure Country Night - Country Dancing with DJ, 9:00pm

Corvallis

Bombs Away Café The Kindreds [ACOUSTIC] 7:30 pm Corvallis Farmer’s Market, 2nd St. and B Ave. Melanie Sorenson & Suzanne Bonnen [FLUTE/HARP] 4:00 pm Peacock Bar and Grill Jonny Dark and the Wondertones, [BLUES] 9:00 pm, FREE DJ Alex 9:00 pm, FREE Sunnyside Up Café Bluegrass Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE

Lebanon

Peacock Bar and Grill East The Brand, [BLUES], 7:00 pm Every other Wednesday

Tangent

Dixie Creek Saloon Battle of the Bands 7:00 pm

Albany

Calapooia Brewing Wild Hog in the Woods [Americana] 7:30 pm Riley’s Billiards Bar and Grill Ladies Night with DJ Unofficial, 9:00pm

Corvallis

Bombs Away Café Dessert First [ROCK] 7:30 pm, FREE Fireworks Restaurant Valeri Lopez [Indie Folk] 8:00 pm Peacock Bar and Grill Karaoke, 9:00 pm, FREE DJ Mike, 9:00 pm, FREE

Lebanon

Peacock Bar and Grill East Blues Jam 7:00 pm, FREE Every other Thursday

1 friday Albany

Novak’s Hungarian Restaurant, 2306 Heritage Way SE Lisa Taylor [CLARINET] 5:30 pm, FREE Riley’s Billiards Bar and Grill Dance Party with DJ Unofficial, 9:00 pm

Corvallis

Arts Center 700 SW Madison Ave Jubilate! The Women’s Choir of Corvallis [VOICE] 7:00 pm Belle Vallee Cellars 151 NW Monroe Ave, Suite 107 Nicasio Ralph Penunuri [FOLK] 6:00 pm Bombs Away Café Ambush Party with Searchlights [ROCK] 9:00 pm

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

Lebanon Coffee House and Eatery, 661 Main Street Afternoon Free Movie, 2:00 pm Live Music, 6:30 pm

Peacock Bar and Grill Karaoke, 9:00 pm, FREE DJ Alex, 9:00 pm, FREE

3 sunday

Dixie Creek Saloon Karaoke, 9:00 pm, FREE

2 saturday Albany

City Hall Parking Lot 4th and Ellsworth Albany Farmer’s Market Sean Koreski [Andean Flute] 9:30 am Calapooia Brewing Vicious Kisses [INDIE ROCK] 8:00 pm Riley’s Billiards Bar and Grill Dance Party with DJ Unofficial, 9:00 pm

Corvallis

Bombs Away Café The Flailing Inhalers CD Release and Art Show [ROCK] 9:00 pm, $5 FCC Gatton Hall 4515 SW West Hills Rd Contra Dance: The Nettles with William Watson [FOLK] 8:00 pm, $7

Corvallis Farmers’ Market First St and Monroe Donna Byrne [According] 9:30 am Oddfellows Hall 223 SW 2nd St Songweavers with Laurence Cole, Aimee Kelley Spencer, and Aimee Ringle [FOLK] 7:00 pm, $7 Peacock Bar and Grill DJ Big Cheese, 9:00 pm, FREE

THE ALCHEMIST

Fireworks Restaurant and Bar Southtown Open Mic, 8:00 pm

To celebrate the completion and release of their new album “Go Heart Yourself,” the Flailing Inhalers return to Bombs Albany Away Café this Saturday night, Calapooia Brewing and bring with them a unique Blues Jam, 4:00 pm multimedia experience. The show will consist of an action-packed Novak’s Hungarian Restaurant, rock & roll performance of the 2306 Heritage Way SE Flailing Inhalers hits and misses, Strings of Time [ACOUSTIC] new and old; the premiere of 5:30 pm, FREE their latest creation “We Need to Talk,” a clay animation about a Corvallis lonesome cowboy and his adulFireworks Restaurant and Bar terous wife; a painting exhibition The Infallible Collective [ JAZZ] which features contributions 8:00 pm from every member of the band, and more. First United Methodist Church Their second release in the last 1165 NW Monroe St two years, “Go Heart Yourself ” is Corvallis Repertory Chamber an exploration into the confused Singers [VOICE] 3:00 pm, $17 mentality of the twenty-somewww.repsing.org thing generation of today. It’s about love, it’s about failure, it’s Peacock Bar and Grill about redemption, and a dainty, Karaoke, 9:00 pm, FREE orange-skinned banker. As the tone of the album shifts to that of overcoming the feeling of rejection from those you love, and anger for those who’ve wronged you; the mild-mannered, yet coldhearted response is simply, “Go Heart Yourself.” The Flailing Inhalers would like to extend the invite to you, the beloved audience, to join in the celebration, and will show their sincere appreciation by offering a free copy of the new CD to all who attend. The show starts at 10pm at Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave.

Tangent

Fireworks Restaurant and Bar Heather and the Boys [Acoustic] 8:00 pm

Corvallis

alchemist pick

28 30 tuesday thursday

Lebanon

Cloud 9 Norman, The Parson Redheads, Old Light [INDIE] 9:30, $5

4 monday

SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

5


we know it. you know it. that student loan money is burning a whole in your pocket.

grab.

Best Bike Shop

How can you live in Corvallis without owning a bicycle? Maybe you own a bicycle, but it is in dire need of repairs. Or even still, perhaps you have a working bike, and it could use some minor adjustments or new accessories. So where do you go? With an abundance of bike shops in our little city (at least six) you certainly have options. How then do you choose? The readers of The Alchemist have helped potentially narrow it down for you, naming Cyclotopia the winner of the Alchy Award for Best Bike Shop in 2009. This is the second year Cyclotopia has been nominated and received a significant number of votes – taking the number two spot behind Corvallis Cyclery in 2008. What about Cyclotopia – a small shop run by Mike Easter on Second Street across from the Toy Factory – makes it stand out? According to Mike, Cyclotopia fills the “bike as lifestyle” niche in our community, appealing to everyday bikers – from college students to commuters. Plus, last August, Mike and crew – with tongue in cheek – revamped the layout of the shop to improve the Feng Shui and the general appeal of the showroom. Another attraction at Cyclotopia: a couch! You can sit on the sofa and “just kind of hang” while Mike and Neil Ousterhout tune up your cycle. Together, these two have 40-plus years of experience in the local cycling scene. If you visited the bike shop in 2009, you might have also met employees Tim Anderson, Vernon Huffman, or Craig Ayers-Hale. Or perhaps you had the pleasure of seeing Sydney, Neil’s Heartland Humane Society-adopted Australian Shepard. She’s a sweetie. The latest trend in the semi-leisurely realm of cycling personified at Cyclotopia is adding an electric assist to your bike, giving you battery backup to add a little power to your peddling. This could especially be helpful say, if you have to tackle Witham Hill every day. Mike himself is a cycle tourist. He enjoys soaking in the sights from the seat of a bike. He’s even thinking about organizing some cycling tours – maybe featuring a few of his favorite loops around the Oakridge area and the coast range (for the latest information, check the bulletin board in the shop). So put on your brain bucket (helmet), quit dragging your feet and get down to Cyclotopia – “where cycling and paradise meet.” You might be able to get a sweet deal on a used bike, or check out a brand new one. They’ll fix your flat tire while you wait. -Cindy Dauer

Best Place to Buy Music

The running joke at Happy Trails is that the only reason they’ve won the Alchy Award for Best Place to Buy Music two years in a row is because they are the only place to buy music. Let’s be honest. That’s simply not true. There is Borders, Fred Meyer, and Grass Roots Bookstore. All three of those places can satiate some of your music needs, but Happy Trails is the only place for you to find quality new and used CDs and vinyl albums. Though these other outlets exist, Happy Trails is the only true music store in Corvallis. The staff is encyclopedic in knowledge about the music you’re interested in and even more knowledgeable about the music you’ve never heard of. Each of them have their quirky interests about who the greatest bass player ever was, but they won’t put you down for throwing Bootsy Collins into the mix. Well, maybe they will, but it’s important to remember that these guys have been formulating their Top 5 lists for decades and any effort to convince them of a miscalculation will prove futile. If you want a truly timeless college experience, go get a turntable at Gracewinds Music across the street from Happy Trails and start planning some vinyl listening parties with your friends. Technology may allow you to stream the classics from your phone, but vinyl is a truly interactive experience. Get down to Happy Trails Records on 3rd and Monroe Ave for some elective education. -Noah Stroup

Best Tattoo Shop

So you walk into a house, the house has bare walls and a drab paint job, instantly you think “perfect,” wait, no you don’t, because you aren’t a boorish person. That last scenario never happens because third grade art class isn’t the only time to decorate stuff. People adorn their houses with memories of loved ones, religious ideologies and simply things that please the eye, why wouldn’t you decorate your body the same way? Tattoos are a way to immortalize a notion or thought on your body, a fond memory, a strong belief, maybe a lost loved one. The artists at Sacred Art Tattoo are more than happy to ink anything you want. Question their artwork? Just look at their forearms, many of the artists have done work on themselves. Skittish about the pain? What are you some kind of sissy? If doctors have bedside manner then these guys have that, plus one. The hardest part of getting a tattoo at Sacred Art is trying not to laugh at the banter in the shop while getting needled a hundred times a second. Last year they tied with High Priestess for the Alchy Award regarding the best place to get a tattoo in Corvallis and in 2008, Sacred Art won the award solo. They’re only a block away from campus on Monroe, if you’ve ever considered a tattoo stop by and check them out. Actually, even if you haven’t considered one stop by and take a look anyway. -Steve Hudson

Best Place to Spend $10

Everyone’s pinching pennies these days. A night out can be tough to fit into a budget. But with the wallet-friendly prices at the Darkside Cinema, you can be entertained without going broke. Every Wednesday night (and every other day before 6 pm), the Darkside sells tickets to its indie films for only $6 a pop. Not to mention the student and senior discounts all week long. Even when paying full price, you’ll have a few bucks left over for something to nosh on, and won’t have to worry about shelling out the price of another ticket to buy a bucket of soda like at the multiplex. Depending on the film, and the time slot, you may even have the theater to yourself, making you feel like you and your friends are in your very own episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. And, there’s not a bad seat in the house, so if you stroll in late to a packed theater, you know you won’t get stuck way in the back or off to the side like a sucker. -Josh Goller

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SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

THE ALCHEMIST

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM


grab.

we know it. you know it. that student loan money is burning a whole in your pocket. Alternatives to Fred Meyers

We here at TAW know that it’s really easy to walk a couple blocks down Ninth St. and stop at Fred Meyer for one stop shopping. However, we encourage you to branch out. Corvallis is full of a wonderful plethora of local shops that carry many of the same items you can find at Freddies. This all sounds very kind, like we are looking out for you and wanting to expand your shopping ventures. Really, we just hate getting stuck with you and ten of your closest and loudest friends in those tiny aisles. So spare us the claustrophobia and go somewhere else. It’s truly better for everyone. Check out the list to the right for some ideas. :) Oh yeah, we did it. That smiley face implies we don’t really hate you, right?

First Alternative Co-op Trader Joes Market of Choice Farmers’ Market Peak Sports (hint-buy a raincoat here) Superette (hint-buy a “raincoat” here) Shoe Hutch Footwise Cosmic Chameleon Melhalfs K-Mart Safeway WinCo (hint-this store is way cheap and it’s 24-hour, but you’ll need a ride) Bed Bath & Beyond Rite Aid Rob Nets Hardware Happy Trails (hint-buy your vinyl here)

Best Bookstore

I’m not an enthusiast when it comes to reading books for pleasure or otherwise. However, I am a big fan of saving money on things, like books. For instance, as a former English major I always had a list of novels to buy for each class and the OSU bookstore was notorious for overpricing these books, not to mention all other text books. One day I decided I wasn’t willing to pay $12 each for crappy, used paperback books and instead opted to go to the Book Bin to compare prices. Not only was I able to find the books I needed much cheaper, but most of them were in better condition, too. The Book Bin easily has the largest selection of used books in Corvallis, and if you, unlike me, love to read, I recommend you check to see what they have before going anywhere else to buy books. -Patrick Fancher

Best Clothing Store

In its first year in business, Cosmic Chameleon on Second St. won the Alchy Award for best clothing store. Rightfully so, especially if you’re in the market for a Wonder Woman costume or a new bustier, at a really reasonable price. With Halloween right around the corner, it may be the perfect place to start. But, even if you just go for a funky costume, you’ll fall in love with the rest of the digs in this quaint space. They are the clothes that spark inspiration and imagination. You wonder about the previous owner, what story does that piece of clothing hold? Maybe nothing—maybe something. And, should you buy it, what story will it have to tell about you? Cosmic Chameleon has everything you might want in a shopping experience, the joy of the owners, Joyelle Petersen and Nikki Marshall, creates an environment you would never find in a don’t-touch-that-with-your-sticky-fingers shop. Careful though, the item you wanted but chose to save for another day, may not be there next time, after all the store motto is “forever changing, forever you.” -Courtney Clenney

WWW.THEALCHEMISTWEEKLY.COM

THE ALCHEMIST

SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

7


grub. &

you gotta eat. and you gotta drink. do it here.

Best Ethnic Restaurant

Best of Squirrel's

Welcome new students! Let me leak some “the local’s” information to those who are really new to town.  Squirrel’s Tavern is an Institution.  If you believe a higher education is going to come from that state university, think again. But do it over a pint of beer (must be 21 or older) while you are down at Squirrel’s.  There is a reason this wonderful watering hole is referred to as “A Learnin’ Center in Downtown Corvallis,” because all of your life mysteries will be resolved here.  So, if you think that it’s a good place to see girls pull their shirts up, forget it.  If you are lookin’ for a fight, don’t come.  If you expect $1 PBR specials, go somewhere else.  What you can find is inner peace and the home of four Best of Corvallis Alchy Awards:  Best Burger, the Squirrel Burger.  Best Entree’, Chicken Little. Best Winter Activity, Drinking at Squirrel’s and Best Watering Hole, Squirrel’s.

Best Burger

First of all, the food at Squirrel’s is top-notch pub food. They don’t try haute cuisine, but what they do prepare is super delish.  The Squirrel Burger is by far the best menu item and a proverbial vegetarian nightmare!  Take a hand-spanked patty and top it with a slice of ham, a fried egg and cheese and enjoy a taste sensation that sensually is like a happy dream goin’ down!  The concoction was put together by Greg Little, aka Squirrel, the owner of the tavern, as a constant childhood reminder of his dad cooking him up eggs and ham every Saturday morning.  While Greg admits to adapting this burger from a pub in Portland, which allows that this burger is often imitated.  Calapooia Brewing Co, in Albany, pays homage to Greg with a Squirrel Burger on their menu, but I am here to tell you brother, that there is no other like what you will get at Squirrel’s.  (must be 21 or older to consume a Squirrel Burger.)

Best Entree'

Trying to stay on the trim side of life? Perhaps the Chicken Little is more along your lines. It’s a nice slice of chicken with a special pineapple marinade that was first concocted years ago when the Chicken Little Kitchen was operated by another couple who called it the K-J Kitchen.  

Best Winter Activity

Your folks may not want to hear this, but as the Best Winter Activity, drinking and, more specifically, drinking at Squirrel’s really is suitable for our rather dismal winter that smothers Western Oregon. It is true that upon my 21st birthday I made the trek from Albany to sit among the wooden walls, snowshoe softball trophies and the squirrelthemed decor for my first legal pint. Back then there were not many choices for great beer, yet the Henry’s Blue Boar sure went down easy.  I’ve tipped many a pint at Squirrel’s and from my perspective this is where you learn to drink in moderation. Your first visit might have you wondering why you stepped into “your father’s tavern” but I guarantee you a trip to Squirrel’s is not so much about getting tossed as it is about relaxing, having a good people-watching session and taking life a little more seriously.  Think about this the next time you mindlessly tip-over garbage cans in my neighborhood during a drunken stooper from too many $1 PBR’s.

Best Watering Hole

The Best Watering Hole nomination will be a tough one for Squirrel to maintain. These days with Block 15, Suds, The Flat Tail Brewery,  Bombs Away, Fireworks, The Corvallis Sports Park and too many more to list, there is no shortage of places to find great beer and to meet friends.  For me, often referred to in town as “The Beer Guy,” Squirrel’s will remain at the top of my list.  Let’s just say that if I could only take one tavern to a deserted island it would be Squirrel’s! -Joel Rea

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SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

THE ALCHEMIST

Take a short drive out to Philomath, keep heading north for the end of town, and watch for the sign on the right: The Woodsman. The 2009 winner for Best Ethnic Restaurant and purveyor of a great selection of Thai food. Watch out, it’s a quick turn on the right. The Woodsman has been a long-time drinking hole in Philomath, and this tavern has the decorations to live up to the name. A massive chainsaw hangs in the middle of the restaurant, more tools of the trade adorn the walls between scattered pictures of loggers. Converted gas lamps light over the tables. The building went through an overhaul in 2003, but it was when new owners added Thai to the menu about three years ago that it became the restaurant it is today. The Thai menu is actually one of two menus you’ll get at your table. An American menu retains the usual fare of burgers, sandwiches and soups for anyone not looking to spice up their life. The Thai menu has a long list of specialty fish and duck dishes, and a selection of curry, noodle and rice plates. Copies of handwritten additions to the menu are stuck inside to tell you of the latest specials. The beer selection, ranging from Coors to Dead Guy to Corona in the bottle, is quite reflective of the American menu. Unlike many restaurants that serve ethnic food, there is no imported beer to compliment the meal; no Chang, no Tiger or any other Thai beer. Luckily, a Bridgeport IPA or a cocktail will also soothe the burning sensation in your mouth while you eat. You can choose your level of spiciness but it’s the names that will fool you. A quite spicy green coconut curry over rice did not match the heat of the papaya salad. The shredded papaya is mixed with nuts, bits of cabbage, diced tomatoes and other veggies and spices. Served over sticky rice this salad feels cool to the touch as it hits your tongue, but the heat builds up quickly afterward. The curry contains a mix of broccoli, green pepper, onion, eggplant and crispy tofu, or your choice of meat. Crispy tofu by the way, much to soft to be considered crispy, but is much firmer than soft tofu and of a better consistency to go with the dish. It’s best if you bring your good conversation to the table with you, as you’ll be taking frequent breaks from eating to cool down. The only diversion beside the décor is the lone television near the bar, and sometimes you can hear the wondrous sounds of the food cooking in the kitchen. If you held on to the coloring book and crayons, that’s a good way to pass a few minutes too. This reporter recommends the pirate coloring book. The Woodsman consists of one large dining room and one exposed outdoor area when in season. The inside is divided by a short wall and free-hanging decorated windows to separate the yellowish walls of the family side and the wood and shingle of the 21+ side. The tables don’t all match but they are about the same height, and none of it will matter once you have your food in front of you. If you came during a regular dinner hour you may just be glad you got a table at all. Or course, if you are in a hurry to snack you can order up appetizers from either menu, but saving room for dessert is a better plan. The fried banana dessert comes with coconut ice cream that is a nice, cool treat after a spicy dinner, not to mention that this is one of the tastiest forms a banana has ever taken. Even without an appetizer, don’t be surprised if a dessert seems like too much food after the large size of your dinner. You may as well bring your own container with you because you will be taking home leftovers. Plan on taking home an even bigger portion if you want to try a dessert. If you are looking to watch your expenses, keep in mind that each dinner plate costs around 13 to 15 dollars. Beers, dessert and a reasonable tip puts your total around 50 dollars if it’s dinner for two. The Best Ethnic Award from this publication is well-merited, however. The food tastes great, and you’ll remember it well the second time around when you’re dining on those leftovers. Once you are out the door you’ll be wishing you had a flashlight as you stumble across the totally dark gravel parking lot trying to avoid the puddles. You will have to get back on the one-way road heading north out of Philomath, but shortly there is a left turn that leads you back to Corvallis. -Robin Canfield

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& gulp.

you gotta eat. and you gotta drink. do it here.

Best Pizza

Oh my God, Oh my God, American Dream Pizza! Oh. My. God! This pizza is one of the best tasting foods in the entire country, maybe even the world depending on your taste buds. I eat it at least once a week, if not more. It’s great hot, good room temperature, and great again cold. There are about 15 signature combinations, all of which can be altered or added. Or you can just construct your own. My personal favorite, “The Bent” with green olives added, is a meat and cheese lover’s nirvana. Mounds of bacon, Italian sausage chunks the size of golfballs, pepperoni, mushrooms, black olives, and extra cheese. It weighs a ton. You will have leftovers. Toppings are the key, in my opinion to a good pizza. Otherwise, you’re just eating bread. American Dream goes all out with their fresh, generous toppings. They will have you grabbing fistfuls of yummy-yum-yums off the bottom of the box, past the last slice. One thing you absolutely cannot forget when ordering a pizza from American Dream is the ranch dressing. This stuff should be a Schedule II narcotic on the DEA’s controlled substances list. It simply is the best ranch in town. Their garlic butter brushed crusts are the perfect delivery device for this incredible sauce. Hit up the downtown American Dream for the rooftop dining experience and the Crow Bar. If you’re a hermit or suffering from acute paranoia, you can order delivery from the campus location. You’re welcome. American Dream Downtown-541.753.7373 American Dream Campus (delivery)-541.757.1713 -Stanley Tollett

Best Place to Buy Beer (off sale)

What goes well with pizza? What goes well with music? What goes well at a party? What goes well with just about any leisure activity? The answer for many is beer. In fact, the only leisure activities that absolutely do not go well with beer are driving and firearms. As a student, one thing that you are going to need to take into account is money. Do not blow your student loans on partying. Do not answer dorm room calls from credit card companies. Do buy your beer at a place that provides excellent craft brew at reasonable prices. University Market, located at 1149 NW Van Buren Ave. is a huge orange building. (Go Beavers!) This is where you want to go. Almost all of the best regional, national, and international breweries are represented here. The staff are knowledgeable and will even hook you up with a box to tote your load back home or over to a friend’s place, or wherever you’re planning on going to “drink responsibly.” They have some food, chips, cups, and other party gear but the main attraction is the coolers and isles of excellent, reasonably priced brewskies. So don’t waste your or your parents’ hard earned money, go to University Market. Get the good stuff at a good price and save. Save the money for when you graduate with a Bachelor’s Degree into an economy that basically ignores it, because almost everyone has one. -Stanley Tollett

Best Cocktail/Happy Hour

“Way down inside honey, you need it.” Oh yeah, Robert Plant, I need it. Wait, you dirty minded. I’m talking about Crow Lotta Love, the infused pineapple rum concoction from Crowbar (behind American Dream Pizza on Second St.) and I loved every inch of, um, it. And, apparently I’m not the only one as the libation won an Alchy Award last year for best cocktail. It’s like a chilled but not blended pina colada with no sticky-icky colada mix, and the presentation is definitely worth mentioning. We’re talking a martini glass dusted with a shredded coconut rimmer. It’s like a tropical snack in between sips. Crow Lotta Love will definitely make you feel fancy and sometimes a girl (or guy, I’m not judgin’) just needs to feel fancy! Crowbar actually won an Alchy Award for best happy hour too. I can’t tell you the prices for the happy hour at Crowbar, damn you OLCC, but it’s good and it’s daily. So we already know the drinks are good and the prices are better, but what is it about Crowbar that’s just so dang cool? I think it’s the plethora of crows in the décor—they’re everywhere and they make you feel like you’re going to the dark side. It’s cool, it’s dangerous and it’ll totally give you its love. -Courtney Clenney

Best Dessert: Gelato

The other night I talked with a couple of women at a party and the three of us unanimously agreed that our favorite dessert in town was the gelato made at Francesco’s Gelato Caffe’ on Second Street. Though I’ve never been to Italy, one of the women told me the gelato is reminiscent of the Italian ice cream shops she frequented on her trip there. My response was, “All I know is that I love the cinnamon flavored gelato and could eat it for every meal.” The real beauty to Francesco’s is they let you sample any flavor from the large display case featuring at least a dozen flavors of gelato, and then they give you a hearty scoop of the flavor or flavors you choose. It’s the perfect place to take a date or to simply follow up dinner with a tasty dessert. I’ve had gelato in Portland and other places, but the homemade gelato from Francesco’s is the best. -Patrick Fancher

Best Appetizer

“A bed of house-made tortilla chips topped with black beans, jack & cheddar cheese, corn salsa, jalapenos, green onions, sour cream, and guacamole.” The Bomber Nachos. It seems pretty straight-forward when you read it through; much of the common items you’d expect to find in any plate of nachos. So, what is it about this particular plate of nachos that makes it “the bomb?” I did some research…in fact I’ve done about eight years of research and here’s what I’ve found: There’s a myth that one night John Huyck had climbed to the summit of the Popocateptl volcano in Mexico only to be struck by lightning as the volcano erupted. As he ran from the exploding mountain, he was blasted into a river of hot lava, fortunate enough to land on a large stone tablet, and floated on to safety. He extracted the stone tablet that had saved his life, and in its smoldering surface, he carved the recipe that would yield the greatest nachos this world will ever experience. This isn’t true of course, but the Bomber Nachos are most definitely “the bomb.” Period. Don’t believe me? Take the journey for yourself. I also recommend the green salsa. -Dusty Stallings

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THE ALCHEMIST

SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

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Best Study Place/Coffee

The murmur of conversations, the hum of the coffee machines, and the gentle tinkling of music provide the perfect backdrop for productivity. The caffeine-laden beverages might have something to do with it too or if you believe in color therapy, there’s a yellow room for happiness, a serene green one, and a muted red one sure to spark some interesting conversations. Interzone on Monroe won Alchy Awards for Best Place to Study and Best Coffee Shop last year. Suck it Starbucks, all ten of you. But, even with the best of intentions, sometimes we just have those days, or weeks—er, sophomore year—when the productivity meter goes down to zero. No worries, there’s enough stuff on the walls to elate your eyeballs for many procrastinating minutes. Bonus, if you sit by the window, people watching can be a great time passer too. Whatever your mood, Interzone will surely suffice as a great place to get away from the drabness of your dorm room and they even have the occasional live band. -Courtney Clenney

Best thing about the Valley: Summertime

You might feel a wave of impending boredom come on as you see your friends leave campus in June, but staying in Corvallis over the summer doesn’t have to be a death sentence. What makes the valley great this time of year you ask? For starters, all of the outdoor activities. ∙ Playing disc golf, real golf, soccer, ultimate Frisbee, etc. ∙ Hiking/Mountain biking up Bald Hall or through McDonald Forest ∙ Inner tubing down the Willamette River on a hot day ∙ Going to the skate park ∙ Reading a book or laying out in the grass of Central Park ∙ Walking along the riverfront and downtown ∙ Hanging out at the Saturday market Corvallis also has a knack for hosting cool outdoor events like daVinci Days, Battle of the Bands and the Benton County Fair to encourage residents to embrace the sunshine and relax. Many local restaurants and bars take their business outside as well. Another benefit to spending a summer in Corvallis is most of your fellow students aren’t around to overcrowd the social scene. No more fighting your way through large groups at the bars and house parties to get a drink, play pool or talk to the gal/guy who’s been checking you out from across the room all night. No more waiting in long lines at places like Local Boyz and American Dream Pizza to get some grub. You can finally get an uninterrupted workout at the gym and not have to listen to as many people talking and texting at the movies. My list could go on forever. And the fewer people who are around are just like you. They’re looking to make the most of summertime in Corvallis. Too bad you missed it, there’s always next year. -Patrick Fancher

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Contributed Photo

Norman

Cloud 9 (2009 Alchy Award winner for Best Music Venue) • Friday 9:30 pm, $5 Best Music Venue

“People can get neck deep in the local culture and music scene. Food, drink, people, art, music: you name it,”—Cloud Davidson, owner of Cloud 9 Cloud 9 Bistro and Bar on First Street was selected last by the Readers of The Alchemist Weekly as the best venue to watch live music in Corvallis. Concerts are held every Friday, Saturday and at times on Wednesday and Thursday, in addition to holiday parties. Popular bands like Xenat-Ra, Norman, and the Space Neighbors often play shows at Cloud 9. If live music isn’t your thing, Cloud 9 also hosts comedy, improv, open mic nights and poetry slams. I head downtown almost every Friday night to watch a show, whether it’s a rock band playing or a DJ spinning some break beats to get people on the dance floor. You’re guaranteed to enjoy the chill atmosphere watching a live show at Cloud 9. For updates on events hosted at Cloud 9 visit dinecloud9.com -Patrick Fancher

SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

THE ALCHEMIST

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go.

get your back up off the wall.

Best Place to Make Out

You’ve made it to college. You’ve seen the movies and you know the cliché experience. You might find yourself in a couple threesomes, foursomes, or maybe just enough onesomes to realize that crazy things don’t just happen to people. You have to really want them to happen and then you have to make them happen. Once you get older, the odds of crazy sexual experience becomes slightly lessened by the fact that there are fewer drunken hormonally charged bodies running around, but the odds increase slightly in your favor because some older people are more experienced sexually and know how to get what they want. None of that matters much. Of all the ways in which humans can express themselves, making out will always be the most fun and classic way to show affection. When planning a good make out session, be sure to consider the location. Your inclination is to think of your favorite couch, or bed. This could ultimately lead to sex, which isn’t a bad thing, but then that wasn’t really a make out sesh. That was foreplay. To truly ensure quality, it is important to confine yourself to an area that makes sex just difficult enough that it might not be worth it. I recommend the car. You’re right. It will be more difficult with your bucket seats. The ultimate cruiser for me was a beige 1996 Buick Century Station Wagon with faux wood paneling on the outside. I won’t go into further detail, but a steamy 40-minute lip-lock outside of Squirrel’s at 4:00 in the morning was enough for me to think driving such a ridiculously conservative rig was totally worth it. You don’t believe me? Wet your lips and hop in. -Noah Stroup

Where to Find a Date So apparently, we here at The Alchemist Weekly don’t date much because we could only come up with six places to find a date. Hmm.

Running Class Thursday at The Peacock Frat and Sorority Houses Standing in line for a $2 pint at Bombs Away Cafe Fred Meyers' skin care aisle okcupid.com

Best Place to Take a Date

The Darkside Cinema exudes a charm simply not possible at a multiplex. No surprise it was voted the Best Place to Take a Date last year by Alchemist Readers. Perched above the Book Bin in downtown Corvallis, the Darkside allows for a more enjoyable dinner and a movie combo, with the city’s finest cuisine options located within easy walking distance. Plastered with an eclectic mix of memorabilia, the lobby walls alone allow you the opportunity to impress your date with your extensive knowledge of obscure trivia. The concessions are reasonably priced and the drink cups are biodegradable, sure to win you points with your date (unless he or she happens to hate the Earth, which would be a good thing to get out in the open anyway). And, if that’s not enough, you can even get frozen Junior Mints. To paraphrase Kramer: Who could say no to a Junior Mint? The Darkside’s four cozy theaters allow for more intimate screenings. Previews are kept to a minimum. Most movies screened at the Darkside Cinema simply aren’t showing anywhere else in the area, and only quality films make their way onto the marquee. Whether it’s a foreign film, a scathing documentary, or a low budget indie, a movie at the Darkside Cinema will provide you and your date plenty to talk about afterwards. -Josh Goller

BUY 10 GET ONE FREE! NORTH CORVALLIS

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NEW! Frequent Buyer cards for coffee, muffins & scones, and oatmeal... Saves you time and money!

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THE ALCHEMIST

SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

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Best Place to Brainstorm

No matter how old you get or where you end up, the bathroom is one of the few places that you can count on to find some peace and quiet. There is no situation too great for the human mind that can’t be solved by an extra 5 to 10 minutes in the shower. “GASP!” exclaim the environmentally minded. “That’s a waste of water!” Tell me this. Where was the water saving shower head conceived? In the shower. If Einstein hadn’t spent that extra 10 minutes hosing off, he wouldn’t have asked himself if the velocity of the water feels high to just him or if it feels the same to everybody. If Noah hadn’t gotten lost in the water cascading around him, he never would’ve have conceived he’d need a gigantic boat to save his family and the world’s animals. Put simply, without the shower, we’d all be dead. For those of you who think this is all poppycock, I challenge you to not have an interesting thought while in the shower. I dare you to not review a recent conversation you had with your friend, or ponder your thesis statement for your next paper. If you can let your mind go blank, I recommend tethering yourself to the drain of the shower, because you just might float away as hot steam rises from the floor. Also, next time you get out of the shower thinking, “HEY! That would make a great Symposium idea for The Alchemist,” be sure to follow that up and send it in. -Noah Stroup

Under 21 Free Fun So, you’re not old enough to drink. You are in that awkward zone between a legally recognized child and an adult. It may seem like a raw deal. But, enjoy your youth while it lasts. Here are some things you don’t have to be 21 to enjoy and they’re all free because as we know, some of the greatest pleasures in life cannot be purchased. Most can, but if you’re broke, repeat that last phrase over and over.

Wacky Indoor Bounce House Parties Disc Golf at Willamette Park Hiking Bald Hill People watching at the Memorial Union Masturbation Join the military Vote 12

Best things to do in the dorms

Does it make me sound really lame if I tell you some of my favorite college experiences were in the dorms? Probably. But, when I look back upon my college years, truly some of the best ones happened in the dorms. But, it takes some creativity for sure. Dance parties out in the hallway were like a supplemental workout, or maybe our only workout. Circa 2002, we danced to a lot of Britney Spears, the Cha-Cha Slide and Prince’s Pussy Control was like our theme song. Mattress surfing. Oh yeah, when you live on the fourth floor like I did, there’s a lot of stairs to mattress surf down. But, getting that damn mattress back up the stairs did prove to be a problem. Hope OSU dorms have elevators. Dance parties and mattress surfing are way fun when you have nothing to do besides hang out in the dorms, but probably the best thing about the dorms, is getting ready to leave the dorms and the multitude of closets you acquire from living in close proximity to so many people. And, let’s talk about the pranks. Got an empty room on your floor? You can almost guaranty that it’s empty because someone died there like twenty years ago and those incoming freshman will believe just about anything. Or maybe there are two people on your floor that always leave their door unlocked, switch out their stuff one night and watch the bewilderment ensue. It’s all in good fun. -Courtney Clenney

SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

THE ALCHEMIST

Corvallis Experience Points Each item is worth 1 point

The experiences listed below are the keys to understanding Corvallis and its mysteries. Do them all with proof and you’ll get something. But what that is, well...it’s also a mystery. But, we promise it will be worth it. And, there’s some extra credit points if you do something exclusive to Corvallis not on this list and let us know about it. 1. Hike Mary’s Peak 2. Date a bartender from a local institution 3. Know which bars are local institutions 4. Discover Dandalf 5. Buy a bike 6. Ride a bike in the rain 7. Know a former HP employee 8. Read The Alchemist Weekly every Tuesday 9. Write for The Alchemist Weekly 10. Visit all four guitar shops in town 11. Play the electronic drum set at Gracewinds 12. Join a band 13. Treat your seasonal affective disorder with Vitamin D from Stoker 14. Have a conversation with Stoker 15. Conspire with Cloud 16. Get educated by Tom Jensen 17. Eat an Oregon Burrito from La Conga at 3:00 am 18. Use the Best Bathroom in Corvallis 19. Buy vinyl at Happy Trails 20. Go play a round at Golf City 21. Date a musician 22. Get your nipples pierced (1 or 2 points) 23. Find out what Wally does 24. Have breakfast at Interzone 25. Play open mike at Fireworks 26. Accidentally drive to Waldport on your first trip to Newport 27. Have an oyster shooter at Flat Tail 28. Complete your Tequila Club card at Bomb’s Away 29. Protest with the war protesters outside the courthouse one day 30. Sing “Love is a Battlefield” with Sqwig-E 31. Get a growler from Block 15 32. Pick your own wild blueberries 33. Float the Willamette 34. Find the Mary’s River swim hole 35. Take the long way home through Greek row on a sunny spring day 36. Stay in Corvallis through the summer 37. Eat an Elephant Ear at daVinci Days 38. Pay an artist’s rent by buying a piece of their artwork 39. Crash an OSU student’s party 40. Meet your neighbor 41. Do something we wouldn’t do and take pictures 42. Upload pictures to our Flickr account

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general stuff to know. Tips from a Waitress

Beer, Brownies and pizza...a gluten free valley

“Oh shit man‌.that means you can’t drink beer doesn’t it???â€? That is the first thing said when I tell people I can’t eat something because I’m gluten free. That and a deep feeling of heartbreak that falls over someone who mistakes “allergic to wheatâ€? for “allergic to weedâ€? but that is a different story. While not being able to drink beer is a drag, (there are options along the lines of alternate booze) what I missed the most were brownies, pizza and toast. The rock hard gluten free options from the co-op or grocery stores weren’t cutting it. Then in 2006 a small bakery comes in and changes the scene. On the corner of 4th and Jefferson, Living Earth Bakery has put out their twist to baking and rocked it sans wheat. The concrete hard, toast three times options of gluten free bread step aside. They have cinnamon, multigrain, flax seed and sandwich bread that is actually soft, Million Dollar Brownies, which actually are chewy, and cookies that don’t break apart upon the thought of picking one up. Along with bread, cookies, pizza dough and hopefully waffles, they have taken back the lack of pastries inside the menu dodging that gluten free throws in. Gluten-free isn’t a metaphor for bland. The taste stands next to any gluten based baked good you can grab here in town from other local bakeries. For meals at restaurants, there has been an uprise inside this gluten free revolution that slowly becomes more and more catered to. Bombs Away CafĂŠ on Monroe has a whole gluten free menu. The burrito bowl pops up here and there at semi-fast-food Mexican joints. However, when talking with other people who have to avoid wheat in their diet whether due to personal choice, experimentation or an allergy revolving around Celiac Disease, pizza was the coveted item missed most. Going back to Living Earth, pizza crust was their most requested item. So, if there is a pizza need and flour won’t work go to Fireworks where they cook their pizza with rice crust for $1 more. American Dream has options of Gluten Free crust on Monday and Tuesday. Papa’s Pizza also has an option if you don’t mind the drive. But do not think this is only held for Corvallis. Ciddicis in downtown Albany makes it just as good as anyone else, coming in close to Fireworks. Still amongst all these options for food, the beer dilemma keeps sticking its head back in. Block 15 has Bards, a bottled beer made from sorghum, but it still doesn’t hit the spot in terms of good classic beer. You just become tricked with the carbonation and bottle and wishful thinking. What we need is a brewer, an option that has the beer perfection of anything that is on tap here in town. So, for now, you’ll have to stick to wine and brownies and cross your fingers for an answer to the beer problem. Hit up some of the places we have here that make the menu a little more appetizing for a life lived without wheat. -Ricky Zipp

We interviewed an actual waitress and bartender for correct dining out behavior. • Tipping 20% is the standard, but remember this, you might be in the service industry someday, especially if you’re in college. You’re going to want the stuff that folds and not the stuff that jingles. • Be aware of your surroundings. You can curse loudly in a bar and people with just think you’re drunk or a douchebag. If you curse in a family restaurant you might cause some poor parents to have a 30 minute discussion with their child and perhaps even bump up the “birds and the beesâ€? talk to a pre-mature time. Don’t do it. • If you’ve had too much, you’ve had too much. Friends don’t let friends...you fill in the blank. If you step back and look at it, they aren’t out to prevent you from getting as wasted as you “need to be.â€? They are quite possibly saving your ass from the cop sitting in the dim alley two blocks down, just itching to roust some punk kids. • Remember the waste bins. You weren’t raised in a barn, were you? • You’re in a college town, the community really supports OSU, so return the favor. One hand washes the other. If you tip well and are polite and respectful, they will remember your drink. They will remember your name. They might even let you have that two sides of ranch, one side of special sauce, two creams, and some honey for free. • Don’t raise your hand or bang the tables to get your waitress’s attention. Bad form....bad form. • Don’t trash the bathroom, even if you are trashed. Everyone has to use it, you might end up staying longer than you thought. Then it’s going to be YOUR converse laces dragging through five different people’s worth of urine. • Don’t waste the ketchup drawing all over your plates...it’s artistic but very wasteful. • Do not grab the bartenders or servers to get their attention. Soooo NOT okay. They will get to you. There will always be more people on your side of the bar than on theirs. Wouldn’t it be weird and sort of Orwellian if it was the other way around though? • Close out your tab at the end of the night. In one night at the Peacock there were as many as 14 open tabs left at the end of the night. You can get your card back, but the waiter or bartender gets stiffed on their tips. • Use a chew cup (tobacco), don’t put it in a regular glass because it must be thrown out. • If you have some extra testosterone and feel the need to fight, join the MMA. Typically bar fighters don’t end up harming their intended target anyway. • Don’t be THAT guy, or girl. -Stanley Tollett

Best Bathroom in Town

So you’re coming home from the downtown bar scene. Perhaps, while you were performing the seventh encore of Living on a Prayer at karaoke, you forgot to visit the restroom on your way out. Maybe you just have a wildly, unpredictable bladder, or you, like a dog, just enjoy the breezy freedom of emptying yourself outdoors. Either way, on the way back home, after you’re done mad-dogging everyone that passes you on the sidewalk, screaming f*** this and f*** that and f*** you at the top of your lungs. And, after you’ve punched two or three street signs and knocked over a few Eugene Weekly newsstands, the urge to rid yourself of that last vodka redbull or PBR that is aching it’s way out of your lower abdomen hits you. If you find yourself in dead man’s land, a little too far from the bar, and way too far from home, fear not, there seems to be a public restroom/ashtray located at 306 SW Monroe, in between Happy Trails Records and Image Makers Salon and Spa. It is recessed from the sidewalk and extremely poorly lit. There is even some nice brown carpet to prevent splash back or the telltale expanding puddle that might alert the authorities to some public urination. All in all, a great place to pop a squat or drain the lizard. One thing to remember though, the next time you drop through to relieve yourself, make sure not to look up. The residents have recently installed an inexpensive yet effective surveillance system that streams live to their computers. So if you must, go on, and then scurry home unfettered by excess alcohol laden urine. But beware, you might end up on YouTube. -Stanley Tollett

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Taxi Cab Phone #s If you get plastered, bombed, blitzed or blotto’d. If you just don’t want to take the “walk of shame�. If you are late or lazy or lightheaded, these people will get you where you need to be.

Beaver Cab - 541.766.8294 Auto Taxi - 541.752.8294 Pedicab - 541.609.8949

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The Kindreds $PMJO8PFLFMÂŁT"DPVTUJD4IPXDBTF

Thursday, September 30th Q]'3&&

Dessert First

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Friday, October 1st #BSSZ8BMLFS5IF5BOLT

Q]'3&& Ambush Party and Searchlights

Saturday, October 2nd

The Flailing Inhalers CD Release /8.POSPF $PSWBMMJT 03  CPNCTBXBZDBGFDPN .POEBZUISV'SJEBZBN¾.JEOJHIU 4BUVSEBZQN¾.JEOJHIU $MPTFE4VOEBZ

SUNDAY

MEET SWAP Sell something! Shop for treasures! Snack on something tasty! Enjoy live music! Admission is Free Located at the corner of 1st and Monroe St

Sundays from 10:00 to 6:00 pm

SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

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general stuff to know. www.intersector.biz

Call Sheri Dover (541) 602-6215

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Your Weekend Starts Here Home of the 6-Pack Friday

Best Place to Hide Out

Downtown Corvallis, ahhhh...the beauty. The two little breakfast nooks, located a mere 50 meters from each other. The waterfront and it’s mysterious fountain. The shops, the small restaurants, a few banks, a few bars, it’s kinda. . .quaint. Of course, during the school year, after 2 a.m., it turns into something out of Mad Max and the Thunderdome if everyone smelled of ethanol and were wearing polos, fitted tees or skinny jeans and Ugg boots. But, during the week, and even on weeknights, it is the ideal place to escape the troubles of life and stroll around. Sit down by the river and gather your thoughts. Lay on the grass and make out like you’re auditioning for pornography. The way the economy is going, anyone who walks into a shop is greeted like a foreign traveler in some third world bazaar. It’s nice. You are the customer, and the customer is always right. Unless you walk into Happy Trails Records. Then, when you are wrong, you are wrong. And when you are right. . . you have a point. But try finding better vinyl anywhere within 100 mile radius. Bottom line: get off of campus. Get out of the two block coffee house/bar street area and walk a few minutes toward the river. Talk to people, smile, and respect the town. Explore the town. Because if you do, it will become your town, too. And that, my friends, is priceless. -Stanley Tollett

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SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

THE ALCHEMIST

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CRO S SWORD

Strip Down

Down

1. Missile or grain containers 2. Troubled industry, these days 3. Desperate 4. Gp. with tracks and pits 5. Great pitching effort, as it were 6. Submachine gun since the 1940s 7. Source of school stress 8. Quirk 9. ___ Na Na 10. Cosmetics pyramid scheme company 11. Name of several Norwegian kings

12. Unscientific human grouping 13. People with a lodge 19. Gourd 21. Flock females 25. Time unit for studying the speed of light: Abbr. 26. Other, in Spain 27. City that burned LeBron James jerseys in July, for short 30. One may be tarnished or upheld 31. Place for seminars 32. Exxon Mobil company 33. CPA’s deg. 35. Mother’s Day corp. 39. Science-fiction writing award 40. Material with which kittens have a ball? 43. Mailed-in discounts, often 44. Year abroad 46. Year-end thing 49. Microsoft media player 50. Biblical landing spot 52. Like some frustrating traffic 54. Volleyball surface 55. ___ G 56. Off-road bikes, for short 57. Poop on 58. ___ facto 62. Slang term derived from the sound of an editedfor-radio curse word 63. High-quality French vineyard 64. Low-quality Greek beer holder

SUDOKU

Thursday September 30th Wild Hog in the Woods (541) 928-1931 7:30 pm 140 Hill St. Albany, OR

Difficulty: Hard

Saturday October 1st Vicious Kisses 8:00 pm

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Sunday October 3rd Blues Jam 4:00 pm

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Last week's puzzle solutions

LIVE MUSIC

1. Rolling Stone rival 5. Back talk 9. It’s often cooked in the woods 14. Phillips who created “Guiding Light” and “As the World Turns” 15. Pinza of “South Pacific” 16. Killed according to Islamic law, say 17. Tupperware pieces 18. Presidential doll? 20. Ready to serve, as champagne 22. Mary Todd’s husband, casually 23. Part of YSL 24. Likeness of director Sidney used as a scarecrow? 28. Most minimal 29. Make big 33. “Mad ___” (AMC series) 34. Lowly laborer of old 36. Close watchers 37. Fruity beverage suffix 38. Comic that comes to an end on October 3rd, and whose catchphrase ends this puzzle’s theme answers 41. Broadcasting setups, for short 42. Oldsmobile Cutlass ___ 45. Two-pronged 47. Japanese salad veggie 48. Concerto solo

51. They go into mills 53. Pileup of Wild Turkey? 56. Turkey’s place, partly 59. Possible response to “D’ye ken Scots?” 60. “Get Him ___ Greek” 61. Uncreative Father’s Day present rated the best in the world? 65. Subatomic particle 66. They’re gripping 67. Plot size 68. Brutish sort 69. Walk through muck 70. Brutish sort 71. Exclusively

www.sudoku-puzzles.net

Across

Inkwell Crosswords by Ben Tausig

SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4, 2010

15


The Alchemist Weekly 09.28.10  

Alternative weekly publication serving Albany, Corvallis, Lebanon, and Philomath

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