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Special Features


Sex & Sexuality Evolution to Relationship Therapy

March 2009


Domestic Violence & GLBT Family Family Photo Album Poetry by YOU

Theresa Payne (pg 11) & JP CEO of Where You Want 2 B Ent. (pg 7)

from Che’ ing is do a t n 9) a Pg. 1 Hotl ( ! g ha n her t

Ask a stud/ask a fem Spirituality Speaks

ooks, b , s e i v Mo sic– and mu by ‘US’ ’ S U ‘ r Fo Volume 2 Issue 5


ide) (see ins






Morning Coffee by AJ

Contributing Columnists: Tye Green

The recent activities in the St. Louis area involving members of the lesbian community have saddened and disappointed me greatly. In a time when togetherness needs to be the song that pours from ALL of our hearts, we as a community are involved in incidents were our family is fighting to the point that guns are involved or God help us, being so angered that we stab someone. This must stop! There is nothing sadder in my eyes than a seemingly grown ass person choosing to solve problems with violence. Babies cry and throw temper tantrums because they don’t possess the ability to articulate their thoughts or desires with words and sentences. Why we as adults are acting as children is mind boggling to me. If for no other reason than your own personal safety, think before you act! Remember that we as a people do not live in a vacuum, every one of our actions directly and indirectly affects the lives of some other individual. Additionally our words can often times be as hurtful as our actions, so please, speak wisely. I AM GETTING MARRIED EVERYONE! I will, along with 17 other LGBT couples be traveling to Iowa (where the supreme court UNANIMOUSLY over turned the Defensive Marriage Act that had been passed in 1998) where we are gonna get hitched. I totally love Scott Emanuel & Ed Reggi for reaching out to me, and all the wonderful friends that agreed to hop on the bus with us. Read more about our journey on page 8. The pride season is upon us, so whether you are a homebody that only visits your local pride, or if you are a traveling spirit that wishes to go state-to-state, have fun for me, and send in your photos! Moving on to other issues… our family has experienced the loss of two amazing poet/women/warriors within the last 12 months. We miss you ‘Chocolate Thunda’ and Angela ‘Kreamed Koffee’ ! Love and Blessings, AJ ‘Taylored Poet’ Editor at Large Out Tha Box Ent®

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Poet/Screenwriter/Co-Editor Out Loud® DiaMond Brown Poet/Writer The Gay Guru Poet/Spiritual Contributor Dark Queen Writer/poet

Contributing Photographer: Aziza B Photographer/videographer

To submit an idea for a future article or To be a guest columnist or

To join our writing staff Please visit:

What’s Inside Poetry by YOU

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Movie & Book Review s

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Ask a Femme/Ask a Stud

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Sex and Sexuality; Fucking or Making Love? So wouldn't say on regular terms such as "who's pussy is this bitch?", or if you're on the "bottom", you would say things like "fuck me harder daddy", or just plain "fuck me!". It's all relative and all normal when you're out on the town; looking you are just fucking. There good, feeling good. A lady aren't any rules. Just pure, catches your eye. You catch raw, and hardcore. There's no her eye as well. The sexy softness when you're fucking. stares and glares back and There's no oh baby it feels forth then you realize, I good. Or the soft sweet nothwanna fuck her. You may offer ings. One thing about fucking to buy her a drink. You may is that we as lesbians tend to even send a friend over to hold back on the freakiness. check her out first. But unIf you're into licking ass, you doubtedly before the end of won't do that to someone the night you're going to talk you're just fucking. Or, if to her. Someway, somehow. you're going down on someone You watch her as she goes on you won't give them that full the dance floor. Yes my lesexperience of placing your bian friend, she's dancing sexy tongue inside of them or even just for you, and you know it. swallowing the juices. Most So you slide behind her. The lesbians tend to stay up top if slow grinds begin. Anticipation it's just a fuck. There are of your lips touching hers. some of you out there that Your hands and her hands fidon't care and do the whole nally meet. Everything else is a experience, but in my circle its blur. Before you know it, rare if not nonexistent. you're at her house fucking When you're in a relationship the shit out of her. "fucking" is what helps keeps That's just one example of the excitement going, and many that differentiates keeps the flame burning. So, fucking and making love. Fuck- it's not just for those one ing is great. You get your ennight or three night stands. ergy levels up. You can say It's for everyone. It feels things to the woman that you good to be able to call your Volume 2 Issue 5

by Tye Green

lover bitch and her not get mad, but even more turned on. Pain is also a factor when fucking. You can slap the ass harder, push that strap in deeper, pump faster. The more intense the fuck, the better the fuck will be. The more out of breath both parties are at the completion, the more satisfaction and elation you'll have. It feels good to be able to just fuck. Just fuck and fuck and fuck until you cannot possibly fuck anymore. We as women don't always want the soft love making. Sometimes after an argument, you have two choices to either fuck or make love. I guess it depends on the argument. If it's a heated debate where emotions reach an all time high, fucking is great because it releases all the anger and tension. If it's a disagreement when maybe you said something to hurt your lady's feelings, making love is the best option. Make up sex is the best regardless if you're fucking or making love. People don't think it's possible, but you can make love to a person that you're not in love with although it's a million times better if there are feelings involved.

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Sex and Sexuality; Fucking or Making Love Making love is all part of the tricks or games your mind plays to make the sexual experience the most sensual, romantic, endless passion that all of us as women crave. When you're making love, it's an entire body experience. It doesn't just focus on the spots that make us orgasm. If you're just fucking and someone reaches down to rub your thigh or touch you gently in any way, your first thought is "What the Fuck!?" Because there's not supposed to be tenderness involved. When you're making love, you're more in tune with your body and your lady's body. You can make her sing even if she is tone def. You can cry together, not out of pain but out of pure ecstasy. The love that you feel inside bubbles over, and when you release that orgasm tears flow for no apparent reason at all. You can even make the skies part open, and the heavens above expose with angels singing as you fall deeply into each other. OK, maybe not, but it sure feels like it. Making love is the ultimate sexual experience.

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by Tye Green

So which is better? Seems to be a toss up, but I only like to fuck when I'm angry or want my baby to shut the fuck up with all the nagging and complaining. I may do it when I know she's feeling particularly frisky. Most of the time, and this may come as a shock to some of you, I'm a love maker. Nothing can compare to the feeling of making love. Nothing can compare to that total and complete satisfaction that involves mind, body, and soul. With that said, to my lesbian friends out there, if you're single, fuck, and fuck, and fuck until you cannot fuck anymore. Making love to someone you're not in love with will make the lady fall in love with you which could be bad if it is far from your intentions. Until the next time, keep it safe. Tye

Relationship Therapy……… by Out Tha Box® If you are in a relationship, are you happy with it? Are there things that you want to change? Are there new things that you want to incorporate into your relationship but you are afraid to ask? Each month Out Loud® will pose a series of questions that we want you to take to your significant other and discuss, relate to, and grow from. When you’ve come up with answers please send them in so that we all can benefit from your growth.

When it comes to the kids, do you feel I take an active role in their upbringing? If not do you allow me too?

When it comes to our sex life is it all about you or do I get to get my ‘thang’ off as well? (are you always strapping up on me or do I get to choose the action )

Do you feel I am too reserved when it comes to sex? Are there things that you want me to do that I won’t do? Is drinking/smoking weed becoming a problem when it comes to our life?

When we got together I was a size 6, now I’m a size 12. Has the sex slowed down as a result of that?

When we first got together, I cooked everyday, the If you have a question that you want to be feahouse was immaculate, and you wanted for nothing. tured in this section please send them to: Has that changed in your eyes?

Has the chivalry died in our relationship? Do you still open doors, help out around the house, etc.

We’ve lived together for more than a year, but do you still refer to the material possessions as ‘mine and yours’? For example the car, the house, the money?

To announce your event or to purchase advertising space contact:

Your Ad Here Volume 2 Issue 5

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If you want to be in the know…..

You need Where U Want 2 B!

Entertaining the fickle patrons of St. Louis can be hard to say the least. There is one promoter/manager/event coordinator/… well…. go to woman that has her hand in all things entertainment. Jackie “JP” Phillips has been on the grind since 2006. With a zeal to succeed and a strong marketing background, JP has taken promotions to another level. In her camp are several artists that are as diverse as female soul/inspirational vocalist Theresa Payne who’s heartfelt delivery is reminiscent to the likes of to Motre’ who combine St. Louis ‘Swag’ with smooth vocals to create a sustainable sound. In addition to managing several local artists, JP has handled promotions for national recording artists such as R&B vocalists Jon B and Joe JP was gracious enough to take time out of her busy schedule to sit down and talk with us, here’s what we found out:

JP- Being a lesbian causes some issues, but nothing I haven't come across being African American, and a female period. OTB- Where do you see your company, Where You Want 2 B Ent. in 5 years? JP- In 5 years Where U Want 2 Be Ent will be a record label, radio show, a magazine... and a positive image for the industry. Through good business and hard work I plan to trail blaze for all small entertainment companies, especially in the gay/lesbian community. OTB- I've witnessed your marketing strategies OTB- Do you have any artistic talents that you first hand. What is your background/training? may be premiering in the future? JP- No formal training with entertainment. I have JP- I was a drummer for several singa degree in Business Management and Ading...don't want to hurt anyone lol! vanced Project Management. I'm a consultant by OTB- If you had to summarize your company in day so marketing and selling my skills comes one sentence, what would it be? naturally. I just do what I feel will grab others attention. For me it's about branding my company JP- Where U Want 2 Be Entertainment is a collection of talented, dedicated, and forward thinkand my artist. ing people with the goal to grow and provide exOTB- Are you currently looking to manage more cellent entertainment. artists? If yes, are you interested in managing gay and lesbian artists? Check out some of the JP- I'm always looking for great talent sexual preference doesn't matter to me. It's about attiWhere U Want 2 B Family at: tude, product, and the ability to work as a family. OTB- As a woman who is a lesbian, do you find it hard to get into certain circles considering your artists are heterosexual?

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Iowa's first dealings with same-sex marriage came in 1998, after recent court cases starting in Hawaii found that denying the right to marry to same-sex couples was incompatible with the Equal Protection Clause of the state constitutions of most states. Iowa legislators hurried to pass a local Defense of Marriage Act to prohibit marriage between gay and lesbian couples to avoid a similar court challenge. In 2005, Lambda Legal filed a lawsuit on behalf of six Polk County same-sex couples and their children who were denied marriage licenses in Iowa, arguing that this denial violated the liberty and equal protection clauses in the state constitution. In 2007, the Polk County District Court ruled in favor of the couples, prompting the county to appeal to the Iowa Supreme Court. On April 3, 2009, the Iowa Supreme Court unanimously upheld the District Court's ruling holding that there was no important governmental interest in denying citizens marriage licenses based on their sexual orientation. Licenses were originally to be available 21 days after the ruling, on April 24, but the date has been pushed back to April 27.

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HOW YOU CAN HELP: On April 3, my partner of 10-years, Scott Emanuel proposed to me after the Iowa Supreme Court Ruling. Since we both were instrumental in helping organize the St. Louis "Join The Impact" Prop 8 rally last November; we decided to charter a bus to Iowa City in the hopes to encourage other couples to join us. We know that when we return home our marriages will not be recognized in Missouri. We are okay with this because change begins somewhere. The cost of chartering a bus to Iowa City is expensive. Scott and I are committed, but so many of you asked, "how can I help?" The bus rental is $1700 and we are asking you to help defray the expense to our couples. If you can pledge $10, $50, or $100 that would help. All other costs incurred such as marriage licenses, waivers and food will be paid by the couples. Your money is going only toward the biggest expense - the chartered bus. Please consider making whatever donation is meaningful to you. takes a 10% cut and our efforts get the rest. (These are not tax deductible.) If you would like to underwrite any specific portions of the "Show Me Marriage Equality" event please email me at Ed Reggi To Donate: groupaction.2009-04-22.9316149305

Poetry By………. YOU Ode To Life Don’t you realize our time here is temporary? Yet we spend most of our time talking about Jane, Dick, and Harry, What got they on and who they be, How they have done so much so wrong to me, Every word you utter describes exactly who you are, The things you hate about others are usually not far, From the things you hate of you,

season, And we involuntarily “pray without ceasing”, Every time we inhale and exhale, But just like pony express to email, We are decades behind were we came from, We came out from pure love…exuding even, Now fear of being is our biggest demon, But you can return to who you were right now today, Choose positive words for yourself to say, And then choose positive words for everyone else,

But you’re not confident enough to ignore society’s image of you and persevere through To do what you feel is best,

Let go of all the lies and bullshit and be your original self, And if that’s not you it’s cool cause it’s possible to be, Happy to be you like I practice being happy to be See life is composed of many test, me, Most self inflicted of course, And better able to love apparently…workably Because the course you choose it just your story, Appreciating life diligently, Starring you, so now what will you do with your Then watch freedom flow freely, character, And love flow sweetly, Will you be caught up in the rapture, In everything you do, Of love or hate, Don’t front to be someone else really learn you, Will you admit when you’re wrong or will you Love without consequence, let go without fear, debate, But the greatest piece of the treat of life is that you Able to hear Yahweh’s voice within your inner ear, have another day, Let your fear and resentment be released, Tomorrow’s not promised but you’re alive today, Start actually living your life and be at peace, And you can choose to change who you are in your As soon as you live in love and let it over take you, story in every way, Then you will start watching your dreams come If you have learned nothing from Angie or Lanae, true, Know that happiness is attainable and this is the I’m trying to live everyday to fullest no strife, key, Living, learning, loving appreciating life. Appreciate your body, soul, friends, and family, The grass, the sky, the tree’s the leaves, and every Darkqueen ®2009 single breath you breathe, Whether or not you believe or can reason, God’s name is Yahweh beyond the lifetime and the Volume 2 Issue 5

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Domestic Abuse– Myth -v- Fact Violence against women in the home has been recognized as a global problem for a long time. Often ignored however, is violence against women– by their female partners. Hard to accept that a woman would be audacious enough to emotionally or physically abuse her partner. Sadly, it does happen. You probably won’t read about it in the newspaper, or hear a leading newscast concerning a lesbian victim of abuse. The leading reason for this is there is no clear policy on this crime. The statistics are staggering. MYTH- Domestic violence is more common in straight relationships than it is in same-sex relationships. FACT- There is no reason to assume that gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) people are less violent than heterosexual men and women. Research on same-sex domestic violence can be difficult, given the fact that many of us are not comfortable being open about our relationships, let alone abusive ones. Research that has been done indicates that battering in samesex relationships is about as common as in heterosexual relationships. It is increasingly agreed that battering presents one of the most significant health risks to GLBT communities today.

player to use a weapon against you, to smash your compact discs, to cut up your clothing, or tell everyone at work that you really are 'queer'. MYTH- Abuse between lesbians is mutual. Both partners contribute equally to the violence. FACT- This myth assumes that lesbian relationships are always equal partnerships. In violent relationships, there is often a perpetrator and a victim. A perpetrator cannot be distinguished by any features such as size, height, or age. Defending oneself against an attacker must be examined closely as it may be mistakenly construed either as initiating or equally contributing to abuse.

Not all lesbians are quiet about their abuse. About 17-45% of lesbians report having been the victim of a least one act of physical violence perpetrated by a lesbian partner. Some of the same reasons that men abuse their female partners are echoed in the lesbian community. Some of their reasons are lesbians abuse their partners to gain and maintain control Most batterers are motivated to avoid feelings of loss and abandonment. Therefore, many violent incidents occur during threatened separations. Many lesbian batterers grew up in violent households and were physically, sexually, or verbally MYTH- The batterer is always bigger, stronger, abused and/or witnessed their mothers being more 'butch'. Victims will always be smaller, abused by fathers or stepfathers. weaker, more feminine. Society fueled homophobia also attributes to FACT-Experience with heterosexual battering abuse within lesbian relationships. The fear of and attitudes about traditional sex roles lead being ’outed’ by their partner keeps many victims many to fall into stereotypes of how batterers and from seeking outside help. If the victim is a victims, respectively, should look and act. Unfor- mother, the fear of losing her children multiplies tunately, such stereotypes are of little actual use her fear drastically. The sad truth is there aren’t in helping us to identify who the batterer is in a many resources for victims of abuse in the lessame-sex relationship. A person who is small, but bian community. There aren’t many, but there are prone to violence and rage can do a lot of damsome. If you find that you are a victim or perage to someone who may be taller, heavier, petuator of abuse within your relationship, SEEK stronger, and non-violent. Size, weight, HELP NOW! If you are reading this, it is not too 'masculinity', 'femininity' or any other physical at- late to change your circumstance. tribute or role is not a good indicator of whether a There are links and resource info on the back person will be a victim or a batterer. A batterer page of this publication to help you regain YOUR does not need to be 6'1" and built like a rugby VOICE! Page 10 Out Loud!®


blowing the crowd away and receiving rave reviews. Theresa’s powerful voice and uplifting lyrics In an industry where new have been featured at The Suite talent is discovered eveSoul Spot, Café Soul, Mentorryday, Theresa is sure to prises, Soul Sessions, and Soul make a mark of her own. Stage, and several gospel events Singing since the age of in the area. Acclaimed music edisix, Theresa has had the opportunity to tor of the St. Louis Post Dispatch, Kevin share her gift through various outlets. Johnson, has even stated that out of the From church choirs to school plays, new and up and coming female artists, Theresa's musical background includes Theresa is definitely amongst the best. Her many genres of music ranging from R&B debut project titled "Go, Fight, Win" is an and Soul, to Classical and Spirituals. As a excellent example of how inspiration and member of the award winning Concert motivation can take you on an emotional Chorale at her alma mater Harris Stowe ride. Expected to shake up the industry State University, Theresa continued to de- with powerful songs like "Go" and "Take velop her vocal talent and even earned the Me", Theresa pulls from her experiences opportunity to perform at Carnegie Hall in and emotions with hopes of uplifting and New York. In 2006 she became a part of a encouraging others to "go for their dreams, new move in Soul and Gospel music when fight for their life, and live for the win", she joined the Soul Rebels For Christ, a which is also the motto for the album. Progroup of radical singers and musicians duced by the multitalented Wildmann, "Go, from St. Louis, MO. This experience Fight, Win" showcases not only her broad opened many doors for Theresa, making vocal ability but her writing and arrangeher a common face and familiar voice ment skills as well. She is humble, excitamongst her peers. Theresa has had the ing, and her passion glows all around her. privilege of working with several phenome- Theresa exemplifies everything that an artnal artists on the local and national music ist should be and is definitely a shooting scene. Singing background for fellow St. star to watch for. Louis artists such as Jai and Wildmann, and for national and independent recording artists Lisa McClendon, Choklate, and Rahbi, have all been golden opportunities for Theresa. Although singing background is still a passion of hers, Theresa made the decision in early 2008 to pursue a solo career. With unshakeable faith and a support Check out Theresa Payne on the web at: system of several family and friends, Theresa is ready to take on the challenge of pursuing her dream, a dream that for some is deemed impossible. She has already had the opportunity to debut at the 2008 Missouri Black Expo as a solo act, Volume 2 Issue 5

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YOU WANT TO SEE MOVIES WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU? Most of the movies that we review can be found on Netflix. They’re affordable and convenient and have quite a few titles to chose from for the GLBT movie viewer

best, but… did I mention the Rating System sex scenes were almost believable? What a waste of time!

The Journey

I am a huge fan of indie films. It is an Indian film, and once Bound you get past the sub-titles and As hot as this movie is; as the language barriers, it is a sexy as it is watching Gina warm story of childhood Gershon and Jennifer Tilly in friends that realize that steamy almost realistic lesbian growing up together brought sex scenes; The thrill of them together in many ways. I watching a lesbian themed loved it. movie directed by the genius Wachoski Brothers that brought us the Matrix Trilogy ended 10 minutes into this film. The story line is weak at

I got it because it was a gay film.

I liked it.

I Bought It!

Lesbian Literature that Literally Moves You….

I decided that after reading many many books about lesbian lives that I would foray into the lives (fiction albeit) of the boys. Catching a Buzz was rather juvenile I must admit. If you’re into sex scenes involving car scenes,

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club scenes, mother in the other room scenes, then you’ll love this book. Written by Ally Blue, this book, available in hard copy or in e-format is nice, chort, and to the point. I won’t say that it’s the worst book that I’ve read, but it’s definitely not the best. Amazingly, it’s good enough that I made it to the end!

LESBIA-SCOPES SCORPIO-You really should keep business and pleasure separate but it is hard when someone keeps giving you the grrr look. Your family issues have been exhausting to say the least. Try to keep your emotions in check when things come to light. Remember that you have people who care for you from all walks of life. And that should be enough love to fill you heart with a happy glow.

you love. Remember that it’s okay not to have all the answers to every question. Sometimes it’s okay to just say, I don’t know. You’ll be surprised as to how much support you’re going to get from loved ones.

PISCES– Jealousy is not your cup of tea. If someone is trying to get under your skin (in a bad way) don’t let them, but at the same time you should try to play nice even if you have to pretend. It will be easier than getting all upset and having a misunderstanding with your girl.

SAGITTARIUS-You love being

ARIES– If you’re feeling a little

the center of attention and in fact are going to demand the attention of some lucky woman. But try not to be too aggressive about it, you might end up intimidating them. Try a little seduction which you’re very good at and 99.9% of the time gets you what you want. .

claustrophobic you should analyze what’s causing you to feel that way. Is it your relationship? If so, maybe a little communication is in need. If you curb your natural desire to yell and take things personally you may solve your dilemma.

CAPRICORN– Capricorn girl, not

ooh, letting people in and being honest with them can leave you feeling vulnerable. Of course you also know that if you don’t let people in how will you ever expect any relationships to grow? This doesn’t mean you’ll miraculously change your ways, it just simply means you will begin to demonstrates capabilities of being a caring woman to those you have kept at a distance.

everyone who’s nice is actually good nor everyone who is good nice. There are nice people who are taught to be that way but they won’t hesitate to backstab you while smiling. And then there are good people who just say/ do the wrong things but when the chips fall will surprise you by being loyal. Keep your eyes and ears in tune with certain people and you will easily know who’s really nice apart from the ones pretending to be. Sometimes all you have to do is listen.

TAURUS– You can be sweet but

GEMINI– You can be free as a butterfly and flutter away showing off your beautiful colors and charm. AQUARIUS-Normally you say the But don’t let your dazzling personalright things at the right time but ity go to your head or the women in lately you’re feeling at a lost for your life will start to view you more words. It could be that you’re going like a moth. Although you may find through a difficult time and want to humor in that, in the long run it won’t remain in control to protect the ones be good. Volume 2 Issue 5

CANCER– You must try to take it easy when it comes to spontaneous decisions. Since you change your mind every second of every minute, you should consider sticking to one thing at a time. In the end, you normally go back to the first idea you had. So try if you can, not to flip flop so much and you’ll be one happy woman. LEO– It’s hard to trust someone with your heart but you need to take a chance. You’ll get more than you can ever imagine if you share your feelings with the woman who has managed to catch your undivided attention. Should you dare? She’s giving you hints left and right. What are you waiting for?

VIRGO– You may have a soul mate waiting just for you. Oh, think of all the secrets you two ladies can keep under lock and key. The only problem here may be that the two of you may be too busy keeping everything a mystery that you may never begin to quench the thirst in your dehydrated hearts. Unless of course you make the first move. ;)

LIBRA– This is a good time to put the past behind you and let it stay there. If someone has come from the past to beg for forgiveness then you should forgive them only if you ‘truly’ believe they really are a good person, but if not you should let go. Also, try not to mock people if what they do does not live up to your expectations. As long as they are not asking you for money everything should be okay. “Vive la difference."

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Theresa Payne, AJ, and JP at

AJ, AP, BJ, And Zeeza


AJ at the creek in Atlanta

AJ on a much needed vacation in FL


Ainoku Saadiq at the Creek in Atlanta Page 14 Out Loud!速

Lanae, Jai Lanae, and Ainoku


As Seen at the Protest at Attitudes

If you are interested in RECREATIONALLY/INFORMALLY playing various games i.e. kickball, volleyball, or softball with women only on Saturdays, please contact Michelle (314-236-7248) or AJ (314-761-6051) for more information Volume 2 Issue 5

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More Poetry by…….. YOU I asked Taleesha to tell me who Angela is/was to her…. This is what she said….. AJ, I can’t do it. But what I can do is tell you who she continues to be in my life. She served a purpose that was beyond one that she knew She served as my guide confirmed to be tried and true Unbiased angel to those who were able to hear her voice Pure kindness was engraved in her spirit, it wasn’t just her choice. A soul of trouble, wanting to know what some thought too much Every conversation, full of the theories of this and that and such A deeper level is the place she desired those around her to reach Maybe the reason why her spirit was drawn to teach Having a strong concern for our future, and the kids that would lead us into it She was provided the ability to connect and that’s what allowed them to hear and get it Intricately created by Jehovah or Yahweh she sought truth The truth in Him that created beauty as well as those things uncouth Sifting through the doctrine of what she once believed and taught Desiring the true knowledge of Him she sought The true meaning of His purpose for her life is what she fought To uncover Page 16 Out Loud!®

And the lover The believer in unconditional love and passion The battle never overcome to show herself compassion Because it was not about self It was about you and me Though some of us didn’t see…that even through “Fuck love, and the horse it road in on” She was gonna allow love to continue on And guide her way That poem, her signature piece Still exposed a glimmer of hope that her love would find peace In the arms of one that would reciprocate Not fabricate the story of them And even today, jolts of her love keep me concentrated on The fact that love is to be given Freely, completely, unselfishly Through this constant struggle She continues to let me know that it’s okay, No matter how ugly the moment gets it still rains rubber bands out my way That lets me know, that her spirit lives on In each melody of our song In the memories that make me smile In the moments that I can see the hustler in her style In the times when tears continue to flow When remorse of not loving her enough can’t help but show She continues to guide me. Taleesha~

Volume 2 Issue 5

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Out & About St. Louis…….. GO!FIGHT!WIN! At the album release party for Theresa Payne’s GO!FIGHT!WIN!, during the mic check, it became apparent very quickly that Ms. Payne is an artist that demands the best. At times when I thought she and her band sounded phenomenal, she would bring everything to a halt and say, “Not good enough, turn my mic up, I need the people to really hear my message right here.” In addition to her wonderful vocals, her background singer, Courtney, had a melodic voice that complimented Theresa beautifully. Her band, Lynt, Wildmann, and D Salv were talented beyond words. A few

times I had to make sure Questlove of The Roots wasn't on the drums. In addition to being served up some of the best music that I’ve heard live in years, this show featured dancers that were phenomenal! The Matiff Dance Company & Recovery did their job at relaying the sentiment of Theresa’s music.

Philidelphia, April

North Carolina July www.charlotte

Washington DC May LA, June San Francisco, June Chicago, June St. Louis, June NY City, June New England July Page 18 Out Loud!®

The title of the CD is reminiscent of a high school pep rally chant. Theresa Payne is thoroughly R&B– Rhythmic & Blessed, and being there was truly a blessing. You can catch this amazing artist at the following venues: April 29th @ The Grey Area @ Fifteen @ 8pm May 20th @ SoulStage @ The House of Comedy For more info

St. Louis, Mo August Atlanta, August Dallas, October Baltimore, October Nashville, October Jackson, MS, November

Atlanta Has Poetry and Che’ knows where it is! On April 17th the Ladies of Sistah Speak went on a mission- They got in a van, and traveled from St. Louis to Atlanta to honor their dear friend and co-host of Sistah Speak, Lanae’ ;Chocolate Thunda’s birthday. They celebrated with class and style that she would have approved of. The Ladies had the wonderful opportunity to perform at Erotic House Calls, one of the hottest events in Atlanta. I’m sure the patrons in attendance that night will remember them for years to come. Erotic House Calls was produced by Che’ J, a poetic firecracker that has made a name for herself in the very competitive city of Atlanta. By combining poetry, music, and artistry, she has combed out a niche for her production company, Gemini 2 Productions that no other in Atlanta can touch. OTB got a chance to meet and greet with Che’- this is what we found out.

and other national cities. Erotically Speaking showcases lesbian theatrical erotic poetry, followed by her sophomore event “Orgazmic Soul”, a live music concert series. This is truly an exquisite blend of her gifts and vision, creating the perfect experience of live entertainment and erotic fantasy.

Che’ J. was born and raised in Atlanta, Ga... She is a multi-faceted artist, through her gifts of decorating & designing cakes, make-up artistry, designing stage sets, writing poetry and creating themed, theatrical poetic events. Che’ J. is the founder of Gemini 2 Productions, which is a platform for artist in the GLBTQ Community to showcase their gifts. Her signature event “Erotically Speaking” is known throughout Atlanta, Charlotte

Che J. has a genuine, charismatic, comedic, and fearless way of bridging those gaps in the GLBTQ Community as well as bringing positive light to visions, dreams, fears and fantasy. Che’ J. believes community support equals unity.

Che’ J. is a vital vessel in the GLBTQ Community; she is also the poetry coordinator for ITLA’s Atlanta Black Pride, and The Mondo Homo Queer Fest. She has graced many stages with her own poetry and has assisted with organizing many events throughout Atlanta for over 10 years.

“Be that vessel and not just that chic” Che’ Stay in the know with what Che’ is up to:

Taylored poet Che’ in the middle and the Ladies of Sistah Speak

Volume 2 Issue 5

After the performances– They partied!

And a pretty Georgia Peach

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Dear OTB, I am involved in a relationship that ha s two interesting with a woman that issues. One– It’s I met on MySpace a year ago; Two-We’ ally met, and she lives in a different ve never actutime zone as I. My friends think I’m dumb as hell for remaining loya internet thing. I tr l to her, due to th y to explain to them e that our relationshi would be if we w p is as real as it ere face to face, bu t they don’t get it. vinced that she is probably cheating They are conon me. She want her at the end of th s to fly me to see e school year– sh e is a teacher. Am am really close to I dumb because I saying yes? I re ally love this wom REALLY LOVE he an– like REALLY r…. But despite m e telling my friends I’m doing, I’m scar that I know what ed as hell. What do you sugg est and do you thin k we have a ‘real’ Thanks, relationship? Need help with MY space.

Readers I’m again asking you to help me out with this one. Anyone who’d like to offer advice to this young woman, please send your responses to Thanks

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I am in a relationship with a woman that I love very much and am sure to the core of my being loves me. I do have a problem though. I do not in any way feel appreciated by her. I’ll speak mainly of our sex life. She hasn’t said so, but I feel that she isn’t attracted to me any more. I seem to only get the ‘nudge’ when she’s been drinking, and it’s making me feel as if she’s not attracted to me any more. What do I do? How do I approach this topic with her? Help??? CC

Once again, I’m asking for your help. Send your answers to CC to: Thanks

Volume 2 Issue 5

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Dark Queen speaks on…….The Image of Love We all care way too much about how everyone sees us. We care too much about how we see ourselves. Or should I say our image? We all put up this front of who we think we should be. We spend all our time trying to live up to that image for our own self esteem as well as persuading all the people around us…ie our mothers, fathers, friends, and lovers constantly trying to keep everyone convinced of who we are. Eventually all of your actions and decisions are made just to keep the image in tact. The way you really feel is so suppressed that it’s hard to figure out how we truly feel. The only feeling that is clear is unhappiness. Fear is the parasite that sucks all the life out of us. We are scared of everything. We are afraid to express ourselves because of the image we will project. “What would “enter name here “think?” We don’t want to look weak or stupid. We are afraid to love. Afraid of the only thing in this world that’s real, how absurd! Sometimes we think we will be hurt if we love because that’s the examples of love that we see around us, or so we perceive. We are afraid to take risks because we might fail and then what would we think of ourselves and what would others think of us if we did? It’s a time for change. It’s time for us to get in tuned to who we really are and what we are suppose to be doing in this short span of time on earth called our human experience. Humans are from our supreme being, I call him Yahweh and he is love. We come from love and are naturals at it until we are about 3 or 4 years old. Then we become jaded through the action of our parents, siblings, and then our partners. Love is never the problem. When I hear people say love is pain or love hurts, it lets me know that those people do not understand love. Giving love freely feels good. What hurts is the result of the expectation to get it back. We love so conditionally. As long as you do this I’ll love you. If you don’t do this then you don’t love me. If we are going to love somebody, then it should be just that. It shouldn’t matPage 22 Out Loud!®

ter if they love you back or not, and you shouldn’t expect them too. You can’t control anyone else. If you’re trying to control how they feel in any way, you don’t respect them and you don’t love them. But the problem is not them. Something is wrong with you. What’s wrong with you is that you don’t love yourself. You should be secure enough with yourself to let people be who they are. You should be secure and honest enough to know whether or not you want to be around them. Honest enough to say. “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re just not what I want.” You should be able to express how you feel and it be okay with everyone involved. You should be able to say, “I really love this person and want them to be in my life” and be okay with however they respond. Saying how you truly feel, feels good because you can be you. You don’t need an image to protect. You can be what ever you want to be at anytime because you are the master of you. The choice is an easy one if you think about it. You can either choose to wear a million faces for a million different people or you can just wear you. How can anyone succeed at loving you when they have never met you? They’ve only met the person you want them to think you are. And even that person can change with you’re environment. Just like when one partner recognizes that the other doesn’t treat them the same in public or around friends as they do when they’re alone. That’s because they have had to cross some of the images they have been trying to project. The bottom line is you only get one short shot at this life thing. Why not live it loving, learning, and being you were born to be? Darkqueen®2009

Spirituality Speaks‌. By BJ Glover Taking the Journey to Rediscover YOU.

the difference that is you. I've learned that when I'm judging me, that's why I'm judging you. Also, that "patience is a virtue" not only applies to how I must be with you but how I must be with me.

Are you on a journey to rediscover you? Are you at a point in your life where it's time for a change? Are you ready to see YOU, internally? If you are, great. If you aren't, don't worry you will be given opportunities, so, Carpe' Diem (seize the To encourage you on your journey: Never Give day) and don't be afraid. Up. Your road WILL get rough, but persevere and persist forward. Always acknowledge, thank and celebrate your higher power beI've been on my journey since the year 2000 and it's been long, exciting, upsetting, fun, de- cause when you are discouraged, those are not only your "Footprints" in the sand. pressing, challenging, scary, momentous, intriguing, engaging, inconvenient and fulfilling but full of divine love, grace and mercy, divine May the Essence of you be encompassed by protection, divine guidance, divine intervention the Essence of GOD. and divine forgiveness. Everything divine was what I couldn't give myself. Peace I've been down roads that brought out the best of me. I've been down roads that brought out the worst of me. I will give nothing for my journey. I've learned a great deal about me and deepened my faith in the process. There were times and still continues to be, when I have fallen and didn't want to get up but that "still, small voice" speaks to my heart and says, "Don't give up, you will be fine." I've learned to open myself up to change and new experiences that allow GOD to use me for a greater purpose. I've learned to embrace the diversity that is me, so I could welcome Page 23 Out Loud!ÂŽ

*For more info on Domestic Abuse Concerning the LGBY Community go to: (in St. Louis, Mo) *For info on Atlanta Black Pride: *All movies reviewed by our staff can be found at: *Do you have questions/comments concerning anything you read in this issue? Send them to: * Do you have a question for the Ask a Stud/Ask a Femme Staff? Send them by the 15th of each month to: They will be forwarded to our staff!

Well, th is has ho pefully b een an in issue. K formatio eep thos n packed e letters and artic Stay pea les comin cefully B g in! lessed a nd Beaut iful! A J & Th e OTB S taff! Please v isit

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Out Loud  

Lesbain of color edu-zine

Out Loud  

Lesbain of color edu-zine