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Surprisingly cheaters follow the same basic trends and tend to display the same signs. Learning to recognize these signs early on will offer you an advantage for early detection. About 24 percent of men and 14 percent of women have had sex outside their marriages*. Approximately 74% of men and 68% of women claim they would have an affair if there was no chance of them being caught. Below are some signs to pay attention to when you believe your spouse may be straying, as well as some techniques to gain evidence of their infidelity. SIGNS OF A CHEATING SPOUSE: 1. Unexplained Phone Calls. This is probably the # 1 way cheaters are busted. Whether it be through a home telephone or cellular phone, unexplained phone calls or hangup calls that occur frequently should be investigated. This is also one of the easiest things to confirm. Through the use of specialized caller ID boxes which collect both incoming as well as out going phone numbers, as well as detailed billing on cellular phones, called and received phone calls are easily tracked. Like a lot of Americans now days, the use of a cellular phone several times a day is common place. Try to remember back when you were just dating. Who was one of the first individuals that you called when you left the house? Your boyfriend or girlfriend, right? This is still the case for cheaters too. When checking phone records, pay closer attention to those numbers that are first dialed when the spouse leaves the house, or right after you yourself have left home. Also, a sudden nervousness any time the telephone rings. Hurrying to answer the phone, even when you are physically closer to it. Then an almost audible sigh of relief when it is a mutual friend or relative. Another is when they used to leave their cellular phones on when at home, they now suddenly never leave the phone off. Perhaps blaming the phone being turned off on a bad battery, broken charger, spam phone calls, etc. 2. Changes In Personality. Typically a cheating spouse will attempt to justify their activity by blaming the non-cheating spouse for their behavior. "He doesn't want to ever take me out any more, and I'm tired of sitting at home alone all the time", or perhaps "She doesn't want to ever have sex any more, and a man has needs you know". These are just a couple of examples. The initial personality changes your cheating spouse may exhibit often times goes unnoticed. By that I mean all of a sudden becoming overly attentive or loving. This is in response to their initial guilt associated with their cheating lifestyle. After the affair has carried on for a while though, their attitude will generally change to one of excuses as in the examples above. This helps clear their


conscience and justify their affair. Obvious signs are your spouse suddenly finds fault in everything you do. Even routine activities will trigger a fight, which may or may not result in the spouse leaving the house for periods of time to clear their head or cool off. Keeping track of their vehicle mileage will give you an idea of how far they are traveling, and whether they went where they said they did. Your spouse may also seem uncomfortable now being around you, and may become easily aggravated. 3. Unexplained Spending. Entertaining cost money, whether it be for meals or hotel rooms. Nothing comes free. Unexplained increases in monthly spending should be investigated. Less money being deposited into the bank account may indicate that the cheater is holding out additional money in order to pay cash for their affair instead of placing it on a credit card or check card. 4. Changes In Routine. Cheating spouses will often times show obvious changes in their normal routines or patterns. If they have always taken about 2 hours at the gym, but suddenly start taking 3 or more, you may want to investigate further. 5. Frequent Showers. This by far is more common with a cheating husband than a wife. A females sense of smell is proven to greater than that of a male, thus cheating males will typically want to remove all possible odors from their garments as well as their bodies as quickly as possible once they return home. 6. Doing Additional Laundry. Though chances are they have inspected their clothes for lipstick, hairs, etc. prior to arriving home, the only way to confirm that they are in the clear is to wash their clothes. Not wanting you to do it, they take a sudden interest in doing their own laundry. 7. Changes In Appearance Or Dress. Cheating spouses often want to put their best foot forward by improving their normal dress and appearances. If you have always done the shopping for your husband, but they take a sudden interest in shopping for themselves, this could be sign they are trying to impress someone new. 8. Shopping Trips Without Purchases. If your spouse is always going on shopping trips, but never seems to purchase anything. Perhaps claiming there were no good sales or they just couldn't find anything they wanted to purchase, this could be an indication that they are not actually shopping. GPS trackers in this instance are very helpful. 9. New Unknown Keys On Keychains. If a cheating spouse is carrying on a long term relationship with someone, especially if that other person is single and has their own place, they may have been given a key to their apartment or home. Discretely having a duplicate key made while the spouse is sleeping, may prove useful at a later date. If it turns out to be nothing, then you are only out the cost of the duplicate key. 10. Changes In Passenger Seat Settings. Very seldom does a driver have reason to change the passenger seat settings on a vehicle. If you find the passenger seat is often being adjusted after you have been in their vehicle, your spouse may be having an unknown passenger in their vehicle. 11. Changes In Sexual Preferences. Remember back when you and your spouse were first dating. Typically there were sexual activities that you and your spouse did then that you no longer do. A


sudden interest in older activities or perhaps strange sexual request may indicate that they are involved in a sexual relationship with another individual. 12. Increased Internet Usage. The internet has become very prevalent in our daily lives. When telephone access is limited for a cheating spouse due to lack of privacy or suspicion that they may be overheard, your spouse may be emailing and instant messaging their adulter. 13. Sudden Increase In Overtime Work. An increase in overtime work that does not seem to show up on paystubs may indicate that the spouse is not actually working late when they claim to be. 14. Frequent Trips. Trips do not necessarily have to be overnight trips. Constant excuses to leave home alone, such as a buddy or girlfriend which needs their help or a relative needing assistance, may indicate that the spouse is actually leaving to go meet their partner. Often a close friend or relative of a cheating spouse may actually be covering for them, and calling supposedly needing something so that the spouse has an excuse to leave home. 15. Being Accused Of Cheating Yourself. Guilt is a heavy burden cheating spouses carry on their shoulders. It is extremely common that a cheating spouse will begin accusing yourself of cheating. There are a couple of reasons for this action. First it causes you to worry about them thinking you are cheating, and forces you to try and prove your innocence instead of noticing their own changes in behavior. Secondly, cheating spouses assume that everyone cheats, and since they are doing it you must be cheating as well. This also helps to justify their actions by giving them justification for their own. The first rule to always obey once you have determined that your spouse is cheating, is to never confront them about it until you have all your ducks in a row. It is incredibly difficult to resist the temptation to confront a cheating spouse based on your initial findings, but doing just that is very important. Remember, nine times out of ten the cheater is going to deny any and all wrong doing, and will more than likely offer an excuse or alibi to explain their actions. Thus, understanding what their actions will be once finally confronted will give you an advantage. If only confronted with a small amount of incriminating evidence, your spouse will begin to construct a cover story. Allow them to do this because their story can then be used against them with the remaining evidence you have uncovered. Evidence can be gathered either by yourself or through the use of a private investigator. Generally for less money than you would pay a private investigator, you can purchase all the modern tools to make catching a cheating spouse as easy as riding a bike. At an average of $50 to $100 an hour for a private investigator, it doesn't take their services long to run into some serious money. You should also have determined what your further actions are going to be. That being either filing for divorce, counseling or other actions. I am not an advocate of divorce, but the old saying of "Once a cheater, always a cheater" holds true even today. And keep in mind that the next time they cheat they won't be making the same mistakes, thus detection will be more difficult. CATCHING A CHEATER: 1. Never Act Suspicious. The quickest way to have the cheating spouse clean up their act, or better cover their tracks is to let them know you are suspicious of their activities. Do your


homework covertly until you have proof, and then contact legal advice. 2. Install Covert Caller ID Boxes**. Specifically those that both record incoming as well as outgoing telephone calls. Your average individual does not think about their dialed numbers being tracked, only their received calls. A quick internet reverse phone number search through services such as WhitePages.com may possibly provide a name and address to associate a phone number with. 3. GPS Tracking**. Modern technology has given us the ability to track the whereabouts of a spouses vehicle, both live and recorded. GPS units installed on their vehicles offer you the ability of seeing whether they were actually working late that night or not. GPS tracking can also be activated on most modern cell phones as well through your cellular carrier. 4. Hidden Cameras**. You would be surprised at how many cheaters think they are clever enough to sneak a person over to your house while you are at work or away. Hidden cameras now days come in all shapes and forms, and can be purchased pre-installed in every day objects making their detection near impossible. Wiring is also not a problem, as many hidden cameras are available with built in Digital Video Recorders which will record directly to a SD memory card. These cards can be replaced with a blank and viewed at a more convenient time later through an SD card reader. 5. Vehicle Mileage. Leave your residence and drive to your spouses place of work, making sure to record the mileage for a one-way trip. This will give you baseline to later check the mileage they are putting on their vehicle. Cheaters will generally attempt to go to areas were they will not be as easily recognized. These trips will show up on their vehicles mileage. 6. Conversation Recording. Whether through a telephone or room conversations while you are not around, will quickly let you know what they are doing behind your back. I must inform you though that Federal Lawn prohibits the interception of wire, oral or electronic communications. For this reason, I will not expand further on this subject. 7. Track Receipts. If they are supposed to be at the grocery store but the time stamp on their receipt does not match the time frame that they were supposed to be there, you may want to investigate further. 8. Become Hyper Observant. When you suspect a spouse is cheating, it forces you to become hyper observant for signs or confirmation that they are indeed having an affair. Sometimes its the fear and/or unknowing that is worse than actually catching them in the act. Fearing that your spouse is having an affair will eat away at a person, making them miserable in their daily lives. Nobody wants to be played for a foul, so finding out one way or the other can take a load of undue stress off of you. 9. Keyloggers**. A keystroke logger is a device that connects to the back of a computer which records every keystroke made on a computer. This covert device is undetectable by any type of scanning software and may be removed and viewed at a later time on a different computer. Surveillance software may also be installed on a computer which will tracking internet usage, emails and website visited. 10. Private Investigators. This can be a very expensive alternative to doing your own surveillance.


With the benefits modern technology offers, the days of trying to follow a spouse around in a different vehicle to monitor their travel when away from home, is a thing of the past. The use of modern GPS technology allows you to know exactly where you spouse is or has traveled when away from home. RESOURCES: * Dec. 21, 1998 report in USA Today on a national study by the University of California, San Francisco. ** SleuthPak surveillance sets by Hidden Cameras Headquarters.

James D. Anderson is the Director of Technology with CCU, Inc. A Federally Licensed Firearms Dealer and a Texas Concealed Handgun Instructor, he is an expert in the field of personal selfdefense, defensive weapons and residential & commercial security equipment. For information on SleuthPaks or other covert surveillance equipment visit http://www.HiddenCamerasHQ.com/

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Using Technology to Catch a Cheating Spouse