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Exploring the depths of CELIBACY derived from my own and the personal experience of others around what I describe as transitory abstinence. A form of abstinence that is neither intentional or religious based. The need to understand and distinguish the sexual hiatus we sometimes, voluntarily or involuntarily, live through and the need to bring this topic into the light is the seed behind this piece of writing. Is it safe to say that there are fewer men than women who claim celibacy? Statistics reveal that women are more sexually restricted then men. Could it be that we live in such a trendy world where people are drawn to and adhere to popular themes and beliefs; and that the common patterns are often learned and imitated from the home while social, peer and religious circles overpower our natural inclinations? In spite of the self-deprivation and self-rejection that takes place when one follows someone else's guidance rather than their own heart, very few are brave enough to connect intimately with their authentic self and to be who they truly are, The state of separation from physical love and comfort that comes not by conscious will - but from unconscious restrictions and limitations is certainly indicative of the war and conflict that is taking place within the greater collective human soul, reflected in our personal relationships and mirrored externally in the chaos and warfare around the globe. The deprivation of physical love results in sexual tension. Sexual tension builds up and becomes the underlying vibrations, the lack of flow in our central nervous system that throws us off balance. Most testify and admit that when they're not "getting it" they resonate on odd vibrations of edginess, agitation and crabbiness whiles others claim a sense of disconnect and a kind of fragmentation between body and mind. However, when one receives constant loving touch and physical love then patience and happiness and a glow of content usually follows naturally. I can personally attest to the side effects of involuntary celibacy. Here's an example: my son asks me for his binoculars. I tell him they are in the container that his video games are in. There are two boxes, he looks in one. He asks me again and I tell him to look in the other. But I tell him with a snappy twist to my intonation. I am a bit impatient and irritated because I "think" he is not looking properly. I catch myself and realize that it's not even about the dialogue but the unsettling "feelings" after being in a place of involuntary abstinence for a period of time. Deep inside I am, in truth, longing for the physical love and closeness that feeds me on that level. Thus the sexual tension is raising its restricted head.


Our kids are the closest to us (particularly single parents) so they see our dark side quite often. They get to see the parts of us that we do not comfortably or easily reveal to others. Some (I) realize that the built up tension has brought on behavior out of the ordinary and afterwards experience feelings of regret and guilt for snapping at the (our) innocent children. Sexual tension, all along, lurking in the darkness, ready to spring out the moment someone taps on its back. Kendra, a single woman, shares that when she is involuntarily celibate she gets a fair share of headaches, tension in her neck and shoulders which indicates that she's been more in her head than being connected with her (lower) body. She has frequent dreams of sweet sexual encounters and wakes up feeling unfulfilled. This is evident of the changes in her hormones and body as a result of being sexually removed or inactive for a stretch of time. Jeff, a single man who has not been involved with a woman for over a year but may have an occasional sexual encounter, shares that he frequently relieves the built up tension in his sexual organs and body. Discussions with several men reveal similar experiences of self-pleasuring. Ecko, from London, says he consciously channels his sexual energy into his work. Choice is at the heart of celibacy. However for many that choice is not based on factual understanding of the options, but instead on guilt and ignorance founded in false religious teachings or their upbringings that were based on control. Clearly there is no biblical basis for celibacy whether single or married and too often someone seeking celibacy may be hiding deeper fears of intimacy that needs to be explored and addressed. Did you know that the superficial laws created by religious men of centuries ago for their own gain may still be governing your mind and body today? According to the history of Catholic celibacy, before the middle ages it was allowable for Catholic priests to have multiple wives and mistresses (concubines). But with concerns for protecting Church property from inheritance, Pope Pelagius I made new priests agree their offspring could not inherit Church property. Pope Gregory then declared all sons of priests illegitimate. In 1022 Pope Benedict VII banned marriages and concubines for priests and in 1139 Pope Innocent II voided all marriages of priests and all new priests had to divorce their wives. This had nothing to do with morality. Multiple women for males had long been the norm before biblical times. It was all about MONEY!! Spiritual and cultural attitudes toward sexuality have caused a great deal of confusion between the hearts and minds of humans. In its extremity and often advocated by outdated religious legislation, celibacy is often taught of as the path to God. Yet, its superficial imposition is another form of attachment that denies the powerful emotional and biological connection between two people. The more sexuality is suppressed the higher the tension among all humans and the greater the sexual agitation. Denial breeds suppression, and where there is suppression there is a host of other unwanted issues, obscurities and problems such as poor health - mentally and or physically; rape, incest, war and even natural disasters. This continues the ferocious cycle of lower consciousness and pandemonium around sex that infiltrates us on a personal and global scale. Celibacy is physically unnatural and can result in physical problems as there are health benefits to the sexual act - mind, emotions, body and spirit. While people are being drenched and consumed by the increasing advancement of technology, humans are suffering ever more due to the ignorance and sedation that obscure the understanding and workings of their own body. If this was not so, people would not give over their lives and power to the medical industrial complex. Instead


the vision of a globe in which the collective and individual consciousness around sexuality is elevated, highly developed and harmonious; and the focus on the natural process of good health and well being would be a reality. "Contrary to popular belief, celibacy is not a sign of spirituality. Brief periods of abstinence from sex and total celibacy are completely different in their effect. The celibate lives of monks and nuns are a form of spiritual hypocrisy, since they are denying their natural sexual functions any mode of expression and at the same time separating them selves from the very act that brought them into existence. Celibacy leads to bigotry, fanaticism, and narrow-mindedness because of the unnatural restrictions placed on sexual expression." This is the principle of "Shiva", the sensual male counterpart of "Shakti" as mentioned by Douglas and Slinger in their acclaimed book, Sexual Secrets. "The thing called passion has to be understood and not suppressed or sublimated... To love is to be in direct communication....how can one love and understand passion if you have taken a vow against it? A vow is a form of resistance, and what you resist ultimately conquers you", says Krishnamurti in The Book of Life. The ignorance around celibacy is destructive when one is not aware of the health ramifications, the stagnation of energy within their mind and body, the congestion that accumulates in the reproductive organs and the abdominal and lower back; the health setbacks. When someone chooses consciously and wisely to refrain from sex for a reasonable period of time (for what ever reason) they can also choose to channel those energies into a creative project of some sort as well as engage in exercises or activities that blend and balance the mind, body experience. Yoga, tai chi, swimming, dancing, running, bodywork are just a few. This helps keep the energy centers and reproductive organs nourished and flowing. One feels balanced, focused and comfortable within their own temple. Sex can be an erotic exercise, build a happy and healthy heart. There are specific health benefits for him and for her, longevity, and no doubt it's the most pleasurable stress relieving act. Common sense, living experiences and a handful of studies suggest that sex can, in fact be good for your health. So keep in mind the potential fringe benefits the next time your spouse initiates it, your lover reaches out or the opportunity for (safe & sensible) sex arises. After all....Sex is not just good, it's good for you and your health!

Angelique Shofar is a sexual wellness & lifestyle coach, sex columnist & yoga teacher. She writes and facilitates yoga retreats & workshops around holistic sexuality, wellness & empowerment. Email your comments and questions to: thesexualgriot@gmail.com. Visit her online at: http://thesexualgriot.typepad.com/

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Celibacy - A Blessing Or A Disease  
Celibacy - A Blessing Or A Disease  

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