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Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Common Council OKs Central Library plans, suspends ALDO limit By Grace Urban The Daily Cardinal
Lorenzo Zemella/the daily cardinal
The Wisconsin Student Public Interest Group celebrated Madison’s distinction as a Fair Trade City with a press conference Tuesday and will host a “Go Bananas for Fair Trade” event on Bascom Hill Thursday.
Madison named the first Fair Trade state capital By Alison Bauter The Daily Cardinal
The Wisconsin Student Public Interest Group held a press conference Tuesday to announce Madison’s status as a Fair Trade City, making it the 16th city in the nation and the first state capital to receive this designation. WISPIRG’s announcement followed two years of student lobbying
Charges dropped against man accused of assault at Mifflin Police released a UW-La Crosse student Tuesday who had been arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting a 19-year-old woman during the Mifflin Street Block Party Saturday, according to a police report. The 20-year-old man was cleared of third-degree sexual assault charges when the district attorney decided that he lacked sufficient evidence to prove a crime had taken place. The victim told the Madison Police Department she was trying to find her friends at the party when the man followed her into the basement, MPD spokesperson Joel DeSpain told The Capital Times. The sexual assault allegedly occurred when the two were in the basement, DeSpain said, although the man said the sexual act was consensual. According to WKOW, police took him to the Dane County Jail immediately following his arrest and he remained in custody until Tuesday, when the Dane County district attorney declined to prosecute the case.
and work to gain the support of the Common Council, local businesses and community members who are in favor of the fair trade initiative. According to WISPIRG, the “Fair Trade” distinction is reserved for products produced under fair labor conditions in which workers receive a fair wage and work in a safe environment that prohibits child labor.
The steps in becoming a Fair Trade City include crafting a local campaign, creating a Fair Trade “steering committee” to ensure continued commitment, and establishing the presence of local businesses offering Fair Trade products. In Madison, some currently participating businesses include fair trade page 3
Madison’s Common Council voted nearly unanimously Tuesday to rebuild the Central Library on its existing site in addition to voting to temporarily suspend the controversial 365-day limit of the Alcohol License Density Ordinance. The decision to rebuild the Central Library follows the breakdown of negotiations between the city and Fiore Companies over a $2 million contract dispute. Ald. Shiva Bidar-Sielaff, District 5, spoke for many alders when she expressed her frustration with the lack of communication throughout the process. “I support the library, although I will say I do so not feeling at all good about how the process has unfolded,” she said. Ald. Mike Verveer, District 4, said rebuilding the Central Library was critical to the entire library system. “I want to dwell on the future,” he said. “Let’s just do it, time is of the essence.” Many alders emphasized the need to build the library as quickly as possible to take advantage of low construction costs resulting from the recent economic recession. “This is a tremendous investment in our future and in our city,”
Ald. Tim Bruer, District 14, said. Also looking toward the future of the city, the Common Council voted to suspend the 365-day limit included in the Alcohol License Density Ordinance until October, when the ordinance is due to come up for re-evaluation.
“This is a tremendous investment in our future and in our city.” Tim Bruer alder District 14
The 365-day limit requires licensed property owners to find a new tenant within one year of releasing their last tenant if they wish to retain the alcohol license at that location. According to Mary Carbine, executive director of Madison’s Central Business Improvement District, the 365-day limit has had unintended consequences, such as forcing landlords to retain bars that are failing financially to preserve that option in the future. “[The 365-day limit] makes it council page 3
Gone with the wind
Danny Marchewka/the daily cardinal
Windsurfers packed up their things as the sun fell over Lake Mendota Tuesday evening. Unfortunately, the weather shouldn’t last into the weekend.
“…the great state University of Wisconsin should ever encourage that continual and fearless sifting and winnowing by which alone the truth can be found.”
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Wednesday, May 5, 2010
An independent student newspaper, serving the University of Wisconsin-Madison community since 1892
TODAY: partly sunny hi 70º / lo 46º
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Volume 119, Issue 138
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JILLIAN LEVY one in a jillian
News and Editorial firstname.lastname@example.org Editor in Chief Charles Brace Managing Editor Ryan Hebel Campus Editor Kelsey Gunderson Grace Urban City Editor State Editor Hannah Furfaro Enterprise Editor Hannah McClung Associate News Editor Ashley Davis Senior News Reporters Alison Dirr Ariel Shapiro Robert Taylor Anthony Cefali Opinion Editors Todd Stevens Editorial Board Chair Jamie Stark Arts Editor Jacqueline O’Reilly Sports Editors Scott Kellogg Nico Savidge Page Two Editor Kevin Slane Features Editor Madeline Anderson Ben Pierson Life and Style Editor Photo Editors Isabel Álvarez Danny Marchewka Graphics Editors Caitlin Kirihara Natasha Soglin Multimedia Editor Jenny Peek Copy Chiefs Anna Jeon Kyle Sparks Justin Stephani Jake VIctor Copy Editors Jessie Bell, Jacklyn Buffo Parker Gabriel, Lisa Robleski
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© 2010, The Daily Cardinal Media Corporation ISSN 0011-5398
THURSDAY: rainy hi 64º / lo 45º
ell folks, it’s been real. This is ofﬁcially the last column from One in a Jillian and I can’t say I haven’t gotten a little weepy thinking about not seeing my face (and cleav) in The Daily Cardinal ever again. I know, I know, you’re going to miss me too. I hear there’s this longstanding tradition of writing farewell columns in which the writer expresses tremendous thanks to the inﬂuential people in their lives and says how much they’ll miss the writing experience. But that’s the classy way to go out and I think by now you know... that’s just not my style. Don’t get me wrong, writing this column was a BLAST, and if it brought me even one step closer to getting in John Sharpless’ pants, then the late nights and time-sucking editing sessions were totally worth it. However, since this is most likely the last time any of my thoughts or opinions will ever be printed on anything
besides the pages of my diary, I’m going to take this opportunity to let out some lingering frustrations/hatred/obsessions and maybe a little gratitude. First and foremost; to all the undergrads who will not be departing from Madison this spring: I HATE YOU. I wish I could stay in college forever, more speciﬁcally, I wish I could stay here at UW-Madison forever. As a very wise man said, Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.” To the plethora of joggers and bikers in Madison: I HATE YOU, TOO. Just because you are physically ﬁt does not give you the right to a) ﬂaunt your svelte bodies in my face and b) disobey trafﬁc laws at your leisure. As I drive out of town after graduation, you had all better watch out because I will not be slowing down for any of you. And just for good measure, I’m going to throw in slow walkers and packs of chattering females that walk four across, completely blocking the sidewalk: You make me late to class and everyone around you wants to punch you. Learn how to walk in a quick, single ﬁle or stay off the sidewalks. To the Nutri Sci 132 professor: You know who you are and you know you
are the devil. Like so many freshmen, I was lured into your class with the hopes of an “easy A” and then wham! You pile on loads and loads of mind-numbing work and force hundreds of students to listen to you drone on and on, ﬁrst in lecture and then in podcasts. Thanks for giving me my worst grade in college. In a 100-level class. About nutrition. You’ve made me look like an incompetent idiot... I hope you’re happy. To my true love, Justin Bieber: Now that you’re 16 and have bought yourself a purty Range Rover, I think it’s about time you drove your ass to Madison so we can break in that backseat. To my temporary true love until Justin learns my name, Ben: Stop laughing at me when I ask you to marry me. It’s not a joke and your lack of enthusiasm is starting to hurt my feelings. To Kristina: You turned me into a slob and helped me developed the eating habits of a rhinocerous. I hate/love you for that. Thankfully, your boyfriend is the shit so I’ll forgive you. Try not to die when I’m not living with you next year. To my wife, Elise: I want to let you know how awesome I think you are for not making me wear pants in our apartment(s), for not yelling at me when
I set our plants on ﬁre, for demanding I eat a piece of fruit at least once a semester, for stumbling and giggling into our apartment four nights a week after three years of sobriety, for pretending that I’m Jewish and for not kicking me out for any of the above. You’re awesome, and I can’t wait to live in your basement when you’re a rich doctor. Promise me we’ll get a trampoline in the backyard? Great, thanks. To my faithful editor Kevin: I’m sorry that I didn’t manage to turn in a single column on time. I’ll let a nip slip if you forgive me... And to my father, I am so, so sorry that I ever suggested you should read my column. But your decision to keep on reading after week one was your own choice and I no longer hold any responsibility. I’m sorry you had to ﬁnd out what happened in Mexico... But hey, I came back alive, and that’s all that mattered, right? So I guess that’s all. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed. I know I’ve enjoyed writing it. Want to tell Jillian how funny and witty and pretty she is and how much you’re going to miss reading her column every week? Email her at email@example.com.
Lahr’s guide to becoming a successful frat boy ANDREW LAHR spare me the lahrcasm
re you struggling to ﬁnd a likeable personality, feeling lonely or just plain socially inept? Do you feel jealous and helpless on weekend nights, silently sobbing to yourself as you peek through the blinds of your dorm or apartment at the site of drunken and happy-go-lucky students squiring about the town? If so, you’ve got two decent options for stopping the vicious cycle of unwanted self-isolation. You could try your luck at becoming a reclusive savant, a modern-day Rain Man if you will, using the time not spent socializing to master an incredible talent like gambling or chess. Or just take the much easier, albeit less impressive route; join a fraternity. It’s a simple enough process, but you must master a few skills. Modern frats aren’t like they were in their “Animal House” days, when you and a gang of fellas intent on binging and causing a ruckus could ﬁnd a random house, give it some Greek syllabary and let the party roll. Not to mention if considering
this decision, your list of friends may be growing dangerously scant. Today Greek life is bogged down in the usual bullshit politics, rules, money and criteria for membership. Though I can’t say I’ve ever considered frat life, I regrettably frequent many Greek “hot-spots” on the weekends. As a result, I have (very much unintentionally) witnessed many common nuances found in modern frat culture. Compiled here is a list of behavioral tips broken into three integral categories of frat living, which will help in successfully inﬁltrating the UWFraternity culture; follow them with the utmost tenacity. 1. Appearance: This is probably the easiest one to master because adopting frat clothing is the best way for a unique personality to quickly conform to the masses. Hats should be ﬂat-brimmed with a ﬂashy insignia and backwards. Feel free to strategically tilt the brim to the side if you’re going for the much desired “urban-yet-probably-suburban” look. Sunglasses should be obnoxiously large, reﬂective or “Kanye-shuttered,” and worn regardless of how sunny it is. Shirts and pants are tough. I suggest grabbing something that can hold a lot of vomit, a few Adderall, as well as tolerate the sights and sounds
of primetime MTV. Do this until noticeable patterns result in the everchanging, and quickly obsolete pieces of cloth we call brand names are engraved in your mind. Oh, and use excessive amounts of expensive-smelling cologne for that sophisticated I’mbetter-than-just-deodorant scent. 2. Linguistics: If English isn’t your ﬁrst language, you’re probably screwed. However, if you’re an English scholar, you’re in luck and will only need to make a few tweaks to their verbal repertoire. When speaking toward fellow frat members, get rid of the word “going” and replace it with the newly used “trying.” For example, if you’re not a marijuana smoker, ease the resulting alienation from your probably potsmoking companions by saying, “I’m not trying to hit that bong right now, bra.” Note the use of a word commonly associated with breast support at the end. The word is actually a substitute for the word “bro,” which recently witnessed a mysterious vowel substitution in frats, despite also being only one syllable. Use “bra” fervently for capping a sentence correctly, or at least use the form “broski,” especially when requesting or delivering a “brewski.” 3. Sexuality: It’s common for frat boys to be confused about their sexual-
ity, and most frat boys will suppress their inner struggle. Statistically speaking, in frats, heterosexuality is generally agreed upon as today’s status quo. If you are in fact homosexual, not that there’s anything wrong with that (“Seinfeld” anyone?), it’s usually best not to discuss the topic during the application process. Homophobia is very prevalent in large groups of communal-dwelling and sexually indecisive men. Frat brothers will put a lot of time and effort into subtly yet aggressively pumping as much alcohol into the opposite sex as possible at local bars, “keggers,” “pre-games” and especially “A-bars,” in a coordinated effort aimed at making themselves more appealing to preferably desperate girls. Assuming you’re no modern-day Fonzie and can’t simply woo a cute gal with a leather jumpsuit, two thumbs way up and a loud “EYYYYY!”, you too should partake in the effort. Chip in extra for more kegs, and stand by the door at parties harassing women until they enter, using the prospect of free shots of Ron Diaz as bait. Frat-bound and need more tips? Andrew has plenty more that didn’t ﬁt. They’re accessible by e-mail for a cheap ﬂat fee at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Campus Briefs The best in fake news delivered in briefs for your reading pleasure
Guy That No One Ever Calls Wants Everyone To Know That He Lost His Cell Phone
For the record Corrections or clariﬁcations? Call The Daily Cardinal ofﬁce at 608-262-8000 or send an e-mail to email@example.com.
Chris Jents, some total nobody who no one ever calls, wants everyone to know that he lost his cell phone during Mifﬂin, so, if pigs grow wings and begin to ﬂy and you need to call Jents for some bizarre reason, it is best to e-mail him. In a Facebook message that Jents sent out to all 121 of his so-called Facebook “friends,” Jents explained his dilemma and the best way to get in touch with him by using large numbers of annoying computer slang and addressing his “friends” as “kidz” to ensure that everyone is 100 percent certain that
Jents is a complete fucking tool. The e-mail reads: Hey kidz, So I got hella fucked up during Mifﬂin this weekend, totally blacked out, and ended up losing my phone lol. LMFAO, I kno, I kno. But whatevs, if ya gotta get in touch just shoot me a message on “the book” or e-mail me. I’ze be checkin my e-mail hella often in the nxt few days so every1 who needs 2 talk 2 me cn do it. Peace mothafuckas. While many of Jent’s Facebook “friends” ignored the message after seeing who had sent it, the vast majority expressed confusion about who Chris Jents actually is. “At ﬁrst I had no clue who that guy was, but then I remembered
he was in my bio class last semester. The kid was a creep, always wearing that ﬂat brim hat he couldn’t pull off and being a smart ass,” said Jent’s Facebook friend Chris Breadtron. “I remember he was always talking about how he wanted to go outside and play some lax [lacrosse], but it was like, 20 degrees out and it was pretty obvious the guy didn’t really know how to play lacrosse, ’cause he told me ‘I would pay 50 dollars just to go out and play one inning of lax right now,’” Bradtron said. “Another thing, he was always saying ‘fo sho’ to the teacher instead of ‘for sure,’ if someone made a joke he would literally say ‘L-M-F-A-O’...
I think he made a lot of enemies just doing shit like that.” Although no one has yet e-mailed Jents with a request to either speak with him or spend time with him, Jents remains optimistic. “I’m not really worried [that no one has gotten in touch yet]. I know it’s just a matter of time ’til someone wants to play one or two periods of b-ball or an inning of lax, so I’m just gonna pump some iron in my room and when I get that e-mail, it’s off to the gym baby,” Jents told me arrogantly before picking up two ﬁve-pound weights and proceeding to do arm curls with them while grunting obnoxiously. —Phil Vesselinovitch
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Report: UW System minority enrollment not up to par By Steven Rosenbaum The Daily Cardinal
Although fall 2009 enrollments were at an all-time high for the UW System, the number of students of color enrolled has not kept up pace, according to the UW System’s annual accountability report released Monday.
“There is no way we are going to achieve our goals ... if we are not tapping into the fastestgrowing population in our state.” David Giroux spokesperson UW System
The report details the status of the UW System’s strategies and goals, including plans to increase undergraduate and minority enrollment and the expansion of science-related programs.
UW System spokesperson David Giroux said the university has been working hard to make space in classrooms. “We’ve long had a goal of increasing access to higher education. Even while we’re dealing with some very challenging budget cuts, we are not only keeping the door to college wide open, but we’re also graduating students in record numbers,” Giroux said. The university also wants to increase the number of minority students in the system, according to the report. Although the actual number of minority students enrolled has increased, it has not kept up proportionately with the number of white students enrolled, Giroux said. “We have an interest as a state to make sure [minority] students come to college in larger numbers, because they represent the fastestgrowing segments of our popula-
tion,” Giroux said. “There is no way we are going to achieve our goals as a university to strengthen the state’s economy, to create more college graduates, if we are not tapping into the fastest-growing population in our state.” The report also acknowledged an increase in graduates of the science, technology, engineering and math fields, as well as in health-related fields. According to Giroux, the increases, though not dramatic, show steady progress toward the university’s goal of preparing students for success in the Wisconsin workforce. “We believe that this is an area where new, high-wage jobs will be created, and these are the kinds of degrees that Wisconsin businesses are wanting,” Giroux said. The UW System Board of Regents will discuss the report findings at their meeting Thursday in Madison.
Political parties strategize to win seats in fall By Ariel Shapiro The Daily Cardinal
State Rep. Mary Hubler, D-Rice Lake, announced Monday she will not seek re-election in the fall, making her one of 18 lawmakers who will be leaving their positions. Rebekah Sweeney, spokesperson for Assembly Speaker Mike Sheridan, D-Janesville, confirmed that 15 Assembly members will not run for reelection this fall, including nine Republicans, five Democrats HUBLER and the recently censured, lone independent, state Rep. Jeff Wood, I-Chippewa Falls. In addition to the open Assembly seats, Tad Ottman, state Senate Minority Leader Scott Fitzgerald’s chief of staff, confirmed that three senators, two Republicans and a Democrat will also not run for re-election. Hubler recently gained attention for chairing the ethics committee that dealt with the disciplinary
action against Wood for his multiple drunken driving convictions. Hubler also introduced a substitute amendment that called for Wood’s censure rather than expulsion.
“When November comes, there will be a lot of smiles wiped off Republicans’ faces.” Graeme Zielinski communications director Democratic Party of Wisconsin
Both Wood and Hubler’s seats could prove to be highly competitive along with three other Democratic seats, according to Republican Party of Wisconsin Communications Director Kristin Ruesch. Ruesch added that Wood’s district tends to lean to the right. “In a landscape that’s currently tilting towards the GOP, the Dems are going to have some real trouble in their open seats,” she said. However, Nicholl Caruso, Assembly Democrat campaign committee executive direc-
tor, noted that Obama won 53 percent of the vote in Wood’s district, and said it could be a Democratic pickup. According to Graeme Zielinski, Democratic Party of Wisconsin communications director, the election of U.S. Sen. Scott Brown, R-Mass., has led Republicans to “count a lot of chickens before they hatch.” “When November comes, there will be a lot of smiles wiped off Republicans’ faces,” Zielinski said. The filing deadlines and circulation of the nomination papers begins in June, Ottman said, so “there could be more announcements in the next few weeks.”
Nelson Cho/cardinal File Photo
The Common Council unanimously approved plans to rebuild the Central Library at its current site in a meeting Tuesday night.
council from page 1 very difficult for us to find the tenants we think [the city] would want to see downtown, and that we would want in our properties,” Susan Springman of the Mullins Group, a local development com-
fair trade from page 1 Madison Fresh Market, Fair Indigo, Café Soleil, A Room of One’s Own and others. Of the many steps necessary for a town to be deemed a Fair Trade City, it is most important for the city council to pass a resolution supporting fair trade and the local campaign, WISPIRG campaign coordinator Allie Gardner said. Resolution co-sponsor Ald. Mike Verveer, District 4, spoke at the conference, congratulating WISPIRG’s work and describing the resolution as just the beginning. “This is really the clearest example of student activism at work,” Verveer said. “And this is only the first step.” WISPIRG, Verveer and fellow resolution co-sponsor Ald. Bryon
pany, said. Verveer said the fragile economy has resulted in a number of vacancies downtown, which prompted the suspension of the 365-day limit. The limit will be reconsidered in October along with the rest of the ALDO. Eagon, District 8, hope to follow this first step by working with the city council to pass an ordinance requiring Madison to increase its use of fair trade products. “Currently, [the resolution] is a signal of support from our leaders,” said Gardner. “But hopefully the ordinance is going to have some more legally binding language, making it a requirement to use fair trade products in certain situations.” WISPIRG’s announcement came four days before World Fair Trade Day, which will be celebrated this Saturday at Monona Terrace. Other upcoming events include a fair trade tea and coffee tasting Wednesday in Library Mall and WISPIRG’s “Go Bananas for Fair Trade” event on Bascom Hill Thursday.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Photos courtesy (from left to right) Broadway video, Blown deadline productions, imagine Entertainment, ABC studios and American Movie Classics
For comedy and drama alike, what has made the TV shows of the past decade so compelling are the phenomenal characters, like Liz Lemon and Don Draper, who keep things interesting.
The TV programs that defined the past decade Continuing from yesterday, The Daily Cardinal’s Arts desk revisits the top 10 shows of the decade
Quick: think of your favorite sitcom. Is the protagonist a woman? If you answered “yes,” then your favorite sitcom is likely “30 Rock.” Maybe “Parks and Recreation.” Now before I go all Gloria Steinem on this, let me say the dearth of female-centered TV shows is no surprise, nor is it necessarily a bad thing. There are reasons Kathy Griffin and Chelsea Handler are not on prime time. The simple fact that “30 Rock” is one of the rare womanled sitcoms on TV doesn’t make it one of the best. It is the show’s wonky, smart-aleck humor that carries it to acclaim. And although her lukewarm feminism usually elicits groans from her coworkers, Liz Lemon’s stalwart girl-power attitude is part of what makes her endearing. Still, one can only wish there were more Tina Feys on television. As Liz so eloquently put it in a recent episode, “This is gender inequity out the yang.” —Emma Roller
If “Lost” upped the ante for the production values of TV action, “Mad Men” did the same for period dramas. Each episode of the skirt-chasing 1960s ad men tableau is mapped to a designated day in history, right down to what the characters would be seeing on TV and reading in the papers. Characters
wear clothes actually donned during the period (many of them are actually donated from former Madison Avenue notables), details that aren’t necessarily just for show. The characters of “Mad Men” are all very concerned with keeping up appearances in one way or another, and the detailed suits and dresses complement the theme. Creator Matthew Weiner uses all this detail to craft the world of Don Draper, the womanizing ad man who may or may not be a genius, but still manages to win our hearts despite cheating on his insane wife and relentlessly abusing copy writers. —Mark Riechers
Without hyperbole, “The Wire” is the only show on this list that matters. None of our lives are as brilliantly quirky as depicted in “Arrested Development;” none of us are living out of 1960s ad offices; hell, I don’t even know if the characters in “Lost” exist in their own show. But in “The Wire,” David Simon painted a chilling portrait of urban poverty and the hauntingly garish ways the urban elites handle it. Most of what you read about “The Wire” will talk about how its depictions of under-the-table courtroom infidelities (both figurative and literal), journalism ethics (or lack thereof ), police myopia and public schools’ Sisyphean efforts to reform society’s forgotten children are painstakingly accu-
rate. I honestly couldn’t add to it: I never made it past the packedlike-sardines plotlines, deathly grim aesthetics and devastatingly acute characters. No other television show this decade combined such deliberate reality with such engrossing drama, and it seems sacrilegious that enough people neglected it for the show to drop to third place. But, as the urbanized Peter Pan, Omar, would say, “It’s all in the game, yo.” —Kyle Sparks
Despite the frequent claims that “Lost” is a oneof-a-kind indescribable show, many of the supposedly unique elements had been done by other shows. Like “The Sopranos,” the show pushed complex storytelling and cinematic-quality filming to a level not seen on television before this decade. Like “The Wire,” the show’s creators had a time-specific storyline in mind, and negotiated the end to the show three years in advance to ensure its quality. Yet neither of these critically acclaimed shows offered a completely transformative and immersive experience the way “Lost” did. Keeping audiences interested in around 30 characters and their backstories was a challenge; pushing audiences to scour episodes and do background research on the show’s literary references for clues to the island’s greater mysteries was unheard of; expecting audiences to spend hours watch-
ing web-exclusive content, trading theories on one of the hundreds of “Lost” fan sites and attempting to draw intricate timelines and diagrams to explain said theories was ludicrous. But it worked. When “Lost” airs its finale in less than three weeks, some viewers may leave disappointed, their questions left unanswered. But “Lost” has never, and will never, be just about answering questions. It’s about treating audiences used to crime procedurals and half-hour sitcoms to the most complex narrative ever presented on network television. It’s about introducing an entire generation to the world of sci-fi, even if they don’t realize it. And it’s about creating the ultimate water-cooler show in an era when Twitter and Facebook function as water coolers for the Internet generation. —Kevin Slane
The title cleverly says it all: All nine main characters fail to mature socially and professionally while Michael (Jason Bateman) tries to resurrect a halted company. Everyone and everything is stuck in arrested development. From there, the show never lets up, as jokes lacking a similarly clever depth of meaning are noticeable in their rareness. It’s not only the incessant cleverness that succeeds, which often relies on great familiarity with the characters to understand, as
the writing’s punch also works its way into everyday context even more seamlessly than “Seinfeld’s.” Talking about a poorly run company? “It’s a gaming ship.” Given more responsibility? “That’s right, I’m Mr. Manager now.” Tripping over your own words? Just recite: “The Bob Loblaw Law Blog. You, sir, are a mouthful.” Accompanying the writing’s intense consistency are the specific verbal and emotional caricatures each character possesses: Tobias’ inability to avoid puns suggesting he’s gay (“I’m afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be something of a dry run”), George Michael representing what is now Michael Cera’s well-defined acting niche, Maeby’s ability to run her life more successfully than her parents while they drop hints that she may be an illegitimate child (hence her indecisive name), GOB’s illusions (“tricks are what whores do for money”) both on and off the stage, and on it goes, even including richly constructed side characters like Ron Howard and Henry Winkler, who are spot on as the smartass narrator (even the narrator gets a clever personality) and inept lawyer. Considering the number of Emmy nominations and wins in its short stint on air, it’s bold to say that in hindsight, given the intensely complex relationships, puns and themes, the show was better off being cut after two and a half seasons of the most fruitful TV comedy ever made. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go return a dead dove. —Justin Stephani
Mark lets go of lingering Leno hatred, concentrates on Conan’s own comedy Mark Riechers jumping the mark y mother shares a birthday with Jay Leno. When the bartender announced this during her birthday celebration at the Nitty Gritty last week, I flew into an instant rage, forgetting the occasion and proclaiming, “I wish he were dead!” to the entire restaurant. Mom was a tad unsettled by how quickly I could jump to murder, but frankly, I’m on Team Coco ’til the end. Since tickets to his touring
show sold out in a time span too fast to be measured by science, Conan O’Brien’s return to TV this past Sunday for an interview on “60 Minutes” was my first chance since his exodus to see Conan go for the jugular. After all, even under the gag order in his final week on “The Tonight Show,” Conan cranked out a metric ton of barbed jokes and thinly veiled hatred toward the NBC execs. Imagine how hilarious his unrestrained fury would be? The actual interview was less hilarious, and more akin to staring at that picture of the crying clown for 20 minutes. Now granted, Conan is still
under a non-disparagement agreement as part of his exit deal, so neither the interview nor the clips from his stage act could include any real digs at NBC. Despite what their producers thought the interview would yield, Conan really only gave up one key fact—he’s still bitter, and he won’t be forgiving Jay or Jeff Zucker any time soon. But away from his audience, Conan’s quips to the silent camera and interviewer fell on deaf ears, and without that laughter he seems addicted to, he seemed drained and defeated. The interview wasn’t his platform for a call to arms in his fans–hopefully, it was his not-so-subtle
hint that he’s sick of talking about the whole painful affair in the public eye, apart from the occasional joke.
Mom was a tad unsettled by how quickly I could jump to murder, but frankly, I’m on Team Coco ’til the end.
We all got to enjoy a lot of laughs out of the whole Tonight Show shakedown, and we all miss Conan, but this wasn’t truly our tragedy. It was the tragedy of a man
who was burned by a bad deal and is struggling to maintain his faith in the business he loves. While Conan will always be a showman through and through, we the audience don’t really need to have our noses in his bruised feelings and ego. So I’ll ease up on my Leno death threats, because they aren’t mine to make. Now that the faux hatred is growing tired, it’s time to start mocking Leno for being unfunny instead. Yes, Mark is sad that this is his last TV column too. He hoped to deliver at least one more annoyingly fanboyish “Lost” column before the end, but such is life. Send your parting wishes to firstname.lastname@example.org, or follow him on Twitter (@MarkOnFire) to stay up-to-date on his future ramblings.
In a land far, far away... A can of Pepsi is brieﬂy visible during a scene in “The Empire Strikes Back.” dailycardinal.com/comics
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Easy as Kermit Being Green
By Caitlin Kirihara email@example.com
© Puzzles by Pappocom
Angel Hair Pasta Classic
By Todd Stevens firstname.lastname@example.org
The Graph Giraffe Classic
By Yosef Lerner email@example.com
By Patrick Remington firstname.lastname@example.org
Solution, tips and computer program available at www.sudoku.com.
Fill in the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9.
Today’s Crossword Puzzle
First in Twenty
By Angel Lee email@example.com
Answer key available at www.dailycardinal.com
AS YOU LIKE IT 1 6 9 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 23 24 25 27 32 33 34 36 39 41 43 44 46 48 49 51
ACROSS Razor need Shot with a high arc Exhorted earnestly Chief Bolshevik Santa ___ (California wind) Everybody’s antonym Nonet minus one Space heater? Battery pole Like Mary’s lamb ___ Perignon Commit a blunder Tribal magicians Idealistic and unrealistic Vein extractions Three-time Frazier foe Knights’ wives British composer Sir Edward Big trucks Makes void Antony’s attire Popular Internet company ___-climber (gym apparatus) Nut on a wheel Turnpike charge Conference-goer
53 It stretches during exercise 56 Twinkling thing 57 Danseur’s step 58 Extremely stern 64 Tropical forest vine 66 Story line’s path 67 Perplexed 68 Kind of ﬂu 69 “Fargo” afﬁrmative 70 Piece of the past 71 Deducted from the gross weight 72 Place with fortiﬁed swine? 73 Vera Wang creation DOWN 1 Throw away, as a lead 2 Labor leader Walesa 3 Preﬁx for “disestabli shmentarianism” 4 Lost on purpose? 5 Typed in 6 Colleen 7 Duty that’s a drag 8 Marriage proclamation 9 Out of the loop 10 Howard of “American Grafﬁti” 11 Absolutely dependable 12 ___ a high note 13 Forms an opinion
21 Indo- European, once 22 “Now I’ve found you!” 26 Sandwich from the oven 27 Suspicious and alert 28 Trojan princess of a Mozart opera 29 Almost weightless 30 Avian aussies 31 Letter before epsilon 35 Bed-frame crosspiece 37 Flulike ailment 38 Go wild 40 Not long off 42 Internet locales 45 Veteran 47 Fable fox 50 Thompson of “Back to the Future” 52 More kempt 53 Sound of a paintball upon impact 54 Pakistani coin 55 Looks inside? 59 “Blast!” 60 “___ Breaky Heart” 61 Cuba or Crete, e.g. 62 Wahine wreaths 63 Spider egg holders 65 Edinburgh negative
Washington and the Bear
By Derek Sandberg firstname.lastname@example.org
opinion Ideologue Van Hollen unﬁt for top cop dailycardinal.com/opinion
JAMIE STARK opinion columnist
isconsin Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen has always put his own political image before our state. The 2010 attorney general race is barely underway, and already a recent e-mail ﬂub has demonstrated that. J.B.’s campaign manager was included on an ofﬁcial, state e-mail regarding the Attorney General’s plan to sue the United States over the recently passed health-care bill. It may not be “smoking gun” evidence of his overt partisanship, but it certainly violates the ethics of separating campaign work from ofﬁcial work. At the very least, it highlights how politicized his involvement in the attack on the health bill is. J.B. is the epitome of a partisan hack, no matter how much he tries
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
to hide it. That’s not to say some of his political opponents have not been equally biased on the other side. But in a state that’s increasingly purpleblue, our state lawyer should not be an unwavering ideologue, particularly not a conservative ideologue. The job of attorney general, Wisconsin’s “top cop,” needs to be about reasonable exercise of the justice system, not political posturing. As his four-year term has progressed, J.B. has become increasingly conservative. He served as John McCain’s state campaign chair during the 2008 elections. In August 2009, he refused to defend Wisconsin in court over a piece of the state budget that offered limited equal rights to committed gay couples. Democratic Gov. Jim Doyle had to appoint outside counsel to defend the state, costing taxpayers additional money to do a job J.B. should have done. A former attorney general himself, Doyle said in a statement at the time, “The attorney general’s job is to represent the state and defend state law
when there is a good-faith defense to be made. His representation should not be based on whether he likes the state law.” Now J.B. is joining a short list of conservative attorney generals who plan to sue the federal government over the recently passed health insurance reform bill. The e-mail that outs his ethics under further inspection is part of this highly political debacle. Admittedly, the position of attorney general is partisan on the ballot, unlike local county board or city council elections. But the job inherently requires a reasonable candidate willing to at least discuss legal matters instead of adhering to his or her own predispositions. Having a Democratic or a Republican A.G. is not the problem. Having an A.G. unwilling to serve our state is. Thankfully, we have an alternative. Scott Hassett, resident of rural Jefferson County, is running as a Democrat against Van Hollen. Hassett served as the Wisconsin Secretary of the DNR and worked as a trial attorney for 22 years. Although he is a proud
Democrat, his campaign focuses on the belief that the A.G. ofﬁce should be a post of service to the state, not a soapbox on which to grandstand and wave partisan ﬂags. The election isn’t until November, but at this point in time, Hassett would not win the election. Barely anyone in the state knows who he is. Not that many Democrats know who he is, despite the fact that all of them hate every over-gelled, salt-and-pepper follicle on J.B.’s scalp. The Donkeys should be throwing money, volunteers and Twizzlers at the campaign ofﬁce until Hassett is drowning in support. But the Democrats are overly concerned, perhaps rightly concerned, over the gubernatorial race. Democrat Tom Barrett is in for a tougher ﬁght than he should be. His opponent, Republican Scott Walker, seems like a carbon copy of J.B. Van Hollen, minus a college education. Democrats currently have a near monopoly on state government, with the governor’s seat and both houses of the legislature under their thumb.
But to retain such inﬂuence and make sure their policies are carried out in the infamously inefﬁcient system we have in Wisconsin, they must reclaim the A.G. ofﬁce. J.B. is a roadblock to Democratic objectives, and a wellfunded roadblock at that. In the 2006 election, a boon year for Democrats, Van Hollen had $1.72 million in his campaign coffers. This year is likely to see even more fundraising, now that Wisconsin conservatives know he supports their politics. J.B. Van Hollen is far from peripheral on the state’s political stage. Reelection will only heighten his statewide proﬁle. Even if Barrett wins the governor’s mansion, J.B. will make the perfect Republican candidate to run against Tommy boy in four years. After all, Van Hollen is only 44 years old. Unless he’s ousted from ofﬁce now, he’s got plenty of time to run for the state’s top job down the line. Jamie Stark is a sophomore majoring in journalism and political science. Please send responses to email@example.com.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Luck helps underdogs win in NHL playoffs SCOTT KELLOGG the cereal box
LORENZO ZEMELLA /THE DAILY CARDINAL
The transition from the isolation of junior leagues to the pressure-packed college stage can be a difﬁcult transition to make, but strong leadership and camraderie in Madison eases the process.
UW to lose three seniors from tight-knit squad
By Emma Condon THE DAILY CARDINAL
Tennis is a lonely sport. Most days a player squares off against a singular adversary, separated from him by some 78 feet and a net, according to professional, standard measures. Teamwork doesn’t get results when there’s no one on your side and there is no give and take between a solitary player and his box. Camaraderie is a part of the game from the beginning for most young athletes, but for a tennis player, the team atmosphere they encounter as a collegiate athlete is more of a blip in a staunchly individual sport. “It’s you against them,” senior Michael Dierberger said bluntly. “No one’s out there helping you. It’s all on you.” Whether in the junior circuits Dierberger traversed early in his career or the club leagues and gyms that produced much of Wisconsin’s international talent, team experiences are rare. That becomes the challenge to collegiate coaches when rag-tag groups of freshman show up in the fall for their ﬁrst tournaments, at least their ﬁrst as a Badger. “We all go, the team together, we all warm up together,” assistant coach Evan Austin said, who has watched waves come through in his years coaching with the program. “Even though they’re playing at different times, they all have to be at the courts all day together, and I think that’s their ﬁrst eye opener that it’s not all about me anymore, it’s about what’s best for the team.” But in his experience, most players welcome the transition. “Tennis is such a lonely sport, so I really enjoyed it, being part of the team,” senior Moritz Baumann said, reﬂecting on his own tenure on the ream as it draws to a close. “If you lose, you don’t lose on your own. The team lost. It’s not that painful, I guess. You can talk about it.” Joined in rosters of six to ten players, competing in dual format for three doubles matches, six singles and one fate, players echo the same sentiment again and again about the seven-point system; It’s the ﬁrst to four. “You have the chance to be the last guy on the court, it’s three all and your teammates screaming and yelling ... and you just know that you mean
something for the team and the team needs you. You are not going to just lean back or just give up. There’s no way you can do it.” But on the ﬂipside of that support, the agony of defeat can be tough to articulate when you fail to come through. “I’ve experienced it a couple times,” junior Marek Michalicka said through a half grimace. “It’s not a good feeling. Just regret.” And settling in that role as part of a larger whole can dramatically change the attitude of such a gentlemanly one-on-one to a raucous gathering. The change in atmosphere from years of junior tournaments is vivid in the minds of its practitioners and observers alike. “It’s a different type of game,” Austin said. “It’s much more intense. Even when you watch the pros play, it’s a little different than when you’re watching a college dual match going on with all the action between the courts.”
“Tennis is such a lonely sport, so I really enjoyed it, being part of the team.” Moritz Baumann senior UW Men’s Tennis
Between Dierberger, Baumann, Michalicka and the cast of six other characters, the current squad is much more than the sum of its parts, and that cohesion shows in match play even with modestly improving results in the polls over the last few years. Austin calls his current squad the most united team the coaching staff has ever had. “We’ve gotten to the point now where we’ve really got the type of guys we want, the type of players we want, the type of leaders we want,” Austin said. “I don’t think it’s going to change.” This year, the Badgers lose three seniors, departures that will certainly be noted, and may even threaten the balance Austin and head coach Greg Van Emburgh have carefully constructed on the team. Someone, some
individual will have to step up for the group. “Marek deﬁnitely is going to step up as a leader, and Pat too,” Baumann said. “They are already kind of leaders. They’ve been through a lot of close, important matches.” A glib Michalicka isn’t sure how he feels about this assessment. “How should I feel? In tennis what does it mean? You have to pick up all the guys and make them run around the court before practice?” Despite Michalicka’s misgivings about holding together the tennis players he considers teammates, Austin seems more conﬁdent. “He’s not the most vocal guy, but then again he’s the guys that’s always to practice early,” he said. “Some guys don’t necessarily always think that they’re a leader, but you see him go out and play extremely professionally and does things the right way.” Austin sees sophomore Patrick Pohlmann as a unique competitor, and he seems to be the unanimous vote for most impassioned addition to the team’s cast. “A guy like Patrick... he’s the guy that if you’re playing a highly ranked team he said, ‘Come on guys, this is our opportunity.’ He’s not afraid of anyone.” But all the personalities keep it interesting for the team spending countless hours on the road together and over some 27 matches on the court. “Marek’s the goofy one on the court,” Dierberger said, wryly.” Pat has a real ﬁery attitude, Chris is real speedy ... Luke is deﬁnitely more of the laid-back person. Ricky’s quiet but deadly.” “They all have different, unique characteristics,” said Baumann, plainly. “Tennis players are all, individually different.” There are still individual tournaments to be contested, personal rankings and record related fame to be had. Baumann plans to follow their team effort, with a few years on the pro tour, and back to the lonely reality of his game. But there won’t be any regrets from anyone about indulging in team spirit that is common in most sports. They won’t regret their time on the team.
ver the past few years, we’ve seen a strange trend developing in the NHL playoffs, and I’ve never been quite sure how to explain it, but I’m going to take a stab. Every single year in the NFL playoffs, you can count on some of the teams that had the best record in the regular season to drop out of the playoffs way too early. Based on the regular season standings, the best teams never seem to take it deep into the playoffs, and each year it seems to get stranger. In 2008, the No. 1-seeded Montreal Canadians in the East and the No. 2 seed in the West, the San Jose Sharks, were both out by the second round. In 2009, the Sharks, this time the top seed in the West and the team with the most regular-season points, lost to the No. 8 Anaheim Ducks. Then the No. 1 seed in the East, the Boston Bruins, dropped out in the second round at the hands of the sixth-seeded Flyers. The No. 2 Caps also fell in the second round, setting up an Eastern Conference Finals between the No. 4 and No. 6 seeds.
Hockey, more than any other sport, is deﬁned by arbitrary, random events.
This odd string of events has continued to an even greater extent in 2010, with not just the No. 1 seed in the Eastern Conference going down in the first round, but the No. 2 and the No. 3 seeds in the East dropping out as well. The No. 1 Capitals, the No. 2 Devils and the No. 3 Sabres are all sitting at home as we are currently in the second round of the playoffs. Imagine if in this year’s NBA playoffs, LeBron’s Cavs, in addition to the Orlando Magic and the Atlanta Hawks, were all eliminated before the second round. Right now we would be watching the Milwaukee Bucks, the Charlotte Bobcats and the Chicago Bulls. The NBA world would be turned upside down, but for whatever reason, nobody really makes too big a deal of it in the NHL, probably because everyone is so used to the postseason crapshoot. And this isn’t only happening in the last few years. The 2007 postseason escaped without anything too crazy happening, but in 2006 the top four seeds in the West were all done by the end of the first round, and the No. 8 seed Edmonton Oilers played for the Stanley Cup. They took the series to a Game 7 before going down. The year before that, the No. 2 Bruins in the East went
out in the first round, and the No. 1 Red Wings were done by the end of the second round. I could go on and on; this happens basically every single year. I can’t believe this development does not receive the type of press it should (maybe just because it’s the NHL), but I think analysts have to take a closer look at this entire picture. There’s a reason this only happens in the NHL, and not the NBA (which is the only other major sport that has the same basic playoff format). What I believe this comes down to is luck. Hockey, more than any other sport, is defined by arbitrary, random events. No other major sport gives the worst teams a better chance to win than hockey does. This is not at all saying that hockey players are not good athletes. I’m sure they’re as talented and hard-working as any other athletes in any other sport. But the nature of the game just allows luck to be an enormous factor. There are two elements of hockey that I know allow luck to play a relatively large part of the game’s outcome. This comparison might not be fair because each sport is so different, but at least on one level, hockey is the lowest-scoring sport of the major four. Naturally, that means the sport will have the lowest average margin of victory, meaning it is far more likely for an underdog to hang with a giant. Even if that team as a whole does play considerably worse than its opponent, it can scratch out a 2-1 win with half the shots and half the scoring opportunities if a couple cheap goals slip by. In the NBA, a couple cheap baskets won’t get you nearly as far when it takes 30, 40 or more field goals to win a game. And goals in general can be based on luck. The majority of NHL shots rely on a tremendous amount of luck to reach the back of the net because so many goals in hockey come off inadvertent deﬂections–with a huge chunk of those coming off players on the same team as the goalie. The number of scores in hockey that can be attributed to random chance, compared to basketball, football or baseball, is off the charts. Those are the two best reasons I can come up with when thinking about this problem. Perhaps someone who watches much more hockey than I should be addressing this, but I felt something as unbelievable as what’s been happening lately in the playoffs had to be addressed. More often than not, the better teams in the NHL beat the worse ones. But there is also no denying that in the NHL, lower-seeded teams have a better chance to defeat higher seeds than in any other major sport, and it’s by a huge margin, which has to equal a great deal of chance. Do you think Scott should give the NHL playoffs more credit? Does luck play a bigger role in other sports? E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.