HOBOSCOPES

LIBRA

The light is different lately, Libra. The way it slides under the bedroom door, reaching in as a reminder that there’s still more to see on the other side. Or how it divides the trees from the trees while leaves glow and quake, some green, some yellow, some suspended, branchless in the air. Or the way it disappears, when I close the refrigerator door–saving itself for later, like the block of cheddar in the Ziploc. What I’m seeing, Libra, are the ways that we witness what we allow to be illuminated. It changes. It’s changing again.

S C O R P I O

I like it when the grocery store aisles turn orange and black and fill up with plastic horrors and too much pumpkin-shaped candy. I like it because it’s a reminder that we’re all here together. We’re all moving forward into the same time–the same season. But this year it’s harder to go to the grocery store. It’s harder to go anywhere. And I hope we still remember, Scorpio, that we’re all in this together. And I hope that when we see each other again, we really see each other.

SAGITTARIUS

Brainwashing is an exciting concept that makes for a great plot device. The brain-washed assassin isn’t responsible for their actions — and they could be anybody! The problem is it’s not exactly real. We’re all working off of different ideas, different assumptions, but I have to believe, Sagittarius, that everybody, no matter how “brain-washed” you might think they are, has the ability to grow and change. You do too.

CAPRICORN

Have you seen that movie where an ancient race of vampires secretly controls the world but their sworn enemies, the werewolves, tirelessly plot to overtake their dark empire? It’s pretty good, if you like that sort of thing. I’ve been thinking of that movie lately because if I’m not careful, I start to think that the world is only made up of two types of people. And I start to think that my type of people are always right and the other type are always wrong. What if there’s no such thing as vampires and werewolves, Capricorn? What if we’re all on the same team?

AQUARIUS

I’ve heard that you can fit 1.3 million Earths inside the sun. I just can’t figure out why you would want to. Honestly, I wouldn’t even know where to start with getting the one actual existing earth into the sun, much less 1.3 million of them. It seems like an awful lot of work, Aquarius. You’re excellent at putting in the effort. I applaud that, Aquarius. But maybe take a break from impossible tasks for the rest of today and use your energy for something that makes you happier.

PISCES

James Baldwin once wrote, “No one is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart: for his purity, by definition, is unassailable.” We’ve got to be vulnerable with each other, Pisces. We’ve got to be willing to admit that we might be wrong. And the trick here is, that when I say “we” I don’t mean “the other team” I mean you. And I mean me. But I might be wrong.

ARIES

I went out driving around the cemetery last week, Aries. I know, it seems just like something I would do. But I had a good reason this time. I found out my great great grandfather is buried just a couple of miles from here. And, since I never met him, I thought I should go try to connect. Sometimes, Aries, it helps to think about the people who shaped you, and the people who shaped them, and the people who shaped them. We’re all doing more for each other than we know.

TAURUS

I’ve got a fish tank with three goldfish in it. Every morning I turn on the fluorescent bulb on top of the tank and every night I turn it off. It’s hard to tell when the fish are sleeping, Taurus, but I know we all need those rhythms. Lately, it’s easy to just leave your light on all the time. There’s constantly something outrageous in the news. There’s always something on your phone that can make you feel angry or scared or excited. If you were my goldfish, I would make sure to turn off that light, at least for a while. Or maybe you could even leave it off all day.

GEMINI

I put up all my decorations, but I didn’t find my pumpkin yet. I always try to pick a good one for the front porch, but none of the ones at the store have felt quite right. Maybe it’s not the pumpkins, Gemini. Maybe it’s the season. It just feels a little too dark out there to act like everything is ok. So maybe we just buy a pumpkin in hope this time. Maybe we buy a pumpkin even when it doesn’t feel right and we put it out there on the porch in hope that before too long, it will feel right.

CANCER

Recent research indicates that on the night The Titanic sank, there was an unusual amount of solar activity that could have caused a geomagnetic storm in the north Atlantic. Of course, solar winds would be imperceptible to folks on a big boat, but they could have caused trouble with the radio and the navigation system. Maybe enough trouble that they ended up off course. Make sure you’re communicating extra clearly in the next few weeks. There’s lots of icebergs out there.

LEO

I used to like roller coasters. I liked the start where you go up and up and up and it gets slower and slower, clicking and clicking, until you finally start to fall. But lately, Leo, I’ve had enough. I feel like this ride keeps going up and up and up and I don’t even like thinking about the fall anymore. I’ll tell you what though, I’m glad I decided to sit next to you on this thing. We may have a way to go before the drop, so if you want to talk about it, we’ve still got some time.

VIRGO

Scary movies just aren’t gonna cut it this year. Scary movies are all about giving up control and letting all the things we’re afraid of happen. Watching characters go through the worst things we can imagine. And then the credits roll and we get to come back to ourselves. This year, I’m tired of watching all the worst things play out. I want a break. Maybe instead of watching all those stories, Virgo, we could just go for a walk in the woods. Maybe forget about the news. Maybe find an old abandoned cabin to check out.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained pumpkin selector, or a registered aquatician. Mr. Mysterio is, however, a budding intermediate podcaster! Check out The Mr. Mysterio Podcast. Season 2 is now playing at mrmysterio.com. Got a question, just give Mr. M a call at 707-VHS-TAN1