WAUKESHA, WI DECEMBER 2010 VOLUME 17, ISSUE 1 (VERY LATE EDITION) COST: PRICELESS!
Unemployment Rate Hits 50% At The Lueck Household After Brian’s marketing position was eliminated in late March he did what everyone wants to do when they lose their job. “I polished off a whole box of brownie mix and a large Marge pizza, then went for a 30 -mile bike ride, took the dogs for a 4-mile walk, watched Wild
Wild West, Gilligan’s Island tally bored and have been tryand Lost In Space reruns, posted ing to get back to work since”, resumes on 30 job boards, got 2 stellar letters of recommendation from my bosses then got violently ill from either bad pizza or lousy reruns”, said Brian. “The next day I was to-
Over $100 in FREE coupons on page 3 Depression Nearly Takes Lamppost Down “If you’re wondering why your Lamppost is late this year then look no further than the Lamppost staff. Massive budget cuts, 97% staff elimination, print and bindery repossession, no advertisers, lawsuits and Chapter 11 can begin to wear on a guy”, said Brian Lueck. “I’ll be wearing my steel-toed boots as I kick the year 2010 goodbye”, said Kathy Lueck. “I’ll second that emotion”, said Brian.
Down For The Count In Waukesha “I found a bald, fat, naked guy on my
bathroom floor early one morning and screamed so loud the neighbors garage door opened”, said Kathy Lueck. “Upon closer inspection it turned out to be my husband and then a shriek sent two more garage doors opening”, added Kathy. “I got this brilliant idea to paint the entire inside of the house one week before Christmas”, said Brian. “After downing 3 pots of coffee I headed for the store and picked up 30 gallons of the cheapest paint money
can buy. I hooked up the turbo-charged paint roller (as seen on T.V.) let ‘er rip and never looked back”, added Brian. The windows were closed and paint fumes began building up to the point where Brian began hallucinating that James West, Gilligan and the robot from Lost In Space were all in the same room giving him job hunting advice.
Rebuilding Nashville One Home At A Time
Brian passed out that night and was motionless on the bathroom floor for hours. The next day Kathy Lueck passed out at work and was immediately surrounded by four strapping Chip ‘n Dale male EMT’s with six packs and oxygen tanks. That night we called the Waukesha fire department thinking dangerous carbon monoxide was in our house. The Lueck’s driveway was immediately decorated with four tanker trucks, three ambulances, two squad cars and an oxygen
tank that blew into the neighbors’ pear tree. “After the boys pulled off their full HAZMAT gear and gave us the two thumbs up we knew it was just paint fumes and all was safe to go back inside our house”, said Kathy.
The local HAZMAT team visits the Luecks
The Entire Lueck Family On Cruise-Control
Brian discovered hidden treasure while on a Samaritan’s Purse mission trip in the fall. “I thought I’d be a blessing to people who suffered “Just when you thought it was safe to open meat markets. One of the owngo in the water I saw Brian in a topers had a front tooth made of pure catastrophic loss from the spring floods”, said Brian. “Instead, I’m the gold so I knew it was a classy place”, one who ended up being blessed”, he added. “There’s something I can’t less bathing suit”, said a stunned Kathy Lueck. “He really needs a said Brian. “I just love it!” said explain that happens when you give yourself Manzere”, said an innocent byKathy. “I held it up to the light and to others. And I’m about as sharp as a marble stander. The entire Lueck family took only three of the when it comes to rebuilding homes but the an unforgettable Caribbean cruise in four stones fell to March, hitting St. Thomas, Grand the ground”, Lord took that vulnerability and spun it into Turk, St. Maarten and Princess Cays. she said. pure gold”, said Brian. “It took me two days “I bought my wife Kathy a beautiful to punch a hole in the ring from one of those ‘fly-by-night’ foundation of Mary’s home for a dryer vent. It Brian and friend Steve installing elecKilby Cat Says Goodbye only took five minutes to Moldenhauer trical conduit in Nashville. realize the Nashville The Luecks have had their fair share of bumps, bruises, mac and team would play such a vital role in bringing me back to ‘life’”, he adds. The team worked on five cheese dinners, drained bank accounts, car problems, heat, electric, and phone service shut-offs this year. “Then homes while in Nashville and soon the homeThe ‘Muddin’ Mammas’ we had to put down our cat Kilby this summer”, Natalee, Sharon and Mary owners will be able to turn the key and experitiled this floor, no sweat! ence what it’s like to have a ‘brand new’ home. said Kathy. “She was 16 years old and up to the “Let them do good, that they be rich in good final day she loved to cuddle”, she added. Now works, ready to give, willing to share, storing up for themselves a both Kilby and Duffy are safely planted together good foundation for the time to come, that they may lay hold of in the Lueck’s back yard. eternal life” – 1 Timothy 6:18-20
LIAR, LUNATIC OR LORD? Famous author C.S. Lewis observed in the book Mere Christianity, “a man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic – on a level with the man who says he’s a poached egg or else he’d be the Devil of Hell. You must make a choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God; or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool; or you can spit at Him; or you can fall at His feet and call him Lord and God. But let us not come up with
any patronizing nonsense about His being a great moral teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to. Christ’s claims were so outrageous that they leave us with only three options. Jesus was either a liar, or He was a lunatic, or He was and is the Son of the living God.” Once we trust Him as our Lord and believe that He died on the cross to save us from our sins we have glorious options available to us. We no longer need to fear the unknown like loss of our health, job or any other pain, un-
Kathy Cuts Costs ‘Cuz Can’t Keep Craving Crap “Kathy Lueck looked all business as she put on her Dollar Store bankers visor and ran the numbers last month”, said Brian Lueck. After all the bills were paid Kathy held up a wilted $10 bill and said “this is our meal ticket for the next month”. Something wicked this way comes and it looks to be drastic changes in spending habits. “We need to cut our country club membership, sell the Jaguar, wine vineyard,
three lake properties and cancel our posh membership to Cardinal Fitness”, added Kathy. “I set up my gerbil wheel bike trainer in the cellar and pulled the ’75 Ford Pinto out of storage for job hunting”, said Brian. “We have each other and that’s all that counts”, said Kathy. Brian bit hard on his index finger knuckle and said “yep”. If you wish to send a taxdeductible donation made payable to the Lucky Lueck Foundation, please let a Lamppost staff member know as soon as you can. Thank you.
LUECK’S LAMPPOST Brian, Kathy, Casey, Cloe … and Mader Lueck W252 S4965 Cartwright Circle Waukesha, WI 53189
certainty or worry this life hands to us. We no longer need to measure up with what this world expects of us. One thing is certain – Jesus loves us this I know, for the Bible tells me so. A very simple sentence that will take an eternity to understand.
At Least The Boat Floats
When Brian Lueck wasn’t job hunting he was on the water making sure his bass boat wasn’t leaking. “With all the rejection letters and emails received I thought for sure my boat would also spring a leak sending me to the bottom of my favorite fishing haunt”, said Brian. “So a couple times per week I had to prove my theory wrong and also do some fishing while on the water”, he added. “I’m in love with my fishing wife Rich Ard”, says Brian. “He’s an excellent fisherman and could probably catch fish in the middle of a toilet bowl at high tide”, says Brian. “I’ve learned a lot about life, fishing and what women really want”, he adds. “Until they die”, says Rich.