Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage WINTER 2017
WAYS TO DECLUTTER YOUR MARRIAGE
COUPLES VOW Change Your Health Change Your Lives
STOP ROBBING PETER TO PAY PAUL PETER WANTS A BREAK How To Save & Enjoy Life Even On A Tight Budget
HOLDING ON TO WEDDING DAY BLISS Well Beyond The Wedding
MARRIAGE MINISTRY IS THE MARRIAGE MINISTRY
IN YOUR CHURCH STRONG? LEARN HOW TO STRENGTHEN IT IN THIS ISSUE.
Readers Questions Answered
MAKE YOUR BEDROOM Romantic on a budget
WHEN A DAY OUT BECOMES THE BEST DATE EVER
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 (NIV)
18 REWIND / Summer 2014
INSIDE DECLUTTER YOUR 08 MARRIAGE Suggestions for approaching the task of decluttering your marriage. BY TERRANCE HUNDLEY
MARRIAGE 10 911 EMERGENCY
Real answers to real questions with Licensed Therapist, MINISTER PAMELA BELL.
WEDDING DAY BLISS 12
STOP ROBBING PETER 22 TO PAY PAUL Can you save living paycheck to paycheck? BY ZELMA ALLEN
VALENTINE IDEAS Tips on making Valentine’s Day Special.
Insightful tips on how to hold on to that “Wedding Day Bliss” experienced by most couples on their wedding day long after the wedding is over. BY TAMARA HUNDLEY
16 THE IMPORTANCE OFA STRONG MARRIAGE MINISTRY
How To Build, Strengthen And Maintain A Strong Marriage Ministry In Your Church. BY TAMARA HUNDLEY
20 HEALTH & FITNESS TOGETHER: Vow To Change. BY MARCUS BROWN
MAKING THE MUNDANE 28 A SPECIAL MOMENT Sometimes romantic moments need very little planning. BY LATONYA MOORE
MAKE YOUR BEDROOM ROMANTIC ON A BUDGET
LOVE & MARRIAGE WORD SEARCH PUZZLE
There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage. Martin Luther
Reader’s Corner Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
NO CHAOS ALLOWED A Practical Guide To Effective Church Administration defines and looks at the Biblical origin of church administration. It explores the characteristics of good church administrators and leaders by pointing out key qualities mandated by scripture. Additionally, it examines the issue of “Is it a church or is it a business” — and dispels the myths showing how both the spiritual and business aspects work together. Further, NO CHAOS ALLOWED emphasizes the fact that administration starts at home with anyone working in administration or leadership. If chaos is constant in an individual’s life, it does not disappear because he/she takes on a leadership role in a church. Last, but not least, this book highlights “the basics” in relation to successful church administration — offering vital suggestions on the dos and don’ts for church administrators and leaders.
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WINTER 2017 PUBLISHER/EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Tamara Hundley email@example.com GENERAL MANAGER Terrance Hundley ASSISTANT EDITOR LaTonya Moore MARKETING TEAM Rosalyn Hall, Derryck Fletcher CONTRIBUTING WRITERS LaTonya Moore, Zelma Allen, Terrance Hundley, Tamara Hundley Derryck Fletcher, Pamela Bell, Sylvia Marion and Marcus Brown GRAPHIC DESIGNER Tamara Hundley ILLUSTRATOR Dominic Jordon, Jr. SALES firstname.lastname@example.org FOUNDERS Terrance and Tamara Hundley COVER PHOTO
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Editorial Inquiries: Send inquiries to email@example.com (no phone calls please). The magazine is not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or artwork. REWIND does not necessarily share the opinions of its authors. Editorials are solely the opinion of the contributor and not necessarily the shared opinions of REWIND. To subscribe visit www.rewindmarriage.com. Subscription Price: $18 per year. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission by REWIND is prohibited. Copyright 2013. Uniqdesign, LLC. All Rights Reserved. REWIND Magazine is a Uniqdesign Publication. REWIND (ISSN 2169-3102) is a free online publication. Subscription and fee required for printed copies.
Derryck Fletcher is a radio host for Morgan State University’s (WEAA 88.9 FM) Sunday Gospel Music Show. He is a loving husband and father of three.
LaTonya Moore is an author, editor and freelance writer.
Terrance & Tamara Hundley Publishers & Contributors
Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
Editor’s Corner Rosalyn Hall is the Owner and CEO of RMH Marketing, a Maryland-based Marketing Company.
During the month of February couples have a tendency to go all out celebrating love. One of the main reasons this happens is Valentine’s Day. We love celebrating love and celebrating Valentine’s Day as well. However, we understand that for healthy marriages and healthy relationships in general, love must be celebrated all year long. So we at REWIND challenge our readers to make this a year of celebrating love — for your spouses, family members and friends. May God continue to bless each of you, Terrance & Tamara Hundley
Zelma Allen Financial Advisor, Columnist, and Realtor. Happily Married with three children.
Sylvia Marion is a Toastmaster, Realtor and freelance writer residing in Maryland.
We advise anyone considering marriage to seek biblical pre-marital counseling.
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REWIND / Winter 2017
Readerâ€™s Corner NEWLY RELEASED BOOK BY
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Anyone who has lived in a home for an extended period of time knows how easy it is to accumulate lots and lots of things. As time goes on, most homeowners find themselves constantly looking for available space to accommodate those things.
8 REWIND / Winter 2017
by: Terrance Hundley
imilarly, overtime, the same thing can happen in marriage. Like your home your marriage can become cluttered.
Marital clutter is not necessarily an indication that the marriage is bad, nor does it suggest the marriage is in trouble. However, it does imply that the marriage could be suffering from fatigue. Clutter in marriage could cause couples to feel mentally and physically spent. The simple things couples once enjoyed doing together become mundane and lackluster. Clutter takes away room for spontaneity causing the marriage to become routine. The clutter could be caused by basic daily activities such as work, raising children and attending school. It could also be caused by hyperactive schedules, external burdens, or unresolved emotional issues such as unforgiveness and fear.
for approaching the task of decluttering your marriage
Don’t approach or view this task as a job. Instead, look at it as an adventure leading to new and exciting discoveries within your marriage, as well as within yourself.
Make sure both parties are committed to the task. The full participation of both parties is essential for success. a.This dismisses competitiveness (which promotes the “me, myself and I” mentality) and encourages togetherness (“we, us, and ours”). b.This also ensures both parties are equally satisfied and benefit from the results. As you de-clutter, remember you are on the same team and you both want the best for the marriage.
Start with one area or concern at a time. Experts suggest the first step in de-cluttering a home is to start with one room at a time. This prevents homeowners from wandering aimlessly around their homes getting a little bit done here and there. Similarly, couples de-cluttering their marriages must start with one area of concern at a time. This helps them to remain focused on the task at hand and makes progress measureable as each area moves toward favorable resolutions.
Create a “Keep” and “Let Go” Pile. Another step in the home de-cluttering process is to create a pile of things you want to keep and create a pile of things you need toss. Likewise, in the marriage de-cluttering process, these piles must be created. In any facet of life, a certain amount of stress occurs when trying to decide what to keep and what to discard. This is especially true in marriage where the “let-go” pile includes things such as issues from your past, bad financial habits, unforgiveness, etc. However, having a positive outlook can make this process easier. It is said that focusing more on what to keep than on what to throw away keeps one’s attention on the positive aspects of de-cluttering. Therefore, be sure the “keep” pile includes things such as laughter, open communication, and forgiveness.
Be Committed to Seeing the Task Through. Completing any task requires commitment. For this reason, couples must commit to the process of decluttering. This saying puts it in perspective: “There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstances permit. When you’re committed to something you accept no excuses, only results.” – Kenneth Blanchard, Leadership Expert
Be Open and Be Honest. Gen. 2:25 says, “And they were both naked the man and his wife and were not ashamed” (speaking of Adam and Eve). In other words marriage is built on complete honesty and the willingness to trust and accept each other for who you are despite the imperfections. De-cluttering marriage could and should make spouses vulnerable to each other. This is a good thing because it forces us to reveal our faults and failures to one another. However, this should not to be viewed as an opportunity to point fingers. To the contrary, it is an opportunity for each party to take responsibility for his/her contribution to the clutter. This reveals the substance of the marriage and provides an opportunity to strengthen the trust in the marriage.
Reprioritize. Reprioritizing presents the occasion for couples to institute what is crucial to the wellbeing of their marriage. These will be things that require the greatest investment from both parties, and produce your greatest return for the marriage unit. Revisit Your Goals. Clutter could cause goals and ambitions that were established at the beginning of marriages to become cloudy. Clearing up the clutter allows couples the ability to revisit those goals and ambitions. It also allows couples to see which goals: a. are still on track with the over all agenda for the marriage. b. have fallen off track and need to be reinstituted. c. are no longer a priority or needed.
Learn From Your History. It is a known fact that if one ignores history they are bound to repeat it — doing the same thing and expecting a different result is futile. Likewise in marriage, couples who fail to look at what got them cluttered are bound to repeat history and fall into the same behavior again.
REWIND / Winter 2017
Minister Pamela Bell is a Licensed Therapist and owner of Serenity Counseling in Reisterstown, MD. She has Counseled couples for more than 10 years Married 26 years
by Pamela Bell, LCPC
Ask Minister Bell
Q: My spouse and I differ on political views, opinions and even parties. Since the election it has caused us to get into numerous debates. We try to agree to disagree on many issues, but we simply end up irritating each other more often than usual. How can we find peace in our very strong political differences? It is affecting the harmony in our relationship. - Political Wars
A: Dear Political Wars It really doesn’t matter if you agree with your spouse’s political views or not. What is most important is that you respect your partner’s right to have an opinion that is different from yours. Disagreements are only bad when couples compete to be ‘right’. You can learn more about your spouse if you take time out to listen to their views, instead of trying to prove that they’re wrong and you’re right. Unfortunately, many couples do not understand this. They become frustrated and argumentative when their spouse has a different opinion because they believe that couples should think alike in order to be compatible. This is an immature view of marriage. We attract people who have opposing views so that we can gain new perspective and become wiser individuals. The next time the two of you discuss politics take the opportunity to understand how your spouse formulated their opinion. Do NOT judge, belittle, reject or correct their views -- even if you strongly disagree. Listen and learn. You will get to know your spouse on a deeper level. Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly ~Proverbs 14:29 Q: Is physical abuse grounds for a divorce? - Troubled A: Dear Troubled, Domestic violence is illegal and immoral and it should not be tolerated under any circumstances. No one should remain in an unsafe environment. A spouse who is being abused should immediately seek a safe place and contact the authorities. Proverbs 22:3 says: “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty”. If you stay in an abusive relationship it is very likely that the abuse will become more frequent and more violent. Although the Bible lists two acceptable reasons for a divorce (adultery and abandonment), it is biblical and wise to separate yourself from an abuser.
REWIND / Winter 2017
Proverbs 22:24-25 says: “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared”. Being trapped in an abusive relationship is overwhelming. It is contrary to everything that the Bible says about marriage. According to Ephesians 5:22-33, a husband should love his wife, as he loves himself and a wife should respect her husband. People who love and respect each other do not shove, scratch, shake, choke, slap, spit, kick, punch, bite, curse, ridicule or throw things at each other. If you or someone that you know needs help call The National Domestic Hotline 800-799-SAFE Q: Last year my husband and I had some rough times. We weren’t sure we would make it, but we have been working on our relationship and things are getting better. During the roughest period, we both stopped wearing our wedding rings. However, since things are getting better, I put my rings back on, but he hasn’t. It bothers me, but I don’t want to make it a major issue while we are trying to get things back to a good place. Should I say anything to him right now, and if so, how should I approach it? - Unsure A: Dear Unsure, Congratulations! Marriage requires work and you two are doing it! Communication is the key to a healthy marriage and timing is important too. So choose a time when you are both relaxed and try this statement: “I sometimes feel unsure about the progress we are making in our marriage when I don’t see you wearing your ring. I need to see you wearing your ring.” This statement is short, sweet and to the point. If you stick to this format and you do not make accusations based on the past, this statement should help your husband to understand how important the ring is to you. Blessings!
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HOLDING ON TO
WEDDING DAY BLISS
The wedding day is full of bliss — from the bride’s stunning gown and the groom’s striking tuxedo to the elegant venues and the special invited guests. For couples in love, there’s nothing like that “Big Day”. By: Tamara Hundley
ometimes it is so exhilarating that the only way couples know to express their happiness is by shedding tears of joy. After the wedding… the honeymoon… and a few years of life, finding that bliss can seem almost impossible. Why is this, one might ask? Well the reason is simple — it is easy to get caught up in the routine of this thing called life. Add work schedules, bills, children, family matters and everything else that comes with life and that “bliss” seems to get lost. Despite the reality of life and its demands, couples must fight to keep the “bliss” in
12 REWIND / Winter 2017
their relationships. How? Try these simple steps: 1. Be Spontaneous – Life does get busy, so be deliberate in breaking the routine. Big surprises are nice, but little surprises work just as well. Be creative. For instance, if you know your spouse has a favorite dessert, bring it home…just because. Put a candle on it and a love note beside it. 2. Be Romantic — Take care of the chores and run a hot bubble bath for your spouse. Then give them a massage. This will not only help them relax, but could light a fire for the evening.
3. Forgive —Just as we want Christ to forgive us…daily, we must forgive our spouse…without counting. It is a given — spouses will hurt one another from time to time, whether intentional or unintentional. We all fall short. This is why forgiveness is not negotiable. Both parties in the relationship MUST forgive. Spouses who do not forgive turn bitter towards one another. 4. Get-A-Way Together – Find time to take breaks together. Vacations are great, but if you can’t take a full vacation, take quick weekend trips where the two of you devote all of your time and attention towards each other. Turn off your cell phones and disconnect
from social media for those special moments. It works wonders.
HE DESPITE OF TIFE L REALITY OF DS, N AND ITS DEMAUST COUPLES M THE P FIGHT TO KEE EIR H ‘BILLS’ IN T S. RELATIONSHIP
5. Say I LOVE YOU — Don’t assume that your spouse is okay because they know you love them. Take time to say it and show it on a regular basis. Compliment them on how they look and let them know how important they are to you. 6. Laugh Together — Laughter brings healing. Life can get serious. Make your time together a time to laugh, heal and simply forget about pressures and worries. Yes, we all have to face reality, but laughing and enjoying time together makes the tougher times easier to manage.
7. Pray Together — You know the saying, “A Family That Prays Together, Stays Together.” Always take time to pray with and for one another. This keeps God at the center of your relationship and keeps your marriage on track. There is no better foundation to build upon than the Lord Jesus Christ. He becomes your firm foundation when you communicate with him consistently.
REWIND / Winter 2017
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19 REWIND / Spring 2014
THE IMPORTANCEOF A STRONG MARRIAGE MINISTRY HOW TO BUILD, STRENGTHEN AND MAINTAIN A STRONG MARRIAGE MINISTRY IN YOUR CHURCH. WHY PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING? ADVICE FOR MARRIAGE LEADERS By: Tamara Hundley
16 REWIND / Winter 2017
o and Tiana met on a blind date at a gas station. It is a moment the Burnetts regard as their first date. Later, they crossed paths at a meet and greet. Realizing they were both interested in each other, they took the opportunity to identify some basic non-negotiables each viewed as essential to a successful dating experience. Prior to committing to a real date, the Burnetts suggest that an individual makes sure the person he/she is interested in is the type of individual who would be a good match — someone they would want to be with. This should be based on beliefs, socio-economic status, cultural likes, etc. The Burnetts stress the importance of doing at least this much homework before dating someone. Tiana added, “We definitely are proponents of dating online because it does some of the weeding out that we are speaking about.” Even with the online screening process, Tiana points out that couples must be careful and look for red flags. “People lie on those sites all the time, even Christian sites, but at least it weeds out some things” she added.
The Burnetts dated 15 months before getting married and are strong advocates of pre-marital counseling. “Because I was over the singles ministry at my church, I didn’t think I needed to take the traditional pre-marital class,” said Tiana. “However, premarital counseling saved us from ourselves, for what was to come in areas that we thought we knew a whole lot about,” she added. The Burnetts said Pre-marital counseling revealed additional things that they needed to discuss and really take a hard look at — things they wanted to do moving forward. What makes Pre-Marital Counseling So Effective? The structure of the Pre-Marital course determines its effectiveness. More and more churches across the country and around the world are understanding this and building strong pre-marital programs. According to the Burnetts, the structure of the pre-marital course they took consisted of twenty weeks. “The first 10 weeks really honed in on whether or not we should get married,” Ro said. “That was the piece that we thought we didn’t need because we had asked each other so many pertinent questions,” he added. However, the couple agrees that while those questions helped, they merely prepared them for what was to come in the pre-marital course. The
IF THEY WORK — W O N K S E L WE LET COUPLES, THE PRINCIPLES WILL THE PRINCIP RK FOR THEM. WO
course the Burnett’s took consisted of two modules. The first 10 weeks is designed to make couples face tough questions and it gets very uncomfortable. Couples have to do hard, but necessary tasks like exchange credit reports; attend a meeting with each other’s mother, father or a family representative; and(if you were previously married)reach out to the ex husband or wife and ask if you all could make up – all before taking this course. So as you can see, the very first module prepares couples by making them deal with the really tough stuff before moving on to the second module. “The first module assumes that couples are not ready and it causes friction,” Ro said. That is why Module 1 is titled, So You Think You Want To Get Married and Module 2 — Becoming One. However, the Burnetts point out that all 20 weeks were essential. “The Tough questions need to be asked,” they added. Tiana & Ro’s Roll Marriage Ministry is a part of their church’s ministry, but Tiana and Ro are certified Prepared Enriched Facilitators. How they help a couple is based on a couple’s needs. The couple could be in need of pre-marital, after marriage or strengthening marriage
counseling. The Burnetts accept couples from inside and outside of their church assembly. “Sometimes people want to go to people they don’t know,” Tiana said. “This is probably why we get couples from so many other ministries. At least half of the couples that come to us for counseling are not a part of our church assembly,” she added. One of the reason the Burnett’s said this happens so often is because pastors, associate pastors and church leaders often want to go to people they don’t’ know. “They don’t want their pastors or other members of their churches to know what they are dealing with, but they need help,” Tiana said. The Burnett’s said they provide couples with the word of God first and foremost, but they also give them basic principles. They let couples know — if they work the principles, they will work for them. “These principles are not exclusive to Christians — the principles work for both the saved and the un-saved,” Ro said. “Many non-Christians have absolutely great marriages. However, we believe that with God’s help, Christians have a leg up,” Tiana added. She further stated, “A lot of people work the principles, but God gives us the grace and we have favor on our lives. The Bible says when a husband finds a wife he obtains favor. That man obtains favor on his life to help him
with his marriage.” Advice for Building a Strong Marriage Ministry The Burnetts said they had only been married about a year when they took over the marriage ministry in their church. “Don’t ask us why, but God directed it. He led us to this and we had a passion to do it.” The Burnett’s advice for appointing potential Marriage Ministry Leaders: First and foremost, couples that lead marriage ministries must be called to do Marriage Ministry. It is not something that can be decided upon without a call. Secondly, the couple must have a passion for marriage ministry. That does not mean it will be easy, but it will be a lot less difficult. The Burnett’s Advice for the Counseling Sessions The Counseling sessions must be “Value Added”. This means the facilitators should draw out principles so that every time someone leaves a support session they have something they can apply. For example, couples get the spiritual foundation, but they also get practical tools that they can work in the home,” Ro said. He adds, “The word of God is absolutely an inspiration, but you got to take it from this high spiritual plane to giving them answers to questions like, ‘What am I going to do?’ ‘How am I going to tell my spouse when I am about to boil over and my head is about to pop off?’ ‘How can I handle that?’ The principles must be broken down to a practical level—whether it is conflict management, financial matters, communication or sex.” Whatever host of potential issues couples have, they must be dealt with practically. For example, the Burnetts said they tell couples what prayer really does and give them practical prayers depending on some of the struggles they are
REWIND / Winter 2017
having. “We really make it practical. Couples want to know what to do so we offer the spiritual part where they can do something.” How Can Marriage Ministry Leaders Network and Why Is It Important? Family Life (www.famillife.com) has a great “mini-weekend” couple’s retreat. It is good for couples who may be struggling or couples who feel that God is leading them to work in Marriage Ministry. If a couple is called to Marriage Ministry the first thing they should do is get some official training and continue to go through various trainings and workshops — at least twice a year. It is also essential to link up with other churches that have marriage ministries already established. “We are part of a network that crosses denominations,” Tiana said. “We connect and learn from each other. It doesn’t matter if they’re Pentecostal, Methodist, Baptist, Apostolic, etc.” She also emphasized that all of the marriage ministry leaders who network are doing so with their pastors’ blessing. Networking also helps the couple leading the marriage ministry. “Not only are we supporting the marriages in our ministry, we must also support our marriage while helping others,” Tiana said. “When you’re listening to other people’s problems and trying to help, a lot of times the enemy will try to attack your marriage”, she added. For this reason, the Burnetts said they stay connected with other groups. “If it is nothing more than to have them pray with and for you as you attempt to launch X,Y and Z,” they added. “This is very important.” Marriage Ministry And Mentors Another crucial piece for successful Marriage Ministry leaders is to have marriage mentors. “Strong marriage leaders should have strong marriage mentors,” the Burnetts said. “We have marriage mentors that we take out to lunch two or three times a year. They give us some of the most valuable advice,” he added. “For example, when couples first start out as Marriage Ministry leaders, often they are bright-eyed and bushytailed, thinking they are ready to change the world. However, our mentors gave us a reality check and prepared us for what would happen.” The Burnetts said their mentors told them to realize that some couples would not receive help, no matter how much marriage counselors/leaders try to help them. Additionally, they instructed us not to care more about other people’s marriages than they do. They continued by stating that as leaders, you will pour out and pour out to some couples and they just won’t get it. Our mentors instructed us not to take the stuff we hear home with us,” Ro said. “They equipped us for both the spiritual and practical realities that quite frankly, had we not heard before we began serving as counselors/leaders, we would have been beating up on ourselves about. We would have asked ourselves questions like, ‘What did we do wrong? Why can’t we help this couple?’ However, the reality is with some couples you will plant the seed and it will take root and grow while with others it won’t.” Another important point the Burnetts learned from their mentors is to remember, it is not the job of the marriage leaders or mentors
REWIND / Winter 2017
to cause change, but rather it is their job to use the ministry of witnessing to draw couples into Christ. “All we should do as leaders is plant the seeds. It is God’s job to change hearts. When you understand this going in, it equips you for some of the “failures” you may encounter with some of the couples you mentor”, Ro concluded. How to Keep Marriage Nourished In order for marriages to get strong, remain strong and continue growing, they must be nourished continually. The Burnetts said the Marriage Ministry they lead in their church has several sessions for couples throughout the month. Those sessions include General sessions, which are more instructional/informational lecture sessions. They also have seminars, which include a lot of interaction, questions and discussion. They cover topics such as finance, personality traits, temperaments, love languages, etc… Additionally, the Burnetts added, “We also started a Marriage Enrichment Program, which is a support group. We are facilitators and the group provides ideas for couples. It deals with newly weds and more seasoned couples.” They also point out that in this group, they serve more as facilitators, allowing the couples room for interaction with one another and the ability to come up with ideas to strengthen and build marriage as a group. Training Essentials And Limitations It is extremely important that couples, serving as Marriage Ministry leaders, understand their boundaries. “We have significant training in Marriage Ministry, but we are not professional counselors,” Tiana said. “We liken what we do to going to the dentist — we do the cleaning, but if you need a root canal, we send you to the professional dentist.” Marriage Ministry leaders must let couples know up front that they are not counselors, but trained marriage mentors and assigned to help from a Biblical standpoint. On another hand the Burnetts said, “We don’t lack training, but we know our limitations.” They pointed out that there are pastors, associate pastors, and other ministry leaders who have counseling degrees and training. Some marriage ministry leaders have the same; however, it is imperative that Marriage Ministry leaders clearly understand their limitations. “What we do as Marriage Ministry leaders can change a lot of situations, but sometimes professional therapy is needed… and it can change a whole lot of situations as well,” they added. Ro pointed out, “Sometimes marriage leaders and even pastors struggle because they try to fix problems that are so far beyond what they should be dealing with. Sometimes people need professional help and medication. Know when it is time to refer couples out to professional counselors, who have been trained to diagnose and treat medically, if needed. We know that the Lord can do anything, but He has also provided individuals for both biblical guidance and therapy.” Both aspects are important. The Importance of Succession In Ministry Like ministry in general, Marriage Ministry must
have strong leaders, but also strong successors in training. “Always develop others to expand the Lord’s influence in the area of Marriage Ministry,” The Burnetts said. “Discipleship is important. If you think that the buck stops with you and you are the only one with the information you are headed for failure.” Marriage Ministry leaders should focus on training and empowering others to be the next set of mentors —We must be growing disciples. Networking with local Churches There are many churches with very strong marriage ministries in the Maryland area. For those looking to build their Marriage Ministries, we suggest networking with other ministries. Some of the strong Marriage Ministries, just to name a few, include: Glen Arden Baptist Church, New Psalmist Baptist Church, Mike & Dee Dee Freeman (Spirit of Faith Christian Center), Messiah Community Church and many others. Again, start networking — it is imperative. Unity In Leadership — More advice from the Burnetts As a husband and wife, be on the same page. Know your vision for the Marriage Ministry and how it falls in place in the ministry where you serve. “You don’t have to agree on every single thing, but agree on the overall goal,” Ro said. “If the couple leading the Marriage Ministry is not on the same page from that perspective, it will be extremely challenging to help other couples.” Tiana added, “It is a great idea to allow the husband to lead when a couple works together in marriage ministry. Even if he is standing by his wife’s side and interjecting while she teaches.” She says this allows couples to see the man taking his rightful place. “As leaders, it is important to set the foundation for the God-ordained order. This does not mean that the woman does not have something to say, but it establishes God’s order by example,” she concluded. Both the male and female perspectives are very powerful. Suggestions on Where To Get Marriage Ministry Training • Prepared Enrichment (Certifications) • Family Life Ministries (Curriculums) • Marriage on the Rocks by Jimmy Evans (Training Sessions and Certifications) Be sure to get training that addresses some of the major issues that cause marital problems, such as Financial Training — a biblical financial understanding of what God says about handling money. Finance is one of the big 3: Sex, Communication and Finances. Ro and Tiana Burnett BGkingdom, LLC Marriage Ministers, The Tabernacle @ GBT email@example.com.
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Health & Fitness Marriage Matters
VOW TO CHANGE
Let’s face it, 2016 was a crummy year for some. But now is not the time to focus on the negative, or the past. It’s a new year and in it let’s focus on a new you with a new start. Instead of making a resolution this year, let’s make a vow. The time is now! Let’s do it. by: Marcus Brown
o start this year fresh WE VOW TO:
1. Pray. We do this once we have been given a bad report, but let’s do this before the report. Ask GOD to give us the drive and the hunger to present our bodies as living sacrifices. It is his plan that we be in good health. Getting the results associated with his plan may require some sacrifices. Let’s commit to making them. 2. Slow down. We take on so much and neglect one of the most important things in our lives – our health. This is why we never reach our health goals. Let’s not over commit ourselves and remember it is ok to say no! 3. Get More Rest. We have to rest to have more energy and to stay focused throughout our days. Add to daily rest by getting a massage at least once a month.
4. Avoid fad diets. Healthy living is a lifestyle. As a general rule focus on the nutrients in food not the calories. 5. Take control of STRESS. Stress is a silent killer and it’s winning the fight against all ages. We can beat this with exercise, relaxation and removing toxic things from our lives. 6. Get Motivated. There are no short cuts to life and making a stand for health is no different. Remaining motivated first requires that we know who we are and what God created us to be. Next we must surround ourselves with others who lead healthy lifestyles and take time to invest in themselves. This will motivate us to continue to invest in our health – the best investment we could ever make. 7. Get Moving. Exercise is not just in the gym. Go roller skating or swim. Take dance, yoga or spin classes. Engage in any form of martial arts, or bike riding. Take long walks or go hiking. There is so much more we can do to get moving.
8. Be Consistent. This is the key to getting any results in life – education, work, exercise. For each there is a reward at the end. Focus on it and be unstoppable. 9. Be Accountable. It is great for married couples to hold each other accountable no matter what. Singles should find someone with whom they can be honest and who is committed to living a similar lifestyle. This makes the accountability mutual. 10. Stay positive. Don’t rush and don’t worry about the scale. Think of it this way, when we eat poorly we don’t see the change right away, but in due time what we ate becomes apparent. Reverse the process and stay focused. The change will be seen and our bodies will feel so much better. Don’t get depressed or down about how long it takes, but stay positive because our lives are changing for the “healthier”.
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PETER TO PAY PAUL CAN YOU SAVE IF YOU ARE LIVING PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK?
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BY: Zelma Allen
ave you ever heard of the saying “robbing Peter to Pay Paul”? This refers to using one kind of credit to make payment on another kind of credit. There are many reasons why people do this, but more than likely it is because they are living paycheck to paycheck. Constantly living to make ends meet and running out of money before the end of the month can be very stressful. It feels as if there is never quite enough money to cover all of the bills, forget enjoying non-essentials. The focus becomes staying above water financially, and that seems to be getting harder and harder for those who have made “robbing Peter to pay Paul” a lifestyle.
There are a variety of reasons people find themselves in this situation. Using overdraft on bank accounts, making the minimum payments on credit cards, shuffling payments back and forth depending on which accounts have credit available are all a part of a dangerous cycle of never ending debt. In this cycle overspending, increased debt, and no savings to cover emergency expenses is guaranteed. If getting out of financial debt and saving money is ever going to happen, living paycheck to paycheck must stop. The first step in ending this cycle is figuring out why it ever started.
1 2 3 4
The conclusion has been drawn that debt is just a part of life. Don’t come to that conclusion, decide to be different. Credit cards and car payments are not inevitable.
Luxuries have turned into needs. Very expensive cell phone packages, eating out four times a week, not bringing lunch to work, Cable TV and so many other things we once considered “extras” are now viewed as necessary parts of life. In reality these are wants and not needs. The bad habit of overspending isn’t checked. Too often people are spending more than they make. Gaining control of what is spent and how it is spent is essential. All that is required to gain this control is a budget. Not having a plan. Not keeping track of money is how people end up spending their entire paycheck. The same thing happens every pay period because they have no idea where all the money went.
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Money is just too easy to spend. Sometimes using credit cards and debit cards don’t feel like real money. Swiping and signing doesn’t hurt as much as using cash, so overspending happens before it’s even realized.
There is a serious spending problem. This lack of self control when it comes to spending needs to be addressed because it can be related to a shopping addiction. No matter where people find themselves on the list above, it is not too late. If improving money management, saving and not living paycheck to paycheck are goals, listed below are steps to reach those goals: 1. CREATE A BUDGET: A budget is an outline of how much income, savings, and expenditures are expected over a set period of time. It is one of the most basic and important tools used to manage money. When creating a budget, a snapshot is being created of your income and expenses with the goal of having more income than expenses each month. In order for a budget to be successful, it must take into account all sources of income and all expenses, even if they come at quarterly or annual intervals. 2. TRACK YOUR EXPENSES: Get a handle on you expenses by collecting all receipts and bills over the month and categorizing them. This creates a snapshot of how money is being spent and assists in identifying non essentials. Additionally, include seasonal expenses like back to school shopping, vacations, gifts and taxes in the budget. 3. CUT BACK ON SPENDING: Once a budget is established, begin to cut back on spending. This frees up money that can now be used to get out of debt and to start an emergency savings account. For example, if transportation has gotten expensive, look into carpooling with a work buddy or taking public transportation; if you are eating out is the culprit, then cultivate cooking skills. 4. STOP USING CREDIT CARDS: Stop using credit cards until living from paycheck to paycheck is no longer a reality. Stop even if the credit card’s rewards appear beneficial. This helps to control and monitor spending
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habits while the budget helps to find the extra money needed to put towards debt each month. The emergency fund helps pay for unexpected expenses and ends the dependence on credit cards to get out of tight situations. 5. MAKE ADJUSTMENTS TO YOUR BILLS: Be open to rethinking bills because making the right adjustments can free up $20 or more per month to go toward savings. Shop around for better deals on car insurance. See the qualifications and apply for low-income assistance programs for gas, electricity or water bills. Ask the landlord about renewing rental leases for six months or a year to lock in current rental rates. Homeowners should think about refinancing mortgages for a lower interest rate and to lose the mortgage insurance premium. Get a cheaper cell phone plan or find out if cancelling the landline will save money. Ditch the cable bill and look for a cheaper subscription service, such as Netflix or Hulu. Cancel unused gym or club memberships. 6. SAVE WHAT YOU CAN, WHEN YOU CAN: Start saving anything, even if it is just loose change. Saving $1 each day equates to $365.00 a year. It will make a difference. As the emergency fund grows, keep it off limits. It will be tempting to pull some money out of the fund when cash is low, but it will cost you in the long run if borrowing to cover emergencies becomes the only option. When the emergency fund is actually used for an emergency its value will become clear. Consequently, rebuilding it after an emergency becomes a priority. After reaching the first $1,000.00, saving will become a habit that makes a $2,000.00 goal possible. Whether you save several hundred bucks per month or just a little spare change, eventually it all adds up. 7. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF TAX RETURNS: When living from paycheck to paycheck, refuse to blow tax refunds on vacations, cars, electronics and other big ticket items. Sure, a special treat may be in order, but placing a large portion of it into the emergency savings account or paying off some debts will have long term benefits. 8. LOOK FOR FREE ACTIVITIES: Take advantage of free activities and services. The
library is a great place to get books and DVDs. This can save money from movie rental. Most cities offer free outdoor concerts in the summer or outdoor movies that are a lot less than going to a movie theater. Spending time outside like hiking, and swimming at the lake or the beach can save money on entertainment and workout costs at the same time. This is some of the options that can be fun, and reduce the amount spent to have a good time. Budgets are hard and sticking to them is even harder. The entire point of having a budget is to keep money under control instead of being under the control of money. Therefore, a budget will be needed every month for life. The sooner a budget is adopted, the sooner financial freedom is accomplished. It inspires confidence and financial responsibly. Just remember it is possible to have an emergency savings account even when living from paycheck to paycheck by depositing small amounts consistently. The budget makes that possible. Mastering these steps will lead to financial victory.
Haggai 1:6 Ye have sown much, and bring in little; ye eat. but ye have not enough; ye drink, but ye are not filled with drink; ye clothe you, but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages , earneth wages to put it into a bag with holes.
s k r o W e g ia
r r a M
KEEP IT LIGHT
ROMANTIC ON A BUDGET!
I by: THundley
It doesn’t take much to spice up the bedroom. Here are a few inexpensive ideas
Start with lighting — candles or soft lights can set the mood and change the atmosphere.
Add plush pillows, covers and area rugs. Soft plush fabrics provide comfort, making the area more relaxing.
Put potpourri in a basket or open jar or find these
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essential sensual oils and allow the aroma to fill the room. Studies show that some fragrances are like aphrodisiacs. Try amyris, jasmine, rose, rosewood, sandalwood, vetiver and ylang ylang.
Turn on the tunes. Don’t discount the power of music. Soft tunes not only set the atmosphere for romance,
WOW! but help maintain the mood. Avoid loud, heavy tunes... they will most likely kill the the romantic vibe.
very romantic about a clean room. Fresh sheets, pillow cases and comforters all add to the romantic vibe.
Decorate with soft, relaxing colors, such as earthtones. Even consider painting the walls a color that promotes relaxation.
Keep the room neat and clean. Thereâ€™s something
normal routine of life. It is the sanctuary for married couples â€” keep it sacred.
Last, but not least, be intentional about keeping your bedroom romantic. It is a special place for you and your spouse. Do not allow it to become just another room that you share in the REWIND / Winter 2017 27
28 / Winter 2017 28REWIND REWIND /Winter 2016
MAKING THE MUNDANE
Sometimes romantic moments need very little planning, especially when the weather is perfect. With the sun shining and a gentle breeze blowing a long walk can be just as romantic as a special dinner.
owever, optimizing simple moments in the winter can be a complicated endeavor. When it’s cold, long walks need to be purposeful, not romantic. So what can couples do to make small moments dazzle with romance? Be fully present. My Husband and I have been on quite a few dates, but there is one that stands out as a favorite – my date to Nordstrom. I already know what is going through someone’s mind. “Of course a woman thinks shopping is romantic.” However, shopping is not what made this a date to remember. Of course that part was fun, but it wasn’t the best part. The best part of this date was the fun we had together because we were both fully present. This date started at about 10am at the Espresso Bar situated just outside of Nordstrom. We sat on one of the benches conveniently located by the bar while we sipped our coffee and
By: LaTonya Moore munched on pastries. It had been a long week and my husband and I had not really had an opportunity to catch up with each other. On this bench the rules for our date were given. (1) We are together and (2) We have nowhere else to be. Those two rules made this date awesome. The first rule made me a priority for him and him a priority for me. Giving us priority silenced the rest of the world which tends to place our “being together” rather low on their totem pole. The second rule meant we were not trying to get this done so we could get to the next thing. When there is no rush, real time can be taken to connect. Because we were truly together and not rushing to do anything, sitting on that bench could have been the entire date. It’s an experience that can be had anywhere. It only requires that we slow down long enough to enjoy it. Thankfully the date didn’t end there. We went into Nordstrom and had a ball. Our local Nordstrom has four floors. We started on the top floor and worked our way down. We didn’t have fun because we were shopping. We had fun because we were present for each
OF COURSE A WOMAN THINKS SHOPPING IS ROMANTIC.
other. My husband stayed with me while I shopped and I stayed with him. Neither of us attempted to dominate or monopolize the time worried that the other would get more. Instead of being competitive we looked out for each other and helped each other find things. Trying on clothes with each other was like entering a battlefield of compliments. I’d go into the dressing room his wife and come out his supermodel. Receiving compliment after compliment made buying all of it REWIND / Winter 2017 29
tempting, but we went in the store with an unspoken budget. I say unspoken because we’ve set financial goals and have monthly budget meetings. Because we are both committed to reaching those goals nothing needed to be said about spending limits. The goal of this date was not to leave broke – that would create an entirely different problem when we got home. The goal was to just have fun. Twirl, show off and then put (some of) it back. Knowing how budget conscious I am, fun levels elevated when I was informed of an additional stash of cash he had just for me.
Reader’s Corner GREATER: Pursuing Purpose By The Power of the Holy Spirit
ANY THERE ARE M IES OPPORTUNIT TO TURN SOMETHING TO MUNDANE IN E A MEMORABL EVENT.
Once we finished shopping, we enjoyed a meal at Nordstrom’s Café. The location of this café varies from store to store. The cuisine also varies. What does not change is the quality of the food. Nordstrom’s Café has great food at very good prices. It’s comfort food that you want to go home and duplicate. The portion sizes leave you full and satisfied. I’ve been to several cafés and I’ve loved everything I’ve eaten each time I’ve gone. Needless to say, we were very happy with our meals . . . and very ready to go home. We’d literally spent the entire day . . . inside . . . at Nordstrom. There are many opportunities to turn something mundane into a memorable event. All it requires is you be fully present.
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