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111 On the only full day we had to ride it rained, so naturally we spent the afternoon in bars and coffee shops, sampling the local produce. Once suitably oiled, up through a combination of slow loud English and hand gestures of jiggling boobs, we conveniently located the infamous red light district. It took Max less than 30 seconds to fall in love. Ten minutes later he’d chalked up his first conquest of the night. A few beers later and he’d made it two. Max then talked to his fellow team mates - of whome some were battling with their morals – about “getting involved.” One was successful, the other blown out and only blown off and after only being in town for a little over 120 minutes Mr Wood had lived up to his name and clinched his hat-trick. The next day on the ferry home we sat down with Max to find out his personal history with the Ladies of Red and also his current take on one of the world’s oldest and most seedily shrouded professions. It’s recording. Does this mean the ‘non-start’ of my BMX career has ended. What do you mean ‘non start’? Well it hasn’t really kicked off yet and I’ve been waiting a while [laughs]. How about we start this off by you talking a bit about your first experience with a lady of the night. What the ‘first ever’ or the ‘first ever this weekend?’ [laughs] First ever ever. OK. Well it was pretty seedy, as you can imagine it being. I was out dancing in the Black Sheep Bar in Croydon with a few friends when I bumped into Alex Kennedy and Luke Worrall. The end of the night came and Luke pulled me over and was like, “Let’s get a brass, this place is shit.” I was like “Erm, fuck it. Let’s go”. Hang on a minute, who’s Luke Worrall again, I know that name? He’s Kelly Osbourne’s ex-boyfriend. He’s a BMXer, he rode a lot with Alex Kennedy around the Horsham/Caterham area. He’s a model, a good looking guy who always had teeny-boppers hanging out with him at the skatepark. He’s the ‘model type’ in’t he? Ozzy Osbourne once bought him a dog and Luke tattooed his name on it, and it died [laughs]. What, it died because of that? Yeah, it died because of being tattooed. It was one of them pointless little shit dogs anyway. He sounds like an interesting character. Why do you call prostitutes ‘a brass’? I don’t know. I didn’t make it up. Sorry, let’s get back to your first partaking. Oh, yeah. So I was like “Fuck it, I’m in, where are we going?” We turned up outside Richer Sounds in Croydon Highstreet. Wicked! [laughs]. We knocked on the door, some shady guys answered. They took us up stairs. They locked the door and this gate behind us and demanded money. I was thinking “Shit, we don’t even get to see ‘em first.” How much was it? £60 each. So we were lined up in this proper dirty room, I wasn’t feelin’ too psyched at this point, I thought these guys were just gonna beat us up and keep our money. And then three of the ropiest women I’ve ever seen in

my life come walking out. In panic I spotted the one with the biggest rack and was like “You, I’m havin’ you, let’s go…” I done the business and left pretty sharpish. How did you feel after that? I wasn’t really psyched and I wasn’t really disappointed either. It got to the end of the night and I got done what I wanted to get done. [laughs] How about the one you told me about in Estonia? OK, well I was out the for Simpel Session and I broke my elbow in qualifying, so I ended up getting pretty loose for the rest of the time. Shaun [Jinks] got arrested. Mike [Miller] got arrested. Good times. One night we were walking back to the hotel, we jumped in a taxi and were like “Take us to a strip club.” We were driving around for a while when the driver hailed over this ropey woman, she got in the car and the taxi driver was like “I’ve got you one better than a strip club boys!” We went back to her horrible apartment block, we had no idea what anyone was saying to anyone. Was she hot? No! She was not hot. This one wasn’t legit. This was a bad news set-up. It was either do what they say or probably end up having your liver removed or something. Bit of a low point that one. How did those experiences compare to this trip? I know this was a riding trip, but it seemed that you already had the extra curricular activities sorted out before we even left. This trip was different. This was the best trip ever. All the other ones were just as you’d imagine it to be like, all dark and seedy… [Illegible due to booze cruise announcement on Dover-Calais ferry] …I always end up in situations like this because I’m too much of a good friend. It always gets me in dodgy situations. I’ll be with people who are a really bad influence on me and I just seem to do what they say. If they say it’s a good idea then I just go along without thinking. I don’t take much persuading; I think I’m a good friend. Describe your time in Amsterdam. The weirdest and best experience I’ve ever had. We were in the red light district for less than two minutes before you fell in love. You were like a rat up a drainpipe. I kind of didn’t have a choice. I saw the hottest girl of

IN PANIC I SPOTTED THE ONE WITH THE BIGGEST RACK AND WAS LIKE “YOU, I’M HAVIN’ YOU, LET’S GO”

The Albion Issue 6  

The Albion BMX Magazine Issue 6 Original release date February 1st 2012

The Albion Issue 6  

The Albion BMX Magazine Issue 6 Original release date February 1st 2012

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