Beestonia’s Bulging Postbag
We need YOUR views, rants, opinions and rambles. We aim to provide a forum for debate on anything, and feel this is more civilised system than the usual Beeston tradition of ‘ Fight outside Kebab Shop’. We reserve the right to hand out as much rope as we can to those who wish to hang themselves. As The Beestonian is ran by several people with wildly different opinions on everything, including which coffee shop is best for editorial meetings and what font this should be written in ( Verdana is for fools, can’t they see?), we promise to not skew towards any position on anything editorially. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Beestonian True* Facts
+++Beeston hosted the Olympics in 1873, featuring such events as weir-surfing, the Pub-crawl marathon and one-way system orienteering+++ ‘Beeston’, in Greek, doesn’t mean anything in particular++ If you wanted to dig a hole directly down through the earths core from Beeston Square, I’d advise you take up a better hobby+++ Beeston is EXACTLY the size of 302 Football pitches; as tall as seven double-decker buses and if enough Beestons were lain end to end to reach the moon, bus fares would probably go up considerably+++ Wainwright wrote a special non-Lake District guide to Beeston, particularly noting the tremendous vista available from the roof of the busstation carpark +++ Bees are named after Beeston, as they were invented in 1734 on Imperial Road by some sort of mad professor type. *please note: ‘True’ does not imply these are anything but absolutely made up and have no basis in ‘truth’ whatseever.
University of Beestonia continued from page two in comparison to the turbid waters of Coneries, Tween and Main Ponds. But the future is bright for water quality at Attenborough. In late 2009, new control structures were built at the confluence of the River Erewash and the ponds with the aim of diverting most of the river water directly into the Trent. A delicate hydrological balance needed to be struck, because barges transporting sand and gravel through the reserve needed to retain a connection between the river and ponds. A series of control structures allowed access to be maintained whilst ensuring that most river water bypasses the ponds. Our monitoring shows that this engineering project has been effective in diverting a significant proportion of Erewash water away from Attenborough Ponds. Lake levels have become much less variable since the diversion and as the influence of river water lessens, the chemistry of the water is starting to become more similar to groundwater and rain water. But there is still some way to go. Phosphorus accumulated in the lake sediments will continue to be released, and may continue to fuel algal growth for some years to come. The dry summer in 2011 has not helped because slow lake flushing rates cause algal build up. Nevertheless, for the first time since the 1960s, Canadian Pondweed has been found washed up on the shores of Main Pond and may be the first sign of a positive shift in the ecological balance of these ponds.
What’s going on?
...asked soul legend Marvin Gaye. We would also like to know, though while he was asking it in a hypothetical sense as the massive social and political upheavals of the sixties gathered pace, we’re just curious to find out what there is to do in Beeston and environs to tempt us from watching repeats of the Hollyoaks Omnibus. We have had a few notices in already but most arrived too late for publication, so please send us details as early as possible, with links and info, and we’ll give you a FREE mention, cos we’re nice like that. Send them in to email@example.com. We may even pop along if you really want us too.
NEXT EDITION We send our intrepid reporters to find the source of the Tottle Brook ** BESTonians: Possibly Paul Smith. Or we might do Richard Beckinsale. Or if we see Shane Meadows down the pub, him ** We welcome the new students ** Politicians ** Letters that YOU have to send in ** Loads more, apparently. OUT SEPTEMBER 23RD, GIVE OR TAKE A MONTH. The Beestonian was flung together by Lord Matt, Rish Eighteen-Sixtyfour, Prof. J, Baron Von Headband and Luke. Quiz by Horace. Cartoons by Lottie. Moral support and banana bread: Queen Weasel. Many thanks to all our stockists; Wren Accountants, James W; all those with advice and, ahem, con-
Dr McGowan lives in Beeston. Are you a local acastructive criticism and a special mention to The Quizzical demic with an interest in the area, and a desire to educate beyond your students? Then get in touch! Observer for not suing us after we inadvertently used his photo of the Beeman in our taster edition.
The Beestonian Beeston’s latest (and greatest!) quasi-periodical news organ
INSIDE Jesse Boot! **** Horace Goes Quizzing! **** University of Beestonia! **** Other stuff done after I designed this page! ****
I S S U E
0 N E
Bombs Over Beeston
It’s hard to imagine, but not so long ago during the Cold war, there was a little corner of Europe devoted to absolutely annihilating Beeston.
A remote and anonymous area of Lithuania is the setting for where once lay Beeston’s potential fate. Hidden down a 12km, unsurfaced road, protected by an electrified barbed wire fence, four silos containing enough mega-tonnes of nuclear boom-fuel to flatten every building this side of Leicester were primed and pointed at us. Nottingham was a major target, with the M1, Boots (pharmaceuticals), Raleigh (which could be converted to producing weaponry) and Stanton and Stavely Ironworks (bomb manufacture) all strategically important. Zeppelins attacked Stanton in 1916 a Boots survived an attack by the Luftwaffe in 1941, the
bombs instead peppering the Rylands and blowing the front off The Queens Pub. These were mere conventional bombs however, and it’s hard to imagine what Beeston would look like today if some doddery Soviet leader had suffered a vodka-induced funny turn and pressed that red button. And no, don’t say ‘Clifton’. A clue can be garnered from a rather sobering find a few years back. A builder, acquiring land near the city hospital, decided to dig some foundations for a new house. Yet instead of the usual sandstone that Nottingham sits on, he found concrete, which further excavation revealed a whole nuclear shelter, complete with air purification system, power generator and a children’s crèche – nice. On the walls was pinned a document that shows what a crazed place the world was before the Berlin Wall toppled: a map of what would be turned to dust should a 2megatonne bomb score a direct hit on Bulwell (lots) and what would merely be blasted into large chunks (lots more). It even shows escape routes, though where you’d want to escape to is unclear. Fortunately, such days of Mutually Assured Destruction are long over. Or are they? As our intrepid reporter tried to take pictures of the Lithuanian silos, he was asked to leave. He enquired why, as it was surely a defunct site.
The answer was as short as it was worrying: ‘Under refurbishment’ . Sleep well tonight. Above mentioned document/ photos available to view at www.beestonia.org, alongside some strangely charming Soviet maps of Beeston. Many thanks to SB and Roger for their invaluable contribution to this story, and the former Soviet Republic for not bombing us.
STORY BY LORD BEESTONIA
FREE TO A GOOD HOME
University of Beeston
conservationists, ramblers, bird watchers, school parties, cyclists and dog walkers. But have you ever wondered what is happening beneath the surface of the lakes within the reserve? Researchers from the University of Nottingham have been studying the waters of Attenborough to monitor recent attempts to improve the water quality of this special habitat. There are six lakes at Attenborough; three (Coneries, Tween and Main Ponds) are connected to the River Erewash and the remainder (Church, Clifton and Beeston Ponds) are not. The River Erewash has a long history of
Our first guest lecture is given by Dr. Suzanne McGowan from the School of Geography, University of Nottingham Beneath the surface of Attenborough’s Ponds Driving into Attenborough Nature Reserve through the retail parks of Chillwell there is an abrupt transition to the mosaic of tranquil wetland habitats that lie beyond. This 145 hectare area of former sand and gravel extraction hosts a diverse mixture of aquatic and waterside habitats famed for its birds and plant species. Attenborough is a rural escape for
BESTonians: Beeston’s Finest.
WHO IS YOUR BEST BEESTONIAN?
Popping into existence 151 years ago, Jesse Boot is possibly the most important influence on today’s Beeston since 3200BC, when Thrug the Low‐browed decided the rye fields by the Trent would be the perfect place to pitch his cave. Jesse took over his late father’s pharmacy busi‐ ness when he was 21, and with some streamlining and gimmicks such as
‘Health for A Shilling’ he ex‐ panded rapidly before cashing in his business for £2.5million, an amount that is huge now, but super‐staggering back in 1920. The mega‐rich now hide their money in Switzerland, buy huge houses and yachts made of gold, but Jesse was of the old school of Plutocracy, that of Victorian Philanthropy. Thus, he bought and devel‐ oped what is now Highfield’s
Park and University Park, safe‐ guarding a lovely chunk of green‐belt that keeps Beeston free of the urban sprawl that would otherwise engulf it, as well as numerous other gifts and legacies. Will Boots new owners, a faceless Private Eq‐ uity firm who have already threatened job cuts leave such a great legacy? Lets not be holding our collective breaths, fellow Beestonians.
HORACE’S HALF HOUR
LET US KNOW AT
TEN QUESTIONSFROM THE CROWN INN’SPREMIER QUIZZER
1What is the thermal unit of resistance frequently quoted on duvets?
2What does a philographer collect: spoons, autographs or dolls ?
Did Eddie Izzard run 41
Marathons in 53 days or 53 Marathons in 41 days?
pollution, from mining, sewage and agriculture, and although water quality in the river has improved greatly in recent decades, phosphates and nitrates remain quite high. These nutrients fuel the growth of algae in lakes, causing the waters to look greenish-brown in colour, preventing light from reaching the lake bottom, and restricting the growth of aquatic plants. This effect is quite obvious within Attenborough Ponds. Clifton Pond, isolated from the River Erewash, has much clearer water and a range of underwater plants such as stoneworts, (cont. on back page)
The Beeman sculpture is
based on Henry d’Beeston, former Duke of Chilwell. True or false?
Yonkers is a city in which U.S
Each issue, we seek out Beeston’s politicians (and anyone else who doesn’t run away when we approach with notebooks aloft), and gauge their opinions…..
THE BEESTONIAN ASKS: WHAT IS BEESTON MISSING? Steve Carr Lib Dem Councillor,
Eric Kerry Conservative Coun
Beeston North: “A tourist attraction,
cillor for Attenborough: “A really
possibly a good statue for the centre of
iconic building that we can be proud of
Beeston. Who? Thomas Humber (founder
and which acts as a focal point in the
of the Humber Bicycle Company, and
town. Something that would create jobs,
manufacturer of motorbikes, cars and
that focuses on our strengths, be modern
aircraft), or maybe Henry Ireton (Oliver
and ambitious. Something which encour‐
Cromwell’s soninlaw). Or a cinema: pos‐
ages the young and reflects the melting
sibly similar to Belper’s fantastic and
pot of Beeston life”
wildly popular Ritz cinema, where you get to watch films on arm‐ chairs and quaff your own wine as
Beeston Beat Bobby PC Michael Drury : People! Maybe its Tesco, maybe it’s the recession, but too many shops are becoming
you do so.”
empty and boarded –up, and the pubs seem to be losing lots of custom.
Pat Lally, former Mayor of Broxtowe and Labour Coun cillor for Beeston Central: A beach! (I point out Beeston does have a temporary beach, past the weir on
More people getting down the high street and out on an evening.
Passing Cyclist and Beesto nian Joe Bone (right): “Better cycle routes! And maybe a
the Trent when the water level falls)
more active cycling community. We
Ah, well then we should develop the Marina as a tourist attraction.
should be getting out our cars and
It’s a fantastic but neglected asset. It’s full of potential as so much
on our bikes.”
traffic passes down the river. We could be the new Matlock Bath!
What do you think? Get your two –bits in by sticking an email to firstname.lastname@example.org O
On October 22nd the Oxjam Beeston Takeover 2011 will
ups as more artists are confirmed. You can also find more
take place in Beeston as part of Oxfam’s National Music
information on Twitter and Facebook.
Festival and so live music, comedy and poetry is sched
As a warm up to the festival there will also be two Pub Po
erative Roger De Courcey is now Rick Wakeman’s manager. True or false?
uled at over 10 participating pubs, bars and restaurants
etry evenings held in Beeston. These will take place at the
in Beeston between 12pm and 11.30pm.
Hop Pole on Tuesday 20th September and The Crown Inn
Confirmed acts include the Pesky Alligators, Miss 600 and on Sunday 16th October, both from 8pm until 10pm. This is
Former Nookie Bear op-
In Britain, how is Yeadon
6 Which is the odd one out:
Airport better known?
Phil Langran Band and Nottingham’s Miss Imp will be
an informal and fun evening of strictly comic or light
Windy Miller, Chippy Minton or Captain Flack ?
10 What three creatures
hosting a comedy afternoon at Latino’s Restaurant with
hearted poetry or short stories – just turn up on the day to
standup from Carl Jones.
listen or bring your own for the open mic part.
Tickets for the festival cost £5 and there will be free live
The entire event is volunteer run so if you would like to
music until 5.30pm at venues in and around the main
participate or help in any way on the day or leading up to
high street shopping area High Road Beeston. Details for
the event, please contact the Oxjam Beeston team on
ticket purchase will soon be posted online at
email@example.com or telephone Carly on 07974
www.oxjambeestontakeover.org along with artist line
In the Munsters, what is the
name of Herman’s wife?
can be found on Broxtowe’s Crest? Send your answers to firstname.lastname@example.org Winner gets the honour of their name in issue 2.
Issue 1 of Beeston's local, alternative paper.