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page 6 • tuesday, february 14, 2012


The guide: Technician style


a single guy’s guide to valentine’s day. Story By Mark Herring and Sarah Wood | Illustration By Taylor Cashdan


isten guys, don’t lie about being the best with directions. This following guide should help out with all the expectations the opposite sex has on Valentine’s Day. Just like forgetting to remember your trivial “month anniversaries,” Valentine’s Day often creeps up by surprise. Whether you like the sappiWhat are you waiting for? Call her!

ness or not, she does, so if you don’t have a plan yet, start thinking. But there’s no need to panic—we’ve painstakingly laid out a plan to make this day unforgettable, whether you have a date or not. Follow the plan that suits your personality and let us know how the night develops. We want to hear. We’re journalists. Have the cojones to ask them out?

Yes. Grow some!, then call her.

Hey dude, are you single? Yes.

Extended loneliness.


No. Have you made plans already?

Recently single or extended loneliness?



Uh oh...alright, here’s your options:



Did she answer?

No. No.


Don’t leave a message, you’ll look desperate. Let her go.

Check the bank account.



Do you like to party?

Anyone else come to mind?

Hand pick flowers from your neighbor’s yard, then cook up a delicious meal for you two to enjoy.

Ok, time for a night in.




Did she say yes?





Ya blew it.

Throw a singles party and have yourself a ball! We suggest a toga party.

Do sappy love movies annoy you?

Yes (high five!)

Good, you’re learning.


Grab your closest girl friend and just enjoy a few chick flicks together. Might as well salvage the night.

Make sure sure you shave and are properly deodorized. You’re now taking out a lady, be sure to dress the part and act like a gentlemen.

ere at Technician we’re in it for the long run. We want to be with you from beginning to end. To the right is a checklist for you all with dates to reference as your night goes on. Be sure to check back tomorrow for our post-date analysis!


Don’t know what movies to get? Doesn’t matter. Chances are you won’t be watching much of it.

Go in for the kill. Pure snuggletime.

No. Scratch the gifts and just be yourself.

Rent a bunch of corny movies and pop some corn for some snuggle time.

Still together?


No, no, no, this is not Mother’s Day.

Take her to a nice dinner somewhere downtown and enjoy a night out together.


Are you going to buy chocolates and roses?


Plan nothing (its worked thus far).

Have a crush/ interested in anyone?

Did you prepare what you were going to say?

Good. You’ve done what you’re supposed to.

Join the club, skip the love stories and go rent as many shoot ‘em ups as you can afford and host a movie night!

Consider joining the Technician staff. We don’t get any either.

We’ve done all that we can. Now that you have plans, don’t blow it and try to enjoy this Valentine’s Day. Let us know how it goes...

Last minute line up Keeping you in check on the night of

Still a confirmed date?

Is your cologne too strong?

Have a nice outfit picked out?

Do you know how to get to her house?

Do you know how to get to your destination?

Are you on time?

Have you selected your movie?

Breath check. Remember, no garlic.

Are your funds in their appropriate place?

Full tank of gas?

If bad weather strikes, do you have an alternative plan?


Remember, this is supposed to be fun. Just be yourself and remember; If you need any last minute help, we’re just a phone call away.


Full tank of gas? Still together? Keeping you in check on the night of No. No. No. No. No. Yes (high five!) Yes! Yes! Yes! ere at Technician...