Fogerson’s: the Restaurant by Old People, for Old People Welcome to Fogerson’s, the Restaurant by Old People for Old People! Keno at every table! Fiber-packed foodstuffs that GUARANTEE your most tolerable bowel movement in years! Make disparaging remarks about your ethnic waitresses with NO fear of reprisal! It’s Fogerson’s! Early Bird Dinner Menu: 2 p.m. to 3 p.m. Appetizers: Here at Fogerson’s, we’ve jam packed our menu with overly-salted starter dishes guaranteed to defibrillate your mummified taste buds! And bread rolls! Free bread rolls! Free bread rolls by the bushel! Prunes in Prune Sauce with Prune Zest, $7 Beans in a cheesecloth sack, with straw, $8 Drinks: We’ve got all your favorite drinks, including tap water, no ice! Small buttermilk, $2 Pint of buttermilk, $3 All you can drink buttermilk, $5 Entrees: Sick of chewing? So are we! Our entrees consist solely of pastes, slurries, and liquified goulashes you can gum down your esophagus with the greatest of ease! Split Pea Soup, $5 Pureed meat product, $10 Curds, $8 Pulverized ham in salsbury au jus, $13 Andy Rooney’s Moons over my Rooney, $14 Whey, with curds, $9 Cornucopia Milkshake, $15 Desserts: Full yet? Of course not! We’ve got all your favorite postprandial noshes! Let’s get decadent! Within reason! Sack of Werthers, $3
Those strawberry candies wrapped in paper which also looks like a strawberry, $4 Gratuity Policy: Frowned upon!