Page 1

April 1, 2013

the meow

Page Editor: Jenna Myklebust

The Loveland High School Student Newspaper

Inside News

MTV sues LHSNN By Bridget Landis


Image from USA Today

Government bans Twitter, deeming it a “waste of time and resources.” See page 50.


Photo by Mitch Casperson

Beyonce has been hired to be the new show choir director. Expect its next routine to be “lookin’ so crazy right now.” See page XLVII.

video announcements. Its crew will have to spend its first block washing dishes to pay off this expensive lawsuit. Mr. Barrett, the faculty advisor of LH-

Loveland High School News Network is being slapped with a copyright infringement lawsuit by MTV. LHSNN aired its not-sooriginal specials of “LHS Cribs,” based off the MTV show Cribs. MTV wasn’t so happy about LHSNN using “Cribs” as the name of its special. Nina Diaz, the founder of MTV’s Cribs, says, “What upsets me the most about LHSNN using the title for its special is that the ‘crib’ they are portraying isn’t even close to the multi-million-dollar mansions that we show. It’s just plain offensive.” LHSNN and MTV will be making their appearance in court next week. Among those testifying for MTV are Mariah Carey, Kimora Lee Simmons, and Xzibit, all prominent Cribs stars. If LHSNN loses this lawsuit, there will no longer be These LHSNN anchors are being sued by MTV.

SNN, says, “This lawsuit came out of the blue. I’m not concerned, though. I really think we have a chance to win with our defense attorney, Chris Kloesz.”

Mugshot by Bridget Landis

Dunlap new superintendent District recants recent nomination of Hilliker By Brad Faust Staff Writer

In a stunning development, the Loveland administration changed its mind on its nomination of Chad Hilliker as superindendent. Instead, it named Mr. Dunlap as new superintendent of Loveland City School District. This science teacher, soccer coach, and beauty pageant winner intends to bring some drastic changes to the Loveland City School District. When asked what his first order of business will be, he said, “I intend on making a machine that dispenses Polar Pops.” This bold change is the first of many reforms that Mr. Dunlap intends to make. He also wants to make

a rule which says everyone must have hair at least 12 inches long. In addition, everyone must wear sandals and shorts, regardless of the weather. Mr. Dunlap will also require everyone to have at least one tattoo, preferably on the arm. He said, “I have many great ideas I will bring to the table. These changes will change our district for good and bring us to the top in terms of education.” Science will be the main focus for the school, according to Mr. Dunlap. It will be required that all students take Honors Geophysical Science. Also, every single student who graduates must major in Geophysical Science in college. When asked if these changes are right for the district, Mr. Dunlap said, “I think I am the right man for Photo by Jenna Myklebust the job, and the changes I implement will be very benMr. Dunlap welcomes the new opportunity with open arms. eficial.”

Detentions out, childhood nightmare returns

Administration revises high school policies, brings back elementary school discipline tactics By Sarah Goldenberg

Staff Writer

LHS’s current policy of suspensions and detentions will soon be a thing of the past. Instead of Saturday School, misbehavers may find themselves revisiting the terrors of grades past, standing against the wall at recess or moving their clips on the classroom traffic lights. Beginning next year, the LHS administration will adopt the rigid structure currently in place at the elementary school. Here’s how it will work:

Students will be required to move their clips on the classroom traffic lights instead of receiving detentions. Extra-rebellious students will have to write sentences such as “I will be on time,” or “I will do my homework,” and put their names on the board. Administrators hope these changes will create a peaceful, more orderly school. LES recess monitor Mr. Steve praised the new plan, saying, “It’s about time you all took after us. You can see how well it’s working for the third and fourth graders,

and you’ll see how well it’ll work up there for the high school students.” Perhaps the biggest change will be in the cafeteria. Seating will be organized by Block 2 classes, and everyone will be assigned a seat. To get up to buy something, students must raise their hands and be pointed at by a teacher. Students are largely enthusiastic about the changes. Annie Ellis (9) said, “It’s obvious that our current detention and suspension routine isn’t working. There’s no immediate enforcement, and I think stu-

dents will respond well to these changes in the policy.” In extreme cases, students needing punishment will be ordered to stand against the tiled wall in the cafeteria. A rope for them to hold will be installed over the summer. The cost of the rope will be funded by a private donation. These changes will be effective beginning next school year. The staff hopes students will comply. If they don’t, well, they know the consequences. Please Recycle!


2a April 1, 2013

Page Editor: Sydney Dudley

What is he wearing? Well, just ask Mitch By Darby Moloney

Staff Writer

Maybe you know him from “Ask Mitch” or perhaps, on a rare occasion, you saw him step onto the pitch during a tough soccer match against Glen Este. Either way, no one can deny that Mitch Casperson (12) has some serious swag. He is hands down the most “swagged-out” student in this school. Living his life by the rules of “Y.O.L.O.” and “T.F.M.,” Mitch has an undeniably great sense of style. Let’s step into his closet of swag. Favorite stores/ brands: Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, Hot Topic, Swag Me Out Bro. Favorite outfit: cargo shorts, a nice Sperry/crew sock combo, and any shirt with statements such as “Y.O.L.O.,” “swag” or “$tack$ on deck.” Inspiration: Shawn Eldridge (12). Favorite designer: Ed Hardy and whoever invented

the terms “Y.O.L.O.” and “swag.” What makes his style original: His unblievable amount of swag. Best accessories: 3D glasses with the lenses popped out and a fresh-to-death snapback. What others think of Mitch’s style: “Mitch Casperson is THE style icon of Loveland High School.” – Mr. Kloesz “He’s so innovative; his Y.O.L.O. shirt is just so out there.” – Hanna Olberding (9) “To put it into simplest terms, it takes my breath away. I just have one question, Mitch: Prom?” – Erin Pogue (12) “Corynne Swift (10) thinks Mitch has great style. She said, ‘Mitch has great style.’ ” – Sydney Dudley (11) “They should rename Abercrombie & Fitch ‘Abercrombie & Mitch,’ because he’s there all the time.” – Ricky Mulvey (11)

Photo by Darby Moloney

Mitch Casperson rocks his Y.O.L.O. shirt next to his sweet ride.

Parking lot to be expanded so sophomores can park too By Ricky Mulvey Staff Writer

A new bill that was signed into law Thursday by Governor John Kasich will allow any student with their temporary permit to drive to and from school, without a parent. If a student with a permit is caught going elsewhere, his or her license can be suspended until he or she is 18. In response, the Loveland administration will expand the parking lot and allow all sophomores the chance to drive to school in the upcoming school year.

“It just makes sense,” said Mr. Kloesz. “The sophomores have been parking in Chatham Woods for a while, so why not just let them park at school? Plus, I can think of no better place for new, 15-year-old drivers to practice their craft than our parking lot at 2:30 p.m.”    “This expansion is perfect,” said mother Judy Smith. “Normally when I drop Matt off at school, I just wait in the parking lot for him to finish his day. Him being able to drive next year is really going to free up my schedule. With all this time I am going to have so much room for activities.”

    The new parking lot next year will be a second deck over the current one. “It’s going to look beautiful, and will be the first tiered parking lot on the grounds of any Ohio high school. This is going to be something that we Tigers should take a lot of pride in,” said Mr. Kloesz.      The current lot will also be repainted to make room for the large incoming sophomore class. The spaces will be smaller by roughly three feet. Smaller spaces mean that students will be required to drive smaller cars. “I know some students may have cars

Students dress for success

that are large, but we really need to embrace this change and only drive smaller cars,” Mr. Kloesz said. “I’ll also enforce this rule for those who fight this change. Seriously, go ahead. Try to bring your huge SUV. I dare you. I double dog dare you. I will make it rain parking tickets.”    The asphalt for the new balcony lot will be “borrowed” from Milford High School’s parking lot. Next year, Milford students will still have an area to park, but it will be directly on the landfill that sits just under their high school and current parking area.

New dress code requires proffessional attire By Matt Becker

News Editor

Know that Monday morning feeling, when you roll out of bed and throw on the first pair of sweatpants you can find before you head off for school? Remember those comfy athletic shorts you could just quickly slip into on your way out the door? Kiss them goodbye. Starting next school year, a student-proposed dress code will be put in effect. That code will outlaw any clothing deemed “unprofessional.” Clothes such as yoga pants, sweatpants, athletic shorts, open-toed sandals, and moccasins will get the boot. Girls will be required to wear skirts or dresses daily. Guys will not only be required to wear collared shirts every day, but will also have to

tuck them in. Current seniors Graham David, Eric Linnevers, Allie Muller, Christian Przezdziecki and Meghan Tegtmeier began this movement in hopes of improving the culture at LHS. “We were all fed up with walking down the hall and seeing too many kids treat this building like a casual hangout spot instead of a professional high school with the way they dress. So we came together and decided to do something about it,” said Graham. Said Allie: “LHS is a great building filled with teachers and staff who come to school prepared and ready to succeed. It’s about time that we, as students, mimic that same mature mentality.” As he welcomed the dress code with open arms, Mr. Kloesz said, “We truly admire and commend these five seniors for

rising to the occasion and acting on an issue that they felt needed to be solved. It’s this kind of problemsolving spirit that we hope to make contagious within the building, Photo by Matt Becker simply by These seniors shame a student violating the new dress code. changing the dress codes scored an average of 4 points way students dress for school.” The numbers don’t lie either; stepping higher on the ACT and 173 points higher up your outfit can also step up your grades. on the SAT, while having weighted GPAs In a national survey of over 34,000 high an average of 0.45 points higher than stuschools, students at schools with similar dents at schools without such regulations.

CONTRA LHSNN, The Roar debate which news source is better By LHSNN Thr iz many wurds tht LHSNNNN might not b as good as the Roor. But pls. At the Rar thye got to have to make news with wurds and stuf. It iz no queshchin tht LHSNN gets to do nooze wth moor than wurds. We make peecture nooze tht eveerbodee get sees on tellevishon. the Roor dont even uze cullors wen those eediots make a stuped paper. Sumtimz we talk abut spotrs at Luveladn schoool. ATHLETICKS!!!! that is wat we shuote when we macke spotrs nooze. aftar

tht we say how spoortes at skool dooeen. The rar dont no poot sports nooze in theyre eediot papur. look! Rar onlee puts stoopeed articuls like “waht hot nd not’ and “find Billee.” Moar like hot adn SNOT! lawl. I find billee too. eediotz. Who wanna raed stoof anywya. Wat iz this, englesh class? lol. No thnks yu. Y not mkae meh raed buuks whyle yoor at it. Here at lhs nooze televishon. everee day yuo willll see nooze. unless you hve to wayt fur news at blok 4. Sry. The Rar comes at lonch 1 times munnthly. unles thos idoits dont papur. lol @ the rar.


By The Roar We have awards and stuff.

The Roar


April 1, 2013

3a Page Editor: Megan Day

Weight room to be demolished Lack of funding for new equipment spells end for fitness center

By Mackenzie Johnson Staff Writer

Despite the grand opening of Loveland’s new fitness center just last month, the demolition of the new structure will begin this afternoon. While the Athletic Boosters successfully raised enough money to build the external structure, and even raised enough to have flat-screen TVs installed, they failed to raise enough money to buy new equipment. Due to the $300,000 shortfall, the structure will be demolished. The entire football team, seen celebrating last month eating pizza in the vacant fitness center, was witnessed sobbing as the wrecking ball was positioned to eradicate it. Between sobs, and trying to hold himself together, varsity football player Brian Popp (11) said, “We’ve had some good times in that old girl. It will be a shame to see her go.” Throngs of athletes will be attending the demolition, watching in utmost despair as the wrecking ball annihilates the most recent addition to Loveland High School. Strength coach Mr.Conatser will be physically restrained by multiple officers, as he has been spotted lifting in preparation to try to stop the wrecking ball. He says, “I know my chances are slim against a two-ton steel wrecking ball, but I

Mr. Conatser uses his superior strength to fend off wrecking ball. will not go down without a fight.” Students, athletes, and community members will never forget the immense

work that went into the construction of the one-of-a-kind facility. The hours of doorto-door mulch sales now a waste, this com-

classroom and a full-fledged physical force on the athletic field. He plans to join the soccer, basketball, and lacrosse squads in the 2013-2014 school year. “It’s like a dream come true,” Mr. Hutzel said. “I’m an avid supporter of our fine athletes here at Loveland, and it is truly inspiring to know that I get the chance to play alongside them. I’m really looking forward to harnessing my inner Tiger all over again.” Boys soccer coach Mr. Dunlap spoke with optimism in saying, “We’re ecstatic about adding Larry to our team. Once he knocks off the rust and plays his best again, I think he could propel us to a state championship.”

But how will he fit in? Won’t it be a little odd to have someone on the team who brings his wife and kids to practice with him? “I understand that there’s a little bit of awkwardness that comes with this, but it’s nothing I won’t be prepared for. Even though my teammates are young enough to be my sons, I’m gonna treat them like Mr. Hutzel brothers,” Mr. Hutzel said. His future teammates are sharing this same positive mindset. “I think looks are deceiving in his case,” said basketball center Jake Elfers

Photo by Mackenzie Johnson and Rachel Griswold

munity will never forget how close it came to making the fitness center a permanent reality.

Hutzel to take the field again for Tigers By Matt Becker News Editor

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s… a middleaged man playing high school sports? Due to a mishandling of records in the main office at LHS that dates back over 20 years, Mr. Hutzel has officially regained a year of athletic eligibility. According to Bylaw 4, Section 2, Clause 1 of the Ohio High School Athletic Association’s rules and regulations, there must be paperwork on file that represents every student-athlete’s participation. These forms from Mr. Hutzel’s senior year in 1988-89 have “disappeared,” as Mr. Zidron put it. This means that from now on, Mr. Hutzel will be an educator of English in the

(11). “He may seem like a washed-up old man to most people, but I see a new teammate with a bit of glory still in him.” Representing the lacrosse team, Max Mather (11) said, “As crazy as it is, he can actually be a really solid player for us next year. I just can’t wait to see the looks on our opponent’s faces when they meet our new grown-man teammate.” So brace yourselves, LHS students: When you fill the bleachers next year, you’ll be witnesses to some grown-up greatness.

LHS adopts sloth

Downside of new mascot: slower athletes By Maddie Whitaker Staff Writer

The new face of Loveland keeps it casual.

Photo by Maddie Whitaker

Due to the sudden swarm of internet popularity this animal has been receiving, Loveland is changing its mascot to a sloth, effective next school year. The Tiger has had a good run, and everyone knows how fond students have been of it. Administrators are hoping students will welcome the Sloth with open arms. Tiger mascot Sarah Kanitz (12) says, “It is such an honor to be the last one in the Tiger suit, but being the first person in the Sloth suit will be beyond exciting.” The Board of Education and Athletic Director Mr. Zidron both agree that the

Sloth will be a great change for Loveland Athletics. The only concern coaches have is that the athletes may start to take on the physical qualities of sloths. Athletes might be slow and less aggressive due to the new mascot, but hopefully it this will be only a phase. The senior section in the cafeteria will be repainted into a wild forest, with tree branches on the walls instead of tiger paw prints. It will be completely redone into the perfect place where LHS Sloths can relax and eat a stealthy meal. Any student interested in trying out to be the Sloth should see Mr. Zidron within the next week. Tryouts will be April 16-18.


4a April 1, 2013

Page Editor: Bridget Landis

Day in the life: Grumpy Cat

You know Grumpy Cat from the popular memes online. It may come as a surprise that he has just transferred to LHS. This famous feline roams the halls with class, confidence, and bliss. Be sure to look for this crazy cat in school and give him a wave; he’ll surely appreciate it!

6:30-6:45 a.m.: Wakes up on a bright, beautiful, sunny day. 9-9:05 a.m.: Watches the announcements during second 11:30-12 p.m.: Attends second lunch and has tuna packed block. in his lunch.

2:25-4 p.m.: Goes to football practice at the Tiger Turf.

5:30-6:30 p.m.: Takes a little cat nap.

Pitbull to be new prom DJ By Ricky Mulvey Staff Writer

He is the greatest entertainer on the face of the Earth. He is the most skilled musician ever. He is Mr. Worldwide, and he is coming to the Loveland High School Prom. After winning an internet drawing on Pitbull’s website, Loveland will be blessed with a full four-hour performance by the music icon. Originally the cost for this was going to be passed on to the students, but Dr. John Marschhausen will sponsor it as his final gift to the Loveland school district before he leaves to be the superintendent at Hilliard.     “I have a couple of loves in my life, but my No. 1 passion is the sweet, sweet sounds of Pitbull’s music,” said Dr. Marschhausen as a tear rolled down his cheek. “Obviously I would love to bring Biggie Smalls, but unfortunately he is no longer available. May he rest in peace.”      The legend himself is also very excited

to play Loveland’s Prom. “I can already tell this performance is going to be electric,” Pitbull said. “Loveland is truly going to be a land I love. You get my joke? This will be great. Loveland will be special. I will play my hit ‘Hotel Room Service’ at least three times for you all.”    �������������������������������������������� Some students are sharing Pitbull’s excitement for his upcoming May performance, while others are not as enthused. “Meh. He’ll be okay I guess,” said Alex Watson (11). “I’m so pumped. It’s going to get steamy in there,” said Mitch Casperson (12).    “Get excited, Loveland, because it’s going to be me for four hours, papo! I am bringing my good friends Enrique, Chaco, Aaron Carter, and of course Chris Brown will be in attendance to party and play for you all. This is going to be the greatest night of your lives,” Pitbull said. Asked to comment on Loveland’s Prom, former pop sensation Aaron Carter said, “I have no idea what you are talking about. Sorry bro, I think you have the wrong number.”

10:30-11 p.m.: Finds out Loveland will be having a snow Photos by Anna Niemeyer day tomorrow.

GF clothes are new look for men By Mitch Casperson Staff Writer

Boyfriend clothes are a new look for girls in which they wear really baggy clothes. It’s super fashionable, you guys. In response to the boyfriend clothes look for girls, girlfriend clothes have surfaced as the new look for guys. It’s the fashion sensation that’s sweeping the nation. From LA to NYC, girlfriend clothes are all the rage. The new style has been endorsed by style icons in our school such as “What is He Wearing?” models Graham David (12) and Christian Przezdziecki (12). One might ask, what are girlfriend clothes? Girlfriend clothes are tight fitting and lady killing. The basic girlfriend

outfit includes ankle skinny jeans, a deep V-neck T-shirt three sizes too small, ankle socks with monkeys on them, and canvas sneakers. “My skinny jeans bring all the girls to the yard,” says Graham. The days of baggy clothes for guys are long gone. So toss out your shirt four sizes too big and scour your favorite clothing store for extra smalls. “The tighter the better,” says Christian. “I can’t wait to bust out my booty shorts for summer,” says Max Olberding (12). “I’ve just been doing a lot of benching to get my pecs ready for all my new girlfriend clothes,” says Kyle Michelfelder (12). So get your butt out of your cargo shorts and into some skinny jeans

Clunker of the month

Photo by Erin Richmond

Alayna Pease (11) poses with her piece-of-junk 2007 H3 Hummer.

Seniors strut their girlfriend clothes in the hallway.

photo by Mitch Casperson

April Fools!  
April Fools!  

The Meow Newspaper.