THE ANCHOR-Diocese of Fall River-Fri., Oct. 13, 1995
By Charlie Martin
ROLL TO ME Look around your world pretty baby Is it everything you hoped it would be? The wrong guy, the wrong situation The right time to roll to me, Roll to me. And look into your heart pretty bat)y Is it aching with some nameless need? Is there something wrong And you can't put your finger on it? Right then roll to me. Afld I don't think That I have ever Seen A soul so in despair And so if you want to talk (;uess who will be there. So don't try to deny it pretty baby You'~e been down so long Vou can hardly see When the engine stalls And it won't stop raining It's the right time to roll to me Roll to me, Roll to me. Written by Currie, Sung by Del Amitri Copyright (c) 1995 by A&MRecords Ltd. DEL AMITRI's "Roll to Me" is upbeat and to the point. This musical approach is interesting, especially considering what the song discusses. In the song, 1I guy says to his friend: "I don't think that I have ever seen a soul so in despair." Apparently, the woman has been "down so long you can hardly see." To him, the answer to her depression is simple: "When the engine stalls and it won't stop
raining. it's the right time to roll to me." Clearly. this guy thinks that he can make the girl forget her blues. Perhaps he is right. Ifshe is down over something minor and passing. say, a'fight with her boyfriend or flunking a test, a little distraction might help her get past her difficult feelings. But what if she has been depressed for a 10I;lg time? Teens often have the best glimpse of what is going on
with other teens. Sometimes young people can fake out their parents or teachers but can't fool other teens. So, how should one respond to a friend who is depressed? What if someone you care about just can't find the light at the end of the tunnel? Much depends on hOw open this person will be with you. If your friend is willing to talk, gently invite this person to express any feelings of sadness, anger or depression. Listen carefully. Don't offer advice or quick fixes. Instead, try to understand the reality your friend faces. Life begins to get better when we don't feel isolated, lost or depressed. True, only as an individual can any of us experience our feelings. Vet a friend's caring can provide a bridge of hope to a more promising future. However, if the person mentions suicidal thoughts or plans, it's time to act. Ask the person to talk with some trusted adult. Offer to accompany your friend as she or he reaches out to those who can provide the support and skill needed to get out of the depression. If the person refuses to db so, do not carry ttiis knowledge alone. Depression can steal a way a person's ability to see reasonable approaches to a situation. A person's life and future could be in the balance. Tell some trusted ad ult what you have learned .. Depression can affect a person of any age. Sometimes being acari ng, listening friend is not enough to help a person with this kind of hurt. Sometimes, you must act on your caring, even when your friend does not understand why you do so. Your comments are always welcome. Plellse address: Charlie Martin, JRR 3, Box 182, R9ckport, IN 47635.
St. Mary's School, New Bedford School spirit wee:k found the students of St. Mary's School in New Bedford engaged in a variety of activities to show SMS spirit. The week began with the students and faculty dressing in the school colors of blue and white. The faculty challenged the students to a "Jeopardy" game on Tuesday; each team won a game. Hats with school symbols and blue & white ribbons abounded on Wednesday and Thursday's pep rally was highlighted by the faculty"s skit "Cheer-
ing Through the Ages." They were assisted by the school's cheerleaders who led the entire student body in singing "Happy Birthday" to Msgr. John J. Oliveira, pastor of St. Mary's Parish. Each student also designed a pennant to reflect their school spirit and decorate the halls. The Feast oCthe Guardian Angels October 2nd was celebrated in story, prayer, poems and crafts by the children in all grades. The second graders created "rock
angels" for the entire staff and for themselves to remind everyone to say their nightly prayers. Parishioners, parents and friends are invited to join the school children as they pray the joyful mysteries ofthe rosary at 1:30 p.m. in the church. St. Mary's School will also be rededicated to Mary on .this 30th anniversary of the dedication of the school in 1965 by BisHop Connolly. All are welcome to attend.
by Christopher Carstens As a psychologist, it's ,a complaint I hear frequently, and I heard it again just today. "My mom is way too strict. She grew up in Colombia, and American teens aren't like what she remembers." 1 hear this complaint frequently because I live in San Diego, Calif.. wher~ almost one child in four has parents who were born in another country. Whether "back home" refers to Colombia, Mexico, Thaila~d, the Philippines or Somalia, conflict is almost inevitable. These teens, surrounded by their, American friends, want the freedoms and privileges that their peers take for granted. Their immigrant parents, possibly'frightened by what they see American teens getting away with, enforce strict limits on their kids' behavior. When families bring this problem to my office. we look for places where compromise is possible. But when we don't have any luck finding a middle ground, I almost always come down on the side of the parents. Honestly, many teens are disappointed when that happens, since they hoped I would drag mom and dad into the American 20th century. But I don't do it because I think it would be a mistake. I honor the parents' responsibility for making decisions. I don't support physical abuse; I report abuse whenever it comes to my attention. I don't approve of discipline by humiliating kids or making them feel ashamed. I work with those families to find more humane and effective ways to enforce their rules. But I almost never tell parents that they're too strict. Contrary to the opinion of many teens. strict parents don't ruin your life. If your parents make you come in at II and your friends are out all night partying. it can feel like your parents are making you miserable and killing all your fun. I've worked with teens for 25 years, and I've never seen one
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whose life was ruined by coming in at a set curfew. In fact, I know that regular curfews and parental supervision greatly decrease the likelihood that you will use drugs, get in an accident because of riding with a drunken teen-age driver, get pregnant, catch a sexually transmitted disease or be shot in gang crossfire. All of those are real dangers. All have happened to teens I see in my practice, and to my own kids' friends. They are dangers that really can "ruin your life." Teens with parents who enforce rules and supervise their daily lives are more likely to get good grades in school and much less likely to drop out before they graduate. More of them hold jobs and do well at work. That doesn't sound like their lives are being ruined. The children of "strict" parents are more likely to go to college after they finish high school. As adults, they are more often successful in their work. I've talked to many adults who had strict parents. They tell stories about what it was like. and they may even laugh at their parents' rules. But they also know they were loved, and they almost always recognize the benefits they got from clear rules, supervision and consistent follow-through. So when teens tell me their parents don't know how things are in America and don't let them have as much freedom as other teens, I say: "Good. Now, what else do we need to work on?"
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