my life. She pointed at me and beckoned me over. ‘Shall I do this?’ I thought to myself. I looked back at my friends and then walked straight in there. She obviously really liked you? [laughs] Yeah, I’m certain she did. It wasn’t the kind of experience I was expecting. It ended up being amazing, a proper love story. I never thought I’d actually fall in love and have a proper romance. I’m gonna make her my wife. Can you describe her? She was Italian, medium height, massive tits, prettiest face. She told me she was a law student and I believe her because we have trust in our relationship. [laughs] You shagged three girls last night didn’t you? Yeah, don’t tell her that though. We were only there for two hours so I had to work quickly [laughs]. Like I said, I’m a good friend and I do my best to entertain. What about when you got flashed by that dude? Oh yeah, we went back there today to have a mooch around and whilst walking down one of the back allys a not so nice girl looked at me and lifted her skirt up and shook her willy at me [laughs]. It freaked me out. I now know how girls feel when we do it to them, so I’m never gonna do that again. I don’t think anyone should have to experience what I did today. Yeah we were definitely on the wrong side of town then. Yeah, there were some right howlers, but also some real diamonds in amongst the rough. Amsterdam has changed my opinions on prostitution, it’s cleaner to go there and have sex with a really really hot girl who’s clean, than it is to go out picking up girls on a Saturday night and being really dirty. The girls I slept with in Amsterdam were cleaner than a lot of the girls I bang anyways.You can’t call them ‘Hookers’, they prefer the term ‘Working Girls.’ They’re not hookers because hookers have no souls, these girls are really nice people, really friendly and they have a personality. Would you marry that first one? 112
Yeah, I’d marry her for sure. I love her. And the third one. Not the second one though. What was the first one’s name? Cecilia, I think… What about other team members, how did they get on under the red lights? Well, the three girls who entertained me that night each charged a flat rate of 50 Euros and for that you got the works. [Name omitted] on the other hand paid his 50 Euros, after getting told to “get out” by one of the other ones, and only got half the treatment. He was naïve to the working girl’s ways. What about Shaun? He was in there like a shot. He was nervous at first until I lent him a tenner. The first one he saw, he literally pushed us to the floor to get in there first, shut the door behind him and whipped the curtain across. And then there were two. [laughs] Is there anything else you’d like to add about the experience? Well, I just don’t want to come across as a dirty little shit bag. I don’t want people to think I’m a dirty shit, because I’m not, I’m a nice guy and just a good friend. And I’d like to recommend the experience to anyone, it’s not as seedy and bleak as you think. Apart from in dreams, where else can you go and shag all these beautiful women who really love you. Were you stoned when you had three hookers in two hours? I’m still stoned now [laughs]. And they’re not called hookers! I don’t think people will think bad of you. If you had left it at the first two experiences then it would be a different story, but after your antics this weekend you’ve proved you’re more than a dirty shit bag. Yeah, and I’m coming back next week as well. I’m gonna propose to Sabrina, or whatever her name was.
The Albion BMX Magazine Issue 6 Original release date February 1st 2012