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Beestonia’s Bulging Postbag

We need YOUR views, rants, opinions and rambles. We aim to provide a forum for debate on anything, and feel this is more civilised system than the usual Beeston tradition of ‘ Fight outside Kebab Shop’. We reserve the right to hand out as much rope as we can to those who wish to hang themselves. As The Beestonian is ran by several people with wildly different opinions on everything, including which coffee shop is best for editorial meetings and what font this should be written in ( Verdana is for fools, can’t they see?), we promise to not skew towards any position on anything editorially. Email us at letters@beestonia.org

Beestonian True* Facts

+++Beeston hosted the Olympics in 1873, featuring such events as weir-surfing, the Pub-crawl marathon and one-way system orienteering+++ ‘Beeston’, in Greek, doesn’t mean anything in particular++ If you wanted to dig a hole directly down through the earths core from Beeston Square, I’d advise you take up a better hobby+++ Beeston is EXACTLY the size of 302 Football pitches; as tall as seven double-decker buses and if enough Beestons were lain end to end to reach the moon, bus fares would probably go up considerably+++ Wainwright wrote a special non-Lake District guide to Beeston, particularly noting the tremendous vista available from the roof of the busstation carpark +++ Bees are named after Beeston, as they were invented in 1734 on Imperial Road by some sort of mad professor type. *please note: ‘True’ does not imply these are anything but absolutely made up and have no basis in ‘truth’ whatseever.

University of Beestonia continued from page two in comparison to the turbid waters of Coneries, Tween and Main Ponds. But the future is bright for water quality at Attenborough. In late 2009, new control structures were built at the confluence of the River Erewash and the ponds with the aim of diverting most of the river water directly into the Trent. A delicate hydrological balance needed to be struck, because barges transporting sand and gravel through the reserve needed to retain a connection between the river and ponds. A series of control structures allowed access to be maintained whilst ensuring that most river water bypasses the ponds. Our monitoring shows that this engineering project has been effective in diverting a significant proportion of Erewash water away from Attenborough Ponds. Lake levels have become much less variable since the diversion and as the influence of river water lessens, the chemistry of the water is starting to become more similar to groundwater and rain water. But there is still some way to go. Phosphorus accumulated in the lake sediments will continue to be released, and may continue to fuel algal growth for some years to come. The dry summer in 2011 has not helped because slow lake flushing rates cause algal build up. Nevertheless, for the first time since the 1960s, Canadian Pondweed has been found washed up on the shores of Main Pond and may be the first sign of a positive shift in the ecological balance of these ponds.

What’s going on?

...asked soul legend Marvin Gaye. We would also like to know, though while he was asking it in a hypothetical sense as the massive social and political upheavals of the sixties gathered pace, we’re just curious to find out what there is to do in Beeston and environs to tempt us from watching repeats of the Hollyoaks Omnibus. We have had a few notices in already but most arrived too late for publication, so please send us details as early as possible, with links and info, and we’ll give you a FREE mention, cos we’re nice like that. Send them in to info@beestonia.org. We may even pop along if you really want us too.

NEXT EDITION We send our intrepid reporters to find the source of the Tottle Brook ** BESTonians: Possibly Paul Smith. Or we might do Richard Beckinsale. Or if we see Shane Meadows down the pub, him ** We welcome the new students ** Politicians ** Letters that YOU have to send in ** Loads more, apparently. OUT SEPTEMBER 23RD, GIVE OR TAKE A MONTH. The Beestonian was flung together by Lord Matt, Rish Eighteen-Sixtyfour, Prof. J, Baron Von Headband and Luke. Quiz by Horace. Cartoons by Lottie. Moral support and banana bread: Queen Weasel. Many thanks to all our stockists; Wren Accountants, James W; all those with advice and, ahem, con-

Dr McGowan lives in Beeston. Are you a local acastructive criticism and a special mention to The Quizzical demic with an interest in the area, and a desire to educate beyond your students? Then get in touch! Observer for not suing us after we inadvertently used his photo of the Beeman in our taster edition.

The Beestonian Beeston’s latest (and greatest!) quasi-periodical news organ

INSIDE Jesse Boot! **** Horace Goes Quizzing! **** University of Beestonia! **** Other stuff done after I designed this page! ****

I S S U E

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Bombs Over Beeston

It’s hard to imagine, but not so long ago during the Cold war, there was a little corner of Europe devoted to absolutely annihilating Beeston.

A remote and anonymous area of Lithuania is the setting for where once lay Beeston’s potential fate. Hidden down a 12km, unsurfaced road, protected by an electrified barbed wire fence, four silos containing enough mega-tonnes of nuclear boom-fuel to flatten every building this side of Leicester were primed and pointed at us. Nottingham was a major target, with the M1, Boots (pharmaceuticals), Raleigh (which could be converted to producing weaponry) and Stanton and Stavely Ironworks (bomb manufacture) all strategically important. Zeppelins attacked Stanton in 1916 a Boots survived an attack by the Luftwaffe in 1941, the

bombs instead peppering the Rylands and blowing the front off The Queens Pub. These were mere conventional bombs however, and it’s hard to imagine what Beeston would look like today if some doddery Soviet leader had suffered a vodka-induced funny turn and pressed that red button. And no, don’t say ‘Clifton’. A clue can be garnered from a rather sobering find a few years back. A builder, acquiring land near the city hospital, decided to dig some foundations for a new house. Yet instead of the usual sandstone that Nottingham sits on, he found concrete, which further excavation revealed a whole nuclear shelter, complete with air purification system, power generator and a children’s crèche – nice. On the walls was pinned a document that shows what a crazed place the world was before the Berlin Wall toppled: a map of what would be turned to dust should a 2megatonne bomb score a direct hit on Bulwell (lots) and what would merely be blasted into large chunks (lots more). It even shows escape routes, though where you’d want to escape to is unclear. Fortunately, such days of Mutually Assured Destruction are long over. Or are they? As our intrepid reporter tried to take pictures of the Lithuanian silos, he was asked to leave. He enquired why, as it was surely a defunct site.

The answer was as short as it was worrying: ‘Under refurbishment’ . Sleep well tonight. Above mentioned document/ photos available to view at www.beestonia.org, alongside some strangely charming Soviet maps of Beeston. Many thanks to SB and Roger for their invaluable contribution to this story, and the former Soviet Republic for not bombing us.

STORY BY LORD BEESTONIA

FREE TO A GOOD HOME


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University of Beeston

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conservationists, ramblers, bird watchers, school parties, cyclists and dog walkers. But have you ever wondered what is happening beneath the surface of the lakes within the reserve? Researchers from the University of Nottingham have been studying the waters of Attenborough to monitor recent attempts to improve the water quality of this special habitat. There are six lakes at Attenborough; three (Coneries, Tween and Main Ponds) are connected to the River Erewash and the remainder (Church, Clifton and Beeston Ponds) are not. The River Erewash has a long history of

Our first guest lecture is given by Dr. Suzanne McGowan from the School of Geography, University of Nottingham Beneath the surface of Attenborough’s Ponds Driving into Attenborough Nature Reserve through the retail parks of Chillwell there is an abrupt transition to the mosaic of tranquil wetland habitats that lie beyond. This 145 hectare area of former sand and gravel extraction hosts a diverse mixture of aquatic and waterside habitats famed for its birds and plant species. Attenborough is a rural escape for

Jesse Boot

BESTonians: Beeston’s Finest.

1851– 1931

WHO IS YOUR BEST BEESTONIAN?

Popping into existence  151 years ago, Jesse  Boot is possibly the most  important influence on  today’s Beeston since  3200BC, when Thrug the    Low‐browed decided the  rye fields by the Trent  would be the perfect   place to pitch his cave.  Jesse took over his late  father’s pharmacy busi‐ ness when he was 21, and  with some streamlining  and gimmicks such as 

‘Health for A Shilling’  he ex‐ panded rapidly before cashing  in his business for £2.5million,  an amount that is huge now,  but super‐staggering back in  1920.  The mega‐rich now hide their  money in Switzerland, buy  huge houses and yachts made  of gold, but Jesse was of the  old school of Plutocracy, that  of Victorian Philanthropy.  Thus, he bought and devel‐ oped what is now Highfield’s 

Park and University Park, safe‐ guarding a lovely chunk of  green‐belt that keeps Beeston  free of the urban sprawl that  would otherwise engulf it, as  well as numerous other gifts  and legacies. Will Boots new  owners, a faceless Private Eq‐ uity firm who have already  threatened job cuts leave such  a great legacy? Lets not be  holding our collective breaths,  fellow Beestonians.   

HORACE’S HALF HOUR

LET US KNOW AT

info@beestonia.org

TEN QUESTIONSFROM THE CROWN INN’SPREMIER QUIZZER

1What is the thermal unit of resistance frequently quoted on duvets?

2What does a philographer collect: spoons, autographs or dolls ?

3

Did Eddie Izzard run 41

Marathons in 53 days or 53 Marathons in 41 days?

4 THE

pollution, from mining, sewage and agriculture, and although water quality in the river has improved greatly in recent decades, phosphates and nitrates remain quite high. These nutrients fuel the growth of algae in lakes, causing the waters to look greenish-brown in colour, preventing light from reaching the lake bottom, and restricting the growth of aquatic plants. This effect is quite obvious within Attenborough Ponds. Clifton Pond, isolated from the River Erewash, has much clearer water and a range of underwater plants such as stoneworts, (cont. on back page)

The Beeman sculpture is

BEESTONIAN

based on Henry d’Beeston, former Duke of Chilwell. True or false?

5

Yonkers is a city in which U.S

state ?

8

Each issue, we seek out Beeston’s politicians (and anyone else who doesn’t run away when we approach with notebooks aloft), and gauge their opinions…..

THE BEESTONIAN ASKS: WHAT IS BEESTON MISSING? Steve Carr Lib Dem Councillor, 

Eric Kerry Conservative Coun­

Beeston North: “A tourist attraction, 

cillor for Attenborough: “A really 

possibly a good statue for the centre of 

iconic building that we can be proud of 

Beeston. Who? Thomas Humber (founder 

and which acts as a focal point in the 

of the Humber Bicycle Company, and 

town. Something that would create jobs, 

manufacturer of motorbikes, cars and 

that focuses on our strengths, be modern 

aircraft), or maybe Henry Ireton (Oliver 

and ambitious. Something which encour‐

Cromwell’s son­in­law). Or a cinema: pos‐

ages the young and reflects the melting 

sibly similar to Belper’s fantastic and 

pot of Beeston life”  

wildly popular Ritz cinema, where you get to watch films on arm‐ chairs and quaff your own wine as 

Beeston Beat Bobby PC Michael  Drury :  People! Maybe its  Tesco, maybe it’s the recession, but too many shops  are becoming 

you do so.” 

empty and boarded –up, and the pubs seem to be  losing lots of custom. 

Pat Lally, former Mayor of  Broxtowe and Labour Coun­ cillor for Beeston Central:  A  beach! (I point out Beeston does have  a temporary beach, past the weir on 

More people getting down the high street and out on an evening. 

 Passing Cyclist and Beesto­ nian Joe Bone (right):   “Better cycle routes! And maybe a 

the Trent when the water level falls) 

more active cycling community. We 

Ah, well then we should develop the Marina as a tourist attraction. 

should be getting out our cars and 

It’s a fantastic but neglected asset. It’s full of potential as so much 

on our bikes.” 

traffic passes down the river. We could be the new Matlock Bath!  

What do you think? Get your two –bits in by sticking an email to info@beestonia.com  O

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On October 22nd the Oxjam Beeston Takeover 2011 will 

ups as more artists are confirmed. You can also find more 

take place in Beeston as part of Oxfam’s National Music 

information on Twitter and Facebook. 

Festival and so live music, comedy and poetry is sched­

As a warm up to the festival there will also be two Pub Po­

erative Roger De Courcey is now Rick Wakeman’s manager. True or false?

uled at over 10 participating pubs, bars and restaurants 

etry evenings held in Beeston. These will take place at the 

in Beeston between 12pm and 11.30pm. 

Hop Pole on Tuesday 20th September and The Crown Inn 

9

Confirmed acts include the Pesky Alligators, Miss 600 and  on Sunday 16th October, both from 8pm until 10pm. This is 

Former Nookie Bear op-

In Britain, how is Yeadon

6 Which is the odd one out:

Airport better known?

Phil Langran Band and Nottingham’s Miss Imp will be 

an informal and fun evening of strictly comic or light 

Windy Miller, Chippy Minton or Captain Flack ?

10 What three creatures

hosting a comedy afternoon at Latino’s Restaurant with 

hearted poetry or short stories – just turn up on the day to 

stand­up from Carl Jones.  

listen or bring your own for the open mic part. 

Tickets for the festival cost £5 and there will be free live 

The entire event is volunteer run so if you would like to 

music until 5.30pm at venues in and around the main 

participate or help in any way on the day or leading up to 

high street shopping area High Road Beeston. Details for 

the event, please contact the Oxjam Beeston team on 

ticket purchase will soon be posted online at 

oxjambeeston@gmail.com or telephone Carly on 07974 

www.oxjambeestontakeover.org along with artist line­

061437. 

7

In the Munsters, what is the

name of Herman’s wife?

can be found on Broxtowe’s Crest? Send your answers to info@beestonia.org Winner gets the honour of their name in issue 2.


The Beestonian 1  

Issue 1 of Beeston's local, alternative paper.

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