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The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

• • We Make The Snow Fly

About the Cover Photo by Spike Kramer. This shot was taken on January 18th with a crew skiing with the Steamboat Powdercats. One of the three groups out that day was a group of friends that had skied with Powdercats last year and had such a good trip they made sure to sign up again. If you remember, no snow fell for several days around that time and the days were warm and sunny. Reasonably, the guests had their doubts about the snow quality they would find on Buffalo Pass. The experienced guides knew where the goods could be found. Everyone in the group charged with control and speed so the guides felt comfortable showing them some airs that are normally avoided. The group skied a few runs on Soda Mountain that produced some great shots. Brian Mooney got the money shot on Doug’s Faceoff. Lightly clouded skies let enough light through to give good definition and did not create white-wash looking snow. The smiles and “best day ever,” comments leave no doubt that these guys, like thousands of other people, will be coming back to Steamboat for their next ski vacation.

als c o L he T eet M The Local is a community forum for Steamboat Springs and all of the Yampa Valley. The mission of The Local is to provide a voice for any resident that would like to express himself or herself, and the result of this is a publication that reflects the rich diversity of our community. People of many different ages, races, and creeds are represented in the essays, fiction, commentaries, comics, poetry, and photography of this paper. The following people are some of The Locals that make The Local what it is.

• • 

A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009

Editor-in-Chief - Thomas Reuter Thomas is a Colorado Native and a resident of Steamboat since 1993. After graduating from Steamboat Springs High School, he attended the University of Colorado for a short time and then travelled to all 50 US states before deciding that Steamboat is the place to be. Thomas and his wife Kimberley recently purchased The Local and intend to run it for many years.

Chelsea Yepello - 'Scopes to Live By Chelsea has been a Steamboat local since monkeys could walk on two feet and has been the Scope lady for five-ish years. She spends most of her time staring into the sun with the goal of eventually seeing through space and time, and is also the president of a not so secret society dedicated to whoever created the twisty tie. Chelsea is the only known survivor of the governmental experiment of ingesting Pop Rocks and soda at the same time. She hates bananas, raisins, root beer and peanut butter.

Scott L. Ford - Do You See What I See?

Michelle Dover - Get Lit

Scott has been a columnist for The Local since January 2003. His column focuses on economics, politics, and his perspective on current and personal events.  Scott is the Co-founder of the Mountain Learning Network and is an avid fly fisher.  Retired from Colorado Mountain College, he is currently involved as a volunteer in several economic development activities in the Yampa Valley.  He is married with three adult children and an exuberant chocolate Labrador Retriever named, Tobias the Amazing Trout Dog.

Michelle is an adoring explorer of words, ideas and stories. She shares a kindred spirit with Super Librarian and ardently assists in concealing her identity. As the Circulation Services Manager at Bud Werner Memorial Library and as the facilitator of the Bud Werner Library Book Club she freely enjoys talking books all day. Typically her columns have something to do with her latest book infatuations, except when she strays with ideas and the injustices of the world. She has five children, a dog Julie and a fish named Che. When she’s not reading, discussing books, and enjoying her family you’ll find her on her bike or skies.

Paul and Ellen Bonnifield - Our Story Researching and writing together for over 35 years and they still like each other. Writing, he is loquacious, she taciturn; verbally, they reverse roles. Both enjoy the outdoors, laughing and dancing.

Inebriated Informant The Inebriated Informant seeks solace in the large bosom of The Steamboat Local because he doesn't know his ass from his elbow, so don’t get mad, just enjoy the random ramblings. In truth, the Informant is an intelligent and talented Steamboat local, but due to his near-continuous inebriation he chooses to hide his identity in anonymity - like Batman.

Lena Franzen: - According to Astrology Lena originally from Sweden, has been a Massage Therapist here in Steamboat since 1986. She has been practicing Astrology since 1995. Her office is on 2955 Village Drive (corner of Walton Creek Road). • • 970-879-2444

Aimee Kimmey - Comic Stripper Born and raised in Evergreen, Colorado I moved to Steamboat in 1993. I fell in love with the Mountain, but I stayed for the community.  I love science fiction, hiking, biking, and screen writing.  The sheriff here is my husband Scott, aka my tech support and web designer.

Dr. Dawn Obrecht - Dr. Dawn's Rx Dr. Dawn is the only MD addiction medicine specialist on the western slope of Colorado. She is a Fellow of the American Society of Addiction Medicine and her office is in Steamboat Springs. She teaches a communication course to medical students at the University Of Colorado Health Sciences Center in Denver and can be reached at 970-846-8479 or

Jayson Martin - "Colorado Native" Comic Strip Originally from New Hampshire I moved here in 2006. I’m just a 32 year old dude who loves Mountain Biking, Snowboarding, Drawing comics and practicing Shamanism.....No really I am 32!

Dagny (silent "g") McKinley - Audrey Rose

Jonah Weil - "Walks Like a Duck" Comic Strip Jonah Weil, 12, is the cartoonist of “Walks Like a Duck.” He lives in Boulder, CO, but he enjoys visiting Steamboat often. He is a student at Rocky Mountain School.

With an MFA from Naropa University and a past filled with ‘real’ jobs, she can no longer get her head out of the mountains and her heart away from adventure.

"KatNThaHat" - Sports T.D. Counts aka “That guy”. The one who snuck in over the pass in 2000, witnessed a Maceo Parker concert and was hooked. Now I’m “that guy”, the one on the radio, 1230 am ESPN radio, Monday and Thursday, 4-6pm. The kid who has a Psychology degree from UWGB [GO PACKERS, sometimes, well not anymore really, No Farve, no fun] Born in Pasadena, Ca. raised in Long Island, NY. Thus the incredible love for DA Raiders AND The G-Men. I have a habit of wearing the #10 and scoring goals on the soccer field, thanks to the incredible level of play by the super athletes in this valley. Rice, always in my heart. And numerous coed soccer title T-shirts. Next on my list is baseball, please honey.. Stay Black,

Angela Ashby Broker Associate with Prudential Steamboat Realty and is Steamboat’s first certified EcoBroker®. She is currently co-chair for the Yampa Valley Sustainability Council and was a member of the Technical Advisory Committee for the Green Building Program. While she loves to promote ALL types of real estate, she is happiest when spreading awareness and being part of sustainable design. As a Colorado resident for 18 years, she loves skiing, biking, hiking, is a workaholic and loves Steamboat Springs and being involved. Nacho Neighbor Nacho Neighbor is a graduate of Lehigh University. Bethlehem, PA shaped his unusual point of view or perhaps it was the Yuengling and Tastykakes. His approach to life can best be described as a “practicing hedonist”. He likes his beef rare, martinis shaken, and his women conscious. He knows that “Al Dente” is not a character on the Sopranos. He is all about Routt. He ultimately answers to Thing 1 and Thing 2 and he wouldn’t have it any other way. His mantra: If you’re gonna be stupid, ya gotta be tough!

Chris Walsh- The ? Comic A sketchy comic scribbler for The Local since 2001, Chris enjoys chick drinks, anything with curry, and break dancing. When he’s not rangering, he’s guitaring, skiing, or oil painting with little-bitty brushes.

Justin Barker and Teresa Villarroya Bronchal

Justin Barker, recently returned from Spain, is a Routt County ranch hand local. Teresa Villarroya Bronchal would rather dance a jota than a sevillana..

Joe Carney

Copy Editor, Boatload of Entertainment, Movie Reviews. Chuck Norris’s colleague, no big deal.

A lie cannot live. –Dr. Martin Luther King.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

• PROPS • To the unknown break dancer who served Steamboat ( see Fortnight in photos) To no more Bush! To soft perfect corduroy Sex on the Gondola TOOL!!!

• gripes •

People who make an appointment with you to look at your room for rent and then don’t show and don’t return phone calls.  How rude!!  Yeah that’s you John C.!!   You owe me an apology…jerk!   Attending the Sam Bush concert in a freezing cold tent because event managers (ski corp) weren’t on-top of their propane situation!! How lame was that....although the concert was amazing and I’m glad we stuck it out (yet now I have pneumonia) Zombie Dogs!

• smidgens •

a long time Oak Creek local said, “God looks like Grace Jones in leathers & she likes to punish bad men” The Colorado Bar in the O.C. Two snowboarders overheard at the bottom of Rabbit Ears terrain park: snowboard 1: That park was sick, so much fun snowboarder 2: ya, it was like a real terrain park or something snowboarder 1: man that’s so unlike Steamboat! Instead of a metro-sexual, you’re a mountain-sexual. I remember a lot of things, and I forget a lot more With 20 minutes of practice anyone can be the world’s greatest harmonica player. I love Obamajesus.

Props, Gripes, Smidgens &Hmms... Are submitted by the community Send submission to: or visit

WWW.THESTEAMBOATLOCAL.COM is all new! Check it out and leave a comment about anything in The Local. Let us know about stories, file an unclassified ad, post a calendar event, and support your local columnists. And since we don’t believe in censorship, the site will be open for you to post anonymously. Please be civil so we don’t have to change this policy. But rest assured that no observation or complaint will be removed if it is coherent and on-topic. Have fun and let us know what you think!

A man can't ride your back unless it's bent. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

Editor's Notes • Thomas Reuter

Skijoring with Your Dog!!! TomReuter

The Local • Steamboat Springs “Mush, mush!” I shouted at my dog after putting on cross-country skis and harnessing us together with a six foot leash. But he didn’t move. Instead, he just stared at me with a confused and slightly concerned look on his face. “Please go forward and tow me along,” I tried coaxingly. Still nothing. After about five minutes of pleading and gesticulating and poking, Rado simply laid down and refused to move. This event happened two years ago and I hadn’t tried skijoring since until a couple of weeks ago. Skijoring is a fast-growing winter sport that involves one person on skis harnessed to and pulled by one or more dogs. The sport originated in Scandinavia its literal meaning is “ski-driving” in Norwegian. There is currently a World Cup circuit and there is talk about making skijoring a trial event in the 2014 Olympics. On January 17th my dog and I drove down to a spot on the Colorado River near Gypsum to participate in a skijoring for beginners class. The class was put on by the Canine Country School, a boarding and training facility for dogs, located about 12 miles west of Hwy 131 on Colorado River Road. After a beautiful drive (and my first mountain lion spotting), we arrived at the school and were given a skijoring handout and a brief classroom presentation from our instructor, Louisa Morrissey, and her husband, Ben Young. A brief question and answer session followed, and then the twelve people in the class and our dogs headed down the road a couple of miles to a ranch with a small cross country loop. At this point the chaos began. This was a new, foreign and uncomfortable experience for most of the dogs, and none of them knew what to do. None of the owners knew what to do either. Within a few minutes of arriving, the situation quickly devolved into a tangled mess of harnesses, fallen skiers, and gnashing fangs as frightened dogs tried to protect their vulnerable, belly-up masters. It was quite the hysterical melee. I would have gotten some great pictures of it had I not been one of the people on my back after getting wrapped up in leashes and bowled over. As the instructors untangled everyone and tried to calm the dogs, Rado and I set off on our own to give it a shot. Rado is a 90 pound Bernese Mountain Dog bred for pulling milk carts in the Swiss Alps, so you would think that he would make a perfect

skijoring dog. However, after five years of training him to override his instincts and learn to not pull on his leash, Rado was simply confused. This was why we needed the class. As we set off on the track, I skated along and Rado trotted in front of me with just enough slack in the leash so that it never touched the ground and never pulled taut. If I slowed down to make the leash pull taut Rado would instantly slow down as well until eventually we came to a complete stop. Finally, after I insisted that he pull, he laid down and refused to move. Over the next few hours, things improved and Rado started to learn. The instructors spent most of their time with the people that were having trouble staying on their feet, so we didn’t get a lot of one-on-one time. But this didn’t matter because the biggest value of the class was simply for Rado to watch the other dogs do what they were supposed to. On top of the instructor’s two dogs (two 35 pound Border Collies), there was a Husky and a Samoyed that seemed to know what they were doing. Watching these dogs finally encouraged Rado to participate a little bit himself. After a few laps with him tentatively pulling on the leash, the instructor attached a dual harness to me and had one of her dogs pull with Rado for a few laps. This finally convinced Rado that he was allowed to pull and he embraced it.

By the end of the day Rado was willing to slowly pull me around the entire track with minimal skating on my part so I consider the class a big success. Perhaps one day a 12-year-old Rado and I will be racing on the world stage at the 2014 Winter Olympics. Probably not, but at least we now have a new way to get some good winter playtime and exercise. If you have an energetic dog and would like to give this sport a shot, contact Terena at Country Canine School to enroll for their next training session. (970) 524-8724 or

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009

Dig this, we did! KatherineMcMindes

The Local • Steamboat Springs Have you ever pulled up next to, or driven by a construction site and wondered what it would be like to drive one of those bull dozers or excavating machines? Well, on a recent trip to Steamboat over the Christmas holidays, my husband and I were able to experience this first hand. Since our home is in San Antonio, Texas and we are out of shape Texans, we took a couple of days off from skiing to enjoy the other experiences that Steamboat has to offer. While deciding what to do, we heard about a crazy place full of fields and large equipment, just waiting to be played with. We didn’t think twice about how we wanted to spend our afternoon. We opted to only do a half day session, so at 1pm, a van picked us up and we were off to play with the toys for big boys. After a brief drive out to the site, we were led into a small hut and given a brief instructional overview of the equipment and safety. After the overview, we were suited up with headphones and bright orange vests and we were ready to go. Our first task was to get familiar with all the controls of the machine, much easier said than done. They say it takes about 20 minutes to get fully comfortable with all the controls, but it took me a bit longer. After driving back and forth

and spinning around and around (this was really fun) our mission was to dig a trench between the two tracks we just made moving back and forth. With the instructor guiding me, I put the machine to work and scooped up a huge pile of dirt and snow…what a rush. Even though it took me awhile to get comfortable, I was having a great time. Our next task was to move a pile of large rocks from one spot to another. With the instructors help, I got the hang of this much faster and only dropped one rock. My excavator had a “thumb” which allowed for the rocks to be picked up and moved much easier than the ones without. Our last task was to fill in a trench created by the bulldozers from a previous session. Our previous two tasks were completed on level ground, but for this one you had to do everything while on a hill. All while on the hill, we had to scoop up some dirt from the front of the hill, spin the machine around, dump the dirt in the trench and then spin back around. You kind of get the feeling that you are going to roll the machine, but they assured us we were never even close. Before we knew it, our time was up. Even though it would have been nice to be in shape and been able to ski every day, how many people can say they’ve operated an excavator? We can.

A man who won't die for something is not fit to live. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

do you see what I see?

Affordable Housing ScottFord

The Local • Steamboat Springs When It Comes To “Affordable Housing” Honesty Is the Best Policy Here we go again! The City Council is about to reconsider some ordinances concerning affordable housing. Perhaps the approach we are taking should be revisited. This issue seems to resurface about every 9 to 12 months. It resurfaces in part because there is a lack of honesty about affordable housing. What follows is my attempt to be honest about the topic from a macroeconomic perspective. This perspective is an important one to understand because if significant progress is ever going to be made it will only be within this framework. For those folks that struggle with this issue daily as a community, we owe you the courtesy and respect of at least being honest. What I have to share will not be easy for some to hear. This level of honesty is going to make some folks mad – some will be hurt or discouraged and others will just come to realize that they need to face reality. Before we start I am not sure I can even define what the term “affordable housing” means. Allow me the leeway to just use the term even if we may disagree how it is defined. Truth #1 – As a community we have been talking about affordable housing or attainable housing for over 20 years. We will likely go on talking about it for 20 more years. Some progress has been made. Some examples include West End Village, the Butcher Knife Co-housing project, Mountain Village Apartments and purchase of the Fish Creek Trailer Park. There are more that could be listed. The struggle associated with afford-

able housing – is one of skirmishes not a grand battle. Truth #2 – There is not one solution. Housing

involves people often intertwined with whole families. They come in different sizes with different needs. The very best that can be hoped for is some options to choose from. Even with the best efforts the options available will not meet everyone’s need. The truth is that some folks cannot stay and some folks should not stay. Truth #3 – Affordable housing is a land use issue. Just like preservation of open space is a land use issue. One is cared for deeply by the community and the other is seemingly a confusing slog through a swamp on a dark night. Why the confusion? This answer is simple. We can look around and see the open space and quickly have an idea of how much there is. It is finite. We recognize that when an acre of open space is gone it is typically gone forever. As a community we place great value on open space. This value with few exceptions is universally shared. As evidence of how much we value it we have taxed ourselves to gener-

ate funds to protect it. As a community, unless something dramatic occurs, we will not tax ourselves for affordable housing. We will keep trying to figure out how to get someone else to pay for it. Truth #4 – Housing structures are not the real issue. The real issue is the people. People that would benefit the most from affordable housing are often referred to as the community’s workforce. From a macroeconomic perspective without question they comprise a critical infrastructure within the community. The majority of this workforce is comprised of individuals between the ages of 2045 earning between 80% and 120% of Area Median Income (AMI). For our area this would be households of four with income between $60K and $90K. Since we know who needs affordable housing, why don’t we do something more about it? It is because; collectively as a community this workforce demographic is not valued. For the present and likely for many years to come the perception is that when a 20-45 member of this workforce leaves the Yampa Valley they are replaced by another 20-45 year old that can not wait to move here. There is a seemingly endless supply. Truth #5 – If you are in this workforce demographic here is the harsh reality. If you do not find a reasonably permanent fixed cost – long

term solution to your housing, the meat grinder of securing housing that meets these criteria will eventually pulverize you and spit you out. You will eventually leave, even if you desperately want to stay. Although you will be missed by your friends, you will be replaced by another 20-45 year old who just loves this place and thinks in the beginning that they will do whatever it takes to stay. This is how you felt in the beginning – remember? Unfortunately, they too will eventually be ground down, to leave only to be replaced yet again by another 20-45 year old. Very – very few new comers to the Yampa Valley, unless they have access to significant financial resources, will escape this housing meat grinder. This is a lousy way to treat folks who often have a lot to offer this community but we have been doing it for 20+ years and it is now viewed as the normal course of events. So, as long as there is a seemingly endless supply of 20-45 year olds to take your place when you leave, it is going to be hard to make the community care about the housing challenges you and hundreds like you face daily. I wish all of these truths were not so – but it is what it is. That is how I see it! Next Issue – Affordable Housing – Let’s play a game of “truth or dare”.

A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men purchases its own spiritual death on the installment plan. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009

Our Story

The Great Depression: Part VI Saving Capitalism 1933-34

Paul and EllenBonnefield

The Local • Steamboat Springs

Facing the total failure of America’s economy, on 4 March 1933, Franklin D. Roosevelt was sworn into office. The American banking system had failed, business generally was at a standstill, and unemployment was between 25 and 30 percent. For women and minorities unemployment was much worse. To prevent a total bank failure on February 10 the Governor of Michigan declared a bank holiday. Following close behind were Nevada, Ohio, Indiana, Maryland, and Arkansas. Early in the morning on March 4, New York’s Governor Herbert M. Lehman and twenty-four other governors closed l their banks. At the same time the Federal Reserve System was dangerously low on its gold reserves. (The U. S. was on a gold standard at the time.) There was a greater sense of hopelessness and panic in the business community than with the stock market crash in1929. Before the banks would normally open Monday, March 6, President Roosevelt declared a four-day bank holiday. Congress began work on the Emergency Banking Act of 1933. The panic was so intense that the House limited debate to forty minutes and was met with calls to “Vote – Vote!” The Republican floor leader Bertrand Snell said, “The house is burning down . . . this is the way to put out the fire.” The Senate responded with equal speed. At 9:00 p.m., nineteen hours after the bill was drafted, President Roosevelt signed it. The Emergency Banking Act provided for the Reconstruction Finance Corporation to buy preferred stock in banks and the Federal Reserve system could lend money to state-chartered banks. The Federal Reserve could purchase commercial paper. Bank examiners quickly inspected the banks. They allowed strong ones to open at once,

others opened under supervision, and about 1000 banks were closed. The highly respected twentieth century American historian David Shannon wrote, “[Roosevelt] conceivably could have nationalized American banking (Socialism); he could have done nothing, allowed the banks to wallow in their own failure (Free market capitalism). The alternative Roosevelt chose was a middle way and essentially a conservative one since it pre-

served the essence of capitalism — private investment for a profit.” In June the Glass-Steagall Banking Act became law providing for the Federal Reserve to regulate commercial banks. It restricted credit for speculation. All commercial member banks were required to divorce themselves from investment companies. The Act established the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation. With FDIC insurance up to $2,500, people took confidence in banks and once again deposited their money. On April 19, Roosevelt took the United States off the gold standard freeing the Federal Reserve to fund several recovery programs. The principal cause for bank failures in northwestern Colorado was speculation with depositors’ money. Bank and county government officials from Craig, Steamboat Springs, Oak Creek and Yampa went to prison for fraud. Confidence in the American economy was furthur strengthened with the Truth-in-Securities Act (May 1933) and the Securities Exchange Act ( June 1933). Most Wall Street leaders fought the legislation, but their power had slipped so low that they had no impact on the passage. From that point

on, misrepresenting securities and the new rules of trading prevented many dishonest actions. (The Regan Era crusade to undo New Deal legislation and government controls is a primary factor in the 2008 economic meltdown.) The Democratic Party in Colorado and especially northwestern Colorado was a political enigma. Nationally the party was divided into the ultraconservative Grover Cleveland faction and the more liberal William Jennings Bryan followers. The junior U. S. Senator Edward P. Costigan had been a Progressive Republican, defender of labor, and opponent of the KKK. In his 1930 senate race the Republicans labeled him a communist. During the early days of the New Deal he was a close supporter of the President; as a result he won many relief projects and money for the state. Senator Alva B. Adams was a reactionary hack politician who opposed the New Deal. Northwestern Colorado’s representative Ed Taylor from Glenwood Spring, author of the Taylor Grazing Act, had accumulated seniority status and wielded immense power. Similar to Adams he was very conservative. Routt County’s state legislator, A. H. Poppen opposed spending any money for relief or raising any taxes. Elected governor in 1932, Ed. C. Johnson, from Craig, was a highly skilled machine politician who opposed the New Deal. During the 1920s the KKK was very powerful in Routt and Moffat counties. Although Johnson did not openly join the Klan, he fully agreed with many of their positions. He expected everyone to be 100 percent American. He believed that anyone who wanted a job could get a job, and he blamed unemployment on bums, Mexicans, and foreign radicals. In his first speech in Craig after taking the governor’s chair, he spoke against

the dole and was confident that every true Coloradan would do his duty if revolution came. Ferry Carpenter said, “‘Big Ed’ Johnson from Craig was a Democrat but rabidly antiNew Deal.” Relief and conservation next issue.

Findings 1.Tucking into grilled blowfish testicles sent seven Japanese diners to the hospital in the town of Tsuruoka. The restaurant was not licensed to sell the dish known as fugu. 2.British government to safeguard and undertake more research into the health of bees. 3.Pill planned to protect ears from damage attributable to noisy environments. 4.Wounded troops to treat selves with DARPA’s spray on “Wound Stasis System”. 5.Researchers at the Martin Luther University in Germany find that mobile phones do not cause eye cancer. 6.Swedish scientists have discovered that cows cannot detect earthquakes. 7.The average kebab contains 98 per cent of daily salt, nearly 1000 calories and 148 per cent of daily saturated fat. Of six kebabs found to contain pork 2 were advertised as halal. 8.Brains! British scientists bemoan lack of human brains. 9.Machines planned to take teacher jobs. 10.Mattel invents brainwave controlled toy Mindflex.

Top 12 weirdest band names 1.The unspeakable cult of goat penis. 2.Death Sentence: PANDA! 3.The Yuppie Pricks 4.Captain beef heart 5.Check Out the Tits on Tituba 6.Arsonists Get All The Girls— 7.Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem 8Kathleen Turner overdrive … 9....And you will know us by the trail of the dead 10.Agoraphobic Nosebleed 11.Cannibal Corpse 12.Skinny Puppy A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

Far flung correspondent DeanTresner


The Local • New Zealand Here in Auckland President Obama’s inauguration was on television at 5:30 in the morning. I stayed up. In terms of emotionally moving television events it was up there with Neil Armstrong’s moonshow. I dare say it’s the first time Americans have felt so inspired since. In a bar the other night, someone asked me how I felt about the election of the new president. I blurted that it was the first time I felt proud to be an American in at least thirty years. There followed a sort of shock when I realized I really meant it. For the first time in my traveling life, I can hold my head up high. No longer an outcast. Which, ironically, has even made me go so far as to question my desire to expatriate. After watching Obama and Biden painting schools and working for Habitat For Humanity on the day before their inaugurations, I was inspired to give up my trustafarian ways, move back home and start doing volunteer work. Hopefully I’ll get over it. The fact remains that I would be personally much better off using my efforts to earn a New Zealand work visa. This country has what I think is the best health care system in the world. And it’s paid for out of your taxes–which are just about the same as they are in the States. I have been lucky–up until now I have never really needed American health insurance. In fact, almost my only significant

health care costs to date have been William the dentist, who feels so obviously guilty about causing me astonishing amounts of pain and then taking a hefty swipe out of my American Express card that he’s almost managed to make the feeling mutual. But the point is that I’m not getting any younger and, frankly, it’s time to start thinking about those things. As it stands right now, if you get a serious illness in America, they take everything you own, including the house you live in. (I don’t know how much this practice is responsible for the current mortgage crisis but I’m pretty sure its more than the medical-industrial-complex would prefer to have you know.) I do know that our new president strenuously wishes to fix this situation, but I have serious doubts about whether he can in the next–hopefully–eight years. The problem is that the Republicans have acquired a nasty habit of digging a big hole of debt while they are in power so that their more responsible opponents are unable to implement any of the social programs that they want when the pendulum swings their way. And this hole is a doozie. $1.2 trillion in deficit. Deficit. I frankly doubt that our new president can climb us out of this one. It’s a very bad sign that he is having to increase deficit spending just to keep our economy alive. He will be lucky enough just to undo the damage that the last administration has done in his short time in office. Having said all of that, godspeed Mr. president. And thank you for making me feel proud to be an American again.

Nacho neighbor

"Murder" NachoNeighbor

The Local • Steamboat Springs I have to admit it, i’ve been on a killing spree. Now before you calling officer Kelliher to harass me once again, let me finish. To kill something ie. make it dissappear, bye bye, gone, c-ya, swim with the fish, can be quite exiharating. Ask Ted Bundy. My murderous actions are a bit on the tamer side and it is something I have been doing alot lately thanks to outside influences that have tamed me. (Not jail or drug testing you wise asses!) Recently I have been killing negative thoughts as they relate to people, places, and things. I have always professed and directed my kids to not waste time on evil negative thoughts and actions. Life is short and there is not time to waste on negativity. Yes, inded it is somethihg that i have paid lip service to and not necessarily done in the past. And that is the point. The past is just that, and now is the time to act. Ladies listen close and you will get a little lesson in boys 101. Men are nothing but boys with jobs. We have this ability to kill or condone events in our minds that we deem

negative or they stand in our way as we chase the skirt er.......goal of the day. Yeah that’s it, goal. Picture if you will a large English manor that Nigel of Spinal Tap lives in. Repleat with 32 rooms and 20 bathrooms and god knows what the 20 extra in the basement are for. The castle is way to large to be filled by the simple goings on of a rock star. Same goes for the male human brain. We have such a large volume of room there that we can close off any negative thought feeling or person we so choose. Without guilt. Ask Bill Clinton. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Scary thing is he believes what he thinks. We can too. Ladies if we forgot your name, it probably wasn’t on purpose, rather it was put in our version of the ‘lost and found”. For us it works like this: We meet you doing something we enjoy doing, you as well. (Hopefully not in a bar, that is the worst place and leads to hookups only and maybe a lingering memory only cured by penicillin) We talk for a bit and something happens that we split apart before we get other pertinent info from you. We are not sure as to your relationship status and put it into the lost and hope-

.A right delayed is a right denied. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

fully found room and go on with life. Don’t confuse some instances when we may appear cold or non-caring, we may be searching for the appropriate room with which we put your info and what it was that you as a person brought to the table as it were.. Usually we have our shit together, sometimes we forget where we put it. That by does not mean you were relegated to the basement. FYI Some of our best work is done in the basement.! With such a large cache of memory, we too run slower when bogged down with extraneous b.s. I speak for all men when I say we are pleasure seeking missiles. It is with great remorse that any negative thought of situation stays with us longer than 30 days. So, with that being said, and ladies you got some free insight, we need to clean out the old hard drive. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, but living in a small town, where you can be at Sweet Potato one minute and staring at a bogey the next, the cleaning process can be a bit of a sticky wicket. This isn’t Staples, and there is no ‘easy’ button. I prefer to use my interpersonal blinders in case of a bogey alert. By that I mean I reach for my phone because the director of the C.I.A. has

just called and asked for my assistance. I usu ally escape unscathed. When at the market, and I see you first, “Oops wrong isle, must be on the condiment isle.” Hopefully that doesn’t actually come out of my mouth, only in my thoughts. God forbid we are on a collision course in our haste to get first tracks. I will bail on pow to avoid you.

By committing murder, We complete a necessary action that is imperative to survival. The negativity can clog up our coritid arteries faster than fois grois and some cab. You scoff, but we are ponderous beings. If we didn’t kill it, it would eat us out from the inside and we would become paralyzed by fears, worries, and concerns about the thoughts of others. We are relativly simple, but we have lots of space with which to side track our psyche, and that is part of our problem. It is our caring for others that we must cull the herd of trivial b.s. and negative thoughts in the old grey ‘manor’. So it is with a sunny heart and disposition that I say to you all: Kill and kill again. Love Nach

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009

dr. dawn's rx

Dr. DawnObrecht The Local • Steamboat Springs The question has been posed: Are we human beings having a spiritual experience or spiritual beings having a human experience? The skeptics among us will say, “neither, we are just human beings, nothing before or after this life we are in now and spirituality is bogus.” If that is you, consider changing how you think…pretend for a while. What if this life on planet earth is just a blip in our being? Maybe before we came here, we were spirits; part of, yet separate from God. Maybe we are sent, or decide, to arrive on earth for a period of time and accomplish God’s mission for us. We get here and get distracted. Activities, people, stuff, all become wedges between us and our spiritual selves…we become our bodies, our behavior, our thoughts, neglecting our spirit and growing ever separated from our God. After some time existing in this separation, we begin to hurt. STOP. Feel, reflect, think. Are you restless? Do you have ongoing nagging discontentment? An empty feeling? Or worse, outright unhappiness? We seek ways to feel better, to be “okay”. Some of us develop addictions that further rob us of ourselves, stealing our relationships with family and friends, our self-respect, and our peace and joy. We may look happy on the surface, but harbor deep pain. We may live in anger and resentment while appearing very satisfied

Spiritual Beings?

and productive. As we go through the years, we try harder to get what we think we want, what we believe will make us feel good… something external. We live in fear of loosing something we have or not getting something we want; the fear drives us to either become “human doings”, frantically trying to get something, or to cover ourselves and blur our feelings with a substance or process…addiction can be very useful, temporarily getting us out of our pain. At some point the façade crumbles and we are left with the reality of the empty self. Kings, presidents, CEOs, winners of every possible contest, even billionaires have all found that none of the above brings sustained happiness. Many become bitter and die a lonely death; some kill themselves to escape the pain of an empty life, even while surrounded by the people and stuff they have collected. Conversely, some paupers, some of the sick and injured and those surviving death of loved ones and holocausts of all kinds, find inner peace not just in spite of but because of lessons learned from a life of pain. They learn what is and is not valuable. The happy and the miserable tell and demonstrate, over and over, that the solution is not external. More material success, activity, fame or fortune does not equate to inner peace. What then? Hmmm. What if the only relief is to reconnect with God and your spiritual self? Go back to the idea that we began as spirits connected to infinite

God. Wrapped up in our human doings, we neglect our relationship with God. We become lonely, empty superficial beings. The void grows, perhaps occasionally being masked by the success-du-jour. Eventually we realize something is missing and not reparable by ordinary means. Whether in desperate pain or simply aware of nagging emotional discomfort, whether rich or poor, addicted or not, happy marriage and many close friends or a loner, we want more peace and contentment, less irritability and restlessness. If we humble ourselves and ask, if we seek God, we find Him. He is right where we left Him and happy to have us back…we moved, not Him. By repairing our relationship with Him, we find inner peace, whatever the external particulars of our life have become. We reunite with our spiritual selves and fill the void, returning to our former relationship with God, the one we had when we were…hmmm…maybe just little spirits floating around in the clouds. Having thus become spiritually fit and centered, we can choose how close to God we want to be and with that, how much we want to fill our lives with peace.

me. I decided on my life’s profession and I also decided I wanted to end my life. I don’t remember ever having just one thought at a time, one feeling, or one plan…” “… in the writing and rewriting of this book is the reinforcement of my knowledge that God has had a hand in every part of my life, especially when I did not believe in Him…” Dr. Dawn’s new book, Mission Possible, A Missionary Doctor’s Journey of Healing, is available for $15 on Amazon and at local bookstores. Past articles can be accessed on her website at Dr. Dawn Obrecht is the only MD addiction medicine specialist on the western slope of Colorado. She is a Fellow of the American Society of Addiction Medicine and her office is in Steamboat Springs. She teaches a communication course to medical students at the University Of Colorado Health Sciences Center in Denver and can be reached at 970-8468479 or Copyright Dawn Obrecht 2009

Excerpts from Mission Possible: “…Age twelve was a pivotal year for


Crazy Jeep!

CharlieHolthausen The Local • Steamboat Springs

Dear Captain carburetor,  I have a 1991 Jeep Wrangler and it’s making me crazy. When it runs, it runs like a top and I love it, but on u- cold mornings it will crank and crank but just will not start.  My brother is a mechanic and he has looked at it on several occasions when it’s not starting.  He says that it has no spark.  If the weather gets better and it goes above about 40 degrees it starts and I runs like a new car.  Can you give us some ideas and places to look for the problem? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, signed Crazy Jeep.   Dear Crazy Jeep, Ask your brother the mechanic to check for “injector pulse” when the Wrangler is acting up. If there is no pulse, you may be looking at a bad ECU. (Engine Control Unit) This is the “brains” of the car or the computer.  The older Jeeps have a problem with a circuit board inside the computer. There is a simple test to verify the problem and to make sure it is the computer. (Which, by the way, is a very e rare problem on most of today’s cars and trucks.)  First, locate the computer behind the passenger kick panel. (IE. the right hand wall down by the front passengers feet.) You will be able to remove the bracket and get the computer box in your hand without unplugging the wire harness. Warm up the computer with a regular household hair dryer for about 10 minutes. If the vehicle

now starts, you have found the problem. You can do this simple test yourself or have your brother help. Once you have verified the problem, write down the long number on the computer ID tag or sticker. This is the calibration number and you can call the dealer for a new part. (around $500.) I have seen vehicle computers on EBay but there is always a risk and usually no guarantee. You must have the same calibration number for the unit to work with your vehicle. If there are any superseded numbers, your parts person at the dealership can tell you. Parts people are a great resource and must be treated with the utmost respect, cookies are a good start. If you ever piss-off a parts person you might as well stop working on cars. Please email me and let me know how this works out.  -Charlie  AKA Captain Carburetor.   Charlie Holthausen is the former owner of Black Diamond Automotive in Steamboat and is master certified by ASE, the premier testing agency for automotive technicians. Charlie also holds the L-1 advanced level certifications. Send your comments and car questions to: captaincarburetor @gmail. com. A riot is at bottom the language of the unheard. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

audrey rose



The Local • Steamboat Springs Audrey Rose’s nose was getting tired of winter. Being the most outward protruding part of her body besides her breasts and her toes, her nose was the first piece to encounter the day, to step into sunshine, wind, snow or cold. Lately her nose had become as permanently red as Rudolph’s from the chilly mornings. With shorter days in winter, Audrey Rose made a habit of getting up to meet the morning. She would climb out of her closet and sit outside her roommate Joe’s windowsill, letting the morning sun assure her that the planets were still aligned. Usually the sun warmed her soul, crawled inside and sparked her happy places, but lately even the sun failed to do that. Instead, frost crawled up her nostrils and with each inhale, laced them with ice. Over the week, frost was crawling deeper and deeper into her body, traveling from her nostrils to the back of her throat and down into the depths of her internal functions. Thor was painting his canvas white. The original image was almost completely covered. Thick gobs of white lay on a palate, splatters stuck to his red hair, the wiry curls on his arms. He was in a tranquil state which had taken since the summer storms to achieve. As another -4 degree morning greeted Audrey Rose, she knew it was time to act. She set out across the snows of town, into the deeper snows that had drifted around trees, over rocks, sometimes sinking up to her waist. In a sack she carried bread, cheese and wine. Her path took her upwards, climbing past hibernating bears, mountain lion dens, until hawks flew below her. At the peak of Mt. Zirkel, she un-wrapped her bundle and set out a meal for herself and one opposite her. She sprinkled wine across the snow staining the purity while helping herself to a few mouthfuls. Thor’s nostrils flared. The grapes always drew him out from whatever he was doing. The oaky fumes pulled him down from high above the universe to see who was calling him. Audrey Rose was nibbling on a piece of cheese when Thor descended. His fiery hair was blowing around him, leather covering parts of his body. He sat cross legged across from Audrey Rose before picking up the bottle of wine and taking a swig. He swallowed his cheese and bread in a mouthful and washed that down with more wine. “So. You called for me?” Thor asked. “Were you busy?”


“Not really. Ever since Scandinavia was Christianized, I’ve kind of faded out of consciousness. Now I’m studied in English classes as a myth. Not even history classes. It’s a little ridiculous, but times will change again.” “I feel your frustration; people don’t believe half the things I’ve seen. It’s like Tinkerbell said “you have to believe in wishes.” “So true. So, why are you bringing me down here on my sunny days off?” “It’s not that I want to upset Ra or Apollo or Helios or whatever name he’s going by these days, but it’s been a little bit chilly down here. The sun is cheering, but a little cloud cover would do wonders for my poor nose.” Audrey Rose pointed to her nose that was looking a little raw. “You think maybe you could send a storm our way?” Thor got up and looked over the landscape that had a layer of crust and ice over it. “It was nice to have been forgotten for a while; it gave me time to paint.” Audrey Rose stood next to Thor, coming up to his waist. “What were you painting?” “Memories I’d rather forget,” said Thor “So why paint them in the first place?” “To let things go, sometimes you need to look them in the face one last time.” Audrey Rose nodded her head silently. Thor sucked in the air then blew, his cheeks puffing out. Clouds formed on the wisps of his breath, slowly covering the earth. Audrey Rose handed him the last of her bread and cheese. “You know the way to a man’s heart.” He smiled down at her. Audrey Rose tried to hug him, but her arms only reached part way around his giant waist. “Thank you for remembering me,” Thor said. Thor disappeared into the clouds. He stared at his canvas, picked up tubes of color and spread them around the palate. Next to the canvas on the cloud sat a pair of cowboy boots. Thor fingered them gently, touching every stitch, inhaling the smell, then he began to paint. Audrey Rose sat on Joe’s windowsill that evening, letting heavy flakes of snow and rain fall upon her. Her nose smiled, felt warmth crawl back inside.

All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009


I got X.... KatNThaHat The Local • Steamboat Springs Words. Get your mind right, I got X-GAMED by people over in Aspen. Holy moly batman, what an adventure. Let me just share this little fact. If you didn’t know, from now on when you watch the X-highlights and you see the superpipe. Look at the ice stairs on the side. Yeah, that is how you get to the top of the pipe as a spectator. Getting down is even more interesting for the fans. Aspen transit also neglected to tell the flocks of adventure seekers that the bus service to the X-games site stops running at 8pm, even though the events might possibly run later. Hmmm, so how to get back to base camp.? Well, you can call the limo service like we did the first night. I suggest the limo service. The second night we found ourselves trying to bumrush a city bus. You ever tried to pretend you were a sardine, and jam yourself into a bus full of people? Don’t, don’t do it, EVER!!! When it is cold outside and you are waiting for public transportation, there is a transformation in the soul. First the brain says run, and the body says No. Then your friends say, lets get on the next one, and all the other hundreds of people say, No! So, you have to make a bold decision. Sort of like eating vegetables. I really do not like vegetables, but I’ll eat them so my wife is happy with me. But this jamming into a bus, no fun for me. It took about 40 minutes, a little questioning of mankind and the “pay it forward” theme in Aspen. As I watched the snowmobile double back flip attempt live, I thought this will be really exciting. Well, honestly the moment came and went, dude didn’t stick the landing, and the double front flip with the superman maneuver by Simon Dumont during the skier Big Air competition was actually more exciting. Maybe it was the repetition, maybe it was the fact that Dumont stuck the landing. When Travis Pastrana attempted and completed his double back last year on the motorcycle, that was absolutely brilliant! When an athlete decides something extraordinary is going to occur, they should really plan to pull the complete trick. At least the people would have been a little happier, or at least stopped yelling for Levi Lavallier to try it again. So it is with complete satisfaction I can say, The X was special, actually great. But there is something to being at home, with friends watching X, compared to getting into the mayhem and being X. You are gonna have to decide for yourselves and report back to the KAT. Maybe next X, we rock together!!! I’ll holla, MeowwwwwwT Where all the cool kids go. All progress is precarious, and the solution of one problem brings us face to face with another problem. – Dr. Martin Luther King.


The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

green acres

Green Building 101 AngelaAshby EcoBroker The Local • Steamboat Springs What does green building really mean? In its simplest form, green building encompasses three components: Energy efficiency; resource conservation and good indoor environmental quality. Energy efficiency is the foundation of a good green building program, especially if you live in these parts! Energy efficiency relates to energy used during construction as well as how the home will perform after construction. Proper insulation and sealing, energy efficient appliances, proper sizing and efficiency with the HVAC systems, solar gain (remember the sun is free!), energy efficient windows are all pieces of the puzzle. Resource conservation is just smart. If you can use less materials and come up with a better designed and energy efficient home, doesn’t that just make sense? Framing techniques, land use, recycling on site, use of recycled materials and smaller footprints are just a few things to chew on while you begin your drawrings for your dream home. Then there is the concept of “buying local”. It supports our local economy, reduces our carbon footprint and perpetuates the influx of local suppliers and manufacturers. Try using local beetle kill wood for finishes in your remodel or new home. Indoor environmental quality sometimes goes unnoticed. Glues, formaldehyde, carpets, stinky paint and finishes have been known to cause allergies, asthma and God knows what else will be uncovered in the years to come…three heads! Did you know that indoor air quality can be 10 times worse than one of the worst days in a smoggy metropolis? The image of Snoopy coughing up a fur ball comes to mind. With that image in mind, I encourage you to take a little extra time to research what is in your


paint, carpets, cabinetry and other items that may contain VOC’s (Volatile Organic Compounds). There can be some nasty and toxic stuff hidden behind and inside your walls. It is also a good idea to have a radon test performed on your dwelling. Radon is a cancer-causing natural radioactive gas that you can’t see, smell or taste. According to the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency), radon is the leading cause of lung cancer among non-smokers and claims about 20,000 lives annually. We have a very active radon presence in our valley, so it would behoove you to spend the money and get the test done. The encouraging news is that there are several groups, businesses and individuals in your community that are trying to make advances in these healthier efforts. Yampa Valley Sustainability Council is working on a host of environmental and sustainable initiatives and is looking for dedicated folks to expand the scope of the organization. The Chamber’s Sustainable Business Program is advancing their program every week by helping businesses with their efforts at energy efficiency, resource reduction, recycling, etc. Yampa Valley Recycles has been doing great works for several years as well as Home ReSource in promoting reduction, reuse and recycling. Everyone should visit the “Milner Mall”. The City and County recently adopted a Green Building Program with an ENERGY STAR component. Other groups that have been working on efforts such as beetle kill issues, water conservation and job creation through the green industry. In the next issue, I will expound upon what your local community organizations are up to these days and how you too can get involved. Read up, stay tuned and if you have questions or comments please send them my way.

Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009

Inebriated INformant

The Bat Couch! InebriatedInformant The Local • Steamboat Springs The metaphor of the beastly goings on in Steamboat has reached the point of imploding upon itself creating a black hole in the informant’s cosmically infinite inebriation. This metaphor has been striving to elaborate as well as articulate the mythos and ethos behind what it means to be “cougar”. The search for and creation of said allusive topic has left some dark matter in my convulsing cerebellum. A bout of sobriety (two days) has been deemed necessary and has created a moment of reflection. Has the search to unravel the mystery of the cougar led the informant through the time space continuum, to an astral point known as the diminishing return? Yep! This revelation has come into fruition due to an extremely traumatizing event. The impetus to leave my residence was

overwhelming during the night of said event. The sheistyness of my bed, AKA the bat couch was enough to make me not want to stay at home. The cave like appearance and furry, sinister creatures hanging from the ceiling provide reason enough for the terms ‘lair’, ‘pit’ and ‘shithole’ to be applied to my current dwelling. As the winged, red eyed vampires awoke and began hunting for their dinner, I too awoke, stretched my arms, grabbed the nearest dirty pieces of clothing and was ready to do the dance macabre. The reluctantly quixotic, pseudo casanova descended on the town in search of sustenance in the form of beer. I approached the bar to order libations, when I noticed a savage predator giving me the terrifying ‘cougar wave.’ This particular gesture reminds me of the way a house cat waves its paw

around a cornered mouse before devouring the helpless creature. The beast extends its hand upwards, plants its elbow on the bar, limps over the wrist and then wiggles the fingers in your direction. This gesture, much like the housecat’s is mesmerizing and hypnotic to the prey. It causes confusion and sometimes even vertigo. I stumbled and fumbled with my ordered beverages, and then, as if in a trance, I was lifted from my current location, drug across the bar by an unseen force and planted next to the gesticulating monster. The next few minutes blurred into hours and then it was daylight. I hissed and pulled my cape over my eyes running from the deadly rays of Helios. I arrived at work and then promptly went to sleep under my desk trying to forget. I returned home, crawled into the

shower, sat down and rocked back and forth searching for some form of cleansing revelation. It never came. I then decided that it was time for another beer. I shed the feelings of shame like a dog shaking off water droplets onto sunbathing girls. I proceeded to the concert tent. The music pulsed and churned my very being. Like the puffs of herbal essences pluming from the crowd, my memory of the night before vanished into the frigid air. After the concert revelry I returned to my tragically filthy lair and retired on my bat couch. Wondering what ever happened to the guy that played Robin in the old school batman series? Did he fade into obscurity or just do too many drugs and proceed to get a job doing TV ads in Japan? The thought left me terrified and confused like a bunny surrounded by wolves. I then passed out and realized in the morning that I was an idiot.

69 obnoxious things to do in an elevator

1.Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. 2.Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. 3.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!” 4.Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly. 5.Sell Girl Scout cookies. 6.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. 7.Shave. 8.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?” 9.Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 10.Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 11.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 12.Lean over to another passenger and whisper: “Noogie patrol coming!” 13.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 14.One word: Flatulence! 15.On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom. 16.Do Tai Chi exercises. 17.Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: “I’ve got new socks on!” 18.When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!” 19.Give religious tracts to each passenger. 20.Meow occasionally. 21.Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 22.Frown and mutter “gotta go, gotta go” then sigh and say “oops!” 23.Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. 24.Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons. 25.Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends. 26.Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side. 27.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator. 28.Burp, and then say “mmmm...tasty!” 29.Leave a box between the doors. 30.Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers “through” it. 31.Start a sing-along. 32.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask “is that your beeper?” 33.Shadow box. 34.Say “Ding!” at each floor. 35.Lean against the button panel. 36.Say “I wonder what all these do” and push the red buttons. 37.Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

38.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.” 39.Bring a chair along. 40.Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?” 41.Blow spit bubbles. 42.Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. 43.Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.” 44.Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. 45.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 46.Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at the passengers. 47.Stare at your thumb and say “I think it’s getting larger.” 48.If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler “Bad touch!” 49.Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone’s shoes. 50.Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming “Aaughh! Get them off!” 51.Challenge your neighbor to a “Tic-Tac-Toe” tournament. 52.Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy. 53.Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it’s getting to the good part. 54.Make chalk drawings on the walls. 55.As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting “Down! I said down, dammit!” 56.Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on. 57.Try to get a game of “Twister” going. 58.Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away. 59.Find a crowded elevator and pace back and forth inside it. 60.Walk in, face the back and go about two inches from the back wall. 61.Walk in, and start reciting a shopping list in monotone. 62.Stand right in front of the doors when waiting to get on. (This gets a good reaction from the people inside.) 63.Once inside, stand right in front of the doors, waiting to get out. (This gets a good reaction from the people waiting to get on) 64.Wait til the door is almost closed then pry the doors apart with a painful expression on your face. 65.Sing anything by Guns ‘n’ Roses while pantomiming the lyrics. (I love her but I had to kill her, would be good) 66.Ask, “Did you feel that?” 67.Look at the ground while standing in the corner and moan softly. 68.When the doors close, look at the person next to you and yell, “Your nostrils they’re like wind tunnels, SUCKING UP ALL MY AIR!” Then scream and collapse, when the doors open, get up and calmly walk out. 69.Comment one by one, on the clothing of all the people riding in the elevator. At the center of non-violence stands the principle of love. – Dr. Martin Luther King.


The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

ask a mexican

Meat, Mujeres and Mourning Edition.

GustavoArellano Dear Mexican: Mi hermano y yo tenemos un dispute. We all know that Mexicans love their bistec sliced muy thin, but why? My brother is adamant that the diet of free-range vacas mexicanas results in tough meat, necessitating a thin slice for easy mastication. I think the reason is purely an economic one, since Mexicans are famously poor. Are mis amigos south of the border just trying to pinch a peso? We both know that usted es the sole hombre qualified to answer this question. So, what’s the scoop? Two Meatheads Dear Gabachos: The Mexican’s theory is you won’t find many thick cuts of meat in Mexi kitchens because carne delgadita is easier to cook, simpler to stuff into tortillas and ultimately more delicious. However, your wabby servant is a mere novice in Mexican-food knowledge compared to James Beard Award-winning Robb Walsh, one of the most Mexican gabachos after George Lopez and author of the recently released Sex, Death and Oysters: A Half-Shell Lover’s World Tour. His thoughts? “Thick steaks became popular in the 1960s, when the U.S. switched over to a national beef-production system,” Walsh told the Mexican. “Calves were born in Florida, raised on ranches in the West, injected with chemicals and fattened on feed lots in the Midwest, butchered at large central slaughterhouses and aged by meat packers in Chicago. Premium thick-cut ‘corn-fed’ beef steaks became available under this system.” Before that, American cows were much like their brown cousins—grazing on open ranges, always near local butchers, so they never bulked up to the freakishly large sizes reached by modern-day gabacho cows (can bovines belong to a race? In this column they do!)—and American beef was thin as a result. The introduction of NAFTA, however, has flooded Mexico with inferior American beef, and restaurants


south of the frontera now offer thick cuts. And “famously poor”? For crying out loud. Such racism! Save that thought when you ask me about Mexicans living 18 to an apartment, m’kay? Dear Mexican: Do Mexicans hurt more and longer after lost amores than gabachos? I’m asking, vato, because I can’t get someone out of my mind and my heart yearns for her, even though I last saw her in 1995. Y está casada también. Confessin’ a Feeling Dear Wab: Most of us can’t get over the fact that the United States stole half of our territory 160 years ago­—what do you think?! Dear Mexican: The recent death of Samuel P. Huntington begs the question: What sort of dance should one do on his grave? A snappy son jarocho zapateadobandasinaloense. I know how much you love that oompah-loompah crap. El Jefe Dear Boss: A little respect for Mexican brass music, por favor! Anyway, the holidays did bring some cheer to the world: the death of the Harvard historian Huntington, the most overrated public intellectual since Mark Steyn. Huntington, who famously predicted the rise of worldwide cultural conflicts in the 1993 essay “The Clash of Civilizations,” spent his last years arguing that Mexicans were almost as grave a threat to the American nation as al-Qaeda because we come from a culture altogether incompatible with American ideals, a hilarious thought when one considers how easily Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo throws interceptions. Mark my words: Huntingon’s theories will one day be held in the same respect as phrenology and Bernie Madoff. I thereby curse Huntington with the worst possible hex for Know Nothings: brown descendants. And guess what? If Huntington is proven correct, my curse will become reality. Either way, Mexicans win—¡arriba, arriba!

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009

El Otro Lado

Los Que No Esquiamos

By JustinBarker &

Teresa VillarroyaBronchal The Local • Steamboat Springs No todo el mundo va a esquiar. Aunque muchos piensan que los que van a esquiar son la mayoría de nuestra comunidad, estoy seguro de que esto no es cierto. Entonces, ¿qué hace un no-esquiador cuando hace sol y buen tiempo en enero? Éstas son sus historias. Es domingo y duermo hasta tarde. Esto significa que me despierto a las 8:30 y salto de la cama impulsado por algún tipo de necesidad irracional. Busco un libro concreto entre un montón de ellos al lado de la cama, pero escojo otro. Hago café y leo sentado en una silla; y luego en otra. Los compañeros con quienes comparto la casa empiezan a despertarse. Me doy prisa en hacerme el desayuno y en fregar los platos antes de que la casa empiece a estar ocupada. En el coche, decido ir a un lugar donde pueda estar solo. Conduzco horas y ando a unas aguas termales. Me desnudo y empiezo a escribir. Louis despierta de una manera muy similar. Hace café, enciende la televisión, fuma, apaga la televisión. Después, dos o tres tazas de café. Y cuando los demás empiezan a despertarse, Louis corre a hacerse el desayuno y se va. Conduce un rato hasta dar con un buen lugar. Escucha una emisora de radio que promete una mezcla musical perfecta. Oye los gritos, las risas y angustias de canciones que versan sobre dinero, amor, trenes, promesas de retorno y mentiras. Ann y Bill disfrutan su día soleado de enero. Duermen hasta tarde. Quiere decir que duermen hasta las once. Al despertar, rellenan la cachimba y prenden llama a la

yerba. Fuman, se visten, y llevan los perros al río. Tienen gafas del sol idénticas. Bill ve un martín pescador. Ann ve un petirrojo y lo manda lejos. Los dos ven patos y se ríen de ellos. Otra vez en casa preparan la comida, se echan una siesta y fuman. Al despertar miran internet o la televisión o leen, fuman y empiezan a preparar la cena.

Jaime nunca duerme hasta tarde. Gime al despertar. Sale del tráiler y entrecierra los ojos cuando se enfrenta el sol. Grita a los perros y enciende la camioneta. Tose, fuma, maldice a un coyote. Come dos huevos fritos preparados en Shedd’s Spread. Conduce a la casa para beber café y cumplir con alguna obligación. ¿Quiénes son los que no van a esquiar? ¿Donde se los encuentra? ¿Cómo se les puede conocer?

Those Who Don’t Ski

Not everyone skis. Though many may think that those who ski regularly make up the majority of our community, I am sure this is not so. What does a non-skier do on a balmy, sunny January day? These are their stories. It’s Sunday and I sleep in. Mean-

ing, I get up at 8:30 pushed out of bed by an irrational sense of urgency. I fumble through my pile of books looking for one in particular and choose another. I make coffee, reading first in one chair and then another. Those I share the house with begin to stir. I hurry to make breakfast and wash up before the house is occupied. In the car, I decide to go to a place where I suppose I will be alone. I drive for hours and hike to a warm spring. I strip down and begin to write. Louis wakes up much the same way. He makes coffee, flips on the TV, smokes, flips off the TV. Two or three cups of coffee and the people he shares his house with begin to stir. Louis hurries to make breakfast and leaves. He drives for a while. He stops and sits in his car. He listens to a radio station that promises the perfect mix. He listens to the cries, laughs and moans of songs about money, love, trains, promises to come back, and lies. Ann and Bill are enjoying their sunny winter day. They sleep in. Meaning, they sleep until 11:00. Upon waking, one fills the bedside bong and puts flame to herb. They smoke, dress and take the dogs for a walk to the river wearing matching sunglasses. Bill spots a kingfisher. Ann sees a robin and tells it to go away. They both see ducks and laugh at them. At home they prepare lunch, eat and nap. Upon waking they browse the internet or watch TV or read, smoke and prepare dinner. Jaime never sleeps in. He groans his way out of bed and squints out of the trailer. He hollers at the dogs and starts his truck. He coughs, smokes, curses a coyote. He eats two eggs fried in Shedd’s Spread. He drives to the house to drink coffee and do chores alone. Who are those who do not Ski? Where will you find them? How will you know them?

El VPH es el más común virus transmitido sexualmente. Pero el VPH es importante principalmente porque puede causar cáncer cervical en las mujeres. La VNA también puede suministrar la vacuna a mujeres de pocos ingresos entre las edades de 19-26 años que no tengan seguro médico bajo la cobertura del Programa de Asistencia a Pacientes de la compañía Merck. Haga el favorde llamar a la VNA para averiguar si cumple con los requisitos. Para obtener más información, o hacer una cita, llame a la VNA en Steamboat marcando el 879-1632, o visítenos en 940 Central Park Drive, suite 101; o en Craig, marcando el 824-8233, o visitando 745 Russell Street. Llame al 871-7678 para hacer una cita para cualquiera de los programas ya sea en Steamboat o en Craig. Tenemos vacunas disponibles contra la Hepatitis para adultos con ciertos factores de riesgo. Al completar la serie de Hepatitis B se obtiene protecciòn contra esta enfermedad de transmisión sexual. Para màs información llame a VNA al 879-1632 o al 871-7678 si no habla inglès. VNA Servicios Disponibles • Su niño (a) puede recibir vacunas en ($0 y $14):VNA, 940 Central Park Dr., Suite 101, Steamboat 879-1632, pero llame al 871-7678 para hacer cita si no habla inglés. Intérprete disponible para clients que hablan español.

• • Resistance is Futile

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness. – Dr. Martin Luther King.


The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009



The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009



The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

out in the boat

• Music • theater

• sports • events

Steamboat Springs and surrounding areas


thursday JANUARY

Tom Sellecks Birthday. Nondenominational community bible study for women bible study for women. 9-11 AM @ Concordia Lutheran Church. For more information contact Martha, 871.4751 Last Hat in Town Screening Center of CRAIG, 6th and Yampa. Last Hat in Town is a documentary about Rifle Colorado. Cultural anthropologist and ethnographic filmmaker Zachary Fink paints this poignant and lyrical portrait of a changing American West as he chronicles the hardships of rural Coloradans forced to adapt to the conditions brought by the encroaching presence of the natural gas industry. Admission to the 75 minute film is free. For more information, please contact Sasha Nelson at: Colorado Environmental Coalition 11 W Victory Way #208 Craig Co 81625 970-824-5241 Hill of Champions Screening. Howelsen Hill. For more info go to page 8. Steamboat Springs Community Blood Drive. 12:30-6 PM Tuesday, January 29, 2009 @ Yampa Valley Medical Center. Please eat a full meal and drink plenty of water before donating. To schedule an appointment contact: Bonfils Appointment Center at 1-800-365-0006 Option 2 or Sign up online at www.bonfils. org – use site code 0234 Walk-ins are welcome after 2:30 as space permits. Donations typically drop by 20% during the winter months but the need for blood remains constant. Give blood. It’s easier than walking in ski boots! Snow Sport Conditioning Yoga with Alli Tue/Thurs 8 class series $75


Begins Jan. 6 7 - 8AM, Punch card and drop in accepted 701 Yampa St. 970-870-1522 Uranium Mine Snowshoe Tour Join a Yampatika naturalist on a snowshoe tour that follows the rim of Fish Creek Canyon. Bring water, a snack, and showshoes if you have them. (Snowshoes can be rented from Yampatika for $10.) This program is sponsored by the U. S. Forest Service and is FREE! Please call Yampatika at 871-9151 to register. Martini Night @Boathouse, $6 Martinis

Tour Join Yampatika for a snowshoe tour that explores the beauty and history of Emerald Mountain and Howelsen Hill. Bring water, a snack, and showshoes if you have them. (Snowshoes can be rented from Yampatika for $10.) Please call Yampatika at 871-9151 to register. Miller Lite Ladies Night. Tap house Every Saturday, the Tap House teams up with Miller Lite. Bartenders will be serving up $2.50 Miller Lites while DJ Also Starring spins dance tracks all night long.




friday JANUARY

Dick Cheneys Birthday World leprosy day. Coincidence? Daoist Qigong for Health Qigong is the essence of Chinese preventive medicine and scientific research strongly supports its benefits. Mon/Fri 8 class series $75 Begins Jan. 5. 8 - 9AM. Punch cards and drop in accepted 701 Yampa St. Call Neil for info: 970-818-8235 SSCRA Member Benefits Breakfast


saturday JANUARY

Justin Timberlakes Birthday, OMG! Babytime 10-10:30 AM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library. A program that enhances a baby’s natural love of language through rhymes, movement, Mother Goose and simple books. This drop-in program is free and no registration is required.Visit or call 879.0240 for more information. Emerald Mountain Snowshoe

Rick James’ Birthday. Iglesia en Espanol 7 AM @ Steamboat Christian Center Free docent led tours for the art exhibit 2 PM @ The Art Depot



Ayn Rand’s Birthday. National Change your Windshield Wipers Day Introductory Pilates 12:30pm Afraid to try Pilates? This class guides you through the underlying principles of movement under the trained eye of a Physical Therapist and certified Pilates instructor of more than ten years. Find safety, fun, and awareness in a beautiful setting over looking the Yampa River. Pamela Turner,MSPT. Physical Therapy, Pilates Training. 970-8193570 www.yogacenterofsteamboat. com 701 Yampa St. 970-8701522 Available for private instruction by appointment only Daoist Qigong for Health Qigong is the essence of Chinese preventive medicine and scientific research strongly supports its benefits.

Everything that we see is a shadow cast by that which we do not see. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

Mon/Fri 8 class series $75 Begins Jan. 5. 8 - 9AM. Punch cards and drop in accepted 701 Yampa St. Call Neil for info: 970-818-8235 Live Poker Tournie @ Tap House. Free entry, play for points and prizes.


tuesday FEBRUARY

Johannes Gutenbergs Birthday. Nice work on that printing press! Patient Recognition Day. Snow Sport Conditioning Yoga with Alli Tue/Thurs 8 class series $75 Begins Jan. 6 7 - 8AM, Punch card and drop in accepted 701 Yampa St. 970-870-1522 WING NIGHT @ Tap House KARAOKE 9:30 PM @ The Boat House Pub, $1 Bud Draft Night


wednesday FEBRUARY

Rosa Parks was born on this day. Intermediate Polestar Pilates .12:30pm Challenge your body in multiple planes of movement to gain strength and flexibility as well as balance and coordination to improve your function in sports and daily activities. Helps prevent injuries throughout the season. Pamela Turner,MSPT. Physical Therapy, Pilates Training. 970-8193570 www.yogacenterofsteamboat. com 701 Yampa St. 970-8701522 Available for private instruction by appointment only. IRISH NIGHT @Boathouse Pub Irish Food Specials $3 Guinness, $3 Black and Tans, $4 Jameson, and $5 Car



96th Annual Winter Carnival Feb. 4-8

M @

The 96th Annual Winter Carnival is an annual fundraiser for the Steamboat Springs Winter Sports Club (SSWSC). Beginning in 1914 the SSWSC has organized the events each year featuring exciting activities for the entire family including: ski jumping, the soda pop slalom, the diamond hitch parade, the night show with fireworks and much, much more. A Winter Carnival Button is required to participate in or attend any of the Carnival’s festivities.


thursday FEBRUARY

William S. Burroughs’ birthday. Snow Sport Conditioning Yoga with Alli Tue/Thurs 8 class series $75 Begins Jan. 6 7 - 8AM, Punch card and drop in accepted 701 Yampa St. 970-870-1522



D Q p t i M B 8 i Y 7 C

T n t S n o f t j d s m

Nondenominational community bible study for i women 9-11 AM @ Concordia Luther- f an Church. For more information contact Martha, 871.4751 Uranium Mine Snowshoe Tour Join a Yampatika naturalist on a snowshoe tour that follows the rim of Fish Creek Canyon. Bring water, a snack, and snowshoes if you have them. (Snowshoes can be rented from Yampatika for $10.) This program is sponsored by the U. S. Forest Service and is FREE! Please call Yampatika at 871-9151 to register.


N n

B 1 M t l The 96th Annual Winter Carnival is an annual fundraiser for m the Steamboat Springs Winter s g Sports Club (SSWSC). Begini ning in 1914 the SSWSC has organized the events each year featuring exciting activities for f the entire family including: ski E jumping, the soda pop slalom, the diamond hitch parade, the s night show with fireworks and J t much, much more. A Winter Carnival Button is required to a participate in or attend any of a

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009

out in the boat

• Music • theater

• sports • events

Steamboat Springs and surrounding areas the Carnival’s festivities. Martini Night @Boathouse, $6 Martinis



Axl Roses Birthday! Bob Marley Day, Jamaica. Daoist Qigong for Health Qigong is the essence of Chinese preventive medicine and scientific research strongly supports its benefits. Mon/Fri 8 class series $75 Begins Jan. 5. 8 - 9AM. Punch cards and drop in accepted 701 Yampa St. Call Neil for info: 970-818-8235

The 96th Annual Winter Carnival is an annual fundraiser for the Steamboat Springs Winter Sports Club (SSWSC). Beginning in 1914 the SSWSC has organized the events each year featuring exciting activities for the entire family including: ski jumping, the soda pop slalom, the diamond hitch parade, the night show with fireworks and much, much more. A Winter Carnival Button is required to participate in or attend any of the Carnival’s festivities.



snack, and snowshoes if you have them. (Snowshoes can be rented from Yampatika for $10.) Please call Yampatika at 871-9151 to register. The 96th Annual Winter Carnival is an annual fundraiser for the Steamboat Springs Winter Sports Club (SSWSC). Beginning in 1914 the SSWSC has organized the events each year featuring exciting activities for the entire family including: ski jumping, the soda pop slalom, the diamond hitch parade, the night show with fireworks and much, much more. A Winter Carnival Button is required to participate in or attend any of the Carnival’s festivities. Mini Yoga Retreat, Saturday, February 7 3 - 6PM Please join us for an all levels Yoga class, Herbal Sweat Lodge, Yoga Nidra and a light, nutritious supper! Located at the Yoga Center of Steamboat, Bear River Center, 701 Yampa St. Reservations are required. $75/ person. Bring a friend and both save 10%! Pamela Turner,MSPT. Physical Therapy, Pilates Training. 970-8193570 www.yogacenterofsteamboat. com 701 Yampa St. 970-8701522 Available for private instruction by appointment only.

FEBRUARY Chris Rock’s Birthday, crackers! National Black HIV/AIDS awareness day. Babytime 10-10:30 AM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library. A program that enhances a baby’s natural love of language through rhymes, movement, Mother Goose and simple books. This drop-in program is free and no registration is required.Visit or call 879.0240 for more information. Emerald Mountain Snowshoe Tour Join Yampatika for a snowshoe tour that explores the beauty and history of Emerald Mountain and Howelsen Hill. Bring water, a

Miller Lite Ladies Night. Tap house Every Saturday, the Tap House teams up with Miller Lite. Bartenders will be serving up $2.50 Miller Lites while DJ Also Starring spins dance tracks all night long.



Gary Coleman’s Birthday. Boy Scout Day, yippee. Another freakish coincidence? Iglesia en Espanol 7 AM @ Steamboat Christian Center The 96th Annual Winter Carnival is an annual fundraiser for the Steamboat Springs Winter Sports Club (SSWSC). Begin-

ning in 1914 the SSWSC has organized the events each year featuring exciting activities for the entire family including: ski jumping, the soda pop slalom, the diamond hitch parade, the night show with fireworks and much, much more. A Winter Carnival Button is required to participate in or attend any of the Carnival’s festivities. Free docent led tours for the art exhibits 2 PM @ The Art Depot



Mark Spitz swam out of the womb. Snow Sport Conditioning Yoga with Alli Tue/Thurs 8 class series $75 Begins Jan. 6 7 - 8AM, Punch card and drop in accepted 701 Yampa St. 970-870-1522 WING NIGHT @ Tap House KARAOKE 9:30 PM @ The Boat House Pub. $1 Bud Draft Nigh

FEBRUARY Joe Pesci screams his arrival to the world. How am I funny? FULL MOON! Introductory Pilates 12:30pm Afraid to try Pilates? This class guides you through the underlying principles of movement under the trained eye of a Physical Therapist and certified Pilates instructor of more than ten years. Find safety, fun, and awareness in a beautiful setting over looking the Yampa River. Pamela Turner,MSPT. Physical Therapy, Pilates Training. 970-8193570 www.yogacenterofsteamboat. com 701 Yampa St. 970-8701522 Available for private instruction by appointment only. Daoist Qigong for Health Qigong is the essence of Chinese preventive medicine and scientific research strongly supports its benefits. Mon/Fri 8 class series $75 Begins Jan. 5. 8 - 9AM. Punch cards and drop in accepted 701 Yampa St. Call Neil for info: 970-818-8235 Live Poker Tournie @ Tap House. Free entry, play for points and prizes.


tuesday FEBRUARY



Thomas Alva Edison and the light bulb were born on this day. Intermediate Polestar Pilates 12:30pm Challenge your body in multiple planes of movement to gain strength and flexibility as well as balance and coordination to improve your funcition in sports and daily activities. Helps prevent injuries throughout the season. Pamela Turner,MSPT. Physical Therapy, Pilates Training. 970-8193570 www.yogacenterofsteamboat. com 701 Yampa St. 970-8701522 Available for private instruction by appointment only. IRISH NIGHT @Boathouse Pub. Irish Food Specials $3 Guinness, $3 Black and Tans, $4 Jameson, and $5 Car bombs.

Up and Coming. Pre Natal Yoga with Linda Thursday, February 12 7 - 8:30PM This class addresses ways to support your partner through labor and childbirth $25/couple Yoga Center of Steamboat Bear River Center, 701 Yampa St. Call Linda for info 970-871-9829

Art and Ongoing.

PINK SCARFS Just in time for the holidays. Pink Scarves are on sale again at the Epiloge Book Company through Valentine’s Day. 100% of all profits benefit Yampa Valley Breast Cancer Awareness Program Celebrating our 5th year!! Donations of funds or yarn can also be made. Call Jo 846-2627 Children’s Dance Works Winter Session January 12 - February 13, 2009 Classes in Creative Dance for ages 2 - 9, Hip Hop for 5 - 7 years, Modern Dance for 10 15  years - some late registration accepted. All classes held at Northwest Ballet Studio, 326 Oak St. For more info & to register:  call Wendy @ 736-1005 childrensdanceworks@yahoo. com Visit for complete schedule OVER THE HILL GANG’S FREE MOUTAIN GUIDING Steamboat’s Over the Hill Gang starts its 26th year offering free mountain guiding. New this year they will be guiding 7days a week. 6 new guides will start this season. All members and visitors are invited to join them and join in the FUN. HAYDEN MARKET PLACE Tuesday through Saturday, 10-6 and Sundays 2-5 @ 144 Walnut St. in Hayden. The Hayden Marketplace, a co-operative retail outlet for 25 artisans from Northwest Colorado. For more information or to ask about becoming a member of the co-op, call 276.2019. POOL LEAGUE Spring session begins Jan. 4, 2009 at the VFW. Leagues 3 nights a week there - both 8 and 9 Ball formats for anyone interested. Contact Michelle for more information, COWS, COAL & COMMERCE 100 Years of the Moffat Railroad in Steamboat Springs. An exhibit celebrating the centennial of the railroad in Steamboat. June 2008- May 2009 Got an event? For Calender postings Email:

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. – Dr. Martin Luther King.


The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009


Lone Biker of the Apocalypse says:

feral beasts. The same vacuum that sucked away the plausibility of the film caused the dogs to implode, making it possible for the writers to escape and release this idiocy upon the world.

Paul Blart Mall Cop: Kevin James in his preordained, predetermined and destined role as fat awkward guy. But as you all know, the anti-hero is the best kind of hero. Paul Blart wins while still losing all pride and dignity. Much like the late great Chris Farley, James succeeds, while failing at life. “A man is only truly a man when he doesn’t let pride rule him”-Lao Tzu… Just kidding I made that up. But seriously, Paul Blart is a man, a very bowlingball-esque man, but a man nonetheless. If you are man enough to admit that this is funny, then you are a man. If not, go see Hotel for Dogs and have fun while your brains our devoured. = Chuck

Norris worthy. = Roundhouse kick to the face

Hotel for Dogs: canis lupus familiaris hospitium… latin for worst film ever… ever! Is there really a demand for this particular kind of dreck? I really don’t think so. Do people sit in their houses and hope for another idiotic dog film to be rabidly forced on the populace? I really wish the writers of this film, on the day the script was due, would have made the standard excuse of “my dog ate it.” Don’t people understand that once the apocalypse is upon us these beasts will be running free, looking to feast on humans. The more dogs, the worse the apocalypse will be… Zombie dogs! Think about that for a hot second, sucks doesn’t it? There is another term for Hotel for Dogs, it’s called the pound. Shoot the mongrels before they turn into zombies and eat our brains!

My Bloody Valentine: Evil miner predates on minors. Jump out of your seat cheesy gory spookyness. Boring thematic elements and lack of character development makes this film possible. If you like a character and they are killed for no reason, then the movie is no good. If the characters are void of form and believability then who cares if they die? Hey, highschoolers on acid, it’s also in 3-D so cut a hole in the pop corn bucket and grab on… to your seat. This was advertised as the perfect date movie. What makes people want to get busy more than being pursued by a sadistic prospector? I can’t think of any thing else that really gets the ladies going. Just because she grabs your arm during the film doesn’t mean she will let you touch her later. It probably means that she thinks you’re a moron for taking her to something this asinine. Or maybe she has a morbid side and really likes gratuitous violence. The writers of this script were obviously, at some point, trapped by zombie dogs and decided that instead of being eaten, they would feed a copy of the script to the


Defiance: Glorious, beautiful, poignant, moving, … insert additional generic movie critic word here. The new Bond is protagonist and is apparently very defiant. I am pretty sure most people felt defiant towards the Nazis. Except other Nazis of course, who were either mindlessly compliant, or too scared to defy. So this title means nothing, much like other Daniel Craig films e.g. Quantum of Solace and Layer Cake. I personally think Paul Blart would shart on Daniel Craig. And remember the Nazis trained zombie dogs to eat peoples brains!


Old Town Pub When : Valentine’s Day, Saturday Feb. 14th 10pm Wisconsin’s STEALIN’ STRINGS, recognized for their lively performances, captivating song-writing, and dapper good looks are erupting on the national music scene.Formed just outside Milwaukee, WI in 2002 by Ryan Ogburn (mandolin/guitar/lead vocals) and Rob Shively (guitar/lead vocals), the two performed as an acoustic duo, exchanging lead vocals and

Bride Wars: Ironically this film drowns in its own shallowness. Sounds impossible right? Yet these two matrimonious monsters manage to defy the laws of common sense. As you try to drown yourself to avoid watching this film the water will get shallower and shallower making your efforts futile and frustrating. This experience will be like one of those dreams were you think you can fly, but end up jumping and landing on your face. At least the cattiness contained within is fun. But even the army of catty cats cannot stop the army of zombie dogs coming for us. Just in case you’re wondering, Chuck Norris speaks through The Lone Biker of the Apocalypse almost like god speaks to us through a prophet. The biker passes the good word on to me and I to you. If you or I actually heard Chuck Norris speak, it would feel like a round house kick to the face!

recommended Listening TOOL!!!!! AC/DC Rammstein

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

crafting unruffled harmonies. Absorbing all they could from local bluegrass gatherings and drawing from their rock influences, the two designed a sound of old time fervor with a modernistic approach that left listeners desiring more. Laterally appeared Rob Buehler (drumkit), a rhythmic, melody-conscious player with equivalent musical tastes and Matt Turner (bass), a deep tone wielding, rhythm-minded player, proficient in style and composition. With the affixed rhythm section, Ogburn and Shively were able to delve into musical territories previously unvisited and expand to where there are no boundaries. “The rhythm section of Buehler and Turner provides an endless landscape,” says Shively. While Buehler adds, “The dual front man team of Ogburn and Shively really keeps things fresh and inspiring.” Together, they shape the STEALIN’ STRINGS sound that fuses traditional and ethnic roots music with rock innovations and improvisations in an unguarded musical terrain. Today, with support of fans and the ever-growing volunteer campaign, STEALIN’ STRINGS continues to tour and thrive in a live setting. They plan to extend their music to new cities and venues across the country.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009

SoundstoMakeYouGroove Venue The Tap House

THurs. 29

Fri. 30

Brian Jordan Trio5$

Open Mic. Night

Fat Man

Missed the Boat

Pat Walters one man band

Reggae Night w/ DJ Also Starring

Old Town Pub

Kort and beth McDJ Also Starring Cumber

Fox Theater-Boulder

North Mississippi All Stars

Boulder Theater Tugboat


Aggie Theater-Fort Collins

Marc Broussard

Gold HIll band

Tue. 03

Wed. 04

Me & Ed's Music Machine

Kirk Martinson

State Radio-SOLD State Radio-SOLD Marc Broussard OUT OUT Todd Snider ft. Jeff Austin




The Reverend Horton Heat

Split Lip Rayfield

Rouge Sound


Super Bowl Party Rouge Sound

Reverend Horton Heat

Thurs. 05

Fri. 06

Sat. 07

Sun. 08

Mon. 09

Tue. 10

Wed. 11

Ladies Night w/ DJ Also Starring


Mahogany Ridge

Worried Men


Open Mic. Night

Boathouse Pub

David Harlan

String Board Theory

Tasty Vittles

Old Town Pub

Tasty Vittles

DJ Also Starring

James and the Devil

Fox Theater-Boulder

Pretty Lights

Sam Ayer

Quartet Feat. Bela Fleck

Amy Ray of the Indigo Girls

Paper Bird & Elephant Revival

The Second City Touring Company

Abigail Washbun,Sparrow

Boulder Theater Tugboat




Aggie Theater-Fort Collins

Split Lip Rayfield

Pretty Lights

Allegaeon W/ Enemy Reign +

Happy Hours!

Mon. 02

Worried Men

Boathouse Pub

The Tap House

Sun. 01

Ladies Night w/ DJ Also Starring


Mahogany Ridge


Sat. 31

BIlly Franklins Tower

Danny Schaffer

Slightly StoopidSOLD OUT

The Glitch Mob




Tap house 3-6 M-F $1 off pints, $2 off pitchers

Boat House 3-6 EVERYDAY buy one get one free

Cugino's 3-6 pm EVERYDAY $2 Bud’s, $2.50 Jaeger, $4 wine special and $5 Martini specials. $1.50 slice and 1.00 additional Slices

Mahogany Ridge 4-6 PM M-F Half Price drinks, dollar tapas

Rex’s 4:20-6 PM EVERYDAY Half price appetizers, pizzas and $1 all drinks

Old town Pub 4-6 M-F $1 off all drafts and wine

Double Z 2:30-6:30 M-F $.50 off drafts and $1 off pitchers

Johnny B Good's ALL DAY EVERYDAY $2 Bloodies and Mimosas, buds and PBR Cans

VFW 4-6 M-F $.50 off all beers and drinks

Smokehouse 3-6 EVERYDAY $1 off all beers Monday night football $2.50 Bud and Bud Light

Smooth Money Gesture

Tugboat 3-6 EVERYDAY $1 beers

Big House Burgers 4:20-6 EVERYDAY $1 off all drinks and appetizers Cantina 4-6 PM EVERYDAY Margaritas $4, beer is discounted as well Riggio's 5-6pm Everyday $1 Stella Artois & Newcastle drafts 1/2 price martinis, wine, & apps Mazzola’s 5-6 EVERDAY $1 off all drinks

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted. – Dr. Martin Luther King.


The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

Another One bites the dust

Of Mice and Men ElliotSilberberg

The Local • Steamboat Springs

Milan. Many film lovers are dismayed that the Italian film Gomorrah, an exposè of the Neopolitain mafia, known as the Camorra, has been eliminated from the short list competing for Best Foreign Film at the Academy Awards. The film won the Grand Prix at the Cannes Film festival last June. On the other hand, many Italians are relieved the film will have less visibility. They feel its array of brutal wise guys and fast-paced violence reinforces gangster stereotypes of Italians. Given the accuracy of the film’s portrayal of the Neopolitain underworld, these complainers apparently prefer to live in denial. Gomorrah is adapted from a book of the same title written by Italian journalist Roberto Saviano. Good as the film is, the book is better. That’s because Saviano names names, a list of rotten Neapolitan clans that control the rackets, the port, the drug trade, the garbage collection, or non-collection, the haphazard toxic waste disposal, the fashion manufacturing, the cigarette and weapons smuggling, the, well, you name it. The book has guts. It makes the mob more visible and vulnerable. As a result, Saviano now lives under 24 hour police protection. Tracking the book’s impact on the criminal world is wild. Last fall, a Camorra stool pigeon announced there was a contract out on Saviano’s life, only to recant a day later. Next, a Camorra boss in prison complained through his lawyer that the author, who updates his Camorra research with articles in the Italian newspaper, “La Republica,” was slandering his reputation. That boss is in prison for crimes that would give the devil

pause. Nevertheless, he had no qualms crying that he was the victim. Following this veiled threat, Saviano’s newspaper asked readers to sign an on-line petition urging the journalist be guaranteed maximum protection by the Italian state. A great show of solidarity followed. In a matter of hours, it got over 100,000 signatures, including many Neapolitans and an international community represented by several Nobel Prize winners. Saviano loathes the Camorra, as the book makes clear. He grew up in their neighborhoods and chanced upon his first gangland-offed corpse at 13 en route to school in Casal di Principe, outside Naples. Despite exposing the mob’s network, Saviano is considered a squealer by some in his hometown, who claim he’s given the town a bad name by calling attention to its criminality. How odd. Saviano has written a brave exposé, condemning him to look over his shoulder the rest of his days. Yet some who share his roots ignore his courage, saying, as one common example, “He only wrote that book for the money.” A lawyer from Naples complained to

me that thanks to Saviano residents from Casal di Principe no longer can get jobs in northern Italy. He insinuates Saviano betrayed his town for calling attention to its blight, instead of blaming the Camorra for creating it. This distain for Saviano a small minority of Neapolitans evince often comes from well-educated, honest citizens. It shows how people bristle when their own turf is attacked, all the more so when it is by one of their own. The Camorra is even defended as quasinoble, in an argument that goes: “Ah, well, what would you do if you weren’t worth dirt and your only chance to be someone was to join organized crime? That’s their only way out.” Rationalization of this sort, so blind to the brutal consequences it condones, is disgusting to listen to, but exists. When police raid a rough quarter of Naples to make a Camorra arrest, they are apt to encounter a small but virulent group of housewives and children throwing rocks at their cars. Respect for the police is low for historical reasons that even today, some 150 years after the unification of Italy, see government as an occupier. It’s useful to remember that Giuseppe Garibaldi’s march to unify Italy, and defeat Naples, was based

on his reluctant cooperation with the Savoia dynasty from the Piedmont region near France, and that still today a spiteful expression for the Naples police in local dialect is “Piedmontese.” Fortunately, those who defend criminality in the Naples area are a minority. The city is a marvel of grace, dignity, culture and generosity of spirit. Yet this tragic phenomenon exists. Go figure. Dismissing uncomfortable truths isn’t exclusive to those who defend the Camorra. It goes deeper than history, to a basic instinct for survival that dictates having to play along with power, especially when it is vicious. For most of us, if the price for not cooperating with corruption could be our safety, or that of our loved ones, the choice is easy. Saviano is an exception, a hero, who, due to the courage of his convictions, is forced to live with the terrifying risk of becoming a martyr. He is not like us. When the truth hurts, means making a sacrifice, or presents a risk, we ignore it. Now and then, man is capable of showing remarkable courage, so it’s only human to ask: Can’t people be bigger and better than that? Perhaps the simple, unsettling answer, the one the mafia loves, is: No.


LeslieFaulkner The Local • Steamboat Springs

Sex and Alcohol!

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching it is important to bring up the topic of sex—specifically, drunken versus sober sex. Now I received hundreds, if not, thousands of responses on this vital topic but will quote from just three people I will call “Sally” and “Joey” who are unrelated, and Sally’s “boyfriend” who couldn’t help himself. The conclusion is that women would rather be sober and guys would rather be hammered during even the most innocent of intimate encounters, such as blowing a kiss across the room. ‘Sally’ is quoted as saying… “I swear someone put a Roofie in my drink because I jumped into the wrong waterbed, with the wrong guy, in the wrong apartment, in the wrong town. It looked just like my California King! The bed, that is.” Sally’s boyfriend: “We don’t even own a water bed Sally.” Joey: Wait! I love Roofies. I take ‘em (burp) all the time.” Now, I cannot speak from experience here so I pulled this off the Internet: A legally blind woman without her contact lenses, slept with a stranger after a night of Cosmo’s. She woke up to his kids jumping on the bed and a 100 pound Pit Bull chewing up the condom wrapper on the floor. She couldn’t find her coat, her panties or the keys to her car or most importantly her contact lenses which the stranger had mistakenly swallowed thinking it a glass of bubbly water. But Joey says drunken sex is a ‘blast’ especially after a 12 pack of Bud. “Just don’t drink Coor’s Lite Man, it’ll make your weenie smaller than a pencil and not as hard as a Papermate Number Two …. Burp. Gulp.” And Sally’s take on it..”That’s called Whiskey Dick Joey”. Joey: “Whatever…Jeeze… Like you would know! (Gulp. Burp. Gulp. Gulp.)” In fact my exhaustive research unveiled a commonality amongst shitfaced chimpanzees


and humans. Zimbabwe chimps over-serve themselves all the time on fermented fruit and do surprisingly similar things as human drunks. The male chimps become overly aggressive and slap the hairy bottoms of female chimps during intercourse before dozing off mid branch. This research article found on a reputable My Space page, revealed a striking similarity to the female chimp and human women while intoxicated. The female chimp typically wakes up, head pounding, and stares in shock at the butt-ugly ape she dragged up the tree the night before…horrified, she grabs her children and runs screeching into the jungle leaving behind the bananas she misplaced from last night’s fruit fest. Just to set the record straight I asked Sally, Sally’s boyfriend and Joey the same question when it came to Vodka Goggles. This is something like Rose Colored Glasses or fantasizing about the 75-year-old bartender at closing time because in your wasted state, he looks like your grandfather and since grandpa is gentle and wise, the old guy must really be sexually mature. He makes a mean Singapore Sling, you mumble to your girlfriend at 2AM. The next morning you wake to a snoring senior citizen, Viagra bottles scattered around the room with only one part of his anatomy waving good morning. Sally, shaken: “Vodka Goggles once put me in the scariest situation I have ever been in. It was absolutely terrifying.” Boyfriend: “Oh Yeah Sally? What about St. Patrick’s Day, huh? You can’t keep blaming the Leprachauns for that--Blow me I’m Irish—Tee Shirt you wore all night!” Sally: “Whatever…” Joey: “When I had my Coor’s Light Goggles on I fell asleep before I even got my boxers off. But those Vodka Googles with a Roofie chaser is the ticket man (Burp. Fart). It gives ya the courage ya need to dive into shark infested waters, if ya know what I mean. Like, 60 year old biker chicks with tattoos on their forearms. Sometimes, I don’t even remember if I scored or not and that’s the best part about it! (Burp).” Whatever! Thanks Joey, Sally and Sally’s Boyfriend. The verdict is in. If you are a woman, water is a good thing. And if you are a guy stay away from the Coor’s Lite and maybe the fermented fruit.

I am not interested in power for power's sake, but I'm interested in power that is moral, that is right and that is good. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009

'Scopes to Live By

Pray for

ChelseaYepello The Local • Steamboat Springs Aries

March 21- April 19


April 20 - May 20


May 21-June 20


June 21 - July 22


July 23 - Aug. 22


Aug. 23 - Sept. 22


Sept. 23 - Oct. 23


Oct. 24 - Nov. 21

Sagittarius Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

capricorn Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

aquarius Jan. 20 - Feb. 18


Feb. 19 - March 20

That glance... that little glance that explains everything you were questioning for so long. The emotions that were too complicated to express in words are finally out in the open and all it took was one silly little glance. The look was so insignificant to the people that don’t understand the depth of what you saw, but to you, there are not enough words in the world to express it... And all it took was one little glance. Maybe it’s simply because you have the strength to handle all of the bullshit. This fortnight the Tooth fairy will come to your house only to be disappointed that you are no longer losing your baby teeth and there is nothing she can collect from you. Unfortunately she will return shortly afterwards... with Novocain and pliers. Cheerio!

SNOW! HAPPY HOUR ALL DAY FOR LOCALS All you have to do is show a local ID or season pass and make your day a HAPPY DAY ALL DAY LONG!!!

• $2.75 Pints of

Bud & Coors Lt

• $3.75 Pints of Fat Tire

& Steamboat Pale Ale

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. Wow. Now that really is an uplifting, motivating and completely invigorating horoscope. Go get ‘em. No matter how many times you sneer at the lift operator it is still not their fault that it is raining in January. Nor is it their fault that the day tickets are so expensive, or that your lunch, that could only taste good if you were starving to death or on drugs, cost you half your paycheck. Those were your bad choices; don’t blame it on the poor kid bumping your chair. Take advantage of the situation that has presented itself to you. It is obvious to everyone around you that you are either oblivious to the beauty that is being thrown in your face or you are choosing to ignore it. Take hold of this opportunity before it slips away. You are a born leader and have the tendency to have your opinion held over all others... maybe you are speaking wisdom that everyone wants to hear or maybe you just talk really loud. Nobody said that you deserve this. No one said that it was going to be handed to you or you had a reason to believe that you should get this more than anyone else. It’s not over, and it’s not yours yet. Now is not the time to slow down. You will mock your friends’ decision to invent a crazy gadget that is perfect for every situation by being completely useless. But, you will appreciate their willingness to forgive your skepticism, when they take you on a day trip, in their yacht they purchased after the success of their product and the book deal that followed. Sometimes it’s just not funny no matter how much they understand your humor and the seriousness you can not seem to grasp. Think about what you are going to say before you say it, even if you think it’s a classic zinger, you might just make someone sad. Wow. You look really really good right now. It’s not even funny. Seriously consider putting a bag on your head to hide your hotness from the world to reveal it at a later date and eventually take over the Earth with your charisma and incredibleness. There is nothing okay with how cold it got in your heart. It’s like Antarctica in there... in a giant freezer... and the freezer is rolled up in a snowball rolling down an icy mountain into a frozen lake. That cold. That’s really damn cold.

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. – Dr. Martin Luther King.


The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

mountain mistress

Dave Boberg

Internet Meme Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day he drove up and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.” Chuck replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.” The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Chuck said, “Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.” The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?” Chuck said, “I’m going to raffle him off.” The farmer said, “’You can’t raffle off a dead horse!” Chuck said, “Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.” A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, “What happened with that dead horse?” Chuck said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.” The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?” Chuck said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.” Chuck grew up and works now for the government. He was the one who figured out how to “bail us out”.

A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.S for Skiers What you would like to say to some dork in the GONDOLA line: Go On No Dorks Allowed On Lift Anytime A bad RUN will: Ruin Ur Nuts

If you like TELEMARK: Touring Everywhere Like Every Man Arcing Runs Kleen But if you NORDIC: Not Only Rich Dudes In Club Then if you go to the LODGE: Lots Of Dough Gone Early SKI POLE: Some Kinky Invalid Pokes Old Ladies Everywhere

• •

And when your BINDING: Built In Notted Device Is Not Good When your kids hand is cold you ask “Where is your GLOVE”: Got Lost On Vagabond Early - Albert Kengio

Stupid Hard Sudoku

We Make The Snow Fly


I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009 JonahWeil

Walks like a Duck

The ?

“Signal Ahead”--aw, the light just changed



by Matt Jones

The Riddle: What do these three have in common, super man, moses and the cabbage patch kids? (answer can be found in the classifieds section)

Across 1 Speeding punishment 7 Hydromassage facility 10 Mr. of the soft drink world 14 In heaven, in some Christmas carols 15 L.A. Lakers center Gasol 16 ___ about 17 Hullabaloo 18 "The Addams Family" cousin 19 "Just let ___, man" 20 "Try to chew your food a little more--don't scarf it" phrase? 23 Dalai ___ 24 Toddler's query 25 Dr. Evil's assistant 27 Spud bud 28 Fed. construction overseer 29 Like books without a numbered system 30 Drinks soup 32 Cloister group 33 Beat a NYC college athletic team? 36 Blue-green 38 "Space ___" ("Ground control to Major Tom" song) 39 Like crust covering some hard-to-clean dishes 42 3-D graphics in movie special effects, for short 43 Common soccer score 46 Oriole Park at ___ Yards 47 It's illegal to pump yourself in Oregon 48 iPod variety 49 Whiz only on footprint indentations? 52 "Janie's Got ___" (Aerosmith song) 53 2007's Super Bowl 54 Yes-man's response 55 Put up 56 "The Tonight Show" announcer Hall

57 Nicole of "Charles In Charge" 58 Analogy words 59 Get the picture 60 Calls the shots Down 1 Medium oath... 2 ...and milder oath 3 “Good Times” actor Walker 4 Lo-cal drink 5 “There’s more in this letter...” 6 “That’s extremely funny!” in e-mails 7 Streisand-as-a-male film 8 Hood rat? 9 Computer core: abbr. 10 “___ Certified” (sticker for an 8-down) 12 CNN offshoot 13 Blameless exclamation 14 Philip Seymour Hoffman film of 2008 19 Financial services company with an asterisk in its name 20 Hit head-on

23 “___ you an apology...” 24 Badonkadonk 26 Med. scan 30 Suggestion on a food label: abbr. 31 Old, in Italy 32 Alexander who claimed he was “in charge” after Reagan was shot 33 Off-white shade 34 Stopping by just briefly 35 “Wayne’s World” director Penelope 36 Gives to the landlord 37 Rowing machine unit 41 Photographer Adams 42 Big D.C. lobby 43 Mr. Potato Head parts 45 Oak Ridge Boys hit with a notable vocal bass line 46 Did 47 It can be covered by a shadow 49 Window box sites 50 One way to kill a vampire 53 “ER” roles 54 Assent on the main deck 55 Dearie

I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live. – Dr. Martin Luther King.


The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

According to Astrology January 29 – February 11

Lunar Eclipse and our Unique Talents LenaFranzen The Local • Steamboat Springs January 29-30: Our minds are slowing down and we have to check up on some details or make some corrections. We are working on and fine tuning our innovative and creative ideas. ( Jupiter in inventive Aquarius and Saturn in detail oriented Virgo are coming together in a hard angle.) February 1: Today Mercury the planet of our mind is going direct, which means that it will be easier to move forward again in our work and in our plans. Travel and communications will flow easier. If you had put off any major decisions or purchases, now you can go ahead with more clarity. February 2-3: Venus the planet of love moves out of tenderhearted Pisces into fiery and pioneering Aries. We will now value action and speedy forward motion until June, when Venus will move in to slow and sensual Taurus. February 4: Mars the planet of action and assertiveness will move out of hard working Capricorn into innovative and intelligent Aquarius. A lot of innovative ideas are now being put into action. February 5: Saturn and Uranus will again come together. Last time that happened was on Election Day November 4, 2008.


We can expect more change to take place. It can feel a bit nerve wrecking and can stir up anxiety and fear as we are forced to let go of the old and outdated to bring in the new and somewhat unknown. Especially today we might have some powerful emotions surfacing from deep within. Best thing is to find a way to release and transform these emotions. Exercising and dancing to music that evokes your emotions can be very helpful. You will get in touch with your passion and power this way. (Instead of getting upset with somebody.) We are finding our own unique creativity and inspiration so we can express that in our work or in what we do. (Saturn in hard angle to Uranus, Sun and Pluto in hard angle to each other and to Venus.) February 6-8: These days continue to be emotional days and we all need to nurture ourselves and be kind to ourselves and others. We are all going through a lot! (Moon in sensitive Cancer.) February 9: Early in the morning before sunrise there is Penumbral Lunar Eclipse. This means that there is a Full Moon and that the Earth is blocking the light from the Sun to the Moon for a while in the early

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

morning. But since the lineup is not perfect this time the moon will just show a slight darkening. Lunar Eclipses are known to be emotional times indeed. And we have the opportunity to get rid of our emotional baggage and our old wounds. It might not feel so good at first, but if we can go with the flow and trust the process and use music, exercise and dance. It can be a powerful ecstatic experience. We are continuing to get in touch with our creative talents and unique ideas that are very much needed in the world. (Sun in Aquarius and Moon in Leo coming together with Chiron the planet of healing and with the spiritual planet Neptune.) February 10-11: We are feeling a bit frustrated today, we want to move forward but we are having to check some details and adjust our plans. (Mars the planet of “go” in hard angle to Saturn the planet of “slow down”).

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009

exploring the sacred

Tenants of Buddhism TimOlmsted Interfaith • Steamboat Springs

[Tim has been deeply engaged in the Buddhist tradition for the past 33 years, studying with many of the greatest teachers of our time. In 1994, after 12 years in Nepal, Tim moved to Steamboat and founded the Steamboat Buddhist community. He has served as the director of Gampo Abbey, a Buddhist monastery located in Cape Breton, Nova Scotia.] Despite what many believe, the Buddha never addressed questions about God, or metaphysics. He never denied or affirmed the existence of a ‘higher being’. He concerned himself solely with the quality and nature of our experience in this life, in this moment. The Buddha concerned himself with just two questions: why do we suffer, and how can we end that suffering? Through deep contemplation and intensive practice of meditation, the young prince Siddhartha (his family name), resolved those questions for himself. Having brought light onto what had been lost in darkness, he achieved ‘enlightenment’. The central insight of the Buddha was that it is mind, and only mind, that creates our world. It is mind that experiences happiness, and mind that experiences sorrow. Yet, he saw that mind is more than just the scattered and whirling experience that we’re accustomed to, at its very nature it is clear, open, intelligent and warm. He saw that mind’s nature, which is present in all of us, is fundamentally good and pure. What distinguishes a ‘Buddha’ or an enlightened being

from the rest of us, is simply the recognition of that mind from which we’ve never been apart. For 45 years, until he passed away, the Buddha walked the plains of India teaching the truth (the ‘dharma’) that he’d realized. He travelled not as a divine being, but as a friend, a guide to those who have lost this recognition. He encouraged all that he met to look deeply into the nature of their own experience, and to bring about their awakening through their own effort and insight. He said, “Do not believe what the teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings - that doctrine believe and cling to, and take it as your guide.” ‘Dharma’ has the meaning ‘to tame’, and ‘to rescue’. Simply put, when we tame our mind, we’re rescued from ignorance and confusion, from suffering. The Buddha’s message was that this very life is the perfect and only opportunity to tame this wild mind, and to bring to full measure its abiding qualities of clarity and warmth. This is the meaning of the word ‘Buddha’, to tame and to ripen. To encourage us along this path to awakening, the Buddha suggested that we always keep four things in mind. When held closely, these ‘reminders’ turn our minds to what is true and meaningful. The first is that this life is rare and precious. To be born in this time and place, and with the ability and inclination to contemplate spiritual truths, is rare and fortunate. This reminds us that now, when we have the opportunity, we must follow the path.

Further, because this life is so rare, we’re encouraged to proceed with joy. Second, we’re reminded that everything is impermanent, and that the time of death is completely uncertain. Everything, this life and the world, is understood to be fleeting, like a dewdrop, or a rainbow. This calls us to engage in the spiritual life with exertion, without procrastinating. Further it reminds us that because the world around us is constantly shifting, grasping or holding tightly to the appearances our life, our friends, wealth, pleasure etc., is the very cause of suffering itself. The Buddha said, “of all the footprints in the forest, the footprint of an elephant is the greatest, of all the contemplations, the contemplation of impermanence is the most profound.” 3 The third reminder is that our actions have consequences (karma). This reminds us to refrain from that which harms, and to propagate that which is wholesome. Engaging in harm, whether through our actions,

our speech or through our intention, will always result in grief, for ourselves, and those around us. Engaging in that which is wholesome, in turn, is the cause of happiness. 4 Finally, the Buddha reminded us that as long as we’ve not tamed this wild mind of ours, our life will be fraught with discomfort, and sorrow. This exhorts us to not get caught up in the endless and fleeting activities of the world, but to devote ourselves to that which brings peace to ourselves and to others. It is taught that simply embracing these reminders in our daily lives accomplishes half of the journey. With these as the basis, we follow the spiritual path of learning and contemplation, of uncovering the abiding clarity and warmth that is out human inheritance. This warmth, in turn, naturally radiates to others as kindness and compassion. This then is the rest of the journey, the journey that we share with others, the journey grounded in the wisdom that true peace is only possible when we’re all free. Tim Olmsted The Buddhist Community of Steamboat Springs 879-5425

• • beware the zombie dogs

If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live. – Dr. Martin Luther King.


The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

the angry grammarian

Cold Case


So my dad calls me today from Erie, Pa., and asks me, “How would say that the temperature is 14 degrees below zero?” “Well, I would say it’s fucking cold, Dad.” “No no, would you say it was ‘minus 14 degrees’ or ‘negative 14 degrees’?” My dad believes that people of an older generation say “minus” and younger people tend to say “negative” when referring to the temperature outside. He’s afraid that when his generation dies, the proper term will fade away forever and the world will refer to the temperature incorrectly. Please help clear up this generational struggle! Going by the book, your dad is probably right. On the one hand, both terms are equally mathematical; algebra isn’t the problem here. But temperature is screwy. We pick an arbitrary scale at which water freezes at 32 degrees, and temperatures below zero suddenly have no great meaning. The fact that it’s 20 degrees outside doesn’t mean that it’s twice as warm as when it’s 10 degrees. Convert to Celsius and those numbers have entirely

different implications, even though you don’t feel any colder. So using “negative” implies a greater integer value, while “minus” is more of a relative thing. In a way, “minus” is less committal—you’re still holding out hope that minus 14 degrees isn’t quite as cold as it sounds. Dictionaries and style guides back this up, by the way. Both the AP Stylebook and Merriam-Webster’s list “minus” as more appropriate when talking temps. “Negative” has nothing to do with it. But the end of your letter hints at the deeper implications here—which is to say, there aren’t many. Let’s say your old man’s fears are realized: His generation dies … and the proper way to report the weather is lost to history. Frankly, if it’s 14 below, you have bigger things to worry about. Like your face falling off. The meaning of both is unambiguous. Give it enough time, and dictionaries will start to reflect the change too. Besides, by the time we reach that point, global warming will ensure temperatures below zero are a thing of the past anyway.

Find 3 Typos and Get Free Beer! Find 3 typos in this issue of The Local and earn a FREE bottle of specialty seasonal beer. Redeem your prize at Pioneer Spirits on 11th St. Limit first 5 claims per issue. Must be 21 years of age.

Top Five Strangest Names In Sports: Miroslav Satan(Hockey) Dean Windass(Soccer) Yogi Berra(Baseball) Jan Venegoor of Hessilink(Soccer) Nicky Butt(Soccer)


In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29- February 11, 2009

get lit

Are You Wicked MichelleDover The Local • Steamboat Springs “Wicked people never have time for reading. It’s one of the reasons for their wickedness.” -Lemony Snicket Ridding yourself of wickedness is as easy as joining an online social network for people who read books, like Shelfari, Library Thing or Good Reads. You can keep track of your reading history with a virtual bookshelf. It’s visual, it’s tidy, it’s the best bookshelves ever because all the covers face outward. You can find out what others are reading and maybe even find like minded readers that inspire you. Best of all for the wicked, you can find friends. I know what my friends are currently reading, hope to read, and think about a particular book. They may rate it with stars or say something significant like “An excellent book that offers insight into covert relationships between countries.” If you were my friend you’d know that I’m reading, Nega Mazlekia’s “Notes From the Hyena’s Belly,” a memoir about growing up in Ethiopia in the 1970’s and 1980’s. You’d also know that I just finished reading Nancy Horan’s “Loving Frank” and Aravind Adiga’s, “White Tiger”. If you were my friend you’d also know

what my friends are reading. I’m always looking for more friends because I’m the kind of reader that wants everyone to read what I like, thus the librarian thing I do with my days. I read for more than entertainment, I am looking for inspiration, courage, goodness and hope. A great book delivers this to me and demands that I share. If you want to be one of my friends you can email me at mdover@, just mention you want to know what I’m reading and I’ll put you on my friends list. If you want to find other friends simply get an account at one of the sites listed in the first sentence and invite your friends. My first recommendation for the wicked is to start with Gregory Maguire. Gregory Maguire is an American author, whose novels are revisionist retellings of children’s stories. Hope to see you on the virtual reading shelves. Here are some fun titles: Wicked When Dorothy triumphed over the

Wicked Witch of the West in L. Frank Baum’s classic tale, we heard only her side of the story. But what about her arch-nemesis, the mysterious witch? Where did she come from? How did she become so wicked? And what is the true nature of evil? This is now a Broadway musical. Son of a Witch The sequel to Wicked. Maguire introduces readers to Liir, an adolescent boy last seen hiding in the shadows of the castle after Dorothy did in the witch. Bruised, comatose, and left for dead in a gully, Liir is shattered in spirit as well as in form. But he is tended at the Cloister of Saint Glinda by the silent novice called Candle, who wills him back to life with her musical gifts. Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister On seeing her portrait, a servant girl modeling for an artist in 17th century Holland realizes she is ugly. But the portrait opens her eyes to the world of art; she becomes a painter and is transformed by her work so that when a prince charming appears she is no longer ugly. Lost Winifred Rudge attempts to write a novel about a woman haunted by the ghost of Jack the Ripper, and finds herself the object of spectral phenomena as she arrives in London to find her friend John missing under mysterious circumstances.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. – Dr. Martin Luther King.


The Local • Vol 9 issue 1 • January 29- February 11, 2009

857-1057 Business ads Starting at $25/issue


Color classifieds Starting at $25/issue

Full Color!

Includes two bold lines and around 20 words

Free section 30 word limit please!

Deadlines: All unClassifieds are due by the Tuesday before print. Payment for all color photo ads must be made before ad will be printed.

Email ads to:


Local Services: Inexpensive advertising starting at $25 per issue!

Your Ad Here $25 If You can read this, you should advertise here.

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Freebies FREE: White Kenmore top-loading washing machine and ivory Whirlpool dryer. Both work fine. Delivery is not out of the question for a nominal fee. 819-2707 Chris Garage Sales Had to downsize our office- Office furnishings, fixtures, shelves, equipment, fridge, silk plants and much more all must go. 1712 13th Street. (Twenty Mile Road) 9-12 Saturday 1/31.

For sale 1993 4x4 Chevy Suburban. Good engine. $2,500. Call (970)2768037, leave message. SUV for sale 2002 Mercedes-Benz ML320. Looks and runs great. 4WD, 3,2L. $11500. Call (970)846-8862 FINANCING / WORKING PEOPLE! $500.00 MINIMUM DOWNPAYMENT. NO CREDITCHECK. Dealer, 875-0700. “Working Cars / Working People - 24,000 Mile Warranties! www. ****(20) 91-04 Subarus’ ! (2) 2004 Dodge Durangos’, Beautiful! (2) 2001 Subaru Foresters, Fabulous,


For sale Dealer, 875-0700. 24k/mile warranties www.checkpointautosales. com **** (2) 99-02 Toyota Tacoma Xcabs, W0W! 2002 Nissan Frontier CrewCab! 2002 Dodge Dakota ClubCab, 84k/miles. Dealer, 8750700. www.checkpointautosales. com 4 good mud and snow tires, 15”, with original rims for 2000 Dodge Durango or similar. $200 for all four. Will e-mail photo. goodworkers@ Hand crank phonograph; free standing style. 1920/1930s.  Silvertone. You can have several old records, too.  $1400. 970-734-5909 K2 Public Enemy 169cm mounted w/ 22 Designs Hammerhead $120 (3039196477) Landyachtz slalom longboard w/ 180mm Randal trucks & Gumballs $150 (3039196477)

Northwave Freedom snowboard boots 28 mondo $80 call (3039196477)

for sale Fate Clothing down coat orange large $100 (3039196477)

K2 Recons w/ Marker Mod 14.0 181cm excellent cond. $450, K2 Big Kahuna w/Volle 3-pin cable 180cm $125, K2 Axis Xt w/Volle 3-pin cable 174cm $125, Scarpa T3 tele-boots size 8 (will fit 99.5) $50, Ken 734-4646 HPV is the most common sexually transmitted virus and is important because it can cause cervical cancer in women. The VNA provides the vaccine for FREE to eligible low income, uninsured women age 19-26 years old. Please call the VNA for more information in Steamboat at 879-1632, 940 Central Park Drive, Suite 101 Information is also available at www.nwcovna. info. If you do not speak English, call 824-8233.

Looking for companionship? Willing to hook you up anytime. We’ve got the best selection. Stop by or call MyWireless, Verizon’s Wireless Premium Retailer, at 1755 Central Park Drive - 970-846-2000 or 675 South Lincoln - 970-846-7000.

For Sale good looking used alloy wheels (rims) 15 x 5 1/2 , 5 wholes, 3 ¼” stud to stud, 5 ¼” across. 4 for $110.00 OBO. Call 870-6316 or 846-3675.

for rent Need responsible housemate to share with 2 others in nice large home in Oak Creek. 1/rm in 3/bdrm/2/bath/house. Begin immediately.  $450/month+1/3 all utilities. I have a room in a three bedroom with myself 24 year old boy and 22 year old girl. Dogs are okay and you can contact me Joe @ 970/420-4581 NS/NP/References/Lease/$500/ deposit. Rebecca at 970-846-5559 or 1 bedroom available in 4 bedroom duplex.  Must be chill and responsible. $500 monthly + 1/5 utilities. Located on tamarack by a bus stop. NP/WD.  970-8192770/970-420-4581 Cozy one Bedroom Guesthouse for weekly rent in Hayden. Furnished.  Includes all utilities, cable, and full kitchen. $300 per week.  $75 per

It is not enough to say we must not wage war. It is necessary to love peace and sacrifice for it. – Dr. Martin Luther King.

i d p b

H a f s t p t i 8

• c 9 for rent S 7 day.(3 day minimum) Call Kristy • (970)846-3805 a

One bedroom available in 3 bedroom duplex at West End F Village. Nice neighborhood and great neighbors, 3 roommates are S w aged 25-30. Lease is negotiable and so are pets, we have 1 dog and R your pet must get along. $500 pet deposit required. Near bus route, amazing views. One person only. $750/month includes digital cable, high speed wireless internet, gas, T electric and water. First and last re- c quired plus $500 security deposit; h can discuss payment options for h security. AVAILABLE NOW!! L Email w k t Services t Roof Shoveling to Remodel ~ we P do it all. $25.00/hour.  References f available.  870-6316 or 846-3675. C d

Laura’s Pet Sitting - Alternative LOST to boarding your family pets and l leaving your home unattended I k will keep your pet happy and home p safe. References upon request. y Call Laura 815/901-2700. e g STAGECOACH MOMMIES... c playful, energetic, 2yr. old boy and his mommy available for play dates

The Local • Vol 9 issue 1 • January 29- february 11, 2009



Super Important unClassified Instructions: Paid Ads

$25 gets you something just like the business ads you see on the previous page. Want color? Want you business logo? We can do it! Call 970-875-1057

Notice in the snow! We enjoy the outdoors, swimming at the hot springs pool, and trips to the library. Let’s be

Hepatitis Vaccinations are available to adults with certain risk factors for $0-$14 sliding fee scale. Completing the Hepatitis vaccination series provides protection from this sexually transmitted disease. For more information, call the VNA at 879-1632. VNA Services Offered • Your child can receive vaccinations at VNA (0-$14):VNA, 940 Central Park Dr., Suite 101, Steamboat 879-1632 or call 8717678 if you do not speak English. • Spanish/English Interpreter available for clinics.


Business Ads

Free Ads

$15 for text only. A Text Only ad is an inexpensive way to get the word out. Your $15 gets you one bold line and 30 words!

Please, please, limit your ads to 30 words or less. These pages are expensive! Just call any other paper that offers classifieds and see what they’re chargin’ you!

Email: Call: 970-875-1057




Experienced part-time automobile windshield installer. No tools needed. Good pay. Checkpoint Auto Sales 970-875-0700

It's almost time for Strings Music Festival! With summer arriving soon Strings is looking for volunteers for their 2009 Summer Music Festival. If you're interested, contact Leslie Morace at (970) 879-5056 x107 or



Color Ads and Text Only Business ads:

Monday before print Call 875-1057 for more info.



The Local

Last Seen 1/21/09. 1:30am. Chinook Area

Classifieds FREE!!!

CALL 819 -1777


Providing the Yampa Valley with free classified listings since 2001.


Feb 10 Tuesday Stmbt - Denver Lodo area will help w/gas Rob 508-385-9033

Found & Lost To the person who stole my Volcom jacket at O.T.P. Can I at least have my chap-stick back. My lips hurt real bad. Shawny 846-7649 LOST - Yaktrax’s traction devices walking the BIG dog at butcher knife. LOVE and MISS them as they help me to stay upright while the dog pulls me around :-) Please, please, please call if you found them...they are brand new Christmas gifts to me from my doggie. 870-6381. LOSTmy black Volcom jacket last friday at O.T.P. It had my keys and my head phones in the pockets. Please give me a call if you have any info. 846-7649. Se extravio una chamarra negra con gorro, marca volcom favor de contactar. 846-7649


Answer to the Riddle: They were all adopted

It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important. – Dr. Martin Luther King.


The Local • Vol 9 issue 3 • January 29-February 11, 2009

Yay! for Rio, Urbane and Zirkel Wireless


Issue 9.3  

The Local Issue 9.3 (January 29- February 11, 2009)