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I love the celebrations over the Christmas and New Year,

time for reflections, time for relationships and time for relaxing. With the Christmas festivities over, and the New Year beginning many have open their minds to new possi-

bilities, that the new year can provide. It is our prayer that as you move into 2013 that the LORD will grant you abun-

dant prosperity and that you will walk in God’s will for your life to a greater level than ever before. Much Love

Cheryl


Yesterday is History

Tomorrow is a mystery Today is a gift, that is why we call it the Present Make the most of 2013

The contents of this magazine are ŠRestoring Life Foundation 2013



CASE STUDY - COMMUNICATION AND CONFLICT CASSIE’S STORY relationships. She stated that she regularly found herself doing what others wanted and that her desires and needs were overlooked and ignored. This has led to frustration and an inability to enjoy relationships. She also had a desire to be married and felt helpless in knowing how to find a suitable partner who would not control or dominate her. Cassie attended a session with issues surrounding being controlled in

In Cassie’s family of origin she was the peacemaker, she often took responsibility for ensuring that family life went smoothly; being mediator whenever necessary between her parents as well as her siblings. This behaviour of peace maker had continued into her adult life and she was now the mediator between her room mates, trying to keep the peace and allowing herself to be dominated, manipulated or controlled in the process. We looked at Cassie’s communication and conflict styles and she discovered that she had a high regards for relationship and a low need to achieve, and a low value of herself. We discussed how she might alter her communication and conflict styles so she would actively explore ways to resolve conflict by creating a win-win solutions rather than yielding which led to her feeling controlled. Cassie forgave her room mates and we asked God to break the ungodly relationship ties, we also prayed for boldness and clarity so Cassie would recognise when she was slipping into the harmful habit of being controlled. We also looked at the her identity in Christ and the value God places on her. With regard to her desire to be married, we discussed ways that Cassie could proactively prepare herself for marriage, through 1.

Praying for God’s leading with regard to knowing His will for her life.

2.

Asking God to guide her prayers that she might begin to prayer God’s blessing, guidance and prep-

3.

ration for her future husband.

Looking at the biblical role of a wife and asking God to prune away those things in her character that might hinder her future marriage.

Cassie is now operating with the confidence to challenge the controlling behaviour of others and is looking forward to meeting the husband she is now praying for.

Case Study - Obsessive Behaviour Margaret’s Story

Margaret attended a weekend session with issues concerning problems with her relationship with her teenage daughter and her relationship with her partner. Margaret a divorcee had a child with her ex husband and another with a previous boyfriend whom she had thought was going to marry her. It became apparent that Margaret was a perfectionist; this behaviour was highly rewarded within her work environment but was proving troublesome in her home environment. Through discussion Margaret revealed that she had been the only girl in a large family, in which her job was to ensure that every aspect of the house was immaculate.


In her childhood failure to ensure perfection resulted in severe beating from her father. Now grown and outside of her family of origin Margaret would become extremely angry if anything was out of place. She would go to the extent of lining up chairs, jars, cutlery, etc. The problems with her daughter surrounded her daughter’s failure to keep things clean and tidy to her mother’s standard. We explored the beliefs that Margaret had established in her past, and how they were no longer relevant or serving her. We also looked at the value she placed on her daughter and how her behaviour was harming their relationship. Margaret forgave her mother and brothers for not protecting her from her father, and for not helping her with the house work. She also forgave her father for his treatment of her.

Margaret identified that the way her father treated her, had led her to establish a mistrust of men; and she saw that she had established patterns of bitterness and judgement towards men generally in her life. Margaret repented of this behaviour and we worked on identifying her triggers. She forgave her previous and current

Where long-term help is needed ! Daphne’s story Daphne arrived for a weekend retreat suffering with chronic fear, deep rejection, isolation, unresolved grief and a deep sense of having been abandoned by God. She had travelled across Europe seeking help to her problems which were having a significant affect on her family life. Her strained marriage, children and extended family relationships were impacted considerably by her condition and were getting to the end of their patience with her.

healing is not for today? As Daphne’s life story unfolded it became apparent that the weekend retreat whilst being the best we could offer her at the time was not sufficient to enable her to be restored to the fullness that God desired for her. She had many beliefs that restrained her and her emotional life was as unstable as her family life appeared to be. Daphne and her family were living in a isolated area where the nearest Christian church was a considerable distance from their home, they existed with minimal contact with the community of Christians that had only short weekly services and occasional house groups which stopped completely outside of school term time. The church leadership had told her that her condition was her cross to bear and that she should not expect to be healed. I got the distinct feeling that they believed that healing was not of today.


“...KEEP AWAY FROM ANYTHING THAT MI I’m grateful to Father God for the position that I now find myself in a place of undivided commitment to Him and His purposes for my life, at last my focus is in the right place. The thing is, it hasn’t always been that way. You just have to read the women’s fashion magazines to see that nearly every little girl dreams about having a fairy tale life where she meets her prince, and lives happily ever after. Like so many other women that was my dream, such that it became my central focus and it was from which, that I got my value and reason for being. The dream kept me in a relationship that had long died, I suffered from the effects of adultery and domestic violence, but still holding on to this image that existed only in my head of a dream life, where everything was rosy and the prince always loved his bride, I continued. On the outside my life was perfect, two successful professionals, nice

home, car, frequent holidays, socialising and all the trappings that keep your focus off the permanent and on the temporary. I lived for the maintenance of the lifestyle, and the image that surrounded it. In the eyes of my peers we were doing well, but that was because they didn’t have the full story. Guarding against idols You see although I knew it was soul destroying, I continued because the dream was more important than anything else (Proverbs 14:12). Now don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with wanting a good life or a good relationship, but when that’s all that you dream about and seek to have that’s idolatry. This is the way that the world lives storing up their wealth where moth and rust can destroy, rather than storing it up in heaven. (Matt 6:19 – 20) In August 2002 God showed me my


IGHT TAKE GOD'S PLACE... '' 1 JOHN 5:21 future, and I was afraid, I was scared like I have never been scared in my life. I saw destruction and emptiness and I spent the next couple of months crying.

although I have travelled through deep waters m a n y times since the end of t h a t period God has been t r u l y faithful to me, He is so worthy to be praised. When I think back to the partial

th

On 30 September 2002 I ended my marriage and I started to live again. The tears I cried after that date were about a realisation that I had poured 17 years of my life into a dream that never really existed , but had become god in my life. I had to go through a period of purging, because I did not know who I was. My identity had been so closely tied to my relationship and my dream that without them I didn’t have a point of reference for myself (Psalm 139:14). To me

but to

live is Christ and to die is gain I can hardly bel i e v e that its 2013 already, and

existence that I had for so many years, it spurs me on to worship nothing, no-one and no dream but only Him (Matt 19:21). Since those early days God has given me a fresh insight into who He is ( 1 John 4:10) and out of Him I have found myself, a Royal Priesthood, a child of The King, a Princess no less (1 Peter 2:9) (Romans 8:14 – 17). I am so grateful for the experience, because now I know that I need only Him (Luke 12:21). He became my husband, my provider, my comforter, my everything;


“...KEEP AWAY FROM ANYTHING THAT MIGHT TAKE GOD'S PLACE... '' 1 JOHN 5:21

He loved me in a way that I had always wanted to be loved ( Malachi 1:2) ( John 3:16)(1 John 4:18)(John 15:9 – 11). I now understand real intimacy – to be naked and loved unconditionally in spite of my flaws and ugliness. (Jeremiah 31:3) (Rom 8:38, 39) I finally was able to place my value in the right place in Him who is the lover of my soul. The years have passed quickly, and now this new season is one of working with others like me who have like me made the things their idols. Who make a career, a lifestyle, a spouse , children, home and so many other things that can never make them happy, the central focus of their lives (Matthew 6:21). I am willing to be vulnerable and share my experience, if in so doing hearts and souls can be turned to Jesus.

You see Jesus is everything to me, I’m storing up my treasure in heaven Yes success and a good life are still important to me but to live is Christ and to die is gain (1 Corinthians 12:31) (Phil 1:21). He has promised to give me more than I can possibly imagine or hope for. And as for the home – I would rather walk away from an earthly home than allow the enemy to use it against me.

I recognise that my father has promised me a mansion – so when my three score years and ten are over I have an eternity to enjoy the finer things of life (1 Corinthians 2:9)(John 14:2). So my friend, are you willing to make Christ and him alone the centre of your very being?


GAINING MOMEMTUM


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